hi for no particular reason and prompted by nothing in particular i'm begging for ethubs fluff. cmfort. occzy. cozy. pelase. please. pleas sfot. sfot comfy cozy soft please
anyway love you laurie <3 looking forward to totally NOT being carnally emotionally injured by your words in the very near future <333333333
omg hii shep. you asked me for a nightmare/comfort fic and uh. oh boy! i hope you like nightmare scenes!
this fic is based off the new half alive song, high up<3
Words: 3013
Read on AO3
CW: blood, nightmares, dead person (only in the nightmare), some unreality/disorienting scenes, general horror vibes?? i swear this is comfort in here LMAO
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Things start out quite simple. The dark surrounds Etho. Etho waits to respawn. It’s nothing new, he must’ve been in the void between respawns a hundred, no, a million times.
As more time passes, and no respawn happens, Etho finally feels a spark of fear. The darkness of the void hasn’t ever been particularly appealing, especially since he’s been falling in it for hours. There’s no wind, no melody, no noise at all to help break the crushing feeling of the void.
Is he trapped here? Where was he before this? How long has it been? Where is Bdubs?
he is falling and alone and falling and still alone and falling and falling and–
“Wake up, wake up!”
His shoulder is being shaken, he’s not in the void, he’s… he’s lying down. There’s a quilt over the lower half of his body, twisted in such a way it’s clear either him or Bdubs has been thrashing about. There’s a snuffed out candle on the nightstand beside him, and the room is swathed in shadows and a stillness only found in the middle of the night. Chest heaving, heart pounding, it’s all he can do to keep himself from–
Bdubs.
He flips around, quilt still tangled in his legs, and comes face to face with a dead man.
Blood drips from Bdubs’ shoulder, and Etho knows the warmth on his side is more blood seeping into his shirt from the second arrow wound in Bdubs’ side. Bdubs’ grins, two teeth missing, and his black eye is… well, it’s certainly not comforting.
“Bad dream, sweetheart?” Bdubs croons, and his voice is all wrong. It’s not his Bdubs. This Bdubs has a smile too wide. “Bad dreams, when you couldn’t even keep me alive? When you were too selfish to care?”
This Bdubs reaches a hand towards Etho, caressing his cheek with a gentleness Etho is certain he shouldn’t possess. But then Etho feels a stickiness against his cheek, and registers the warmth of blood on his face. Etho scrambles backwards, unable to help the gut reaction of panic and disgust and get that off NOW! He falls off the bed, trapped between the bed and the wall. Grasping at nothing, he tries to fly to his feet to run, but the quilt is still twisted around his legs. It holds him there, a sitting duck and keeping him from getting OUT-
He pulls upward with the nightstand, and…
The blanket is gone, along with the bed. He’s in the woods. There’s a splish-splash of running water nearby, and Etho heaves a sigh of relief at the thought of washing the blood off his face. The moon overhead is full, casting the jungle with more light than most nights.
Etho moves towards the water, although as he draws near, he realizes it’s flowing a lot slower than any creek he’s ever seen. Kneeling down, twigs pressing into his shins uncomfortably, he reaches down towards the dark liquid, mesmerized at the red color. Somewhere in his mind, a warning bell sounds. Is water red?
Something is wrong.
“Etho?”
“No, no, no, no-” It takes less than a second to turn around, stumble backwards, away from his husband, away from the stench that can only come from a decomposing body. Bdubs limps forward, and the leaves around him turn red from the blood still dripping from the three arrows embedded in his body.
“You could have stopped this, cutie,” Bdubs smiles again, and Etho wants to throw up at how disgustingly un-Bdubs his expression is.
Etho keeps scooting backwards, unable to tear his eyes away from his lover, from… the thing his lover has become.
“Urgh!” Etho yelps as his hand dips into the creek. It’s not cold or refreshing, it’s warm, and as he throws himself further back from Bdubs, his other hand gets covered too. When he stands, breaking into a sprint, a cursory glance downward almost makes him scream. His hands are covered in blood.
“Wait for me, don’t leave me again.”
God, he doesn’t want to, he wants to turn around and be brave, but there’s no saving Bdubs in his state, and–
And Etho is a coward.
