#so like idk what's up but ig she just doesn't want to deal w me anymore so ig I'll have to find a new plug

[grimandghoulish]

.

[destinyc1020]

Destiny, I’ve just got to get this off my chest. I was looking at an insta account someone posted on tumblr and it was about Tom’s soft launch of his relationship with NP. I guess the thing that burns my beans about it is that they both still have their mutual photos up from that time and he follows her . I guess I’m a jealous person, but if was Z I’d be saying that needs to be gone. I haven’t seen that she posted JE permanently on her page 😡 does it bother you or not?

Chiiile.....

Y'all need to STOP giving these REBOUNDS this much attention, I swear. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I guess the thing that burns my beans about it is that they both still have their mutual photos up from that time and he follows her . I guess I’m a jealous person, but if was Z I’d be saying that needs to be gone.

First of all, why are YOU getting upset over something that Z herself isn't even worried about? 🥴

TZ have been living in London together, setting up their home, are traveling the world together, having an awesome time being inseparable this year, and their families are practically all merged together as one at this point, and two silly pictures that were posted 3 YEARS ago (one w/out even so much of a caption at that lol 😅) is what is bothering you Anon?? SERIOUSLY??

I'll have you know, that I still have plenty of pictures of exes and even frienemies that I no longer associate with up on my social media account. I haven't deleted them because to me there's no need to... That was simply a moment in time. Plus, who has the time and effort to go back and delete EVERY single pic of your ex or former friends? I know I sure don't. 🥴

You all have to stop giving social media so much importance honestly. Social media means nothing if you don't have the BIG picture.

Case in point.... Vanessa Hudgens STILL has pictures up of her and Austin from YEARS ago on her social media. They've been broken up for OVER 3 years now, and Austin didn't even stop following her until late last year.

Vanessa is engaged, and he's moved on too. From what I know, none of their fans are worried or thinking their new SO's would be jealous over stuff like that, and they dated for nearly 9 YEARS!

Tom and N only dated for 5 MONTHS (if even THAT). How on earth are you gonna be worried about some pics still being up when they didn't even date a year?? It's not even like they were in some serious relationship that lasted YEARS upon years. It was 5 months Anon. 😒 During COVID at that lol. Basically a Covid Fling imo.

Remember, Tom said in an interview that he wouldn't want fans to hate on a girl he's dated since the breakup might not have even been her fault (loosely paraphrasing). It was obvious they were trying to QUIETLY break up and not cause any drama so that fans wouldn't go dragging her in the mud. He probably kept the photos up so she wouldn't get massive hate. She in turn probably keeps his photo up because he's the most famous man she's dated thus far, and having him on her social media account garnered her a huge following.

Sometimes it's not that big of a deal Anon. 🤷🏾‍♀️ TZ barely even go on IG (let alone their own accounts lol) much anyway these days. 😅 The old photos on there are far down by now lol.

T and Z's rebounds (JE included) are non-factors and have been non-factors for YEARS now Anon.

Idk how much clearer I have to make it.

And in answer to your last question, NO it doesn't bother me, because Z's not thinking about JE, and Tom isn't thinking about Nadia. End of story.

[teddybeartoji]

thinking about

https://x.com/OwwlllY/status/1803550523322507308?t=GeVDL_ljw1j1W0sNVc0aXg&s=19

(love this artist and their lil comics w satosugu they're so!!!)

it's a recurring thing w me but i just love like. horny, down bad people. "slutty" things. or suggestive. sometimes people just exist and it's so hot to me for some random reason like the type of skirt worn or certain movements... or the voice, the tone man idk i just 🫠

okay so i was thinking about this and also how would i imagine different jjk characters dealing with someone with super high libido, a dirty mind and a super sensitive body? i can imagine some taking advantage of it and teasing a lot (suguru)

but really imagine it's like the highest amount anyone could be. like full on succubus level. 24/7. would some characters tap out? i read a toji headcanon where he, bc of his age, didn't have as much energy but still had fun hearing reader pleasure themselves in the room next door before coming to cuddle next to him

