#so i usually just listen and dont try to reply in spanish

[sickkillerzach]

Ex Gon' Give It To Ya

Everytime Gloria invited Javier over to see Manny, I knew it was bad news.

But she insisted every time he came over that "it's good for Manny to see his dad".

That all changed the most recent time he came to visit.

You see, he didn't just come to visit Manny.

He wanted to take Manny with him.

*************************************

There was a knock on the door. ugh I thought, Gloria's ex husband. I hate him.

She came rushing towards the door. I could tell she didn't enjoy his company, but obviously, she thought it was good for him.

But there was something rather odd about the way she looked. She always looked like she was dreading his very appearance at her house, but she looked, rather, nervous to open the door.

I stopped her dead in her tracks. "Gloria, sweetheart, you seem to be anxious about Javier's presence."

"I don't know. I just have this very strange feeling about inviting him over. I've had this feeling for a week, when I got the call from him. He sounded like he was up to no good." She replied.

He pounded on the door again, rude and impatiently.

"We'll be there in a second!" I yelled loudly, my Australian accent kicking in, as usual.

He stopped knocking.

"Well, he's already here, nothing we can do, let's just have him over to visit Manny, and he can leave, and that's it." I assured her.

I didn't want to say anything to her, as I saw the stress she was under, but I was very frustrated at her, and almost wanted to say "Well, had you listened to me, you wouldn't be here".

It was bad enough my friends never listen to me, but my soon to be fiance not listening to me is even worse.

I felt very hurt, but didn't say anything.

She went to the door and took a deep breath, and opened it.

"About damn time," he said "where the hell were you?" He asked, being very rude, again.

She ignored the question, and I came over and shook his hand. I did this every time he came over, but he was always rough with me. My hand was always red and sore afterwards, and sometimes he even squeezed so tightly, I could feel my pulse in my hand.

Manny walked over and hugged his father.

He even looked concerned, almost as if he was sharing the same feeling his mother was.

Javier gave him a very weird looking grin, like he was up to something.

Was Gloria's strange feelings, that may have been shared with Manny, meaning something more than we thought?

*************************************

Everything seemed to be normal. He gave Manny a gift, as always (which bothered me, because it was like he was trying to compete with me, but I'm always going to be the better father), he ate dinner, chatted with us, the usual things he would do.

However, when he left, that bad feeling started to settle on me.

was he up to something? I thought, and what was with that grin he kept giving Manny? He kept staring him down.

*************************************

That night when we settled on the bed, I had nothing on but a pair of boxer shorts, and Gloria had on one of her nightgowns. Everything seemed to be usual. Usual day, usual night, the only thing different was that Javier was over.

So I thought.

In the middle of the night, I had to take a piss. This was normal, as I frequently had to urinate in the middle of the night.

But something was off.

I never noticed how creepy Gloria's house looked in the dark. It was a beautiful house, but right now, it looked creepy.

I wanted a light source, but didn't want to awake Gloria, so, I grabbed my Rick and Morty Portal Gun, put it on silent, and made it so that the light stayed on until I shut it off, rather than turning off automatically.

And as an extra comfort source, I grabbed my Raichu plushie from the bed.

Gloria turned over a little bit, but didn't wake up from me getting my Raichu, and Portal Gun.

I walked across the hall, and went to the bathroom, which was right next to Manny's room, which was right next to Joe's room.

I went in, and set my gun and plushie on the counter right next to the toilet, and lifted the seat up, and did my business. I couldn't help but feel this strange feeling overwhelming me, the same feeling I was getting while Javier was over, but worse.

Way worse.

Once I got done in the bathroom, I grabbed my Portal Gun, and Raichu, and continued walking towards our bedroom.

But the feeling was getting worse as I walked away from the hallway.

For whatever reason, I checked in Manny's room.

good, he's just in his bed, snoring away I thought to myself.

what the hell was I thinking? He was gonna be missing or something?

I went back up to the bedroom, set down the portal gun on to the the dresser, turned it off, set Raichu back on the bed, covered back up, and went back to bed.

*************************************

At around 4AM, there was a loud noise throughout the house. It woke both me and Gloria up.

"What was that?" I asked her, rhetorically.

"I don't know, we should go downstairs and see." She replied.

As I walked through the bedroom door, I sensed the same feeling I had while in the bathroom.

We walked down the stairs, where the noise sounded like it came from, and there was nobody there.

I could hear Joe crying upstairs about something.

"I'll get him, you keep looking." She said as she ran back up the stairs.

I kept looking around until I heard the words come out of Joe's mouth.

"Manny's dad came and got him."

"What?" I said back.

"Yeah, he came and took him. I couldn't say anything because he had a gum at my head." He replied, obviously mistaking "gun" for "gum". I always thought it was so cute when Joe talked like a child.

"What kind of wanker points a lethal weapon at a child?" I said.

"Oliver, we've got to go save Manny." Gloria told me, which was the obvious thing to do.

I put on my tan leather jacket, black sweatpants, while Gloria put on her red sweater, and brown skinny jeans.

We made sure to have pockets to hold our guns.

"Let's see here," I started listing off all the guns we had in our gun safe. "Thompson? Nah, that'd jam too much. BAR? Too heavy. We're only killing one guy after all. SPAS-12? That's-" Gloria interrupted.

"Will you just hurry up already? We don't know what Javier could be doing at this moment, I'll just be taking the Glock." She told me.

"Fine, I'll just take the PPSH-41, and the 1911."

We put Joe in the backseat of the car, and were on our way to that dickhead Javier's house.

I wanted to tell Gloria that I knew that inviting him over was a bad idea, but chose not to, as I didn't want to put more stress on her, or even worse, cause an argument. After all, there was a lot of tension.

I started to notice how much of a bad idea it was to put the PPSH on my back, as it started to hurt with the carseat right up against it.

Too late to take care of it now.

The closer we got to the house, the faster I started driving.

*************************************

When we finally arrived at the house, we started loading up our guns.

"Papi, just stay here while me and daddy take care of something-" I interrupted her.

"Look, the kid understands what we're doing, no need to sugarcoat it, let's get moving, and take down this cunt, and save our son." Gloria wasn't fond of me swearing in front of Joe, however, I made it up to her by calling Manny "our son", despite me just being his step-father.

We began to walk towards the front door, and I knocked on it, very hard.

I could hear him screaming something in Spanish that I couldn't quite understand.

"Who the fuck is it? And what the fuck do you want?" He yelled in English, this time I understood him.

I tried my best to hide my Australian accent, and said "mail service!"

Gloria stared at me deeply as if she was saying "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Mail at 5AM?" He replied.

