#sorry not remotely sorry towards alternative medicine people

[dandelionsresilience]

Good News - August 8-14

Like these weekly* compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon! (*sorry this one’s a day late, I had a family emergency)

1. Rio’s grassroots agroforestry sustains birds, bees & communities

“[Community-created and -maintained] agroforests have reshaped the urban landscape and now attract an array of fauna, from birds to bees and even fireflies, drawn by the diversity of plant life thriving on improved soils. Perhaps most importantly, the agroforests offer free food and medicines to residents in need, plus shade and educational opportunities for the whole community[….]”

2. First giant pandas from China in decades make their public debut in San Diego

(image source) “Tensions between the U.S. and China had temporarily paused the program known as "panda diplomacy" in which China loans its native animals to zoos around the world […] as a show of goodwill[….] But the presence of [the two pandas in San Diego] appears to show a mending of the diplomatic relationship, which Chinese President Xi Jinping pledged to work toward in a meeting with President Biden last year. [… Gov. Newsom] called the giant pandas an example of how strong worldly partnerships can protect wildlife and their habitats[….]”

3. Good news for Europe's top economies as disposable income rises

“Poland experienced the largest increase in disposable income per capita, rising by 10.2% compared with a decrease of 2.7% in the last quarter of 2023. According to the OECD, this growth was "mainly driven by increases in employee compensation, social benefits other than in-kind transfers, and property income". […] In Germany, [household income per capita] rose by 1.4%, compared to just 0.1% in the previous quarter, partly driven by an increase in employee compensation.”

4. FDA approves nasal spray as first needle-free treatment for anaphylaxis

“The spray, which will be sold under the brand name Neffy, is seen as an alternative to EpiPen and other autoinjectors. […] “Some people, particularly children, may delay or avoid treatment due to fear of injections,” said Kelly Stone, an associate director at the FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, adding that the availability of the nasal spray may reduce barriers to rapid treatment.”

5. [Colin Farrell] is launching a foundation to support adult[s] who have an intellectual disability

““We want to take a good look at residential potential for families with young adults who are ready to go out into the world and have a greater sense of community and connection,” says the actor. […] "It’s really important for James and for all of our kids to feel like they are wanted, to feel like they’re part of the community. Not just out of charitable endeavors or being nice and doing the right thing, but out of a sincere desire to engage and learn about each other."”

6. The Berlin Zoo is hoping for more German-born giant pandas as scans confirm a pregnancy

“Giant pandas have difficulty breeding and births are particularly welcomed. There are about 1,800 pandas living in the wild in China and a few hundred in captivity worldwide. […] The zoo noted that female pandas are only capable of reproducing for about 72 hours per year.”

7. Arizona school district highlights the benefits of free lunch

“A study by the University of Washington found free meals at school help reduce hunger, reduce the stigma tied to free lunch, and can help reduce childhood obesity. [… A cafeteria worker] said since the school district began offering free lunch, they have seen a positive shift in the cafeteria culture, and students seem happier. […] In September of 2023, the USDA […] loosened up its application threshold for applicants, allowing an estimated 3,000 more school districts in high-need areas to participate in the [CEP] program.”

8. Gigantic millipede lost to science for 126 years rediscovered in remote Madagascan jungle

“A further 20 species 'lost' to science were rediscovered during the expedition, including three iridescent species of fish and several species of ant-like flower beetles.”

9. The climate law’s $8.8B in home energy rebates are starting to roll out

“New York and Wisconsin are the first to launch their long-awaited Inflation Reduction Act programs meant to deploy everything from heat pumps to insulation. […] Once deployed, the DOE estimates, the home energy rebates will help save consumers up to $1 billion in annual energy costs and support an estimated 50,000 U.S. jobs in construction, manufacturing, and other sectors. They’ll also help clean up buildings, one of the biggest sources of carbon pollution in the country.”

10. Advance in stem cell therapy: New technique for manipulating stem cells opens door to novel treatments

“Recently, a team of McGill researchers discovered that by stretching, bending and flattening the nuclei of stem cells to differing degrees, they could generate precisely targeted cells that they could direct to become either bone or fat cells. […] The first applications of this discovery are likely to involve bone regeneration, possibly relating to dental or cranio-facial repair[….]”

