#so instead of focusing on the worst...here i explain those cherished positives too

[the-nysh]

I find myself unable to think of Bakugou in any way more positive than "dislike", because he reminds me too much of the people who made my life miserable when I was growing up. (Not that it makes him bad; it's just my emotions.) Do you've any advice on how to bend my mind around that? I don't need to LOVE him, just mentally separate "him" and "the people who make grade school suck for me" so I won't irrationally hate him, because I don't LIKE hating characters.

Hi there! I’m glad to see you come forward, especially tosomeone who’s a big fan of him, after happening to see how far you’veventured through my tags already (whoa dedication!) to seek possible answers or further clarity about this,especially if it’s something that’s still bothering you, oraffecting/preventing you from fully enjoying the series. Because of that, I cantell how serious and genuine you feel about this, so I will take this seriouslyas well. 

(Below, 1800+ words)

Another thing is that it’s okay to feel this way, your personal experiences are still valid,and there’s no obligation to force your feelings otherwise, or subject yourselfto content that may be uncomfortable for you. Please continue to take all theprecautions needed (blocking/blacklisting) for an enjoyable and productivefandom experience. But understanding that even if the characters may havecoincidental similarities to our pasts, they are not direct projections of us, the people in our lives, or our realities.Their world is not ours. So this awareness is another good step to have, tobegin seeing the story (and characters) more openly, objectively and closer tohow Hori originally intended.

Since you’re willing to learn more, and as you may have already seenfrom my content here, Bakugou (Kacchan)became my definitive fav character of the series, but not for thoselingering resentments mentioned. The compelling character I see is so much morebeyond that first ch’s established baseline, which was narratively placed and designedto contrast against who he becomes later on. As a means to gauge and appreciatehis growth and the journey of how far he’s changed into becoming a proper,well-rounded, better person and inspirationalhero. The kind of emotional narrativefocus that always gains my interest and priority to see develop. Already, theperson he is now at 215+ chs is not the same as who he was at ch1 (neither ishe the flanderized, fanon stereotype many have been misled or indoctrinated tofirmly believe he is), and he will keepon developing as the story marches on. I am fully on board to witness thathappen. 

The challenge now, is not letting his initial baseline impression(or the feelings from your own separate –but equally valid– experiences, oreven the vitriol from others) stain or cloud that entire slow-burn progressionof the story going forward. Otherwise the important milestones and insightsinto his character that Hori leaves along the way (which can sometimes bedifficult to see from Deku’s limited pov) end up getting obscured, ignored, oroutright rejected from an internalized feeling of ‘hatred’ that tends to blockout anything newly introduced that would challenge that preconceived perceptionof him. However, to mentally reject such change and prevent the valuedimprovement of a growing person (a learning child in his formative years, forinstance), to otherwise keep the status quo static and unmoving, to permanentlystay rooted exactly the same way as thestart…would in fact be a much more toxic/harmful mindset to have, and actuallydefeats the purpose of telling a proper story as well. 

Setbacks to that challenge unfortunately include thewidespread availability of biased mistranslations (even from official sources),poor/oversimplified characterizations from non-canon content(movies/novels/merch, etc) that’s not written directly by Hori, because all thesethings just reinforce and exacerbate the problem of inflating fanon stereotypesand those preconceived notions that people have already solidified in theirminds as true (when they often aren’t). It gets even worse, and ironicallyhypocritical, when those same people start feeling justified they can go out oftheir way to attack others (includingthe author) for how to ‘properly’ enjoy and interpret the series (for beingdifferent or ‘incorrect’ from the perceptions they believe to be right). Butwhat’s happened is they’ve begun to blindly act on feelings multiple levels sofar removed from what actually is (whatexists as presented within canon, vs what they believe in fanon, vs what exists separately that may beplaguing these people’s real lives), that by then, that kind of maladjustedsocial behavior is inexcusable. Stepping back and realizing when things start crossinglines irrationally out of hand, to prevent that kind of behavior from happeningin the first place, (and again, by taking measures to block/blacklist stuff thataggravates or makes you feel uncomfortable), is the much wiser approach toparticipating and enjoying fandom. So that no matter what happens or what otherssay, they can’t impact or ruin what you love about the series.

Which in my case, includes Kacchan’s character. Basedon what Hori has consistently presented in canon, I can conclude and freely admithe’s the only character I can fully trust. Amazing, right? Because he hasabsolutely nothing to hide. Everything he does (not through his harshwords/temperament, but through his genuine actions),is extremely forthright and honest. He does not half-ass things or hide anyother ulterior motives or malicious intent beyond his dedication to become the best hero. And he takes that goal very seriously. Striving for and expectingexcellence from himself (and all themental pressure that self-imposed perfectionism brings) and others. Currently in the manga that includes Deku now too, whomhe willingly goads (showing support in his own way) and checks in on for hisprogress too.

Remember his fights in the sports tournament, how he takesall challengers with equal commitment/opportunity (gender does not matter),provided they give him their best inturn as well, because to do otherwise –to go easy on them or hold back– wouldbe disrespectful and underestimating an opponent. There’s a very just and admirablehonor in that. Remember how he can’tstand anyone looking down on him, which includes how he misinterpreted Deku’sfeelings of admiration for disdain(he could not accurately read Deku’s intentions, and became so perplexed by himthat he assumed the worst: that Deku looked down on him instead). Considering the level of seriousness and effort he alwaysputs forth, to be confronted with the opposite would be personally insulting.

Remember when the villains invited him to join their ranks(because they misread and shallowly judged his character), he stuck to his idealsand outright refused their offer.(Boldly exploding villains in the face~) Risking death over playing it safe andlying to pretend to follow along totheir whims. (How brave and badass is that?!) Kacchan does not lie, cheat theeasy way out, or do things he’s not feeling or doesn’t agree with. Again, honesty. Becoming a villain, a traitor,or betraying those who’ve earned his trust? Absolutely no chance. Afterlearning AM’s secret and finally understanding/rectifying everything that didn’tadd up about Deku, would he go behind their backs by breaking promises? No way.Again, most trustworthy character. 

Rereading the story a second time over, but from his perspective, practically doubled myappreciation and enjoyment of the series. Thinking about how the foundations oftheir society impacted his world views at such a young age, to the very betrayal he must have felt thinking achildhood friend lied to him aboutsomething as important/vital as a quirk. (And if we already know how he feelsabout cheating liars…hmm, faithful loyaltynow feels like a valued trait.) Other factors include his relatable giftedchild syndrome, all the complexes born from that, and for how extremely intelligent,competent, and much more calmly calculating he is than his short temper may lead one to believe. How he was oncea ‘big fish in a small pond’, now thrust into the ocean to compete among evenother bigger fish, with the pressure to both succeed and prove himself…all whilehis previous world views are checked and challenged every step of the way.

For years he’d been valued and praised for only the promisingpotential and primary trait of his strong quirk. (The reinforcement for his badbehavior on the other hand? Not valued with the same proper attention.) Alreadythat’s an unfortunate consequence of their quirk-filled, hero-commodified society. Think of justhow shallow/fake groupies would be, or how annoying and hollow it would feel tohave people cling to him just for that (for talent and skills over his meritsas a person), and just how difficult forming genuine, natural bonds would be… (Becomingself-reliant now becomes another added pressure he has to juggle on his own.) Beforequirks had ever entered the picture and complicated things further, Deku was probablyconsidered the closest friend he had. Until…misunderstandings happened, andthen the only thing he wanted was for Deku to stay away from him. (A misconception is that Kacchan actively soughtDeku out, when it’s actually the opposite: Kacchan only reacted if Dekuencroached on him too closely.) Because he feared how Deku made him feel,forcing him to face his own shortcomings, and address perceptions of reality hedid not want to face. Because for someone he perceived as the weakest, to boldly goagainst that and do what Deku did (help him out of concern/kindness, but thatintent only read as pitying to him),made him feel even below that. And what’slower than the low of the weakest/most useless? Pretty ouch, so stop followingand stay back. Yet Deku just kept on coming back no matter what, for reasons hecouldn’t yet understand. (Deku felt genuine care and admiration for him, whichKacchan hadn’t realized, so gah, dramatic irony.) His changing feelings, correctinghis attitude, and clarifying his relationship to Deku, who continually challengesand defies his very worldview and perception of weakness, brings a whole otherfascinating draw to the series, which would take a whole other essay to fully analyze(but which many other fans have thoroughly done so already). 

