#sorry im on my period so that makes me yap a lot. no that's not it. thats not it girlie

[imperatorcopia]

how do yall write fics without exposing your k*nks.

[swaglet]

One of the things that keeps me deep in ed is the fact that i hate having a "feminine body" I HATEEEEE having curves liek fucking hate it.

And the problem is no amount of weight loss will change the structure of my body so unfortunately I have to try to keep myself at a low weight to appear as if I have less curves.

Idk if you watched euphoria but rue (character played by zendaya) has my dream body she's so tall, skinny, "flat" like she looks "boyish" (i swear im not a creep 😭) and I so wanna look like that every time I wear something and see my curves pop out I wanna take a seesaw and just fucking remove them.

Whenever I discuss this w my friends they either tell me I'm humble bragging or they try to tell me that I'm non binary or some bullshit.

Like I jsut wanna have a slender body. Curves to me jsut make me look trashy and too "sexed up" I wanna look like a stick with no shape ffs

under a cut cos its kinda triggering material obvs and im yapping

oh nonnie this is exactly what kept me sick for so long too i'm so sorry to hear this is what you're going through as well :'( my mind always felt at ease when people told me i looked more like a little boy than a grown woman for reasons i'm sure we all have experienced at one time or another (COUGH misogyny and harassment and sexualization and objectification and and and)

i'm actually dealing with the fallout of it rn and it still messes with me mentally... 6 months ago i started birth control to stop my periods entirely to manage my pmdd and the excessive amount of blood i was losing during every period, and while my weight itself hasn't drastically changed at all (it stays within 5 pounds maintenance thanks to the lifting and protein usually i think), any of the body fat i DID has redistributed to make me even curvier than i was before. my boobs and ass are prominent parts of my figure now like they got HUGE compared to how they used to be (FLAT) and i have a small amount of new stretch marks on the inside of my thighs which means they must have gotten meatier and that checks out because a lot of my pantlegs and shorts feel tighter. literally because of that i almost relapsed so many times in the past 6 months but ive had the mental fortitude to just ignore the urge

what has helped me a lot is that, as i have gotten close to the people in my life that are related to my accomplishments that i am proud of (a lot of it having to do with college and my local music scene) and have become comfortable with opening up to them about feeling the way i do, almost all the women in my life have shared that they relate at least a little bit, but that my appearance and certainly not my weight or amount of curves i have don't bear any weight (pun intended) on determining how much they respect me, how talented they think i am, how good they think i am at my job/the things i do, how willing they are to work with me, and stuff like that. many of them have also offered me the advice that we only get one body, and there's only so much you can do to alter the natural shape of your body, and then within those limits there's only so much you can do that's healthy and won't disable you or damage your organs for the rest of your life, and it's unfortunate that men have made our bodies out to be this sexed object but we do really only have one shot at life and ultimately i think it's pointless trying to meticulously control how everyone around us perceives us. to be honest i have felt a lot better about it since i have been making less and less men as friends and making more women friends.

i want to say that curves, or any body shape, aren't trashy or too sexed up, they're just neutral forms that your body takes. you have little to no control over how your genetics and environment shape your bones and distribute your fat patterns aside from exercising in a way that keeps your body working and eating a nutritious diet to fuel you, so the shape of your body literally cannot have like. moral implications like trashy or slutty or sexed up or anything. i repeat that to myself when i look in the mirror every morning. my body is completely neutral no matter how it looks; my body is not the vessel that i, a formless brain, pilot around in the real world; my body is not a physical representation of me.. my body is just part of me, i am my body, my body is me, and anything my body looks like is how i look and that's how life is. i don't have to like how i look, i am allowed to be uncomfortable with it, but nothing is wrong with my body unless something physiologically about me is unwell (ex. joint pain, something is swollen or red, a medical issue basically) or is making me sick or unable to function. if it's something i can't control and can't change drastically without surgery or severely under- or overeating, like my boob size, butt size, thigh gap size, the shape of how my bones fit together and how my muscles and fat lays on top of the bones, then i just do the stupid therapy thing where instead of thinking negative thoughts i think a different thought and don't let myself ruminate on the negative ones i'm fixated on. for example, "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me play my trumpet very loudly and march strongly with force; underneath my gigantic ribcage is a gigantic set of lungs" or "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me go on bug hunts often without getting as tired and weak and needing to stop because now it's full of food that fuels me all day long and i eat like a cavewoman who was built to endurance hunt and gather trinkets all day" and one that i'm sure not many can relate to is "my healthy body lets me sweat now so i don't overheat and although sweating may be unpleasant and very uncomfortable it lets me know i'm alive and that my body is working correctly" and then i try my best to move on with my day

