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#so i stopped trying to talk at one point and it all spiralled
justatalkingface · 2 days
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I'm really starting to spiral this rabbit hole but here it goes.
Did Aizawa really care about Oboro? Or was his death used as a prop to justify why his teaching methods are helpful?
Because let's look at Mic. It's implied through the MHA canon that Mic was friends with Oboro first. Aizawa only knew him for a year. Yet...Mic never made Oboro's death his entire personality.
In fact, he was willing to placate someone who didn't really know Oboro like he did.
And what's even worse, he became the same teacher that let Sensoji off with a slap on the wrist despite the fact he bullied the three of them.
He let Bakugou openly bully Midoriya because of "potential".
I'm going to be honest: Oboro, as the Kurogiri origin story, was some lazy, copy-pasted crap on Hori's part. It's the Obito origin story's beats, but half-assed and kind of lazy. Honestly, it feels so forced at times I wonder when he even decided to do it? Because if Kurogiri was planned as Oboro from the beginning the entire process wouldn't have been executed as badly as it was, and he probably would have made it a bigger, more dramatic thing, rather than a one chapter flashback.
Before that point, I'm not even sure Oboro was a character, at best he was just a name for someone Eraserhead had lost (and I think Kurogiri started talking a lot less after his first couple of appearances... probably because his personality didn't agree with the Oboro concept, so he was made a silent, compliant minion rather than an active person in his own right.) It honestly feels like Kakashi Eraserhead was so popular that Hori ended up scrambling to develop a background for him, before just copying more ninja things.
But that's on the meta-end. On the character end...
Well, his character is absolutely a prop to try and explain away Eraserhead's methods, the same way it was retconned so that he didn't actually expel anyone. That doesn't mean Eraserhead didn't care about him, but...
*shrug* Granted, it's been awhile since I read the spin off, where I'm pretty sure this all was, but... Aizawa wasn't Oboro's friend as much Present Mic was, sure. But. Just because Eraserhead wasn't as open about valuing his friendship, or that he wasn't friends as long, doesn't mean Oboro wasn't important to him. The thing is that Aizawa was a withdrawn, somewhat depressed loner; in all honesty that's exactly the kind of person who probably value's their one or two friends that much more because that's all they have, that these few people are the only ones who actually valued them.
Thing is, because of how withdrawn people like that are, to really convey that right to an audience, you need to go the extra mile to set that up, and I'm not sure Hori really did that.
All of that said, though? Eraserhead became the kind of person that would have kicked out Aizawa, and I don't think Hori really gets how much inherent hypocrisy is baked into Eraserhead. The before/after of him don't really mesh well, and the only way to try and justify it is he just... got worse. Like, constantly. He took the wrong lessons from Oboro's death, and just never stopped getting the wrong lesson after that.
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socksandbuttons · 21 hours
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I learned that Dark Sun isn’t a part of the Bean Eclipse Au…..but that made me wonder how the others would’ve reacted when Eclipse got broken by Dark Sun?
Like the weird malfunction chip thing. (I don’t know how to explain it sorry. :[)
Well consisdering this au was WAYYY before eclipse v3/4 came by. (I know what you meant by the chip thing) I dont know how we'd get there. But heres to thinking of the hypothetical scenerio
Solar Flare would notice first. And by notice first I mean, after Eclipse is deliberately hiding it. (He still struggles to let people know when somethings wrong.) Confronted I do think Eclipse would let Solar Flare help find what it is. Without much luck- Eclipse getting more sluggish and struggling to move about gets more obvious. KC having to find out that way instead of being told (Something Solar Flare told Eclipse NOT to do-), pisses him off but that's not something he wants to focus on. Just asking Eclipse what happened- And hearing about a Dark Sun? KC's furious on Eclipse messing with the portal but determined to get Moon AND Monty to check his systems. They don't find anything at first. Considering they don't know what it is they're suppose to look for (what's out of place- But as we see in the episode it might not be what's added thats off but whats transmitting instead)
The slower and more ragged he gets, all the coughing is just distressing everyone. All except Bloodmoon. Who hasn't let up on his own bullying. Lunar even tries to ignore it but its hard to ignore that when you see him all the time. Opting to get between Bloodmoon and Eclipse more. KC being a stressed parent with a sick kid, is trying to find this Dark Sun, is lashing out or trying not to. Almost fruitless- Moon and Sun are on edge really, they may have mixed emotions on Eclipse however they're trying to help, Sun opting to hold Eclipse more (which makes eclipse mad but mans tired). Hell even moons proximity isn't getting Moon swiped at by Eclipse. Bloodmoon doesn't change his behavior, still kicking when Eclipse is down. Obviously this leads to everyone getting frustrated at him. Bloodmoon backs down for now but like- clearly isnt regretting it. Its only until KC snaps at Bloodmoon that its clear Bloodmoon backs off. Very quietly too. KC just has to sit with that for a moment. (he goes crush somethings, meditate for a while-) Lets see here, if this is resolved and the source found- Or maybe even just stops. Eclipse is alleviated. Everyone breaths a sigh of relief. They're still checking Eclipses' systems that they realize they overlooked something. Its only when its gone they realize what it couldve been but since its stopped they cant trace it. Bloodmoon does come back, he doesnt apologize to Eclipse, KC however takes bloodmoon away to properly talk. It doesnt go so well-
Eclipse isn't liking the fact Bloodmoon was just acting as himself but not surprised hell not even expected much else. Lunar... lunar did expect better. He's disappointed but- hey thigns are fine now. They can handle this KC can handle this- Solar Flare meanwhile finds Bloodmoon scratching at walls- and at himself. KC comes back, asked how Bloodmoon is. KC doesnt respond on that. Asks Eclipse how hes feeling. And what that Dark Sun had said. Solar Flare comes back arm torn off, asking what had happened to bloodmoon. This is getting rather long actually hmn. Anyway to the point, Eclipse gets chipped- handles it badly, Bloodmoon's own shenanigans lands him in hot water not just with KC but with Dark Sun. Which would get mostly everyone involved, Eclipse would get mad at Bloodmoon for even going near that guy but Dark Sun wouldve approached Bloodmoon. Which still would set off Eclipse cause thats Red Flags AND SOMEONE WASNT THINKIGN ABOUT THAT. Uh I dont know how this ends, Dark Sun's pretty smart enough but with the Bean AU its a bit more hmn, no one has died- uh again? For him to get Moon spiraling. He would use Bloodmoon given Bloodmoons more prone to just instigating stuff. He was probably hoping for Bloodmoon to kill someone by now actually. However KC;s convo with Bloodmoon, Eclipse in general and Solar Flare would be the ones to keep from everyone completely disowning Bloodmoon from attacking Solar Flare and general disregard to Eclipses health.
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sleepyjuice · 2 days
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1. “She Means Nothing To Me”
&
46. “Do You Regret It?” 💐🤝😭
DAMN starting off with some angst with these 😭
warnings: cheating :(, jj is not very nice in this (real pookie jj would never he’s an angel<3), ANGST, tiniest mention of smut
It had been three days since you last saw jj. Three days isn’t a long time, but it felt like forever considering the last time the two of you spoke to each other, it was an argument which ultimately led to jj storming out of your house.
You replayed that night in your head over and over. You and jj were laying in your bed, the two of you cuddling after your second round of sex that evening and turned on a movie.
Although it was quite hard to pay attention to the movie with jj’s phone blowing up with instagram notifications. You eventually gave in and peeked over at his phone to see who kept messaging him when you saw that it was all the same girl.
You confronted him, telling him that it made you uncomfortable and it just spiraled from there, turning into the worst argument you two had ever had, leading him to storm off.
That was three days ago. You gave up trying to reach him after the second day and you began to wonder if he was just completely ghosting you at this point.
You decided the best way to distract yourself from the heartache you were feeling was to go pick up some food and have a self care night and try to not text jj.
You called in your order to one of the local restaurants near your house and decided to walk there as it was only a 10 minute walk at most.
Swinging open the door to the restaurant, your eyes immediately saw jj, seemingly in good spirits, leaning over the bar as he laughed with the bartender. You recognized her instantly as the girl who was messaging him.
Your first thought was to rush over there and scream in his face, cuss him out, project anything you possibly could onto him that would make him feel the hurt you felt in this very moment, but you didn’t. You stood there for a moment, taking in the sight before you before turning on your heel and walking back out the door, slamming it behind you.
“Oh, fuck.” jj muttered, his head turning in the direction of the door slamming, looking just in time to see you walk away.
“Babe, wait!” He hurried after you, damn near sprinting to catch up to you. When he finally did, he reached for your arm, but you pulled it away from him harshly.
“What the fuck do you want, jj?!” You snapped, stopping to look at him, genuinely appalled that he even had the nerve to try and talk to you right now.
“I don’t know what you saw, but it— it wasn’t what it looked like, okay? We were just talking.” He swore, reaching forward to grab your hands but eventually stopping himself when you shot him a deadly glare.
“What was it then, huh? Oddly coincidental that you’ve been ignoring me for three days while you’re out here getting your dick wet with some other girl. The same one blowing your shit up the other night, might I add.” You responded, your expression firm, which truly felt like the performance of a lifetime considering you were on the verge of a full blown breakdown.
He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it, and you swore you could see the gears turning in his brain, trying to come up with the greatest excuse on planet earth for what was happening here. You didn’t have concrete proof that he had slept with her, but he didn’t deny it.
“Listen,” his voice grew softer, and this time he does take your hands, “she means nothing to me.”
“Don’t fucking touch me!” This time you screamed, yanking your hands out of his grasp, his now running over his face before anxiously removing his hat and readjusting it, an anxious habit you knew he had done in moments like these where he felt a loss of control.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. It just… happened. It was fucked up, I know that. I don’t know what I was thinking. What can I do to make it up to you?” He pleaded, his voice shaky as his eyes studied yours, searching for any ounce of forgiveness.
