#so it wasn’t gr8 vibes but like it was fine

[sammansonn]

my thoughts on the 100 series finale

okay so just before this episode i watched last weeks episode because i really just Didn’t wanna watch it jroth really had me Dreading having to watch the show

i want to make it clear that i hate jroth and he managed to fuck up Everything in these last few episodes

but, and i don’t know if it was my Lowwwww expectations of this episode or what, i didn’t Hate it

i have So many issues with it and i didn’t Like it, but i Kinda get it

so first off hate that they killed madi that was fucked up and stupid like why did jroth say “everyone clarke loves has to die otherwise she’s not Really traumatized” like fuck him

honestly i think my biggest issue these past few episodes is that jroth just rewrote clarke’s character, like she obviously would never have killed bellamy but she also would Not have been as selfish as she’s been these last couple episodes

clarke griffin is my favorite character of all time (i mean now its a bit difficult separating this fucked version jroth randomly made from the real one in my heart) and so much of this just Wasn’t her

idk like Obviously she’d be focused on madi and Only madi but i just feel like the way she treated everyone else just Wasn’t her

okay so before i watched the episodes i actually knew a lot of what happened because i said “fuck it i’ll spoil myself i don’t give a shit” and while looking at things i was like “what the fuck is the point of the show if the human race doesn’t even technically survive???” but i actually kinda get the point now that i’ve seen it

like although i still do Not like the transcendence plot (honestly wtf jroth) i think the show has tried to convey this idea of violence being the death of humanity, and this episode (especially octavia’s speech) did cement that in a way

oh that reminds me i also hate that raven is the one who beat the test while clarke was just off alone with madi not caring about Anyone else

like i know obviously she’s gonna be Fucked up, but first off she is the main character like the fact that octavia and raven were the actual ones who fixed everything just kinda didn’t vibe with me right (although i love octavia and raven obviously), and second off again she wouldn’t just give up that easily on the test nor would she just abandon everyone else

and when i say this i mean Our clarke, the Real clarke, wouldn’t do that, this clarke that jroth made was born when she killed bellamy, because all of these things that are totally out of clarke’s character make sense when you look at the fact that she killed bellamy, and because Our clarke would Not kill bellamy she also wouldn’t do all this bullshit jroth is pulling

some quick side notes

loved murphy and emori so glad they got the happy ending they Deserve honestly my fav canon couple i the show

also love octavia and levitt they looked so cute at the end

jordan and hope doesn’t make sense honestly it was super forced and hope is Clearly a lesbian and her and echo are in Love (hecho rights) 

loved indra killing sheidheda what a good time

so about the actual ending on the beach, i actually liked that singular part of it if everything else before it was fixed (that way madi and bellamy could Also be there, and also they should be able to reproduce honestly that part is weird)

i felt like clarke accepting that she was the one human who couldn’t ascend went back to her selfless nature that jroth was ignoring for some reason (i think she should have killed cadogan but then tried to save the human race and basically had raven’s test too ya know, and then maybe the judge could’ve been like “either you all die, or everyone transcends but you” and clarke could’ve agreed i think that would’v been good)

i also liked that her fam came back for her, like it finally shows them appreciating clarke and giving back what she’s given them throughout the show (although again i think madi should’ve come back too but thats fine)

again, im not saying i Like the transcendence, i think it would’ve been better for humanity to actually be able to survive on its own in peace without promise of becoming balls of light but i liked the beach scene ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

also wanted to talk about the fact that lexa was the judge because i have seen some thoughts on it

so first off i am a bellarke shipper who Also loved clexa and love lexa in general and i was Very happy to see that she was back

something i think is interesting that the judge said the person is not Necessarily the one the person loves most but their greatest Teacher, and i Do feel like clarke learned so much not necessarily by lexa but through her?

personally tho if i was gonna pick a person for clarke i might have gone her dad or maybe wells because rip wells (or obviously bellamy but ya know)

anyway i was so happy to see lexa and clarke looked so happy even for a second which was so good

but despite all this i do want to recognize that bringing back lexa was a Complete manipulation move by jroth because he’s just trying to bring back some of his alienated fanbase 

but even though its So manipulative we can still appreciate lovely lexa obviously

okay those are my thoughts idk i’m less upset about it than i thought i’d be but i think that’s peace 1. my expectations were in the literal gutters and 2. i did still like all the other characters and felt that they did good ya know, like its really the ooc clarke that is my main issue (and jroth’s just shit writing in general)

also wanted to say that the cast was honestly amazing tho like they did gr8 and i just wish they had a better writer than jroth

i also hope one day we’ll find out if there really was a fight between bob and jroth and thats why everything got so fucked because apparently he was mad at bob and eliza?? like idk if he’s That petty but.....

anyway have i mentioned fuck jroth

[tiptapricot]

Stephanie Brown if you're still doing the character asks?

This is gonna be based off my very small amount of knowledge about canon Steph and what I’ve picked up from being in the fandom.

Favorite thing about them: Steph is very fiery to me. She’s been through shit and will take no shit. She always perseveres and I admire that. Also all her costumes are gr8

Least favorite thing about them: don’t know enough for something specific but I wish Steph wasn’t sidelined as much in popular media.