another thing i do is i pay A LOT of attention to the women around me who i look up to and respect; what do they look like? do i ever notice their weight or their curves and feel negatively towards them and have diminished respect towards them or feel disdain towards them? or do i feel a kinship with them if i do ever happen to notice, like "oh she is like me in that regard"? there has never been an instance where i have felt negatively about a woman in my life or lost any respect for her because of her shape, curves or no curves. i'm much more concerned about other things tbh, especially as i get older. idk how old you are nonnie, but in my experience it's very easy to be "boyish" anorexic when you're in your teens and like at the oldest 19 years old... even without synthetic female hormones (birth control) being added to my body, and even with a hormonal imbalance, at about 21 i started rly "growing up" and that's when i got hips and a little bit bigger boobs (still A cups nonetheless) and put on a bit of a belly pooch even when i was still way too underweight. those are just parts of a woman that exist on our bodies naturally and there isn't any judgement to be ascribed to them. every professor, every janitor, every coach, every grown 21+ student walking around my campus (and town!) looks like that regardless of what shape or size we come in. naturally underweight, naturally overweight, neither, curvy, blocky, straight as a board/fridge, regardless of what shape that's just how women are shaped i think. i wouldn't ever judge another woman for looking the way i look, i wouldn't judge another woman for her shape Ever, regardless of what i think her circumstances are, so by that logic i ought to apply that to myself.

another thing that brings me comfort, and you may not believe me with this one but im serious; nobody notices all the things you notice about yourself anywhere NEAR as much as you do. ppl who have known me for 4 years think im 120 pounds (i am 30 pounds heavier than that and they are always in disbelief when i tell them that) and always have no idea i have a small potbelly until i lift my shirt and show them. it's like one of my biggest insecurities in the world and literally no one knows or cares which is insane to me. if i ever get sad about it i tell myself that's where i keep my ovarian cyst at + all my air for when i sing/play instruments and it will go away with time as i get more gains and start eating right again

and nonny!!!!! "slender/stick with no shape" is still just as much of a shape as "feminine/curvy" ! male is not the default no matter how much society wants u to believe that i promise......... there is nothing wrong with the way women's bodies are this is how we have existed naturally for thousands of years since we first got here. our bodies are just as neutral as men's bodies are. it took me a long long time to feel this way about myself and about my body and about the human body in general and recovery is never linear, my outlook changes every day and i have good days and bad days and some days i absolutely just will not go outside because i don't want anyone to look at me. but those have been far and few between lately

i love u very much anon. food definitely tastes better than how skinny feels. living life freely feels better than looking perfectly skinny in an aesthetic outfit. aesthetic outfits are for 1 day. aesthetic outfits and a skinny slender form will be in pictures and they will only last in the pictures. i don't want to scare you but you will either die like that (very slowly) or you will get very unwell and realize you have to choose recovery and you will have to gain it all back slowly and you will have to choose yourself everyday. idk. i put myself through so much agony that i didn't have to go through and looking back on those pictures im thinking in my head. what was all that for? i felt better then but it's so scary to me now. i looked so sick it makes me so sad for little me. i wish she could have lived a life where she wasn't preoccupied with being perceived as a sex object and could have lived free like i do now. BUT WE THRIVE. I BELIEVE IN YOU NONNIE I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH

[pinkwinesupernovas]

(this is a lot of yapping sorry in advance babe)

dear zel,

i miss you rn so i'm writing this for you in english class and probably the class afterwards knowing me, (edit in printmaking period two, yes i am still writing this hehe)

i'm gonna be totally honest i'm literally writing my english assesment about you bc i was lost for inspiration and the promt fit soooo it's about our freindship hehe ily. i'm not totally sure if i'll submit this one for the final thing but writing about you makes me happy which is sappy as hell but i don't feel embarassed abt it bc you make me feel very safe to be embarrassingly sappy with you <3 i will send you the thing eventually even if i don't hand it in for marking but i don't think i'm allowed to post it cause it's school related so i'll send it on discord when i finish the first draft hehe <3 (i wrote 600 words about you in one hour that is lowkey scary)

also i'm going to yap about you nowww because i love youuuu mwah <3

i'm literally so glad we're friends, i'm not sure what our first interaction was but i think it was for your event?? and i am forever grateful for it i'm so glad we're friends you're literally one of my fav people i've met on this app i love you with my whole heartttt

