#something i've been talking abt in therapy is this feeling of 'i have to do something to earn good things'

[canongf]

you deserve your f/o's love. right now. as is. you do not have to change for it and you do not have to suffer for it, you do not have to do anything to earn it. not now. not later. not ever. there are no tricks and there is not a catch. it's not too good to be true. your f/o loves you. you deserve it, you will always deserve it. and you can just enjoy it.

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ yeah, okay. maybe you're sad.

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm, mommy issues (dw there's A LOT of fluff and cuddles and hugging and it all ends up alright) this is just talked about but it can still be triggering!!!!! pls take care of yourselves!!!!!!!! my dms are open :)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ wasn't planning on posting this but i love validation. also, this is not like cannon ellie i guess?? i did a really bad characterization bc i used this as a vent and i just wanted comfort lmao. hope this still makes y'all feel seen or fucking something. btw this first part is really boring hehe, i wrote this when i was in a rush and in a train and i was tired and sad so i don't mind if it flops lol

i hate this so much idk why i'm posting this as my first pots. aghh. here u go ig. don't hate on me. bye.

(not proofread, sorry abt that)

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

you look so out of it

pull it together

we can love you

forever and ever

I've recently moved in with Ellie after weeks of looking for someone to move in.

I had checked other apartments, but this was the one that didn't smell like there was a corpse under my feet, hidden from the light beneath the floor and it didn't look like it was haunted by ghosts. The walls weren't chipping away, also, so that was a plus. There's no denying that getting used to living with someone else was difficult, but it was the only alternative to live away from my parents. Not to mention I had developed feelings for Ellie—she's beautiful, with those eyes and auburn hair, and her tattoos just make her look fucking badass.

After a few weeks, I settled in with her: we both have a routine, and established unspoken rules, and now it's comfortable living with her.

Tonight was a lovely night—I had already finished everything I had to do, and I didn't have an exam until next week, probably—until I got a call from my mother. I know I can't run away from this one. She always threatens to unroll me from college and take me home when I don't answer her calls. And I know she's capable of doing so.

“Hello?” I said as I went out to the kitchen, to take a glass of water.

“You know, most people say something sweet when they answer their mother.”

I roll my eyes, even if she can't see me. It was just a fucking hello.

“What happened, Mom?” I ask, not wanting to fight.

She takes a second to answer, “Well—I was looking at some resources and there are a lot near your area…”

She takes a second to answer, “Well—I was looking at some resources and there are a lot near your area…”

“Resources about what?”

“Therapy. Conversion therapy.”

It takes all of myself not to gasp, or cry. I don't know. I hear Ellie going out of her room, and walking towards the kitchen. I don't care if she's here; I haven't been caring about anything these past few days.

“Okay,” Is all you say. I don't know how to answer, or what to do. I leave the glass on the aisle with trembling hands.

“That's all you have to say?”

“I—I don't know what you want me to say.”

“‘Thank you’, maybe?” I stay quiet, I don't want to thank her, I don't want her to speak to me ever again. “You could also get therapy for, you know…”

“For what, mother?”

“The cutting. Your scars—I always thought they looked repulsive. No one is going to lov—”

I hung up before she could say anything else. I hate her. I hate my mother. I can't even believe she's a mother, let alone mine. I suddenly feel the need to hurt, and I hate to admit it, but my mother has always been right about the way they look—so I just shut my eyes and try to breathe. It always helps—deep breathing, that is. I have to remind myself that I'm clean. I've been clean for months. Maybe even a year, I lost count.

“You okay?”

Ellie's voice almost makes me flinch, already having forgotten about her. I open my eyes as she walks over to me and lays her elbows on the aisle, while I rest my back on the counter behind her.

I look at her, with a knot in my throat, “I'm fine.”

“Your mother…” She makes a pause, short enough to not make me go crazy, “Is she, like, a pain in the ass?”

I chuckle at that as I cross my arms, “Yeah.”

“If it gets too bad, you can talk to me. I don't mind. And my dad has some contacts, we can maybe scare your mother away.”

“It's okay,” I tell her with a smile. “I can manage.”

“I know,” She smiles, and I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest.

Before I say anything I regret, I go to your room with my door open—a technique I've acquired to avoid hurting myself.

I sit at my desk and look up conversion therapy first, I want to know what this is all about—I know that it's harmful to people in the community, that it leaves you screwed and fucked up. I don't like what pops up on my screen, so I close the tab and go to another one—where I search for therapy. The real one.

I went to a lot of therapy sessions, but my mother was always behind them, so I don't know if it ever was effective. I like this one a lot better. It should be helpful. It will help, I know that for a fact.

I'm having dinner with Ellie, which we normally do—today we ordered, since we were hungry and it always takes a little while to prep a meal—when I think to ask her about the topic.

“Do you know any therapy center?” I ask her. “Or the number of a therapist? Whatever.”

If she's curious, she doesn't show it. She stops chewing on her food, then looks at me; then continues to chew, and after she swallows she speaks, “Sure, I have some friends that go to the same therapist, so it's completely trustworthy, I guess. I can ask for the number.”

I wipe my mouth with the napkin on my side, “Yeah, that'd be alright.”

Ellie takes a sip from her cup and then looks at me, “You okay, though…?”

“I'm fine, just—you know, making sure everything's okay.”

She nods, “Got it—I was just asking.”

After my first therapy session, I ended up tired. My therapist—which feels weird to say out loud and even in my head—is a nice lady in her thirties who looks like a hippie.

I've realized I tend to lie a lot—I didn't talk about self-harm or my mother. Or anything else, really. Just about the movie Speak, and then almost cried when talking about the weather.

