#so that's what i choose to believe happened

[soapskneebrace]

There has been more than enough drama about this whole situation so I will be as direct and concise as I can. This will be my last post about the matter regarding Myka/codslut. This will likely be my last post on this blog period.

This fandom community has crucified me over a story that has fallen apart over what I can only describe as the lightest scrutiny. FOIA requests, when expedited, have a ten day window to be granted, not a twelve hour window, and normally take months to even years to grant. Americans do not call small towns villages. Crisis workers do not have unfettered, immediate access to clients' personal information, let alone that of complete strangers on the internet.

I am not exaggerating when I say I have feared for my safety for the past week. The three people who have lead the charge against me have slandered, harassed, and outright stalked me—keeping track of posts I've made and deleted, changes I've made to my directory, and even the time between posts I have made. I have genuinely feared that the next step these people were going to take would be to search both of my blogs (because I have not, in the past, been very concerned about hiding my main) for my personal information in order to dox me.

I believe this campaign has been racist ("gaz erasure my ass") and ableist in nature. I believe my being autistic—and my trouble communicating in a way that could satisfy the aforementioned people this entire week—has played a part in the way this fandom has victimized me.

I believe in particular that sheheal has a personal vendetta against me, although I do not know why. I believe that their claim that they must leave their blog up as "evidence" is false—I believe they are keeping it active in order that it should always be digitally connected to me, and thus risk my safety and peace in whatever online space I choose to be in next. I am entertaining the belief that she even intends for it to follow me in real life, although that may be more paranoia than possibility.

I am aware of the mistakes I have made. I regret them. I am sorry for them. If what has happened to me is representative of what happened to Myka, I have nothing but empathy for her. Even before this happened, I would not wish this on anyone. I do not believe that dogpiling is justice, and have fought against it when I have seen it happening in this fandom in the past. I did not and do not want this to happen to anyone, ever, no matter their sins.

I want to extend a gratitude I find difficult to express the depth of to everyone who reached out to check on me. I especially want to thank Early for being the first person to stick their neck out for me, and for everything after. I hope to be friends with you all for a long time. You mean more to me than you know. You have made a lonely and difficult week feel less lonely and difficult.

I do not want to be a part of this fandom anymore. I have poured over a year and a half of work and creative energy into this community and it has meant nothing. I have loved this community and it has meant nothing. I have fought for this community and it has meant nothing.

If fandom was ever a safe space, it is not anymore. It is not safe for those affected by racism and it is not safe for those affected by disability. It is not safe for anyone who makes mistakes. It is not safe for me, and reader, it is not safe for you. I did not think this would happen to me. Do not make the mistake of thinking this won't happen to you.

[lemonhemlock]

the reason why i don't think blood & cheese works without maelor is because it undermines the gravity of helaena's choice

in the books, as we all know, she has to choose which son to sacrifice. blood & cheese are going to kill one either way, so, whatever happens, if you want to get cynical about it, aegon will still be left with a male heir of his body. no, the horribleness of the choice lies not really in dynastic matters, but in basic humanity: which of your children are you willing to condemn to death? and helaena truly does try to make the best out of a bad situation, she picks not because she loves jaehaerys more, but because maelor is so tiny that she hopes he won't understand what's going to happen to him.

and she absolutely has to choose, because b&c threaten to rape her daughter if she doesn't. it's psychological torture. b&c just want to fuck her up in the head as much as possible and helaena tries her goddamnest to minimize the harm done to her family. to further compound on the tragedy, b&c kill the opposite child, so now she has to live out the rest of her days knowing that the son left alive is the son SHE herself marked for the axe. which is what understandably drives her to lose her mind

now, in the show, the "problem" blood & cheese have doesn't exist at all: that they can't supposedly tell the twins apart. but (as awful as it sounds, since it involves sexual assault) they could very easily check which child has male genitalia and be done with it. it's a "problem" that takes literal seconds to solve. they don't need helaena at all! it becomes irrelevant which child she points towards - b&c can always just check! she can't save jaehaerys in this situation no matter what she does, because b&c were never interested in jaehaera in the first place. in the books, she has the ability to save one child and this exact horrible "agency" bestowed on her torments her for the rest of her days. in the show, even had she pointed towards jaehaera, it would have been a narrative plot hole for the writers to have killed her without checking

likewise, in the books, she begs them to kill her instead, but, in the show, she offers them a necklace? you can't deny that the dramatic stakes are lowered substantially by making that change. which one of these options would have been more filled with pathos? personally, it just feels like this was phia's moment to shine and, while she did a good job with what she had, every narrative choice was somehow made to subdue this horrible event and left her only crumbs to work with. cinematically-speaking, this scene (as it was executed) does not even come close to the iconic moments that cemented GoT into the collective consciousness, which is very strange, as the subject matter is anything but mediocre

and that's not even getting into the rest of the plot holes that others have already pointed out, like:

- why are there no guards at helaena's door or anywhere else for that matter? not just on that hallway, but on many other hallways, she has to run quite a lot to get to alicent's chambers

- why is her room unlocked at the very least

- why is ALICENT's room unlocked, for that matter? she is having secret guilty sex with criston and she forgets to lock her door in a castle full of spies? anyone could have walked in

- not even getting into this whole thing just being one huge misunderstanding + minimizing daemon's and mysaria's roles :))

- NOT EVEN mentioning removing the trauma of alicent witnessing all of this, gagged and bound on her own bed, not being able to help or intervene in any way

i can understand the likelihood of these elements happening sometimes (maybe someone does forget to lock their door from time to time, maybe a guard does shirk their duties from time to time), but you can't write all of them at once without it turning all looney tunes. if you introduce too many aspects that defy logic in your story, it ceases to be believable and just becomes bad writing

___________________________________________

also, "they killed <the boy>"? not "my son" or "jaehaerys"? it sounds so removed, don't you think? helaena out there on her mother's floor dropping exposition for the audience 🥲

[midnights-cosmic]

Iced Coffee

Jeong Yunho x F!Reader

They said Cupid's Coffee Station has a magic of bringing people together. Yunho happened to take a liking on it ever since it opened right across KQ Entertainment's building. And he also happened to meet you in there. Will the magic work?

[Edited and Updated. Proof-read. June 19 2024]

"Where's Yunho?" Mingi asked when the rest of the members walked in the practice room. Yunho has been in and out of practice room ever since this morning. This routine of his started about two weeks ago.

Wooyoung laughed, "He said he likes the coffee across the street."

Mingi raised an eyebrow. "Is he... You?"

Wooyoung shrugged his shoulder with a smile on his face.

"Ready to leave, everyone?" Hongjoong, who just finished stuffing his bag, asked. "Where's Yunho?"

"Across the street." Mingi and Wooyoung answered at the same time.

Hongjoong scoffed, shaking his head. Mingi was getting suspicious. What's his friend been doing at the newly opened coffee shop?

Cupid's Coffee Station — Your go-to café ever since you started attending Hongik University. It's one of those café's your college friends can't stop talking about. According to one of your classmates, this café has magic. Solely because it has a power of bringing people together. And by 'bringing people together', what she meant is setting up the most unlikely couples.

You almost laughed, hearing her voice in your head. That does sound ridiculous, doesn't it?

But who are you to talk? Curiousity got the best of you anyway. Here you are every day, every after class, every chance you get, even during weekends. You've seen a few of your friends meeting someone at this place, yet here you are, a regular, and still hasn't met anyone.

Magic. Right, who believes in magic anyway. Just because Cupid's name is in this café doesn't mean his arrow is in every corner of this room, too. Or maybe you're just not meant to meet anyone, really.

You shook you head. "If I don't meet anyone here, that just means there's no magic in this café. Simple." You murmured under your breath, your books colliding at the floral table mats.

It wasn't the first time Yunho saw you talk to yourself. He can tell that you're annoyed, or perhaps just exhausted, even though he couldn't hear the words coming out of your lips. He truly wishes he could just ask, but he is not at all confident in his ability to do so. Although, honestly speaking, he'd probably had the courage if his members were with him.

Wooyoung We're getting coffees too :))

Yunho -_-

Wooyoung Mingi is curious :P

Yunho = __ =''

You were taken aback by the assortment of pastries available at the counter, most of them were usually sold out by now. You felt your mouth water at the sight and you wanted to taste every dish. From the croissant's golden hue, to the strawberry tart's vibrant red color, to the noisette's lovely swirls of chocolate.