often in fics it's expected that the libidos match so i'm rlly wondering how a difference could change things around 🤔 how they/you would adapt to it in order to keep everyone happyyyyy

so yeah ig i'm wondering what your opinion would be :3333

take care as always,

~ ☀️

HAIII HAIII SUNNYYY MY DEAREST!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE OWWLLLYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEIR ART SMM (HERE'S THE LINK BTW)!!!!!!!!! and aaahhh i totally get what you mean by kind of getting turned on by the smallest things - i genuinely love smiles so much those also make me horny lmao, i really love back muscles, i love when people are sweaty!!!!!!! like oh myfukcing god if i saw toji or satoru or suguru working out in front of me.... i am FROTHINGGGG AT THE MOUTH OKAY i will lunge at them!!!!!!!!!!

i absolutely agree that suguru would definitely use that to his own advantage, he is very very patient and he knows how to keep his own please back a little just so he could last longer for you yk? but i do think that satoru the puppy would love it!!! he can get so hyper during sex and his stamina is just fucking godddlyyy i think he could keep up with you really well. aaand i do think that he can be a bit of a horn dog, like the smallest things do it for him too - short shorts, you brushing your teeth, your messy hair, you cooking for him, you bending over to pick smth up - everything goes!!!!! but it's just bc he really fucking loves u ok, it's not his fault you're so sexyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahh i know exactly what toji piece you're talking abt i loved it a lot!!!! and i agree with that too - while he does have good stamine and he fucks you so good, he's not as horny overall like satoru is yk? sure he thinks that you doing the most domestic things are hot but that mostly gets his heart racing for Love reasons lmao i love sappy old man toji ok he means so much to me. i also think that kento is gonna have a bit of a problem keeping up with you too. i don't know he just doesn't strike me as an overly sexual guy, he'd just love to relax with you in some other way. don't get me wrong though, he also fucks you so fucking well and he makes you cum plently of times but he just won't wanna go for like hours on hours on hours on hours. kento and toji are also both men that will put their own needs and desires on hold and focus on you!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah the ppl with the highest libidos in my opinion are suguru and satoru (though i don't think this is a surprise lma) aand the one's with the lowest are in fact toji and kento and hiromi (the working men😭😭). actually wait i feel like shoko is on the lower end as well. she's just working all the time and yes while sex is a good way to relieve stress it's also just fucking exhausting lmao she just wants to take a bath with you and have a glass of wine. aaaaaand man i kinda wanna say that sukuna is also here... idk that might just be me but yeah king or not i feel like he has other stuff to do and he's not always thinking abt sex. i feel like he's the most likely to let you suck him off whenever you feel like it though,, i think he's really into cockwarming too.

but i do feel like all of the ppl on the lower sex drive side on the scale feel more than comfortable with you taking care of yourself when they're ready to tap out (ok kuna might try to act a lil pouty tbh but he doesn't really mean it)(he feels a bit old so u just gotta reassure him a litttle lmao) buuut yeah these are just some of my thoughts heheee i love them all sm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kakujis]

i talk about yone for too long under the cut:

i was literally rotting in bed and tehn decided to watch both the spirit blossom cinematics that centered on yone and its sooo interesting. he's such an interesting guy. cus in "the path, an ionian myth" he's so... not older brother-like. he's literally just a guy wandering around, trying to figure things out as he follows ahri. it's such an interesting contrast compared to kin of the stained blade where in yasuo's eyes yone is only ever his big brother. his big brother that although he defies he clearly looks up to, like he's someone who's got it all figured out.

like, another point is when yasuo says "i won't fail you," but yone replies, "it seems i've already failed you." like... imagine the pressure of dealing with your rebellious younger brother, who loves to fight meanwhile you fucking hate it. (we see this so many times! from the path cinematic where he's haunted by the battlefield to when he tells yasuo 'there will always be another fight, yasuo, finding it proves nothing'). ig what i'm getting at is... yone makes me so sad. he's so clearly disillusioned by the battlefield, the war, and violence that he tries soo hard to make sure yasuo doesn't have to see the horrors of it. yet yas can't see that because he's well.. at the school.

