#some of us ship ourselves with characters as a coping mechanism

[alt-zadr-b1tch3z]

ALT-ZADR-WEEK 2024

This event is inspired by the vintage culture of Invader Zim (1990s/2000s) and largely relates to fashion and media trends of that time. This year pays homage to that via the magic of alternate universes and the creativity of the fandom when exploring them. RULES: Must be 18+ to enter   Both written and drawn submissions may apply To submit applications, post to tumblr and tag your submission as @alt-zadr-b1tch3z​   Do not harass the Artists/Writers  It is the preference of the blog creator that you depict Zim and Dib as Adult versions of the original characters. However, underage iterations of Zim and Dib will be posted if the artwork meets the criteria of Disney shipping (cheek kisses, holding hands, exchanging gifts, hugging, Not Being Sexual) No depictions of Racism, Sexism, Pedophilia, Homophobia, Transphobia;  or anything else I think is deplorable will be reblogged. I personally will block you if you’re being disgusting or a bigot.

Trigger warnings MAY include: Blood, Eyestrain, Drugs, Needles, Cutting, Gore, Suicide Mention, Murder, Violence, Infanticide, Patricide, Negative Depictions of Hospitals, Gay Cartoon Characters, Guns, Weapons, Vomit, and much more!  Feel free to send asks about specific things you want tagged.   Disclaimer: This blog does not condone any unlawful or harmful acts depicted in the events submissions. I will do my best to tag content for trigger warnings but may screw up, I’m just one dude. Negative mental health symptoms such as suicidal ideation, violent tendencies, long lasting depression, and many unmentioned others; are all things that deserve to be depicted in art and shared within an understanding and mature community. Sharing your experience with other like minded people is an important part of the coping process, and makes us feel less alone when we face the dark feelings within ourselves. It’s ok to fuck up and do the things you’re not supposed to, no one is perfect. You deserve to get the most out of life that you can. Healing is a slow process and it’s ok to acknowledge your bad feelings through art. If you are experiencing mental health problems, please seek out a professional avenue for help, or find some kind of healthy coping mechanism. You will thank yourself when you look back on it.  Thank you, for reading my preachy little blurb about why leaking brain badness is good sometimes. Please enjoy the showcase <3

IDEAS FOR SUBMISSIONS: The categories and subcategories are loose and unstrict, do what you want to with the prompts given, and have fun with it! 

Word prompts: Scene Word Generator   Fashion Prompts: Emo fashion board Scene fashion boards ART INSPO

[ajokeformur-ray]

Self-shipping reminders✨

I wasn’t going to say anything because I don’t want to start any drama and I don’t want to feed into anything which is going on behind the scenes, but I’ve noticed some concerning dialogue being used to relation to self-shipping such as “I don’t want to get in the way of others’ relationships” and “this relationship isn’t mine so I don’t want to be open about it” and “there’s no one else I can see with this character apart from you” and I feel the need to make some important reminders and hopefully shed some light on this. I have never seen this before within this community as far as self-shipping goes. I don’t know how it started and I don’t care, either, and I’m using this post as hopefully a form reminder/to gently educate new self-shippers because I don’t like the idea that people are holding back from their own self-shipping for the sake of other people’s. That’s not right. It’s never been within this community before and I hope it stops soon because it’s adding a toxic element to what’s meant to be a coping mechanism/self-care/fun, which is all self-shipping is. 

If you disagree with anything I’ve just said or with anything beneath this cut, you’re free to unfollow/block. Don’t come into my inbox with anything rude unless it’s a genuine question. I woke up feeling Joker-y and I’m on my first coffee of the day so right now I don’t care about any waves I may create with this post.

So here we go. 

No one can monopolise any character. Within the minds of all of us, there is a different version of these characters we love. These are our own individual interpretations and no one sees them in exactly the same way. As such, though the character may be under one umbrella term, the version of the character you have in your mind is yours. You can say that your version of a character is yours, but to say that the character from the canon is yours and no one else can F/O them is wrong.

“I don’t want to get in the way of other people’s relationship” - To follow on from what I said in the first bullet point, you cannot and you will not “get in the way” if you share an F/O with someone else. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable with sharing an F/O and it’s also okay to be comfortable with sharing an F/O. We’re all different, you do you. We all have different versions of the same characters within ourselves, which means that every relationship is different and you won’t get in the way. There’s nothing to get in the way of. The only similarities between a shared F/O is the name. Everything else is different because different people have different relationships.

“There’s no one else I can see this character with apart from you.” This one is sweet and I received a comment like this yesterday, but it gives off possessive “No one else can love this character” vibes and I don’t like that. If you’re going to say something like this, then please say it in private so that others who may see it won’t be upset or hurt by it. Everyone has their own relationships with characters and everyone’s relationship is unique. Your version of a character will only ever be with you. Someone else’s version of a character will only ever be with them. To say, “I can only see your F/O with you” is okay to say because there’s a distinction between the canon character and your own individual interpretation. But to use an umbrella term here can be upsetting to some and it’s not okay.

If you’re uncomfortable with sharing an F/O, that’s fine. Tell people and be honest about it and leave it there. But do not be made to feel or make others to feel like you can’t share F/Os. Self-shipping is so personal it’s almost spiritual and as I said earlier, it’s about your own happiness. You can encourage others in their own ships and still have your own ship with the same character. You cannot “claim” a character as yours. You cannot stop yourself or others loving a character and if any of these points have made you defensive, then I would like you to stop and reflect on why that is before you come into my inbox (if you want a point of clarification or you have a question, that’s okay, but please be careful of your wording - if it even sounds rude I’ll delete your ask). 

Most importantly - let yourself be happy, my love.💜 If your friends have a ship with a character and you’d like to F/O them too, then do so. Don’t hold yourself back just because you want to get in the way, you might upset your friend etc. I appreciate that and I’m sure your friend will, too, but any decent friend worth having will encourage you in self-shipping and will build you up as much as you do for them. Life’s rough and self-shipping is a super healthy and normal coping mechanism and if it brings you joy??? Go for it!!!

That’s all I have to say for now but I might add things to this later on. Feel free to reblog with your own additions.

[ryuichirou]

Hi, Ryu❤️ Hope u’r doing well❤️

Since u’r talking about ships lately, I’m really curious to hear your opinion about Aru//Ani, its execution, development and progression throughout the whole plot👀, if it’s not a problem and especially if u have the time to. Its shippers claim Isym has been doing a great build up since FT arc (???) and that, despite the lack of development onscreen, the dynamic makes sense (???) cause they “complete” each other and they learnt how to “love and respect” each other throughout the past 4 years (???!!!).

And... I don’t know, Ryu: I really tried to consider their pov, even reread the A/A interactions and look at the dynamic with shipping goggles on, but I really failed to see and understand what they claim. Actually, I keep seeing this dynamic as insulting not just for Armin and Annie’s characters in first place, but also for Eren, Mikasa, Hitch and Berthold. Moreover, it seems nothing but an addiction made out for fanservice, cause it serves absolutely nothing to the plot: if u cut their interactions post 131ch, the story wouldn’t change in the least. Also, their interactions weren’t even that romantic and weren’t focused at all about their supposed “crush” for each other. I personally believe Armin is using Annie as coping mechanism and/or just a mean to substitute Eren; whereas Annie is substituting Armin with her father, cause she feels adrift and desperate, and seeks for someone who cherishes her and appreciates her for the person she is no matter the harsh things she did in the past (I’m crying for Hitch in the mid time....). Other than that, I’m believing also in Berthold’s influence on Armin, cause it’s the only explanation for the sudden interest of boy towards girl, that happen to begin exactly after he ate Berthold: it can’t be just a coincidence imo.

So yeah, at the end of the day, I’m pretty sad cause I used to love both the characters and now I’m much conflicted atm, cause I see nothing but a huge derailment for both and a waste for Annie’s one, who’s developing literally over a love interest... And it’s a very huge pity to me.

Sorry for the big ask, lol... I have this weight on my chest and I confess it’s actually ruining my love for SnK: I feel like everything after 131ch started sucking pretty hard... Plus, the fandom became more toxic than ever😔😔😔

I was waiting for someone to ask me about them eventually, and honestly... Anon, you're such a big mood lol

You’ve guessed correctly: I don’t like AruAni. Not because we personally don’t ship it, but because it doesn’t make sense and (for now) it’s unclear what it the purpose of this storyline and if there’s even going to be a purpose. I don’t recommend anyone shipping them reading my reply.

