#so im rereading a book i absolutely love.

[autism-corner]

PLEASE FUCKING HELP

[sncwonthebeach]

absolutely in love with how many elements from the TSOTL novel, "Clarice" adapted and explored. Like.. you'd have no idea what "How does it feel to be so beautiful?" meant UNLESS you read the novel.

[all-too-unwell-13]

just finished rereading the whispering skull

now i'm preparing for the emotional roller coaster that is the hollow boy

[skitskatdacat63]

— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death

[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]

[chadsuke]

Books Read in 2024:

Little Mushroom: Judgement Day by Shisi (2022)

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System Vol. 1 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (2021)

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System Vol. 2 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (2022)

The Musician and the Monster by Jenya Keefe (2019)

A Deceptive Alliance by Sydney Blackburn (2018)

Cinder by Marissa Meyer (2012)

Claimed by the Orc Prince by Lionel Hart (2022)

The Witch King by H.E. Edgmon (2021)

The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish Vol. 2 by Xue Shan Fei Hu (2024)

[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]

[steelycunt]

dragging myself through the waves ill be so honest with you

[patroqlus]

i finished my call down the hawk reread!! now im off to read mister impossible for the first time 🙈

[artinandwritin]

Alright guys, I’ve got something to talk about cuz the dream I had last night reminded me of it and made me nostalgic for being a kid

When I was little, around 9-14-ish, I was really, really obsessed with this cute little book series written by the Geronimo Stilton author, the Chronicles of the Kingdom of Fantasy, and as you guys know, I’m very Dutch, so I read all of the books plus the sequel series in Dutch. And let me tell you, it shaped so much of my early teenage years personality and my love for fantasy and I never even dared to talk about that part of my life cuz it seemed “cringe”.

I’ll give a summary of the series here, cuz I don’t really think any of my followers have read it due to it not being translated to their language or just... not knowing it existed.

The Chronicles of the Kingdom of Fantasy (de Kronieken van Fantasia in Dutch and Cronache del Regno Della Fantasia in its original language, which is Italian) is a sweet, Lord of the Rings-escue series about a young elf, Ombroso (which is his Italian name, he’s called Saturno in the Dutch version), a 15-year-old refugee from the Land of the Woodelves who had been stranded in the Land of the Star-elves when he was just four years old after a devastating war in his own country. He has grown up as the adoptive son of astrologist Eridanus, who himself had two kids with his now-deceased wife, Mizram - currently 16-year-old Regulus and 13-year-old Spica.

In an effort to save his people and find the birth parents he can’t remember, Ombroso, after receiving a few items from Eridanus which had been stowed away for years until the boy was ready, travels into the Land of the Woodelves through a magical gate linking the two countries together (it’s a whole thing), taking Regulus with him cuz the power of bros is vast enough to do anything. Spica wanted to come, but apparently misogyny is still a thing in this medieval fantasy kingdom (and she’s. literally 13), so the boys leave her at home.

Pretty scarring shenanigans ensue, Ombroso and Reg find the Land of the Woodelves rotten, overtaken by evil creatures serving the Queen of Witches, who, unbeknownst to them, is currently trying to overtake the entire Kingdom of Fantasy. Ombroso learns his mother, Acacia, died while giving birth to him and his father, a mysterious man named Cuortenace (Sterkhart in Dutch, I honestly don’t know if they reveal his past right away in the first book. Every detail from this has melted together in my brain), hasn’t been seen for years. Few think he’s actually still alive. Ombroso also learns (or remembers, I don’t know) his real name is Audace (Dappart in Dutch) and that the name he usually goes by is just a nickname.

The boys meet Robinia, the former princess of the Woodelves whose older brother had actually sold her and her people to the Queen of Witches for a reason I can’t remember. Probably cuz of money or power. She’s 14 years old and really salty her people are suffering, so she doesn’t really like Ombroso and Regulus, but eventually warms up to them.