i also wanna touch on yone's response when yasuo says "you don't have anything to prove" CUS ITS SO FUCKING TELLINGKAJSDNFJKDSF THAT THESE TWO BROTEHRS ARE SO SIMILAR YET NO ONE TALKSSSS. yasuo is proving his worth through fighting and battle, while yone is trying to prove to his younger brother that he doesnt have to do these things. there's no point. he's trying to prove that violence should only be used when necessary.

yone's whole shtick is honor right? but i feel like underneath it all, yone wants to play this savior of ionia because he hates violence so much. he's devastated when it's presumed yasuo kills master soma (i think thats his name) because he's already seen so much death and carnage. on the battlefield you don't know your enemy, but someone like that is closer. it feels like yas killed a part of yone when he did that idk i might b reaching.

like imo, there's a reason why yone treasures lilia so much. she's a dreamer, she's fighting and "venturing out of her garden" for good, etc. and i feel like you see that in the path... he's also somewhat a dreamer, at least it's expressed in his childlike wonder when he gets excited seeing the tranquility and beauty of the spirit world. but still, he sees that darkness (the gate) and it's so familiar that he waltzes in anyway. he's stuck in both lives, as a general in one and an azakana hunter in another. but at least in his new form, he can actually fight when he wants to.

okay this is so stupid long but i also love the idea that both brothers had to face their regrets/fears. for yone, that's him on the field, that's the ionians he couldn't save, the people he killed, and in turn he killed himself. 'you could have saved them,' felt so similar to 'if you're not a murderer, why are you running?' like both of them are running from death. they're both trying to escape, except yasuo got out and yone didn't. but what's funny is that they still emotionally and theoretically end up in the same place.(i WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THIS UNLESS ASKED CUS IM RAMBLING TOO MUCH!!!)

anyways thats it i loe yone so much im gonna hurl. im so happy he's just a band mom with a strained relationship w his brother in heartsteel. long live yone <3

[gayleviticus]

Alphonse Elric or Wrath (03) for the ask game :)

ALPHONSE ELRIC

favourite thing: I love how nice and gentle and sweet he is despite everything going on, but also in 03 how he has this anger and almost self disregard bubbling as time goes - when he's captured by envy thinking he should have died so many times in the past, when he tries to rip wrath arm off to give it to ed, when he recklessly sacrifices himself to try and save ed

least favourite thing: I feel like cos shortchanges him way too much. we get such a compelling insight into ed throughout the whole series even if much is implicit, but cos doesn't really reckon with either al losing his memory and how he feels about that or have time to deal w him regaining it and what that means for him and ed. and I get it's prob partially intentional because amnesiac al feeling more unknowable deliberately alienates us from him - he genuinely feels different, and we have to wonder if the recklessly cheery attitude is a facade to cope w missing ed. but nonetheless it feels like cos kindve demotes al from the co protagonist position he had throughout the series

favourite line: not fav for any deep content but i love the delivery - the bit in cos where ed lands in the armour pile, sees a helmet that looks just like al - and then its eyes light up and you hear a 'niisan..? NIISAN!!'

brotp: ed and al!!!! I love their relationship so much it is so deep and powerful. but also scar and al is such a nice duo - the way scar vicariously lives through the elrics brotherly love because he regrets letting his crush on human lust get in the way of telling his brother he loved him 😭 also al/wrath post COS bc the film left so much of their relationship unexplored and I need to know

otp: I think al/fletcher could be kindve cute. al/wrath too - I know some ppl find it icky bc of wrath viewing sloth as his mama but I feel like aside from the sloth/trisha distinction it doesn't really create a brotherly relationship btwn the elrics and wrath. and im just as content w it as a brotp too anyway so

random headcanon: not cis and not straight - being trapped in a body you don't recognise and feeling cut off from really living and engaging w the world is dripping w queer subtext! more specifically I like nonbinary gay al but I can really see it going in any direction. (altho I can't think of any girls I would want to ship him with in 03 or fmab)

