#sooo many people asked me at the wedding about my living condition and i just blindly told them i was fine because i didnt have the energy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

since0202 · 3 years

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Chapter 29: Home

After a tearful goodbye with their mothers, Grace and Bella made their way to the ticket counter to check in for their flight.

“Oh, Miss Swan, Miss Alo, you’ve been upgraded to first class and instead of your original flight with two layovers, we were able to accommodate you with a direct flight. Here are your updated tickets and Amy here will show you the way to the VIP Lounge to wait for your flight.” The front desk attendant gave them a warm smile and motioned to the woman beside her.

Bella’s mouth was opening and closing like she meant to say something and Grace’s eyes went wide with excitement.

“Nice!” she exclaimed. “Finally, the perks of having a rich boyfriend are paying off.”

“Grace!” Bella nearly scolded as they followed the aforementioned Amy to the lounge.

“What? Might as well benefit from your line into Richville.”

“You sound like Jake.” Bella laughed taking a seat in the overstuffed chairs as a waiter handed them champagne. “Speaking of which,” she set her champagne down without taking a drink, unlike Grace or delightedly downed the first quarter glass in one swift chug, “Have you spoken to him?”

Grace shook her head aggressively, “Absolutely not.” Her mind wandered back to the last text message he had sent yesterday afternoon after they had returned from lunch on the water.

You can’t avoid me forever.

Oh, how true that was.

Bella rolled her eyes and Grace decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.

“And what about you? Should we start wedding planning the minute we get home then?”

“It was his one condition to have him turn me himself.” Bella shot back. Grace wasn’t expecting that.

“So you’re still on this whole immortal kick then?” Grace crossed her arms after popping a piece of gum into her mouth.

“I was never not on it. I know what I want,” Bella said determined.

“And I want a burrito, but it’s 7 in the morning.” Grace said with a little too much venom. She was starting to sound like Sam. Bella looked away from her, annoyed. Grace decided to call a truce, she wasn’t going to convince Bella not to become a member of the undead in an airport. “Can I at least see the ring?” she said more gently.

Bella looked over at her tentatively, thinking for a moment and then dug into her bag and pulled out an oversized ring box. Grace held her breath knowing it was going to be enormous. But she was pleasantly surprised.

When Bella revealed the ring to her, it was big, but the old fashioned and unique oval shape set with glittering diamonds was breathtaking and fit Bella so well.

“Holy fuck,” Grace said a little too loud. Bella snapped the case shut as they drew a look from an older man reading his newspaper a couple seats down from them. “Sorry, it’s beautiful.”

“Thanks. I still..am a little nervous about all of this,” Bella wrung her hands above her and Grace gave her a soft smile.

“I know. But you love him so…” she trailed off, not sure what else there was to say.

Grace had never thought about marriage growing up. Her parents were incredibly happy loving people and she had the best model for marriage, but throughout her life, she never envisioned herself as married. Now a soft feeling turned over in her stomach where she held onto a new idea that was starting to bloom there. One that she saw blooming in Bella too. It might be nice to call someone yours forever.

Their flight landed early that afternoon and both girls were giddy when they got off of the plane. It was their first time flying first class and they were buzzing off the high of a catered meal and sparkling cider.

As they came out of the terminal to baggage claim, they saw Edward standing there, his face fitted with a perfectly stretched smile when he saw Bella.

Bella actually dropped her backpack and ran toward him and into his arms. Grace picked up her bag and slung it over her free shoulder and trudged toward them. As she approached them, Edward pulled his face out from behind her hair and said:

“I brought you a present.”

“A present?” Grace cocked her head to the side confused as Edward took Bella’s back from Grace’s shoulder.

Rachel Black came strolling from around the baggage claim with their suitcases. Grace’s heart dropped into her stomach. Son of a bitch. Grace inwardly cursed and sucked in a quick breath. Was this Edward’s idea of some kind of a sick joke?

“Hey!” she said, trying to sound cheerful and shoving her hands in her back pockets. Edward saw the look of disappointment cross Grace’s face and suddenly felt like he’d made a mistake. Bella looked at Grace worriedly.

“Hey little Alo,” Rachel said, that same twinkling smile on her face. Seeing Rachel made her feel slightly sick which frustrated her even more. A dumb imprint, that Rachel wasn’t even in control of, was going to make her suddenly dislike a person she’d known almost her whole life? “I got to be honest with you, I’m not here just for me.”

Grace was confused and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been sent to take you to see your new home,” Rachel rolled her eyes but let out a little laugh. “Well, I think the exact instructions were to take you to my brother first and then the house second, but tomato, tomato.” She shrugged and Grace found herself fighting a smile. Same old Rachel, warm, but still took no shit.

“I hope that’s alright,” Edward said from the sidelines. “We’ll drop you off at your place.”

Rachel nodded and Grace let out a big sigh holding her arms out at her sides in a wide shrug.

“Why not.”

Edward was able to drive Grace right up to her home since technically it wasn’t on the original treaty line that they had agreed to so many years ago. Tensions between the pack and the Cullens had ebbed slightly since the fight, so Sam was a little more lenient about where they could come on their land.

Grace, however, was completely floored when they pulled up. The old, falling down house had been given a facelift in her absence. A new thatched roof adorned the top of the house and a second level had been installed. A large circular window looked out toward the cove. Where the sagging porch had been a new one was installed that wrapped around the front of sides of the home. Tools were still scattered about and it was still being installed in some areas. They had painted her front door a dark mossy green and when Grace pushed it open, she thought she might faint.