So, “Yeah, it went well,” is my answer when Ellie asks how it went, sitting in her car. She picked me up since I had taken my car to maintenance.

“Okay, then,” she says once the car engine starts. She connects her phone to Bluetooth, and we listen to music for a while. Ellie places her hand on my knee when I start bouncing my leg, which sends shivers down my spine and gives my brain something to think of that isn't any of my shit. “Do you want to go eat something?”

“Sure,” I accept. Her thumb makes little circles on my knee. I wonder if she knows what she's doing, her eyes are still fixated on the road. My heart does the flutter thing that it did a few days back again, and my core heats up.

She doesn't want you, I try to convince myself. She's your friend, she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think she'll leave.

When we arrived at the restaurant, we ordered a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we wouldn't finish if we ate it separately.

When we arrive at the restaurant, we order a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we won't finish if we ate it separately.

“So, how's work?” I ask when we're waiting for our food.

“It's going well, I guess.”

“You guess?”

"I just hate my boss."

I furrow my eyebrows, “do you want to talk about it?”

“It's fine, he just sucks. But well, Jesse is postulating to—you know, be a boss; that fucker.”

I chuckle, “Well, I like Jesse.” I soon realize what I said, and my cheeks go red. “Not in a, uh, romantic way or anything. You know. Fuck. He's just nice.”

“Just nice?”

“I like you better than him,” I blurt out, which only adds to my embarrassment.

Oh, oh.

I like Ellie.

Fuck, yeah. You do.

Who am I kidding, I knew I did. From the start—from the first time she looked at me, for the first time touched my hand and spoke to me; for the first time she played guitar for me and made dinner because she knew how tired I was.

Ellie is flushed. I can tell.

“Oh, do you?” She asks with a grin.

The waitress comes with our food, and leaves the plate. I look at her, she looks at me at Ellie and then leaves.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and lay my elbow on the table, with my chin propped up in my hand.

“What if I do?”

She bites her lip, looks at mine and then at the food, “The food's getting cold.”

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Did that actually happen, or was it my imagination? Holy shit. Shit! Fucking fuck.

It leaves me thinking, but my thoughts leave when I hear her laughter after I crack a joke.

We take the stairs up the apartment, and we laugh all the way up. We just laugh and laugh and laugh because she said something and now I'm almost falling to the floor from how much my stomach hurts.

“Stop,” I say when we get to our apartment door. I keep laughing because Ellie's laughing too and she can't open the door. ���My stomach hurts.”

She looks at me and laughs. Idiot. I laugh, too.

“Hey!” We hear our neighbor say. “Quiet down!”

“We're sorry!” I exclaim back, as he closes his door.

Ellie giggles, “You're so fucking dumb, I'm not sorry at all.”

“Shut up,” I say.

“Oh, make me.”

And then—oh, god—and then, and then she looks at me as the curvature of my lips goes down, and then I kiss her.

I kissed her. I fucking did. Me, not her—not Ellie's brave and confident ass, but mine. The butterfly in my chest flutters harder when she kisses back. She puts both of her hands on my waist and deepens the kiss, while my hand moves from her cheeks to her neck, then finds its way to her torso.

Ellie manages to open the door without breaking the kiss, and then she shuts the door with her foot.

“We should—” I speak between kisses. “Ellie—couch.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay.”

Our tongues fight, but our souls mend and I find my way to her in every sense. 

[etheries1015]

LMAO

I'm so sorry btw I never sent anything before that??? I've just been sort of lurking for a very good while. I get notifications abt your posts so I see most of them.

but the idea that the /human/ and /magicless/ prefect is the most terrifying person in the school is just so funny to me. like, they throw hands with Floyd on a daily basis and can out creep Jade.

if you add that thing where the RSA tried to "save" yuu, but those guys are legit just saying the RSA guys... also, RSA wouldn't survive a DAY with Yuu around

I'M SCREAMING I was wondering to myself if anyone ever puts on notifications for me out of curiosity PLSSS I'M CRYING you made my day. Also why are you apologizing?? No need for that! You have done nothing that needs apologizing for, you made me smile!

You KNOW something is up with the prefect when FLOYD is kind of intimidated by them. Makes you wonder what they could have possibly done to get that reputation... but everyone loves their magicless prefect nonetheless! You're always the go-to person for issues, the go-to person to text when they find a funny meme. You know everyone and everyone knows you, even if you're an introvert it doesn't stop you from being a little gremlin around the people you become close to, and it so happens that everyone gets wind of it. News travels fast heuheu.

Oh gosh. RSA students trying to save Yuu...imagine Yuu being tied up and the RSA students get news of this and the NRC students aren't around to help. they've heard of the magicless prefect of course being that you're almost a staple at your school- they must help!

But upon entering the room after relentless battles, they find that you had already untied yourself, and suddenly you are in a "therapy circle" with the people who kidnapped you, talking about feelings. And blasting Niki minaj or some shit. Although they were equally enamored and invited you a spot into RSA and offered to transfer you from schools- they were actually warned by the other students how poor of an idea that was.

Magicless Yuu manages to do the most random, weirdest of things, the craziest of adventures seems to find them, and their existence is a mystery themselves.

and that's exactly why the students of Night raven College adore their prefect!! <3

[crazylittlejester]

Headcanon time! (*crowd cheers as confetti blasters go off*)

Time and Warriors have a very close bond because of the whole War of Eras thing. This means that it's usually Time who comforts Wars when he has a breakdown (also because Wars always tries to be the Older Brother in front of the Chain and therefore doesn't allow himself to be too vulnerable)

HOWEVER sometimes Wars simply can't stand human contact at all because of his past trauma. Twilight stumbles upon this fact fairly early into LU and suddenly Wolfie begins "randomly" showing up whenever Wars needs an emotional support animal to cuddle with.