August 1-7 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[vegetacide]

Sleepless

Veg●notable: So... this popped into my head.. wrote it.. and here we are.

Any mistakes are purely my own...

Characters: Kayo/Virgil, Jeff Tracy

General warning: Just a little gropey

Word count: 4541 words

Time: Middle of the night. Crack past when regular people would be sleeping

Location: Lounge balcony, Island

Summary: Someone is having a hard time sleeping.. stuff happens. Embarrassment ensues.

Enjoy!

o0o

Virgil sat upright with a jolt, the feeling of foreboding and dread chasing him into the land of wakefulness. Breath heaving, heart pounding a rapid staccato in his chest, he scrambled up his rumpled bed until his back found the headboard and kicked his legs free of the tangle of linens.

Croaking out a command, the shadowy remnants of the nightmare which had been plaguing his slumber vanished as the soft, pre-programmed lighting illuminated the quiet space of his room. Reassuring him that he wasn’t actually hanging from a mountain a mere finger’s width away from a trapped climber..

Cursing softly to himself, he racked a hand through his sleep tousled hair and swung his legs over the side of the bed resisting the urge to shiver as the temperature controlled air breezed over his sweat soaked back.

Slouching he braced his elbows on his knees and rubbed the exhausted fog from his eyes. The dream had felt so real, the blistering cold, the blinding wind, the burning chill in his chest as he desperately tried to stretch those last few centimetres.

He’d been so very close yet not close enough. The climber’s pleading voice, hoarse from screaming grew quiet and an odd calm of realization had settled over the indistinguishable features of their face. A dark truth had been registered, that salvation was not in the cards for them.

In that instant Virgil had recognized the climber’s sudden intent and throwing all caution to the bitter mountain wind, he’d lunged. His thighs coiling then thrusting him out and away from the purchase of the ledge he’d been dangling from and just as he started to free fall, the climber let go…

He stared down at his hand and frowned at the slight tremble in them. Clenching them a few times and dispelling the dull phantom ache he felt from the situation that had been conjured from the depths of his own subconscious.

Catching the dim, blue numerals of the digital display on his night stand, Virgil exhaled wearily and with a grunt of effort pushed to his feet. A couple hours of sleep was better than no sleep at all but after three straight days of this, the lack of a full eight was starting to wear on him.

His brothers always razzed on him for his late morning sleeping habits and it looked like it was going to be no different once the sun decided to crest the horizon. Little did they know though that his penchant for daytime slumber was more out of a dire need than laziness on his part.

He’d suffered the insomniatic spurts for a large part of his adult life. Some due to traversing multiple time zones on a regular and completely throwing off his natural circadian rhythm and other from an over-active mind that just ceased to shut off at a reasonable time.

He’d tried various sleep aids over the years, from the medicinal variety to the drinkable kind with a percentage stamped on the side of the bottle but neither of them were long-term solutions. Both had side effects that were detrimental to his chosen career path. Hard to concentrate on a rescue in a drug induced fog or function effectively with a hangover. He knew that from experiences and both were definitely something he didn’t want to try or risk again with lives on the line.

So letting the brotherly teasing just roll off him was his preferred dénouement. As for the twilight hours from dusk till dawn? He filled those lonely hours with copious midnight sessions in the island gym, or with twilight maintenance work on his ‘Bird. The latter had been done so frequently that he could reassemble Two’s VTOL thruster assembly blindfolded, one hand tied behind his back and with a set of nail clippers as his only tool…. On the rare occasion when the exhaustion wasn’t too intolerable, he’d even break out his art supplies. Usually though his creative muse would be out cold in a corner somewhere so his productivity on those nights was severely lacking and whatever he managed to produce was subpar at best.

No one ever saw those works of so-called “art”. They were tucked away in the far back corner of his art studio saved from the trash for some reason he was unable to wrap his head around despite the fact that he loathed them for their complete ineptitude.

