#sometimes i wish i could get my film major ex back for like 2 hours so we could swap opinions about movies like this

[carrot-gallery]

i NEED to rant about how badly andrew haigh whiffed the ending of All Of Us Strangers

spoilers ahead

WHAT THE LIVING CHRIST

Okay so not only is Harry dead, but he’s been dead the entire time since right after their first meeting and the whole relationship, the one that supposedly HELPED ADAM MOVE ON and ACCEPT LOVE rather than self-isolating forever was a fucking fever dream???

This movie really had something to say about how new love can make you finally feel the grief of old losses and make you vulnerable and it almost said it SO WELL and allowed Adam to find catharsis and grow and fucking join society

BUT THEN they were like haha sike!! It was ghosts all the way down!! Fucking ghost party motherfuckers!! Nobody was ever alive after minute 10 of the movie except for the increasingly unwell main character!

And the fucking nonsensical ending acts like this is some happy moment of catharsis and unknotting Adam’s trauma— NOT IF ALL THAT SHIT WAS FUCKIGN FAKE IT’S NOT!

You’re telling me a terminally lonely person has a chance encounter with a cute guy who talks about his own loneliness and jokes about suicide and is drinking and asking for company. Okay, not inviting him into your apartment is totally reasonable. But to later find out he KILLED HIMSELF THAT NIGHT????? And ROTTED ALONE THERE FOR WEEKS???? Immediately after you closed your door in his face???? No sane person on Earth wouldn’t be fuckign devastated by that. You would blame yourself. You would be horrified. You would beat yourself up for not at least offering to call someone or having a conversation with him or SOMETHING.

Now is Harry’s death actually Adam’s fault? No, Harry clearly had his own mental health issues. But to go cuddle with his GHOST instead of CALLING THE POLICE????? After you DISCOVER HIS BODY and significantly disturb an ACTIVE CRIME SCENE where he DIED????? That tells me that Adam is deeply, deeply unwell and needs to go to the hospital. This is no longer about his personal journey, he is someone who is NOT OKAY and not in touch with reality.

All the stuff with his parents could have been so beautiful and poignant and moving if at the end Adam had returned to the real world and worked on overcoming his loner tendencies and becoming a part of society. Even if he & Harry hadn’t ended up working out!!! The impact of the relationship would still have had an impact & taught him something & helped him grow. (You know how the characters in Weekend (2011) did, remember that one Andrew?? That movie that YOU ALSO FUCKIGN DIRECTED???)

But to reveal that Adam was never actually having this relationship at all?????? The relationship that his dead mom’s last words were about???? That makes the entire movie pointless to me. Because he didn’t let love into his life & learn & grow & move on. He ends the movie back in a delusion, holding another ghost, asking another figment of his imagination to stay with him a little longer.

Combined with the fever / coughing imagery i GENUINELY wondered at one point whether it’d be revealed that he has like a brain parasite, or he’s actually in jail or a mental asylum imagining this entire thing, or maybe he’s been dead the whole time and is living in some purgatory or a fucked up version of heaven or something.

Andrew Haigh clearly wanted my takeaway from this movie to be “wow he finally let love into his heart” NO!!!!! My takeaway is that he needs to get professional help because he spent the entire runtime of the movie in a state of ACUTE psychosis.

I’ve heard the movie described as having “magical realism” NO!!! That only applies when some parts of the story are ACTUALLY CONCRETELY REAL for everything else to bounce off of! And for 90% of the movie they did this so so so so well and then in the final 10 minutes it’s like!!! Okay well I guess he didn’t go to the nightclub and try ketamine! I guess he didn’t have sex or watch shitty tv or open up to someone about his life! I guess he didn’t heal! For all we know he didn’t even take the train to his parents’ house! Maybe he never even left the apartment! Maybe he doesn’t even live in London!

SUCH a compelling premise with absolutely piss-poor execution. This rivals my disappointment in the final half hour of the Green Knight movie from a few years ago. Let’s just take this carefully constructed story and throw it in the absolute trash so it completely loses the message it was created to tell in the first goddamn place. And for what!!!! For a twist ending???? To be edgy?????? I’m gonna physically fight Andrew Haigh ESPECIALLY because Weekend (2011) was SO GOOD and actually delivered the message its story was intending to tell so I KNOW he can do better I KNOW that fucker can do it right but instead he chose to write Yurtle the Turtle but with Ghosts. The movie didn’t even get any big awards nominations so WHAT was the point TELL ME what the fucking point was of having Harry be dead the whole time. Give me an explanation aside from “ooh spooky” I swear to god *flips table*

[theflyingfeeling]

Do you have any more thoughts on makeup artist Olli and dramatic actor Joonas?👀

I might! 😌🎬💋

Joonas didn't actually need to take the role of that rather small budget no-name production company indie film, but the director Niko is an old friend (ex lover) of his and he owes Niko a favour so 🤷🏼‍♂️

So he's blessing everyone with his presence just for the sake of it, and while he thinks the film may have some potential, he only views it as just one stepping stone closer to the A-list

He's only been in a minor supporting role in a Hollywood production before, but the entire cast and crew will hear about how he turned down Chris because he wanted to "keep things professional" (it's a different Chris each time btw) and how sir Ian McKellen once said Joonas was like a son to him (it was a misunderstanding; Ian was just admiring the rising sun one day on set when Joonas happened to walk past (they never even had any scenes together))

The rest of the crew have learnt to ignore half of Joonas' ramblings, but Olli the makeup artist is 1) far too socially awkward to ask him to just shut up like everyone else is doing, and 2) kind of taking a pity on the man, who clearly thinks he's not interesting enough if he's not constantly reciting an unbelievable anecdote from when he went to theatre school with Ezra Miller and Booboo Stewart

(Olli pretends to know who they are and has to ask Joel the sound engineer later, who then sits Olli down and forces him to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower and the whole friggin' Twilight saga (without telling Olli the actor in question wouldn't show up until the third movie))

Olli only wishes the bloody diva could keep his pretty & very kissable mouth shut for a couple of seconds at least so that he could do Joonas' lips properly 😩

And yeah, every morning Joonas wakes up, already exhausted of the upcoming day full of pretending to come. He loves acting alright, but sometimes it can be a little difficult to turn off the role of an entertainer. However, in that makeup chair, at stupid o'clock in the morning, Joonas feels like he can be just Joonas at least for the few moments it takes for Olli to prepare his make-up equipment before he starts working on Joonas' eyebags. Quite quickly it becomes Joonas' favourite part of the day: the cute, shy makeup artist seems to be the only one who actually takes his presence seriously 🥺

And the more Joonas keeps glancing at the guy via the mirror, the more he notices how he keeps blushing when Joonas slips out something a little more flirty than his usual monologue..

And the more Olli looks closely at Joonas' eyes as he does his makeover, he realises just how deeply blue they are..

And of course his hands are rather tied regarding Joonas' looks because Niko has a pretty clear vision of what his leading star is supposed to look like, but Olli is itching to try new, more daring styles on Joonas. The shape and colour of his eyes are just begging to be experimented with 😍

One day, after Joonas has been working for 12 hours non-stop (a majority of which were spent on just a few scenes he just couldn't get right because he was feeling kinda off for some reason (it happens more lften than not)), he's exhausted and miserable and can't wait to get back into his trailer to cry his eyes out, but on his way out of set he spots Olli on his own at the make-up station, practicing some pretty impressive makeup art on himself

Joonas sees how Olli smiles at himself once he's finished, but then he sighs and wipes it all off and it breaks Joonas' heart 😭

So the next day Joonas makes an effort to ask Olli about the different products and methods he's using and oh. my. god. the way Olli's eyes light up when he gets to talk about his passion, makes Joonas wonder why he didn't think of asking him sooner? 🥺

He could listen to Olli speak for hours, but alas Niko starts screaming his name from somewhere in the set, so he has to bid the make-up guy farewell 🤧

But only until the end of the day after they have finished filming the night shots, when Joonas finds Olli like he did the previous night, only this time Joonas steps in and asks Olli if he'd like to practice his art on him as well 🥰

Rinse and repeat the next few nights, and every time they come a little closer to a kiss.. 😳

They won't kiss until the wrap party though, when they're both tipsy enough to have built the courage. When they wake up next to each other in Joonas' trailer the next morning, Joonas remembers how they had spent the night doing each others make-up with Olli's personal equipment & products, giggling and making out until they couldn't keep their eyes open any more 🥰

The film is not a blockbuster of course, but it does surprisingly well. What caughts the press' eye at the red carpet events though is the leading actor and his new boyfriend, who make a stunning pair in their immaculate eye make-up 💖

(Side plots for this AU include the light engineer Joel being forced to watch after the diva's pomeranian puppy as if he doesn't have a job to do already, Niko, I love you bro and I'm not in this for the money, but for gods' sake you don't pay me enough for this shit; Aleksi the assistant director who keeps getting distracted by the mayhem going on with Joel and the puppy, and Tommi the props guy who's there do just do his goddamn job)

[littlefreya]

I have never talked about this, its a long story but i hope you will read it ❤Quite a while ago, I was dating this guy for 2 and a half years. It was my first 'long term relationship' and if I'm honest, I only got into the relationship because I was extremely lonely and depressed. A lot of abuse happened in this relationship, most of it subtle until one day it became more serious. He filmed us having sex without my knowledge or consent and showed me after. I was horrified and told him to delete it but he wouldn't.

Months later he threatened to send it to all of his friends if i broke up with him (at this point us breaking up was inevitable he was controlling, and manipulative and i had had enough). I wanted out and I thought that he was bluffing. Maybe he had deleted it but was trying to keep me trapped in this controlling and toxic relationship. So I left him.

For 12 months I didn't leave my house, rarely leaving my bed. I was terrified to leave my house in case i ran into him. Even though I knew it was very unlikely as he lived an hour drive away from me. After a year of wallowing in self pity I decided to get a job and get back out into the world, determined to not let him control me anymore. Sadly it gets worse.