Favorite line: don’t know sorry :(

BrOTP: Besides the batfam where all the dynamics are 👌 I’m getting the vibes that she would wreak havoc if left alone with Kon.

OTP: Her and Cass seem very soft. Opposites attract but also they’ve both gone through family shit that they could relate to.

Notp: I don’t really ship Steph with a lot of other people. I can see stephcass but I’m not crazy about it or anything. I almost don’t feel like she’s be in a relationship? Like she’d be fine just chillin?

Random headcanon: Out of all the batfam Steph is the one who gets the most banged up out of costume. She’ll go to parks and climb all over everything, in trees, structures, etc. and as a result she has a lot of bruises and scrapes all the time.

Unpopular opinion: Steph had the best Robin costume ngl.

Song I associate with them: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and any upbeat retro pop

Favorite picture of them: Any one where she has fluffy hair bc she looks so good with it

[minniti]

TODAY WAS SHIT! I FELT LIKE I WAS LIVING IN A MOVIE! ASKJLDF

so yesterday i talked to hall boy again and long story short our relationship is basically us spewing our emotional problems with one another and crying, and i’m tired and i don’t think that bodes well. ANYWAYS he told me that he was having problems with a girl who is his friend that he thinks treats him badly bc she’s having problems with depression or so, and i told him honestly that he needs to talk to her and such and stick up for himself, but man i very much got the vibe he believes he has no self-worth and can’t do that ?? he literally told me it was a big reason for his issues??

and man i just had to tell him all through lunch my relationship with mental illness and my mother having it and losing emilio to it and ! at one point i was crying and told him “i couldn’t live with myself if you died” which !!!!!! is tiring !!!!! i literally went home and slept for 12 hours straight i wish i was making that up.

AND TODAY this girl comes over to me in music (we brought in a violin tutor for a master class) i don’t know after someone was making fun of the fact hall boy was gone again, and it pissed me off bc he’s going through a lot at home and with himself and i said something or another and she walks over asking if i know him, and long story short we went outside and pretended to go to the restroom for a half an hour to talk through everything and !!!!!! it got crazy !!!!!! THAT was the girl he’s having problems with !!!!

basically she told me she was jealous whenever she saw him hold me after emilio died (this girl was like “that suicide” bitch stop i will smack you) because she liked him, and like it was just crazy to me that in her eyes she ALSO had a pre-emilio and post-emilio life with hall boy? and so then she continued saying that she feels like he treats her badly, and i basically told her look “he’s depressed and coming from someone who used to be, give him space but fon’t cut him off”, which she was going to do. and i asked her if she still likes him and she said “maybe” which made me uncomfortable bc i do !?

so yeah basically since yesterday  i realized my relationship with hall boy is becoming a similar one i had with emilio, and i’m terrified he’s going to kill himself because i care so much about him!! and having to come back to terms with the senselessness of mental illness and the complete falling out of my world of that december makes me so uneasy!! i cant love his mental illnesses away!! he's so along and i'm scared!!

AND ok so last month i found this beautiful quartet piece at a quartet concert i went to, tchaikovsky's quartet 1 movement 2, and ya know ?! i heard two nights against the concert hall boy is playing it, and i was like COOL that's a sign right? well this girl is playing with him! and anyways, this music can't get any deeper right? HAH well some boy decided to play the fauré eulogy cello solo that was played at the concert the day after emilio died and ! BOY STOP ! like it can't be enough that i'm reliving all this fucking fear of losing someone and the strain of the shittyness of mental illness, having to talk someone out of mentally being fine with killing themselves, it was like the universe was against me :) anyways i walked out , , bc yeah i cried Fuck You. AND !!! his prior girlfriend came to visit today (jess if ur reading this i didn't have time to see you i'm so sorry :(((( ) which would have been gr8 99% of the times but today SUCKED and everything reminded me of him and like it was the damn syrup to the icing of this shitty cake if i may use a terrible analogy. but yeah. usually i'm fine but it's like i'm reliving everything. hall boy wasn't at school today and it was that same chilling absence of losing emilio, it's this absence that's not even real because i feel to this day that if someone told me he went on a 4 month vacation and came back tomorrow how i perceive his absence wouldn’t change. like someone told me he was dead and that was it. if no one told me he died i would still feel sad i hadn’t seen him, but the immense possibilities of living would stop me from tearing myself apart thinking about he’m simply not existing anymore. except of course i still have the possibility of seeing hall boy and it’s nothing like losing someone for real, but it’s just uncomfortable. 

i’m not looking for pity or anything shit like that, i’m just tired of being reminded of emilio because i miss him so damn much and how much i miss simply his being and the coincidences of music and mental illness and the deep ties all of this has are so damn much i can’t help but cry. i always feel weird about missing him because he meant so much to other people, probably much more, but he kept me sane when i was depressed and was my friend for 5 and a half years through ALL my ups and downs and was such a good boy. 

ANYWAYS im angry at the world and tired at this relationship i have with someone i can’t believe i’m worrying about him offing himself again, and i’m just hyper-aware of it now w/emilio and i’m on edge and i’m fucking tired. o’m gonna do some french and start the new book club book and relax. peace out.