#so kebs na

[jopetkasi]

dennis: i am picking you and the rest. let's have dinner.

me: are you driving?

dennis: yes!

me: marlon can you please drive nalang? nakaka takot mag drive si dennis?

marlon: pagod ako. besides i'll park my car here para isang sasakyan nalang.

so that was how my Saturday evening began, despite me wanting to decline since I did an all-nighter last Friday (work stuff) which crossed over to lunch the next day with my running friends. kainis kasi i barely had two hours of sleep and I was lutang all the time. i mean for me to be functional, I need 6 to 7 hours of rest but last weekend was pretty packed so much i promised myself this won't happen again, kebs kung mainis na mga pinsan ko sa akin.

John flew in from Tacloban and followed us. Yung puyat ko dinaan ko nalang sa akin and we ordered a lot! ako naman was feeling generous kaya i treated them with pecking duck served two ways. i know it's a bit expensive, but hey, anything for the manongs, I will give.

Dennis even graciously offered to split the bill for the duck which I really appreciate. He may be a bad driver but his being generous is what endears me to him.

so going back to Dennis, he bought a montero and was showing us yung ilang gasgas sa kotse nya. i was so tempted to tell him na why purchase an expensive SUV only to practice-drive on it? but I was too tired to bitch. anyways, the new guy picked me up in Banawe and we shared desserts at Ginos. First-time ko at doon and probably the last kasi naman and mahalya jackson ng presyo doon!

as we walked to the parking lot, I casually asked him why we are still not having sex?

me: halos araw araw na tayo nagkikita, wala ka bang balak dalhin ako sa Sogo man lang? i mean lagpas na tayo sa 10 dates diba? yung iba nga first date palang nakarating na sa langit.

new guy: bakit naman Sogo? puede naman sa place ko?

me: but you never offered to bring me there?

new guy: because you never asked.

me: (starts to flirt and sniff on his shirt) how about tonight?

new guy: you look tired. laki na ng eyebags mo oh.

me: please?

new guy: (kisses me on the forehead...again) maligo ka, jopet. amoy bawang at sibuyas kana. baka di ako tigasan.

me: iuwi mo na ako.

[kasja93]

Hejka!

Obudziłam się koło 7 rano. Pierwsza noc w nowym domu za mną. Sen zleciał niemal natychmiast i nic mi się nie śniło. Nakarmiłam Uszołaki i poszłam się ogarnąć. Tata już kręcił się po podwórku, więc zrobiłam nam kawy. Zjedliśmy śniadanie i pojechaliśmy do Sieradza po łóżko dla taty oraz kilka rzeczy do Leroya.

Tata zapomniał kluczy do komórki w Łodzi, więc wróciliśmy się do domu. Po 15 min od wyjechania okazało się, że klucze nadal były w domu xDDD spóźniłam się przez to do psychiatry. Jednak nie było z tym problemu. Następną wizytę będę miała już poprzez skype… Pani doktor zwiększyła mi dawkę leków i kazała mi nie być tak zrezygnowana co do swojego leczenia. No i oburzyła się na postępowanie Niemców… zapewniła mnie, że nie jestem pasożytem i nie wyciągam lewego l4 tylko jestem chora. Płakałam podczas wizyty. Chce wierzyć w to wszystko…

Zapakowaliśmy pozostałe rzeczy rodziców i przewieźliśmy mamę do mojego mieszkania na czas remontu. Koty zaś zawitały na domku. Przerażone i w ogóle zestresowane. Czarnuch vel Tajson już wieczorem zwiedzała dom i nawet zawitała do uszaków, które ją otupały xD jednak nie było żadnej wrogości a króle „zdominowały” spotkanie xD

Co się tyczy jedzenia? Dużo dziś było… Rano czereśnie i wafle smakowe. Później najlepszy kebab w Kaliszu gdzie odbierałam łóżko dla siebie. I serio kebs prima sort. Świeże warzywa, sporo mięsa i naturalny sos a nie gotowiec. Naprawdę byłam z niego zadowolona.

Generalnie znów padam na twarz. Jednak dziś chociaż mniej dźwigałam oraz nauczyłam się rozpalać piec :) No i wpadło l4… generalnie dzień okej. Jutro jak pogoda pozwoli zrobię wybieg dla uszołaków

Idę spać bo zaraz chyba padnę. Leki zwiększę dopiero w weekend w razie gdybym nie mogła po nich prowadzić.

[shoodleynoodle]

04.21.24 ~

Angels walk!! Super pagod pero kebs na rin kasi super happy talaga umattend ng ganitong events, saka kasalanan ko rin naman kasi di ako natulog agad kagabi pagkauwi kahit alam kong maaga lakad ko kinabukasan. Ahahaha. Wala ako masyadong picture sa phone kasi pinahawak ako ng camera ng tatay ko tas di ko naman matransfer pa kasi tamad pa ako. Ahahahaha. Super daming performances, grabe, super aliw. Para talaga siyang concert (unlike nung happy walk na andaming interactive booths pero gets rin naman kasi magkaiba naman talaga ng case and preference and mga nasa spectrum vs mga may ds) tsaka andami rin nilang guest celebrities na advocate for autism. Gusto ko lang rin sabihin na ang ganda ni michelle dee at rhian ramos. Ahahaha. Super dami rin attendees kasi napuno yung moa arena. Di ko inexpect yung ganung karaming tao kasi first time ko so akala ko yung tulad lang nung sa happy walk na smx ras super puno. Pero ayun, super enjoy talaga saka ansaya talaga sumalubong ng mga nagpaparada!!!

