#sorry about the bony elbows sorry we lived here

[asthmasam]

[july4thkisses]

ok we all know that “you’re in a car with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he loves you but he loves you” is a very samdean-core quote from richard siken, but why does no one talk about “i make you pancakes, i take you hunting, i talk to you as if you’re really there” or “sorry about the blood in your mouth, i wish it was mine. i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time” or “tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us” or “sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud” likeeeeee. eric kripke and richard siken were on the same wavelength

[f0xesand0wls]

richard siken lines that make me lose my fucking mind -

look at the light through the windowpane. that means it’s noon, that means we’re inconsolable.

can we love nature for what it really is: predatory? we do not walk through a passive landscape.

someone has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of this story.

tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.

i hope it’s love. i’m trying really hard to make it love.

there are many names in history but none of them are ours.

so it’s summer, so it’s suicide, so we’re helpless in sleep and struggling at the bottom of the pool.

what holds it together? glue. some kind of glue. the image remains as a body would. i turned the image over like a rock, but then the worms.

i clawed my way into the light but the light is just as scary. i’d rather quit. i’d rather be sad. it’s too much work.

the prayer of going nowhere going nowhere

words too small for any hope or promise, not really soothing, but soothing nonetheless.

and the eyes that remained eyes and not the doorways we had hoped for.

paint ghosts over everything, the sadness of everything.

we collide with place, which is another name for god, and limp away with a permanent injury.

but tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.

to make something beautiful should be enough. it isn’t. it should be.

i prefer to blame others, it’s easier.

we’ve made a graveyard out of a bone white afternoon.

i made this place for you. a place for you to love me.

i wanted to explain myself to myself in an understandable way.

i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything.

i want to tell you this story without having to be in it.

sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud.

we deduce backward into first causes - stone in the pond of things.

are you there, sweetheart? do you know me? is this microphone live?

you see, i take the parts that i remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what i say or love me back.

every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out you will be alone always and then you will die.

we clutch our bellies and roll on the floor… when i say this, it should mean laughter, not poison.

the dawn was breaking the bones of your heart like twigs.

a man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he’s still left with the river. a man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he’s still left with his hands.

i will turn myself into a gun, because i’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. i’ll be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue.

as everything is a metaphor for itself.

something’s not right about what i’m doing but i’m still doing it - living in the worst parts, ruining myself.

if the window is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing river water.

you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn’t do, because you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore.

what is a ghost? something dead that seems to be alive. something dead that doesn’t know it’s dead.

you try to warn him, you tell him you will want to get inside him, and ruin him, but he doesn’t listen. you do this, you do. you take things you love and tear them apart.

do you love yourself? i don’t have to answer that. it should matter.

things happen all the time, things happen every minute that have nothing to do with us.

the boy on the bridge. the boy who always keeps me from jumping off the bridge. oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued.

i am singing now while rome burns. we are all just trying to be holy.

the best part of spirituality is reverence. there are other parts. some people like to hear the sound of their own voice.

you are a fever i am learning to live with, and everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel.

you need it for the moment you need it, then you bless it.

there’s a black dog and there’s a white dog, depends on which you feed. depends on which damn dog you live with.

desire, like a monster, crawls up out of the lake.

there’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly.

evidence of evil but not proof.

a hammer is a hammer when it hits the nail. a hammer is not a hammer when it’s sleeping. i woke up tired of being the hammer.

the maiden flees or prays, depending.

this is the testimony of the deer: solitude, the long corridors, love from a distance.

if it hurts, we’re doing it to ourselves.

cut me open and the light streams out. stitch me up and the light keeps streaming out between the stitches.

take the light inside you like a blessing, like a knee in the chest.

he knows that when you snap a mast it’s time to get a set of oars or learn to breathe underwater.

if you don’t believe in god or fate you still must believe in narrative.

two brothers: one of them wants to take you apart. two brothers: one of them wants to put you back together. it’s time to choose sides now. the stitches or the devouring mouth?

he took the gods and made them human.

is that too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you?

in the wrong light anyone can look like a darkness.

god is the space between two men and the devil is the space between two men.

i make up things that i would never say. i say them very quietly.

the body of life is a nightmare.

she existed enough to be painted. she could have been an idea, but that’s another kind of existing.

we have not touched the stars nor are we forgiven.

a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.

[stumblingoverchaos]

Collage, acrylic paint, gel plate printing, postcard by @tyrograph

"Hello darling, sorry about that. Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and I how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. Especially that, but I should have known. You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back. I'm not really sure why I do it, but in this version, you are NOT feeding yourself to a bad man against a black sky prickled with small lights. I take it back... Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed. Crossed out. Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something underneath the floorboards. Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle reconstructed. Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all forgiven, even though we didn't deserve it." -Richard Siken, "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out"

[ticklygiggles]

Tickletober Day 29: Scary movie

Ft. Elias x Chise

Chise has been through a lot during her life. She had seen things hard to describe, terrifying to anyone. Things that no one could imagine. So it was no wonder she was bored to the bone watching this horrendous 'scary' movie. Actually, she was feeling drowsy and would have fallen asleep if it wasn't for the spontaneous screams from the few people in the cinema

"So this scares humans?"

Chise looked up and met Elias' human face. He watched the movie with interest rather than fear and Chise doubted there was anything that could scare Elias, (as long as it didn't involve Chise's well being, of course), but he still insisted they watched this movie; something about being festive with Halloween coming up and all, something Chise couldn't be any less interested in.

She yawned, her eyelids feeling heavy. She rather be studying magic right now.

"Elias, can we go home?" She whispered, gently touching Elias' arms.

"Ah, yes, Chise," he nodded, but his eyes were still glued to the big screen. "Just... Could you wait just a few minutes? I'd like to see how it ends."

Chise huffed. He was way too interested in this, but if she stayed there for one more minute, Elias would have to carry her sleeping body in his arms and she couldn't live with that shame.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned one more time before her eyes fell back on the side of Elias' face. She couldn't get used to the fakeness of it. Of course, it looked like any other face, the skin warm and soft and the features completely normal, but Chise enjoyed Elias' true form better. The real him.

Without noticing, her hands had caught one of Elias'. She played with his fingers, they were long, bony and warm. Elias barely seemed to notice her touch until she lightly dragged her fingers across the palm of his hand, Elias' fingers twitched and he looked at her.

"That tickled, Chise," he whispered and Chise felt her cheeks warming up.

"I'm sorry."

Elias nodded. "It's fine, but please be careful, if I were to laugh in a place like this... it could be inconvenient for all the people here."

Chise nodded, staring at Elias' soft smile before he turned to keep watching the movie. Certainly, that was something she did like about that form. It was hard to tell if Elias was smiling (or if he ever did), when he was in the form Chise knew, but in his human form, his lips curled happily almost every time he spoke with Chise.

She liked it.

And now she wanted to see more. That was, at least, way more interesting right now.

She carefully moved so Elias wouldn't notice, and she placed her hand against his side. She felt him flinch, perhaps because she was touching him, but didn't do anything about it and kept watching the movie.

Chise waited a few minutes, just to make Elias forget about her hand there, but then, when she thought it had been long enough, she squeezed.

"Chihise!" He gasped, hurriedly covering his mouth and heavily jerking to the other side. "What- What are you doing?!"

"Nothing," Chise whispered, squeezing his side again and again and again. "Just... tickling you, I think."

Elias covered his mouth with both hands and leaned forward, his body trembling with his suppressed laughter and trying to cover his side with his elbow. Meanwhile, Chise's cheeks ached from smiling already, (something she didn't do very often), as she reached over Elias doubled over body to also tickle his other side.

