#some are just nonsense irrelevant asks about stuff that doesn’t even exist anymore

[batwynn]

Tumblr. Please let me go back to the early messages to clear some of them out without glitching. Please. I hate looking at this. I hate it. Let me be free.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

THE BOX IS NABOO

That’s it, I’m doing it, I’m writing that stupid meta I’ve had in the works for two and a half years, I’m sharing it with the world. I promised it for last Thursday, my poll was forever ago, but whatever! I’m writing that freaking thing.

(super duper long post, press j to skip)

Enter my rabbit hole.

First thing to establish: the Box makes no sense whatsoever in-universe.

((EDIT: Something I forgot to mention. IRL, the premise of a giant murder cube and the aesthetic - wall patterns, light designs, etc - of the episode come from the 1997 horror movie Cube, (see the episode’s wookieepedia page). However, while the two are very closely linked visually, the Box does not follow the movie structurally or narratively, as you can verify by simply reading the movie’s summary.))

Recap of the context for the "Box" episode (s4e17): Palpatine is planning his own kidnapping. It was never meant to succeed, and while the plan would obviously benefit him (making the Jedi look bad, pushing Anakin closer to the Dark Side, making Republic citizens more afraid -> more docile, etc...) his actual goal is never explained, and it’s weird that he’d go to such extreme lengths for results so minimal that we’re never told what they are.

So Palpatine asks Dooku to kidnap him at the Festival of Lights on Naboo. Dooku hires Moralo Eval to design a giant box-thingy to test bounty hunters to hire the best of them to kidnap Palpatine. Moralo then gets arrested to alert the Republic that something is afoot, and hires Cad Bane to break him out. Obi-Wan - undercover to learn Moralo’s plan - goes with them. They evade capture and go to Serenno, and Bane and Obi-Wan have to pass the box-thingy test. The level of brainkarked logic here... Truly on par with Megamind, Gru and Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

Setting aside the insane plot holes and utterly nonsensical behavior of the villains, the Box itself is moronic from a plot perspective. It’s insanely complex, obviously incredibly expensive and would have taken months (more like years but it’s a short war) to make when it’s not even needed for the dastardly plot! Just hire some guys who have already proven themselves against Jedi! Throw cash at Bane and Embo and a few others! Maybe attack them with your saber and see how they do! 

And after all that, Dooku still ends up trying to kidnap Palpatine on his own. I can’t even... 

So why does the Box exist? Well, apart from being a nerdy callback to Cube, giving us a good thrill and being generally awesome to look at, it has actual narrative purpose within the SW universe.

The box is Naboo.

What the Box lacks in plot relevance, it makes up for with its heavily symbolic meaning. It very closely follows Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s experiences on Naboo - but only certain parts, which I’ll explain later.

We start with clean, sterile environments, SW’s favored way of showing villainy.

Then we have the protagonists locked in a room as dioxis, a poison gas, pours in.

And then they escape... this way.

(Okay, here the shaft is down, not up. And it’s not a ventilation shaft per say, it’s the designed escape route. Same difference).

We then skip most of TPM (namely, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon discovering the droid army, finding Padmé, leaving Naboo, landing on Tatooine, going to Coruscant, etc, etc) to come back to Naboo and go directly to the lightsabers and catwalks.

(Note: in both scenes, Obi-Wan has to propel himself from a catwalk.)

In TPM and TCW, the catwalks are immediately followed by ray shields

And we finally end with the last scenes. Now, they don’t look the same but they are structurally identical. 

Obi-Wan is faced with a challenge unsuited for his abilities (facing Darth Maul // shooting three moving targets when he’s far more skilled with a blade than a blaster) on a narrow space above a melting pit/pit of fire. 

He first watches someone die failing to complete the task...

 ... and has to do it himself, faring much better than expected (holding his own against Maul // shooting all the targets easily). 

He then almost falls to his death and gets saved unexpectedly.

And then there’s the final showdown.

In both scenes, Obi-Wan is angry. And in TCW Dooku eggs him on, banking on his anger. (More on that later.) In both cases though, he centers himself and is able to overcome both his opponent and his own unbalance. But in TCW, he doesn’t go for the kill, because he doesn’t need to. 

The Box, as a literal character-explorator ex-machina, thus shows us Obi-Wan’s growth.  

In TPM, Obi-Wan follows Qui-Gon’s lead. In TCW, he is the leader. He identifies the gas, makes the plans. He doesn’t fall from catwalks anymore - he runs atop moving ones. He doesn’t stay stuck behind ray-shields, he finds the solution. (Btw, how did Moralo know what blood type Derrown the Exterminator was? There was a 50% chance of him dying - thus killing all of the bounty hunters. Was that an acceptable outcome? TCW I need answers!) He doesn’t slay his foes, because he’s become powerful enough, skilled enough and wise enough to survive (and win) without needing to kill.

He’s grown - and, even more interestingly, he’s also stayed the same. In the previous episodes, we see some of the dark aspects of Obi-Wan. How he - like all Force-wielders, all people - could lose himself if he stopped maintaining absolute control.

But in the Box, surrounded by the worst criminals of the Galaxy, the most ruthless, worthless people, he’s still kind and tries his best to keep them alive.

The Box is a reminder and a reassurance for the audience that Obi-Wan Kenobi is still there under Rako’s face. He hasn’t lost his compassion, his restrain. He’s still a Jedi. And he’s an awesome, badass one. 

And now, for what it tells us about Dooku! 

It’s much shorter, don’t worry. Basically, Dooku considers that the best way to pick “the best of the best” of the deadliest people in the Galaxy is making them go through what killed his Padawan. There, I’ve broken your hearts, you’re welcome. 

More seriously, Dooku is a manipulative ass. It’s pretty clear that he knows Rako is Obi-Wan, or at the very least suspects it. 

He has an interesting reaction upon learning Rako’s identity, he keeps praising him despite his usual distaste for low-lifes, he smirks secretively after Eval says “I’ll show you who’s weak” (not included there because it’s a close-up of Dooku’s lips and no one wants to see that) and he tells Rako he’s very disappointed when he doesn’t finish off Eval.

[Later]

(Look at this smug asshole - I can’t. YOUR GRANDSON IS THE BEST, WE KNOW, STOP ACTIVELY RUINING HIS LIFE ALREADY.)

(Dooku... why...)

Now obviously Dooku couldn’t have made the Box specifically for Obi-Wan, because it would have to have been designed months before the Council ever decided to send Obi-Wan undercover, but he has no qualms trying to use it to push Obi-Wan to the Dark Side. Ffs Dooku, making your spiritual grandson relive one of the most traumatic events of his life on the off chance that he’ll join you (and desecrate his Master’s memory in doing so) is not okay!

Final tidbits of analysis: I mentioned that not all of TPM is mirrored in the Box. What’s omitted is the droids (even though Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fight B1′s and droidekas between the dioxis and the ventilation shafts) and anything pertaining to Sidious (all the political stuff on Coruscant). You’ll also note that the fake lightsabers are orange.