Basically, Anon, you’ve described everything perfectly, so I’m just going to agree with all your points. I also don’t see a reason for Armin to have this type of love for Annie. I see a coping mechanism, I see something to escape to from the Eren problem, I can even see a self-punishment of sorts, but I don’t see that sweet crush we’re led to believe is there. See, Armin didn’t even know Annie that well. They talked like twice, and then the Female Titan thing happened, and then… he was talking to her for years, but he still never learnt anything about her. How can he love her if he doesn’t even know who the fuck Annie is? And yeah, it’s convenient Bertold timing, I wonder if it’s going to come up later.

We feel like it’s unfair to other characters. It’s also extremely unfair to Hitch that’s also been here for Annie for all those years but didn’t get the special treatment for some reason. Like... their reasoning would be pretty much the same, they could’ve made Hitch her love interest for all the same reasons.

It’s unfair to Annie herself, because, based on what we know about her, she’s drawn to stubborn idiots going against the flow. Because she herself could never do that. This is the point of her character: she could never stand against what people asked her to do, even when she knew it was useless or wrong. This is why Eren intrigues her, this is why Marlo intrigues her.

Of course I’m biased here, and don’t get me wrong: I don’t see EreAnnie becoming a canon thing either lol and I talked about how I don’t care about ships being canon in general a bunch of times already. I’m saying this as an example of a dynamic that actually... works for her type of character. But all the development Annie’s got was kickstarted by Eren being interested in her fighting style and being the first person who legitimately interested her on this island (and who was interested in her too to some extent, at least interested in something she was proud of and deeply loved). She also deeply appreciated it, they had funny dialogues together, and he was the first and only person she had flirted with, which is a huge step for a character as shy, distant and serious as Annie. Seeing her now blushing for Armin looks like a joke when you keep these things in mind. You can listen to his stories all you want, but it’s strictly one-sided. And, like I said, Hitch can also have the same chances with this type of logic. Their pie-eating scene has more chemistry than all AruAni moments.

The “good person/bad person” dialogue with Armin doesn’t feel like a development to me because they were just mirroring each other’s thoughts, so it’s like talking to yourself…

Ok, that was a little bit off topic lol. But yeah, this is why for now we think that either there will be a twist of sorts (i’ll take killing Armin as a twist) or the editor just made Isayama push this narrative, since Isayama doesn’t strike me as a type who likes romance that much or ships his own characters, plus he used romance for proving the cruel world motif so many times already. Or this is just exactly what it is, a last minute het romance, and we’ll end up sitting there like bitter losers being all upset, Anon haha

The fandom’s always going toxic and pretty feral as soon as het couples pop up, and in general huge fanbases mean nothing good unless you want that sweet clout to make money or get attention, so the only thing I can advice you is to distance yourself from them so that it won’t ruin your SnK experience even more. I don’t know you or your feelings, but I think you’re just upset about AruAni thing, this is why the manga sucks to you right now (well, you basically said it yourself, if I got you correctly). And that’s fine and we’re annoyed by this thing a lot too, so we can definitely understand this sentiment. Personally, we pretend like this bs romance never happened so it won’t ruin our experience, and we’ll see what to think about it when SnK is over. Like, what if it’s just a plot device and we get ourselves worried about nothing? I wanna believe that... :”)

And can I just… use this chance to say how frustrated I am that the majority of Annie content there is is either AruAni or BerAni (or the trio)? It’s like she isn’t important when she’s not in the context of those relationships… It upsets me a lot.

Let me just say this… Reiner had more development with Annie than Armin and Bertolt combined. There, I said it. And Reiner’s fucking gay.

Overall, we’ll see how everything plays out, and then you can come again to us and we’ll bitch together lol

[papatonyinsandiego]

I am dying, and that’s okay: an extraordinary life-history of love and accomplishment

My full-body paralysis is accelerating.  I have come to acceptance of my eventual fate.  Here is why:

Dozens of doctors, nurses, specialists and other professionals have done their very best for me.  Whatever medical predicament that has shown up in my life has proven to be so rare that it can’t be identified, cured or slowed down.  

So be it.  I can’t keep fighting it, because it just stresses everyone out, and doesn’t improve a damn thing.  The last year and a half have proved that.

We all die eventually.  If I were to be hit by a truck, I would die quickly.  I would hate to go away without hearing from my loved ones first, and without telling THEM how much pleasure it has brought me to know them.

Life stuck at home would be boring if I was alone and friendless.  I am as far from alone and friendless as any human could ever be. My loved ones (particularly my husband of nearly thirty years) have been vigilant, loyal and attentive.  Every day is an exercise in gratitude and blessings.

Now that so MANY fine folks know what is going on, I get love all day, every day.  It’s a little overwhelming, but I am coping.  I’m going out with a bang, but one that just keeps happening over a stretch of months.

I have never been motivated by awards - I have always been determined to achieve RESULTS, over and over, for my entire adult life.  Well, I can’t do that any more, so now it’s time to allow people to give me loving approval, blessings and awards, big and small.  I continuously get emails, phone calls and texts, with folks checking in, which thrills me, and fills my days with loved ones sharing kindness, and generosity of spirit.

We are completing our relationships with each other, while we have the chance.  What could be better than that?

If it was just the QUANTITY of friends that was showing up, that would be pretty darned nice.  However, the folks checking in are examples of QUALITY that have brought richness and deep, meaningful satisfaction to my entire life. Absolutely nothing else could bring so much joy to my existence.  We are loving each other for the very best reasons.

I am glad to say that my love for so many people has been returned at full measure, all along.  My natural, affectionate ways have made me show up with the personality of a big, sweet Saint Bernard puppy. 

That was because I had made a conscious decision to be that way, all of the way back in 1976.  

At that time, I was a desperate young leather punk who had survived a violently abusive childhood, and had attempted suicide twice already.  I was heading downward fast, until the day that I asked my oldest brother what I had been like as a small child.

He told me that I had been the sweetest child ever - Whenever there was something fun going on, I was right in the middle of it.  If someone was sad, I was the first one to comfort them.  If it was time to dance, or to sing loud and proud, I was the one who got the party started.

In the course of that long-ago, brief conversation, my life transformed instantly.  I made an adult decision: the only path out of my deep despair was to be true to my loving, open-hearted and generous nature.  I decided to treat everyone as my favorite sister or brother, and to always see the majesty and worth in everyone.  I have never regretted that decision.

Shortly after that, I found my Tribe - I was surrounded with love, respect and mentoring in the gay leathermen's community.  While I was in my early twenties, I interviewed men who had been together since the 1920’s, 1930’s and 1940’s, asking them how they had managed to make their love last.  I questioned hundreds of older, wiser men, asking them about interpersonal dynamics, finances, sex, coping mechanisms and everything else that could help me to be a better man.

Then, things got so very much worse, just a few short years later.  The men in my life started dying, and FAST.  The men who had meant so much to me were the first to go, and I felt so incomplete - I had never had a chance to tell them how much they had impacted my life for the better.

At that time, nobody knew how AIDS was spread.  Was it transmitted through saliva, or touch, or could it be breathed in through the air?  We were all terrified.  The tightly-bound community that had shared the 1970′s rocket-ship to the stars instantly crumbled as we ran away from each other in terror.

I showed up at the hospital to visit a young man who had changed from a thriving, lively 21-year-old into a dying man in only three weeks’ time.  Nobody would go near him or comfort him. The nurses and doctors wore those full-body Hazmat suits, IF they even dared to enter his hospital room.  Most didn’t.

My young friend was dying fast, and he knew it.  In his fear and despair, what he wanted more than anything else was to be HELD, but nobody would come within fifteen feet of him.  As I stood in the doorway, he cried and cried.  I made a fateful decision that I have never regretted.  I crawled into that cold, sterile hospital bed with him, and I gave up my fears.  I held him, loved him and comforted him.  

This shocked the shit out of the medical professionals, but I didn’t care.  I was there in that same hospital bed, holding him on his final day, telling him “It’s okay to go now.”  After he died, I kept going back to the hospital again and again, and did the same loving service for around fifty men as they were dying.  I knew none of them before I came to them - they were all my brothers in need, and I had pledged whatever was left of my life to bringing them comfort when they needed it most.

While this was going on, I was attending two or three funerals a week, for years.  I stopped counting at 140 friends and loved ones who died in my life.  This left a terrible wound in my heart, and I suffered terribly from Survivor’s Guilt.  For years after, I stopped allowing myself to have friends, because I couldn’t bear the pain of investing in someone, just to watch them die.  AGAIN.  I had burned out.

Then, one day, I realized that I couldn’t hide out from life any more.  My life had led me to the point of taking on leadership in the kinky leather community.  Nobody loved us, wanted us or trusted AIDS-ridden, kinky scum like us.  So, _I_ would love us.