The interior of the home was completely refinished. A small kitchen looked out over her spacious living room that Esme had expertly decorated to match her rustic, simple style. Her bedroom was on the second floor in the large loft that looked out over the cove and the back bedroom was converted into a pseudo indoor greenhouse with a desk and comfy, plush chairs. One wall was dedicated to an entire bookshelf that held an assorted collection of books.

Grace dropped her backpack in the back room and turned to Edward who was standing in her doorway. “This is incredible, thank you so much.” she couldn’t quite catch her breath.

“It’s the least we could do, considering everything you’ve done from my family and Bella.” Edward said softly before nodding and taking his leave. Bella gave her a hug before she left and said “Tell me how it goes with Jake” before joining Edward.

Rachel was sitting in the new living room waiting for Grace. “Sooo, what do you think?”

“It’s incredible,” Grace said plopping down on the soft linen sofa. “It’s too much but it’s incredible.”

“Naaah, you deserve this.” Rachel steadied Grace with a look and she shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. “I wanted to ask you….” here it comes “About the whole Paul thing.”

Grace felt an awful pang in her stomach rise up. No, not now.

“What about Paul?” Grace said nonchalantly and Rachel tilted her head knowingly at her.

“Don’t act like that, I know you.” Grace gave out a huff. “Sam said you two were pretty serious...before I showed up.” Rachel looked at her fingernails now not wanting to meet Grace’s gaze. Grace looked her over carefully trying to see what she was getting at.

“Yeah, we were together, so?”

“Don’t say ‘so’ like that. I’m asking if you’re okay.”

“Rach, what do you want me to say? Yes? Totally fine? Don’t think about him at all at night? Because that’s not the truth.” Grace looked over her shoulder out the open front door toward the cove. She wanted to disappear in this moment.

“I just...I know I screwed everything up, but I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even know.” Rachel looked at her now. Tears were welling up in Grace’s eyes. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket but momentarily ignored it.

“Why are you bringing all this up again? Are you and Paul going out or something?” she looked at Rachel now with a hurt, scornful look. She didn’t want to know the answer but she also couldn’t shy away from it now that Rachel was trying to gauge her reaction.

Rachel didn’t respond for awhile and picked at the skin on the tips of her finger. Grace watched her carefully and then nodded, “Right…” It was clear what Rachel was after now. Grace pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at her most recent text message.

SMS Text—4:33 p.m.: Jake

Did you make it home okay?

Rach was supposed to bring you by an hour ago.

I need to talk to you.

Grace considered not responding, hightailing it out of there and swimming as far out into the ocean as her body would allow, but she didn’t want to be alone in this new pain that was becoming clear now that Rachel clearly wanted Paul. She typed a hasty reply.

I’m home, at the new place.

Come over.

“Grace?” Rachel said looking at her now with a sad look on her face. “I don’t want you to be unhappy. You know how much you mean to me but I...the imprint makes it hard for me to…”

“Are you asking for my permission or something? Or my blessing?”

“No, I….” she took one look at Grace and switched topics suddenly, “What’s going on with you and my brother?”

Oh, so she wanted to play it like this? Grace was game. She stood up and walked over to her kitchen to pull down a green glass water cup and filled it with cold water from the sink. She took a drink and then turned to look at Rachel.

“Not the same thing that was going on with Paul if that’s what you’re asking.” Rachel winced and Grace immediately felt guilty.

“Grace, I’m….I’m so sorry,” her voice piqued with emotion and Grace felt immediately drawn to her. “I don’t know what to do here. Help me.” her eyes were pleading but Grace couldn’t find the words to make either of them feel better at the moment.

“You should go,” Grace said in a hard voice, Rachel’s face changed to one of disappointment, anger even, “Jake’s coming and if you don’t want to get your head bit off, then it’s best to head off now. So…” Grace trailed off refilling her water and staying away from Rachel.

She got to her feet and nodded, walking out the front door and heading off into the forest. Grace let out a frustrated groan as she wrapped her arm protectively around her stomach where the pain was still pulsing. She definitely didn’t expect Rachel to turn up at the airport and what’s more, she was not prepared to have a conversation about her and Paul dating. Grace knew the imprint was in play but it still hurt to think of Paul moving on so quickly. As she gripped the countertop and tried to hold herself together, a familiar voice echoed across the room as Jake made his way through the open door, shirtless and in his cut off jeans.

“Hey, you okay?” He was in front of her in an instant, his hands cupped under her cheeks and pulling her face up to look at her. Grace felt a calloused thumb move gently across her cheek and she took in a deep breath, letting her arm fall as she stood up straight. She grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands down off of her face in one movement.

“Yeah, fine.” She moved past him to go sit on the porch steps, suddenly needing a dose of fresh air. Jake tensed from the ease at which she pulled away and followed her shortly after.

He lowered himself down next to her on the front steps and watched her face for a second before looking out into the cove. “What did Rachel say?”

“It’s bullshit, Jake,” Grace let it out, “This imprint is the cruelest thing in the world. Because no one gets a choice. Why? Why do that to us when we already have so much to deal with? I don’t….” she choked a little, trying to swallow a sob. “I hope it never happens to me. I want a choice.”

Jake listened patiently and nodded his head, “I hear you.”

“Just...promise me something,” she looked at him seriously now and Jacob trained his eyes on her, even with her face red and puffy, lips parted, and hair flying around her, he thought she was beautiful. He desperately wanted to raise a hand to graze her cheek or pull her into him and kiss the top of her head until he felt her breath even out.

“Anything,” he said seriously.

“Promise me that when it happens to you, you’ll still be the same.” Her eyes were swimming with hurt just thinking about Jake being pulled away from her in any way. But still, she pushed down that ache in hopes of keeping herself whole.