=> The Box distances itself from anything that connects Dooku to Naboo. Red lightsabers are the trademark of the Sith, so they’re not used. The bounty hunters will be facing Jedi, so logically the fake sabers should be green or blue - and yet they’re orange, the color closest to red without being red. It fits with Dooku’s special brand of dishonesty - he always tells bits of the real story but twists them just enough to absolve himself of any fault and to justify his choices. 

(”We can destroy the Sith” -> could maybe destroy Sidious with Obi-Wan, but fails to mention he’s a Sith Lord himself; “the Viceroy came to me for help, that’s why I’m attacking the Republic” -> political idealism is a small part of it, but fails to mention he’s Sidious’ underling and is playing the Viceroy like a fiddle; “Qui-Gon would have joined me” -> maybe, still fails to mention he’s working for the man who ordered Qui-Gon’s death; “I told you everything you needed to know” -> debatable, never said that Palps was Sidious; “Sifo-Dyas understood, that’s why he helped me” -> partly true, doesn’t admit to killing Sifo-Dyas right after getting his help)

So we have a twisted version of Naboo, droid-free (as droids are now irrevocably associated with Dooku, even if that wasn’t the case in TPM) and with sabers that aren’t quite red. Keep in mind that Dooku had already fallen by TPM. (We know this because he killed Sifo-Dyas and created the Clone Army - part of Sidious’ plan - when Valorum was still Chancellor, as per the episode The Lost One.) That means Dooku was (in)directly complicit in Qui-Gon’s death. And the Box doesn’t (=refuses to?) acknowledge that. 

(Also omitted in the Box are the Gungans and Tatooine. It makes sense, because Dooku probably wouldn’t have the full details regarding those parts of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s missio as they weren’t as public, and would see them as irrelevant if he did. He utterly despises Anakin, and Gungans are the type of people he always dismisses out of hand). 

Anyway, that’s my two cents about the Box. To quote Lucas...

“It’s like poetry. It rhymes.”

Thanks to @lethebantroubadour @impossiblybluebox​ @nonbinarywithaknife @ytoz​ and @kaitie85386​ for voting for this one. Next up is a compilation of the Jedi being casually tactile with each other (because they’re a warm and affectionate culture, dammit).

Also thanks to @laciefuyu​ for giving me gifs I ended up not using ^^; you rock anyway!

[a-monsters-love]

The Air Between Us: Conversations with an Avatar

[Prologue] [Part 1] [Blurb 1] [Part 2] [Blurb 2] [Epilogue]

Genre: sad, angst

Word count: 1,586

Warnings: This is just filler; IF YOU HAVENT READ THE AIR BETWEEN US THIS WILL NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE

A/N: This is a side note, or something that happened to (Y/N) that wasn’t posted in the original story I wrote, mostly because I figured you guys would like the whole idea VS me summarizing it to fit into the story.

A/N 2: No one is allowed to be mad at me for not posting this earlier but I’ll be 100% honest when I say I forgot. I fell in a rut and started writing BNHA fics and then started working 12hr shifts at work so- yeah. I’m very sorry

——

Zuko hasn’t woken up yet. You helped the sages get him into a bed and watched Katara start healing him. You feel yourself crumbling, falling back into the dark place you tried so hard to hide and crawl out of. You’re tired, you feel your eyes getting heavy. You blink and see something blue, something bright and looking right at you. If you weren’t so tired you might jump up and fight, but your body wouldn’t move. You doze off for a short period before you feel a jolt, like you just fell back into your body. You eyes fly open and you look up, at the figure in front of you. “Suki?” You rub your eyes, trying to reorient yourself and stretch.

“I didn’t know I looked like Suki.” You hear a small laugh, it’s Aang. If he’s here then you must’ve won. You quickly stand up and pull the young boy in for a hug.

Aang hugs you back firmly, tears start falling down your face. “You’re not allowed to disappear like that again.” You cry as you pull him into you, he’s like a little brother to you, and he was the only other air bender you knew. You were terrified, you knew how much he felt like family to you.

“It wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” He chuckles and lets you cry. “Come on, lets get you some food.” He pulled you by your hand and you hesitate to leave Zuko’s side. “He’ll be fine, but you won’t be if you don’t eat.” You let the younger boy pull you into the dining hall. You ate with everyone, the mood was tense but everyone was just exhausted.

“Longest day - ever.” Sokka whines, Suki pinched him causing him to yelp. She knows it’s been harder for some. Pointing a hand at you and Aang.

You barely touched your food but you tried. You try to smile at everyone and walk out. Katara goes to call out for you but Aang just puts a hand out and shakes his head before following you out. He follows you down every hall and turn, you walked slowly until your found your way outside. This takes longer than you would’ve liked but you were a bit disoriented from the events of the day. You found your way to a pond. You sit down pulling your knees into your chest, your tears feel like they’ve dried out. Aang watches you for some time before coming and sitting next to you. Neither of you say anything for some time.

You knew Aang was following you, you knew you could stop him. It’s not that you wanted to be alone but you just felt awful. You just wanted someone to tell you that you weren’t a mistake, that hurting people wasn’t the point of your life. You rub your face an sigh, looking up at the sky. “My mom used to tell me and Shu stories about the stars.” You start, Aang looks over and watches you. “She said that the stars were just our ancestors watching over us. That the moon collected them to protect them in the spirit realm, she would tell us that destiny never worked out the way we wanted it to but the way it was meant to.” You continue, you’ve never really talked about your parents. Not even with Shu, “She would always sing and dance about, teaching us songs. She taught us how to play piano and guitar, she loved to teach us new things. Our dad was a stern person but he would always showed his love in little ways. A pat on the head, a thumbs up, he’d teach us a new trick about some.. nonsense.” You trailed on before stopping. You had both a lot and very few memories of your parents.

“What happened to them?” Aang asks quietly, you tilt your head a little and look at him from the corner of your eyes. You bit your lip, scolding yourself for bringing it up.

You sigh and look down, you drop your head and cross your legs. Holding your ankles, Aang thought you resembled Shu in this position. “When uhm, when we found out I was an Air Bender I had very little control over it. Shu and I were maybe 3-4?” You lift your head up and take a deep breath, “When we were about 5 we were in the Earth Kingdom visiting someone when a small burst of air came from me. Spirits, my poor moms face looked terrified. Apparently she wasn’t the only one to notice, our parents were taken away for questioning and we never saw them again.” You look over at Aang who’s face held so much pain, reflecting how you felt. “I always blamed myself. I stayed a stage hand at the circus because I blamed myself, something I want selfishly always hurts the people I care about most.” You indicated you the palace, referencing Zuko. “I’ve always been so ashamed and angry and felt guilty of my existence.” You pull your legs up and put your face in your knees for some time.

You feel a large and heavy hand on your shoulder, “Go away, Shu.” You say without lifting your head.