“Do you regret it?” You asked after a long moment of silence, your voice breaking as your anger morphed into some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt.
Every positive memory the two of you shared would always be clouded by his decision to cheat on you. Up until a few days ago, jj made you feel like the most important girl in the world. You never felt insecure around him and he did so much to make you feel special. You feared you would always just be left with more questions than answers.
“I do. I fucked up, I fucked up so bad. I will literally regret this for the rest of my life, baby, please.” He went to reach for you again, but you pulled away, taking a step back.
“Good.”
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ikamigami · 3 days
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I've given this some thought, the various points about trying to figure out Moon's behavior
One point is that potentially Moon's madness was caused by all the pressure to be better than Old Moon, with Solar being the exception in having no expectations, and then he died I can sort of get this but there's some problems with it, mainly that for one, being better than Old Moon isn't hard, its just not being an abusive jerk, and for a while he did it well and didn't have a problem with it, he seemed to enjoy being doting with his family and them returning the love by goofing off and having fun, being nice like that seemed like something he got a lot of satisfaction out of doing and it didn't seem like an act or a burden
Solar was an acceptation in that he had no expectations and Solar was very close with Moon, but Solar was also close with Lunar, who became friends with Solar first, and Solar encouraged Earth to advocate more for herself, Solar was special to most of the family, not just Moon, also notice how the one most frequently making the New-Old comparison after Sun got over that issue was Moon pinning it on himself
And maybe Monty a little since they were still missing their best friend and didn't bother as much making friends with New Moon, the negative comparisons between Old and New Moon started happening after Moon had spiraled far enough to where he was willing to verbally hurt them
Another could be the above pressure combined with the expectation to bring back Solar, or other expectations Earth and Lunar said it best in the most recent episode, because back then yes, everyone wanted Solar back, but as Earth said that might've been grief talking, as she and the others slowly came to terms with the idea that Solar wouldn't be coming back and the pressure was eased off, Moon was told he didn't have to
The only one really putting the heat on Moon was arguably Puppet, who showed up demanding him to fix it like "So what's YOUR plan? What are YOU going to do to fix this?", one could also argue Moon was putting the pressure on himself because he was struggling so much with grief, which is understandable, and again I'd like to point out at any point he could've opened up about that
Sun kept him from shattering bottles and took care of him when he broke down without question, and I bet he and Earth(not Lunar since he's too short) would've taken care of him when he cries a thousand times over to comfort him, and besides that, the expectation that he alone must fix everything was a complex he developed, where he was the one making comparisons to Old Moon, calling himself a failure, and his family told him he wasn't one
If he had asked them for help with figuring out how to bring back Solar imagine how much quicker Solar might've come back, or at least he wouldn't have driven himself mad trying to find a solution since they would've come to one faster
Another is Moon feeling like he can't open up to anyone about his problems or express his real emotions Again, there's more there, Earth created a space where Moon could talk about his deepest insecurities, about not matching up to Old Moon, and she told him he doesn't have to, he can just be himself, heck, when Moon confronted Sun on the problem where early on Sun couldn't distinguish New and Old Moon because of grief, he was listened to, Sun didn't try to gaslight or deny it like Old Moon would've and apologized, and after the falling out Earth helped the two come to a healthy understanding and that issue was resolved, Sun stopped comparing him to Old Moon and started connecting more with New Moon
Moon is capable of confronting his family on what is hurting him and they would've taken it and listened, Earth kept saying they would've helped him if he told them he was struggling at any point, he even told Monty to not tell anyone about his hallucinations even though if Earth, Lunar, and especially Sun were made aware of that they would've immediately dropped everything to help him, I could easily see how this arc could've gone better if Moon told them about this issue with expectations or even shouted at them for it, because his family actually does care enough that they would listen, and as I previously mentioned above he fully broke down in front of Sun and was immediately taken care of, Earth no doubt would've done that too if she was there, and Lunar would probably try his best
His family abandoned him after he made some mistakes His family didn't abandoned him even now, they've moreso been swept along this wild ride and have no idea what to do, right up until Eclipse tipped her off with the recording and then she confronted him and he dropped the pleasant face Earth had no doubts in her brother, she might've been worried but she had faith in him, they were so close, she let him be vulnerable and when everyone was struggling in the early days Earth regularly defended and advocated for Moon's position when it came to speaking with Sun
Imagine having that, and then you hear him say some worrying things and you go to ask him, not even accuse him necessarily, but ask, and he drops all of that love and kindness and becomes vicious and snarling and takes your darkest secret that you shared with him and uses it to hurt you, it would certainly stun me, it would stun most people, even if she was warned I doubt Sun or Earth would've expected him to go straight for the throat like that after how close they were, and she was going to forgive him for it, she made it clear that before he made the choice to kill her Moon had a chance to mend things, his family had not abandoned or disowned him, even after he burned her
When Monty suggested they cut ties with Moon neither Earth or Lunar actually agreed, Earth was hesitant, Lunar didn't acknowledge that as an option, and Sun would never, I will admit Lunar not talking to him and blowing it off is annoying, though what would he actually say to Moon? If Moon was already ready to throw "you're not a real therapist" at Earth and "you're Eclipse is showing" to Sun, he might've said something to Lunar to trigger his powers which Lunar can't risk right now with Tauros barreling towards the planet, and its going to be FUN to see how they handle Moon recklessly blasting people when the astrals pull up
Sun never even considered abandoning, killing, or changing Moon, considering all the trauma he's been through and how this just feels like a severe relapse into what it was before, how could anyone expect him to react rationally? Locking Moon in a cage was not smart or in-character I will admit that was very strange, but at the same time he knew Old Moon like the back of his hand, and with New Moon now exhibiting the same reckless drive towards a goal what can he do? Moon literally told him and Earth "You can't stop me" in a sort of "you are not smart enough or strong enough to stop me" kind of way, what is he to do? He told Puppet he refuses to make a choice on Moon's fate, his family did not abandoned him, they were completely shell-shocked by his sudden heel-turn and didn't know how to react, also I would like to point out Moon ending up in space was not something they agreed on, they don't know where he is and Monty may be the only one who can fly a ship and they're busted up
Another other than that is saying Bloodmoon and Ruin deserved it I have no issue with this point because yeah they did, Bloodmoon is a rabid serial killer who murdered hundreds of humans and kept barrels of human chum in a basement, and Ruin…over 5000 dimensions culled and likely many more, the body count from that is unquantifiable, it is not the fact that Moon would've killed them that is the problem as those two needed to be dealt with, the problem was how, mainly that his plan could have horrific consequences
And him lashing out at his family and saying "now I get to do what I WANT", like, I am sorry, but since when has Moon NOT done what he's always wanted? Old Moon was always doing what he wanted regardless of the consequences and no matter what anyone said edge-wise, New Moon was a lot better until now in that he consulted his family, didn't act rashly, tried to look for the best option, and besides that he still often did what he pleased and nobody stopped him, and part of that was because unlike Old Moon, most of the stuff he was doing was harmless, and he was more careful when getting his hands dirty, but this plan he has now, he's been told by many people it is going to go wrong for many reasons other than just "don't kill them"
He was given Eclipse's alternative to revive Solar that has no consequences attached, if he was thinking straight(and considering he pushed Eclipse into therapy and even apologized for abandoning him) he probably would've taken this option as its faster and had no consequences, but he became obsessed with the idea of killing Bloodmoon and/or Ruin to the point that it wasn't about Solar anymore, it was just about causing hurt
Another is the talk with Old Moon messing with him mentally This I fully agree with, because most of what Old Moon said to him was absolutely screwed up, as one would come to expect from Old Moon, Old Moon telling him to die for his family, being jealous of New Moon despite the fact that Old Moon chose to make this sacrifice and he during his own life at any point could've chosen to be less of a jerk and had what New Moon has, and bringing up New Moon's insecurities about not being as smart or clever, my problem with that is that again, New Moon could've brought this to the table with his family, and considering whenever he previously compared himself to Old Moon they were there to tell him he was doing okay as himself, there is no doubt if he told them what Old Moon said they would've validated him as just being himself, it is also a pretty tall order for any one person to try to fix any of the problems in this show because every villain is a radioactive cockroach
This isn't to say that there isn't some room for sympathy here, having such strong self-imposed expectations of perfectionism can damage a person, and the severe grief over the loss of a loved one he had to watch die in his arms is very hard, it is not that that is the upsetting part, him experiencing hallucinations is also not the problem, the problems were the choices he made, him and him alone, when there was no need to make them
Especially the big episode recently, as all he needed to do was give Earth five minutes, either break her out himself or order Ruin to do it, and let her walk out of the blast radius and he could've taken the two(or just Bloodmoon) out, it still wouldn't have been great, but him so casually trying to kill Earth and not pausing once after severely burning her is crossing a line, a line that notably has NOT caused his family to abandon him despite that, but one where things might not be the same, and it didn't have to be that way, he chose all of this
Overall for me personally this arc feels weird, there's so much nonsensical angst derived from OOC interactions, especially from Moon, and lots of miscommunication and characters just not opening their mouths and speaking plainly, but I wanted to address these issues because it is so painfully clear how one choice would've prevented things from becoming worse, one can only hope Moon makes a right one
You have many good points here, dear anon 👏
Thank you. It's a good look on things from Moon's perspective because I mainly focus on Sun's perspective (hence why I don't see that Sun ever pressured Moon to be better than Old Moon and I also don't see him comparing Moon to Old Moon - in the sense that of expectations, it was more so due to grief and a bit of shock to see that this Moon is so different than Old Moon and well Sun was very traumatised by Old Moon's abuse so it's not surprising that he had harder time to actually believe and feel safe around this New Moon (we can't say that Sun was at fault when no one ever helped him to deal with that trauma) and I think that it was bad that no one allowed Sun to grief properly and no one wanted to listen him talking about his past cause this is what caused Sun to be closed off and not talking about his issues that much despite what trauma from Old Moon's abuse caused already).