Wars is very startled to learn Wolfie=Twilight and they have a little talk about it after the Wolfie reveal. But ultimately it only makes their friendship stronger :)

(That fic prompt is on my list haha)

Also, I think it would be really interesting if Twilight was unconscious or something while Wars had a breakdown. Then Legend could grab the crystal and turn into a bunny and comfort Wars while Two is unable to

(Probably also gonna write a fic about that, I have way too many prompts like always)

Anyway this turned into a pretty long ask, sorry abt that. I've been following your blog for a while now and have actually sent a few anon asks before (mostly abt how much I love your works on AO3, they're amazing /gen), but I'm trying to start interacting more with people in the fandom, so this probably won't be the last you hear of me (hope that's okay)

Either way you're super cool and I hope you're doing well! /gen

YES YES YES I SO AGREE. I’m actually working on a scene in a fic right now where Wolfie is the only one who can really get physically close to Wars because he’s ‘not a person’ (like, yes he is a person, he’s Twi, but he’s not person shaped and he’s soft n fluffy and doesn’t feel like a person (in the physical sense), and that’s what matters in the moment alsfjdjgfd). Plus Wolfie cuddles are probably life changing, like a big floofy warm dog that WANTS to cuddle with you because he actually understands your complex emotions and recognizes how you need help? Probably better than therapy /j

I love the idea that bunny Legend would go comfort Wars oh my god! I now have this mental image of Wars just crying and then just being absolutely shocked speechless by bright pink bunny Legend opening his mouth and sayin’ something like “one comment about the color or the vest and i kick you in your face and leave”

DON’T APOLOGIZE I LOVE TO GET YAPS IN MY INBOX I DONT CARE HOW LONG THEY ARE /SRS. i’m tryin to get better about interacting with people too 😔 I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEIN’ YOU IN MY INBOX AGAIN >:)

also i’m glad you like my silly stories alkhgdjgfd :) REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET SOME WATER 🫶

[happyk44]

In terms of healing and recovery, I talked to someone abt this before I think Piper would not seek help for HPD. Like I just don't see it happening. One of the things with PDs is that ppl don't see their behaviour as a problem or as the crux of any problems they may experience because of it and I think with that in mind Piper wouldn't seek out help for desperate need to be the center of attention, even at the expense of other ppl.

And thinking about that I was wondering about Annabeth and her NPD and I think while she might seek help for certain things, she'd get frustrated with any physician that makes her feel like something she talks abt is her fault. If she brings up a situation and they seem like they're implicating that she was in the wrong, she gets angry and more set in her ways. Even if she senses that her way of thinking may be a problem, she's too stubborn to accept it and she will rewrite that thought into a sense of "no, other ppl are the problem, I'm fine".

Meanwhile I've always been of the thought that Percy would accept help for his BPD. I feel like traditional talk therapy is not helpful for him because he's too emotionally repressed to talk about himself that way to a stranger but that he would talk informally with specific people (usually Carter or Grover, probably Nico as well and Jaz in the Nome AU; Annabeth is too much of a problem solver, "just do this and you'll be fine" kind of person to really help him out so he doesn't like voicing his problems to her because she won't listen, she'll just jump to "I can fix this for you" and it never works).

So yeah, Percy wouldn't go to a therapist but he'd be okay talking out certain things with people. I feel like Nico might be able to convince him to speak with Pasithea (who I HC to be Nico's therapist) a couple times, and in the Nome AU Jaz might be able to get him to speak with the doctors at the first Nome, but in either case it's never very regular because he can't stand talking about his feelings and his traumas. He does do his best to correct his behaviour and learn healthy coping mechanisms because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but it is a slow process.

Similarly with Clarisse and the ASPD headcanon, I feel like she also has a desire not to hurt ppl, although it's more so limited to the ppl she cares about (Chris, her siblings, any other close friends), so she does seek help for her anger issues (because they make her get physical and she doesn't like that about herself) and her disinterest in other people's feelings (because when she's really stressed out the people she loves are also affected by this). Which is how she is like. The only one of the four to have an actual diagnosis lol.

But she does actively seek regular help from professionals and when she gets frustrated with it, she thinks about Silena dying because she didn't care about how the war would affect the others, she was just pissed off with the Apollo cabin, so fuck everyone else, and she actively chooses to be better every day and gets up and does the work she has to do. She'll never be cured of her ASPD, or her anger issues, but she can do her best to make sure the people she loves are not harmed it.

The reality is that not everyone seeks help for their issues, diagnosed or not, and I think it's realistic to look at certain characters and think "would they reach out for help? would they realize there's something wrong? would they accept it if someone suggested that something was wrong?" and concluding that the answer is "no, they would not". Healing is messy like that.

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[cleaningishard]

i've been thinking maybe i should talk to my family abt how i've been depressed and maybe try to get into therapy or something because even if i'm doing better if i don't change anything it'll just get bad again, right? but i really don't think we can afford therapy right now and also i probably don't even actually have depression, right? so what if i go and it's blatantly obvious that i've never been depressed and i've just been lazy and gross for like a year and a half with no real reason than... idk, i'm a bum or something? also idk i'd rather not cry in front of people even a therapist and i don't know how i feel about telling my family or how they'll react. my mother has bipolar and my sister has anxiety so what if by thinking i have depression i'm being insensitive or invalidating their experiences because i want an excuse for my behavior or just thought it'd make me more interesting, y'know? sorry, i don't expect anyone to respond to this i'm just worried about it. i just don't want things to get bad again but i'm scared to go to therapy even if i had the ability and i don't even know if i'm actually depressed and it's all a lot.