"Told you so." She said, despite not saying anything beforehand.

I gave her the same look she gave me.

I scratched my beard and mustache as I thought of what to say next.

"We're working the nightshift." I finally said, but became concerned as my accent was a teeny bit audible, and because that's obviously not convincing.

"No mail guy comes at-" I interrupted him.

"Goddamnit Javier just open the fucking door!" Gloria gave me an even darker look, as if she was saying "now what's your plan genius?".

"Oliver? What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to sound surprised.

"You know why, give us Manny, and nobody gets hurt." Gloria finally spoke.

"I don't have Manny? What are you talking about?"

I whispered to Gloria, "let's start shooting at the door, then he'll have to open."

She nodded, as in confirmation.

I pulled out the 1911, and she pulled out her Glock, and we started firing shots.

He started yelling in Spanish again. The only thing I could understand was "ay dios mio".

"You brought guns? What the fuck? Okay, I'll open the door, just stop firing!" He said, as he walked over.

I pulled out the PPSH from my back, and put the 1911 back in my jacket pocket.

When he opened the door, I hit him with the butt of the gun.

"You fucking son of a bitch, give us the kid right now!" I yelled as I pointed the sub machine gun at his forehead.

"I dont have him! I told you." He replied.

Just then we heard a scream, coming from, what sounded like a teenage boy.

Gloria and I turned to each other.

"That confirms it." She said.

"Guess it's time to waste this wanker." Just then he pulled out his P-99 from his jeans pocket and stared firing shots. Gloria and I immediately took cover behind his walls at the side of his house. Unfortunately, we were on the opposite sides, making us separated.

He quickly reloaded, and continued shooting.

I nodded at Gloria silently, and then moved my head in the direction of the back of the house. She seemed to get the idea.

We met up at the back, and just before we started discussing the plan, we looked in the window.

Manny was in the chair, tied up, his back turned to us.

"There's Manny. Alright, here's the plan. You run in and get Manny from the chair, I'll shoot this cunt in the leg, and then we'll have some fun with him afterwards." I told her, she didn't say anything, but rather smiled, and nodded.

"That sounds good to you?" I asked, just to confirm with her, despite she clearly agreed.

"Ye-" She began, but then was interrupted by something she saw. Her eyes widened, and looked as if she was about to piss her pants.

I heard a click.

"He's right behind me, isn't he?" I asked rhetorically, knowing the answer.

"Well, it seems you shouldn't have came here, doesn't it?" He said, as he started to hold me by my neck, making me drop my PPSH.

I thought quickly of what to do, and the kicked him right in his balls.

I picked up the gun from the ground, and shot him right in his kneecap.

"Get Manny from the house, I'll take this wanker in with you." She nodded and ran to the door. She didn't go in though, and waited for me to go to the door, and opened it for me.

"Thanks." I said. I gave her a slight kiss on the cheek, just to piss off Javier.

He started yelling in Spanish, for the third time.

I noticed he was bleeding a lot, and it seemed he was hanging on to conciousness. I set him down on the ground, and put pressure on his wound.

"Oh, buddy, you can't die now, we're just getting started." I told him.

I took a look over at Manny, and he looked horrible. He had blood all over his legs and face, and it even looked like he pulled out a few teeth.

This angered me more than I thought it would.

"I see you did a lot worse damage than I thought you did." I said to Javier, as he started making grunting sounds.

Gloria kissed Manny on his forehead, and hugged him tightly, and said something in Spanish to him.

That's what I loved about Gloria, she was such a soft mom.

She took him to the car, and walked back in.

We grabbed Javier, and put him in the chair.

"You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge." I told him as we tied him up.

Gloria looked at me, as she got the reference.

"What are you talking about? You don't have any "street knowledge", the both of you don't". He said.

"Really? You don't get the reference? Straight Outta Compton, by N.W.A.? Niggaz With Attidues?" I asked.

"I don't listen to that garbage you call "rap music"." He said back.

I gasped. "How dare you disrespect the legacy of Dre, Ice Cube, Eazy-E, and everyone else in N.W.A." "That's it." And I grabbed my phone, and played the song.

He screamed, clearly hating it.

"If this is bothering you, holy shit, you're not ready for anything that's about to happen next." I said.

Gloria seemed annoyed. She wasn't very fond of rap herself, but she tolerated it when I was around.

I grabbed my wrench from the trunk of the car, and sang along with the lyrics.

"Straight Outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube."

I started banging the wrench on his legs to the beat of the song.

Gloria, while not being fond of the song, was clearly amused at me beating him to the song.

She then came around and started shooting at his feet.

"Oh God, please stop!" He cried out in pain.

I then grabbed a pair of pliers and pulled out his fingernails.

He continued to cry out in pain.

He was clearly close to death, and so I quickly stopped the song, and put my phone back in my pocket.

I then grabbed the lighter from his cigarette packet, lit up a cigarette, while Gloria grabbed the jerry can from the trunk, and poured gasoline on him. I didn't smoke the cigarette, as I'm not a smoker, but I threw the cigarette on top of him, burning him. We quickly ran out of the house, and got in the car. I started driving back to our house.

"Well, now that that's done, Manny, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm in a lot of pain, but nothing too serious." He replied.

"That's good. But just know, he won't hurt you anymore, now that we took care of him. We'll get you cleaned up at home, and everything is gonna be okay. Can you walk okay? He hit you pretty hard on the legs."

"I can walk fine, it hurts a bit, but I'm fine, you guys came just before he can do anything worse."

"I'm sorry about that kiddo, but he's been taken care of by us." I said.

"Thanks dad." He said.

My face lit up when he said that.

"Did-did you just call me dad?" I asked happily.

"Well, my real dad is nothing to me now, so you're really the real dad I have."

For over two years, he had only called me Oliver, and for the first time, he called me dad.

"I love you son." I told him.

"I love you too." He replied.

"Dad."

Gloria was smiling really hard when she heard this.

I then pulled out my phone.

"Hey Google, play Real Muthaphuckin' G'z by Eazy-E." I told the phone.

"Okay, starting song." The phone said back.

"Oh God." Gloria said as she sighed deeply.

We drove home safely, cleaned off Manny's wounds, and went back to bed after a long exhausting night.

The police came the next day, asking questions about the situation, and Manny showed the officer his injuries.

We were let off scott free, and everyone was happier after that.

