#someone else probably also made something like this out of sheer and utter boredom

[vaalthus]

Remthalas Theory/Sort of Analysis: The All-Seeing Idiot God, The Dreaming Chaos, The Path of Omniscience. Oh and like potential Lore Spoilers maybe.

With the conclusion of the Reckoning War, and having bared witnessed to Remthalas’ actions, I believe we have a better idea of what our aquatic Dreamfarer desires and intends not only for themselves but for the inhabitants of Lore as well.

We already know that Remthalas believes that the only way to achieve freedom, to dream, is to not be shackled. To not live out the dreams or whims of others. Unfortunately, this boils down to the lesson Remthalas got out of the idea is that people should not tie themselves down by basic laws or morals people tend to follow. Otherwise, the endless possibilities provided by true freedom are not possible.

This a concept that he has clearly taken to his very core given how angrily or impulsively he’ll react should he feel someone is ordering him around or someone else shirking their freedom in his point of view as demonstrated when he rebuked Notha twice for commanding him and when he killed Mr. Nameless/Twinkles.

So that’s it then, right? Remthalas is just an anarchist drunk on freedom? Wanting all of Lore to break their shackles and live out their own dreams never minding once of those around them, right? Well yes, but there is I think a bit more going on here.

I found a few things concerning about Remthalas in our fight with either Notha or Uaanta. One, is that he found the Avatars more interesting in their reduced orb state. Secondly, he didn’t appear to want to destroy them. Thirdly, is that regardless of who we chose to side with, Rem finds us interesting either way. Fourth, and most concerning is that he only found Uaanta truly fascinating if she merged with the Avatars. Lastly, and most revealing was his desire to see all the events unfold regardless of what the outcome was and then simply bounce when a conclusion was reached.

The reason why I find him being able to see Uaanta as a truly fascinating player in this conflict is to be some cause for concern is that being ‘interesting’ to Remthalas seems to, at first, amount to being someone that can bring about his idea of freedom, freedom from the balance the Avatars imposed. Characters like the Hero and I imagine Notha when he first met her and was introduced to her ideology. However, if this is the case, why find Uaanta interesting? She after all plans to shepherd away the very entities responsible for the very concept that resulted in his abandonment and have shackled so many others and their dreams. Why find someone who still intends to be devoted to the Avatars to be a person of interest then? Are they not still choosing to wear their shackles? To ignore their own dreams in the favor of the dreams of others.

 The answer I think is simple. In the end, it was just less about Remthalas serving his ultimate plan and Remthalas wanting a show. Remthalas has always long been aware of our capacity to come out on top over our opponents, including his own fellow members. Why would he suspect there was any possibility we would lose to our dear friend or even Notha? He didn’t because he knew we would win, but how can he enjoy the play if all the actors aren’t putting in effort for their roles. After all, are you satisfied by the just the ending of a movie or the passionate performances that it took to get there?

You see I believe Remthalas revealed what he plans for us and Lore all the way back when we first met in the Ex Somniis Fabula or The Story of Dreams quest. In his introduction, Remthalas posits the question of whether he’d be able to alter reality if the entities only referred to as “They” dreamed instead of just slumbering. With quite the determined, if not a bit demented, expression on his face I might add. There’s also one other feature to this and it’s the fact that Remthalas points out that we’re in his dream, or perhaps more accurately his dream space, and that it’s basically just a blank white box. (There are also the blue glowing circles on his robes that could symbolize having multiple eyes to see which are only visible when he’s in his dream form, but it could also just represent Kathool’s eyes so who knows) This is ultimately his domain and by the looks of it he can bring anyone into it and determine what is experienced within this tiny space. What the viewer sees could amount to anything but what they ultimately stand is just the box, the blank canvas. Here, Remthalas controls reality, what goes on in the ‘bigger picture’ so to speak. Here, Remthalas is as close to a god as anyone else that can control their own dreams.

 What I’m getting at here is that Remthalas doesn’t just want freedom he wants to see possibilities and the process it takes to getting to an outcome. What he wants is to dream and for everyone else to be the actors in his never-ending play of entertainment. To see the big picture change from one point to the other. These are details that I think were touched on when he mentioned that he enjoyed the dreams of children because of their ability to imagine possibilities to fill in gaps left behind by a world they are still very new to. Or when he appeared genuinely disheartened at the idea that he was not at rest. Or when he finds dreams to be not interesting enough when pointing out that Voyna can only ever dream of dragons due to her trauma with them. Or even when we fought him in the dream to save Sally and he noted that our dream was “Fierce, but one dimensional” Or the rather basic nature, in comparison to whatever else he wanted to show us, of Notha’s backstory and memories.

 What he wants is for Lore to be his dream. To fit all of existence in that little box of his and to watch things go wild. Which is why I called him ‘Idiot God’ because if true then Remthalas is basically trying to become Azathoth, the Blind-Idiot God from the Lovecraftian Mythos who created the entire universe in that series by simply dreaming, and who will kill it if he ever wakes up. A character/concept I still believe was being referenced when Remthalas asked what would happen if “they” woke up and questioned if the world would stop existing if “they” did. However, unlike Azathoth, Remthalas intends to be aware of all that happens when he finally dreams.

Azathoth is not the only eldritch god that Rem appears to share similarities with and to be honest it the one that makes him perhaps the most untrustworthy. The god I’m referring to of course is Nyarlathotep: The Crawling Chaos, The Dweller in Darkness, The Haunter of the Dark. These are just a few titles of Nyarlathotep, but I believe they would fit Remthalas for the similarities they share with the Outer God. For one thing is how both Remthalas and Nyarlathotep communicate through dreams to any of their unaware victims and pass on information that might shatter their world view. Furthermore, much like Nyarlathotep, Remthalas seems take more enjoyment in the dreams of others being messed with in a way that is typically nightmarish in nature. The most important similarity here of course is that both entities are more driven by spreading chaos and madness through people as opposed to their utter annihilation like other eldritch gods such as Cthulu. The reason for this is because in the case of both characters, I believe in Rem’s case anyway, their enemies isn’t so much other people but rather boredom, in addition to their own stagnation.

An interesting contrast I just thought about between them however is how Nyarlathotep and Remthalas spread chaos. As mentioned, Nyarlathotep does so through dreams by revealing, in typical Lovecraftian cosmic horror fashion, how utterly pointless the lives of his victims are in the face of the sheer overwhelming forces at play in the infinite and unknown universe and how they should just succumb to madness and/or become one of his followers, to amuse himself. Remthalas kind of does something similar when he suggests that morals and the lives people are currently living don’t hold much weight in the face of the grander schemes and roles of the Avatars. 

However, unlike Nyarla, Remthalas would do this so that others cast off their rules, still to amuse himself with the chaos that would thrive from that but in his view, they’d be getting something out of it. A sort of “You and everything you’ve known don’t matter so succumb to despair and madness and entertain me” vs “You and everything you’ve known don’t really matter so do what you want and entertain me” Chaos vs Chaos but different philosophies on how to get it.

The connections that can be drawn to other well known eldritch entities does make me wonder if when we see Remthalas next he might be trying to elevate his power on the material plane to that of the Primordials (Kathool, Uthuluc (probably not Uthuluc out of all of them to be honest), The Witness, Sciuridaehotep, the latter of which is just a Nyarlathotep reference) or is somehow going to get them involved in some way when his plans really start to get under way. If he does somehow involve Kathool in what he intends to pull off I imagine we might see Aquella again given that she’s supposed to overwatch his bedtime and I think it would fit to have a water take on another that was devoted to Kathool. I’d suspect she, or potentially another water elf, could reveal more of in-depth info on Remthalas’ servitude to the Avatars and later Kathool.

This brings us to the question of course of how exactly Rem plans to pull this all off. Obviously, we fit into those plans. However, with what just happened with the Avatars now being out of the picture and Myalos also being out of commission, what’s the next step? Where does he take us from there? The answer goes back to those “They” entities being referenced. Remthalas has brought them up, but he wasn’t the only one I believe. Celeritas mentioned them once when Sinnoncence made his move. I believe, I’m certain, that our dear Big Daddy named dropped them for us a long time ago. 

The one and only Aequilibria, the true gods of existence who are said to be slumbering even now. How Remthalas intends on exerting power over these beings is unknowable, but it would appear the best time to do so before they awake once more.

Which brings us to the Hero and the interest Rem has taken in them. It is clear the main reason that Remthalas has taken an interest in us is because of how capable we were in comparison to Uaanta at the time he was scouting us both out. We are an invested tool…and yet. I cannot help but wonder if Remthalas continued engrossment of us isn’t just because he knows we’ll be useful to his plans but also because Remthalas is straight up looking for a plus one when his plan would be theoretically completed. He did offer us to see where the currents of existence could take us.

  After all, why look at and enjoy multiple paintings in a vacuum or go to the movies by yourself when you can have someone watch it all with you. Then again, as I mentioned earlier, he could simply be viewing us as just another tool to pull off his plans and that is join the others later once everything falls in place

All of what I stated is more speculation than anything but if any of it’s true then we are in for a ride.

[imastrangeone98]

Coward

(A/N: hello everyone. so I noticed how popular my mando story was.... so here I am with another one. there may be more, there may be less.)

@rzrcrst here is the Mando one-shot I promised you! Hope you’re doing well and here’s a little something to keep the boredom away... hopefully

this takes place in the past- in their late teens-very early 20s where they’re running around with the old gang (Ran, Qin, Xi’an) I make mando so mean here, I’m sorry

I was also really inspired by some of the recent bnha episodes (specifically ep 12), so if you’re any bnha fans you might recognize some of this (...you’ll know what I mean :(

TRIGGER WARNING: heavy angst. references of slavery. degradation. the works. just all in all awful shit.

Also I have no idea how the force works, so some of this may be inaccurate. And also I have zero clue on spaceship workings so half of this logistics shit probably doesn’t make sense

“You fucked up.”

Kyla winced. “I’m sorry, Qin, I didn’t mean to-“

Qin snarled, fangs bared. She flinched. “‘Didn’t mean to?’ You let the bounty escape!”

“There were children-!”

He hissed, “So what?! We lost the money! And because of your carelessness, we even lost the tracking fob!”

In the corner, Ran huffed. “No gettin’ that shit back.”

Xi’an giggled. “Teach her a lesson, brother.”

Said brother growled. “Should I? Do you need to be broken until you finally learn how to obey?” He lifted a hand.

Kyla winced.

“Enough.”

The voice cut through the tension like a knife. Xi’an stopped cackling, and Ran straightened his back.

Qin hissed once more before slowly lowering his fist. Kyla watched it with a sense of dread.

The Mandalorian had entered.

“New mission,” he stated, a new tracking fob in hand. “On Dandoran.”

The medic froze. “Who?”

He ignored her. “Old man named Drescant. Thirty thousand credits.”

Ran whistled. “More than the last one. That’ll get us fuel and shit for days, maybe months.”

Xi’an licked her lips. “When do we start?”

“Now.”

The small group hollered and whooped, eagerly gathering their supplies while the medic stood in the corner, unable to move a muscle.

Dandoran. Drescant.

Not again.

“I... I don’t think-“ she began to say.

Qin!” Xi’an screeched. “Where did you leave my daggers?!”

“I didn’t touch them!”

Kyla tried again, “I don’t think this job is a good idea...”

Mando, who had been adjusting his blaster, turned his head towards her. His T-visor seemed to stare straight into her soul.

She knew that he didn’t like what he saw.

“Then stay out of it,” he said, his voice icy. “Coward.”

She flinched. “Mando, please. You don’t understand what-“

“I don’t think you understand either.” He towered over her; he smelled of blaster gas and some sort of spice.

The ship went silent as the other members began to notice the fight; it only made his voice boom louder.

It reminded her of him.

“Since the moment we brought you aboard, all you’ve done was make everything harder. We’ve lost jobs and credits that we need because of your stupidity.”

Kyla hunched in on herself; her hands felt too sweaty. “...That’s not fair.”

“Fair? You want to talk about fair?” He huffed. “What’s fair is that you leave.”

She stared down at the floor. “...I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Yeah,” Xi’an sneered, sliding up to Mando and wrapping her arms around his waist. “Why not?”

A drop of sweat slid down her forehead. Her tongue felt too heavy in her mouth. How could she tell them that she was... that she was....

“I just...” she choked out, “I can’t.”

“Then running away shouldn’t be too hard for you,” Mando hissed. “That’s what you do best, right?”

Qin cackled, and his sister followed suit. Ran pursed his lips, but said nothing.

“Run. And hide.” He pushed past her, and the crew followed him. “You coward.”

The hatch closed behind them and their bellowing laughter. Kyla was glad for it; they wouldn’t be able to see her tears, or hear her sobs.

They wouldn’t be able to laugh at her as she finally broke.

[...]

Locating the mansion was easy. Disabling the alarm systems was easy. Sneaking inside was easy.

So why was Mando so on edge?

Was it the fact that the job came from seemingly out of nowhere? Was it the fact that despite the welcoming lighting, it was completely devoid of life?

...Or was it the fact that the medic’s scared face still lingered in the back of his mind?

He pushed it aside. He meant every word that he said- there was no room for weakness in the world of bounty hunting, and she was full of them. Someone like her needed to stay out of their way, live some ridiculous peaceful life on some ridiculous peaceful planet-

Surrounded by beautiful children.

“Oh, Mando~” Xi’an crooned by his ear; he fought the urge to flinch. “Why are we waiting? It’s empty.”

He took another glance. The hallway was clear.

“Let’s go.” He sprinted down the corridor, the others at his heels, and peered around the corner towards the office. Also empty.

“Where is everyone?” Ran mumbled beside him. “A summer mansion in the middle of July? Place should be packed...”

“Well, maybe they went to take a swim,” Qin replied with a roll of his eyes. “Whatever the case, we should go for it. No one around, no trouble for us.”

Mando hummed. “On my mark.”

Everyone tensed.

“...Now.”

They dashed towards the office. Mando quickly rested the door to find it unlocked. He stepped through, blaster at the ready-

To find no one there.

“What?!” Qin hissed. “But we followed the schedule to a T!”

“Search the perimeter,” the Mandalorian barked. He spun on his heel, preparing to exit the room-

And he immediately collapsed to his knees. Air forced itself out of his lungs. His vision began to blacken at the edges.

He felt weak. He felt... helpless.

“Ah, you finally arrived!” a jolly voice boomed.

Mando barely had the strength to look up. A luxurious purple robe. A long, graying beard. A pudgy face that seemed to radiate nothing but sheer happiness.

Tobblerine Drescant.

“Now, have you brought me my prize?” he asked, eagerly scanning the room.

“What... prize?” Ran wheezed. “You’re... the goddamn... bounty!”

“Ah, yes,” Drescant mused, waving his hand. Immediately, oxygen returned to Mando’s body, and he could breathe again. “That silly thing. I had that bounty placed, you know that? I was hoping you’d show up!”

“Well, here we are,” Xi’an huffed. “Now release us!”

“Now, now, don’t get angry just yet! Besides, not all of you are here. Where is the girl?”

“What girl? What are you talking about?” Qin spat. By the tone of his voice, Mando could tell that he was already itching to tear the old man’s throat out.

“Your medic! Kyla! Where is she? Did you not bring her?” He looked distraught. “Oh dear, is she dead? Please tell me she’s not dead.”

“What? No, she’s on the ship. What about her?” Ran asked.

The old man squealed with delight. “So you did bring her! How wonderful! All we need now is for her to arrive. Then we’ll have a proper reunion.”

A proper reunion?

“She quit,” Mando murmured. “She probably left the ship by now.”

She didn’t quit. He forced her out.

Something didn’t feel right. Why was he asking about Baize? How did he know her at all?

“She quit?” He hummed. “What a pity. She’s the only reason I contacted you all, after all. Well, no matter; I’ll just convince her to come.”