[psychangels]

been thinking abt the different dynamics and general relationships between the gang. so here's those thoughts summarized, with my more in-depth ones under the cut

chai and peppermint they have a very fun dynamic, with their bickering and bantering. the evolution of their relationship is fascinating and sweet, and i will forever love how peppermint starts caring about chai fairly early on and lies horribly about it to his face because she doesn't want to admit to anyone—least of all herself—that she's getting attached

chai and macaron their dynamic is just nice and sweet. chai helps macaron grow more confident and tries to help him relax. macaron helps chai by rooting for him and complimenting him when others won't. it's also rlly cute how they're the only ones to refer to each other with nicknames/terms of endearment (mac and little guy respectively)

peppermint and macaron endlessly fascinating to me how they both love roxanne and what she built so much that, despite not meeting due to her keeping them at arms length, they're ultimately brought together

macaron and cnmn their dynamic is so fun! cnmn's bluntness contrasts well with macaron's cautious nature. love how macaron built cnmn because he didn't want to be alone...and was self-aware enough that he needed help to also make them a therapy bot

chai and cnmn such an interesting dynamic. the guy that supresses basically any and all negative feelings and hides his past and pains; the therapist robot that recognizes that, but is just tactful enough to not call him out on it...for the most part

cnmn and peppermint kind of a similar dynamic to cnmn and chai. she appreciates cnmn for his more analytical side than his goofiness

cnmn and korsica these two can be fun. korsica definitely appreciates how direct cnmn is. i think post-game, they probably bond a bit over how they both got pretty fucked up by kale physically.

chai and korsica their dynamic is just...truly fascinating to me. mostly bc of their parallels. i've made a post talking about that in the past, though, so i won't repeat myself. but i also really like their differences. the main one that i always think of is her drive to challenge herself and need to do more, which contrasts with his more lax nature

peppermint and korsica they're neat. they get along well because they're pretty similar. both assertive, tactical, and confident in their own skills; share a distaste for puns and a need to keep busy; total dorks. post-game i imagine they grow pretty close.

macaron and korsica these two have a lot of potential for a interesting dynamic. they both look up to and respect roxanne a lot, and knew that something was wrong with the company but did not act due to their own beliefs. her levelheadedness is a good counter for his anxiety.

chai and peppermint their relationship starts off the most strained out of all of them, with the exception of korsica for obvious reasons. something that i find interesting is how she starts to care about him fairly early on. despite being (understandably) mad at him for blowing her cover, she checks in on him and compliments him throughout the parry tutorial. later, when she shows up at macaron's lab, she runs in saying, "don't be dead!" and lies horribly about being worried about him when he asks.

the two of them both seek out loneliness and prefer to be on their own. but it's interesting how, despite being described as the "loner hacker girl," peppermint is actually far more inclined to seek help and companionship than chai. she clearly doesn't want to admit that, though, considering how, as i said earlier, she lies about being worried about him. she does sort of let it slip when she mentions how 808 provides companionship as well as being a spy drone, though

the two of them have a very fun dynamic. they bicker and banter. their interactions are often filled with a sort of confidence, if that makes sense. not really sure how to explain. all of the lines they say to each other when she gets called in are sort of assertive in some capacity; that same confidence. there's a growing trust there.

chai and macaron their relationship and dynamic is very nice. there isn't as much to say as the previous dynamic, but that's because they don't rlly have a whole lot of growth in terms of theirs. it stays basically the same the whole time. but that makes sense and works well, because macaron's growth is centered around him becoming more confident. which chai is great for, because he's probably the most confident member of the whole gang aside from peppermint and probably cnmn.

they're the only members of the gang to refer to each other with any sort of nicknames/terms of endearment (chai calls him mac; macaron calls him little guy), which is neat. also really cute.

also, to discuss the lines that they say when he's called in: they're actually fairly assertive and confident. they have no lines where they check-in on each other, but this time there are no exceptions. i honestly find this a little strange, i feel like out of all of them, macaron would want to check on chai the most.

peppermint and macaron something that i find so interesting about their relationship is how they both seemed to be very close to roxanne despite the ways she held them at arms length, yet they never met until recently-ish. it makes sense why. but it really does make me wonder if roxanne never even had pictures of her kids in her office or anything similar. i also find it fascinating how their love of roxanne, and what she built, is what eventually causes them to meet

we don't really get to see them interacting one-on-one much, but they seem to get along relatively well. they have a lot of similar interests and hobbies (stem stuff), which definitely helps with that. i can imagine them helping each other out with projects when one of them is struggling with a certain bit of code or figuring out a design or...other tech-y things

macaron and cnmn the bffs! i love them. it's really interesting to see sort of a reverse of peppermint and chai, who sought loneliness and preferred being on their own, with macaron, who was sort of forced in many ways to be on his own but chose to seek companionship by making cnmn. i also find it fascinating how he specifically chose to build them with the purpose of being a sort of therapist. it shows how self-aware he is. i also find it hilarious that he named him CRAP, most likely without meaning to

their dynamic is very fun! cnmn's bluntness has a nice contrast with macaron's more nervous nature. the way that macaron prefers peaceful options, whereas cnmn is totally down to fight, but simply can't due to macaron's preferences being reflected in their design. inaction vs action, but in a friendly and compassionate way

chai and cnmn such an interesting dynamic. the guy that supresses basically any and all negative feelings and hides his past and pains; the therapist robot that recognizes that, but is just tactful enough to not call him out on it...for the most part. i get the sense that chai is sort of wary of cnmn in some ways because of that. but he also respects them and enjoys their company. they have fun! they're both silly fellas! they enjoy puns!