Crap results or not, it served its purpose of distracting his mind from whatever it was that was preventing him from dreamland and he found that on more than one occasion he managed to just stumble off to bed again before the rest of the house had roused to start their day. Hiding the fact that sleep had been evading him and effectively staving off both the worry wart that was Scott and matriarchal commandeering presence of his Grandmother.

Though these days, he had the added pressure of dealing with the wandering presence of his father as well. Who seemed to ghost around the house at night as much as he did. Virgil suspected that his father was still adjusting to being Earth side and except for one instance had managed to avoid him.

Jeff Tracy’s sleep patterns were erratic at best but that was to be expected after his survival ordeal in the Oort cloud. Virgil knew from a medical standpoint that given time his father would eventually adjust but in the meantime, he would have to play a one sided version of cat and mouse with the man just so he didn’t set his father’s somewhat questionable mental stability for a spin. He had enough on his plate to deal with already, he didn’t need the added weight of his second oldest son’s problems on top of it.

Giving his head a shake at the direction of his thoughts, Virgil made his way over to his closet. If he let his mind drift in that way for too long he would find himself down a rabbit hole he would have a hard time finding his way out of. At the moment he didn’t have the mental stamina or the wherewithal for it either.

Reaching blindly into the dark depths of his closet Virgil rummaged around until his fingers came across the soft cotton of a well loved pair of track pants. Slipping the loose folds of worn fabric over his legs he contemplated his options for the rest of the night and just couldn’t drum up the energy to make a decision.

Catching a glimpse at his bed out of the corner of his eye he knew that staying in his room wasn’t on the table. Turning, Virgil made his way quietly on bare feet out the door and towards the stairs. Maybe something good would be on late night TV but knowing his luck as of late it was unlikely. At this point though it was better than coming up with an alternative. He’d already gone over Two with a fine toothed comb and his muscles were still recuperating from the previous nights work out. Last thing he wanted to do was to end up with a work out related injury. He was already pushing safety parameters on call outs as it was and a sprain or strain was going to have him benched for sure

---

Ten minutes of channel surfing was all it took before Virgil hit the fed up phase of his evening. Abso-fucking nothing on TV. Nothing at least that could keep his attention. Tossing the remote somewhere to his left, he shoved up to his feet, grabbed his glass off the low table and headed out on to the balcony to watch the light show of a storm that was passing by off-shore.

Leaning his elbow on the railing overlooking the pool he watched the play of light as it rumbled across the dense cloud cover. By the looks of it, the storm was shaping up to be a big one but all their scans told them it would keep well to the South of their island home. Even as far out to sea as it was, the winds were starting to pick up and Virgil could hear the storm surge as it crashed against the shoals and rocky outcroppings far below the family villa.

Losing himself to the slashes of lightning that danced across the heavens in a vibrant display of scorching white streaks buffeting, turbulent bruise coloured clouds that in an instant succumb to the abysmal void of inky black. He could feel in his bones that beep bass rumbles that followed. Thrumming through the Earth, cement and rebar of his home up though his feet and the oppressiveness of its ferocity weighed on him. Even all these many miles away the might of Mother Nature could be felt. He just prayed that no one was stupid enough to be out in that mess.

“Fingers crossed.”

*-*-*

It hadn’t been her intention to startle him. Far from it and it wasn’t like she was trying to be quiet about her approach. Virgil had been just so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed her standing beside him contemplating the stark contrast of light and shadows across the expanse of his tense back and heavy shoulders.

“Shit… Kayo, you scared the crap out of me.” He heaved a sigh, settling his weight against the railing again.

“Sorry, didn’t mean too but I was just agreeing with what you said.”

Puzzled eyes turned towards her and a thick brow arched in question to her statement.

Mirroring his pose, she gave his shoulder a nudge with her own before pointing a finger off towards the churning storm. “That no one is stupid enough to be out in that.” She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he processed her words, noting the stiffness to his posture, the way the darkness hung like a bruise under his tired eyes and the paler of his skin. Even in the limited lighting he looked more ghost-like than human.