Mando couldn’t take the strange dialogue anymore. “How do you-“

“Know her?” He guffawed, then gave the bounty hunter a smile. “Why, she was my pet! My favorite out of all the others. We played together quite frequently.”

Mando froze.

...Pet?

[...]

Kyla stared at her packed bags and heaved out a sigh.

Coward.

She was willing to admit that she wasn’t particularly knowledgeable on Mandalorian culture, but she knew enough to assume that it was a strong insult for him.

He was right. She was weak. She was useless. She was a coward.

She stared down at her hands. Her wrists felt too tight, like they were still bound in chains.

She would never be free.

“-la!”

She flinched. That voice...

“Kyla!”

High-pitched. Laced with false promises. A voice that reminded her that she would always be less than human.

Shudders ran down her body like shockwaves.

“Kyla, dear! I have something important to tell you~”

She glanced at the ladder. She could run. She could do it. She could fly the ship past the skies of Dandoran and never have to see him again.

A voice boomed, “Baize! Don’t respond! Stay in the ship-“ It choked out.

Bile rose up in her throat. She knew that voice. The voice that yelled at her in the cargo hold earlier this morning.

Mando.

She climbed up the ladder to the cockpit and stared, with utter horror, at the round figure of her former master. “No...”

It had happened. Her worst fears had come true. Her nightmares had finally decided to transform themselves into reality.

They were captured.

“Hush now, Mandalorian. Now, where was I? Ah, yes...” Drescant smiled. “Your friends are here keeping me company. It would be so lovely if you came to join us! After all...” With a snap of his fingers, someone else was forced into the hologram- a broken figure with haphazardly-hanging armor, whose chest heaved with every breath.

Mando.

Drescant giggled. “You don’t want someone else to die on your behalf, do you?”

The transmission fizzed out.

Silence filled the cockpit. Her mind was numb. Her lungs felt like they were being filled with water.

She was lost in the torrent of her past. Trapped in a game that had no ending.

She had lost.

[...]

Drescant whistled a tuneless song as his bodyguards began to line the mercenaries up in a line on the green.

Beside the Mandalorian, the female Twi’lek grumbled, “Can’t she hurry it up? My arms are going to fall off.”

Mando grunted. He turned to the old man. “Baize isn’t that stupid. She won’t come for us.”

“But you’re wrong. She will. She cares about you, doesn’t she?” He swooned; Mando shuddered. “Such a sweet thing~ Someone like her needs to be protected-!”

“By you?” Mando spat, not even attempting to hide his disgust. “You filthy, perverted-“ Almost immediately, his lungs collapsed, and he wheezed. Blood roared in his ears, and he could barely make out the cries from his teammates.

“Says the one who chose to abandon her,” Drescant mused. “Yes, I know all about that little fiasco this morning. I saw it in your head~” He wiggled his fingers with a grin. “How cruel of you. Perhaps you deserve a punishment.” He clenched his hand into a fist; Mando fought the urge to scream.

“STOP!”

Air rushed through his lungs. Dark spots danced in his vision. He could hear his own heartbeat.

But he still saw it.

Slowly emerging from the underbrush, clenched hands raised in the air. Her face pale in the light of the sinking sun. Eyes devoid of life.

“Baize!” Qin yelled. “About time you got here!”

“Kyla!” Drescant called, arms spread out wide. “There you are! I’ve been thinking of you.”

“Please...” she said, her voice so soft that the wind could only carry it so far. “Let them go. They’re not yours to have.”

“But you are!” he replied. With a lift of his hand, the mercenaries began to choke. “Tell me, dear, do you really think they can win against me?”

She squeezed her lips shut, but it was no use. Her voice slipped out regardless: “No.”

Mando’s shoulders slumped. She didn’t believe in him.

“Then you know what to do, right?” he cooed.

She stared at the ground. “Go back.”

His hands squeezed into fists.

She looked up. Her eyes were glassy. “And in exchange, let them all go. Let them be free.”

Drescant cackled. “That’s right! You still remember your lesson! It’s so much easier to hurt yourself than let others hurt for you, isn’t it?!” He sneered down at the Mandalorian. “Didn’t I tell you, hunter? She’ll always come back~”

He wanted to scream. He wanted to rip off his cuffs and tear the filthy old man’s face to shreds. He wanted to tell Baize to run back to the ship and fly away, never to return. He wanted to tell her so many things-

I was wrong. You are brave. You are strong. I like-

But his throat wouldn’t cooperate. All he could manage was a single, dry, “No...”

With a snap of his fingers, the mercenaries were hauled to their feet and led across the green. Kyla stumbled her way past them towards her former master, who now held a gold collar and chain.

“We’re getting off this godforsaken planet,” Ran muttered. “I need a drink.”

The cuffs were off now, and the bodyguards began to step away from them. They all rubbed their wrists and throat.

Mando watched as Drescant latched it around Kyla’s neck. He watched as he yanked the chain, leading her back to the house.

“Come on, Mando,” Xi’an purred. “Let’s go. We can forget all about this~” She linked her arms with his, and rugged him away, hissing at the bodyguards as they went.

He hardly paid attention. He just watched as the medic slowly disappeared from view.

He stared at his hands. Capable, strong-

Useless.

Coward, he thought to himself. You’re a goddamn coward.

———————————————————————

A/N: well shit. it’s awfully written but yea, here’s some backstory for my oc. depressing. let me know if you want to see a part 2 or if you’re happy with where it is

Edit: read the sequel! :D

[akiwisfics]

In Bloom Chapter 1

Notes: Cross-posted from AO3. If people get annoyed by this, please savior “kiwi crossposts” to save your eyes. Hey, if you’re a fan of KirarixSayaka, check our discord here .

Description:  Mary accepts an invitation to watch from the president, and learns far more than she ever wanted.

Pairings: KirarixSayaka, MaryxRirika

---

“Do you really read these things?”

Kirari’s voice was clipped, as if admonishing a child. “Any position comes with its form of bureaucracy, Midari.”

She huffed and scowled, refusing to meet the stone eyes on the other side of the sitting area. “You’re starting to sound like Sayaka.” She watched the fish swim in their dizzying circles, kept as the romantic symbol they were, and ignored the stilted sorting of papers behind her. The nerve-tingling thrill of plucking her own eye in a fit of madness for this woman seemed such a far away thought now, as if an experience she lived vicariously through someone else. She wanted more.

If Kirari knew how much her skin itched, she didn’t comment on it. She snapped her fingers instead, drawing Midari back to the horrendous pile of paperwork on the table between them. It was a tragedy really. She kept her beautification committee paperwork fine enough, but the requisitions always seemed to get trapped somewhere. Individual papers had been folded and crumpled, then hastily unfolded when realized their importance, smudges of both ink and… darker activities blocked off her scrawled handwriting, making the requests look more like chicken scratch than anything else. If Midari squinted enough, one of the blots on the first page looked red and metallic. Ah. A good memory.

“I haven’t the foggiest idea how Sayaka reads this, nor do I intend to try,” Kirari quipped, a tone that reminded her of hardened steel. A tone that bore little arguing over. “This needs to be rewritten. Today.”

“What?! It’s like fifty pag--”

“Maybe instead of asking for another gun from the administration, request a filing cabinet.”

“Get Sayaka to read it then!” she snapped and looked around for the girl. Again, she confirmed the truth: they were alone in the student council room. A rarity even with the election in full swing. Now that it was just them, the office space seemed so much more expansive and oppressive at once. There was plenty of breathing room for anyone that needed it, but Midari could see why so many visitors shrunk at the sheer display of riches and power held within.

But something didn’t seem right about today either. The smell of burnt tea that wafted in the room, Kirari-- the president of all people!-- fussing over minor details in paperwork, the conspicuous absence of the ever faithful brainiac. Midari was used to niggling and bargaining with Sayaka over the details of how much money went where, or how to exactly word her documents to get what she wanted. It was a simple system: somehow the secretary always managed to work out what she wanted, how she wanted it, and usually in a week, she would go into her meeting room and it’d be there.

She was itching from more than just boredom. Her foot tapped impatiently on the floor as she looked back at the president, and for the briefest flickers, saw that same impatience there. The narrowing of her eyes, blue lips curling.

She can’t help wanting to scratch at those peeling layers. “... Where is she today?”

Kirari’s eyes naturally traced the golden handles on the heavy doors of the council room, spending longer than needed-- as if daring them to swing open by her very command. At times Midari wondered, and no doubt the other members have thought the same. Sayaka came at the nearest breath of an order, answered before the first word was spoken, and kept an even step at her side. Yet there they were, alone. Like that day. And something was so very different about it.

“... Late,” Kirari responded after a moment too long.

Anyone could tell that. Midari wanted more, and it didn’t take long to get it. Almost as soon as Kirari gave up on the doors, back to the chicken scratch paper Midari presented as requisition papers, did those heavy doors creak open, whining heavily by the weight being pushed on them.

Their heads snapped up at once as Sayaka was all but dragged through the entrance by the door’s momentum, her entire weight placed on clammy hands latched tightly on one of the handles. No sooner did she cross the entrance way that her knees seem to give way. She slipped from the door and fell face first onto the carpeted floor, pained gasps filling the shocked silence.

Midari was transfixed by the heaving, prone form in front of them. She remained rooted even as Kirari sprung from her seat, rushing to Sayaka’s side. She was quickly flipped over, showing the trembling near pale blue lips, and it quickly dawned on Midari that there was a woman dying there. Gasps of air flow being cut off.

Her lips split to a large, near cheshire smile.

Yes.

Today was certainly going to be different.

--

Mary only realized the cellphone was Ririka’s when she fell a step behind her, uttering a meek and discreet, “Hello?” into the receiver. Mary stopped and met Ririka’s eyes questioningly, ignoring the rumbles of rumors from the classmates around them. That she had grown accustomed too quickly with Ririka being at her side. It was understandable at least-- it wasn’t like they were being secretive about the whole partnership. Not that Ririka gave it much option.

The ring tone had been so normal, just the standard for the model Ririka had in her trembling hands, that Mary really didn’t even recognize it.

“Oi! Kirari needs you here now!” Midari’s screeching voice on the other end wasn’t what Mary expected and she involuntarily winced in sympathy as Ririka gently held the phone further away from her ear.

Student council matters then? They had certainly been quiet recently, but someone was still enforcing the system in some manner. Mary couldn’t be that surprised by it. It would be better to just let her handle it then. She tried to call attention to herself with a wave. “I’ll let you handle this, right? Though I doubt the president doesn’t have her own sister’s number. Shouldn’t she be call--”

Ririka held a finger up to her, mouthing a simple ‘stay’ before retorting to Midari, “I can’t just leave right now. What’s--”

“You don’t get it. Kirari is pissed,” and the excitement practically bubbled over in her words, as if Midari could barely contain herself. “She’s demanding you and Saotome-san here right now.”

“Me?” Mary retorted, knowing full well at this point that her voice was probably getting picked up from somewhere, “I have nothing to do with this. She can’t just make orders like a tantruming child!” She caught the stares immediately in the hallway though and tried to lower her voice. “I’m not student council. Leave me out of it.”

Midari laughed, only sounding worse through the digital distortion on the receiver. “Oh it has everything to do with you too~. Sayaka’s been poisoned.”

The secretary? The memory wasn’t so far gone from her mind to ignore the implication that was being made there. She did have some unfinished business with Inbami and Yobami. While Yobami-san had been removed from the election in their match, Inbami-san had made it clear that wasn’t the end of it. Targeting the student council though? It seemed too brazen for her, even with her lack of skills in a direct gamble. Not to mention, it wasn’t like Mary was personally involved in Igarashi-san’s life. Obviously, she wouldn’t want the girl to die, but it wasn’t like she was personally involved in those stakes.

Perhaps to the president, Mary had just failed to clean up her mess. She could feel Ririka’s eyes boring into her as she thought it over. If it did turn into an election battle, it would be a good time to evaluate Kirari’s skills for herself. And being her partner in that regard could also lend itself to more information than as her opponent. Especially when apparently, there were personal stakes involved.

She would have time to ask Ririka before they made it to the office. Mary sighed. “Tell the president we’re on our way.”

Ririka looked visibly relieved as she hung up the phone, not even bothering to hear Midari’s affirmation as she stepped back to her side. Mary wouldn’t admit the small bit of satisfaction in seeing the light smile on the sullen girl’s face. “Thank you. I can’t even begin to explain the dynamics there, but… Kirari would not ask for us if she didn’t need it.”

“Just don’t let me go up there blind,” she huffed, even as the memory of the girl’s smile remained firmly in her thoughts.

--

She didn’t really know Igarashi-san. Then again, Mary wasn’t really sure who did. Even just being a secretary, she carried that trademark mystery air to her-- always slightly unapproachable and always slightly intimidating. It wasn’t a demeanor Mary personally cared about, but she has had no reason to know the president’s personal dog either. Any time Kirari was spotted in the halls, her secretary trailed just a half step behind her. She supposed if anyone knew, it had to be the president, but what few times they’ve talked, the subject of the secretary never came up.

Mary did know a few things. They were in the same grade with Igarashi-san always at the top of the exam list. She was handy with a taser (and from the twisted smile that contorted her face, enjoyed it a little too much), and had known to only gamble once.

The looming tower in the courtyard had been an eye sore for a while now, but Mary couldn’t ignore the brief murmur of rumors surrounding the structure in the weeks leading up to the election. She knew about the gamble-- vaguely anyway. Just that something explosive was going to happen the moment Yumeko and Kirari met. It wasn’t quite what she expected though.

She had no idea why Igarashi-san was involved, or why anyone needed to jump out of the damn thing.

“Oh yes, it looked quite thrilling!” Yumeko gushed one morning as they waited for class to start.

“And they had a safety net? They’re lucky no one broke their neck.”

“But it’s part of the fun, isn’t it? Though Igarashi-san hadn’t expected to survive. She wouldn’t have if she made the wrong choice.”

“She doesn’t seem the type,” Mary mumbled. She only meant it as an off-hand comment, still trying to will the early morning drowsiness away, but her red eyes glinted with a small, ethereal smile.

“Igarashi-san fit right in. I’m a bit envious~” Yumeko sighed wistfully, clasping her hands against her blooming cheeks. “That rush of victory into such crushing despair. Yet she took that fall with such grace! I would’ve followed if it didn’t seem like interrupting a private moment.”

“Private?”

But Yumeko didn’t answer, only laughing-- as if hiding a piece of juicy gossip. Mary hadn’t thought much on it, especially when the election began so soon after and Ririka extended her ‘offer.’ Now that they were approaching the long hallway to the council room however, maybe she should’ve asked a few more probing questions about the night. All she knew was the president leapt after this girl, and maybe, that meant more than just an impulse.

The hallway was practically deserted for a large academy like Hyakkaou. A blanket of tense silence overwhelmed her almost immediately, only broken by the flurry of steps from medical staff as they entered and left the council room. Their lips were sealed, only sparing a few words to the president that stayed perched at the opposite wall. They worked with a slick professionalism that Mary could at least admire, using discretion. They didn’t even look at her and Ririka as they worked. She could point out IV lines, some… other equipment she couldn’t identify aside from old medical dramas that came on when she studied at night.

Midari and Runa shielded Kirari from close study, stationed on either side of her and conversing quietly. Midari was facing away from them, but Mary could make a few guesses with a girl like her-- a prospect of a life or death gamble. If she looked hard enough, she could maybe spot quivering thighs, flushed skin. She didn’t. The less she bothered with Midari, the better.

Runa faced them, eyes narrowed to beady little slits and humming a small, whimsical tune. The unwrapped lollipop that she danced between her tiny fingers had been largely forgotten by the new turn of events. She looked far too pleased with it, even with her initial annoyance by the original poisonings. Mary couldn’t help her paranoia begin to rise as the darkened eyes met hers. “Oh! They made it!”