“My name isn’t ‘Shu’,” You hear a soft but husky voice say, you lifted your head and looked over. You see Avatar Kyoshi. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for some time but Aang wasn’t fully connected with the Avatar state yet.”

You stare at her, partly frightened and partly confused, “W-why would you want to talk to me?” You ask quietly. You didn’t understand, honestly you just couldn’t comprehend the point.

Kyoshi stares down at you, she wasn’t as terrifying as you first thought to your surprise. She reminds you a lot of your twin, which helps you calm down. “I spent a large part of my life angry at my parents. Angry at their decisions, and ashamed of their choices.” You could see sorrow and empathy in her face.

Tears stream down your face as she speaks, you had no idea. You hadn’t even considered how she felt at the choices your ancestors made, she was effected differently for the same reasons. “I just-“ You stutter through your tears, “I just don’t know what to do, or how to feel. I’m just so angry!” The air starts moving aggressively around the two of you, Kyoshi watches your surroundings and then back at you when it calms. “I’m just so angry with myself, Auntie.” You cry, you can’t stop it anymore.

Auntie, the word brings a small smile to her face. “You inherited my heart, while your brother inherited my height.” She chuckles lightly, “However you both inherited my strength.” She puts a hand on your back as you sob. “You twins are Yin and Yang. You balance each other perfectly but that will be found irrelevant if you can find balance within yourself.”

Kyoshi pulls you upright and straightens out your attire as you sniffle yourself calm, you chuckle at her actions. “What are you doing..?” You ask in a raspy voice.

“I never had children, I don’t know how to comfort kids when they’re sad.” She finishes organizing your attire and making you sit and face her, “All our actions always have an effect. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative and sometimes not for many life times. You are the effect, you (Y/N) are not to blame for what happened to your parents, you are not to blame for what happened to the Fire Prince. You are allowed to be selfish. There’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m glad that you made it to this period in time.”

You feel tears bubble up again, you smile and hug her. “Thank you, Auntie.”

She hugs you back firmly and let’s go, putting her hands on your shoulders. “Be happy.” She says as she faded away, leaving Aang in her place. He looks at you quizzically as information starts to come to him, Aang smiles at you.

You almost tackle the young Avatar, giving him a hug and chuckling softly. You lean back and wipe your face into your shirt. “Avatar Kyoshi is not as menacing as history portrays her to be.” You both laugh and get up, “Thank you, Aang.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything this time.” He pulls up his hands and smiles, glad that you’re feeling better.

You find the rest of the gaang quickly as you walk back towards the palace. Apparently they watched the whole scene, “YOU CALLED HER AUNTIE.” Suki squeals at you.

————————

A/N: I’m just over here cutting onions, it’s fine. But on an honest note, I have really bad depression and when I was writing this series I lightly touched on (Y/N)’s mental health and felt she deserved to have someone tell her she’s allowed to be happy. I know like friends and S/O’s say stuff like that but when you’re in deep and depressy sometimes it doesn’t matter.

Tag List:

@coalsmind @bucky-blogs @fanficflaneuse @cutiepoo16 @eridanuswave @grapesauze @theblueslytherin @coolpenguingoddess @royahllty @whalerus @shemakesfanvids @lammello @ditu-m9 @kryptidkova @gxrleexis-arctic-monks @azriels-forgotten-shadow @zukosvice @woohoney @zuko-is-my-love @etherealhobii 

[bladekindeyewear]

Freed up some time, actually!  Gonna blog the new pages of HS^2.  Liveblogging resume...

FYI, the post I glimpsed that alerted me to the fact that new pages exist had a translucent screenshot of Brain Ghost Dirk on it, so I know that at least is in store for me.  Makes sense; a way to involve Dirk’s voice obnoxiously heavily even when he’s too far away to narrate.  And ties into this... chapter(?) name, of course.  Chapters, huh?

> CHAPTER 1. Ghostflusters

God. Damnit.

Could we NOT???  No?

Fuck you, Dirk.  I blame you for this.

So we have greenery, a can-city and Sburb-legal human house mix... some sorta cow-looking thing from far away in the front yard...

The void resounds. Space seizes and warps as the bounds of relevance erode away to nothing but the wishful nostalgia of times passed. There is a hole in the middle of the universe, and it is hungry.

All very literally true.

But the denizens of this particular iteration of Earth C don’t know it. All of this is just business as fucking usual for a planet plagued by war, continuous inclement ghost weather, and the general malaise of being absolutely severed from canon.

--oh, FUCK.  This isn’t the new planet, this is Candy timeline Earth.  I didn’t wanna come back here!  :C

I guess that explains most of the content warnings.  Except fucking ALCOHOLISM.  Gee, thanks for adding THAT to the Candy timeline, as if it wasn’t fucked over enough!!!  Bluh.

I thought the closing lines of the Epilogue were that after RoboDave, Aradia and alt!Callie dove out of the Candyverse inside the singularity, the black-hole timelines and Dirk’s presumably-still-”relevant” nonsense weren’t going to collide with each other again?  So... why are we seeing this?  Is there going to be MORE influence like that, and the ending line was just fancy-talk?  Is it just an irrelevant little follow-up to Candy to show things turning out okay or pseudo-okay, like an epilogue to the epilogue?  Or is some of this Dirk nonsense presumably within the bounds of some sort of canon going to still have some last bit of influence on this so-called non-canon timeline?

That last one would make sense, given that it echoes how Homestuck^2′s dubious canonicity would still have definite influence on fanworks outside of canon.  Right?

Let me pull that last line from the epilogues again--

...where’s the Epilogues’ log, this is getting kind of hard to find with all their reorganization... fuck, I had to guess at the URL even.  Here we go, the last page of Meat...

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

...Right.  This implies that Canon and Non-Canon shall never meet again.  BOTH ways.  Doesn’t quite gel with the fact that we’re cutting back here--

Oh.

This is about Jake and Brain Ghost Dirk isn’t it.  I noticed his name down further on the page.  THAT’S why we’re cutting back here.

So, Canon and Non-Canon aren’t exactly meeting... not for anything relevant, anyway.  But we’re using Candy Jake’s visibility of Brain Ghost Dirk to get a better idea of Dirk’s broader self and plans through a splinter of him?  While getting another glimpse into how the post-epilogue Candy timeline is going for our, er... “curiosity”?  Is that it?

Hm.  I guess that doesn’t count as the twain “meeting”... I’ll just keep reading now.

They spend their days absorbed in the petty and pointless pursuits of “having jobs” and “raising families” and “falling in love”.

Is this Dirk’s narrator voice?  This sounds like something the current megalomaniacal Dirk would say.

I’m not going to quote the rest of the text’s further reminders of how Jane has been made into an absolutely fucked-over asshole in every timeline except the one where she grew old to open a Joke shop, adopt Dad, die, get prototyped and timeline-doubled, then mysteriously disappear from any mention in the Epilogues as if the Sprites were just forgotten about completely eventually.

> (==>)

Oooh, using the less-relevance-surrounding-parens that were used on retconned ghost!Vriska back in Homestuck proper to denote our presence in the non-canon Candy timeline? How handy!