Further considerations include his struggles facing other relatablefeelings. How he confronts the pain and weight of experiencing loss, survivor’sguilt, and assessing powerlessness and the inability to save situations beyondhis control. Internalizing self-doubt, hatred, failure, and inferiority…because‘if only he were stronger.’ What Isee is a child overburdened by expectations and responsibilities beyond hisyears…who has to learn to process and overcome many of those same feelings I’vealready gone through and had to come to terms with growing up. (The very reasonhe’s often and endearingly referred to as a ‘son.’) The majority of adults inhis life assumed he was already ‘strong enough’ and ‘fine’ on his own, theyneglected to give him proper mental guidance going forward (AM even admitsthis). And we unfortunately see the tragic consequences of that. But fortunately,things are getting better, and Hori’s story for him still isn’t over yet.   

Overall, what I see is the chance for an excellent,multi-layered, and well-written character to become even better. And that’s why his narrative is so particularly engaging. Doeshe remind me of the kids that once made certain social aspects of grade schoolinsufferable? No, because that’s not who he is; he’s so far removed and beyond them, that they’ve become extras whono longer matter anymore. Instead of lingering on such negatives, it’s insteadthe positive aspects about him that shine through even stronger. The fact heisn’t perfect, but deeply flawed and learning to address his shortcomings in nowmore productive ways. This progression and growth makes him interesting, and combinedwith the many other traits I’ve mentioned above, favored and loved bymany. Although ultimately I can’t change your opinion about him (that’s stillup to you to decide, and it’s ok to still dislike characters), hopefully I’veintroduced new ways of perceiving and appreciating his character for you. Tohelp see some of the positives that Deku always valued in him as a drivingsource of inspiration too: to strive hard despite life’s setbacks, and win. ‘He may be a jerk, but he’s amazing.’

[eternally-writing]

tour troubles | jjk

genre: fluff, angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: idol!au, boyfriend!au, one-shot

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none

Synopsis: When surprising your boyfriend Jungkook on tour doesn’t quite go as you planned, it’s up to you now to help cheer him up.

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

After a grueling 6 months apart,  you were more than happy to be in MetLife Stadium watching your boyfriend live out his dreams on stage. The Map of the Soul Tour was no joke; Jungkook was practicing all day and performing all night, and combined with your final exam season passing by it left little time for you to talk to each other.

Finally wrapping up the school year, you got in touch with Jimin to see if he could help you plan a surprise visit for Jungkook on one of their final tour stops.

All of the members had become like family to you, but it's no secret that aside from Jungkook you are closest with Jimin. He was like the older brother you never had, and you always ran to him whenever you needed relationship advice or a good hug.

As you watched Jungkook on stage you noticed his smile falter sometimes as he would be slightly out of position or dance off beat. You could only pick this out because you had spent hours in the practice room dancing with Jungkook. 

You and Jungkook had come together because of your shared love for dance. He had first asked you out inside a very sweaty-scented Big Hit practice room, almost half of your dates ended with some form of dancing, and whenever one of you was frustrated you could always find the other teary-eyed, lying on the marley floor of a dance studio. You had always been there to whisper words of encouragement in his ear when he was feeling down, and you wished nothing more than for her voice to reach the stage at the moment.

Soon enough, the concert came to an end and you were flashing her pass to the backstage security guard to get to see the boys. Despite your  uneasy feeling watching the concert, you couldn't ease the butterflies in your stomach at seeing your boyfriend for the first time in months.

Ever since you had planned this, you spent your nights imagining exactly how Jungkook would react: whether he would hug and kiss you first, stay frozen on the spot in shock, or start crying right away. 

As you stepped into the Big Hit dressing room, you were instantly greeted with several smiling faces. 

I didn't take you long to do a head count and realize that there were only 6  boys standing in front of you, and that your boyfriend was nowhere to be found. 

Making eye contact with Jimin, you saw the softness in his eyes as he motioned for you to come closer so he could explain. 

“He’s not feeling well Y/N, and none of us can get him to talk about it. We’re so worried. I swear I’ve only gotten like 2 words out of him tonight, and I even tried to make a nutella sandwich for him to cheer him up. I’m sorry this isn’t what you had planned, but can you talk to him please? For us?” 

You took a deep breath before pulling back the curtain divider in the dressing room. Your nerves catching up to you, you considered just turning around and telling the boys you would surprise him at their next concert instead. 

You had dealt with Jungkook being troubled and frustrated more times than you could count, but you were worried you had lost her touch after being apart from him for months. 

Your mind also flew the other way. How many times has he felt like this after a concert and never told you? When he said "It was fun I'm just really tired now" after every concert was he truly feeling like this? 

With that, you pushed forward because you knew that you had to be there to support Jungkook today, even if you couldn't be there for all the other times. 

The sight that greeted you behind the curtain was not a pretty one. 

Jungkook was staring blankly at the monitor in front of him, dark fringes of his hair matted against his sweaty forehead, tour hoodie zipped up completely with the hood on, and worst of all, his eyes were clearly puffy and swollen, with tinges of red coming through from underneath his makeup. 

Jungkook barely even glanced your way as you sat down an ample distance away from Jungkook on the couch. It was clear from his lack of surprise at your appearance that one of the boys (probably Jimin) had probably told him about your surprise visit earlier in an effort to cheer him up after the concert, but even that could not get him out of this slump.

 Of all the scenarios you came up with for how Jungkook would react to your surprise, somehow this one never crossed your mind. 

You turned your focus to where Jungkook was staring - a TV monitor replaying video footage from tonight's concert. You watched as his eyebrows stayed furrowed as he glared disapprovingly at himself for making even the smallest of mistakes in the video, almost wincing as the TV monitor continued to play the footage.

"Do you want me to help point out things in the video?"

Jungkook didn’t even move a muscle.

You took the silence as a yes, and pulled a pen and the closest thing you could find to paper, a napkin, out of your purse to write on. 

Working as a dance teacher had taught you more than a couple tricks about how to give constructive feedback, and you were a firm believer in the "give 2 compliments and then 1 thing to work on" approach. However, you knew the issue with Jungkook wasn't that he was truly bad at dancing, but rather that he was way too hard on himself for the smallest details that the audience wouldn't even notice - so she threw in a few more compliments than usual. Unsure of how Jungkook would react to seeing the list, you still threw some of those very nit-picky details on there, knowing that if he was still frustrated he would throw the list out all together if he thought you were just coddling him. 

And so you both sat together in front of that grainy TV monitor, in complete silence aside from the sound of your pen scratching against the napkin.

June 10, 2020 MOTS:7 Tour Feedback Report for Jeon Jungkook ( by Y/N)

- match angle of arm placement in Black Swan Opening Choreo

- footwork on DNA ending choreo could be cleaned up 

- the ARMY at the corner of the screen during Euphoria had the biggest smile when you looked at her. I think she’s gonna remember that moment for the rest of her life. 

-  I like the way you wink at the camera during So What! Gave me butterflies babe. 

- could add more energy into the last Fake love chorus ( hot bod btw!!)

And the list kept going on and on as you diligently focused on the screen and writing notes, taking occasional glances at your silent boyfriend.

Upon glancing over your shoulder and seeing your list, Jungkook smiled at your thoughtful and sweet comments. 

All of sudden, a wave of consciousness and realization washed over him. 