I started creating thousands of “Guaranteed Safe Spaces” - social events that were kindly, sweet and manifestly diverse.  I was determined that every man who showed up would KNOW that he was welcome, valued and would get what he needed most - affectionate brotherhood.  At that point in gay leathermen’s history, sex was easy to find, but true friendship and long-term love was difficult to find and maintain - We were too wounded from loss, and fear of intimacy.

My goal was to end the AIDS Holocaust phase, and to bring on the NEXT phase, which was kinder, contained more variety and was downright joyful.  I worked every day to make this happen, until I couldn’t any longer.  

My physical limitations have caused me to hand away the next phase to those who have gladly taken on the job.  I am surrounded by those men and women who have brought their courage, heart and idealism to the challenge of uniting us all in the best expressions of ourselves.

In the old days, San Diego’s kinky community was a toxic stew of bitterness, competition and zero-sum philosophy.  Decades later, we are known worldwide for having the lowest level of cynicism of any city on earth.  I like to think that I had some small part in San Diego’s well-earned reputation for sweetness, diversity and cooperation.  It takes a village to make that happen.  We all have to agree that we will settle for nothing less, and we DO.

I can rest now, knowing that the bright, eager and idealistic faces among us are taking on new challenges for the new days ahead.  I know these folks, having intensively mentored and befriended many of them.  I trust their bountiful natures, their true hearts, and their admirable character. I’ve seen our worst days, and after so many years, I see that our best days have arrived.

At this end of my life, I am endlessly grateful for the true friends who have brought me the deepest satisfaction.  I never got around to making my first million dollars, but that was never the goal.  In my opinion, I am richer than I ever could have imagined.  Yes, I have had challenges and setbacks, but with so many folks standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me over the years, we are co-creating the possibility of younger generations standing upon our shoulders.

I can ask for nothing better.  My work here is done.

[enter-the-phantom]

A few words on the selfship community that probably will and should make you mad (rant incoming from an angry sick person who loves their small blog friends and hates elitism)

The selfship community actually really sucks. I’m saying it, because I haven’t seen anyone else say it. I don’t care that this post is going to piss people off. I’m saying it anyway bc I’ve had a lot of meds, bad medical news, I’m pissed, and I’m tired of seeing all the sadness on my homepage from our community and I’m saying something about it. This post may get a little angry and accusatory, so if you don’t like that, keep scrolling, because I’m saying what I want to say and what needs to be said. It’s totally okay to reblog though as long as you’re not trying to fight me on this. I’m not arguing about this post. I know it will rub some folks the wrong way and I’m okay with that.

I’ve seen so many people upset and feeling invalidated bc they’re constantly ignored no matter how hard they try to participate and be included. And then I see other people, the “selfshipping elite”, if you will, who are elite often for no reason other than the “high quality” content they post or their number of followers, receive tons and tons of unprompted letters, art, etc every day and I’m just like...we can see that people are being left out and hurt. Can you maybe back off the selfship celebrities and spend some of that time supporting the new people and the small blogs? Leave a nice comment. Send a kind ask. Maybe don’t draw your fifth piece of gift art for a huge celebrity blog and send a doodle to someone who’s sad about feeling invalidated and forgotten.

You don’t have to know their chosen characters. It isn’t hard to leave a sincere comment or a kind reblog about how cute and wonderful they are together, because they are and they deserve your support. You don’t have to spend hours on a fancy art piece for them, you don’t have to flood your blog with reblogs of other ships if you don’t want to. Likes and kind comments and sincerely interested asks are fast, easy, and they cost you nothing. This community is about supporting one another. If you don’t want to participate and prefer to selfship on your own, that’s totally fine! This is NOT directed at people who prefer to ship in a solitary way. But if you do and your participation is focused on one or two blogs with hundreds of followers and notes per post, who you know has a large support system, try sharing that love with someone who needs it. (I’m not talking about ignoring your bff blog for a stranger. I’m talking about sharing your time with those in our community who feel lonely and left out.)

And don’t even get me started on the events that reward massive blogs and force small blogs to the back. I personally know at least seven people, not including myself, who have dropped out of participating in the takeover events and Letters to my S/I because they are ignored and cast aside no matter what they do and how hard they try. They send letters, they make promos, and they get nothing. They watch other blogs receive 10+ letters from their f/o’s, and don’t receive a single one. Clearly people feel comfortable writing for their favs because they’re doing it over and over and over again for the big blogs. Fuck that. And then there’s the elitist nature of how we lift up the blogs and people who create “better” and “more advanced” art and content and ignore the less experienced artists bc they’re “not as pretty” for your blog to reblog. Don’t pretend we don’t do it, because we do. The validity of someone’s feelings and ships is not proportionate to how well they write or how pretty their pictures are. It is not proportionate to how developed their ship is.

I get that this community is BIG and people will inevitably somehow be left out simply bc of the sheer size. But we can alleviate that with small, easy acts of kindness that take seconds your time. You don’t have to spend all day looking for small blogs to send love to. But you see someone on your dashboard with single digit notes, talking about their faves or posting art or writing or anything at all, tapping the like button takes less than a second. Saying something pointed and sincere and kind is so, so fast and easy. A lot of you are spending that time worshipping blogs who you think will reward you somehow for it anyway, so there’s no excuse.

The thing with selfshipping is that we, like it or not, do not receive validation from the people we love bc they cannot physically do it. They’re not in our plane of existence, they’re not “real”. And many of us use this is a coping mechanism because we do not feel loved and seen in our own outside lives. It is a terrible feeling to find a community you believe will see you, will help you feel loved and validated, and to be ignored over and over again, through no fault of your own. It messes with you, because you have not progressed to the point where you can rely on your f/o to help you feel seen, and no one will tell you that your f/o sees you. Many of us, especially those with low self esteem who are still learning to love ourselves, cannot rely on our f/o’s for that love and validation. It has to come from outside of us, from the community. And too many members of our community are not receiving that, for no good reason other than we’re too busy sending it to others who already have it.

We’re giving hundred dollar bills to some people while others are begging for pennies. Split the difference. It isn’t hard.

This community is not as supportive and wonderful as we act like we are and I’m getting real fucking sick of it.

Reblog this, get mad, tell me I’m bitter. I don’t care. I didn’t write this to be nice. I didn’t even write it about me. My relationship with my f/o’s is solid enough to where relative silence on my blog doesn’t bother me too much anymore (although to be bitter for a second here, I am baffled that I have 500+ followers and average about 5 notes per post involving selfshipping. I mean...thanks for following me. But the only people who interact with me here are maybe two or three people I know fairly well. Which is confusing. I’m more confused over that than I am bitter or upset though, I promise). I wrote this for all the other folks I’ve seen who are still learning how to believe in their f/o’s love, and aren’t being encouraged on that journey.

[crystallinee-waters]

I’ve seen this a lot, so I’m just gonna say this:

Don’t feel bad about your fictional ships, or the fictional character you like.

Sometimes it’s easy to fall into the trap of guilt or exaggerated introspection to the point of questioning your own morals. But don’t.

You will only be able to stop feeling guilty by embracing yourself and your passions. You have the right to ship whatever fictional ship you wanna ship as long as no real person gets hurt - that's it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Make sure not to cross-tag. We like what we like for different reasons. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. Maybe it’s a safe escapism exploration. Who’s business is it? None but yours. If it makes you happy, it has a value.

Don't apologize for yourself. Don't live in a state of constantly worrying what antis will think or do. If someone genuinely and respectfully wants to know your reasons - that’s fine. You can give them if you want but you are under no obligation to.

Antis tend to abuse if you let them, so don’t. The abuse an anti can try to inflict on real persons cannot be compared to any fictional character. I’ve seen it all, so many times, how vast the damage is that antis will try to inflict on other real people over a fictional ship or a fictional character.

All this introspection can easily become destructive to our peace of mind. It's a great thing to be aware of ourselves and our motivations - you definitely should. See it and let it go. Obviously you should not give anyone else shit for what they ship. You can hate a ship, character, whatever, as long as you’re not in the shippers’ faces or their tags about it. I know I can stand up for my case if I decide to. But I mostly ignore antis, they are not worth my time. But if your own mind tries to make you an anti of yourself, then you have to check how you look at yourself and your choices. Support yourself in your decisions, value your own worth and right to like whatever you want. Your taste in fiction is NOT a reflection of your personal boundaries, morals and values. It’s an escape and exploration.

There are definitely things that I would rather not see at all, that makes me feel some type of way, or ships that make me feel pure disgust, but would I ever bother someone over it? No. I just move on with my day. If needed, I talk to my friends about it in closed spaces and we process it together.