Not a far-away cow, then.

John has been an incredible pal, opening up his home to Jake and his son on such short notice, and even offering him a pair of pants, as well as a shirt that he has so far neglected to put on.

Alright, that got a chuckle from me.

John’s house doesn’t have air conditioning.

What the flying fuck.

...Ah, John’s been away patching things up with Roxy some more, I presume.

It, like the rest of his assets, is in her name. She’d seen to that as soon as they were married.

Life players and assets, huh?  Always gotta be hoggin’ em.

He hasn’t seen much of Tavros today either, but that’s not unusual. He’s probably out with his kismesis, the one he thinks Jake doesn’t know about.

Huh.  Maybe Candy’s young Vriska?  Couldn’t get the real Tavros with your main self, so your alternate nigh-clone self settled with a human by the same name?  Or one of the other kids we heard of from this ‘verse..?

> (==>)

Jake’s hot man-bod cropped out of this image to avoid titillating my readers too much.

(Tumblr keeps jumping back to the top of my post after I add images and I keep thinking the title reads “Ghostfuckers”.)

Jake washes the dirt out from under his fingernails, and his eyes fall on the bottle still sitting on the counter. John had opened it, but together they’d barely touched the stuff. Jake had promised him and Tavvy he’d dry up his act and all, but... well.

God damnit.  If this is still Dirk-voiced narration -- I’m not sure it can be, now I think about it, as he’s supposed to be “out of range” or something, unless non-canon is just malleable like that, which wouldnt be surprising (or Dirk’s splinter’s presence allows it) -- he could literally be inducing or writing in Jake’s drinking problem just to hurt him more.  You can’t really put an overstep that assholish past Prince Dirk the way he’s gotten to be.

There was another ask in my inbox insisting that Dirk wasn’t going to stay the true villain here, if only as some sort of karmic revenge for declaring his self-importance... but I still don’t think that’s the case.  For one, Dirk HASN’T declared himself the villain... he still can’t see how fucked-up and unjustified his trampling over of everyone’s wills IS.  Shadows of recognition... but not really.  He really honestly believes he has the fucking RIGHT to do what he’s doing.

(Which is, incidentally -- to answer another ask -- why there’s basically NO chance that Rose has some sort of control or recognition of her situation under the surface, and is playing Dirk, as another person hopefully surmised.  No.  She really IS being unknowingly steered away from personal growth and recognition of the thought-control she’s under... because nothing less could feel as horrible to us.)

Part of the entire POINT of Homestuck and its Riddle was to show that these crazy kids, if they put their wills to it, always had the potential to be the literal Gods of the world around them.  That when ordinary people grasp the will and drive to shape the world around them, they can turn everything back from the brink of destruction... or vice versa.  Thus, it’s only appropriate that a player from this game could become a villain more disgusting than any we’d imagined in the series so far.  What he’s been doing -- writing twisted sorrow directly into the lives and experiences of those around him, nurturing their worst, most power-hungry tendencies (Rose) and deceiving them more directly than Doc Scratch (who was PART Dirk) ever did, making a JOKE of their free will in a more terribly direct way than ANY have been shown onscreen to do?? It IS, and is MEANT to be, the worst we have EVER seen in Homestuck.  Not as clumsy and from-the-outside as Lord English, but just as blatantly direct.  Not as easy to ignore or mistake as Doc Scratch’s horrible, intentional Prince-of-Hearty worsening of the players, instead just as impossible to gloss-over as it is to bear witness to.  That very TITLE, “Prince of Heart”, can embody the very ANTITHESIS of the Ultimate Riddle itself, robbing EVERYONE of their ability to shape not just the world around them, but even so much as themselves or their very thoughts.  When used the way Dirk is using it RIGHT NOW, anyway.  And his ambition is to impose this on all of Paradox Space.

There COULD be another villain, later.  But I can’t imagine a single one more appropriate.  And Andrew’s just the type to use one of the Striders, both practically self-inserts of parts of his personality and presence, as that ultimate villain to be overcome in a story about escaping Canon, too.

Turning his ex into an alcoholic just for his own self-satisfaction?  In a side timeline where Jake didn’t even try a relationship with him again and finally had a chance to grow up happy in SOME universe?  I wouldn’t put it past him, and you shouldn’t either.

Moving on.

> (==>)

Eugh.  I just... don’t want to think about him being an alcoholic on TOP of everything else.  As if there wasn’t enough to deal with in Candy already.

> (==>)

Hm?

> (==>)

The jungle air is heavy, humid, and familiar. Twenty years on and the thick drag into his lungs settles on him in a blanket of nostalgia, reassuring in its discomfort.

Hm.  Is this his fantasy, or a view of him in another timeline?

He is deeper in the jungle than he’d ever venture in his waking hours. There were places on his island that not even his Gran would tread, and she’d been the bravest person he’d ever known.

Hmm.  So he even knows it’s a dream, but is still in control...

Jake doesn’t recognize anything. The jungle of his dreams is wild and unknown, and there are things moving in the dense undergrowth.

...Hhhuh.  Still not sure what to think of this yet.

A sudden wind thrashes the canopy. There are pine needles in his mouth. There aren’t any pine needles in the jungle.

Very Dream, then.

> (==>)

--Yup.

> (==>)

Yoink--

> (==>)

JAKE: Yes you are i know that much. I saw your body! I carried your coffin chock full of all those stupid fucking swords! DIRK: Nope. JAKE: Dont nope me mister!

They would pile all those shitty swords into his coffin, yeah.

Anyway, now to see how much Prince Dirk is in this Dirk.  And if he’s in one mind with himself or has the slightest chance of feeling rebellious.

JAKE: I know a dead dirk when i see one! DIRK: Sure you do. But that wasn’t me. Are you really surprised to find out I got a couple of spares? JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk. DIRK: ...That is a whole ‘nother conversation that we really don’t have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what ‘your dirk’ actually constitutes. DIRK: Do you mean the Dirk from your timeline? DIRK: Then yes, that Dirk is dead. DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I’m not your Dirk. DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you felt closest to, that you really knew--

...well, this Dirk still knows how to be a presumptuous, pushy creep.  :(

JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk! DIRK: In the ghosty flesh. JAKE: Crumbs bro where have you been? JAKE: I could have used someone on my side! JAKE: You just disappeared one day without even the odd toodaloo to mark your passing! DIRK: That isn’t strictly true. I did disappear, but it was in a catastrophic blaze of hope-drenched pathos. I even threw out a couple one-liners. DIRK: But you wouldn’t remember that. JAKE: Because...it was a different dirk? DIRK: No, a different Jake.

Hhhuh.  So in the claymation-reproduced Lord English stagefight -- or, maybe more likely, the pre-retcon Aranea-induced Game Over timeline -- he was too washed out by hopesplosions to manifest properly?

DIRK: Until recently there’s been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave.