[artificialqueens]

Cause Though the Truth May Vary, This Ship Will Carry (Gigi/Nicky) - Campvanjie

AN: Based on the prompt: “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” - “Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.” A slight AU Gigi/Nicky, little bit of unrequited crushing and a lot of fate, originally posted to my old AO3 account on May 24th, 2020. Edited as well to add non-binary pronouns for Gigi out of drag, as the original used male pronouns. Don’t worry, I’m the original author and only want all of my stories collected under one pen name.

Summary: Nicky and Gigi strike up a friendship online, but just can’t meet until the time’s exactly right.

CW: slight mentions of homophobia.

The sun’s almost setting on an August day when Gigi flicks through the games in their library, bored of sniping enemies from rooftops, set on finding something else that has a competitive mode, kicking underneath the bed to find their headset. It would probably be best to at least try to talk to other people, and maybe even count up all the times people call each other gay without even realizing they’re talking to someone, who’s made sixteen dollars an hour dressing up as a girl and working at the rock climbing wall for all of high school.

There’s gay, and then there’s Gigi Goode; with a closet hanging full of custom couture, not that they’d ever admit to their mom that her work isn’t the worst.

There’s only one player in the team’s group chat, as Gigi adjusts their headset so they can talk into the mic.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi!”, laughs the voice in his headphones; crackling as Gigi shoots and blows apart a box in the game’s lobby. There’s an accent there he can’t quite place, not that it matters so much, since the guy on the other end easily guides him through the map and even cracks a couple of jokes as one of the other team’s players is booted off a cliff. Maybe he’s Spanish, or Russian, since there are lot of Russian people on the server at this time of almost- night.  

They queue for another round, his player’s character stopping next to a poster of one of the girls in the game.

“I like her, do you?”, he asks, and Gigi cringes a little. Straight guys were fucking exhausting, but this was just embarrassing-

“Like, this coat, with the belt like this, makes her waist look like she is a wasp. The insect, not the white people.”, he keeps talking, and Gigi’s eyes widen a little.

“Yeah, I’d buy those boots.”, they joke, hoping that whoever it is, will take it in stride, and he won’t have to listen to someone who’d been cool for the past half an hour, suddenly start losing their mind over how gay that was to say out loud.

“The boots? I want this hair- I want just Mortal Kombat hair but like this color, and maybe instead of a gun I want the scepter, like Sailor Jupiter. You’ve seen that, yes?”

Gigi blinks a couple of times. He’s serious?

“Like, of course. Yeah.”

“She’s a Mugler bitch. Hm, aren’t you?”, the voice teases on the other end; kicking at one of the boxes in the game.

Gigi is silent, as their queue timer runs out, and their team join another game which is already active when they’re dropped in.

“It’s the Hermes winter collection.”

“What?”

“That jacket is a dupe from the Hermes winter collection. You said Mugler-”, Gigi repeats, blasting through a wall in the game.

“Oh- oh you’re saying- this past winter! Of course! Maybe someone on the design team is also a fan?”

“Maybe.”

The two of them finish the round, and Gigi eagerly hits yes; when a little box pops up to add TheNickyDoll to their friends list.

(Gigi adds him back on Discord, too- because they’re probably not taking the Xbox to college, and then, they can send pictures right away.

He’s not a serial killer, and he’s cute.

Gigi can’t help but wonder if Nicky thinks the same of them.)

They slowly knit together in between Gigi’s first semester, and when Nicky moves into a new apartment in the eleventh arrondissement in Paris, and pops a bottle of champagne against his camera on his phone, propped up in his new kitchen. He plays with the zipper on his hoodie, and Gigi still can’t help but be surprised with how simple his wardrobe is.

Gigi spends hours carefully curating their wardrobe, though they supposed in Europe, there were just better pickings.

“Don’t you have friends?”, Gigi jokes, shirtless against the white brick walls of their dorm.

“Everyone will be over later, but I just wanted to do a toast for your timezone. It will be like three am for you when everyone else gets off work.”

“So this is a private party? Well… okay let me get my card.”

“Seriously? Not that kind of party!”

“Didn’t say it was. Congratulations, by the way. I got you something! Well like, I found it, and it’s so you-“

Gigi flicks the camera to face forwards, swinging to a painting hanging in the closet.

“Aw, well you didn’t have to- what the fuck is that?”

“Putin! I painted him in like the eighth grade. My mom was dropping off some stuff last weekend and I can mail him-“

Nicky’s eyebrows shoot up, pots and pans clattering on the other end of the line.

“Bitch, I am trying to not be the victim of a hate crime.”

Gigi laughs a little bit, flipping the camera back to focus on their face.

“I never asked, what do you even do?”

“What?”

“Like you- you have a job right? What’s your job?”

“Ah, I’m working, well I worked at a makeup store, but now I have some contracts, and maybe, you know- this neighborhood is where all the bars and the clubs are. If there’s no work on the runways maybe some will be looking for new girls.”

Gigi’s cheeks run hot for a moment.

“Wait, you- you’re a girl?”, they ask weakly, hoping it won’t absolutely ruin their entire… whatever it is, when you’d rather have a private housewarming alone in bed, than pretend to enjoy the beers that are flowing through the rest of the hall downstairs.

“Only when I’m being paid. Do you know- well, you have to in America you have RuPaul’s show- it’s like that-“

“You do drag? Wait, really?”

“Shhhh.”, he stops them, pressing a finger between his lips. “It’s like, I haven’t got any bookings yet but some of the clubs are interested- some of the parties, too. I can be a bottle girl.”

Gigi simply blinks repeatedly in the screen.

“What- is that too gay? I thought we were both pretty gay.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey-“, Gigi keeps the camera on their face, their eyes flicking up towards the naked mannequin resting against the closet door. Most of Gigi’s things were still at home, but there was a black feathered swimsuit they’d been working on- if they took out the waist just a bit-

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Wow, we are getting deep in, Dr Phil.”

“Seriously, what is it?”

“I’m feeling pink recently. Usually just- something simple. Blue. Black. It’s soothing.”

“Black is not a color.”  

“Then it’s my favorite not-color.” Nicky pours from the bottle into a flute on her counter. “Get something to drink, come on.”

“Uh-“

“Doesn’t matter what. Come on!”

Gigi reaches for Red Bull, yesterday’s alcohol mixed into it, tangy and stale in the metal can.

“Okay.”

“Pace a Salute!”, Nicky cheers, and they clink their drinks against the camera.

-

Two months later, there’s a wrapped package on his stoop, covered in foreign postage, wet at the edges like it’s been through- what Americans would call the ringer, the labels so scratched over he can barely make out the return address, when he cuts the cardboard open on his kitchen counter.