He finally has the girl he loves in front of him again after months apart, and instead of cherishing his limited time with you he was spending it watching himself dance, which is what he had already spent the last 9 years of his life doing. Most of all, you never let your smile falter once in front of him, even though he knew you may be upset with his response to your surprise, and you went along with whatever he wanted to do - even if that meant watching a very very low-quality video of his performances on a loop. 

Grabbing the napkin gently out of her hands and placing it on the table, Jungkook cupped your face and looked gently into your eyes. 

"Thank you",  he said softly, as if not wanting to startle you with his sudden character change.

In your head there was absolutely no need for Jungkook to be thanking her for anything she was doing.  She knew dating an idol would have its challenges, and she made a promise to Jungkook that she would be by his side through it all, even if that included rewatching Euphoria on loop. 

It was now your turn to sigh. 

“There’s nothing to thank me for babe, it’s just me. I wanna be here for you when you’re like this - I didn’t just date you so I could be there to celebrate your Billboard #1s and daesang sweeps, I’m here for these moments too.”

Jungkook further eliminated the space between you both by wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. In that moment he realized that maybe all he needed was you. That all these hurdles he had been facing alone would have been much easier if he had just let you in on his problems.

“I just feel bad Y/N, I haven’t even seen you for months and the first time I see you I’m like this? I’m sorry.”

The gears started turning in your head. Batting your eyes overdramatically at your boyfriend, you smiled. 

“Okay how about we make a deal then babe?”

Jungkook looked at you curiously and let you carry on. 

“From now on, every time you feel like this you come to me okay? We can figure this out together, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in,” you expressed, grabbing his hands in yours.

“Also, if you felt like making it up to me you could buy me some ice cream? It’s not the same when I eat it without you,” you joked.

Jungkook’s melodic laugh vibrated through the room. 

“Just ice cream? You’re selling yourself short babe. I’d buy the whole world for you, my love.”

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡-- 

As you emerged from behind the curtained section of the dressing room, hand in hand with a smiley Jungkook ( a stark comparison from how he was a mere hour early), you were greeted with Jimin jumping up and cheering loudly upon seeing the maknae.

Unable to contain his excitement, Jimin ran towards the two of you, chiming “you did it Y/N!! You brought back our maknae!”  

“Good to see you smiling, Jungkookie,”  beamed Jimin as he stepped forward to ruffle Jungkook’s hair. 

Jungkook chuckled and looked up at his hyungs. 

“I think I owe you all some ice cream. Ready to go? It’ll be treat.”

If his hyungs weren’t already excited to see Jungkook feeling like himself, now they were ecstatic. And you definitely felt the same way as well. ♡

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡-- 

If you liked this, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading ♡

- Emily

[leavingkindfootprints]

My story - How losing a sibling changed my life forever.

I wish I knew back then what I knew now. I guess being sixteen you don’t prepare for life changing events to happen and you have no choice but to live with the trauma. At sixteen, I was only really concerned about having mates, sneaking out to parties that my parents would have NEVER let me go to (totally understand you now mum and dad!) what outfit I was wearing that weekend, if I was able to secretly pinch a cigarette out of mums packet without her noticing. I was prepared to start year 11 VCE. I was prepared that I would change a lot over the next year. I was prepared for the friends and friendships I had, probably wouldn’t be around forever. What I didn’t prepare for was losing my “sibling” - Bonnie. No, she didn’t pass away, she wasn’t murdered and she didn’t die from a horrible sickness. although at times I wish she did because that baggage would be much easier to live with. She committed an unspeakable and unforgivable crime that changed the lives of so many people.

So a little back story -

Bonnie was placed into to a psychiatric ward months before the attempted murder. Prior to her admission she would frequently have psychotic episodes which my parents tried so hard to shield me from witnessing. But I saw a lot of them.   Actually, I saw nearly all of them.  When psychosis sets in, one loses the capacity to understand what’s real and what isn’t. (That is the most simple way I’m able to explain it.)

I would hear her during these episodes screaming at my parents that the T.V was talking to her. She was adamant that she could clearly hear voices in her head. I remember her always being paranoid and on edge, which was scary to be around. I don’t think she actually even remembers some of the frightening things she would say to me.  I would always try to brush most of the things she said to me off and tell myself she was just going through some sort of break down. I wasn’t old enough to understand the depth of her addiction.  Bonnie was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar and a personality disorder.  Bonnie came from a good family and had parents they did everything in their power to help her and get her better.  Bonnie had a good upbringing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe she went through bad experiences. She would always fall into the wrong group. She would be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She made certain choices that were clearly wrong for her.. But, you couldn’t stop her. She was uncontrollable. She was selfish and she was dark. She was on a path of self destruction, and now I realise that sometimes there’s certain people you can’t save. 

On the third of April 2011 Bonnie was arrested for trying to murder our Father. Now, before you read ahead please know this is my story and as hard as it is to write this I feel like I’m finally ready to speak about it with the world. Because maybe.. Just maybe it might help someone who finds themselves in the same position one day. (I hope you never do because I wouldn’t wish my experience upon my worst enemy.)

Usually stories like this don’t get spoken about. I wish I had someone come to me at the time and say “This happened to my family!” or “You’re not alone, I experienced a similar loss!” because if I’m brutally honest I needed someone to tell me that I wasn’t the only fucking human being to feel the way I did at the time.  She shattered our family.  She hurt our family. And.. She changed our family. 

So at sixteen I found myself in uncharted territory, not only experiencing profound loss but being at a loss as to how to cope. I mean how do you cope with the fact that your sister tried to murder the one person who was the rock and provider for your family? The one person who protected you from the scary world we live in. I found myself constantly swimming in a pool of grieving family members. Actually no I’ll reword that it felt more like drowning. And here I was drowning in my own grief without a life jacket, screaming for someone to save me. Maybe my mum or my eldest sister heard but I was too focused on trying to make some sort of sense of the awful event that changed us. I was angry at myself that I didn’t see it coming. I was angry at the fact that she let drugs and alcohol ruin her life. I was angry that while she was in prison, she was still trying to hurt us. It wasn’t just the evil crime she committed. It was the letters from prison. It was the repulsive lies she made up. It was the people she chose over her own blood. I held onto so much guilt for years because of the fact I wasn’t there to protect my Dad. Maybe if I was home that night, my Dad wouldn’t be wearing the scars he has today.

The night of April third my Dad was dowsed in methylated spirits by my sister and was set alight.  As his skin started melting off his body the only chance of survival he had was to crawl inside, grab a phone and call triple zero. He somehow made it to the bathroom, while still on fire and in a moment of sheer panic turned on the hot water instead of cold. I will never know the pain he endured that night.  The day that followed was a total blur. I remember walking into our home that was taped off and being confronted by the most overpowering smell. The smell never left any of us that day. The skin and blood that was smeared across the white porcelain tiles. You just had to slightly open the back door and you were ingesting the fumes of the methylated spirits that were ingrained into the wood of the decking. 

In the early hours of Sunday, April third I came home a lot later than I planned. I actually wasn’t planning on going out but after being persuaded by friends I went a long. I remember getting out of a friends car around 3.00 AM to find the street lit up with 7 police cars, detectives and an ambulance. I was dropped off at the end of my street seeing as we all had been drinking and we didn’t want to bring any unnecessary attention to the car we were in.

Now, I grew up in a suburb called Dandenong. On a chaotic street, you grew up thinking that most of the events that went on there were normal. So here I was thinking “It had to be one of the neighbours that got caught up in some kind of trouble.” Wrong - I was so terribly wrong. I got out of the car and started walking home. Slowly, I felt an uneasy, sick and hollow feeling in my stomach (by this time I was still a fair few houses away.) Every step I took this empty feeling got stronger. And then instantly as I got about a house away my heart felt like it had stopped. Like it had left my body. This eery feeling I will NEVER forget. I froze in shock and disbelief, this is MY home. Surely, it was the alcohol I had been illegally drinking for the last few hours? Five police officers and detectives rushed over to me all at once. Straight away I was questioned. Confused, while still trying to piece together who was hurt and what the fuck was even going on. There’s one statement that stood out the most to me that night. I can remember a detective grabbing my shoulder and saying “If you are who you say you are, I’m sorry to inform you but your sister Bonnie has allegedly set your father on fire and he is currently being worked on in the back of that ambulance. He is in a critical condition and we are unsure if he is going to make it.” 