And it’s Etho’s fault.
When he trips on the vines he’s hardly surprised. The jungle always did seem sinister (was he in a jungle before?), and as they wrap around his legs, forcing him down to the ground, holding him still, tightening around his waist… it's all he can do to keep struggling. He pulls and pulls at the vines, but they wrap around his hands too, forcing him still to face… face his own…
“Don’t run away, my dear!”
Etho snaps his gaze up from the vines now reaching his waist, and there he is. There’s more blood on Bdubs now.
“‘Dubs… I tried to save–” Etho begins to plead, but Not-Bdubs cuts him off with a snarl, and lunges forward, hands outstretched and–
And…
The vines release him, and it’s… he’s not in the jungle anymore.
It’s still night, but he’s in the shopping district now. The place feels silent, but Etho knows it must be late. Huh. Maybe he should go home? Etho’s never been one to fall asleep randomly, but… he must have been out just slightly too late and exhausted himself. Man, he’s not even sure what project he was working on today.
Okay, bed time.
Etho reaches for his rockets, and then realizes he doesn’t have any. That’s odd.
Wait, hang on… this is the wrong season. He’s in the Big-Eyes shopping district, and… and the ground is shaking.
Glancing up at the sky, Etho realizes.
It’s the end of the world.
Chunks of grass fly into the air, followed by rocks and bits of builds. Etho’s pretty sure there’s a flying pig. The ground shakes, and it takes a second for him to regain his balance. He grabs onto the nearest wood pole to keep himself from tripping over, then clutches it for dear life when he feels himself float upwards towards the ginormous moon in the sky.
There’s fires breaking out, and Etho can hear the distant screams of villagers and animals as meteorites crush them before the moon itself can. One of the shops nearby breaks into pieces, and his arm is grazed by a flying bit of wood. Etho winces as his feet hit the ground with more weight than needed, but then he’s tearing down the steps and toward the water. He’s gotta get out of here.
BOOM. Etho stops short at the wave bearing down on him from whatever just hit the sea, and just manages to avoid being soaked through and crushed by it.
Was the water… was it red? Why was the water red? Why is he even here? Hadn’t Bdubs been the only one left when–
“Bdubs!” gasps Etho, and this time he hears it.
Beyond the screaming, the spray of water, the sound of the literal apocalypse, there’s a jukebox playing.
This time, Etho doesn’t run.
The familiar tune guides him, feet carrying him to the place he’s only ever been told of. Bdubs had told him what happened, once, with tears on his face and fear in his eyes. He stayed because Etho had promised he would be there.
His feet move on their own. Etho knows where Bdubs was at the end, and as his feet carry him around the final corner, he’s proven right.
His husband stands alone, facing away from Etho and towards the moon. The jukebox is beside him, and… and Bdubs flinches when a rock hits the ground at his feet.
There are three arrows sticking out of him still. All of them are in his back, and the blood dripping down from his body makes a grotesque pool at his feet. Something keeps Etho from stepping any closer, and yet he can’t make himself flee.
“He promised he would come,” mutters Bdubs, and his fingers turn white where they clench the moss cloak Etho has come to associate him with.
I’m here, Etho wants to scream, I wanted to save you, I would have come–
“No you wouldn’t. And you didn’t.” Bdubs turns to face him with soulless eyes and an expression devoid of life. “You weren’t here, you didn’t care, don’t lie to me.”
Etho sinks to his knees, because Bdubs is right that he wasn’t there, he wasn’t there and Bdubs was alone and died and it’s all his own fault, it’s Etho’s fault, and–
“Go on and run,” Bdubs commands, and there’s something in his unforgiving and emotionless tone that sets Etho free. “Go and be selfish, go home, Etho.”
Etho glares up at the sky, in time to see the moon fill the entire sky.
It doesn’t crush him, but he’s helpless when it crushes Bdubs, burying him under rock and rubble and broken promises.
“Etho? Etho!”
The sound of screaming fills the air, and Etho thrashes to get away, get away from it, run–
(There’s a snuffed out candle on the bedside table. The room is cast in shadows not unlike before.)