Saka share ko na rin na lalo akong nagkadrive na magpursue ng devped (kahit gano siya katagal at kahirap trabahuhin grr) upon knowing kanina na 96 lang ang practicing and certified devpeds sa pinas. Last time i checked (2019 ata), 51 lang sila tas puro sa luzon lang rin kaya super nakakamotivate talaga kasi nasa 1 million families yung merong household member na may asd. Eh imagine, asd pa lang yon, paano pa yung mga may adhd, ds, etc? Agawan na lang talaga. Kaya di ka na rin magtataka na andaming bata ang hindi nadidiagnose kaya hirap sa schooling and life in general eh. Wala lang, ang sad lang rin talaga kung iisipin.

Anyways, sobrang fun and eye/mind-opening experience talaga umattend ng ganitong events kaya vow ko sa sarili ko na yearly ako aattend na ng walks, with or without the parents. Ahahaha.

[thesecoldfeet]

kagabi ko nalang ata nakausap si cams tapos tawang tawa ako kasi sabi niya ang tagal ko na daw nananahimik, may ginagawa daw ba akong kagaguhan. sana nga ano? hahaha

idk if this is still fatigue pero grabe yung pagod ko kasi talaga. if u know me, you’ll agree na isa ako sa pinaka opinionated na tao na makikilala mo. before, i don’t communicate well but had to learn it to avoid conflicts and to express my feelings properly but now, ayoko nalang magsalita at all. ganon ako ka exhausted.

also, i realized na yung ibang tao, the people whom i trust so much are also the ones na nagccause ng trigger sakin. and some of them are being so careless despite me being so careful sa kanila whenever they are struggling with something. but oh well, you can’t expect people naman to do the same thing so kebs nalang talaga.

i like being quiet. for now.

[melovesanneeeee]

3 for 20 petot tapos mas malaki pa yung alaga ni ano kesa dito awhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha nubayan pero inasinan naman maalat naman so kebs na rin. 😋

[cyarskaren52]

https://web.archive.org/web/20200127175703/https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/26/arts/music/grammy-winners.html

2020 Grammy Winners: The Complete List

https://web.archive.org/web/20200127172755im_/https://static01.nyt.com/images/2020/01/26/arts/26grammys-winners-billie/merlin_167891961_805fe086-4b08-486d-9d8e-20c0069f55bf-superJumbo.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp

Compiled by Lauren Messman

Published Jan. 26, 2020Updated Jan. 27, 2020, 10:28 a.m. ET

The 62nd annual Grammy Awards were on Sunday. Here are highlights from the show:

Billie Eilish won five awards, including record, album and song of the year, capping a night that also saw multiple wins for Lizzo and Lil Nas X.

Our critics and writers weigh in on the best and worst moments.

Lizzo and host Alicia Keys kicked off the show by addressing the death of the basketball star Kobe Bryant.

The ousted Grammys chief Deborah Dugan is at war with the Recording Academy. In a speech, Keys seemed to reference the turmoil.

Check out the red carpet looks.

See the complete list of winners below:

Record of the Year

“Bad Guy,” Billie Eilish

Album of the Year

“When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?,” Billie Eilish

Song of the Year

“Bad Guy,” Billie Eilish O’Connell and Finneas O’Connell, songwriters (Billie Eilish)

Best New Artist

Billie Eilish

Best Pop Solo Performance

“Truth Hurts,” Lizzo

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

“Old Town Road,” Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus

Best Pop Vocal Album

“When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?,” Billie Eilish

Best Rock Performance

“This Land,” Gary Clark Jr.

Best Rock Song

“This Land,” Gary Clark Jr., songwriter (Gary Clark Jr.)

Best Rock Album

“Social Cues,” Cage the Elephant

Best Alternative Music Album

“Father of the Bride,” Vampire Weekend

Best Metal Performance

“7empest,” Tool

Best R&B Performance

“Come Home,” Anderson .Paak featuring André 3000

Best R&B Song

“Say So,” PJ Morton, songwriter (PJ Morton featuring JoJo)

Best Urban Contemporary Album

“Cuz I Love You (Deluxe),” Lizzo

Best R&B Album

“Ventura,” Anderson .Paak

Best Traditional R&B Performance

“Jerome,” Lizzo

Best Rap Performance

“Racks in the Middle,” Nipsey Hussle featuring Roddy Ricch and Hit-Boy

Best Rap Song

“A Lot,” Jermaine Cole, Dacoury Natche, 21 Savage and Anthony White, songwriters (21 Savage featuring J. Cole)

Best Rap Album

“Igor,” Tyler, the Creator

Best Rap/Sung Performance

“Higher,” DJ Khaled featuring Nipsey Hussle and John Legend

Best Country Solo Performance

“Ride Me Back Home,” Willie Nelson

Best Country Album

“While I’m Livin’,” Tanya Tucker

Best Jazz Instrumental Album

“Finding Gabriel,” Brad Mehldau

Best Latin Pop Album

“#Eldisco,” Alejandro Sanz

Best Latin Rock, Urban or Alternative Album

“El Mal Querer,” Rosalía

Best Americana Album

“Oklahoma,” Keb’ Mo’

Best Song Written for Visual Media

“I’ll Never Love Again (Film Version),” Natalie Hemby, Lady Gaga, Hillary Lindsey and Aaron Raitiere, songwriters (Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper)

