#someone is pregnant

[kennyomegasweave]

Actual Texts I sent my best friend during the Pit Babe finale:

Okay I'm guessing we got the emotional parts over now cause now Alan and Jeff are fucking. And I imagine it's Babe and Charlie's time soon. lol

*in my Joanne voice about getting their jaw wired shut* Someone's getting a baby put in them!

Not Jeff being like "dude you've been in my house too long, you gotta go back to work" and then being like "okay maybe one more day" and now they're fucking. Listen. Get that old man dick! As I said, someone's getting a baby put in them tonight!

Not Kim being like "Alan where's Babe?" And he's like "he's getting his pre-race dick down, you know that."

Not them still calling each other Mama and Papa. SOMEONE is GETTING a BABY put in THEM! lol

Also. Charlie kissed Babe's stomach enough times that, to me, Babe is knocked up. It's not acknowledged but I know. I see the vision. I know there's a baby somewhere in that man's body.

[danijaci]

Wolvethesley is real ‼️😍

Straight JORKING IT… and by that I mean… my peneannsts

[stupidlypregnant]

I need my tummy to be filled to the brim, skin stretched taut, baby buns kicking and squirming inside like crazy, making me whine and whimper constantly. Everything so tight and cramped that it's almost hurting to touch the veiny orb.

But you rub my belly nonetheless. You wanna feel the life you put inside me against the palm of your hand. You dig your fingers into the sore muscles, glide over my sensitive navel. You want me overwhelmed and desperate, knowing you'll keep me like that for as long as it pleasures you.

[nanaslutt]

jjk smau where you send them a video and its a video that faces your pregnant stomach and down as you were resting and its a video of the baby moving and kicking around. you just send it to them for fun or because of how cute it is, saying something like “you’re baby is so active” and what not.

this is the next smau!!

[xmomokosx]

Someone didn’t expect to get so big

[benjingle]

Artistic freedom is awesome sauce

[seattlesellie]

randomm but ur one breeding kink ellie smut from a while ago inspired this one that i made so i just have 2 say thank u for that ౨ৎ cuz I popped off !!

also can we just talk about how farm!ellie n a breeding kink go hand in hand like you can't tell me that scruffy mullet havin girl wouldn't be stuffing you up with her whole girth sloppily pounding into u like wet slaps, strings of precum staining those damned sheetss n u can feel all that slick cooling in ur pores almost cause she's just so messy~ literally sweating and her cheeks r suffused like a cherub. drags her slobbering, red–hot swollen lips upon the rim of your ear, whispering all shuddered and gaspy from the exertion she puts into piping you, "y–yeah, this cock gonna make you a mama, hmm? fuuckk, so tight– fuck! uhhnn, my c–cums' just gonna spill right out of you~"

not even ovulating rn im just period–horny apologies just needed to drop this by cuz im having domestic!ellie baby fevurr..

the way i gulped and my tummy flipped. ur like horny lesbian shakespeare.

screaming ‘n crying can you imagine this but with one of those breeding straps. ellie’s trembling, adrenaline filled hand sliding down her firm torso and squeezing the milky consistency out of her dicks balls onto your cunt. t’happens right as she actually cums, cos damn that realism is so near and dear to her heart. the liquid spills and warms up your slippery insides, and she’s just rambling — “y’like my cum? y-yeah? s-s’-so dirty”, chuckling huskily as it runs down ur thighs, “heh, dirty girl” <3 she’d even go so far as to stick the liquid back into ur swollen hole, “gotta make sure it takes mommy, yeah?” && smears it on ur lips and sticks a thumb inside your mouth all smirking like an ass as you suckle it. her eyes would be pitch black and she’d immediately throb inside her boxers and year to fuck you again. probably wants to call you a cumslut but saves it for another time ((when she gains some confidence cos that word is pure filth)) ♡

[enden-k]

this entire bit does unspeakable things to me

also

other hand hiding because hes shaking (if u remember) 🥹🥹🥹

[piosplayhouse]

I get that the mpreg thing is a kink but I think we should also acknowledge that some characters would be religiously on birth control and/or love abortions

[nurbrotheadfull]

Day by day I get closer to hell

Pookie is going into labor 🫃✌️

[lainalit]

Rhysand Stans: Rhysand doesn't need to inform feyre about her own body because abortion isn't available in prythian

[noona96n]

i respect people's decision to have Feyd bending Paul over and going ham on him or have Paul ride Feyd into oblivion.

but...

may i present to u...

Paul Atreides, Maud'dib, the Lisan Al Gaib, the Kwisatz Haderach, but, most importantly, Feyd's bride-to-be in another life, bending over the bald, feral, sadist twink with a humiliation kink visible from space and having him right. there. on the fckn floor and there's nothing Feyd can do but take. it.

and he just... takes it like the feral good boy that he is.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed: Hell's Angels Feat. Charlie

-At Charlie and Vaggie's wedding reception-

Lucifer: (teary-eyed as he yanks Vaggie into a bone crushing hug) Oh! I'm so happy you and Charlie are finally married, Vaggie!

Vaggie: Ack! (Gently pats Lucifer's back) Thank you... Sir.