It was too late to ask for more.

Kirari stepped away from the pair of members flanking her to observe them herself, and something didn’t seem quite right. Like a jigsaw puzzle being mashed together, misshapen pieces torn to fit the holes for a different, unclear picture. Her eyes were cold and indifferent, yet the creased brow and dishevelled appearance showed exertion and care in the last few minutes between the call. Her jacket was left behind in the student council room, lace blouse sleeves rolled up to her elbows and her shoulders sagged slightly from stress. Yet her smile curved confidently around smeared blue lipstick and her voice reverberated in the empty hallway as if this was any other day.

“Ririka, I’ll need you for the gamble,” she spoke, walking assured strides to them, as if she didn’t look out of place. “Stay behind with me and we’ll go over everything?”

“And Igarashi-san?” Mary blurted.

She stopped, almost offended that Mary even spoke. She regarded her just a single second before nodding to Runa. “You will have to apologize for the lack of pleasantries, Saotome-san, but we are on a schedule,” she said.

Runa came closer, sticking the lollipop in her mouth so she could have both hands to fish through her giant pockets. Mary didn’t want to guess what were in those things. She hoped just candy, but…

A ziploc bag was thrust into her hands, holding a plain black envelope with some sort of wax seal broken. She would guess it was a Momobami one, which would’ve clued Sayaka enough. Tilting the bag to and fro, she noticed a white powder collecting along the bottom. “Do you know what it is yet?”

“No. Which makes time of the essence, Saotome-san. Please go meet them in the lower gambling floor. I must speak with my sister.” The president rolled her sleeves down. Mary noticed as the moments passed in the hallway, she only seemed to be growing calmer instead. “Runa will be accompanying you.”

“Can you at least tell me what happened?”

Kirari scowled instead, only waving Ririka over and promptly ignoring her. “Midari, please stay with Sayaka.”

Midari tsked but didn’t argue. It was like clockwork. Ririka joined her sister at her side as Midari went through the student council doors. It wasn’t long after that Runa was tugging at the sleeve of her blazer, ushering her along. It just left her more confused as to why she was there at all.

“Try not to take it personally, Mary-chan~” Runa giggled as they began their journey to the lower levels. “Sayaka-chan did her due diligence, but she only put herself in a worse position.”

“With the baggie?”

“It was done after exposure. Even contacted staffing to quarantine the room first before alerting anyone about how hurt she was.”

Mary frowned. She couldn’t get that, but maybe it was something about this school. She expected Yumeko to ignore her own symptoms before it stopped her from doing what she loved, but Igarashi-san was reasonable. Practical. All of that seemed to stop mattering the moment the president was involved. “How bad is she?”

Runa shrugged. “She wasn’t breathing last I saw. President banned everyone from the room not long after that.”

Smeared lipstick, sleeves rolled up. Mary’s heart sank. Even as a rival, she at least understood that Igarashi-san was important. To be targeted like that? It was bad enough just to have a friend be at risk. “... So are the two…?”

Runa shrieked in laughter. “Your guess is as good as mine, Mary-chan~”

Figures. Even if Runa did know, there wasn’t any reason to be honest with Mary about it. At best, she was protecting the president’s own integrity in what was likely the most vulnerable Mary would ever get to see, and at worst, she was just as clueless. None of this made any sense. Why show Mary that at all? Why involve her if it was something so serious?

And that envelope had a letter in it? Where was that? She stopped, looked to Runa, and was greeted with a toothy smile.

“I have it.”

“And?”

“Confidential~”

“Well now I know something’s on it!” Mary grumbled, crossing her arms. “What if they need that?!”

“Kirari-chan knows~. She found it.”

“Why am I here, Runa?!”

Runa giggled once more, lazily strolling ahead of her-- only worsening her nerves. “Question also isn’t for me.”

--

Mary realized with startling apprehension that she had never seen the gambling floor completely cleared out like this. Ever. Even during classes, there was a milling student or two in there either competing in a gamble or just looking for an easy place to ditch class. Not a soul was in there. The tables were left where they were, as if people were ordered to clear away right in the middle of games. Only things taken were personal belongings, and naturally, the voting chips-- what little that were left between Kirari and Terano.

Yobami and Inbami were sitting at the center poker table, eerily silent in the backdrop of the mostly deserted room. Even she felt Runa tense up under the oppressive atmosphere within. “Keep your wits about you,” she whispered, nearly cracking her teeth against the lollipop still stuck in her mouth.

She steeled herself and strode confidently in the room, never releasing her gaze from the pair of sisters that eagerly awaited their arrival. She was the surprise here, and perhaps they could play into it. No way Runa would allow her to outwardly influence the game, but there was no love lost between her and them either. They could play it into their advantage.

Inbami looked less than pleased to see her already. There was a lot of satisfaction in seeing the snarl. “Saotome, I doubt Igarashi-san would’ve brushed off the responsibility to you. Where is she?”

Mary stopped, taking a second to register exactly what she was asking. “No. But she’s still not coming since you know… she’s a bit poisoned?”

“What.”

What? How was she supposed to respond to that. They were a ‘medicine’ family where poisoning was practically their MO. If they didn’t mean to poison Sayaka then who the hell--

Runa was cackling. Great. “Ohhh, it makes sense now~,” she teased, “You didn’t know? Sayaka-chan started checking Kirari-chan’s mail right after what happened last time. A secretary has to consider all possibilities.”

“Then who’s coming--”

“Who do you think?!” Mary snapped. The way Inbami’s face sank was priceless, and Yobami wasn’t faring much better. She had to admit the plan would’ve been practical had it worked-- taking advantage of the weaker partner in a time of great crisis. It would’ve been Igarashi-san that found her first and it would’ve been Igarashi-san that took the risks under duress. At best, they would’ve killed the president and rendered the entire reason for the election useless, and at worst, taken advantage of a vulnerable girl who would happily give power and position to see the president well again. She would’ve been almost completely defenseless with the sisters having all the power. It wasn’t so different from what they tried to pull on Ryota, but still with rather large gaping holes.

In trying to hook the flounder, they pulled a shark on their line. And the president wasn’t going to let go without tipping the whole ship over. Whatever the reasons, whatever the situation, Mary was going to learn something today.

“Miyo,” Yobami called for quietly, and the two sisters exchanged glances. It was as if they knew by just that one singular look to one another.

Inbami offered a placid smiled to them. “Then Kirari is coming. With Ririka?”

“Yeah.”

Runa hummed. “It makes no difference to me, but I’m sure Kirari-chan would be happy just getting an antidote or two from you and letting it go.”

Inbami laughed and motioned for Yobami to sit across from her, the smile twisting her features into something ugly but not unfamiliar to Mary. “Someone needs to tell the child no. It doesn’t matter to me if she loses her favorite toy.”

“Suit yourself,” Runa replied before taking place at the left side of the table. She tugged a deck of cards out of her oversized pockets, humming appreciatively as she broke the sticker seal with the singular swipe of her finger nail.

Mary let silence envelope the lonely room once more, only broken by the steady shuffling of cards. There wasn’t any obvious sign of nervousness from either sister now, though Yobami’s back was to her now. The sitting arrangement wasn’t unlike the Nim Zero. So something similar. She tried to take comfort in being an impartial observer, having nothing to lose and little to gain from it.

She didn’t have much time to enjoy the silence. The doors swung open with a flourish, and all eyes turned to the expected arrivals. Kirari made her entrance first, head held high and looking nothing like she had in the hallway. She had retrieved her blazer without a single stitch or tear in sight. Her eyes shone with the same cold confidence, blue eyes mirrored in the perfectly styled blue eyeshadow and lips. She regarded the room with an indistinct smile. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Ririka was right behind, in what Mary could affectionately call her game face on. She held herself not unlike Kirari, but her demeanor seemed more like righteous fury to her. A bright light shining in the sea of darkness of the room. What conversation they had instilled confidence and likely a better sense of what was happening than Mary did. They were ready for what was to come, and Mary felt the excitement bubbling inside her.

Kirari breezed past her without any sort of acknowledgement as before, approaching the table with a cruel calculation. “Spades, was it? Not very imaginative, but it’ll help to end this quickly,” she regarded them like nothing, as if only a momentary distraction, “Traditional?”

“200 chips for one,” Yobami answered without turning to look at the president directly.

Steep price just for the first round. Ririka came to her side, looking pensive. They didn’t have that many chips between the two of them, but it may play into Mary’s favor to get the president indebted to her. “... I’ll help meet the bet if we need to,” she whispered to the girl at her side.

“I’m not interested in the antidote,” Kirari replied, and all at once the table erupted into chaos.

“What?! Why are you even here then?” Inbami snapped. “You’re just going to let the girl die? You know the hospital will be too late to save her!”

Runa simply began laughing at everyone’s expense, clearly enjoying the turn of events.

Ririka hesitated before cautiously approaching her twin, voice gentle and soothing as if calming a crazed beast. “Are you sure about this? If anything were to go wrong, and Igarashi-san…”

Kirari waved her sibling off before circling the card table, lightly brushing the tops of Yobami’s shoulders as she slipped by, causing the small girl to stiffen uncomfortably from the contact. She didn’t linger, instead coming to her sister’s side and tightly clutching Inbami’s cheeks, a cruel chuckle rumbling from frosted lips as she forced the girl to meet eyes with her.

“You sought to use my own secretary to take everything from me,” she spoke into the girl’s very soul, digging and taking apart what she found within. “You’ve caught my attention, so why stop now? I’m here. Bet everything against me~. You can end the election with both my chips and Ririka’s. Not even Terano could stop you. I’ll even give you the seat.”

This. Mary knew this. The stone eyes glowing blue under the low light, the madness twisting her stoic features to something monstrous. It was the very same thing that fascinated her and scared her about Yumeko.

“If not for the antidote, then what would you want?” Yobami interrupted the dissection, earning a smirk from the president.

“Why, a bet must be met. You’ll lose your names. Your family will lose their names. We’ll just take the more… interesting ones under Momobami~.”

Inbami ripped herself away from the examination, clearly horrified by the suggestion. “Why would we agree to something so-- Let me remind you that Igarashi-san will die without this! We’re the ones with leverag--”

“I don’t care.” The words shut Inbami up immediately and said with so much malice that it raised the hairs on the back of Mary’s neck. It was like night and day. This was the same girl that had tried to keep Igarashi-san breathing? It was too stupid to be a coincidence. “Sayaka was well aware of the risks when she kept her position after the council dissolved. If that’s all you have to offer, I can easily waste my time elsewhere.”

She turned on her heel, fully intent to leave them all there stranded and shell shocked by the demand. One step and Ririka looked back to Mary, utterly dumbfounded. Mary started to believe that maybe this was sincere. Two steps, and Runa was gathering the cards once more, shuffling them even faster as if playing with them. Three steps, and Mary found her voice bubbling in her throat, but before she could speak a word, Inbami broke.

“Fine! Three rounds of Spades. Everything on the line.”

Kirari stopped. She turned back to the group, gracefully offering her hand. “Let’s get started then, shall we?”

After that, it was all movement. Kirari and Ririka took their seats opposite one another, Kirari facing Mary. Runa dealt the cards without prompting, sweeping them across the expanse of the table as her hum entered a crescendo-- practically buzzing with anticipation for the events about to unfold. Slim, pale fingers tapped the cards dealt, stopping them perfectly in front of their respective owners. Mary stepped to Ririka’s side, taking her place to her partner’s right in hopes of providing encouragement and support to the shy girl.

Ririka lifted her hand before, fanning them out for Mary to sneak a peek to the contents within. High suits with … three spades? The spades were low numbers though, and could easily be trumped in a poorly played trick. A few mistakes could be afforded, but now that Kirari forced them to put everything into the pot… Mary couldn’t help being nervous.

Spades was a strange game. Built on the honor system, it obligated its players to use their cards honestly but wisely. Since each round called for all 13 cards to be used before it finished, lies were easily caught by attentive players. No doubt the sisters would be focusing on Kirari as the bigger target. She was the more experienced player, the more dangerous. That could open opportunities for subterfuge if they needed it.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, Mary-chan,” Runa piped up as she dealt the last few cards, “But giving Ririka-chan advice at any time is prohibited~.”

Mary huffed, “I know that.” She knew now that Ririka was competent enough to stand on her own anyway. She bested Oobami without much trouble, and with a grace and cunning that she hadn’t seen anywhere else. Yobami and Inbami weren’t even close to that level of control and finesse. The odds were stacked against them, but Kirari offered a prize far too tempting to refuse.

At the very least, they were wise enough to choose a straightforward game with little confusion, and little opportunity to cheat. Mary could guess how this was supposed to play. A three-persion version of the game was possible, in which every round the third person would switch to the other team. The person left without a partner would have a “dummy” partner with access to their cards. Since Yobami and Inbami had a way to communicate non-verbally, it would be easy to work out the remaining cards in the deck, and thus, easily overpower a lone Igarashi-san into a clean win. No doubt Igarashi-san would’ve known it, but with the president in a precarious position, she would be left with no choice but to lose everything. The only possible flaw for that would be for Runa to excise the partner switching rule, but even still… Igarashi-san would’ve been alone.

Even now, they could probably deduce what the combined cards were for Ririka and Kirari-- something that could lend itself to certain advantages in accurately guessing the amount of tricks, but even then, there were certain caveats to that. They couldn’t predict exactly which card belonged to which twin, and the fact that they were tricked by a simple shuffle trick in Nim Type Zero made it far less likely that they would realize that advantage.

A trick was one round of each playing a singular card of their 13 card hand. The first player chose the suit with their first card, and each subsequent player was obligated to play another suit. If the player didn’t have a particular suit, they were welcomed to play any card in their hand. At the end of the trick, the player that placed the highest value card of that suit won, so long as no spades were played. A spade could be played to trump the trick, and if done so, then the player with the highest value spade by the end would win the trick. The particular round would end once every card in the player’s hand had been played. First to 200 points won a single game.

With three games in total, this could be a long wait. No doubt that was a conscious decision on Inbami and Yobami’s part. The longer Igarashi-san went without the antidote, the likelier this would be a giant waste of time for everyone. Not that it wasn’t already now that Kirari removed the antidote completely from the equation.

Not that it didn’t look like Kirari was looking to finish this quickly anyway. Mary picked up on the fact that she was the only one at the table that hadn’t picked up her hand, a finger idly tapping the cards that laid face down in front of her. She watched Runa expectantly, as if the cards weren’t in front of her at all.

Once everyone seemed satisfied with looking at their hand, Runa gave a toothy grin and waved a hand over the table with dramatic enthusiasm. “We’ll start the bidding round!” she announced sharply, echoing in the mostly empty chambers. “How many tricks will you be winning, Inbami-san?”

“Nil.”

“Oho~. Starting strong, already?���

“If we’re betting everything, we might as well.”

Kirari giggled beside her, unsurprising with her own choice. Her cards still remained face down. Their actions weren’t too dissimilar though. The nil bid and the blind nil were two sides of the same coin-- both rewarding steep risks with high rewards. It was exactly how it sounded-- a nil bid was a player turning the rules on its head, instead strategizing to lose every single trick that’s played. A successful player could easily push a team into victory, earning 100 points in a single round. However, winning a single trick was a loss of 100.

“And I don’t really need to ask you, do I, Kirari-chan?”

“Blind nil, please,” Kirari replied anyway, her smirk twitching just a bit in both exuberance and confidence. It was the riskiest bid of the game, but a successful round won it at once. 200 points to gain and 200 points to lose on failure. Already in the first game, the two teams were butting heads with the strategies of the stronger player guaranteeing victory.

“And Yobami-san?”

“Ten.”

“No surprise. Ririka-chan?”

