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#something like i miss you something like it doesnt matter
lbhslefttiddie · 5 months
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youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either. and is also still, sort of, a sex flower
from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way
#arts#shen qingqiu#svsss#listen im not saying that ive spent a cumulative half a year reading this fic and then trying to make an arts for it#and then getting frustrated and stopping because i couldn't figure out how to make sqq shimmery enough#but like. im not NOT saying that#this is the FOURTH time ive started something for this bitch it haunts my fucking dreams and yet the opalescent glittery sqq evades me#perhaps you o unlearned fool look at this and say hmm that's too many colour layers and glowy effects but oh how wrong you are#if it doesnt make you literally fall over yourself at how otherworldly and radiant he is then there is room for improvement yet#perhaps you look at this and you think Wow!!! this gives me literally NO ideas what this fic is about#well Let Me Tell You. i have no fucking idea how to summarize this fic#its not often the tags in a fic give me pause but i saw this and as i read the tags i was increasingly just like What#but i have no idea how to describe it. the tags arent NOT accurate but i was SO unprepared for what happened in like an extremely pos way#if i were tagging this i think i would give it the no archive warnings apply label if that matters to you#the author seemed they wanted to leaned towards over caution rather than risk missing anything re tags because This Is A Weird Fic#but oh my fucking god#i am gripping you by the shoulders i cannot stress enough how charming it is#brilliant characterization especially with airplane in the first scene#and also so much fucking funnier than i thought possible for the general setting summary tags and buildup#its just. ough. its good
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akkpipitphattana · 8 months
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i'm gonna say something controversial yet brave but i think the people that claim taylor swift is the best song writer of our generation and the people that say shes a horrible lyricist are like. equally stupid. like yes she has some banger lines that strike the soul but she also has lines like "i never don't cry at the bar" like let's be serious. her pen is inconsistent at best and there are FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR better lyricists in the game currently
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faaun · 5 months
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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neurotypical-sonic · 1 year
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unless something is actually included within the canon media, whether its outright said or implied, foreshadowed, hinted at, whatever, then I simply don't think its canon
"oh but the creators or official staff said this in some interview-" I dont CARE. unless theyre building on whats already being provided then it does count!! adding entirely new content and trying to claim it as canon in a place that isnt accessible or known to everyone is lazy at best
sure I don't mind whoever going "also [character] likes to knit in their free time" or similar, thats whatever thats cool, I like the little tidbits of information that has no reason or room to be included in the offical media, things you can take or leave and it doesnt matter, but for actual big shit that will impact the character/story and how the veiwer interprets it?? absolutely not.
goes the opposite way too. if something makes its way through the entire editing process and is published, then its part of canon. once again not talking about little things like a character in a comic having six fingers in a panel, but actual writing choices, things about the character or plot. if a character Says something, then they said it. even if the creator goes "oh my bad that was a mistake". especially if to find out it was a mistake you have to actively search it up to realise it was a mistake
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slocumjoe · 1 year
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I try to not shame people for the characters they like, I mean, I like Maxson for fucks sake, ive got no room to talk, but i seriously don't get the fascination with Pickman? I've seen a surprising amount of fanart and fic with them. Oc ship stuff. Why? He's a generic "welcome...to my dark mind" joker dude. He's not even a good reference to Lovecraft. Pickman is just some dude who makes abstract art with blood and neon yellow paint. I would disregard him as a simple npc but people like this dude. A lot. Why??? He's a dude in a suit and he kills people? Is that your standard. Is that all it takes for you
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vrisik · 2 months
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i love fiction and dnd podcasts but god do i not have the mental energy to pay attention for 1-4 hours straight
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.