That’s what functional people do. What you see on your dash, feed, in your fandom, on social media - it is your own sole responsibility to filter and manage so you don’t see things that are triggering, upsetting or makes your experience bad. The content you consume is only your responsibility. No one else can be expected to do that for you.

The real world is so much more important, we don’t know what’s going to happen to us tomorrow, and antis need to go outside.

[sweet-shipper-dreams]

I know this is a stupid question because it is fantasy but: 1.) I have a hard time believing that my F\O loves me because why he should? It is like I cannot even allow myself these fantasies. 2.) I do not like Sharing my f/o with somebody else. I know that there is the idea of multiple universes but I am to stubborn or something. I know I should just accept. Do you have any idea what to do? Pls help. ❤️

Your question isn't stupid, anon. I know it feels that way, but we homo sapiens just love being hard on ourselves, don't we? We won't even allow ourselves a fantasy, or if we think we aren't fantasizing "right", then it's stupid. As if there's a right way to imagine what makes you happy.

A lot of what you said applies to many others, including myself. You're not alone here!

1.) Feeling like there's so reason your f/o would love you, it absolutely sucks, and I've gone through it a lot. There's multiple reasons one could feel that way. A) Your f/o's personality doesn't match yours, or their personality is such that you cannot imagine them loving at all. B) Your f/o has a particular type, and you feel you do not match it. C) You struggle to find good qualities about yourself, and think your f/o deserves better (hard relate). Those are just three, there could be plenty other reasons.

To this I would say: Don't underestimate how much power you have over your own fantasy, and don't be afraid to mould it exactly how you want.

If you cannot allow yourself a fantasy, twist it, bend it, shape it to be the perfect world where everything makes sense and you never have to question why things are happening the way they are. Personality differences? Your f/o is your f/o for a reason. If it's something you have in common, build on that! Cherish it, appreciate it. If it's the polar opposite of you, well, you still love them for being so wildly different, is it so hard to believe they do the same? Their world would be so monotonous if they never found someone who's different, who challenges them, who offers a new perspective. Make it a part of the fantasy that they adore the one thing that brought you together.

Are they the type of person to not fall in love? They might be lonely, they might be waiting for the perfect person, and that person is you! Don't underestimate destiny, the red string of fate, it's a perfectly valid reason for your fantasy to be reasonable, no questions asked. Pick your poison, suit your needs.

If the problem is insecurity, a self esteem issue, then of course, it's trickier. I understand how hard it can be to believe you deserve your f/os, especially if you think they could do better, or what would draw them to me?

The first step in this case would be to identify when these thoughts appear, and then shut them down. I won't ask you to eliminate them completely, or start thinking positively in the blink of an eye. These things take time. But someone said "if you don't have anything good to say, say nothing at all." Don't entertain these thoughts. Recognize them as self sabotage, and distract yourself if you cannot eliminate them.

In my case, said distraction is my fantasy.

Again, you have so much control over your fantasy. Bend it to suit your needs, it doesn't have to be pure, or artistically perfect, or even make sense. It's for you, and it should bring you joy.

You are an iconic hero! You conquered your own self doubt and decided to engage in what you like! Your f/o admires that - how amazing that you can engage in this act of self care and beat back those negative thoughts! It motivates them to not give in to their own self doubt.

Something big happened in the fantasy! You saved their life, or you helped them through a tough time, or you talked to them when they were feeling lonely. You did something, and your f/o never forgot how much they appreciated it.

Those reasons I gave up there are entirely self-indulgent (exposing myself out here), but that's the point. It's your story. Make up a reason, any reason, to allow yourself it.

2.) Not being comfortable sharing f/os is, again, completely valid! I know many people who feel the same, and it's not something to be ashamed about. People self ship for various reasons, be those comfort or romantic feelings for your f/o, and they are all reasonable. And some of these reasons make it so you feel possessive of your character. Some of us (me) introspect away trying to figure ourselves out (what I've landed on is that my f/o is a source of comfort, which I would like to be my own, and it feels weird that other people are using the concept that I've adopted as my comfort blanket. Your reasons could be different.)

The point is that if you're not comfortable sharing f/os, you can always mention this explicitly, ask people not to interact if they ship with the person you do, and just generally avoid bumping into self shippers who share your f/o. There's nothing wrong about that, it's a way to make sure both you and the other person involved are comfortable, you're not hurting anybody, you're just laying down your boundaries and leaving others to lay down theirs. In my mind, that's a very healthy way to self ship.

If multiple universes is not an acceptable solution to you, then it helps to think that no one knows your f/o, or has the same relationship with them, as you do. There's a unique, personal element to your self ship, as there is to every self ship, so cherish that instead of wondering if others are doing it better. Your f/o loves that uniqueness about you two, too.

I really hope I could help you, anon. I'm no expert on any of these matters, personally, and am speaking from personal experience and a very, very basic knowledge of psychology and coping mechanisms. I wish you the best, though, and if you're struggling with self esteem issues, then, know that there is someone out there who is proud of the simple fact that you're making a move to overcome them. Me! And if anyone reads this (wow, thank you) and has something helpful or some information to give to anon, feel free to reblog. I would love to see it, too.

[therealsehinton]

An essay by Susan

Heyyy, so I haven’t made a good post with actual value for a while, so idk how many people are going to see this but I hope a few do. Okay so I’ve been seeing certain discussions on Tumblr that a part of me is like: lol what if I talk about this. Because I love talking. So let’s go.

Let’s talk about toxic relationships in The Outsiders, oopsies. Alright so, I don’t really remember seeing this topic discussed often until recently--people would talk about weird and disgusting shippings, but never toxic. The first kind of post about this I can remember is when @twobitapologist was making a critique on Tally. And ever since then, this particular conversation seems to have blown up, eventually culminating in this phrase that I see often for some reason: all shippings in The Outsiders are toxic.

THAT’S what I want to talk about. I’m a BIG believer in how fiction influences reality, which is why I’m the first person to dive into these talks when they’re being had; if you’re not a believer of that then don’t bother reading because I doubt you’ll care about this idea and its implications. I’m especially wary of romantic pairings especially in fandoms with impressionable young people. And I’m overall glad that we’re all beginning to ALSO be wary of potentially bad relationships, however in that sense, we all have some learning to do because we have to be careful with what we label as toxic and whatnot. 

We critique the characters in The Outsiders often, which is good, it’s good to talk about their flaws. But in the moments we do this it’s like we separate who they are from reality, when actually the whole reason The Outsiders gained popularity was because of relatability. These people that Hinton created resonated with the lives that existed back then and the lives that still exist now, that’s why these characters have flaws in the first place, that’s why they have trauma. They’re a reflection of ourselves and I can tell that we are definitely losing sight of that. The characters were all traumatized, had experienced the effects of death, and lived under the patriarchy--the way people still do today. They acted the way people still do today. Like any other teenage boys, these boys did some shitty, stupid, immature things--and that was the point. I’m not necessarily saying you can’t call them toxic--I don’t want to erase that even though what they did was learned behaviors from society, they were still bad--but if you’re gonna call all those boys and girls toxic, you have to call the people around you and yourselves toxic as well--this children were made to represent you, your insecurities, and your reactions to the pressures of society. 

That being said: they’re kids at the end of the day. Kids get into relationships and kids grow, sometimes--especially when you can’t afford a therapist--these kids grow on their own(I don’t even wanna get into how the whole “they need therapy” rubs me off wrong considering none of them can afford therapy or medication, and it feels like some people are implying poor people who can’t get therapy will never mature by themselves). You can’t gatekeep relationships from poor children, and you can’t deny that, I’m sorry to say this, some relationships are more toxic than others. All teenage relationships are a little fucked, they’re based on immaturity and shared trauma, they lead to codependency and stupid decisions. Teenage relationships are never perfect and they never have been perfect. And some ARE worse than others.

Think about it this way. Say Johnny and Dally DO get therapy, that will result in them growing more and growing out of their extreme one-sided codependency issue. But say Dallas and Tim get therapy, no amount of therapy can erase physical abuse. Like I said, these kids can’t even afford that kind of care, they have to rely on their own personal growth. Time can heal some things, but it can’t heal abuse and established power dynamics--ie, think of Two-Bit being Pony’s babysitter, no matter how close in age they are that’s going to be weird considering their power dynamic, Two will always remember taking care of Pony as a family member would, therefore that’s weird as hell.

And you know, because teenage relationships are so fucked, some people opt to age them up. Which is VALID. It is valid to age up relationships, because, like I said, there ARE some things that time CAN fix--small, SMALL SMALL SMALL, age differences, coping mechanisms, yadda yadda yadda. Please do not hate on people who ship valid aged up shippings, AGAIN, UNLESS that shipping comes with a fucked up, established power dynamic--if someone cared for the younger as a child and saw them as a family member throughout both their youth, that’s going to be a weird power dynamic, if they never were close to them as young people and barely considered them as family, then it’s not that bad. 