However, the lone blueberry muffin on the side was calling for your attention.

You contemplated over the numerous options for a while before settling on the one and only muffin. You've been craving that blueberry flavor for some reason. Although a blueberry tart would have been a better option (which is sadly not available), the muffin will do the trick.

With a pair of tongs, you reached over the muffin, only to have your hand collide with another one. Chills ran down your spine as you felt the shock of electricity against your skin.

Your eyes met the prettiest eyes you've seen in a while. "Sorry. I didn't notice you're reaching for it too." You apologized.

You felt small under his gaze. He's too handsome to be standing near me. Am I even allowed to breathe the same air as this man?

"You can take it, it's fine." He smiled. You swore you could melt at this moment.

You took the blueberry muffin. Overcoming the feeling how you felt bad that he wants it too.

The door chimes ring and few voices from inside the quiet cafe can be heard as you both choose a second pastry. The handsome guy tensed next to you and let out a heavy sigh.

"Yunho-yah~"

So, his name is Yunho. His face suits that name so much. It's like an instant name you'd hear, and you would know that he'll be handsome already.

While you push forward to the barista to order your drink, you watch from your peripheral how Yunho gets mobbed by his friends. "Who are you with?" and "You've been here for an hour and you're just eating now?" are some of the jokes they were making, but Yunho shut them all up.

"Ma'am?" Your cheeks flushed, watching the barista wave his hands in front of your face. "May I have your drink?"

"Right. Uhm, I'll take an iced coffee, please. Two shots of espresso." That was what you need. You need to boost your energy level and your focus. And an iced coffee might just help you with that.

You settled back into your seat after paying for your order. Glancing around, you realized that you have a full view of Yunho, sitting beside his friend; the one that keeps teasing him earlier.

You refrained yourself from grinning. It's amusing to see how shorter the other guy is compared to him, but Yunho is the one that's getting made fun of. You can tell that the other guys are joining in on the fun even though they have their backs to you.

Yunho continued rolling his eyes and shaking his head, particularly when he was being nudged.

You admire his patience. Could never be me. You thought.

Ever since that day, your encounters with Yunho has been frequent. You also noticed yourself having a habit of admiring him from afar. Most of the time, Yunho would be there before you. And the rare occasions that you'll come before him, you'd see him still head in the same corner and the same seat. Pen in hand, notebook on the table.

"You're going home already?" Your friend asked while you were stuffing your bag with everything.

"Not really, but I need to finish my research." You mentioned.

It's Friday, the last day of finals for spring semester, has just concluded. You know that your friend will ask you to party and celebrate tonight, but you wanted to complete your research on Contemporary Art by Sunday. It was the last thing you need to pass before you can truly enjoy the summer break.

She slumped her shoulders and pouted. "You're no fun." A smile slipped through her lips. "Is it a guy? You met someone in the café, haven't you?"

You snickered. "Right. Magical coffee shop, blah blah blah. Nope! I just love their pastries."

Your friend hummed, teasingly. Her eyes shooting lasers at you. "He's probably handsome."

"Wh-"

"FIneeeeeee. If you can't go, I won't force you. But don't forget to introduce him to me." She winked, grabbing her bag then giving you a kiss on the cheek. "I think I might know who he is." She bumped her hips to yours.

You staggered back to your table, eyes squinted. She did a couple of dance steps that you don't recognize at all.

"It's something to do with spice and chilli peppers." She winked, before leaving you alone in the room.

"Whatever." You chuckled.

Cupid's Coffee Station

You tilted your head, blinking at the new LED outdoor sign of the cafe. It was blinking red and pink.

To be fair, there was never a day it wasn't lit, but it used to be just a simple white LED light. This time around, the colored LED confused you.

The chimes tinkled when you walked in. You were even more perplexed when you see how empty the cafe is. All your favorite pastries lined the counter, not even one missing.

Wait, isn't it Friday? Shouldn't there be more people here? You shake your head. It's probably one of those days where sales are slow... or is it? I don't know!

You pinched yourself back to reality and placed your bag on your seat. Same old routine; books on the table, sketch pad, laptop, and your collection of pens that only one is used for the whole year.

After a few minutes of writing down your thoughts about the painting you have chosen for your research. You started craving for caffeine.

Iced coffee. Yep, that's what you've decided to get again.

"Hello! Welcome to Cupid's Coffee Station!" You were caught off by the new barista. This time, the barista is a middle-aged man and has a bright smile on his face.

Where's the other guy?

"Sorry, something came up for my nephew so this old man—" pointing at himself, "—has to step in again in his own café."

Oh, he's the owner. Silly me.

You gave him a smile in return. "I'd like an iced coffee, please."

"Two shots of espresso." You both said at the same time.

Okay? What?—

"I apologize once again. I also like iced coffee with two shots of espresso."

You bit the inside of your cheek, stopping yourself from questioning the owner. As he makes your drink, you decided to grab a plate and a pair of tongs. That was weird, really.

You couldn't even count on your head how many times you shook your head today. It feels like there's so many things happening all at once. You just brushed off the strange sensation on your shoulders.

Finally! A blueberry tart. You've been waiting for it for the past few days. For some reason, the tart at school doesn't satisfy your cravings.

"I'll also take this." You paid for your order and made your way back to your area.

You turned back to face the man after placing your orders on the table. His hands were cleaning and wiping the table. The coffee thing is probably just a coincidence and nothing to overthink about. Honestly speaking, there's probably a million people out there who also likes iced coffee with two shots of espresso.

It's not a big deal, Y/N. Chill.

Work. Yunho has been working for a total of thirteen hours. The joy he felt was unexplainable when Hongjoong called it a day. He threw his head back, stretching and relaxing his muscles.

Once his bag is packed and ready, Yunho excused himself and told his members that he'll be at the café.

"Well, you can just call manager-hyung to pick you up later." Yeosang said, yawning in the process. The members who were looking at him followed in suit. "I'm tired as hell."

"I'm heading home, too. I wanna sleep so baddd~" Wooyoung fussed, hugging San, who was sitting beside him on the floor.

"Make sure to call—" Mingi was cut off when the door closed behind Yunho. He looked at Hongjoong, expecting him to be just as upset as he is. "Hyung! Did you see that?"

All he got was a few laughter from his friends and a pat in the back by Seonghwa and San. "That asshole." Mingi laughed anyway.

Red, pink, white, red, pink, white, red, pink,...

Has this LED light always been colored? Yunho thought. That's unusual.

Yunho was greeted by the sweet and savory scent of the pastries. He was amazed how many are lining the counters.

Unfortunately, he can feel his body slumping from tiredness. So, anything pastry is not on his list today. He's just here to get a boost from caffeine.

"Hello! Welcome to Cupid's Coffee Station!" A man greeted him.

Yunho's brow raised, looking behind the man and trying to locate the regular barista that serves him. "Nephew's out today, bud. What can I get for you?"

Yunho thought of the many options that he wants. "One red eye, please."

"Great choice! It's been a long day, huh?" The man conversed.

"Today is extra stressful." Yunho smiled, politely.

"It probably is." The man replied, "Thank God, the cafe's empty today. You need that space and rest."

Yunho surveyed the area. This cafe has never seemed so empty to him. Considering that it's Friday, there should be a ton of people enjoying their last day of work and students hanging out.

While Yunho was happy to be able to unwind in his favorite place, he was also sympathetic to the owner. Low sales only occur occasionally, but it most likely hurt small businesses big time.

"Here's you drink."

Yunho offered his card to pay. The man swiped it quickly and handed it back.

"Enjoy your coffee and stay."

Yunho bowed. "Thank you."

Yunho was striding towards his regular spot when he noticed a table marker placed on the table. Table reserved.

He looked around. Reserved? When the café's empty??

Yunho chose the next nearest table but it's also marked as reserved.

You watched Yunho pace back and forth while holding his wooden tray. Brows raised, you try to peak why he's not sitting down. You saw that every table that was vacant was marked as reserved.

Will there be a special occassion to be held here today?

After minutes of contemplating, you built up your courage to walk up to Yunho.

Your steps were extra silent walking towards the very confused man. He was so tall compared to you. So much taller. With light taps on his arms, you greeted him. His back turned, looking even more baffled than ever. Yunho's eyes widened at the sight of you.