one thing i loveee abt you is that i don't feel scared to spam your asks or tag you in one million things, idek what it is but you make me feel very safe to be sappy and clingy and i love that bc with most people i overthink whether i should send them things but with you i don't even hesitate bc ik you'll respond well and i love thatttt <3 you also match my enthusiasm and send lots of asks back and i love that sm <3

i literally adore talking to you bc you're such a sweet and kind person i'm lowkey in awe of it like how is one person so lovely you just light up the world ugh i love you sm, you're so fun to talk to and i just love you smmm (i hate timezones but six hours will not seperate us i love yapping with you too much)

alsooo just so you know, in my mind we're in a field of flowers together picking flowers and yapping while we eat pastries from a cute little bakery and drink like iced matcha or something that's my dream <333 i wish we could live closer bc i just know i'd love baking with you and stargazing and just dong cute little things whenever we wanted, just know that whenever i like your posts thats actually me mentally giving you a flower or two bc ily <3

also what i feel for you can be kind of wrapped up with a few songs so here: birds of a feather by billie, glue song by bea and clairo, the last one by maisie, feels like by gracie, and lots more but those are the songs that i can't listen to without thinking of you <3

ahhhhhh i'm still at school and stupid school wifi blocks tumblr AND discord (i've tried literally EVERY vpn i can it's so annoying ughhh) so i'll have to send this when i get home but just know i was thinking of you allllllll day at school and i miss you and i love you sm <3

okayyy this is written proof that i'm literally a proffessional yapper i've been adding to this on my notesapp throughout the day so i'm going to shut up now byeee i love you i'll send this when i get homeee <3

don't apologize oml

ALSO ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM GOING TO CRY LUCY THIS ACTUALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME you're not real

omg you wrote about us??? i would love love love to read it 🥹

you're right our first interaction literally was for my event which im so grateful for omg!!! cause we'd been moots for a while but i was very scared to interact w you but you engaged w my event and it made soooo happy

you're adorable and this right here made my whole day, i was feeling very sick in the morning and throughout the afternoon which HAS NOW DISAPPEARED SEEING ALL YOUR NOTIFS literally beaming w happiness rn

i love you so much, wayyy more than how much words can convey <333

[skishie]

omga i love your airphone gijinkas

anyways i uave no idea if youve already said this somewhere ,my memory sucks ,but how do you reckon airy and mephone met. what is ur perosnal headcanon. grabby hands i must know (i love airphon

UUWAAAA THANK YOU !!! im really glad you do... looks up at you so politely and with a big smile.. i want to draw them again but better and more like a ref so hopefully soon! :D aaaatehee heeee i have not spoken about it publicly so im more than open to go into it now... cracks my knuckles(its actually not that intense but i jsut have a lot of thoughts)

OKAY, so personally i like to think about it starting after airy dies the second time(the end of ONE). its nice for him to still have gone through everything hes done and experienced because its what makes him him. he needs to be the airy we know and love. this also allows for bonding and growth and other such things. anyways, he uses the radio and ends up in the world of inanimate insanity! this would also take place after season 3 has wrapped up, either before or after the library is built. this means he can meet mephone and they can start bonding over being hosts of game shows but as airy talks mephone starts to understand "wow he just like me, but i got better, and now i want to help him" so mephone feels this need to help airy out with the same growth that mephone jsut went through. but also anyone whos been through the isolation that airy has been through along with dying who knows how many times. mephone just wants to help him and help his mental state and get him resocialized and to a point where he understands why he should be a bit more thoughtful or so on and whatever. airy would still be his old self but a bit more caring/understanding to a degree. i think hes just got some mental problems going on and hes just kind of an odd guy. mephone lets him hang around and either they could MAYBE? co host together, but at first hes just watching mephone do a show first before anything like that. which he watches from afar. hes not so used to being upclose or even being around people anymore so he likes to watch from a distance. as time goes on yada yada mephone would develop feelings first, and airy would much later. mephone would develop feelings while helping airy and such, airy takes a lot longer because he is readjusting and just, getting some basic social skills back. i like them in part because i just see mephone having gone through the growth he went through because he was similar to airy, and then meeting airy after this and realizing "wow i should help him too because this is just how i was and id hate to see someone else suffer the way i did" kind of thing and blah blah idk sorry i yapped and i hope any of this makes sense/is readable period. i ramble a lot and my thoughts kind of get lost oops. im not great with words or wording things well. not everything is thought out but those are my thoughts :] ps: airy still has the cracked head because thats just how i personally like to see him and draw him. i also think that if he died and came back that after all hes done, thats more akin to who he is now. hes a broken individual who needs help/fixing. if that makes sense(also a bit of self projecting) pps: my boyfriend wanted to add his two cents for what he knows of mephone as well(hes not finished season 3 yet) and yknow,,, hes right i think its a mix of what i said and mix of what he said... which is: "wow he just like me for real, not anymore though, also this guy's committed some major fucked up stuff and that's just not right, if i fix this guy maybe it'll look really good for me"

[cursedmagician]

> PROCESSING [ABOUT ME]… ENTER CREDENTIALS.

welcome to my blog everyone! i’m glad you’re here because i’ve been meaning to post here for an… unceremoniously long time.

here are some things that you should know about me!