“I promise, Grace. I won’t let you down.” His voice was soft, calm, and reassuring. The tension in her face melted right away when he looked at her like that and Jake knew that whatever she asked him, he would do.

She leaned her body against his, resting her head on his shoulder and he let out a sigh of relief.

“These last four days without you were not my best,” he admitted suddenly.

“What do you mean?” she mumbled, listening intently to the crash and roll of the sea.

“When you left, something in me stopped working. I felt….irritated. Like I was being pulled in a million different directions and I couldn’t sit still. Sam had to send me on rounds by myself a couple of nights because no one could stand to be around me and I don’t blame them.”

“That’s weird,” Grace said distractedly.

“Yeah….weird,” Jake said softly. Grace wrapped her arms around his bicep and scooted into him more.

“Are you hungry?”

Jake let out a laugh, “Always.”

They spent the evening prepping and cooking vegetables and chicken for burritos in Grace’s kitchen. Esme, delightfully, had stocked a part of Grace’s closet with extra men’s t-shirts and jeans for the pack in case they had ever phased nearby or needed something to change into. It was incredibly thoughtful and Grace hugged the black t-shirt to her body before coming down the stairs and tossing it at Jake. He laughed and eagerly put it on, returning to his chopping of the onions while Grace watched a pan of sizzling chicken breasts.

When she came over to supervise she gave out a short laugh.

“No, no Jacob. Diced, we need diced onions.”

“These are diced!” he protested. She pushed in front of him and gently took the knife from his hand to demonstrate.

“Slice this way, and then this way,” He was standing very close behind her and was looking around her. As Grace delicately chopped the onion, Jacob raised two tentative fingers and brushed back a swath of dark black hair that had fallen in front of her face. His fingertips gently brushed the side of her neck as he stroked the hair back behind her shoulder and peered from behind her to take in her work. Grace shivered, goosebumps rising on her neck and she suddenly felt very hot and very aware of his presence.

“Like that, okay?” she said, handing him the knife back. He gave her a mischievous smile and nodded.

“Got it.”

They worked easily together, each reaching around the other for things, making jokes and laughing at something the other said. They opted to eat on the couch, cuddled up under a blanket and flipping on a movie to pass the time as the sun set. Jacob didn’t ask her once about the phone call and Grace was grateful.

Having Jake in the house made her whole body feel warm and in the back of her mind, she started dreading the time when he’d get up and leave. They talked late into the night, Grace laying her legs over Jake’s lap as she reclined on the couch.

She shared how good it was to see her mom, how she wanted her to see this place and know that she really was okay, so that she wouldn’t worry about her future. Jacob listened dutifully, his eyes always patient, kind, and open as she opened up about her fears and her dreams. He absently moved his hand up and down her thigh, pausing only when he was telling a story about his most recent night of rounds to emphatically show how he wanted to strangle Embry for something he said. Grace laughed at this and revelled at the sensation of warmth when he placed his hand back on her thigh. As the night wore on, they each drifted off to sleep peacefully on the couch.

Grace woke some time in the night to see Jake still there, his head leaning back against the couch and snoring softly. She gently picked her legs up off of him and strode to close her front door and turn off the lights. Then she gently leaned over him and placed a hand on his arm.

“Jacob.” she whispered and his eyes slowly opened looking around at the darkened room. “Come on.” she said running her hand down his arm and taking his hand. He yawned and stood as she guided him through the living room and up the stairs to her room. Once in her room, she let go of his hand and strode into her closet to change into some soft pajama shorts and a thin linen tank top. When she returned, Jake was taking off his shirt and folding his jean shorts, setting them on a chair in the corner of her room.

Grace crawled into bed and Jake nestled in beside her. Easily, they meshed into one another, Grace cuddling up into his left side, arm slung over his chest and head on his shoulder. Jacob wrapped an arm down her back and rested his hand on her waist, under her shirt to feel her skin on his. The moonlight filtered in above the bed and they fell back asleep almost instantly.

Grace didn’t know what it meant to have him here beside her just yet but she knew that she didn’t want him to leave. She had never felt so at peace before and decided as she drifted off that whatever awkwardness happened in the morning, she’d take it if it meant she could have this moment with him. She felt him lean over to kiss the top of her head before she let the sound of the waves and the rise and fall of his warm breath pull her into a deep sleep.

#twilight fanfiction #Twilight FanFic #twilight #new moon #eclipse #jacobblackxoc #jacob black #jacobxoc #paul lahote #bella swan #edward cullen #the cullens #The Pack #chapter 29 #a monster lives here

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celebritylive · 4 years

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A Florida community is mourning the loss of one of their young deputies who died after contracting COVID-19 on the job, just months before he was set to wed his partner.

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office announced on Saturday that Deputy Shannon Bennett, 39, had passed away following a nearly two-week battle with coronavirus.

“Deputy Bennett served BSO for more than 12 years and was a fine deputy and individual,” the department wrote on their social media accounts of the Fort Lauderdale first responder, who died from the contagious illness on Friday night.

In addition to being a longtime veteran of the department, the BSO said Shannon was “an out and proud gay law enforcement deputy; a school resource officer who protected and mentored the young students at Deerfield Beach Elementary; a man in love to be wedded later this year.”

“We love and will miss you, Deputy Bennett,” the BSO added. “Thank you for your bravery, your kind heart, and your service. Rest In Peace.”

RELATED: Detroit Bus Driver Dies from Coronavirus Days After Complaining About Passenger Coughing

Speaking at a press conference on April 4, Sheriff Gregory Tony explained that Shannon first started feeling ill on March 23 while “in the line of duty.” The following day, Tony said Shannon went to the hospital, where he tested positive for COVID-19.