He gave a grunt of understanding before turning back to watch the storm and lifting his tumbler to the distant clouds in a salute. “Here’s to hoping.” The last dregs in the glass disappeared in short order as he tossed it back. The whiff of whiskey wafting her way as he set the empty vessel on the railing between them.

“I thought you were on rota tomorrow?” She questioned as she eyed the glass and wondered how much had been consumed.

“I am.” His eyes followed hers and he gave a shrug but no further explanation and Kayo didn’t press.

She’d basically grown up with the man and his brothers so she trusted his judgement impeccably but there was still something bothering her about the whole scene. Something felt off..

“You okay?” She was never one to bat around the bushes and her gut was very seldom wrong especially where it concerned the man beside her. The man she’d stopped seeing as a sibling sometime ago and started seeing as something else entirely. It was something that started to blossom one unforgettable snowy night the previous November in New York but neither of them had had the time to tend to since…. Other more pressing things had gotten in the way and there was now another Tracy planet side and returned from the dead as a result.

Maybe now…

He gave a shrug and he shifted to look at her, the wind blowing in off the coast tousling his unstyled hair in a roguish way across his brow. “I’m fine, nothing to worry about.”

He was holding something back, she could tell. Something eerie lurked in his tired walnut gazed. Shifting across the usual vivid depths like the smoldering haze after a wildfire. Dampening what was usually brilliant and clear.

She stepped towards him, her hand reaching to cup his check. The unshaved scruff rough against the palm of her hand. “I’m a good listener if you need an ear.”

He turned into her embrace, brushed his lips over the soft flesh of her hand in silent thanks and smiled at her. “Kinda a prerequisite in your line of work.”

Her own lips quirked up. “Growing up in a house full of testosterone it was a necessity or I would never have been able to sneak out at night with five over protective brothers.”

Virgil chuckled, some of the murkiness leaving his eyes. “Point taken.”

She let her hand drop and a flash of something like disappointed flickered across his brow.

His breath fanned across her face as he sighed, the light fragrance of whiskey warming her. “So…” she said, crossing her arms and emitting the air of stubbornness she was known for. “Spill already.”

A heavy shoulder lifted, the light cast through the open lounge doors catching on the planes of thick muscle with the movement and she couldn’t resist brushing a hand over the warm skin.

“Rough night, that’s all.”

“Can’t sleep again?’

He looked surprised at her question and she had her answer without him saying a word.

“Virgil, I specialize in security. I am well aware of your night time routine.Two has never run better and the gym equipment requires a break from you before you actually break it. Besides,” She added admiring the way his biceps bunched as he rested his hands on his hips, “You get any bigger you won’t be able to fit down Two’s chute”

A soft curse slipped past his lips. It was obvious that he’d thought that his attempts to avoid his family had been successful.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t or wont say anything to Scott.” Her fingers gave his shoulder a light squeeze of reassurance. “If it gets worse I know you’ll do the right thing and say something yourself. You’re dealing with it right now in your own way and you have a right to your own privacy and council. Just, if you wanna talk...” she stalled out on her offering, shifting her gaze away from his to take in the night around them as heat started to colour her cheeks.

A moment later his fingers danced across her brow and she sucked in a breath as he gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His strong musician’s fingers lingered until she met his eyes again.

He was looking down at her, so close now that the bare skin of his chest brushed hers with every breath. He seemed to be sturdier now, more so then when she’d discovered him looking despondently at the storm. An assuredness that had been missing before seemed to have returned to the strong line of his jaw and the tension she’d seen in his posture was gone. There was a shift in the air around him, almost anticipatory in nature and she felt a thrill run down her spine.

Her pulse kicked at the heat imbued in his eyes as he gently angled her face towards his own. She stammered, not able to finish off what she had been about to say. “..uh..talk about....”

“Thank you, Tin’ He whispered, the oaky tang of alcohol ghosting across her lips and effectively stopping her uncharacteristic fumbling.

It took but a nanosecond for her brain to go from a midair stall out to ignition. Her inner monologue screamed, demanding that she act. Only the slightest of movements would be needed to bridge the distance between them. An easy contraction of muscles and she could push up on her toes, silencing all other words with the meeting of their lips. Without further hesitation, she did just that.