If this was that stupid Putin painting, he was deleting Gigi from his entire life-

Inside, is fabric folded in paper, a little cloth ribbon tied around where a card is tucked in.

“I dont know what your actual skin tone is because you need better lights but merry Christmas if it doesn’t fit or doesn’t match sell it on eBay and get better lights”,

Gigi has written, in neat, large letters.

Nicky carefully unfurls the rest of it, and there’s a blue and pink bodysuit inside, accented with green and yellow panels that glitter like the facets of a diamond, and a yellow jacket, the bottom cut off just below the ribs, hemmed in thick stitches so the fabric won’t roll up.

Had Gigi gone and had this made? Or was it off the rack?, he wondered, digging for price tags and labels in the fabric.

Nothing.

Shit.

He fires off a message to Gigi, who is still showing as offline, given it’s probably six in the morning where he is.

14:17

-

How much is this “gift” you got me? Wtf…

FaceTime me later.

There’s predictably no response, and that night; he paints carefully in the mirror in his bedroom, laying out the little black dress he had chosen for the performance on his bed.

At the very last minute though, it’s that little suit from Gigi that wins out, nude panels sliding over his tights as he shimmies in front of the mirror.

It’s not perfect, but it all looks very nice.

When later comes, Gigi is wearing a red wig with blonde streaks that she runs her long fingers through, winking at the camera.

“My mom’s actually a professional seamstress. It didn’t cost anything, babe.”, she says with a little shrug, a tight yellow dress barely moving around his shoulders. There’s always a party here; and Gigi can’t imagine hating it more, the little college town bigger than he was used to, and yet still- too small for what she really wanted.

“If you want other stuff, I’ll send it. There’s lots of stuff that I don’t really wear anymore and we kind of have the same style. It’s not like anyone can say anything, then they’d have to admit they’ve seen me out in public. Or I could even make you something, I’m bored all the time.”

“Why are you doing this?”, Nicky asks.

“I dunno. It’s not like you’re my competition. You’re my friend.”

19:41

-

Anyway, I’m dropping out of school, getting a nose job and moving out to LA.

Gigi types out on their phone, underneath the table at their family’s annual thanksgiving dinner.

19:41

-

Maybe not all at once.

Nicky’s reply comes lightning fast- making Gigi grin.

“Are you seriously getting nudes right now?”, one of their brothers asks, and their mother glares at the both of them over the table.

“I’m getting some new sketches from my atlier in Paris.”, they seethe, glancing back down at the floor. Nicky’s been trying to teach him French, like it’s something that occupies them so that Gigi doesn’t implode; in between sending him links to his favorite shows to watch, and YouTube links to makeup tutorials.

(He still hasn’t figured out if Nicky means it; or if he’s trying to be shady, and just doesn’t know how.)

“Atlier is where you get the clothes made, dumbass. Mom’s sewing room isn’t Paris.”

“Shut up!”

“All of you just stop-”

19:43

-

It’s a hard time in life in general.

Try not to listen so much to those voices in your head.

Nicky’s text pops up with a loud, mechanical pinging noise, three dots still hovering under the message as Gigi forces looks up from the screen and glowers across the table as they reach for more baby carrots.

19:43

-

Make mistakes, but not too many, haha. You’ll figure it out.

If it makes you feel a little bit better, I’m moving to San Fran

19:43

-

What? For real?

Gigi’s nails frantically tap over the screen.

19:45

-

Yes! I bought a ticket.

And my husband called an immigration lawyer, we’re going to get my green card situation set.

“Lawyer-”, Gigi gasps; and their entire family pauses, glancing over the table at them.

“Jesus Christ. You did it, didn’t you? You got arrested your first semester, and you weren’t even gonna tell us-”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”, they snap, flipping the bird at their oldest brother.

“Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.”

Their whole table erupts in a discussion Gigi can’t pay any attention to.

19:50

-

Cool.

That means I get to see you soon.

It’s gonna be great.

They taps ou, and close the app with a smile.

-

They hadn’t known if Nicky even had a boyfriend, not that it mattered; until it did.

Apparently; he had been married, for almost the whole time they had known each other- a blow Gigi hadn’t quite expected, to leave them as breathless as landing in Los Angeles; the shock not setting in, not in full, anyway- until they are standing in a new apartment, looking down at a menu of instructions on how to set up the wifi in the unit, fingers hovering over everyone in contacts.

They can’t call their mom; not this soon, and their brothers would tell her, and the whole plan would crumble; just like everything had with Nicky; whose calls Gigi had declined for the past solid month; the nights they had spent with their phones propped up behind desks and dressing room mirrors fading into something beyond memory; that they refused to think about any more than they had to, the messages asking if they’re alright answered in curt, short replies.

How could they have been so stupid, thinking that they were talking-talking, teasing that Nicky and they were friends; when Gigi didn’t even know what his real name was.

(Unless it was Nicky?)

Shit.

Gigi waits for their phone to load into the app, and refreshes the friends list a couple of times, until they can see Nicky’s icon at the top, the side of the circle cut through with a little green dot, and taps twice to start a call.

“Hi?”

Nicky’s greeting floats in the air, between a breath and utter silence before Gigi swallows their pride, pressing the phone to the side of their face.

“What do you know about connecting a router to a tower if I live on the…um third floor?”

The line crackles, but soon there’s a tiny, familiar chuckle. “First of all, that is not how you do any of that-”

They talk a little more, every day; in between, Nicky moves to New York and Gigi cuts a tape that they put in the mail with a wink. They’re due for a visit home soon, and carefully proposes- maybe it’s time they meet Nicky. New York isn’t far at all, and a layover would make for a cheaper flight, anyway.

-

Their plans stack up in hours of calls; and Gigi think they’re almost back to normal. Until, three days before the flight is supposed to leave, there’s a call they had forgotten to wait for, and their fingers hover over the message box below Nicky’s name, vibrating with anxiety and excitement all at once.

09:22

-

Hey. I had a family thing come up.

Gigi types, and then erases the text, steeling themselves as they taps out another one that makes a little more sense, and doesn’t seem like such a lie.

09:30

-

I’m so so so so sorry about this

I had some things come up and my trip fell through.

They send this instead, surprised to see Nicky start typing back immediately.

09:35

-

You’re not going to believe this

I have some work things that started recently and so it would have been really shitty to have a guest over now.

09:35

-

No way!

09:37

-

Yeah. :(( But we’re gonna hang out someday, I swear!

09:37

-

Dont worry! You’re definitely gonna see me.

Real real real soon!

-

“-Where do I go?”, Gigi asks, pulling at the bottom hem of the ornate jacket she wore, fiddling with the gold telescope in her hands. The lights behind the set burned brightly, making the thicker bottoms of the outfit feel much warmer than he had remembered them being.