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical

Finneas

Best Music Video

“Old Town Road (Official Movie),” Calmatic, video director; Candice Dragonas, Melissa Larsen and Saul Levitz, video producers (Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus)

Best Comedy Album

“Sticks & Stones,” Dave Chappelle

Best Musical Theater Album

“Hadestown,” Reeve Carney, André De Shields, Amber Gray, Eva Noblezada and Patrick Page, principal soloists; Mara Isaacs, David Lai, Anaïs Mitchell and Todd Sickafoose, producers (Anaïs Mitchell, composer and lyricist) (Original Broadway Cast)

Best Instrumental Composition

“Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge Symphonic Suite,” John Williams, composer (John Williams)

Best Arrangement, Instrumental or A Cappella

“Moon River,” Jacob Collier, arranger (Jacob Collier)

Best Arrangement, Instruments and Vocals“All Night Long,” Jacob Collier, arranger (Jacob Collier featuring Jules Buckley, Take 6 and Metropole Orkest)

A Grammys Red Carpet Fantasia

We went to the Grammys red carpet in Los Angeles.

Best Recording Package

Chris Cornell, Barry Ament, Jeff Ament and Joe Spix, art directors (Chris Cornell)

Best Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package

“Woodstock: Back to the Garden — The Definitive 50th Anniversary Archive,” Masaki Koike, art director (Various Artists)

Best Album Notes

“Stax ’68: A Memphis Story,” Steve Greenberg, album notes writer (Various Artists)

Best Historical Album

“Pete Seeger: The Smithsonian Folkways Collection,” Jeff Place and Robert Santelli, compilation producers; Pete Reiniger, mastering engineer (Pete Seeger)

Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical

“When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?,” Rob Kinelski and Finneas O’Connell, engineers; John Greenham, mastering engineer (Billie Eilish)

Best Remixed Recording

“I Rise (Tracy Young’s Pride Intro Radio Remix),” Tracy Young, remixer (Madonna)

Best Immersive Audio Album

“Lux,” Morten Lindberg, immersive audio engineer; Morten Lindberg, immersive audio mastering engineer; Morten Lindberg, immersive audio producer (Anita Brevik, Trondheimsolistene and Nidarosdomens Jentekor)

Best Contemporary Instrumental Album

“Mettavolution,” Rodrigo y Gabriela

Best Gospel Performance/Song

“Love Theory,” Kirk Franklin, songwriter (Kirk Franklin)

Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song

“God Only Knows,” Josh Kerr, Jordan Reynolds, Joel Smallbone, Luke Smallbone and Tedd Tjornhom, songwriters (For King & Country and Dolly Parton)

Best Gospel Album

“Long Live Love,” Kirk Franklin

Best Contemporary Christian Music Album

“Burn the Ships,” For King & Country

Best Roots Gospel Album

“Testimony,” Gloria Gaynor

Best World Music Album

“Celia,” Angelique Kidjo

Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media

“A Star Is Born,” Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper

Best Score Soundtrack for Visual Media

“Chernobyl,” Hildur Guonadottir, composer

Best New Age Album

“Wings,” Peter Kater

Best American Roots Performance

“Saint Honesty,” Sara Bareilles

Best American Roots Song

“Call My Name,” Sarah Jarosz, Aoife O’Donovan and Sara Watkins, songwriters (I’m With Her)

Best Bluegrass Album

“Tall Fiddler,” Michael Cleveland

Best Traditional Blues Album

“Tall, Dark & Handsome,” Delbert McClinton and Self-Made Men + Dana

Best Contemporary Blues Album

“This Land,” Gary Clark Jr.

Best Folk Album

“Patty Griffin,” Patty Griffin

Best Children’s Album

“Ageless Songs for the Child Archetype,” Jon Samson

Best Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books and Storytelling)

“Becoming,” Michelle Obama

Best Regional Mexican Music Album (Including Tejano)

“De Ayer Para Siempre,” Mariachi Los Camperos

Best Tropical Latin Album

“Opus,” Marc Anthony

“A Journey Through Cuban Music,” Aymée Nuviola

Best Regional Roots Music Album

“Good Time,” Ranky Tanky

Best Music Film

“Homecoming,” Beyoncé Knowles-Carter and Ed Burke, video directors; Steve Pamon and Erinn Williams, video producers (Beyoncé)

Best Country Duo/Group Performance

“Speechless,” Dan + Shay

Best Country Song

“Bring My Flowers Now,” Brandi Carlile, Phil Hanseroth, Tim Hanseroth and Tanya Tucker, songwriters (Tanya Tucker)

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album

“Look Now,” Elvis Costello and the Imposters

Best Engineered Album, Classical

“Riley: Sun Rings,” Leslie Ann Jones, engineer; John Kilgore, Judith Sherman and David Harrington, engineers/mixers; Robert C. Ludwig, mastering engineer (Kronos Quartet)

Producer of the Year, Classical

Blanton Alspaugh

Best Orchestral Performance

“Norman: Sustain,” Gustavo Dudamel, conductor (Los Angeles Philharmonic)

Best Opera Recording

“Picker: Fantastic Mr. Fox,” Gil Rose, conductor; John Brancy, Andrew Craig Brown, Gabriel Preisser, Krista River and Edwin Vega; Gil Rose, producer (Boston Modern Orchestra Project; Boston Children’s Chorus)

Best Choral Performance

“Duruflé: Complete Choral Works,” Robert Simpson, conductor (Ken Cowan; Houston Chamber Choir)

