#so with the terfs online idk how to tag this stuff now like this

[auroras-void]

📌 Pinned Post timeee ✨

Uhh I'll update this as I think of shit to add but, my blog is p standard. This site is a void that I scream into but sometimes gay catgirls scream back at me, details are under the fold 💜

Also.

If you know me irl click the thingy too!!! 💙

vvv

This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.

Though if you were able to find this place you're probably someone I trust. So, if you still wish to proceed I honestly don't really mind if you visit respectfully. There's not really much of note here.

All I ask though is that you at the very least filter posts tagged "#void" before you scroll any further. so I can keep some control over this space. Ask me if you're curious about those and I'll show you though 🖤 I don't like keeping secrets, I just want this space to feel like mine. (Also if you don't know how to do that text me.)

(I'd also recommend filtering #hornyposting, but that's for your sake not mine. I am not ashamed.)

If I don't know you though then do whatever the fuck you want.

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I rb whatever I want. I post whatever I want. Including but not limited to:

About:

- Minecraft, Technical Minecraft, Modded Minecraft, Minecraft Builds, HermitCraft. Basically anything Minecraft that's not roleplay smps or competitive minigames. Literally my biggest hyperfixation, I have like 10,000 hours in this game. Unironically it is probably the artistic medium I am most competent with lol 😔

- Owl House, Lumityposting, etc.

- ADHD stuff. Currently getting rolled by it.

- Autism/Monotropism? Bc I might have that? (I have a 90 on the RAADS-R and 190 on the MQ so idk), for now I'm going to say monotropic but not autistic. I think I don't meet the DSM V criteria for ASD, but I probably will meet the DSM VI criteria for it whenever that drops, if it is still called that, Monotropism seems like a much better name for both adhd and asd, I'd like to see them merged I think with additional sublabels for adhd/asd. Or at the very least ASC instead of ASD.

- Construction DIY and home improvement stuff.

- Urban planning and Public Transportation

- Leftist politics and news (whenever I'm not too depressed to deal with it)

- Computer science and computer science like games/mods. (Hexcasting my beloved)

- Any game that requires you to take notes or break out a spreadsheet.

- Photography

- shitposting, r196, memes

- Personal stuff and random thoughts.

- hornyposts :3

- Polyamory/me fucking up my relationships bc I'm an idiot 20 something

- Literally anything I find interesting or pretty.

Also Crosswords now!

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Logistics Stuff:

- My own posts are tagged with #post

- Any RBs with content in them are tagged #rb

- RBs with content in the tags are (sometimes) tagged with #tags

- Replies I don't ever tag.

(this one's tagged as all of em for convenience)

I only just started doing that so it's not on all my posts but I'll try to keep up with it going forward.

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DMs are open, but not to flirt.

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DNI list:

- Terfs, Bigots, Republicans, Exclusionists etc.

- Minors

- Anyone who gets involved in terminally online discourse.

- Paraphiliacs/Pro paraphilia ppl, don't mean anything by it, just not a can of worms I wanna deal with or be around.

- Anyone who I've blocked. I will block for any reason, don't usually mean anything by it, I just want control over who I see and talk to here.

- idk more as I think of em

[theharrowharkening]

Thanks for the tag, @fandomsand-oops-politicstoo!

Tagged by: @fandomsand-oops-politicstoo

Instructions: tag ten followers you want to get to know better

Name: Danvers (not my real name, but it’s what I use online)

Gender: nonbinary

Sign: Aries

Height: 4′10″

Sexuality: lesbian

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!

Favourite Animal: horses!

Average hours of sleep: usually around 6

Current Time: 11:47 am

Dog or Cat person: Dog! My dog is actually laying next to my bed right now <3

Blankets I sleep with: a sheet, a sort of regular medium-weight blanket, a quilt my grandma made, and depending how cold it is, maybe a fleece throw blanket on top (or 2 if it’s really cold)

Dream Trip: IDK. I’d really like to go to France at some point (I’ve been before, but it was just 2 days in Paris with an American high school tour group, so I feel like I didn’t get to see very much). Or maybe the Spanish Riding School in Austria?