“Go to that green square on the ground, and wait there, when you see the little arrow light up, you can enter the Werk Room and then we’ll have you stop inside, get your opening line, and let you see the other girls.”

“Okay.”

He does as he’s told, prancing in and kicking his boots in front of him as the lights move to capture Gigi’s entrance, his head only snapping to the side when given the signal, so he can see the others who are already crowded around the pink tables he’s only dreamed of seeing for so long.

“Holy Shit…Nicky?!”

In reality; Gigi can see far more of the detail of Nicky’s face; of her eyebrows and carefully painted cheeks and lashes, of all the effort that they had only really talked about, his eternal summer tan and the long fringe of black hair that he’s always nudging across his forehead, or slicked against a beanie, gone behind a platinum blonde veneer that’s so much brighter than Gigi has ever seen. She’s thinner, and taller, careful breaths underneath sequinned shoulder pads, knees knocking together as she gasps.

“Gigi!”

Widow and Crystal glance at each other over the pink table.

“Hold up, you guys know each other?”

In the flesh; Gigi is impossibly small, the sharp angles of her face, and the dark brown hair that sticks up in angles which Nicky traces against the white of his pillows in his bedroom on the screen of his phone in the morning, taped underneath a gold-tipped pirate hat, and lush, wavy curls. She looks like a model on the runways where Nicky used to work; so close to him that he can feel Gigi’s breath on the back of his hand, as he tightens his grip around the epaulets on her shoulder.

“Gigi Goode.”, she repeats, and Gigi giggles a little at that.

“The Nicky Doll.”, she laughs, and her voice sounds so much more solid, than it ever has over every crossed wire.

Gigi’s hand swings, squeezing Nicky’s tightly as they swing around the table; like the others who are there don’t matter at all. She rests her head on Nicky’s padded shoulder, cocking it just slightly, waiting there, as Crystal’s eyes flash at the scene before them.

“…and may the best woman win.”, Gigi whispers, only for Nicky to hear.

[wolferals]

🇪🇸el video🇪🇸

finally fallin' chapter 3☀️

<arón piper x reader>

(The spanish is all google translate, i wont take responsibility for mistakes)

chapter 3

You had just gotten home at around 6, after getting some groceries to restock your little fridge and taken a shower afterwards when a message by an unknown number lit up your phone.

„Holaaa, how are you? -Arón"

You smiled at your phone and texted back:"Hey🥰I'm doing great, just got home what about you?"

The next 20 minutes you spent drying your hair waiting for a response.

Said response came in just in time. It was a link to an audio.

„So before you listen. This is a song I made with my friend and we're planning on making a sick music video to it. And thats why I said I needed you for something, please play my „girlfriend" in the video."

You swallowed.

You had never done anything acting related. Not thought about it.

„Whats gonna happen in the video?" you texted back before really saying yes.

He was typing.

„I'd like to tell you in person some time, but dont worry you dont have to undress or anything. Just „couple things" i think haha"

You sat down on your couch with still lightly wet hair and leaned back with your phone in your hand.

Did he ask you to meet him though or was it just your mind wanting him to ask?

„Sounds good, when are you free😌" you decided to write back to him.

-„We're going to start filming next Tuesday if you're fine with it. So maybe Thursday or Friday😇?"

Again you started smiling.

Thursday was in two days and you were more than ready. But still you had to finish the photography project as soon as possible.

„Thursday is good, so we meet and talk about the scenes and all?"

He texted back:"Exactly, just going over the different settings and that.

You then replied by saying:"Would Friday be good for you for the photographing🙃?"

He sent a thumbs up.

You got nervous thinking about all that. You were going to meet up and just talk, whats so nerve racking about it?

Just talking.

„Thursday at 4?" Was a text you had sent him after checking your classes for Thursday.

Arón then replied:"Perfect! Ill pick you up okay, i doubt you know where my favorite coffee shop is😂."

You thought about what to say.

Was a „cant wait!" too much? Or did a „alright see you" indicate you werent interested at all.

Why the hell did you worry so much?

You ended up writing:"See you Thursday🥰"

To which he answered:"Nos vemos el jueves😌"

After this conversation you decided to have an evening dedicated to yourself, especially your skin and you ended up making a nice facemask, eat some popcorn and watch a romcom on Netflix.

It felt good just doing your own stuff again.

Unfortunately you then fell asleep in front of the tv with the facemask on and totally ruined your cushions...

*time skip to the next evening*

It was now 5:46pm and you were sitting in Itzans living room after your last class had ended an hour early to fully plan the photo shoot.

„There's this really really cool wall close to the „Plaza Mayor" where we could take nice shots with him. Do you think the focus has to be on the person or the scenery?"

You shrugged your shoulders, not knowing the answer.

„But I think the expression makes it, she said „emotions" in her email."

Itzan nodded and leaned back, staring down at his laptop where you had written down some emotions you could try, some placed to go and some outfit ideas for Arón to wear.

Its been almost 20 minutes where you guys had just been sitting there talking about nothing but that class.

You realized you knew only a little about Itzan himself.

I mean, you've now seen his apartment which kind of reflects of who he is as a person but the rest was all unknown to you.

„So, what do you do besides college?" you blurted out. It was more an unfortunate question that just came out after you had thought it.

„I uhm." he started and sat up straight, looking at you.

„I've been acting for a bit but other than that, I do a lot of sports, meet friends, the usual you know."

-„You act? What kind of stuff have you done?" you immediately asked being super interested.

He laughed and then spoke about Élite for a bit, how he met most his friends there, Arón of course as well and you were fascinated listening to him.

Itzan seemed to be really into it. His eyes were sparkling the way he talked about the show and his cast mates.

He also asked about your life and you briefly explained, how you've been studying design for 2 semesters in your home country and now decided to work on stuff abroad and moved to Madrid to try. You also talked to him about your friends and family back home and he ended up telling you a lot about the dog he used to have when he was a kid and how much he misses him. He had to leave him at his parents' because most Madrid apartments didnt allow dogs inside.

It got later and later and you drifted off into talking about the most random things and you didnt pay any attention to the project.

At around 11 you headed home by taking the subway that was still quite full of people even though it had been so late already.

Before you headed to bed you got a short text from Arón, that made you smiled brightly.

„No sé if you're sleeping already but I'm excited for tomorrow☺️"

[pathos-logical]

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56​ with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium. 

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

 Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

… 

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. 

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know 

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

 Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-” 

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.