I remember the shock hitting me like a tonne of bricks. I don’t quite remember what I said, or what I was screaming in those moments shortly after hearing the news but I remember being metres and metres away from the ambulance still and what felt like only a single second later grabbing onto the sliding door of the van trying to get in and be by my Dad’s side. My only priority was to get in that ambulance and no one was going to stop me. Shaking and screaming uncontrollably I wasn’t letting go of that fucking door.

Mind you, I weighed a tiny forty five kilograms at the time and it took two full grown male officers and one detective to pry me off that door. The officers that witnessed the scene that night said to me hours later that it was a night that would not only stay with me for the rest of my life, but it would stay with them.  

I remember telling my Dad I loved him and I was there. That he had survive this because I couldn’t and wouldn’t live in the same world without him. Just repeating the story and going back to that unknown place I was in mentally makes my hands tremble heart sink all the way down to my stomach again.

One thing that has stuck with me and something I can’t forget as much as I’ve tried in the last nine years was the first glimpse I caught of my Dad. You will only know this visual if you’ve witnessed severe burns before. I refused to write about how horrific it was at first because just reading the words is extremely confronting. He had third and fourth degree burns from his head down to his belly button and covering his back. His face, chest and arms were in a terrible way. The weeping of the epidermis.  The trauma to the tissue and muscle which resulted in nerve damage. The parts of flesh and skin on his chest which turned black The purple, raw skin grafts that covered his legs. Then there was the swelling and the blisters. 

The list goes on..

Overall his TBSA percentage was 45% If I remember correctly, it only takes 30% TBSA to be fatal.  

These images will never leave me. I was so damaged by what she did, I don’t remember the girl I was before my father was burnt.

I remember praying everyday. I remember praying with my Mum at night. I remember us not being able to walk back into the home we had. I remember the family and friends that were there. And I certainly remember the ones that weren’t.  I will always wonder about the life we would’ve had if Bonnie didn’t go to the house that night.. And I wonder about which one of us it could have been. I think about the nine years that she missed out on.. And I think about the nine years I will never get back. But I know, because he survived.. I will too.  I cherish every second I have with him.  I cherish the way he embraces my children and what they share. I cherish the determination and drive he has.  I cherish the fact he is able to forgive and not let it define his way of living. 

I worship the ground this man walks on. For him to survive something like this is beyond anything one can imagine. Not just what happened that night, everything he lived with after. People don’t survive this type of pain. He was meant to be here. His time wasn’t up. God knew this great man had another purpose and forced him to stay. I can’t put into words how much this man means to me. They say the love you have for your children is something else. I believe the love I have for my children is the same love I have for my Dad. This is a love that will never be taken away. This man made sacrifices his whole life for our family. This man gave when he had nothing. This man protected: This man taught so many wonderful lessons. I would not be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for my father.  I’ve permanently blocked things out to protect myself from constant flashbacks of that night.

While my Dad was in a coma life stopped. Everyday was spent in the hospital making sure he would come out of this situation and be okay. We just needed him to be okay and we could get through it. We could get through the unspeakable. The only way I can explain it was like having death standing behind you while holding a loved ones hand.

He was placed in a medically induced coma. Weeks later he awoke and that was the unfolding of everything. The confusion, the questions and the rebuilding. It was traumatising to say the least. A few months went past and I found myself having to be everyone’s rock. People were depending on me. I made the choice to not finish school and put my life on hold for my family. I have no regrets. I did what I had to do and I would do it all over again for my family. My only advice would be to you today reading this - 

Don’t  leave any words unspoken. Say what you feel and speak your truth. Hold your parents close, for it is a scary and confusing world without them. Love through the fear of loss. Love the things and people who wander into your life and love them while you HAVE them. Scream it, whisper it, write it or paint it on your skin. Just say it. With a shaking voice and trembling hands say it. Pull them close, find their eyes and say it. All. Because you never think that the last time is the last time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. You think that there will be more. You think you have forever but you don’t. Waiting is a mistake. 

“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” - Charles Bukowksi

I know now that although what I experienced was horrific, I can turn it into something good. I want my story can help others. I’m not here for sympathy, I’m here to be heard. This is how drugs tear families apart. These are the families that are left shattered. If you need help don’t be afraid to ask, go to the source that loves you. Find the safe place that calms you. Ask for it, beg for it if you have to.. 

But get the help before it’s too late. Protect those who have sheltered you. And I mean that, protect them with everything you have. Remember pain will change you more profoundly than any success or good fortune. Learn from it

“Give it to God and go to sleep.”

While I have finally closed the book on a life I shared so deeply with my sister it has made me come to terms with what happened. This is my form of healing. Know that it’s okay to not forgive bad people for hurting you. They say forgiving is part of the healing process but it happens to be the complete opposite for me. While it’s different for other members of my family (which I totally support) Holding my sister accountable for what she did and the lives she changed that night is something I never thought would be the answer. I wasn’t brought up this way, this isn’t something that is taught. This is something you find within yourself. I lost a lot of time during this process. Time I can never get back nor be replaced. But I’d like to make a difference and leave something good behind.  It is so important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. And.. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story. 

Lastly, My story wouldn’t have been told if it wasn’t for my parents. I owe everything to them. To my father, who told me the stories that matter. To my mother, who taught me to remember them.

Joel 2:25 “God will give you back the years you lost.”

- g.t

[wonderfulchaos69-blog]

tagged!

@mikoe24 - this looked interesting, so I stayed up a bit later than intended working on it xD Thanks for the tag, love, and I’ll be having some Mikuni and Misono headcanons for you after my hiatus is up! (which will be a week ahead of time, woohoo!)

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write eleven new ones. Tag eleven people to answer your questions as well as the person who tagged you.

Pokki’s Questions

1. Do you have any OCs? If so, what are their name(s)?

I have quite a few, yes. I have an entire next gen cast for Natsume's Book of Friends, for a story I have been working on for two years. It recently hit 100k and I am still dead sure this will never see the light of day, lol. It's so self indulgent. For right now it has the working title of Elegy for the Lost One and it takes place in a future where Natsume disappeared under strange circumstances. Thrillers are what I like writing the most - suspense, the build-up to it, and then the inevitable fall as you start putting the pieces together.

Now to give you the run-down on the OCS, haha. So first up is Shiori, who I decided would be a daughter to Natori and Hiiragi. I am always curious about youkai/human relations and how they work in the Book of Friends universe, and I chose to play around with that using Shiori. She takes after her father a lot - flashy, bold, a real show stopper. But she has her mother's sensibility and loyalty. And since I'm mentioning Natori, I might as well bring up Matoba. I ended up giving him a son that develops an unparalleled obsession with the Book of Friends. Then there's Takahiro, Hiromi and Haruki who are the main cast and the ones that the story focuses on the most. They're the ones trying to solve the mystery. Meanwhile, there's Makoto, who is the would-be inherited of the Book of Friends. She is a relative to Natsume, distantly, through Natsume's cousin (Yuuto, if the drama cds are to be believed~).

Then, for an original story I'm working on, I have a few solid characters so far. Annabel, a steadfast young woman who is independant to a fault and doesn't know to ask others for help. She's thrown into a situation where she has no choice but to lean on others - or in this case, on one person in particular. A mentor, a friend, a guiding hand in a world that seems so foreign even though she's been living in it for years. Suddenly, things fail to make sense. What she thought she knew turns out to be different from the underlying reality. The Lore Keeper, her mentor, is the one to help her through it. For his own reasons, but who doesn't have an ulterior motive or two? His is simply ensuring that the future Keeper is an upstanding one. As you can see, he doesn't have a name yet. But that's both intentional and my own laziness lol. So yeah, choosing names is always the last step for me. Developing their personalities is what I tend to focus on the most when creating an OC. The name always comes last to me.