Months of denied contact and frustration sprang to the fore, blazing bright and intoxicating. Before either of them were aware, they were wrapped around each other. His strong body flush to her own, his hand tangled in her hair that had somehow between one second and the next come undone from its customary binding.

“God..” she panted, barely recognizing her own voice. His lips skimming across her flesh, trailing like fire down her neck to that spot that made her world flip on its axis. Light headed she scraped her nails down his back. Seeking purchase as her knees grew weak.

“I’ve missed you…”

He emitted a groan of approval. The sound heady, potent and oh so primal. It was almost her undoing and the burn within her flared.

Desperate for more and caring little about where they were standing, she slipped her hand between them...

The sudden intrusion of a throat clearing had them springing apart so fast that she almost lost her footing and she gracelessly plopped down on the nearest lounger. A feeble attempt on her part to save face. The instantaneous lack of Virgil’s body heat made her shiver and it sobered her mind faster than any cold shower could.

One of the overhead lights flicked on and the silhouetted figure at the balcony door came into sharp focus. A short striped housecoat was sashed neatly at a trim waist and slippered feet scuffed lightly over the flooring as the head of the house stepped out onto the balcony. In one hand he swirled a glass of water. Condensation dribbling over faintly scared hands as the ice cubes tinkled with the rhythmic movement.

“Tanusha,” He greeted, one proud eyebrow arched high over suspicious eyes as he scanned over the breathless pair. “Son.”

*-*-*

Fuck… that was all that came to mind as Virgil gaped at his father though he knew better than to voice the expletive.

Reaching out a hand, he grasped at the railing and wished his own long forgotten glass wasn’t so empty.

How in hell was he going to explain this?

He peered over to Kayo hoping that she could provide something, anything that might salvage the situation. The stunned deer-caught-in-the-headlights look he found though didn't bode well.

His first attempt to speak caught in his throat and he cleared it self consciously before risking a quick glance down to assess his person. Thankfully everything was where it should be and mercifully, PG...well...kind of.

“...Dad…It’s late, what are you doing up?”

Jeff blinked at his son then held up his glass, the answer obvious. “Hydrating, as I can see you have been doing too.”

“Oh..ya that… just a night cap.”

“And you’re on call in the morning?” It was said more like a statement than a question and Virgil did his best to hide the wince at the hidden reprimand.

His father turned to Kayo, effectively dismissing the subject from further conversation as he was well aware that his message had been received loud and clear.

Virgil did a fast and stealthy re-adjustment of his pants and groaned internally. Chances were by morning he would find that his shift had been rescheduled and he was going to need to dodge the Scott Tracy hairy eyeball all day. An unwritten rule that all the younger brothers were well aware of; never mess with the Commander’s schedules. It was some old hang up from his military days that he’d never grown out of to the detriment of the rest of the island. As unpredictable as Scott could be when on mission, at home you could figure out the time of day by what the eldest was doing. From his morning jog right down to when he grabbed the daily stock reports and headed to the bathroom.

It was kind of freaky actually. The man’s bowels were perfectly timed, no matter the food that went in...even if it was Grandma’s cooking.

Giving the back of his neck a rub, Virgil surmised he spent far too much time with his brother, far, far too much time.

Well with the exception of playing a tantalizing round of ‘avoid the angry, overly concerned big brother’… at least he could attempt to catch up on some sleep.

Ding! Bright side!...Crap.

“Tanusha, didn’t know you were back on the island. How was the flight in?”

“Uh.. hell of a cross wind on approach, ” Kayo finally piped up, returning once more to her feet. Her security agent persona nailed firmly back into place. “But nothing Shadow couldn’t handle.”

“Hmm, glad to hear it. You’ll have to let me take her for a spin sometime.” His father said all conversationally as if that fact that his second eldest and basically his adoptive daughter hadn’t just been about to get it on right there on the balcony like a pair of randy teenagers.

Jeff tipped his chin in the direction of the storm. “Nice light show.”

Virgil caught a hint of a grin on his father’s face that was not quite hidden behind a careful sip of water. The man knew exactly what he was doing and he was loving every minute of it.