Elias jolted, straightening his back and crushing Chise's arm between his back and the seat. Chise could see his face now: his eyes were squeezed shut and she could see little laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. A blush crept up his cheekbones squeezed by his hands.

He looked... cute.

Chise gulped, "Elias... does it really tickle that bad?"

Elias shook his head, "dohohon't tehease mehe!" She could hear him giggle out from behind his hands. "Plehehease, Chihise! Peheheople will- gahahaha!"

Elias doubled over again, squirming in his seat when Chise moved up to his ribs.

"Nohohot thehere!"

"Why? Does it tickle really-

A wave of loud screams filled the whole cinema and Elias took the opportunity to uncover his mouth and let out a loud laugh that was lost in a sea of ​​screams. Chise giggled too, rubbing her fingers against the sensitive bones while the commotion quiet down.

"G-Gohohoodnehehess, Chihihise!" Elias giggled breathlessly when Chise finally let go once silent fell upon them again. "Why ahahare you dohoing this?"

Chise shrugged, "I was a little bored. I don't like this movie."

"Chise, I really want to see the movie and- nohoho!"

Elias covered his mouth again and kicked his leg when Chise spidered her fingers against his knee. He shook his head and Chise giggled softly.

Chise thought that now she felt a little fond of Elias' human form, after all, tickling him like this was way funnier than that horrible movie!

[malaisequotes]

“Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. Especially that, but I should have known.”

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out by Richard Siken

[m0us34rt]

Ohmygodd

Some lines from Crush by Richard Siken that are INCREDIBLY nygmobblepot coded :)

I saw someone else compare the poems and DUDE! (All tragic gay people are Richard Siken coded)

Let me ramble about them (I can be normal I promise O_o)

“Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. Especially that, but I should’ve known. You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.”

“I wanted to fall down right there but I knew you wouldn’t catch me because you’re dead. I swallowed crushed ice pretending it was glass and you’re dead. Ashes to ashes.”

“And I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t sit or still fix things and I wake up and I wake up and you’re still dead, you’re under the table, you’re still feeding the damn dog, you’re cutting the room in half.”

“His voice on tape, his name on the envelope, the soft sound of a body falling off a bridge behind you, the body hardly even makes a sound. The waters of the dead, a clear road, every lover in the form of stars, the road blocked.”

“You’re going to die in your best friends arms. And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down, you’ve memorized it, it’s all you know.”

“I took the bullet for all the wrong reasons, I’d just as soon kill you myself, I say.”

“But we both know how this goes — I say I want you inside me and you joke my head underwater, I say I want you inside me and you split me open with a knife.”

“Do you want it? Do you want anything I have? Will you throw me on the ground like you mean it, reach inside and wrestle it out with your bare hands? If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.”

“Here is the black box, the shut eye, the bullet pearling in his living skin. This boy, half destroyed, screaming drive into that tree, drive off the embankment. Henry, make something happen.”

“Explaining will get us nowhere. I was away, I didn’t know where, lying on the floor, pretending I was dead. I wanted to hurt you but the victory is that I could not stomach it.”

[kaczynskis-ass-kisser]

“The love was there. It didn't change anything. It didn’t save anyone. There were just too many forces against it. But it still matters that the love was there.”

"Turn my eyes, I see you stare 'Cross the room and right at me Now you're smiling like you've got Like you've got something on your mind"

― Mehro, "chance with you"

and

"When you think no one's watching I'm watching only you When you feel no one's listening I hear through the noise to hear you"

― Shannon Saunders, "Atlas"

and

"Feeling the way you breath down my side I'll never escape you, I can never try Seeing the way you look in my eyes I'm lost in illusion, my world set aside"

― The Irrepressibles, "To Be"

and

"I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care

But it's so cold and I don't know where"

― Tom Odell, "Another Love"

and

“You're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for.” ― Richard Siken, Crush

and

“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.

These, our bodies, possessed by light.

Tell me we'll never get used to it.”

― Richard Siken, Crush

and

“We can't hold hands― Someone might see. Won't you please Hold toes with me?” ― Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It

and

"Does it seem too hard? Does it seem alright To keep in touch?"

― Mehro, "hideous"

and

"How was the world before the big melt happened? How was the sun when it could touch your skin? How was it all before the city died?"

― Black Casino and the Ghost, "How Was the World"

and

"Can't you look at me? Am I that hideous to you? Can't you talk to me? Do I really mean nothing to you?"

― Mehro, "hideous"

and

"So this is the subterranean life. If it can't be conjugated onto us, what good is it?" ― John Ashbery, A Wave

and

“Sorry about that. Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. Especially that, but I should have known."

― Richard Siken, Crush

and

“With this bullet lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because it’s all I have, because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. I’ll be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue and final resting, walking around with this bullet inside me ‘cause I couldn’t make you love me and I’m tired of pulling your teeth.” ― Richard Siken, Crush

and

“If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.” ― Richard Siken, Crush

and

"How we got there, how we flew up Heaven's doors are miles away 'Cause you're stuck to the ground You have to stay"

― Panchiko, "Laputa"

and

“There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, So just give me a happy middle And a very happy start.” ― Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It

[possamble]

im a crazy and insane poetry lover who likes connecting poetry to my fave stories and little creature is so canon in my brain that I've started doing it with ur fic. anyway. "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out" by Richard Siken is so so falin (and mildly marcille but mostly falin) core. like the lines "I can tell already you think I’m the dragon, / that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon. / I’m not the princess either." are just... Falin is and isn't the dragon she is inseparable now from the dragon but she is also Falin. And she is removing herself from this damsel in distress image that she was in for the entirety of the story and that Marcille still sort of sees her as...someone to be saved and protected and coddled and not someone doing the saving. and then also "Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we / lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell / and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. / Especially that, but I should have known. / You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together / to make a creature that will do what I say / or love me back." specifically with the last chapter like ougghghh my god I'm sorry I cant go in depth I have class in like 2 minutes but I'm sure u Get It like the dragon being willing to change so she can be something that falin loves and her refusing that ougghhhhh I love this fic so much

gosh i think this is one of the first times i've had my writing connected to poetry by someone else im very flattered;; thank you so much!!

[zuffer-weird-girl]

*plays the organ like a maniac* is HERE *maniacal laughter

A/n: IM GOING TO BE VERY ESPECIFIC ON THIS ONE AND I hope you all read very carefully

This fic will contain mental and physical abuse towards the reader and Eri, blood, violence, abuse towards reader and Eri, poor and fool language, poor conditions of living, forced pregnancy, Overhaul is a massive crazy mother fucking sociopath very uncaring individual

Some way this is actually a Overhaul x reader but not really? Is dub/con.

This piece is not lovey dovey like others I did it, so please pay attention to the warnings and if you're a minor kindly get the hell out of here. Please.

"So I was like 'WHAT THE HELL YURI?!' And I-....(L/n)-chan?" You hummed at your colleague while you made sure all of your documents were in order for your near job interview "You didn't even listened to me at all did you?" She deadpanned at you as you finally looked at then.

"I'm sorry." You gave a tiny false smile at them"I'm just anxious."

"Do you still think you can get a job on that hero agency? Come on." She puffed while lighting up her cigarette "You're quirkless. What use can you do on their agency? Bet you will bust serving coffee for others like usual." She smiled devilish as you glared at her before taking your things and getting out of the cafeteria.

"Is better try to be something useful than listening to you shit talking about your husband. Poor guy I swear." You rolled your eyes listening to her screams and some other employees of the place hold her while you walked away.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, you grabbed your cellphone and checked twice the address while biting your bottom lip out of nervousness.

"Trying won't cost my life but maybe my dignity..." You sighed in almost defeat "what will they say? Oh you can clean the bathrooms? Oh sorry we have someone with a quirk to do that already."