“Etho, hey now-” A familiar voice comforts him (comfort? No, that can’t be right), and a hand lands on his shoulder. Etho can only move backwards get AWAY–
He wheezes, unable to catch his breath. “No, please, no–”
It’s his fault it’s his fault Bdubs died and it’s all his fault he could have saved Bdubs but he was too selfish.
“Shh, shh, it’s fine, what’s wrong?” Bdubs stares at him with far more concern than Etho deserves. The screaming has stopped, and Etho realizes belatedly it was his own cries.
It’s then he realizes that this Bdubs isn’t covered in blood, and is real, although Etho’s legs are tangled in their quilt just like before. He kicks away the quilt, sending it tumbling over the foot of their bed with too much force.
Bdubs is in front of him, breathing and alive. His lip is trembling slightly, and there’s no sign of the arrows or black eye… and it’s not–
“Moon big?” Etho croaks, and Bdubs eyes widen. His arms circle himself, tugging at his sleeves. It’s a nervous habit Bdubs picked up at some point when Etho wasn’t around, and already Etho wants to kick himself, he knows better than to–
“No… moon is small tonight,” Bdubs confirms, as though to reassure himself. Etho sags in relief, before stiffening again. He’s got no right to feel fear at the moon when it was Bdubs who died by it.
“You gonna tell me what–” Bdubs gestures at him, “--all this is about?”
Bdubs is right, Etho’s in a state. Between his haggard breathing, shivering violently against the cool breeze coming from the window, and general panic, it’s obvious Etho isn’t ok.
He doesn’t have a right to comfort though, does he? Not when he left Bdubs, he let him die not once but multiple times, he broke his promises and Bdubs suffered for it.
“...’m fine,” Etho chokes out, and he forces back the tears still growing at the edge of his eyes.
“You’re lying,” Bdubs says, frowning at him. Etho wants to rip his hand away when Bdubs takes it between both of his, gently massaging it. “What’s goin’ on?”
But he can’t, he can’t speak, he should be comforting Bdubs, hell, he shouldn’t even be in their bed after the way he’s betrayed Bdubs, he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
A strangled noise makes its way out of his throat, and as much as Etho wants to be held, he pulls away.
He ignores the hurt in Bdubs’ eyes. He deserves to hold someone better.
And yet, Bdubs just sits there, legs crossed on the bed and waiting. He lets Etho breathe for a few more minutes, hands still hovering where Etho pulled away.
“Etho…” Bdubs tries again. “You know… you can tell me anything?” He reaches forward again, wrapping his hands around both of Etho’s hands. Etho is too weak to pull away. He wants to be held, he wants it so badly and he’s so selfish for it.
“You’re still cryin’, sweetheart,” Bdubs squeezes Etho’s right hand, then drops it to move his hand to Etho’s face. He wipes at Etho’s cheek, wiping away the tears that Etho hadn’t realized were still rolling down his face. “Whatever happened, better to talk about it, don’t ya think?”
“I shouldn’t,” Etho whispers, and he knows he’s right. His chest aches and aches, and it’s deserved. His own to bear.
“Why not? I wanna hear,” Bdubs blinks at him, and the corners of his lips turn upward into a mimicry of a smile. “You know I love you?”
“But you shouldn’t!” Etho bursts out, startling Bdubs into lurching slightly backwards. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to–” he cuts himself off with a groan and a hiccuping sob.
“No, no, it’s okay!” Bdubs recovers quickly, and moves his hand back down to hold Etho’s and thumb over his palm gently. “What in the world are you talkin’ about, me not supposed to love you?”
Etho clamps his mouth shut, determined not to make himself seem like the one deserving comfort. Minutes and more minutes pass, and Bdubs hums the same tune that played in Etho’s nightmare. Etho recognizes it now for what it is–it’s their song, he’s heard it a thousand times and danced to it with Bdubs almost as many. Soft, comforting notes that typically help Etho relax and feel safe-–this time it does little to calm Etho. But then Bdubs traces letters into Etho’s hands, declaring love over and over into his palms, and Etho can’t help but shift forward slightly. It does not help him keep his resolve to stay silent.
Bdubs’ hums trail off into silence, and Etho finally speaks.
“I… I’m so sorry.”