The deputy was admitted three days later and remained under their care — even recently “showing signs of recovery” — until things sadly “took a turn for the worse” on April 3, according to the Sheriff.

“This is a reminder — to not only this community but us as first responders — that we’re on the front lines with this,” Tony said. “This is a new enemy we can’t even see. We know it’s there and real and it’s impacting all of us.”

“We lose Shannon today but we’re gonna keep fighting this battle,” Tony continued. “We’re not about to throw in any towel. And if you truly support us, then take heed to all the warnings that have been provided across this planet.”

Shannon was one of 21 BSO employees who tested positive for the virus, according to Tony. Currently, there are 20 other deputies in self-isolation following their colleague’s death.

At this time, it is unclear whether Shannon had been living with underlying health conditions. A spokesperson for BSO did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.

During his tenure at the department, Tony said Shannon was passionate about the impact he left on his community, especially with causes that were near and dear to his heart.

“He was part of the LGBTQ community. He wanted to see a committee formed here at this agency and we put it together,” Tony explained. “And he sat with members of our organization to figure out ways to better bond this network inside this community and he wanted to extend out to the entire Broward County community.”

“This is his vision, it’s the vision of the entire committee,” he added.

Friends of the deputy told WPLG that Shannon parked his patrol car outside of bars and restaurants in the Wilton Manors neighborhood following the 2016 PULSE nightclub shooting in an effort to protect them from another senseless tragedy.

“ ‘No one is going to mess with my friends,'” they told the outlet. “That was the type of person he was.”

Shannon’s death also comes eight months before he was set to tie the knot with his fiancé Jonathan Frey on December 11, according to a post on the deputy’s Facebook.

He and Frey set the date in February and excitedly shared the news with a sweet photo of them sitting together, showing off their rings.

In the wake of his death, many of Shannon’s loved ones have expressed their heartbreak.

His brother Darren Bennett wrote several touching posts on Facebook, noting how he felt “empty,” especially because he couldn’t be by his sibling’s side in his final moments.

“Bro I’m empty and I feel like I can’t breathe…you were my twin. My ride or die! I can’t even function right now!” Darren wrote beside several photos of the pair together. “I love you sooo much man! I can’t believe I’m even posting this!”

“You fought a damn good fight and your legacy WILL LIVE ON! I got it from here bro. Deputy S Bennett take a bow,” he went on. “To everyone else…please don’t take covid19 lightly STAY AT HOME!”

“My brother…….I COULDN’T EVEN BE THERE WITH YOU!!! I would’ve never left your side. Damn COVID19!!!!” he added in another post.

Darren also shared some heartwrenching, final text message exchanges with his brother, who said he felt like his “life is almost over” and asked that his legacy of supporting his family live on if he died.

On YouTube, Shannon’s niece Jessie Bennett remembered her uncle by making an emotional video with photos and videos of the deputy.

Below Deck star Josiah Carter also expressed his devastation about the “terrible virus” taking “one of my young healthy friends” in a post on Instagram, writing, “Words really cannot describe how I feel about this news.”

“I met Shannon only 4 years ago and we instantly became friends. He was one of the first people I met when I moved to Fort Lauderdale for work,” Carter continued. “He was like a big brother to me, with no agenda just kindness and thoughtfulness, he guided me and reassured me that everything would be okay.”

“Shannon always seemed to look out for others and cared for everyone, such a selfless person,” he added.

View this post on Instagram Feeling sad and shocked to hear that this terrible virus has taken one of my young healthy friends. Words really cannot describe how I feel about this news. I met Shannon only 4 years ago and we instantly became friends. He was one of the first people I met when I moved to Fort Lauderdale for work. Personally I was in a very strange place in my life, not liking who I was and not liking the fact I was gay. He was like a big brother to me, with no agenda just kindness and thoughtfulness, he guided me and reassured me that everything would be okay. Shannon always seemed to look out for others and cared for everyone, such a selfless person. My heart goes out to all his friends and family back in Fort Lauderdale and especially his fiancé Jonathan. I will never forget you or our friendship Shannon rest in peace you sweet man

@sb099 This is more serious than you think, everyone stay inside!

A post shared by Josiah Carter (@josiahcarter_) on Apr 4, 2020 at 7:47am PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

RELATED: Retired Doctor Dies from Coronavirus After Working at Hospital During COVID-19 Outbreak

On April 4, Shannon’s colleagues showed their respect for him by lining the streets and saluting as his body was escorted from the hospital to a local funeral home. Photographs shared by the BSO on their Facebook captured the emotional moment.

“The BSO family always stands together, bound by the service we provide to others. We thank Deputy Bennett for his service, today and always. We will never forget your sacrifice,” they wrote.

Community members also paid tribute to the fallen officer by leaving gifts and signs on Shannon’s patrol vehicle in the neighborhood where he lived “to show how much he was loved.”

“‘We wanted to share our message with everyone,’ one neighbor said. ‘He turned his lights on for our little 18-month old son one day and made him smile,'” the post read. “Rest In Peace, Deputy Bennett. Thank you for your service.”

As of Monday, there have been at least 357,036 cases and 10,522 deaths attributed to coronavirus in the United States, according to the New York Times. In Florida, at least 13,316 cases and 235 deaths have been reported, according to the outlet.

As information about the coronavirus pandemic rapidly changes, PEOPLE is committed to providing the most recent data in our coverage. Some of the information in this story may have changed after publication. For the latest on COVID-19, readers are encouraged to use online resources from CDC, WHO, and local public health departments. To help provide doctors and nurses on the front lines with life-saving medical resources, donate to Direct Relief here.