I still think that Moon pressured himself so much and he later became so obsessed with bringing Solar back mainly comes from him being selfish.. maybe people don't see that but I sadly dealt with too many selfish people in my life and they all act as they're always right and everyone is immediately against them when in fact they just simply try to point something out and they make a fuss over the smallest of things just like Moon with "others told me not to do (bringing Solar back)" so he had to had a tantrum like typical egoist 🙄
And him being selfish is what caused him to make these awful decisions (becoming a villain and doing whatever he wants as if his family ever forced him to do anything).. though I agree that with how little to none he struggled with decision to kill Earth it seems very out of character for him to do so.. hence why Sun couldn't believe this and thought about virus.. same as me..
But who knows what is showrunners plan actually.. it's really hard to say..
Though thank you for sharing with me and us your thorough analysis of Moon's situation, I really appreciate it and you really did a good job with that 👏
Have a nice day or night, dear anon 💗
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satans-knitwear · 10 months
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😷 just venting abt dumb health stuff, pay no mind
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youremyonlyhope · 2 months
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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milo-is-rambling · 11 months
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Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else
#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust#people I’ve interacted with for years already#and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I#actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation)#I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and#no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh#I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that#I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous#how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral#and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years#to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives#feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer#it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again#it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and#everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if#it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else#is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all#and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal#I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself#who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person#designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle#spirals cycles etc etc etc#ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later
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katbrando · 2 years
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being an artist is so fun it’s always a good time and never hard at all!!!!
#i hit this point in my last fandom where i stopped getting much of a response when i posted any art..#and i feeeeeel like that's happening again hfdkjshg#i can only assume its because i draw the same character over and over and over again and like . what else can be said#just makes me wanna not share anything at all in order to save myself the shame i feel when no one says anything#last time i got really in my head about it and that's where the burnout started bc i was trying to create constantly#bc i wanted a reponse literally ANY response just SOME attention and i would do anything for it#i DO NOT want to do that again !!!!! i draw for an audience of one and hat is Me so i should not be bothered if others have nothing to say#but it is still sooooooo hard oh my god it's Hard it's such a deep pit#like i posted si art and immediately deleted it bc i felt like i was annoying literally everybody around me#and then like two hours later i was like 'bitch who cares' but i had already deleted it so it felt too awkward to post again#my brain is such a bad place to be fhdskjgs.. can i create without it constantly ridiculing me#'you're an artist? fine post something prove it. oh you're posting art? wow you're annoying' leave me alone oh my god#hate that i feel like i have to have my existence validated 24/7.. half my identity is 'im an artist'#so if i'm not receiving attention related to that then i start to question my existence and i spiral so badly#definitely something to talk abt next time i go to therapy bc i refuse to let this anxiety destroy my love of art again
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daz4i · 29 days
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i know it's bc i'm hungry and it's 11 pm and i need to sleep so i can't distract myself with my shiny new special interest anymore today but man 😔 i wanna kms
#i don't have anything to eat (without screwing up my future self) so. i just decided not to eat#sure hope that doesn't come to bite me in the ass tomorrow! (it will)#i just had a talk with my social worker earlier today and he's very kind and lovely but the topic got to my suicidal ideation#and i've been avoiding thinking abt it mostly but. this convo opened it all back up#just reminded me of what i've been trying to distract myself from lately and that's that i'm really not. made to be alive#that me being alive is a huge waste that won't go anywhere so what's the point. i'm not even having a good time#and i'm really in the mood to text my supervisors that i won't come tomorrow bc i'm feeling like shit but#it'll just start a cycle i always get into where i stop showing up completely#and that's unfair to the group atp. esp when we have a production in like a month#and i do like being there i love the ppl so much. it's the waking up and driving for so long that makes it so much harder#maybe i should take a cab tomorrow 🥲 just so i can show up yknow#i think. i'm also overwhelmed by having a lot of stuff to do. well. 3 things. that aren't hard. but one is very Big#(...okay one of them is also a bit hard. but this is smth i've done before at least)#it's funny to think abt recovery stuff when i just wanna stop existing rn ngl#but also on the other hand i'm thinking abt how much fun i'm having recently when i'm with other people or engaging with my new SpIn#so it's hard to even feel stable in the suicidal thoughts lol the staple of my existence#which you'd imagine to be a good thing but it's only making me spiral more bc. well. yeah#now i'm not making sense sorry. iiiiii should go to bed probably :/#vent#suicide mention //#disordered eating mention //
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fortunately-bi · 2 months
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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yuujispinkhair · 3 months
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Yakuza King!Sukuna lives a dangerous life. That's why he only wants you to leave his penthouse with your bodyguard. But what if you crave a treat from your favorite shop just down the street and go on your own?
Based on this lovely ask I received from @subarusuguru. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!! ♥️
Pairing: Yakuza!Sukuna x Reader (female) Genre: smut + fluff Word Count: 900 Warnings: 18+, smut, spanking + pussy spanking, edging, fingering, dirty talk, use of the pet name daddy. It isn't explicitly stated in this story, but Sukuna and Reader are in an established relationship and have a safe word, etc. Everything happens with mutual consent. Minors don't interact. Divider @/benkeibear
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Yakuza!Sukuna loves you. He loves you so much. You are his whole world, and he needs to protect you, especially when he has so many enemies because of his line of work.
Usually, Sukuna enjoys a little disobedience when it comes from you. He loves to tease you about being a brat and enjoys playfully putting you back in your place. But things are different when he is actually worried about you like he is tonight after finding out you went to a shop all alone, without one of Sukuna's drivers, and even worse, without your bodyguard.
Sukuna knows that he is to blame, too, because he didn't want to scare you and, therefore, didn't tell you how grave the threat is at the moment. But he still can't stop himself from spiraling when he hears you so foolishly went out on your own. 
"This has to stop. If I tell you not to leave the house on your own, you will be a good girl and stay inside. And if you really need to leave, you will call Nobara. Do you understand that?"
He can see you gulp hard when you hear how stern he sounds. His maroon eyes, which are usually so warm when they look at you, are cold and hard right now. Tonight, the man sitting across from you isn't just your charming and loving husband. Tonight, you are talking to the King of Tokyo's Underworld, and he will do what he has to do to ensure you stay safe.
That's why Sukuna pats his lap and points an elegant tattooed finger to his fine black suit pants.
"Come here. I will make sure you remember to do as I tell you from now on."
You squeal when he grabs you and bends you over his lap, lifting your skirt and pulling your pretty lace panties down. And you squeal even louder when Sukuna's large hand connects firmly with your juicy ass cheek.
You make a cute sound, a mix between a hiss and a moan, when Sukuna spanks you again, several times in a row, before he uses his other hand to spread your pussy lips and watch the glistening wetness gathering there, your arousal so evident. You are breathing heavily when Sukuna runs a teasing fingertip over your creamy folds before he pinches your wet little clit, eliciting a loud gasp from you.
"I am doing this for you, darling. Don't you understand that I need to protect you? The Zenins are out there, trying to take everything from me. What do you think will happen if you run into them?"
You whimper softly, and Sukuna kneads the plump flesh of your naked ass cheek before he pulls his hand away and adds in a low, stern voice, emphasizing every word,
"That's why," his palm connects firmly with your naked ass again, "you have to," another firm spank, "learn how to obey me."
Sukuna wishes he didn't have to do this. He doesn't want to bend you over his knees like this and spank you like some naughty brat.
He doesn't want to tease you for hours like this, torturing you with pleasure and pain. Rubbing your swollen clit, and occasionally pushing a finger into your tight wet cunt, pumping it in and out of your obscenely squelching wetness, only to pull away again anytime he feels you beginning to tighten around him.
He doesn't want to punish you, making you whine loudly when he lets his large palm connect firmly with your spread pussy.
Sukuna doesn't want to spank and edge you until you are a crying, needy mess who promises him over and over again that you won't leave the penthouse on your own again.
"Please, Sukuna! Please...I... please... I won't go out on my own again! Please, please let me cum, Daddy! I'll be your good girl!"
Sukuna hates having to use his power and strength like that. But he also knows that pain is a good way to ensure a lesson is learned. And at least this is a pleasurable pain, judging by the way you mewl when he pushes two long fingers deep into your soaking wet cunt and fucks you hard and deep with them, torturing your g-spot unrelentingly while his other hand spanks your sensitive flesh.
Your whole body shakes as you cum all over his long fingers that are stuffing your cunt while Sukuna's other hand connects hard with your ass again, spanking and fingering you to an orgasm that makes you cry out loudly.
Sukuna lets out a long breath. The hand that spanked you is brushing gently over your abused skin now, caressing it lovingly, while he slowly fucks you through your orgasm. His voice is low, sensual, and full of love,
"Yes, just like that, sweetheart. You can be so good for me when you want. And I hate having to act like such an asshole. I love you, darling. I just want you to be safe. Do you understand that?"
He smiles when you answer him with a voice thick with tears but also filled with that sweet euphoria you always get after Sukuna made you cum.
"Hmm, yes, I know. I'm sorry for being so reckless, Kuna. I love you too."
You scramble to get up, and Sukuna quickly helps you, wrapping his strong arms safely around you and pulling you up so you straddle his lap, your wet cunt soaking his fine suit pants.
You smile at him and wrap your arms around his neck,
"But, next time, just tell me the whole truth, so I know how dangerous things are at the moment. You shouldn't keep these things from me, baby. I can take it, you know?"
Sukuna's lips lift in an amused smirk, his large hands sprawling over your naked ass, pulling you closer, his lips ghosting over your neck. He presses a tender kiss to your pulse point while lifting his hips to let you feel the large, hard bulge in his pants, his throbbing cock pressing against your hot wet cunt, only separated by the soaked-through fabric of his suit pants and boxer briefs.
