#some of my flowers were wilting from the heat yesterday and now their petals and stems have lifted again :’)

[dogboysammerlotte]

i think there’s something really special about being in love with the things that you do. and finding something that inspires that love within you <3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

From Eden: One

Warnings: noncon sexual acts, mentions of mental illness; tags to be added throughout series

This is dark!Bucky. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: The mc suffers from agoraphobia. After a new neighbour moves in across the street, her home becomes even more of a prison.

Note: So I've decided to try something new. I'm hoping that you don't mind the new format. This story is written in first person in the form of diary entries. Transcripts will be included at the end of chapters to accomodate any who have issues reading the images.

I am still working on Omerta but chapter 12 is taking me a little bit longer to complete so hopefully this can tide you over until tomorrow. Thank you so much for your patience! And support!!

As always, if you are so inclined, please like, reblog, and comment. <3

Transcript:

Sunday

It rained today. I hoped it would break the humidity but the air is still balmy and thick. The garden is starting to droop without the usual June sunlight. The shrubs look healthy but I don’t know if the mums will bloom. It is late for them.

The windows are clouded now the rain is gone. Once they dry, it will be suffocating again. I should have pulled out the old patio set last weekend but Lorena was here for the groceries. My meds are running low, I’ll have to remind her.

Oh, I found the old afghan grandma used to use. The one with the knitted flowers. Not a single hole. I’ll wash it and hang it over the loveseat in the lounge. It still smells of her. It’ll be two years next week. I miss her.

The kettle is whistling. Lorena bought a new flavour of tea; a spiced rooibos. It smells more suited to the winter but I’m anxious to try. It’ll boil over if I keep writing. 

I found a documentary on a country house in the British Midlands. I might watch that with my tea. Or maybe fall asleep on the couch. Again.

Monday

I have a new neighbour.

Today, I went out to check the bulbs I planted two weeks ago. I don’t think they’ll bud. It was humid and I had sweat in my eyes as the large truck pulled up across the street. The orange moniker on its side was faded and its white paint was almost yellow. I peeked out the gate as they backed it up. 

The beeping was horrible, almost deafening.

A car was just behind it. I shouldn’t be so curious but grandma always said I was a watcher. Watching is easy; doing is… difficult. 

My new neighbour is a man. He has dark hair and a thick beard. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the rest of him. His arm shone in the sunlight. It’s metal! I’ve never seen anything like it. I never saw a prosthetic that ended in anything but a hook or a blunt stump. I guess, I never really thought much about it.

I think he saw me too. It is hard to see behind the ivy that covers the front gate but I swore he could see me. I hid before I could make sure of it. It’s rude to stare. That’s what grandma would say. So went back to the flower bed and dug up the bulbs. They were dead.Lorena is coming tomorrow. I’ll ask her to grab more.

Tuesday

Lorena came buy today. She commented about my new neighbour. I acted surprised.

I gave her my list and reminded her of my pills. She was gone for a while before she returned. When she returned, I helped her bring in the bags. We unpacked them and she told me about her new niece; Cora. I think that’s a pretty name but Lorena thinks it’s too old fashioned. She said I would like it given my usual tastes. 

She asked if I was wearing grandma’s shirt. I lied and said I wasn’t.

I showed her the garden and she had some tea after helping me set up the heavy iron patio set with the mosaic tabletop. 

She showed me pictures of Cora. She said when she marries Shelby, she wants to adopt but her sister offered to be her surrogate. I thought that was nice.She left shortly after. I’m in the garden, staring at the old shed as I write. The frame around the window is starting to fall apart. I should fix it soon. And maybe clean the--

Later

The man was at the gate. The one with the metal arm. He scared me.

I hid behind the ivy as I looked out at him. His eyes are very blue. Piercing. Despite the heat, they made me want to shiver. His metal fingers wrapped around one of the curlicues of the gate. He said hello and that his name was Bucky.

I nearly swallowed my tongue as I ran away. I didn’t dare grab my diary until the sunset. He was gone, thank god. I hope he doesn’t come back.

Wednesday

Doctor Tisha called today. She wants me to come in at the end of the month to have my prescriptions reviewed. I told her they were helping much better than the old ones. No more vertigo or manic fits, but my dreams are really vivid. She also reminded me that I should make more of an effort to go beyond the garden. The pills can’t do all the work. Well, I think there are parts of me that just can’t be fixed.

I cleaned out the birdbath but the shed window is still drooping. There’s a spider web above the door and I’m working up the courage to open it. My grandma was always the brave one; she called her slippers ‘the exterminators’. She always made me laugh.

Then the man returned. His knuckles make an odd clinking on the gate when he knocks. I didn’t move at first. I’d rather have faced the spider and her web. But he kept on and it was getting rather annoying.