i love how cnmn has his own sort of growth, and chai, while he doesn't fully know how to help them with it, does what he can: offer his support. it's very sweet. it's also interesting because it's the reverse of what you would expect. you'd think cnmn would be the one helping chai with his insecurities, but instead they're the one being offered comfort and support

cnmn and peppermint kind of a similar dynamic to cnmn and chai, but i don't think peppermint's really wary of cnmn. she enjoys his company more for his analytical side, rather than his goofy one. i think she appreciates his bluntness. she also appreciates that he knows when to and when to not share his thoughts and perceptions, for obvious reasons

i wish i had more to say about them, but similar to macaron and peppermint, we don't get to see the two of them interact one-on-one. and they don't have As much in common, aside from that cnmn knows how to hack. the two of them likely aren't particularly close, but that doesn't mean they don't care abt one another.

cnmn and korsica these two can be fun. korsica definitely appreciates how direct cnmn is. i think post-game, they probably bond a bit over how they both got pretty fucked up by kale physically. they would try to help her feel less self-conscious about her scars, and offer support on the whole in regards to some of her insecurities. in turn, she would teach them to fight and help them with their own insecurities in regards to how they feel like they don't do enough for the team

in terms of actual canon interactions, this is another one where we don't get to see very many, so i don't have much else to say. but i do think they'll become fairly close

chai and korsica these two are so interesting to me. they're the only ones with voice lines when she's called in where they ask one another if they're okay ("korsica, you got this?" "you alright, chai?"). she also actively compliments him, unlike the others ("good timing!" "very precise, chai!"). and, of course, she has her moment where she compliments him in the hideout after she joins the team. also special shoutout to him calling her "vandelay security's finest" (heard if you perform one of her jam combos)

their dynamic is just...truly fascinating to me. mostly because of their parallels. i've made a post talking abt that in the past, though, so i won't repeat myself. but i also really like their differences. the main one that i always think of is her drive to challenge herself and need to do more, which contrasts with his more lax nature

peppermint and korsica they're neat. they get along well because they're pretty similar. both assertive, tactical, and confident in their own skills; share a distaste for puns and a need to keep busy; total dorks. post-game i imagine they grow pretty close. peppermint helps korsica with her implants and things down in security; korsica helps peppermint with getting rid of some of kale's bullshittery that's still left

i'm viewing their dynamic here from a more platonic lens, but peppermint's crush is important to take into account. though i'm not sure how much it would really change up their dynamic, aside from peppermint's flustered-ness causing potential cute/silly moments

macaron and korsica these two have a lot of potential for an interesting dynamic. they both look up to and respect roxanne a lot, and knew that something was wrong with the company but did not act due to their own beliefs (macaron didn't want to fight; korsica pushed down her feelings because she had finally achieved her dream). they also both have arm implants, which i'm sure macaron helps her adjust to

her levelheadedness is a good counter for his anxiety. i imagine her presence, though perhaps intimidating at first, can actually be rather calming. especialy since she is known to offer reassurance to those that need it (her interactions with chai being the primary example). i see the two of them as pretty good friends

[rainstormcolors]

hi! im curious how u feel about. Kaiba's ending in dsod as a devout kaiba fan

bc quite a few ppl ik *arent* rlly big on it for reasons that include but arent limited to "it ruins the message of letting the dead go and moving on like Yugi did" and etc which i dont agree with for sm reasons but im curious abt ur thoughts on the matter too 😭

Hello.

I’ve talked about DSoD and DSoD’s ending quite a bit over the years. I've come to understand the ending of DSoD to be layered on several levels, and it actually tackles several themes in the original work from different angles at the same time, and I think trying to force the ending into one neat "this is what definitely happened" box stifles that complexity. It’s deliberately open to interpretation. I also want to make room for fans who do not like DSoD. We have our preferences and individual concepts we value from canon, and carry personal experiences we relate to canon in different ways. Please understand to those reading this that it’s alright to omit this film from your internal design of canon.

I can talk some about my own relationship and journey with DSoD. I’ve loved Yu-Gi-Oh! for a long time. I watched the show as it aired and read the manga as it was released within the United States. One of my parents died when I was young. At the time I felt very disconnected from both that event and from the other people in my household. We never talked about our feelings and I was always vastly terrible at interpreting my own emotions and behaviors. The further catch here is we were seeing a grief therapist some, and I’d been in and out of therapy for a while before that as well. I just could not parse out any feelings at all and I didn’t know how to talk to other people about things. I was disconnected from it all. We flash forward to the release of DSoD. And to my surprise, something I didn’t expect from myself, I was talking to people. I was talking about what grief looked like even if a person wasn’t labeling it. I was talking about how sometimes we can’t name what we’re feeling. What I saw in DSoD were people grieving and I understood this. And I was communicating my ideas and emotions that had been so foggy up until then. I suppose this is the strange power of an autistic interest paired with personal experience – and I was actually trying to talk about feelings and trying to bond with other people.

And I was truly pondering on and reflecting -- not on a subconscious level but on a fully conscious one now -- on the loneliness and struggles the other people in my household had felt back then too. There had been a suicide attempt at a certain point which was something I had refused to let myself think about but I was now thinking about that too.

I like stories about the experience of grief over stories that are PSAs about grief. It was going to take a grief story with teeth and bite to awaken this piece of me, not a cutesy PSA on grieving. For me, it can feel like fandom at times has this idea that everyone has it in them to just talk about their feelings and reach out and that everyone has that, and that is just not true at all. (What a further surprise to me to discover later on why I was also drawn to elements of Death-T back then, back while I still felt so disconnected from “the experience of death.”)

