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Fanged Temptress
Special
" The last adventurer who laid their hands on this card was very unfortunate and unskilled... Losing most of their health and eventually losing the card itself... She was displeased with their novice-ness... But something about you... Yes... You possess an aura... I think the Temptress will like you. "
Simblr Trading Cards by @buttertrait and @squea !! I love looking at others' cards... Thank you both for making this template!!
⬇ An in-depth look into Nirvana's card stats below the cut ⬇
On picking up :
" Your spine aches, your face becomes flush and your fingers tingle. You're on edge, but gain a new sensation... A new lust for others and their blood. " Passive - Temporary HP loss + RAGE!! Buff : Upon picking up the Fanged Temptress, you lose -15 HP temporarily, and gain RAGE* for 30 minutes. *RAGE!! : You're perturbed by something... you don't know what- but it makes you angry!! It's time to kill. +25%-45% Damage Buff for 30 minutes
In bag/inventory :
" Unbeknownst to you, this card has been draining you of your health points with every hour that you've traveled together [with the card]. On the bright side, it seems willing to help you persuade the being that you converse with. " Passive - HP loss : The Fanged Temptress will occasionally drain anywhere from 0.1% to 1% of your health - This can occur up to 5 times on occasion, and will not happen again for a long while. -0.1%-1% HP Loss up to 5 times at a time Outside-of-Battle usage - Persuasion buff : Using the Fanged Temptress in conversation will sway the other party into agreeing with you, whether it be an argument or a flirt. (Not guaranteed to work for bigger/smarter enemies/NPCs) +100% success rate in decisions ( +60-90% for larger/smarter enemies/NPCs )
In battle :
" The Fanged Temptress is a well-known legend, She's dangerous and alluring, it's time to put this card to the test and see if it holds up to the legend herself. " Passive - Attack buff : Nirvana Lucia herself grants you a spiteful kiss and a slap on your cheek for every turn. +5% Damage done to enemies ( Plus an extra 5% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind [Monster, Animal, etc] ) In-Battle use - Defensive move : The Fanged Temptress is infamously known for her alluring words and enchanting eyes, perhaps seduc- *ahem* perhaps persuading the enemies will get them to deal a little less damage to your fragile body. -15% Damage dealt to the opposing party ( Plus an extra 10% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind ) In-Battle use - Attack move : The Will of Nirvana Lucia courses through your veins, a little nip on the arm could be enough to send an enemy to the nearest Hospital- or better yet, their grave. +25% Damage done to enemies ( Plus an extra 10% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind )
On death :
" You collapse to your knees, your life flashes before your eyes, with the earliest memories first to newest memories last... but wait! You're pulled away from the light and back to reality. You scrounge for your Special Limited Edition "The Fanged Temptress" card but... it's nowhere to be found... " Special - Resurrect 1 : Upon taking Grim's hand, you realize this is a gamble- Let go and face life once more- Or continue on and meet the sweet embrace of death's bed. You'll be prompted to choose Life or Death when you die... Special - Resurrect 2 - Temporary total HP loss : When you chose Life, the Fanged Temptress was displeased that you couldn't hold your own in a fight, crawling to her for life. She deems a worthy punishment for your mockable strength. You lose 25% of your Total HP for 30 minutes [ Cannot Heal above 75% total HP for that 30 minute time period - Stackable debuff ] Special - Resurrect 3 - Card loss : When you chose Death, the Fanged Temptress couldn't help but scowl at your weakness, She'd had sucked enough life out of you for you to finally become feeble enough for death, pathetic. 50/50 Chance to lose " Fanged Temptress " card on Resurrection
#tw : blood#tw : death description#< only at the very end btw 👍👍#😮💨😮💨 this took FOREVER!!#I'm sure theres other stats i could've added#but euuurhhmmmm its 9am and i havent slept !!#so yea no more writing for me for the time being#i trieddd to make this balanced (for no reason ofc 💀😭) but its hard cuz Nirvana as a character is just “OP”#But in reality I know the card wouldn't be super OP- or maybe it would idk-#also wanted to do a new pose but I could nawttt be arsed#simblrtradingcards#Nirvana#Nirvana*#the sims 4#ts4 render#ts4 edit#ts4#simblr
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*picks you up and dips u in a vat of acid*