#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating#i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice.#i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything.#i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years#i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating#i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group#nowhere i go will be free of obligations#i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway#my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not#they see me binge and nothing happens#we just ignore it#i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished#hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me#i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life#both meals with other people and my ritual binges#i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging#and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food#to other people#it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction#my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want#or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie#or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something#and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :)#and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly.#so badly that no one can deny i need help#i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital.#no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim#i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me#but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care.#so fuck me i guess
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yoshistory · 4 months
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part of me still feels like i might be sort of genderfluid and/or bisexual but just traumatized about it. no idea anymore
#like. remember that. remember following me back when i was bi and genderfluid lol. awhile ago now#its like whatever to me now. its really hard for me to pin anymore#like when i feel like genderfluid and bi again i feel like i can be a lot more open about shit#but i dont really even know. its hard#i feel like. and this is just like. me yknow. i feel like if i wasnt dating a man i'd be missing out on something that i want#like i dont know if i would be content just marrying a woman and being satisfied if i. didnt have a husband. yknow what i mean#and its like. if *I* wasnt a man i'd be sad. if in a relationship i wasnt someone's boyfriend or husband i'd be sad about it#so this is what wraps back around to me being a gayboy about it yknow#its complicated because no matter the gender label outcome. i would STILL want testosterone and surgery and masculine terms#and i KNOW this doesnt mean anything for some people. like some women do all that and are women#so i could just be not-a-man and still want all this anyways#but i also know it doesnt make it any less complicated for some of these women. who also had to think about themselves a lot in this way#its this weird notion of whatever ends up happening i... physically want the same shit anyways. THAT stays almost completely static#so that for me is a breather. its just like.... idk ... if i ever got in a relationship with a woman#i'd feel like i would be intrinsically. missing out on something i wanted#which i think is what a lot of burgeoning gay kids feel generally. right#like if you went down this stringent path laid out for you that you'd be missing out on. your life that you want. right.#i dont know what i want out of that really. sometimes i feel like im too out of it to pursue anything romantically anymore anyways#i do sometimes think it'd be cool to be a butch woman. kinda..?#i think what i like about that is the masculinity of myself is gender non-confirming if i were a woman#which if im a masc guy i'm just like. your average dude. like. right#but i wanna be a bear about it. i wanna fag it up about it. and my metric of being transgender im not ... average about how i present mysel#can someone teach me how to fag it up. the construction worker part of this is working right#sighhhh.... i have to go shower. maybe i;'ll have a shower epiphany or something. sighhhhh#sometimes in my head being a woman would be alright. but its like.. i dont even know how to decode it#i think some people would call what im feeling being genderfluid. some people might call it something else. it depends on like. you yknow#and what you want. and what makes you smile. me? not quite so sure anymore#and i think its like. this sounds like its laid quite bare right. but its hard to word even.#but sometimes im like. am i just like. talking ...? yknow what i mean.
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crimsongrimoire · 2 years
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hi ive been sick so of course that means ive been thinking about kaeya being sick and sooo pathetic about it again
#crow.txt#kaeluc#genshin#snippets#fluff#slowly chipping away at this even more. Ugh#tbh the bulk of this was written like. last night and just now. i was letting the thoughts microwave with my weird intermittent fever#literally got two vaccines at once and got attacked by a secret third thing (the common cold for the first time in like 4 years)#it was somehow the best week i couldve picked to just COMPLETELY miss work apparently so its fine i guess#sidebote dont try to do taxes while sick. i didnt end up completing them but it was funny i even thought i was capable#is this comprehensivle is this legible idk i just want to make kaeya be miserable and forced to let someone take care of him abt it#that is soup for Me. in my Soul.#kaeya be like 'wtf treating me like a little kid' when he said he wanted to be taken care of in the summer event like 2 yrs ago#other people may have forgotten but i have Not i will Never. this man will complain about having adult responsibilities#and then when someone tries to take care of him or do things for him out of kindness hes like HAHA WAIT NOW HOLD ON-#little fool make up your mind. why are you so everything always#kaeya be like relying on someone for something under no guise of professional matters? in MY life? i dont think so#(diluc jean lisa and rosaria will remember this (and not let him get away with it))#and klee too but like shes little baby she doesnt even understand any of this and he would feel extremely mean rejecting kindness from#a little kid. so sometimes she brings him her funny little toast for breakfast and he says awwww thank you :)
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infizero · 2 months
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im genuinely going to be INSUFFERABLE when chapters 3 and 4 come out like you have no idea.