Lucifer: Come on, Vaggie. No need to be so formal now. Call me- (sniffs back a tear and clasps his hands together) -Dad?

Vaggie: Uh, sure..... Dad.

Lucifer: (squeals and taps his feet in a very Morningstar fashion) Hehehehehehe~ Oh! I almost forgot! (Digs around in his inner suit jacket pockets) I have a special present for you two.

Vaggie: With all due respect, Sir- uh, Dad, I think Charlie and I have enough rubber ducks.

Lucifer: One second! I know it's in here somewhere. No, not that. *squeak!* Whoop! Definitely not that! *grrrrrrrr!* Yipe! I gotta remember to get that out of there eventually....

Vaggie: How many pockets are in that jacket????

Lucifer: Ah-HA!!! FOUND YOU!!! (pulls out a white velvet box with crimson embroidery and presents it to Vaggie) Da-dada-Daaaaa!

Vaggie: (Stomach drops at the sight of the suspiciously ring box looking gift) Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh, Sir? I'm already married.... to Charlie.... Your daughter..... You were literally just a babbling crying mess in the first row of the ceremony....

Lucifer: Huh? What are you talking about? (Opens up the small box. Revealing a deep red apple seed with a mild golden glow)

Vaggie: A.... candied apple seed?

Lucifer: Not candied and not just any apple seed. This bad boy will be the catalyst for any baby making needs you two gals need.

Vaggie: (blushes) Say again?

Lucifer: This apple seed is imbued with both your and Charlie's essence. So, all you guys gotta do is have one of you (mimics a gulping motion and sound) gulp this little guy down, have a little romp in the sheets to activate it, and POOF!!! The ingestor gets pregnant. (Places the box in a dumbstruck Vaggie's hand) For when you girls are ready, of course.

Vaggie: (stares down at the box I her hand like it's a Carmine exclusive angelic steel bear trap as a million thoughts swirl through her mind) Uh... Thanks... Sir.

Lucifer: (puffs out his chest proudly) You're welcome! And it's Dad now, remember?

Charlie: There you two are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Oooh! What's that?

Lucifer: Hiya, Charlie! Just a little gift from me.

Charlie: (sparkling eyes) Oooooooh! Is that your famous candied apple seed? Vaggie, did you eat yours already? Dad usually makes them in pairs. (Picks up the seed and pops it into her mouth)

Vaggie: (Snaps out of her stupor) Charlie, Don't!

Charlie: *gulp* Hmm.... It tastes different than I remember.

Vaggie: (full body blushing and about to faint)

Lucifer: (gasping and squealing simultaneously as little glitter bombs explode around him, and he claps his hands together excitedly)

Charlie: ......Did I miss something?

[actual-changeling]

Y'know Scully needed to be pregnant during season 8 or she would have offed herself the second Mulder was dead and buried. Just leave the grave open, Skinner, she'll jump right after him and call it a day—same thing with their roles reversed.

There's only so much she can take, and finding Mulder dead in that field without a pregnancy giving her a reason to keep living would have been too much by a mile. She would have suffocated on the emptiness he left behind.

Even in canon, Skinner and her mom must have had one hell of a time taking care of her after the funeral 'cause i don't think Scully was particularly eager to go through her daily routines except to avoid not perishing on the spot.

While they were still searching for him, she was visibly numb to the world and lost the spark that had survived all the way through their numerous kidnappings, the cancer arc, Emily, Antarctica, weird brain diseases and stranded alien spaceships, and failed IVF.

No Mulder, no faith, no life. For them, it really is that simple.

And the thing is that we get used to seeing her like that! We know something is wrong, we know what is wrong—what is missing—but it only really hits you how much of a walking corpse she was once Mulder is breathing again.

Before his return, she wears exclusively dark, muted colours and high-collared shirts; a lot of the time, she's completely drowning in her black coat. Her cross necklace is invisible and hidden away, she solves cases and does her job, sure, yet there's no actual joy or excitement, no scientific wonder.

Without mulder, the x files are reduced to simply that: files. There's nothing to fight for without him.

This is the only Scully Doggett (and Reyes) get to know, their understanding of her and Mulder's relationship is based on rumours and stories, and what little they can extricate from Scully herself.

Then they find him, they bury him, they bring him back to life, and the SECOND she feels and sees him breathing, his heart beating, that spark roars back to life. There's more determination and liveliness in her eyes during this one conversation with Doggett than when some fucking cult whackos shove a worm up her spine and try to make her their worm god carrier.

But no matter what Mulder's chances are, the choice not to open up that grave was wrong.

You could have dropped her in front of his grave with nothing but her bare hands and a mission, and she would have dug him up and wished him back to the world of the living all by herself.

They're irrevocably bound together, they need each other not just to survive but to LIVE period, and god help anyone who comes between them.

[nevertheless-moving]

unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self. 

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and— 

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic,  being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life. 

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal. 

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer

[lesbiantvfish]

not much of a human au guy but human para is too canon to not draw.

((restraining myself with force from drawing human para with huge knockers. I will at least give him some belly here but nothing more………aaauuuug para with ghuge boobes save me. Save me))