In the meantime, Spica also does shenanigans. She does a dreamily lovesick dreaming about Ombroso cuz she like-likes him and decides to go against his wishes and help him, cuz he’s totally lost without her. Girlboss, I actually looked up to Spica so much as a kid. Now I just think, “who let a 13 year old kid do war crimes???”.

She meets Stellarius, a grumpy old Gandalf-y wizard who goes by many names. He had actually come for Ombroso, to guide him through his journey, but takes one look at this kid and decides she probably has more braincells than a 15-year-old boy he’s never met before, so he decides she’ll come with him to the Land of the Woodelves to assist Ombroso in his hero’s journey. He informs her that, before they can go, they first need to do their own little thing and defeat the evil bats that have come through the magical gate into the Land of the Star elves - he enchants Spica’s bow and they go do the murder of bats.

I honestly don’t really... remember what happens next. I know Ombroso gets an enchanted sword and finds out about a prophesy in which a Sword, a Bow, a Goose and a Dragon would defeat the Evil Witch and do things, which is super obvious to everyone, even the main characters. He also meets a Hunter, who calls himself Hunter, cuz he’s a Hunter. I don’t think he’s really that creative as we meet him again later and he changes his name to Knight, cuz he’s... a Knight. Um. Yeah.

Ombroso nearly dies at some point, but don’t worry, he does that a lot. He and his new and old friends get the Land of Woodelves back and Ombroso and Spica, reunited and all, decide to fulfill the prophecy and journey through the realms to find a magic Goose and a Dragon to complete the quartet and defeat the Queen of Witches. Regulus and Robinia join them, same with Stellarius and Robinia’s little pet dragon(?), whose name I unfortunately forgot.

They travel to the kingdom of dwarfs through another magical gate in the second book, where they do a liberation of the people and need to find the next magical gate. Also, Ombroso had this really hot moment in this book which was kinda Little Mona’s first introduction to dominant fictional characters ever, which, um. Yeah. You see where I’m going with this. They also find the Goose in this one, a dwarf girl named Favilla (Spranka in Dutch) who got enchanted into a goose after escaping the Queen of Witches, who thought she was to bring her doom because of another prophesy. They take her with them through the gate!

In the third book, they go to a sorta swamp realm, which isn’t really fun for anyone. This one is my favorite, but apparently I don’t own the book, which absolutely sucks. They also get seperated from Stellarius in this one and for the first time ever, the teens have to rely on themselves. This one has a lot of inner conflict and some character development, mainly for Ombroso and Spica, and completes the prophecy quartet in the form on Codamozza (Halvestaart in Dutch, which means Half-Tail), a locked up Dragon Ombroso frees and befriends. At the end, Spica, Regulus, and Robinia get captured by the evil minions of the Queen of Witches and brought to her, seperating them from from Ombroso, Codamozza and Favilla. I don’t remember what Stellarius is doing, ngl.

The fourth book features the wrap up of the series, in which the prophecy comes to life and this part of the adventure ends. Spica, who is a storyteller and inspires herself and the other captured creatures in the Land of the Witches, gets taken before the Queen and drugged (um, yeah, they drug a 13-year-old. It gets really dark in this part) for them to tell them her stories, I don’t remember why. Robinia and Regulus lead a rebellion and meet up with the Hunter/the Knight and Stellarius, while Ombroso and Favilla go into the castle, where they reunite with Spica (who had been saved by a mysterious woman named Anguilla (Aaltje in Dutch), who Favilla had grown up with and lost contact with. She’s distant, however, and only interested in taking the Queen down.

In the final battle the Hunter/the Knight steps into the scene, breaking into the throneroom through the glass window on Codamozza’s back. He reveals himself to be a Knight of the Old Order of Knights of the Rose and Ombroso’s long lost father, Cuortenace. However, he sacrifices himself to save Spica and gets turned to stone by the Queen.