We just. Gotta be careful with the words we use. Again, if you don’t care about fiction’s influence on reality--which in some cases, that’s okay, go do you--then don’t bother thinking over this post. This was created with the intent that the way we regard fictional relationships will create a healthier view of what romance can look like in real life--which will help you with your life choices like who you choose to date and even if you realize that romance isn’t something you’ll ever be interested in. Da? Da! 

[alt-zadr-b1tch3z]

This event is inspired by the vintage culture of Invader Zim (1990s/2000s) and largely relates to fashion and media trends of that time. This year pays homage to that via the magic of vhs horror movies. RULES: Must be 18+ to enter   Both written and drawn submissions may apply To submit applications, post to tumblr and tag your submission as @alt-zadr-b1tch3z​  Do not harass the Artists/Writers  It is the preference of the blog creator that you depict Zim and Dib as Adult versions of the original characters. However, underage iterations of Zim and Dib will be posted if the artwork meets the criteria of Disney shipping (cheek kisses, holding hands, exchanging gifts, hugging, Not Being Sexual) No depictions of Racism, Sexism, Pedophilia, Homophobia, Transphobia;  or anything else I think is deplorable will be reblogged. I personally will block you if you’re being disgusting or a bigot.

Trigger warnings MAY include: Blood, Eyestrain, Drugs, Needles, Cutting, Gore, Suicide Mention, Murder, Violence, Infanticide, Patricide, Negative Depictions of Hospitals, Gay Cartoon Characters, Guns, Weapons, Vomit, and much more!  Feel free to send asks about specific things you want tagged.  Disclaimer: This blog does not condone any unlawful or harmful acts depicted in the events submissions. I will do my best to tag content for trigger warnings but may screw up, I’m just one dude. Negative mental health symptoms such as suicidal ideation, violent tendencies, long lasting depression, and many unmentioned others; are all things that deserve to be depicted in art and shared within an understanding and mature community. Sharing your experience with other like minded people is an important part of the coping process, and makes us feel less alone when we face the dark feelings within ourselves. It’s ok to fuck up and do the things you’re not supposed to, no one is perfect. You deserve to get the most out of life that you can. Healing is a slow process and it’s ok to acknowledge your bad feelings through art. If you are experiencing mental health problems, please seek out a professional avenue for help, or find some kind of healthy coping mechanism. You will thank yourself when you look back on it.  Thank you, for reading my preachy little blurb about why leaking brain badness is good sometimes. Please enjoy the showcase <3

IDEAS FOR SUBMISSIONS: The categories and subcategories are loose and unstrict, do what you want to with the prompts given, and have fun with it! 

Word prompts: Scene Word Generator  Fashion Prompts: Emo fashion board Scene fashion boards ART INSPO

[beca-mitchell]

Help. I ship Avalance and even write FF for the ship, but with the things Caity Lotz have been doing and saying as of late, I am so bummed that I am not sure if I should continue writing or abandon the story. Any advise / tips on how to separate the actress from the character when writing? Thank you!

First of all, I’m sorry that your ship and fandom got saddled with hot garbage. I hope it all settles soon enough. I’m sorry that this has happened—this cannot be easy to process and it’s something I’m personally afraid of when one of the many white actresses I follow ends up being trash. 😭

Second—I think it helps to remember what you liked most about the ship and the fandom. And especially your writing! You shouldn’t let one dumb white actress ruin this experience for you.

Third—this is anecdotal, so bear with me: I don’t really have much concrete advice otherwise though. I’ve categorically removed myself from liking JK Rowling and Alexis Knapp but I continue to still enjoy aspects of Harry Potter (I grew up with it! It has saved my life on multiple occasions) and I don’t hate Stacie (I never was obsessed with her to begin with). 

I mean. I have so many thoughts on this. In terms of separation, however, I feel like you might benefit from understanding that the character would never say or do something like that. As far as I am concerned, Caity Lotz literally benefits from having LGBTQ+ fans. And now, she has chosen the path of continued willful ignorance and damaging rhetoric. She has, essentially, been disrespectful af and ignorant af. Ask yourself whether Sara Lance would ever do or say anything like that. I know it’s hard because it’s the face you associate with the character (and as with most tv or film-based fandoms, it’s so easy to tie the actor to the character). There is some power in reclaiming that character for you though. Just like there’s some power in reclaiming Harry Potter from JKR. Unfortunately consuming the media means that you continue to inadvertently support them.

There’s no easy way to go about this, but I think it all starts with what you need. And your path to healing. Some people may find it ridiculous that fans are so affected when one of their faves ends up being a Trump supporter or Trump apologist, or just generally ends up not being the hero they thought they were (sitting atop their privileged throne)...but to me it makes perfect sense. We spend so much time thinking about these actors and these characters. We use fandom as a coping tool and an escape mechanism. We use fandom as educational vehicles. We use fandom as a way to find ourselves and we, more often than not, attribute that to the actors (and authors) that we grow to care for and love. So when it happens that somebody ends up being the very antithesis to our values, our beliefs, and moral compass, it hurts a lot. And I hate even having to use those terms—values, beliefs, moral compass—as if there’s an ‘option’ for people. It hurts when the people that we’d stick our necks out for (whether they know so or not) would definitely not do the same for us.

So I think that you’re posing a bunch of interesting queries and I don’t think it’s a particularly new question that is addressed in fandom. Politics, value-systems, and intrinsic ‘goodness’ have always been bedrocks of fannish activities...it does ultimately matter what you want to do. I suggest picking up fics that you really loved if you want...but to ease your emotions, I would really delve into the character herself. What you love about the character that are separate from the physical characteristics. Emotional things.  Write about mental health, write about character growth, write about things that help you further separate the character from the, so-to-speak, ‘face claim’ lol. Because ultimately the character is not the actor as much as the actor wishes desperately to own that character. There is power in taking that back. That’s my opinion...I know others might feel differently.

Sorry, this ended up being so long and I don’t even know if I helped. Sending you love, though. I hope you feel better ❤️

[la5t-res0rt]

i was just sent a post from the blog who must not be named it was a post reblogged from someone who ive added to my list of really bad people but one of the things that struck me was a tag i saw in the post

antis seek therapy

we do

we do seek therapy often to combat the trauma some of us have endured through being groomed and being abused we spend time on ourselves to heal we find ways to cope and enjoy life again after it feels like parts of ourselves have been ripped from us and broken and tainted and violated

we work to be comfortable again we work to feel like ourselves again we find things we love again we allow ourselves to enjoy media again

we are taught to stand up for our own levels of comfort and to take control of the space around us we are taught mechanisms to move forward and we are encouraged to help others and support others at least thats what my therapist of multiple decades told me

we all seek shelter in our own ways and many people seek it in media its literally what so many beetlebabes shippers claim to be doing like they’re quote reclaiming some lost childhood thing unquote and yeah i think youre going about it in a terrible way that continues the cycle of pedophila and is normalizing it but thats not even what this is about right now this is about the blatant disrespect and inability to open your eyes to someone elses experience and story

so many antis are so uncomfortable with the content created by beetlebabe shippers myself included since its so similar to the material used to character veil up abuse me character veil down

we try to curate our spaces for that we say beetlebabes dni dont reblog dont put yourself in this space im making for myself but then people come in and call it gatekeeping and try to illustrate how someone is a bad person for not wanting exposure so pedophilic content like its absolutely baffling to me that people can state such a clear and simple rule and then people will whine and moan about it as if its oppression newsflash its not fucking oppression you whining slime mold being asked to not interact on the ground of pedophilia isnt fucking oppression read a book go outside and learn something anyway

people are entitled to have control over the space in which they occupy people have the control to remove people from their spaces its like ok weird metaphor but this whole ordeal with wearing masks in public spaces yes you may have the right to refuse to wear a mask and you have the right technically to harass service industry workers but the businesses that employ these workers also have the full right to not allow you in and to even remove you from the property free speech also comes with consequences this is such a simple principle like talk shit get hit metaphorically is basically the same principle

coming into someones space after they specified that that your content is something that makes them uncomfortable makes you a major asshole and also makes me think youre dumb and maybe cant read

all of that is bad enough

but to continuously berate someone and belittle their very real trauma all in the sake of you wanting to ship and post pedophilia is simply abhorrent it is truly vile behavior to come back multiple times is truly a disdainful act in my eyes and im sure im not the first person to feel this way