Hm!  So Prince Dirk has been making it so other splinters of himself have really limited ability to influence, huh?  Guess that’s a sort of price for the narrative-hijacking power he’s attained.  Wonder how this Dirk really feels about that.

> (==>)

--Pff.  He’s certainly not shy about letting Jake know he shouldn’t trust him, though!  That’s a good sign.

I’ll split the post here for a bit.  Seems we’re about halfway through this upd8 from the look of the log.

[nadziejastar]

Boyy , Sora’s personality in KH3. Really grated on my nerves.

Nomura: One of the concepts behind the KH series is that the main character Sora isn’t special, he’s just a normal boy. Yes he does have connections with Ventus’ heart, among others, but he hasn’t inherited anything from them. He’s just a normal boy you could find anywhere. I wanted to make Sora a character that the player could take onto themselves and feel that you don’t have to be special. But connect to many people and you will realize your secret potential. With BbS I want to make fans excited to see Sora’s return. The secret event is a symbol of that, so I hope everyone will get to see it and wait for Sora’s next adventure.

He really, REALLY got on my nerves, too. When I played KH3 I finally understood why Nomura said he didn’t like Sora anymore. He was very annoying, and I didn’t feel that way in any of the past games. I think the biggest reason I found him so obnoxious was that it didn’t feel like he was taking his quest very seriously, despite the stakes being higher than ever.

Nomura: The data that Ansem has hidden within Sora is the secret to that revival. When Ansem had become DiZ, and studied the heart and emotions, the results he found he hid within Sora. There are a lot of people who thought that Coded was about finding those results, but that’s not true. The ending of Coded was about finding out that DiZ had done something to Sora, as Namine said, finding out about the data that Ansem hid. What that data is will be revealed in the next game. Two more games aside from KHIII are in the works.

He was hyped up as “the key”. Xemnas called him “the connection.” Everyone said his name out loud in Blank Points. They were all counting on him. Yet, he wasn’t trying very hard to learn the power of waking. Donald and Goofy had to constantly remind him to “stay motivated”. He felt like a Saturday morning cartoon character. Sora always was kinda ditzy, but he felt a LOT more airheaded in KH3. I found him sweet and endearing in past games. But in KH3, I just wanted him to shut up most of the time. I sympathized with Donald who also got fed up with his shit. I think Nomura was probably venting his feelings through Donald.

Lea ended up playing an unexpected role. I was wondering what was running through your mind when you thought to make him a Keyblade wielder.Nomura: I figured since he had returned to being human, he wouldn’t have much luck bringing back the people he wanted without some sort of power. Throwing his chakrams doesn’t really count. (Laughs)

Sadly, I think Sora’s character was a victim of the botched story, just like Lea was. Lea got a Keyblade because he was supposed to need it to bring back what he lost with the power of waking. Ansem the Wise said he left his data inside of Sora due to his immense love for other people. It was Sora’s job to figure out what that data was all about, so he could save everyone. He wasn’t supposed to be wandering around aimlessly for the whole game. He was supposed to actually have a goal in those Disney worlds. He was supposed to be looking for clues about the power of waking, a.k.a the Key to Return Hearts.

Nomura: Namine added data to the Jiminy Journal in order to convey that the “pain” of those connected to Sora must be healed, but at the point in time Ansem hid the research results inside Sora, he didn’t know that. Accordingly, Ansem’s research results will become the key to healing the “pain” in the future of the story.

All that stuff about him losing his “strength” after he failed his Mark of Mastery exam was such a load of nonsense. Sora certainly didn’t feel underpowered to me. He could summon a gigantic choo choo train pretty much from the start! He needed to ask Hercules about how he got his strength back because that’s pretty much when he used the power of waking. Sora and friends were trying to figure out how to rescue Aqua from the Realm of Darkness.

Nomura: There are two possible meanings of the “key.” One of which is the “hardware” key, which opens doors - this is what keys are in general (laughs), and the other is the “light” key, that opens something else. In this case, it is currently unknown as to which type of key Sora must find. This is the main storyline of KINGDOM HEARTS III - Sora must go on an adventure to find the “key” without knowing what or where it is. But as you know, we can’t really say anything else on the subject (laughs).

So, since Hercules saved Meg from the Underworld, he would be a good person to ask for advice, right? That’s obviously why he went to Olympus first. But since the power of waking was rendered irrelevant to the story, Sora was asking about how Hercules got his “strength” back, as if he wanted to get stronger in battle. No, no, no, you idiot. You’re supposed to be looking for the power to restore hearts. Instead of taking his mission seriously, we got scenes of Sora going around flexing his muscles and acting like a complete moron. It felt like he was not accomplishing anything, nor did he seem to care. He acted like a 5-year-old.

Nomura: In that scene the ones who are calling for “Sora” are the ones who have already disappeared from the world. But in the world of KH there is no concept of death, that for example they are just sleeping within Sora’s heart. If you can just wake them up, they’ll be able to return to the world, they would be “born from sleep”. That there would be a possibility of this, is what Ansem the Wise is saying. Even Aqua, who isn’t in the realm of light, would be born from sleep.

It didn’t even feel like Sora was trying to find a a way to bring Ventus back. I don’t know why nobody really talked about him, when in Re:Coded Mickey apparently knew where he was. The fact is that Xehanort was planning to bring about the end of the world. They needed to find the 7 Guardians of Light to prevent that. That was their most important goal. Mickey knew he, Sora, and Riku and were Guardians of Light. He knew the Wayfinder Trio were, too. That’s six. But since Terra was Norted, he couldn’t fulfill his role and was being used as a Darkness instead. So, Kairi took his spot and Lea was the final one. Those are the key players. 

Nomura: The power of waking is essentially “the power to put sleeping hearts back the way they were.” But the impact of forcing his friends’ fading hearts back the way they were rewrote reality, and created a singularity. The rewrite caused the chronology in which they were destroyed to have “never happened.”

That’s what Sora should have been focusing on. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why Sora was blowing off his mission to worry about Roxas and finding a Replica for him, but not making the connection that Roxas looks exactly like Ventus. Ya know, that missing Guardian of Light you’re supposed to be looking for? Did nobody bother to tell him? And why was Sora “looking for” Roxas in Twilight Town when he knew that Roxas went back inside of him? Didn’t Ienzo just tell him that? Sora didn’t even really bring Roxas (or anyone else) back, anyways. They just conveniently poofed back into existence. The power of waking wasn’t even needed. Sora did nothing to heal anyone's pain.

Nomura: I actually don’t sympathize or empathize with Sora at all. I think I’m closer to those characters (Ansem and Xehanort), so Sora is like my enemy. How I always think of him is I would unleash my attacks on him, and then I draw him in a way that I think he will be able to make a comeback at me. In that sense, I really think that Sora is just like an opposite personality character to who I am.