[bromosapiens]

About

im not good at this ill try

well um im david strider david strider but avi is cool too i literally dont care what you call me

i like birds like if you wanna hmu just to talk about birds im down for that

im a white crayon im really not all that interesting but i try

i am a cat person i will pet your dogs with a ten foot pole i have two cats and they are my soulmates lady gray and shishi talk trash about em and you are trash

i will dissect songs trying to find a meaning i love music but i mean im not crazy about it i dont know the name of the lead singer but i can list a few songs to me music is more about the content than the voice classical is my shit but rock is p chill too

im honestly never doing anything unless im sleeping maybe ill run down to starbucks and grab a frap but thats the extent of my travels

i read a shitton like all i ever do is read talk books with me thats as good as sexting im a hufflepuff and i will fight you if you wanna say im weak

i dont wanna ramble a ton but i mean thats pretty much me in a nutshell thanks for reading i guess

- OOC

Rules. I don’t have many but they are important.

• Please don’t follow if you are a personal blog. • Please introduce yourself before jumping into anything. If Avi doesn’t even know who you are, he probably won’t talk to you. This doesn’t always apply, so this rule is rather flexible, but I do prefer it if you do. • Be respectful ooc. You can shittalk all you want ic, but I will block you if you disrespect me personally. • No powerplaying. My character is my character, and I will not rp with you if you control my character. I will talk to you ooc the first time, but anything past that is not okay. • IC ≠ OOC. This is my biggest rule. If I say something ic that offends you, please don’t take it out on me. Not everything that I say ic reflects what I actually think. Also, please just follow the general guideline of not using ooc knowledge ic.

Just general information.

• I have been roleplaying since 2009, but I only have two years of Tumblr roleplaying experience. • I am okay with writing smut. I will tag it accordingly and put it under a page break. • I do not have any personal triggers. I am okay with roleplaying most anything. I’m not saying that Avi is not uncomfortable with anything. He has his own personality. I will tag accordingly, but please let me know of there’s anything specific that you need tagged. • I have knowledge of quite a few fandoms (mostly Steven Universe and Homestuck), but I prefer to rp with Homestuck characters. I am okay with OCs, and if I like your character I may rp out of my fandom. • I will try to match your writing style. I don’t have a set style myself, but I am proficient in my writing so I don’t believe that should be a problem. • If I don’t reply to a thread within a day or two, feel free to remind me. I almost never purposely drop a thread. • If I am going to be gone for an extended period of time, I will put out a post saying so. If I disappear without putting out a post, this sometimes happens, but I will try to explain. • Anything ooc will be in double parentheses. • Most of the time, if you follow I will tag you in an introduction post. • My personal blog is @home-stuck-universe

Sorry this is so long, I just want to cover everything without making seperate posts!

ABOUT AVI

Name: David Rae Strider Nicknames: Avi, Dave Age: 21 Birth Date: December 3rd, 1995 Gender: He’s a bit confused about this right now. Check in later. Sexuality: Homosexual Panromantic Occupation: Starbucks Barista Languages Spoken: English, barely some Spanish Current Relationship Status: Single Height: 5'8" Weight: 138 lbs. Body Type: Slender/Ectomorph Eye Color: Red Hair Color and Style: Platinum blonde, usually unkempt and messy or under a beanie Skin Color: Pale White Distinguishing Marks: Various strifing scars, small cigarette burns on upper arms, small crow silhouette tattoo on back of neck. Religion: Atheist Currently Living: One room apartment in Houston, Texas Hobbies: Reading all the time 24/7 like this guy never takes a break holy shit, listening to music, laying around being a useless sack of shit, and sometimes dabbling in a bit of photography. Thank you for reading! Feel free to send in a starter!

[lifeunderapapermoon]

1-82!!!

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…: You dont abandon the ones you love.

2: Did you get to sleep in today? : til almost 2. Yay sickness

3: You never know what you got until you lose it? : in some cases but never applied to me I guess. I appreciate things before it is too late.

4: Do you have siblings? : I have twin brother and sister who are 11 and they're my whole world.

5: How many kids do you want?: idk honestly I think it would depend on how stable my life was. I've always gotten like 2 or 3 when I did the needle trick.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?: my best friend nikki

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?: I didnt take someone over 6 foot so I didnt have to.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care? : I'd like to think so, but idk man

9: Last person to talk on the phone?: my friend Mell

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?: I think my parents saw him kiss me goodbye as he left.

11: When’s your birthday? April 30th

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?: yep

13: What kind of phone do you have? Samsung galaxy s8

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?: I'm not wearing pants

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?: oh absolutely. I'm no longer a doormat. I dont stay in situations that aren't good for my well being. I also learned how to do makeup so I look like a solid 5 now.

16: What were you doing at 4 am?: falling asleep

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?: write!

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?: probably a lot of things lmao it's called "coping"

19: Last night you felt…?: confused & horny

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?: October! I get to be in my best friend Renee's wedding!! And go to Illinois

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?: oh I'm sure I have

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?: maybe 9 hours

23: Are you a morning or night person?: night for sure

24: What did you get your last bruise from?: Idk I bruise like a peach lol

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?: yes

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?: probs have a panic attack lol

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?: no

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?: would love to have closure from my ex.

29: How many months until your birthday?3

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?toast or carrots or apples

31: Did you like this past summer?: this past summer had a lot of Highs and lows. I missed out on a lot of summer because I was in the hospital

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?: not on my computer currently

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?: leave?

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?: ugh fuck

35: Your mood summed into one word? Confused

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey? Listening to Grayscale

37: What are your initials? LPR

38: Are you a happy person? Generally I am but I also hide the emo side real well.

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago? Nope lol

40: Where do you want to live when your older? I'd like to live in a house with a wrap around porch and large windows. I dont know the location

41: Have you had your birthday this year? Nope

42: What did you do yesterday? I went to therapy and then out to dinner with my best friend Sully.

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?: I dont plan that far in advance lol

44: How late did you stay up last night? I think like 4 ish

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?: I would lay down my life for my friends and family.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?: not at all lol

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?: I think it depends on the relationship. I'm still friends with a few exes, BUT we dated in like middle school so it wasnt serious. I think as you get older and the relationship is more intimate (not really sexual) it gets more difficult to shove those feelings aside and just be friends.

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?: a few have tried. I dont know where a lot of their heads are lol I dont talk to many of my exes.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?: I barely remember 2012 lmao. Probably a lot since I was a lovesick puppy for any guy

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?: no, well depends on the ex I guess. I wished for a long time that the guy who was abusive and controlling was dead.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?: lots of times

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?: once a cheater always a cheater

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?: yeah it was. We wont talk about that.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?: trying not to.