if youre close to people in the field of psychiatric medicine you should know better than to belittle someones trauma and as a csa survivor yourself you should have the compassion to respect someones boundaries

have you discussed this behavior with this psychiatrist husband of yours not the pedophilic stuff but this blatant disrespect and dismissal of someone elses trauma and the growth theyve achieved thanks to their therapy and counseling have you addressed this narcissistic holier than thou approach you have to discussing such serious issues with people because thats something that should be addressed along with your acceptance and tolerance and even romanticization of pedophilia in media

this is harassment and gaslighting in action folks nether receipts I hope youre taking notes because you clearly dont know what either term means and the fact that youve gone out of your way to promote this abusive behavior is yet another reason why people dislike you i can’t tag you because youve finally taken the hint and blocked me so I see no point but you know who you are also people don’t hate you because youre a woman they hate you because youre a pedophile anyway this isnt about you

back to the person im actually addressing

trauma is not an experience that is easy to read and apply to every person you yourself sourced years of trying to deal with what you went through who are you to dictate how long someone can feel pain for what theyve gone through who are you exactly to say whether or not if has been too long of a time for someones trauma to effect them you of all people should know that this shit doesnt go away it lingers and it grips you forever it doesnt matter if you’ve been apart from it for ten days or ten years

in one sentence you belittled a person for still being effected by their trauma and then in the next stated that the battle is life long which is it which statement do you actually beleive because it seems to me you only seem to care about your own horrible self without taking this other person into account at all because their response to their trauma was to break the cycle and work to make his space safer for himself and i beleive that takes more courage and more strength to actively oppose what hurt you rather than let it become how you cope and it becomes something you reintroduce into the cycle by keeping the its all okay attitude alive

i do not usually do direct posts its not exactly my style but i am so disgusted by what i have seen and what has been shared with me that it would be a disservice to not alert as many people as i can about your behavior

for a closing statement i will quote you

quote i hope you find your way to it instead of wasting all of your time being afraid of pictures and words on a screen, and picking fights with people who harm nobody unquote

what the fuck so you think youre doing by coming back over and over to belittle trauma denounce treatment and all around be unpleasant and high and mighty thats fucking harming people you narcissistic fool

im sorry you were hurt that fucking sucks but that doesnt give your the right for one fucking second to come into someones space where it was specified that you were not allowed and proceed to harass them and belittle them like you have done

@soeur-tiame you should be ashamed of yourself

dont bother responding as ive shown before with that transmed guy i dont like to waste any more of my time on filth than i need to

[sennamybeloved]

Farewell 2020!

A small post about my self shipping journey (+ some art at the end!)

I think we can all agree that 2020 was a pretty shitty year. There was a pandemic - there is still a pandemic, amongst many other tragedies. We’re all hoping that 2021 will be better, but part of me doesn’t want to leave 2020 behind. While this year as a whole was quite unfortunate, it was an important period of growth for me. As I enter the new year, I’m leaving a lot of past traumas behind, and I wanted to reminisce about one of the many things that helped me get to where I am today. That pulled me out of the darkness and helped me reclaim my life, my body and my mind: self shipping.

To some, that may sound foolish. But to me? It’s a creative way to practice self-love, using fiction, writing and art. Believing that your faves would love you is so difficult, yet so much easier than expecting to wake up one day and just love yourself. Us self shippers are loving ourselves through this characters, and I think that’s wonderful.

2020 started rough for me. Starting January 2nd, I went through an unpleasant situation that left me feeling apathetic and lost. A lot of past traumas were beginning to resurface, leaving me in an awful place starting April, really - and I didn’t want to do this alone.

Fortunely, I didn’t have to - or rather, I found a way to make facing it by myself a tad less frightening.

Enter Lucian and Senna, a fictional couple from a video game I’d been fixating on for the past 2 years. They came into my life on May 25th, but it feels like it was just yesterday. I was searching for secondary league f/os when I stumbled across them, and this sudden wave of love and infatuation hit me like a freight train. I hadn’t expected it, so my guard was lowered. I let them in.

I wasn’t too comfortable with the ‘self’ part of self shipping at first - I had ocs that i shipped with canon characters, which is still largely the case! But I didn’t think my f/os would ever care about me, y’know? Luckily, Lucian and Senna were the ones to change that. I’ll always remember the summer of 2020 as the time I learned to love myself through 2 fictional characters. I spent this time writing my insert and making them love her, and in turn, making them love me.

In late October, I got my spark back. I felt ready to love again. I rekindled my real life relationships, all while kindling new fictional bonds. I began my recovery again, restarting back at square one. I’m not that upset about it to be honest, it felt like a clean slate - and I’m making steady progress! It isn’t perfect, it certainly hasn’t been thus far, but it’s better. It’s real.

While Lucian and Senna may be fictional characters, their impacts are very real. I love them to death and don’t plan to stop anytime soon. They made me laugh, they made me cry, they taught me how to feel and to love and exist. They were my light in a dark place. They taught me how to live again.

I often dread change, but I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us. Sure, they’ll have to share the spotlight at times, but I know they’ll always be here for me. I’ll always be here for me, through them. Through all of these “fictional others” I’ve collected throughout the year. I finally found a coping mechanism that works for me, and I’m content. I’m ready to face the immedient future, and I’m excited to take them with me.

Even though this year was shit all around, it was an important year for me, all thanks to this fake little couple and their fake little lives. And for them, I am eternally grateful.

So, without further ado...

Happy new year!

[imagine-your-love-story]

Ok so idk if this is a request but I saw some other ppl asking questions and I wanted to ask... I'm a high school dropout due to mental health reasons (currently 17) and I selfship w/ a character who's my same age and in high school, but I think my main reasoning is cause I can experience good high school memories that I never had via him. is that a bad way to cope?

Hugs to you dear anon! ♥ You are always welcome to ask questions like this!!

It is absolutely 100% okay to cope that way. That’s what draws us to stories in the first place - we see a piece of ourselves, or we receive the support/comfort that we desperately need/seek - in the characters that we read and watch. 

That’s why stories are such an integral part of humanity. Centuries and centuries of storytelling depict characters that we relate to in some way, whether those characters are animated cartoons on our phones or rough cave paintings rendered in charcoal and rock.

Somewhere buried in the depths of my blog (which I can’t find at the moment), there’s a post from a self-shipper (I think it was @mothblush???). They mentioned their self-shipping to their therapist and their therapist was very supportive, saying it was an excellent coping mechanism.

Why?

Because you’re picturing yourself loved. Accepted. Supported. Thriving. Even in your darkest moments, you are not alone or abandoned.

You’re doing great, anon! Keep loving your f/o and they’ll love you right back, just the way you need and deserve! ♥

EDIT:

AH HA! @mothblush found the post! yay!

https://mothblush.tumblr.com/post/618690556522086400/positive-message-for-self-shippers

[obserfdom]

Taylor Swift, A Real Person Inside Celebrity Attire

I wanna have a break for awhile in speculating about Taylor Swift' sexuality/relationship and dedicate this writing solely focusing on her as a person.

Honestly, I've never a big fans of her. Nor to any other celebrities out there. I am always a casual listener to any music. And very seldom I attentively scrutinizing song lyrics. But falling to Kaylors fandom inevitably forced me to dig more about Taylor Swift. I was very much surprise knowing how popular she is, or how successful she is building up an empire of 'devotees'. She is a queen in almost every sense.

But only through knowing how relatable her character is to ourselves as a non celebrity that truly inspiring and gradually takes me to grow a soft-tenderness feeling toward her. And like a teen swiftie, I can't help to echo their praise: "I love you, Taylor Swift!"

Here, I am just going to copy a relatable normal human being version of Taylor's story from many sources - mostly from people with direct interaction with her, the 'normal' people. If one still deducting flaws out of her personality, after reading these kind of testimonials - well it would speak a lot about who the person is rather than being about Taylor Swift.

***

From Rolling Stone:

We’ve been talking for a while when a boat rows up carrying three teenagers – two girls and a guy. “Oh, my God!” says one of the girls. “Today is my birthday! Can I please take a picture with you?” Swift laughs. “You can, but I don’t know how you’re going to. You’re on a boat, buddy!”

“I’ll get off!” the girl says. “I’ll find a way.” Swift and her bodyguard reach out and help her into the pavilion. “You’re going to make me cry!” she says.

“Is it really your birthday?” Swift asks.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” the girl says.

“Oh, that’s a good year.”

“I know. I’m excited.”

The girl says she lives on Long Island. She and her friends took the train in for the day. “That’s cute,” Swift says. “Are you going to dinner somewhere?”

The girl scrunches up her face. “We were going to . . . Chipotle?”