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2UMI6Eq

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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Does your current shampoo has a specific scent? it smells like nettle

Have you had a headache at any point recently? yes

When was the last time you took painkillers? months if not years ago

Has there recently been a thunderstorm where you live? yup

Do you recall the last time you saw a spider anywhere in your house? I see one now *shrug*

Are you afraid of spiders, or do they not really bother you? as you can guess they don’t bother me

Is there a beverage that you drink more often than anything else? water

Do you enjoy any films with Nicole Kidman in them? nah

In the last 7 days, have you worn make-up? noooo

How long have you been sober? my whole life besides this one time I was drinking absynth with John but I didn’t get drunk

Do you think you are an argumentative person? maybe

How’s your heart lately? physically or emotionally?

Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? -

Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else? to reject someone because it’s your decision to make (it can be wrong) and you’re hurting somebody with it, every strategy to do so feels bad

What is the best thing about your current job? no job!

Have you been on a date in the park? sure

Do you like pulp orange juice? I hate pulp

Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? sun

Were you single on your last birthday? I’m always single on my birthday

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? ugh... many things

Do you hate the last person you kissed? I don’t hate her

Where is the last person you kissed? shopping

Who was last to cook for you? parents

Who is the last person that texted you? my gf

What are you going to do next? play Choices, finally!

Will you regret your next kiss? hope not :o

Who was the last person you gave the finger to? not sure who was last nor if it was serious or playful

Are you the oldest? youngest

Do you know the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian? of course and I like vegetarians but hate vegans

Would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in her house? chill

Do you enjoy long car rides? if there are stops to pee and stretch legs

Do you own a laptop? I wish

have you ever slept on the floor? yep do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? even currently lol who is your last text from? her :P what color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss? mostly white

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? obvi have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? layed only is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy? I need some time alone! are you keeping a secret right now? nah was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl last time you saw fireworks? New year’s eve three days in a hotel or nfl game tickets? hotel would you rather watch football or baseball? I’d rather not how do you calm down when you're extremely angry? depends are your friends with any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends? because she’s my gf again, elseway I wouldn’t be able to something you just don't understand? stupidity what was your worst mistake in your life? just one? can’t choose have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter e? nope who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? dad have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? I own some stuff that were bought in male section of stores is the last person you hugged older than you? they’re my parent so... do you like to make the first move? might have you ever laughed so hard you cried? especially this year thx to Gosia will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? I wanna sleep in

have you ever used a belt bag/fanny pack? hated those but thrifted one last month to carry my meds in it and it’s cute - 80s themed and all

are you the one who usually breaks up with your significant other or is it them that do the breaking up? I do the breaking up where did you go the last time you rode on a train? Ełk is your wardrobe color coordinated? pfft when was the last time you wore something with polka dots on it? the only thing like this that I own is probably my red leggings what is your favorite animal print? not a fan but don’t mind in small amount? is there a song in which you prefer the acoustic version as opposed to the original? don’t think so have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? sorta did the last shirt you wore have buttons on it? noooo are you friends with any of your significant other’s exes? funny thing is I was friends with my almost gf’s lover who told me about her lying do you and your best friend share the same favorite color? me and my gf both like black and my dad likes yellow which of your parents is older, your mother or father? mom

where is your favorite place to buy hoodies? second hands would you rather have an analog clock or a digital clock? digital, I can’t read analog :x

if you lived in bikini bottom, would you go jellyfishing with spongebob and patrick? why not? what kind of shaving cream do you use? I shave without cream if an unknown number calls you and says, “who is this?” what do you say? why are you calling someone you don’t know? what’s the most you would pay for earrings? I don’t use those so... unless it was going to be a gift then dunno if you could be a guest star on the office or house, which would you choose? The office

what would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person who texted you? ;) do you want a relationship? I’m in one

if you were 12 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed? omg I imagined it now and that’s sooo sad :( do you know your mothers birthday? I forget the days but I know my parents’ months, I suck at dates do you like texting? mhm who was your first text this morning? my gf are you starting to realize anything? sigh... can you remember the last time you really liked someone? this summer is your hair longer than your shoulders? no would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? probably do you have any text messages that you don’t want other people reading? absolutely can you live a day without tv? I don’t watch tv for months do you really know how heartbreak feels? I know could you forgive someone who slept with your boyfriend/ girlfriend? what about forgiving my gf first?... who was the last person to touch your stomach? besides me? my gf

how does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? weird why are you doing this survey and not something else? because!

do you get really annoyed at sex questions? might, depends did you ever join a gym to look hot and get back at an ex bf/gf? what a lame reason if you’re not in college, why? several reasons

be honest. you love the beatles, don’t you? I don’t care for them do you own a studded belt? used to how many pairs of shoes do you own? *shrug* do you watch spongebob? at times what high school did you go to? it’s personal do you like surveys? very

you are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. what do you ask? I wouldn’t go what do you think captain hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand? captain hand[s]

rock, paper, or scissors? hmm... how long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? how long until the wedding? I’m not married nor even really engaged which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet? too loud is worse everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. what topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? I’m more annoyed than bored with specific subjects how many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven’t taken it if you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? no topping you are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. you are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second? take a chance and lose if you had to choose, which would you give up: cable tv, or dsl/cable internet? tv - easy what kind of lunch box did you have as a kid? I remember that it had Pooh on it but then I had a transparent plain one what would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur? cook of chauffeur would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? traffic, less dangerous lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your ‘cleaned up’ swear word? I wouldn’t care about them hearing me swear, honestly

