#so the feeling is definitely still mutual 😁

[leonsliga]

the text from vfl bochum to leon 😍🥰, they love him so much. I really hope that at the end of his career he will play there

Their tribute to him was so beautiful 🥹

Translation:

💪🏼🥰 He is a 5️⃣-time German champion, Champions League winner, 2️⃣-time DFB cup winner, national team player, AND he is a #playerofbochumcharacter.

👉🏼⚽️ Leon Goretzka was born on February 6, 1995 in Bochum and grew up here. From 2001 to 2012 he progressed through all the youth teams at #talentwerk and was trained here. In August 2012, Leon made his debut in the 2. Bundesliga in the #myVfL shirt! 👕🤩 On match day 1 of the 2012/13 season, he was directly in the starting eleven under the then-coach Andreas Bergmann and scored his first VfL goal in the 52nd minute against Dynamo Dresden at the Vonovia Ruhstadion! 😍💙 in the end, VfL Bochum won the match 2:1 and celebrated their first 3 points of the season with Goretzka! 🦾😎 from then on, Leon’s career picked up speed: the native Bochumer made a total of 36 appearances for VfL before transferring to Schalke 04 in 2013. Since 2018, he has been a national team player and under contract at FC Bayern! 👏🏼🥰

🥺🙌🏼 We are very proud to have trained Leon and accompanied him on his journey. He is and remains a player of Bochum character!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of all the clubs he’s played for, I think we can all agree that his boyhood club, VfL Bochum, is his number 1 fan :) They’re so proud of him and everything he’s gone on to achieve. It’s clear they see him as a wonderful representative of the club and the city, and I, for one, couldn’t agree more 🥰 he represents them with honor and integrity.

When it comes time for Leon to retire, I’d love to see him retire at Bochum too. I don’t think I could fathom a happier ending to his career than that—than him finding his way back to the people and the club that raised him. I have a feeling that they’ll welcome him back with open arms ❤️

[builtbybrokenbells]

Rotten Apple | JTK

Karmic relationships indicate feeling or expressing a passionate response very early on in a relationship. Oftentimes, instant chemistry is mutually felt. Sometimes, the drain of that connection or addiction to a partner is described as exhausting rather than feeling calmly settled in a grounded partnership. (Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW)

Listen while reading: (the entire fic is based off this song so I highly suggest at least reading the lyrics before reading 😁)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 16k

Warnings: PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS BEFORE READING AS THIS STORY COULD BE POTENTIALLY HARMFUL/UPSETTING TO SOME READERS//SMUT 18+, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!receiving), sir kink, choking, touch of orgasm denial, dom/sub, possessiveness, jealousy, degradation, name calling, praise, rough sex, toxic themes/relationships, heavy implications/explanations of cheating/infidelity, actual cheating/infidelity, chronic cheaters, gaslighting/manipulative phrases, fighting, arguing, crying, insulting, mentions of bad relationships/relationship trauma, mistresses/home wrecking, self hatred/self sabotage, remorse/regret, depression, anxiety, (lots) angst, (some) fluff, drinking, swearing, sorry if i miss any!

and im back 😙 please tread carefully with this one if any of the aforementioned warnings are personal to you. this definitely isn’t some people’s cup of tea! aside from that, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🤍 (so sorry, very lightly edited. just wanted to get this posted so i can keep going with more stuff 😁) (also another side note, I do not condone cheating at all. was just an idea that sparked some creativity is all)

Innocence is over

Hey ah na na, over

Ignorance is spoken

Hey ah na na, spoken

Confidence is broken

Hey ah na na broken

Sustenance is stolen

Hey ah na na, stolen

Arrogance is potent

Hey ah na na, potent, yeah

“Y/N!” Your name screamed over the busy chatter of the crowd around you, catching your attention and turning your head.

House parties had always been so overrated, and since high school, it seemed the scene hadn’t changed a bit. Even in your late twenties, the spill of alcohol on the floor made your soles sticky and the haze in the air choked you as you breathed. The home you were in was familiar, but certainly not comfortable, and the memories that lived inside the walls were haunting as they flashed before your eyes. The crowd of people around you only made it harder to escape the stalemate remembering had put you in. Still, you pushed a smile on to your face, holding the hand in yours a little tighter as you marched forward toward the greeting.

So many questions flooded your mind as you closed in on the perpetrator of your punishment. You knew they would all be here; they invited you, after all. The text message exuding formalities and lacking substance was the whole reason you stepped foot in the door in the first place, and you knew without a doubt that they would be waiting to greet you soon as you showed.

Well, three of them, anyway.

You swallowed your pride, leading your company through the swarm of bodies. The weaving was tiresome, and you had only just begun navigating your way through an exhausting journey. It was too early to be tired, too soon to be so cynical, yet it was all you could do. Something about the story was too repetitive for you to believe the night would end any differently than you imagined when you received the invitation.

The questions continued to beat against your skull, twisting around the guitar riffs and raspy voices flowing through the speakers in the living room. It made for a violent pair, and your eyes began aching from the pressure behind them. Your body was telling you it was a bad idea, but you couldn’t listen. You had faith that the night would be different, that you would be different, stronger than you were before.

You could turn around, submit to your already guilty conscience and run out the door. You could pretend you never heard your name at all, and more importantly, pretend you never read the message in the first place. You responded too fast to a person who should have been long deleted from your contact list, but if you played the game well enough, you could climb out of the hole you already dug yourself in. You could come out on top of this, you could conquer the world that previously held you back from succeeding. All it took was turning around, leaving, walking away from him.

For some reason, your feet continued forward, neglecting every warning your psyche could give. They carried you far enough that you landed before the person you knew you should walk away from.

No, not the person.

Just the closest one to him.

“Hey, Josh.” His name felt like poison on your tongue, already seeping through the gaps of your teeth and searing holes into the flesh. You could feel the pain deep into your jaw, running down the back of your throat and circling around your neck. The sensation was lethal, but it was addicting. Something about the brothers made you a sucker for the pain. You hated the names now, but you hated yourself more for never having the willpower not to speak them.

“I’m glad you came! I didn’t really think you would message me back.” He confessed, leaping forward and extending his arms outward.

He wanted a hug, innocent and warm, a sure way to greet you with all of the love he still had for you.

To you, it was none of those things. Instead, it served as a reminder of your catastrophic failures and the life you once lived. A life that was painful, ugly and cruel, but still seemed shiny, like a dream you craved to see in your deepest sleep. The person that used to hug Josh Kiszka was not someone you wanted to be, but it was someone you could not escape, someone who only showed herself when she was around him. You could not be around Josh without being near him, too, and for that reason alone you had pinned Josh with his brothers crimes, too.

Still, your arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him closer and torturing yourself with the scent of his cologne. As his arms closed in around you, the anguish of the familiar touch nearly sent you to your knees.

It wasn’t the same, but it was the closest thing to what you truly wanted.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, I figured I’d stop by and say hi at least.” You replied, your head still swimming with uncertainty over the interaction. “I should probably be on my way soon, anyway. I can’t stay long.”

“Oh come on, stay a while! Don’t leave yet, you just got here!”

What game was he playing?

He knew the consequences of your presence in their lives, and he was lighting a match that would fuel an unstoppable fire.

“Maybe just for a little while.” You gave a soft smile, hiding your longing for the connection you had so long ago. His words were kind, more generous than they should be, but the weight of your past mistakes were heavy between you.

Maybe that was why you didn’t have the heart to turn him down. Subconsciously, you were stuck in some repetitive cycle of trying to right wrongs you were not fully responsible for.

“Who is this, anyway?” Josh turned to the man standing next to you, eyeing him carefully as he took in the sight before him. His gaze traveled from his face down to his arm, piecing it together once he saw your fingers still interlocked with his.

“This is Cole…” you said, slowly while Josh’s eyes moved back to meet your own. “My boyfriend.” You didn’t need to say the word. The implication was already painfully obvious, and all you did was rub salt in your open wounds.

Why did you bring him with you?

Why did you come at all?

“I see,” Josh grinned, but it was just as fake as your own cheeriness. You were both thinking the same thing, without a doubt for the future when the night came to an end. “It’s nice to meet you, Cole. I’m Josh.” He extended his hand for your new boyfriend to shake, the formality only slightly off putting as Josh’s eyes remained locked with yours.

‘Not tonight, Josh. Not this time.’ You tried to plead with him, silently telling him that tonight would be different than all the ones that came before. ‘It’s different now. You have to believe me.’

He did not, and you could not blame him. You did not even believe yourself.

By the end of the night, your relationship with the boy beside you would be no more. Jake Kiszka would see to that, and your undying desire for him would solidify it. It was a matter of time before you crossed his path, and not long after that would the incessant cycle resume exactly where it left off.

“Nice to meet you man.” Your boyfriend's voice was cheerful, and unlike yours, genuine. If only he knew the hurt he would endure, he would have left long before he ever experienced love at your hands.

No matter how hard you tried, it always ended the same way. No matter who it was, they were never able to compare to the boy who forever stole your heart.

“So how do you two know each other?” Cole asked, looking down at you now. You bit the tip of your tongue, standing stoic for a moment as you tried to come up with a quick lie. Without being too obvious, you tried to silently warn Josh to keep his mouth shut. You should have known better.

You have always known better.

“She’s never told you about Jake?” Josh laughed, finding the notion incredulous. He was too drunk to lie, but it wasn’t like he could ever do it sober. Your cheeks flushed and your eyes pointed towards the floor, feeling your heart jump to your throat and your head begin to ache. The poison of Jake’s name melted your tongue entirely, leaving you wordless and unable to defend yourself.

“Jake?” Your boyfriend asked, wearily speaking the name aloud as if it were a curse he was desperate to avoid. “Your uh… your ex?” He wanted clarification, or assurance that he was wrong, but it was something you could not give to him because he was right.

“Y-yeah.” You choked out, feeling your throat begin to close and air become scarce. “This is his brother.”

Innocence is over

Cole formed a tight-lipped smile, but did not let go of your hand. In an instant, he understood that attending the house party was not a mindless effort at a drunken date. He was not meeting your old friends, and he was not out to have a good time. Instead, the intent ran much deeper, and he was being used in a pissing contest for bragging rights to the ex he had always felt inferior to.

You wanted to assure him it wasn’t like that, but it was, and speaking would get you no further ahead of the game.

Why would Josh tell him? Why would he say it like that, as if Jake was the reason why you were there?

You closed your eyes, silencing your brain for a moment as you digested the truth.

Jake was the reason why you were there, and he was trying to spare Cole the heartbreak.

“He was barely an ex, Cole. You know that.” You spoke, bargaining with the distaste already forming in his heart.

Out of all of the dishonesty you had already dealt, that was the truth. An ex was not what you would classify Jake as, because you barely dated him. In fact, you hadn’t really dated him at all. You spent weeks secluded behind the walls of the very house you stood in now, nights wrapped up in him, tainting his sheets with the smell of your shampoo, but you were never his girlfriend.

You wanted to believe that if you had stayed just a little while longer, gave him a little bit more, maybe you would have been, but holding on to that belief was painful more than it ever served a comfort.

“Right,” he whispered, his hand still in yours. It felt wrong, just like it had the first time he ever held it. Cole never should have been in the middle of this, because he never should have been yours at all. You had no idea why you ever said yes to the title of girlfriend, because you never wanted it, and you had no idea why you invited him here tonight, especially knowing how it would end.

“Either way, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to see Jake, I came to see you.” You said, pointing the finger at Josh to get yourself out of the spotlight. “You asked me, remember? What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t come to celebrate your new album?” You forced another smile, begging them both to believe that’s why you really showed up. Cole seemed to relax slightly at the sound of your words, but his chest still ached at the idea of being in Jake Kiszka’s house.

Was Josh encouraging you to fall back into old habits? Was Josh playing martyr for a cause that would only hurt everyone in the crossfire?

You could not believe he wanted to see you, because if he missed you so much, he would have shown up at your door. You would have went for coffee or shared dinner like you did so many times before, but instead he invited you to a party hosted by the one man you needed to stay away from.

“The worst.” He joked, playing along with your poor excuses. An awkward silence hung heavy between the the three of you. Nobody knew what to say, because no words could ever turn the conversation to a positive tone.

“Did you want a drink, baby?” Cole asked, looking over his shoulder to the liquor bottles on the kitchen table. You followed his gaze, eager for him to leave you alone so you could pry into Josh’s head.

“Yes, please.” You nodded, giving him a smile.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He said, clearly looking for a way out of the tense situation.

“I’ll be right here.” You promised. He seemed reluctant to leave you, but after a shared glance and silent reassurance, he retreated to the kitchen.

As soon as he was out of earshot, you turned to Josh again, desperate for an answer.

“Why did you invite me, Josh?” You asked, your tone turning grievous in an instant. The sweetness you held seconds before disappeared without a trace.

“He wanted me to.” Josh admitted, giving a shrug of his shoulder. “I didn’t know you’d bring a date.” He continued, his words more accusatory than you liked.

“Is it a crime?”

“When you know the consequences, yeah.” He answered, truthful with his response. “Listen, I’m happy to see you, Y/N. Whatever the fuck happens between you and Jake is none of my business. You’re my friend, and I’m glad you came, but I do think that you should be mindful of him before anything happens.”

“I’m not here to see Jake, Josh. I came because you invited me, because we’re friends. Remember, before all of this shit happened?”

“How could I forget?” He chuckled, thinking back fondly on the memories. Josh had been your friend first, the whole reason you knew Jake at all, but after all of the pain, your friendship with him seemed to get lost in the mess. “As much as I’d like to believe that you’re here to see me, we both know it’s not true.” He paused, thinking carefully before he spoke again. “And as much as I don’t want your new guy to get hurt, it would be nice to see you and Jake catch up, especially after it ended the way it did.”

“I’ve got nothing to say to him, Josh.” You crossed your arms over your chest, accentuating the cleavage in your already skimpy dress. You had picked it with Jake in mind, even if you would never admit it.

“You have lots to say, mama. We all know that.”

With that, a body presented itself beside you again and a drink was being offered to you. You sent Josh a pointed stare, letting the action finish the conversation for good. Josh nodded, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze before walking away.

Cole noticed, and you couldn’t blame him for his questioning gaze, but it did irritate you beyond belief. He was treading in waters too dangerous to survive.

Instead of asking, he opted to keep quiet in fear of the answer he would receive.

Ignorance is spoken

“It’s really nice of you to support Josh like that, even after Jake fucked you over.” Cole said, sending a small smile your way. You took a moment to admire him, his beauty, and his bare-faced stupidity.