After 3 years of being in a stable job (or as stable as retail can be) I decided to get back into the dating world. I downloaded tinder (bad idea i know) and started talking to a few guys. My self-esteem sky rocketed having these cute guys calling me gorgeous and seemingly wanting to get to know me.

One of the guys was super cute, really charismatic and funny. We talked for about six months and went on 3 really cute dates. At this point he invited me over to his house to play some video games. Me being a gamer I happily accepted. I don't drive so i got an uber to his house, it was a 45 minute ride.

When i got there, the house was extremely run down and my immediate gut feeling was to get the fuck out of there, but i ignored it and walked towards the front door anyway. He opened the door before i even got near it. He showed me around the house and it was seriously dilapidated. If it weren't for the elaborate gaming set up it would look like no one lived there (the lights didn't even work). Again my gut and mind screamed for me to get out of there but i trusted him, he was nice and made me feel wanted.

We played some games and he offered me a drink and i accepted. He had laced the drink, to this day I don't know what was in it but it tasted funny. Next thing i know I'm lying in bed with him and he was showing me a police report showing how he had beat his ex unconscious and i was terrified. It was at this point he revealed that he was friends with my ex and that my ex missed me very much and my stomach dropped.

I never told him to stop when he had his way with me. I'm not sure if it was because i was scared or if i didn't want him to stop. This went on for hours i assume (my memory is foggy past seing the police report) because i woke up early the next day, nauseous and with a killer headache. I left before he could wake up and blocked him on every social media. I was terrified. I went to work like nothing ever happened.

I have never spoke of this to anyone and I sometimes have this fear that he will show up at my work or either of them may have vidwos of what was done and i honestly don't know what I would do if they did. I know now to trust my instincts and not to trust so easily (and to not accept drinks from people unless you watch them make it). I don't know how to get over the fear that one day video might appear of what happened.

Your writing has kept me sane in the years following this and I honestly can't thank you enough for being open about abuse. It has really helped me. Thank you Freya it really means a lot to me, truly ❤

I wish I could hug you right now more than anything in the world. Because you deserve love and comfort and you deserve to have this pain taken away from you. 

I am so so so sorry this happened to you. I am sorry that men you trusted exploited your kindness and your heart and abused you like this. Please don’t blame this on yourself. I know it’s hard to tell yourself otherwise but the only people who are guilty in this situation are the men who did what they did to you. 

I don’t know if you want to take legal actions, I understand that a lot of women and men don’t for many reasons. But if you still want to go to the police to feel more protected and safe and to stop these two from causing any more harm to you or others I fully support you. 

Have you considered taking up therapy? What have you been through is a major trauma and I think you need to speak to a professional who will help you find your path to healing. PTSD is not easy to deal with on your own and you shouldn’t go through this alone. 

I am here for you and I am sure many of my friends are here for you too. 

Remember that you are strong, that you’ve been through hell and you climbed out. That what happened to you will never be your fault and that you are not alone. 🖤

[sorrybaescenarios]

Thunder || Byun Baekhyun scenario || part 2

A/N: woooow this took me so much time im sorry. thank you so much for all the love part 1 received, i dont deserve it.

♛ Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

♛ Genre: angst

♛ Word count: 1,4k ops

| Part 1 | - | Part 3 | Part 4 |

The ride home was quiet, the only thing heard being the rain from outside accompanied by the occasional thunder. Baekhyun would sometimes sneak a glance at you through the rear-view mirror, sighing softly when you moved your head the other way. He looked like he wanted to say something, explain himself but as soon as he opened his mouth at a red light, no words came out. Was he nervous? Definitely. But he knew that sooner or later, he would still have to talk. When the car slowed down and your house came into view, you were up and ready to just storm out and run into the house, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. So, when you went to open the car’s door and saw that it wouldn’t budge, you finally turned to look at him with a scowl on your face.

“It’s still raining pretty hard, don’t you want to wait for a bit?” he asked, a small smile forming on his lips which only made you glare at him harder. He frowned at this and went to open the doors, seeing no point of keeping you in here if you were unhappy.

You turned around to look out the window, contemplating if you should leave now or ask for an explanation. A part of you told you to leave, saying he should be the one to feel the need to explain not for you to beg for him to talk. The other one, who was apparently stronger, wanted you to stay, needing some sort of comfort. So, you did.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

At your words, his head immediately shot up, clearly not expecting you to talk to him.

“Wait, scratch that. Were you even going to?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

His eyes widened in surprise at your accusation, “Of course! How could I not?!”

You raised a brow at this, leaning back on your seat, “Oh really? When? Tomorrow? Hours before leaving?”

He shifted his eyes back to the ground, a habit you’ve caught him doing on multiple occasions when he feels guilty about something. So that’s it then. His lack of words angered you more and this time you actually opened the door, leaving him alone in the vehicle.

You took off running for shelter towards your house, the heavy rain soaking you from head to toe. After a few seconds you heard the other door slamming shut and Baekhyun’s voice yelling for you.

“Wait, Y/N, I’m sorry! I was meaning to tell you, I swear I was! I just - I got caught up with all of the planning so we could spend as much time together as possible that it just completely slipped my mind.”

“Something like this doesn’t just slip your mind Baekhyun!” you yelled back, tears starting to form in your eyes, “you can’t just not tell me these types of stuff! In all of this planning you did, have you even thought about me for a second? Or did you just think about yourself?”

He stayed there silent as the rain poured on him, soaking his hair and clothes. His eyes locked with yours, silently begging for forgiveness. He knew he was in the wrong here, no doubt about that but he still hoped you could look past it and forgive him, like you always do.

Except this time, you didn’t.

“Just go! You were going to leave anyway.”

And with that, you finally disappeared inside your house, slamming the door shut behind you.

Two weeks have passed since that day and Baekhyun has done everything in his power to get you to talk to him. For the first few days, he kept texting and calling non-stop making you wonder how in the world did he have so much free time to keep blowing up your phone. When you actually answered one of his calls, he swore he almost had a heart attack. He was so happy and hyper that you picked up, he did all of the talking, you chiming in once in a while to answer one of his questions. After realizing one phone call can’t solve everything, he started sending you flowers. A lot of flowers. Your house was basically full of them, from small cute bouquets to large pots you could barely fit through the door. And with them came the occasional letter, saying how much he loved and missed you. It was really cute, and by the end of week two you were ready to even fly to where he was just to talk to him in person. Almost

You were laying on your couch, scrolling through your social media when you heard the door open and close with a soft click. You looked up when you heard huffing and puffing and saw your best friend from across the hall trying to make your way towards where you were through all the flowers.

“Jesus Y/N, how many flowers does this boy has to send for you to forgive him?”

You chuckled as she still struggled to walk without knocking anything over, being extra careful when your phone lit up with a notification. Your attention went back to the device hoping it was another text from Baek when you saw someone mentioned you in a post. Confused, you tapped on the notification and were greeted with a video that was currently loading.

After a few seconds, the first thing that popped on the screen was your boyfriend, dressed in a fancy dark blue suit which appeared to be frantically looking for someone. He appeared to be at an event of some sorts where cameras weren’t really allowed since this was clearly filmed with a phone. Once his eyes set on that person which was currently off screen, a big smile formed on his lips before he started jogging in that direction. And that’s when you saw it. His ex. Your eyes widened as they hugged and started talking, laughing and smiling at each other. They looked really good together, like really good and you bet if you were ever next to the two of them, people would think you’re the 3rd wheel not her.

You were about to close the video, seeing nothing major in it. You knew Baekhyun and his ex ended things in a friendly manner, so this didn’t bother you, that much, but thanks God you didn’t because in the next second she leaned in really close to him and whispered something into his ear, pulling away just as fast and planting a quick kiss to his cheek before walking away.

The sound of the doorbell distracted you from the anger that was bubbling inside you and you stormed off towards the door, knocking down all the flowers that were in your way, knowing exactly who it was, leaving your best friend dumbfounded in the middle of the living room.

“Hello, delivery for miss Y/L/N.” said the tall man with numerous bouquets behind him.

“Where were they sent from?” you asked impatiently.

The man paused, looking through his files, “China ma’am.”

“Ok, I want you to send them to this address.” You finally breathed out, scribbling down an address on his notebook. He nodded before saying his goodbyes and leaving.

And that’s exactly what you did for the whole next week. Every time a delivery for you came, it didn’t matter what it was, as long as they were from him, you just send them off to the SM building so Baekhyun could get it all when he came back. At first, you wanted to send them off to her but then quickly decided against it since she would most probably tell Baekhyun about it.

After that, you just ignored all of Baekhyun’s texts and calls and kept sending his deliveries away. You knew you were being childish, but you really couldn’t help it. For all he knew before, you were still mad at him so how could he just go and be all cozy with his ex was beyond you.

Another week passed and you got rid of almost all of the flowers that were still in your apartment, leaving the ones that were still fresh.

You were currently sitting on your couch, doing some work on your laptop when a knock on the door got your attention. You got up and made your way to the front door, opening it without checking. How you wish you would’ve.

There he was, your boyfriend in all of his glory standing right in front of you with bags under his eyes, looking tired.

“Can I come in?”

______________

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[wintersongstress]

Writer’s Questionnaire

tagged by: @a-shakespearean-in-paris - Whew, girl, this tag was hard. I don’t think I’m smart enough to do it but I love talking about writing more than actually doing it so strap in...

EDIT [1/5/19]: @the-darklings Thank you for tagging me as well! 

Short stories, novels, or poems?

POETRY?! #TRIGGERED 

Ya’ll I want to talk about poetry. That Illuminati Cryptology. 

On the one hand, I’m actually quite decent with writing poetry. I like the poems I’ve written. I’m proud of my sonnets, sestinas, villanelles, and free verse. Albeit, the restrictions of closed forms and writing in iambic pentameter grinds the gears in the computer science part of my brain, but I can do it. Some of my best lines are poetry. Poetry is what resonates the deepest, what loops through my head when I think about writing. Its the ultimate mastery of words that makes your work endure.  