He can tell Bdubs is looking inquisitively, but he won’t look at Bdubs’ eyes now (just in case he finds them to be as soulless as in his nightmare).
“I should’ve saved you… I could have, I could have given you that life… there was no reason not to and–” Etho chokes on his own words for a moment before continuing. “I left you and betrayed you and–”
Bdubs is already shaking his head in denial, and squeezes Etho’s hands in reassurance. Etho keep going.
“And… and I left you alone on season eight, and you were alone and waited for me and I was just off doing nothing useful on my own world because I’m selfish and I didn’t wanna face you after I caused your death, and… and then you died again and it was my fault!” Etho tries to pull his hands away, but Bdubs’ grip is too strong.
“You shouldn’t love me, Bdubs,” Etho chuckles humorously, but sounds more like a sob. “You deserve someone who isn’t selfish and a betrayer and a killer.” Your killer, something whispers into Etho’s mind, and he can’t argue with it.
The death grip Bdubs has on his hands loosens.
That’s it, then, and Etho moves to leave their bed, but then…
“You’re stupid if you think that,” Bdubs’ voice is steady, and before Etho can back away, Bdubs reaches forward one more time, arms outstretched. “Etho, look at me.”
He doesn’t. He can’t. How could he look into the eyes of someone he’s practically been the death of? What if Bdubs’ eyes are dead and empty, and–
“Etho… please look at me,” Bdubs repeats, and Etho catches the tinge of hurt in his voice this time.
He can’t hurt Bdubs anymore.
Achingly slow, Etho raises his head to finally look his Bdubs in the eyes. He’s expecting them to be empty, uncaring, and probably full of deserved hatred.
Instead, he’s met with the same warmth Bdubs has always reserved for him, the same adoration Etho first recognized back on another world. Big brown eyes gaze at him, filled with more love than Etho has ever deserved.
“You’re stupid if you think that I’m just gonna stop lovin’ you,” Bdubs smiles, slightly watery, and Etho feels the same ecstatic rush he always does when Bdubs’ looks at him.
He shouldn’t, oh, he shouldn’t, he doesn’t deserve it at all.
“C’mere, sweetheart,” Bdubs nods encouragingly. “Let me love you, please.”
That’s what makes Etho break, makes him lurch forward into Bdubs’ waiting arms. It’s not the first time he’s had a nightmare, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. It’s not a perfect hug, but he curls his fingers into Bdubs’ shirt, falling into his arms desperately. Bdubs tilts Etho’s head up, and Etho feels like he’s flying in the sky with the way Bdubs looks at him so utterly filled with love. There’s no hatred to be found, and Etho knows despite his imperfections and selfishness and mistakes, Bdubs still loves him.
Bdubs shifts so that one of his hands can rest in Etho’s hair, and he runs his hand through it, detangling the strands from where it’s become knots and a mess. Once he’s done, Etho can feel him playing with a part of it, forming the tiniest braid at the nape of his neck.
It’s been a long time since Bdubs has done that. Etho knows Bdubs should have a braid of his own, around the back of his head. It’s a promise, and Etho knows that this time he’ll keep it.
He’s high up, higher than his imperfections, and it hurts to know the love Bdubs has for him. It consumes him, he doesn’t deserve it, and yet–
Etho thinks he can learn to live with it, and he lets Bdubs love him, lets Bdubs press his lips against Etho’s in reassurance.