I don’t remember how, but the quartet defeats the Queen in one last effort to succeed. The kingdom celebrates and Ombroso, upset about the loss of his father, asks the Fairy Queen, the one who had chosen him to defeat the Queen of Witches so many years ago, his patron, to please turn him back to flesh and blood. The Fairy Queen doesn’t have that power however, and tells him he has to go to his father’s place of origin, the abandoned Island of the Knights, to restore it in its honor and place its crest back in its right place. Only then, his father and all the other people who had been turned to stone on the Island itself (cuz that happened but I totally forgot about it) would return to their former selves.

This brings us to the last two books of the series, 5 and 6, which shows how Ombroso, Spica and Codamozza, one year after the events of the final book, travel to the Island of the Knights and restore it in its former glory. It’s a bit weaker than the first four books, but it wraps the series up well enough so almost no loose ends are left around.

It does have a sequel series made up of four books, in which a new set of characters, who are the next generation of Knights from the new order Ombroso had build after the events of the first series. We see some small snippets of the old characters, who are around ten to fifteen years older than they were in the original, but it doesn’t tell us much about what happened to them except from what type of job they did. It’s a fun series, but I really would’ve preferred the older characters to be a bit more inserted into the plot.

As I said before, I read this series as a kid, from when I was around 9, up until I was around 14. The first book had been published in 2008, when I was 5, which - holy shit. That’s 15 years ago. This book is old. I mean, no wonder it meant so much to me as a kid. By the time I had started reading them, the final one had just been released and it was one of my first introductions into my beloved fantasy-hero’s journey type of story.

Ombroso was a great hero for something like this and kinda defied the odds of the usual “chosen ones” in other media. He was a bit broody, shy, couldn’t act well around people for a good portion of his life, and moody, so, so moody. His nickname by the Star Elves had been chosen because he just. Refused to smile as a kid. And it just concerned the other elves he lived with. He had his badass moments, really, and his personality made for a great dynamic with the siblings Regulus and Spica. They were so bubbly, so friendly, and while Ombroso wasn’t actively the voice of reason between them, he was the one who strutted behind them with his hands in his pockets and head in the clouds.

Regulus was more of a voice of reason, in typical older brother behaviour. He and Ombroso had this really sweet understanding with each other, and Ombroso viewed him more as a sibling, while viewing Spica as more of a friend, despite growing up with her. The three of them got along so well and looking back on it as an adult, I just feel so protective over these three. They’re so dear to my heart, partly due to them being so young and due to them being the characters who I’ve literally aged out of after having had them be older than me for years. They go through so much and honestly, if this series had been marketed differently, it would’ve passed as a YA-fantasy series. Don’t tell me I’m wrong, cuz I know I’m not.

When I was a kid, Spica had always been my favorite character, with her being so spunky, a storyteller, and someone who actively stood up for themselves. She had a huge impact on my development as a young teen, but as I got older and reviewed the series having grown past her age, Regulus became much more dear to my heart. He was a bookworm, so, so friendly, if not a bit loud and outspoken, not having a great filter, and he just felt so... real. Like a real older brother, a real 16-17 year old finding his way in the world and growing away from his home, venturing out into the world. His character was always so grounded and as a more reserved older sister to a rambunctious twin brother, I felt so connected to that. Also, he’s a himbo. He’s such a himbo.

I’m not really gonna focus on Robinia, I didn’t really connect with her character a whole lot during the series as she was pushed into the background most often during the main series and just,,, completely cut out of the last books, save for a bit in the start and end of the fifth and sixth respectively.

However, what really kept me into this series, was the way my friends from that time reacted to it. Most of us were little girls with a little too much imagination, and my best friend at the time got just as obsessed with it as I did. We played out the books with playmobile figures, talked about everything in it, made original characters and thought about fanfictions we didn’t even know was fanfiction. We made an oc who was Ombroso and Spica’s daughter, gave them all families, fantasized about all the wacky things they would get into as adults. It was just fun, that’s all I can say about it. I’ve lost contact with that friend, we grew apart, but sometimes I see her give a like to my posts on instagram, which reminds me of the fun we used to have as kids.