She glanced at her hand, then back to Kirari just once. The action wasn’t lost on the others at the table. Mary didn’t know if the hesitance was a bluff or genuine at this point. “... Seven.” Safe bet, and showed the difference of styles immediately. Ririka was gauging the skills and playing field, while Kirari was throwing her strongest right at the start. There wasn’t any need to bet higher or lower though. If Kirari succeeded, they would win the game anyway, and if she failed, a penalty of 200 points would be nearly impossible to get out of anyway. They would have to rely on Inbami failing too. And even still…

“That ends the bidding round! Kirari-chan, you’re okay to look at your hand now~” Kirari picked up all 13 with fluid motion, peering into the contents without a word or expression to give whether her luck was fortunate or not. Runa nodded approvingly. “Now let’s start the trick!”

Inbami set down a two of hearts, and Mary winced. Bad start. Inbami was guaranteed to lose the trick. If she had low numbers like that and no spades, she would be cinching the nil in no time. It didn’t mean Kirari couldn’t as well though, and as she placed a four of hearts in return, looked strong to do so. Ririka followed with a King of Hearts, then Yobami with a reluctant ten. Ririka quietly gathered the four card pile and shuffled them into a neat stack in front of her.

The tricks followed lightning quick following. Five of clover starting, following by a seven, nine, and then ending with a Jack, earning Yobami the second trick. Nine of hearts, six, ten, and an ace. Yobami for third. It followed with rapid order, slammed in the center of table with the familiarity of the game from all players. No matter how quickly the order was played, there was no argument of which card came with what hand or who won an individual trick. Mary noticed how much the sisters were focusing on Kirari’s own responses, her own casual mannerisms as she kept playing low card after low card into the pile. It seemed each move was personally addressed to her. Throughout the tricks, Yobami remained the clear dominant victor-- squashing the chances that Ririka would earn her total bid more and more.

By the halfway point, it was obvious Ririka was under, only having earned two tricks to the total seven played. Yobami had a strong hand, and clearly, the sisters had communicated this strategy to one another. The only thing they could do was hope that she went over half of her bid to make up for what points would be lost by clumsy playing. Trick eight and nine went without much hope. Then as a round of diamonds came down, the room fell into a deafening silence as Kirari placed an ace of spades onto the pile.

“Are… are you serious?” Mary asked, dumbfounded.

Kirari laughed, as if this was another casual game among friends. “It’s not like I could exchange it for another card, Saotome-san. It seems this round was mine to lose~”

A light smile spread on Inbami’s face, and both sisters looked visibly relieved by the turn of events. Both Ririka and Yobami put down low spades in return and without much fanfare, Kirari gathered her lowly trick to her side of the table. There was nothing they could do now. The first game had been lost. All parties easily realized it now after too, Yobami cinching the win for her team by trick 12, gathering her tenth trick into the line of stacks in front of her-- her sister still clear without a single stack. Trick 13 was one by Ririka’s single card left, an ace of diamonds.

Runa gathered the cards with a satisfied smile, shuffling them in her tiny hands with ease and practice. “First game to Yobami-san and Inbami-san! And it’s nice to see the games proceeding so quickly~. I’m sure the other players would love to have this room back.”

“I figured a lack of audience would be more… suitable.”

Kirari shrugged. “Sayaka wouldn’t have cared honestly. She can have quite the single-track mind.”

Runa hummed in agreement before dealing the cards out once more. “You’re quiet today, Kirari-chan~”

“Simply enjoying the challenge. I’m surprised Miyo and Miri could actually bring one to me.”

Inbami scowled at the comment, but said nothing as the cards were passed among the table once again. This time, Kirari did pick up her hand, humming a small tune as she gazed onto her cards thoughtfully. Yobami and Inbami tensed with the intrusions, sharing a look with one another. Was it a positive observation? A negative? Facing someone like Kirari meant second guessing every movement and action brought into the game. Kirari seemed well aware of it, maybe even humoring their close observation of her.

This time, Ririka didn’t pick up her cards. She stared ahead, passed Kirari and the empty roulette tables behind her-- fixating on a random spot on the wall as she waited. Like the last game, both Yobami and Inbami picked up their hand. It made sense. It benefited them more to play it safe. As Mary thought, they were likely sharing knowledge of their cards as to guess their chances against the cards the other two players had-- taking advantage of their nonverbal cues to one another.

Runa seemed to pick up on the habit too, looking onto the pair of sisters with annoyance. Yet, there really wasn’t any solid way to prove it. “Ah, Ririka-chan, your turn now is it?”

Ririka simply nodded, affirming her bid as the blind nil.

“And Kirari-chan?”

“Four~.” … A safe bet? It was just enough to avoid the penalty if she picked up more tricks than she needed. If a player picked up 10 over what they bid, it was an automatic 100 point penalty. However, if Ririka succeeded in the blind nil, they at least would be granted 100 points for the team.

“And Yobami-san?”

“... Three.”

Runa nodded affirmatively. “Inbami-san?”

“Seven.”

Not as aggressive this time, but still a prediction of winning a majority of the tricks. The sisters were confident after the easy victory of the first game. With a quick affirmation from Runa, Ririka picked up her hand. All relatively low numbers, which was lucky. Even three twos. Mary then blanched at the sight of the queen of spades in there. Then a king of diamonds. No aces, but it would still make playing the round without winning tricks difficult.

Kirari began without prompting, and started strong with an ace of diamonds. Ririka placed the king of diamonds in response (relieved no doubt to be rid of the suit), which was followed by a four and a six respectively. Kirari gathered her pile, not saying a word to the group of people around her, only passing a small grin over to Mary as she arranged her pile. She had no idea what the smile meant.

Like before, the tricks went quickly-- Ririka playing as masterfully as she’d seen anyone else play. On trick seven, Kirari started strong with another ace, snatching Yobami and Inbami’s focus enough for Ririka to sneak the queen of spades in. Without thought, Inbami had won the trick with a king of spades of her own, ridding her partner of her worst card and continuing the nil bid streak. By trick ten, they were still looking strong with Kirari having a total of six tricks won to Inbami’s three and Yobami’s one.

Then, Mary’s phone rang.

Kirari paused mid card placement, quickly adding it back to her hand as the rest of the players regarded the observer skeptically.

Runa sighed. “C’mon Mary-chan! This is serious.”

“I know that!” Mary-chan flushed. The turn of events had happened so quickly she hadn’t thought of even turning her phone off. She turned away from the group as she fished her phone out of the pocket of her blazer. She didn’t recognize the number on the screen. With a huff, Mary swiped to answer, snapping a quick, “What?!” as greeting.

“Don’t tell them who it is.”

Mary paused, and thought quickly on what to say. “Yumeko, I don’t have time for this. This better be important.”

“Tell Ririka five.”

“... That’s it? That’s all you had to tell me?” She hadn’t the slightest idea of what that meant. Maybe it was something special between the two of them. A code word, or some kind of alarm system. Midari’s voice on the other end was serious though-- more serious than she had ever heard her. She tried not to think on what the implications were, and how little she heard other than Midari’s voice on the other end. “I’m in a game right now, so just… I don’t know. Lunch later?”

She could even hear the scowl on the other end. “Just work it out yourself. I got other stuff to do if I can’t watch.”

“I’ll tell you about it later, Yumeko. I need to go.” And Mary hung up the phone. She would find out later what that meant, she guessed. She turned to face the table that waited patiently for her return, even as Mary had nothing to do with the actual events of the game.

Mary sighed and returned to Ririka’s left. “Sorry, I swear she calls at the worst times,” she let the lie slip out easily as she traced the number five between Ririka’s shoulder blades. She felt Ririka stiffen under her touch, as unaccustomed to the contact as Mary was-- and even stranger still to feel the muscles twitch and tense under her finger. She tried not to think on it, especially as Ririka gazed up at her with the most doe-eyed puzzled look that she’d ever seen.

Mary’s stomach churned. Great. She had no idea either.

Runa shrugged and gestured to the table. “Let’s keep going then!”

The momentum came back in full swing, as if the interruption never occurred at all. By the last trick, the game wasn’t looking much better in Yobami and Inbami’s favor, and it showed with the harsh lines of Inbami’s face, clearly frustrated by the way Kirari casually played. Kirari hadn’t won a single trick again, and seemed to just be playing trash cards. Mary wasn’t even sure she was even looking at her hand as she was choosing them. As she tossed her last card blindly on the table, Inbami nearly lost her mind.

“Will you take this seriously?!” Ririka did her best ignoring her as she quietly placed her two of diamonds down in response. It didn’t matter what the other two players did at this point. Ririka had cleared the victory for them.

“And game two goes to Ririka-chan and Kirari-chan!” Runa confirmed as she gathered the cards back up in her tiny fingers.

It seemed to only agitate Inbami more. “Ririka, how could you be satisfied with this?” she tried to gauge, even though the sister had cleared the victory for them. “You’ll be living in your twin’s shadow your entire life. If we win, at least you’ll have a chance to be free.”

“She’s doing just fine here,” Mary interjected quickly as she squeezed her partner’s shoulder as reassurance. “Focus on your strategy for once.”

Runa laughed. “Giving advice to the opponents isn’t allowed either, Mary-chan~,” but she made no motion to penalize either party as she re-shuffled the deck.

“Saotome, you have just as much to lose here. How can you be happy with how carelessly Kirari is playing things?!” Mary kept her mouth shut, only glancing to Kirari for confirmation of what was happening.

Kirari nodded in return.

“Maybe she isn’t. I know she isn’t going to lose to you two at least. You’re shit gamblers.”

“That win was a fluke, Saotome. And we’ll show it in this last game,” Yobami quipped with an icy leer. Mary dismissed her easily, just as Runa began dealing the cards once more.

Ririka spared enough attention to the cards to catch them from sliding off the table, but that was it. They remained firmly face down once again, this time looking resolute and ready for the kill. Kirari on the other hand yawned as she gathered her cards in her hand, cradling her cheek with her hand as she looked onto her cards. It only seemed to irritate the sisters further.

Mary recognized the bait and switch easily, but was perhaps pleasantly surprised by the amount of trust Kirari was placing on her sister to actually carry the big moves in the game. Their opponents were none the wiser by the ploy, even though by now they had to have known about Ririka’s own gains in the election so far.

Inbami wasn’t looking at her cards either, mirroring Ririka with a far more emotional intent behind it. This was the last game. It didn’t surprise Mary that both were playing with everything they had.

Runa seemed to pick up on the change of atmosphere herself. She didn’t even bother asking Inbami and Ririka this time, putting the focus on the two girls that actually bothered to look at their cards.

“Kirari-chan?”

“Four.” Same as before.

“Alright. Yobami-san?”

“... Four.”

Runa raised a skeptical brow, but said nothing, merely waving her hand to approve the two players that kept their hand on the table.

Mary didn’t even bother to look at Ririka’s hand this time. If they were this stupid to try to mirror their bids like this, there was no point. Someone was going to go over. At least half the table would. Instead, she focused on Inbami’s face as she peered at her hand. And there, just the slightest twitch of her scowl, that she knew that the twins had guaranteed victory.

It was like a slow march to death as they played. The girls hesitated with each pull, as if waiting and biding their time to see if the twins would make a mistake first. They didn’t. Kirari regarded her twin’s moves carefully as she started each trick, playing high when Ririka started with a less than stellar trick, and playing blindly when it was safe to do so. The twins regarded each other more like they were just sharing afternoon tea, rather than sealing their opponents’ fates to being servants-- devoured by the stronger family.

By the final trick, it was clear that both twins had stopped caring. Kirari gazed at her sister thoughtfully as she dumped her final card on the table, the ace of spades fluttering harmlessly on the wood before Ririka had a chance to even play the first card on the table. It was then Mary began to notice something strange between the two, as both sisters looked on, crestfallen to the card that sealed their fate.

“Why waste their time further sister? Just tell them,” Kirari spoke softly as her edges became more familiar, more rounded and less like a predator. “They should at least know why they’ve lost.”

Ririka laughed, and the sound was so harsh that Mary immediately peeled her hand away from the girl’s shoulder, recognizing the trickery immediately. Her heart burned at the thought. The implications that she couldn’t even notice.

Inbami’s face slipped and she trembled. Yobami was at her side immediately, as if trying to shield and protect her sister as ‘Ririka’ stood from her seat, crumpling the two of diamonds in her hand and throwing it on the center of the table. The smile on her face was cold. Mary had never seen such a grin so thick with malice, and it really complimented the fire that was clear in her eyes. She couldn’t…

She couldn’t believe how much Ririka had that face.

Kirari brushed the long tresses of her silver hair behind her shoulder before circling the table to greet the newest members of the Momobami clan. There was no love there. No compassion.

Yobami stood her full height between her and her older sister, trying to meet the president with courage. Mary could appreciate the protectiveness she held, but it was too late. Kirari simply grabbed the collar of her blazer and shoved her away, batting her off like an insect.

“Miri!” Inbami called out as her sister crashed into the wood floor, only to have her attention snatched away by sharp nails. They dug into her chin as Kirari wrenched her face back, forcing eye contact mere inches away from each other. It wasn’t so different from when Ririka had done it at the start of the game, but the energy was far, far different.

Kirari’s eyes were wild, looming over the girl with a burning hot anger that looked completely foreign on her. As if it was never meant to be there, so open -- so honest. It didn’t look human on Kirari’s face. “Did you really think I would let people like you take Sayaka? To corner her alone and desperate and take advantage of her? You were so easy to trick.”

“Sister, w-wait--” Ririka tried to interject, already tugging the braids loose from her hair.

Kirari snapped her head up to regard her twin coldly, giving Inbami enough distraction to tear herself away. She bolted out of her chair, smacking it to the floor as she tried to create enough distance between herself and the president. She made it about five steps before Kirari was on her again, grabbing her arm and yanking her closer. Inbami looked wide-eyed and terrified as she desperately tore a baggie out of her pocket, containing a familiar syringe.

Mary finally found her voice. “Wait, Inbami stop!”

Ignoring her commands, the girl crushed the glass syringe with a shaky fist, staring at Kirari defiantly as she did so. “... It’s the last one,” she said as she dropped all of it to the floor.

It was enough to give Kirari pause. She peered at the broken syringe curiously for a moment, as if a foreign species that warranted dissection. It was enough that Inbami looked less frazzled, unwisely more triumphant as she backed further away from Kirari. There had to be more right? It was cruel to condemn an innocent girl to die like that… but Mary could almost commend that final act of rebellion before servitude.

But Kirari started laughing. Light, almost overjoyed at the sight of it.

“What… What’s so funny? She’s dead now! You realize that, don’t you? That was the last--”

“We fell five stories together, Saotome-san. It was the solution that saved Sayaka’s life that night.”

Mary’s eyes widened.

Kirari thought nothing of it as she picked up the discarded and broken syringe before giving the baggie back to the bewildered Inbami. “I’m the head of the clan. Of course I would recognize an Inbami specialty when I see one. Saotome-san’s little phone call was for me. Not her.”

“What?”

“If they called me directly, you would be suspicious, wouldn’t you? But… Saotome-san would’ve given away that Sayaka was fine if she had been just told that. That girl is truly fascinating.”

Inbami just sank to her knees. “... So all this time…?”

Kirari chuckled. “... I didn’t have a single thing to lose.” She regarded the prone girl with little fascination, and spun on her heel back toward the exit. “We’ll discuss the details on our family merger later, Miyo. I’ll leave letting the families know to you in the meantime~. ...Runa, if you could collect payment for me?”

“You got it, Kirari-chan!”

She strode confidently, only stopping just once to pass an odd, unfamiliar smile to Mary. “Try to keep the doting to my sister next time~.”

“W-What?!”

Kirari laughed all the way to the exit, only cutting off to silence once the door closed. She could hear one of the girls quietly crying by the table, and as Mary looked on, she realized that Ririka refused to meet her gaze.

All Mary could settle on at that moment was numbness.