I’m especially drawn to and touched by Seto’s narrative, but I think Yugi’s own story in DSoD harbors this as well. As I read this line, “it ruins the message of letting the dead go and moving on like Yugi did,” I think of how I feel the story was also about Yugi accepting that it’s okay for him to draw from the strength Atem gave to him and to feel inspired by Atem even though Atem is “gone” and that this is the meaning of why Atem joined Yugi in battle in that grand final showdown in DSoD.

As I said, there is the potential of multiple layered interpretations inside the film’s ending. There’s the theme of the power of friendship and love being able to break through the universe, that friendship can be so meaningful the barriers surrounding us can’t stop those feelings. It is love as a powerful force and Seto -- who had rejected others and feelings for so long, who has felt so disconnected from everything but those brief burning moments of winning -- has embraced love and what Atem meant to him. There is the hyperfictionalized portrayal of grief and its forms like emotions as art, and how grief stays with us but evolves and matures: Death-T as angry scarred grief and the negative impacts of the departed “villain” on the living “villain”, the Ceremonial Duel as the acceptance of grief and the positive impacts left by the departed “hero” on the living “hero”, and DSoD as finally seeing and understanding the departed one as just a person just as you are a person. And grief is a permanent marker on us. It doesn’t really go away. There’s the metaphorical portrayal of closure for the survivor finally being able to say goodbye to the one they love, to see that person outside of their grief for who they are and it’s painted in an artful and literal way, and it gives Seto the tools to move forward in life carrying Atem inside his heart. And there’s the wonder of science fiction as technology and humanity and the soul are fused. Our voices and images travel across the world through technology in our reality – could it travel even further? What are human beings capable of? And it’s about Atem still possibly being savable from this place, that death wasn’t his answer because people care about him. Someone wanted to see him this badly. There is no duel, no words we see exchanged, because this gesture already says everything. Seto being here to see Atem says everything.

It’s also a possible commentary on how scars don’t go away and sometimes we can’t save someone. Sometimes someone isn’t able to break free of their ghosts and it’s possible to wish peace for that person or to be left scarred by them or both at the same time. People can be warped by their trauma and not overcome it because it’s a hard hard road to walk. To only harbor any sympathy for the survivors who are healthy, cute, and palatable belies a very conditional idea of compassion. This isn’t to say the harm isn’t real or that people don’t need to be accountable for their actions, but they are human beings who have struggled and struggled. The wounds of trauma are not shallow and healing can be hard. Seto is only 18-years-old in DSoD.

Death and love are weaved throughout Seto’s entire story in canon.

While I understand what people mean as they say “Seto needs to face the consequences of his actions and should have a strain with Mokuba," when it’s employed as a critique of the movie, I also feel very strange and think, "That's just the way grief is. Or rather how it can be and how it is for a number of people.” As I said, my own family was horrible about any talking about our feelings in the wake of grief and then that suicide attempt. There was no PSA-type talk between us. For me, the mess of DSoD comes across as real even if it’s an exaggerated presentation.

I’ve also had very dark periods in my life, terrified of having no one understand me ever again, and this also grounds me into how Seto’s head and heart may have been working. I didn’t know how to talk to people about emotions, including my family even though I loved them, and everything felt dark and like I was endlessly sinking.

And I had a moment of truly understanding how profoundly alone my father must have felt when my mother died, as my father was just as friendless as I was and didn’t have outside family to help at all.

I had felt I was incapable of connecting with other people and I felt I saw that trait within Seto, and so watching canon tell me “the bond between Seto and Atem is real, it meant something” was very very moving for me. Even if you don’t know how to talk, you can find connection through what you do understand.

I do think it’s quite understandable for people to feel put off by DSoD and its ending. I think it’s quite fair that people root for Seto and Mokuba together and that they’ve hoped for a journey of healing. People become upset on Mokuba’s behalf. I personally connect with the messiness of grief and Seto’s conflicted heart and the artful and challenging portrayal of a person spilling over in grief. I do personally hold interpretations of Seto returning, so my answer here is also shaded by that. Even on Mokuba’s side, I’ve sort of been there and it allowed me to talk about that experience which isn’t an experience many people talk about. It’s very hush-hush in our day-to-day lives and it’s not easy to talk about.

Does DSoD reward Seto’s self-destructive behavior too much? I would say I’m not here for moral lessons and life is full of so many contradictions, so many tangled complicated layered emotions. It’s fair to hold this as a personal gripe with DSoD, but given the amount of audience backlash and discussion over this ending I don’t personally feel it’s actually a fully rewarding message. It’s more layered and thematic than that to me.

For a film for a big money-making mainstream shonen franchise, DSoD is unusually arty.

Again, people have their own experiences and people need different things from art. Someone else will carry a different relationship to DSoD, and someone else may need different things to come to terms with grief.

Thank you for the ask. I hope this answer wasn’t too wordy. I think it’s good to form your own opinions too. Thank you for reading my rambling.

[purpleandstarlight]

The thing abt me not being around much anymore is partly bc i an currently hyperfixating on other things, but also probably a lot bc i have a terrible mental health wich some time ago decided to attach itself to kuroshitsuji (it may sound maybe weird out of context but it's just something that happened to me a lot over the years with all kinds of stuff, both medias and other things), but honestly I've been doing better than i did with other things in the past (Guess that the fact that i went into therapy a couple of years ago really helped on that front too lol).

Still, while i may not feel ready to look at canon kuroshitsuji content yet (the new manga chapters, season 4 of the anime), i will probably be back here soon to talk abt DLTD. I've really been wanting to re-read it all for a while, and my mental health was the only thing stopping me.

Also I may interact with my mutuals' posts again, hopefully!!