You muster up a smile, "Hi. Uhm... I— Well, you see... I was—"

Yunho observed your stuttering speech. Your cheeks flushed and your eyes refused to meet his gaze. His brain was too cloudy to listen to what you were saying. It was like everything was silent and all he could see was you, standing in front of him with moving lips. His mind is blurred, the words you were speaking were not being processed in his head.

"If that's okay with you." You said.

Yunho blinked, "Sorry? I didn't hear what you said.” He cleared his throat, another silent sorry slipping through his lips.

"You can sit with me. It seems like my table's the only one available right now. Everything seems to be reserved..." You trailed. The both of you looked around and agreed with each other silently.

"Uh yeah. Sure. Thank you so much." Yunho smiled. “I really appreciate it.”

Despite every table being reserved, no one else came in. You were silently hoping for at least one customer to arrive to ease your nevourness around Yunho.

You and him sat there in silence; with him occasionally sipping on his drink and scrolling through his phone. While you, on the other hand, tried your best to conceal most of your face on your laptop’s screen.

Every now and then, you would draw something on your sketchbook and analyze your own techniques, before returning to typing absentmindedly for your paperwork. 

You can feel Yunho’s stare sometimes. You’ve seen how he fidgets, mouth twitching as if he wants to talk to you. 

Time passed by quickly, yet slowly at the same time. At one point, Yunho has asked you if you were an art student. You shyly replied, yes, and from that, the conversation flowed naturally.

"I'm really bad at drawing." Yunho grimaced.

"Oh come on! You can't be that bad!" You assured, pushing the sketchbook further to his side.

A sigh escaped Yunho's lips, but the corner of his lips turned when he gently grab the pencil from your fingertips. "If you say so."

You could see Yunho drew a circle, then curves surrounding the initial shape he made. He then drew a straight line down, followed by an extremely snaky leaves.

You couldn't help but laugh when he added glow and stars around the flower. "You know, you could've just drawn butterflies. That would make more sense."

Yunho shook his head. "Nope, this is a glowing flower."

"See! You can draw!"

"Fortunately, I do believe that you haven't seen my worst drawings." Yunho dropped the pencil, and picked up his phone. After a mere second, his phone screen was on your face.

You put your hand to your mouth to stop the laughter before it could escape. "You drew that?" You asked in disbelief.

Let's just say that it was the most interesting drawing of a giraffe you have ever seen.

"Are you heading home?" Yunho asked, helping you with the scattered colored pencils on the table.

"Yeah, I'll be taking a bus." The both of you didn't notice the time. It's running almost 9 in the evening before you even know it.

Yunho looked worried, but you muffle out a laughter. "It's fine, Yunho. I live quite near anyway. Just thirty minutes away." You explained. "Plus, you said you have a schedule tomorrow. If I remember correctly, Mingi said call time is 6 AM." You teased.

He had told you about his group, most especially his best friend, Song Mingi.

"I can drop you off?" It was like Yunho was asking himself more than you.

A large black car pulled up and parked directly in front of the large glass front door before you had a chance to decline.

The owner of the cafe appeared unexpectedly next to you and Yunho, making you both flinch in his presence.

"I hope you enjoyed your stay!" He greeted with the biggest smile on his face.

You had to beam back at him because of his contagious smile. Even though he was intimidating when you first arrived, you can now sense his sincerity and kindness.

Not to add, he asked your table if you needed anything else at all, and your table partner requested a refill for his red eye, which resulted to you and Yunho having more conversation to discuss and random things to tease each other about.

"I hope to see you together again here in Cupid's Coffee Station."

The both of you thanked him. The owner opened the door and bid you safe travel.

Like on queue, the car window rolled down when Yunho stepped out of the coffee shop. You, anxiously playing with your hands, next to him.

Yunho walked towards the rolled down window. "Hyungnim~"

There was a conversation between Yunho and the driver. It was slightly inaudible. However, you can overhear him saying that he needs to drop you off at your house.

"It's late in the evening. I can't just let Y/N go and take a bus."

Short silence... A couple more talking... Yunho whispering a celebratory 'Yes!'

"Let's go Y/N. We'll take you home." Yunho opened the car door and offered his hand.

Take it! And so you did. For some reason, that voice in your head doesn't even sound like you. It was like a compelling voice that you couldn't even say no to.

You had expected Yunho to sit next to the driver but he didn't. As you put the pieces together, you realized that the driver might also be his manager. Yunho told you a lot about his idol life during the twenty questions game you both had.

"Thank you, Hyung. I know we might get in trouble for this, but really, thank you." Yunho talked while closing the car door and getting comfortable next to you.

"We'll be fine." The manager said, though you can hear the faint worry in his voice. "Uh, Y/N, right? Yunho can't get out of the car when we arrive at your house. Please use the door on your side later."

You nodded. "No problem. Thank you so much."

"Hyung, she knows that."

"Just making things clear, Yunho."

You've told the manager your address afterwards.

The car moved, now on its way to the destination. Looking back at the cafe, you watched the lights inside turned off one by one. Lips parting at the sight of the LED outdoor sign blinking red, pink, then it flickered, completely stopping at white.

Yunho noticed your expression. "Something wrong?"

"The LED light!" You pointed, but when Yunho turned around, the car rounded a corner.

"Why— What happened?"

What was that? Shaking your head, "Nothing. It's probably just my mind playing tricks."

[End of Part One]

[Part Two in progress]

[luvj4key]

let me go - lhs

જ⁀➴ heeseung can't seem to let you go. it's been months since you've broken up. but he's doing everything in his power to win you back. all he wants is to have you back in his arms... but is it even possible? are you even willing to try again? ౨ৎ inspired by bills by enhypen

pairing - ex!heeseung x gn!reader genre - exes to strangers, angst, one-shot wc - 1.8k warning(s) - heeseung is in denial, reader is kind of harsh and avoidant, misleading in some ways, unhealthy relationship

tiana's note 🎀 - this is my entry for @okwonyo's celestial ballet event !! i had lots of fun writing this one-shot, i'm actually super proud of this. i hope you all enjoy <3

౨ৎ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! <3 ✧˖° ... (library)

if you could have a dollar every time you heard someone say to never be friends with your ex, you would be a millionaire by now. you never really understood why. what happens if you end on good terms? what could go wrong? well, a lot apparently.

it's been a few months since you and heeseung broke up and it certainly hasn't been easy for the two of you. you ended your relationship on a mutual note, however you were the one that presented the idea in the first place. life got too chaotic and you felt like you'd be wasting heeseung's time if you kept stringing him along. you barely got to see him on a daily basis so that already put a strain on your relationship. you didn’t want further problems to occur and actually have something terrible happen between you two so you figured that ending it earlier on would spare a lot of the pain. 

you’d think the break up process would be easy. you break up and move on with your life - with no contact whatsoever. well, that’s not exactly the case for you and heeseung. there’s no such thing as no contact for your situation. you talk and see each other pretty often. too often actually. it’s almost as if you never even broke up. the two of you would do the things you would use to do - minus all the affection, of course. these things consist of running errands together, going out together, and having sleepovers. all the things ex-lovers shouldn’t really be doing. 

when heeseung suggested for you to remain friends after the break up, you weren’t necessarily opposed to the idea. it’s not like things ended badly between you. you were okay with having him in your life still. that was until everything started falling into place - for the worse.

in heeseung’s mind, being friends and staying in contact with you meant that there was a chance for you to go back to how things were, you being with him again. this was all part of his plan actually. the main reason why he even suggested to remain friends was to keep you in his life and oh, so magically win his way back into your heart. the way he saw it was that you ended things because this was how you were feeling at the moment. it doesn’t mean that you loved him any less. some circumstances are only preventing you from giving the relationship your full attention. he believed he still had a chance with you.

it didn’t take long for you to realize what was actually happening. the more you and heeseung hung out, the more you realized heeseung’s intentions. you didn’t let the subtle comments about your future with him go unnoticed. nor did you let yourself ignore the lingering touches and looks he would give you. you knew what he wanted and it scared you. you didn’t want him to believe that there was a chance just because you remained friends. so how did you choose to resolve this? you grow distant. why? you have no idea, you don’t know what to do.

you did everything in your power to stay away from heeseung. you would turn down his invites to hang out saying that you had plans. you would leave him on delivered, miss his calls, anything. you didn’t want to be this harsh, but what could you do in a situation like this? you weren’t good with confrontation and you genuinely didn’t know how to break it to heeseung that he shouldn’t get his hopes up because at the end of the day, you knew him. there’s history between you.

this leads to where you are now. you haven’t talked to heeseung in awhile so you hoped this meant that things finally quieted down between you. you roamed around the streets as you finished up running a few errands. you had some time to spare so you decided to stroll around. you had your headphones on, completely in your own world. you didn’t notice a car pull up next to you, its horn scaring the absolute shit out of you. you yank off your headphones and were about to ask the person what their problem was until you met eyes with the driver. you felt your heart drop to your stomach, “heeseung?”