--

“Am I becoming that predictable to you, Sayaka~?”

Her eyes fluttered open, just in time to see Kirari whisper-close the door to the hospital room, a lightly small smile playing on blue-tinted lips. It’d been so rare before, but now she enjoyed counting the moments she caught the genuine upturn of her lips. How soft and satisfied the president seemed with that expression. How she fell in love with her again with each moment spared between them.

“Only so I could help you more, President,” she responded back confidently, even as her voice sounded hoarse and foreign through her burned lungs. The last few hours had been a haze of half-remembered nightmares, but she knew at least, by her president’s arrival, that her actions had been correct. She scooted forward and tried to prop herself up using her arms, cursing inwardly as she saw how much the quaked by the smallest bit of pressure.

“Allow me.” Kirari was there in an instant, pressing a cool hand at the small of her back as she slowly pushed her up to a sitting position. It gave her a moment to admire the softness curving her eyes-- gentle and intimate. It was a new discovery, the source of which Sayaka tried not to think too much on. “Recovery will take a bit of time.” She didn’t move her hand.

“You don’t have the time to wait, President.”

Kirari didn’t respond for a moment, taking the time to sit at the side of her bed with barely the space for Sayaka to breathe. She tried not to focus on the lack of distance-- reminded herself that this wasn’t so different from what Kirari normally did. That this didn’t change anything and be okay with what they had, be ok-- “... You should have told me when it first happened,” the admonishing was unexpected. “If I had been wrong--”

“But I knew you wouldn’t be.”

Kirari’s brow furrowed in a strange look, what she almost thought was uncertainty (and that never was the case, so surely, Sayaka was wrong there) but the lopsided smirk made it seem more amused than anything else. She brushed dark bangs away with her free hand, chuckling at the hitching of Sayaka’s breath. “We’ll wait.”

Sayaka spluttered. “Don’t be unreasonable! The amount of chances you’ll be losing just to wait on me is--”

The soft lips moving against hers rendered all arguments, all fire moot within her. She focused on the light fingers that traced her cheek, stopping to lightly graze her jawline as Kirari kept her close. It wasn’t the dramatic kiss Sayaka always imagined it’d be. It was slow, graceful, and as Sayaka shakily latched onto the sleeves on her blazer-- reciprocating the touch she’d been waiting for so long-- opened herself to far more of Kirari than what she thought possible. Her scent, the hair and braids against her skin, the curvature of Kirari’s smile as the president pulled away.

Her hand rested on the back of Sayaka’s neck, keeping their foreheads together, and lips too tantalizingly close for her to resist. “... We move forward together.”

Sayaka had never realized how much more rewarding it was to be at her side than trailing behind.

[rwbyconversations]

Why Emerald and Mercury’s scene in Lost is one of the best scenes in all of RWBY

Lost is a really underappreciated episode in Volume 6. It tends to get overlooked because Dead End precedes it and that’s easily the weakest episode of the season, while right afterwards we get the three-parter of the Argus Battle and Adam’s return meant focus was shifted for a hot minute. But I adore this episode, nearly every second of it barring some choices at the end (barring Oscar getting shafted for development- again- and Ruby’s oddball speech of “we didn’t need adults this far” to Qrow), but it’s honestly one of the best episodes of the season in my eyes, and that falls down to one major scene- Emerald and Mercury’s conversation in the first third of the episode, which is one of my favorite scenes in all of RWBY.

I know when people think of character arcs involving Lost they tend to go for the obvious lure of the Pyrrha statue, which, to be fair, is a really solid character moment and I loved a lot about it- especially the small reference to the Volume 1 OP of Jaune looking at the statue, it’s framed with almost the exact same camera angle. But as someone who mains my two murder kids, I cannot stress how hyped up I was going into Lost. Finally, after years of being relegated to background fodder with their one big moment since Volume 3 being their humiliating appearance at Haven where Emerald took a literal dive and Merc was left holding an arm like a numbnuts, Lost was gonna give me the content I’d been waiting for.

The fact that Merc and Em were getting the thumbnail- something neither of them had been in since Volume 3- was something that made my goddamn day when the thumbnail went up on VRV

And ultimately, I think the scene delivered, and delivered with a gusto that makes me unironically call it one of the best scenes of the Volume, one of the best of the show, in fact- and today I’d like to explain why I love Emerald and Mercury’s scene in Volume 6 Chapter 9, Lost.

1) The establishing context, or: a quick breakdown of Merc and Em in V6C4 

Merc and Em had one scene earlier this volume, in Chapter 4, “So That’s How It Is.” It chronicles them and Hazel returning from Mistral several weeks after the Battle of Haven, Hazel having contacted Little Miss Malachite and gotten the heads up on where RWBY were going next. Spirits are low as they leave the ship, and an unexpected welcoming party in Tyrian doesn’t lift the mood. Emerald in particular lashes out at Tyrian when he mockingly notices Cinder’s absence, which just gives him all the motivation he needs to get up in Emerald’s personal space and mock her for her weakness. 

Fun fact, in the Volume 6 trailer, Tyrian creeping on Emerald happens in Salem’s conference room, presumably to throw people off the scene on when the scene would be happening. 

Tyrian proves to be as sharp as his dearly-departed stinger (now resting in Ruby’s cabinet of Maimed Body Parts), mocking Emerald in a delightfully chilling voice that “Cinder isn’t here to protect you anymore.” You know who is though? 

This asshole, that’s who. Mercury fucking Black, finally showing the spine he lost after Volume 3 and getting up in Tyrian’s grill to protect Emerald. He even got his eyebrows back just for the occasion! 

Never forget Volume 4 and Merc’s penciled-on eyebrows

It’s a short but sweet scene that sets up the duo’s dynamic well- they’ve really only got each other out in Evernight so even if they bicker... a lot... Merc and Em will watch each other’s backs because it’s that or deal with Tyrian, Watts and most importantly Salem alone. And that’s not a thought either of them truly want to consider. 

The rest of the Evernight scene in chapter 4 has some small but important moments for them- I especially love Mercury being the first person we see realizing Salem’s about to snap because of his abusive father. If anyone’s gonna know how to read the room and know to get out of dodge before the glass starts shattering, it’ll be him. How he just stands at attention, eyes locked forward when everyone else looks at Salem is also a nice subtle bit of character- eyes forward, since he was probably told not to move without permission. Emerald’s sheer terror for much of the debriefing is just a masterclass in animation- her eyes are these narrow pinpricks that can’t focus on a single spot, she cringes in anticipation of a slap when she rats out Cinder (gee it’s almost as if Cinder is her abuser who conditioned her or something why do people still ship them), how she flinches when Salem touches her shoulder and only relaxes when Salem moves on and reveals that Cinder’s alive. It’s all just great stuff for their characters that you get from looking at their body language. 

That’s all that we see of Mercury and Emerald until chapter 9, and unfortunately the last we see of them from there until the post-credits scene, but fortunately, this is a real doozy of a scene. 

2) The actual scene

We open with Merc and Em alone in a room, Emerald bitterly noting how much she hates being kept in the dark about Salem’s future plans. Mercury agrees, stopping some training to note that at least Cinder kept them up to speed, before resuming his combat. 

Mercury and Yang are two of the easier foils to compare and contrast to in the series, especially in the RWBY/CRME contrasts between Ruby/Cinder, Weiss/Emerald, Blake/Roman and later Adam and Yang/Mercury. Both are close range fights with firearms strapped to their limbs of choice, both have cybernetic limbs and as we learn later this episode, both had fathers with wildly differing views on their Semblances. But something else that connects them is that neither Mercury or Yang stay down for long when they get knocked out. Yang lost her arm and once she got back on her feet, she updated her fighting style to be more acrobatic and all-around, which paid off in dividends when she got to fight Adam and was able to move around his strikes. Similarly, the first time we see Mercury get some free time after Haven, he’s training... except he’s working on his fists, since he was overly reliant on his legs until now. I like this, it would have been easy to have Mercury just working on his legs or even just doing nothing but not only does it give the conversation a more lively feel, but it shows that Mercury is working on covering his weaknesses. And if there’s one thing Mercury hates, it’s leaving a weakness uncovered.

Your daily reminder that Yang vs Mercury is some of the best choreography in the show BTW

Emerald, seemingly out of boredom, decides to pry a bit and asks Mercury why he came with Cinder and Emerald in the Volume 3 flashback. I’ve seen some people criticize that Emerald is only asking this now, but given how when she tried to object to Cinder she got a slap for her troubles, I think it’s safe to say she decided it wasn’t worth Cinder’s wrath a second time for asking too many questions about Mercury. 

Mercury tries deflecting with a simple answer “Just made sense,” to which Emerald calls bullshit with one of the most deadpan-laden lines she’s ever uttered. “It ‘made sense.’” 

Mercury decides to keep up that path, trying to cover the question with his usual sarcasm and wit. It’s notable that his explanation gives nothing away that Emerald didn’t already know- Marcus trained Mercury to be an assassin, Mercury killed him and right afterwards, Cinder showed up. It’s almost clinical how, despite covering it with his usual wit, Mercury doesn’t let anything slip until Emerald gets under his skin by calling bullshit again, since to her that Mercury joined Cinder for as shallow a reason as “right place right time” is anathema to her- there has to be something in this for Mercury beyond just getting to fight. Mercury again deflects, giving Emerald knowledge she already knows- “Salem’s promised us everything. We win this thing, we’ll be top dogs in her new world.” Again, he’s only telling her what she already knows, and when he asks her what she gets out of this, Mercury manages to throw Emerald off the scent and tricks her into talking about herself- a topic Mercury enjoys because it means he’s not the one under the microscope. 

Something I adore and hate in equal measure is how musically when Emerald talks about Cinder, the score itself changes to a more whimsical version of Cinder’s theme- as if Emerald’s using her Semblance on the soundtrack itself to paint Cinder in a better light. 

Also something worth noting is the lighting symbolism for Emerald in the first part of this scene:

She starts in darkness, surrounded by light.

When Mercury gets a rise out of her, she walks out into the light to confront him, but Mercury moves into the darkness, a barrier separating them. But when Emerald begins talking about Cinder...

The camera pans to put Emerald back into darkness. This scene is loaded with this kind of symbolism on a lighting and musical level, the two dancing around the edges of light and dark, separated usually by the barriers that form from the overhead light.

Regardless, Mercury is perfectly fine to let Emerald prattle on about Cinder, right up until Emerald begins having a crisis of conscience. Not one based on how Cinder used her to stage a terrorist attack, no. Mercury butts in when Emerald’s crisis of conscience is based on how now that Cinder isn’t here, Emerald isn’t sure if they’re doing the right thing. And thus Mercury’s fandom finally got to see the scene they had been waiting years for: Mercury telling Emerald Cinder doesn’t care for them. Emerald gets angry, still caught up in the web of lies that Cinder spun around her, but Mercury doesn’t give a solitary shit about any of that and keeps saying things Emerald doesn’t want to hear- that Cinder never cared about Emerald, let alone either of them. 

I absolutely adore how the ever-present smirk on Mercury’s face just melts off while he’s trying to get Emerald to realize Cinder never cared for them- either because he’s done playing nice or because he’s trying to stress to Emerald that he’s not messing around, just this once.

Mercury’s mocking line to Emerald finally sets her off, and she charges him furiously, trying to beat him into shutting up. But it doesn’t work- of course it wouldn’t, Mercury is leagues above Emerald in skill even if she uses her weapons, going in without them is tantramount to suicide. This guy danced around Coco and Yatuhashi and gave Yang and Pyrrha good fights while deliberately throwing both fights. Beating Emerald would take less than a minute if he tried. But he doesn’t. Mercury never actually hits Emerald, focusing on just blocking her blows. It’s only when Mercury finally decides to stop giving Emerald information she already knows and actually give her some honest truth that he begins trying, and immediately Emerald is forced back. But even then, Mercury throws his kicks. Compared to the ones he threw in training they’re sluggish, easily predicted. He’s not trying to hurt Emerald, he’s just stressing his point. 

Literal chills went down my back when I heard that line the first time, Yuri killed it.

Mercury basically decides to throw his abuse in Emerald’s face, which I’ve seen some people deride and describe as Mercury basically playing the victim card, but I think this is perfectly in-character for him. Emerald’s locked in her cycle of abuse with Cinder, even though the bitch is on another continent and now is the perfect time for Emerald to break free, to get out before Cinder maims her like Marcus did Mercury... and she’s not. Taking. The chance. Of course Mercury would be pissed, of course he’d get heated for the first time- he’s basically watching Emerald squander one of the only chances she has to get out of this life before Cinder catches her again, and he (and the audience) know if Cinder gets her hands on Emerald again, that’ll be it; Emerald will be ride or die for Cinder all the way to the finish line due to her paternal/romantic love. If it takes Mercury being this most callous and blunt he’s ever been to finally get Emerald to see the truth or even just to make sure where she draws her battlelines, then he’ll do whatever it takes. 

As we get an orchestral reprise of I’m The One, Mercury finally gives us a new hint into his backstory- one of the most fucked up of all the cast according to Kerry- for the first time in three years. Marcus didn’t just beat Mercury senseless, didn’t just excuse it as training and potentially even cut off Mercury’s legs to refine him into a perfect killer- he stole Mercury’s Semblance with his own, seeing it as a crutch that Mercury relied on and holding it over his head with the promise of its return once Mercury got strong. To quote the normally Unirkable Merc himself, “So I got strong, but I never got it back!” 

Mercury forced himself to get on the level of titans like Pyrrha and Yang without having the safety net of a Semblance like they have- he got strong in spite of his father, not because of Marcus taking his power from him. But that power- that strength that lets him fight at a skill ceiling beyond what Marcus likely thought possible, destroyed this young child. It stole from Mercury, things that he can never get back- a literal piece of his soul was taken from him and the thrill of the fight is the only thing he’s ever found that can fill the hole. That confidence is earned because Mercury was defiled by his father and spat in the face of destiny, he chose to get back up and try and earn back what was rightfully his. And when he got the strength to kill his abuser and burn his house down, just to realize he couldn’t get that power back? In walked Cinder Fall, looking for another lost youth to corrupt and twist the worldview of- and here was one such youth, with all the corruption done complete with a neat little bow on top. 

All of this- all of this- goes without mentioning how not two volumes prior we had a different character go through an arc involving her Semblance and a father figure teaching her how to control it and not let it control her. 

I’m just saying guys if you still wanna live in denial over Yang and Merc’s foil status and how they’d be the coolest rivals in the show, door’s right there, I’m gonna be here eagerly awaiting their proper rematch (Fuck off and die Volume 5, you mountain of wasted potential). 

The kicker (pun not intended) is Mercury’s line at the end of the training with Emerald- “I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” he confidently declares, absolutely sure in himself. The whole dynamic of the scene has been Mercury and Emerald calling bullshit on each other’s excuses, with Mercury dominating once he got Emerald to play the Cinder card. But he gets so caught up in his rage over how he got defiled by Marcus, that he loses sight for a second and forgets that he’s lying to himself as much as Emerald- the difference is he’s gone thought he cycle before and seen it so he can see that Emerald’s in it, but he hasn’t yet realized he’s gotten caught in a different cycle and still can’t see the trees from the forest. Denial is a recurring trait in Mercury and Emerald, and one neither of them are ever truly free from (”Salem promised us everything,” like how Marcus promised you back your Semblance, Mercury?). Emerald attacking Mercury after he mocks her “crisis of identity” can almost be taken as her subconsciously agreeing with Merc that Cinder doesn’t care, but after all she’s done for Cinder, everyone she’s hurt and helped kill, the idea that it was all for less than nothing is something she’s got to run away from- the alternative is just too nightmarish.

Mercury “I’m right where I’m supposed to be” Black, ladies and gents. He’s feeling really confident in these scenes, can’t you tell?! 