[sophisticatedheart]

Hiya. I read your latest post. I'm SO sorry you are going through that. Jobs with rude coworkers or customers are the worst, especially if it's something that happens often, which I assume is the case since you said you've wanted to quit over things like this before. My summer internship SUCKED, I liked like three times a week, you've been working for a while now, you're god's strongest soldier to me, I truly admire you for that.

I'm also extremely sorry you're having suicidal thoughts, depression is a bitch and especially bad times where you think abt it extra often happen...shitty stuff at work doesn't help at all

But I assure you you're NOT worthless or bad at everything. I know I don't know you much, but you strike me as a smart person. And for what it's worth I LOVE your art! And you haven't shown me your writing yet but I love your worldbuilding so I'm sure it's great!

I'm sorry you feel like you can't talk to anyone...idk if you are able to get it atm but while it's not a miracle cure that will make everything better like some ppl think it is, therapy does help me a ton, since I can vent abt anything and my current therapist has given me tons of tips on how to deal with things

And while im not a professional, im always here if you need to vent or talk!

It's ok, I've been working since I was 16 and this job I have rn has the scariest customers out of all of them.... like there is a pro that I work with a friend I've known for a while but it's just so scary, but like idk what else I would do bc I dropped out of college and I don't want to work food service again. So idk

I've tried therapy a couple times but I'm kinda distrustful and I really hate to talk abt my problems out loud, plus I'm bad at wording things so they've never understood what I meant and have all just been shitty and useless in general. And I can't talk to my mom bc she already adds a bunch of stress by constantly telling me I need to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life... so it just sucks all around

But thank you, I really appreciate this, I just have negative self esteem so </3 but it means a lot that you reached out to me <3

[furnass]

I don't know how much is specified about the IMC and their treatment of titans (I've been in this fandom for like a week) but that doesn't mean I can't give extremely long headcanons on what their treatment was / what happens to Titans that were in the IMC

I was talking abt this a LOTTT with @churrout so hii bestie. thanks for giving me horrible brainrot and coming up w banger hcs <3

The main thing is that Titans were treated by the IMC like weapons. nothing else. They were mistreated, and pushed to the limits - only when one was on the verge of breaking would it be given any form of care. They were simply just machines for the IMC to use

You know those photos of computers who have not gotten any love? That are insanely damaged? Dirty? Horrible forms of buildup? That is most likely how the IMC envisions treatment of Titans. The Titan still works, it still obeys commands, it is not worth their time to spend more time and money to fix it just a little bit. It still fights fine. The buildup might hurt the titan, but it's not affecting performance.

Titans and pilots were discouraged from enacting strong bonds, as (in my hc) strong bonds can bring pilots to feel pain if their Titan does, Vice versa. IMC pilots working with titans did not share strong bonds, due to the pain link.

Very rarely (or probably not ever) would you see any sort of custom decals, or paint jobs on IMC titans.

IMO, if the Titans do feel emotion, etc etc, they most likely feel pain. Pain, designed to make them work smarter, to not run into battle and just die. Pain makes a soldier smarter or something.

Titans taken from the IMC are most always traumatized due to mistreatment -- This takes a very long time to recover from. Titans still can go out into the fight once deemed well enough, but the trauma always does linger.

They share one detail: They do Not like humans most of the time. This can fade over time and lots of help, but, most Titans taken from the IMC do not like humans at first, besides if they bond with a pilot.

This does also cause confusion between IMC titans and Militia titans.

For Titans that were taken from IMC, they go through what I'm calling rehabilitation.

Rehabilitation is a very long process of basically therapy and help for titans, so they're not shoved out into another warzone without addressing what happened to them, and being treated like nothing. The Militia wants to show that they care about the titans, something they lacked in the IMC. The titans are sentient and deserve to be treated as such, not like mindless machines.

In Rehabilitation, Pilots and other specialized engineers and workers look through data from the Titan stolen, and they figure out points in the Titan's life where it sustained major damage and or trauma. This is not only to help the rehabilitation process by having some sort of base, it also can help reveal any underlying injuries that may not be seen on the exterior of a Titan

Sometimes, Titans don't even go back to the fight. They'll take on a more domestic life, such as helping with massive farming equipment, or other machinery based tasks.

There’s a bit of a history of Titans getting attached to workers in the rehabilitation, and only wanting to have them as a pilot. These cases are rare, but they happen

[grntaire]

oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

[decompose1]

Hiii this is the paper ramble ask

I wanna hear literally everything u think abt him do NOT hold bamk

GOSH WHERE DO I BEGIN. Paper is such an interesting character, it's a huge shame that we hardly see him after s1 :o(.

Paper is definitely one of those characters who has this super common mischaracterization problem, creating a less interesting fanon version of him, and that's Also a huge shame to me. I think people often water him down to ONLY being this meek sweetheart baby character.

He definitely struggles a lot with anxiety, that's provably true as Justin has mentioned this several times. He's generally a kind, gentle, friendly person. BUT. There's more to him than that!

He's nice, but he can be a little bit self centered. He's sort of a doormat (literally at one point, if you consider that scene where OJ is standing on him), but he's also... Not super aware of other people sometimes? He tends to worry about himself, and often forgets the needs of others. He's DEFINITELY petty- Paper has a tendency to cling to grudges, which is honestly a pretty funny consistent part of his character i've noticed. This guy talks like he's going to have a heart attack if one more stressful thing happens, but lord can he be SALTY.

(I also feel it worth pointing out he's... Not a baby, he's a lawyer. This guy got a law degree. Paper has been to college.)