“hey,” he greeted as if this was a normal occurrence, “do you need a ride?”

you scoffed, walking up to the passenger’s window. “do i need a ride? no, of course not. are you stalking me or something?”

sensing your agitation, heeseung sighs. “i’m not stalking you, y/n. i just so happened to be driving down 

here until i saw you. please just get in the car, i don’t want you walking out here alone.”

“i can handle myself, heeseung. i’m fine, don’t worry about it.” your voice softened, feeling bad for raising your voice at his innocent offer.

he hesitated before pleading, “y/n please. i haven’t heard from you in days, i want to know if you’re okay. there’s also somewhere i want to take you.”

you sighed, pondering for a moment. you hated how you couldn’t say no to him. “fine,” you said, getting into the car, “i’m going to need to get home soon though.” he nodded as he drove off.

the car ride was uncomfortably silent. not a word has been said between you and heeseung. you looked out the window, praying to yourself that heeseung wouldn’t question you in any way. occasionally you would see heeseung sneak a glance at you every time you were stopped at a red light. for some reason, you had an uneasy feeling sitting in your stomach.

what felt like an eternity, heeseung pulls up at a spot that was all too familiar for you. it was the park you and him would always go to when you were together. you shared many memories here. you even had your first kiss here. you felt all the emotions and memories rush back to you. you needed to escape. “why are we here, heeseung?” you asked, turning to him.

“to talk,” you tilted your head in confusion, “what’s been going on with you?”

“what are you talking about? nothing’s going on, i am how i usually am.” you let out a breath of frustration, not having the energy to have this conversation.

“no,” he argued, “you’re being distant, y/n. i don’t know if you remember but i’ve known you for years. you start going m.i.a when things get hard for you because you don’t know what to do about it.” he laid out, throwing you off guard.

“don’t even start, heeseung.” 

“i’m not wrong though, am i?”

“take me home.” was all you could say.

“i’m not taking you home until we talk about this.” he gestured between the two of you.

“there’s nothing to even talk about heeseung,” you cried out, “we broke up and we should’ve just left it at that.”

heeseung got quiet, you could see the wheels turning in his head, “what do you mean?” he asked cautiously.

“we can’t keep doing this.” you said, looking away from him.

“i-i don’t understand… what are we doing?” heeseung knew exactly what you were talking about. however, he couldn’t bring himself to believe what was actually happening. a part of him hoped you were talking about something else. he still had hope.

“this,” you gestured at the two of you, mimicking what he did earlier, “it’s not healthy, heeseung. we’re only going to get more hurt by staying around each other.” your voice cracked, tears threatened to spill from your eyes, “you’re going to get hurt.” you whispered.

“i don’t care if i get hurt, y/n. i love you too much to let you walk away from me. i know this is selfish, i know but i need you in my life. i can’t do this without you…” heeseung confessed, he didn’t care how pathetic he may have appeared. if it gets his point out then so be it.

you closed your eyes, “you agreed to break up, heeseung.”

“i know… but i did it because i saw how much you were struggling with your life and i didn’t want to make things any harder for you. i only agreed because i wanted to give you some time and space to have everything figured and sorted out… i wanted to stay in your life as your friend in hopes that it meant that i can eventually have you back in my arms.” he explained, having no idea how you’d react. he was scared to find out.

you were at a loss for words. you felt bad for him. you felt like it was your fault that things came to be like this. if only you’d have done something sooner. maybe there could’ve been another way…

the silence was deadly, you swear you could hear heeseung’s heart beating out of his chest. “you need to let me go, heeseung.” you said gently. you didn’t want to cause any further damage but it seemed like it was too late.

“i can’t…”

“you deserve someone that can give you the love that i couldn’t. you deserve someone who could put you first. you deserve someone that isn’t me.” you poured out.

“that’s the thing, i don’t want anyone else. i want you,” at this point, tears streamed down heeseung’s face. you try to ignore the guilt and pain creeping up in your chest. “we can work this out.”

“heeseung,” you started, you didn’t realize a tear slipped down your cheek, “i can barely figure out what i want even for myself. that alone shows that i can’t be in a relationship right now. it’s not fair for you to keep waiting around when i don’t know what’s going on myself. i don’t deserve you.”

before heeseung could say anything else, you began to gather your things. you had to be the one to do something. it was either now or never. you’re doing this for the both of you. heeseung seemed to catch onto what you were about to do. just as you were about to open the car door, heeseung grabs your wrist. “please don’t do this, y/n.”

“heeseung please, i don’t want to make this any harder,” you begged, “this is for the best. you need to move on.” you shook off his grasp and opened the door, quickly getting out. you felt your heart break piece by piece as you heard heeseung’s cries for you to come back, a sob escaped your mouth.

this was hard on you too. if circumstances were different, you would’ve taken heeseung back in a heartbeat. but you did what you had to do. for the sake of his happiness, you remove yourself from his life. this was for the best you had to remind yourself. you had to fight everything in you from running back to heeseung’s car and taking back everything you’ve said. 

please forgive me, my love. please understand. 

heeseung frantically grabbed his phone to dial your number. a few rings went by, maybe you would still answer. all hope was lost when the words “this number can no longer be reached…” reached his ears.

©luvj4key 2024. all work is written by me. do not copy, translate or repost

[urdgealesisbaby]

We all know that BEAST Dazai risked his life to create a world where Oda could survive and be happy.  But what if in the process of carrying out his plan, he meets his s/o? That's the person that "Dazai" in the parallel world treasures very much, from the memories received by BEAST Dazai. Besides, Oda is close to Dazai's s/o?  between the friend he treasures most and the person he loves the most, will he commit to cooperating both of them?

Thank you for accept my request! >v<

Hello! And thank you for this request,rather an interesting one!

BEAST!Dazai meeting his s/o in the process of carrying out his plan

Osamu Dazai(BEAST)

-he is in total shock, like absolutely shock

-you know how this man always is rather calculated and informed about what's gonna happen and everything? That's not the case now.

-if you ask me,he will commit to cooperate between both of them, I would even say that he will only choose his s/o if we're talking about a critical situation

-I kinda believe that he will try to keep the situation as still as possible considering the fact that even Oda is close to his s/o

-so he wouldn't want to separate them

-really, if you ask me, Dazai is kinda desperate because he didn't expect this

-but oh how the tables have turned out

-Dazai would try to keep you both close by his side now, but it isn't really working

-I think he would be inseparable from his s/o, so if he gets to choose, I'm afraid Oda won't be one of the chosen options

Thank you for your request! I believe this is my first post regarding BEAST!

[loseremzo]

Ats completely ruined Spike as a serious character. Because as someone who loves Spike, and loved him in ats, I believe he was purely brought in to please fans and get them (btvs lovers who never watched or cared for ats) to watch ats. In the process completely destroying any amount of character he had. They got rid of the depths and multitudes in Spikes character and use him as a motivator and obstacle for Angel. Rarely do we ever see his vulnerability or his overall thoughts or feelings on things that happen to him in btvs+ats. And by rarely I mean only when he was with Fred, which ended when he became corporeal because I swear they never really had scenes together after that.