When I went into middle school, I had another friend who was into the series. We wrote down fanfiction and I sometimes wrote stories on the playmobile plays me and my other friend had made a year prior. I made a full-fledged character out of the kid we gave Ombroso and Spica, whom I named Acacia. She was one heck of a fun character and I absolutely loved writing about her, her siblings, her love interest, and of course, her parents. In total, over the years, I wrote around 100,000 words of fanfiction for this series. These books shaped me so heavily, but as it was so unknown and the author behind Geronimo Stilton is known for their more... childish stories, I wasn’t taken seriously when I talked about it in school. I remember having done a presentation about the first book in my first year of middle school, totally enthusiastic, and hearing how the Dutch teacher had banned Geronimo Stilton books from being presented from the next year and on. I already was the “weird kid” in my class, ahead on the curve, having a bit too much knowledge for my little brain to contain.

Of course a little fantasy series about elves, dragons, a chosen one who was just as much of an outcast as I was and another character I aspired to be more like was gonna be my escape, but as the years passed and I grew up bit by bit, it felt... strange, to be so invested in something that everyone deemed so childish. At the tender age of 14, you do mostly what others expect of you - so I put the books down, stowed them away in a corner of my room where I still knew they were close and could grab onto them any minute, but still far away enough to not realize they were there.

And now I’m 19. It’s been ten years since I first picked up one of the books. They’re still in that little corner in my room and I feel like I’m finally in a place where I won’t be ashamed or embarrassed if I picked them up again. And really, what harm can it do? What harm can liking a book series made for kids really do me? All it can do, is bring me the joy it brought me when I was a kid myself and take me back to the time where I didn’t have college to worry about, where I had a more functional family, where I didn’t worry about who I would offend if I spoke too loudly or what my place in the world would be as a woman and an artist.

I’m at the point in my life where I no longer cringe at my former self and her interests; in fact, she was probably a lot bolder than me for liking something that was so dear to her heart so openly.

Maybe it’s time I start doing that again.

[mysticarcanum]

auuuugh there is only skulduggery pleasant in my brain right now.

[earlyspringtranscendence]

ik im talking a lot abt the books im reading rn (this is due to the fact that after eons of not having the time or energy i am once again reading books) but theydies i can happily announce that after 2 unsuccessful weapons and wielders books soulbrand has truly captured my enamoration once again i’m kissing keras lovingly and tenderly (the only way to kiss him)

[always-a-joyful-note]

@lady-merian Sorry for replying in post but....KNOW HIM??!?! YEAH I KNOW HIM!!!!

He is literally one of my favourite authors. The way I SCREAMED when after two or so years of silence we heard from him again (with relief that he was all right).

I strive to match his chaotic writing style, his balance of emotional beats and ridiculous humour, the way he looks at his plot and goes "actually, we need more threads," the way he blends genres of portal and time travel and gaslamp fantasy and westerns and and and.....and also the way he shows his love for literary mythos (he has done his RESEARCH) with not just fairy tales and myths but also childrens lit and gothic fiction (the jekyll and hyde short story!!! the hints of dracula we're going to get in the next crockett and crane book).

Seriously, I love how he will make you cry with laughter and then actually just cry, but also how despite how heavy his books can get plot-wise, there's such a thread of lightness and fun even during the darker moments. Also absolutely obsessed with how all his characters will commit theft, arson, crimes against the time stream continuum and multiverse, and still believe they're the most sane of their group.

Sorry, this got a little rambly but I really love KRS.

[exoqenises]

.

[121ubyday6]

man.. rereading the arc of a scythe trilogy!!!!

[dontwanderoff]

oh my godddddd that episode of vampire academy !!!!!

[yeonzzzn]

pleaseee im begging for your next sunghoon one-shot to be toxic hoon. maybe an exes to lovers type of situation where he's losing his shit seeing you finally move on shdhjwjd 🧎‍♀️

I hope this is what you were looking for anon🤭 this is sooo angsty but I hope you enjoy it anyways 🩵

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

unsteady: park sunghoon

pairing: sunghoon x afab!reader word count: 2.6k

“I hope one day someone will love me as much as I loved you.”