Shaking your head you started to walk a bit faster..

.

Someone! Anyone! PLEASE!

.

"And that's why I think that I shoul-OUCH!" You flinched at the weight suddenly bumping into your right and making your curriculum drop from your hand and fall into the ground along with you on your knees "Hey! What giv-!" you were about to cuss someone out until you saw a trembling white haired girl who looked at you with the most frightening look you had ever seem on your life.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." You murmured, about to help her until she flinched away from you, violently, making you retreat your hand just as fast. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, you're okay?" You whispered gently and offering your hand once again as she trembled took it and let you help her up.

"Are you lost?" She looked at the ground "Are... your parents nearby? I can help." Your eyes darkened at noticing the inumerous bandages around both her arms and legs "My God are you okay?!" You kneeled again on the ground and hold onto her fragile and bony elbows delicately as you checked her over as she seemed in lost on how you were acting towards her.

"Look at you, poor girl..." You murmured before letting go of her hesitantly "I'm sorry, what's your name sweetie? Maybe I can help?" You begged mentally for her to open her mouth at least.

"I-I... I-I... sorry..." She sounded like she was about to cry until you noticed that she hurriedly took a few steps and grabbed your curriculum and handed it over to you with shaky hands

"No no no!" You shake your hands at her gesture "This is not important right now, I just want to help you okay? Maybe even be friends?"

"F... Fri..ends?" She murmured while you nodded "Wha.. what is that?"

Oh fuck. Your heart broke.

"O-oh. You know? Someone you can trust on? Help you, Tell things, play games..." You spoke with pain in your heart as the little girl mourned over your words while clenching a bit on the paper.

"Yo.. you're nice..." You smiled at her attitude as you giggled a bit to ease the tense atmosphere.

"You are nice too. Can I know your name? Mine is (L/n) (Y/n), but if you prefer you can just call me by my first name. I won't mind."

She seemed about to speak until a much deeper, darker and masculine voice took over the atmosphere. Making the girl freeze and a shiver run down your spine.

"How many times do I have to tell you to not cause trouble for others?" Immediatly you stood up to be in front of the girl until your breath hitched.

Before you. There stood a man, dark brown hair, piercing amber eyes that made you want to open open a whole on the ground and hide and the most confused yet frightening thing about him was the plague mask he carried on his face. You stood your ground and started to glare at him at seeing the girl besides you was now clenching on your clothes at the sign of this guy.

"Forgive me for my daughter miss. She likes to play around a lot and results on getting hurt like this." You couldn't see, but by the way his eyes moved you could imagine he was forcing a small chuckle "You have no idea how much first aid kits I have to buy for her."

"Daughter?" You mumbled before looking at the girl again... they seemed nothing alike, and she also seemed to fear this man to death. "Forgive me to say this, but she looks scared... Can.. Can you even prove she is your daughter?" You gulped at the way his eyes blinked slowly.

"She likes to play the victim. Just because I give her a scolding she acts out like this." He sighed "And why would I need to prove that?"

"Be-Because-!" You breathed in "Is only normal for someone to worry for a child that is running without no one and looks like she saw the damn buggyman." The girl looked ar you in shock as she clenched on you for support.

"As I said. She is only acting out. Is getting difficult to raise a kid those days." He hissed as you only glared back at him before he sighed, making a "come over" signal with his gloved hand "BUT if you insist, I can show you even my house and her documents providing that I am her father."

"That would be great." You nodded at him before picking the girl up and holding her close as you followed him.

"But out of curiosity," he glanced back at you as you walked "Don't you even have another place to be? You look way too formal for a simple walk on the park." He mumbled nonchantly as you mentally cried about your lost interview.

"Is nothing important. It can wait."

"Eri is just as stubborn as you seem to be." You arched an eyebrow at seeing him subtly take a inch of his gloves off and that action was enough for the girl to gasp in horror and jump from your arms and run towards him.

"W-Wait!" You whispered quietly as she got to him with a defeated expression.

"Oh? Already done with your tantrum? And you even stole something from this lady. Naughty girl." He growled the last two words as you made your best to not tremble in fear at this as he yanked the papers out of the girl's grasp and read them... a few seconds passed and his monotonous cold eyes suddenly turned wide in shock before turning back to normal to look at you.

"It seems that this holds false information about you. It says that you have no possession of a quirk." He shaked a bit the papers before you marched over to him and took it away from him.

"I am quirklesa mister." You hissed "And you can try to insult me but trust me, I listened to ever possible thing."

"Actually I was gonna say this quite intriguing."

...

"Eh?"

The man only stared back at you as you tried to process what he was talking about.

"Either way-" you shook your head "Back to the point. She went with you, but that doesn't prove that you are her father, or even if she wants to be with you."

He glared at you for a second before turning his gaze to the girl beside him.

Your eyes widened at seeing she trembly give a responde.

"H-He.. he is miss. I.. I just broke a vase and ran away."

"Then why are you dressed like this? No shoes even. Doesn't your..." You looked at him for a second "dad buy them for you?"

"He-He... uh.."

"Shy as always." The man interrupted "You see, I buy all kinds of toys and clothes, but she rather stay with those, and she also throws a tantrum if I try to put shoes on her. Is quite a hassle." There goes that fake chuckle again as you bited your lips.

"I saw that you were going to an job interview by seeing these curriculum of yours. Forgive me and my daughter for this inconvenience."

"Uh... no problem. I was just really worried about her." You stared at him as he seemed only curious about how you stood your ground against him.

"You certainly are someone whose doesn't fear to speak what you want."

"Not when I see something wrong about it." You spoke before crouching down in front of Eri and your face softened as you talked to her. "Eri-chan, I meant it I would love to be your friend and talk more! If you want to I will be around the area if you need me ok?" You went to hug her and whispered very quietly in her ears "blink twice if you want to go with me instead of him."

She widened her eyes as soon as you let go of her and seemed to almost dive back into your embrace until the man spoke again.

"She seems to like you." You looked up at him and he hold a different expression that you couldn't exactly tell what it was "She doesn't usually get so out of her shell like these. You must be quite especial with kids."

"Oh.. uh.. " this dude left you speechless as he let out a what seemed more genuine chuckle.

"What about this? My... employees drive you to your destination, than later we can... chat. I feel like I caused a wrong impression about myself."

Something about this screamed danger in your head, but you didn't want it another lost chance of getting out of that God forbidden cafeteria but also didn't wanted to leave Eri alone.

"If... if wouldn't cause much trouble.. I would like that." The girl seemed in shock at hearing the man's words. You could see a tint bit of... hope, joy even in her eyes.

"Well, I will contact them. When is your interview again?"

.

.

.

You left with disappointment of the building but at least was happy when the hero eraserhead saw your expression and offered a cup of coffee.

What the hell were you expecting? This was freacking Endeavour agency...

"(Y/n)-chan?" You violently lifted your head up and saw the girl looking at you in equal shock before running over to you "(Y/n)-chan!" You threw the cup on the trash nearby and crouched down with a smile

"Hey you! So you really came!" She nodded until a cough caught both of your attention.

"I'm not usually a man to break my word." You blinked before standing up.

"I can see that now." Eri hesitantly clenched on your clothes again.

"I apologize, I didn't know you were going to work... here." He displayed disgust as you sighed in defeat.

"No. Apparently they don't see the value of a quirkless person working for the number kne hero agency so-" you chuckled humorless "Another failed attempt."

"Is that so? Can I offer you something to make up for this then?"

"Oh no need. I'm just glad to see Eri again to be honest." You smiled down at her as she made her self small enough to hide on you "By the way. What's your name sir? We didn't introduce ourselves yet."