#south park#sp#pip pirrup#pip pirrip#damien thorn#dip#sp dip#dip is one of those sjips that i only enjoy if its outside of the canon . show if that makes sense#cuz otherwise like they were only in one episode 2gether and damien like. hated him#but *thinks about them anyways*#i mean as in. i only like it in rlly specific circumstances otheriwse id be indifferent toward it#these all mainly came about cuz im writing a damien and pip friendship fic thing#cuz id like to explore their dynamic actually (and also I WANT PIP TO BE HAPPY)#anyways i rewatched 'Damien' (the episode) so i could characterize him right and like honestly thats gotta be my fav episode in s1#its fuckin hilarious#also DAMIEN MADE A CAMEO IN A LATER EOISODE AS LIKE A LITTLE EASTER EGG. HE WAS ON SUPER NANNY. LIEK THE TV SHOW#KM CRYING ITS FUCKING AMAZING#i love damien like ppl characterize him as being pissed off all the time and while yea technically true#he feels a lot more. immature to me#hes literally like an angsty little kid and the onyl reason he set pip on fire was to impress the 'cool kids' one might say#cuz hes weird and no one liked him#but i like him.#his weirdness is captivating#damien meeting the lame loser kid that he doesnt like and befriending him cuz they actually have a lot in common#(and damien is very very lonely)#also pip deserves a good cry honest to god#i want. him to be happy. nyow#i want damien 2 be happy too tbh#potatart
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i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i am fucking losing my mind cover letters are so fucking annoying and time consuming and a waste of my energy to create a self sales pitch wherein i pretend to want to suck a companies dick more than Ive ever wanted anything in the world when all i actually want is to just be able to live my life without worrying that im always a purchase away from maybe overdrawing my account and i want to help make this world a better place and it should not be this hard to do that but most jobs are antithetical to the second goal and yet still not a guarantee of avoiding the first but alas we are all still expected to beg them to be hired and i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i shouldnt have to beg you to hire me i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here
#‘here’ being the capitalistic nightmare that is the current global society#but also ‘here’ as in the capitalistic republic us of a#and ‘here’ as in my brain#trifold in meaning#all burning in hate#anti capitalism#capitalism#applying for jobs#cover letter#cover letters#i have to write 7 cover letters for 7 different positions to apply to#and tailor each to the role and company#and yea maybe it wont take everyone long to do that#but its been taking me 3 fucking days to wven get started on 1#and i actually LIKE these job listinga#i DO feel passionate about the work#but the stress of applications and the knowledge that probably no one will even read these letters sours me#but the stress someone WILL read the letter sours me more and makes me overthink it#and so i overthink until im runnin go out of time and then i apply with a shittily written one cause i ryshed the real writing#and i rarely get hired#any job i have been hired for i did not have to submit a cover letter#cover letters are a pre-emptive punishment and i fucking hate it
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#not to vague abt a particular niche of a fandom no one cares about BUT im losing my mind a bit#bc there's a ship that literally got me so invested that i read fanfiction for the 1st time. i adore them so much#i think their canon relationship is so fucking lovely and its bullshit what happened to them. if u kno u kno.#but now i go to ao3 and try to find fics and im like... yo y do these all fucking suck?#like i get it. no one has given a fuck abt this fandom since like the 2010s but i mean ive read lots of way better fics for waaaay#tinier fandoms. i guess thoses ppl just cared way more. no one gives enough of a fuck to write a good fic for these 2.#ugh. im probably just being a bitch. like is it bc its a heterosexual ship? is the bar really so low for writing straight relationships that#they have to b so fucking boring immediately???? like what the fuck is happening. i feel like im losing my mind#wheres the passion? where the dedication? wheres the willingness to die for eachother and fight side by side?#its all boring bullshit or weird self insert feeling smut. or maybe its me. maybe im the problem bc i refuse to read the fics that have#adultery and divorce in them bc im so in denial abt the ending of bleach that i cannot stand to even look at#the canon endgame ships. it makes me to angry. so yea maybe im the problem#i jus6 don't understand it. its the same for narut0 x s4suke fics. like????#did we watch the same show??? why tf r u writing them so weird and boring and wrong????#that one i them im right abt bc others have confirmed it. but idk abt these 2. my fucking original otp is cursed to toil away in bad#fanfiction. or maybe all the good fics r on ff dot net. but fuck if im gonna wade thru that hellsite#anyway. this is what u get when u get invested in terrible anime. i mean with peace and love it is my nostalgia show but like u kno#unrelated