ever been torn between 2 people? not in love, just friends/family issues do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I know they do because they heard lies about me

ever liked someone who was in a relationship? I didn’t know that they were do you wear shoes in your house or take them off? slippers you love math, right? umm... when you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? on or dimmed did you cry today? not so far which is unusual do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace? I do have to will tomorrow be better than today? hope so do you find smoking attractive? nah

can you honestly say you’re okay right now? nope do you tend to waste a lot of money? not a lot are you asian? not even partially whose hoodie did you wear last? mine has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? ugh... are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? I’m sorry but I’m not you go home with a hickey, what does your mother say? oh God... are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? I am have you ever liked someone older than you? not much older have you held hands with anyone lately? yep where is your phone? in front of me as always

do you like polaroid photography? yup

is there a friend of yours who curses nonstop? who would that be? my gf says CHUJ a lot

don’t you hate when you put lyrics as a status and everyone comments it asking what it means / why it’s your status? no one comments what do you usually do to let your feelings out? post on tumblr, talk, cry, listen to music, write letters, play games, go for a walk... do you think boys notice things more than girls? or vice versa? it has nothing to do with gender are you participating in project 365 (you take a picture of you/something everyday of the year and post it)? nah do you have a flickr? if so, post the link. I don’t post anything there, not actually even going there anymore like with instagram am i the only one who would go to the ends of the earth to see their favorite band perform? I’m definitely not that kind of person, sorry to inform you do you think it’s dumb when a band smashes their instruments, or do you find it totally radical? dumb do you feel like you need some inspiration, or are you totally inspired right now? I lack motivation, not inspiration

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anxiousheart4 · 4 years

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Looking for a Lifeline!

I know it's been a while since I’ve posted in my own words, in fact it's been almost a year, I’m sorry for that. I’ve always been terrible at keeping up with journaling, so why would I think blogging would be any different? Lol.

If you haven’t noticed, I am a fan of TWLOHA and its message to everyone. I've always followed them, and they mean a great deal to me. So I hope in my absence, you’ve enjoyed the posts of theirs I've been sharing. 🙂

Anyways, I don’t have any really good excuse for while I haven’t posted for a long while (well I do between Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, but not since then), and I even got a new laptop this year, that works SOOOO much better then my old, glitchy, slow ass one; so not having a computer can’t be my excuse. And I've had a lot of free time this Summer, so I can’t even say I was busy either. Basically no excuse, but I’m back; so lets catch up.

So, between Thanksgiving and Christmas I was working 4 jobs!

-Mon-Fri 8am-4pm at an office job that I hated.

-Sat & Sun at the Zoo taking kids photos with Santa

-And then Mon-Fri nights, I switched between working at my local GameStop, and helping at my other local Zoo taking Santa photos as well.

The office job I was working was doing bookkeeping at a nursing home. I met some nice residents there, and some mean ones. I met some nice co-workers, and some I didn’t quite get along with. There was 3 other girls in my office.

One was extremely nice and helpful, and patient with trying to teach me, I got along with her quite well. I would actually have conversations with her, and it felt like she did want to get to know me.

Another was the Boss’ wife, and she was nice and all, but also very intimidating, and she never made me feel welcomed; she would be having a conversation with the other 2 girls, but as soon as I tried to join the conversation it was like “we got to get back to work” and the conversation stopped.

And the last girl, I would have thought I would have gotten along with her so well, we have the same taste in music and tv shows, I was like oh yay we can bond! NOPE! I did everything she gave me to do, and asked me to do and it was never good enough, or fast enough, or competent enough, or just enough. She made me feel like a complete failure! And unless she needed me for something, it was like I didn’t even exist! She would go out for lunch, and ask the other 2 girls in the office if they wanted her to bring back anything, and she never even looked my way and asked me once, never! Seriously the best days at work were when she didn’t come in for some reason or another.

Besides the one girl, no one else ever tried to make me feel welcomed in the office, I spent 6 months of my life feeling like an outcast at work, looking for a lifeline, just trying to survive. Apparently the girls in the office went out after work and hung out together, not like I was ever invited to join and get to know them. Instead I went to the movie theater next to work where a friend of mine was a manager and would stop in to see her or go see a movie all by myself. The only time I was ever invited out with them was when they would go to lunch for someones birthday, and still I think that was mostly because every one split the bill evenly except the birthday girl (which I do approve of), so it was a little less money for everyone else. Only the one girl made me feel like I was actually welcomed, otherwise I just listened to their conversations, cause no one seemed to wanna include me. And Surprise Surprise! They never did anything for my birthday! They do all this stuff for the employees birthdays, bring in breakfast, go out to lunch, decorate their office, etc. all I got was a generic card they did for everyone “Happy Birthday from ’The Companies Name’”.

I think one thing that can make even the worst job in the world bearable, is your co workers. I’ve had some terrible jobs, but I had some awesome co workers, so I didn’t dread going to work as much everyday because I got to see them. Safe to say, most of my coworkers there never made me feel like a coworker, a friend, or anything else. I went to work everyday dreading the next 8 hours of my life. When I got let go, I never even said good bye to any of the other people who worked I the building, I only said good bye to the nice one in my office and that’s it. So the ONLY things I liked about the job, was that I got to sit down to work, and the money, oh the money! I miss the money soo bad! But the job gave me SOOO much stress and anxiety, idk if it was worth the money. 😞

Although, I was able to buy my new computer, a MacBook Air, and I have wanted a MacBook since I was in high school, I just could never afford it.

My other jobs, were pretty good, only minor complaints. But I LOVED my coworkers at the other 3 jobs! The biggest complaint was that I had no time to myself because I was so busy.