2. What’s your favorite eye color?

I love blue eyes! They're so pretty. Especially light blue.

3. How would you name your kids? Or, if you don’t want kids, what are your favorite names?

Fun fact: I was actually terrified of having children for a long time. I met someone who changed that for me, but eh. I have not given it much thought. I think naming children should be the act of both parents, something I'd want to talk over with my partner, but as for some of my favorite names ... I like short and sweet, so: Iris and Jay.

4. What’s your favorite quote?

I tend to go with Dr. Seuss a lot, heh, so I'll go with Roald Dahl this time: "A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest of men."

5. What’s the last anime you watched?

... it's been a while, uhhh. Dragon Maid probably. :3

6. Do you like cosplays?

I never personally wore any, but I deeply admire those who do. They put a lot of work into every costume and that takes skill, dedication, and sacrificing their own personal time to make it. They have my respect.

7. Do you have a crush on someone? (A real person or a fictional character, it doesn’t matter~)

Well then, just delve right into my deep, dark secrets why don't you? Hmmm, I guess if I'm being honest: I do. It was sort of an "oh shit" moment for me, but identifying the problem is the first step to finding a solution. In this case, getting my heart to agree with my mind that this is Not Allowed.

Fictional-wise ... idk, man. It's hard enough on me having real life crushes. I suppose Lily and Natori would be my type, though.

8. How many siblings do you have?

I have - had - two older half-brothers. It's complicated, too, so nope. I will not be explaining.

9. What would your ideal date be like?

Probably either a candlelit dinner and snuggling on the couch or doing something we both loved together. With my ex, that used to be hiking at the Cliffs, putting our feet in the water and play fighting with said water, and then collapsing together in the sand. It was sweet while it lasted.

10. Do you like your handwriting? Why?

I do, because why not? It's not perfect, but I've been learning that striving for perfection is a fruitless endeavor. It's also the coward's way out.

11. Now, say something positive about yourself!~  c:

Hmmm. Something positive ... my mind always goes blank when asked this sort of question. I guess, it's my persistence? Even when I play the role my own worst critic, I still keep going because sitting idle has never suited me. I have to constantly be doing something. Whether it's writing, reading, etc. If my mind is happy, so am I.

Avi’s Questions

1: What is you’re favorite series and why? (Could be anything from TV shows, books, anime, ect..)

For books, probably ... the Artemis Fowl series? That writing style is one of my favs :'D

For manga, definitely Natsume's Book of Friends. Gorgeous short stories on their own and a sprinkling of plot that's not too much, so it doesn’t take away from each story and they can all stand on their own. I admire that, since I'm primarily a short story writer more often than not.

2: What is your favorite weather and time of day?

My favorite type of weather is rain, no doubt about it. And for time of day ... night. Definitely night. I am a night owl, ha.

3: Favorite Fictional character? Why?

Why must you do this to me?! At the moment, it's Mikuni. Save me.

4: Favorite video game? Why?

The World Ends With You. Lots of reasons, and since they are personal ... I will instead just gush about how much I loved the storyline and the characters, and how I can proudly proclaim that this is one of the few games I have ever completed 100%.

5: What are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, watching anime, video games, fishing, hiking, cooking/baking, and learning new things.

6: If you could pick one fictional world to live in, what world would you pick and why?

Oh gosh, I think the Hunter x Hunter world would be cool, too, but I'd die so quickly ... I'm going to go the safer route and say Tales of the Abyss. Make me one of those NPCs chilling in the background. Just, you know, not in the town that gets completely destroyed (gdi Luke).

7: Favorite animal?

CATS. I have always been a cat person and I will definitely continue to be one looooong into the future.

8: Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names and what are they?

Snow White, my eskimo doggie. And Goldie, my orange and white tabby cat.

9: Do you have any original stories? Tell me something about them!

Since I already talked about my current story alongside the OC question, I'll instead gush about a collab story with a good friend of mine. We've been working on this story for close to ... god, eight years now? It's one of those self indulgent things. It's fun to come home to and work on. It has a super hero setting, wherein she writes the heroes and I write the villains. My alliance is called, wait for it - SASSI. Super Assholes Seeking Suitable Income. They're real particular about the destruction they cause, let me tell ya. It's sort of a goofy series that we put together to hash out why people do the things they do and put a satire spin on it. (The villains are not the only ones we poke fun at, just saying.)

10: If you have any ocs, who was your first? If you don’t have any, who was your first favorite character and why?

Oh wow, that's so long ago. My first OC was a nameless young lady from a story about black cats bringing good omens. I wrote it for English class, because I was interested in myths and old legends in regards to cats. It was around the time I discovered what a Cat Sith is.

11: You have three wishes, what would you wish for?

Is this like one of those genies that twists what we want and we have to be reaaaally careful? You know, Monkey Paw style? If so, then I would hand off the wishes to someone else. They can have them; I'mma strive for what I want with my own dedication and patience. If this is a no strings attached sort of deal, then: 1. for good things to happen to my friends and family, 2. to live by the ocean, and 3. to be able to speak more than one language. As I said, all things I can work towards on my own.

Mikoe's Questions

1. Do you draw? If yes, how many years has it been since you’ve started?

Oh gods, no. I used to be big into drawing animals, but I can't draw people and shit for the life of me. I have a few wolf pictures, still, I think. My spirit animal <3

2. Do you write? If yes, could you copy paste a line from your latest work?

Since I was 11~ And sure, I'll use fanfic: "Do I have to go?" The cat's sleepy yawn gave away its apathy to the whole thing. "Can't I just stay here and nap? You'll be fine on your own."

"Well, they did send us two tickets. It'd be rude if you didn't use it, Kuro. Not to mention," and here Mahiru flicked the cat on the forehead, "I'd kind of die if you didn't come along, you lazy cat. Or did you forget we have a contract?"

3. What is/are your nickname(s)? If you don’t have any, can I give you one?

I joke about having nicknames, because kids call me Apple (or god help me, Cabbage, from A FRIEND UGH), but nah. Not really. You can't really make a nickname out of April, lol. As for receiving a nickname, go for it. Good luck, pffft.

4. When is your birthday? If you’re not comfortable with it, then what is your favorite day of the whole year and why?

August 27th

5. What are the 5 things that never fail to brighten up your day or put a smile on your face?

My pets!!! My friends and family. Really cute pics of animal in general. Reading something sweet. Being out in the fresh air.

6. Why did you join Tumblr?

To reconnect with old friends, mainly. Then I fell into the Servamp fandom, enough said.

7. IOS or Android?

Android.

8. In the scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love yourself?

5, it's half and half.

9. Are you the type who pours the cereal before the milk or the milk before the cereal?

Cereal before the milk xD I don't want to get splashed.

10. How is 2017 treating you so far?

Hmm, to sum up: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My internal thoughts are just incoherent screaming atm.

11. Do you like pigeons? XD

Depends. I like the pretty ones that are small and colorful and land on your fingertips.

My Questions~

1. Where do you see yourself in five years?

2. If you draw and/or write, what programs are your favorite to use?

3. Do you have any phobias?

4. Have you ever traveled? If so, where?

5. Do you have someone you admire or strive to be like?

6. What is your ideal vacation?

7. Do you have a favorite candle scent?

8. What genre is your favorite? (For movies, books, anime/manga, games, etc.)

9. Do you have something you use as a crutch/safety net? Something you couldn't live without?

10. What is a series you used to enjoy as a child? Do you still enjoy it?

11. List five things you want to improve in and make a little time for those things every day.

I tag: @crazyanime3, @stirlingphoenix, @choc0bunnyqueen, @pleasantdreamsart, @saltykarkat, @mikunialicein .... man, it’s hard to pick 11. Anyone else who wishes to do so! And of course, if you’re tagged and do not want to do it, that’s cool too.