ABOUT ME !!!1!1!! POW POW POW

you can call me magician or holograph, my pronouns are he/they and i’m 14 years old and taken already… sorry ladies…

MY OTHER SOCIALS!!

insta: cursed.magician

pinterest: thecursedmagician

twitter: illumigraph

spacehey: https://spacehey.com/cursedmagician

i’m a pretty weird person you can deeefinitely tell!! i’m like the stereotypical weird kid because i make fanfiction fanart fan merch fan EEEVERYTHING and i like shipping, like how much worse can i get /silly XD

i love fixating on things for weeks at a time before completely forgetting about them, but i never ever forget… and they can be revived very easily…

i’m also a huge nerd which is gonna blatantly obvious by the time you read my interests section but i LOVE ranting about this stuff so feel free to chat with me hehe

yes, i have a golden retriever personality so. please talk to me PLEASE I WANT TO MEET COOL PEOPLE i promise i don’t bite :3

im always looking for new friends to talk to! that being said, sometimes i can get kind of inactive for periods of time but not for long I PROMISE!!!!

⋆ ★ BYF:

i tend to use a lot of flashing imagery and eye straining colours!

you will see me talk about triggering topics sometimes here. my art may also include triggering topics, so i will add a trigger warning if it does have those.

i’m pretty sarcastic and can make offensive jokes, however i do use tone tags to indicate as such. feel free to use tone tags on me too!

at the time of writing i still have no idea how to interact with people on tumblr since i never really used it much before. if i get things wrong, do tell me :P

this is a pretty fandom focused blog. i cant help it, but yes there will be a lot of fandom posting and shipping and everything like that. i might try to keep it balanced but i won’t try too hard because i’m just gonna post whatever i want here

⋆ ★ interests:

object shows, gravity falls, south park, amphibia, toh, ok ko, scott pilgrim, chainsaw man, wonder egg priority, murder drones, tadc, fnaf, omori, undertale, deltarune, oneshot, hello charlotte, tloz, pokemon, sonic, ultrakill, geometry dash, regretevator, backrooms, scp

drawing, writing, voice acting, video editing, animating, math (especially different ratios and algebraic formulas), old web, old technology, computer/game history, nostalgia, dark web, computer science, building computers, brain rot on instagram reels 🤤

⋆ ★ DNI

basic dni, nsfw, people who are just going to make fun of/harass me, people against my interests (this means you are actively against it, not just uncaring about it), people who are just going to get on my nerves, close minded people, genuinely narcissistic people, people who sexualise EVERYTHING GRRR

TAGS (more may be added later?) ⊹ ࣪ ˖

magician.iso - life, journal sort of thing and general posts ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

sketchbook.folder - serious art, official art and all that jazz ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

scrapbook.folder - sketches, studies, and other misc art ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

stage.drive - rambling and yapping because i’m a chronic yapper bro ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

type.txt - writing of any kind! may include links ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

ENJOI MY BLOG !!

[yakultii]

i don't feel anything , i don't feel hurt even when my own people hurt me and it scares me so much that i don't cry im not sad i feel nothing

its not me

its scary to me , do You think my heart is dead?

imo if your heart was dead you would not be able to recognise that what you are feeling is not “you”(assuming there is some sort of longing here to get back to you)

I’ve been here many times before and I think sometimes our brains are doing their best to protect us by not letting us feel - even if it’s been a long long period of time (years, decades even) don’t underestimate how long pain can endure, but also know there will come a time it doesn’t feel like this anymore, you can get there! just because something has been some way for long so long doesn’t mean it won’t change.

if you have felt before, as implied when stating “it’s not me” then you will feel again.

I totally get it’s scary, but remember to hold it gently… a bit like the chinese finger trap in which if you react aggressively you dig yourself a deeper hole/get stuck, but if you eventually learn to react with a means acceptance and grace, you’ll find it’s a lot easier to slide your way out and slowly slowly merge back into yourself - not saying this is what you have to do cause we all on our own journey, but maybe something to consider when you’re ready?