"Overhaul. And you are (L/n) (Y/n) according to Eri." He sended a look at her "Is impolite to call someone by their first name if you don't know them well."

"Is okay. I offered her to do it. Is not a big deal. Right? Eri-chan?" She looked up at you like you were an angel as you patted her head.

"You sure are a unique one (L/n). Quirkless and good with children." You looked back at him "What else a man could ask for?"

You didn't want it to. Really. But his comment made you blush.

"Well, me and Eri need to go back home. But I would actually enjoy to see you again, and I bet Eri would as well. Maybe even tone down a bit her bratty attitude."

You looked at the girl and she was no longer trembling like a leaf at Overhaul mentioning for her to go with him so your worries toned just a bit down.

"Well.. I work in a cafeteria nearby so...you two can visit at anytime."

His eyes darkened but you didn't noticed that as Eri asked quietly to you whT was a cafeteria as you gently explained it to her.

"That would be splendid."

.

After months, you would constantly see Overhaul and Eri come to where you worked at. And each day you saw that Eri was actually ... better? She seemed more healthy and even wore proper clothes and shoes but still wouldn't open a smile, but in her eyes you could see how she longed to see you and seemed to enter in a depressed state as the two left.

Somehow... you got close with Overhaul. The way he spoke, the way he idolized you for being unique and for your quirkless left you unarmed...

You two started to become closer until one day when you three were at the table he dropped something. And you didn't know why, but you thought you had fallen for him. A crush you guessed.

"Would you consider marrying me?" You coughed and spit your tea making Eri go wide eye and almost tear up as she cried out your name.

"Pardon? What?" You asked in shock as he merely looked back at you.

"I can see the way your colleagues make fun of you for never having any experience on a relationship and that surely irritates me a bit but relieves me at the same time." He sighed "We both get along and my daughter seems to enjoy your company, and since her mother ran away you would be a perfect example of what she should be in the future. I am a man which also gets made fun of for not having any experience, but thats because no one caught my eye like you did (Y/n)-San. And getting married with a business man like myself would increase your rank, and I would give you financial stability."

"That sounds like a sugar daddy Chisaki." You dead panned as Eri made a confused sound as he let out a dry chuckle.

"No no. Is more about your rank than giving you money. And I can catch glimpses of your attraction towards me. Is mutual dearest." Your face exploded at his words.

"Is this flirting?" Eri whispered to you as you gagged

"You don't need to answer right away. Is knly a suggestion. We can just pretend we are a couple. For both ours and my daughter sake. Everyone knows how kids can be cruel when someone doesn't have two parents present." He got up and mentioned for Eri to follow him which she sadly did.

"I will give you time to consider."

You stood there, sitted in the cafeteria, with a half bitten donut and a table with spilled coffee on it which surely you would have to clean up later, wondering about his proposal and words.

.

.

"T-The... yakusa ...." You mumbled in fear as you stood in front of the gate.

You had accepted and talked about it with Chisaki the next time he went to visit you. Eri wasn't present and he gave you a diamond ring ti wear it right there, causing your colleagues to both equal and bite themselves out of envy.

"I forgot to mention about that?" You looked at him and nodded "I apologize."

The house was big and in a traditional Japanese style you found very pleasant to look at. You were taking things out of your boxes until you notice a man leading Eri to you.

The girl, which you knew already for about 8 months smiled. Opened a huge smile at seeing you and teared up.

"(Y/n)-chan!" She threw herself at you as you hugged her close

"Eri!" You crouched down, smiling ear to ear, "You look so great! And you are smiling!"

"I am?" She tilted her head a bit as you giggled and hugged her close again.

A cough interrupted you as you looked up at a another man with a black plague mask and a white hoodie covering his head as Chisaki appeared behind him.

"This is Chronostasis. He is a subordinate of mine who will help you at any time." You nodded as Eri stood beside you.

"Chisaki-kun? W-What about where we will sleep?"

"In different rooms of course." He dead panned as you were in doubt if you felt relief or disappointment .

For a few weeks everything seemed normal and you were starting to like when people on the streets called you a cute family...

But things started to change a few months after you "married" Overhaul.

.

.

.

Walking on the corridors you searched for Eri everyday and asked for everyone that crossed your for the girl. You hadn't see her in two days and you were starting to get worried sick. Every time you would ask Overhaul or Chrono they would only glared at you and say that she was studying.

She was too young to study....

Overhaul was also different. He would only change a few words with you, order about how cleaning and cooking should be done and let you be.

When the night came, and the lights of the house were off you decided that enough was enough. You tip toe and made your best to not make a sound and soon spotted Chrono and Overhaul talking before opening a secret entrance. You were in shock but still didn't dare to speak.

You waited a few seconds for later to see the secret door. It led you to a pack of stairs to a subsolo area .. you gulped down your fear and got down to an area that was cold and all white... reminding you even of hall's of hospitals that gave you chills.

You flinched when you heard screams. Childish screams, girl screams. Your girl screams.

Eri.

Your heart stopped as you started to run towards the sound and froze at seeing the horror displayed in front of you.

Overhaul, was literally breaking apart Eri's body into freacking atoms and replacing it back as she was tied to a chair as the other male, Chrono took the blood of her junto tiny capsules as you put your hands on your mouth to prevent a scream. In your state of fear you decided to hide behind a wall until it was safe to come out.

"This should be enough for today." You shivered at hearing the emotionless and numb tone of voice of your supposed husband.

"Overhaul, your spouse was asking about the girl once again. Maybe it would be better if at least let her see Eri?" You never heard Chrono's voice...

"She can try but it will not happen. I will make her forget about Eri existence. I know the area of the brain which holds memories. I can just overhaul it."

You started to cry.

"Although she can go to the police" You heard the exiting the room and walking away as you tried to keep your breath steady "After all, when you met (Y/n) she almost did that."

"Again. She has no choice. I know basically every little step that woman takes, and by far, she has nk way of escaping this place. (Y/N) is on the palm of my hand. Although to remain the status and appearances, she needs to learn a lot until she becomes the perfect model of a yakuza's wife."

"Certainly. But she is a feisty one"

"Not for long. I will break that courageous spirit she has, and construct her into the perfect role. Just as I want planned to be."

You clenched your teeth and made stopped yourself from breathing when they came back and went upstairs and closed the door as you got out of your hiding spot and ran towards the corridors while crying in anger.

"Damn bastard!" You clenched your teeth until you abruptly opened the door making Eri flinch..

The girl you came to know was even worse than she was when you first met her.

"(Y/n)-San!" She gagged your name in horror as you checked her over "Y-You have to get out of here! Please!"

"Don't worry sweetie, I will take us both out of here. Away from that monster. I should have trusted my institution back then." You hugged her while crying "I'm so sorry Eri!"

She pulled you away crying hysterically "Please! He will kill you! You need to get out of here! Please mom!"

You gulped down a sob as she accidentally called you that as you picked her up.

"No eri. If that bastard comes near you again I will-"

"You will what, wife?"

You froze as Eri shrieked, ruby eyes looking behind you as you started to tremble as well.

You turned only the side of your head to see the man you now despised the most as she glared at you back.

"You should be in your room now, what are you doing in here?" He spoke way too calm for your taste.

"What am I-?! YOU'RE KIDDING?!" You clung onto Eri as you cried "WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEANS OVERHAUL?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?!"

"I don't have any kids." He sighed in irritatio as he took both of his gloves off very slowly making Eri starts to sob.

"THE WHY THE FUCK LIE TO ME?! WHY TREAT A CHILD LIKE THIS?! YOU FUCKING DISGRACE OF HUMAN BEING!"

"Now now. Aren't you being a bit too rude with your husband, wife?" He approached you slowly as you death glared at him.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND ERI! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE I MADE A MISTAKE ON MARRYING A MONSTER LIKE YOURSELF!" You shouted at the top of your lungs.