Swift smiles. She goes to her purse and pulls out a wad of cash – $90, to be exact. “Here,” she says. “Go somewhere nice.”

“Oh, my God,” the girl says. “Thank you!” She climbs back in the boat, and she and her friends paddle off.

Note:

$90 may not be a big number for a celeb like Taylor Swift with an estimated worth around 360 million USD. However, that was probably the only cash she had in hand - and Taylor gave it all to the teen girl she barely knew only cause she probably felt that she could contribute to boost this girl's happiness by adding the teen with more fund to spend on her birthday.

This was not only sweet but it genuinely a very grandeur kindnest.

***

"Is Taylor Swift actually a nice person?" - a question made in Quora:

Anonymous answered it, in May 21th 2018

This post has been a long time coming. I am answering this question anonymously for a number of reasons: 1) I do not wish to inadvertently become tabloid fodder; 2) I do not wish to capitalize on Taylor; 3) I enjoy my relatively normal life; and 4) I believe the anonymity is well-deserved on Taylor’s part. Although Taylor may be able to determine who is writing this, I do not believe such information to be of use to the public. I am sure, if she wished, she could write me a letter and reconnect at anytime. That is her choice to make.

Before Taylor hit it big, Taylor and I spent months emailing back and forth on MySpace. We were the same age with similar tastes in music, similar viewpoints on life, and similar, sarcastic senses of humor. We were both trying to make it in music and grow a fan base. We confided in each other. We trusted each other. We had an ongoing, supportive relationship that helped both of us when we sometimes felt there was nowhere else to turn. Few knew of my coversations with her - but some of Taylor’s closest friends did know they were taking place (they called me “the guy on MySpace,” as it is my understanding Taylor did not tell them my name).

The two of us, still in our teens and miles apart, began writing to each other in short messages at first. We would discuss music, school, and random jokes we would make upon the fly. As time went on, the messages (and their topics) went from short and complimentary to in-depth and personal. We would write messages to one another that, if printed, would be multiple pages long. Looking back, these were the messages of two teenagers trying to find themselves and, in the process, found a friend in one another. We never had expectations, just a supportive friendship with a member of the opposite sex we could not seem to find offline. Although our situations and backgrounds were very different, our similarities closed any gap between us.

During our time messaging, Taylor had hit a rough patch in her life. That may be easy to balk at if you see Taylor as a flawless celebrity rather than the caring and thoughtful person that she is - but the struggle she was experiencing at the time was very real and had its toll on her, a teen trying to find her place. I would do my best to encourage her from a distance and support her as the situation unfolded. Taylor did the same for me. The mutual respect and maturity shared with one another was like nothing else I had experienced. As for Taylor, I believe she felt the same.

Then, something happened. I began to emotionally struggle with the loss of a grandparent who had passed in 2002. As a young person, I had buried the pain for years and did not know how to cope. I had little in terms of a support mechanism in my “real” life. But things were just beginning in Taylor’s career. I thought that my burdens would weigh Taylor down. So, rather than turn to Taylor for support or tell her what happened, I did the only thing sixteen year old me knew how to do… I closed myself off, shut down my MySpace page… and tried to grapple with the experience on my own. To this day, I feel guilty about having left her out in the dark. But I still believe I did the right thing. Taylor had a dream we both shared and it was becoming a reality. I was not about to stand in the way by making her worry about her friend. She was too kind and sweet to me. Strapping her with that type of burden would have been unjustifiable. As fast as I had entered it, I was out of Taylor’s life. If she saw me today, it is unlikely she would recognize me as that guy who was playing country songs. That is not the path my life took.

Fast forward to today and I am a highly educated person who has been able to carve my own path in this world. By any measure, I have been successful for my age. If Taylor were not a celebrity, I believe her story would be much the same.

What you see and hear about Taylor does not scratch the surface or come near the reality. The claims about her doing things for publicity, being an uncaring person, or using others are nowhere near an accurate description of the person I grew to know. Taylor is a kind, caring, compassionate person who wants nothing more than to love and be loved. Her acts of charity are not acts of publicity, they are acts of character. She has earned and deserves her career. Knowing her as I did, I cannot help but believe she often longs for normalcy, anonymity, and questions what it would be like if she were simply Taylor to this day - not the celebrity, but another person who lived life without being subjected to the critiques, comments, and ridicule.

I knew Taylor for Taylor, she was wonderful. In the unlikely event she reads this, I apologize for not writing back and hope she understands why I made that decision. I kicked myself for years - not because of the fame she found, but because of the friend I loss.

Taylor, I am proud of how far you have made it in this world.

Note:

Me and approximately 8.3k Quora-ers agreed that this guys story is genuine.

***

Steve Parr - a quora-er, answered this (from the same Quora page):

I’ve met Taylor Swift twice, both while I was working for Taylor Guitars.

The first time was at the Winter NAMM Show in Anaheim, California. She was there with her father who BEGGED Bob Taylor to let her play on our performance stage. I think she was about 15 at the time. She was nervous and her songs weren’t great, but she was beaming and very appreciative of the time given her.

The second time was when she held her album release party for Fearless (2008) at the Taylor factory in El Cajon, CA. There was a nationwide contest where two people were flown from each state to San Diego to attend the party, get a meet & greet and attend a private concert for a total of about 250 people. I was heavily involved in photography, so the production company hired me to shoot the meet & greet and the concert.

When she arrived at our factory for that event, she came in through the back of our shipping warehouse. As she walked through, she greeted everyone, giving them a long, solid hug while saying “hello”. Now, some of these guys were hardcore warehouse types who were dirty and sweaty. That didn’t matter to Swift. She didn’t have to do what she did, but she did it. I thought that spoke highly of her character.

So, yeah, she’s really a nice person…

Note:

If you familiar with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, you probably remember the first few pages about "bus driver" story. This guy spread the joy with his inert kindnest. He was the example of emotional intelligence that Goleman referred to.

Reading the above testimony remind me of the bus driver. If you think Taylor Swift doesn't atleast possess a lil of EI, then I think you need to re-think about how you view the world - and start to trust humanity act of kindnest again.

***

Final thought:

Really I could copy paste dozen of testimonials out there about Taylor Swift. Esp from fans who lucky enough to meet her in person during secret sessions. They are not only being loyal to Taylor because they led by 'blindness' by Taylor's charm - but more because I could see that Taylor had touched their heart with her genuinely nice behaviours. Treating her fans as in the highest value, is one of Taylor's rare quality as human being.

Not to mention, Taylor has been involved in many charitably acts through out the years - a very good role model not only to youth but to all of us in general. I could say that her parents have raised her well and influenced her to continue being grounded.

Oh yes, I am fully aware that Taylor Swift is mere human with all the flaws and far from perfection - and I have no doubt that she awares of it too - nevertheless, if one lacking in appreciation toward others and only focus in finding every lil dirts, as haters would be, well that speaks more about them compare to the object of their rants. That just like one unconsciously noticed their own version of 'elephant in the room', but rather than face it - they cowardly projecting it to other. And public figure, esp a sweet lollipop like Taylor, sadly always an easy target achery.

Xxx

[jajanvm-imbi]

Defenders of Tomorrow thoughts or something??

Can I just say, that a few days ago, I was so terrified of the Voltron fandom and how toxic it became, and now, not even a day later, I have never been more proud of being apart of this fandom??? Honestly, I understand why some people are concerned and hate about this whole “Defenders of Tomorrow” reboot that’s being created and think its the stupidest and most disrespectful reaction we could’ve had to season 7, but I strongly believe that the VLD crew should not be more proud of what we’ve done! Just a few days ago, this fandom was the most toxic it has ever been! People were fighting about what happened to Adam, sending death threats because Klance didn’t become canon, the fandom was in chaos! And now we have come together, and created something amazing as “Defenders of Tomorrow”! We collectively know about the hard battle that the VLD crew gave Dreamworks to give us as much LGBT+ representation as they could, and they only got to do the bare minimum. (Although, there is still one season left. Who knows what’s gonna happen?) “Defenders of Tomorrow” is an honor to those efforts, and it’s an honor to the original show! Since Dreamworks didn’t give the VLD crew the greenlight to give us the LGBT+ rep that we all wanted, we said “You know what? Fuck it. We’re doing this ourselves.” And look what happened in less than 24 hours. We have brought Leakira to #1 on fandometrics!!! The fandom ship discourse dropped so quickly because we have this new AU to be excited about, and we have come together to do what the VLD weren’t allowed to do. If Klance can’t become canon, then we’re gonna have our own Klance, and we’re gonna make. It. Canon. Imagine being the creators of one of the most toxic fandoms of its time, and in less than a day, causing this huge wave of inspiration by more than half of the fandom.