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figuring out i have published nearly 60,000 words of rebelcaptain fic to ao3 in the past year, and that's just the stuff i've published
#definitely thousands of words more lurking in unfinished drafts lmao#like this is... a lot for me#i think my rebelcaptain renaissance happened after the time i needed to truly grow as a writer and become more creatively free#to do what i always wanted to do with them but felt like i didn't have the ability to back in. like. 2017#because back then i was always so terrified about characterization that i never really accomplished much in general and specifically w them#and it's the point now where i can be so free as to feel like i've truly taken these characters as my OCs#not in the sense of being weirdly possessive over them and saying no one else gets to write them ever or anything stupid like that#but like. taking ownership over my own takes on them. and thus allowing them to live and breathe and yea live rent free in my head#that's what i mean by that#anyway: positive reflections on myself and my journey to overcome my ridiculous perfectionism!#being mentally ill about my blorbo ship has helped that so much LMFAO
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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i miss being a lit major for the digging into texts and latching onto tiny threads and spinning whole theses from them and decoding the symbols and subtext from works but school was actually horrible for me bc deadlines and having to read things fast and adhd do not mix however. i now get to use all those skills to analyze a silly CW show like we're in grad school :)
#see i don't like classes with assignments and deadlines and pressuring me to read / watch things in a certain time frame#but i like classes for the. stimulating the part of my brain that needs to obsess n hyperfocus on a thing and write pages and pages abt it#so spn is basically a class i'm taking recreationally yea#like i joke abt being a dean studies major but like. i literally am. and esp w/ this rewatch i'm just. treating it like a studies course#and like always always on the dean studies track but i'm also paying attention to sam and their dynamics more this time around#vic.txt
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I didnt know the tags woulr be so much i shouldve just wrote a long vent 😭😭😭 rip
#lol. there are still times where my brain goes omg what if you’re really a narc#and then i go out of my way to make sure my friends are as comfortable as possible and thati meet all their needs and i apologize every few#minutes for something silly or for maybe hurting them unintentionally and then i remember of#every fallout w people in my life where i was always taking responsibility for my actions n for my role to what led to the fallouts no#matter how toxic the person was and i remember all the times i geniunely apologized to my siblings for my mistakes (without them pointing#out i did smth wrong) and i remember all the tomes someone told me i hurt them and i owned up to it and apologized and then i go#oh ywa. maybe not ?#bonus: all the times i helped someone out in secret to bring some ease in their life without ever telling them or bragging eith it or#using it against them or reminding them that i did x y z for them#and then all the times where my guilt ate me up at nights and i cried and the times where i brought out the best of people because my love#is Nuturing. yea#AND I GUESS THE FACT THAT MY EX BEST FRIEND TOLD ME IM A NARC AND I STRAIGHT UP WENT OMG YEA! PROBABLY! BECAUSE I WOULDVE BELIEVED HER#ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 BECAUSE INWAS SO SURE SHE KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF! 😭😭😭#BECAUSE I HAD LOST MYSELF COMPLETELY IN THE FRIENDSHIP 😭😭😭😭 NOT VERY NARC OF ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭#but yea. i guess abandonment issues apathy and lack of communication skills (which leads to passive aggressivness) will make you look like a#narc i get where she came from! but still. if i ever see someone diagnose other people i will simply tell them to shut up#especially based on sentences taken out of context. not very sexy#and also very stupid.