Best Chamber Music/Small Ensemble Performance

“Shaw: Orange,” Attacca Quartet

Best Classical Instrumental Solo

“Marsalis: Violin Concerto; Fiddle Dance Suite,” Nicola Benedetti; Cristian Măcelaru, conductor (Philadelphia Orchestra)

Best Classical Solo Vocal Album

“Songplay,” Joyce DiDonato; Chuck Israels, Jimmy Madison, Charlie Porter and Craig Terry, accompanists (Steve Barnett and Lautaro Greco)

Best Classical Compendium

“The Poetry of Places,” Nadia Shpachenko; Marina A. Ledin and Victor Ledin, producers

Best Contemporary Classical Composition

“Higdon: Harp Concerto,” Jennifer Higdon, composer (Yolanda Kondonassis, Ward Stare and the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra)

Best Dance Recording

“Got to Keep On,” The Chemical Brothers, producers; Steve Dub Jones and Tom Rowlands, mixers (The Chemical Brothers)

Best Dance/Electronic Album

“No Geography,” The Chemical Brothers

Best Reggae Album

“Rapture,” Koffee

Best Improvised Jazz Solo

“Sozinho,” Randy Brecker, soloist

Best Jazz Vocal Album

“12 Little Spells,” Esperanza Spalding

Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album

“The Omni-American Book Club,” Brian Lynch Big Band

Best Latin Jazz Album

“Antidote,” Chick Corea and the Spanish Heart Band

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[benefits1986]

fathering

I guess I'm on my way to be my OG dad's girlaloo, after all? LUH.

And so, the long weekend has been mostly errands because I don't want to risk m pox ganaps just yet in time for a trip kinda soon. So, let the "booster" cocktails commence. EMS. Might go easier on vape as well because it's URTI szn in my book, once again... that's my yearly hanash, too.

One of the things that Dad and I bond over is bike sessions during the time when we're super off track. We lived different lives for quite some time and if there's a common ground that ties the two of us --that's biking. That's it. Nothing more, I guess, except for mom and errands for my brother, too.

How far apart are my dad and I? During my first ever car accident which by the way was a total car wreck that featured not one but two airbags that popped open, I didn't call my dad. I didn't call my brother. Honestly, they're not on my phone's emergency numbers. LOL. It's just me and my devotion to looking after myself in a crazy AF kinda way because I don't want them to worry about me. I fix my shit and I get by with a little and a little too much help from my friends, my chosen family. Of course, dad went "crazy" meaning speechless when I went home without the car ages ago. LOL. Natawa siya kasi paano ko raw na-survive 'yung araw na 'yun e alam na niya even when I did not answer any of their calls kasi 'yung isang traffic enforcer ay kapitbahay namin plus pati 'yung magbubuko, nareport sa kanya. Akala nila, I'm in a hospital somewhere for some reason na related sa car wreck. LOL. Crazzzzyyyy, looking back, noh? Hahahahaha. Kadire ako.

Anyway, we're here and now. Ang funny lang kasi we went to ____ after so long and wait for it... nakita ko 'yung super secret crush ko na andun pa rin. HAHAHAHA. Sabi nung tatay ko, in fairness, parang hindi natanda 'yung taong ito. LELS. Syempre, 'di ko pinansin because, focus natin is ang pag-lift up ng prayer para sa mga bagay na 'di para sa akin na kailangan ng Holy Mass attendance with feelings. Sabi ko nga kay God: 'Di naman ako mapanghingi at all, so, sana naman etong panalangin na 'to, since 'di naman 'to para sa akin, paki naman. Balato mo na, please.

Eto 'yung mga panahon na hinahanap ko nanay kong maka-200 Hail Mary daily ang need na intercession levels, pero wala na siya sa mundong ibabaw. Kaya naman, sabi ko sa dad ko, sub muna siya sa GOAT ng dasal ng pamilya namin na si mother dragon. Natawa siya syempre. Sabi niya, anak, alam mo naman tatay mo. Sabi ko, kaya mo 'yan. It's time. LOL. 'Di ko alam kung iiyak ba siya o tatawa, so nonchalant na naman siya ihhh.

Humirit pa tatay ko na kaya lang din naman siya sumama sa session for today is because, takot siya sa nanay ko, pero mas takot siya sa akin with my #FirstbornAttitude na favorite niyang ipang-asar sa akin. Kebs naman sa akin kasi kita ko na he was into the session from beginning to end. CHE. Mas into pa nga siya kesa sa akin, I think.

Natawa rin ako sa tatay ko kasi sabi niya na sorry daw dahil sa kanya ayoko mag-jowa. Crazy. Sabi ko raw kasi, baka raw maging tulad lang din niya. I'm like: Dad, tigil mo 'yan. Kasi ang totoong rason is ayoko kasi magka-anak sa ngalan ng karma plus my potentially bad genes kasi alam mo na, auto-immune ganaps na 'di naman din natin sure kung recessive or dominant. I'm not a good child at all. Sabi naman niya: Aba, inalagaan mo nanay mo. Anong 'di maayos na anak 'dun? Me: Ha? Hotdog. Ang totoo rin diyan e wala naman kasing gagawa saka matigas lang mukha ko saka ulo ko na ang gusto ko sa debut ko, may nanay akong buhay after ma-coma at sabihan ng doctor na iuwi kasi baka better recovery niya. 'Yun lang talaga.