He pulled some of the ivy aside as I got close. I kept to the edge and peeked out at him. He held a box of freesias. 

“Hey again.” 

 He speaks as if he knows me. I don’t like that. He didn’t even care that I didn’t answer. 

“I see you like to garden so I thought I’d bring you some flowers. To introduce myself…. Better. I’m sorry if I scared you yesterday.”

I didn’t know what to say. The freesias were all shades of red, orange, and yellow. Young with a bit of growing still to do. I shook my head.

“You don’t want them?” He asked.

I frowned so hard it hurt my cheeks. I haven’t talked to anyone by Lorena or Doctor Tisha since grandma died. I was never good at that.

“No, I don’t know you.” I felt as if it was someone else talking.

He blinked and I suddenly felt very dizzy. I ran back to the shed and ripped the door open without thinking. The web caught in my hair as I slammed it shut behind me. I sat in the shadows as I tried to wipe away the web. The old rubbermaid lid warped beneath me, if not cracked. 

 I didn’t come out until the musty air made me sick. As I ran into the house, I noticed he had left the flowers on the other side of the gate. I locked the door behind me and shuddered. I swore I felt eight legs crawling down my arm.

Thursday

Sure enough, the flowers are still there. They haven’t wilted at all despite the intense heat of the sun. June is in full effect and the days get brighter and longer. 

 I found the old weather vane grandma said was swept away in a storm. It was hidden behind the row hedges along the stone wall around the yard. It’s bent but fixable.

 I went inside to eat at noon. I looked out the window as I ate; the strawberries were sour. I saw a shadow through the gate. I watched for a while, sure it was the shifting of the sun. Then I saw the metal fingers and the man’s square jaw as he tried to see past the ivy. He knelt and touched the dainty petals of the freesia. He lifted one of the small pots to sniff and placed it back in the box.

He left shortly after. I won’t go back out. I need to work on the house anyway. All this dust is making me sneeze.

Friday

The flowers are still there.

I refuse to look at them. Instead I focus on my own. I brought the old sony tape deck out to listen to the radio. Grandma always said it was older than me. I believe her. The speakers crackle and the antenna kept falling off.

The robins and sparrows were at the birdbath and a pair of cardinals have taken up in the old painted birdhouse around the back. The squirrels broke the window frame on the shed. Well, I’ll deal with that next week.

The flowers are starting to bloom nicely. I thought they might not, given the late showers and the sudden drought. 

There was a monarch butterfly by the carnations. It flew away before I got too close. My mother liked monarchs. I remember she had one framed in her room. Like the picture of her in grandma’s.

I try not to think of her. Or grandma, too much. 

It makes me sad. Doctor Tisha says this isn’t grandma’s house anymore, it’s mine. My life is mine, she tells me. It’s never really felt like it but I’m trying.

Saturday

The lock on the gate is broken and the flowers are gone. They didn’t go far. I found them planted by the lilies. I had tears in my eyes and my hands shook terribly as I wound an old bike lock around the gate. I picked up the pieces of the old latch. It’s totally ruined.

I haven’t been out since. I’m scared. Was it him? 

It seems like a kind gesture but the memory of the busted lock makes me think otherwise.I’m confused. What does he want?

He should’ve let the flowers wilt and die. Or maybe I should just learn to tell people to leave me alone. Out loud.

[chaospenelope]

Between Dreams and Nightmares

His mind seemed trapped in a permanent fog. There was a field of gold blooming all around him. They shined beautifully despite the lack of light. His body felt slightly heavier than normal and each movement was accompanied with a soft clanging of metal. Head stayed down as he walked. He avoided crushing the flowers, gently sprinkling water over them. He didn't remember how long he's been there but he knew they needed it. So many on the verge of wilting and dying. Something ran ahead of him, a swish of wind making the flowers sway. Another quickly followed. He looked up at the cause. Two small children faced away from him, standing in a patch of bare dirt. He recognized them immediately, but they didn't notice him. trying to call their names to get their attention. There was no sound as he opened his mouth. They started to get further away. Feeling desperate he tried to rush to them. A cloth cape warped around him. His body was sluggish, like running trough waist high mud. They were no longer in sight. He fought against his restraints. Struggling to catch up, a deep dread came over him. A stiff wind rustled everything around. He closed his eyes as it blew threw him. Opening them again to see a strange figure before him, showing hints of familiarity, before collapsing into nothing. He gasped as he fell to his knees. The sea of gold decayed into blackness. He began to sob as a strong sadness enveloped him. A presence lurked behind him, reaching out with long claws. He spun around but nothing was there, except for a plain white door that started to open...