#i cannot BELIEVE i've had the life-threatening deltarune illness for nearly 3 YEARS at this point. thats fucking insane#anyways im literally never gonna shut up about it. you have no idea. and *I* have no idea honestly. this will be the first time im#playing new deltarune content with ALLLLLLLL of this shit in mind. i played chp 2 as someone who was obsessed w chp 1 in middle school#on a very surface level. and ofc we had so much less then that the theory landscape was COMPLETELY different so even if i had#been aware of that side of things as a kid it wouldnt have made much of a difference probably. but these chapters will be an#ENTIRELY different experience that i am in NO way prepared for. like ive NEVER been invested in something like i am in deltarune#and ive never been SO deep in a theory community like i am in deltarune's. but that only rlly happened after chp 2#the sweepstakes was like a little taste of whats to come. but 3&4 will be a whole new experience that might genuinely kill me i think#im gonna take 80 years to get through them and even then im still gonna miss a billion things on my playthrough#me playing chp 2 like WAHHHH DELTARUNE THIS IS SO FUN vs me playing the new chapters completely locked in eyes 1 inch from the screen#scrutinizing every single pixel and reading into every word of dialogue for 30 minutes per line#im very scared about how my decision making's gonna go though. cuz these will be the first chapters where im playing them aware of#the player-kris distinction. before i could just chill and choose whatever i want but now i fear im just gonna get stunlocked#for sure im going to spend hours agonizing over which thing to choose trying to determine what i think kris would do. even tho#it probably doesnt matter. anyways i need to stop escaping to tumblr and finish this lets play#im doing the thing where i get too insane over the hyperfixation and have to stop interacting with it bcuz im going too crazy#serena.txt
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corpsoir · 2 years
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you know when youve finished a piece of art and uploaded it days ago and just now realise you forgot like... one vital detail and you can see that you started drawing that one detail but then just forgot about it because you have ants for brains. yeah that
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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poltergeist-coffee · 1 year
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ive heard that mariana's been on minecraft smps before but he never did like serious lore? he just liked to hang out with his friend and build so i wonder what he would do if he was presented with this (code?) juanaflippa
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now im finking about the first time Link would be prompted to call Zelda by her name ??? im gonna die
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sanstropfremir · 2 years
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AYE! You liked pop? pop! by csr? I recently found the song and omg it's so catchy and reminds me of the innocent cute concept I think? Do you have any thoughts on the group's concept? I find it cute that all the girls are the same age like actual high school class! I realized that's not too common in kpop or at least I can't think of any groups that everyone is the same age off the top of my head
yea i did! however i know truly fuck all about the group, so i don't even know what their concept is. i think that's kind of fun as an idea? they're doing age appropriate stuff too so that's good i suppose. to be honest i am not really interested in following them actively bc i only really liked pop pop and not anything else from their eps, and i don't really find them interesting to watch. also i'm too old for a high school concept lol
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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been getting a lot more into Killing lately
#mine#vent post again hello. for the love of god#🎸#anyways um uhh uhhah uhagh i feel like violence is more apparent in my life#though it could def be due to the violent outburst i had the other day. just the aftermath of it ig#i have been feeling depressed and like i cant control my own life bc things are being withheld from me#hrgngh :( as usual. nothing is changing. i have to wait like this for a long ass time before it does.#oh right the point of this post: i keep feeling like my bf is mad at me even though there is literally nothing to signify that#he did not even say he was mad at me so why is my anxiety thru the roof HUH. well probably trauma#he said he would love me no matter what! but im still so worrieedddd :< i guess it wasnt a big thing to be mad about anyways so#i dont understand why he WOULD be mad about it. so unless he says he is mad/upset then he ISNT but my brain does not get this#there is NO reason for me not to trust him#also i have moved on from the 'why doesnt he message me first in the morning' fiasco which is good. i dont have an explanation as to why#i just am not mad about it anymore idk lol. well besides that my brain is feeling illogical things that i can recognize are illogical#but they still impact me :< its not fair at all... i could hypothetically construct reasoning why hes mad at me rn but im only hurting#myself this way. me moment. it was relatively innocent its not something to be MAD about he said hed love me for all my mistakes#so even if it was a problem he wouldnt stop loving me!!! do you understand brain? goodness...#HES LIKE. he is my beloved forever and i want to be holding him or touching him always. going to punch a wall idk#i just love him so much i dont want to mess up ever!!!!! god damn!! we are both depressed / have mental problems so we are doing our best#metaphorically smoking a joint with him rn i miss him. drugs are bad btw i would never do a weed. only in the metaphorical sense#i want us both to be less miserable so together we can be happy!! but why am i keeping him from doing things he likes...#but i want him to be happy?! but i want to spend time with him :( im gonna cry. WHAT AM I MAKING MYSELF UPSET FOR#he didnt even say he was mad at me i am just spinning this way out of proportion! ok!? he loves me forever#but yea i feel like my social filter for violence related things dissipated entirely. so i have been openly talking abt killing people#which is not good i am not going to do any of these things. my brain is too fond of them
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