unpopular opinion: uhh... I don't know how unpopular it is but him and mei as a couple in fmab does not make sense to me lol

song: currently I literally only listen to fma ops lol so I can't answer

fav pic: this is a tough one.... but

WRATH (03)

fav thing: he is just such an interesting addition into the gaps of the source material?? making izumis baby who she tried to transmute into a homunculus is soo interesting even just in a meta sense, and the whole parent child switcheroo between sloth/izumi and wrath/elrics is so good

least fav things: I need to know more about him post COS and his relationship w al and winry and izumi!!!! especially since he was one of the few people who really knew wtf was going on down in the underground city along w rose

fav line: 'she was your mama too' when the elrics kill sloth. brutal

brotp: as above him and al but also I'm dying to know what his dynamic w winry was. and come to think of iit envy too honestly

otp: al/wrath ig (per the disclaimers above) but aside from that idk lol who do you ship him with

notp: I guess like with any adult I just don't like those kinda pairings. sloth w izumi would be especially yuck

random headcanon: he likes cats too. idk. just popped into my head

fav picture of them: DO I HAVE WRATH PICTURES? I'm sorry... my folder is dominated by the elrics... lemme see... I have this shot from the 4th ED lol

[heleizition]

DAMN not me being like whos cody and the plot post being like GODS FUCKING CLONE CHILD. tell me everything we love an apocalypse harbinger. also CAIN MY BOI poor baby needs that therapy. also the whole 'and god thought mh well i liked that lets try again'? chefs kiss. I Wish To Know The Past Lives by you categorised as kinda boring THING pls. does cain get a bestie? someone give this man a bigger support and luv system. also vik is a BABY? a former child. A BABY!! also W HA T is that fuckery with jasper tell me absolutely everything please

SHES MY FAVORITE WEIRDO GIRL I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHES HOLY AND BRINGS A RELIGIOUS FLAVOR OF TERROR THAT I. CARE ABOUT <===== guy who was not raised religious at all idk why im so into it

so in the plot post i mentionned there's a memory thing. everyone remembers bits here and there of their past life, and usually demons mostly remembers bad things they did bc thats how u manipulate people into doing more things that are . not good. cody and jasper are the only ones with no memories of past life bc they were created in this realm, and had no past life. she has no idea she's god's soldier, They sent her down there mostly for Their own entertainement and everything she does is her own choice and will, even if god can "feel it" (which is why . they end up sending the whole lil family back on earth . for a chance to be happy. bc they feel cody's happiness.)

for the rest :

past lives ! um ill put lil warnings before. each lives.

Nell & Belly : tw for child abuse, sexual abuse and exploitation, adults not helping like they should lol

Nell and Belly (btw their full names are Nathanel and Anabelle) are born twins, nell just a few minutes before his sister. their mother died at birth which sent their father (an already not . good guy) into deep constant rage and pain . once they grow up a bit . i mean like. 7 or so. theres sexual abuse happening . and beatings. selling out his kids for a night for money. nothing fun. nell and belly get through it together until at like 16 nell (who's like, underfed, short, no muscles) snaps and stabs their dad over and over again .

nell only remembers this, killing his dad, with absolutely no context behind (protecting himself, protecting his sister, freeing them) so he thinks he used to be a Bad person. after that they get placed in the system, ig theres a trial but its ruled as legitime defense, and once they're 18 belly just. vanishes. they both deal very differently with what their whole life was, nell cant go on, can barely support himself, thinks he should have died right then, and belly flees from nell to find . somewhere where she can forget. she regrets it but nell dies before she can reconnect (not sure how, his death isn't rly whats important here,,, im thinking . so numb he can't rly recognize whats around him . walk in front of a car. yeah). belly struggles to have a happy life after that and ... im not sure how she dies yet. im thinking drowning bc its a thing that almost happens in the farm au....

as an angel, she doesnt remember much, because there wasn't much happiness in her life. also these two as twins have a bond that still connect them in angel/demon realm ! so they know the other exist and they remember once they meet !!