Dream Job: I’ve wanted to be a prosthetist since like middle school, and I’m starting my prosthetics and orthotics Master’s program in June! I also think something related to bioethics and disability studies/disability rights would be really cool. Maybe I’ll find a way to incorporate that into an O&P career

When I Made My Blog: December 2018 I think?

Why I Made My tumblr: I’d been getting second-hand tumblr from Pinterest for a while and had kind of debated just making a tumblr account, and then Pinterest started recommending me a lot of terf stuff? I’m not sure why, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop, so I abandoned my Pinterest and made a tumblr

Reason Behind My URL: The “danvers” part (and the reason I go by Danvers) is because there are multiple characters I really love with the last name Danvers (Kara, Alex, Carol) and I think it works as a gender-neutral name. The “superqueer” part is because I’m super queer, Alex Danvers is canonically gay, and I headcanon both Kara and Carol as also queer/wlw

Tagging: @eirnan, @garnetrena, @enjolras-the-revolutionary, @fatbottomedboi, and whoever else wants to do it! And no pressure if I tagged you and you don’t want to do it

[ingayderzim]

not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

[spacednp]

I’m still getting shit for that damn post woo fun fun fun

That post is the “transphobic post” and holy damn shit I’m so fucking pissed

I am not transphobic and I’ve never said anything that makes me transphobic, while I may have said things I don’t agree with anymore and I’ve said things I will agree I shouldn’t have said

I am not transphobic! I’ve been an advocate for trans people the entire time I’ve had this damn blog and you say one fucking thing people disagree with and all the sudden I’m the transphobic phandom member and guess fucking what? I’m NOT transphobic!!! I can’t believe I have to fucking say this shit still!!!!! So this is a post I was soon link into my bio so you fucking ill informed children can understand exactly where this came from and why it’s utter bullshit

Let’s start with the origin and we’ll get into “The Post” (which I’ve never deleted by the fucking way you can still see it on my blog Incase you want to find it it’s like the first thing on my opinions tag I can’t even believe that was discourse for a hot minute)

One day I joined a gc with a popular phandom member who I will not name bc fuck that I don’t talk with them (as far as I know they haven’t blocked me or said anything on the matter but I did stop reblogging their posts and stuff bc respect) and we had a good time I made some jokes etc etc. and then somehow I asked a question about non binary something like a genuine question and it wasn’t disrespectful and I wish I knew what it was but I don’t (it was something like “what do you tell your doctor regarding your sex/gender” or something idk) and we talked about it and no one was having any problems but then we got into the topic of there being more fem and mas non binaries that had actual names like enbony and something else and I was like “what? why not just stick with female and male then I thought the whole non binary thing was supposed to get rid of gender binaries like that” and one of the admins swooped in and told me that the discussion had to end and I was like “I’m not being disrespectful it’s genuine question” and someone was like “yeah well it’s transphobic” and naturally I was like “it’s not transgender to be non binary transgender is going from one gender to another, male to female, you can’t transition to be non binary that’s not how it works isn’t that just self expression what do you mean I’m confused” and instead of answering my questions at all they just proceeded to call me transphobic etc etc. and naturally me being a petty bitch (this is where I’ll admit I was wrong) I continued defending myself and didn’t let it go, things got worse and instead of insulting anyone or anything I deleted the app and asked no one to find me on tumblr.. but they didn’t listen, and this part I won’t apologize for because right here is where I truly believe I did nothing wrong

A few people from the gc went onto my blog and sent me disgusting asks and insulted me and my blog and that night I made The Post and I was extremely agreeive to anyone asking me about the topic

When I made The Post I was not:

-in a state to truly express what I meant in a reasonable and correct way

-expecting it to be a big deal

-trying to offend anyone

-inviting more hate mail in death threats

-attacking anyone directly/being rude intentionally

What I meant to do was:

-have my opinion out there

-let people know I am not transphobic (ironic, isn’t it?)