Those were the last words you said to him as you stormed out of his apartment. Slamming the door in his face and leaving him alone in his living room.

Sunghoon stared at the door, counting down the seconds until you’d walk right back into his apartment and into his arms, apologizing for the fight, apologizing for breaking up with him.

But you never did.

He stood at the door for a good ten minutes before he finally realized you weren’t coming back.

It was the first time Sunghoon was actually scared of losing you. Scared he’d never see you again. Hold you again. Kiss you, take you to his bed, take you to your bed.

For half a second Sunghoon had regrets, but shoved it down with a smirk on his face, “She’ll be back.”

It’s been almost a year since you last saw him or spoke to him. You never once contacted him about the stuff of yours that still lingers in his apartment or your favorite hoodie you left in his car. You didn’t have the heart to try and get it back. Too afraid you’d fold right back into him.

Sunghoon was toxic, manipulative, and gaslit you daily. Was he a bad person? No. He was actually and honestly, a really good guy? Absolutely. You fell in love the moment you met him. Sunghoon had a reputation at college. The cool guy who slept with any girl who batted their pretty little eyes at him. The guy who was at every party, you’d never see him not at one. The guy who held a smirk on his face the entire time around his friends as they walked around campus.

But with you? He wasn’t that guy. He was sweet, loving, caring, and soft. He was the guy who worked at the local animal shelter to take care of the abandoned animals. He was the guy who would curl up in bed with you in his arms as he reread his favorite book. The one who’d whisper praises in your ear as he fucked you gently. Who’d cook for you and buy you flowers.

But on campus? He went back to the cool guy persona. Eventually, over time those lines got blurred. His two personas fused until the cool side overtook the sweet one. You didn’t recognize him anymore. He stopped being the sweet Sunghoon you grew to love, and become the one you hated.

You still loved him, but hated him all the same. When fights would break out, you always ran back to him. It was a repeated process over and over and over. Until you gave up and walked out that door for good, saying those final words to him.

And oh god did those words ring in his ears for that entire year.

You finally moved on, or well, tried to. You started finally going on dates again, meeting new people, and trying new things out. But unfortunately, it never worked out.

“I don’t get it,” you sigh, dropping yourself onto your best friend's couch, “They just—“

“Aren’t Park Sunghoon?” he said, giving you a teasing smile before waving his hand for you to quickly sit up.

“Sunno,” you pouted, waiting for your best friend to sit down so you could lay your head in his lap, “Sunghoon was an asshole.”

“I mean, yeah,” he shrugged, “But you’re looking for him in every man you’ve met, that’s why it’s not working.”

You roll your eyes, “It’s been practically a year, I’m so over it.”

Sunno rolls his eyes back, “Right. Keep telling yourself that YN.”

Before you can protest, your phone vibrates in your pocket, receiving a notification that you’ve gotten a new match on the dating app you’ve been using.

You sat up, scrolling through his profile, “I may have found someone.”

Sunoo raises his brows and glances at your phone and nods in approval.

—

You’ve been on multiple dates with Soobin since then. You haven’t been able to get over how sweet he was. Always opening doors (including car doors) for you. Pulling chairs out and waiting until you sat comfortably before pushing you closer to the table.

He always paid for your meals and coffee. Has even brought you meals and coffee to your workplace and when you’ve gotten out of class. He takes your hand before you cross the street. And walks you to your front door of your apartment, kissing you softly and not walking away until he hears the lock bolt shut.

He was everything you could have hoped for in someone. He did what Sunghoon did and more. You were lucky to have met Soobin.

But something still held you back. You didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t officially asked you to be his girlfriend yet, or that you hadn’t met his friends. Or maybe you were just scared.

But you clung to Soobin anyway, walking down the street with him as the late winter snow started to fall. Soobin stopped walking to step in front of you, pulling your jacket tighter around you, “Are you too cold? Need my jacket too?”