You gasped when you felt Eri being rudely taken away from your grip by Chrono as you shouted.

"No one will hear you wife. We are on the underground remember? I thought you were smarter than this." Chrono dragged Eri away from you as you went to grab her Chisaki gripped your wrist with brute force making you wince but never to stop glaring at him "I think I need to train you like a pet to understand your place in here."

"LET GO OF ME!" You tried to yank away but in a blink you felt tremendous pain, you saw pitch black and green last thing you could hear was Eri anguish sobs and scream pleading for him not to do this.

You died....

.

You gasped and tried to get up only to that one of yours hands was chained to a bed, along with both of you feet. You started hyperventilating. You died. You were sure you had just died. You looked around in panic that it was a new room. A whole ass white room.

What the hell?

You flinched when you heard steps until you choked when you saw overhaul entering with a pitch black mask and a metal table with a few... utensils.

"Awake I see." He murmured as you started to shake your whole body to get rid of the chains "Tsk. No need for that. Only a key or my quirk can get you out of there wife. Give up."

You scoffed and glared at him.

"What did you do to me? I freacking thought I died." You hissed as he grabbed a pair of plastic gloves and put them one.

"You did my dear. After all you didn't followed the orders." He blinked nonchantly as you observed him as he approached you slowly.

"Where the fuck is Eri?" You growled as he sighed.

"Eri is only good for my product. Her quirk is exactly what I need all these years to cure this sickness spread around the word that everyone call it quirks. Society is corrupted (Y/n)."

"But.." You looked at him in horror as his eyes glowed as he watched your frame tremble "You my dear, is a exception. With me correcting your minor defective attitudes you will become a being just as pure as a angel, a perfect model and a perfect wife for me. The leader of the Shie Hassaikai. With my new drug thanks to Eri's blood, this hero society will soon collapse. And we can finally live in a world full of sickness, doesn't this bring excitement to you?"

Silence stabilized in the room before enough finally found your voice as you stared in horror at the man before you.

"Are you crazy?" His expression fell a bit "You're torturing a child for this? Erase quirks from the world? Overhaul that's insane..." You shook your head in disbelief "Where the hell is your humanity?!"

His expression turned into one of anger as he scoffed and started to sanitize something before he sended an one eye glared to you.

"You speak like him. But do not worry. As soon as you get it, as soon as you see the big picture like I see. You will understand it. And about Eri? I am studying to get you to forget her. She is not our daughter or nothing ours."

"I ONLY APROACHED YOU BECAUSE OF HER YOU SICK BASTARD!" You trashed on the bed before you screamed when he overhauled the bed and quickly grabbed you by the neck and slammed you in the wall.

"You approached me out of your will." He growled, squeezing his grasp on your neck more "If you don't start to behave, I will force myself to do the same thing I did when you sneaked without MY permission around the house and found out all of these by yourself. Do you want that? Be torn apart and build back?" You shaked your head and pleaded for him to let go of your neck as the lack of oxygen was getting to you.

"Good." He growled in your face as he let go of you abruptly, making you fall on the ground as you gasped and coughed for air "I can't believe I have so much work to do now. First that little brat, and now I have to teach my own wife how to behave. What a pain..."

You started to cry before trembling standing up before gasping when he grabbed your chin and forced you to look up at him.

"I own you. Our marriage is pretty much like a deal. So you belong to me. I will give you two options:" He approached your face and glared deep into your eyes as you cried "Or you do as I say, be a good wife for me and no one gets hurt or... I will give an ending to that girl's life." You widened your eyes as you shaked your head violently.

"NO! NO PLEASE! I WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT BUT PLEASE..." You sobbed "Don't hurt Eri Overhaul.... I beg of you, please!"

He seemed rather pleased at that as he let go of your chin and you dropped on your knees crying violently as he stared down at you.

"Don't call me that anymore." You looked up at him in fright "Call me by my tittle, husband, or my abandoned name. Kai." He crouched down to your level as gently lifted your chin up "Go on, I want to hear it from your lips."

You sobbed but soon yelled in pain when your chin started to bleed as his grip became more harsh.

"Say. My. Name. Wife." He growled between teeth as you sobbed.

"Kai! Okay?! I said it! Kai!" He pondered pondered a bit before going to your neck and overhauling a bit making you scream in pain.

"Apologize for me. Apologize for saying I have no humanity and for disobeying me. Go on."

"I-I-Im sorry! I won't do it again! I-I didn't meant it! I'm sorry! Please! It HURTS-!"

"Please what my dear?"

"PLEASE KAI I BEG OF YOU!"

"Better." He restores your skin as you breathed in in relief as tears dropped on the floor "We're getting somewhere."

.

.

Pain... reverse. Overhaul. Reverse... obey him...

You were absolutely miserable... you had lost your fight and flight spirit as soon as Over-Kai... brought Eri to the line...

You guessed that should be already two years since this happened... the walls of your room looked no different but it had more things. Jewelry, clothes....

He though that would make you light up... sick bastard.

You heard from the other side of the walls that Eri had escaped and your heart swelled at the thought. You almost never saw her. Just a few times when you begged on your knees to Kai that at least one second you could see each other.

Eri no longer smiled while seeing you, she only cried and apologized for bringing you into this.

A door opened and you flinched in your bed as you saw Kai entering and taking off his mask.

"I got her back. It was a hassle since two heroes student caught her. But she is back." You cursed the heavens inside your head as you felt tears grow into your eyes.

Dammit... Eri could have escaped this hell.

"The process of the bullets are going explendid well." He stopped talking before looking at you arching an eyebrow... expecting something you already knew.

"That's... excellent to hear... darling." Your voice was weak and hoarse due ti your crying, thinking that Eri had escaped and now was safe and sound.

"Isn't it? Now. The yakusa is more close to getting their respect back." He mumbled before looking at you again "You've been behaving very well these months. Maybe I should give you something?"

You visibly perked up as you looked at him in hope.

"Can.. I see Eri.. just for a bit? I want to know how she is..." his humors darkened a bit as he scoffed.

"After years and you don't let go of this brat.... very well." He opened the door as you slowly got up from the bed and followed him to Eri'sroom

It has now loaded with toys and as soon as she heard the door open she flinched away but as soon as she saw your face she started to sob and you kneeled on the ground embracing her. She had now long hair....

"You almost did it..." You cried silently "You were so brave Eri..." yours tears soaked her little dress as hers soaked your clothes as well.

"I'm so sorry! IM SORRY!" She sobbed in your arms as you tried to shush and calm her down

Kai didn't allowed you two together for along time... you didn't know why, but he always claimed that you would get attached to the wrong child...

You didn't get it until today... as you were returning back to your prison...

He hold on his gloved hand a a little pot with something in it and a syringe in the other.

Your curiosity got the best of you sadly...

"Husband... what is this? Vitamins again?" You spoke nimbly as he stared at you before chuckling.

"No no. Not this time." You clenched your eyes a bit before he commanded for you to lay down with your stomach to the air as he made you fall asleep with another drug.

When you woke up you accidentally flinched when you felt a pair of lips kissing your forehead as you looked up at Chisaki looking at you with the same cold eyes.

"Wha.. what did you-"

"Your exams will come back by the morning. Let's see if it fertilized."

"F-fertilized? What?" You mumbled in horror.

"Well dear. It's been two years since our marriage and.. well." He got up from the bed and stared at the towel on the desk before grabbing it "I need a heir for the Hassaikai. I'm still quite young, but better prevent than to let this happen later."

"H-heir...?" You mumbled in horror as you felt cold sweat slide down your back.