In btvs one could break down Spike’s character into two parts (simply. he is a character of layers), fighter and lover. Demon and Man, Vampire and Poet, Fighter and Lover. And in season seven he is trying to learn where the line is because before the soul there was no line. The fighter part of him and the lover part of him overlapped and hence the unhealthy love he has for Buffy. In the beginning of season seven we see that the line is now drawn but instead of towing that line he stands straight on the lover side and this is addressed by Buffy in S7E15 Get It Done, when he doesn’t fight the demon for Anya and Buffy tells him to stop being a pussy bitch and get his shit together. He has stopped relishing the fight, ignoring the fighter/demon in him because of the past chaos and bloodshed. Then he finds his coat (another thing taken away in ats) risks his mental wellbeing by going to the school basement where he went insane due to The First, a powerful being that still has some control over him with the trigger and he had just gotten out of the grasps of. He starts relying on the fighter side of him because that’s what Buffy wanted, until S7E20 Touched where he comforts her, explains his love for her, and holds her. Then in the next episode when they confront each other about it he tells her to forget it. That it was a malfunction, trying to reassure her that the fighter is still there, that he can still fight by her side. He found the line and walks along it, choosing which moments to let out the fighter or the lover. And that is gone in ats. Watching season seven of btvs compared to season five of ats, that characters are different in the sense that Spike has been dumbed down to the stereotypical sarcastic comedic relief whom annoys the main character and causes problems.

I loved that he was brought back (probably because when he died I’m pretty sure I like snapped, and almost collapsed in my kitchen and shit. so biased) But they should have kept the noncoporeal storyline but after that let him go be with Buffy. Which obviously would have never happened because Whedon was a dick and hated Spike and women, and wanted Angel to still have some hope with Buffy and keep fans on the edge with the love triangle.

[trynafindbarbiee]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH NOW

I didn't thought I would do it, because it's only gonna waste my time and energy but y'all are getting out of your boundaries now.

None of this matters to me at all. I'm not obligated to prove myself; it's ultimately futile in my opinion. Although I've proven myself two or maybe three times already, I'm living my life peacefully, so why should these miserable people matter to me? I won't even remember after a while nor your pathetic opinions about me 💀!!

No matter what I say, there will always be doubters, and there will always be those who believe. It's not my job to convince people of my experiences or beliefs, and I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I'm living my life peacefully, and I don't need external validation from anyone. I'm grateful for my experiences, and I don't need anyone else's approval to know they're real.

---------------------------------------------------

Why are you charging money when u have manifested trillions of dollars in the void :

I could manifest endless money into the void, but that's not the case. Even after entering the void, we still have jobs, we eat, we sleep, we live normal lives like ordinary people. There's a renowned blogger on Tumblr (I won't name her) who has also entered the void yet continues to work. Helping people through my abilities is my choice and I like it and so I seek compensation for it.

Even after entering the void and manifesting various things, you will still desire activities that bring you joy. You will starting to want to live a normal life. Eventually, you will become accustomed to manifesting everything instantly from the void, and it will cease to excite you.

If I really wanted to scam, I could have charged $500 or so, but I didnt, and still being called out as a "scammer"? $12 ain't gonna make me rich.

While there have been scammers within the community, it does not follow that every person offering a paid (and reasonably priced) service is a scammer.

You can't manifest for others :

How dumb of you all to say this.

"everything is possible"

Proceeds with "you can't manifest for others, stop lying"

Ultimately, it boils down to one's assumptions. If you believe it's a scam and that it won't work for you, then that will likely be the outcome. Is that not so? Now, do I gotta explain all the fundamentals to you all?

IT IS POSSIBLE TO MANIFEST FOR OTHERS (speaking from my own experience), and if you think otherwise, you simply have a limited mindset.

"It will only happen in your reality, not theirs." Not everyone believes in the existence of infinite realities, and it's okay to have different beliefs. However, if you do believe they exist, then this is what the truth would be, FOR YOU.

You are a male/boy, because your payment account is having a name of a boy :

I'm astounded by the sheer ignorance and absurdity in some individuals questioning someone's gender based on the name on the name of the payment account.

Are you all seriously assuming I'm male just because the account name is masculine? Common sense seems to be lacking here. I'm using my cousin's account. Is there a problem with that? I am merely utilizing my cousin's account. Please refrain from making such baseless assumptions.

She shows you her writings as proof and the photo she says as proof is her necklace and phone photo :

If you choose not to believe them, then so be it. What do you want me to do? To me, they are sufficient as "proof." If they are not for you, then fine, I won't put myself in a situation where my privacy would be breached just for the sake of "PROVING" to you that I really entered the void.

First, you all desperately demand proof, but when someone provides it, you claim it's fake. Nevermind, be stuck in this cycle:)

Why on earth do people persist with these baseless assumptions and relentless demands for validation? It's utterly draining and disheartening. If my evidence isn't enough, there's absolutely nothing I can do. What else do they expect? It's not my responsibility to prove my authenticity to anyone.

Read this ask

Reading that you should have realised that nothing can ever be enough for you all as proof.

And if you don't believe in those then why are you even in this community? What is making you believe those writings of others saying, you can have your dream life in a day, are true?

"trynafindbarbiee you don't have to deal with these manifest things, you can enter the void instantly anyway, why don't you live your life instead of wasting your time here?". - shouldn't it apply to all bloggers now? 💀

---------------------------------------------------

Anyone who's charging for their services isn't a scammer always. Accusations of such reflect a limited mindset. It is indeed possible to manifest for others, and some individuals in this community have successfully done so.

The community has become more cautious about distinguishing fraudulent offers from authentic ones. I find it absolutely hilarious that you all label such offers as a scam, as if $12 could somehow make a person rich overnight. It's honestly quite amusing!

Now, one bad comment about me = BLOCKED !! I don't have time to waste on limited minded peoples, who not knowing a thing about me, proceeds to call me a scammer.

So, now, stop with your pointless assumption about me. And do better + get a life <3

And THANKYOU to everyone who are still with me and refusing to believe the nonsense going about me on here. I may not reply to your postive asks but know that I love you all !! 🤝🏻💞

[arcielee]

ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟 𝕤𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕣𝕤

This is just my opinion on the first episode. Feel free to ignore.

My biggest issue with the show is HBO's TB propaganda. What I enjoyed about Fire & Blood was how the narration allowed its readers to pick and choose their interpretation... and I hate that the fucking writer's are so determined to manipulate for more of a "heroes" vs "villains" ordeal.

It just feels like lazy writing to me.

I also feel this season is going to be so rushed again. I understand the disappointment for B&C, but I have seen some valid posts made (post 1, post 2) about Helaena's initial reaction to everything.

The big difference from book Helaena vs show Helaena is that in the show she is a dragon dreamer. With that in mind, Phia did a phenomenal job with how she portrayed her emotions: it felt like this was a nightmare that Hel had been dealing with–for who knows how long–and it was finally happening, finally unraveling before her eyes. Her hesitation, her offering the necklace made me wonder how many times she had to relive this and how many scenarios she tried to play out, only for it to always end the same way.

HBO knitting her reaction alongside with how Rhaenyra grieved Lucerys seems unfair. It makes is seem that she did not mourn Jaehaerys at all when the reality is that is was a hell of a Sophie's Choice situation. 😢

Rhaenyra gave viewers what we believe to be a normal reaction to losing a child, while Helaena gave a reaction we cannot fathom: her finally living through what had been plaguing her dreams and knowing that this time, she cannot wake up from it.

I also wished we could have seen more of dad Aegon. The snippet they gave us was not enough. I would have adored him teaching Jaehaerys to be a little menace in the making while Helaena rolls her eyes and says, "I don't care if you're the king! Stop fucking up his schedule!"

But instead the writers wasted time embellishing add-on's to Aegon's character that were not mentioned in the book at all... just to continue their lame "heroes" vs "villains" storytelling HBO is just adamant on. 😑

Regardless, Tom and Phia are amazing actors and thrive with whatever bullshit the writers give them, so obviously I will finish this season.

All I can do is hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

Endure

This is just deeply self indulgent, inspired by @mumms-the-word's fic featuring chronically ill Tav (forgive me please; I want to read it but I have to be mentally strong to do so I think.) So this is just... a little bit of truth from my own life. The diseases are from the setting, but that's it. So this is a little bit of me, fictionalised. Be kind, please.