Anyways. I think a lot of my focus on the guy tends to center on him as a system, since that was interesting to me even if it wasn't done very well (... not that i really expected some kids in the early 2000s to accurately write DID). I think about the way it turned him into a generally more understanding person, where he places more focus on self care and therapy than he did before, because he KNOWS how important it is now. I think he probably tries to help out the other contestants here and there with some stuff he's learned. I think he'd be good to talk to if you needed to have a real serious mental health jam. I DEFINITELY want YinYang to talk to him at some point- i feel like them being sort of face to face would be interesting. Paper sort of pushes down and hides his alter (which he canonically still has). He masks. YinYang is incapable of doing that- they're both extremely active, almost always sharing the front.

I think Paper meeting Yang in S2 would've been a very unpleasant reminder of EP, but i... wonder how him meeting S3 Yang would go. Yin and Yang used to be a lot more like him, hating and attempting to control each other - and i think it's an interesting parallel they have, because Yin and Paper are very similar. They both viewed this angrier, more aggressive alter as something to hate/fear/control. Yin had constantly tried to repress and control Yang, and Paper, well. LITERALLY fought EP to try to repress him, too. ...So i sort of wonder how Paper would feel about the two now that they've started to calm down and understand each other better. Yang isn't nearly as violent as he used to be now that Yin has somewhat let go of that short leash he kept him on. Maybe Paper could learn something from them.

[sadsoftserve]

WHAT'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR OCS YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT BUT NEVER HAD THE CHANCE BECAUSE ITS JUST TO ODDLY SPECIFIC TO BE ASKED?

AHHHHHH HI AGAIN LOUD ANON!!!!!!!!

UHHHH IMMA JUST YAP FOR A MINUTE.

So one thing I've wanted to tell people Abt is Parker's Lore change >:]

I've changed her lore again(?) soooooo Imma go into vague detail Abt that.

So instead of the original, she was handed off to Percy bc she has a neurological disorder, I hit Parker with the mommy issues ray.

So, Parker's mom, Paige, is also Percys older sister and they hate each other. Paige is a con woman, similar to Ramsey but like 10x worse. She's also the Mundie that took out his eye.

So there's that, I got some more >:]

Micah is, as I said before motherless. He has no mom, she passed away when he was 9 due to a terminal illness. What you don't know, is that, that is the main cause for his anxiety, because damn is the boy full of it.

He does feel slightly guilty for his mother's passing. Though it was out of his control. His father has tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, but the boy is stubborn. Also give Micah's dad an award for best dad in Epithet, he's gonna go beat up Martin.

Also his older brother is Ben now. My discord mutuals can confirm my midnight message, that was incoherent confirming this.

He also has a lot of body image issues. :'(

I also want to go on depth a bit more about Sabrina.

As I've said before, she has OCD. However this impacts her way more than she lets up on. She literally either compulsively cleans, or has no motivation to do anything. This has played into her burn out.

Sabrina also has a really bad habit of pulling at her hair when she's anxious, angry, frustrated ect. Her hair is thin. She uses special products keep it from completely like, dying.

She also has a tendency to hit herself, or have someone else hit her.

Sylvie has tried to give her therapy. She has rejected it multiple times.

[yoiku]

Man, last week... started off optimistic and ended up in the pits kinda.

We made plans for me to join a 15 month course to find fitting job(s) with the aim of going to said jobs and trying them out. Sounds good and is something i am interested in, but after friday all i've been thinking is that maybe it's too much too soon. I'm still thinking if i can manage 3 days of workshop/week instead of 2... so diving into something that can have 4-5x 6hr days/week is making me very anxious and already feeling bad if I end up not having the energy to do it. I think its the main thing that has dropped my mood bc I know that the chances of me getting a part-time job in any of the fields that interest me and are something i could be able to do physically, is pretty nonexistent. All of those fields have severe oversupply of potential workers against the amount available jobs, in the entire country. So the chances of getting employed as someone who doesn't have any substancial studies in the field, isn't able bodied or mentally okay... Lets just say it isnt exactly an encouraging thought. I just feel like no matter what I am entirely useless when it comes to any employment that i feel i could perhaps be able to do. If an able-bodied, neurotypical and socially capable person with a suitable degree can't get a job in those fields, what are my chances? lol. I dunno. Already feels like a failure if I muster up the courage to say that I feel like I've said OK to things that I'm not actually sure about. I'm sure they'll understand if I say i'd rather focus on getting back into 3 workshop days and trying to progress my rights for therapy for now. I don't know. I feel conflicted with my own thoughts. Part of me thinks I should give it a go even if I drop out - id at least be certain that it was too much. But I also know how heavily dropping out from anything hits me mentally, so i am genuinely afraid of seeing the bottom of the pit again. The psychologist at the current evaluation course did say she thinks taking things as slowly as needed is probably the best for me considering everything they've summed up abt me so far. I'll try to talk about it at least.

On a less depressing note, the results from the various psych/neuro tests were partly curious. My mathematical skills being extremely below average wasn't a surprise, lmao! But I found it curious that the one that was the highest above average was linguistic skills, followed by the less surprisingly above average spatial awareness that involved shapes, patterns and other stuff that i think any artistic person would excel at. Accuracy was great but speed was awful, lmao. Overall I scored pretty average on the cognitive side. Worth noting is that I am medicated now and I did take my adhd meds on that day as well, so that likely helped slightly with the accuracy and overall concentration. (a lot of the tests had a time limit) Interesting tests though, and I'm glad it gets written up into my files as well, because it's more proof to the fact that my autism is mostly affecting me on the social side of things. I would be really interested to take the same tests in a busy/noisy environment or with some sort of forced interrupts like someone asking you something entirely different suddenly and see just how much of a disaster that would be trying to get back into focusing on the test tasks then, lol. That's morely likely how things are after all if we think of these tests as a measure of how will you get by in the world of working a job, unless you really have a job where you get to work alone in a perfect environment for yourself. (man i love making art at home)