See? Healing together, right there. Shit and all. Ganda nung session kanina kasi, sapul levels 10000000. Ang realization ko e my dad is not perfect but he's decent. Period. Saka, as I come in peace na with us, sobrang thankful ko na andito kami sa era na 'to ngayon. Mahal ko na tatay ko for realllzzzz. KADIRE. Hahahahah. Love ko naman siya noon, pero andun ako sa point na wala talaga akong pake sa kanya, sa amin, at kung saan kami patungo, kasi sabi nga, the opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. VOUUGEESHHHHH.

And, dahil 'yan sa biking sessions namin. Dun talaga nag-start lahat. Fave destination namin? Himlayan ng nanay ko. PAK. Pati 'yung pangalan ng memorial lot ni mother dragon, pasok na pasok sa vibe. 'Di ko na lang reveal para naman may confidentiality na rin tayo kahit TMI na naman tayo rn. Gusto ko lang lagay dito para sa tamang panahon, sa ngalan ng AI eme, may algo rin sa mga thoughts ko about "fathering" and "reparenting" emerut.

Most importantly, kanina talaga, narealize ko lalo na kaya 12 years bago ako nakapag-name ng feelings and thinkings ko about losing mother dragon, e para, sabay kami ng tatay kong magpakitong-kitong on training wheels, together. OPAKKKSHHIEEE. Ang tagal, pero ganun talaga. And, kahit andaming oras na naubos, eto na tayo. 'Di siya madali pero I won't have it any other way e.

And I think na eto rin 'yung chapter na magiging pakners kami ng tatay ko sa pag-tuwang sa kapatid ko bilang tatay na siya. LOL. LERKKKZZZZ. Sabi naman ng kapatid ko sa usapang anak kong theoretical is kaya ko, pero baka sumuko ako sa daily ganaps. Sabi ko naman, kaya naman pero dapat gusto ko. Kasi 'di puwedeng kaya lang. O puwede lang kasi andyan na sa ngalan ng social construct. LUH. Kaya naman, talagang focus natin is being on track sa menopause or perimenopause para matapos na talaga 'tong usapang walang hanggan na 'to. LOL.

Natatawa rin ako sa kapatid ko kasi may pagtatanong ng opinyon ko sa paghubog sa bunso niya. Me: Ah e, wala akong alam diyan sa mga ganyan pero, panghawakan mo mga ginawa sa'yo ni mommy at ganun din sa mga 'di niya ginawa. Kaya mo 'yan. Magaling nanay mo. Oks tatay mo kahit 'di halata. LOL. Ako naman e, ang sasabihin ko lang ay based sa mga ginawa sa'yo nung bata ka since 'tong si McQueen e ka-wavelength mo. LELS. Actually, parang mas malala ka pa diyan sa anak mo. KARMA. Hahahahahaha.

As an example, super hate ng kapatid ko mag-read. AT ALL. Ngayon, gusto ni McQueen na binabasahan siya ng books. LELS. Shemay. Tapos, nasa coaching mode na ako sa kapatid ko how to read na engaging sa abot ng kapurit na kaya ko. LOL. Tapos, NKKLK dahil may bago ng melody 'yung Alphabet Song. LERKZZZ. Practice-practice kami para naman matuwa si McQueen sa ama niyang magaling-galingan kuno. Mage-gets din niya 'yan kasi nga tinuruan siya ng nanay namin. Siya lang pasaway. NKKLKKKKK 'di po ba? And may gift na ako sa kanya sa birthday niya as a Virgo na eme kasi siya. Hahahaha. Super simple lang pero I think magiging guidepost niya 'to sa fathering journey niya. Abangan! PS: Si Chapell naman andito na sa "creepy" fans, tumabi kayo era. Hahahahaha. E ayun na nga. Alam mo, sa Korea, kaya naman e. Need lang natin ng paradigm shift. Wala na tayo sa Beatles days na sige... go lungs tayo kahit ano pang levels na stalking 'yan. Puwede namang i-stalk pero 'wag creepy. Mahirap siya, pero, boundaries. Ganun lang. 'Di ko siya kinakampihan, pero kasi nga, the art and the artist -> they are independent kasi. Kaso 'di ganun ang tingin na mundo right now, pero sana, eto na ang start ng discussions about personal space. About time.

[goldengoateee]

I don't know when to stop but I should stop at some point.

I just want to be happy again right now, I just want her to be happy but she can handle herself and I can't really handle myself that's the difference, at some point I should stop overthinking anything beyond my control. I should stop thinking of the things that won't really help me to become a better version of myself. I need to learn how to handle my own emotion because at the end of the day what matters most are what's in front of me. I need to learn how to live my life in my current situation. I need to focus on how to be happy again, I need to have a job and how not to do stupid shit again, these are the stuff that are within my control. Again, all in front of me. At this point I need to learn how to accept everything and learn how to let people tell me anything about me, if it's behind my back or anything that will be said to my face I need to accept it. I need to accept that some friends will come and go even if you have a strong bond with them.

I just want my parents to be happy also for the rest of their life, even if they have shitty personalities like me. Again, I need to accept it because that's who they are and it's beyond my control.

I will continue to love the person I really love because that's what I am feeling right now, does this help me to become a better person? For me yes, it will help me how to really love a person even if it's one sided, it will help me to really get to know myself if what are my capabilities. Should I still care about her? of course because I love her. But why continue loving her? Because she's the one I really want right now. I see myself in the future with her not with somebody else, that's why I will still love her even though it's so painful.

While writing this down my tears just fell in my eyes, I don't know why. At the end of the day this is because the result of my doings, there is no one to be blamed but myself and all I have now is myself and I must always choose what's the best for me.

Daming mali na grammar pero kebs, okay nana basta maingon nako ako gusto maingon.