-have the people who ignored my wishes and went to my blog from the gc shut up

-get the death threats out of my ask box

What I actually did with that post:

-make myself a villain in the eyes of most people who know my url

-not express my opinions in the best way

-get even more death threats and hate

-have anons ask anyone who comes into contact with my blog spread lies about me, there are many anons who’ve told anyone who’s even reblogged one of my posts that I’m transphobic and terrible

-lost many friends and a few followers but the friends did hurt me more

-cause myself even more stress and anxiety

I’ve apologized to anyone I’ve hurt and explained over and over what exactly I meant and yet no one cares about that and no one who receives anons telling them I’m transphobic even looks into it and it pisses me off to no end, what more do you want from me (excluding me to slit my own wrists, of course)

I’ve gotten detailed asks telling me what they want to do to me and it’s not in a sexy way it’s in a “first id start with your kneecaps and work my way through your body and watch your guts slide out” kinda way and it’s not okay and the ones sending me those asks are the same people dragging my name through the dirt and no one fucking thinks twice about what I actually said and what I meant

And to the few loyal and sweet people who’ve explained the situation to others and remained by me and stood up for me I adore you and I wish you nothing but the best and I truly cannot express my gradatude to you

But sadly most people believe accusations to the point where they want me dead. I do not deserve that! No one deserves that! That’s royally fucked up!

Even people I trusted the most turned on me and it made me rethink my opinion on friends in general, and I just want everyone to know you really can’t trust everyone you thought you could and you really do need to think a very lot about what you put online, I don’t even put my real name or face online and still I feel like I put too much out

Curlyhowlter is NOT transphobic, the whole thing is one misunderstanding after another and I want anyone who thinks I’m transphobic to actually do literally any research at all into what I’ve actually said and what I condone and what my morals are before you do that because as I’ve said a million times before..

I’m

A

Humanist

True humanists can’t be against any group of people you fuckwads! That’s literally against the ethics of humanism! Humanists LOVE humans!!! The idea of me being a terf or transphobe or racist or whatever else you’re spreading around makes NO sense!

Curlyhowlter

Is

Not

Transphobic

So if you have anymore questions I’ve not answered feel free to ask I’ll edit this post as much as I can to make it perfect and as of now it’s a mess and I know that but I’m impulsive and this is what’ll make me feel better right now so here you go

As for the non binary shit... it’s almost like people’s opinions change how weird

[cantskank]

today i was going through it a bit, emotions-wise

so first of all:  (fuck your fucking attitude/how could you be so fucking rude?/you look at me like when girls are jealous)

i didn’t get any sleep last night (like i stayed up literally all night, then had my remote classroom discussion period where i didn’t contribute a single thing, then had my meeting with my advisor, then passed out for like 3 hours, then had “lunch” at 3:00).  i was already like physically a wreck.

so early early morning i saw a post from someone i follow on my actual tumblr basically about not using queer? or tagging it as the q slur or whatever.  and it’s an entirely moot point because this person doesn’t follow me and (prolly) never will but it just really threw me.  it seems like it’s not for sketchy reasons- p sure they identify as an nb lesbian so nothing like terfy going on, i think it’s from like family related trauma which is totally understandable!  like i really wanna have a lot of compassion for people who feel that way for that reason (and no compassion for terfy reasons). 

i think for asexuals in particular there is a lot of stake in how acceptable the term queer is.  like, i quite literally cannot fit in the “lgbt community.”  i can probably fit in the lgbt+, lgbtq, lgbtq+ communities; there’s probably room for me there; and i definitely fit in the lgbtqia+ community (assuming they don’t have the a for some ally fuckery) BUUUT queer is definitely a term that has always felt comfortable to me, even before i knew i was aro ace (but knew something was off with me, sexuality-wise.  not that i vocally used queer before id’ing as aro ace but it was always a viable option for me and if i had been asked prior to learning about aspec orientations i might have said “queer in some way”).  and i think a lot of aspec people feel the same way.  as aspec people, excluding any allo orientations or gender minority, just as people who by some variety feel an absence of attraction (as laid out by society as a whole as “normal” attraction(s)) we are not, by definition, part of the lgbt community.  but i think there’s very little issue calling ourselves queer based on being aspec.  and terfs and exclusionists know this, and that is literally the reason they insist on queer being a slur.