"First, show me how you can take Daddy's cock, and then I will tell you everything."
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FUCKKK I NEED HIM!!!! Yakuza!Sukuna still manages to make my head spin, and I am so happy I could indulge in this!! Thank you so much for the prompt!! And thank you so much for reading!!
Comments and reblogs would be very sweet ♥️♥️
You can find more Yakuza King!Sukuna stories here
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cherryredcheol · 3 months
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just one secret
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tldr: you know what they say about assuming... a/n: reader is referred to as she/her/wife. this is as angsty as i'll ever be (and this isn't angst)
“okay, just make sure she doesn’t find out. i don’t want her to know.”
you stopped dead in your tracks. you weren’t trying to spy on mingyu and his phone conversation, honest. you had just woken up from a very peaceful nap and the plan was to go beg mingyu to cook for you, or at least pay for take-out. your blood ran cold hearing mingyu on the phone in the living room. you didn’t keep secrets from each other. or at least you didn’t keep secrets from him. you were under the impression it went both ways but suddenly you’re not sure. 
you knew you were jumping to conclusions. you’re not even sure what he was talking about. who he was talking about. it could be any other woman in his life, his sister or his mom. but how were you not supposed to spiral when you hear him whispering on the phone to god knows who about secrets? your stomach twisted uncomfortably. what were you going to-
“angel? you up? are you hungry?” mingyu was calling to you from the living room. he must’ve heard you down the hall. before you could even figure out what your next steps were going to be, he appeared in the doorway, backlit from the sunny windows, and you almost melted seeing him smile at you. but then that little voice in the back of your head reminded you mingyu was keeping secrets. 
“who were you on the phone with?” you had to play it cool, not wanting to alert him of your suspicion. you didn’t want to accuse him of something that was nothing. the best course of action here was to let him tell you. ask a few leading questions and let him fill in the blanks. if it really was nothing, he’d tell you. 
mingyu started walking towards you, holding his arms out for you. “it was no one, angel. are you hungry? i can cook or we can get take-out. what sounds good?” he had reached you at this point, wrapped you up in his arms where you stood stiff as a board. 
your thoughts were racing. why didn’t he tell you who was on the phone? what was going on? why was mingyu keeping secrets?
“angel?” he peered down at you, clearly waiting for your answer. 
you shook your head, clearing your thoughts, “i’ll eat whatever, gyu. i’m not picky.” you pulled yourself out of his arms, suddenly feeling suffocated by his embrace for the first time since you met him. “i’m going to shower real quick while we wait for dinner. okay?” 
you didn’t even wait for his reply before you abruptly turned and went back into the bedroom you had just come from. 
in the safety of the ensuite bathroom, you stripped and let your thoughts run wild as the shower warmed up. what was going on? things with mingyu had been so good for the last 3 years. you two were so in love, his members often complained about spending time with the two of you, citing nausea at the sight of mingyu’s lovesick eyes boring into yours. 
you jumped when you heard a knock at the door. 
“angel? can i come in?” you could hear the confusion in his voice. probably wondering why you had suddenly decided on a shower and not engaging in your usual bicker over what to eat for dinner. you two would go back and forth but mingyu always gave in to you, paying for your favorite take-out spot or cooking whatever you requested. 
you didn’t want to alert him to your strange behavior, still not sure exactly what was going on, “yeah, come in.” 
the door cracked open and he peeked his head in the steamy room, eyes searching yours for signs of what was wrong. he could sense it, of course he could. 
he entered the room fully now, not reaching out to you, but fingers twitching at his sides begging to touch all your exposed skin. he stayed respectful though, eyes never leaving yours. “um, i ordered your favorite sushi. hope that’s okay.” 
things were awkward, tense. “yeah. thanks.” 
mingyu sighed, “angel, are you okay? things were okay before you took your nap. did something happen? can i fix it for you?” he was desperate for answers, hating this distance between you two suddenly. he’s not even sure what was going on, he just knew you were not okay. 
you looked away from him, “yeah. i’m okay. just have a bit of a headache. i’m hoping this shower will help. thanks for ordering dinner gyu, i’ll be out soon.” you effectively ended the conversation, hoping he’d get the hint and leave. 
he did.  “okay, angel. love you,” he gave you one last lingering look before closing the door behind him. 
you did everything you could to drag the shower out for as long as possible but you knew you were being a bit ridiculous. mingyu didn’t deserve the cold shoulder and you’re not even sure if he did anything beyond having a suspicious phone call. pulling one of his shirts on over your head, you decided it was time to face him. if you stewed in your thoughts any longer you were actually going to go crazy.
the first thing you noticed walking out of the bedroom was the darkness of the apartment. all the lights were off and the sun had set while you were in the shower. had he left? 
“fuck!” 
that one little word pulled you out of your spiral. he hadn’t left, just turned off all the lights? you were confused, wandering down the hall pausing in the doorway to the living room, yep, lights off in there too. as you reached the kitchen you saw mingyu hunched over the kitchen table, trying and failing to light a candle in the middle of the table. one of many candles he had lit, you realized as you looked around the room. there were little candles all over the room, a soft glow illuminating the dark space. you could see that the sushi had arrived and mingyu set the table, making for a much fancier take-out night than you usually had. 
“hey,” you called from the doorway, softly to not scare the big, clumsy man holding a lighter above your dinner. 
he jumped anyway, spinning around to see you. he was apprehensive, nervous energy pouring off of both of you as you eyed each other. neither of you wanted to upset the other, doing this delicate waltz around each other's feelings. 
he smiled despite himself, “hey angel. feeling better?”
“what is all this?” you ignored his question, very confused as to what was going on. 
his hand went to the back of his neck, suddenly feeling embarrassed about all the effort he went to, “well, you said you had a headache so i thought you might like softer lighting in the apartment so your eyes wouldn’t hurt from the overheads.” 
you made him jump a second time when you burst into tears. mingyu stood there looking at you holding your face in your hands, sobs wracking your body, frozen for only a second before he jumped into action, crossing the room in long strides and holding you to his chest. you kept crying, the wet spot on his shirt growing larger and larger.
when your sobs turned to sniffles, he loosened his grip on you. pulling back only enough to look at your face. 
“what is going on, angel? please tell me so i can help.” he was pleading with you, begging even. it hurt him to see you upset like this, especially because he didn’t know what was causing it. 
you couldn’t look into his eyes, instead, you stared at his feet, clad in soft socks, one on either side of yours, caging you in. “why would you do all this for me when you’re keeping secrets?” you sniffled, tears pooling at your lash line, threatening to spill again. 
mingyu blinked, confused, “what are you talking about? what secrets, angel?”
you still couldn’t look at him, “i heard you on the phone earlier. you said, ‘make sure she doesn’t find out.’ what did that mean? and when i asked you who it was you said it was no one. are you keeping secrets from me, gyu?” you felt so small in that moment. all the air around you still as you waited for his answer. 
“angel,” he cooed at you. grabbing your chin and bringing your eyes up to meet his. “you heard me on the phone? that’s what you’ve been upset about this whole time? i didn’t even know you heard that.” 
“you still have not answered my question, mingyu.” 
he winced hearing you use his full name, “angel, i promise you i am not keeping secrets. well, just one. but i was going to tell you soon! it just wasn’t the right time.” 
you tried to back out of his grip but his arms tightened around you, keeping you against him. “we promised not to keep secrets.” 
he laughed, “i can’t exactly tell you about my plan to propose, can i?” 
you went rigid, “you better not be fucking kidding, kim mingyu.” 
“i’m not fucking kidding, angel. that was wonwoo on the phone earlier. he’s been keeping the ring hidden at his place for months. he’s dropping it off tomorrow and we had to coordinate when he could swing by because i didn’t want you to be here. didn’t want to ruin the surprise. guess that doesn’t matter anymore,” he laughed, squeezing you even tighter to him. 
you suddenly felt very stupid. and so guilty. how could you wreck his surprise like this? you felt like crying, “i’m so sorry gyu. i shouldn’t have assumed and now i’ve ruined the whole thing.” 
he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “angel, you ruined nothing. you should’ve just asked me in the first place, though. could’ve saved yourself all this heartache.” 
belly full of sushi, comfort show playing on the tv, mingyu by your side, you have never felt more content. you loved this man so much and you couldn’t wait to be his wife. 
“wait, are you proposing tomorrow?” 
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daycourtofficial · 12 days
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Azriel’s Girls
Pairing: Azriel x reader | WC: 2.6k | warnings: none
Summary: you overhear a conversation between Azriel and his brothers that has you second guessing your boyfriend’s faithfulness. What will you find when you follow him out one night?
Author’s note: two fics one day! This is crack lmao I wrote this in a blur this afternoon from a silly convo with @milswrites @prythianpages and @ninthcircleofprythian lmao
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You and Feyre came into the River House giggling over the amount of paint that covered the both of you. The two of you stop laughing long enough to look at each other, before devolving into fits of giggles once more. One of the boys in the studio had insisted on today’s topic being finger painting, which led to the children essentially dipping their hands into paint before smearing it over all of your clothes.
“Are you sure you don’t want to shower here?” Her voice is soft and kind, a slight rasp to it from talking to the kids all afternoon.
“Thanks Fey, but I’d rather shower at home so I can slip into my pajamas and go to sleep.” You look away from her, as if you could see him through the walls. “Maybe I can even convince Azriel to rub my back. I shouldn't have given some piggy back rides.”
Feyre hums, a soft ‘told you so’ on her tongue, but you give her a pointed look and she keeps it to herself.
“Well, I’m going to go wash up. Good luck finding the boys.”
Her voice floats down the hallway she takes, and you start thinking about where to look - the most obvious place being Rhys’s study. Your feet pad through the halls until you start to hear three loud laughs coming from the cracked study door.
You keep moving towards the source, ready to make your presence known, when you hear Cassian say, “when will you see them again?”