[patsilog]

- about today -

6 yrs ago, nung nagretire si daddy from working sa government— binigyan niya ko ng 500 pesos tapos pinupush niya ko mag start ng savings account sa BDO. (akala niya enough na yun para mag open ng acc that time xd)

pagpunta ko sa bangko, issa prank 😀 2k na pala maintaining balance hahahaha

may savings account naman sila tag-isa ni mama, at bilang highschool palang ako that time— wala akong paki pa sa ipon so kebs lang ako, at hindi ko na pinush na makaopen ng personal savings acc.

fast forward today— may sarili na kong work, and i actually care na ngayon about savings.

for the longest time di ako makapagdecide saang bank ko gusto magstart ng ipon kasi anxious akong imaximize yung pera ko, and i was stuck between online and traditional banking. BDO is not also my only choice kung traditional bank. BPI and payroll ko, so prio ko siya for easier money transfer. i was also seeking advice from multiple kakilalas na iba-ibang enticing benefits ang sinasabi sa kanya-kanya nilang banks.

after 5 attempts mag gather ng OA nilang requirements, at 2x na kain ng 300 pesos sa account ko— tinigil ko na pangarap kong mag-ipon sa BPI, LOL.

nagdecide ako magtry sa BDO kaya lang nung unang punta namin, kulang din requirements ko.

and then ito na nga.

today...

i was able to finally open a savings account 🥳🎉

sa BDO! (dun din pala ending lol)

yung 2k na gamit ko pang open ng account, and mga ihuhulog ko pa eh manggagaling sa pension na makukuha namin dahil sa retirement pa rin ni daddy.

patay na si daddy, and sadly hindi niya na alam tong natuloy na akong magkaron ng savings account sa wakas, at sa BDO pa nga like he originally intended. hahahaha.

coincidentally, birth date niya ngayon. (:

first birth date since namatay siya november last year.

napa tmblr talaga ako kasi what r the odds debah.

natuloy yung plan niyang makapag open ako ng savings acc sa BDO using his money, and talagang january 13 pa. nakakasenti ng very light tuloy habang nagfifill out ako ng date sa forms ng bangko. :)

shout out sa daddy ko! you really are (still) a provider, and that's one thing na i'll always be proud about you. thank you for making me experience living comfortably, and for making me feel financially secured about my future.

starting to miss you day by day even though i thought i wouldn't.

thank you, dy.

[jopetkasi]

Of gold, and cross-eyed boyfriends...

ako lang naman, if the latest iPhone makes you happy, go and buy. Period. 

But as I get old, my priorities have changed. Well, to my credit kahit nung 16 palang ako, madiskarte na ako sa pera. I would really find ways to work and earn part time. 

What I am saying is, iba pag solid yung investment mo or me savings ka. kahit wala kang dyowa, kebs lang kasi you know for sure that you can stand on your own and your happiness is not dependent on others...

and speaking of boyfriends. Allan my cousin made this observation about me...

“hindi ka mahilig sa guapo no? usually either mukhang gangster or me disability yung mga nakaka relasyon mo”

I trust he was not being discriminative and that opinion stems from a space of concern...

ako kasi, more than looks, i prefer guys who are smart. may not be academically intelligent but i would like to be with someone who is maabilidad sa buhay. yung hindi tanga but ganado sa buhay. 

take for example, this ex of mine who migrated abroad kasi he needs to work. he is cross-eyed or duling in tagalog. and it was not easy. there was a time we were making out and i literally have to guide his face otherwise he would be kissing my eyes or ears instead of my lips...

there are certain occasions we would be deep in conversation and I need to ask if he was listening since it seemed his attention was directed somewhere? 

“tignan mo ako” i said 

“i am looking at you” was the curt reply. 

was it funny? it was at first

did i get annoyed?... a lot of times...

but was it worth it? Definitely. that guy despite his disability is more able than myself, so much that when I check his instagram account, I can’t help but be amazed that he is doing well in life (i assume) and is seeing the world at that...

and how can i forget the many times he would bring me out kahit sa tapsilugan lang kasi yun palang yung kaya ng salary nya? yung effort really. 

so our takeaway here is an invitation for us to invest not only in what is superficial...but investing more  in ourselves to become (not perfect) but someone who is well grounded but has his gaze onwards.  be it acads, sa career, sa investment, etc. sabi nga dapat ang mindset naten “team payaman”  i know it may sound hard or too ideal, but hey you got this, dude.  we got this. 

[yeartwentynine]

today feels lighter.

i got home from issa’s despidida dinner organized by ginno. hatid-sundo ni zai. kasama rin namin si feyt. late kami pero kebs lol as expected di namin nakausap masyado si isabel kasi ang script ay officemates ang kikitain niya haha sa la picara kami. nakachika din namin briefly yung childhood friends nya. nag-kiwami kami and elephant grounds. they suggested banana pudding ng m bakery. meron pala sa one bonifacio.

i think one thing i did differently today ay bigyan si isabel ng flowers. sunflower and pink carnation. it feels nice din pala.

also i think i’m more present?? i think?? lol i think ganun talaga pag naka-distansya sa erpats.

also kasi i had different types of conversation today. not kpop. not about sex. not something delusional. idk. i feel like i can approach them to get in touch with my feminine side. something i’ve been so insecure of kahit di ko aminin. zai opened up about getting a rhinoplasty. feyt encouraged me to my self-care era. lol try din daw namin mag-comedy bar next time. tho naiisip ko pa lang na maddrain ako?? tingnan natin next time lol for exp

thank god for my high school friends.