Asgore woke up with a start. He sat up with a huff. He looked around the bedroom, realizing he was alone. Everything was still where it had been placed yesterday, photos on the wall, flowers on the nightstand, clothes neatly put away in a closet with the door slightly ajar. He crawled out of bed, stood up, and stretched his back in an arch. He noticed the light seeping through the bottom of the bathroom door. A comforting heat bellowed out as he opened the door. A black bear was stood in front of the large mirror, brushing his fangs. He walked up behind him, putting his hand on the man's back. He threaded his fingers through the long thick fur freshly dried by the hair dryer. He tried to hide his smirk as the bear shuddered. "You know for someone who can conjure fire your hands are really damn cold." Phineas huffed, with a mix of aggravation and amusement. Asgore laughed. He put his arms a him, putting his head on the bear's. "I can't help it, you're so nice and warm." "Mmhm." He padded his hand. "I suppose I can't blame you." He let go and gave a kiss on his head before moving to the tub. He adjusted the shower and took off his undershirt and boxers. The heat was immediate, still not fully recovered from the last use. He hopped in and quickly made use of whatever steam was left. The burden of sleeping in. He sighed as he got out, running a hand through his fur to make sure he rinsed all the soap out, dried off, combed through hair, brushed his teeth. Feeling refreshed and awake he moved back to bedroom to search the closet for some clothes. Pants were a simple choice, it's been warm so jeans or nice tan shorts. A lot of his shirts were button ups, easy for a guy with two tall horns, but the "Mr. Dad guy" shirt was a favorite despite how tricky it was getting it on. Unfortunately he wore that yesterday and got dirt all over it, so he'd have to go with his second choice. He buttoned up the pink, white flower printed shirt as he walked down the hall. Phineas had already started boiling the water. He had dressed in his light brown jeans, a pair of loafers, and a pale orange shirt with a flower pattern similar to his tucked in with a belt. Asgore went to the fridge, picked up some ingredients and started making bacon and eggs for breakfast. "Don't forget we have to pick up the kids a little early today since Toriel and Neda have a meeting with the superintendent." Phineas said as he sat at the table, glancing over the newspaper. "Maybe that's why..." He shook his head. He gave a small laugh. "I did forget." "Why, what? Was it that dream again?" He asked as he looked over at him. "Yea..." He couldn't take his eyes off the sizzling pan. "I'm not sure why it bugs me...It's not like yours." A hand gently rubbed his back. "It doesn't matter whose is worse, what matters is it bothers you." He stood next to him, a bit concerned. "Do you want to talk about it?" He looked at him with a smile. "No, I'm fine... I just don't understand why it's Asriel I see, and Kris...At least, I think it's Kris? Why isn't Penny there, or Nade?" "Well, they do tend to have a little more trouble making friends than Penny and Nade is such an easy going kid he hardly has any problems besides motivation. You're just worried about them more." "That, makes sense...I mean this is the first time since the move and they seem to get along nicely with the kids next door." He flipped the frying pan's contents. "Well, they're talking. It's a start." He admitted, taking the steaming teapot to pour in a couple of cups on the table. "Now that we've all settled I'm hoping they'll have some time to get used to the place." "I think they like it so far." He plated the food and put it on the table. "They are very excited about choosing which room was going to be theirs. They have to share at their mothers'." "It's nice to see you so optimistic again." He smiled. "Well, I," He stopped as their eyes met. He loved their pale orange color, like an old rosa or a leaf in fall. A wisened kindness hiding in them. He put his paw on his as he looked away. His partner chuckled, having to eat breakfast with his free hand. He loved how Asgore still acted like a lovey-dovey teenager. He felt like a passionate flame that kept him light when he needed it most. They finished their breakfast, cleaned up the table, and after a check of the time they went into the dirtier truck to fill out their daily duty. Phineas stepped out of the vehicle and admired the cleaned up shop. It stood on the outskirts of town against a wall of trees. "Nothing like a flower shop to hammer in the ever changing cycle of seasons." "Yeah, each season has it's own beauty..." Keys jingled as he took them out of his pocket to unlock the door. The inside looked clean and tidy. He switched the lights on illuminating hanging garden tools, different bags of soil, a small basket of season or holiday based flags, and various pots and other gardening fixtures. "Looks kinda sad without the dirt everywhere." Phineas laughed to himself. He went to the back door and opened it. "They look like they're ready to bloom." "They're starting to glow already? What colors are they?" He asked excitedly as he rushed over. "All different, two shades of blue, yellow, green-Should we turn the light on?" "Still very faint...keep the light off." He created a flame in his palm as they closed the door. "Get the spray bottle please." Phineas's eyes shifted as they adjusted to the darkness. "Does the water need to have that stuff added to it, or-?" "Just water will be fine." He knelt down next to the tables examining the thin roots that weaved through the soil held in the large container that held all the small buds. He felt the soil to judge how moist it was. "They're expanding but, they need to stay connected...We may have to let them bloom for the first time." "So just a spritz then." He carefully lifted the glass and pulsed a gentle spray on each plant. "Some thirsty bois we have." "Haha, Yes, our thirsty bois." Asgore checked the stems and the petals tightly wrapped up in a small ball. Meticulously going over each one until they were all watered. "Well, that should do it for today." He padded his hands together to extinguish the flame before entering the main room. They turned off the lights and locked the shop back up. "It's lovely out here." Their fur ruffled by a gentle breeze. "Nice day for a walk." He offered his hand. "Care to join me?" "Why not? We have time." He took his hand and they started down the empty street. There was a short trip to the start of a path leading into a wooded area. The trees shaded the wide path as leaves occasionally rustled in the distance. This road was often used by hikers, dog walkers and joggers since it was one of many leading into the local park. It didn't feel like it at the moment, there wasn't another monster or human for miles. Time seemed to stand still for them. It was beautiful. "You think the kids would like to go on a picnic today?" "A great idea. They've been inside putting their rooms together, they're dying to roll around in the grass I'm sure." Asgore laughed as he looked up at the sky. "Yeah, let's hope they don't start throwing dirt at each other again." "Pretty sure they've grown out of that, especially after that incident with the rock...Pretty sure." "It's hard to believe they're already