“We’ve been friends for a long time. It’s the least I could do.” You shrugged, brushing off his sweet sentiments.

Cole knew you were not there to support Josh, but he was forcing himself to believe it. It was easier for him to digest, thinking that your intentions were friendly and honest. When he focused on the alternative for too long, he thought he would be sick.

Before you could respond, you were pulled into a whirlwind of emotion as your eyes fixated on something within the crowd. In the distance, you saw a flash of familiar brown hair. The sight made your stomach turn and your palms turn clammy.

He wanted you to come.

Josh’s words repeated in your head, making it hard to think of anything else. Jake wanted you there. He asked for you. He knew you would never answer if he asked you himself, because you had never been keen on giving him what he wanted.

That was yours and Jake's biggest problem; you wanted too much from each other, and neither of you had ever been very generous. He wanted more than you could give, and you wanted what he could not provide.

Despite knowing that about yourselves, there was this incessant temptation in both of your minds, forcing you to believe that you were the best the other could ever get, even if it never worked out, and even if all it ever caused was pain.

The familiar head was not pointed in your direction, but you were certain it would be soon. The two of you had an awful attachment to one another, the bond extending into the realm of spirituality and likely even far beyond it. If you walked in a room, he knew, no matter how far away or how invested he was in something else. If you left, your absence hung heavy in the air and haunted him, even if he did not witness you leave. He was completely in tune with you, knowing your next move without you saying a word.

Even if you tried to ignore it, you knew you felt it just the same when it came to his presence and absence.

He was a habit you couldn’t kick, a guilty pleasure and an addiction far more lethal than one to substance. You would search for him in every room, cry out for him and him alone in the darkest nights, and long for his company after he disappeared from sight. His voice was like venom, seeping under your skin and tainting the blood supply the minute it reached your ears. His eyes, easy to get lost in and your definite demise.

He was not good for you, and he never would be, but you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting him. He was the most karmic relationship you’d ever engaged in, punishing you for wrongs you’d committed long before you met him. At the same time, he was making you engage in far more at his hand than you ever believed possible. You didn’t want to want him, but it was impossible to deny. The thought of not needing him was obsolete, because you never knew a moment of peace after he walked into your life.

You could not be with him, and you knew even in the future it would never be in your cards, either. For some reason, even while knowing he was actively ruining your life, you jumped at the chance to love him one more time. You destroyed every opportunity given to you in favor of his twisted agenda, and you did it without regret or second thought. New relationships blossomed after he walked away from you, and failed when he decided to walk your way again. You needed to stay away, to put a boundary in place, but you loved his sin too much to refute it.

You had slowly come to terms with the fact Jake Kiszka would be your kryptonite until you took your dying breath. He was inescapable, and even if you would never truly be his, he would always have a part of you.

No, he would always have all of you, but he would never be yours to keep.

And just like the world ensured it a million times before, the head turned, and the familiar brown eyes seemed to be staring into your soul once more.

You couldn’t run, because he would always find you. You couldn’t run to him, because the boy by your side would know the truth behind the situation you had been trying so hard to keep a handle on. You were stuck, glued to the floor and locked in position until he decided to walk your way.

He was in control, and always had been. Since the moment you met him, you were happy to leave your fate in his hands, blindly trusting a man who only ever did what he could to fuck you over.

You couldn’t see all of his face, but you knew how beautiful he looked despite the crowd standing in his way. You could picture it crystal clear, the pout of his lips and the heavy-lidded eyes filled with lust. You knew the wrinkled furrow of his brow better than anything else in the world, and the softness of his skin and how good it felt under your touch.

As he stared, only his eyes visible to you, you knew he was envisioning all the same things.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Cole asked, his voice concerned. His hand on your back was excruciating, the overwhelming feeling of wrongness growing by the second.

You wanted to tell him, to send him away before he met the same fate as everyone who came before him, yet you couldn’t bear the thought of confessing all of your secrets to him. Some small part of you even believed you could avoid it this time, even whilst you felt the gravitational pull all the way across the room and through the crowd. You wanted to be the good guy and spare him, and you wanted to be the best person and end the cycle, but you knew neither would happen.

There were two reasons why you could not do those things; one being that Jake Kiszka made you into the worst version of yourself, and two, he was walking towards you now with no intent to slow.

“I-I’m okay,” you tried to assure him, but your voice was shaky and your words were weak. It did not take a genius to understand why, and as his eyes moved to look in the same direction of yours, his stomach was sick with fear. He did not know Jake by looks, but he knew you, and he knew that your pompous reaction would not be caused by anything other than him.

“Y/N, let’s go.” Cole said, trying to get you out of the situation before it began, but you were already in his sight, and there was no shying away. The hunter settled on prey, and you could only hope that Jake had enough kindness left in his heart to spare you from the suffering he so often inflicted upon you.

“I-I can’t.” You shook your head, noticing his grip move to your arm. He was trying to force you away, almost as if he knew his fate before it began to unfold.

“The fuck you can’t.” He scoffed, nudging you in the opposite direction of the man approaching you. “Let’s go.” He said again, harsher than the last.

You should listen.

You should leave.

It was too late, anyway. Your choosing of Jake over anyone else was a disaster, but it was something no outward intervention could have possibly changed. It was your own personal law, and when it came to a competition between Jake and anyone else, the contender always lost.

He was in front of you again. Months of static silence and breaking hearts, months of longing and yearning for something you could not have, finally came to a bitter end. It had been so long since you were face to face with Jake that you almost managed to forget how intoxicating his aura was. Almost, being the key word, because deep down you knew you would never forget a thing about him.

“Long time no see, sweetheart.” His voice was like liquid gold, washing down over you and curing any ailment that plagued you. The pout of his lip had only become more irresistible, and his chocolate coloured irises locked you in for eternity. Even if you wanted to leave, you knew it to be impossible.

“Could have kept it that way.” You replied, your lips turning down into a slight frown. Your eyes, though, told a much different story that he was quite privy to. You were good at keeping the feelings between the two of you a secret to anyone looking in, but inside, you were dying for him to touch you. Just once, just for a second so you could ascend to heaven again. It was a feeling only he could give, and you had been deprived of it for a long time, constantly in search of the high since his absence began.

“Right,” he chuckled, remembering your snarky tone all too well. “That’s why you came to my house? To bitch at me for saying hi?” His words were evil, and so was his tone, but you nearly went weak in the knees hearing the domineering voice once again. His eyes held emotion different from the venom of his words, and you could feel how thrilled he was to see you again.

“It wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t bitching at you for something, Jacob.” You reminded, keeping your expression stony so he could not use anything to his advantage.

“Of course, angel. It’s what I love most about you.” He smirked, nodding in agreement. You noticed his eyes flicker to the man beside you, the one holding your arm so tightly in hopes he could pull you away. Jake bit back a bigger smile, knowing there was nothing strong enough in the world to pull you away from him.

His black dress shirt was held together by the bottom three buttons. A fitted suit jacket was settled neatly atop it, but it was not screaming anything overly fancy. The cheap necklaces around his neck dumbed down the expensive clothing, but you cursed how remarkably well it worked together. His dress pants hugged his hips, and the tanned skin of his chest held your attention. It was not the clothes that sent you mad, but the fact you had before studied the beautiful intricacies that lie beneath.

“Are you going to introduce me to your little friend?” He cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, raising his eyebrow in inquiry.

Little was a term he used only to assert his dominance. Cole stood heads taller, and his shoulders were much wider, but in the moment, Jake appeared much bigger than the man beside you. His ego was so large that it left no space in the room for anyone else, and his confidence made Cole pale in comparison to him.

“Boyfriend.” Cole corrected, his jaw clenched and his grip on you growing tighter by the minute. At that, Jake laughed out loud, unable to hold his feelings on the matter. Cole swallowed back the bitter taste it left in his mouth, but opted not to respond.

“Okay.” Jake nodded, looking back to you for clarification. “Your boyfriend.” He reworded his question, putting emphasis on the term and making it painfully apparent he had no interest in talking to Cole at all.

“This is Cole.” Was all you said, your nostrils flaring slightly at Jake’s egotistical expression. As much as you craved for him to touch you, you weren’t blind to his abhorrent tendency towards cockiness.

“You move on quick, sweetheart.” He noted, glancing back at the other man for a moment. You scowled at his willingness to shame you for dating another when he was the one who drove you to it in the first place. Before you could comment on his misplaced belief, a blonde haired woman appeared beside him, making the situation all the more tense. You forced a smile on your lips, watching closely as she clumsily grabbed his arm, claiming her territory without a trace of humility.

“Seems like you do, too.” You shot back, biting down on the tip of your tongue hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste filled your senses, but the pain did nothing to deter the rise of anger in your chest.

She did not say a word, but she did not have to. She was the same to Jake as Cole was to you: a placeholder.

As much as you were a victim to Jake, he was just the same to you.

You moved on, found another to replace the hole he left in you when he walked away. He found her, hoping she would feel as good in his arms as you did, but she could never give him the same thing. She could try until the end of time, but both of you knew she could never come close.

“Was nice seeing you, Y/N. Don’t be a stranger.” His words were equal to a dismissal of the conversation, but his eyes spoke something completely different. He wasn’t done, and neither were you. He approached you with intent to start anew, and he would see through to it no matter who got caught in the crossfire.

He slung a lazy arm around her waist, giving you a subtle wink before pulling her off in the same direction they came.

You thought you were going to be sick, your entire body aching with the knowledge he was touching someone other than you. You wondered if you loving someone else plagued him with the same illness, or if he viewed it as a game. You constantly feared that he did not feel for you what you felt for him, but you’d always been too afraid to ask.

“What a fucking douchebag.” Cole muttered, only loosening his grip on you after Jake was out of sight. As he let go, you raised your opposite hand to the same spot, rubbing the sore skin where his fingers rested moments before.

“He’s not that bad, Cole.” The defense slipped out without a second thought, and his misplaced confidence was shattered entirely. You looked up at his face, wide eyed and regretful of your words, but the damage was done and a fight was unavoidable.

Confidence is broken

“Not that bad?” He echoed, practically scoffing the words out.

“Yeah, Cole. Not that bad.” You repeated, rolling your eyes. “He’s full of himself, yeah, but when you get to know him, he’s actually got a pretty good heart.”

“Good enough heart to fuck someone else in your bed?” He questioned, remembering the tearful stories you had told after too much wine. Your expression dropped, your heart plummeting to your stomach as you were forced into a memory you were committed to forgetting. “Did you actually come here to see him?”

“Yeah, he’s an alright person, but a shitty fucking boyfriend.” You nodded, swallowing back the lump forming in your throat. “Which is why I’m dating you, and not him.” You clarified, averting your gaze to the ground. “No, I didn’t come here to fucking see him, Cole.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered, realizing his harsh words were not needed.

At the same time, they were. You were playing the victim to avoid being the bad guy. You hated being the bad guy, and when it came to Jake, you couldn’t seem to escape the title.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom.” You forced the words through your teeth, feeling the whirlwind of memories wash over you like acid rain. Your skin burned as they continued to flow, and you knew that you would die before you could ever outrun them.

“Babe, come on.” He pleaded, reaching out for your shoulder to hold you in place. You shook him off as soon as his fingers connected with your body, stepping away without a second thought.

Without any regret, you left him amidst the swarm of people in the house of your ex whom you knew you’d end up in bed with by the end of the night.

Even though the thought normally settled your upset stomach, not even the promise of sex with Jake could cure the sickness that washed over you. Remembering was the biggest curse of your entire relationship, and unfortunately for you, most of your relationship was remembering. You went without him more often than you were with him, and even the sweetest of memories were tainted with sins and sourness.

You navigated your way to the bathroom blind, your sight ridden with pictures of Jake shirtless in your bed, and worst of all, shirtless in bed with someone else.

If not for you knowing the house so well, you would have gotten lost in the endless sea of flashbacks.

From the very beginning, yours and Jake’s relationship was bound to fail. It began from lies and deceit, and it would carry on the same way until the next bitter end.

“And this is my twin brother, Jake, and his girlfriend, Suzanne.”

“You can call me Suz,” she flashed you a breathtaking smile, extending her arm towards you.

You barely registered her hand in your face, nor her friendly introduction, because you were too busy gawking at the blinding beauty of the long haired man beside her. You cleared your throat, swallowing hard and blinking twice to bring yourself back to reality. Even as you reached to shake her hand, you were unable to focus on her. As disrespectful as it was, even if it was her boyfriend, he was someone who was meant to be admired.

Plus, his wandering eyes and lustful gaze made it all the more easy to completely discredit the woman offering you her kindness.

Of course, it started that night. It started the minute his eyes locked with your own, like an unavoidable omen of the horror you would soon endure. The connection was instantaneous, and the desire followed not far behind. Although you didn’t sleep with Jake the first night you met him, you were no better than a mistress without ever taking your clothes off.

It started with lustful glances, then came the flirting in secrecy. Within days, he was going out of his way to catch you in the hallway or alone in a room to profess his affection for you. Weeks after that, the touching began, slowly but surely. It started with a lingering hand on your back, or hugs that never should have been initiated at all. Then, his hands drifted closer to your hips, and even worse, your ass. The hugs lasted far too long, and his lips treaded dangerously close to your skin.

You hated thinking about what you did to that poor woman, the tearful eyes as she berated the two of you as one. She was kind, she was beautiful, and she deserved better, but Jake Kiszka had always been too much to resist. Now, he was a habit you could not kick.

Over the years, the women became countless, and then men from your relationships, too. Everyone else saw that you could never keep a relationship, but it ran far deeper than that. You did exceptionally well at hiding your affections, and even better at hiding your betrayals. Jake and you never felt the desire to commit to one another, so instead you ruined other people while you committed to your relationship in every way other than officially. You did not intend to hurt so many people, and you never planned to betray others on behalf of each other, but it always seemed to happen no matter how hard you tried to stay away.

And then one day, the two of you had enough. You had lost too much humanity on your endless quest to be with each other, sacrificing too many people in the process. You decided to try, to be with each other in an honest and sincere way, just to make the world a little bit better for each other. You wanted to love each other openly, without anything or anyone standing in the way.

But, you didn’t want to be in a relationship.

Exclusivity was agreed upon, but labels were tossed in the garbage. The two of you convinced yourselves you were happy with the arrangement, and for a while, you truly were. At first, you kept it very quiet. You went on dates and stayed the night at each others houses, but only rarely. Most of the time, it was quick hookups whenever you had the opportunity to do so.

Then, things changed, and in his opinion, for the worst.