And who sees this and realizes it, but none other than Tyrian fucking Callows of all people. And of all the people in Salem’s castle, who expected him to be an adept armchair psychologist? Tyrian is blunt, completely unforgiving in his assessment of Mercury and Emerald- they’re trapped in a cycle of violence, pain and misery, and they’re too afraid of what’s on the other side to ever leave it- what’s waiting for Mercury out in the world of Remnant? All he can do is kill, and now that he’s burned his bridges with Huntsmen society, all he’d wind up doing is assassination work like father like son. Granted, Tyrian being the one to break this down to them both is... ironic given how Tyrian himself is trapped in Salem’s web of devotion and has been for so long he couldn’t find his way out if he wanted to, but here he raises a valid point. 

After this the scene mostly moves away from Mercury and Emerald and becomes Tyrian informing them and the audience that Watts and Tyrian are going to Atlas to intercept RWBY, but before he leaves, Tyrian leaves some parting advice.

“Do what makes you happy children, please? I’m begging you.” 

Reading through the mile-wide lines, it’s obvious Tyrian wants them to run so he can hunt them down himself, even though he denies telling them they should leave earlier when Emerald asks point-blank if he’s telling them to go (of course he isn’t saying that, he wants them to come to the conclusion himself, no fun stalking prey when the hunt’s made easy for you after all). But the scene ends with a somewhat more optimistic note.

Emerald and Mercury, still unsure about a lot of things after this group therapy session, are still standing together, almost more unified than they were before now- no barriers of light and darkness separating the two now. And that should be something that terrifies anyone who crosses their paths, especially the guy who made a point to T-Bag Mercury and basically promise he’ll draw the straw on killing them if they stray out of line. 

3) Conclusion

Mercury and Emerald are my favorite characters in the show, and while that’s been a bit harder to maintain in the Dark Times of Volumes 4 and 5 where they got nothing to do, 6 reminded me and a lot of other people why they’re the characters to keep an eye on in future years. They have these wonderfully dark backstories that let them serve as haunting foils for two members of team RWBY each (Emerald and Ruby and Weiss, Mercury for Blake and Yang) that show how far things could have gone if the RWBY girls had been born with a bit less luck. On top of all that, I’m The One is just a killer of a song that excites with its spiteful air, its cockiness only accentuating how horrific these two have had it. 

Mercury and Emerald start the Mistral seasons separated by a barrier (the window) but after their conversation in Lost and time away from Cinder, the barrier’s gone. They’re closer than they were before. And Merc got his eyebrows back too, that’s a sign he started caring about Emerald! 

Their scene in Lost I feel encapsulates a lot of what keeps them together and what makes for one of RWBY’s best dynamics- they don’t really like each other a lot of the time, but they have each other’s back come hell or high water because they need each other like a lifeline. Mercury does, at least a little, genuinely care for Emerald; he goes about it in a dickish way but trying to recognize Cinder’s abusive behavior is one of the most noble things he’s done all show. And while Emerald did try to attack him, he goaded her into it and she was indignant with rage when Tyrian pinned Merc down. Everything about the scene just works for me, from the small musical cues (alongside the return of I’m The One and Cinder’s theme, I love how right before Emerald attacks Mercury, this beeping starts and then accelerates into this droning sound like a flatline, which really captures Emerald’s temper reaching fever pitch and then snapping, to the lighting symbolism (Merc and Em both begin the scene in darkness but come together in the light at the end after Tyrian leaves, alongside everything I said above) and of course, Katie Newville and Yuri Lowenthal both knocking it out of the park with a home run of a performance, alongside Josh Grelle being his usual self when Tyrian shows up. While it was overshadowed by Jaune’s scene with the Pyrrha statue, I’d be very comfortable marking Emerald and Mercury’s spotlight scene in Lost as not just a highlight of the season, but one of the best scenes of the entire show. Everything came together for this ambrosia of a scene, and I can only hope I sold how much it means to me and how much I appreciate the work that went into it on a technical, writing, animation, acting and musical level. 

Keep an eye on Merc and Em is all I’m saying, and if you’ve written them off in the past, I hope this convinced you to take another look at them and hope they get their due time to shine in future. 

Thank you for reading. 

[rockettransman]

MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ROCKETMAN

I HAVE SO MANY! HERE WE GO!

prelude: i went into this movie pretty jaded and not thinking i was gonna like it. in my head, i got john lennon and elton john confused. i was thinking it was about john lennon. “oh god, they made a movie about that prick?” further, i was already dreading it because they play EJ’s hits on the radio at work all the time, and frankly i was fucking sick of tiny dancer and im still standing. when i watched the trailer i was like “aw geez, elton john sings these? damn, i was hoping i could tolerate him at all.” so. not many high hopes for this movie.

that was until i was on a six hour flight from boston to portland, oregon, and i was delirious with pain and boredom. i was sat in the middle of a father and daughter, and so i really didn’t wanna pull out my laptop and get in their space. reading the subtitles from the office off the airplane tv made me sick. the lights were off and it was 2 am, so no reading. i. was. BORED. and then, i saw someone watching something in the row in front of me. where i was sitting i got a whole view of their screen. oh, they were watching that elton john movie. they didn’t have subtitles on, so i could only take from visual and context clues what was happening. it looked flashy, and oh-- that man just stared lovingly, tenderly into another man’s eyes. oh shit. oh yeah. elton is gay. 

now i’m hooked. if i’m anything, i’m a trans man in a desperate search for a complex queer romance movie. i wanted something that would pull on my heartstrings, that would wreck me emotionally with a high reward. suddenly elton is staring at himself in full garb, putting on and taking off his glasses. smiling then frowning. glasses on. smile. glasses off. scowl. oh he’s in distress. oh, is he snorting coke? okay, cool, tight.

from here on out, i watch the movie with (no audio) the predisposition that elton is in severe distress, dealing with drugs and self-sabotage all because his feelings and attraction towards men are confusing and frustrating and he doesn’t know how to cope with them. is he in denial? does he hate himself for it? does he try to make himself attracted to women? obviously, i was incorrect. elton was pretty secure in the fact that he was gay in his personal life. 

i think about rocketman for days until my flight back to sarasota. i decide to watch rocketman on the plane back instead of renting it. but for some reason, my goblin brain told me to rent it, and i did. but i ended up just watching it on the plane anyway.

i was disappointed. really, kinda bummed about it. every article and review said it was R for a reason. there was plenty sexual content and drugs to do elton’s real life comparison justice. in the movie i watched, i saw none of it. there was some drinking of alcohol, he took pills, it was implied he snorted coke. i saw no kissing, no intimacy, not even a tender hand on a cheek or embrace between elton and another man. this movie was praised for being so groundbreaking! for representing so much of what elton’s life was really like, with drugs and sex and all that. and now that i thought about it, i heard not one curse word. “bloody” was tossed around a lot, but that is used as an inflection. and during the pool scene before he throws himself in, when he meets john at the deck, he spits something about “his secretary shagging him in front of the pool boys.” that had me in utter confusion. there... was no one there with john? he was just sitting there? must’ve been something i missed.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE AIRPLANE’S VERSION OF THE MOVIE WAS HEAVILY CENSORED. i watched the real thing when i got home yesterday and was FLOORED by the differences in the same movie i had just watched. in the scene where elton remarks he’d like to change his name, they completely edited out the character behind him peeing into a glass bottle. they also cut out the scene where elton is staring at the performer, being yelled at to close the door, and the kiss where he’s pinned against the wall. holy fuck. i realized when i saw that, i had missed something MAJOR. this meant i was missing some MORE major explicit, probably important-to-the-plot-and-character-development stuff. oh, now i was excited. 

(we could talk all day about the fact that a single kiss between two men was cut because it was deemed ��too explicit”, and in a movie about elton john being the ultimate irony)

the sex scene AND take me to the pilot were completely missing in the airplane version. i had no idea this song existed! oh my god, it was a banger! i cried tears of happiness during the song. holy shit. the tense energy between he and john, standing there silhouetted by the window, and then all of a sudden they’re all over each other, fingers tangled in hair, moaning into each other’s mouths, squirming, trying to get as close to each other as possible. this is what i wanted. this is what i was looking for. not because i was looking for something “hot” or “dirty.”’ i wanted an intense sex scene because then i knew it was real. i wanted the desperation, the nerves, the tender way they cradled each other, and how they went to town on each other. it was elton’s first time being intimate with a man, and it was such a nerve-wracking, intense, lustful, desperate moment. taron and richard absolutely nailed it. The swaying and the leaning into each other, the grabbing and nuzzling and all of a sudden they’re all over each other... it honest to god moved me. not to sound too “grew-up-baptist”, but sex, especially the first time you have it is so special and intimate and personal and important (imo). i know all the times i’ve had sex, it was a very, very special moment to me, and i wholly and completely trusted my partner then. i was so happy elton could find security and love and a heckin good time in bed with another man. it must’ve felt so freeing.

This was between two men! In the smack dab of the AIDS crisis in like 1975 or some shit! If being queer is this fucking tough in 2019, imagine what it was like in 1975!! MILLIONS of people were left to die by eat-shit Raegan who say by and said “aw that’s cute.” MILLIONS of people died for loving who they love!! That’s fucked man!! Seeing a triumphant moment like this in the middle of what was happening and what it could mean for Elton and his career just rly got me ya know

my entire perspective of the movie changed from then on. i was excited to see what else i had missed. in fact, some of the songs weren’t bad. maybe i’d like some of elton’s stuff after all?

i missed the scene in the closet. on the airplane, he followed john into the closet and shut the door. the scene cut. but in the real version, suddenly john pinned him against the wall, mirroring the scene of the first kiss i missed, and elton lamely stutters he wants dinner with him, not a sexual act john was certainly looking for, and in the next moment he was hungrily snapping at his finger. i missed exactly how much coke elton snorted. i missed entire scenes and nuances that provided so much to the story. man, i was angry i missed all this. i was cheated.

when i finished the real version, my perspective on the movie, and elton, and his music, had spun an entire 180. i dug it. i listened to rocket man on repeat during the entirety of my forty minute run. i fell asleep listening to the soundtrack. i woke up today listening to it, and have been through the whole day. i have not been able to get this movie off my mind. im watching it for the third time right now.

WELCOME TO THE THIRD POINT OF THIS POST!

if you made it this far, thank you. what i wrote feels so important to me. someone needed to hear it. I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE ENTIRE ROCKETMAN SCENE. I have PTSD with psychotic features. This means that under the right triggers, i hallucinate, visually or auditorily (is that a word), things that aren’t there. sometimes they’re scary, connected to my past trauma, but sometimes, they’re hazy outlines of good people who i think i know. i also deal with all the lovely things that come along with ptsd, including dissociation. pretty much any and everything can trigger me in a specific way. the pool scene was incredibly difficult to watch. seeing a little boy playing piano underwater, him sinking and hovering and singing along, and people slowly descending, dancing in the water until they retrieve him. the vision snaps apart and holy fuck elton is in trouble. (as an aside, that’s one of my favorite affects of film: the protag is under the influence of something, whether it be a hallucination, drugs, in a deep fantasy, or just otherwise a storytelling device, and he is in imminent danger. the audience is aware he is in imminent danger. the protag, however, is cool and chillin and hanging out, not aware or bothered, and maybe this is where a major character arc beat hits. in an instant, they’re pulled out of it, and we--the audience and the characters--are hit with how dire the circumstances really are.)

Suicide is a super sensitive subject to me. when he mumbled “i’m going to fucking kill myself” and plunged into the depths, my throat constricted. it was a difficult few minutes, but i held my breath, gritted my teeth, and paced myself through it. despite the sheer terror and panic that was racing through my brain, the entirety of it was so beautiful. the bright blues, whites, and blacks of the pool lighting and bubbles decorating him, the flow of his--forgive him, i don’t know if there’s a cultural name--outer garment, how curious and confused he looked as he watched his younger self do something he did now, and the people twirling through the water, reaching out, and eventually snatching him up until we’re suddenly in the present--dude, the cinematography of the entire first verse is so, so breathtaking. the scene in the ambulance and getting his stomach pumped was a bit too graphic for me (i could feel a flashback/hallucination creeping on; sometimes i can’t tell them apart.) but it was all done so smoothly. when they lifted him up, spun him around, undressed and dressed him all in one fluid motion, i lost my fuckin mind. i rewound it several times to just watch that sequence. the pain, reluctance, and exhaustion in his face right before he was handed his bat and exuberantly entered the stage was so intense it was palpable. my heart ached for him deeply. it’s allll about putting on a mask of being truly happy and well, when just before that, he had tried to fucking kill himself. how fucking heavy is that shit?

the downward spiral kept me on the edge of my seat. honky cat was funky as hell, and i loved the little tiny moments and gestures towards each other. maybe john and elton truly cared for each other for mere heartbeats before it all went south. he was hurting so bad and ruining everything and in such denial i wanted to throttle him by the shoulders to scream “LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING! YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT!” he was constantly suffering, doing more coke and drugs than i thought a person could keep in his system. the suicide attempt, the fantastic Dodgers show, the night and day between his outward appearance and his actions, all of it was so gripping. the group therapy medium through which the story was told was insanely cool, too. i thought at first it was a bit cheesy, but it worked. i loved that he confronted everyone who had hurt him, and who he had hurt, and reconciled. i loved that as the major plot beats went on, his clothes eventually toned down in loudness, mirroring how the story was going along in real time. he went from having an explosive outburst, to levelly confronting his parents, and firmly insisting they not treat him like that anymore. they didn’t have the right. we could see how he’d grown through several different literary elements. the fact that it was laid out so plainly really helped me, someone who is dumb as fuck and constantly misses nuances like that.

it’s so disheartening to see elton’s first love was someone who was aggressive, non-interested, and who refused to listen to him.

(im at the pinball wizard scene, and holy shit this tune fucks)

at the end of the day, when i had thought the movie fell through so many expectations, i watched the real, authentic version and was so, so happy with how it turned out. it was much more honest than what i had thought it was. when the credits rolled, and it said he and his husband David Furnish had been happily married for 25 years, the tears really started coming. Elton did it. He survived through all the shit he put his body through, all the heartache and loneliness and terrible isolation and suffering, and he won. He got what he always wanted. A man who loved him deeply, purely, passionately, and properly. 

i haven’t shut up about elton john for days. i’m kinda baffled how something gripped me so intensely, when i had written it off as stupid just a day before this. thank you for reading. i’m sure i forgot a lot of things i wanted to express, but hopefully i got something across. let me know if you read this, please. if you made it all the way down here, i owe you like $5. drop me your venmo.

thank you for reading. this movie touched me in a way i didn’t think was possible. thank god for elton john. thank god for his perseverance. thank god for his story, giving me and millions of others hope that happiness will come. recovery is possible. healing is possible. you just need to reach out first. thank you and goodnight.

[mininky]

Renatus (4)

Summary: (y/n) finds herself in a very unusual situation where her fate seems to be woven with Hades himself, who’s too much of a jerk for her to even admit that sure okay he’s kind of really good looking.

Pairing: Hades!Yoongi x reader

Warnings: still none yet, some cussing. I should mention, there will be eventual smut (nope still not there yet.)