Despite Nomura hyping up Sora’s triumphant return as the protagonist, he spent the whole journey goofing off and learning nothing. That’s bad enough. But then he got forcefully inserted into everyone else’s moments when he didn’t belong. Aqua was supposed to use the power of waking on Ventus. She wasn’t supposed to get knocked unconscious in battle. She was supposed to go into a trance to enter Ven’s heart. SHE was supposed to wake him up, not Sora. And Ventus was supposed to use the power of waking on Terra. Not Sora flicking his Keyblade and magically restoring him. He never even met Terra. Sora never lost his power of waking, but it still didn’t feel like he earned it. KH3 was supposed to be about Sora learning this power in order to wake the lost Guardians of Light from their slumber. Not black boxes, not time travel, and not fucking Replicas.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 305

That’s it. That’s my thought. I have nothing more to say about this episode.

Obvi kidding. BUT SERIOUSLY, THE END OF THIS EPISODE!

This episode, for me, is like last year’s finale in that I liked it, but it made me dislike the Claire stuff in the prior episodes even more by comparison. Like from now on my own personal headcanon is that Claire’s story goes from ep. 213 straight to ep. 305 and I feel like I wouldn’t really be missing out on anything super important. Except I *do* feel like I’m missing out on super important stuff, but what I feel like I’m missing can’t be found by watching the previous episodes.

Everything in this episode feels like the culmination of things the show chose not to go into. So like we get the destination, but without the depth and meaning that would have come from seeing the journey.

Like Claire and Joe are obviously awesome friends. But we know literally nothing about Joe except that he’s Claire’s friend. We can infer a bunch of stuff about him and their friendship just based on the fact that he’s a black man becoming a surgeon and she’s a woman doing the same, but that’s not the same thing as actually investing in and building that relationship, and showing how they’ve become so close that he’s the only person Claire will talk to about Jamie. Geillis and Mary and Louise all got to be more fully formed characters in prior seasons in addition to being Claire’s friend. And I’m really bummed we didn’t get the same with Joe.

We see Claire being badass as a surgeon, but like none of what it took to get her there. Healing is at the core of who Claire is. To jump over her reaching the peak of her calling seems like a wasted opportunity to really get into how fully embracing that part of herself gave her purpose in her 20th century life when she didn’t feel like she had any.

Bree and Claire have some really intense conversations and we see them bond and Bree manages to not make me hate her. But we are missing 20 years of their relationship. What was it like between them when Claire was in med school? What was it like between them after Frank died but before they went to Scotland? Bree has said she noticed that Claire had walls up or was distant, but we don’t see that as Bree is growing up because we really don’t see Bree growing up.

So yeah. Overall I liked the episode (seriously, the end of it is basically perfect!), but I feel like all the pieces leading up to this episode are missing. And that makes me a bit sad. But what’s aired has aired and fanfic exists so I guess that’s what I’ll be diving into during the week off before ep. 306.

Rambling and nonsense under the cut...

I am so here for crafty!Claire. Like this woman makes ornaments for her daughter’s first Christmas! She makes Halloween and pageant costumes! Claire is not someone who has been into crafts before, but it’s clearly something she does for her daughter because she loves her. It’s adorable and shows just how great a mom she is. *side eyes a certain other parent who implies otherwise and is wrong*

I know there’s more to being a parent than making ornaments and costumes but shoosh, let me love that Claire made all these things for Bree.

The surgery scene is great not just because it’s awesome to see Claire in her element, but because it shows so much about her as a character. She’s meant for this shit. This is who she is. And she’s damn good at it and knows what needs to be done and is confident enough in her abilities to do just that even if it’s risky and others wouldn’t make the same call. Fuck yeah Dr. Claire!

The history lecture could probably be shorter, but I’m a Masshole who loves history and lives along Dawes’ route, so I’m here for on the nose story time.

Bree’s professor is literally the one dude in this whole season (excepting Joe and Roger, of course) who isn’t a complete piece of shit. Like he’s literally doing the bare minimum in caring about Bree as a student and the daughter of a friend, but comparatively it makes him seem awesome. Like high fives for recognizing and validating Bree having earned her spot at the school and knowing there’s clearly something going on rather than just being like oh hey, a lady student is failing. Because lady brain.

Bree remembering Frank when she gets back to the house and is smelling the pipe and looking at the pictures and stuff is like the perfect amount of Frank. In that Frank’s not even there and yet we get everything we need, haha. Like look how much comes across with no dialogue. It’s clear she loves and misses him, and that they had a close relationship. And since he’s dead now and doesn’t matter anymore, that’s really all we need to know about the two of them. And Claire’s side of that marriage is also pretty clear from what we’d already seen outside of eps 301-303. So like yeah, Frank should have been in some of the earlier episodes, but it was kind of a waste to spend as much time on him as they did at the expense of the relationships with people and things who aren’t dead and irrelevant by a quarter of the way through the season.

So even though we don’t know anything really about Joe, he *is* basically what Claire needs in this episode. Claire until this point has been like doing nothing but trying to please other people for the past two decades and she’s going to be making a huge decision that’s something *she* wants to do and kind of needs that validation that this doesn’t make her a selfish or bad person. So yeah, I wish we had more of their relationship, but I’m always and forever going to be #TeamJoe.

The change in Claire’s face in between “as Scottish as they come” and “as serious as it comes” kills me. Like she’s openly talking about Jamie! And smiling about his memory! And then look how sad she gets because of what she lost and what she might never have again! *throws awards at Balfe*

*debates getting fuck fate tattooed somewhere*

But yeah. The three convos with Joe throughout the episode are almost like therapy for Claire. (Which like, don’t treat your friends like your therapist. Get an actual therapist.) But show!Joe doesn’t seem to mind, so I’m still here for any screen time they’ll give him. But as he keeps asking Claire questions, it’s clear he’s asking because he cares, not because he feels like he’s owed an answer. Unlike some other character we’re acquainted with. *side eyes Frank’s ghost*

And Claire opens up a bit more each time as she gets more and more committed to going back. Because like it’s becoming more real and talking about Jamie is no longer something that she can’t do like it has been for so long. Like how fucked up must it have been for her to be friends with this dude for 15 years and never be able to share such a massive part of her life with him? I want that story. I want to see them becoming friends and Joe sharing about his life and the toll it takes on Claire to really like this person but never fully be able to open up.

Hey, it’s Roger! Oh man, $2.50 won’t get out out of the Logan taxi pick up zone, haha. I swear it’s like almost a $50 cab ride from Logan to my apt so I am jeals of Roger’s fare. (Not that I really take cabs over the T, but still...) Moving on...

I get Roger not wanting to tell Claire or Bree what he found before he came, but like, dude. A small heads up probs would have been a good idea. Just sayin’.

I feel like the fight over Harvard would work better if they were fighting over Bree *wanting* to withdraw and move out. Because she’s already done it and found a new place to live when Roger shows up. But the fight itself seems like something that would have happened earlier in the process? Unless finding an apartment in Boston is infinitely easier in 1968 than 2017? I get Claire’s reaction though. Like Bree, you’re clearly struggling. That’s ok. But dropping out of school and moving away is maybe not the most healthy way to deal with it? Like maybe just take a semester off to figure some stuff out?