Your boyfriend responds with a soft, “tonight”, eliciting raucous laughter from his brothers. You still, pressing yourself towards the wall, tilting your head in contemplation.
Azriel had told you he had plans tonight, that he was doing something important for Rhys. Had he lied to you?
Cassian’s voice cuts through your train of thoughts, “I’m sure the girls at Rosehall have been missing you.”
Rosehall?
You scrunch your eyebrows, trying to remember if you had ever heard of Rosehall. Was it somewhere in Velaris? Was it a pleasure hall? Who were these girls Cassian spoke of?
Had your sweet Azriel been sneaking around, and his brothers were aware of it? Had they been condoning it?
“I haven’t been able to see them in a while, they’ll be glad for the company.”
“I’m sure they’ll be crawling all over you, brother.”
Their laughs were knives in your heart. Did everyone know? Were you nothing more than a fool to them? Nothing more than a mere joke to these males? Your mind was racing, not paying any mind to the rest of the conversation as you ran down the hall into the kitchens, getting yourself a glass of water. You chugged it, the cool liquid giving your racing thoughts something else to focus on. Like a plan to figure out the truth.
After a few minutes of allowing yourself to seethe and panic, you retraced your steps towards Rhys’s study with your plan in tow: get to Rosehall, find out who these girls are, and yell and scream at Azriel and his brothers for playing you for a fool. As you approach, the males within were now speaking of some sporting event you were not the slightest bit interested in. Azriel’s face brightens as you knock and enter, pushing the door that was slightly ajar. You hate the way your heart picks up a bit at seeing him, at seeing how his face lights up at your presence, your cheeks heating at his attention.
He’s a lying, backstabbing, good for nothing-
“How was painting with Feyre?”
The attention from all three of them pulls you from your thought spiral and you choke on your own spit, coughing a bit. Azriel’s smile turns into a look of concern as he watches you, but Cassian chuckles. “Did you eat the paint by accident?”
Rhysand’s low tone chimes in, “I believe she’s wearing half the paint in Feyre’s studio, and I’m sure my mate’s wearing the other half.”
You chuckle, “uh yeah, Feyre was heading to shower when I left her.”
Rhys dips his head, “that's my cue to leave. BRothers, always a pleasure until better things come along. I’ll see you all later.”
Cassian laughs as Rhys disappears in front of you all, “horny bastard.”
Azriel glares at his brother, “and the pot calls the kettle black.”
Cassian scoffs, flicking his wrist in the air, “pish posh, Azriel. The past is the past.”
“Your past was last week when everytime I came back to the House of Wind for two weeks I got front row seats to your ass.”
“Well, it's our house. And I have a fantastic ass.”
Cassian flexes his thighs, as if Azriel just had to see it to mitigate his annoyance.
“I live there too.”
Cassian shrugs, as if this was a matter of opinion to just accept differences over.
Azriel looks back to you, his eyes making you feel warm, just as they always did. But the warmth was quickly devolving into a ball of anger and sadness, warming your stomach with jealousy and annoyance.
You slap a smile onto your face as you look towards Az, taking in his lazy grin as Cassian slaps him on the back. “I’m off to see Nes. You kids have fun!”
Cassian walks toward the balcony, taking to the skies. Azriel turns toward you, offering his hand so the two of you could embark as well. You accept his hand in yours, a little part of your mind telling you this is the last time you’ll do this. You laugh, pushing the thoughts to the side as you allow Azriel to pick you up, the two of you shooting up into the air.
Azriel flies you back to your apartment, his wings expertly moving over the streets of Velaris. You can’t help the smile on your face as you two fly through the air, watching the people below you until he lands right in front of your home.
You open the door for the both of you, and he follows closely behind. He chuckles at your paint covered clothes, and you fidget slightly, wanting him to make the move to leave.
The clock in your living room chimes, and his gaze moves towards it. “It’s getting late, I have to go. Will you be okay?”
You nod, your arms tightening around yourself. He takes your nervous energy as your hatred for sleeping alone, not wanting to upset you further by making you speak about it.
“How long will you be gone?”
He ponders for a moment, “I should be back tomorrow or the day after.”
He turns toward the door, but you shoot out your hand to grab his wrist. “Can I have one of your shadows? To keep me company? I like having them around.”
One shadow in particular dances at your words, coming from behind Azriel, practically spinning in the air as it immediately rushes to you.
“I hope you like that one because I don’t think it’ll let a different one stay with you.”
You giggle as it weaves through your hair, picking it up into a ponytail before dropping it.
“Perfect, so I’ll have someone to be witness to my antics.”
You giggle, but his face is solemn as he looks at you, something feeling so off about your behavior.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
His words are so soft, and every part of you wants to tell him no, I’m not okay, because you are seeing other women who will be crawling all over you once you leave from here.
Instead you nod, making up an excuse about your eyes being tired from all the painting. He kisses your forehead, his lips soft and light against your skin before pulling away and stepping out of your door before winnowing away.
You count your breath for a few beats before turning to the shadow, “do you know where Rosehall is?”
-
Of all of your terrible ideas over the years, this one was perhaps the worst. You had asked the shadow where Rosehall was, expecting it to be somewhere in Velaris, likely in the parts of the city you were less familiar with. You did not expect the black wisp to wrap around your wrist and begin tugging you away from Velaris very forcefully.
You had started getting nervous when it kept pulling you towards the outskirts, but you were in it now, and you were going to see this ridiculous scheme through to the end.
The shadow had been pulling you for hours it seemed, across landscapes, your feet killing you as you walked, and somewhere several miles away from Velaris, the shadow’s hold loosened on your wrist, opting to move up and down your arm, as if telling you this was your destination.
“Are you sure this is right?”
The shadow danced all around you as if it were confirming your statement. You looked at the gated entrance, the estate so lush and green and not at all what you had expected, it took you by surprise.
This was where he brought women? To do scandalous things and have nights full of debauchery? Was this some beautiful and well-tended pleasure hall? Before you can debate going through the gate, the shadow moves forward, unlatching it and pushing it open for you.
You sigh, thinking to yourself no going back now.
You enter through the gate, preparing yourself to hear the sounds of females giggling, perhaps even moaning, but you are completely taken aback at the chorus of meows you hear, followed by a door opening, and Azriel’s soft voice calling out, “if you’re here for my mother, she has stepped out-”
His voice stops as he takes in the sight of you, the two of you standing before each other across the lush estate. His eyes swim with confusion, and you’re not sure you’ve ever seen him at such a loss for words or the situation before. He continues to look at you, before realizing he’s carrying a tray of various raw meats and fish. He takes no notice of the dozen or so cats circling him, several trying to climb up his legs toward the food he carries.
“You- what are- how did you get here?”
You lift up the shadow that was entwined with your arm before it skitters off to join the other shadows playing games with the cats who weren’t paying attention to Azriel. You try not to wear the confusion on your face, hoping desperately to have some upper hand here.
“Is this Rosehall?”
Azriel sighs, setting down the food as one of the cats lunges to bite at his arm, missing and falling back into the pool of cats at Azriel’s feet.
“Yes.”
You puff up your chest, confusion seeping through your features as you ask, “and where are the females? The girls?”
“The girls?” His voice is incredulous, and you want to roll your eyes at it.
“Yes, the girls. The ones who wish to climb all over you because you haven’t been paying them attention.”
His long legs start to make their way across the front garden, the sea of cats at his feet parting as he makes his way through them. “The girls who climb over me?”
You sigh, exasperation evident, “must you repeat my words? Yes, okay fine. I overheard Cassian speaking of your plans this evening with ‘your girls’. Now why don’t you bring them out and show me to be a fool?”
A deep, belly laugh comes from his mouth, and you are utterly offended.
“Azriel, I came here to put you through the ringer for stepping out on me, and you find it funny?”
He steps forward, trying to put his arms around you but you step away from his embrace. His laughing continues as he asks, “you walked all the way here?”
“Yes.”
You stick out your chin, determined to look strong and confident.
“You walked all the way from Velaris to here, to find out I had cats?”
“Why yes, I did walk all the way here to find out-”
Your words die on your tongue as you look around, not seeing any other females anywhere. You picked up the scent of one, but the scent smelled so much like Azriel, they had to be related in some way.
He watches your nose twitch, separating out all the smells beneath the ever present smell of cat.
“My mother lives here.”
He coughs, the joyous look from his laughter gone, his hands moving behind his back. He rocks on his feet, and you found it quite endearing.
“With my cats.”
“Your cats?”
“Yes, but they’re not really mine. They just show up.”
“Your cats show up? What does that mean?”
“It means, if I spend any time in Illyria the cats seek me out. I’ve already fixed the stray cat problem in Velaris.”
He opens his arms wide.
“They’re all here. Problem solved, I suppose.”
You blink, slightly convinced Rhys had finally broken your mind and made up the most ridiculous scenario he could imagine. You feel one of the cats rub against your legs, and you bend slightly to nuzzle its face. It was pitch black with bright green eyes. It was so little, you couldn’t help but pick it up despite its verbal protests.
“You have cats.”
“Yes, and Rhys and Cassian despise the cats. Rhys says he’s allergic, but I think he’s just too worried about his damn furniture.”
“And Cassian?”
“Cats hate Cassian.”
He says this as if it’s an uncontested fact.
“How can all cats hate one person?”
“He likes to swing them by their tails.”
You nod, “okay, maybe all cats can hate one person.”
As the two of you spoke the shadows had lifted a cat up onto Azriel’s shoulders, where it stood meowing and pawing at the black wisps. You watched in bewilderment, unsure if the shadows were playing pranks or not, when the cat slid from his shoulder into the crook of his elbow, nuzzling into the warmth there.
You cross your arms, heat blooming in your cheeks at your rash decision making. “So there aren’t beautiful females here?”
“There’s one.”
“I knew i- oh. You meant me.”