but when you look at me i’m lifted high up
higher than my rain clouds
sitting on the mountain now i’m high up
never wanna come down
when you look at me i’m lifted
…
you saw me cowered in the corner
& offered me a second chance
now every night i wrestle Love
didn’t know that it could hurt this much
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July Fic Recs
Welcome to the list of all the fics I read in July! Hope you can find something to read, and as always mind the warnings for each fic ❤️
Includes: Din, Ezra, Frankie, Jack, Javi, Javier, Marcus P., Pats, Pero, Multiple Pedro Boys (Dieter, Nico, Marcus M. and Joel)
Din
An Adorably Sweet Man - @/wheresarizona → Arizona writes one of the softest Din ever, this one is him and Reader having feeling for each other (Din x F!Reader)
Fast Cars and Lighting Bolts pt. 2 - @littlemisspascal → Racing AU (Din x F!Reader)
Howl - @/littlemisspascal (and me) → Werewolf au (Din x F!Reader)
Merry Go Round of Life ch. 1 and 2 - @/writeforfandoms → Howl’s Moving Castle AU (Din x F!Reader)
Thanks, Kid - @wheresarizona → A sweet moment between Din and Grogu
Ezra
Remain Nameless - @insomniamamma → Really angsty and dark but so beautiful (Ezra and Cee x gn!Reader)
Rising Tides prelude and ch.1 - @pix-writes → Ezra + The Hunger Games, is there a better combination? (Ezra x F!Reader)
The Lure of Vengeance - @novemberrain221 → Ez dealing with the loss of his arm and being an underground fighter (no pairing)
Wild Mountain Thyme - @writeforfandoms → Ezra is in the dragon ‘verse and he’s a nest raider! (Ezra x F!Reader)
Frankie
Moonlit Hollow - @/deadhumourist → Frankie kissing you when you’re experiencing angsty thoughts (Frankie x gn!Reader)
Nothing and Everything - @hopeamarsu → Frankie would do anything to protect Benny (Frankie x Benny)
Paper Planes pt. 1 and 2 - @/hopeamarsu → Soulmate au, Frankie is trying to find his perfect match (Frankie x F!Reader) *
Return - @/criticallyacclaimedstranger → Waking up next to Frankie (Frankie x F!Reader)
Some other Night and Something More - @prolix-yuy → Frankie and Reader have the cutest relationship! The TP boys show up too! (Frankie x F!Reader) *
Jack
365 - @quica-quica-quica → Jack writes the sweetest letter for your one year anniversary (Jack x F!Reader)
It goes like this forever (Tangled Up Series) - @/writeforfandoms → Reader gets herself depper in the whole missing dragons problem (Jack x F!Reader)
Under Marula Trees (ch. 1 - 4) - @deadhumourist → Jack and the rest of the agents visit a safari lodge (Jack x F!Reader)
Javi G
Chasing the sunset - @/hopeamarsu → Javi is nervous about flying. One of the most beautiful descriptions of sunsets (Javi x F!Reader)
Cradled in love - @/novemberrain221 → The aftermath of Javi getting shot (Javi x Gabriela)
Hidden Depths - @/littlemisspascal (and me) → A friends to lovers story with a sprinkle of magical creatures (Javi x Nico)
When you were mine (ch. 1-5) - @ezrasbirdie → Javi meets Reader when she is working at Blockbuster Video. So cute! (Javi x F!Reader)
Javier
Angels of Mercy pt.1 and pt.2 - @maharani-radha-writes → Javier is a Narco boss and you’re trying to catch him. (Javier x F!Reader)
Doubting myself - @lovesbiggerthanpride → Javi and S3 angst (Javier x F!Reader)
Mine For The Summer - @/littlemisspascal (and me) → Javier only stays for the summer (Javier x F!Reader)
“I want you to ruin me“ - @criticallyacclaimedstranger → Dom!Javi turns into sub!Javi (Javier x F!Reader)
Quick, Goodbye Kiss - @/criticallyacclaimedstranger → Javi says goodbye as he heads for work (Javier x F!Reader)
Marcus Pike
4 minutes - @/hopeamarsu → Can you fall in love with someone in 4 minutes?(Marcus P. x gn!Reader)
How To Kill An Immortal ch.1 and 2 - @whataperfectwasteoftime → Marcus is an immortal. Go read this series! (Marcus x OMCs and OFCs)
New Moon - Chance Encounter - @/hopeamarsu → Marcus helps you when a man confronts you on the street. Omegaverse (Marcus P. x f!Reader)
Pedro Across the Street
Kiss and Tell: The First Time (Good. Things. Take. Time.) - @oonajaeadira → Pats is so sfot and cute and vulnerable here, I love him (Pats x F!Reader)
Pero
Beach Pero - @/hopeamarsu → Pero finding peace on the beach (Pero x F!Reader)
Where he is compelled to stay - @/oonajaeadira → Adira makes Pero soft. (Pero x F!Reader)
Multiple Pedros
The Infinity Cube ch. 18 and 19 - @littlemisspascal → The story is coming to an end soon and this chapters are filled with angst and little bit of comfort, and I love them (Dieter, Marcus M., Nico, Joel x F!Reader and Javi G x F!Reader)
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Zero Meets a Cat, Finally
Zero finally gets to meet a cat, just like he's heard about. Who'd have thought Mebius was right?