Another thing that has helped as you probably know is really thinking about what im grateful for each day because even if I’m tricking myself into have some sort of feeling about something (through using logic rather than emotion) suddenly it starts to feel a little real and im like ok wait I might feel something

Maybe this is not at all helpful for your situation idk, but either way pls take care of yourself and don’t give up on yourself and keep hope in the back of your mind that one day you’ll feel again - sometimes people find it helpful to think of their life like it’s a movie and this is the part in the movie where the character is experiencing all the hardship and eventually they’re gonna feel all warm and fuzzy etc… even if you’ve felt this way for most (all) your life like I have I still think there’s a way to make this work, maybe your ending isn’t written exactly how you planned but it could end up being so much better yk like sometimes we think we know things and we don’t know things at all, quite literally unimaginable things can occur in the future, just stick around to see it even if that means just holding on for dear life rn despite not feeling anything at all <333

sorry for yapping yet again, I hope things will get better for you, but in the mean time stay existing, there’s still so much to learn about life without feeling (trust) you can feel again, stay moving forward the best u can ily okkkk

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 10/26/2024:

hiii i just want to start this by saying that ur amazing kdjfsfhks already commented on ur fic 'all my love' but i want to yap more so here i am bothering u hahahaha when isay that that fic is my roman empire, i mean it. bec these are some of the things that suddenly crossed my mind regarding ur fic fkdjjhk

hyunjoon asking minhyung if he was sure about the promise ring and mentioning it in his best man speech, like oh my god. i know hyunjoon with his bleeding heart didn't mean it maliciously but wooje is stronger than me bec personally that shit would just kill me ksdjfhsk i would cry hahaha like damn, that was something AHAHAHAHHA that would keep me awake at night, i would have high-tailed it and never come back. screaming crying breaking down skfujhkd it was a shot straight to insecurities 😭

pls hyukkyu and sanghyeok is just <333 i love them, i will give them all my mortal possessions, i will jump in front of a bus for them. pls tell me they end up together forever happy ending period 😭 i know its not possible for everyone to just have a happy ending, bec that's really not how it goes, but plssssss tell meeee they end uppp happpyyy annddd not separateddd 😭😭😭

minhyung and minseok, i love them, go my children, be happy. so soulmate!! i cant believe gumakeria just invented love <333 butt i have a question since these two are so soulmate, did they have any instances where they got jealous of another person?? or are they literally a match made in heaven forged by god himself the angels are protecting them, that they are so secure in their relationship?? (did that make sense 😭)

ur just so awesome. if u have a fanclub, i am part of it, i will be the president hahaha like, people always say that to be a good writer 'show dont tell' and thats something that u got in the bad. like 10/10 everything is just so vivid and real!! anyy tips or advice to us fic writers who strive to be like uuuu?? hahaha

(sorry if this is too long kjfksdf)

hii!! sorry for the late response ;A; but omg thank you so much!! yes, you can yap to me anytime. i love yapping about my fics soo much and going on tangents. (roman empire is so flattering and too high praise thanK YOU???)

hyunjoon asking minhyung if he was sure about the promise ring is a fucking slap to the face HAHAHAHAH. but i think it correctly portrayed (wow "i think" as if im not the author) the confusing feelings and whatnot. like, at the time, wooje thought him and hyunjoon would be together forever. yet shown in homemade dynamite, even though he thought that he still wanted more and still wanted to leave. it was almost an acceptance but not quite what he wanted? wooje has always been envious of minhyung and minseok. hyunjoon didn't start until after he asked that and after minhyung answered. hyunjoon was going through a lot of ?? doubts at the time, because, typically dont people want more experience in romance? in the passage after, i also think its interesting because it shows that growing up everyone assumed hyunjoon was the flighty one and the one that was going to leave. wooje was the one that thought they would stay tgt forever, and hyunjoon wasnt sure. but the thing is in his mind, wooje also wanted to leave. hence why he did right? ppl were surprised bc.. well wooje doesnt tell people these things. as for woojes reaction to learning the information, hes stunned for a while. i think its a little ironic how he's hurt by it, in a way. like "what do you mean you didnt think we were going to be together forever?" when he was the one that ended up leaving. its almost selfish how he asks later--“Did you say those things to shame me?” as if it was about him. (it wasnt. sharing the story it was about minhyung + minseok and their dedication to each other, and hyunjoons envy). idk i think it was a very poignant moment i put in and im a little obsessed with it (im not narcissistic i swear im just intrigued by the things i write)

im not going to say a thing about sanghyeok and hyeokgyu. i do not want to get in trouble HAHAHAHHA . however, sanghyeok does have a spinoff in the drafts. this does not mean its coming out soon though because i have 18738234 wips.