Both of you fell in love, completely and utterly, without question or care. Your apartment was forgotten after weeks of you staying in his bed. You shared meals together, sat outside on the porch and watched sunsets and sunrises, and said I love you in every action, but never aloud. Jake was indefinitely intertwined in your life in every way possible, and you were happy with it, until he said the dreaded ‘L’ word aloud.

It slipped out, carefully and quietly while you laid in his lap on the couch, watching reruns of your favourite shows. At first, you thought you misheard him, but the silence that hung in the air told you the truth about his words.

You loved him too, and you cursed yourself for not being able to say it back. You thought that it was too much too soon, despite living with love surrounding you constantly. It scared you, and you reacted with fear, even with your heart screaming at you to stop.

You didn’t say it back, because you neglected labels and thought it was not possible to be in love because of that. And, true, genuine love scared the absolute shit out of you.

It scared him too, but he seemed to harness more courage in that moment than you had in your entire life. Instead of applauding him for it, you effectively slapped him in the face.

For a few days, things carried on like normal, but you could notice the tension in the air. Every day, you could tell he waited to hear it, that he needed you to say it back, but it never came. After a while, he began to pull away, showing the old Jake that made you fall in lust with him in the first place. There were no more shared meals, and definitely no more sunset gazing. The television was off more often than it was on, and the blankets on the couch remained neatly folded on the back. The bed felt empty, even when both of you lied in it, because the distance between you two grew larger by the day.

But the sex?

It was better than it had ever been.

You wanted to tell him that you loved him too, but you were so paralyzed with fear that the word got stuck in your throat every time you tried to speak. Instead, you let him distance himself, knowing you’d already pushed him too far away. You continued to fall more in love with him, and he forced himself to fall out of love.

Then, you came home to him in bed, but he was not waiting for you. Instead of anticipating your arrival, so you could live as roommates rather than lovers, you found him wrapped up in another woman who gave him more than you could in the moment.

It was tearful, angry, and loud. Things were thrown, shattered on the floor, and your throat was raw from belittling the man you had only ever wanted to love.

You had finally gotten the karma you had rightfully deserved, and you finally understood the horrible pain you had inflicted on so many others.

The story finally ended the same way it started, but the two of you never recovered.

You moved out, but you were never able to rid yourself of Jake Kiszka. Intermittently, drunken and sad, you’d show up at each others doorstep and give in to your needs once more. He hated himself for hurting you, and you hated yourself for letting it get to that point. Blame was abundant, and regret plentiful, but one thing never changed; the fact that you two never fully fell out of love.

Too fearful of hurting each other the same way again, you fell back into old habits. You and Jake could never commit to each other, but could never stop loving one another enough to put an end to your toxic ways and commit to someone else. The second time around, it was much more difficult, and a lot messier. Your secret-keeping abilities had greatly decreased, and worst of all, everybody knew how you felt about each other.

When he left for his last tour, ready to release a new album and move forward in his career, you took it upon yourself to try and end the curse indefinitely. You blocked his number, removed him from your life in the most brutal ways possible, and you never spoke to him again. You vowed to start over, to be better, to love someone properly without the memory of Jake Kiszka tainting it before it could begin, and you did well.

For a while, at least. Until Josh sent you the damned message that landed you at his house that night.

With a boyfriend who you’d been with for long enough to take a bigger step, you crawled back to Jake like a dog who’d been lost without him. All it took was a single glance, and you knew Cole would meet the same fate of so many others, and you would meet the same fate that would inevitably ruin your life.

Your hands gripped the countertop of the bathroom tightly, holding yourself upright as the grief did all it could to break your bones. Your chest was heavy, your heart aching and your mind overrun with thoughts of a man you could never fully comprehend. He hurt you, and you hurt him, but never enough to put a stop to it for good. There was something deeper, something so incomprehensibly strong tying your souls together, even if you wanted to sever the bond. You could run to the ends of the earth, away from him and all of the mistrust and deceit the two of you had created, but you knew you would run so far that you would end up behind him, whispering in his ear as you pleaded to start anew.

You looked up at the mirror, trying to understand the woman staring back at you. She was a stranger, a shell of the woman who existed before meeting Jake. She was barren, cold, and tired. She wanted to love, but could not love anyone other than him, no matter how hard she tried. The bathroom door was cracked open ever so slightly, the glow of the hallway light illuminating your tired features, only worsening the sorrow you had for your former self.

As if on cue, the door creaked open by the push of a hand. The yellow glow of the lightbulbs were blocked by a body, casting a shadow over the already dim room. You did not need to look to know who it was; you could feel his presence without ever seeing his face, and it was just as beautiful as you remembered.

No matter how much you hated yourself for the relentless cruelty you inflicted and endured, it could never amount to the love you held for him in your heart.

“What are you doing up here, all by yourself?” The words were sickly sweet, settling in your spine and relieving you of all the tension that gathered over the course of the night. Without even looking at his face, you felt yourself stepping towards him, gravitating to the one thing that continually held you to the earth.

Jake closed the bathroom door behind him, locking the two of you inside together, looking at your sad expression with the utmost regret in his heart.

If only he could do it right, to take back all of the wrongs that got you to where you were, he would do it in a heartbeat, for you.

But you had always been better off as a dirty little secret, and he made a much better whore than he did a lover.

“Waiting for you to come and find me.” You quipped back, covering the sadness in your eyes with a soft smile. He stepped towards you, meeting you in the middle. He reached forward, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he gazed down over your face.

“You look like a fucking whore.” He rasped, his voice quiet but not hateful. His eyes raked over your body, taking in your low cut dress revealing more of you than he’d seen in a long time. His hand dropped from your face entirely, instead reaching forward and anchoring itself on your hip.

You leaned closer, your painted lips barely hovering over his own. The warmth of his breath on your skin was enough to make you forget about your sadness, and any remorse for your actions fled the minute he touched you.

“You don’t like it?” You asked, pushing your bottom lip into a pout. It grazed his own, sending a rush of emotion straight through the both of you. In an instant, you were one again, two bodies combined into a single entity after being forced apart.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He let out a low chuckle, shaking his head ever so slightly at your dramatics. “You know better than that.” His other hand rose, settling on the back of your neck. The pressure of his hand on the base of your skull caused your head to tilt upwards towards his just a little more, just enough for him to see your eyes. “I love it.”

“Did you miss me, baby?” You asked, your mouth watering at the thought of tasting him alone. His cologne was suffocating, but it was so delicious that it helped you forget about the dying itself.

“Do I have to answer that?” He smirked, his body nearly completely pressed into your own. The space between you was non-existent, blatantly showcasing your lack of growth during your time apart.

Sustenance is stolen

“No, because I know you did.” Before the words even left your tongue, his lips were on yours in a heated reunion.

The sensation was euphoric, something you’d been searching for without ever realizing it. The whine that rattled your chest sent a shiver down his spine, only encouraging his bad behavior further. He drank in the sound like a man dying of thirst, desperate for a drop of anything you could give him. You were the only woman in the world who could do such things to him, and despite pledging to stay away, the two of you would always end up in each other's arms. Whether it be morally right, or morally wrong, his arms were where you were always meant to be.

In an instant, you were no longer the woman who came to the party with a boyfriend who treated her well. That title was ripped from you, stolen from his grasp in exchange for a single moment alone with the man who forever plagued your mind. Just like every man before, he stole you from him like a thief in the night, never satisfied unless he could make you his own again. He knew the love you gave was addicting, and anyone who received it was dependent upon it. He did not commit such thievery for any reason unjust, but because he remembered the effect of your affections so well. Without you, he thought he would die, and because of that, he was willing to sacrifice any other man’s life so he could survive off your love alone.

The taste of alcohol lingered on his tongue, making the moment all the more enticing. His touch was burning, but only ever pleasantly. Right and wrong did not exist; only he did, and you submitted to the knowledge that you lived solely to be his. You were not cut out to be a wife for a man who had his life together, and you were not meant to mother a child or start a family with a man who earned his keep honestly and loved sincerely. You were a mortal being who’s soul had been blackened with lust for an entity with more power than you could comprehend. You were born to play Jake’s twisted game, and over time, you had grown happy to be a part of it.

You were a whore, but only he knew how to pry that out of you. His words were laced with poison, his tongue made of opiate, his touch of ecstasy, and every action completed with intention to kill. You would not commit the crimes for another, because there was nobody else worth the effort.

“Taste just as sweet as I remember, Angel.” He withdrew a long breath, parting from you for just long enough to utter the praise.

“So good you couldn’t stay away.” You whispered, wishing he would kiss you again. It had been so long since you experienced such pleasure that you thought you might die without it.

“I can never stay away from you, sweetness.” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and in his defense, it was.

He backed you up against the countertop, locking you in place with his hips. As he leaned his top half towards you, you leaned backwards to allow him easier access. His lips landed on the side of your neck, his kiss gentle and nowhere near what you remembered of him.

For a second, you let yourself believe there was some kind of sentiment behind his action, like he still cared and wanted to appreciate having you again.

Then, you pushed the thought from your head. The worst thing you could do to yourself was imagine that Jake cared about you, even if it was true.

His mouth traveled downward, drifting over the column of your neck and brushing over your collarbone. His tongue trailed over the soft skin, reminding himself of all he missed out on while he was gone. He was a man gone mad, driven to insanity just from the taste of you on his tongue. As tempted as he was to leave a mark behind, to claim territory that had always rightfully been his, he knew he couldn’t. He did not want to make the fallout any worse than it needed to be.

Instead of showing his true feelings, he spoke it into existence as an insult, inadvertently begging for you to validate his feelings on the matter.

“What would your little boyfriend think of you now?” He muttered, his face buried in your chest as his mouth ghosted over every available inch of skin. The hum of his voice against your body made you weak in the knees, but his words plagued you with guilt. You were not the person to get off on infidelity; in fact, before you met Jake, you despised it. You were not sleeping with him for any twisted desires or hidden kinks, but because you loved him too desperately to walk away. You would take him any way you could have him, even if it was despicable.

“The same as your girlfriend would think about you.” You reminded him, assuring he knew you were not the only one at fault. Your tone was breathy, your heart thudding against your ribs as his hands scoured your thighs. His fingertips settling just below the hem of the skirt, begging to go further but waiting for your permission.

“As if I’d ask her to be my girlfriend.” He scoffed, revolted just at the thought of it. His hands trailed higher, in search of the seam of your underwear. He seemed to freeze in place, his fingers inspecting your hips underneath the cool fabric of your dress. Slowly, his head raised from your chest, looking up at your face with a wondrous twinkle in his eye. He could not find what he was looking for, because they did not exist. His hands felt only the softness of your skin, without barrier as he smirked up at your rosy cheeks. “For me, sweetheart?”

“It’s always for you, Jake.” You averted your eyes, an unfamiliar feeling burning in the pit of your stomach. You weren’t sure why you were so sheepish of the fact; both of you knew it all too well.

“You’re too good to me, angel.” He commended your efforts to please him only because they worked so well. He bunched the skirt of your dress in his hands, pushing it up past your hips to reveal your lack of underwear. The sight of you exposed in front of him was nearly too much for him to bear, but he persevered through the abundance of lust he felt for you in hopes of drawing the reunion out a little longer.

His fingers slipped between your legs, pushing them apart so he could continue his tyranny without interruption. You watched him closely, inspecting every move as if you needed it to survive. In some sick way, you did. You felt as though if you were deprived of his touch for too long, you would succumb to death and waste away to nothingness. His touch hovered above your heat, but he was unwilling to give you what you wanted so easily.

How foolish of you to believe that Jake would be kind, even after such a long absence.

“Please touch me, Jake. Waited so fucking long.” You whined, looking down at his hand between your thighs, taunting you with the power you knew he possessed.

“Oh no, sweetheart.” He shook his head, chucking at your neediness. “You don’t get to call the shots.” He said, his eyes flickering up to meet your own. “You left, remember? You blocked my number and went off and found someone else to take my place. You don’t get to complain about it after you finally decided to come back.”

Arrogance is potent

Oh, so he was mad. Good thing for him, you could play that game, too.

“Quit it with the fucking pity party, Jacob. We both know you’re not innocent, either.” From sweet to sour in a second, your entire demeanor changed in response to his ridiculous claims.

“You should see yourself.” He smirked, moving his hand a little closer to your aching cunt, but not close enough to touch you, yet. “Just as desperate as you were the last time I saw you, still so eager to be fucked while your boyfriend waits for you downstairs.” He spit the word as if it were a bitter taste on his tongue, easily telling you that the old game of cat and mouse had changed. He was going to fuck you, but he was angry that you had tried to move on despite him doing the exact same thing.

“Oh, you poor thing.” You seethed, feeling the rise of anger begin to take over your body, too.

Clearly, leaving silently had deprived you of the release you so desperately needed. There were too many loose ends, too much emotion hanging heavy on the both of you. You had waited nearly a year to get it all out, a year of suffering before you could even begin to release some of the pain you locked up so securely in your heart.

“Don’t tell me your feelings are hurt, Jacob.” You raised an eyebrow, condemning him for feeling any kind of sorrow over your new relationship.

“Over you? As if.” He sneered, the momentary sweetness from earlier fleeing him completely. Touching you again was euphoric, telling of all he still felt of you, and he didn’t mind letting you know he missed you. Unfortunately, it brought up a whole other whirlwind of emotions that were far less appealing.

“Still doing whatever you can to convince yourself you don’t care about me, hmm?” You snipped, taking the opportunity to slide your dress over your head, leaving you completely exposed before him. “We both know why you’re upset, Jake, and it’s not because you don’t care.”

His hands shot to your hips, lifting you on the counter and setting you down on the cool surface. Now that you were locked in, his own body ensuring you could not run, his hand was between your legs again and finally connected with your cunt.

“What is it then, if you think you fucking know everything?” His fingers sliding through your folds, gathering the wetness on his fingertips and circling around your clit made it hard to respond. The feeling was so grand, even if the action was small. It was something you’d been waiting for since he got on the plane that flew him away from you, severing the twisted ties that held you two together.

The most harrowing revelation came when you understood that it was even better than you remembered it to be.

“You’re j-jealous, Jacob. Just fucking say it.” You spat between waves of pleasure, looking down at his face with a distasteful look in your eye. He was silent for a moment, opting to watch his hand working at your cunt instead of responding to your accusations. Eventually, after an unusually long bout of silence from him, his eyes flickered back to your face.

Without him saying a word, you knew you hit the nail straight on the head.