Look at Peonies at Dusk by Jane Kenyon. Nice poem, right? Lovely imagery, the tone is somber and sweet. But, you have to remember, poetry is a puzzle. You have to put the pieces together to understand the picture. 

Kenyon arranged her poem in tercet stanzas to link it to the Holy Trinity. (???)This was because she found God during the time so wrote this poem and wanted to pay tribute to how it grounded her life by grounding her poem the same way. In the final stanza, the narrator bending to smell the peony is supposed to be the narrator bending over to take care of someone who is bedridden with cancer. Propping them up with stakes and twine- taking care of a sick loved one. Peonies were also known for their medicinal properties, as well as them withering being an omen for disaster and death. The fading of light and the dusk is all blatantly symbolic. JUST. POETRY PISSES ME OFF SOMETIMES. AND I HATE THAT I KIND OF LIKE HOW CONVOLUTED IT IS ONCE I FIGURE IT OUT. 

tl:dr; I prefer short stories and novels when it comes to reading for the obvious reasons why we love novels. Ya’ll already know why novels are good. When it comes to writing I usually do short stories and poems. I haven’t been able to tackle a novel yet. 

What genre do you prefer reading? 

I’ve always enjoyed fantasy, historical fiction, and of course, romance. I like a good contemporary every once in a while, too.

What genre do you prefer writing?

Same as what I prefer to read. I absolutely love exploring settings and writing the relationships between characters and how they transform and develop them.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

I like to make an outline at the beginning of a new project just to have some semblance of order and to know what the journey is going to look like. This helps a lot in my Research stage because I’m able to identify what I don’t know and what tools I’m going to need. 

What music do you listen to while writing?

Video game soundtracks mostly. They’re designed to keep you engaged and I don’t want to focus on anything else but my work, I just need a little white noise. Jeremy Soule’s compositions are great for setting the mood, as well as Debussy. I also like those nature ambiance videos on YouTube, crackling fire, forest/river sounds, etc. 

Fave books/movies?

Amazing. This question never fails to make me forget every piece of media I have ever consumed. 😂

I’m kind of at a stand point right now because I’m 20 and I don’t read YA books anymore and that’s the bulk of my personal library. (Sorry Sarah J. Maas and Cassandra Clare!). I used to read a COLOSSAL amount of YA; I’m talking 15 books a month, 2 books a day sometimes and I used to do arc (advanced reader copy) reviews through Macmillan for Miss Literati. Looking back now though, there are some novels I read that I still stand by.

The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness - amazing, stream of consciousness writing at its best.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor - my favorite writing style. Period. 

Half Bad by Salle Green - just brilliant.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway - fight me okay.

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

Passion by Lauren Kate - This book was just, everything I wanted. 😭

The Abhorsen Trilogy by Garth Nix - the first series that REALLY got me into reading.

List of my favorite films I like to tell people to impress them:

The Sixth Sense

The Last Samurai

Brokeback Mountain

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Rear Window

 List of my favorite films when life is sad:

Confessions of a Shopaholic

The Mummy

Star Wars

Back to the Future

Some Like It Hot

The Princess Bride

Forrest Gump

Romancing the Stone

As you can see,  I’m not a huge film buff (though sometimes I wish I were...)

I’m sure I’m forgetting some...

Any current WIPs?

gee let’s look at my documents folder... 

This is gonna sound silly but  the majority of my personal WIPs are actually games I want to write. I know, I know, but I want to go into narrative design, possibly even creative direction. Much to my mother’s chagrin. So I don’t write novels per say, I write scripts and game concept documents. I do write short stories but my longstanding projects I am not talented enough to start writing.  I write ideas for scenes while I let the rest stew in my head, like a bubbling cauldron of ideas that is constantly simmering. I’ll get there, eventually. 

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

My standard get-up is high-waisted jeans, Blundstones, and an over-sized knitted sweater. God I love winter.

Create a character description for yourself:

Hi,my name is Isabell. My worst nightmares include getting C’s, being late for work, and getting back together with my ex-boyfriend from 9th grade. 

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

The best writers are thieves, and I steal a lot of details of real people into my writing. Patterns of speech, outfits, unique traits, that sort of thing. I pay a lot of attention to the people around me, especially strangers. So I don’t incorporate actual people I know, rather, the strangers I see and who I think they are or could be in the context of story. 

Are you kill-happy with characters?

By all means, I will put them in near death circumstances and give them critical injuries. However, I rarely kill them. So, no. I don’t happily kill my characters. 

Coffee or tea while writing?

Self-proclaimed Chai tea slut.

Slow or fast writer?

Slow’er than the molasses in January. 

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Ideas strike anywhere, anytime. I could be standing in the check-out line at the grocery store and get an idea. However, most of my inspiration comes from consuming other stories. Video games have honestly been the most inspiring and immersive mediums for storytelling. I find inspiration from learning new things, especially in history. A lot of stuff from myth and history inspires me. 

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

I’d like to think I would be an adventurer, but let’s be real I’d probably be an Alchemist’s apprentice. Or a sculptor. Maybe even a tutor. 

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Hero/Villain Ships. Enemies to lovers. dYING CONFESSIONS OF LOVE.

Wait, are those cliches? As for what I hate...Oh, I don’t know. I hate the reckless heroine. I just hate reading about girls who make stupid decisions and think they’re the right ones. Not to say they can’t make mistakes, but you know, other characters are like, don’t do the thing, and they do it anyway. 

Fave scenes to write?

SMUT. FIRST KISSES. Yeah. Been writing that sort of thing since I was 11. I had one of those notebooks with a cover that made a zippery sound when you scratched it and it was my first foray into fanfiction and smut lmao. Good stuff. Pandora’s box, though. 

I love writing scenery descriptions. I’m acutely tuned to setting and creating atmosphere and I love determining the specific details that take you exactly where I want the reader to be. The mise-en-scene, if you will.

Most productive time of day for writing?

Dead of night or the wee hours of morning, when the world is quiet. 

Reason for writing?

Because when I write, I feel like I belong. I write because I have a certain taste, and I’m the only one who knows how to capture that. I write because storytelling is intrinsic to me and a part of myself I can never deny, forget, or neglect. I write because my mind has always been full of ideas and worlds I want to explore. I write because deep down I know I’m meant to. 

_

Tagging: 

I’m gonna keep it chill because this tag takes more than 2 minutes to do, but I would love to see your guys’ responses!: @shadows-echoes || @sunstrain || @connorshero || @deviantsupporter

This tag is totally 100% optional! 

[metalandmagi]

October Media Madness!

It’s the last day of the month, so you know what that means! What-no not Halloween! It’s time to see how one person wasted their time this month by keeping track of all the media they consumed! And if you thought October would mean a lot of horror movies and books and TV shows...you are going to be very disappointed because I’m a fucking wimp who hates horror.

September media

Movies!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Scott Pilgrim, aka the most intentionally unlikable protagonist ever, has to defeat the seven evil ex-boy...uh I mean exes of the cool girl he’s dating. Yeah, I’m super late to the Edgar Wright party, but since this movie was finally available on Netflix I figured it was time. And it’s pretty good aside from the fact that Scott is the worst. But at least he owns up to it in the end. It’s crazy over the top ridiculous, has tons of little details that film theorists love to salivate over, and Scott’s roommate Wallace is hilarious. I just wish I could hear what Michael Cera says half the time. Oh well, there’s nothing good or bad I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said before. 8/10

Coraline: Coraline Jones, an imaginative young girl with inattentive parents who has just moved into a new apartment, discovers a secret door that leads to a world where everything is better, and everyone has buttons for eyes. However, under the perfect exterior, things are more sinister than they seem. I got the urge to re-watch this because it’s freaking October, and although I don’t watch horror movies, I felt obligated to watch something at least kind of Halloween-ish. And I stand by my long held opinion that this is the all time creepiest movie marketed for children ever made. Literally everything about this movie is creepy. There’s creepy music, creepy dolls being made and following people around, creepy cats, creepy people with buttons for eyes, creepy ghosts of children, creepy children with their mouths shown shut...the list is endless. And Laika never fails to make beautifully animated stop motion. 9/10

Sierra Burgess is a Loser: The latest film in Netflix’s attempt to dominate the rom-com genre, in which an unpopular high school girl ends up texting a handsome jock while leading him to believe he is texting a gorgeous cheerleader named Veronica who also goes to her school.

Okay, this isn’t a bad movie, so let me start with the good. I appreciate the message of how you need to make yourself stand out to colleges and how high school in general is becoming a toxic competitive environment. There’s a lot of good material about living up to expectations and stereotypes, both from Sierra’s side and her partner in crime Veronica’s. And speaking of Veronica, I was completely blindsided by how much of a great character she was and how much she grew throughout the film. I also liked Sierra’s best friend and the love interest, even if they were a little generic.

That being said...I didn’t like Sierra. When main characters intentionally lead people on for no good reason (and thinking some guy you’ve just met isn’t going to text you back because you’re not “conventionally attractive” is not a good reason) it annoys the hell out of me. Not only does she lie through texting him, but she and Veronica lie to his face multiple times. She also does something really horrible to Veronica because of a misunderstanding that could have been avoided if she taken five seconds to use some common sense. She also thinks she’s above doing a simple homework assignment for her poetry class because she wants to be different. I realize she needs to stand out in order to get recommendations for college, but come on. And finally, when she’s upset about how she looks, she blames her parents because her mom is attractive??? Yes it is frustrating to have these brilliant “conventionally attractive” parents, but they always try to build her up, as opposed to Veronica’s mother who only tears her down. I DID NOT HATE HER CHARACTER, but I think she could have been portrayed better. The other major thing that bothered me is that there is the complete lack of proper conflict resolution. All the problems and hurt feelings just magically go away in order to have a happy ending. Overall, the movie’s just okay. 7/10

Howl’s Moving Castle: Sophie, an ordinary girl who gets cursed by a witch, turns into an old woman and ends up working for a wizard who steals hearts. It feels like Studio Ghibli’s version of beauty and the beast, except Howl is the beauty with a questionable personality, and Sophie is the “beast” who whips him into shape...until the second half of the movie anyway. I’d prefer to watch an entire movie of old woman Sophie interacting with the other characters rather than deal with the war aspect of the plot. Anyway, the animation is awesome, and I appreciate the English voice cast...except for the fact that no one had the good sense to use Crispin Freeman as Howl instead of just having him as Turnip-Head! I know lots of people have talked about the differences between the book and the movie, but I like how the movie portrays that even though being old is physically painful, it can also be emotionally freeing. Either way I think Sophie is a great character with a fun sense of humor! 8/10

First Man: The story of Neil Armstrong and the years leading up to the moon landing...which apparently a lot of people didn’t like? Some people are butthurt about there not being a shot of planting the flag (which if they actually saw the movie they would know the focus of the scenes on the moon were to show Armstrong dealing with wonder and grief, NOT rallying together as Americans). Some people are unhappy that an American hero can be portrayed so negatively, and some people just thought it was boring and dragged a lot…

Okay, yes, the movie is a drama that does not portray Armstrong in a glowing light, and yes there are certain scenes that go on too long. BUT I really liked this movie...and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like Ryan Gosling. It is a family drama that captures how different people respond to grief and stress set in the backdrop of the space race. I also liked learning about this period in history and the controversy around the space program in general. It was beautifully shot and had very creative music choices, which was the main reason I saw it in theaters. I came away from it awed and terrified that we basically sent these people to the moon in freaking tin cans, and that in the sixties men shunned their emotions so much that they wouldn’t hug their children before going to space! Overall, it was good in a solid way, but it did drag a bit. 7.5/10

Mama Mia: Another protagonist named Sophie is getting married and invites the three men who could each possibly be her father to the wedding. But who cares about the plot, the main purpose of the film is to show women having fun with their friends! This movie...isn’t exactly good, but it 100% knows what it wants to be and accomplishes that. It’s a wacky, ridiculous, musical romp that people only watch with their friends when they’re plastered because they want to hear ABBA songs. It’s the very definition of a guilty pleasure movie, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I will say that it’s harder for me to relate to because I don’t have friends that I act this ridiculous with, and sometimes it gets to be a bit much. Although, I have seen the Broadway musical and remember absolutely loving every minute of it...so maybe it’s just the movie overplaying it. Oh well, it’s just something fun to have on in the background or watch when you need cheering up! It’s a 9/10 for being accomplishing what it wants and a 6/10 as an actual movie.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: In this Marvel filler episode between Infinity War and Captain Marvel, Scott is under house arrest and Hope tries to get her mother out of the quantum realm. Okay, this was a fun movie with some great moments, but it definitely had its issues. For a movie called Ant-Man and the Wasp, the two did not do much fighting together...or at all until the end. It felt more like an origin to their partnership than a team up movie (and I’d rather have a Wasp and Black Widow team up movie...or all the Marvel women team up movie). It also couldn’t figure out who the villain should be. It’s like they realized half way through writing it that Ghost was way too sympathetic and cool and had to come up with a bunch of more forgettable villains. And because this was more of a hot potato rather than a heist, I didn’t think it was as fun as the first movie overall. HOWEVER I still really enjoyed the inventive action and the characters. I will always watch 2 hours of Evangeline Lilly kicking ass, and Paul Rudd being himself. And I am convinced that Marvel is using The Adventure Zone route of needing competent women to solve everyone’s problems. But the heart of the movie is really family. Hank and Hope, Scott and his daughter, and even Ghost all had very compelling stories that drew me in every time. And that post credits scene...I knew it was coming, but come on! Marvel is the only current studio who can basically do a horror movie “The End…?” in their credits now. 7.5/10

The Chronicles of Narnia-The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: The Disney version of the classic C.S. Lewis book; come on we all know the story. Okay, I watched this for the first time in several years because I also read the book this month. And holy cow, when you see what material the movie had to work with, this is a freaking masterpiece. It takes a very simple children’s book and turns it into an epic fantasy! The score, the little details, and the setting are all perfect. All the characters are so real and fleshed out AND ACCURATELY PORTRAYED FOR THEIR AGES! All four siblings are struggling with something, and the actors do a great job considering they were actual children while making this! I am so angry that Disney let this property’s potential slip through their fingers because I truly believe that if they kept making movies like this, it could have been their Harry Potter by now. Prince Caspian was also excellent, though I don’t remember much of Dawn Treader, but I think if they put the money and effort into continuing this franchise it could have been great.

One thing I don’t appreciate about the movie is how they reduce Edmund’s mental journey. I have always especially loved Edmund as a character, and something the movie fails to mention is the fact that APPARENTLY in the book the Turkish Delight is enchanted to make whoever eats it think only of eating more and more until THEY EAT SO MUCH THAT THEY DIE?! He’s not just a greedy kid. And there’s a lot more to his time with the Witch that makes his actions easier to understand. Anyway it definitely goes down as one of the best book to movie adaptations I’ve ever seen, and it is on my very short list of movies that are better than the books. 10/10

Books!

The Chronicles of Narnia- The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: It’s the first Narnia book; we all know the plot. I am one of the many people who had this series read to them as a kid, but it’s been like...eleven years since I actually read these books for myself. Even then I only got to The Horse and His Boy before stopping because it was boring as hell. I’ve been wanting to re-read the series all year, and with only the Disney movies in recent memory, imagine my surprise when I found out that Lewis’s writing style is absolutely bananas! I think he’s acting as some omniscient narrator, but his style is so stream of consciousness it’s hilarious! He constantly addresses the audience in these 2007 fanfiction author-esque asides. The Pevensies are the most posh, old-timey sounding British kids ever, and it’s amazing to visualize children that actually speak like this. Everything happens so quickly because it is 100% meant to be a children’s story, not this epic adventure we all associate with the movies. So...if you’ve never read it before definitely check it out just to discover how utterly wild everything is. My only real complaint is that it’s kinda sexist, and no one except for Edmund gets a character arc. Even though Susan gets a bow and Lucy gets a dagger, they’re treated like they shouldn’t be fighting because they’re girls and not...oh I don’t know...because they’re children! 7/10

The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzie Lee: The second installment of...idk...the “Guide” series? I talked about the first book, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue in my May Media Madness, and this book is just as good! This series takes place in the 1700s, and while the first book follows arrogant bisexual disaster Monty, his (boy)friend Percy, and his sister Felicity through a romp across Europe, this book follows Felicity and her friends on a...let’s just say “scientific expedition” involving pirates. The less you know about the plot going in the better. And did I mention her friends include a badass Muslim pirate princess and an Elle Woods-esque dog loving naturalist? And also did I mention Felicity is CANONICALLY revealed as ARO/ACE?! It’s strongly hinted at in the first book, and in this book Mackenzi Lee basically shoves any doubt about it out the window. It’s fun, hilarious, and also heartbreaking at the same because of all the challenges each character faces because they’re ambitious women in this time period. Sometimes it feels a little heavy handed in its feminist messages, but you can’t deny it’s not accurate. I’m really only saying that because I am a woman, and the struggles are nothing I haven’t seen or read before.  Anyway, this is a fantastic series that I highly recommend to anyone looking for a fun read, and it gets bonus points for including Monty and Percy being disgustingly in love together! 1000/10

Dear Evan Hansen the Novel by Val Emmich (and also Steven Levenson, Benj Pasek, and Justin Paul):

Buckle up.

I really love the Dear Evan Hansen musical (which I talked about in my August Media Madness.) The novel is almost a word for word adaptation of the musical, in which Evan, a teenager with anxiety, writes a letter to himself that is stolen by a boy who commits suicide, leading everyone to believe Evan and the boy, Connor, were best friends because they assume Connor wrote the letter to Evan. There is a lot I could say about this adaptation, but the number one thing is: I really don’t know if people who haven’t seen the musical or heard the soundtrack will like it as much. The strength of Dear Evan Hansen is mainly in its performances and its music, and while they tried to work the music in as best they could, I enjoyed the story more because I can link it back to the actors’ performances. Yes, the story is interesting and the message is important, but I honestly don’t know how much people going in blind will like the writing and how the characters are portrayed. Overall, it seemed like a well written fanfic- in a good way, not a Harry Potter and the Cursed Child way. That being said, I did really enjoy a lot of things about this book. They expanded on a lot about Evan’s relationship with his absent father and the aftermath of the big lie. They also expanded on a lot about Connor…

I honestly don’t know how I feel about Ghost Connor. Yes, I’m glad Connor shows up as a ghost in the book. What he doesn’t do is ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH EVAN...LIKE AT ALL! The best parts of the show are when Connor, as a figment of Evan’s imagination acts as a comedic buffer and his “moral center.” However, here ghost Connor exists to give snippets of Connor’s life. He barely comments on what Evan is doing at all even though he sees everything. All of Connor’s sections made me feel like the author was going through the DEH tag on AO3 and picking things to throw in. I liked his sections, but the writers really missed the more entertaining story of having Connor actually commenting about the shit Evan is doing.

So overall, I’d say watch the musical if you can find a bootleg, or at least listen to the soundtrack and then read the book. It was very enjoyable, although I think the ending dragged a bit in its quest to give more closure than the musical. 8.5/10

Bonus Manga

Shimanami Tasogare: Tasuku Kaname, a closeted boy starting his first year of high school meets a mysterious woman named Anonymous who helps him finds solace in a lounge run by other members of the LGBT+ community. This is the kind of manga that really hits and misses for me. It does a great job at portraying the struggles of a community with different sexualities and gender identities, and it has some really great characters and beautiful moments that I really think would be even better animated. But there are some character arcs that I feel are really...incomplete. It feels like the author was rushed into finishing the manga and did the best they could, but certain characters come off as major hypocrites or suddenly act like their arcs never happened. I also appreciate having an asexual character play such a big role, but the chapter where she talks about her identity as a person is just kind of...bizarre. Not to mention I barely understood what was happening for the first couple chapters because everything Anonymous says is so vague. There’s a lot I could say about this manga, but really I think it’s something everyone should read for themselves (and you’ll definitely need your tissue boxes). 8/10

TV Shows!

Arrested Development: “The story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.” Aka Ron Howard narrates the shenanigans of the worst people you’ll ever see. Yes, I finally got around to watching this, and yes the first three seasons are hilarious. It’s got the same beats as a soap opera (twins, adoption, losing limbs in seal attacks), but in a sitcom format it’s genius. The fourth and fifth (or at least what there is of the fifth) are just nothing special in my opinion. I thought the fourth season was structured terribly, and once the family starts getting into politics the show tries to be a form of satire that just doesn’t work for it. Plus I live with a family of Trump supporters; so it’s not as funny when you have to live with the racist people the show is making fun of who take all the “wall” stuff seriously. 8/10

Documental: A Japanese...social experiment/documentary/game show type thing on Amazon Prime wherein 10 comedians all get locked in a room together and attempt to make each other laugh without laughing themselves. The twist is each of them contribute 1 million yen to play, and the winner gets the pot of 10 million yen. In the first season, the show is more interesting as a social experiment than it is funny. You’ll like it if you like Japanese comedy. But the thing about Japanese comedy is...well, just picture an episode of Osomatsu-san, with all the disgusting and bizarre shit they do, and then picture real people. Though I do love seeing the faces everyone makes when they’re trying not to laugh! HOWEVER, the second season is so much better. I was laughing so much every episode that it hardly felt like the same show. They also changed the format a little so there would definitely be a winner at the end of the time. There’s still gross weird shit, but it’s a much better season. I give season 1 a 6/10 and season 2 an 8.5/10

Over the Garden Wall: In case you’ve been skipping the entire season of autumn since 2014, OTGW is a 10 episode miniseries that aired on Cartoon Network detailing the journey of two brothers Wirt and Greg who are lost in a mysterious wood called “The Unknown.” But really the whole thing is like a stuck in Purgatory story. It’s one of those shows that goes from adorable and funny to dark as fuck real quick. I think it’s impossible to go through the fall season without watching this at least once. This is another one of those things where there’s nothing I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. The atmosphere is perfect for Halloween, the characters are great (Elijah Wood voices Wirt, and it’s the best), and there are so many hidden clues that after it aired we all demanded a Gravity Falls crossover…

I could go on. This show is perfect except for the unnecessarily silly school teacher episode...and fact that it goes by too fast...and also the fact that now I know Elijah Wood has an adorable singing voice, and I’m salty that he didn’t really sing in Lord of the Rings. This is the atmospheric “watch it once a year” type of show that we desperately need more of...it doesn’t have to be the same characters or even have the same messages, but dang it Cartoon Network you can’t just give us this masterpiece and walk away!!! 10/10

Yuri On Ice: Yes, the figure skating anime. This is Tumblr so I doubt I need to post the summary of the show, but I do talk about it in my Hufflepuff Anime recommendations post. Since I couldn’t watch the Yuri On Ice marathon (which was coincidentally held on my birthday!) I decided to have my own dang marathon. There’s just so much to love about this anime: the music, the animation, the characters, the diversity, the humor, and the accuracy to the sport. But I think the main reason I love this show so much is because, as someone who watches a lot of sports anime, I really appreciate this show doing something different and focusing on ADULTS WHO ACTUALLY RELY ON THE SPORT AS A CAREER and using drama that way instead of the main source of angst being “we have to win the match for our senpai!” This is one of those shows you can watch a million times and still find new things to love! 10/10

Podcasts!

I don’t know why I made a separate section for this, since I only listened to one.

Hey Riddle Riddle: A podcast with three hosts that go talk about riddles and puzzles (aka puzzies and riddies) and role play various ridiculous answers to them. I started listening to it because Justin McElroy was on an episode, and it was pretty funny. The podcast is interesting and entertaining, except for the fact that sometimes their role playing and improve can go on for too long, and they don’t know when to let a joke die. Also one of the co-hosts is really annoying, but the other two make up for it. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

Camp Camp released a Halloween episode called Arrival of the Torso Takers and I watched it...probably four times...I don’t have a problem.

Some shows I watch on actual television came back this fall! Bob’s Burgers, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Fresh Off the Boat, Speechless, Modern Family (yes I still watch that), and The Good Place!

I don’t know if this was a leak or what, but there’s a new My Little Pony christmas Hearthswarming special, and guys...I thought it was pretty great. Say what you want about this show, but it knows how to do holiday episodes. Anyone who has been a fan for a long time or even fans who have fallen off the show will probably love it. It’s very sweet and never went in the direction I thought it would.

And last but not least, shout out to all the anime coming out this fall...there’s just...so much to watch...please help...

[plounce]

compilation post of whichever bbc america employee who wrote the captain’s blogs being an ally and a hero via treating janto as more than just a sex joke, being genuinely warm and funny, and mentioning ianto super fondly in nearly every single entry (especially s2) because jack is in love with him despite what everyone else would have you believe. but i, a gay, know, and so does bbc america social media staffer circa 2007-2008.

some may call this “fringe canon.” i call it “some of the only specks of canon that respect the show’s canon gay relationship as the loving and affectionate relationship that it is.”

text pulled from ianto’s desktop, which is a fun read despite the defunct photobucket embeds - i only included captain’s blog stuff, but there’s a couple more janto tidbits in there. none as nice as these, though. under a cut because it is Long.

season 1

(one really cool thing the writer did for early season one is have jack note unexplained energy surges in the lower levels of the hub - handy foreshadowing for cyberwoman)

1x03 (ghost machine - alien tech leads to murder mystery):

Other issues: According to Ianto, Splott is pronounced "Sploe". I think Ianto may have been lying.

Upcoming issues: Energy surges in the lower areas of the hub still unexplained; there have been several more in the past week. Ianto volunteered to investigate, but has not discovered an explanation yet.

1x04 (cyberwoman - the episode where ianto’s secrets are revealed and we all have a Bad Time):

Other Staff issues: Ianto Jones temporarily suspended from active duty, to return at my discretion. His love for Lisa clouded his judgment, and he made some serious mistakes - but I have to wonder if I would have done the same thing in his situation. Ianto's personal needs and emotional state have been overlooked; I should not have missed something like this. During his suspension, I will try to spend more time with him. Hopefully we can establish a closer working relationship.

1x05 (small worlds - the one where the “fairies” abduct the little girl and jack has to let them, which makes everyone else very mad at him):

Staff: Ianto Jones' first week back after his suspension four weeks ago. I have tried to put him at ease, and have briefed the team to be as sympathetic as possible. Obviously there is a level of resentment remaining, but they are trying.

Other Staff issues: After what happened with Jasmine, nobody is talking to me (except Ianto). They'll come around. Everyone comes around.

1x06 (countrycide - the one with the cannibals and we all have a Bad Time):

Staff: Brought Ianto Jones along to get him out of the Hub, out of the city, get some relaxing time in the country with the team. May not have been the best decision I made this year.

1x07 (greeks bearing gifts - mindreading and predatory lesbian, the episode):

Other Staff issues: Ianto is still suffering, but putting on a brave face. Will try talking to him over dinner, outside the Hub, see if there's anything more I can do for him.

1x08 (they keep killing suzie - the episode that ends with ianto hitting on jack with a stopwatch):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I stayed back to go over the case files and reorganize the safe. Internal security cameras were temporarily shut down to run diagnostic tests, so there was no monitoring of the Hub for approximately four hours - but there were no security breaches to report. Everything went very smoothly.

Upcoming issues: Need to requisition a new stopwatch. Old one damaged while moving a desk.

1x09 (random shoes - outsider pov, the episode):

Staff: Things seem to be calming down with everyone. Ianto is coping well; I'm pleased with his progress.

1x11 (combat - owen has manpain and fights weevils. whatever):

Other Staff issues: Ianto surprisingly proficient at the good cop/bad cop routine. Although obviously, he's the good cop. He's too cute to be the bad cop.

1x12 (captain jack harkness - jack and tosh are stuck back in time during the cardiff blitz and owen and ianto fight about what to do about it):

Other Staff issues: Ianto tried to stop Owen opening the Rift, and actually shot him in the shoulder. Everyone except Owen is finding this very amusing.

season 2

2x01 (kiss kiss bang bang - jack returns from his doctor who appearance, deals with his terrible ex spike from buffy, and asks ianto out on a proper date):

Other Staff issues: Gwen is now engaged. I'm happy for her, but I'm concerned about what it might mean - can she stay here, still keeping everything from Rhys? I worry that we're going to lose her. And I worry about Ianto. I think he took it harder than anyone when I ran off. It's going to take me a while to make things up to him. He is a decent, good man, and I'm lucky I met him.

2x02 (sleeper agent - the episode with sleeper agents):

Other security issues: Gwen taken hostage again. I’m beginning to think she’s jinxed. And why am I never taken hostage? I could be a good hostage. I never get any of that Stockholm Syndrome action. And according to Ianto, my bad cop routine needs some work.

Other Staff issues: I’m in trouble with Ianto for duct-taping a CB aerial to the SUV. Apparently the tape made the wing mirror “disconcertingly sticky”. Still, nothing a bit of warm, soapy water can’t fix.

2x03 (a man out of time - tosh’s cryo-boyfriend they unfreeze once every year. also, jack and ianto Have A Talk and then make out):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I made some progress, talked things through. What happened with Tommy got to us all. I know it got to Gerald and Harriet, too, back then, considering what they went through to try and make up for it – but that’s another story for another day.

2x04 (meat - the episode with the whale and rhys finding out. some of the team gets taken hostage and ianto tazes a bad guy in the head and growls out “pray they survive.” or something and it’s VERY GOOD TELEVISION):

Staff: Ianto turned into a fighting, kicking, stun-gun machine, it was very exciting. I must get put in danger more often.

2x05 (adam - an alien infiltrates their memories and inserts himself into the team, and his plot is foiled by ianto reading his diary and finding inconsistencies because he’s Very Clever):

Other security issues: The only thing out of place was Ianto’s diary, which I found in my office. Naturally, I gave it back to him immediately after reading through it. Several interesting factual errors in there - and I thought he would know how to convert inches to centimetres. You think you know someone...

2x06 (reset - martha visits and owen ‘dies’):

Security: Must speak to Ianto about using names from ‘’Sex and the City’’ on fake IDs. Last week he sent me into an alien smuggling operation as ‘’Mr Big’’, without telling me. Wish I knew how he kept a straight face. I’d give him a stern talking-to, but I think he enjoys that too much.

(right after this is a very solemn paragraph about owen dying lmfao)

2x07 (dead man walking - jack resurrects owen and owen has manpain about it):

Other Staff issues: In big trouble with Ianto for risking everything to go and get the second glove. I should have told him before I went, but he’d probably have cuffed me to the chair to stop me. And I’ve fallen for that one way too many times.

2x08 (a day in the death - owen continues to have manpain):

Other Staff issues: Now that we have all tried, it is clear that only Ianto knows how to operate that damn coffee maker. I suspect it contains alien technology.

2x09 (something borrowed - gwen gets married, but not before playing host to shapeshifting pregnancy alien):

Security: ... Female Nostrovite proved to be extremely resilient to bullets, so I had to get my massive weapon out and take care of business. Ianto is still quietly chuckling about that now, days later. Gwen’s mother taken hostage. Must run in the family.

2x10 (from out of the rain - the terribly written ianto-’centric’ episode about circus film reel ghosts):

Alien activity: ... We only managed to save one of them, but that’s better than nothing. Sometimes in this job, one is enough. I can still see the faces of the people we lost - they weren’t part of this, they were just living their lives, until they were taken. Ianto took it badly, this one really got to him.

Staff: Have convinced Ianto to take me to a normal cinema, to see an actual movie. He’s also curious to know if I still have my old circus outfit. If I can find it, I think a private show is in order.

2x11 (adrift - gwen pursues a mystery about the people the rift takes and then puts back traumatized, even though jack resists. ianto is the one who gives her the info she needs. she also walks in on them naked in the greenhouse. wild):

Staff: Gwen would never have found the facility if Ianto hadn’t helped her. He was wrong to do that. But, of course, he was actually right in the end. There’s no way Gwen would have let it go. I should have trusted her with the information, but I knew what it would do to her. Sometimes, the only way to realise that you shouldn’t look behind that door is to actually go and look. Gwen learned that. Nikki learned that. We all did.

Other Staff issues: Seeing Gwen experience it for the first time took me right back to when I first heard that terrible scream. After Gwen had gone home, I just held on to Ianto for a couple of hours, as tightly as I could.

2x12 (fragments - a bomb explodes and everyone gets a flashback to how they joined torchwood 3 as jack and gwen rescue them from the rubble):

Staff: Everyone came out of the explosion pretty beaten up, but no major damage. We got lucky. And so did John. Because if he’d killed anyone - if he had hurt Ianto - I would have slowly ripped him limb from limb.

Other Staff issues: Although I have to say, Ianto does look good all messed up and dirty.

2x13 (exit wounds - jack’s brother comes back and blows up half of cardiff and kills owen and tosh):

Other Staff issues: The one glimmer of hope in all this? I still have Ianto and Gwen. Whatever the future throws at us, whatever madness the Rift vomits out next, whatever we have to face - Torchwood will be ready.

Capt. Jack Harkness.

Ianto, I know you’re reading this over my shoulder, pretending to fix that damn shelf. So get over here and take me out somewhere.

[norman-reedus-gossip]

bulk

--mod--

You know how it goes 

------

Anon: 
Am i the only one that actually dont believe that they are dating? There is none proof that they are dating or in a relationship , in fact i think Diane is behind this , im sure there have been " ilove you" text around those 2. And dont you think she will be seen at all the events he went in 2016? Steve's wedding , the concerts , and traveling with him (ofcourse except the Paris thing) . Like Mod said and what i also believe , they prob just friends with benefits 😉



Anon: 
Sorry to bother you but is NR and DK "dating thing" official or not? This situation is such a mess that I can't understand anything 😂😂😂 --mod-- Right now it's still just rumor and speculation

 


Anon: 
OMG MOD! So it was all about publicity wasn't it??? She did that to get her name out there for Oscar weekend. I feel so much better now. They can't state a denial and then be caught again or it would look HELLA bad

Anon: 
i think that i'm just sad because he isn't single anymore ahahahah is that bad? --mod-- Not at all



Anon: 
I don't understand how they could be together. She embodies everything he hates (glitz glamour hollywood) She also screws with his fans worse than CS. Are they really going to go walking around holding hands like she did with JJ? He doesn't do that shit. And what about attending award shows? Are we gonna have to see her stupid face every time he goes somewhere? I think I quit. If he's with HER, he's exactly the person he said he wasn't. I so hope it's not true

. 


Anon: 
Holy Heck, at this point I don't think a denial would even do much. Consider that when that old EK story broke in TMZ and People he denied it by then, but there are still fans who believe they were (or are!) together even though she hasn't been in GA in two yes and has a long term bf. On NR's newest post are some comments to "pls clear up the DK rumor and admit you're still with EK". Like...what? More ppl follow tabloid gossip than follow NR's IG I guess. 



Anon: 
Do you think Norman even knows or cares about disappointed and sad maybe even disgusted fans? Seems like the majority of them don't care when you read through the comments on his ig picture. i kinda wish he'd get more backlash. -- mod-- He is filming right now and being down or whatever doesn't make for a good show



Anon: 
I think as fans we put Norman on a pedestal and expect more from him than a non celebrity. Yes he spoke of his dislike of cheating but no one likes to be cheated on. If the rumors are true he was on the other side of the fence this time and might have felt different. But he ain't no saint! He's just a dude. I'm not condoning his actions either way and DK has a history of being vile, but that doesn't seem to matter until it does. If ur taking this personally, take a breather. Its not gonna last

. 

Anon: 
nurseyanon: I don't care/never have about Norm and DK. It's not like we're engaged or anything...I do have a date every Sunday night (when I'm not working and saving lives that is!) to watch him and my beloved Crazy Rick kick ass. I don't know what Norm is like in real life, I DO NOT plan to attend a con or a cruise to meet him, I certainly am not going out of my way. I confess an attraction to Negan, or JDM, or sorta kinda both???

 
 

Anon: 
With all the kindness and consideration he's shown over the years he deserves better fans than this. Choosing between the actor who's Skyped with dying kids or people being cruel on the internet I'm going to stick with NR being the person I continue to prefer. No one is speaking for me when they say he's let fans down or owes us explanations. I'm not upset whether its true or not and he owes me exactly nothing. I'm ashamed by some of the behavior I'm seeing directed at him. 



Anon: 
That Norman or his reps didn't come out as of yet tells EVERYTHING. He denied the Emily rumors years back immediately. The rumors with DK are going on since almost a year now and he still didn't say anything. Disgusting, gross and ridiculous! Makes him look like he's got no balls and is such a wimp if he can't even admit it. I hope he gets backlash, I get why fans are hella disgusted and disappointed in him. Seems like he's definitely not the man he claims to be. And that is disappointing.


Anon: 
Honestly: that neither Norman nor his reps said anything or denied the DK thing yet says it all. He denied the EK rumors within 2 hours and even made fun of it. He went all silent now and doesn't say anything at all. Actions are sometimes more proof than words. They are dating if you want to admit it or not. I for me lost all my respect for the man and it's not about being jealous. It's because he claimed to love honesty yet he looks like a big liar and fool. 



Always-hopeful:
Mod I know I'm late to the party but I just woke up, checked the news, and I have to say I'm stoked that it looks like Norman might be finding love again! And who really knows what he and DK are like, they might be very good for one another, who knows! And as for people who are upset because he "lied?" How'd he do that exactly? I'd want to tell those people to not judge unless they've walked a mile in his (or her) shoes. That's all I want for him (and told him so at WS ATL), peace & happiness.

 

Anon: 
My God.I don't know what the hell to think.I have always adored Norman and the way he brings Daryl to life.He seems to be such a captivating,interesting person.I want to be on his side still,but the rumours leave a bad taste in my mouth,I can't help.There is so much confusion,nothing fits together.For all we know he could have simply driven her home because she had all these bags.But the rumours just won't die. And he should be smart enough by now to avoid her.Why does he allow her to do this?

--mod--why do any of us keep the company we do. It's all rumors at this point so maybe wait and see what happens in the coming days and weeks.





Anon: 
Also notice how Norman stopped liking DK's pics on IG. Probably because he was with her all the time. He also didn't go back to NYC THAT often before in between filming last year. He did it to see her, come on. It grosses the hell out of me to just think about it. He's such a good actor, making himself look like he's an honest man yet he's the opposite.




Anon: 
Hey Mod, I just saw all the talk, is it true or just another rumor? How come these pics always come out right when there's something she's doing that she wants attention for? --mod-- Right now just rumors. No ideas why they dropped on Friday when they were taken days before.




Anon:
Do you know if Norman is currently getting a lot of hate for the shit he did or not? I don't follow Norman blogs on Twitter or Tumblr/IG so I don't see anything. Would like to know if people are more disgusted or happy for him. I can't believe one could be happy with what he did, lying and probably cheating like how can one support his behavior? Nothing to be proud of. So anyone knows what the majority of his fans think? --mod-- He's getting both. I think he's fans are divided into like 3 groups those that hate it, those that approve and those that don't care.




Anon: 
Nothing makes sense Mod. If this was supposed to be him coming out w/ her, (since the pics were obvs set up), then why didn't he do it on Valentine's Day instead of leaving a day early /ignoring it? &why did he go out w/ Jarah to bury the rumor if he was still gonna come out w/ DK a month later? If it's true it looks SO much worse now b/c he went out of his way to hide it again even after ppl were talking about Paris. So it looks like he lied twice. Either it's not true or he's REALLY stupid.


--mod--

No those were pap shots. Those aren't they type of shots you get for "coming out"

. 


Anon: 
One question: were the pictures taken in Norman's NYC garage or upstate. If it was upstate she might've helped him with stuff since he's going to move there. I don't believe it myself but it could be just helping a friend. If it was in his NYC garage it's kinda weird. They unloaded a whole lot of stuff, even cartons. Looks even a bit as if it might be her stuff and she moved to his appartment? Can someone help me out, I'm lost. Because to me it doesn't look like just stuff from a shopping trip? -- mod-- It was taken somewhere in NYC, so not upstate. His place in NYC doesn't have a garage. Side note he's not moving permanently upstate. That home is already set up.

 


Anon: 
Total speculation but I can't help but think that when NR was with HC over the holidays maybe she warned him about DK's..love of tabloids and to steer clear if they were just friends, fwb or exes? Now, even if she set it up, he was physically in her parking garage just last weekend. Its not like it was a random super old pic her people gave to DM/TMZ. It's new. So as crappy as it is for him to be set up I can't be sympathetic because, how could he not see this coming?




Anon: 
I guess for me I am just really having a hard time understanding why someone would want to keep their relationship so secretive. If they are dating. Unless the cheating rumors are true and they don't want anyone to know. I would think if you love someone you would want everyone to know. The possible cheating is the worst part for me. I guess if the cheating rumors wind up being true then it will make me see him in a different light. I am definitely still a fan of his movies and TV shows. --mod-- Again at this point it's speculation at minimum they are friends. So we just have to wait and see how things go from here 




Anon: 
So people are just going to ignore all the good things Norman has done? He's seen with another female and doing things what friends do and now he's the devil. People need to stay the fuck out of his personal life and stop acting like 13 year olds. He isn't some band member. Chill out.




Anon: 
It used to be DK deleted every comment about Norman on her IG posts but now she is only deleting the negative ones. She's keeping the comments that say they make a good couple and all that. I'm taking that as a confirmation to be honest.



Anon: 
Is it official that norman and diane are dating or in relation? --mod-- Nope





Anon: 
Do you think it's all true Mod? I was so excited for RIDE now I don't even care. It's like he's not the same as we thought he was.


--mod-- I don't think it's true. Even if it was it doesn't really bother me.

 



Anon: 
So I'm annoyed with Norman's "choices" like others and totally see this TMZ "photo scandal" as an attempt by the untalented DK to "stay relevant," the timing / Oscar weekend is so convenient. However, my main gripe is...why does Norman look so greasy and in character 24/7? Others in the ZA have bathed and cut their hair, and in that Georgia heat it might feel better while slaying zombies. His gross factor is turning up. --mod-- Feral Daryl makes the world go BOOM 💥. I have no idea where that come from.

.


Anon: 
Did you see what they all unloaded from his car? It looks like it's someone's whole household stuff, bags but also bigger cartons. I wonder if it's her stuff and she moved to Norman's house? That's not just stuff from a usual shopping trip 😷 Or can someone help me out?
--mod-- Just stuff from a normal shopping trip. She isn't moving in.





Anon: 
I really don't want to believe NR and DK are a couple based on a couple of pics of them hanging out but it's so weird that NR isn't denying it. We've had these kind of rumours before. It was TMZ who also released the "NR and EK are dating!" story and NR took to social media to deny it AND had his reps deny it too within hours of the story breaking. But this time... nothing? I'm starting to think he can't deny it because it's true.




Anon: 
Even if it turned out to be true , i would be dissappointed in Norman , but do we actually think he is that stupid? To love a hollywood woman thats been acting like a diva? He isnt even like that , she will hate his fans and try even more attention from all the media. I really hope his people says something about this situation because this is going to give him a bad reputation 😖





Anon: 
Some things are objectively clear 1) DK, who has a deal with DM, orchestrated the pap pics *without NR's knowledge or consent*. She arranges weekly pics with DM and this time they just happen to "catch" NR--in her garage? 2) The content of the original articles (DM TMZ) is a lie. She wasnt upstate with him 3) DK was aware the pics, article (and lies therein) were gonna come out, but NR wasn't, it seems. Doesn't seem like something a loving gf or even friend would do. Thoughts?





Anon: 
Tripping across the dark playground 🤐. It seems like she 'confirmed' by liking insta comments about him being good at hiding the relationship. --mod-- New favorite phrase "tripping across the dark playground" I'm stealing it anon 




Anon: 
why are people so upset about if norman and diane turns out to be couple? I dont really follow them to much but I cant see the problem.. --mod-- Mostly because of the cheating allegations if they've been together. She was in a long term relationship which ended.



[emeraldembers]

Rogue One spoilery thoughts

And I’m going to try and keep my excited rambling organised this time, for once!

ETA: Failed to keep excited rambling organised, but An Attempt Was Made.

I could honestly talk about this movie for hours, because it just means so much to me on so many levels. I haven’t felt this loved by media for being a fan of it since I played Soul Reaver 2 in... *checks imdb* 2001, that came out. Good lord, I’m getting on.

Anyhow! I’m going to try and split this up into things about the movie in general followed by things about the characters, just to try and be a bit tidy about my thoughts, despite the fact that what I really want to do most is to grab someone and happy-cry all over them.

Also, please note that I have only ever watched the movies, so if you’re an extended universe fan or a book reader, I apologise in advance ;).

The Force finally felt like the Force of my childhood again. It felt like something real and alive and present, it felt like something that could exist in my world again. No pseudo-science, no wincing at how much of a deus ex machina it could be, it finally, finally felt like... it felt like something to believe in. I was raised Catholic, and have always been fascinated by other religions, and while I am not always certain of there being a God, or indeed any gods, I have always felt there is something more to this universe and this existence, and it’s just... the Force always felt tangible to me as a child, in concept, and this movie let me feel like that once more.

SO MANY WOMEN VISIBLY AND VOCALLY INVOLVED IN THE END SPACE BATTLE. SO. MANY. I felt like the team involved were taking me by the hands and personally apologising for what was cut from the original trilogy.

The way the film managed to go "People working for good causes sometimes do bad things. People working for bad causes sometimes do good things. This does not make the good causes bad, or the bad causes good”. After the mess of 2016 thanks in part to media trying to offer a ‘balanced view’ of things that cannot be balanced, and after hearing that the movie had morally grey characters and being braced for the worst as a result, this was a breath of fresh air.

Almost every single villain was a white man with a British or American accent. Of our heroes, it’s a genuine struggle to remember a single white man. In fact, after racking my brains a bit, the only ones that come to mind are Galen Erso (who retains Mads Mikkelsen’s lovely Danish accent and gets fridged to further Jyn Erso’s woman-pain) and a side character with rather magnificent ginger facial hair. In particular, I’d also like to thank the film for expanding on the good work of The Force Awakens by adding east Asian heroes into the Star Wars movieverse (and a Mexican actor doesn’t hurt either, especially after the mess of a year that was 2016).

The Death Star is terrifying. Seeing it blow up a planet from a distance in the original trilogy? That makes it a clearly Bad Thing but it doesn’t give proper context because it’s almost impossible to imagine that kind of power. Seeing it performing a ‘small test’ from the perspective of people on an affected planet, watching the land come up and just - “There’s a problem on the horizon. There is no horizon.” - it’s real. It suddenly feels real and possible and it’s a threat that matters and god, almighty, I can’t get over it. That plus the justification for it - I can’t remember the lines for this one properly but it went roughly, “This will bring peace to the galaxy.” “You mean terror.” “We have to start somewhere.” - shivers. Just. Shivers.

Also I only very vaguely knew of Kyber Crystals before, in that my brother is more into Star Wars videogames than I am and as such I’ve learned that they’re part of the lightsaber creation process, but Kyber finally means something to me now, so that’s a neat little touch.

The action scenes felt new and exciting again! I do love a lightsaber battle or two, but it was so good to see blasters and martial arts and space battles used in ways that didn’t feel overwrought or over-choreographed, they were fun and fresh to watch and everything was just so interesting, and you felt like the fights mattered, you felt how outnumbered the rebels were, how much power the empire held in comparison.

The script deserves credit as well for the fact it was so dang quotable. The simple and solid “Rebellions are built on hope”, the hilarious in context “Are you kidding me? I’m blind!”, the badass “Be careful not to choke on your aspirations”, the epic “The Force is with me, and I am one with the Force”. It’s a delight to run through the film in my head and realise just how much of it I can recall despite having an appalling visual memory, thanks largely to the strength of the characters and the script.

It made the original trilogy better. I’m not kidding. Prequels and sequels to movies so often have the effect of taking away the magic of the original one by making enemies less of a threat, explaining things that were better off without an explanation, making heroes Grim And Dark, introducing plot holes... so on and so forth. This movie made the universe of the originals make more sense. Grand Moff Tarkin was established as a credible threat. The reason anyone would board Princess Leia’s ship and risk angering the Senate was made clear. The Death Star’s weakness was explained on SO MANY LEVELS. Why was it built with a weakness? Explained. Why no engineers noticed that weakness? Explained. Why no one went over the plans for it and discovered the weakness? Explained.

I cannot emphasise enough that Rogue One genuinely makes A New Hope an even better movie.

Moving onto the characters:

A brief summary regarding characters from the original trilogy: Princess Leia (and Bail Organa, who gets a shout-out despite us only really meeting him in the prequels)? Already awesome, even awesomer now. Mon Mothma? Gorgeous and glorious and pretty much the Galadriel of the Rebel Alliance. Grand Moff Tarkin? Deliciously evil (and not as distracting as I thought he would be based on some reviews - the voice is perfect, and the CGI is more... acceptably not quite right like Gollum, than Uncanny Valley). Darth Vader? FINALLY SCARY AGAIN.

Jyn Erso is the lone wolf woman-pain character we deserve after enduring so many of the lone wolf man-pain leads Hollywood foists upon us year after year. She has a mean streak and an attitude and I love her. I love that she’s angry and she’s vicious, and I love that her character arc doesn’t demand she become a soft and sweet thing, her character arc is about her putting her anger to use, putting it into the fight for hope. She’s wonderful.