"Precisely." He glanced at you "I adore you. Your expressions, your body... everything. You're the sculpture of beauty. Just imagine what a pure being will be our own flesh and blood child."

"I-I..." You started to tremble "I don't know about that dear... y-you don't like touching r-remember?" You trembled "Imagine how would you react to sex? Is q-quite messy."

He studied your expressions for a bit before chuckling

"Well, I am a mysophobjc. But I am a man. But I will not force you into intimate activities... yet." You felt tears accumulating "but I do want a heir. So I myself decided to make this work. Without assaulting you."

You stared in horror at him.

"Y-You... didn't... d-did you-?"

"Yes wife of mine."

No... God please no he didn't do this to you.

"Artificial insemination was such a blessing that humanity did it. Finally not a error."

.

.

That night you didn't sleep, and when Chrono threw the papers you screamed in terror.

It was positive. You were pregnant with this monster's child.

You kneeled on the ground and screamed, punche dthe ground and cried your eyes out for this fucking hell you were forced into.

.

.

You flinched when the ground started to tremble until you screamed when you saw Chrono and the hero Eraserhead falling and battling.You didn't know what the fuck was going, what was happening and the look the hero sended to you did not help to cease your tears.

A teenage boy with a quirk about food helped you out as Eraser did his best to help you as well as you saw Chrono being arrested.

"W-What is happening?" You shaked as the heroes carried you out of the underground and out of the house.

Out of this hell.

"Is over miss.." Eraserhead coughed a bit before he looked at you more closely "Don't I know you?"

"I-I don't know..." You widened your eyes at Chisaki being arrested and soon later seeing Eri walking towards you then running crying hysterically.

You hugged her close as you finally cried to your heart content.... you were somehow free...

Out of that man's grasp...

Finally...

.

.

"I'm so glad to see you again miss (L/n)! You look so much better! BUT I DIDN'TEXPECTED TO SEE YOU AND ERI SO SOON I'm so happy!" You smiled at the green haired boy. You had watched U.A festival along with Mirio and Eri.. you felt somehow guilty about learning that the blonde didn't had his quirk anymore but he only hugged you close and also apologized for not coming sooner to the rescue.

"I'm glad to see you too Midoriya." You giggled before watching in adoration as Eri with U.A students, such as Uraraka, Kirishima, Tsuyu, the big three.. now you knew almost all of their names thanks to Shota.

"We decided is the best to watch over them here in U.A." aizawa started to explain as Eri showed you the pigtails Nejire had just done on her hair as you praised on how she looked and how Nejire did such cute pigtails.

"I understand Eri-chan but, sorry (L/n)-san?" You hummed at Kirishima "You don't have no one?" You smiled sadly as you shook your head.

"But that's no because I'm staying over here. I'm quirkless but I have a few knowledge about nursing so..." Midoriya hugged you tight as you gasped for air and laughed at the sudden show of affection as he cried about how you were a brilliant hero.

"And because of other thing." Aizawa mumbled as you sighed sadly... all students seemed curious as you decided to speak.

"I'm.. pregnant."

"WITH MISTER AIZAWA'S CHILD?!" the students shouted and your face was now tomato red as Shota face palmer.

"I KNEW IT! MISTER AIZAWA ALWAYS TALK ABOUT YOU! I WON THE BET!" Kirishima yelled before Aizawa wrapped him up and squeezed his mouth shut

"Everyone in the class knows he has a crush on you (L/n)-San!" Urakaka and Tsuyui started to cheer along before you gently stopped them.

"I'm flattered. But... no is not Aizawa-sensei..." You mumbled sadly as mentioned for nejire and Mirio to take Eri out.. "I was forced to get pregnant while I was in overhaul grasp. To give him a heir... it was through artificial insemination though."

The whole room stayed in shock... the girl's were in state of horror in anger.

"Can.. Can't you.. you know?" Uraraka mumbled sadly as you shook your head.

"The fetus is now developing, the doctors said that it could risk my own life a abortion, and is not this child fault what happened to me so..." You sat down, maintaining your tears at bay as all students held their anger for your sake until Aizawa sat next to you.

"I will help you out. Whatever you think is the best I will agree with it. Now that the hard part is over, at least we can take care of it..."

"BESIDES!" Mirio bargeg in along with Eri as you squeaked "We are here! WE AREHEROES AFTER ALL!"

You stared at Eri whose smile was vibrant as she walked to you and held your face the same way you did when you found her.

"I will help you out mom! No matter what! ." She giggled which made you tear up as you sobbed quietly.... felling Eri hug you and a pair of muscular arms and dark hair block your vision as you thanked them. Over and over again.

.

Don't know if I should write a Parr 2 but oh well here comes shit writing I hope you guys enjoy ^^

[ickypuppi3]

sometimes you have to just stop and think about how someone has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of this story and sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine. i couldn't get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time and God is the space between two men and the Devil is the space between two men and i think i’d rather keep the bullet. it’s mine, see, i’m not giving it up. this way you still owe me, and that’s as good as anything and with this bullet lodged in my chest, covered with your name, i will turn myself into a gun, because it’s all i have, because i’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own and i couldn’t make you love me and i’m tired of pulling your teeth and i sleep. i dream. i make up things that i would never say. i say them very quietly and sorry about that. sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud. especially that, but i should have known and-

[chromehcart]

timeline: late may 2016

event: interview

members: all

+

They were on their fourth interview of the day and Derek John was about to lose his mind. It felt like he had cabin fever, but they'd been shuttled around Los Angeles all day, running around from location to location. He'd forgotten just how insane album promo was.

He needed a nap or a coffee or a 5 Hour Energy. They'd been up since seven in the morning and now it was seven in the evening and his body was screaming for rest. Maybe if he closed his eyes for just a second, he'd be fine.

Cam's bony little fingers dug into his side, snapping him to attention. "Despierta. Las cámaras están rodando," he whispered.

Derek John pushed his hand away, but locked their points together. "'M awake. Sorry."

"Everything good over there?" Alvin asked from the opposite end of the couch they were on, ever attentive. He was using his kindergarten teacher voice. The one that said, "You're being disruptive but I'm not going to tell you off until the cameras are gone."

Derek John sent him a thumbs up.

The interviewer took that as his cue to start. "Hi, everyone! I'm Martin Cane for Pop Scene, here with Chrome Heart, the boyband who has taken the world by storm! Why don't you guys introduce yourselves for the people living under a rock?"

As he handed Alvin the mic, Derek John leaned over to whisper to Cam. "Is this a teen girl magazine or a tabloid?"

"Magazine," Cam replied, just before Ross handed him the mic. "Hi, I'm Cam!"

He held the mic up to Derek John's mouth, wiggling his eyebrows as they made eye contact.

Laughing before he could stop the sound, he said, "Sup? I'm Derek John."

"What's funny?" Martin Cane asked, accepting his mic back in confusion.

"They're flirting," Eddie said, earning one of Alvin's elbows in the ribs.

Martin pulled a face, but continued on as if no one had spoken. Derek John made a show of grabbing Cam's hand, just to watch him squirm in discomfort. "We have some questions that were submitted by your very dedicated fans, Heartshakers–"

"Heartstoppers," Cam corrected, as Ross snorted.

"Oh, my bad." He didn't sound at all apologetic. Derek John officially didn't like this dude.

Cam turned to him and cooed, grabbing his chin. "Arréglate la cara." Fix your face.

"Your fans want to know what everyone contact information is for each other. Like, what do you guys have each other saved as in your phones?"

In sync, they all pulled their phones from their pockets, and Ross laughed.

Alvin cleared his throat, ready to begin. "I'll just go down the line. Eddie is just Eddie, Ross is Rossstar, Cam is Baby C, and Derek John is Derek John in all capital letters with four exclamation points."