Chapters: one two three four five

 Never had a weekend felt so unbearably long before this one. By the time Monday morning finally came you felt like you had to have aged at least a few years, if not a full decade. You had never been the type to act like a babbling incoherent schoolgirl in front of anyone you had liked before, in fact thinking back you had never really been much the type to 'crush' on someone before. After your last relationship (which had been well over a year ago) you had figured you were doomed to spinstership with a hoard of cats to keep you company. Butterflies, sweaty palms, being unable to form coherent sentences when around attractive people had never once been a problem for you. Usually, past relationships had been initiated by the other person and you typically agreed more out of boredom. Hades had changed all of that. Upon your realization that you didn't maybe but you certainly did like the god of the underworld on Friday you suddenly felt like a different person.    The weekend had been a complete mess. You prayed that Yoongi would return to his previous quiet, sarcastic self who spent all of his time with the departed. Instead, he spent the entire weekend in close proximity to you. He was there at every meal, he read in the library while you tried (and failed) to study, he had even taken you shopping after you made a comment about being out of your favorite pens. While he wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows, his lack of ever-ready argument starters made it even harder for you to form coherent sentences. You tried (and again failed) to be snarky, instead you usually just said a jumbled mess of words and had caught yourself staring at him constantly. The worst part was that there weren't really any conversations, and the few that he had initiated you were a freaking mess. This was mainly caused by the fact that Hades decided that he now wanted to be called Yoongi even in the underworld, you assume that his time speaking with you back on earth could be the cause of this. The one thing you couldn't really understand though was that you had received another promotion from girl to (y/n) and that was presumably the biggest reason why you were malfunctioning every time he spoke to you. By Sunday you were contemplating throwing yourself into the Styx or hoping that a hellmouth would open up underneath your feet and swallow you whole so you wouldn't have to deal with trying to figure out what you needed to do next.    The only good news to all of this was that Monday had indeed come at long last and that Yoongi was so incredibly dense he had assumed that your new behavior was due to a bad cold over the weekend. The best news was that Hoseok had returned and was the one who would be taking you back to school. You nearly cried when you saw him, the sweet relief of finally being able to be away from your own messy thoughts was actually in sight. Unfortunately, Hoseok had noticed in record time your unusual behavior and didn't hesitate to ask you about it.    "Good gods, (y/n) what happened to you? You look awful!" His usual smile was replaced with concern. If you didn't already feel like you looked like a train wreck you certainly did now.    "Less talking, more transporting. Come on Hermes, help me out here I'm begging you." Begging didn't work, at all. Instead, he only grew more concerned and was walking around you in a circle, as if afraid that you might burst into flames (gods how you wished you would.)    "Listen, if you would just please get me out of here I promise I will try to explain everything." If there was anyone you could talk to about this, it would be Hermes. Hoseok was a great listener, a better hypeman, and he wouldn't rat you out for the sheer joy of it the way that Jungkook most certainly would.    At first, Hobi seemed hesitant to do as you asked but you finally found yourself gulping in the frigid air right outside your campus entrance just moments later. "What's going on? Yoongi didn't threaten to throw you into the Styx again did he? You've got to believe me, he threatens everyone with that but he never actually does it, well okay he did do it once I think, but that was a long time ago. After all, he'd be the one who would have to process the soul afterward and that's more work than just emotionally torturing you." Had that actually been your fear his words of intended comfort still wouldn't have worked.    "No that's not it...listen, I've got enough time before my first lecture. Can we just go sit down, grab a coffee maybe?" He looked even more concerned at this point but finally relented.      Once you were eventually back in the same coffee shop (and at the exact same table you were on Friday) with another Matcha latte in front of you, you mustered up the courage to try to explain everything. "I...I think I like Yoongi."    "WHAT???!? OH MY GODS WHY HOW WHEN???" The only flaw in your plan with talking to Hoseok about this was that you had forgotten how loud he could be, at the very least you weren't in Hades but you were panicking that at this volume Yoongi could still hear Hoseok's panic all the way from the underworld. Quickly you tried to shush him and once he stopped hyperventilating he took a large gulp of his coffee. "Did you...did you say...I can't...really??"    "Wow, way to make a girl feel great about her choice in men. Also isn't he your friend?? Shouldn't you be like hyping him up or something?" He shrugged at that as if to say 'what's the point in lying.' "I know it's strange okay, but I mean...he's actually...not that bad and he does the obnoxious thing where he bites his lip when he's concentrating and his hands are really pretty and his smirk is actually kinda cute but he's also super considerate and when he smiles his eyes turn into these really cute little moons and he has this really gummy smile when he laughs andIdunnowhyI'mdoingthistomyselfI'mdoomed." Annnd you're back to being a jumbled mess again. Apparently, he doesn't even need to be in the same room for you to turn into a blathering mess.    "That's...you're...but he??" Hoseok was at the very least also a mess and while he was supposed to be helping you it was comforting to know that you weren't the only one who was unable to function over this revelation. "You've got it bad, huh?"    "Yup. I'm doomed." You sighed as you took another slurp of the latte, hoping that it would somehow magically cure everything. If all else failed you always had the Styx river to throw yourself into.    "Have you told him?" Hoseok seemed to finally start thinking straight, good, at least one of you could.    "How could I? Hi, Mr. Scary God Of The Underworld I'm kind of crazy for you, no please don't devour my soul? I mean, is he even interested in dating? Or Women?"    "Well not telling him isn't going to change anything. Also as for dating and women, the two of you were technically supposed to be married and he did have me send flowers to your doorstep every year."    "Point taken but you don't understand. Even if I could I can't. I can't even form words when I look at him, it's like my brain turns into TV static."    "Listen, you've got to try to tell him. Sure he's...moody...and usually angry...and a workaholic who usually forgets to eat...and sometimes terrifying but buried under all of that there's actually a really nice guy somewhere deep deep deep deep deep-"    "I get it Hoseok, I think you could have stopped after the third deep."    "Sorry, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there is absolutely nothing to gain from saying nothing but you might gain something if you try. Besides, he let you live down there, agreed to all of your conditions, and he actually makes time to talk to you which is more than he does for his own brothers. That can only mean that he likes you too. We both know that he's never going to admit that so you're going to have to be the first one to try."    Your brain malfunctioned so badly after he said that you don't remember any of the rest of the conversation or how you made it to your first lecture or what anything was about. When you looked at your notes you just saw a blinking cursor taunting you.    While you had spent the entirety of the weekend relishing your freedom from Yoongi that would arrive with Monday you had failed to understand that you couldn't just magically dump your brain of everything. Focusing in class had never been this much of a problem up until now and autopilot was something that while you were apparently equipped with it was very faulty. You had made it to all of your lectures, had managed after the first one to take some notes, but your brain was still constantly going back over the idea that maybe, just maybe you had a chance. You were also grateful that you had never felt this way about anyone you previously dated because this had been a complete and utter nuisance. Never again would you make fun of those people in romantic comedies, you were by large worse than them and you weren't just a character. Gods, feelings suck.    By the end of your last lecture you were trying to psych yourself up for what would probably be the lamest confession of all time but you couldn't bear the thought of having to deal with being this much of an idiot for another day. Halfway to the west exit, your thoughts were interrupted by Kihyun calling out to you. You had completely forgotten about your promise to work on the essay with him. "Kihyun! Oh man, I'm so sorry I totally forgot."      You failed to notice the short-lived downcast look in his eyes before he gave a cheery smile and said, "Mondays suck, huh? Do you still want to work with me on the paper?" In all honesty, you had already completed most of your essay over the weekend while trying to avoid Yoongi but you were pretty sure that it would be as much of a jumbled mess as your head had lately been. "That would be great! Is the library okay with you?"    "Yeah, sure the library sounds great!" And with that, you began walking back through the campus. The usual winter weather had returned in full swing after Friday, the crisp air snapped through your jacket and sweater as the two of you silently trudged your way across the icy paths.    "So, what did you do this weekend?" Kihyun interrupted the silence and you turned your body a little too quickly when you looked over at him to respond. Your boot slipped on just the right section of iced over cement and you felt your knees buckle and your backpack push forward in just a split second. You splayed your hands out in front to try to spare your face from the impact as your eyes squeezed shut, at the same time you felt yourself being pulled back up from your waist.    "If you aren't feeling well you shouldn't push yourself. Hobi told me that you looked like you were in bad shape and you almost bashed your face in just now. Honestly, you need to take better care of yourself, you should have just stayed home." You felt a tingle run up your spine as you felt his warm breath next to your ear. You glanced down at the hands and over to Kihyun who was standing shocked next to you and then finally craned your neck back to see that Yoongi had appeared just in time to help you from your own clumsiness.    Both you and Kihyun stayed silent as you gawked at Yoongi, Kihyun finally seemed to snap out of it before you and spoke up. "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well (Y/N), I didn't even notice. You should go home and get some rest, we can figure out another day to do the essay." Before you could even respond he quickly scampered away.    You glanced back down to see Yoongi's arm still wrapped around your midsection. It felt like you were back at war with your own conflicting thoughts. Half of you wanted to stay in this position, it was warm and comforting. The other half of you was growing more and more embarrassed that Yoongi witnessed your clumsiness and had saved you from almost breaking your face and you wanted to flee the scene. Another part of you wanted to find Hoseok and strangle him for getting Yoongi out of Hades to come to get you. You eventually decided that if you did try to flee or move too quickly you would just wind up breaking a body part.    "(Y/N), are you okay? You aren't saying anything, or moving. Are you even breathing?" Yoongi looked down at you with concern.    "Yeah, yup, yes mhmm I'm totally fine." If that hadn't already sounded unconvincing the fact that your voice was two octaves higher than normal had solidified that you most certainly did not sound fine.    "...Let's go home." His arms left your waist as he turned back around and took a step forward before looking back at you and holding out his hand. "Hold my hand, I don't want to carry you out of here with any broken bones and I don't trust that you'll make it all the way there without me guiding you."    "I would be perfectly fine without your help, that was just a one-time incident. A fluke. And besides, I have cat-like reactions I would have totally been a-okay." Your actions betrayed your words however as you grabbed his hand. You couldn't help but marvel down to look at your hand in his and your heart started to swell with warmth and those obnoxious stomach butterflies were back in action and stronger than ever.    "Mhhmm, sure whatever you say. Glad to hear you can still have that mouth of yours though, you were really starting to scare me there. Humans get sick too easily, you really should take care of yourself. There's no point in pushing yourself too hard and running yourself down. If you don't feel good you need to rest until you feel better. You should stay home tomorrow and rest. And it's too cold for you to not be wearing a scarf and gloves. Honestly, as an adult human you should already know this, should you not?" Just a few days ago hearing him say human that many times in a sentence would have caused you to almost foam at the mouth but now you were too focused on the idea of him being concerned about you to care. Maybe Hobi was right, maybe you really did stand a fighting chance.    You wrestled around with your thoughts as you trudged through in silence. How exactly were you supposed to confess? How did one confess to a god? Do gods even date? You tried to stifle a giggle as you conjured up an image of Yoongi thrusting flowers at you with murderous intent over a dinner table.    "(Y/N)...(Y/N)? Are you ignoring me on purpose or are you just daft?"    "Hmm, what? I'm sorry, I was just thinking..." You glanced up at him and realized that you had already made it to the back of the tree.    "Honestly, you really should get some rest...anyways...are you ready to go?" His voice softened slightly, his earlier exasperated tone gone.    "Ah, yep! Totally good, totally ready! One way stop to the underworld here I come!"    Yoongi raised an eyebrow but decided not to comment as he pulled you closer and closed his eyes. Just a moment later you found yourself back in front of the entrance of Hades. Even though it's been nearly a month of doing this twice a day five times a week it never ceased to amaze you how the Gods could just wish their way somewhere and suddenly be there. You made a note that you had to ask Yoongi how it worked someday.    Before you could even move you heard a loud crack and the sound of someone groaning. Immediately pulled you behind him and seemed to go on the defensive before quickly relaxing again. "Ah, Namjoon, I see that you still are rather abysmal at transporting yourself. What brings you here today?"    You peered around Yoongi and saw a man, no definitely a god if he got all the way here, sprawled out on the floor rubbing the back of his head and smiling up at the two of you. He promptly got up and dusted himself off and seemed to ignore Yoongi completely as he cocked his head to the side and seemed to analyze you, his smile growing wider. "This must be (Y/N). I've heard so much about you from Hobi and Kooki! Speaking of Kookie," He looked back over at Yoongi after you croaked out a small 'hello', "I actually came here to tell you that we're trying to throw a surprise party for Kooki's birthday. I know you always refuse to come by for any of our events but I figure at least once every thousand years isn't so bad, right?"    Yoongi glared at Namjoon as he mulled it over. Finally, he asked, "And when exactly is this party?"    "This weekend, it starts Saturday. It's at Jin's place, he's really pulling out all the stops this year. Oh and, (Y/N) you're also invited!"    Your eyes widened as you looked back and forth between Yoongi and Namjoon. "Why? I mean, I'm not a god..."    Namjoon waived his hand while laughing, "Oh who cares. Any friend of Jungkook should come, that means you (Y/N) and hopefully you too Yoongi."    Yoongi scratched his head and muttered something about having too much to do before letting out a frustrated sigh and glancing back over at you. "Do you want to go (Y/N)?"    "What? Oh, well...I'm not much of a party person but I would like to be able to be there for Jungkook! Besides, it would be nice to meet your brothers and friends..." You let out the last part more quietly as you felt heat creep over your cheeks.    Yoongi let out another sigh before looking back over at Namjoon. "Fine, I'll go too. Under one condition, you go straight back after this. It took me ages to try to fix everything after your last accidental fire."    Namjoon gave a more embarrassed laugh this time but his smile didn't disappear as he said, "Sounds like a plan, stan!" Another loud crack and he was gone.    "I'm not Stan.." Yoongi muttered as you both started walking away. You couldn't help but laugh at that.    "It's a human saying Yoongs. So who was that guy?"    "Namjoon? Oh, you'd know him as Prometheus. He's interesting to talk to but I highly recommend you don't give him an easily breakable object. He could give Perses a run from his money on his job title."    "You know that reminds me, every time I ask Jungkook what his God name is he just laughs. Who is he?"    Yoongi's eyes narrowed at mine for a moment as he stopped walking. Finally, he lowered his head down to the ground as he slowly started forward again, "Jungkook is probably known to you as Apollo."    "I never took the god of music and sun as much of a trickster but that's interesting...so I suppose I'll get to meet your other friends at this birthday party?"    "Mmmm. I suppose if that's what you would call them."    "Well, what would you call them?"    Yoongi glanced back over, a smirk on the edge of his lips. "Annoyances, idiots, trouble-makers. If they are only close friends of Jungkook then this should be interesting, if it's many of the gods then you might want to be careful..." He stopped for a moment as he looked at you intently, his face hardened and the fleeting playfulness just a second earlier had vanished. "Not all the gods are as understanding about humans forgetting most of them. Many are petty and jealous, and most have never tasted defeat especially at the hand of a human. They might want to wage a fight...I don't think that will happen...but... I would rather that you stay close to me, many of them do not understand death and they fear me so you should be safe."    "They fear death, or they fear you?"    Again he held a steady gaze as he mulled the thoughts over. "Both for some, mostly just death. Gods can die, but it is not common and unlike humans, we will not walk again. The time that we have can be eternal, but we can also be broken and slaughtered. There used to be brutal wars of Gods fighting each other, but we finally have all come to a relative peace mostly because they fear death so much. You ask interesting questions <y/n>, but I again would rather that you ask them to me and not to the other gods. It's safer that way..."    You tried to give a smile to Yoongi as you turned back to him. "Thank you...really...I appreciate that you listen to me and answer me....and I look forward to uh...going to the party with you. Well...I uh...I suppose I should get something to eat."    With a courteous nod and the ghost of a smile, Hades left you at the entrance of the house to return to work.