You shook your head, “Thank you, Bin, but I am okay. You need to keep yourself warm too.”

Soobin gave you his bunny smile that you adore so much, watching as his blonde hair waved in the cool wind as he bent down and placed his lips against yours.

Sunghoon just happened to walk out of the coffee shop across the street when he noticed your arm linked with someone he didn’t know. Watching as this man stops in front of you and then kisses you.

Even though his face was tight and non-activated, his heart was breaking. Chills were sent down his spine at seeing someone who was him kissing you.

Sunghoon watched as the guy cupped your face, giving you a couple more kisses before planting one on your forehead and then pulling you to his side to continue walking. Sunghoon ran back inside the coffee shop, praying to whatever god was listening that you didn’t see him.

He spent that night pacing in his living room. Fingers between his teeth chewing at the nail. It was driving him up a wall at the image of Soobin kissing you. It repeated in his brain over and over again and he hated it. Why did he hate it? Why did it bother him? It’s been a year. He’s already done his time of pouting over your loss in his life. Why did he care so much?

Sunghoon kept asking himself that question as his thumbs hovered over your contact information, the photo of him kissing your cheek and the biggest smile on your face was still his contact photo for you. A pink heart emoji was still by your name. His hands trembled looking at the contact.

So he locked his phone and tossed it onto the couch, deciding he wasn’t going to worry about it.

But luck wasn’t on his side as he continued to see you around town with Soobin. And the more he saw you with him, the more Sunghoon started to lose his shit.

Every time Soobin would lean down to kiss you, Sunghoon’s heart would stop beating. Anytime he saw Soobin practically eye fuck you, it took everything in him to not march over and start swinging.

He had to do something—ANYTHING—to get you away from Soobin. To break up with him. To stop smiling at Soobin the way you used to smile at him.

It all kept him awake at night. And one night, Sunghoon broke. Sitting up so fast in bed and grabbing his phone from the charger and dialing your number.

ring…ring…

“Hello?”

Sunghoon nearly had a heart attack, he wasn’t expecting you to answer, “Hey, YN…”

“Sunghoon?” you sleepy said, pulling your phone from your ear to make sure you indeed were talking to Sunghoon. You blinked a few times to make sure you saw the name correctly and then the panic set in. Why was he calling you? When your phone started ringing you just naturally picked it up, being too tired to check the caller ID.

“Yeah, it’s me, love,” he whispers, hands shaking, “Did I wake you?”

You yawn on the other end, “I mean, yeah.”

Sunghoon sighed, “I’ll let you go back to sleep, I’m sorry.”

“No, Hoon what do you want? It’s two AM.”

“I just…wanted to talk to you. Come over? Please.”

You wanted to say no. To hang up the phone and go back to sleep and act like the call never happened. But his voice, the tiredness, and restlessness in it…something was wrong. You felt it.

Now you stood in his living room, standing in front of him as he leaned against the back of his couch. His hair was a mess, heavy bags were under his eyes and he looked like he hadn’t eaten much lately.

“Hoon,” you whispered, “What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t look at you, “How have you been?”

You cross your arms, “I know for a fact you didn’t wake me up at two in the morning to ask me to come here just to ask how I’ve been. Texting would have worked.”

Sunghoon scoffed, immediately putting that barrier over his heart, the one he put up when he realized how madly in love he was with you all that time ago, the barrier that eventually caused you to leave him. Sunghoon has had way too much time lately to think about what went wrong, and after seeing you with Soobin…it was all clear to him, “Right, but I can’t text you if you have a boyfriend, right? Can’t chance him seeing it.”

You looked at him confused, “What boyfriend?”

Sunghoon crossed his arms now, narrowing his eyes at you, “Don’t play stupid, YN. The blonde guy you were making out with on the sidewalk two weeks ago.”

He saw. He’s seen you with Soobin. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you happy, knowing that Sunghoon knew.

“Are you stalking me now?” you raised a brow and scoffed, “Didn’t take you to be that type.”