People are taking this way. too. seriously. We aren’t actually gonna get a huge animation studio to back this and actually make a reboot of the show to shove it in the VLD crew’s face??!! Like, at best, this’ll be webcomic or something. This is no different than any other of the AUs that were created, in fact, this is still very tightly linked to the original show! “Defenders of Tomorrow” is just an alternate reality to the original universe! And we all know that alternate realities have been discussed in the original show. Just look at Sven: same face as Shiro, but different hair and accent. That is basically what we’re doing with DoT. So all the people talking about how “thIs iS AlL Out oF spItE Of wHAt HaPPenEd iN sEasON 7!!1!!1!” or “yOU CAn’t dO ThaT tHEre’S cOpyRIghT LAwS!11!1!!” or whatever need to calm down. This is not going to be a real reboot, this is really just a coping mechanism for all the fans who aren’t ready to let go of Voltron yet. The show is coming to an end, and some of us aren’t gonna know what to do when it does! I don’t have a set list of what to invest my time in after Voltron ends, and DoT is a perfect way to sit back and think, “the show may be coming to an end, but the fandom is still going strong. I have time to figure out how to move on.” So everyone who’s bullying everyone excited about DoT, need to sit down and leave us alone. Sure, there are gonna be some toxic people out there who are gonna shove it in the VLD crew’s faces, but the majority of us are just here to have a good time, and to take our minds off of the fact that the show that has owed our asses for 2 years, is coming to an end.  

The majority of the fandom is proud of what the VLD crew has done for us and the good fight they put up to give us as much representation as possible, and we love the product they put out this season regardless of ships or whatever. “Defenders of Tomorrow” is a way of saying thank you to the VLD cast and crew for giving us an amazing plot, universe and most of all, characters, that we all love. Voltron has caused so much inspiration in so many people, and I know that’s a wonderful feeling to have. That even though the VLD crew didn’t exactly get to do what they wanted, they are still loved and appreciated and they inspire so many people to create. That’s the goal of any artist.

Every since I started watching Voltron, I have been incredibly inspired to write my own original show, and after every season, a new wave of motivation and inspiration comes to me and I start writing again. I may never actually pitch it cause of that good, ol’fashioned anxiety, but I love writing and creating things in my mind and I wouldn’t have even started writing if it wasn’t for Voltron!

And I for one am proud of the Klance fandom, who rose above the disappointment, and above the toxic people and the antis, and came together to bond over Defenders of the Universe. It’s just like the Dirty Laundry days! And I know that we all missed the Dirty Laundry days.

So Klancers excited about “Defenders of Tomorrow”, keep doing what you’re doing! Ignore the haters, and the people who can’t possibly understand what this means to us personally The VLD crew would be proud of what we were able to do in less than 24 hours.

Little message to the VLD crew from me: THANK YOU THE VOLTRON: LEGENDARY DEFENDER CAST AND CREW FOR BEING SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO SO MANY PEOPLE, AND IMPACTING SO MANY LIVES WITH THE AMAZING CONTENT THAT YOU PUT OUT. DON’T LISTEN TO THE HATEFUL MINORITY OF THE FANBASE. WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE WHAT YOU’VE DONE AND TRIED TO DO FOR US! AND OF COURSE, WE’RE STILL EXCITED FOR SEASON 8!! THIS IS THE KLANCE THANK YOU!!

Please, no hate on my blog. This is the honest truth from my point of view. I don’t want to cause trouble, but I felt like I had to say this. No intentional disrespect to anyone, but someone had to say it. There is always a problem in the fandom, whether its DoT, or Adashi, or the plot or something not even mildly relevant. And I don’t want to see the show and the community I have come to absolutely love be messed up by hateful people or antis again. If you don’t like Defenders of Tomorrow or Leakira, stay out of it entirely. Block the tags or something, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us, and make us feel guilty for being excited about DoT, when all this is is harmless fun. Thank you.

[agnesgoesadventuring-blog]

(1) I've been avoiding sending this cause I'm afraid it'll stir up shit but I really want to address it. A lot, even most of the people I know who ship widomauk are neurodivergent, mentally ill, and/or queer men. I know several who can check all those boxes and many more who can check at least a few (I can). And I find for a lot of us, the stuff others complain about being "romanticizing, fetishizing, etc" are us indulging our own fantasies about these issues.

(2) I’m not saying those with complaints are wrong. Things that are healing for some can be toxic to others and vice versa. I just don’t want the issue to be reduced to “cishet neurotypical women fetishizing a mentally ill queer male character” when sometimes it’s a case of people who relate to Caleb and his issues using his character to indulge their own fantasies of finding love and having all their problems go away. It’s unrealistic, but most fantasies are, it’s in their nature.

I took my time answering this because the line between presenting what I know as a psychology student and what I’m saying approaching the line of diagnosing or attempting to treat the person I’m talking to can be very tricky and blurry. I’m going to be pretty clinical in my language and presentation for a lot of this as a means of simply presenting facts.

There are two things I’m going to note here.

The first is that not all means of coping and catharsis are actually healthy in the long run. In fact, a lot of ways that people end up coping with things and seeking catharsis are incredibly unhealthy and harmful not just to themselves but to others.

In general, fantasy coping mechanisms aren’t particularly healthy. It’s classified as a Level II Immature Defense, based on avoiding the reality of the situation in a way that can provide short term relief but more harm in long term healthy coping, especially if it’s a continual behavior.

Coping mechanisms are separated into different categories. The two broad categories are “mature” and “immature”, with mature defenses being healthy means of coping that don’t lead to long term harmful outcomes and that allow people to engage in healthy behaviors in the present, such as humor, altruism, and sublimation. Immature defenses are things like projection and fantasy. Those broad categories are then broken down into four more specific categories.

Level I Psychotic/Pathological Defenses are coping mechanisms that are common in children and people suffering from mental illnesses involving psychosis. These defenses are about basically restructuring external experiences to create a reality where coping with these problems is unneeded. These are behaviors that will generally look “crazy” to outside observers. The two major defenses in this category are delusional projection and distortion, which are all about changing reality into what they want it to be in order for them to not have to deal with the issues they’re trying to cop with.

Level II Immature Defenses are present in both children and adults. They’re about the temporary relief of distress and anxiety presented by an uncomfortable reality (trauma, mental illness, grief, etc.). These are common defenses for things like depression and various personality disorders. Their use as a means of any form of continued coping is unhealthy as they’re about separating oneself from their issues. Passive aggressive behavior, projection, and fantasy are among the more common immature defenses.

Level III Neurotic Defenses are most common in adults, and are strongly based in denying and ignoring issues and pain. As such, they also have short term benefits, but lead to long term problems in many different facets of life. Neurotic defenses include displacement, dissociation, and repression.

Level IV Mature Defenses are healthy coping mechanisms that foster successful ways of dealing with issues and pain, and allow for the development of strong relationships and behaviors. They include altruism, anticipation, emotional self regulation, respect, mindfulness, and sublimation.

The process of coping and healing is messy, and it’s rare that you’re going to find someone who’s capable of utilizing Level IV defenses at the earliest stages. But the healthiest use of the defenses in other levels is the recognition of their long term unhealthiness with the goal of ceasing those behaviors and developing into healthier ones.

To put it all far more simply, just because someone says it’s a means of coping doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy.

Which brings us into the second point, which is that when something we’re using as a coping or defense mechanism is hurtful and harmful to other people, that usually means it’s time to start seeking different means of coping. Usually if our coping mechanisms and behaviors are harmful and hurtful to other people, that’s a pretty good sign that it’s not a healthy coping mechanism.

Recognizing that and seeking means of coping that don’t hurt others can, in and of itself, be something that does a lot of good in the coping process. Not just because it makes us seek out behaviors that are healthier, but because it appeals to our empathy and allows us to think of others, which is always an important part of coping and recovery. One of the most vital things to remember when we’re suffering is that our desire to feel better does not outweigh other people’s health and safety, and that if what we’re doing to feel better is putting other people’s health and safety at risk, then we need to find different ways to make ourself feel better. Both because it’s just not okay to throw people under the bus for our own needs, but also because any means of coping that hurts others is ultimately not going to be effective in the long term, as the fact that we’ve caused harm to people is yet another thing we’re going to have to learn to deal with and confront.

There are a lot of ways of coping, and unfortunately not all of them are healthy. Unfortunately, a lot of them can do harm to both ourselves and others. So when the topic of discussion is something that is hurting other people and/or contributing to societal and cultural mindsets that harm people, “this is how I cope” isn’t something that excuses it, because not only does it still hurt other people, it might be something that’s hurting you, too.