[fitnesswomenshealth-blog]

If your ‘suicide prevention’ isn’t talking about the mental health system, you’re missing the point.

New Post has been published on https://cialiscom.org/if-your-suicide-prevention-isnt-talking-about-the-mental-health-system-youre-missing-the-point.html

If your ‘suicide prevention’ isn’t talking about the mental health system, you’re missing the point.

As both a suicide endeavor and decline survivor, I require to climb up onto my soapbox for a minute.

Suicide attempts, from a “preventative” standpoint, are almost never, if at any time, as quickly prevented as calling a hotline or a cherished one. “Reaching out” — though incredibly crucial — is not the be-all-close-all of preventative approaches.

Specially thinking about the reality that lots of of us have a background of inquiring for assist, and not receiving the treatment that we required.

I have an understanding of the impulse to question, “Didn’t they know they could phone me?” I questioned myself that several instances when I misplaced a person of my most effective buddies before this 12 months. But this shows a extremely large misunderstanding of the emotional experience that numerous suicide try survivors have described.

Talking from my personal expertise, when you are in a very acute amount of psychological distress, your thought method is not as linear or composed as you may believe.

The soreness in that moment can eclipse every thing else — past, present, long run. It is a kind of tunnel eyesight in which the soreness will become way too fantastic in all those times, I’m cognitively incapable of stepping back again to get the form of standpoint I could normally have.

This is why I generally try out to remind individuals that suicide attempts really don’t essentially replicate a person’s total state, as a lot as it does their degree of suffering in that certain minute.

To set it as a metaphor, suicide makes an attempt remind me really a little bit of coronary heart attacks, in the emotional feeling.

Soon after a specified level, the body’s assets can no longer fend off a really acute and painful party. It is so pronounced that your brain’s reaction is to scramble and do whatever is essential to beat that discomfort, as straight away as doable.

We have some autonomy when we’re in that type of soreness. But so lots of of our actions are finally pushed by the visceral agony we’re in. Our units are flooded and overcome, manufactured worse by the adrenaline, the worry hormones, and for numerous of us, no matter what substances we could possibly be abusing — like liquor — in a misguided attempt to cope.

But far more frequently than not, as opposed to a heart attack, it is also a discomfort that’s been setting up for weeks, months, or even a long time.

When we converse about “suicide avoidance,” we concentrate also substantially on hoping to comprehend the real endeavor, and not more than enough on accessibility of care.

We do not do considerably to guarantee that the pain does not become that acute in the first area. We don’t concentration plenty of on good quality of lifetime afterward. And most importantly, we almost never interrogate the programs in place that have failed to help them lengthy just before they reached this put.

It is as however we have witnessed anyone acquiring a heart assault, but we get started asking what they had for evening meal the evening just before, or kicking ourselves for not giving them aspirin that early morning.

When we communicate about addressing coronary heart condition, we’re not just striving to intervene in the mere moments prior to they come about — we know that is not sufficient, which looks like frequent feeling in this context.

We talk about the complete individual, and all of the strategies in which their wellbeing requirements to be prioritized perfectly prior to they reach a disaster position.

But suicidality is continue to not considered this way. We address suicide makes an attempt as really deliberate alternatives, somewhat than elaborate reactions that we know are much better resolved faster, not just puzzled about later.

The issue is, our psychological wellbeing method isn’t set up to intervene at the minute when it is necessary.

Therapists and psychiatrists are still wildly inaccessible. And if you can find one that has availability and is coated by your insurance (assuming you have insurance policy), it usually usually takes months, even months prior to you can in fact see them.

If that clinician is not proficient or a superior suit? That is supplemental months, months, and even decades until eventually you locate somebody who satisfies your wants. Which does not include the months it normally takes for these solutions to begin yielding true effects.

I lately wrote a described piece about a veteran with PTSD, for whom the nearest mental health company that took his insurance coverage was a staggering 4 several hours absent by car or truck. And if he hadn’t experienced obtain to a car? I’m not guaranteed he would however be alive ideal now.

And all this assumes that psychological wellness care isn’t so stigmatized in your neighborhood that you sense empowered to get assistance quicker instead than later, which is merely not the lifestyle we stay in.

This bureaucratic nightmare, combined with stigma, is why lots of folks with mental well being struggles usually really do not seek out assist for virtually a decade (or more) following their symptoms set in, if they seek assistance at all.

And that’s why I bristle at the thoughts I so usually listen to just after a suicide endeavor. “Why didn’t they talk to for assist?” is the erroneous question to request. “What had been they wondering?” is the improper question to inquire.

“What did WE do to support them, as a culture?” is the concern right here. And additional precisely, what were WE thinking, when we set up our mental well being program to be so inaccessible?

I want to challenge us to think about what we’re executing to alter this on a substantive, systemic degree. This isn’t about reaching out. This is a contact-to-motion.

My own suicide notice yrs ago simply just read, “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this any longer.”

Not, “I don’t want to do this.”

Not, “I do not have any other options.”

Not, “I really don’t treatment about my cherished ones.”

I simply just mentioned, “I just can not.” I experienced achieved a position at which I genuinely considered that I could no extended physically withstand the pain that I was in.

This led me to the unexpected emergency space and, even there, I noticed men and women desperately making an attempt to hurt themselves by any suggests they could, staying stopped only simply because they were being restrained by hospital workers.

And this was not because they didn’t have “help” or “options.” It was not even because they weren’t inquiring for assistance. They were in the healthcare facility — they ended up surrounded by people who, in principle anyway, desired to support them.

But their pain was that unbearable, that all-consuming.

How do you carry another person back from that? And more importantly, how do you make sure they really don’t return to that area?

Over and above stopping the act of making an attempt suicide, I want to know how we can assure them that the life they’re returning to is one in which they are truly supported.

No a single ought to ever get to a stage of going through that substantially ache. And if they do, there must be no problem of what resources are in spot to manual them by means of restoration. But our procedure isn’t developed to intervene quicker relatively than later on. Our process isn’t constructed to produce a trustworthy, consistent basic safety internet afterward.

It’s absolutely not intrigued in setting up any real good quality of lifetime, so significantly as it focuses on just preventing dying.

We have a “worst case scenario” mental wellness program, and it is failing. Its efficacy is a sport of luck at very best, a roll of the dice.

If you have coverage entry to transportation the ideal mixture of clinicians, inpatient or outpatient programs, and/or prescription drugs the time to commit to recovery the persistence to continue to keep next up with companies the assist method close to you to assist you when this gets too much to handle and the sheer vitality to navigate the method that is presently overburdened — it’s possible, just probably you will endure.

No one’s livelihood or excellent of lifetime ought to be left to likelihood.

I’m not making an attempt to paint a bleak image. Individuals can and do prosper, and I’m totally an illustration of that.

But not because our system is actually productive at what it does — it is for the reason that I am just one of the fortunate ones that eventually, immediately after quite a few decades, found my way through it.

I can explain to you why I attempted suicide yrs ago, and it is basic: the amount of money of time it took to “recover” exceeded the amount of money of methods I had to cope.

It took eight many years to get the appropriate diagnoses for my mental wellbeing conditions from the time I started out remedy at age 17.

Which indicates it took 8 yrs to discover the suitable medications to handle my OCD, PTSD, and ADHD. And it took 8 decades to discover a therapist that specialised in those places — a therapist that I had to pay out-of-pocket for, simply because my insurance coverage was not taken by any therapists in the space who had openings for new shoppers.

I’m considerably less interested in stopping the act of suicide alone, and additional intrigued in being aware of why our procedure is doing this kind of a terrible job of caring for people who are having difficulties in advance of, throughout, and just after.

When we know before and more compassionate interventions are so crucial, and when we know top quality of lifestyle is exceedingly additional significant than just holding someone alive, we want to start out asking why our method is set up the way it is.