eden : tw for transphobia, drugs, suicide, abusive family ?

i'll go short w him bc it's not pleasant and it makes me sad <==== guy who MADE this backstory

eden is trans, always feels out of place as a kid, as a teen. his parents kick him out at eighteen bc they "can" and bc even if eden never said anything, they Know and don't want him in here. he has a friend who helps for a while, until the rumors spread about him being a ~ freak ~ and his friend is like. im sorry my parents cant let u impose in the house. anymore. : /// . eden is lost and desperate and doesn't know what to do, sells himself, gets into drugs to get through the days, finds out the days aren't worht getting through, kills himself. yay

he's one of the few who's always remembered his past fully,,,

LENA lena my BABYGIRL um tw for war mostly

this happens in a fictif medieval era lmao she's the princess of a kingdom, daughter of a kind king and queen, destined to rule, fighting among the army already, everyone loves her, except her small kingdom gets torn apart by another kingdom, not that much bigger, but with much greater military strength. the country gets torn apart before the army, the king and queen can do anything. the enemies arrive to the capital and lena doesn't even ask and joins the vanguard. she uses a sword at this point, get through enemies after enemies, and it looks like there's hope, until one of the enemy's captain reach her. it's a bit of a eowyn versus the nazgul vibe in lotr except lena doesn't win. she's slain, and slowly dies on hte battlefield with her beloved country burning, and the people she swore to protect screaming and dying.

she's very loved. i care her so much. she's my default when idk what to draw :3 she remembers being a loved princess, and slowly remember the last fight. it haunts her, the weight of losing this fight, that she couldn't do more, even if it's from a time long gone.

titania ummmm well theres grooming. witch hunt and betrayal.

i have to research the exact period titania's past happens, but its between late 1400 and early 1600s i think !

she loses her parents very young and thus, is cared for by the local church. there's a priest here who teaches her to use her looks and innocence as a way to get things, information, food, anything. once she's 13/14, he starts showing her the more physical way to do so.

she starts using sex as a way to learn things. she's the person who knows the most about anyone in the village. she's an important figure, one who's gifted things to keep silent, who gives her body in exchange for things to hang up against someone. she hates the priest who made her who she is . she couldn't have been something else, happier, lighter, but she's this, and she's too deep in to just stop.

she's too powerful, she knows too much, and when there's word in the village of a witch inhabiting it, they all turn to her. they have a way to get rid of her and the power she holds over them. she screams what she knows when she's brought to the center of the village, screams her hate of the priest who made her who she is, destroys everyone's nice little life because it cost hers. she dies burning, and everyone chooses to act like they never heard her in her final day.

she's the wise calm one who's actually full of anger and wrath. i love her a lot. there's this french song i love ("a witch like any other") which talks abt . women. women and men treating women like they're granted. and like. its a titania song. if u wanna give it a listen this version is amazing altho it's more powerful if u know french....

VIK UM OKAY not much tw here. it's just fucking sad. im a terrible oc parent. it's also heavily inspired by hell's girl season 3's protagonist past..................... it's basically that tbh SOEJFEFSJS

his mother and him are not allowed in the village. his mother is sick. he doesn't know it, he just follows his mother. she's kind and beautiful, gives him food and tells him stories. he's 4. they can't get in the village and he doesn't know why, so they find dry places in the woods to live. it's fun, it's everything he's ever known. one day his mother doesn't wake up, so he goes to try and find food by himself, to surprise her. when he's back, she's still not awake. she's stiff and cold, so he gives her his blanket and waits. days pass. he's hungry, he's thirsty, he's 5, he doesn't know anything, doesn't know how to go on, the usually places he finds bits of food are empty. it's colder and his mother hasn't moved since that day.

it's snowing. it's pretty. he wishes his mom could wake up and see it but he's starting to think that maybe she won't.

vik dies, age 5, in the forest, cold hungry and alone.

he doesn't remember anything, and his ignorance nd naivety makes him so much easier for noah to manipulate him. she doesn't mean to at first, she sees a child who could use some help, and she's always wanted a child. but they're at war, and sacrifices need to be made.