231125 c.

[makatangpuyatt]

01-03-2023

First day ng pasok ulit sa office.

Ayaw ko na ilagay dito yung mga office drama..kasi kung ilalagay ko ang dami masyado. Basta ang natutunan ko lang sa office ay makisama ka..kung ayaw sayo ipakita mo lang sa kanila yung gusto nila ng makita. Kung anong trato nila sayo ganun din ang trato mo sa kanila..at wag basta-basta magtitiwala.

Pero share ko lang na yung isang pinaghihinalaan namin na masama ugali binigyan nya ako ng graham. Na-touch naman ako kasi hindi naman lahat ng tao ganun kahit nga yung mga kasama namin sa office na may pera hindi naman sila ganun. Pinababalik pa nga yung mga blacklabel (rant ba 'to? hahaha). So, ayun feeling ko naman sadyang wala lang din talaga syang pinagkakatiwalaan sa office kumbaga kebs lang sya.

Naibigay na rin pala namin yung gift namin kay Nikki. Na-share sakin ni Baby ang traumatic childhood nya..parang movie. Well, simula naman ng kakatiktok ko naniniwala na ako na lahat ng ugaling meron tayo may impact yung childhood natin. Ok naman sakin si Nikki, pero napansin ko lang lately na hindi pa talaga sya nagtitiwala sa amin..siguro gawa na rin ng office drama. Medyo ang ayaw ko lang din sa kanya kapag ginagasan nya si Wednesday kasi kapag nag-init ulo nun para syang pabebe girls..walang makakapigil sa kanya (haha) at siya na naman ay lalabas na diavlo sa office. Yun lang pero other than that mabait naman siya. Akala ko nga nung una parang magiging si Alex sya..yun lang kasi unlike Alex may boundaries siya.

Last, uminit na naman ulo ko kanina kay Baby. Siguro ganun talaga pag naghahabol ng TSN tapos sabi nya magrereview daw siya di naman siya nagrereview tapos pag sakin sasabihin niya nagbabasa siya. Naiinis ako sa kanya pag ganun kasi feeling ko mas gusto pa niya makipagusap sa iba kesa sakin. Kaya tuloy sabi ko siya na gumawa ng paper niya. Kainis kasi. Kapag sa iba more chika more fun kapag sa akin babasa daw siya o kaya magccp. Pero nawala naman na yung inis ko sa kanya sa bahay kasi siguro di naman na ako nagTTSN HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Potang ina naman kasi ang tagal matapos. Raratratin ko yun bukas.

Isa pa pala. Si mama ang tagal pala walang kasama dun sa bahay. Grabe kawawa naman. Gusto ko man siya bisitahin uungot na naman siya at mastress lang ako dahil wala naman ako pera kaya wag na lang muna.

At panghuli..binigay ko na kay Ate ang pekeng copy ng decision. Naku bahala na siya sa buhay niya.

O siya sige pagod na ako.

Nyt.

[cinderean]

ily, flaws & all.

Nu'ng nagsabi sa 'kin ang ate ko, couple years ago, na gusto niya magpa-helix piercing pero nagdadalawang-isip siya kasi baka magalit si inay, sabi ko:

"Sige girl, go. Wala naman na magagawa ang inay kapag nagawa mo na. Hehehe. *wink wink*"

At pag-uwi niya nu'ng araw na magpa-piercing siya, nagtampo nga ang inay.. Pero syempre, wala na rin sya nagawa. Hahaha! Mahal ka namin, inay! (Ayoko sana magpaka-hipokrita kaya inaamin ko pong apaka walang kwenta nu’ng advice kong ‘yon :( hahaha! So this is a friendly reminder na ‘wag nating i-push gawin ang isang bagay dahil lang alam nating wala nang magagawa ‘yung tao kapag nagawa na natin..)

Bale, wala talaga 'yang masyadong koneksyon sa sinusulat ko. Hahahaha! Gusto ko lang i-highlight na habang walang kwenta 'yung binigay kong advice sa ate ko, nu'ng time na nag-rant ako dahil may sinabi 'yung crush ko na ang yabang ng dating at gusto ko ma-turn off, sabi naman sa 'kin ng ate ko:

"Hayaan mo na. 'Yung iba din, may yabang. Eh di 'yung crush mo na lang, diba?"

It was an unsolicited and mediocre advice. Pero nu'ng pinag-contemplate-an ko, it made so much sense.

Naalala ko, oo nga pala, kapag pumipili tayo ng taong mamahalin, kasabay nating pinipili 'yung flaws ng taong 'yun. Kumbaga, oo nga, mayabang nga si Juan, ayaw natin ng gano'n kaya iniwan natin siya.. 'Yung bago natin, si Pedro, mayabang din pala. Baka nga, "mas" pa.. I mean, just when we thought we dodged a bullet, here comes another bullet - na magpapa-realize sa 'ting, hindi natin pwedeng takasan na lang lagi ang mga bagay-bagay dahil lang hindi tayo komportable dito. O hindi natin ‘to gusto. O hindi tayo sigurado.

Bakit nga ba madalas kapag may nadi-diskubrehan tayong ayaw natin, gusto nating umalis? I mean, I get that we tend to look for someone better, perfect pa minsan. And it’s okay, naniniwala akong pipiliin natin who we believe is the best for us. Pero sa kabilang banda, paano kung mapupunta din pala tayo kay Pedro, hindi ba sana niyakap na lang natin nang buo si Juan? Gaya ng kung paano rin natin gugustuhing yakapin tayo ni Juan? Kasi at the end of the day naman, we are all flawed, diba. But.. we are all valuable. And we all need someone who won’t take our flaws against us. Instead, gagamitin ng someone na ‘yun ‘yung flaws natin upang mahalin at alagaan tayo lalo.