“You think it was nice to see that you found someone to take my place after I was gone?” He whispered, his tone dangerously low. “That he’s been taking up space in your bed where I used to sleep?” He growled, the curl of his lip resembling him as more of a wild animal than a man who had been hurting on your behalf. He raised his other hand to your neck, the back of his fingers gently caressing the side of it as he let his words sink in. “Do you think I liked the way he was touching you, like he was protecting his territory? Like you haven’t always been mine?” The possessive claim caused you to clench around nothing, desperate for anything more than he was giving you.

His fingers closed around your neck, the grip loose but foreshadowing of all that was to come. His face was close to yours, so close that the tip of his nose brushed against your burning cheeks and his lips were ghosting over your own.

“Answer me.” He whispered, letting his middle finger slide down to your entrance, feeling his way through the arousal he was responsible for.

“No, sir.” You shook your head, almost finding yourself sympathetic for the pain he was masking with his cruel words.

“So why did you bring him here, sweetheart? To rub it in my face? To piss me off?” He asked, slipping his finger inside you and letting his thumb drift over your clit. He began a steady pace, clearly getting himself worked up as he made a point to berate you for your decisions. “Did you want me to get jealous so I would start a fight with him and show everyone how much I fucking care about you?”

“N-no, sir.” You whimpered, feeling the flutter of an orgasm begin to blossom in the pit of your stomach. The curl of his fingers was addicting, and with every pump of his hand he was hitting the sweet spot inside you only he knew how to find.

“Don’t lie to me, baby.” He said, his fingers tightening around your neck a little further. He wasn’t ready to take it all the way, because he wanted to hear the truth before anything else. “You’re a little attention whore, and you wanted me to tell everyone out there that you’re mine. That’s all you ever fucking wanted, right? To be mine, and for everyone to know it?” The conversation was taking a dark turn, but you were too needy to complain about it. You thought if you kept talking, telling him what he wanted to hear, he would give you what you needed.

You were too stupid to realize you were only digging yourself a deeper hole, and the one you were already in was much too steep to climb out of.

“Yes, Jake. I did. That’s all I wanted.” You nodded, hoping he could feel your sincerity. You were not lying, because it was all you ever wanted. To be his and his alone was what you craved, with no one standing between you and no more secrets.

“So instead of telling me that, what did you do?” He snarled, moving his fingers a little faster. The change in pace caused your whole body to quiver. Your skin felt like it was on fire, and your mind was consumed with him entirely. He wanted you to confess, to tell him you understood the mistakes you made and atone for your sins. He needed it more than he ever needed anything else in his entire life.

“I-I left,” you choked out, feeling his fingers tighten on your pulse-point. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears, so powerful it was pulsing behind your eyes. “I was scared. I was too scared to say it, Jake.” You wheezed out, feeling your head begin to swirl from the pleasure and the lack of blood flow.

“Yeah, you fucking left. You were too scared to say it, so you left me to feel like an idiot for saying it first.” You were no longer speaking of the significant others you had left downstairs, nor your absence in the months prior. He was talking about that same dreaded instance that replayed in your mind every single day.

He was talking about it.

Aloud, he spoke the words, for the first time since the war began.

“M’so sorry, Jake.” You pleaded, feeling so strung out that the apology seemed misplaced. Recounting your mistakes did not seem fitting with his fingers inside of you and an orgasm threatening you. “I felt it too. I should have said it.”

“But you didn’t. You never fucking did, because you only ever cared about yourself.” Your eyes shot open, suddenly being pulled from the euphoria taking over your entire body. Your nostrils flared, your pupils blazing with a fire that only he knew how to ignite. He knew he struck a nerve, but it was exactly what he was intending to do.

“You fucked someone else in our bed.” You seethed, your words weak from his palm pressing against your trachea. Even in your rage, your hips moved down on his hand in search for more.

Just like always, sex was the most important thing to both of you.

“Instead of talking to me, you fucked someone else and tried to play the victim!” Your words were stronger now, fighting against his power with ease.

You were the only person in the world who ever had enough courage to challenge him.

“I guess we finally got what was coming to us, then.” He muttered, scowling at the thought of the pain you two caused each other, scowling at pain you’d caused so many others. “You still haven’t learned your lesson, because you’re back here begging for more, doing the same thing to him.”

“You don’t get to chastise me when you’re doing the same thing.” You spat, enraged at his self-righteous response.

“I never said I was any fucking better, sweetheart.” He reminded you, a small, sick smile toying at the corners of his lips. As angry as you were, and as much as your chest ached, you still knew you couldn’t walk away from him. You were destined to want Jake in the most despicable and destructive ways until the very end. The only comfort was that you knew he was destined for the same fate.

Without removing his hand from your throat, he moved forward and captured you in a kiss, sealing the evil you spewed within you forever. You pulled his bottom lip between your teeth, your need for him animalistic and unnatural even after his cruel treatment. The only reason it did not bother you was because you knew you deserved it.

As he kissed you, his hand continued working at your cunt, pushing you to the brink of an orgasm with great ease. You let out a moan into his mouth, giving him a taste of the pleasure he was granting you. He drew in a sharp breath, the sound settling deep somewhere in his soul and making home there for eternity.

He parted from you, but not because he wanted to. He would kiss you until his lips turned blue and his lungs collapsed, happy to die at your hands. He broke away because of need, and one that much much stronger than his urge to kiss you. His grip loosened around your neck and his hand dropped to your hip. He withdrew his fingers from you, causing you to let out a hiss of displeasure at the sudden loss of the orgasm he was so close to giving you.

Before you could get a complaint out, he dropped to his knees before you, gripping your hips and pulling you closer to the edge of the counter. He guided one leg over his shoulder, pressing his lips to the inside of your thigh as an apology for his sudden change in pace. At the knowledge of his next move, you were all but upset with his decision.

“Oh, fuck.” You groaned, your head falling backwards as his tongue connected with your clit. Your hand reached for his head, your fingers tangling in his hair as his tongue ran through your folds.

The sweetness of your arousal was something he’d missed so dearly, something he could never find from another. It was more addicting than any substance and it was the very reason he could get himself out of bed in the morning. Being with you in such an intimate manner was the only reason his heart continued to beat, and the only thing he continued living for. His tongue circled your clit, continuing his torment in a whole new way.

With just a single swirl of his tongue, you felt like screaming his name, just to tell the whole world how good he could make you feel. It was almost comical, how you searched far and wide for someone who could make you feel a shred of what he could, and nobody could even come close to him. Your whole body had been begging for him since you stepped foot into the familiar home, and now that you had him, it still wasn’t enough. You needed everything all at once, things he could not give to you and things you could never ask for. You needed Jake far beyond any other person, and far beyond what was possible from him.

You needed him to be more than a dirty secret, a betrayal of trust in a bathroom at a house party. You needed him to be yours, but you knew he would never be.

Your desperation was immeasurable, and your entire body was aching for the orgasm he previously denied you of. It was a terrible feeling to have, knowing that your life was completely in his hands. Whatever he decided to do with it, you would go along happily so long as it pleased him. It was a terrible thing to know you would never truly belong to yourself, even if Jake was long gone from the world.

He was living for your shallow breathing, surviving off of your choked moans. Pleasing you was his favorite thing to do, even if he hated you in the moment. There was something so gratifying about his name on your tongue, and something so beautiful about how easy it was to make you feel good. He tried his best to ignore the incessant thoughts in his head about another man touching you the same way, about someone else believing that you were theirs.

Both of you knew you were Jake’s, and he was undeniably yours. The facade you put on and the games you played with others were just that; the only thing either one of you knew to be real was the way you felt for each other. It was painful, harmful and frustrating for the two of you to constantly avoid the way your hearts felt for each other, but it was all you knew. It made more sense for the two of you to deny and lie about your feelings than it ever did to fess up.

He pulled away from you, catching his breath as he looked up at your face from between your legs. “Come on, angel. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel.” He hummed, moving his thumb over your clit so he did not lose the momentum.

“You want to hear it, baby?” You breathed, looking down at him through your lashes. “Did you miss it?”

“Dreamt of it every goddamn night.” He said as a matter of fact. You let out a whine at the sound of his words, pushed even closer to the edge at the knowledge he thought of you just as much as you thought of him.

You were in no position to deny him anything, because he was giving you the entire world. As he leaned forward, his mouth connecting with your core once again, you let a long slur of curses fall from your lips. The moan that followed could only be classified as pornographic, carrying through the door and echoing into the hallway for everyone to hear.

He was doing exactly as you wanted; he was making it so the entire house could hear how much you meant to him, even if it was not in the way you so badly wanted from him. Still, it was enough to keep you on his hook, and that was the very thing he wanted to ensure.

“God, feels so fucking good, Jake.” You gasped, feeling your abdomen tense with a particularly strong wave of pleasure. He hummed against you, speaking encouragement for the show you were putting on for him.

You knew if he continued on like such, it would not be long until you descended into an orgasm. He was waiting, just as desperate as you were to feel you let the pleasure take hold. He brought his fingers to your entrance, slipping his middle and index finger inside of you to add to the sensation. You inhaled a sharp breath, feeling the curl of his fingers hit the same spot he found so easily just moments before.

“Fuck,” you hissed, feeling yourself clench around his fingers as the knot in your belly threatened to snap. At the familiar sound, he took it upon himself to suction his lips around the sensitive bundle of nerves, adding more pressure to the already otherworldly feeling. Your grip tightened in his hair and your entire body was rigid as it prepared to be pushed over the edge. “Oh god,” you cried, your throat raw from the primal sound that tore through you.

Had his mouth not been so intently focused on you, you knew how sweetly he would have talked you through it. No matter how vicious or volatile he spoke to you, he never missed out on the opportunity to coddle you as you came. It was his favorite thing in the entire world, an excuse to show you the softness his heart had for you when he usually felt like he needed to keep it hidden. He continued pumping his fingers and moving his tongue, guiding you through the high with expert precision. As he noticed you relax against him, he tapered off his movements before pulling away completely.

He rose to his feet, already tossing his belt on the floor before he was even upright. Your mind was still swirling with the lingering euphoria, your skin electrified and your heart pounding in your chest. You watched him, wordless as he unbuttoned his pants after he threw his shirt to the ground alongside his belt. He freed himself from his boxers, the sight of him nearly too much for you to handle. You missed him so dearly and needed him so badly.

He stepped forward, landing between your legs as he gazed down at you. His lust-blown pupils turned his eyes near black, and he was aching for relief just like you had been minutes before. “I want to hear you say it, sweetheart.”

“Say what?” You asked, your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He gave you a soft smile, void of any malice for a moment. He wanted to admire you beneath him, so desperate to have him. He wanted to enjoy the beauty of your heart being his despite being promised to someone else.

“You were just as jealous as I was, angel.” He said, his hands gripping your hips as he pulled you closer to the edge of the counter. You put all your trust in him, knowing that if he faltered, you might fall to the floor.

“So what?” You huffed, your cheeks turning red at his accusations. He smiled down at you, moving his hips forward ever so slightly. The tip of his cock rested against your entrance, already wet with your arousal.

“Do you really think I’d give her half of what I give you? That she means nearly as much to me as you do?” He questioned, his grip loosening slightly now that he had you in the position he wanted.

“No, baby.” You shook your head, wondering if tonight would be the night that things would change. “I know that.”

“You know she has nothing on you, beautiful.” His hand trailed up your side, the light touch tickling your skin as his fingers drifted over your stomach. “Nobody does.”

With that, his sweet sentiments had come to an end. He slammed his hips forward, the size of him coming as a surprise and filling you completely. A gasp left your lips as your tried to recover from the shock and adjust to him again, realizing that in the time spent away from him, nobody felt as fulfilling as he did.

To him, no one could compare, either.

“That’s it, gorgeous.” He muttered, clearly strung out from the pleasure too. In just a moment, he was back where he was all of those months ago, in love with you and desperate to hear you say it back. “God, you feel so fucking good.”

His praise was exhilarating, and his love was blissful. As he began a slow pace with his hips, the grief was almost overwhelming the pleasure. You wondered why it couldn’t feel this good with him all of the time, and you dreaded him walking away after the night came to an end.

He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours for a moment, likely mourning the same fate that the two of you so often fell into. Loving you was all he wanted to do, but he was so afraid of falling again that he convinced himself he wasn’t already long past in love.

His tongue danced over yours, the taste of his sin too much to bear as your chest began to ache. You wanted to remain strong, to carry on with the one thing that the two of you were good at, but it felt so different than it did all the times that came before. The emotion you had neglected to acknowledge was finally pushing to the surface, angry about being ignored.

It wasn’t the right time, but you feared the right time may never come. You had to stop being afraid, to find the courage he once had and utilize it.

You could feel it too, even in his cruel words and his harsh insults. The love was there, lingering in every touch and screamed in every kiss. You could not allow yourself to remain in the same incessant cycle of pain, but you could not will yourself away from him. There was only one way to change your ways, but it was the hardest thing you had ever done. Loving someone so completely, no matter the circumstance, was terrifying. Saying it aloud only made it all the more real.

He pulled away, breaking the kiss and in turn, breaking you from your internal brooding. He looked down over your face, his hips still rocking against yours. The pleasure in the pit of your stomach had nothing on the yearning of your heart, and he could see it in your eyes. He had to look away, to hide his heart from you so you could not break it again. He feared the longer he stared, the closer he was to confessing the same thing all over again.

In a moment of desperation, he withdrew from you entirely, letting his hands settle back on your hips. Before you could complain, he pulled you from the countertop entirely, landing you on your feet in front of him. He had to change the pace, to harness that same carnal desire and rank it more important than how he felt for you emotionally.

Without a word, he spun you around, forcing your top half down towards the counter. The cold surface was a shock to your system, especially after growing comfortable with the warmth of his body against you. He pulled your hips back towards him, positioning himself at your entrance again.

“I think I’m being far too nice to you, sweetheart.” He muttered, reaching up and grabbing a fistful of his hair. “If I remember correctly, you only like to be fucked like a whore.”

This time, when the insult slipped past his lips, it did not feel good nor did it prompt any wave of arousal. It hurt, and it hurt achingly bad.

Still, knowing you were not strong enough to utter the proclamation of love, you went along with it despite the ache in your chest.

“Yes, sir.” You hummed. Despite the sadness of the change of position, you were still excited at the idea of fucking him. If you could not love him, you knew it was the next best thing.

Slowly, he pushed inside of you, knotting your hair around his fist as he pulled your head off the counter. He leaned down, his lips hovering just over your ear as he continued at the agonizingly slow pace.

“Just like this, sweetheart?” He asked, making sure that when his hips connected with yours he added a little extra force. “Does that feel good?”

“Feels so good, baby.” You whined, the intimacy of the moment sending a shiver down your spine. His breath was hot on your neck, his voice barely above a whisper but loud and clear to you. As you answered, he let his teeth sink into your earlobe, the light pressure prompting a flutter in your stomach. Your walls clenched around him, pulling him in further and locking him there indefinitely.