You deflate once more, letting the adrenaline seep from your body. You were exhausted, well and truly. He nodded before putting the cat down, watching it scamper off into the grass. “I shouldn’t have lied about where I was going. Several dozen cats are just… a lot to spring on someone at once.”
You look to the ground, fingers scratching the ears of the kitten you were holding, “and maybe I got a little…. carried away.”
He quirked an eyebrow, “you picked the wrong shoes to hike out here from Velaris.”
You looked down at your sneakers, chuckling, “uh yeah, I definitely need to soak my feet for a bit.”
“Do you want to come inside?” He watches you hesitantly before asking, “Or I could take you home?”
You look toward the beautiful estate before peering back down at the wiggling kitten in your arms, before deciding that you did want to see Azriel’s mother’s home and to hopefully meet her. “Are you going to tell your mother about how I got here?”
He chuckles, slow and soft, “of course I am. She’d be endlessly amused.”
“Do you have any black felt? I’d love to make this little guy some wings.”
He chuckles, rolling his eyes as he puts an arm around your shoulder, leading you inside. “While you play arts and crafts, I can formally introduce you to all of the other cats.”
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Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen @durgenyx @dee-writes-smut @chairofchaos @thelov3lybookworm @berryzxx @throneofsmut @kennedy-brooke @prythianpages @itsswritten @acotarxreader @ninthcircleofprythian
Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin
Thanks for reading ❣️
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greynatomy · 3 months
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rivals?
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alexia putellas x messi!reader
request here
with all the alexia angst being posted (my fault), here’s some fluff
———
In the world of professional football, rivalry between two players are always one that many fans are eager to watch.
In the men’s world of football, there was Messi and Ronaldo.
In the women’s, Messi and Putellas. Two of the most sought after female footballers of this time.
You and Alexia were known as fierce rivals on the field when competing for your country. You for Argentina, Alexia for Spain. Both of your competitiveness fueling debates among fans. Little did everyone know, behind the scenes, you both shared a secret that could rival the on-field intensity.
Away from the spotlight, you and Alexia were much more than rivals and teammates — you were married.
Your love story began when you’d transferred from playing in the Women’s Super League to Barça. From the first time she’d laid her eyes on you, there was an instant connection. At first she didn’t know how to feel about your transfer, only having played against you for the national team, where the rivalry grew and grew, but as you both played for Barça, the understanding and pressure you both experience helped you grow closer.
Late-night rendezvous, secret getaways, and coded messages allowed you to maintain your privacy. It was difficult to keep everything a secret, something you’ve both agreed on. Time moved quickly from the first time she’d seen you in a Barça kit to now, six years later.
You’re both cuddled up on the couch, watching a replay of the match you’ve just played, pointing out the things you and the team could have done better, when you heard some whining on the baby monitor searched up on the coffee table.
With a kiss to your head, Alexia got up to see what the fuss was all about. You watched on through the monitor, seeing how your wife delicately held and talked to your two year old, making you fall in love with her all over again.
“See look there’s Mami.” Alexia points you out, walking in with Rosa in her arms.
“Mami.” Rosa mumbles, arms reaching out for you, cuddling into your body once in your hold.
“How was your nap, bebé?”
All you got was a whine. Alexia cuddles back into your side as Rosa falls back into a slumber.
“I’ve been thinking.” Alexia starts.
“Uh oh. Mamá has been thinking.” You tease, earning you a playful shove.
“Seriously. Rosa turned two a bit ago and I want to be able to show her what her Mami and Mamá do or work. The environment which all the fans.”
Alexia starts to ramble. Saving her from spiraling, you place a hand over her mouth stopping her words.
“I was thinking the same thing.”
With a bright smile on her face, Alexia pulls you in a passionate kiss, careful to not wake your daughter up.
Three weeks later, Spain has a friendly match against Argentina. Everyone played hard no matter that it was only a friendly, the match ending in a draw.
As far as the public knew, you and Alexia were still rivals, enemies, or any other term they use, so whenever they see you conversing after matches, fans and media freak out, like right now.
What the fans didn’t expect was a small child running into your arms with laughter. Standing up with Rosa in your arms, Alexia wraps her arms around both of you, kisses being placed on her cheeks by both of her moms.
To say the fans and media were exploding was an understatement.
“Alexia, they need for media.”
Alexia settles herself at the table in front of all the press, waiting for the questions to come.
“Hola, Alexia. Great game today.”
“Thank you.”
After a couple of questions about the match, a little kid is seen throwing themselves onto Alexia.
“Mamá!”
A second person is seen chasing after the child.
“Sorry, sorry. She’s gotten fast.”
You run in, trying to grab Rosa from your wife, who is wriggling to make her harder to hold.
“You can leave her here.”
“You sure?”
She nods so you give them both a kiss on the head and walk out the room.
“Sorry about that.”
“Who do we have here? If you don’t mind us asking.”
“Bebé can you tell them your name?”
“Soy Rosa Putellas.”
The room let out a collective ‘aww’.
“So-so she’s your daughter?” A reporter stutters, stunned by the little girl.
“Yes.”
“And Messi’s?”
“Yes.”
The room full reporters burst, questions being asked over the others. Alexia just stands up, walking out of the room.
“I think you broke them.” Is the first thing you say when she walks into the locker room.
“Eh.” She shrugs. “Makes it fun.”
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surftrips · 7 months
Text
CROSS YOUR HEART AND HOPE TO DIE
pairing: young coriolanus snow x reader
word count: 600+
summary: based on "follow you" by bring me the horizon. young/slightly ooc coriolanus snow finds comfort in y/n's arms.
a/n: yeah, i can't believe i'm returing from my hiatus with a coriolanus snow x reader fic, but here we are. please feel free to send in prompts/requests with him though ;)
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"Because I don't want to fucking hurt you.” Coriolanus snapped. "God, half the time, I'm scared I could break you, even though I'm doing everything I can to hold back."
Your boyfriend was having a hard time lately. The anniversary of his father's death was creeping up and you knew he was having those thoughts again.
He had confided in you early on in your relationship his two biggest fears: losing you, and turning into his father. Now, he was spiraling with thoughts of both happening.
"Talk to me," you said, trying to reassure him. The two of you were by the lake, entangled in each other's arms on a blanket.
"I- I just..." he was trying to catch his breath. "I'm so angry all the time and you, you're an angel. You've never done anything wrong in your life. I don't deserve you, I don't know how to not fuck this up."
You couldn't help but smile at his name for you, reaching out to caress his cheek. He leaned into your familiar touch, one of the few things that could calm him down when he was like this.
It was true, he did get mad at the smallest things. Just last week, he got jealous of Sejanus for holding up your skirt as you went down the stairs, even though the two of you were clearly just friends.
And yesterday, he was frustrated with something that happened during training and came back to the cabin furious. You had asked him how his day was, like usual, and he had snapped at you.
"It was bad. Do you have to ask me that everyday?" he retorted, knocking over the items on the shelf closest to him.
But even though he got jealous or angry sometimes, you knew that he was working on it. He always felt awful afterward, and always made sure that you knew how sorry he was. That night, he had drawn a bath for you and even added some wild lavender he found near the water.
"Hey, you know I love you, right?" you said.
He sat up slightly to make better eye contact with you, "I do. But what if that's not enough?"
You frowned, "My love isn't?"
"No, no. I meant what if love, in general, is not enough? What if that's not enough to change my fate? Y/N, you know about my father, he was awful."
"I know, Coryo," you sighed. "But I also know you, and you're a good person. You love me, you love the Covey. You care about me, and your family. You want to be good, and I think that is enough."
Still, he didn't seem convinced. "I hate that I can barely remember him anymore, but he's still haunting me. The rebels that killed him haunt me. What if that happens to me?"
"Stop. No one here is going to do that, they know you're on our side. Don't you see? You're trying so hard to not be like your father, but you don't have to try to be good. You just are, deep-down in here," you pointed to where his heart is. "You are."
He leaned down now to pull you into a kiss. "Angel, can you promise me something?"
"What is it?"
"Promise me you'll never leave my side."
"Coryo, you could drag me through hell if it meant I could hold your hand. I will follow you to the ends of the earth. We're in this together."
That seemed to please him, finally. He wrapped his arms tighter around you and pulled you to lay back down with him. The two of you stared up at the stars, each silently wishing for this to work out.
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scwheeler · 5 months
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— isn’t it delicate?
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luke castellan x fem!reader
warnings: a little bit of fighting
summary: how did game night turn into your first kiss with the boy you’ve been crushing on at camp?
a/n: it’s kind of all over the place and i didn’t proofread it so i apologize ahead of time!
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this ain't for the best
across the dim-lit cabin eleven, luke could still spot your twinkling eyes that were attracted to the dice rolling in front of you. the euphonious laughter coming from your lips sounded like music to his ears. how your head slowly tilted backwards before catching your balance and opening your mouth once again.
my reputation's never been worse, so
he thanked the “gods” that your cabin agreed to game night as he was almost begging on his knees to your half-siblings that it was a once-in-a-summer experience and they would miss out.
he wasn’t lying, with the stoll twins creating a game tournament behind the little white lie that hermes cabin was just introducing the newbies to fun sleepovers for bonding and friend making, to keep chiron happy and out of their business.
you must like me for me
lounging around in his cabin, trying to take his mind off of the possibility of your cabin, more importantly, you entering the door, luke was making everyone’s beds. as an annoying chore that all the campers avoided, they dared not to interfere or ask him why he was rapidly fluffing pillows and folding blankets.
we can't make
but as his best friend, chris put a hand on his shoulder and spun him around. “you can calm down y’know. it’s only like—six o’clock only.” he pointed to the clock above the treacherously haunting front door. luke sighed and sat down on one of the beds, running his hands through his dark curls.
any promises now, can we, babe?
“but this was the perfect opportunity!” he suddenly exclaimed but quickly lowered his voice once surrounding campers looked at him.