Sabi nga, love is not a feeling daw. It’ s an everyday choice to stay, for better or for worse.

Kasi ‘yung mga shortcomings and imperfections naman, inevitable eh. Masasaktan at masasaktan talaga tayo kasi nandyan talaga ang mga ‘yan even when we're doing our best. But in spite of that, choosing the same person everyday just proves that love is stronger than that person's imperfections! And how comforting it is to realize na we are loved by someone,

flaws and all.

[funsize-mermaid]

Soooooo nag punta ako sa office today para lang kunin ID ko kasi bukas pa talaga start date ko. Hahaha wie excited ako. Tapos kanina nag try din ako mag commute from here to BGC, tho isang UV lang naman HAHAHAHAHAHA tapos 100 pesos isa bayad 🙄 tapos yung bababaan ko super layo sa building ko so mga 20mins lakad pa ganoin. Eh nag inquire ako ng carpool 130 pesos lang HAHAHAHA from here to building na. So kebs na. 30 pesos difference.

Pag pasok ko aayusin ko agad yung shuttle request ko, kasi sabi ako daw mag sabi kung saan ako iddrop ng shuttle, pwede ba sabihin “paki drop po ako sa bahay” HAHAHAHA pero syempre joke lang. Tho i tatry ko yung super convenient location for me para makasakay pauwi. 😂 tapos bukod sa shuttle may cash transpo allowance pa, so kahit mag taxi ako HAHAHA keri padin 😂 Excited na ko. Kelan kaya sched ko ng onsite 🤔 Hybrid padin naman so di masyado hassle. May WFH days padin naman ako.

[waltangina]

I think Tumblr doesn’t police en-es-ep-dobol yu posts kapag nasa ibang wika so buti na lang marunong tayo mag-Tagalog para maloko natin ang sistema ano. Eme lungs!

Anyways, meron akong kaunting di-pambatang fics sa AO3. Xenxa n, gan2 lang aq, sana tanggap neu p q! I’m in my #elnolikalat era pi chz! If u don’t like these stuff, kebs lang. Huwag niyo na lang basahin. Tnx!!

[cessandee]

merry christmas!

Heyyoo! It’s me! I know i’ve been out of touch lately and there’s a lot that I missed telling. Yep, life goes on and past is past so let me tell you what’s on my mind right now. It’s christmas day and I’m 2 hours away before my shift ends. Phew, 12 hrs is really long. Eto na nga magtagalog na ko para with feelings! Haha! Si Crushie ko kasi sa ER nakakainis crush ko nga sya kasi kinikilig ako hahaha. Confirmed na talaga. Everytime na magkakainteraction kami kunware kebs lang pero after... ahhhhhh :””> Gusto ko talaga maging friends kami huhu. Tas eto na nga nagbumble na naman ako kasi naisip ko nagdl pala ko ulit lol. Grabe wala ako maswipe right! Pag meron minsan napilitan pa. Ahuhu Lord ano na po? :’( Waiting lang ako dito pero sana po wag masyado matagal. Ilan taon na rin po ako naghihintay wahaha please po oh... In Your perfect timing po. 

So ayun nga sige recap ng buhay ko HAHAHAHA First ang saya mag bakasyon talaga too bad gastos ko din haha adulting sucks pag mahirap ka lang talaga. Second, wala naman pinagbago #umay na ko sa work talaga ayokoooo na tas gusto ko na din magtry as VA as in. Kung may ipon lang ako nagawa ko na magresign agad talaga. Then comes the third one, ANG GASTOS KO. Huhu. Don’t know where did i spend all my money but they are gone. :( Tangina talaga hahahaha taas na din ng bilihin ngayon as in grabe. Tas ang luho ko pa. Eto pa isa ang aga ko na  nga naghanda for christmas expenses kasi gusto ko makatipid pero bat parang dumoble gastusin ko huhu. Kasalanan talaga to ng credit card eh. Mag gagawa ulit ako New years resolution and goals for 2023. Gonna be more strict to myself this time. Di ko pagbibigyan yung “deserve ko” kasi HINDI KO DESERVE SA TRUE LANG. Okay siguro pag bts exempted wahaha pero as much as possible i’ll try to lessen din sa merch. Meron pa pala isa mayie is urging me to plan/build a business support daw sya pero parang mahirap yung gusto namin as of now lalo na wala talaga ko budget kasi i’m nagiipon for my emergency fund HAHAHA tas parang i realized i’m good at working all by myself. So lets see siguro goal ko magfranchise something? Di ko parin pala natutuloy yung mp2 lol worth it pa ba may ginagawa kasi sila bagong batas kaya hmm not sure na... hoping 2023 would be a prosperous year for me and my family. Blessing on top of blessing Lord pls. 

Ayun lang, adulting is so hard. I missed my old self haha sobrang overthinker ko pala talaga din hahahahahahahaha. And people change is the truest! Before parang everyday ako magentry dito and never thought I would be this lazy sharing my thoughts haha. Anyways, I will try to be kinder and have lots of patience. Happy birthday, Jesus. Thank you for everything. I love You! Yung jowa ko na po pls hahaha <3

12/25/2022 4:08 AM