Despite the pace being slow, the power behind his hips was what mattered, and with every re-entry, he added just a little more force than the last. As his cock brushed against cervix, your knees went weak and your stomach twisted into a knot. You had no idea how he could make you feel so good, but you knew you never wanted him to stop.

“He can’t fuck you like this, sweetheart.” He whispered, his lips still hovering above your ear. “He can’t make you feel this good.” He continued, his hand on your hip tightening with every word. He was mindful, careful not to leave any bruises despite his desire to. “Can he, angel?”

“F-fuck no, Jake.” You shook your head, feeling him press a kiss to the sweet spot just below your ear.

“Right, baby.” He hummed his approval, his words muffled due to his lips on your skin. “Nobody can make you feel as good as I do because you’re mine. Do you fucking understand me?”

“God, yes.” You nodded against his hold, desperate to agree with him on that fact. No matter what, you were undeniably his.

“Did you think of me when he was fucking you, angel?” He asked, his tone growing stronger by the second. He was pissing himself off the longer he thought about it, but he was willing to make that sacrifice in order to chastise you for your decisions. “Did you wonder when I would come home, when I’d come back to take care of you?

“I did, baby.” You whimpered, feeling the effects of his presence finally begin to take hold. You were strung out on pleasure, at your end already despite him being far from done with you. You were tired, but your body would not accept the fact. You thought if he stopped, you might die from the withdrawal from him. “I thought about it every fucking day.” You confessed. “I needed you, because nobody else knows how to do it right.”

“Exactly, sweetheart.” He hummed an agreement, happy to hear it from you. “You knew I’d never leave you behind. You knew I couldn’t fucking stay away.” Even if he wanted to, he never could. The confession was heavy, despite the fact already being known to you both. “God, what do you do to me?” He growled, the slam of his hips rocking your thighs forward into the countertop. Another groan tore through your chest, vibrating your entire body as he continued to fuck into you.

“Jake,” you warned, feeling your legs begin to wobble and your mind start to haze.

“I know, baby.” He crooned, placing another sloppy kiss to the exposed portion of your neck. “Being such a good girl for me. Just hold on a little longer.” At that, you let out another whine, loud and impatient, clearly unhappy about his plea to wait. In response, he roughly pulled your head to the side by your hair, craning it upwards a little further so he could press his lips to yours.

The kiss was enough to satiate your undying need for him, but the taste of his lips made the sensation in your stomach grow tenfold. The only difference was, now you could not warn him about the climax creeping up on you.

Luckily for you, he did not need to be warned about anything. He knew you better than anyone or anything, and he could feel how close you were just from your body alone.

“Oh, angel, you make it so fucking hard to say no to you.” He let out a long sigh, breaking the kiss as he let his hips rest against the curve of your ass. He had to slow down or he feared he might let go, too.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” You gave him a weak smile, your eyes heavy as you looked back over your shoulder at him.

“With you? Always good, even if it should be bad.” He chuckled, placing a kiss to your shoulder blade before he straightened up again.

His hand remained in your hair as he took a deep breath, calming himself down before beginning again. The feeling of him moving inside you again after the short break was intense, amplified by a million. Although he believed stopping might allow the two of you more time, as soon as his hips reached the same speed as before, you were both just as close to the end. He couldn’t deny you the orgasm again, and he could not hold himself back. After so long without you, he needed it more than he needed food to survive.

“Can you cum for me, baby?” He asked, pushing your head down into the counter. Your cheek was squished against the surface, and his hips were moving with such strength that it made your head spin. There was no question that you could reach the climax, because you had been doing nothing but trying to hold back.

Instead of responding, your eyes closed and the burning in your stomach reached a whole new level. You had never gone so long without him, and now you had no tolerance for the pleasure that came with his company. A choked moan filled the air, letting him know that you were doing exactly what he asked of you.

His hand on your hip tightened as he pushed you further down on the counter. “That’s my girl.” He muttered, looking down at your face as you descended into pleasure. Your legs trembled and your lungs burned, but you were on top of the world. You felt better than you ever had, and likely better than you ever would. It had nothing to do with the sex, nor the stimulation of him inside you, but rather just the thought of being his.

You managed to sing his name through the mess of moans and curses, the sound heavenly to his ears. He waited so long to hear you say it like that again, and it sent him over the edge just the same as you. As you reached the high together, the world felt right again, like coming home after an inexplicably long and tiresome day. He spilled his release inside of you, feeling you relax against him as he slowed his thrusts. He leaned down, pulling your head to the side with much more caution than last time, and kissed you with all the love he could muster in his whole body.

You stayed like that for an abnormal amount of time, neither of you keen on the idea of parting from one another. Eventually, he broke the kiss, looking down over your face with adoration in his eyes. He did his best to snap himself out of it, knowing he shouldn’t be feeling such things about you, but unable to stop. He straightened up again, making sure to admire the entire scene of you below him, too fucked out to form a single thought. Then, his eyes traveled to the mirror, catching a glimpse of your position from a whole new perspective. He swallowed hard, his jaw tensed as he let out a shaky breath.

“How am I supposed to let him take you home tonight after seeing you like this, sweetness?” He asked, looking at your reflection in the mirror. When he realized your head was pushed too close to the countertop for you to see too, he used his grip on your hair to pull you upwards.

Staring back at you was a mess of the woman you walked into the bathroom as. Your cheeks were streaked with mascara, your skin red and blotchy and your hair a mess. Beside your reflection, you could see him watching you, studying you. His eyes were fixated on your face, taking in every detail you were noticing. To him, you were not a mess; you were the most beautiful thing to ever grace the earth. The mess just made it all the better, especially knowing he was the one who caused it.

‘I don’t want to go home with him, Jake. I want to stay here with you.’ You thought it, but did not dare say it aloud. The flash of sadness in your eye was apparent to him, for he had the same one in his.

What I see is unreal

I've written my own part

Eat of the apple, so young

I'm crawling back to start

If you did not speak now, you never would. Could you remain the same forever, or did you need to change to survive? You did not know what to do, or how to feel. If you said it, would it even mean anything, or would it be a waste of breath? He did not want to hear the words a year later; he needed it way back when the two of you were curled up together on the couch, when he used every last ounce of courage to say it first. He didn’t need to hear it now. He didn’t need you fucking up his life again. He didn’t need you.

But if he did not need you, why did he abandon his date in search of you, in search of what you used to be?

There was no more anger between you. Your eyes locked together in the mirror, housing a silent battle of uncertainty as you watched each other's every move. If you spoke the truth, the world would change indefinitely, but you did not know if it would be for better or for worse.

Oh, what did it fucking matter anymore?

You had to say it, to know that you exhausted every option to keep the man your heart sang hymns about. You could deal with the consequences later, because right now, you both needed to hear it.

“What’s wrong, beautiful?” He asked, knowing there was some kind of war being waged in your head. He was afraid, not of what you wanted to tell him, but because he thought you wanted to end the constant debacle between you.

You could deal with the aftermath later, but you were done being sad. He waited so long, just the same as you, and you had to say it.

I repent tomorrow

Hey ah na na tomorrow

I suspend my sorrow

“I don’t want to go home with him, Jake.” Your voice was strong despite your worry the words would not make it past your lips.

“Then don’t.” He could not help the spark of hope that ignited in his chest. He rested inside of you, terrified to move as he awaited what you would say next.

“You mean it?” Say it, or forever hold your peace, coward.

“You know there’s always a place for you in my bed.” He was unsure if he was taking your confession in the way you meant it, but by god he hoped that was what you meant. Your eyes caught his again, holding him captive with your stare. There was not enough courage in the world for you to say it, but you could not hide it any longer.

“I love you too, Jake.” You said, your tone strong and your intent true. Nearly a year later, you finally said it.

The world was still. The commotion outside of the doorway stopped, and your relentless thoughts wasted away to nothing. For a moment, you even believed your heart ceased to beat.

“I love you, Jake. I should have said it a long time ago, but I’m saying it now, and it has to count for something.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” he said, statue-like as he stood behind you. For a moment, you thought you might die from the pure grief that encased your heart. You waited too long. It was too late. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I should have said that a long time ago.”

Neither of you moved, and neither of you knew what to do next.

You got what you thought he could never give, and he heard what he feared you might never say.

Was it over? Was that it? Did you end the curse that had plagued you since the very beginning? Had you repented enough for the rottenness of your actions?

Could you really have him with no secrets and no more lies? Could you love him without restraint, without any pain?

“Let me love you, Y/N. Let me do it right this time.”

“Okay.” You nodded, your eyes never leaving his face. “Please, Jake. The world hasn’t felt right since that night, until now. I want to try again, and I don’t want to be a terrible person anymore.”

Carefully, he withdrew from you, trying to limit the mess as he helped you up off the counter. He turned you to face him, bringing his hand to your cheek to swipe away a tear that escaped your eye.

“I have been waiting a lifetime to hear you say that, sweetheart. I would be a fucking idiot if I gave it up twice.” You lifted your head, a small smile tugging at your lips.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry I was so stupid.” You said, reaching out and wrapping your arms around him.

The hug was simple, but to the two of you, it was everything.

“I was stupid, Y/N.” he said, burying his head in your hair. He took a deep breath, finally feeling the tension in his body fade away into nothing. The smell of your shampoo, and more specifically, the way his pillows used to smell when he was sleeping next to you, was his favorite thing in the whole world, and he’d been deprived of it for far too long. “I don’t want to be stupid anymore. I just want you.”

“I was always yours, Jake.” You whispered, closing your eyes as you rested your cheek on his bare chest. “From the minute I met you, until my very last day on earth.” He did not need to reply for you to know he was yours, too.

Finally, after writing your own wretched tale, you had grown enough to rewrite it and atone for all of the mistakes you made before.

Finally, you could love him without having to worry about anything else, without pain, and without suffering.

Finally, he was yours, and only yours, like it always should have been from the very beginning.

[dangerpronebuddie]

(Hold onto your hoola hoops, folks, I wrote this at 2am after a paper that fought me tooth and nail, so if it makes no sense I'm sorry 😁)

Okay. I can't stop thinking we're in for some Eddie whump. (The whumper in me says we're overdue pero ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ that's beside the point). Anyway. The foreshadowing has been in the making since 4x14, and with them discussing that arc so much, I can't help feeling like they'll bring up something about it. (Under the cut, cause this gets a bit long)

This show doesn't often leave storylines open, so addressing the will again is inevitable. But what would prompt it? Eddie thinks Buck understands it (he doesn't), so why would they need to bring it up again?

They promoted Chris/ Gavin along with the main cast. No other kids were. So why?

You could argue the 7x01 storyline was the reason behind it, but I don't think that line is completely done. The premieres usually foreshadow some events through the season. Bringing up Shannon not only gives new viewers a glimpse into the Diaz boys and their trauma, it sets up something they'll revisit. She's been mentioned a few times throughout the season, and having her be a part of the guilt storyline makes perfect sense and is absolutely beautiful.

Eddie still holds this guilt about their relationship. All these if onlys. He's come a long way in his healing and growth, but it isn't linear, and that loss will never completely heal. He's still looking for that magic, that deep love he had (and still has) for her. He can't move past the guilt he feels about it all.

A coma dream of his own, or some kind of hallucinations, would be the perfect way to get him to forgive himself. How we get there? I'm not 100% sure. But I have some ideas!

1. Trapped dads (thank Anna)

@lover-of-mine can explain it so much better, but we've been rooting for this for ages. We thought they were going to drown Buck this season, but it doesn't look like they're going that way. So, we thought about flipping the scenario. Eddie is the one gravely injured, not Buck. Aborted confession? Possibly! Buck being the sole parent while Eddie is in the hospital? Absolutely. It would bring about so many possibilities. Eddie wouldn't confess to Buck as he was dying, he wouldn't make Buck carry that. But Buck might confess to Eddie as Eddie is dying so he knows he'll die loved. When he saves Eddie (desperate CPR when???) they have to live with what was said in the moment. Even better if Eddie is in a coma afterwards. Bonus points if they're still in their relationships through it all. Mutual pining anyone? Buck will be taking care of Chris in the midst of it all, possibly revealing to T and M that the will exists. The season ends with Eddie awake and healing, knowing how Buck feels. He of course won't say anything because they're still dating other people. Allows for a LOT of pining through s8.

2. Hallucinations (thanks Saturn)

I hadn't really considered this possibility, but @steadfastsaturnsrings brought up a great idea. I tried to find out the specific episode that takes place in the desert, but as far as I've found, they haven't specified. I'm assuming 7x07. Since 7x07 is Ghost of a Second Chance, Shannon could be appearing in that one. And if 7x07 is the one in the desert, then there's a lot of possibilities there too. Heatstroke or snake bite... either could cause hallucinations. Since the writer for 7x07 is likely Taylor Wong (wrote 6x15) then some Eddie and Shannon angst is definitely possible. Any way we look at this, the will could factor in. Eddie can't care for Chris, so Buck steps in. I think something happening in the desert could add some visions focused around his service and we get some very Eddie Begins type scenes that maybe show more positive calls between Eddie and Shannon. We could also possibly get a callback to 6x15 and Eddie's fear of dying alone (and having Buck there with him would prove him wrong. Wishful thinking).

3. God only knows

He gets trapped in a collapsed building? T involved? Sinkhole? Some kind of blood loss? We don't know! But I do know that Juan Carlos Coto usually writes huge episodes for Bobby, Eddie, and Buck (3x09, 4x05, 5x13, 5x16, 6x10 just to name a few). And since he's writing 7x08, which is titled Step Nine, the guilt and Shannon could happen there too. I mentioned in another post (which I can't find, naturally) that Step Nine in AA means making amends, no matter what. So, while Bobby is likely making amends with Amir, Eddie is making amends with himself, Shannon, and his guilt surrounding it. (There's a possible firepilot storyline there, depending on how 7x06 goes but I won't get into that rn).

Any way it goes, Shannon appearing, especially appearing older, will show Eddie all those if onlys he's been dwelling on. It will show him how different his life could've been (parallel to 6x11) and it will show him he hasn't failed. He has nothing to feel guilty about. He's not going to find what he had with Shannon. But he can find something just as deep and meaningful. And it's something Shannon (his subconscious) has to show him. Something he has to figure out on his own, like he usually does. No outside force is going to push him past it, no matter how hard he tries.

Perhaps in that dream/ hallucination, he'll realize he's not a commitment phobe, he's not a failure, he's not a sinner doomed to hell. He's human, and he's found love he's not allowing himself to feel.