We want to start off demanding that some thing alter — simply because our life depend on it.

Hey there, friend. Just before you go, I want to share some assets with you.

If you are suicidal, contact the National Suicide Avoidance Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386, or achieve the Crisis Textual content Line by texting “START” to 741741.

This is not just a generic “here are some numbers” plug, I assure. This is a “I want you to remain, we need you below, make sure you really don’t go just yet” plea.

Are you a beloved a single that would like to arrive at out to anyone you feel is struggling? Extraordinary. You absolutely should.

I have a guidebook here for how you can offer guidance in concrete approaches.

One particular extra issue: I developed this useful resource totally for cost-free, but your donations aid retain this labor of really like heading.

This web site is not sponsored by any fancy trousers traders that are hoping to promote you stuff.

It is funded by visitors like you through Patreon!

Each and every donation counts. Assist continue to keep means like these accessible to anyone that demands them! And enable purchase me a cup of coffee, due to the fact I produce a whole lot of these weblogs immediately after function, late at night time, so I could absolutely use the caffeine.

  Some credits & gratitude go to… Picture by rawpixel on Unsplash. Artwork by Jessica Krcmarik.

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[brittanyyoungblog]

120+ Reasons Why I Love You List

How I love thee, let me count the ways… A lot of us have heard the famous beginning to Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet 43, but have we ever taken the time to count the ways we love the person we’re with? Showing someone how much we care about them is an important part of a relationship and, even though it may seem silly, explaining the reasons why we love them can be just as important. 

None of us like to admit it, but in our relationships we all need some reassurance now and then. If you’re thinking of giving the important person in your life some “reasons why I love you” here are some fun examples to spark your creativity.

Share these reasons with the one you love, or even write your own list dedicated to your partner for a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary.

120 Reasons Why I Love You:

I love the way you look at me.

You make me feel like I’m the only person in the world.

With you I can be myself.

I love you because we are family and friends at the same time.

When we’re together, all my problems disappear.

You make my heart smile.

You know me better than I know myself..

You are always willing to help me accomplish my goals.

You have the smoothest skin. I could spend hours just watching and caressing it.

You make me smile when nobody else can.

You have taught me the true meaning of love.

Because I miss you… even when you’re in the next room.

Because when I’m hurt, you help clean me up and bandage me and kiss and make it better. 

You’re always there for me, no matter what.

I love when we walk down the street in the rain, and you hold the umbrella above me so I don’t get wet.

You let me be myself and you encourage me to find more of myself.

You are truthful and vulnerable with me.

You encourage me after I feel like I’ve failed.

You make me feel like I can get through anything, as long as I have you.

You sacrifice and work so hard, without even realizing that you are.

You love my family, even though they’re crazy!

You take care of me and spoil me when I’m sick.

You always make time for just the two of us.

Because you are determined to make this relationship work.

Because you help me see negative things differently.

Because when you laugh it makes me laugh!

We understand each other so well. 

Your arms feel more like home than any house ever did.

You have an inner strength that helps keep me calm when my life is in chaos.

You always keep your promises. 

You help me understand technology, without being condescending. 

You have the ability to comfort me simply by your touch.

You always apologize first, no matter who’s wrong. 

Because you are so sexy and I can’t believe I get to call you mine.

Because you always swap the wet towels for dry ones when you know I’m showering after you.

Because when things don’t go as planned, you roll with it, instead of getting stressed.

You always believe in me and inspire me.

I can always talk to you.

You give me massages. 

Because I can see how much you love being there for me. 

I love you because you picked me.

Your eyes smile when you laugh.

You kiss me goodbye when I’m still asleep in the morning.

You let me pick the movie. 

You are sweeter than my favorite dessert.

You love me even when I’m being horrible and hard to be around. 

Because you always treat everyone well. 

We’re so different and yet so the same. 

You are doing everything to become a better person for yourself and for us.

You make an effort with my friends and family, because you know how much they mean to me.

I love how you put so much thought into everything you do for me.

You have an innate ability to protect and take care of me.

I love you because you gave me the gift of yourself. 

You make me a better person.

I love you every time you reach across our bed to pull me close to you.

Because you make me feel special.

You have a gentle and calming voice that soothes me when I’m upset.

The day I met you, I found my missing piece.

Because I can be myself around you.

Because you trust me unconditionally.

You are always pushing me to be better and my biggest fan in all that I do.

You make all of my dreams come true, no matter how small they are.

You make me laugh so hard that I spit my drink out!

Your willingness always to try new things make my life full of adventures.

You are always kind to other people, even if they don’t deserve it.

Because I can’t imagine life without you. 

You know the secret, little things that cheer me up and make me happy.

You only seem to notice my strengths and always have confidence in me.

You don’t just tell me you love me, you show me.

You know how to cheer me up when I’m sad.

You care deeply about my success and my happiness.

You never give up on me, even when I’m at my worst.

You turn on the seat warmer in the car for me.

You follow me and you push me.

You’re smart and dedicated to your job.

You always have an idea of something fun to do.

You make me feel completely cherished and adored.

You care about the people around you. 

You are patient and loving with those close to you. 

You always tip. 

You’re always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

You are smoking hot!

I love your snuggles.

You may not always agree with my decisions but you always trust me to make them. 

I love that you ask about my day.

You have the courage to chase your dreams. 

You still give me butterflies.

You tell great stories. 

You are great at giving people compliments. 

You’re cute when you’re grumpy.

I love that your hand fits perfectly with mine.

I love that I get to go through life with you.

When we go places together, you pitch in to make the trips easier and more fun. 

We spend lots of time talking about decisions we need to make together.

You tell me why you love me. 

You’ll do my chores when you know I’ve had a bad day. 

When I do your chores or pick up the slack around the house, you always noticed.

You are my very best friend in the whole world.

You always open the car door for me.

You make the dark a little less scary.

You’re the calm in the storm.

You make me feel so safe.

I love how you’re able to make me laugh, even when the situation shouldn’t be funny.

You are everything I never knew I needed.

I love that you let me cuddle up REALLY close to you… even when you’re overheating.

You hold my hand in movies. 

When you’re a guest in someone’s home you always eat what they’ve prepared, even if you’re not a huge fan. 

You give up your seat for the elderly. 

You’re not afraid to be silly with me. 

You’re always saving funny memes on your phone to show me later because you want me to laugh too.

I love that you make my fears melt away.

When you talk to people you’re focused on them. 

You put other’s needs before your own.

Your kisses make me weak in the knees.

I love that you take care of me when I forget to.

You’re always doing little, creative things to let me know you care.

You wake up with a smile in the morning. 

You know when to help and when to let me do it myself.

You always carry heavy bags for me.

You’re a great person to talk decisions over with. You don’t tell me what I should do but you give me great feedback and listen.

You love cheese as much as I do!

You’ll pick up food on the way home.

People look up to you and you never let them down.

You don’t change depending on who you’re with.

  The post 120+ Reasons Why I Love You List appeared first on The Date Mix.

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[shannnooonnn]

A Second Chance

I cherish the small things in life because even your prized possessions can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. I wish I would have learned this much earlier before my first college experience. Words cannot explain how much love I have for the sport of football. It is my favorite sport and it will always remain that. Coming into high school I have never played football before in my life so I thought I’d try it out. I would always watch football on television, but I have never really had the real experience. My friends were quite surprised that I was so unfamiliar with everything that came with football. I felt like I just moved from a foreign country learning to play the sport of football for the first time. Something as simple as strapping up my helmet and shoulder pads was anomalous to me. Around my sophomore year, I became very good at it and began to play varsity that same year. I played three years on varsity, and during my senior year I was searching for football scholarships. After my final high school football game, coaches started to stop by and talk to me. What I failed to realize is that I needed to have almost excellent grades to attend to the school I wanted to. During my senior year I did not have the best grades but they were good enough for me to attend college. Time passed by and I was losing hope for my dream of playing college football. My mind was later changed one day while I was in class. A college coach, by the name Bradley Chavez, offered me a scholarship to play football at Texas A&M University-Kingsville. It’s a Division 2 school located in Kingsville, Texas. A small town near Corpus Christi. My dream had finally come true and all my hard work paid off. The first person I told the great news to was my mother, who of course, could not wait to tell my entire family. Although this was a great accomplishment, I believed making my mother proud was a lot more important. After everything she has done for me in my life this was my way of repaying her.