Eddie laughed as he looked at the group chat. Cam had just sent a text that read, "this guy does NOT want to be here". He looked at the camera, trying to contain himself. "I have us all as the Spice Girls. Alvin is Posh, Ross is Sporty, Derek John is Scary, Cam is Baby, and I don't have my own number saved, obviously, but I'm Ginger by process of elimination."

"Shouldn't Ross and Derek John be switched?" Martin asked. "Because you know..." He gestured between them.

Alvin narrowed his eyes. "Quit while you're ahead, sir. Have your people edit that out."

Ross filled the awkward silence with a smile. "My turn! Okay, most of these are inside jokes, and it would take way too long to explain but: Eds is Artist Extraordinare–"

Eddie groaned. "You still haven't changed that?"

"Alvin is Mr. Dad. Cam is Cute As A Button. And Derek John is Bestie Forever, but spelled with a 4 and five A's at the end. because I've had his contact saved since I was thirteen."

"Wait, that's kind of adorable," Alvin said. Ross jokingly blew him a kiss, and Martin cringed.

Cam draped his leg over Derek John's, sending him a look as if to say, "You see it too, right?"

He turned back to the camera, flashing his well practiced smile. "My phone is in Spanish, so all my contacts are in Spanish. But–"

"Why is your phone in Spanish?"

Alvin said, "Spanish is his first language. He was born in Mexico." He was the Patron Saint of Patience, but even he sounded annoyed.

"Anyways," Cam continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted, "Alvin is Hermano Mayor, Eddie is El Diablo con el corazón, Ross is Payaso, and Derek John is Mi Corazón."

Derek John's own heart stopped. "Wait, for real?"

Cam nodded, sending him that shy smile that he usually saved for when they were alone.

Ross turned to Alvin. "What are we missing?"

Alvin laughed, the sound tinged with affection. "Cam called Eddie the devil," he said, pointedly not mentioning the most important part. Derek John loved him.

"Hey!" Eddie exclaimed, and they all laughed.

"What about you, Derek John?" Martin said, obviously trying to regain control. At least he'd gotten his name right.

Derek John forced himself to look away from Cam and his sparkling eyes. "Um," he cleared his throat, trying to pull himself together. He could already see the fifty gifsets of their moment forming behind his eyes. "Alvin is," a laugh burst from his mouth as he remembered what he'd changed it to recently, "He's Guapo Papi."

Alvin choked. "Derek John!"

"It was Cam's idea!" he argued, still laughing.

Giggling like a fool, Cam turned to Alvin, blowing him exaggerated kisses. "Tu es muy, muy guapo, papi!"

Alvin rolled his eyes, fighting a smile. "You two are going to give me gray hair."

"You love us," Derek John teased, before looking back at his phone. "Eddie is Edwin Jarvis The Third, Ross is Bestest Friend, with five exclamation points, and Cam is Mi Otra Mitad."

Cam sent him another shy smile as Martin said, "Wow, that was all very informative."

-

The rest of the interview was standard questions: "What's your favorite song of the album?", "Who's your favorite musician?", "What do you look for in a girl?" That kind of thing. (Alvin very subtly saved Cam from that last one when Martin was trying to pressure him about it.)

Now they were on their final question, and freedom was about to be so sweet. Derek John couldn't wait to go back to their hotel room and sleep for the rest of the night. He didn't even care about dinner or anything, he just wanted to rest.

"Okay, sadly we've come to our last question of the day," Martin said, not even bothering to fake an ounce of sadness. "This one says: Say one thing you love and one thing you hate about the member next to you."

Derek John was sure they all immediately got war flashbacks to them doing the exact same thing when their relationship was ready to implode during StarCaster. He held back a shudder.

Alvin took the lead as always. "One thing I love about Eddie is his dedication. He'll always show up for us, and I really appreciate that. One thing I hate.." he paused pretending to think, "Probably when you use all the hot water on the bus."

Eddie placed a hand over his heart. "You're so kind. Thanks for not saying I'm a massive jerk." Alvin snorted. Eddie turned to Ross, sending him a wink when they made eye contact. "I love Ross' sense of humor. He's probably the funniest person I've ever met. And I hate when he's playing games on his phone until three in the morning because it keeps me up at night."

Ross rolled his eyes. "I could say the same thing about you, Edster." He turned to Cam, grabbing his face and squeezing his cheeks. Cam pushed him off, sending him a mostly amused glare. "I'm gonna sound like Derek John here, but I love everything about Cam. It's really hard to pick one thing. But I'd probably say that I love how hard you care about us and our career. You work harder than anyone I've ever met and no one besides us really notices."

"It's true," Eddie agreed, as Alvin nodded along.

"Aww Rossie," Cam said, grabbing his hands. "Now what do you hate about me?"

Ross rolled his eyes. "Nothing."

"Liar."

"I'm being serious!" Ross said, laughing. "If I had to pick something, I think it'd be that you don't hang out with me enough. I know Derek John is super cool, but the rest of us like you too."

Cam giggled and clambered into his lap. "Better?"

Ross threw his head back with a laugh and Derek John smiled at the two of them. "Much."

Cam turned to face him, and the world slowed. "My DJ," he started.

Eddie groaned. "We're gonna be here all day."

Cam ignored him. "I love you. Just you. That's all I need to say." Ross sent Eddie a jokingly disgusted face. "And I hate.. I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not at all."

Derek John grinned, resisting the urge to reach out and pull him close. "You're so corny."

"Your mom's corny," Cam said, making everyone in the room burst into laughter.

As everyone was distracted by the interview ending, he got out of Ross' lap, sitting back at Derek John's side. Alvin started his standard thanks to the fans, now stream our music spiel, and Cam kissed Derek John on the cheek.

He was warm from head to toe for the rest of the night.

[medusasstory]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

By Richard Silken __

Every morning the maple leaves.

                               Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts

            from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big

and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out

You will be alone always and then you will die.

So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog

         of non-definitive acts,

something other than the desperation.

                   Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party.

Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I came to your party

         and seduced you

and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.

                                                         You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?

A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.

Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on.

What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.

            Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly

                                                                                               flames everywhere.

I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,

                that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon.

I’m not the princess either.

                           Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down.

I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,

               I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow

         glass, but that comes later.

                                                            And the part where I push you

flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,

            shut up

I’m getting to it.

                                    For a while I thought I was the dragon.

I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was

                                                                                                the princess,

cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,

          young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with

confidence

            but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess,

while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,

                                                               and getting stabbed to death.

                                    Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.

          You still get to be the hero.

You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!

                  What more do you want?

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re

            really there.

Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?

                                                       Let me do it right for once,

             for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes,

you know the story, simply heaven.

                   Inside your head you hear a phone ringing

                                                               and when you open your eyes

only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.

                               Inside your head the sound of glass,

a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.

             Hello darling, sorry about that.

                                                       Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we

lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell

                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.

            Especially that, but I should have known.

You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together

            to make a creature that will do what I say

or love me back.

                  I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not

feeding yourself to a bad man

                                                   against a black sky prickled with small lights.

            I take it back.

The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths.

                                                I take them back.

Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.

                                                                                               Crossed out.

            Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something

underneath the floorboards.

                   Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle

                                                                                                reconstructed.

Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all

               forgiven,

even though we didn’t deserve it.

                                                                    Inside your head you hear

a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you’re washing up

            in a stranger’s bathroom,

standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away

                           from the dirtiest thing you know.

All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly

                                                                                              darkness,

                                                                                     suddenly only darkness.

In the living room, in the broken yard,

                                  in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport

          bathroom’s gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of

unnatural light,

             my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away.

And then the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view

                                                            of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts.