minhyung and minseok are so sweet i finally freed gumakeria from the pain i give them in my other fics. when it comes to getting jealous of other people, nah. i dont think outright jealousy ever happened. maybe more of "spend more time with me?" from guma but not the insecurity and eating away feeling that jealousy gives. its definitely never from a place of insecurity.

as for tips and advice kajhahkr well you didnt ask advice on an indepth topic like description or dialogue so imma just skim over them all and say the stuff off the top of my head. theres the basics first. essentially, proper grammar and punctuation. every writer needs a good baseline. if you read my older fics, i struggled with this a bit--starting sentences with verbs (?? gwen why???) and having runons and such. after that its just a matter of figuring out what tone you want to convey and word choice. thesauruses are ur best friend if youre constantly looking for more specific descriptive words to use but make sure to define and make sentences if you dont know a word bcus u wanna learn it! that helps when it comes to description. sometimes when u get in the flow of a fic really fast its hard to do description so reading + rereading and adding more description as you read is a good tip! i do that a lot. figurative language is a broad field and it depends whether or not you like it but playing around with similes and metaphors can be fun! like you said, showing and not telling is important. when it comes to dialogue keep it simple and remember to properly format your dialogue..! its a big help with characterization; figuring out who would say what and who wouldnt is pretty important with that. keeping in mind characterization and dynamic between characters helps dialogue a lot too. i go back and forth in my head a lot when i write dialogue, and i also consider how i would respond as well or whats natural. as for characterization!! highlighting character motivations is important! what is their gOAL in the story, what do they want in the conversation. everything they say or do is trying to get what they want, whether its "to give up a secret" (minseok trying to talk to wooje about his college pre-reveal that he dropped out) or "to hang out."

um i spieled a lot im sorry. i too, am a yapper. but if u have any more specific questions feel free to shoot them here hehe. thank you THANK YOU for this <3 i had a lot of fun reading and respondng. i hope you have an amazing day <3

[lenaariewrld]

Gotta say you did a great job expressing Ajax feelings about the whole thing. Making me feel less bad about him doing that bc of that bet

Can’t wait for the truth reveal and more angst 😭🙏🏻 (my period next week and I want smth to make me cry)

I got a fever today but ngl after taking mids and reading the new chapter I feel better now hopefully it won’t last long bc I can’t handle a fever with period 😔

I really do love your writing style it’s always get me feel things. I didn’t read smth making me emotional for a while now and I’m having a lot of fun l

Thank you for your hard work <3 (I yap a lot sorry lol)

ahhh thank you sososo much 💘🩷😭🫶 i was honestly going back and forth with how to convey it, so im happy where the direction ended up going and even more that people enjoyed it 🙏🏻

and more angst is coming!! the reveal isnt planned for at least a few more chapters, but i promise it’ll be a tearjerker when it happens (hopefully) !!!

and i hope ur fever goes down as well 😔🙏🏻

[the-lonelyshepherd]

for ur cowboy story.. seeing the 2 gods i always think abt how European starlings are invasive here in North America (they hurt biuebirds D:) they were introduced in the 1890s so this might not apply to 1830-ish times but anyways it feels like… weird bird ecosystem symbolism (I love bird symbolism I LOVE BIRDs) like tears in reality.. invasive birds.. yeah..? (I think youre European tho so you might see them differently aaughh)

also i love your characters and i like to see when you talk about horse research because j am doing horse research for my own horse story and i feel the same way… i heart your story and art (horse art good) and yeah all that stuff

HELLOOO yes yes

so fun fact about the starling thing the invasiveness was on purpose :> so i’m so so so happy someone got that omgggg

however i set it up before i had a more specific period in mind, which is why it doesn’t make as much sense now 😔 i think im just gonna. make the whole starlings released-in-ny (the whole story is so funny like,,,, we’re gonna bring all the birds mentioned in shakespeare to america 😊😊 okay?? why?? lmao) i’m gonna make it happen earlier. if i can do magic i can stretch historical periods a little bit. sue me. i want giant clouds of birds moving weird and mimicking voices. whatever.