also in defense of queer as a term: it is literally reclaimed!!  meaning, the act of calling oneself queer is done in order to take back the term from the people who wanted it to hurt you with it.  “queer is a slur” yes that is literally why it has been chosen to represent the community!  “queer as a term has been weaponized against me so personally and intimately that i cannot associate with it” is maybe closer to what people want to say, since “queer is a slur” is like yes?  that’s why people use it?

and like the thing is it’s been used, literally the first time i heard “queer is a slur don’t use it” was in my last year of university (~2017)- the same university where the organization for lgbtq+/queer students was literally “queer (name of university)”.  i first learned about queer as a reclaimed term in 2011!  and there was an acknowledgement of “yes this was/has been a slur, but it’s reclaimed” but absolutely not “this was a slur and it’s still a slur so always fucking tag for it since apparently reclaiming a word only goes so far as the people who care to reclaim it, everyone else gets to insist it is still a slur and has a negative power over people.”  okay that’s probably not fair but it just feels like backwards progress.  and i did just look it up and i did only go to wikipedia but wikipedia says it’s been used in a reclaimed sense since the late 80s (i would have guessed sometime in the 90s but i knew it wasn’t a new thing).  how! can! this! still! be! a! contentious! issue!

(i mean we all know why it’s so popular now, it’s all terfs.  and again, there are legitimate reasons to not like the term but i think the main reason it has any traction is because of terfs and that is just fucking depressing.)

so like, there’s a lot in terms of how acceptable and valid my identity is that gets tied up in this question, and to see someone i really look up to reject it really threw me.  i was going to throw something in here about how i had a revelation that my moon in my 4th house meant i rely a lot on community acceptance and validation for my emotional state (and my internal acceptance of my own feelings- so like i can only validate my feelings if i feel a sense of community acceptance/consensus/belonging).  then i checked my chart and i misremembered.  my moon is actually in my 8th house (in gemini) which is still watery community vibes but 8th house is a lot more interpersonal i feel.  still sourcing a lot of validation from others, lots of emotional interdependency i guess.  and i just checked the cafeastrology blurb, and i do agree with it and don’t think my interpretation is too much of a stretch.  and to me it explains my interest in partnership/a qpr down the line, as well as my emphasis on emotional intimacy and a bit of platonic jealousy.

anyway, so i was kinda emotionally thrown by that.  then in dear prudence’s livestream today, the first q was about disliking the term queer.  danny and grace are both trans so i was like nervous the “real” queer/lgbt people were going to kinda dismiss queer as a term but it was good!  they did really emphasize how common that viewpoint is amongst terfs (a reference to “conservative lesbians” as well)  also sidenote they are both beautiful humans.

anyway clearly i have lots of feelings about this but i want to get to bed so here’s a lightning round of the rest of the reasons i’ve been feeling vaguely shitty and mostly just overwhelmingly negative:

still stuck inside (duh)

also team pinata privated their videos because of online harassment, dissociadid is also taking a break and i’m just like really worried for both of them.  like again, not feeling stably good and that is hard to see.

haven’t really been keeping in touch with people which means i’m feeling very isolated as well as very guilty for not reaching out to them, and also like “this is why you don’t have any friends.  you deserve all the blame for having basically no one in your life, a thing which has become abundantly clear when you’re stuck at home and like people aren’t reaching out to you.”