Although bonus points to Roger for suiting up for the occasion. Barney Stinson would be proud.

I love Roger’s scenes with Claire, although compared to his scenes with Bree it defintely feels like he’s much more on Claire’s level than Bree’s. As much as I love show!Roger, they still haven’t sold me him and Bree together.

Basically I just ship Roger and whisky. A ship which is basically canon, tbh.

Excited puppy!Roger is adorable. Like look how his face lights up when he’s telling Claire about Jamie. You’re a good pupper, Roger.

Ok but then look at Claire’s face when she’s absorbing this news. Like holy shit. She goes from like omg this is real, I could see Jamie again, I can allow myself to hope, this could be my life again to holy shit that would make me the worst mother on the planet how could I possibly do that to Bree in like 2 seconds. *throws awards at Balfe*

And when she does speak, I just want to hug her. Because like there are two super powerful things going on. She’s obviously not actually being harsh *at Roger.* (I mean, she is, but that’s not the point of the scene.) She’s basically admonishing herself for ever having been open to trying to find Jamie because that means she was also open to leaving Bree. And if that didn’t give her pause, then she’s not the good mother and good person she is. (Not perfect by any stretch, but good.)

And even looking past just having to leave Bree, with the exception of med school, every choice Claire has made in the past 20 years has basically been about trying to make other people happy. Frank. Frank’s boss. Frank’s coworkers. Bree. And all the while she’s been told that she’s a bad mother and a selfish person and that she isn’t doing enough. And that’ll fuck a person up a bit. So like when presented with this choice, she sees that going back to Jamie is the best choice for *her,* but with all of her baggage, she also sees choosing Jamie as selfish and she feels guilty for considering it.

And then there’s the “I could have lived the rest of my life not knowing.” stuff and saying she wouldn’t be able to go through losing Jamie again. This is the reasoning why I eventually bought into her initially calling off the search. Because she knows what a precarious position she’s in emotionally. And if she takes that leap and it doesn’t work out, then the half-life she’s built for herself, that she’s convinced herself is good enough, will be shattered.

Seriously, Claire bear, you need a hug and some whisky and for it to be the end of the episode already. Because girl, you’ve had it *rough.*

Roger also needs a hug when he says “How can I help? What can I do?”. His face. Look at it. Hugs for everyone. And more whisky.

I like the shot with the pearls and I’m headcanoning it that that’s when she actually makes up her mind that she’s going to go back and the rest of the episode is like her trying to find validation in that choice. Like she knows it’s what she wants to do but she needs to know that she’s not a terrible person for doing it. And that’s very human.

Not gonna lie, I wasn’t really a fan of the bit with the bones in the book, and I’m still not really a fan of it in the show. Like yes, it’s Geillis. And we’ll see it play out at the end of the season. But like, I don’t really care? The mystical healing powers stuff isn’t really my jam so setting that up kind of is meh to me? The reveal at the end of the seaon isn’t cool or exciting or important enough, in my opinion, to merit funtimes with skeletons? Idk.

But points to Joe’s for not judging Claire *at all* for Bree not being Frank’s. Like he’s just like oh, yeah, this makes so much sense. Of course this is how things are. Zero judgment. All support. You know, how friends should behave. You go, Glen Coco.

“Do you still love him?” “I never stopped.” HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU EITHER AND YOU’LL SEE HIM AGAIN SOOOOOOON!!!

The Dark Shadows thing is a bit too on the nose, show. Like I’m rolling my eyes at you a little bit. Although as a fan of garbage TV, I’m here for Roger being into garbage TV.

“Look at these cloister things! They’re an iconic Harvard thing except for, you know, not existing at Harvard!” (Seriously, they couldn’t have found a location that vaguely looked like Harvard? I mean, it still doesn’t really bug me and I’m just being a dick for the sake of being a dick, but it’s just *so off*.)

“But hey! Fun fact: I never actually liked history! Luckily I hear there’s a different school a few T stops away where I can do this architecture or engineering thing I seem to be so into and measure things in smoots!” (And yes, I did hit the googs to make sure smoots would already be a thing in 1968. And the original smoot’ing was in 1958 so we’re all good. The bad joke stays in.)

For real though, it’s good to see Bree actually excited about something. Like Bree! Instead of dropping out of college because you don’t know who you are, you just switch majors or transfer and start doing the thing you seem to actually love. I feel like that could help you find your own identity. Just a thought.

Ok. I hate this scene at the ceremony. Fucking. Hate. It. With the passion of 1,000 fiery suns. Seriously. What the actual fuck. Why is this bullshit in here. Just fucking let Frank stay dead. Why the fuck are you wasting time in the one episode that’s actually about Claire by having her go to a thing for Frank. Is the production team’s Frank-boner really this big? Of course it fucking is. Uh, guys? If your Frank-boner lasts this long, you’re supposed to seek medical attention BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH AN INCONSEQUENTIAL CHARACTER WHO IS AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE JACKASS.

Seriously. This scene is just a giant fuck you to Claire as a character. Like we already got three fucking episodes of Frank and his bullshit and this is supposed to be about her and her choices and her emotional journey but no. Frank needs to make a fucking appearance even though he’s fucking dead. THIS IS THE FUCKING WORST.

And also fuck Frank’s girlfriend. She sucks too. She gets zero sympathy from me. (And this is probs going to get me some angry anons, but whatever.)

First of all, Frank would absolutely have *loved* seeing a room full of people jizzing themselves over how great he is. That’s like his fucking recurring wet dream. And if you don’t know that, you’re a fucking idiot.

And you’re seriously going pull this shit with his wife in public like this? Super mature, lady. Go fuck yourself.

And all this bullshit you’re spewing? NONE OF THIS IS ON CLAIRE. THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR FRANK NOT LEAVING CLAIRE TO BE WITH YOU IS FRANK, YOU COMPLETE WASTE OF SEVERAL MINUTES OF EPISODE RUN TIME. If you had these issues with your relationship with Frank, you should have fucking TAKEN THEM UP WITH FRANK WHILE HE WAS ALIVE.

Like I don’t care how much “poor me, look how much of a martyr I am” bullshit Frank fed this woman or what parallels the production team was trying to force or what “people perceive things differently” nonsense they thought they were going for. Whatever her name is went into the relationship knowing Frank was married. Knowing that he wasn’t going to leave his wife, or at least not until like years and years later. Like, you went into that situation with your eyes wide open, honey. Just like Frank doesn’t get to be a piece of shit to Claire when Bree finally turns 18, you don’t get to be a piece of shit to Claire here.

Frank was the love of your life? Congratulations, you have tremendously shitty taste in men. Seriously though, this fucker didn’t leave him after the bullshit at the graduation party? Because most women would have been like bye, Felicia for being so fucking disrespectful to everyone involved.