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?: I've literally gotten tattoos with my parents lol. Like they took me to get like 4 of them

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?: stomach

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?: Oklahoma maybe or Tennessee. Also maybe Florida cause the beach

58: What would you change about your life right now?: not much I could physically change

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?: Yep. A lot

60: Are you on the phone? Yeah I'm mobile writing this.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?: Forward. Last week I couldn't even leave my bed lol

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?: the money. I have a jeep that is less than perfect but I love her just the same

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?: apparently I'm attracted to pot heads so all the time

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?: lol more times than I can count at this point.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?: yes lol it's how I passed spanish my second year.

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?: depends on my mood. I have mad social anxiety so usually just wanna be at home.

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?: yes

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?: multiple times. I'm the one everyone calls when they're having a crisis. I'm always there. Always.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?: I could always use sleep

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?: well I'm 23 now so I'm gonna have to say no lol

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?: drives me insane. All I ask for is honesty. Legit it

72: What’s your favorite color?: turquoise

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?: Yes lol

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?: yes or my glasses on my fucking face

75: Do you get annoyed easily?: oh boy, yeah.

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?: absolutely. Life is too short to not tell the people you love how you feel.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?: my best friend Griffen. Hes like my brother

78: Does anyone call you babe?: my friends do.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?: maybe 2

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?" Relationship. I cant do casual even though I've tried. I'm built for relationships 🤷‍♀️

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?: black

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?: Yeah.....

[whatswithinme-blog]

damaged forever.

We think we know what ‘love’ means, but do we really know? We toss the “L” word around and we forget the true meaning of it. To me, Love is a feeling that is hard to explain in words and much easier to show with action. For instance, the love I have for my family is unconditional - as much as they annoy me and frustrate me, I will always love them; and the love never goes away.. I’ve learned to truly love because of my family.

When my boyfriend came into my life. The love I gave him grew more and more each day. I gave him my undivided attention, I did everything to make him happy, to see him smile. I cared for him, I made sure to treat him better than anyone else. I prioritized him. The love I gave him was the same love I gave my family. He was my family. But I didn’t get the same love in return. That didn’t matter to me though… at least not at that time…

Just two years into our relationship - he began to ignore me. I’ve shared stories with him, asked him about his day, asked him to tell me what his thoughts are. His response? Absolutely nothing. If I pried it out of him and asked: “Why dont you talk to me? Why dont you respond? HELLLO? Do you hear me?” Still, absolutely nothing…. He gets defensive, “Well what do you want me to say?? You ask me ‘how is your day?’ every single day!!! My day is the same. My answer is the same. I go to work. THATS IT.” I am sad. We drive in the car together, I tell him a story, it’s a funny story, so I glance over to see his response; maybe just a smirk? Nothing…. so I get offended - “Hey I’m talking to you!!!!” His response? “WELL IM DRIVING. I HAVE TO FOCUS!” Oh…. ok…. sorry… I am sad. We go out for dinner. We sit down and order our food, while waiting, I talk to him, but he doesn’t reply; we get our food, he eats it, then we pay for the tab and leave. I am sad. He comes home from a long day of work. I’m so excited to see him and talk to him. He’s just scrolling on his phone while I’m talking to him.. “I BARELY LOOK THROUGH FACEBOOK. YOU ACT LIKE IM ON THIS ALL DAY.” I confront him over and over about this same situation. He continues to be emotionless and unexpressive, at least just with me. He still ignores me til this day. And I still remind him to stop these behaviors every day... 

Im sure he listens closely to me, but doesn’t know what to say. When I express my concern about anything to him, his mentality is “well what do you want me to do?” the answer is NOTHING. I just want you to be there for me and understand how I feel. Just be there and make sure I’m ok. For him, it’s usually in the context of “How can I fix this?” and he tries to respond with solutions, rather than expressions of how he feels. This can be a deeply ingrained habit, and hard to break. When I talk to him, I may simply be attempting to share my experiences or feelings, but he feels this urge to help, rather than commiserate or share in return, but not know how, or what to do. So he stays silent.

he just… doesnt know how to respond to some of the things I said, and never learned the social skills to communicate that he heard me and appreciated me. So he ignores me. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel those things - he just didn’t know how to communicate it through everyday conversation. It was a pattern of communication in his own family. But, the real question is whether these type of interactions are what I want in this relationship. For me, it became very frustrating and made me feel small, even if he didn’t mean it, and I found myself craving conversation. Is this something I want to have in my relationship? Is this the person I want to marry and be with for the rest of my life...?  It may be, just an idiosyncrasy in his communication style, and have nothing to do with me. but it upsets me. Not acknowledging when someone has spoken to you is rude. Though in a relationship a person should be able to let slip the rules of etiquette once in a while, this particular breach is hurting my feelings. I’ve let him know that even if he doesn’t have a comment on what I was talking about, I still need to know that he was listening. It can be as simple as an, oh yea? or an uh-huh, or just a hug if it’s something that I’m upset about. Even if the topic of conversation isn’t something he cares about, he should care about MY feelings. I’ve let him know how his actions are affecting me, but he continues to act that way…………Why? Iduno.

Honestly, it’s not at all an issue when I’m feeling awesome about myself, but when I’m not…it’s a huge, glaring, and sometimes painful issue. You count on your significant other to bolster you when you feel bad about yourself, not make you more insecure.

If a coworker said something to me in the break room, no matter how uninterested I was in the topic, I would make some reply. Hell, I would reply to someone in the line at the grocery store. If he can’t empathize enough to see that a response is needed, that’s a definite red flag. 

I try not to lose hope. I continue to talk to him, share my thoughts, ideas, stories. I continue to remind him to stop ignoring me. I know it takes time to learn, so I gave him 6 years. But eventually I lose motivation. I’ve been hurt. I become less expressive. I get angry easily. I am not the same hopeful person I used to be. I began to pick fights with him. I began to get him angry - it was the only emotion I was able to get from him..

But I couldn’t let him go. I picked him to be MY person. I invested all my time and energy to mold him into the person I wanted him to be. But after 8 years, I realized he wasn’t that person. At least not for me. 

He doesn’t really love me because I’ve watched him interact with his family. The people he truly loves. When he is around them, he’s so kind, so caring, so interactive, so positive, so engaging, hes amazing. When hes having a bad day, I can’t fix it, but when hes with his family, theres a light that shines on him. His mood is lifted and his emotions are elevated. So I thought I had hope. I wanted him to feel that for me. I knew it was within him because I saw it! 