Feelings realization (or more acceptance of those feelings) and some delicious pining is imminent. How we get to it? I'm not sure. They usually repeat kinds of injuries so I'm leaning more towards trapping him somewhere, but I love the idea of a snake bite. It's happening to someone, based on the fact they had dangerous reptiles on set (or a prop for it). Any way it happens, it'll be amazing, especially if this happens with it.

[kumquatwriter]

hi abbey! like everyone else, i became aware of your story through strange-aeons’ videos, and parts of it really resonated with me. the situation i was in never became as severe as yours, and remained entirely online as we were both teenagers without the means to meet in person. it was also probably more mutually-toxic than outright abusive as your situation was.

that said, this person and i were incredibly close. i believed they were the smartest person i knew (despite a lack of formal education much like andy professed in his DAYD era) and that everything they said must be right. we told each other everything, and genuinely believed we were soulmates destined to be together in every life and universe. we were/are both systems (people w DID/adjacent), and while i don’t believe either of us were faking it, it still bore a lot of resemblance to the effects of andy’s “channeling.” our alters had relationships with each other like you describe having with andy’s “others” — partners, friends, lovers, parents, children, siblings, cousins, even adversaries, enemies, abusers. all of this had the effect of making me feel extremely obligated and attached to them and like i could never leave as it wouldn’t be fair to cut us both off from what seemed like an entire family. it was insanely complex and our psyches wound up very intertwined with each other, to the point that when they ended things, it felt like losing an entire support network and social circle in one person.

there’s more, but i feel like this is pretty trauma-dumpy already, so i’ll leave it at that. what i really want to express is that your story has been the biggest thing showing me that that relationship was not normal, that other people have experienced things like i have, and that it easily could’ve headed to a very dangerous place if circumstances had been somewhat different.

so thank you so much for sharing your story. you’re helping people in a variety of toxic situations feel like we’re not alone and not crazy. i’ll definitely be buying your book when it comes out.

p.s., i’m from buffalo and it was a weird feeling hearing that you passed through my hometown in all this! i hope someday, if you’d like, you can come back and see what our city has to offer in a more pleasant context :-)

Wow, you've been through I! I'm glad you're doing well and thanks for writing ☺️

I still hold a personal grudge against Buffalo, but I won't hold it against you 😁

[rose-riot-johnson]

Scenario/fanfic about Shinsou having his first romantic partner ( they them please! ) and how he'd tell them and ask them out! ( bonus points if he likes them because theyre also an insomniac mess ( yes this is my thing shinsou x reader with insomnia is a 10000000/10 ) )

Ofcourse Aevyn😁👍I will definitely see what I can do with this fanfic you requested😀👍

💜Shinsou Likes You Too💜(Adult) Shinsou x They/Them Reader)

Genres: Mutual Confession and Light Hearted Fluff(?)

Both you and Shinsou had a crush on eachother, since the both of you were classmates in class 1-C while being students inside of UA. After both you and Shinsou graduated from UA, Shinsou became a pro hero, while you became his sidekick. The only problem is that you fear that he won't feel the same way about you, while Shinsou worries that you only like him, as a friend.

One day, Shinsou called his one friend, Itsuka Kendo, because he finally decided to ask her for advice on, if he should ask you out and how to approach with asking you out. He pretty much told her the situation, which she gave him some advice on how he should ask you out based on what she understood about the situation he told her.

Shinsou wasn't sure, if Kendo's advice will work, however he decided to go with her idea, which what he did was work on a love letter. "I sure hope (They/Them Reader Name), likes the love letter to I'm working on for them. And whatever I don't write in the letter I will just tell them, more about how I feel.". He was nervous about making any approach to asking you out, however he still confident. His confidence is how he became a pro hero, after all.

Meanwhile you asked Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu, about what you should do pertaining your crush Shinsou. Tetsutetsu pretty assured you that he has a feeling that Shinsou feels the same about you and to just give him, as much time as he needs to work up the courage to ask you out. You basically weren't sure, if Tetsutetsu was joking or not, so you could only think of responding to Tetsutetsu was by telling okay. Your anxiety was pretty much telling to believe that Shinsou would only see you as a friend and Tetsutetsu was only pranking you.

The morning came, as you were trying to wake up, as you saw Shinsou. He must have snuck into your house, because you accidentally left your door(s) unlocked. Shinsou then said, "I have a letter... For you... (They/Them Reader Name)... Please read it... I hope you feel... The same way... About me...", as he handed you the love letter.

After you finished reading the letter which has the question "Will you out with me?" written in the letter, Shinsou then explained, "You see (They/Them Reader Name), I'm not sure if you feel the same way about me... It just that... I never been in a relationship before... And that's, because I liked you alot... I had a crush on you for a very long time... I love a whole lot about you, especially the fact you have an amazing sense of humor and the fact that you're an insomniac mess... Just like myself, to be honest... So, what do you say, (They/Them Reader Name)?". You were very surprised that not only Shinsou feels the same way as you do, however also the face that Tetsutetsu was right about the fact that Shinsou feels the same way about you.

You then answered, "Ofcourse I would go out with you, Shinsou. I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way for me, so I basically repressed my feelings for you, for a long time. So, since you told me yourself about your feelings for me, I guess it's mutual then. This will definitely be the first relationship for me, too. I basically only have feelings for you. I'm just not interested in anyone else, but you.". Shinsou then replied, "Well that's a relief and it's official then. The first relationship for the both of us, might as well be with eachother, then.", as he smiled while being a blushing mess, realizing that you're glad you took Kendo's advice on, how to approach with you on asking you out for you to be his boyfriend and you to be is significant other.

As the years go by, yours and Shinsou's first ever relationship and first relationship together may not be sunshines and rainbows, however the both of you always managed the relationship the both of have together. You're the best thing to ever to happen to Shinsou and he's the best thing to ever happen to you.

Ofcourse Shinsou would be nervous about having you as his first romantic partner. He just wasn't used to it. He may get insecured at times, however with lots of reassurance, he has finally became more secured and used to having you in the relationship.

Once Shinsou has gotten used to having you as his first romantic partner, he knew he made the right choice being with you. He also will do anything for you. So, once the both of you have gotten used to being in a relationship together, both you and Shinsou never turned back and life became more fun and relaxing for the both of you, eversince then.

The End

Well my Tumblr Peeps, hopefully you enjoy this fanfic with Shinsou in it, and most of all I do hope you enjoyed this also @shinaevordie (Aevyn)😁👍I'm hoping I did the request well. I basically brainstormed some ideas on how work with the fanfic and hopefully this fanfic will make your day, as well🦋😁👍

[ellecdc]

Well I'm devastated no one bought anything 🙂😮‍💨 gonna go home and wallow with my cat 🤧

Wish I had one of our boys here to cry with instead.

Honestly just doing my best to be optimistic cause there's another one next month so 🤞

Also super sorry if I'm spamming your asks I definitely feel way more open to spilling my feelings to a nearly complete stranger on the internet than to my actual "friends" (they didn't even show up tonight. My parents didn't either but that's another can of worms 🙄)

Well, first of all - cats fix everything?? Also every single person at that event was a bastard; I know this to be true don’t argue with me

It’s hard staying optimistic BUT remember last time when you met an awesome queer author who followed you on your art account???? 😁 I think this is one of those two steps forward one step back - but you’re still one step forward (even tho I don’t necessarily consider this a backward step at all)

Secondly *unlocks car* wanna just send me the addresses of ur friends and family? *buckles up* tell them I just wanna talk *confirms the hockey stick is still in my car*

also now that we’re mutual and like friends now am I allowed to see ur art???

[from-izzy]

Your moots as TBZ ships???

hi anon! thank you for sending this in! 💖 sorry it took a while (i think this took more than a fortnight i'm so sorry 😭) because i had to think about it!! i'm doing ones that i talk to frequently or once in a while! to all my moots that i haven't/barely talked to, hmu! (i'm sorry that i'm too shy 😭)

welcome to another episode of '😭-izzy-doesn't-know-how-to-explain-things-and-she's-very-sorry-about-it'

@cloverdaisies - juric

so! you know how juyeon adores eric and juyeon is (arguably) eric's favourite hyung? 😊 they do everything together and is so comfortable around each other despite their age gap? 🥹 well, i mean clo and i are the same age but since around 2022, clo has always just been a writer to me. then out of nowhere, in the spur of the moment and a sudden hit of confidence i told myself "omg! 👀 what if...i just text cloverdaisies, say my greetings, thanks then disappear? if she doesn't respond then alright, at least i said whatever i had to say." yeah...it went well! very well! i love clo! 🤍 so much! 🤍🤍 and i hope she knows that!

@heemingyu - nyusun

ok so...we're just a tiny bit chaotic? 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a tiny bit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ i think we hide it quite well in group chats (...that's a lie) but when we're on dms...oh yeah...the world really isn't ready for us when we meet 🤭 like sunwoo who adores new and annoys him all the time, i admit that i do it to sana too. but at the same time, like new who is always teasing sunwoo and being crackheads together, that's sana to me 😁 it's just...yeah...i feel like for the sake of world peace, we probably shouldn't meet? and sana should most definitely should not drive 🚗 (just like what new said in his bubble!)

@justalildumpling - sunric

my response to this: so roode 😭 just absolutely roode 😭😭 the audacity to even--but this is saur chaotic sibling energy 🤣 i get what you mean now when you say that we're more like sunwoo and eric rather than an old married couple like jaemin and jeno fr 😮 but also j! aussie aussie aussie! i finally have another friend from aussie that i can annoy if i do come to you (or you come to me...but i don't think j likes me that much though so...) 😟 life is...sad...and i get bullied by j all the time...sigh...☹️

@littleroaes - ppangcob

hmmm...i'll be honest with you, i'm not too sure how to explain this 😭 but! i think we just radiate this kind of energy! 😊 we are both very shy at first and dora is the same as well (in a good way! i will always protect you! 🫂 especially from sana, i promise!) ppangcob is the shy duo of tbz but at the same time, very comfy around each other and others when you get to know them well 🤗 just from our dms and interactions, dora is so silly and funny like girl! thanks for being my first mutual! 💕

@sungbeam - sunkyu

there ain't a lot of words but I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MOMENTARY PAIN AND CONFUSION THAT I PUT YOU THROUGH UMMMM 😭😭 but i am still going to hide (after this, let me say my words first) 🫡 just like sunwoo who auditioned for the company because he saw changmin...that's it! ok bye! i'm leaving! see you!! 😁

@winterchimez - kevcob

...do i need to explain this though? 🤔 but ok i guess i'll do it. so, like i mentioned, i think we're a different kind of soulmate dynamic where you get bullied and teased 😁 and i'm the one that teases you 😁😁 (ily i swear) kind of like kevcob as well 💕 but remember that time when we texted and we sent the same idea and question at the same time?? 🤗 like huh?? no one that i know irl does the things that i do?? this dynamic is so new to me...but i'm so ready for it 🥹 also, what are you waiting for? the stars have spoken? ⭐ book a flight ✈️ to where i am please and thank yew!

@wuahae - bbangju

ok so hear me out 😭 i don't really know how to explain this one either but! just the times when i would cry in vc 🥹 also ask help or something and cat would be like "yes, i have the solution." 🥹 but i'm also just reminded of that time in the concert when younghoon was reading his speech and crying but juyeon was like "it's okay, take your time" 🫂 i just have a feeling cat would do that tbh. we haven't talked much recently but i love you and i hope life is treating you well, cat! 💖

@zzoguri - cobric

me is the crying, emotional mess 😭😭 and moni is the parent that is intently listening to the child, putting in reassuring comments 💬 and trying to calm me down, chipping in their own experiences 🗨️ and telling me that they understand 🫂 moni has always been like that since day 1. i guess it really is true that we're not really strangers 🥹 sorry that we haven't talked much! i do miss you and i hope you're doing well!

[gloriousburden]

who am i and what is this blog for?

i’m grace. i don’t really like sharing many personal details, but i will state that i am 18.

i am obviously a loki fangirl, but i also like: the legend of zelda, splatoon, attack on titan, grimes, björk and more. i do also like other mcu characters as well but i’m just… more normal about them than i am about loki.

like i said in my bio… this is an anti loki series blog, and i am critical of ragnarok as well. of course if you like these things (specifically ragnarok) still feel free to follow. it’s just i definitely won’t follow back blogs that heavily reblog/post series content, blogs that strictly post the variant/do not post anything that has to do with the og loki, and blogs that reblog/post a lot of lokius/sylki content.

and i… maybe i kinda question why a series blog would follow me in the first place since i am so negative about it 😭 if i don’t follow back, know that it’s truly not personal. i just really don’t want any series stuff on my dash. i have my reasons for deeply disliking the series, and i am more than welcome to discuss/debate those reasons. i have many times on my blog using #anti loki series.

(ALSO a lot of my OWN loki rants/analyzations/whatever we’d like to call them are under #loki 💭 which i’ve added the tag on this post. do check that out if you’d like to understand some of my views on loki/the series better, or if you just want to read stuff about loki)

please feel more than welcome to send me an ask/dm about anything at all, or if you’d like to become mutuals! i sometimes forget to follow back others because i get a lot of notifs lol

i do not reblog or post any straight up nsft/suggestive content such as smut or suggestive fanart, but feel free to follow if you do interact with that sort of content. although if your blog is HEAVILY nsft, i will probably not follow back.

i don’t have a crazy dni list or anything just obviously don’t be weird

also… i do try my best to hide it, but i sometimes get very defensive/sensitive over loki. if i ever come off as rude when defending him from others who mischaracterize/misunderstand him, i genuinely apologize. he means a lot to me and i tend to get irrationally upset at mischaracterization.

some posts of mine that i think are interesting:

(aka a mixture of posts that are actually interesting, as well as just some of my top posts for easy access lol)

my take on the thanos brainwashed loki theory… [link]

poll on how the fandom would feel if loki from infinity war was revealed to have survived, and had a cameo in a future marvel project… [link]

wondering what it’d be like to be a normal asgardian witnessing all the events our little characters went through… [link]

avengers loki… save me… [link]

thor 1 loki, and avengers loki having the same face a year apart… [link]

(will eventually add more 😁)

[aptericia]

I do believe that it took me a lot of dwelling and thinking to realize I was aro but I don't think I could have done it without your aro posts and aro support, it took me years of denial and then finding myself with my asexuality, but with my aromanticism the 'whoa new label scary..... this is terrifying' to 'I'm so fucking happy with myself all the time I'm finally at peace' transition came a lot more quickly than it did for my asexuality mostly because of you. If memory serves I think I was either hesitantly identifying as aro or already had but still felt a bit out of place when I started recognizing you in the mutual circle, but seeing you speak unendingly about aromanticism and its place in the queer community really helped solidify it for me that I should be proud and happy for myself. I never felt like being aro was something to be ashamed of, but it did feel like that part of me never got attention from the queer community, only my bi and trans sides of my whole queer identity. Like part of me was sort of hidden away because it was overshadowed by "bigger fish to fry", blegh!