My Frank-hate aside, the *only* thing this scene even accomplishes is to have Bree ask about Frank’s girlfriend so she and Claire can have the talk about loving Bree. Like you could have easily figured out a less fucking obnoxious way to pull that off, show. Fuuuuuuuck it’s the fucking worst.

This had better be the last time you make me rage about Frank, show. Because I thought I’d already ranted my last Frank rant and then you pull this shit.

Ok. Deep breaths. Moving on...

Claire’s really good in the convo with Bree though. Like the difference in parenting between her and Frank is so striking. Claire’s like reassuring her daughter that no matter what was going on between her and Frank, Frank loved Bree more than anything. Meanwhile Frank went out of his way to undermine Claire as a parent. Ugh, fuck that guy.

Also between the plaid skirt in the scene at the beginning of the episode and this pirate shirt and plaid cloak thingy, it seems like part of Bree’s method of processing her identity crisis is to cosplay her mom with that Hot Topic line of Outlander clothes, haha.

Slash thanks for not sucking here, Bree. Because Claire wouldn’t go unless she was *sure* Bree would be ok.

“How do you take a trip like that, and come back to life as you knew it?” Well that *is* the question, Joe... I really do like this bit with the moon/astronauts though.

For real though, the music and her staring up at the moon made me feel things.

Oh Claire, don’t worry, you’ll get to see Bree’s wedding and kids and all that jazz. Super duper up close and personal. But I do like her just letting it all out there.

And I think Bree really knows that she needs to explicitly tell Claire she wants her to go. Which makes me warm slightly to Bree. Like way to be receptive of what your mom is clearly feeling.

Slash fuck yeah Bree finally appreciating how awesome Claire is. I am always here for people who appreciate Claire.

“What if he’s forgotten me? What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” Ok so like Claire *knows* that Jamie loved her as much as she loved him. And she *knows* how she still feels. And she *knows* that if she were to find him, he’d probably feel the same way. But 20 years is a long time, and those little insecurities don’t listen to rational thought. So for me it played like a really vulnerable, human moment.

“I need a second opinion.” “What’s the case?” “I need to know if I’m still hot.” (Sorry.) I like this convo for a couple reasons. Like it’s cool that Claire is apparently such good friends with Joe that she can ask this and he can answer and it doesn’t make it weird for either of them. And then there’s the fact that it shows just how different this Claire is from the Claire we left at the stones at Culloden. Claire has spent 20 years basically putting on a mask for people with the right hair and the right make up and “looking pretty when she meets the boss” and with Frank’s added bullshit about not being a good enough actress, she has had it ingrained into her that she’s not good enough. And now that she has the chance to be back with the one person who loved her for who she truly was, she doesn’t think that she’ll be good enough for him. Which is heartbreaking.

Seriously, I will never understand people who don’t realize how badly Frank fucked Claire up.

Casual jokes about witch trials when the show has committed to just calling her a witch on the reg... Made me chuckle for the wrong reason.

I love that Claire immediately knows that the necklace is Bree’s birthstone. It’s probs the least clunky way to drop the gemstones tidbit in? Still clunky but at least they brought up the ring?

Claire getting sassy about her sewing skills is my everything.

Also, the Batman music is cheesy af but I kind of like it?

Well played in that one interview though, Balfe. Well. Played.

Ok so Claire looking at herself in the mirror is like such a nice inversion of her looking at herself in ep. 301. In the premiere she was trying so hard to look like someone else. The someone she was “supposed” to be. And here all she wants is to look like herself. Specifically the version of herself she was when she could be most fully herself. 

Although with the hair dying thing, are we going to be blessed with Claire’s roots slowly growing out over the course of the rest of the season? Somehow I doubt it, haha.

Fuck yeah dresses with pockets. Dresses with pockets are the best ever. Everyone should have a dress with pockets. #TeamPockets

Slash I’m so glad they changed it to have Claire like actually put thought into her outfit. It kind of bugged me that in the book she was like yep, this chintzy off the rack dress is totally the best thing to go back in. Like I actually yaaas’ed at Bree’s line about Claire making it out of rain coats. Because in the book there’s definitely a line about how Claire wishes she’d had her cloak or something made with a waterproof layer and I was always like uh, Claire? How did you *not* do that? So good job, show.

And I kind of love that she’s taking Bree’s pirate shirt back with her.

Smooth exit, Roger, lol. But so sweet.

The line about her experiences going through the stones is beautiful.

It makes me feel things that Bree referred to Jamie as her father when she tells Claire to give him a kiss from her. Because her “my father”-s had usually been about Frank.

Ok I really have nothing but flaily fangirling left to say from here on out, lol.

The pearls bit was lovely.

Roger seriously needs to quit his job and just run a whisky bar. You know you want to, Roger. Embrace your true calling.

Gah, Claire touching her lips to say goodbye to Bree just like she did at Lallybroch when she was trying to start saying goodbye to Jamie. Kill me, show. Kill me why don’t you.

I’m still not that invested in Bree and Roger as a couple. But this was Bree’s strongest episode and I love that Roger bought her a copy of A Christmas Carol because he remembered what Claire said about their old traditions.

(Slash lobster rolls are such a summer food in my head that it’s so weird to see Roger eating one at Christmas.)

I usually don’t like the prologues to the books, but I do really like the use of this one as the transition.

Everything about the end of this episode is perfect. Fucking perfect.

Like the second Claire steps out of that carriage and looks around at the bustling 18th century street, you can see the weight of the past 20 years lift. Like look at the change in her face compared to how she was in Boston. She’s finally home and it’s fucking beautiful.

Carfax Clooooooooose. It’s so clooooooose. You’re almost there, Claire!

For real though *throws awards at Balfe* again for the scene of her walking up the stairs. The excitement and nerves and relief and anticipation and joy and all the emotions. How the fuck does she do that. It’s fucking amazing.

And her checking her hair before she goes in is just such a perfect, small detail.

Seriously, everything about this is perfect.

OMFG HER FACE WHEN SHE HEARS JAMIE’S VOICE. LOOK AT IT. OMGGGGG.

AND HER EMOTIONS AS SHE WALKS OVER AND SHE SEES HIM AND OMG HER FACE IS MADE OF MAGIC AND FEELINGS AND *THROWS AWARDS AT BALFE*

AND JAMIE STRAIGHTENING UP JUST A LITTLE WHEN HE HEARS HER. BUT NOT TURNING AROUND UNTIL HE HEARS HER SAY CLAIRE. BECAUSE HE’S AFRAID IT MIGHT BE A VISION AGAIN.

AND THEN IT’S HER AND HER FACE AND HIS FACE AND JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THEIR FACES OMFG I’M DYING. I AM DECEASED.

And I’m glad they had him faint now. Because in the book it kind of like interrupts the flow of things because they talk and then he faints and idk, I never cared for the fainting. Like I would have been fine if they cut it all together. But at least by having him faint here before they actually get into things, in the next episode we can just dive in and be murdered by feelings in the best way possible.

AAAHHHHHHHHHH THEY’RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHERRRRRRRRR