#sometimesafantasybillyjoel

[kylejsugarman]

what was the hardest part of parenthood for alaska!jesse to get used to with baby? also i'm dying to know what baby's favorite type of whale is!!

i would say that in general the hardest part was just learning to trust himself enough to fully embrace being an active parent. jesse's good with baby from early on, but he isnt sure at all how much he's equipped or even like "allowed" to do in his capacity as Demi's Friend Who Is Probably More Than A Friend, so he sort of just does the parenting that's asked of him. he talks to her and hangs out with her because he loves that part, that part comes easy even when he's having anxiety or paranoia, and if demi asks him to do a school pick-up or put her to bed while she's working late, he's happy to do that. he just doesnt take a lot of the initiative himself: at first, he just doesnt want to overstep, but he also doesnt trust himself to start doing any of the hardcore parenting stuff. there's just way more room to fuck up and its already hard to sleep at night with all the fucking up he's done. but jesse eventually realizes that baby doesnt just need a friend, she needs a dad. and if he's going to be in her life, he owes it to the both of them to trust himself and become an active, stable presence. he has to be the one who says "ok im taking u to school now" and sets a time limit on outside play and has answers to her questions. part of jesse's alaska journey is learning that there lies in his angst and secret-keeping and guilt the potential for selfishness, however unintentional, and it's up to him to navigate his intense emotions of self-hatred and doubt without destroying his new relationships in the process. he loves baby too much to run away from the hard, uncertain parts of becoming an active part of her life and decides to embrace them even though it's really fucking terrifying to step into the role of "parent" when he doesn't feel smart or steady or "grown-up" enough to hold that kind of Power.

and baby's favorite type of whale is beluga!!!! usually she considers herself Above such superficial things as picking a favorite animal based on how "cute" they are, but with beluga whales, it was love at first sight. she just adores how sweet and mushy they look :') she also might be slightly biased because of that old "baby beluga" song, but who's on trial here!!!!

[everybody-loves-purdy]

tbh i feel like it would've been so much better if cinderpelt being reincarnated as cinderheart was a fluke or a mistake part rather than an established thing starclan can do. giving starclan the power to reincarnate cats just opens the door to so many questions as to why they'd never done so before for cats whose circumstances in life were objectively just as unfair as cinderpelt's circumstances. why didn't they deserve second chances too? it just really messes up the story imo. it would've been a lot more narratively satisfying if cinderpelt dying in such close physical proximity to new kits being born caused her soul to get "lost" on its way to starclan and enter the body of a kit by mistake. this is really old news in the wc fandom but since ppl are talking about bristlefrost being reincarnated i was reminded of it

That would have been so good. Imagine if Leafpool just thinks Cinderpelt is mad at her still. Then before we can properly know Cinderkit we’re on po3 and so it could be a plot twist in oots that she’s Cinderpelt rather than something that was told to the characters and audience from the beginning. With the reason for it being like you say, Cinderpelt’s soul getting lost, maybe the exact moment Cinderpelt died would be the exact moment Cinderkit was born.

[spaghett-onaplate]

WIP tag game!

rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs

thanks so much for the tag @grapehyasynth :D

i have quite a few, here we go lol (in order from most to least recently opened):

daredevil 2

Daredevil

Spiderman 🕷

tarlos werewolf roommates fic

lacho kid fic

jesse alaska fic

paul begins fic

down comes the night

every breath leaves me one less to my last

holes in the sky non-continous chapters

in my time of need

holes in the sky

The Wind Between the Trees

will of this heart (ftm wille fic)

Young Royals Timeloop AU

911 ls Apocalypse fic

...more than i thought rip. most of these i doubt i'll ever complete, at least not anytime in the near future. a fair few of those fics (pretty much all of the yr ones) are untouched since 2022. but you never know!!

damn i did not read the part about tagging as many people as WIPs D': 16 people here we go: (no pressure!)

@iworshipsappho @cozy-fish-crow @altruistic-meme @darktwistedgenderplural @heartbreakprincewille @daylightaftertherain @stygianirondiangelo @sometimesafantasybillyjoel @ellililunch @kiwichaeng @allthefakepeople @astarborntowrite @firstprince-history-huh and im too tired to come up with 3 more people so + open tag

[whatsaterrarium]

Word train challenge! I was tagged by the wonderful @vimesbootstheory and the word they gave was FINGER

These are all from a 1985 Lawrusso WIP

Fuck this, fuck this, fuck this, fuck this.

It occurs to him that he’s never properly thanked Bobby— for everything— and that maybe he should.

"No two guys are that obsessed with each other without it being a little gay,” she shrugs.

"God, you really are a nerd,” Johnny smiles, shaking his head.

"Even if I don’t drop out, they probably won’t let me come back."

"Relax, we’re not going to—”

(Side note-- trying to control+f for a capital R in my Johnny POV doc was........ well, it was sea of LaRussos. "Relax" was one of two actual options.)

I'll tag @skeletaltoad @onlyalittlebookworm @cminerva @sometimesafantasybillyjoel and @partiallypearl

And I'll say your word is.... OUTLIER.

[a-a-a-anon]

tagged by @aanalytic ty <333 banger music taste

5 songs i've been listening to a lot recently

people pleaser - bluffing

i won't share you - the smiths

i want you - carter vail

fascination street - the cure

sanity - bad religion

tagging some mutuals: @egonkula, @neil-neil-orange-peel / @scumbaganarchy, @wat-the-cur, @gummycore, @malcolmreeds, @sometimesafantasybillyjoel, @prince-luffy + anyone who sees this who wants to do it, feel free to say i tagged you! <3

[thebreakfastgenie]

#omg i’ve never heard of this! i’ll check it out @sometimesafantasybillyjoel

Please let me know when you do!

Now seems like a good time to once again recommend this documentary.

[kylejsugarman]

aaahh syd how are you doing lately? :) also, have you ever thought of what au^2 and the epileptic jesse au would be like combined? how do you think that would impact jesse’s parenting? also i must know: when did you get into brba? did you know you’d love it right away, or did it take a while? :)

katherine hiiiiiiii 🥺 ive been doing ok!! i love my pediatrics rotation even if this particular stretch has had insane hours and im looking forward to going home for a few days for thanksgiving to see my dog. and in my head, they've sort of always been combined, i guess because like. the jesse who lives in my head and my posts is just always epileptic even when its not pertinent to the narrative. but in terms of au squared explicitly, his epilepsy is weaponized a bit by his parents when they're making their bid to obtain custody of baby. not exactly in a malicious way and not to the extent that his addiction history is, but sort of as another point against him (he isnt even responsible enough to manage his own condition half the time, what if his negligence with himself causes harm to baby??, etc.) jesse himself initially doesnt really think about it because during the first few months of baby's life, he's getting a lot of help from his parents (especially when his house is um. Uhh. in season 1) and rarely experiences symptoms at the same time he's with baby until one afternoon when he's standing up to bottle feed her and it suddenly hits him like a fucking freight train, so abrupt and violent that he has to sit down. he seized last night from standing, which is to be expected when hes bad about taking his meds, but what if he had been holding baby then?? what if he had dropped her?? maybe he's a little more sensitive and paranoid about stuff since domingo and emilio and the whole tuco thing, but the idea feels so horrifically real that it makes him sick. this realization happens in conjunction with the events of "down" and it marks a huge turning point in how jesse views his responsibility as a parent. not just in terms of protecting baby and refusing to let his parents lay claim to her, but also in terms of managing his epilepsy. he may not care that much about his wellbeing and whether he's ok or medicated or healthy or whatever, but he Cares about baby and she is relying on him to be ok. if he gets hurt, she goes with him. and from that point on, at least in the au squared universe, he would be a lot more diligent with keeping up with his condition the best he can given the Circumstances.

and i watched brba for the first time in summer 2018 which was actually kind of a Very Bad Time for me personally, but getting invested in brba and all the genuinely exhilarating action was a lifeboat. at the time, i wasnt like current syd levels interested in it, but it was definitely my favorite tv show and i bought a brba poster for my dorm room and of course ran across campus to get home and watch "el camino" that fateful friday it was released. it wasnt until i started bcs in summer 2022 that the special interest aspect of it truly soaked in for me, i think because i was just at a very different point in my life. i knew i was going to med school at that point, which was the world's biggest burden lifted off my shoulders, and i felt relaxed enough to truly indulge in every understated detail of bcs. finishing bcs up to season 6A of course led to me rewatching brba for the first time and that sealed the deal of like "oh my god this is incredible. this world is so expansive and detailed and tragic" :') so it did take a while but Boy Howdy—

[kylejsugarman]

as a dedicated andrea crusader i must know, how does au^2 impact andrea and jesse's relationship? do baby and brock get along? i'm picturing it in my head and🥹🥹

ANDREA CRUSADERS UNITE, u are one of the ultimate andrea understanders 🥺 so their relationship is a little different in au squared!! around the time that jesse infiltrates the recovery group and actually meets andrea is the same time that demi moves back to abq and tracks him and baby down. he and demi have a weird, semi-formal relationship for a while before they start developing romantic feelings for one another and during that time, jesse dates andrea. any initial plans to just sell meth directly to her as a recovering addict and put together his own walter white-esque "fund" for his daughter instantly evaporate when he sees brock and realizes that andrea is also just a single parent trying to navigate addiction. they're so similar and jesse, having not encountered anyone in this specific situation yet, kind of desperately clasps onto her. he really likes her and she likes him, but a big part of it is truly just. jesse desperately wanting to be around someone who Understands. and andrea does understand!! she has support from her mom, but she had to figure out a lot of this child-rearing stuff by herself and sees a lot of her slightly younger self in jesse. the way he wants to provide the Best for his kid, but doesn't trust anyone else to give it to her. she feels the same way about brock a lot of the time, even though she knows now that its not necessarily them vs the world.

the thing about au squared andrea is that she realizes through observing jesse's behavior and his feelings about raising baby that he's a very sweet guy who is great to be around, but they are not on the same timeline and she doesnt really feel like "dating" is the right arrangement for them. andrea's not in a place yet where she wants to incorporate a romantic relationship into her life and jesse, god bless him, has an overeagerness to him that tells her that he's diving into this because he badly wants A Connection, which doesn't necessarily have to be romantic!! she talks to him about this and asks instead if they can just be friends, so that's what they become. andrea is his dear friend :') jesse still cares very deeply for her and brock and tries to spoil them both (if he's going to get baby a swagged out play mat, then its only fair that brock gets a sick new transformer toy and andrea gets memory foam slippers for after long shifts on her feet at work. u know. if he's already going to be out). brock adores him, but is initially less enthused about baby because well. she's a baby. she can't really talk coherently or play a significant role in his games and he can't use his toys with smaller, choking hazard parts around her, so he doesn't really know what his mom expects him to do with baby while she and jesse are talking. but he realizes that it's actually kind of fun to assume a "big brother" role (brock's a sweet kid :') he likes to be helpful) and teach baby things; she basically copies whatever he does after a certain point, which is extremely validating to him. plus, she's a pretty patient, docile little playmate, so she can play the role of "building that is on fire that the brave firetruck must extinguish" with tremendous skill. the highlight of his month is when they all go to the zoo together and brock gets to feed a handful of feed to one of the giraffes while baby looks at him just shocked and awed like :O

andrea remains a source of support and eventually befriends demi too, but as things get darker towards the end of the show (post-drew shooting), jesse withdraws a little from her to try to protect her. he already feels responsible for tomas being murdered and drew's killing just reminds him of how nobody, no matter how innocent, is safe from this shit. andrea and brock are too important to him to endanger, even if it means cutting himself off from a good friend. demi visits them a few times while jesse is in captivity just to be around Someone and so baby can play with brock, but it's weirdly uncomfortable and baby isn't acting the same without jesse there and demi soon worries too that the cantillos might become endangered through association with them, so she reluctantly withdraws. once jesse escapes and he and demi and baby make the trip to alaska, he still writes a letter for brock that he gives to ed, but he also writes one for andrea. he wants to thank her for the support she gave him, for guiding him and baby through so much uncertainty, for being such a wonderful woman and friend. "i hope baby grows up to be like u. i want to make sure she grows up to be like u." andrea never learns what became of jesse and baby and demi after the news breaks, but she keeps that letter in her nightstand drawer along with a messy scribble drawing that baby made for her and the ticket stubs from that zoo trip. she doesnt care what the news says. she doesnt care what the dea agents who come to question her think of jesse or their friendship. she knew him, the real him, and she will always love him.

[kylejsugarman]

also how long ago did you make the alaska family? they seem so fleshed out; i'd love to know how they've changed since you first made them :)

so as stupid as it sounds, the character of baby first appeared to me in a dream while i was watching breaking bad for the first time and she kind of nebulously floated around in my mind for years. then when i rewatched breaking bad in 2022 after watching bcs, baby kept coming back to me and every time she was like. a little more fully formed. i didnt really have a solid idea of how she showed up in alaska jesse's life, she was just There as soon as i started thinking about post-el camino jesse, and so i cycled thru a bunch of dumb potential ideas of how he ended up with her (even after id started developing demi) before making the obvious decision that she was related to demi. as characters, demi and baby (and sheila, mason, clover the dog, etc.) all kind of solidified around early summer 2022 and everything since then has just been finding out new quirks and traits about them thru putting them all in scenarios (<- glances bashfully at the 300 page google doc of alaska fam stories/ideas/facts) and also from talking about them on here!!! theyre fleshed out from u guys not beating me to death when i talk about them and also just me having so much fun building a nice comfortable realistic world for jesse to live in now that hes free :')

[kylejsugarman]

one of my favorite things about the current brba fandom is how we all have our own alaska jesse ocs and plotlines that we rotate in our minds and write about... anyways i love love love your demi and baby! do you have any ideas for how jesse and demi's wedding would look like, or do you think that they would prefer to elope? also how would the proposal go? :)

there is nothing more crucial to survival than making up a little world for alaska jesse filled with people who are so nice to him. its literally imperative. im really glad u like demi and baby :') i always feel like i talk about them way too much, so its nice to hear that people actually enjoy them. and jesse and demi do just elope!! ive talked about this before, but they just have a courthouse wedding (kim and jimmy who??) with no real ceremony and go to a bed and breakfast in haines for a night as their "honeymoon". the concept of marriage is a little abstract for both of them because once they start hanging out, they basically just. spend all their time together. (<- lonely ass guys response). plus jesse is wary of any kind of procedure or activity that involves using any of his fake documentation and identity (he has nightmares for literal weeks leading up to renewing his drivers license), so when he thinks of "marriage", it freaks him out a little. but after a few years of being Together and getting some (polite) questions about it, they decide to go ahead and just do the paperwork to clean up some logistic stuff and make things "official". plus, it's kinda nice!! :) jesse and demi have finally managed to grow past their constant fear that the other is going to leave them for Being Broken, and getting married feels like a nice promise that this is Real and Permanent. once they decide to get married and skip out on the traditional wedding stuff, jesse realizes that he wants to do at least One romantic gesture and decides to propose. he gets an amethyst ring, not a traditional wedding ring (amethyst = purple, february birthstone!!) for her!! i elaborate on it a little more in this post. the most important thing?? they are in love :)

[kylejsugarman]

i got an ad for moana 2 on youtube and it made me think of baby. do you think she'd like moana cuz she's ocean-themed? or is she not really a disney girl?

i think she would like moana!! not love, but she’s not really a disney girl at heart anyway. straight up fantasy and princess movies and talking animal movies aren’t baby’s thing for the most part, which sounds insane when she says it because this is the girl who loves spongebob and my little pony, but it makes sense to her. that’s just not her vibe!! but she is partial to the disney movies with ocean themes like the little mermaid and lilo and stitch, and she would probably enjoy the first third or half of moana with all the pretty ocean scenery. again, the fantasy aspect isn’t her thing, but it makes her happy to see an ocean girl who has darker skin and black curly hair like her :) also she likes some of the songs but again refuses to sing in front of anyone, so sometimes u’ll overhear her singing a song under her breath in the next room like “im shiny……(mumbled incoherence because she doesn’t know the words) and shiny…….”

[kylejsugarman]

how did your exam today go? :)

hiiiiii :> it actually went really well!! don't know my grade yet of course, but both of my standardized patients complimented me after the encounters for different things. being good with patients, especially parents and adolescents for peds, is most important to me so i actually felt good afterwards

[kylejsugarman]

there was an official el camino hoodie?? i Need

YES YES OFFICIAL EL CAMINO PROMO HOODIE......it's just this simple black hoodie but i have one and it is my favorite thing in the world, it's big and warm and Its El Camino

[kylejsugarman]

happy halloween!!! if u celebrate :)

katherine this is super sweet but also the "if u celebrate" part is so funny to me. in the future liberals want, u have to say this before u wish someone a happy halloween. but i probably will not be celebrating since im working an overnight at the er tonight starting at 10pm and then probably sleeping + finishing up my final project for this rotation all day tomorrow. this is also the future liberals want.

[kylejsugarman]

anon u are so wrong… i love love love Alaska family!! they honestly feel like such familiar and well-developed characters to me.

katherine u are always so sweet, i think u are part of the powerful and supernatural northern lights hanging over haines alaska that brought the whole alaska family to life and canon one magical snowy night

[kylejsugarman]

i was listening to this song and it just reminded me so much of jesse and demi 🥹 https://open.spotify.com/track/5pCqu0I33UR4UMjrJaAHCi?si=c4955f296d2f4714 (it could go both ways)

oughhhhh 🥺🥺 this ask and this song are so sweet, it really is so reminiscent of them.....guys u've got it all!!! u're going to be ok!! u're not going to be lonely forever!!