Thank you for never shutting up about aros and aromanticism, you've made me feel so incredibly loved (platonic) and thought about. You and the rest of the aro mutuals are a treasure, I truly do believe that heart 💚💚💚

oh my gosh, I'm so glad!!! 😭💕 It's funny that this ended up happening because I'm not at all active in the queer community irl and I hadn't planned to be much of an aro blog when I joined tumblr (the fact that I became one is at least 95% @wherefore-whinnies's fault btw 😁). I've definitely learned a lot about myself and being aro from the website, so I'm glad I can give back!!

I'm always scared of making my own aro posts, probably because I have a lot of embarrassing memories of commenting on social issues and getting put down for it. It was very distressing draw, write, and publish that aro post, and it really means so much to me that people enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing, I love you so much bestie and I'm so happy that you're proud of your aro identity!!! 💚🤍🩶🖤

[jellyfitzjelly]

My Dammon accidentally overheard his shy gn reader (crush) being teased by Karlach request is so good! I don't think Dammon was OOC to me 👍 I love it especially Dammon had been distracted by Tav stumbling at Last Light inn 💭, he had fallen for them since he first met them 💘, he thought they're cute but didn't think he had a chance 😔, he saw Tav & Karlach were there already & decided to sneak a peek 👀, he wanted to enjoy seeing them as much as he could 🤭, how much Karlach enjoyed teasing them as Tav denied it 😁, his heart raced 💓 as he couldn't believe what he heard 👂, he realised he might have a chance if they're nervous due to fondness for him 😍, Karlach caught him which he felt embarrassed 😳, he tried to play it cool 😌, he noticed how nervous Tav is 🫦, he answered her questions about her advancements ❓, she winked as she left them alone with him 😉, he asked them out on a date which they happy agreed (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠), and he had a bright smile ☺️ Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :) I definitely enjoy how loving Kar'niss & his drow lover are to each other as well as Tav being a supportive friend! Can I request this idea? Only if you don't mind of course!

aaaah thank you so much, your feedback always keep me writing! I dunno if the fic will EVER see the light of day, but here's a ficlet set before the events of the hypothetical fic! And I found a name for the drow, now he's called Tarlyn. :) I might have gotten carried away... Hope you enjoy it!

[READ ON AO3]

NSFW: HINTED MPREG, DESCRIPTION OF FEMALE GENITALIA FOR KAR'NISS, BRIEF MENTION OF INTERSEX GENITALIA (KAR'NISS), MUTUAL MASTURBATION

Kar'niss whimpered softly.

"My love?" Tarlyn strode over, alarmed.

"My consort," his lover answered, lowering himself to his level to caress his face.

"Are you in pain, darling dearest?" the drow asked with concern.

"Kar'niss can endure pain, he will take care of his gift," he said.

Tarlyn sighed with weariness and fondness alike. Even now, Kar'niss was still reluctant to voice his needs, as if the drow would leave him should he ever tell him he was an actual being with needs and wants. He gently returned the caress on the drider's face.

"Is your belly troubling you again?" he asked with gentleness as he put a hand on it.

Kar'niss' abdomen had started to get rounder and rounder a few months ago with seemingly no explanation. It scared Tarlyn senseless. Was Kar'niss gravely ill? He had noticed changes over the months. The drider's sex was puffier and more sensitive than usual, to the point that sometimes penetration was out of question, despite Kar'niss protests of the contrary. The latter was also warmer to the touch, especially on his abdomen. Even now, he could feel the heat radiating from it.

"We are fine," Kar'niss assured, surrounding Tarlyn with his many legs. "We will take care of our consort."

"I know, my love. But I will also take care of you! Please, allow me to call a healer."

"Is our gift ill-taken?" the drider asked with adoring concern.

Tarlyn took his hand and kissed it reverently.

"For you, my love. Your state worries me. I am afraid you may be ill."

"Kar'niss is not weak," he recoiled sharply. "We are strong. We can endure. We will protect you, our consort."

Once again, the drow's heart broke. They both had been raised in the Lolth-worshipping society of the Underdark, where violence was the norm. They both had been taught that to admit to pain was to admit weakness. Tarlyn had never questioned Kar'niss on his past, not wanting his love to relive the horrors he had gone through, but he knew his training had stuck even after his transformation. Tarlyn, for his part, had only ever owed his survival in this hell to his wits and his older brothers' love. He wasn't cut out to be a warrior.

"I know, my dearest. I owe you my life," he told Kar'niss, putting a hand on his heart. "You know I am yours, just like you are mine. Please, my love. I am worried about you. I–I cannot lose you."

Kar'niss visibly softened, coming to embrace him with both arms and spider legs. Tarlyn gently caressed his bump, and felt his lover's puffy slit get slick.

"We shall seek a healer," the drider finally conceded to him, voice trembling a bit.

Tarlyn knew all the signs. Kar'niss was pent up, but would never voice his need.

"Tomorrow, I shall go to town and seek a healer then," the drow smiled. "Come now, I'll draw you a bath. It helped you last time."

"We can endure," Kar'niss assured him, but Tarlyn was no fool.

"Let me take care of my consort," he told him, kissing him fiercely. "I shall satisfy you."

The drider gently whimpered, shifting slightly. The drow loved nothing more than to take care of his beloved. His mysterious illness seemed to stimulate his libido, though his cock didn't show anymore. Not that it truly mattered: the drider preferred to be penetrated, and Tarlyn was satisfied as long as Kar'niss was. The drow led him to the water room as they called it. It housed a vat large enough to accommodate the drider. Upon their arrival, Tarlyn had made it his personal project to provide themselves with easy hot water and had come up with a system of pipes warmed by the heat of a brasier. He turned on the contraption and alimented the fire. The hot water started to fill the vat, making Kar'niss chirp with content. Tarlyn watched him relax with happiness. He stopped the water and came to massage the drider's belly with care. Sometimes, he could swear he felt something stir under his touch, but that was probably his imagination.

"Feeling better?" he asked with a smile.

"Yesss," Kar'niss purred, blissed out with his eyes closed.

Yet Tarlyn could see the way his slit had opened up, showing off his engorged, large clit. He loved to suck on it, but Kar'niss had been too sensitive for that those past months. The drow carefully circled the big nub, making the drider moan.

"You are so wet for me, my love," he drawled, feeling himself stir between the legs. "Your clit is all hard already."

"Please," Kar'niss murmured, opening eight pleading eyes. "We will be so good, please."

"Tell me what you want, darling dearest."

He knew it was difficult for the drider to voice his desires, which only served to enflame the drow's desire when his lover inevitably complied.

"We–" Kar'niss swallowed, hips twitching. "We wish for the hose."

Tarlyn hummed. Initially, he had built a hose to facilitate Kar'niss' washing, but after he found him riding it in the bath, he modified it to add different pressures. He put it on the most gentle pressure possible, hoping the large volume of water would make it bearable for his lover. Kar'niss eagerly presented his sex to Tarlyn just under the surface, clearly desperate for release.

The drow circled the erect clit slowly, making his lover moan and shift. He then held the hose right on Kar'niss clit.

"Come on, my love. Take what you need," he told him huskily as he opened his pants with his other hand to free his cock.

The drider keened, gyrating his hips on the current, taking his pleasure as the drow took himself in hand and watched him.

"You are so beautiful for me, Kar'niss, my consort, my lover, my life, my light. If only I could suck on your clit, taste your cunt," he panted.

Kar'niss came with a long moan, hips going back and forth as he rode his orgasm. Tarlyn came soon after and turned off the hose. Overwhelmed with love for the drider, he gently pushed his hair out of his face.

"My love," he whispered to him smiling, caressing his cheek.

"My consort," Kar'niss smiled back.

[temis-de-leon]

I'M FREE TO COMMENT!!! Your Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor have a nightmare where he rejected you post is so good! I love it especially Asmodeus can't live without the support of his fans 💕💕, he can't help but compare them despite knowing they're not quite the same ⚖️, he felt like he's ungrateful to his fans despite feeling honoured by their confession 🥺, he rejected with ease but he wanted to comfort them 🫴, he didn't realise how much he missed their love ❤️, he also realise how much they care about him not just his looks 😔 he tried to see the look of love in their eyes but it faded as weeks passed by 🥲, he wondered if they would have look at him again if he had changed himself enough 😞, he noticed how they looked at Lucifer instead 👀, he realised it's too late by how they're looking at Lucifer 💔, they woke up to his sobbing 😭, they couldn't really understand what was he saying ❓, just how badly his state is because of the nightmare 😢, he threw himself at them as he murmured 🫂, what they could hear him say 💔, they realised he isn't conscious 😴, they laid under him while hoping whatever is bothering him will stop 🛑, Beelzebub only sees them as a friend as well as his family matters weighs on his mind 😔, their presence won't change the fact his family isn't complete 😞, his first real interaction with them was when he was willing to kill them over custard (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; they loved thanks to his brothers being fond of them 👍, he gradually grew closer to them when they stayed in his room 👥, he thought their friendship was mutual 👍🫶, he told them how he only seen them platonically when they confessed 🥲, he promised nothing will change but it strained their relationship 😢, he thought about accepting it instead 🤔, the irony is he fell for them when they overcame their crush on him 💔, he woke up wanting to feel some part of them against him 🥺, he wouldn't have let them go if they were here 🫂, he felt unwell but looked around until he saw an empty chair 🪑, they returned to the room & asked if they woke him up ❓, he wanted to make sure they're real but he doesn't know if he deserve to 🥺, he felt detached from his body so he feared he might hurt them 🤕, they had a simple explanation why they left for a short while 📱, he felt relieved when they kissed his forehead 😚, he would do the same to them if he wasn't too tired 😚, they told how he still felt warm so they were about to get a wet towel 🤒, they called him honey 🍯 he's exhausted from pulling them to him 🫂, he kept thinking of them calling him honey 🤭, they reassured him with their words & actions 🥹, Belphegor hated them which I can see it happening 😅, he found their desire to help him amusing 😏, he doesn't think they would be useful to his plan 🤔, he barely tolerated them because he needed their connections 🤐, he listened to them talking while complaining 👂, he was shocked at their feelings but made use of it (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠), he wanted to hurt them but he changed his mind after knowing the truth (⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)⁠!, he thought they would treat him the same as they did before knowing the truth but was proven wrong 😨, they don't even dare to look at him 😣, he thought his apology was enough (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; they woke up to a loud noise & the scent of lavender 🪻, his words are definitely enough to let them know why it is 🗣️, they're confused but knows he's hiding something 🤐, he asked again which they tried to find a clue ❓, I absolutely love how even they're annoyed with him as he's unclear as well as he did kicked out 👍, they guessed what he wanted to hear but chose the longer route like me 😁, their fingers ran through his hair 👍, he apologised while holding them delicately 👍, they were confused by his second apology 🤨, and he fell asleep by the time they felt brave enough to ask 😴 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :) I'll read the next part as soon as I can! - Romance Anon

OH MY GOOOD

ROMANCE?? THANK U! 🩷

How was your summer, omg 🥹 It's been so long

[bluerose5]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Sorry about the late response! My energy levels have just been kind of fluctuating lately, but I've finally gotten around to this! Excuse me as I write with the most romantic lens possible. 😁

In no particular order:

1) That moment of sitting-on-the-edge-of-your-seat excitement when you go to the theater to see a movie for the very first time on the big screen. Unfortunately, I don't go as often as I used to, but damn if I don't love that feeling, especially if it's a movie you anticipated for so long that who cares if so much of the experience is overpriced. It is still well worth it. Can't wait til the next Spiderverse movie. Definitely plan on going, no matter what.

2) That moment when you're writing, and the inspiration hits. You start writing, and you can't stop because the words are flowing as easy as the ideas are coming to you. Even if it's not full sentences, and it's just snippets or scenes that you have to get down right then and there before they leave you. It's the joy of creating. Of having the power to change the reality in your mind as you see fit. There's nothing quite like it.

3) That moment when you're in the car, and you're driving down the road, cruising more like. There's no rush. Time fades into the background. The weather is perfect. It's cool, not humid. You turn the ac off. You let the windows down. Feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your skin. You turn the music up. Then, you start singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite songs. Even better if you manage to drive somewhere with a view of the water, so you can look out on the horizon.

4) That moment when you boot up a game, old or new, and you feel your heart start to race a bit because you're ready to experience the best adventure possible. Disconnect from the fandom and the public for a bit. Who cares if you pre-ordered? Who cares if you splurged? Who cares what critics say about it? You know you're going to simply enjoy the game, and you're gonna have fun. And possibly pick up some new blorbos (ocs and npcs alike) along the way. And you know what, that's what matters. Finish it or don't, but feel free to spend as many hours as it takes til you're content with the story you leave with.

5) Are we at #5 already? But I have so much more! Spending time with friends or family. Making an impact on the lives of others through my job. But you know what, I'll say being able to exchange ideas! Excitement is so infectious —and much-needed as of late. I love getting to go back and forth with people on things we're passionate about. Hell, I love getting to see my mutuals get passionate about random things, even if we're not currently into the same fandom spaces, hobbies, etc. Share it all! Let me give your OC a smooch on the forehead. Let me share all of your projects you've been working on. Writing, art, crocheting, etc. Idc. Let me see it all!