someone who i have been in contact with (basically all my contact with) is my mom, which i feel like isn’t very healthy.  and she’s probably doing it to check in on me which is really nice.  but right now i’m struggling with questions about kinda who i am and what i want to do (like with my life) and i think i struggle with these questions 1 because i’m in fucking the middle of nowhere and hate my living situation and hate my life (this is really probably the biggest part of it, i feel completely hopeless and should probably be seeing a therapist because i would feel very unsurprised if i’m severely depressed) but also somewhat 2 i’ve always tried to live up to my parents’ (and let’s face it, mostly my mom’s since dad was not v available) expectations and would do literally anything to make them “not mad at me” which is a very juvenile turn of phrase that i think shows how like entrenched this is for me.  i am just really used to ignoring my own signals in favor of their approval?  so like i probably don’t fully know what i want.  and being in grad school (which like i’m a year and a half in, this is not a new situation so idk why it’s hitting now) is the 1st time i haven’t been dependent on them??  which is a big like “thing” for me.  i always felt i couldn’t be super confrontational with them because i was always supposed to be grateful for everything they did??  so like you can’t complain about how i’m talking to you because i’m taking the time out of my day to give you a ride.  or you can’t talk to me with “tone” because we’re feeding you and you should be grateful.  and like i was always trying to be less dependent on them for that, but if i did i wasn’t “accepting help”, i was “always trying to do everything on your own”, i was “pushing them away”.  anyway, in university they were paying my tuition, in my year off i was living at home.  and i’m super privileged to have that, and i’m unbelievably thankful.  but, now i’m truly on my own and i’m trying to figure out what that means.  and it’s hard when i’m constantly talking to people who bring me back there.  also i worry i am “too okay” with talking to them now because they’re like actually nicer now?  so like i’m ignoring my own valid feelings from the past which i didn’t feel like i had the space to acknowledge as valid because i was always trying to “be good” and “make it up to them” for like disagreeing with them?  and now that they don’t have a hold on me in terms of like living with them- now that i have options- they are nice so i don’t reexamine the conciliatory ways i behaved towards them when i was younger?  idk.  it’s tough.

also had a meeting with my supervisor today re: my crappy paper that we’re trying to make less crappy.  it went like mostly fine- like she didn’t tear me to pieces.  last time i met with her was about a proposal and she started the meeting with “i’m questioning how much you want to be here” which is just like really hard to hear.  so i didn’t hear that this time, which is good (great).  some of the stuff when she was explaining seemed like aimed toward a super basic level and it’s like is that how slow she thinks i am??  like.  i know i’m probably not smart enough to be successful at the thing i’m going for which is fucking terrifying.  a year and a half in, i feel just way too dumb and idk what to do except just keep trying??  idk we’ll see.  then she just sent an e-mail about like compiling the literature and i slack way too much on that and idk like we both kinda know that?  so i’m a paranoid freak and i always read so much into everything but getting that was like “i’m trying to remind you that you’re behind on this and a failure!!  but not addressing it because you’ve cried a couple times and so i don’t want to give feedback that might be hurtful.”  like lol.  i am good if you give me super harsh feedback.  probably it’s better.  i don’t deserve to really be handled super gently like that.  it’s okay if you want to be more no nonsense about it, i can handle it.  at least with that i know you’re mad at me??  as opposed to being nice?  then i can’t tell if you’re genuine or if you’re trying a more passive-aggressive approach.  i’m a bit dead inside, i can deal if you want to get your disappointment in my failures off your chest.

also my just severe difficulty with no order or routine.  i’ve been wondering for like over a year now whether i have like executive function disorder??  it could also just be the being in quarantine where everyone has trouble focusing.  i do relate to a lot of the things i see about it.  i really should just be going to a therapist.  probably once i’m off my parents’ health insurance (okay i’m dependent on them in that way, though i can also opt for the school’s insurance) so they don’t know/wouldn’t be on the hook for them (and feel entitled in some ways to know about that.  i really really really don’t want to tell them.  like, anything)

wow this is a fucked up amount of text.  goodnight.