“I’m not stalking you. I just happened to have seen you with him.”

You roll your eyes, “Soobin isn’t my boyfriend, but if that’s all you wanted to say, then can I go?”

Sunghoon didn’t answer, he just stared at you, trying to find the words to beg you to not go. To stay with him.

You poked your tongue in your cheek, starting to turn away, “Is he better than me?”

You whipped back around to look at him, “Excuse me?”

Sunghoon shrugged, “Is he better than me? There’s no way he is,” he chuckles, “If he was you’d be fucking him right now instead of standing here in front of me.”

Oh, you were heated, “You know what, Sunghoon, this reason right here is why I ended it with you. You’re so toxic and say such shitty and hurtful things and you don’t even care.”

He shrugs, looking away from you and to the hallway, “Can’t blame me when all you do is yell at me.”

There it was. That toxic side. That part where he tries to flip the tables against you.

Tears swelled in your eyes as you looked at him, “I don’t need this,” you turned and walked towards the door, “Goodbye, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon was immediately at your side, grabbing your arm and turning you to face him, “No, baby, please don’t go.”

You tried to push out of his grip, “Don’t call me that! It hurts too much!” The tears were now falling down your face, blurring your vision as you continued to try and push him off you.

Sunghoon gripped both sides of your arms, “Please don’t walk away from me again!” he gently shook you, “I am so fucking in love with you. I won’t be able to handle it if you walk back out that door again.”

Tears were now in his eyes, his body shaking and his knees weak.

You blinked a few times to regain your vision, seeing the man in front of you, seeing how the tears rushed down his face.

Sunghoon fell to his knees in front of you, his hands sliding to your waist and resting his head against your stomach, “I couldn’t stand seeing you with him. It hurt too damn much,” his voice became shaky, unsteady, “I need you, baby, and I am so so so sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve it. I lost sight of who I was. I was scared to let myself fully love. To let you fully love me. And it’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I let you walk away. I was toxic, I was an asshole. But I can’t lose you again. Not again. I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know how I survived the first time and I sure as hell know I won’t this time if you walk away from me.”

He sobbed, not being able to stop his tears from drenching the carpet at his knees, squeezing his hands tightly at your side, begging and pleading with you to not leave him.

You slowly rested your hands in his hair, parting it neatly like how he likes it done and slowly sliding your hand down his face. He leaned into your touch, your thumbs wiping away the tears that stained his face.

You still loved him. Every piece of him. Sunoo was right, you looked for Sunghoon in every man you met. Didn’t want to commit because they weren’t him. Soobin was different, yeah, but he still wasn’t Sunghoon.

You knelt down in front of him, not at eye level with him, “Please stop crying,” you whispered, “I’m right here.”

He shook his head, “I can’t lose you again.”

“Shhh,” you hushed him, resting your forehead against his, “You won’t. I’m right here.”

Sunghoon pulled you into his lap, holding onto you for dear life as if someone was going to rip you from him. He dug his face into your neck, squeezing you tightly to him, “I love you and I am so so sorry.”

You leaned into him, “I love you so much, I forgive you.”

You’ve never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so open, and wearing his heart on his sleeve. He’s never held you so tight before. Never kissed your neck and shoulder like he was right now, with so much love and desperation to keep you.

You stayed in his lap until his crying slowly and breathing was steady again. You played with his hair until you felt his grip on you loosen, “You need some sleep.”

He barely was able to shake his head, “I don’t want you to go.”

You forced him to look at you, slowly placing kisses on his moles, “I’ll stay the night.”

Sunghoon slowly nodded, wrapping his arms tightly back around you and carrying you to his room, gently laying you down on his bed and cuddling up to you, pulling you to his chest.

“Baby?”

“Yes, Hoonie?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You looked up at him, giving a small smile and nod, “I would love that.”

Sunghoon didn’t waste a moment to cup your face and kiss you softly, completely breathing you in.

He was unsteady without you, and it took losing you for him to realize it. You kept him centered. And he’s not going to risk losing you again. 

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