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26640895
“Leito!” Zero startled his poor host, who was simply trying to get home from work. It had been a while since Zero had first appeared, and though Leito was mostly used to him, there were occasions when he was still startled by Zero speaking up. As it was, Leito was wondering why Zero wanted his attention.
“What is it?” He asked, quietly. Talking to ones self was probably a good way to get people to look at you. Leito wasn’t exactly sure, but he imagined such, at least. But he preferred speaking verbally, so he simply did so as quietly as possible, at least when others were around.
“There, over off to the side,” Leito looked around until Zero made an “aha!” sound, telling Leito he was looking in the right spot. “Is that what I think it is?”
Leito squinted, trying to figure out what Zero was talking about. He takes a step or so closer, then realizes what he’s looking at. Looking up from the ground was a cat, eyeing Leito.
With a tilt of his head, Leito asked, “You mean that cat?”
“So that is a cat?” Zero sounded a bit excited, though he was clearly trying to contain it. “I... Haven’t actually seen one before.”
If Leito could look at Zero, he would have given a look of confusion. Regardless, he still made that face, just without directing it at anyone in particular. “Haven’t you been to multiple Earths before?”
Leito was pretty sure Zero would have been shrugging at that. “Well, yeah.” He responded, “But that doesn’t mean I’ve actually seen a cat. Usually, I’m only on Earth for a brief amount of time.”
Without much more notice, Zero took control, taking Leito’s glasses off and tucking them away. He moves towards the cat, who quickly gets up, taking another moment to regard them. As Zero came closer, though, the cat dashed off.
“Aww...” Zero was... Zero was pouting.
“It’s a stray,” Leito responded, “They aren’t necessarily sociable.”
Zero let Leito regain control, though he clearly wasn’t happy about the cat dashing off. Returning his glasses to his face, Leito decided he should probably try to make him feel better. “We can come back tomorrow and bring some treats, maybe the cat will let us get close.”
“Yeah! I, uh, I mean sure.”
Several days later...
“Leito!” Zero was practicly beaming, “He’s letting me pet him!” It was true. The stray cat had, after several days, finally allowed Leito - or rather Zero - to pet him. Unsurprisingly, Zero was very excited about this.
“He’s just as soft as Mebius said cats were!”
“Mebius?”
“Another Ultra,” Zero explained, shrugging slightly, “He uh, he really likes cats. One of the many Earth things he talks about. Alongside his friends and curry and the like.”
“Well,” Leito began, “How do you feel about cats now that you’ve gotten to pet one?”
Zero paused, thinking about his response. Finally, he nodded and said, “I think his excitement is well warranted.” Leito just laughed at his response as Zero continued to pet the cat.
Quite some time later, in the Land of Light...
Zero didn’t stop by the Land of Light too often, simply because he was busy - really, that was the only reason, he swore - but he was stopping by now. And whatever luck may have had it, he crossed paths with Mebius that day.
“Hey, Mebius!” Zero called out, gaining Mebius’ attention.
“Hello Zero!” Mebius seemed as cheerful as he often was.
Zero crossed his arms, “Hey, uh, you know how you said cats were really sfot and nice?”
“Oh yeah!” Mebius beamed, “Cats are great! Especially when they purr or-” It was clear that Mebius was about to go on a long tangent about cats.
So, Zero stopped him, hoping not to get held up for over an hour. Again. Of course last time it was three or four hours and spanned a few more topics than cats. Still. “Anyway, I found out you were right.”
“You met a cat then?”
Rubbing the back of his head, Zero responded, “Uh, yeah. I guess I see why you like them so much.”
Mebius gave him a knowing look, “Cats are wonderful!”
With a shrug, Zero nodded in response, “Yeah, I guess they are.”
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