'I must become a lionhearted girl, ready for a fight.' - Rabbit Heart, Florence & the Machine

Taglist:

@alpydk @boufsy @owlseeyoulaterpal @lanafofana

@auroraesmeraldarose @aryancunin @miradelletarot @marlowethebard @silent-words

@netherese0rb @sorceresssundries

Tav stared into the campfire, walking cane across her lap. I’ll be alright, she thought. A tadpole is nothing compared to what I’ve been through. I’ve got this. Still, she felt the familiar sneak of anxiety in her gut. Now they were in the shadow cursed lands, and death loomed over their shoulders. Astarion was pretending to read a book, but she could feel his feline gaze on the back of her head. Gale was really reading, but she noticed he would glance up at her every few pages, as though checking she was alright.  Shadowheart was eavesdropping on Wyll and Karlach’s conversation, Lae’zel apparently uninterested in socialising, engrossed as she was in a githyanki slate. So Tav sat alone, thinking.

Why did you bring me back? She closed her eyes, furrowing her brow. I never asked for any of this. I’ve been so strong for you my entire life and you let this happen to me. Why? Without warning, tears slid silently down her cheeks. She heard the soft thud of books closing and felt Gale and Astarion settle on either side of her. Astarion’s cool fingers stroked her back soothingly as Gale reached for her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles, both of them comforting in the ways they could. ‘I’m fine,’ she said, not even opening her eyes to look at them.

‘Pish posh,’ said Gale softly, nudging her shoulder. ‘You don’t need to lie.’

‘Just having a crisis of faith, I suppose,’ she said, sniffing and opening her eyes. She wiped fiercely at them with her free hand. ‘Hating my lot in life a little bit tonight.’ She sighed, deep and tired. ‘I thought you could choose your deity. Not me. I was plucked from the brink of death, and I’ve been fucked ever since.’

‘The gods are bastards and wretches,’ said Astarion bitterly.

Tav shrugged. ‘Without him I’d be dead. Still, it’s not like he’s offered me a bounty of beauty or particular skill or-’ she gestured vaguely, ‘-magic. It’s just been a litany of hurts. I’m tired.’

‘I never asked,’ said Gale. ‘About…’ He gestured to the cane.

‘Don’t you dare pity me,’ she said through her teeth. ‘I hate it.’

‘I wasn’t. I just want to know what you’ve been through. And not from some kind of morbid curiosity either. You’ll forgive my bleeding heart if I hate seeing my friends in pain.’

‘It’s not good form to ask these things,’ said Astarion tersely. ‘But then you always were incredibly intelligent and breathtakingly stupid, Gale.’

Tav almost laughed, a single huff of air from her mouth. ‘Sure, I’ll tell you. But remember you asked.’ Dimly aware the camp had quieted, and her audience was beyond the wizard and the elf, she spoke to the flames. ‘I was born too early for anyone to expect me to survive. My lungs didn’t function, there was a stutter in my heartbeat, internal bleeding on the brain, all that. I had some necrosis and blacklung and even spotted plague, all at once could you believe it? I should’ve been dead five times over. I was put through my paces. I don’t know how or why I made it and sometimes I wish I hadn’t. But I did. And I got to grow up.’ A bitter edge crept into her voice. ‘And then something happened to me later, some people happened to me, and now I’m in pain all the time. It never goes away. I can manage it, on a good day, with rest and the odd spell. Potions don't work for me at all. I can’t do too much though, you see.’ Her face hardened. ‘Because the god who refused to let me die was Ilmater. My suffering is divine. I can’t even walk away because I owe him my very existence. How does a baby bargain with a god like that? So I push on. I endure, because I must.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Gale. ‘I empathise, believe me.’

‘Right,’ Tav said, voice softening a little bit. ‘The orb.’

He nodded. ‘Still. Self inflicted. It’s different.’

‘Yeah.’

‘If I’d known…’ he continued.

‘You wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it and you can’t now,’ she snapped. ‘I appreciate it Gale, I really do, but this is just my life. And now we have these things.’ Jabbing her finger at her forehead she set her jaw in determination. ‘I’ve been through worse. Doubtless we all have. We’re going to win this fight. We don’t have a choice.’

‘Hear hear,’ said Karlach softly.

‘You deserve more credit,’ said Astarion. ‘You’re strong.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘I don’t want to be though. I want to be soft. I want to rest.’

‘You don’t have to do this alone,’ said Wyll, sitting across the fire from her. ‘You have us now.’ His smile was so gentle it broke her heart.

‘Your endurance is admirable,’ said Lae’zel, sitting on Astarion’s other side.

‘For once I agree with you, Lae’zel.’ Shadowheart stayed back from the fire until Karlach grabbed her wrist and plonked her down next to her.

‘Any spells or potions you need, I’ve got you,’ said Gale. ‘It’s the least I can do given you helped me with my condition.’

‘Sweet as that is Gale, perhaps you could start with dinner? Karlach’s stomach is snarling like an angry bugbear,’ said Astarion lightly.

‘I saw that archdruid whittling in the grove earlier,’ said Shadowheart. ‘Maybe he could make you a new cane.’

Tav looked down at the cane in her lap. It was crudely hewn and splintered; she’d done it herself. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Yeah, maybe I should ask him.’

[alicenttully]

just my opinion but i think the way jaehaerys died in the show was completely horrifying on a different level to the portrayal in f&b

basically book jaehaerys died without warning after b&c forced helaena to choose. he died without warning after his brother was chosen. temporary mercy admist this nightmare and the way its written, he never saw it coming.

in the show we saw jaehaerys wake up in his bed when blood attacks him. this kid has no idea what's going on, no way of fighting back. he can't call for his mother or father. he must have thought it was a nightmare. wanted to believe it was just a nightmare. jaehaerys was so young so did he understand what was happening? I'm gonna go out on a whim and say yes, he knew exactly what was happening if not fully. kids don't always grasp the permanence of death but they know what it is. even then, they know what it looks like when somebody is trying to hurt them. i can't imagine how frightened he must have been :(

[twig-tea]

Love Sea Ep 2 Thoughts

Love Sea is, as of ep2, my favourite show airing from Thailand right now.

In addition to being beautiful, and sexy, this show is funny. And I appreciate so much that sex is being treated as a fun thing people who choose to sometimes engage in together rather than as a proxy for/declaration of love (it can be that too, but we get that a lot, and that's not all sex is or can be).

Rak and Mut start off in ep1 by being clearly attracted to each other, maybe even curious about each other, and in some ways having fun getting one over on the other, but they don't really like each other yet. In episode 2, they have sex and then more sex and they are intrigued. They spend more time together over the episode, have a few real conversations, and we get to watch them start to actually like each other in real time. It's fantastic.

I also want to shout out the way this show is highlighting the importance of supporting local business when you travel, and safe sex (one day, I pray, someone will not open a condom with their mouth, unfortunately today was not that day), and being respectful of one another's out statuses (checking in on whether each of them was concerned about being seen with another man before doing any public canoodling was a fantastic touch, especially Rak understanding that there were higher stakes for Mut because this was his hometown). I also love how this show is handling its class dynamics so far, it is very intentional and I'm enjoying watching it play out.

This show has also laid some groundwork for future plot stuff that I am very excited about.

There was a moment in this episode where Rak talks about being an author and how some readers criticize his work for being unrealistic, when he writes fantasy so of course what's happening should be unrealistic. In addition to this moment feeling a little like MAME was staring directly into the camera, it also is interesting in the context of Rak's panic-attack-flashback when he remembers his mother telling him that he should not love anyone to avoid being abandoned like his mother; he then later says love is a figment of our imagination.

Well, guess who's a fantasy BL author? I'm assuming he's going to write this fantasy and will need to be brought around to believing that it can be true. Luckily Masamut is an experienced guide.

We've also got context that Rak's father said he'd stay if he were paid, which means Mut has set himself perfectly as someone Rak can trust to stick around, because/as long as he's being paid by Rak. The trick will be in getting him to believe that he won't be abandoned as soon as he stops paying.

Finally, Mut mentioning his father kicking him out when he was 15 had me very curious--what did they not see eye-to-eye on?

I'm admittedly still unsure what's happening with the GL side couple; the fact that Muk was excited to be kissed by Vi, things aren't quite what they seemed in ep1.

Very much looking forward to watching all of this unfold in this gorgeous show over the next several weeks!

[turttastic]

I completely agree that Blood and Cheese was not as well done as it was in the books but I feel like some of you guys are treating Helaena's lack of an observably emotional reaction as a lack of caring that her son died and I think we should put a stop to that right now bc it has somewhat ableist connotations.