+++    Unfortunately, the rest of the week went by far too quickly. Your head had been a mess and while you had managed to at least refocus and get back in routine at Uni the hours outside of it were spent with you trying not to shout out that you kind of sort of technically had a date with Yoongi. While he didn't say he was going because of you, he did say to stay close to him and as Hobi pointed out he also agreed to come after you said you were going. Your brain was practically a fireworks show when that thought first came to your head but as the days grew closer you were starting to feel heavy pangs of anxiety. There was the thought that you were just a human that constantly taunted you, the understanding that you had to come clean and tell Yoongi soon, the fear that this bizarre little haven in the underworld you had quickly grown attached to might no longer be there. It wasn't even so much of the fact that you might never come back, it wasn't even the easier lifestyle, it was the thought that once you finally told Yoongi everything might come crashing down.    Hobi had told you that you should just get it over with and tell Yoongi as quickly as possible, and also warned you that Yoongi desperately hated parties and to not tell him the day of or the day after as he tended to be far angrier then. While the words were in a sense helpful, they were not comforting.    You weren't sure how but you had gotten Yoongi to agree to pick you up and get coffee with you again on Friday, and the feeling of butterflies and anxiety had melted together in your stomach until they formed deep knots as you awkwardly gazed at him over your matcha latte. You had tried to form a plan, at the best of it you figured that you would tell Yoongi everything over coffee far away from the Styx and hope that all would go well. The last few mornings Hoseok had been hyping you up and you were starting to finally feel prepared. Hoseok was right, there was no sense in waiting and hoping that something would happen. If you wanted something you would have to grab it yourself.    "So...how's school?" Yoongi's words stopped your thoughts and you squinted down at the drink as you tried to remember English.    "Ah, good. Say Yoongi...I uhh..." You wanted to listen to Hoseok's warning of 'just say it outright, he's too thick to understand otherwise' but you felt suddenly unsure and afraid as you looked across at him. "So, this party tomorrow. Umm..Namjoon never said what time it begins. When should we leave?"    Yoongi's gaze darkened as he looked down into his coffee. "Hmm...well they never really set a time. You just, kind of show up. I would probably say to leave after breakfast, I'm assuming that's when everything will begin. I should warn you, they'll want this to go on overnight and things can easily get out of hand...if you are ever uncomfortable just let me know and we can go. Under no circumstances do you have to stay if you don't want to, and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I want you to understand that I'm here to help."    The knots seemed to loosen and a comforting warmth rushed through you at his words. "I...thank you Yoongi. I really mean it. I know you don't like these kinds of things so if you want to leave too, I'll go back home. It won't be much fun without you, and...I would rather be with you..." You concentrated down at your now empty cup as a blush climbed up your chest all the way up to your ears. Finally, you stole a quick glance and saw the most radiant gummy smile directed at you. While you had failed to confess and in that sense, this coffee 'date' had been a failure it had at the very least succeeded in melting away anxiety. No matter what Jungkook's party would bring, no matter the fact that you were just a human, no matter the fact that he didn't know he liked you, you at the very least had Hades by your side and that made all the difference.   

+++++ A/N

Okay, so I know that this is both rushed and also moving slowly but I’m already buried in homework and I wanted to get something out instead of just sitting on this forever. I actually had planned for this to be more the ‘big confession’ moment but it seemed too rushed when I did that. That being said the next chapter will most def. have some smut. Thank you for the love and I really appreciate you guys reading this mess!

Also for those who had to scroll by this in mobile, I’m hoping that the staff fixes the update so that the read more option works again soon!

[simkjrs]

the making of enoshima junko

junko is a fascinatingly funny villain who defies so many attempts to understand her, reason with her, or empathize with her. i think the creator of danganronpa even said she was made to be a villain who’s impossible to relate to or understand. BUT HERE I AM, writing a meta about the inner workings of her mind and her motivations as a villain and how much of a tragedy she really was, because i am out here empathizing with her and loving her with all my heart.

i think she can be difficult to understand, and it’s easy to give up and explain away her actions as just “an obsession with despair” but there’s so much more going on that i just can’t leave it at that. 

SO HERE WE GO: what the fuck is going on in junko’s mind?

[contains MAJOR spoilers for the first and second games and danganronpa 0; includes content from unlocked bonus mode games]

to start things off: if you said that junko's motivation for destroying the world was just because she wanted to and for no deeper reason, you'd be correct. but like, you wouldn’t be right.

critical to understanding junko is danganronpa 0. we learn a few things about junko, the first and most important of which is the fact that her TRUE shsl talent isn’t fashion, or despair -- but analysis. 

junko has a mind that works very, very well. scarily so. she has a brain that:

after watching someone fight for approximately three minutes, can near-flawlessly predict their moves and lay an elaborate trap to knock them out despite the fact that they are much faster and stronger than junko

in fact, she predicts them SO WELL that she doesn’t even have to LOOK at them in order to dodge their attacks while they’re chasing her

just... three minutes, and she completely saw through their fighting style. that’s unreal. 

can analyze others’ speech patterns, thoughts, & mannerisms, to the extent that she can nearly word-for-word guess what someone is thinking or going to say. so we get gems like this: 

“If my prediction is correct, he‘s going to realize very soon that the source of my newfound power lies in my notebook.      [...]     Madarai reached a conclusion. There was some kind of secret hiding in that notebook.” 

“Does [Junko] think this is a game?!     ‘You‘re probably asking yourself if I think this is a game, but I‘m not gonna tell you either way...’”

can generate countless connections and possibilities at a moment’s notice: (from the bonus “ultimate talent development plan” mode)

can anticipate the way everyone is going to react to certain situations, as if they aren’t all complex independent organisms but instead actors whose lines she’s reading off a script... 

junko has a mind that accumulates data about the world very, very rapidly, and makes this.... GIANT database of behaviors, and patterns, and predictions. she's smart. she can lay a plot that accurately predicts the actions of people MONTHS in advance, to the point that she can make her plots run almost entirely on the reactions she predicted other people would have; she can craft a plan that would run completely in absentia of her, powered only by the decisions she predicted others would make. 

that's what she does in dangan ronpa 0. and it goes down without a hitch: 

“Just answer me!” Frustrated, Matsuda raised his voice angrily. “What is it you want to achieve? Just what is it you‘re trying to do?”

Enoshima tilted her head slightly to the side.

“Nothing really. I don‘t want to do anything.”

“... What?”

“It‘s too late, I shan‘t do a thing. I‘m not going to do a single thing, I have everyone else doing it for me. Guys like the student council, the headmaster or the steering committee... and also that girl who you absolutely adore... EEEEVERYONE is running around, doing my work.”

so what you learn from this is that junko is frighteningly good at breaking down the behavioral patterns of the world & people around her. good enough to predict other people, down to their thoughts, speech, and decision making process... good enough to predict fashion trends and make a name for herself as the ultimate fashionista... good enough that, with a little bit of time and observation, she can read her environment like it’s an open book. 

good enough that she’s completely, utterly bored. 

bored of talking to people because their responses are SO predictable, bored of schoolwork because it's SO easy, bored of doing things because it's just the same patterns repeated over and over and over again. junko can predict people months in advance; reading people in the moment must be a joke. 

for example, during her events in the bonus “ultimate talent development” game mode, junko has an encounter with asahina aoi and hanamura teruteru, in which hanamura invites asahina to his kitchen and junko cheerfully inserts herself into the conversation. there’s a little banter that junko takes part in at first, but then, before hanamura can get around to telling asahina what he invited her to the kitchen for--

turns out hanamura wanted asahina to taste-test some of his donuts. before he’d even mentioned it, junko figured it out. and to her, it was completely trivial to figure out. 

this is what daily life is like for her: nothing new, nothing exciting, just an endless parade of people moving according to a script. a script that junko read, divined, memorized, learned by heart, and is now completely and utterly bored of. 

life for junko is the perpetual, endless torture of boredom. it is about as engaging as being locked in an empty room with nothing to do but watch a clock ticking away at the time. 

and if you had no way to leave that room, no way to escape -- eventually you’d have nothing to do except take apart the clock itself, wouldn’t you? how long could you hold out before -- out of sheer frustration and the need to do something -- you’d try to dismantle the clock piece by piece? 

what junko wants, more than anything else, is relief from the numbness of boredom. she wants stimulation! interest! something exciting, something that can stir her to passions she could never reach under the endless cafard that weighs her down so in daily life! the highs of hope and joy, the lows of utter devastation and despair... how could she not chase that? she so desperately  wants it! she wants that excitement! she wants, more than anything else, to feel.

and boy howdy does despair make her feel. taking, for example, this passage from when junko personally murders her beloved matsuda yasuke (dangan ronpa 0): 

[Junko] loved him so much, that irreplaceable existence, more important than anyone else, almost obsessed with him to the point of insanity, always wanting to be within his embrace, even living in a world with only him would be fine. And by losing that incredible existence, just how much despair would [she] fall in?

She nurtured her love for Matsuda all this time just to get a taste of that feeling. Seeing her loved one be smothered by despair during his last moments, she pretty much lived to experience that spectacle.

Finally getting to taste that despair... 

“...INCREDIBLE!!”

It was more than anything she could have hoped for.

"Too depressing! Too good! My chest is gonna tear open! This is true self-loathing! I want to die! This is! This is the despair that comes from losing a loved one!”

While Enoshima‘s being was assaulted by that despair, she kicked Yasuke Matsuda‘s corpse with all her strength.

“Amazing, amazing! Amazingamazingamazingamazingamazing!”

and again: 

Looking at this notebook brought back memories of Yasuke Matsuda. Remembering him, she could feel her chest tightening. Consumed by disgust at what she did to him, she was compelled to cry and scream out. I want to forget this already! I want to just get rid of this notebook!

“Aha! All the more reason to keep this on hand!”

despair is just about the only thing that can reliably make junko feel something -- anything other than the utter boredom that plagues her so, that dogs her footsteps wherever she goes and eats away at her mind. it’s the only thing that can bring her relief. it’s her drug, her nepenthe, her poison of choice 

and for this reason alone, despair is the only thing that junko can cling to. as long as she’s bored, as long as she’s trapped by the very nature of her own mind, the only thing she can do is chase the purity of despair. 

in fact, it would be accurate to say that despair is junko’s only hope for being satisfied with her existence, and her only hope to be happy. Or, as dangan ronpa 0 puts it, “Junko Enoshima wishes for despair above anything else [...] finds hope within despair more than anyone else.” 

with this context, we can finally understand what ikusaba mukuro tried to say about her sister (again, in dangan ronpa 0): 

“[Junko] has lived her whole life with despair by her side. She lived while immersed in despair. That‘s why she began looking for despair in others. She learned to enjoy pushing people into despair [...] she learned to enjoy inflicting despair onto herself. That‘s how the link to despair began. As she chased down despair, she pushed it onto others on the way. Doing so, it caused her to desire falling into despair even more...and because of that chain to despair, the Super High School Level Despair was born.”

junko has been, and i quote, “bored since the day [she] was born.” despair is the only thing she has. by causing others to fall into despair, she can experience it herself. the more she cares about her victims, the better, too -- the worse she’ll feel, and therefore, the better she’ll feel. this is why junko gives so much special attention to causing the despair of those she loves the most, i.e. her childhood love matsuda yasuke, her sister mukuro, and her classmates at hope’s peak. 

BUT! there’s also an added bonus to all her convoluted plans for despair. it involves setting up situations that she’s never before seen -- and therefore, situations she can’t entirely predict! her pursuit of despair is her ticket to possibility of an unpredictable factor in her life -- and for someone as endlessly bored as junko? that’s as good as it gets. something exciting! something new! 

and if she doesn't know what's going to happen, then junko gets to feel things like ANTICIPATION, or SURPRISE, or FEAR, or DELIGHT -- things that are so often denied to her in her daily life because she can predict so much that she's just bored all the time!!! everything is boring!!! an endless plain of dull, boring nothingness with nothing to engage her for more than a minute, and junko HATES it, junko would do anything to find something even a little interesting or surprising in this world! she’d murder, she’d weaponize her empathy against herself, she’d destroy the world! she'd do anything to feel something besides boredom again!!!!

for junko, "despair" is associated with excitement and relief. she would pursue it to such a degree that she'd destroy the entire world and herself while she's at it -- just so she can feel something besides the endless boredom and nothingness that has burdened her all her life. 

of course, that means there’s a little dissonance in what junko claims to stand for. for junko, true despair would probably be akin to being locked in that empty room with the clock, and never letting herself take the clock apart. it would be... giving into boredom. and that’s something she could never bear to do. 

so then we have lines like this: 

With the sullen expression still on her face, Enoshima trotted towards Madarai‘s dead body. “It‘s your fault, y‘know. Take that!” She started jabbing her toes into the body. “Hey, say something! What‘s up with being so easy to kill?! You should‘ve at least made an effort to disrupt my plans! How can I possibly despair like that?!”

despair is about the thrill! the excitement! and yes, junko is making all these plans, hoping that they’ll succeed -- but how can junko despair if there isn’t at least the excitement of defeating all those who would desire to challenge her?! if there isn’t at least something a LITTLE new, a LITTLE bit unexpected?! she can’t, thats what! at least let your despair drive you to do something interesting and new for once in your life! 

or this: 

in all probability, junko -- more than anything -- would love an enemy who she can’t defeat. someone who, no matter how much she tries, she simply can’t overcome! because more than anything, that would represent a challenge -- and therefore, something exciting. junko’s happy ending is meeting her match, and more. 

too bad she doesn’t have anyone like that. 

so instead, junko has nothing to test her mind against, nothing to occupy her... nothing to save her from the boredom eating her alive. and so, from dangan ronpa 0: 

Everything turned out just the way she expected... Everything turned out just the way she hoped... and so she despaired.

“But, it‘s so unsatisfying when your plans always succeed... Whose fault is this? Is anyone going to take responsibility?”

and again, from the last trial of the first game: 

in the end, despair is only a poor substitute for what junko really wants; a pale, cheap imitation. what junko wants the most -- excitement, purpose, relief from boredom -- will forever be out of reach, as long as she’s trapped by the confines of her own mind. 

i think the saddest part about danganronpa 0 is that we get a look at what it would take for junko to be really, truly happy. junko wipes her own memory; more than that, she makes it so her long term memory is nonexistent, and she forgets things almost as soon as they happen. and the kicker is that junko is happier like this, living as the forgetful otonashi ryouko, than she was as herself. 

because she constantly forgets everything, she’s not bored. everything is a new experience. she’s happy to be with matsuda and feels no need to chase despair. as ryouko, junko is still self centered and somewhat callous, but she’s also passionate, excitable, cheerful, upbeat. she cares about those who are important to her, and would try her best to preserve their happiness. 

but when her brain is in perfect working condition, she can only helplessly fall back into the hopeless boredom that she hates so much -- and that she’d do anything to escape. 

it is a boredom so complete, she can’t stand it. she can’t even stand herself. her own predictable self, whose mind, thoughts, actions she knows so well... in danganronpa 3, junko actually has something of a seemingly stable personality, but by the time the end of the first danganronpa game rolls around... 

... she’s so bored of even herself that she feels the need to constantly switch up her personality. 

the sad thing this implies is that junko’s mind just -- couldn’t take it, anymore. it gave out under its own weight. her boredom was so absolute, her mental state could only deteriorate. she could only become increasingly unstable, and increasingly desperate to find something, anything, to keep her boredom at bay. 

no wonder junko has this sentiment, then: 

junko’s analytical mind is her greatest blessing, but also her greatest downfall; the source of her boredom, and thus, her descent into despair. she went to all these efforts to relieve herself of her boredom; and to do that, she chased despair, defined herself by the concept, even. but in the end, what junko needed the most was an escape from being herself. 

for someone like that... no wonder she welcomed death with open arms. here it is: the end of the line. no more boredom -- no more anything, in fact. only the fear, the terror, the excitement of her execution -- the great unknown -- and then, her death. 

the tragedy is that for junko, this was the only happy ending she could have. as long as she was alive, she’d never be happy, never be satisfied. death, for her... was a relief. 

so when naegi started to tell her that executing herself wasn’t necessary--

she became angry. this was all the wanted in life, this was all she could ever hope for. this was, in her eyes, the only way for things to end. 

this is the tragedy of junko enoshima: a girl who, in a desperate effort to keep herself from going insane, destroyed everything she touched.