#rationally seen i shouldve kicked out the thought that im probably not one when my therapist told me theres no chance i am but. when you get#treated like a freaking mondter from the people you’ve trusted deeply. it does something to you >.>#also when my therapist said that she has No rights to make Any diagnosis or statements about other people because whatever i tell her its#going to tell her more about me than them. i shouldve just dtopped believing it honestly. like freaking sideeye to those therapists thst#told my ex friends im a narc. and a big fat kiss to my therapist for being such a beautiful empathstic underztanding patient beautiful and#kind person#alhamdulillah ^-^#kicked out the thought thst i am one *#and also a big fat sorry for being hsving no empathy. my communication skills are getting brtter and im working on my abandonment issues#(sfter being abandoned by my closest friends and family hello this is so sexy of me) and im soooo much more st peace w myself n i like and#care aboyt myself ^-^ even just writing a list of positive things ahout me is smth i wouldve never done two years ago#(also my family took me back alhamdulillah eheh)
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i can’t stop writing col gojo n reader in shy and lowkey giddy interactions 😭😭
#sorry i keep blabbering abt this#pls lmk if i should stop#but yea shy things 😭😭#even tho they’ve been together for a significant amt of time 😭😭#and theyre not exactly young either 😭😭#but writing their scenes rn feels like first love#tho technically it kinda is 😭😭#but everything feels like butterflies and idk if thats a good thing aksnsknx#im gna try to fix the development but then so far now this is what the scene is lookin like 😭😭😭#theyve done everything together and theyre still shy in lil incidents like this#my main issue is i think i want to show d progression of the relationship but in this scene im writing theyre still nervous n shy n giddy#and that can be a good thing !! a cute thing !!#but im also worried it removes??? from the whole ~~being more comfortable in the relationship thing#anyway regardless i think col 3 gojo will be diff from tell me about love gojo HAHA#he’s just a lil (lot) more loved up#shotorus.process
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i thrive when im talking abt the missteps and short falls of writing both physically and emotionally
#n thats not me being like. yea ik absolutelt everything abt everything#i just feel like i make Points on a regular basis#however would i be capable of writing an original piece? only time will tell#im more of an analyst person than a creative yk i work w data so
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Honestly I have realized that 99% of my shipping of vashwood comes from trimax. Yea I vibed with it while watching tristamp but trimax is what took my utter heart and soul
It's to the point where I just don't rly enjoy tristamp vashwood that much anymore hfkshfjd like. OK? Those sure are some dudes. Not My dudes tho, sorry.
#speculation nation#i'll still reblog the fanart if it's good. but yea it just ain't what im about anymore.#i feel like the worst vashwood perceptions r found within tristamp only fans anyways#(this post tangentially related to the post i just reblogged)#tristamp only fans see these two and are like 'this is the Angry Buff Dude and the Tiny Pixy Man'#which pretty much erases like everything they stand for? while also supporting racist caricatures.#not all tristamp only fans do this btw but i have definitely seen it much more around there.#meanwhile trimax vashwood is just like. this is an old married couple. theyre so hopelessly Goofy.#the angst is off the CHARTS. the love even more so.#they very genuinely love each other in trimax In Canon and that's what really gets me.#plus theyre pretty similar in height and build. Adult Men!!!! i like this ship for Adult Men!!!!!#idk this also relates to that post i made yesterday about fandom perception of vash being an innocent uwu virgin#despite being 150 or so years old. & they'll also make wolfwood some sex god or whatever#when comparatively hes been an adult for a MUCH shorter time than vash. my dude's still a pretty young adult ok#and you wanna tell me he's got more sex experience than the 150 year old dude????? ok...#lol im just complaining at this point. i have very specific views of my ideal version of this pairing#and a lot of fandom portrayals are starting to bother me bc of it.#so im just writing my own vashwood my own way. rn focusing on vash being a rounded person#yes having some childish aspects. but also some mature aspects. he's a goofy adult. it can exist simultaneously.#looking forward to when wolfwood finally comes in. i hope to do him justice.