Cassian is also wonderful. He’s this gorgeous mixture of hero and anti-hero; we know he’s done bad things for his cause, we see him do them on screen, but he is the character who has done these things for the right reasons and you believe he wishes he hadn’t had to do them. You know he carries the pain of what he’s done with him, and you cannot go through the movie without realising that regardless of what he has done, his is the heart of a good man.

K-2SO is hilarious and a welcome addition to the herd of Good Star Wars Robots.

Bodhi Rook is the epitome of Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure. I loved all of the heroes, every last one of them, but if I had to choose one I would fight to protect, it’s Bodhi. He is so sweet and nervous and gentle and I just want to scoop him up and make everything bad go away, especially the hentai monsters (because I know Star Wars has had tentacles before, but the monster they sicced on him in this? That was. Certainly something).

And lastly, because if I want to wrap this up with anything, it’s these two - and yes, they’re coming as a pair in this, because how could I separate them even into paragraphs?

Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus are perfect. I could leave it at that, but I don’t want to. From the second they show up to the last seconds they spend on screen, they are perfect. The majority of the lines I remember from the movie come from their exchanges, on account of them being hilarious, badass, or touching. The way their fighting styles contrast and compliment each other’s, the way their personalities do the same - the way faith is something they argue over and are held together by - I just fell completely in love with them. And I fell in love with their love, too - because you cannot tell me they weren’t. You can’t. Not when they bicker like an old married couple. Not when Chirrut reaches for Baze’s face, and Baze takes his hand, and Chirrut says “You will always find me in the Force”. Not when Baze’s last living action is to look back at Chirrut.

Not when their theme song, the Guardians of the Whills Suite, takes SO MUCH INSPIRATION FROM THE DAMNED LOVE THEME FOR PADME AND ANAKIN, ACROSS THE STARS.

I am in love with this movie.

I am absolutely, head over heels in love with this movie.

And I cannot thank it enough for being brave enough to do something different with the Star Wars movieverse, and in doing so, make it feel so new and so vibrant and so alive, I feel like a seven year old watching the original trilogy on VHS for the first time.

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #52 on the Countdown to 2018!

This one is from yesterday since I got home late, but at least it’s pretty current. I finished it close to midnight and it’s only 12:12 AM right now. I’m trying to post them as soon they’re finished.

How would you spend a day at the beach?

I would want to do more than hang out on the shoreline honestly. We're about two hours away from Galveston, TX.

I like going to the shops and some of the restaurants that look out on the beach. They also have an ice cream parlor that's great if it's summertime, but I'll go to the beach in the winter too.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?

I've never had that, but my ears have popped from going up on mountain drives before.

Was the last show you watched a rerun?

I last watched an old Gojira film I recorded which was on El Rey Network during their Kaiju Christmas Marathon.

"Have a very kaiju Christmas. It's the best time of the year. There won't be snow or mistletoe, but have a cup of kaiju cheer.

Have a very kaiju Christmas. And in case you didn't hear: oh, by golly, have a jolly Kaiju Christmas this year." #KaijuChristmas

Is there any event you wish to remember more clearly?

I have a poor memory that falls in line with other learning disabilities, but there's one major benefit.

It's so much easier to live in the here and now when your memory isn't good. My problems used to be my long-term, but it's done a 180 on me.

When your school has a snow day, how do you spend it?

We only had an "ice day" that one time when everything iced over in SETX. So I stayed the hell indoors, what do you think?

For you, what's the hardest thing about writing?

Depends on the topic really. I don't find fanfiction that hard since I'm full of ideas, but I'm less motivated to write journal entries.

If you could change your gender for a day, would you?

I would always say I wouldn't, but now I think I'd try it for just a day. How would people treat me differently? It wouldn't be a bad thing to experience for only a day, but I wouldn't want to be a dudebro full-time.

Do you respond to the people that yell out their car windows at you?

I don't drive and my mother usually drives me. She doesn't incur people's wrath that often, but I don't yell out the window at anyone if they're yelling at us. The only one with road rage in our family seems to be my father.

What’s your biggest priority right now?

My health is almost always my number one concern. My genetics are terrible so I'm obese with diabetes and hidradenitis, and I had endometriosis back when I had a uterus, cervix and tubes.

All of my ills both physical and mental are my shitty genetic inheritance from both sides of my family. None of them are unrelated to my relatives.

Do you ever make a big deal out of nothing?

I don't dramatize things I find to be small since that's useless. But if you just brush off the feelings of someone you love by saying it isn't even a real issue then you might not be doing them justice.

I've known and loved some people who honestly dramatized everything, though, and I just didn't feed into that myself.

Did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?

I didn't pay attention to most of my classes since a lot of things they teach in public schools here tend to be garbage, like popular myths in history class or the subjective and sometimes outdated information in English classes.

I only focused on a few different things in my literature arts classes and some art projects.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself?

That's only happened once or twice. The last time I felt fatigued and wasn't allowed to get up for hours so I mostly watched TV that night.

I had my uterus, cervix and tubes all removed after dealing with endometriosis and other concurrent problems since my first period at age nine. But they treated me like I was much older. I should've been allowed up sooner.

What does it feel like to fall asleep in someone’s arms?

I've never found it very comfortable.

Do you recall the first time you learned the truth about sex?

My middle school was going to educate us on our periods, but they called it "Sex Ed" when they told our parents.

Mine assumed I was about to get the 411 on everything so my mother gave me "the talk" first in a bizarrely clinical way. Awkward.

How do you hold or position your pillow while you sleep?

I use two of them and sometimes I'll hug the edges.

What's a common sleeping position for you?

I prefer my right side unless I need to digest well.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet?

I remember doing that for my maternal grandmother as a kid and I didn't find it to be horrible.

Is there a food that makes you sick just thinking about it?

Not really, but I love foods like octopus and squid sashimi or even crawfish. I'm more open to foods that some people find gross. I've only ever thrown up after eating a lot of spinach. I really can't stand that on its own.

What's one thing you fantasize or daydream about doing?

I don't really do that regarding my own life, I'll just do that over fanfic ideas.

When was the last time you were on a swing set?

I haven't been on one since we lived in our second house, but I don't remember my age when I stopped using my swing set.

Have you ever had perfect attendance in school?

I don't remember.

Have you ever written anything on a bathroom stall?

I've never felt the desire to do that.

Do you find extreme bodybuilders attractive?

I'm not attracted to that at all.

Do you or would you own a pair of giant sunglasses?

I'd rather not.

Are your hands unsteady?

They definitely shake chronically after trying several medications in my late adolescence.

Are you envious of anyone’s artistic abilities?

I don't waste my time envying other people's talents and skills. If I want to do something myself then I'll focus on learning it since it's possible to do a lot without being innately gifted. If I can't learn it then I should focus on the gifts I've already got.

Do you ignore people when you’re mad or upset with them?

It's in my nature to confront things. I'm courageous, headstrong and outspoken so I don't retreat most of the time.

I've learned to just ignore people if they can't handle an honest conversation, though. If you're not mature enough to do that, I'm not going to bother paying attention to what you've got to complain about.

Are you starting to realize anything?

I just realized I need to get to bed soon. I'll continue this survey later today and I'm stopping at 2:35 AM on the 28th.

Are you okay right now?

I'm restarting this at 10:58 PM the same day and I'm doing really good after a night out with family members and a friend.

Is there anything you can never forget?

Short of amnesia or senility, there are tons of things I'm not going forget.

Are you stubborn?

Usually.

Has anyone told you that you’re amazing?

Yes.

Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before?

I haven't done that on anyone's shoulder. I've cried on my mother's as a child, but I wasn't uncontrollably sobbing on her. That's not something I'd find comforting.

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now?

I never dwelt on the past or the future.

Who were you last in a car with?

My mother and my cousin.

What time did you get up today?

I don't know what time it was when I first woke up, but I went back to bed since I felt sick. It was about three in the afternoon when I finally got up and didn't feel so bad, though.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone?

I haven't.

Who called you at midnight on your birthday?

I'm thankful that no one does that.

When was the last time you saw your mom?

Just a few minutes ago.

What's the last thing you drank today?

Diet Mt. Dew.

Who did you last talk to in person?

My mother.

Is it easy for someone to make you smile and laugh?

It depends on my mood, the situation, who it is.

Do you ever choke on your own spit?

I remember that happening before throwing up since my saliva gets hot and I'll start drooling. /TMI

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

If I'm not good enough for someone else then I don't need them in my life. I don't need to be loved by everyone, though, I just need to be loved by God and a few good people. I am so I'm very blessed.

What’s standing in the way of what you want right now, if anything?

Realistically, there are things I can't have. The main thing is better health. I just have horrible genetics. Other things I could ask for are relatively minor and I have the things I honestly need in life.

Are you scared of moving on?

There isn't anything I've feared moving on from in my life. I'm pretty adaptable and some changes are great.

If someone loved you right now, would you want them to tell you?

I'm not interested in romantic love these days. But it would be better for them to get it off their chest and know that I'm not looking for a partner and that I may never feel that way about them. Rejection is better than unrequited love.

Is anything bothering you?

Not right now.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?

I sincerely hope not since I hate talking on the phone.

Have you ever loved someone older than you?

I think all of my exes have been older and I prefer them to be so by at least five years.

Has your partner ever stayed up with you all night?

Maybe on the phone? I'm not sure.

Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

I really don't remember if it was that long, but I know we spent hours.

Are you afraid to grow up?

I'm 31, thanks, and I'm more content as an adult than I was as a child.

Are you looking forward to anything?

We might be going to Galveston tomorrow depending on the weather and how everyone feels. I don't know, they've changed their plans so many times that looking forward to it is difficult now. If it happens then that's great.

Have you ever been called a bitch?

I've had friends call me an "alpha bitch" before, though. They know I'm outspoken, dominant, strong-willed, etc. That's not something that bothers me. It just depends on the context and intentions in that case.

If that's happened before with others in a negative sense, it wasn't by anyone I personally cared about. I don’t really remember.

Could you use some sleep right now?

If I'm getting up at nine tomorrow morning then I need to go to bed by at least one or two, but I'm not tired just yet.