ABEL AND CAIN'S PAST ISNT CLEAR TO ME RN IM SORRYYYYY SOMETHING ABT ABEL BEIGN A RULER AND CAIN HIS SHADOW WHO KILLS FOR HIM YAGHHHHHH IDK MAN abel slowly remembering that he was a mercyless king who made his people suffer just like hte people he's trying to fight rn,,,,,,,,,,, honey

i don't have much planed for cain in tame of support rn im sowwy.................... i wanna work on it tho.......... i have a lot of secondary charactres that he could fit with...............

noah used to be a cool fearless pirate stealing rich people to give to the poor in her hometown mostly. finding strays and helping them. i love that for her . she was a good guy, a robin hood, and then her devotion to god fucked her up (aka hermit the frog by marina). she jst fights bc she thinks it will bring peace until she learns god was just Bored lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think i forgot anyone ? if i did i am sorry (bows down to my kids)

jasper's thing......................... well. there's always been experiments. trying to find a being Higher. jasper was created in a lab. then he and another kid, angel this time, were fused. the scar is most likely due to this . for the longest time jasper just thought he had a strong inner voice but it's this other kid (no name yet sowwy!!!!!!! im coming up with this on the spot actually which is why i like being asked abt them it makes me THINK). he's the only saved experiment from this. abel and cain had been sent to investigate on a demon who's part of the high council, but who some people thought was shady. he indeed was. they destroyed eveything (u don't toy with life) and found jasper. omg . they both kind of raised him . ohhhhhhhhhhhhh OHHHHHHH

anyway later in the story, belly and him are fighting opponent, belly is cool and strong but she almost dies and well . those two are in love and it makes jasper's inner angel wake up along with some new powers. not sure exactly what!!!! im thinking !!!! ok i gotta go grocery show now BE BACK SOON BC I SEE MORE THINGS IN MY INBOX

[notafunkiller]

people say to protect her, but they went public and she posted and posts him, so does she want that secrecy?

This is NOT a 'private' couple. 'Private couples' don't go to parties were a pap photog is a guest. 'Private couples' don't order scheduled pap walks like clockwork. 'Private couples' don't bait w shadows, voices, shoes, hair, etc. NOTHING about them from the start has been 'private'.

IMO? They were over a while ago. It probably ended amicably (or was never really serious to start with) and Berlin was done as a favor. Since that pic came out, he's done some seemingly obvious things to distance himself from her. Like showing up the following week to accept his award and walking a carpet w someone else when he was only with her at a sponsored after-party. Like making damn sure to be spotted sitting next to Gerber (sorry, someone of Seb's standing could EASILY get a table NOT in the middle of a giant window if he wanted) knowing he's sitting next to a person that thrives on a SM presence. Going back as far as G'Day Gala in LA when he was spotted but NEVER with her.

Also, IMO, he never left SM. His follow - accidental or not - of that page shows that. A while ago, AW posted a story about ppl hanging out on IG but never posting. Some thought it was a dig at him & after seeing that he DOES lurk, it makes sense. She wants/wanted that connection to him & he hasn't/won't give it to her.

I think she wanted him to help at least with the PR. Idk what type of "deal" they have so... but he clearly doesn't put in much effort at all, not even on pap walks. The fact she has to make a double effort is hard and she is tired too, I think.

(I think she wanted/s him to follow her first too.)

And what you said about privacy? I totally agree.

Ah, the Gerber thing was an illusion. They were at seperate tables actually but the tables are really close in general.

And yeah, despite her being with him in Berlin, she wasn't his plus one. She was never his plus one except for the after-parties, which I find weird.

I find it a bit shady when he went: companionship is a big thing and pointed to the person that came with him at the Sundance festival when he was asked about his Sundance essentials. I might be just wrong and reading too much into things, so please ignore me.

[tottymatsuno]

Ah... I don't think I can work on anything tomorrow either. Sorry.

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