Gamestop was cool, after only being there for a couple weeks they interviewed me for a supervisor position, they believed I was competent enough! The only reason I didn’t take it, was cause I got the office job, and I couldn’t turn down the money (though now I wish I hadn’t, it would have saved me soo much stress and anxiety). So I stayed seasonal, so when the holiday season was over, my employment was over there.

The one Zoo I worked at during the week, I've worked at for years now, and I love it, and the guys who play Santa are sooo nice, I get some really nice guests, and 90% of the time everything goes smoothly, and I actually hang out with my coworkers outside of work!

The other Zoo I worked at Sat & Sun was pretty much the same as the first Zoo, I love my co workers, and actually hang out with them outside of work. The big complaint about that Zoo, was the guy who played Santa. HE WAS AN ASSHOLE! He had an opinion on everything, and had a problem with how we run our business, and he wouldn’t even let the kids tell him what they wanted for Christmas. We told him we wanted to get a picture of the kids talking to him, and he would tell the kids to “look at him and PRETEND to tell him what they wanted” and then as soon as I took the photo, even if the kid was in the middle of something he would just kick the kid off his lap and move on to the next family. I’m sorry, but if I had kids, I would definitely NOT want them to go see that Santa! I don’t see how so many people line up to see him, and he’s been Santa at the Zoo for years! How has he not lost the Zoo business! But I still like my job, so I'm going back again this year! Lol

Anyways, so that was my holidays, as were coming up to another holiday, lol.

After the holidays, and my busy schedule, I went to Arizona and Mexico for 10 days, and it was AMAZING and relaxing, with only a few hiccups. Like an all inclusive resort without free wifi! What is that? I was gonna use wifi to check in with family back home, but that didn’t happen! And the the room was falling apart, and one of our rooms had bugs in it, and maids didn’t clean very well, like wtf kind of resort was this? But besides that, I got to see and hang out with my sister from another mister who lives in AZ and I don’t get to see often. We went line dancing, which was FANTASTIC! I got to spend my 29th birthday in Mexico, Florida, and AZ + flying over the states between! And with the time difference my birthday lasted 26 hours instead of 24! And I didn’t think about work once during the whole trip until they day I had to come back, and it was because I didn’t wanna come back and go to work!

WOW this is getting long, I'm sorry, only a couple more topics I need to talk out. Its been a very stressful year!

Well after I lost the office job, I've been pretty much Ubering for money, and not making too much of it. But all summer I got to spend weekends going to Bridal/Baby Showers, Weddings and family parties, which I've never really gotten to do before (well besides the weddings, I've never missed a family wedding), so that was awesome! And the weekends we didn’t have an parties, I went up north to my family’s summer home, which my parents just got about 2 years ago, and I’ve barely been able to go before. Which is soo much fun! Ice cream socials, the pool, bonfires, drinking games, bar hoping out on the boat! Nothing about it isn’t fun! So YAY!

If you remember, last November I moved in with my 93 year old grandma with dementia. This experience has been stressful. She spends her days trying to call her mother and grandmother, who are at the cemetery; pacing around the house; she puts dirty dishes in the dishwasher away and washes clean dishes twice; she sets the air conditioning and heat up to 80 degrees, I swear she’s trying to kill me. Its very hard, but I love her, and I love that I get this time to spend with her. And thank god for my mom who is only a call away to help with grandma when my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t deal with her atm, I wouldn’t survive this without her!

This week is going to try me though. I’m staying home all week with grandma, because she just had surgery. She had skin cancer on her nose, and they had to remove it. She’s fine, but she has a bandage on her nose that she isn’t suppose to take off, and yet she does like every time I look away, she’s not supposed to irritate it by touching it or blowing her nose, but she tries to blow her nose every 5 mins. And she’s suppose to sit down and relax with her head back so it doesn’t start bleeding again, I swear she won’t stay sitting if her life depended on it. Ill probably write more about living with her at a later date, but Ill leave it to that now.

Lastly, while I was sitting down writing the blog post, I got a call that just devastated me. My grandma on my other side, has been having some health issues the last week and it has not been looking good, I was going to go see her tomorrow night. Well my mom called me to let me know that she passed away tonight. She was 82 years old, and though she would technically be my step-grandma, she was the only one I ever knew on that side, and I loved her just the same. My dads mom died of tuberculosis probably about a decade before I was born, but my grandpa remarried an amazing woman, and some of my extended family had trouble accepting her (the cousins opinions, usually based on their parents, who probably thought she was trying to take their mothers place, like some kids react to a step mom), but I always saw her as grandma. What kills me is the last time I saw her, I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye! It was my cousins wedding at the beginning of October, and even though I talked to her during the wedding, when she left that night, I was out on the dance floor or somewhere, and didn’t know she was leaving, so I never said goodbye. And now I'll never have the chance too!! I know she knew I loved her, and though her body was deteriorating, her mind was still has sharp as ever! She was a sweetheart! And my sister and I kept saying we were going to go visit her and bring her dinner, or watch the Blackhawks game with her, and as much as we said it, we barely ever went, and I really wish we had! She was an amazing woman and I’m so happy I got to call her Grandma, but I’m going to regret not spending more time with her when I could, especially near the end! When my Grandpa died, over 15 years ago, I had actually seen him the week before, and gave him a hug and kiss goodbye before I left. Plus he died 2 days after Christmas, and he used to give all the grand children $10 for Christmas (there was 29 of us at the time so for him that was still a lot of money), so I had gotten one last Christmas present from him, which I never spent. I have $10 just sitting in a jewelry box, because nothing ever seemed important enough to spend it on. And after he died I was given his guitar, which I still cherish! I fear I won’t have nothing but 1 picture with my grandma to remember her by. Its going to be hard to say goodbye! 😭

So since its 2 am, and I've been holding back tears while I've been writing this post, and my anxiety and depression will probably be bad this week, I think its time for me to go to bed. Sweet Dreams sweet readers!