But I am wrong. I can’t make him give me the same love he gives his family. The love he has for me will never be the same as the love he gives his family. I am not family to him. I’m an outsider. He’s comfortable joking around with his family in spanish. I dont understand what they are saying, but hes giggling, so I know hes happy. 

When he leaves his family, and comes home empty, I’m used to being greeted by a miserable shadow of that smiling entity. For a long time it made me really upset (after all, as his girlfriend, don’t I deserve the same treatment?), but then I realized something: he let’s me see how he truly feels. No need to pretend around me, and he may have to “Fake it ‘till you make it” with his family and friends, but I’m the person whom he takes solace in.

Perhaps he already thinks that because I am by his side, that I will not leave him. If that is the case, then he is taking advantage of my presence. Sometimes, people tend to think that the more ‘comfortable’ you are with someone, the more ‘okay’ it is to treat them less than with the effort they first put in.

Over the years, I become jealous. he treats me unfair, rolls his eyes at me, ignores me, gives me attitude, is rude… But he doesn’t treat his family like that.  I am not his family. I am just a girl he’s comfortable with. He treats all his cousin’ and brother’s girlfriends with respect, gratitude, love… However, the person they know isn’t the person I know, and it’s rather endearing. I see the side of him that no one ever sees.  I am heart broken.

When I tell him all the things he does that hurts me, I hope that he loves me enough to keep that in his conscious mind when he interacts with me. If he really loved me, he would think twice before doing it. But he doesnt really care. He continues to hurt me by doing the same thing over and over. One day, he will find someone that he truly loves - like he loves his family. I am sad that I have never gotten that same love. But I will be happy for him.

Our relationship is damaged forever. Every time he ignores me. Every time he gives me attitude. I get defensive. I get angry. I get so frustrated. I backlash at him. My anger elevates with each negative interaction we have. I can’t go back to baseline. I stop having hope. I know he tries. He has gotten better over the past few years. But why does it still have to be a problem til this day? Why does he still do the same thing over and over? Why does he still hurt me when he knows exactly what to do to solve it? I dont understand... The solution is right in front of his face, but he chooses to disregard it.. to disregard me. 

He gets mad that I always “bring up the past”, that I “always hold grudges”, that I’m always picking fights with him over the “smallest things”- but what he doesn’t realize, is that he conditioned me to be this way. Our past experiences and memories is what makes up our relationship in the present. So when he ignores me, gives me attitude, gives off negative vibes, even if its for a split second - I recollect all those hurtful memories of the past and I get reminded of how terrible I feel for myself.. 

I’m still waiting for the day he talks to me and engages in conversations - asks me questions and has enthusiasm in his voice. I’m still waiting for the day he doesn’t release negative vibes or energy towards me (for no apparent reason). I’m still waiting for the day he shows emotion and expresses himself to me. But until that day comes, I will find happiness and love within myself. 

[sunmoon-star]

22 Questions Tag!

I was tagged @curledlife and @lovepaintt thank you both so much!!

1. What color reminds you of home? or of a safe space?

Hmm warm tones like blue, orange, and purple

2. What’s your favorite season and why?

Autumn! My birthday and Halloween! The weather is amazing, even though where I live we only get like maybe two weeks of autumn but its just so pretty! 

3. What’s the first thing you look at when you meet a person?

Eyes and smile. I like nice teeth too is that weird

4. What type of songs do you like?I

It really depends on my mood and the day i’m having. But I mean I will listen to anything from ballads to hype songs in one sitting!

5. What are you afraid of at the moment?

Getting old and regretting not doing all the things I want to do. Also the dark, heights, clowns and flying on a plane.

6. what is one trait you wish people would appreciate about you more?

My savageness! Y’all I can be straight savage but people think I’m being funny..appreciate my savageness damn it!

7. What is your favorite au?

Umm Harry Potter..does that count??

8. What’s your favorite mv concept?

I like all concepts! Idk they are all my favorites..ngl when I first got into kpop I did not like cute concepts but they grew on me bc of Astro I really like simple concepts like Save Me by BTS or even White Sugar by Monsta X. But I guess if I had to pick a specific concept though I would say darker concepts.

9. Name a song you want to dedicate to your ultimate bias and why?

Fxxk It - BigBang

Ahh idk what song do I dedicate to the amazing, beautiful, talented Park Seungjun??? Me Like Yuh by Jay Park came on while I was on this question so that’s what I’m going with!

10. What languages do you speak?

English.. and I know some Spanish and I want to learn korean

11. Favorite Line From a Song

I won’t cry anymore Scream it to the world, oh yeah Even if I fall and my knees bleed I’ll keep running like this

I won’t ever stop For the only light I want Oh yeah, even if there’s a storm I’ll keep running like this (Like this by Pentagon)

You even liked my clumsy moments But I wonder if I even deserve that love

You always waited for me at that spot You embraced me with your arms, so thankful to you

I won’t ever forget I will make you happy Just like the saying, we are one (Promise by EXO)

1. favorite book series/book

Favorite book sries is Harry Potter. My favorite book is I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

2. favorite movie

Stand by Me

3. what is your philosophy

Do what makes you happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Have fun and be happy. Don’t worry about what others think just live your life and do what you want (as long as you are not bringing harm to others)

4. who is your bias and why

I got lots of biases but my ultimate bias is Seungjun from KNK! He’s just an adorable, goofy, tall guy that I love very much! Plus he loves food just as much as I do!

5. are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? if so, why

Yes, I am awesome! Actually no because I forget to reply to messages and I will cancel plans just because I don’t want to to put on pants..but I am extremely loyal and easy to talk to!

6. when you’re in a bad mood, do you prefer to be alone or with people

Alone, because I might snap at the wrong person or say something I dont mean so I just need to be alone til I get in a better mood (by watching mvs that make me happy or interviews that make me happy)

7. if you could start over, what would you do differently

I would try harder in highschool and join more clubs and stop overthinking! 

8. favorite thing about your favorite band

Their music, their style and their personalities!

9. what’s your favorite thing about yourself? why?

My eyes! and I’ve been told I have a nice smile! Personality wise I am very witty and saracastic.. 

10. what do you think is at the edge of the universe

Pentagon..ayyyyy

A balck hole..idk

11. when you don’t like yourself, how do you make yourself feel better

I give myself a pep talk usually in the shower or in front of the mirror. I also listen to music that makes me happy!

Tags: @sunshinelollipopsandyoungjae @kpopruinedmywholelifeu @mochibebe @babaybubblez @btwowb @shootfortheestrella(you don’t have to if you don’t want to ofc!! <3)