also on invasiveness im first gen but i am american! just immigrant family so i speak a lot of polish and i tend to go there a lot :> plenty of hands on experience w invasive species especially where in the states i live tho lmao. esp as someone who’s into ecology i love learning about all the species here (and the ones that aren’t supposed to be here). i actually had a cuban tree frog i caught as a pet for a while bc i couldn’t bring myself to euthanize it 😭 sorry im just rambling now lets get back on topic

i am probably moving up the timeline a few years to 1840s or maybe early 1850s, just because 1830s is lacking in some departments for what i need (full towns, less sparse settlement but i don’t want like the HUGE boom of the west yet)

and omg thank you for all the compliments :)) i appreciate it a LOT and if you have any more little things you wanna ask about/discuss hmu!! i loveeeee yapping

also horse research twinnnnn it’s lwk fun,,,, like the horse girls are kinda converting me,,,,,

[lumiereandcogsworth]

WOW 😭 im starting to wish YOU wrote the “as old as time” book since thats the only “official” world building disney gave us and it was … bad 😭

ok ok so everything made sense but i still got some questions .. im so sorry 😭

so before i ask about time, how old do you think adam was before the curse? i see in the remake the change from “if he could learn to love before his 21st bday” to “if he could learn to love before the LAST PETAL FELL” so now im like how much time was that really ?? i mean obviously ur right on the whole time freezing if they felt like removing a key plot point of it all happening before adams 21st and the whole eternal winter fiasco, so whatever adams age was before the curse was the same after?? So im asking a follow up bc im still a bit confused if you’re saying the gap between the WHOLE curse is january to june? am i getting this right lmk 😭 i seriously think someday you should write a timeline on ur beauty and the beast world bc i am loving this theory sm?? literally everywhere else is yapping about it being 10 years (some are saying the curse was 21 years!!) and the enchantress being belles mom for some reason??? literally so silly 🗣️ anyway idk man ur ideas r just refreshing for this fandom ngl 😭 anyway thxs for answering my questions dude <33

AAHH i’m smiling SO WIDE!!! i love this so much !!! yeah yeah yeah

okay SO! yes, because batb 2017 changed the parameters of the curse, it’s up to us to decide his age! i actually decided a while ago that i would make him 21. this was mainly to honor batb 1991, but i also like that he was young. and you didn’t ask this, but i headcanon belle is 20. they’re a couple of youngin’s!! belle turned 20 in may, the movie takes place in june, and adam will turn 22 in august. SO yes he was 21 when he was cursed, and just 21 the whole time. that’s just my timeline for ya. i think belle is surprised to learn how close in age they are, when adam inevitably reveals his age to her when they’re courting. i think adam has Always been old for his age. (caused by childhood trauma and also just his personality) and i’m sure being cursed sort of “aged” him a bit too. something i love about them is that while belle is mature for her age as well, she is also able to bring out the child in him. he laughs with her, they play with and tease each other. they’re best friends, always. so he IS young, but he’s never really matched his actual age. life’s been difficult for him, despite the royal status :(

as for the timeframe of the curse, yeah that works!! i’m not too fussy about how many months exactly it has been, but i think six months is a solid number, and a storm in january makes just as much sense as anything. some day, when i’m feeling extra insane, i want to develop my own formula for how time compares in and out of the curse. like one real day equals one curse week, or something like that. i’ll do that some day lol. but for now i’m just vague about it. they were under the curse for MONTHS (six works nicely) and it FELT like a couple/few YEARS. belle was at the castle for five days (according to gaston), so how long did it FEEL like she was there? i think her and adam spent weeks, maybe months, falling in love. once she spent the night there, i think she fell into their frozen timeline as well. (maurice doesn’t experience it because he doesn’t sleep there!) which is kind of cool!! i love writing extra scenes that happen during the curse, because in my view, a lot more time passes in that period. which is evident (to me) in the nature of their rapport and dynamic. they don’t seem like two people who have only known each other for 5 days, do they? :”)

as to your lamentations, i can only sympathize. while i do love and respect batb 1991, it really has some frustrating plotholes for people who like digging into lore & canon. and i hate to start up comparisons, but i’ll just say i’m quite thankful for everything batb 2017 does to button up those issues. the ten years thing is rough, because that IS was 91 lumiere says! i’d have a hard time refuting that, myself. as you may have noticed, i’m quite the canon girlie lmao. i think lumiere was just being dramatic and hyperbolic, which lends to 17 lumiere singing “too long” instead of “ten years” — which i am so thankful for. the 21 years is… ludicrous? i have no idea how people could get there. maybe they think adam was cursed from birth ??? ugh. don’t get me started on people who forget that he was born a human being, AND DESERVES TO BE A HUMAN BEING AFTER THE CURSE IS LIFTED. i’ll blow a fuse. anyway!!