“perfect opportunity to do what exactly? you’ve talked to her like twice—at a max three if you count her saying hi to you this morning.” chris reminded and sat beside the sulking boy. he yet again put a hand on his shoulder, giving a little reassuring pat.
but you can make me a drink
luke faced his best friend to respond but there was a knock at the door that interrupted him. chris thanked whoever it was, or else he would’ve had to witness luke spiral and start his crazy overthinking. a camper near the door went to go reach for the handle but a loud voice stopped him.
“wait! i-i’ll get it!” luke jumped from his seat, giving chris a scare.
dive bar on the east side, where you at?
he rushed to the door as the startled camper now backed away, obviously not wanting to go against the cabin counselor. before turning the handle, he took a deep breath and slightly adjusted his hair. chris mentally cringed at the sight of his best friend being so nervous, yet it was quite funny.
phone lights up my nightstand in the black
mr. cool guy, head counselor, and ‘best swordsman’ at camp was nervous about whether a cabin accepted his proposal of joining hermes’ cabin for a night of monopoly and poker. yes, possibly hilarious even. stifling a laugh, he watched luke open the door with a resounding sense of false confidence.
around ten to twenty campers of all ages were standing in front of him with pillows, blankets, and snacks in hand. for a moment, he was frozen.
come here, you can meet me in the back
not in fright, he’d seen most of these kids wincing on the ground during sword training or fall of the rock wall mid climb, he was the one teaching and catching them.
he was stunned because you weren’t in sight.
“welcome! you guys can chill and relax, meet your friends, and start on games! luke and i will be there in a bit!” someone announced from behind him, alarming just a little. but he easily recognized the voice of his best friend saving his ass.
dark jeans and your nikes, look at you
the excitedly hyper campers burst into the cabin, amping up the noise a couple levels. while they were coming in, luke was stuck in a trance once more but not cause of jitters or worry but because of you and your mere presence.
oh damn, never seen that color blue
as the campers of your cabin were entering the blaring room, you found luke’s eyes. softening your expression, you smiled at the familiar face.
dazed, luke stood straight until chris nudged his side and returned to attending to the campers as promised. leaving the two of you alone and the lack of luke’s acknowledgement of your existence, you decided to clear the awkward air.
just think of the fun things we could do
(cause i like you)
“hey luke.” maintaining your sweet demeanor, you closed the door behind you from letting in more of the cool summer air into the warm cabin.
this ain't for the best
as if someone snapped their fingers, luke blinked and returned to reality. his chest rose while he took another deep breath to calm himself and returned your smile.
“y/n, you came!” he regretted his choice of words and tone the second it came out of his mouth. gritting his teeth, he swore to let you do most of the talking from now on.
my reputation's never been worse, so
“of course i did! i’m known as the ‘monopoly master’ so you know i just had to come to defend my honor.” you emphasized the ‘had’ but deep down you knew it was a simple yes or no question when your cabin asked if you wanted to go. as cabin counselor, you were supposed to always keep an eye on the campers but it was just one night anyway.
you must like me for me (yeah, i want you)
you debated it in your head, did you really want to leave your cozy bed next to your best friends to play some board games with chaotic and overexcited children who were some of the worst sore losers you’ve ever encountered? no.
we can't make
but before you could refuse, your best friend stepped in. in a sing-songy voice, she added a detail that may have swayed your decision making just an inch.
any promises now, can we, babe?
“hermes cabin is hosting it—aka castellan’s cabin.” she smiled at her comment and crossed her eyes with both eyebrows raised. waiting for your answer, you bit your lip and looked to the floor.
okay, so spending your night with campers full of sugar and crying sore losers but luke castellan possibly sparing you a glance and perhaps maybe even a few words? fine, you’d make an appearance.
but you can make me a drink
now here you were, both of your maybes becoming certainly’s. your words were coming out quickly, way faster than you wanted them to. were you rambling? no. yes. no. definitely.
is it cool that i said all that?
why in the heavens did you just say ‘monopoly master’?! why was he not speaking? was he just being friendly by saying hi? of course he was.
is it chill that you're in my head?
you looked away in search of your friends or anyone at this point to make this conservation a little less awkward. but everyone was already sitting and playing games or conversing with each other. you cursed your head for telling you to come, how did you possibly think that he would talk to yo—
a laugh.
he was laughing with the brightest smile ever, his eyes still remaining on yours though. he had one of those contagious laughs, immediately urging you to join him. you couldn’t help yourself but follow, making the both of you look like two crazy idiots laughing at nothing but air.
'cause i know that it's delicate (delicate)
“well i think we better see if your honor will be challenged later tonight, miss ‘monopoly master’” he replied and gave a light-hearted grin.
you could’ve sworn that your heart just fluttered and there was something flying in your stomach. catching your breath, you walked towards the laid out board games where luke was right on your tail. his footsteps were only inches from yours, wanting to be close to you as possible.
is it cool that i said all that?
now luke was admiring your laugh once again. someone would’ve had to drag him with all their strength out of that cabin before his eyes were peeled off of you.
unbeknownst to you, he had been staring ever since the game had began. opting out of this round, he joined chris’ team mid game but remained quiet the rest of the time.
is it too soon to do this yet?
you couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t speaking. he was usually peppy and very talkative, so you’ve heard and seen, but never really experienced. luke was very popular in every group, with the kids who saw him as a role model, those who saw him as their fearless counselor, and especially the girls who fawned over him and his every move (you).
'cause i know that it's delicate
so why was the socially favored extrovert sitting still, fiddling his thumbs from time to time. keeping your head in the game, you could only look up whenever it was chris’ turn, using it as an excuse to peek at him who was almost like a shadow.
isn’t it, isn't it, isn't it?
with such little lighting, only his facial features were highlighted from the candle next to luke. you didn’t mind though as his sharp nose, faint scar and rare flash of a smile were still in view.
isn’t it?
suddenly there was a furious roar of thunder outside, enough to get your attention. you felt an elbow nudge you to the right, making you turn to face your best friend next to you. she leaned in, making sure no one except you heard her whisper.
“are you gonna to go or just keep drooling and dreaming about your boy?”
isn’t it, isn't it, isn't it?
only your eyes widened, now staring back at your friend, dumbfounded. she gave you a ‘stop making it obvious and go!’ look and you kept your eyes down, on the monopoly board. grabbing the two dice and rolling for your turn, you moved your piece and unfortunately landed on a space that chris occupied.
isn’t it delicate?
you groaned in both not wanting to lose and the inconvenience that the universe continued to hand you. however, chris was everything but disappointed, two seconds away from jumping up and down in excitement. you had somehow avoided getting caught in someone else’s city for about ten turns in a row, but now you were stuck by the person you were actually avoiding.
or at least his team member’s.
third floor on the west side, me and you
paying in full to a happy chris, you didn’t catch luke’s chuckle at your expense. not in a ‘ha ha we’re going to win’ way but because of how upset you truly looked. he thought it was cute how badly you wanted to strangle chris for costing you six-hundred million and potentially the win.
“seems like your winning streak is coming to an end!” chris implied and put his hands together as if he was thanking you.
handsome, you're a mansion with a view
you narrowed your eyes, just adding fuel to the fire of your competitive nature. for gods sake, you were an ares kid. tonight, it sure didn’t seem like it though. with your stumbling introduction and now your downfall in monopoly!
“what is the meaning of this!”
everyone collectively jumped and stopped what they were doing, no matter if it was playing cards, a pillow fight, shoving candies in their mouths, or jumping on the beds. even without turning, the voice was evident in its owner: mr. d.
do the girls back home touch you like i do?
“i want everyone in their cabins now! ares cabin return and go to bed right this instance. i will check to see if you are all there, with the lights off soon.” he demanded in a stern voice, forcing your cabin to rapidly grab their belongings and run out the door, unable to even say their ‘goodbye’s.’
long night with your hands up in my hair
“hermes cabin, i want you all to clean this mess up in no more than an hour. i will also come to check that this place is tidy as earlier and that you are all in bed, sleeping. all of you will receive punishments tomorrow morning at six am in the mess hall. do not be late.” he continued, but the last of words left campers moaning and muttering in defeat.
echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
you were collecting your campers and pushing them towards the exit, about to do the same yourself until chiron interfered.
“not you, ms. y/l/n.”
slowly turning to look up in confusion, he continued. “as head counselor of ares cabin, you know the responsibility you earn with that title, correct?”
stay here, honey, i don't wanna share
putting your head down, you avoided his eye contact but nodded. you caught one of the last campers and told them to do as they were told and you would be back soon.
“mr. castellan, i want to speak to you as well.” he insisted and luke reluctantly made his way next to you. something he would never refuse to.
this ain't for the best
“i’m very disappointed in the both of you. knowing both of you were the head counselors of your cabins, i thought you would do the best in keeping them in order and avoiding such events but i was clearly mistaken. c’mon guys, there are only like five major camp rules!” he explained, putting his fingers to his temples and crossing his eyes.
my reputation's never been worse, so
briefly giving each other glances, you mouthed ‘we’re so screwed’ to luke who seemed very relaxed compared to your tense figure. sure, you’d gotten in trouble maybe once or twice but first of all, that was trouble by yourself which meant not costing your entire cabin punishment and it was very unintentionally, making mr. d let you off the hook since it was your first offense.
you must like me for me (yeah, i want you)
however, those were the only times you had ever been caught. there were countless times where you had secretly broken the rules by sleeping in your other friends’ cabins, entering the forest by yourself, switching your seat during meals, and staying in your cabin past eleven at night. one that you have broken yet again.
in response to your nervousness, luke smirked.
we can't make
‘why the hell are you smiling?’ you mouthed but he looked at mr. d now, quite mischievously if you may add.
“mr. d, we terribly apologize for the inconvenience and we swear to never do this ever again, this will be the first and only time.” luke spoke with such sincerity in his tone. he only prayed that mr. d could not detect his lie of it being his first to host.
any promises now, can we, babe?