so big..." Asgore stopped, gazing at a tree with white blooms fallen around it. "I know," He watched as the other man walked up to the trunk of the tree. "Could have sworn it was just yesterday Asriel was grabbing my finger with his tiny little paw. Or just a moment ago Kris was crawling under their bed so they can pretend they're sleeping in a cave...And scaring the other children." "-Nade was just a twinkle in your eye and Penny was teething on my hand." He scratched at the brittle bark. "Heh,..." He picked up an acorn, tossing it into the woods. Smirking, he said. "Our cute little trouble makers..." He had his own amused smile. "Mmhm..." He went over to the other side of the tree. "There's a lot of deer in this area." "Really? Wonder why they haven't been in the yard yet." "They probably don't know there's food there now, or, maybe they know you live there." "Ha, ha." The bear faced the path. "I figured, they'd be more scared of you." "Me?" Surprise colored his face. "Well, you are an intimidating figure to the untrained eye." He said as a matter of fact. "You could probably strangle them to death if you wanted to." "I sound so violent." He walked up to the path. "What do I look like to a trained eye?" "Soft husband." He said, holding his hand again. "Aw," He pecked him on the cold nose. "Thanks extra fluffy husband." Their footsteps padded down the soft grass. A twig snapped under their weight. A squirrel ran across their line of sight. It seemed like time was snapping back from standing still. "Is something burning?" He stopped in his tracks. "Burning? I don't smell..." "Never mind...I think someone is having a BBQ." Phineas said as he smelled the air. "A bit early, isn't it?" "Ah, Hm." He took his phone out with his free hand. "Actually, it's around eleven thirty...We've been walking for a while." "Eleven? We have to hurry to the car and pick the kids up." "But-Oh, that's right." He hurried behind in a bit of a half jog. They rushed up to the vehicle and jumped in like they were fleeing an armed assailant. Asgore slumped over the steering wheel, catching his breath before turning the key. The short drive went from the start of a thick wood up a small hill trough the main street of their little town. Small stores lined up each with a character of it's own, except the plain antique shop. There was a nice little cafe with elegant iron furniture set out on a patio, an odd sort of curiosity shop with a bright classic television shaped neon sign complete with rabbit ear antenna, and a refined dance studio to name a few. They turned away before reaching the end. Past the fire station and a collection of apartments there was a neighborhood of various houses. The one they stopped at was a one story with rose bushes surrounding the walls. A manicured path starting down from the stairs of the porch cut the front yard in half, dogwood planted on each side. Phineas and Asgore walked up to the door. The bench swing had a stack of tiles sitting on it, ready to be laid on the path. The doorbell was working again. It's chime muffled from where they stood. There was a silence followed shortly by a rhythm of footsteps on the other side before Neda opened the door. "Sounds pretty great, right?" She casually leaned against the doorframe as they answered. "Yea, it's pleasant, did Toriel pick it out?" Phineas asked as they stepped inside. "Wh-Yes, and I put it in." She said as she moved out the way. "It's got a motion camera too." As she pointed he noticed her phone in her paw. "So you saw us coming." "No, but the notification helped me find my phone so I didn't have to get Tori to call it." Asgore walked further into the house to the sitting room a few steps away. Toriel's chair in the same arrangement it's always been with another seat next to it. There was a rug placed on the wood floor and wardrobe with a tv hiding behind it's doors. Four children were sitting around in seemingly random places. "Dad's here!" Penny jumped up from her spot on the ground and ran up to Asgore, who happily picked her up and held her in his arms. "See mom I told you they weren't gonna be late." "Hey dad." Asriel smiled and greeted him before he picked up the handheld game device she had abandoned and turned it off. "You owe us cookies." Kris sat on her chair, one leg dangling off the side and red horned headband pushing up their bangs. "Yes, I suppose I must eat my words as you said." Toriel walked in from the kitchen with a container in her hands. "These are for your fathers but I'm sure they won't mind sharing...After lunch." The last two words was emphasized as she gave Asgore a side glare. She tucked The container into Penelope's backpack between her sketchbook and games. "After lunch." He repeated with a nod. He used his free hand to take the pack she was now offering. "Is everyone ready to go?" The black bear stepped in and surveyed the room. Kris put their bag on and slid to their feet, walking over to him. Asriel already had his strapped to his back, carefully stuffed full of everything he believed he and his siblings needed. Nade laid on his back with bag set on top of him. He threw a thumbs up to signify how ready he was. "Alright, let's go gang." He watched his youngest son as he lazily sat up. "You have a good time-" The goat woman softly kissed all her children on the forehead. "-And be good." "Yes, mam." "Okay mom." "Sure." They mostly reassured her. They walked out together, Toriel picked up her keys from a bowl next to the door on the way. Neda was the last one out so she locked it. "Wish you could stick around for a while but you know..." "We'll call and talk later." "Yea, talk to ya later." The car doors clicked after everyone was buckled in. Asgore pulled out onto the road again. "So how has your day been so far? Finish with putting your rooms together yet?" "We finished that yesterday. I got a bookshelf built into the wall for my action figures, wish you could have seen them." "We'll just have to do it next weekend when we have our family night." "Yea." "What did you do then?" "The usual, after we had waffles mom made us run around outside before we could watch an hour of tv then we waited for you." Kris looked out the window, watching the buildings go by. "Oh? You play any fun games or did you take that literally?" Phineas kept glancing at the rear view mirror as they conversed. "We ran around the tree until we got too dizzy to stand." They admitted, making the two men smirk in amusement. "How would you kids like to have a nice picnic lunch in the park?" "What are we having?" Asked Nade. "Can we have pizza?" "I knew we should have brought the ball." Asriel muttered. "I don't care as long as we get cookies after." "We're heading home to drop your stuff off and packing a lunch there." "So, tacos then?" "No Nade. We're most likely having sandwiches with potato or macaroni salad." "Oh." He resigned from further questions as a flock of birds out the window grabbed his attention. A few moments of silence as Asriel handed his sister her game. Penny opened it but stopped as she remembered something she wanted to ask. "Dad, did you check on the flowers yet?" "Yes, they're doing great. They even started to glow a little." "Can I see them?" She asked excitedly. "Tomorrow Penny" Asgore said sternly. "You can see them tomorrow, I promise."