the enchantress being belle’s mother theory is i BELIEVE from a book that’s like batb but with a twist? i think there’s a whole series of books that are disney movies with wild twists. and for the batb one, it’s that her mother was the enchantress. i’m not ever going to read that, because it’s ridiculous, and canon is my beloved best friend that doesn’t need changing. but yeah i think that’s where that comes from. whateva. i have lots of lovely lore about belle’s beloved mama already💜

thank you again for your kindness and appreciation of my thoughts!!!! i can’t express enough how much it means to me. thank you a million times💖

[yandere-daze]

Hi! Can I request hc’s of rinne with a s/o who’s on her period?😭😭 sorry if it’s gross fbheheehfjfh im on my period atm and I really badly need this

Ahhh of course, no worries!! I know from experience how painful they can be so I hope this alleviates the pain at least a little!!!

Periods can be very different from person to person so I based it off of my own personal experiences with it

Also first time writing something for Rinne so I'm sorry if it's a bit ooc!

tw blood, period blood (mentioned)

Rinne with an s/o that's on their period

To be honest, I think Rinne would be able to figure out what's going on pretty quickly

He looooves to tease you or be annoying on purpose to see your cheeks flush in frustration but this time, you had a very different reaction from usual to his remarks. Normally you would just roll your eyes or if you were in an especially good mood maybe indulge him a little.

But now?

"Oh cut it out Rinne, leave me alone!", you yelled at him before rolling around on your bed, your back now facing him

Obviously he immediately noticed you were in bad spirits and as he stepped closer, he saw how you were curling up into a fetal position, your face contorted into a pained grimace as you were clutching your stomach

And though he puts on an idiotic and carefree front, Rinne is a smart guy and immediately connects the dots : you're on your period

"Kyahahaha, I see, I see! Lady Luck is not on your side today, huh? My poor little y/n, havin' a hard time over there? "

For a moment he considers teasing you some more but decides against in when he sees just how pained you looked, as he grew unusually serious for once

" But I wouldn't be a very good boyfriend if I just let my soulmate suffer like this, am I right? Hahh I guess I gotta go do something if I still want you to be alive for our wedding sometime in the future. Can't have you bleeding out on me kyahaha!"

Even though your whole body was aching, you couldn't help but chuckle at your boyfriend's usual antics, slightly touched by the fact that he seemed to care enough about your comfort to try and find a way to help you

Would be the kind of guy to ironically ask what size of p*ssy you have with a shit-eating grin on his face

He might fake-complain a bit about having to spend some of his precious gambling-time on buying things for you but would actually run to the other side of the world for you if he really needed to

He's pretty whipped, what can I say

He doesn't really have a lot of experience with periods and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it either, seeing as he grew up in a pretty sheltered village and only started to get to know more things after he ran away moved to the city

So he would ask you what you need before rushing off to get you what you needed as fast as possible. Rinne can be really exhausting at times if you were being honest but he was there for you when it mattered and it was obvious by small gestures such as this that he really loved you

Comes back quite a bit later than what you would have thought was necessary to get everything you asked him for

"I'm back! Missed me already? I bet ya did, you just can't resist your loving future-husband, huh? Hahaha!! Now don't throw me such a nasty glare y/n, it deeply wounds me!!"

He excitedly runs to you and drops off everything he had bought for you, pads, tampons( or whatever else you use) and eventual pain killers you might have needed. Looking at the products you notice they were all of rather high quality, which Rinne gladly explained as he bragged about how he had gotten a great bargain from the vendor

You thanked him and groggily went to the bathroom to freshen up some

As you came back, you were surprised to come back to the smell of warm soup drafting through the apartment

"Rinne.. Did you make this for me?" You couldn't quite believe it if you were being honest

"Of course I did, aren't you just so happy to have me?" He yapped as he kept stirring the pot. You raised your eyebrows at him and tilted your head, silently prompting Rinne to explain how he had magically prepared a self-made chicken soup within less than five minutes

"Well I didn't exactly make the soup. After I was done buying those things for you I went over and banged on Niki's apartment door until he would let me in. I properly begged him to cook some soup for you, told him you were deathly sick with fever! Didn't think he would panic so much that he would need to redo the soup twice because he was spilling over everything in his haste. So not my fault that I came back so late kyahaha! "

You stared at him dumbfounded and made a mental note to text Niki later to inform him that you were, in fact, not dying

The rest of the day was spent with both of you eating Niki's soup and then lazing around the bed together and playing cards with each other (with you strictly refusing to gamble real money on this card game, not that Rinne had been all that serious)

It would have been a really unfair match too, after all, how was Rinne supposed to lose with his personal good luck charm right beside him?

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and— can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.