For those who haven't heard of it, dissociation is a response in which a person's mind disconnects from the thoughts and feelings they are experiencing in order to cope with a traumatic situation. They may feel disconnected from the world around them, disconnected from their body, and/or like they are watching the experience happen to someone else, a character on a TV show rather than themselves. (Please note: this is not a comprehensive explanation of dissociation. I have not experienced it personally and I am not an expert).

Dissociation is not at all an uncommon or unlikely response, especially for someone like Helaena who is implied to have a history of abuse at the hands of Aegon (he mostly ignores you, except when he's drunk). Now, we haven't seen much of Helaena, especially her reactions to trauma and bloodshed, but we have seen SOMETHING. In the S1 scene where Vaemond is beheaded, she looks away and covers her ears. She doesn't scream or cry or panic as far as we can see, she looks away and tries to block out the noise. She clearly reacts, she is clearly overwhelmed and upset, but her reaction is not that of most people in the court. And again when Rhaenys and Melys appear at Aegon's coronation, her reaction is to freeze and stare rather than scream or cry or run (granted, all of the greens react that way in this scene, but hey theres really not much to go on here). So to a degree it tracks for me that her reaction to Blood and Cheese is to dissociate completely from that situation.

It's important to note that what was happening was not immediately apparent from Helaena's perspective. The camera first shows us Cheese with his knife to her throat, hand trembling to the point where he has already cut her neck. It's after that that Blood walks in and they have the conversation where they decide to kill one of her sons. To me, it seems likely that Helaena initially assumed they were after her, and had already passed through any initial panic and started to dissociate before that conversation even started. She sounds confused and distant when she tries to offer them her necklace. Even so, you can see her face go completely dead when it becomes apparent that they ARE going to kill one of her kids. She doesn't try to bargain because blood and cheese already had the "she's not a son" conversation right in front of her, so she knows what they want and knows they aren't going to consider an alternative. As for why she pointed at Jaeherys... what else was she supposed to do in that moment? Point at Jaehera and let her die instead? Point at neither of them and risk Blood and Cheese deciding to kill both to be sure they got the son? She has no bargaining power. Jaeherys might have been the male heir, but to Helaena they are BOTH her children whom are equally important, and losing Jaehera wouldn't hurt any less than losing Jaeherys. Or perhaps something led her to believe that pointing at one child would make them choose the other. Or perhaps her dreamer abilities showed her that any resistance or lie would result in an even worse outcome. We don't know the reason, and unfortunately that does make the scene a little bit confusing but it is NOT evidence that she doesn't care.

As they kill Jaeherys, Helaena calmly walks over to Jaehera, picks her up, and calmly walks out. Doesn't run. Walks. That is not the reaction of someone who doesn't care, that is the reaction of someone who is so deeply in shock that they've gone on autopilot. She walks straight to her mother's room, walks in on Alicent and Criston, and doesn't react to them having sex at all. She can't begin to process that because shes already completely overwhelmed. She just sits down on the floor with her surviving child. The thing that really locks it in as dissociation from me though is when she says "they killed the boy", completely and utterly calm. She says it like he wasn't her son, like she is completely detached from the situation, a casual observer from afar. Like that is straight up dissociation guys!!! She cares. She clearly cares and is horrified. Her reaction just isn't emotionally visceral in the way typically shown on TV. I think that it would have been easier to read her reaction for what it was if we'd spent more time with Helaena and seen more of her trauma responses, but please don't act like she had no reaction to the murder of her son.

[glisten-inthedark]

I love how we're supposed to believe Danny and Steve were just bros in spite of the multitude of evidence to the contrary.

Your honor, the prosecution would like the present the following.

Evidence number 1

Steve looking like his puppy was pupnapped when he saw Rachel with Danny. Unless we're supposed to believe he was harboring intense feelings for a woman he saw twice, it doesn't explain why he'd look so heartbroken and betrayed.

Evidence number 2

Steve is the only one Danny allows to call him Danno besides Grace. We're talking about his child here, the light of his life and his entire universe and the other part of it that happens to be a Navy 🦭 with a complex.

After the third time he stopped bitching about Steve calling him Danno, and when was Danny ever known for shutting up when truly annoyed? That's right, never.

Evidence number 3

Danny gave up his chance ar a normal life for Steve. That man had his entire future offered to him on a silver platter, he spent all of the year complaining about being in Hawaii, being away from his child and about everything really.

But when he finally has the chance to leave he does what? Does he go to the airport and flies back to Jersey like one would assume he would? No! He stays.

He knows Rachel, he knows he might as well be closing that particular door for good, but he doesn't care. He chose Steve over his chance of happiness, over Rachel and hell, he doesn't even blink as he does it.

Evidence number 4

Is canon y'all. Danny doesn't usually threatens people with violence, by the time season 2 rolls around the only person we see him doing that for is Grace. Bare in mind Rachel was in the car when it was stollen, and yet he only threatened douchebag to not get near Grace.

Same can be said about anyone else who has ever been in danger, but Matt I'm pretty sure (don't mind me, I'm rewatching it and I just finished season 1 so it'll be a while before I catch up to that minefield). So he threatens someone because of his daughter which he's said over and over it's his life, over Matt that is his fucking brother and that he loves and sees as the reason he made it through the divorce and... *checks notes* Steve.

Am I sensing a pattern here, Jedi?

And bare in mind he didn't just threatens anyone but a fucking CIA agent. I mean how crazy does one have to be do to that? I'd say very.

Evidence number 5

He follows Steve anywhere. Danny is deeply afraid of leaving Grace without a father, and yet he couldn't not go after Steve in North Korea and then Afghanistan.

Both are very dangerous countries for foreigners, both places he very much was in danger of not coming back from, but he still went.

He didn't have to, he could've left Joe handle it, he could've kept himself safe and not be in any danger but he still went. He went even though he knew he could die, that the odds of that happening were high, but he didn't care.

Evidence number 6

Landing the plane on the beach instead of doing it in the water. Danny knew that doing so could get him killed, would most likely get him killed but at that point he didn't care.

We see Danny once again choosing Steve over anything and anyone else. Choosing to die instead of living without him.

At that point I could argue that he chose him over his own children. Charlie was still a child, Grace still needed a father, but losing Steve would kill him just as much as losing one of his children so he doesn't have a choice.

If he Steve dies there will be only wreckage, so following right behind its the only thing he can do. It's a thousand times better than the alternative.

Evidence number 7

Steve being willing to lie to the FBI for Danny, than to follow Danny and helping with the whole Matt situation.

Evidence number 8

Steve helping Danny with Grace and getting Rachel to drop the visitation bullshit. And then helping in the hearing and even dressing in his blues for it.

Steve showing time and again Danny wasn't alone, that he had him on his corner now for better or for worse.

Evidence number 9

Steve looking like he was sucker punched when he heard Danny begging Rachel to take him back in that freaking voicemail and looking torn when he saw they reuniting later on. Why would anyone look like that to their very platonic, not very love of their life's partner?! I blame Alex for everything

I will continue as I rewatch because I forgot most of everything but for now, I rest my case.

[nalyra-dreaming]

It's probably going to be answered soon by the show itself (at least partly), but the whole behind the scenes that happened with the coven won't let me sleep at night. What do you think was happening? What were the choices they presented Armand with? There should be such a huge line of events with Lestat, because I feel it's all very complicated. And what is worse they'll probably leave it for TVL.

Did the coven find Lestat? Did Armand held him hostage or they did? My mind is spinning as I write and...what if they didn't know Armand had Lestat until they went to the attorney and then Armand had exchanged him for something? Make it make sense, please, I believe you might have solid theories :)

Okay.

So in the last moments we see the coven giving the "10 minutes" call to Lestat. Who is staring into the mirror, literally emulating "smoke and mirrors".

Which means, if we can trust what we saw, that the coven knew of Lestat. And that Lestat is part of the scripted performance. Then.

Now, he is not bound or anything, but he wouldn't need to be. What they have against him is not a threat to his own life after all, but the threat of hurting Claudia and Louis.

Of course they will make it seem as if Lestat is after revenge. But... given that Armand obviously knew about the plotting (here is a nice post on that)... and that we know that episode 5 supposedly is very important for what is to come... it is highly debatable. (Totally apart from later book canon.)