The park was bathed in the hot afternoon sun. Phineas breathed in the fresh air. He held his hands on his hips as he looked around, in front of him stretched a long clearing of fresh cut grass. The laughter of the little kids carrying on the wind. They ran around in a thrilling game of tag. The oldest had caught up to Kris, their tag was perhaps too hard a shove. Unfortunately they did not notice their sibling take a hard tumble, hitting their head on the closest tree. "Kris!?" He ran over to check the child and comfort them. "Are you alright? Let me-?!" He stumbled back, seeing the face of a child he did not know. "You're not-" He looked around in a panic. The other children were gone now. "Asriel? Penny! Nade!?" He looked back at the stranger, but they were gone too. He only saw one person. The forest around them growing quiet. He took a few steps forward, a dog started to bark but he couldn't see that either. "Asgore?!" The trees felt like they were bending inward. "Honey, Where-" He felt pain shoot through his body. "I-I can't." Small cracks under his fur and skin as he forcefully shifted. Claws breaking through this fingers, and jaws snapped as fangs grew longer. Drool dripped from his mouth and covered his chest. He fell to the ground, he struggled through the the pain to hold himself up. The grass faded and shortened, becoming stiff and synthetic. His vision blurring as he struggled to get to his feet. "Penny...Asriel, where are you?" He uttered weakly, leaning against a wall as he pushed himself along the dark hall. "Kris!?" He heard a weeping nearby. He hurried to the closest door. "It's okay honey! I'm here!" He pushed the door open, he ran to the bed to his child laying on it. "Oh! Oh my god!" He started to sob, seeing the dark hair matted up with red liquid that trailed from their forehead. He gently picked them up and held them in his arms. "It's gonna be ok, daddy's here." He frantically tried to get to the door, to get help. He had a difficult time, but slowly managed to get down the hall. "I'll get you help, everything will be fine." He froze as he saw his reflection in the glass. His fangs and chest covered in blood... His fell to his knees as he held the child protectively. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry." He cried and wept. "Please forgive meee. I didn't know!" "Wake up." He turned as a bright light flashed.