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I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3
#random post#I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things#there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words#and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe#pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me#from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment#it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it#belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or#overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable#writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well#which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than#letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know#that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way#a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow?#and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with#people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel#comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and#world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with#my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they#like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of#the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students#who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I#come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their#level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m#not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t#mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me#I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that#I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have#a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the#faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making
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disenchantment spoilers i guess but everyone is mad about elfo and luci and im just. feeling very :// about mora.
i dont talk about this much but when i first watched golden wind the sorbet-gelato thing touched me in a really bad place and i talk about this a bit more but i really dont mind gay characters (or characters that just radiate that energy but arent canonically gay - tiz and squalo namely) dying in golden wind because it doesnt feel targeted. like theyre killed because many people die in the series not because theyre queer, personally i can work with that.
in disenchantment it felt a bit like a fake punch to see if i flinch, even though i suspected they wont just kill off the mc's sapphic love interest for shock value it felt a bit below the belt? like i still had to watch bean mourning her for a painfully long time, it felt a bit cheap. bean feeling lonely and wanting someone that loves and understands her on this level has been a theme for 5 entire seasons and im not a fan of being made to feel like it was all for nothing and even though she figured out who she loves she doesnt actually deserve to be with her.
its probably because in jojo there isnt really a romantic storyline like that in... any part tbh (not counting erina and suzi bc finding them isnt really the main jojo's goal or a big part of the story they just meet and decide "oh we must marry"). if i was shown how desperate cioccolata or secco or idk was to find someone that loves and accepts them for most of golden wind or if that was at least one of giorno's biggest personal goals in life only for his love interest to then get killed off in the last episodes i would like that show a lot less. like that would be cruel and earn the title of "bury your gays" and disenchantment reviving mora in the last minute wasnt satisfying enough for me to just forgive that entirely.
(i could also go off about the difference between how the two shows handle random revivals and fakeout deaths but thats a suitcase for another day and i might be biased but spoiler, that bothers me a lot less in jojo too. like they dont do it so often death stops being meaningful in any way)
#hakuna matata#yea if you think 'but tiz and squalo are canon' araki dint write them as gay they just turned out very coded looking#idk i didnt dislike disenchantment i really liked most of it#i just like how jojo handles these same things more#i dont want to say anything mean sounding about disenchantment bc im really not calling it homophobic or something#the old man wedding just made me so much happier than mora being brought back to life#not because i didnt want bean to be happy. i did. it just felt a lot less satisfying.#also yea luci could be ended better but i just dont like elfo that much so i dont mind him not being around bean forever#like idk if i can call their gang a found family it felt like they didnt spend enough time together past the first couple seasons#it didnt really stick with me#and i didnt binge any season so its not like everything was so quick i couldnt stop and consider
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#fucking. god dammit. i hype myself up like: fuck it i dont want a uk phd#and then i fucking pre interview. which was a full on fucking hour long interview and im reminded how#fucking cool the project is. like hhhhh why cant u b in the us????#they can only pick one candidate. and like oh yea we could send u to the arctic or southern ocean#fuck u thats so cool hhhhhh ugh. im hoping when i visit [redacted] school i fall in love so completely that i can say no#but ugh its so so cool. and i feel like they were impressed with me. like i feel the interview went well#and one guy was like: even if u dont end up here youll have a stellar research career. and im like 😭#like i kno im not a perfect fit for the project but like im. i think my brain is good at some things so i could contribute things#ugh now im all shaky a sweaty. and after i visit the other school i have to immediately let the uk school kno if i wanna comit to them#then i could maybe visit the lab. tho idk when id have the time to fucking fly to the uk#uuuuuugh school bullshit. so stressful. but im glad they think what ive done is cool#like i feel so dumb all the time bc the trauma of being dyslexic in the american public school system that as soon as someone says im smart#or impressive im like 😭😭😭#also they asked how i feel abt writing papers and i was like: convention is bullshit and i dont think thats what the guy was expecting lmao#its true tho. fuck convention. challenge convention. be open to new ideas. otherwise whats the point#sigh. well i felt awful this morning. i mean. its only like 9.30 now but i feel a bit better now#since my last interview was a disaster i feel way better abt my interviewing skills now. which is good bc i have 2 more looming#unrelated
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— OCS AND TRAGIC HORROR TROPES.