[reverieblondie]

I'M FREE TO COMMENT!!! My headcanons for Raphael, and Haarlep with touch starved gn s/o request is so good! Don't worry about it! It's worth the wait 👍 I'm glad you find it fun to write headcanons for a specific reader 🤭 I love it especially they chose to hide it as it's a weakness to them but Haarlep found it easily 😏, they found it amusing at how they're trying not to melt 🫠, it might be why they decided to play with them instead 😁, they decided to make sure they're never touch starved again (⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠), they couldn't go to them so they transformed to make them feel it knowing their most sensitive areas (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; they're desperate to feed on them almost every night 🤤, how it started as a mutual benefit to them holding them close in bed 🛏️, how sweet Haarlep's words especially your pleasure is their pleasure 😳, they want to know their preferences as much as they appreciate the sentiment 🤭, it's to thank them for what they have done for them 🥹, they touched them every where until they found it ☺️, they definitely enjoyed it & silently begged for more 🤭, they made sure to include it in their nightly cuddle 👍, Haarlep won't even try to hide how needy they are 😁, they won't get tired of their affections like me 🤭 unlike most people, Haarlep changed their mind about never worshipping anyone because of them 😳, they couldn't help but crave for them as they love everything 🤤, they could ravish them for years without ever getting tired but they're aware that they're only mortal so they don't push them to the limits 👍, their idea though 😏, Raphael could see the signs in their body language 🥺, he couldn't help but think of touching them as he craves for someone like that too 🥺, he offered them many things but they're not sure if he would offer what they really want 🥺, he asked them what they want for being a good mouse 🐭, he knew exactly when he got them 😈, he didn't expect to crave them too though 🤭, it started as a reward for them but it changed to a need that's foreign yet intimate to both of them 🥹, he can tell they have the same desire but he wonders if they can tell from his touch than his words 🥹, he's well aware of how handsome he is & even his arrogance is part of it 😏, he thought it was something else that's their favourite so he was surprised that it's his shoulders (⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠), their reasons though 😳, he has warned them before so they're about to suffer the consequences... Which they're going to enjoy 😁, he likes to think his neediness is subtle but it's not 🤣, just how needy he is with them 😂, they can't help but wonder but they stayed cautious 👍, he loves their wit & he's still a devil 😈, they realised his love is real as he dances with them while singing poetic words of love ❤️, they pushed him down forcefully & they're rough with his clothes after he pushed them to their breaking point by toying with them ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄, he absolutely loves how needy they are 💕, they called him an arrogant ass even as they ravish themselves on him like I would XD, he was genuinely speechless 😶, and he looked up at them to see their lovesick eyes made him feel love in this moment 😍 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :) Sorry if you already have this because I'm too paranoid that Tumblr ate it 🤣

Your all good I am so happy you enjoyed it! It was really fun to write!

[wrestlezaynia]

Hiii I stumbled across some of your posts which I absolutely adore as I'm also a Zowens fan (Samijey too). Love how passionate you are about them! 😊😊 I also read some of your fics....danggg I can stop reading them! I just love the way you write them and their connection with each other 🥰 the feelings.. I can't say enough 😩 just soo sooo good!! You are talented. Sometimes I wish I could read a longass fic by you about them (Ignore me 😂 I'm being greedy and selfish considering you've done such good ones already 😆😆) Anyway I just wanted to encourage you a little bit and I hope this post did that 😁😊

Also Im fairly new to tumblr and I'm not followed or following anyone, so atm this is the only way I can communicate with anyone on tumblr (for now) it's just comfortable this way for right now while I'm still feeling it all out but honestly feel free to tell me to stop spamming you this way in your "Let's go!" section (I'll totally understand) I've done this to poor @jeysbvck too (who has been an absolute sweetheart), sorry guys 😅

🐨

This is the nicest and longest ask I've ever had the pleasure of receiving and 4 days before my Birthday nonetheless! I want to thank you so much for your kind words. I work really hard on my fics and I'm glad I'm able to capture them in a way that's fitting to the characters. This ask is very encouraging! I'll try to write a longer fic for you, anon.

@jeysbvck is a sweetheart, definitely one of my favorite mutuals. And please, you're never a bother. Feel free to message me anytime!

[chanrizard]

those of us who are normal (i.e. actually considerate of the time and effort it takes to make ANYTHING, especially the bullshit wrangling gifs to look good requires) are absolutely going to miss your gifs, but i know i understand why you're stepping back. it's so so gross that people think they're entitled to the fruits of other people's labors. just because you CAN hit 'save as' doesn't mean you EVER SHOULD. ugh. i'm sorry, sa.

hey anon! aw thank you really i appreciate this 💕💕

tbf i've also been a bit busy with work and luckily the kids haven't put out tons of content lately either...but it's also true i've kinda been sliiiightly obsessing over 911 in the past 3 weeks so my focus has definitely shifted too lmao

and i still love my 8 sons but i don't feel the drive to gif everything immediately all the time like before you know? for now i'm just enjoying the sets my mutuals put on my dash and i'm perfectly happy to reblog them 😁

tl;dr i lost the plot halfway through the 3rd paragraph sorryfmdndj will probs get back to giffing for the comeback & please don't be stinky assholes who repost stuff or at least credit the OPs where you can thanks <3

i'll probably get back to giffing for the comeback around june because i can never resist the siren call of photoshop for too long tho aldjdjdks and part of what i like so much about it is indeed wrestling with the lights and the adjustment levels til the gif looks exactly how you saw it in your mind, it's so so satisfying seeing the before/after once you're done!

and i know it's pointless getting mad at reposters cause they're gonna repost either way and once something is out on the internet you can't really control what people are gonna do with it [insert here trite argument about how gifs are supposed to be shared and enjoyed etc etc which true and everything but maybe give credits where credits are due my friend] and i'm working on the eh. whatever i have more important stuff to worry about mentality but. BUT IM SOOOOO GOOD AT HOLDING GRUDGES AGAINST ENTITLED PEOPLE AND THIS SHIT STILL PISSES ME OFF SO BAD SOooOoOo BAD LMFAO

hence the stepping back for a while cause i'm tired of getting mad over this

like it probably wouldn't irk me half as bad if people didn't try to pass it off as "it's just a gif" but alas it is what it is :)

[rose-riot-johnson]

Well, my Tumblr Peeps.... If you like One Piece and Ussop, I definitely have a definite treat for you😁👍 Recently, I have been having this idea in my head and I ended up having an idea about how to write about Ussop, himself. Anyways, my Tumblr Peeps... Enjoy🪴🌱🌻🌺

I Need Someone To Talk To ((Adult) Ussop x Any Gender Reader)

Genres: Nightmare Comfort, Hugging Mutual Confession(s), and Kissing (only on the forehead) (Warning⚠️: Only brief mentions of death without say the word death😅)

As the newest member of the Strawhats, you also became Ussop's love interest, in first sight. Well, despite of you being very unaware of it, you did develop a crush on him, as well. While he's more clueless about your feelings for him, than you are of his feelings for you, you really enjoyed his sense of humor, his stories, and his hobbies, as he also enjoyed your outer (beauty and/or handsomeness), your kindness for him, and your smile (obviously...).

The both you also enjoyed eachother's company and despite of this and the fact you and Ussop have alot in common, the both of you are also afraid to confess having feelings for eachother. You went to Franky for advice. Franky has made some cute suggestions for you to win Ussop's affection, even though Franky low-key already knows that both you and Ussop have mutual feelings for eachother. As for Ussop, he basically asked Tony Tony Chopper, if Ussop could have a private chat with Chopper, later on that night.

Speaking of later on that night, while you were in your room, you were getting yourself ready for bed, as you put on your favorite comfy pair of pajamas. You then, decided to lay in bed, as you drifted off into your own deep slumber. "I will be having sweet dreams, tonight...", you said to yourself, as you were going to sleep.

Inside your dream had Ussop and the location of his plants, which is on the Sunny (The Strawhats Pirate Ship). The dream was definitely great at first. Both you and Ussop were definitely gardening together, laughing together, and having a wonderful time. However, before you were able to confess to Ussop, there came Buggy and his crew.

The dream has been turning more and more into a nightmare, as Buggy and his crew managed to capture both you and Ussop, so easily, somehow. It's like the both of you were held hostage, as Buggy decided to destroy Ussop's garden that both you and Ussop worked, so hard on, then when Ussop tried to retaliate, Buggy somehow hit Ussop in his neck, as you fear you will lose him... You then woke up screaming, then began to realize you had a nightmare, however you're still traumatized from that nightmare you had, as tears rolled down your face.

Meanwhile, Ussop was having a private chat with Tony Tony Chopper, as Ussop was asking Chopper for some advice pertaining you. "Well, Ussop... I'm not an expert on love, however there's no need to try anything, except one thing..", Chopper mentioned. A confused, Ussop then asked, "What's this one thing I should do, Chopper?", as he's willing to do anything to win you over. Chopper then answered, "If you were paying attention to the signs, the only thing you need to do is confess to (Any Gender Reader Name), that you love (him/her/them), since ((s)he/they) is in love with you too, Ussop. So, to warn you, I also already know the both of you love eachother.", as he was smiling. "Oh. Really...", Ussop replied, then both Ussop and Chopper heard a scream from the other room (which was from your room).

"It must be, (Any Gender Reader Name)! I gonna check on (him/her/them) to see what happened.", Ussop said in concern. Tony Tony Chopper, then replied, "Okay, Ussop. I wish you good luck what happened to, (Any Gender Reader Name). Take good care of (him/her/them), Ussop.". "Gotcha, Chopper!", Ussop replied back before leaving his room to run their your room to check on you.

When Ussop, made it to your room to knock on the door, as he whispered, "Hey, (Any Gender Reader)... It's me... Ussop... I heard your scream and I wanted to see if you're okay and to see if I can help you with what might be going on... I promise I will do my best to try not to push you to tell me or anything...". As you recognize his voice, you opened the door and letted him in your room, as you said, "You may come in Ussop. I really need someone to talk to, anyways... Specifically you, Ussop...", while holding your head down. Before Ussop went in your room he replied to you, as he said, "Okay, (Any Gender Reader Name).", as he sensed that something's bothering you. After you letted Ussop in your room, you gently closed the door that leads to your room.

"Anyways (Any Gender Reader Name), I heard you scream earlier and you seemed to feel threatened, so if there's anything you need and/or anything you feel that's on your mind or heart or maybe both, I will always be there for you. Okay, (Any Gender Reader Name)?", Ussop said, as he gave you assurance. You nodded yes, then proceeded to give him a hug, as you started to sob on his right shoulder. Ussop, then out of instinct, hugged you back, as he said, "Everything is okay now, (Any Gender Reader Name). Whatever happened earlier, I will see what I can do to comfort you.".

You then hugged Ussop tightly and looked in his eyes, as his words felt very comforting for you, as you said, "Well, Ussop... It may sound silly or childish... It's just that... Earlier tonight... I had a scary dream...". Ussop was shocked to hear that you had a nightmare, however he still madesure to be there for you as he said, "Talk about it, as much as you like. No matter how silly or childish it sounds and/or will sound, I will listen to you.", as he started to pet you. You then said, "Well... The dream was good at first... You were in the dream...The both of us were gardening together...laughing together... It's like we were having a wonderful time, Ussop... Before I could tell you how I felt about you... This dream was turning into a nightmare...".

Ussop then encouraged you (without prying anything out of you), as he asked, "Would you like to talk more about it?", then he said, "And take as much time, as you need to, (Any Gender Reader).", as he continued petting you. You then replied, "Okay Ussop. Anyways... The dream actually started turning into a nightmare, when Buggy and his crew captured us and it felt like they're holding us hostage, as Buggy destroyed your garden that we worked, so hard on... The next thing I remember in the dream was when you tried to retaliate and make Buggy pay for what he did to your garden, because there was alot of principle behind it, and even if it wasn't, then still... Then he hit you in your neck, as you ended up passing away on me... I was so... Scared to lose you, then I woke up screaming, then I cried, because this dream, just traumatized me, so much that I don't know what would happen, if I lose you in anyway, especially with you passing away on me!", then you sobbed on the same right shoulder of Ussop's as you hugged him tighter, as he continued petting you and holding you. Ussop then said, "(Any Gender Reader Name). I understand how you feel.", then asked, "Would like to go outside for some air?", as he's offering you, to come outside with him. You then accepted the offer, as you went outside with him.

After the both of you went outside, the both of you were walking as you said, "Hey... Ussop... I'm sorry for hugging you, too tightly, if I did. I just really felt like aside from your your words and hugs... It's that I also felt better from hugging you, as well.", as you apologize to Ussop, as you felt like you hurt him, by accident, physically. He replied, "Its alright, (Any Gender Reader Name). Your tight hugs didn't hurt me at all. Infact, I have dealt with plenty of physically painful and uncomfortable hugs. So, your hugs are harmless. I do promise that.", then smiled at you afterwards. You then actually confessed to Ussop as you explained, "Anyways... I'm not sure, if you ever knew... I just figured I'd tell you this... I really loved, so much about you, Ussop and I really have been having feelings for you for some time... It may sound, too soon or crazy... I just really wanted to tell you this... I'm in love with you, Ussop and I have been longer than I remember to be honest.", then you started blushing. He replied to you, "I'm very happy to hear, (Any Gender Reader Name). I honestly feel the same way about you.". He blushed, as he just realized that the moment you confessed to him, Chopper was right about you about your feelings for him all along.

"Anyways, (Any Gender Reader Name). Would it be alright, if we visit my garden while we're outside?", Ussop asked, as he wanted to makesure you comfortable about first before going there. You then happily replied, "Ofcourse it would be fine, Ussop. I just know I will be safe here, right now, unlike that nightmare I told you about earlier.". Ussop then happily took you to his garden, as we wanted to makesure you're atleast alright with him taking you there first, before he does so.

After both you and Ussop made it to his garden, he then proceeds to hug you from behind leaning near one of your shoulders. As the both of you looked at the garden, as he said, "And you said and thought that it sounded too soon and crazy to tell me this, as you weren't sure, while you were wondering, if I ever knew you really loved, so much about me, and you really have been having feelings for me, then you confessed that you're in love with me and that you have been longer than you remember. Well, (Any Gender Reader Name)... Here's my confession for you... You see, eversince Luffy intoduced us to you and introduced you to us, I fell in love with you in first sight. I just always had my senses that there would be plenty to atleast really like about you. So, (Any Gender Reader Name)... I'm in love with you, too and I will makesure to nothing bad happens to you from now on and I will comfort, whenever you need someone to talk to and if something is bothering you. I will always be there for you, like you are always there for me and that's a promise, (Any Gender Reader Name).", then kisses you on your forehead. Eversince that night of mutual confessions for eachother, both you and Ussop have been together, eversince then.

The End

To be honest... My mind, emotions, gut, heart, and soul compromised for this fanfic. Until an idea popped in my head with working on a fanfic about Ussop, I wasn't expecting to work on a fanfic about him. While he's not 1 of my favorite One Piece characters, he's also 1 of the characters I never disliked nor hated, despite of his flaws. Aside from him being hilarious, I just have my reasons why I like Ussop and I'm sure there are other people who like him and would like to read about him. While I'm not gonna get over confident about this fanfic, however I just feel I made the right decision to work on a fanfic about him for sure. Anyways my Tumblr Peeps... I do hope reading this fanfic about Ussop, makes your day and/or night💭😴💤🌱🌺🪴🌻🌥️⛅🌤️☀️🌞🌙🌛🌝🎑