Phineas gasped in sharply causing himself to cough. He tried to quiet himself as he regained full consciousness. Sat up and pulled himself to the side of the bed. He ran his fingers through his fur, failing to push back his bangs and looked around. His husband slept silently. He took a moment to admire his calm face, gently brushing aside some of his blonde hair to give him a kiss on the head. Then he stood up and left the room. He traveled through the hall, quietly checking every bedroom. He noticed Kris's was empty. He casually walked over to Asriel's room. He was still in his bed with his Plush of a green dinosaur, but no Kris. Still not too concerned he looked into Penelope's room. Her bed was also empty. He traversed the pitch black room to the closet doors. He opened the doors ever so carefully, revealing the two young children sleeping in a nest of blankets and sheets. He let out a sigh of relief and gently picked them up, taking them to the bed and tucking them in. Then he checked on the last child. Nade snoozing happily, covers kicked off the bed. They were picked back up and placed on him. The larger man was still resting peacefully, his arm had started to wrap around Phineas as he laid back down. He did not drift off to rest, but at least he felt comforted. He felt the children were safe...

[epicmoonintensifies]

The Language of Flowers

Requested by @goldenliongirl4​ | Sentence Prompt

As per usual, I got a little carried away. Fluff, angst, and Ozpin dealing with his issues. What more could you want?

Five camellias. White.

They're arranged neatly on his desk, in plain view where they can be admired, but not in such a way that they dominate his workspace. They are off to the side, soft and unobtrusive but still impossible to miss. They are meant to be seen. And seen by him, which is the strangest part of it all.

This is not Glynda's work. Obviously. The day Glynda gives him flowers is the day he dies. If even that. She seems too pragmatic to offer flowers to a gravestone, but he may be wrong. Either way, she would never do this.

Camellias. Camellias mean something, don't they? Well, all flowers do, and he used to know them by heart because, once, communication through flowers was so incredibly common, but that art has passed on. Hardly anyone knows about the language of flowers anymore. Whoever left these for him probably has less of an idea of what camellias mean than he does.

Ozpin has to pull out a dusty old book that he hasn't even touched in years in order to find the passage he wants. He's glad that he does.

Five Camellias. White. Admiration.

He finds you in Forever Falls. He believes it to be your favorite place, the haven to which you most often escape, because he knows he can find you there more often than not. And, despite it being a place to which you go to remove yourself from human company, you always seem pleased to see him.

"Do you mind if I sit with you awhile?" he asks.

You do not answer, but you smile at him, and red leaves flutter in a dancing panic across the ground. They're caught in his hair and his scarf, but he doesn't mind, mostly because he finds himself charmed by with the way those red leaves are decorating your whole body. You must have been here for a very long time.

He sits next to you. Maybe he sits too close, but he has been craving real human contact for too long to resist, and you have always welcomed his presence in such a warm and friendly way that he cannot imagine that you'll blame him for wanting to be close to someone.

"I see why you like this," he admits after a long stretch of silence.

"You're free to join me whenever you like," you reply, and Ozpin is glad.

So he sits with you until the sky dims, watching red leaves dance on the wind.

Seven petunias. Pink. Your presence soothes me.

They replace the wilting camellias. He saves one to press in a book.

Ozpin can't remember the last time he had an anxiety attack.

He has one today. It feels just about the same as last time, whenever the last time was. He's not sure.

The pressure has been building and no amount of hot cocoa can soothe this away. Pain pinches behind his chest and his head throbs and his lungs constrict and he is ready to fling himself off the side of the tower if that means that oxygen will be forced back into his body, because even though he knows that he must be breathing (he would be unconscious by now if not), he feels like he is suffocating. He is being smothered both from within and without, his heart bursting and his skin tightening, until-

-until he is on the ground, his knees giving out on him and his vision blotching as his blood roars in his ears, and he is gasping for air that he already has but can't feel, and-

-and... a breath.

Another breath. In, out. He heaves a sob of relief. He can feel the air.

In, out. Gasp. In, out. Hot tears hit cold stone.

In, out. His chest hurts. Crying makes this harder than it already is.

In, out. Think of... red leaves.

In, out. More tears streaking his face.

In, out. Forever Falls and dancing red leaves and cool, crisp air. Think of that.

In, out. Think of that. Don't stop.

In, out.

Don't stop.

Two Day Lillies. Yellow. Forget your worries.

He wonders if his mysterious flower-giver knows how appropriate this message is.