#twloha towriteloveonherarms

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mialipsky-blog · 7 years

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‘Bachelor’ Contestant Shares Dating Advice For All Single Ladies!

If there’s anyone qualified to dish out dating advice, it’s sweet Sarah Vendal from the most recent season of The Bachelor. She didn’t find her happily ever after with Nick Viall but she’s continuing her search for love and having some serious fun in the process. Read on for her words to single ladies everywhere, including how the show changed her outlook on relationships for the better.

Tell us about your experience dating Nick on The Bachelor!

Sarah: Dating Nick on The Bachelor was a whirlwind from the get-go! When you’re chosen out of thousands of women who put themselves out there for this, you think to yourself “Holy moly, maybe he is the one for me!”…well, at least that was how my mind worked.

So from meeting him on night one to our first group date just hours after, it was an emotional rollercoaster. You want it to work so badly, but the little disconnects that are just normal dating red flags in real life for you to think about make you feel like the relationship is on eggshells. In hindsight, I knew he wasn’t going to be for me, and he knew that as well. It was very obvious who he was genuinely interested in, and I wasn’t one of them, which is so okay! Our conversations were just never there, and our chemistry was missing.

The whole experience teaches you so much about yourself and your feelings! We joke about it now, but really you learn to identify and verbalize your feelings like a professional. I also learned to take risks. You come back from the show and you feel like you conquered the world. In my opinion, that’s why so people change up careers, or where they live. You’re like, if I can survive that, I can survive whatever else I was scared to try before this.

How has being on The Bachelor affected your dating life today?

I do have to say dating after the show has set some crazy expectations. I mean, we were just conditioned to expect an engagement after 60 days, so if I’m talking to someone and we haven’t had the “What are we doing here?” talk after 30, I’m like…sooo, what’s the deal?

Jokes aside, dating after this show has become simplified for me. The Bachelor teaches you to ask the hard questions early on. While that never used to be my typical style, I found it has helped me to stay focused on what I want rather than spend time with someone who I know wants different things out of a relationship than I do. If you ask the hard questions on the show, the worst that can happen is…well, a lot. You publicly go home on national television. So scary, but you risk it anyway.

Post-show if you ask the hard questions, the worst that can happen is that you’re privately rejected and no one is the wiser. It’s much easier to accept rejection now, so you feel ok putting yourself out there more. But it has also made me more accepting, more willing to hear someone out I might not have heard out before, and it has made me all the more of a romantic. Sorry boys, but I’m still a sucker for roses – white ones!

Any tips for leading an adventurous, fun-filled life while searching for love?

Omgosh, so many! Say yes to things, but don’t be afraid to say no to something you don’t want to do. Being decisive used to be incredibly hard for me. I’m a people pleaser and I hate the thought of disappointing someone. However, the more I just decide what I want to do, the better I feel, the more effort I put into other things and people, and the more confident I am all around.

I also say spend alone time. Don’t be afraid of it. I LOVE taking myself to the movies, or to grab lunch. Also, make time for all your friends and make plans. I love having something to look forward to, especially with summer coming up!

Lastly, be open with what insecurities you have. I have them. Everyone totally does, men included! You never know when you might meet someone who fears the same things you do.

What does a perfect first date look like to you?

FUN! My goodness, if we can’t have fun right off the bat, I’m worried. Ultimately I want a best friend, but that doesn’t mean chivalry goes out the door (and for me that extends to the whole relationship). I look for a man who opens the door, walks on the side of traffic on the sidewalk, and for the first date, plans. It doesn’t need to be big at all, I just like to see that there was some thought put into it.

When in doubt…activities are best! Breweries, sporting events, hikes, walks, food festivals, the county fair, bowling, heck…take me grocery shopping for all I care. I’m just always drawn to things that can spark a flirty, sassy, and somewhat competitive conversation in the beginning.

I do have to say, at the end of the day, on a “perfect” first date, it won’t matter what we do. It’s just a feeling of attraction, respect, and curiosity for one another that I look for to see if there can be something more. We could literally be sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire, waiting for AAA and I’d be in heaven if those intangibles were there.

Fill in the blank: I’ll know I’ve found “The One” when __

I’ll know I’ve found “The One” when I say “Babe, I’m feeling Mexican tonight” and he says, “Blended or on the rocks?” I’m not serious, but I kind of am. This is the hardest question! I don’t know the answer, to be honest. But when I find him I’ll be sure to let you know what it is that made me know he was my one!

© Style Me Pretty, 2017. | Permalink | Comments | Add to del.icio.us Post tags: Celebrity, Dating, Dating Advice, Love, Relationship, Romance, The Bachelor, Wedding Fashion Trends Post categories: The Blog

‘Bachelor’ Contestant Shares Dating Advice For All Single Ladies! published first on their blog to my feed

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samboine123 · 7 years

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‘Bachelor’ Contestant Shares Dating Advice For All Single Ladies!

Tell us about your experience dating Nick on The Bachelor!

How has being on The Bachelor affected your dating life today?

Any tips for leading an adventurous, fun-filled life while searching for love?

Lastly, be open with what insecurities you have. I have them. Everyone totally does, men included! You never know when you might meet someone who fears the same things you do.

What does a perfect first date look like to you?

Fill in the blank: I’ll know I’ve found “The One” when __

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