Leaving Houston for college was a huge change in my life that I would later become accustomed to. I missed all my friends and family and I was finally being detached from the place I grew up in. It was time to begin a new life and move on to bigger and better things. Since I played football for the school, I had to report there early because of football camp. All the football players roomed together in the same dorms. This helped all of us build relationships with each other considering some of us were meeting each other for the first time. Most of the activities we participated in during the summer were team bonding activities. I became much closer with all my teammates as football season inched closer. Later that week, I found out I was going to become a true freshman and play in my first college football game the following week. I was nervous yet as focused as I’ve ever been for any game in my football career. This was one of the most exciting moments of my life. My family and friends traveled three and a half hours just to come and see me play. Later on in the season, we had another very important game that would determine if we would make the playoffs or not. This game was around the mid season point so the weather was beginning to get very cold and rainy. Our coach told us that the weather may have been a factor in this game but to not think too highly of it. Unfortunately, he was wrong. Not only was it a freezing temperature during this game, but there was also a severe rain and lightning delay. This delay interrupted our regular game routine so everything ended up being pushed back. About two hours after the scheduled game time, the weather began to clear up. Although the game was beginning to start, we were not able to perform our usual stretch routine so everyone had to stretch individually. I tried to stretch myself out as much as I could knowing it would not be hard to strain a muscle in this cold weather. The opposing team was receiving the ball first, and I was on the kickoff unit of our team. When the ball was the kicked, of course I ran as fast as could I down the field. Halfway down the field, my right leg completely gave out. I was in shock at the moment because this was my freshman season and I did not want to become injured. A few moments later, the trainers told me I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament. In other words, I had a badly torn ACL. I was going to miss the rest of the season. I was extremely discouraged and this news brought my confidence to an all time low. I called my mother to tell her the bad news and she was just as sad I was. “Don’t let this bring you down Shannon. Recover from it and be better than you were before”, she told me. The light that she tried to shine on me weren’t bright enough because of the dark clouds of depression this injury brought. Instead of getting stronger, faster, and preparing myself for the next football season, I would spend most of the offseason recovering from this unfortunate injury. Ever since the injury I was feeling down and nothing could put me in a better mood.

Considering I had this major injury I was required to go rehab every single day of the week. The depression had spread to every part of my body at this point. Not only was I out for the season, but I also could not participate in many events with my team. I felt as if I let them down. As the year went by, I began to slowly lose focus on my school work and hang out with my friends more. I was not living for myself anymore. I was studying less, not waking up for class, and even missed test dates and big projects. Since there was no football, what was the point? I dedicated my efforts to everything else and nothing towards school. Ironically, my school work was not my main priority while I was in college. It was all of the luxuries that came along with it. The parties, drinking, going to clubs, and all the other college activities were more critical to me than the actual reason for college. My attitude completely changed and because of that my grades suffered. I was so caught up in this college life I wasn’t aware of how it would severely backfire. At this moment in my life, I was completely destroyed on the inside, and that nothing would boost my confidence back up to where it once was. I dreaded doing any type of assignments for school so I would procrastinate continuously. Hanging out with my friends all the time caused me to forget what was even more important than football: My education. I was so blinded by this injury that it took away the spotlight from school.

The first semester was ending and it finally dawned upon me that it was too late. The months of procrastinating, being lazy, and partying finally caught up with me in the end. In my very first semester of college, I failed all of my classes and ended up losing the scholarship I once dreamed about. From my perspective, there was no coming back from this. I was a failure and I was disgusted with myself. Everyone had such high hopes for me, and I just threw it away as if it meant nothing. The hardest part about of all this is how I was going to tell my mother. The one person I look up to in this world I would eventually have to disappoint with this horrible news. Letting down the person that inspires me the most in everything I do is the worst feeling I have ever felt. She would call me every week asking me how I felt and how my grades were. Knowing that my grades were slowly plummeting, I would still tell her that school was going great as usual. As final’s week was approaching, I knew there was no possible way of me classing. With the slight amount of dignity I had left in me, I decided to take my finals for all of my classes knowing it would be the last time I would see any of my teachers or classmates again. This was one of the most difficult times in my life and the decisions I had to make at this point were even harder. Christmas break for school had just began, and I was still contemplating on how to bring the bad news to my mother. One day during the break, a phone call came to my house. I was upstairs but I could still overhear what my mother was saying. She was speaking with the school and I knew it would go downhill from there. “Are you kidding me?’, she said as she talked to the school. Those four words spoke louder than anything else she said during that phone call. They screamed disappointment and sorrow. In this moment, there was no sympathy for my injury, not that I expected to receive any. I broke down and cried for hours on this day wondering how I would recover from this or why I even put myself in this predicament in the first place. The fantasy world I once lived in was just a memory to me now. Reality just hit me with everything it had.

The process of taking all of my things out of dorm was just as hard. Every little item I took out sparked a memory inside of my head. I was not ready to leave college but at the same time I was also not ready for college. Telling all of my teammates goodbye was also very hard. Although I am sure they felt sorry for me, they were disappointed in me as well. I let all of them down and it was all my fault. During the process of me being removed from school, I had a very long talk with my position coach, Parker Cundiff. Not only was Coach Cundiff a great coach, he gave us life lessons as well. Ironically, he would always make sure our grades were good to make sure that we could play. When I told him about my failing grades he was disappointed but also sympathetic. Coach Cundiff was the coach for the linebackers and he seemed like a father figure to all of us. He explained to me how this was just a minor setback in my life and that I will eventually overcome all of this. He was a great guy and always looked for a positive outcome. One day, as we were walking and talking, he told me, “You can always call me for anything and you’ll always have a spot here in Kingsville.” Those words of encouragement lit a fire inside me that I wish I had before I failed out of school. Coach Cundiff somehow made this tragedy a little bit more enjoyable. Although I failed all of my classes, Coach Cundiff wanted me to improve my grades just so I could come back and play football for him. I guess he saw more potential in myself than I did and I really appreciated that from him. Coach turned out to be right considering I have been doing great since my minor setback. I have accomplished great things ever since I failed out of college. Right after I left school, I got a job at a moving company. Since I was not in school at the time, my goal was to save up money so I could end up purchasing myself a car. I achieved that goal raising enough to money to buy my first car this past summer. I also took some initiative and took some summer classes to put myself somewhat ahead in school. Surprisingly, I started off with extremely good grades and I never looked back. I have followed the same path ever since I started college for the second time. It took a second time for me to realize how important my grades were. My mother, who is also very proud of me, knew I could do this all along. She admires the way I have matured and how I take school very seriously now. I understand now that in order to become successful in life you must have an education. It is a lot more difficult for people without degrees to find jobs than it is for the people who already have a degree. School is now the number one priority in my life.

Nothing in life comes easy and you must work hard to achieve your goals. There are no handouts in life and everything must be earned. This tragic experience helped me realize how important it is to work hard and stay focused. I loved football dearly and it was taken away from me before I even got to enjoy it. If I would have realized how difficult my journey was going to be, I would have worked hard from the beginning. Of course I regret failing out of college and losing my football scholarship, but at the same time I used this as a learning experience. Some of my other friends have also experienced the same tragedy. One of my closest friends told me his story and I felt as if I was talking to myself. We had the same problems and overcame the same way. A famous quote says, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” This setback very helpful considering that it shaped me to become a much stronger and wiser person. I have learned to not take situations lightly and to make the most out of every opportunity I receive.