Today is better. His chest still hurts and crying has left him feeling aches in odd places, but he is not going to lose his breath today. Today, he takes time on his appearance to make himself feel better. And to wash away the blotchy, swollen evidence of his crying fit, but that doesn't matter. Not today.

Today is a good day, whether it wants to be or not.

Today, Glynda gives him an strange look that lasts a few seconds too long. He knows that she sees some remaining redness in his eyes and the rawness where he scrubbed the tear-tracks from his cheeks, but she says nothing and he offers no explanation. There is no explanation to give.

He sees you today. You smile at him, like you always do.

"You look..." you begin to say, and trail off.

Like I've been crying, he imagines, ready for you to point out that, despite the fact that he tried to cover it up, he really does look awful after yesterday's episode. Tired. Washed-out. Like I haven't slept, perhaps? Like I've been ill?

"... like you're feeling better," you finish decidedly. "Maybe... relieved. Better, anyway. It's nice to see you like this."

He smiles all the way back to the tower.

Don't stop.

One gardenia. White. You are lovely.

Ozpin brings the flower to his face to hide the flush of embarrassment that turns his cheeks pink.

He doesn't see you for a few weeks. This isn't all that unusual. He has the school to watch over, among other things, and you have your own work to keep you occupied. But, still, he makes a point to visit Forever Falls as often as he can spare the time, making excuses that here have been too many Grimm there for his comfort. If Glynda notices that he gives the Emerald Forest no such attention, she doesn't call him out for it.

It's silly, perhaps, to want to see you so much. He's not even sure why, only that it is so good to go to somebody who you know will be glad to see you and will always have some time to spare just for you, no matter the circumstances.

You are that person, for him. He doesn't know if you do that for everybody or only a special few. He cannot imagine a reason that would make him special, though. Not to you.

He doesn't find you today, but he'll see you soon. He's sure of it.

Seven pansies. Red. You occupy my thoughts.

Forever Falls. Red leaves swirl across the ground in a windswept tumble.

"I missed you!" he says before he can stop himself, and you look as surprised as he feels by his outburst.

"You did?" You smile in a way that is almost bashful, but too genuinely pleased to be dimmed by such shyness. "Aw..."

Ozpin inwardly berates himself for such a lapse in control as embarrassment makes him want to cringe. He can feel a heat rising from his chest and can only hope that he doesn't give in to this body's unfortunate predilection for blushing.

"Oz, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," you say, and the professor is no longer as embarrassed as he is disappointed with himself.

It can't be, he thinks, but it is. He has never allowed himself to be open with you or with anyone, but in the one moment he left himself unguarded, he spoke on single truth without covering it in shadows or burying it in irreverent context.

I missed you.

And so he says one more thing that is plain truth and just for you.

"How remiss of me. I should think of some nicer things to say."

Ten Morning Glories. Periwinkle. Affection.

Ozpin wonders.

He holds his hand out to you and you accept it. He remembers, in years and lives gone by, dancing like this, not amongst the forever falling red leaves, but at extravagant parties. Fine wine no longer made in crystal flutes and ladies in dresses of spun silk and moonlight kaleidoscoped by stained-glass windows and an orchestra playing music that has been forgotten in the last thousand years.

This, here and today with you, is better than all of that put together.

Ridiculous, he thinks, but it is true. And he does not want to admit it, not to himself and certainly not to you, but he knows why he feels like this.

Not yet. Not yet.

He asked you on a whim, bowing as was good etiquette, and you accepted before he even realized what he was doing. Now, he knows exactly what he's doing, and he leads you into the first steps of a dance that has been forgotten y time but not by him. You do not need to know the steps. He leads well enough to make up for it.

Don't stop.

Red leaves dance. Today, he dances with them.

He spins you and you laugh. You are not the best dancer he has ever been partnered with, but whoever they were, he doesn't remember them. They do not matter. You are here, dancing with him, and that is everything.

Don't stop.

Three Sweet Peas. Pink. Delicate pleasure. Thank you for a lovely time.

It must be you, he thinks, tenderly holding the delicate flowers to his face. The soft petals smell spicy, sweet, and fresh. Please be you.

He has begun meeting you at regular intervals, work be damned. You are always there when he needs you, and vice versa, without fail.

Don't stop.

On a cold day, he gives you his jacket. You don't give it back, but he ends up with one of your scarves, and he considers it just payment.

He brings hot cocoa to share. You act like it is a grand gift, but maybe it is - he can't recall ever sharing it before.

You dance with him in a rain of red leaves and he lets himself laugh with you when you slip and fall together. You don't bother to get up for a long time, reclining in the red leaves and watching a pale sky fill with vivid sunset colors.