i was tagged by @florbelles @henrytlney @denerims @jillvalcntines @devilbrakers @indorilnerevarine @swordcoasts @nuclearstorms to take this quiz for my ocs, thank you all soso much!!!
tagging: i'm pretty sure this made the rounds already jsfkjfkd so i'm not directly tagging anyone but if you see this and want to give it a shot just say i tagged you!! <3
THE FINAL GIRL
the final girl comes out the other end of trauma alive- or, they were supposed to. honestly, you're not so sure you're really alive anymore. you saw the same hurt take those you were closest to while everyone paraded your bruises as bravery, as strength, as if you're the hero. and it hurts. you're tired and you don't want to have to be brave anymore. whatever you went through, it changed so much of who you were that you're still getting used to the person you see in the mirror. you didn't have a say in any of it, but you're here now, and that's gotta count for something. you'll make it count for something. but first, you need to let yourself find rest.
FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER
this plight is the simplest of them all: you did not ask for this. you were never given a choice. no part of yourself feels human, just a collection of traits you've picked up from mirroring anyone you could, even the people you meet through a television screen. it's alienating to live that way- yet someone has called you the alienating one. maybe too many people to count. maybe they treated you so uncomfortably inhuman that it's all you can understand now, or you've dug yourself into such a deep hole in an attempt to keep safe that you can't remember a person living in the home of your body at all. being alive is confusing and painful and lonely and loud but living is all there is to being human- you're already there. just take air into your lungs and breathe. close your eyes and picture a beautiful sky. you made that. you painted that yourself.
THE VAMPIRE
it is the loneliest day of a vampire's life, the first time they look into a mirror and see their reflection missing. drinking blood sucks too, don't get me wrong, but as a vampire you had to learn to hide from the sunlight, from your family, all your friends, because you were unavoidably different now and you didn't know how to explain that to them in a way they would understand. you could get stranger's blood in bursts, but what is life when you can't know someone for longer than the night lasts? you left everything behind because it was easier than trying to tell them. i just hope you know you're not the only vampire out there, and that there exist people who will understand your situation without a word. they'll sit with you in the dark for as long as you'll need them to.
#tag games#violante getting final girl...finally the depressed goths are winning baby!!!#inch resting results i gotta say vio's not being alive anymore but not in the sense of life. more like complete emptiness & that whole part#about being changed so much you can barely recognise yourself in the mirror..YEA SICK. eva's one is the most curious pondering the words#but i'm trying to avoid writing a whole academic text in the tags so just. curious. living in a society that is in fact alienating &#basically living life one lie at a time. curious. don't get me started#FENIX IS THE FUNNIEST ONE. (funny i say as if i'm not crying my eyes out) i see vampire and go 😏 well well hot boy shit then i read#the result and i wanted to break this quiz in half. 'what is life when you can't know someone for longer than the night lasts? you left#everything behind because it was easier than trying to tell them.' ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME NOW. LIKE ARE U JOKING#i hate when quizs do this thing when they pin down exactly my ocs i'm like okay!!!! thank you for making me suffer i guess!!!#also fun fact all three of them had the 'ofc i am' answer at the 'are you beautiful?' question kfjdks ok babes go off!!#oc: violante#oc: evangelia#oc: fenix
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