I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,

          smiling in a way

                    that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,

          up the stairs of the building

to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,

                                                I looked out the window and said

 This doesn’t look that much different from home,

            because it didn’t,

but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.

                                           We walked through the house to the elevated train.

            All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful

                                                                                             mechanical wind.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,

            smiling and crying in a way that made me

even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I

                                                                                      just couldn’t say it out loud.

Actually, you said Love, for you,

  ��                              is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s

                                                                                                 terrifying. No one

                                                                                 will ever want to sleep with you.

Okay, if you’re so great, you do it—

                        here’s the pencil, make it work . . .

If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window

            is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing

river water.

            Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it

                                                                                                                 Jerusalem.

                            We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not

what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,

             a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over

and over,

             another bowl of soup.

The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.

             Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.

                                                                                                 Forget the dragon,

leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.

                                        Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,

             in gold light, as the camera pans to where

the action is,

             lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see

                                                the blue rings of my eyes as I say

                                                                                                   something ugly.

I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,

             and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way.

But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.

                                                            There were some nice parts, sure,

all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas

             and the grains of sugar

                              on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I’m sorry

                                                                                  it’s such a lousy story.

Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently

                     we have had our difficulties and there are many things

                                                                                                  I want to ask you.

I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,

             years later, in the chlorinated pool.

                                      I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have

             these luxuries.

I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.

 We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .

             When I say this, it should mean laughter,

not poison.

                  I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

                                                  Quit milling around the yard and come inside.

[nadiea]

hello darling, sorry about that. sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud. especially that, but i should have known.

[waterlys]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Every morning the maple leaves.                               Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts            from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out                                             You will be alone always and then you will die. So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog         of non-definitive acts, something other than the desperation.                   Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party. Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I came to your party         and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.                                                         You want a better story. Who wouldn’t? A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.                  Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on. What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.            Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly                                                                                               flames everywhere. I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,                that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon. I’m not the princess either.                           Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,               I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow         glass, but that comes later.                                                            And the part where I push you flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,            shut up I’m getting to it.                                    For a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was                                                                                                the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,          young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence            but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,                                                               and getting stabbed to death.                                    Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.          You still get to be the hero. You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!                  What more do you want? I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re            really there. Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?                                                       Let me do it right for once,             for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes, you know the story, simply heaven.                   Inside your head you hear a phone ringing                                                               and when you open your eyes only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.                               Inside your head the sound of glass, a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.             Hello darling, sorry about that.                                                       Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known. You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.                  I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not feeding yourself to a bad man                                                   against a black sky prickled with small lights.            I take it back. The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths.                                                I take them back. Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.                                                                                               Crossed out.            Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something underneath the floorboards.                   Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle                                                                                                reconstructed. Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all               forgiven, even though we didn’t deserve it.                                                                    Inside your head you hear a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you’re washing up            in a stranger’s bathroom, standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away                           from the dirtiest thing you know. All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly                                                                                              darkness,                                                                                     suddenly only darkness. In the living room, in the broken yard,                                  in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport          bathroom’s gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of unnatural light,             my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away. And then the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view                                                            of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts. I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,          smiling in a way                    that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,          up the stairs of the building to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,                                                I looked out the window and said                                This doesn’t look that much different from home,            because it didn’t, but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.                                           We walked through the house to the elevated train.            All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful                                                                                             mechanical wind. We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,            smiling and crying in a way that made me even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I                                                                                      just couldn’t say it out loud. Actually, you said Love, for you,                                 is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s                                                                                                 terrifying. No one                                                                                 will ever want to sleep with you. Okay, if you’re so great, you do it—                        here’s the pencil, make it work . . . If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window            is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing river water.            Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it                                                                                                                 Jerusalem.                            We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,             a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over and over,             another bowl of soup. The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.             Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.                                                                                                 Forget the dragon, leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.                                        Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,             in gold light, as the camera pans to where the action is,             lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see                                                the blue rings of my eyes as I say                                                                                                   something ugly. I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,             and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way. But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.                                                            There were some nice parts, sure, all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas             and the grains of sugar                              on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I’m sorry                                                                                  it’s such a lousy story. Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently                     we have had our difficulties and there are many things                                                                                                  I want to ask you. I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,             years later, in the chlorinated pool.                                      I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have             these luxuries. I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.                                                            We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .             When I say this, it should mean laughter, not poison.                  I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes. Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.                                                  Quit milling around the yard and come inside.

Richard Siken 

[sphinxwithdictionary]

Every morning the maple leaves.

                               Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts

            from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big

and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out

You will be alone always and then you will die.

So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog

         of non-definitive acts,

something other than the desperation.

                   Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party.

Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I came to your party

         and seduced you

and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.

                                                         You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?

A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.

Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on.

What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.

            Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly

                                                                                               flames everywhere.

I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,

                that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon.

I’m not the princess either.

                           Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down.

I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,

               I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow

         glass, but that comes later.

                                                            And the part where I push you

flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,

            shut up

I’m getting to it.

                                    For a while I thought I was the dragon.

I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was

                                                                                                the princess,

cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,

          young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with

confidence

            but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess,

while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,

                                                               and getting stabbed to death.

                                    Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.

          You still get to be the hero.

You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!

                  What more do you want?

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re

            really there.

Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?

                                                       Let me do it right for once,

             for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes,

you know the story, simply heaven.

                   Inside your head you hear a phone ringing

                                                               and when you open your eyes

only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.

                               Inside your head the sound of glass,

a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.

             Hello darling, sorry about that.

                                                       Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we

lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell

                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.

            Especially that, but I should have known.

You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together

            to make a creature that will do what I say

or love me back.

                  I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not

feeding yourself to a bad man

                                                   against a black sky prickled with small lights.

            I take it back.

The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths.

                                                I take them back.

Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.

                                                                                               Crossed out.

            Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something

underneath the floorboards.

                   Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle

                                                                                                reconstructed.

Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all

               forgiven,

even though we didn’t deserve it.

                                                                    Inside your head you hear

a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you’re washing up

            in a stranger’s bathroom,

standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away

                           from the dirtiest thing you know.

All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly

                                                                                              darkness,

                                                                                     suddenly only darkness.

In the living room, in the broken yard,

                                  in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport

          bathroom’s gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of

unnatural light,

             my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away.

And then the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view

                                                            of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts.

I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,

          smiling in a way

                    that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,

          up the stairs of the building

to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,

                                                I looked out the window and said

This doesn’t look that much different from home,

            because it didn’t,

but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.

                                           We walked through the house to the elevated train.

            All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful

                                                                                             mechanical wind.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,

            smiling and crying in a way that made me

even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I

                                                                                      just couldn’t say it out loud.

Actually, you said Love, for you,

                                 is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s

                                                                                                 terrifying. No one

                                                                                 will ever want to sleep with you.

Okay, if you’re so great, you do it—

                        here’s the pencil, make it work . . .

If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window

            is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing

river water.

            Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it

                                                                                                                 Jerusalem.

                            We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not

what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,

             a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over

and over,

             another bowl of soup.

The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.

             Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.

                                                                                                 Forget the dragon,

leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.

                                        Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,

             in gold light, as the camera pans to where

the action is,

             lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see

                                                the blue rings of my eyes as I say

                                                                                                   something ugly.

I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,

             and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way.

But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.

                                                            There were some nice parts, sure,

all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas

             and the grains of sugar

                              on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I’m sorry

                                                                                  it’s such a lousy story.

Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently

                     we have had our difficulties and there are many things

                                                                                                  I want to ask you.

I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,

             years later, in the chlorinated pool.

                                      I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have

             these luxuries.

I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.

We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .

             When I say this, it should mean laughter,

not poison.

                  I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

                                                  Quit milling around the yard and come inside.