He tells you fairy tales, and he thinks that you'll tire of them, but then you say, "Do you know the one about...?" and he is given the opportunity to recite your favorite to you. You say the words with him at the best parts, and he finds a new enthusiasm for the story that he never had before.

Don't stop.

Three chrysanthemums. Red. I love.

His heart soars.

He introduces you to Qrow more out of necessity than anything else. You meet on accident and it cannot be avoided. Qrow is, oddly, polite and charming, and far less flirtatious than he usually would be.

Ozpin is thankful, until Qrow smirks at him when your back is turned.

"Nice one, Oz," says Qrow, and Ozpin does resist the urge to facepalm. Barely.

Three Violets. Let's take a chance on happiness.

This time, you take his hand, and he does not dare to let go, not for a single moment. Time has been his ally and his enemy for all his lives, and he will not let it steal a single moment more of you from him. Whether this is what he believes it to be or not, whether you accept him in the end or not, he will treasure it all, and you will leave an imprint on his soul that will last all the rest of his lives, no matter how many of those he might have.

One rose. Orange. Enthusiasm. Desire. I am ready to be more with you.

This is it. This is it. It must be her.

Ozpin rushes to you the next day, and you run to meet him, and you fall into a kiss that speaks volumes. When it is over, he has no questions left (do you want me, do you love me, will you let me love you, can I touch you, would you be mine, would you take me, would you hold me, do you care, do you notice, do you feel this too), except for one.

"You gave me flowers?"

You smile at him. "I knew you'd figure it out."

Three tulips. Red. Believe me. I love you.

Three tulips. Cream. I will love you forever.

Don't stop.

[blackthumbgardenjournal]

6/24/2020

Things starting to happen now that we’ve hit the summer heat!

On the lemon cucumber front, they’re getting big. Like, bigger (and spikier) than I was expecting considering the picture in the seed catalog. One of the cucumber plants is doing amazing, one is possibly going to pop out a couple cucumbers maybe, and one is trying desperately to stay alive. It’s so strange to me how plants all planted at the same time in the same dirt with the same sun and water can grow so differently. 

The tomatillos are starting to pop up as little tiny green lanterns, and they are adorable.

And the first of my blueberry tomatoes turned red! But it was way tinier than I was expecting it to be (also because of the picture in the seed catalog). Maybe this was an early bloomer and the other tomatoes will get bigger? I have no idea. I harvested it, and cut the tiny thing in half to share with my daughter (who loves eating tomatoes). It was yummy (tasted like a tomato, so that was...good), but it was so tiny that I’m not 100% sure what I was tasting before it was gone. 

Some more flowers popping out (still don’t remember the name for this...I really need to go look for my bag of bulbs in the shed). Trying to decide if it’s way too late in the year to plant the rest of the bulbs, since I have two empty areas just waiting on dirt. 

And the first of my hibiscus flowers unfurled its petals. Unfortunately, the hibiscus bush (which is gigantic now, probably from daily watering) has an aphid infestation. There’s like thousands of tiny white & black dots on a lot of the buds, and like two lone ladybugs trying their hardest to eat all of them. I’ve been blasting the plant with strong streams of water to try to knock them off without buying pesticides or anything (sorry poor ladybugs who were just trying to help me out!), but not sure if it’s a good long-term plan despite it being surprisingly cathartic.

I did a few chores yesterday. I deadheaded most of the remaining chrysanthemums (they were kind of sickly looking blooms anyways, wilting before they were fully bloomed) and getting rid of any dead stems. I also read this thing about creating a mowing garden, where you plant clover or other similar plants that will help pollinators when they flower, but then are meant to be mowed down. Since my front lawn is mostly this dead brown crunchy expanse (like, seriously, the gardener doesn’t even show up anymore because there’s literally nothing to mow), I shook out my remaining half a container of grass seed and then added a couple of packets of clover and buckwheat that I had anyways (they were supposed to go in the spaces between the sidewalk and the street, but we’ve resorted to just cutting everything down). I’m hoping that these plants are hardier than whatever my grass was. Plus they’re supposed to be nitrogen-fixing, meaning that when you mow them when they flower, nitrogen goes into the ground (making it better? I’m hoping it’s better), so perfect for a mowing garden. We’ll see what happens. I didn’t really prepare the ground, just tossed them in my lawn and watered thoroughly. A little worried the abundance of birds outside are just going to eat it all before it sprouts, but whatever. They won’t even touch the fancy peanut-butter bird food I put outside, so their loss. 

Every day seems to bring new developments in the garden. I’ve developed a habit of wandering about whenever I find myself outside examining all the new details of my plants (even if I was just outside only a few hours before), looking for new baby leaves or just admiring the shapes and colors of everything. It’s a way of grounding me to the earth, and it does calm me (when I’m not stressing about caterpillars or aphids).