“well thank you luke, but you two are stil—”
“we are so sorry that we thought it would be best if we made it up to you. perhaps that bottle of 1985 château haut-brion in the galley that has been calling your name ever since it arrived?” luke swiftly suggested, eyebrows raised in persuasion.
but you can make me a drink
mr. d stood invested in luke every word, deeply interested in his statement. he took a breath, almost coming to a realization that luke was trying to bribe him but then he put his index finger to his finger, actually thinking about the offer.
is it cool that i said all that?
you were shocked, in the least. luke castellan was not only a troublemaker and a liar but a hell of a good one. in any of other circumstance, you would be hesitant about bringing up such a suggestion to mr. d but if it meant no punishment for you or luke then you were all for it.
is it chill that you're in my head?
“mr. d, when was the last time you’ve had wine? c’mon you and i both know that diet coke won’t cut it for tonight, i mean it’s friday night!” you stepped in and added in on the coercion.
following your voice, mr. d’s head whipped to face you, definitely tipping the scale towards a ‘yes’ now. luke watched proud at you chasing his suggestion, now with full confidence in his chest.
'cause i know that it's delicate (delicate)
“are two seriously saying that you guys would go down to the galley…get that merlot…and bring it back here to me…?” he repeated and narrowed his eyes.
for a second, you guys were back into your frozen positions until mr. d responded to himself. “cause if you guys are going to do that, then we can just forget about all this.” he admitted, sort of laughing at the mess around the cabin.
is it cool that i said all that?
after agreeing to your end of the bargain, mr. d had let you both off the hook. by the time everything was settled, the campers had finished cleaning up and everyone was ready for bed. therefore, in order to not disturb them, the two of you took a moment outside before you had to run back to ares cabin.
is it too soon to do this yet?
the cabin luckily had an overhead covering near the front door, creating a safety net for you two from the rain. it was raining heavy, yet it wasn’t cold and the summer air still remained. it always rained on the first week of august, like a set reminder to the campers that time was slipping away.
'cause i know that it's delicate
both of you were already slightly drenched from running to the galley and back but using the trees and several camp buildings on the way, you managed to stay quite dry. you couldn’t say the same for luke though, he shook his wet hair to dry off, in search and need of a towel.
“jesus—you’re acting like a wet dog.” you commented and kept moving your head to dodge the water droplets flicking in your direction. trying to maintain a straight face, you kept a tight-lipped smile but laughs slipped from your lips.
isn’t it, isn't it, isn't it?
“why you don’t like it? you’re getting a free shower right now, i think you should be grateful!”
his sarcasm was abundant and stepped closer to you while matching your laughter. you backed up into the outer cabin wall, as he continued to approach until he was only inches away from your face. even with the rain surrounding the pair, you could hear his breathing after his laughs.
isn’t it?
he stayed with a smile on his face, such admiration found in his eyes while staring at you. automatically there was a tug on the corners of your lips, a genuine smile creeping onto your face. he gently moved a strand of hair out of your face, placing it behind your ear.
isn’t it, isn't it, isn't it?
you stayed put, reaching out to the wall supporting your weight. your heart sped up as he got closer, feeling his body heat on yours. you parted your lips to speak but he beat you to it.
“you’re beautiful.”
isn’t it delicate?
his words melted into you, the only warmth in the middle of the rain. you blinked three times before confirming that this was reality, it wasn’t a dream or a fantasy, it was real.
luke castellan had just called you beautiful. the man you were crushing over since he’d pinned you on the ground in capture the flag last year.
sometimes i wonder, when you sleep
no one had ever dared to come near you, too much in fear how old easily you could defeat them. but luke liked a challenge, thus he went straight for it and ignored the rest of plan. something he would definitely pay for later by a pissed annabeth.
he found you in the middle of the forest, the closest person to guarding your team’s flag. he had battled a couple of rouge kids on the way, effortlessly blocking and knocking them down.
are you ever dreaming of me?
he took pride in his swordsmanship and ability to fight, when he first arrived, all he would do was train and practice, day and night.
all of it paid off though in the end, earning the title of ‘best swordsman at camp’ and being quite the deal when it came to activities like capture the flag. however, campers still came at luke, sword in hand. while you were all alone, the only thing accompanying you being the geckos that slithered in the area.
sometimes when i look into your eyes
as a child of ares, you most definitely had a temper, but otherwise you were known to be one of the more ‘composed’ siblings unlike clarisse who would fight a bug that got in her way. you stood out because of your swordsman skills though, climbing up the ranking until you were right below luke.
on the day of capture the flag, you swore that you would beat him and then steal the title he so proudly wore. but when he did arrive to your position near the flag, he didn’t cower in fear or come straight charging at you.
i pretend you're mine all the damn time
instead he casually walked towards you, sword in hand of course but he didn’t even hold it up. he held it like some sort of an accessory, as if he’d never held one before. almost excited to see a person after hours of waiting though, you instantly jumped at the opportunity, discarding his relaxed posture.
is it cool that i said all that?
gripping your sword, you charged first, something you usually did not do but the greed in achieving the title made you think otherwise. he bested you though, eventually proving himself to you why he was known as the ‘best swordsman at camp.’ he ran off with the flag while you were left with a gash on your right arm.
is it chill that you're in my head?
even though after his team won the game and luke had beat you at your most respected trait, he immediately approached you afterwards. this time, he wasn’t holding a sword or wearing armor but just his camp shirt and cheery demeanor. you could’ve bet that it wasn’t him and a completely different camper.
“hey, i’m really sorry about what happened back there. is your arm okay?” he asked, now with worry in his voice like he was one of your close friends or half-siblings.
'cause i know that it's delicate (delicate)
you looked at him weird, confused at the sudden switch-up in his actions. “y-yeah i’m fine.” you responded and looked to join your half-siblings in plotting some devious revenge or something.
but he grabbed your wrist, making sure to not hold the wrong arm. “are you sure? i can walk you to the nurse if you want?” he insisted and pointed to the infirmary that was just down the path.
(yeah, i want you)
“seriously i’m fine.” you continued. it wasn’t like you hated the guy but for someone who just swung a sword at your face and cut your arm, he was surprisingly considerate.
“oh—okay. you were really good out there, i’ve never met anyone else at camp who had their sword so close to my neck.” he joked, attempting to clear the seriously awkward air.
is it cool that i said all that?
you have him a half smile, trying to take his off in lightening the mood. “thanks, i can clearly see why you’re the ‘best swordsman at camp.’” to which he lightly chuckled.
“yeah yeah, but i think you might take that title from me next time!” he mentioned. you couldn’t even tell if he was being sarcastic or not, too distracted with his charming smile.
is it too soon to do this yet?
after that day, luke castellan had been stuck in your mind. you’d see him in the mess hall during meals and passing on campus with his friends, but you never got the courage to talk to him again like you did after capture the flag. maybe it was because you were so annoyed and he just happened to be the first person you ran into! whatever it was, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. no matter what.
'cause i know that it's delicate (delicate)
under similar circumstances, luke watched you quickly dismiss his offer of accompanying you to the nurse and walk off to join the ares kids. you looked back once, probably to see if he was watching you or not and he easily got caught, his eyes lingering. once being noticed, the ares kids started laughing but so did you.
is it cool that i said all that? (isn’t it?)
even though they were clearly laughing at him, for once he didn’t mind it. he couldn’t even see the other kids as you were the only one in view. your hair swaying in the wind as your head moved back and forth. your laugh was sweet, putting a smile on his face as it continued.
is it chill that you're in my head? (isn’t it, isn't it?)
afterwards, he found his eyes attracted to you. if you were at the arts and crafts table or in the archery range, he wasn’t focused on the task at hand or his campers asking a million questions.
he would use his head counselor advantages to sneak glances at you across the field from time to time. pretending to look for a ‘missing’ camper or informing his friends that he thought there was a rare bird sighting, his gaze fixated on you.
'cause i know that it's delicate (isn't it delicate?)
your eyes twinkled in the faded moonlight, water drops laying on your eyelashes. luke’s damp hair aided his curls, his fresh scent seeping through the rain. he reached for your waist as you went for his shoulder, closing the gap between you two.
shutting your eyes, you went for it.
your whispered, unsteady breath indicated your nervousness but it was now or never. luke’s arms curled around your waist, pulling you in completely until your lips met. your hands unconsciously wrapped around his neck, embracing the kiss.
(yeah, i want you)
if you both weren’t holding onto each other, your knees may have buckled right then and there. luke’s chest was pounding, almost loud enough to hear but was too invested in how the other tasted. his lips were soft, a delicate touch that matched his behavior. even with luke’s certainly intimidating figure, he was always sweet and made sure to show his caring abilities towards campers. this was the first time that you felt it firsthand.
is it cool that I said all that? (isn’t it?)
he could tell you were hesitant at first, suddenly pulling slightly away in the beginning but becoming familiar with the feeling. a fire was lit in the pit of your stomach, signaling you to continue. luke could feel it too, your body reaching for his.
now breathless, both of you pulled back, still your hands remaining where they were. his eyes were wide as if you had opened a new world to him. you couldn’t help it but swallow, waiting for him to break the silence.
is it too soon to do this yet? (isn’t it, isn't it?)
“i like you. a lot.”
a little startled, you were left speechless but after observing his worried expression, you had to let him know you felt the same.
“i do too—like you a lot. if you couldn’t tell.” you joked and smiled at him.
'cause i know that it's delicate
that was when he realized he needed this girl. he couldn’t bear to see her smile or laugh with someone else. he wouldn’t let it happen, because his heart was yearning for her. and her only.
a similar grin crept up his face, making you understand why you wanted him so much. his alluring smile had gotten you again, whisking you away from your deepened emotions and warming your heart.
isn’t it delicate?
there was only one possible question you could ask now:
“can i kiss you again?”
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