I do not think the coven found Lestat. I think they went to Roget's to confirm their suspicions. But there is a time gap, right there. Because Louis sent Claudia and Madeleine out of town after the turning... and by the time they return (and the coven naps them) - they have prepared the trial with Lestat.

So. Louis inviting Armand to the turning, Armand ... not coming. Well. Not in time. Which, given his powers, was very much intentional.

And, looking back... that must have been the final straw, Louis turning Madeleine. A direct blow against rule #1. Against Armand himself. That is when Armand must have revealed Lestat to the coven, that is when they must have set up the trial. Because he comes by Louis' apartment after, with the cuttings of the Magnolia tree prepared. Saying that the coven gave him a choice. And that he... chose. (Of course we are led to believe he chose Louis... when it later becomes clear he did... not.)

Armand is a stickler for the rules. Not even really by choice, but that's what a few hundreds of years of indoctrination do, I cannot even really blame him. A direct and announced breaking of rule #1 is something that would raise his hackles, to put it mildly.

I think he pretended that final few weeks? months? then that he had broken with the coven. Given that it is book canon that he influenced Louis to turn Claudia... I could see it that he influenced Louis to make Claudia and Madeleine return by longing for her. I am not sure if that is the case, but it would fit with book canon, imho.

The choices he was presented with was likely full mutiny... or becoming the coven master again - IF the coven actually made him choose. Because I can easily see this being Armand's own choice as well. Him making up his mind... for better or for worse.

And so he revealed Lestat then to the coven, imho.

As we have already seen in that one teaser that Lestat seems to be in some kind of cell at some point I do think he is in some kind of dungeon. IF it is Magnus' tower? Then there is no way in hell that he would stay there without force, or without subjugation. The same goes for other dungeons, like, we are talking about Lestat here. I know that the show only audience does not know him so well yet, but... for Lestat to stay locked up for months and then show up at a trial to take part in it??? He was locked up. Meaning he did go to Armand... and Armand locked him up. Because Lestat would have gone and confronted Louis and Claudia otherwise, if he had known where they are. But he can only feel them. And other than the weak Claudia and Louis... Armand would have known Lestat was there immediately. And Lestat knew that, too. And so he went to Armand.

And the tragedy unfolds.

I think the trial will go as in IWTV. Mock trial, Lestat will accuse. Louis will sense things are off. There will be things off the script, the line "you cannot script a hurricane" will come into play for the "scripted last play".

I hope my thoughts make sense? :)

[drdemonprince]

autistic anon here again, thanks for fielding my question, you're a real one for not all toxic positivity on it. i guess i should've formulated things better, because i didn't mean to imply being completely wrapped up in decision paralysis to the point of doing nothing. that's a mental hurdle i've cleared a long time ago, so shit gets done. i have a few emails sitting in my inbox of fundraisers i helped with that closed out, and it;s making me emotional just thinking about it.

there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it. because somewhere there's always a nagging worry i could do more. as true as it is, reminding yourself you're doing what you can feels like a convenient self-soothing lie when you're in the pit of a bad night. probably the calvinist whispering poisons in your ear. (being afraid of falling in the trap of slacktivism or just reposting everything as a signal boost and patting myself on the back for a job well done, amongst them. which is BS, but knowing isn't believing.)

i mentioned the autistic part for a reason, because community is something i've never quite experienced and only understand in the abstract. like those fundraisers i helped with many, many other people, that's a community effort and i'm proud i could contribute my little bit. translating that to in-person efforts has been a big ??? though. it's not very parseable or approachable to me.

i hadn't quite grokked this as all being part of shame, i have your book sitting here and have read it a while, probably should reread it.

Hey, thanks for writing back! I hear from people of all levels of engagement, from having never done anything to like dedicated black bloc hard core mother fuckers so it's hard to gauge from a single message what someone's particular situation is.

It sounds like you are already doing a ton, choosing actions to take, following through on them, reflecting on the impact of your tactics, and then regrouping to do more and to try things differently where you can. Yet you still feel like shit sometimes and as if you're not doing enough. What to do about those feelings?

Well. Consider those feelings aren't a problem you have to fix. They're just a thing that will happen. Because of cultural conditioning and endless exposure to alarming messages and imagery online they're just gonna come up. Those feelings can just exist while you keep doing the damn thing.

You've already got your behavior on lock. You're doing what you can and not succumbing to choice paralysis. You're hopefully not burning yourself out. It doesn't sound like anything needs to change, maybe other than you not consuming too much online bullshit that's making you feel even more guilty needlessly.

You say: "there's a weird disconnect between knowing that you're just one person (and that's something i actually like, i'm no-one special, that's a very freeing thought), and fully feeling it."

Yeah, you might not ever fully feel it. As long as you keep acting like it's true, you're good imo.

i feel like the most evil selfish unlovable human being alive most days. it doesn't really matter that i do. it sucks, but that's just a fact of how my life has been. i can keep picking myself up and doing what i have decided is right for me to do anyway. i do what i can to avoid triggers that make that feeling worse, so that it doesn't become a barrier to action, but otherwise i just... keep on living, with terrible emotions and terrible thoughts. and i focus on my actions.

As for the community piece, I hear you, it's really fucking hard. I think it's very humbling work that is so worth doing though. Often it involves showing up to the work that a group is doing and living with the fact that you won't know what the fuck is going on and looking inept for a while. it's a necessary distress tolerance building exercise, getting more comfortable with just being there and rearranging the chairs and setting up the food and feeling like a dumbass who has nothing to contribute.

being able to sit with those feelings and keep showing up and not having an ego about it is enough to earn a lot of trust and foster deeper connections, I find. so many people fail to be able to even do that in most organizing/activist/volunteering spaces. I understand it feels mortifying but it is another one of those situations of getting over oneself in a way that's ultimately so freeing and beautiful. when you can accept that people want you around even if you never have anything to say and do nothing but bring paper cups and take out the trash. it's a real object lesson in how not being all that important can be a wonderful thing and make it possible for us to find love and acceptance.

[ghostlycleric]

It’s really really interesting that they left El’s feelings to be resolved in season 5.

The last time we hear about El’s feelings towards Mike it’s in her letter: “I have gone to become a superhero again. From, El”. That is quite literally El saying she doesn’t love Mike anymore.

She considers writing love to be the bare minimum. “You can’t even write it, Mike.” She thought Mike not saying or writing it meant he didn’t love her anymore. So, she stopped writing it too. While it wasn’t necessarily a breakup letter, that was her telling Mike that she is done waiting for him.

That would’ve immediately lead to their breakup if it weren’t for Will. (That’s why she doesn’t even try to kiss him during their reunion in the desert.) Will talked Mike into giving that monologue, Will lied about who had his feelings. The same feelings that Mike was reassured by and called back to in his monologue to El. The relationship we’ll see Mike and El in at the beginning of season 5 will be built on a lie.

How long this lie lasts is mainly based on the painting, but also on El herself.

Will’s feelings are solidified. Mike’s seem solidified. El’s are unconfirmed. (But, last we saw it seemed she’d lost feelings.) We never see how she responds to the monologue, but we do know some things about after it.

She’s distant. Will has reason to believe that Mike and El haven’t talked at all since the monologue. He asks Mike, kind of timidly, “has she talked to you at all?” and Mike says “not much”. He then reveals that they talked about the supernatural stuff, about her loss. We don’t hear anything about the state of their relationship.

They choose to have Mike and Will have another heart to heart at the end of the season instead of Mike and El. They choose to have El walk out on that hill independently with Mike staying by Will’s side behind her.

I don’t think they’ll pull an off camera breakup for them. But, we saw from how El acted in the desert reunion that she won’t be hostile to Mike after a mature breakup. In the pizza place right before the monologue, she holds his hands and appears to be trying to gently tell him something. I’ve never gotten anything but breakup vibes from that moment. They get interrupted, then the monologue happens. If they didn’t let it get interrupted, Mike and El would’ve broken up.

They’re set up to start yet another season with a rocky relationship built on a lie and an I love you. We saw from the way seasons 3 and 4 happened, that is a recipe for disaster.

I can’t wait to see how they decide to reveal El’s feelings and the painting. In what order? How? How long do Mike and El stay together? How does Will react? How does Mike react? How does El react? There’s so much volume in this love triangle it’s insane.