“Uhhh… ya. It is.” Well, this was definitely awkward and his father was sadistic. Now would be a fantastic time for John to call down with a situation.. Somewhere.. .Anywhere.. For anything.. Like a cat stuck in a tree in say like Alaska...right now…

Kayo nodded her head in agreement and mouthed an apology in Virgil’s direction when Jeff turned to take in the view. “Well, it’s been lovely talking to you both but duty call.” She glanced down at her wrist as if to check the time but really it was to avoid the pleading look on Virgil’s face. “Canada’s about to come online and they owe me a report on last week’s protocol updates.”

Virgil’s shoulders slumped..

“Good night, Tanusha.”

“Good night, Jeff.” And she slinked off into the house, holding her head high despite that fact that there was still a healthy glow of red riding her cheeks.

Jeff shifted his attention back to Virgil. “So..you two were just,” He actually stopped mid sentence to emphasize his point with finger quotation. “Talking ?”

Exhausted beyond measure, embarrassed within an inch of his life and, if he was going to be truthful to himself; horny as hell…Yup, this evening was summing up to be a real shit show.

Crossing and uncrossing his arms, Virgil really wasn’t sure what to do with himself. It wasn’t like he was a teenager anymore. He was a grown man, of course he had relationships of a romantic nature.. He wasn’t a monk, by any stretch of the imagination but this was his father and old habits apparently did die hard.

Despite the length of time his father had been absent and the fact the family dynamic in the house was still adjusting to the patriarch’s return, Virgil felt like he’d somehow regressed back to a sixteen year old again. Caught making out with his highschool girlfriend on the couch and trying to make up excuses for the state of their undress.

The smile on his father’s face told him though that the man was well aware of his son’s floundering.

“Relax, son.” A humorous snort followed and he wandered over to stand beside him, leaning casually on the railing. “ I believe we had that conversation about the birds and the bees when you were eleven. You’re a grown man, I’m not going to fault you for looking for a bit of peace and comfort. ”

Virgil studied the ground, his mind drifting to the woman that had so captured his attention. He’d been skirting around how he felt in regards to her for months and he still had doubts if it was right of him to feel the way he did. To revise their adoptive familial relationship to something more intimate after everything they had been though. He often wondered if he was in some way taking advantage… as stupid as that might sound to others he seriously questioned his own motives.

It had been Kayo that had taken the first giant leap though. He shouldn’t have been surprised with her intuition. She’d seen right through him. Tore down all his defenses to expose what he so stupidly thought was hidden from her. Everything all out into the open for them both to see and after that..right into a penthouse suite at the Park Hyatt.

One thing about Kayo, she certainly didn’t waste time when the chips were down. She knew what she wanted and she went for it.

“So, you and our Tin-tin, huh?” Jeff chuckled and Virgil brought his attention back to his father.. “I never would have suspected but seeing you two together just now.. Well, I can definitely say that the pair of you are a good match. Complementary to each other actually.”

Despite his own embarrassment, Virgil started to relax. Relieve that his father seemed fine with what he had inadvertently walked in on. “Its, uh.. still very new.”

“Really?” Jeff questioned, his brows shooting up in mild surprise. “With that chemistry? Reminds me of when your Mom and I were together. After the first few months there wasn’t a lot that could distract us from…”

“Dad!” Virgil all but squeaked. He didn’t think it was possible to fit more blood into his head at that moment but apparently he could. Well at least the blood had stopped pooling somewhere else....thank God..

Jeff raised a placating hand and his words carried a laugh in them. “Okay, okay. I will spare you the details. The point being, the pair of you look good together and I must admit even with me still trying to get the lay of the land around here… you two fit and if it makes the pair of you happy, then I wholeheartedly approve.”

Virgil was speechless a moment. It had been the last thing he expected. Approval so easily given from a man he remembered as being rather commanding and if he was being truthful to himself, a bit intimidating.

His father’s time in space had changed him, changed them all in ways they didn't fully understand.

His father placed a hand on his shoulder, his calloused fingers tightening for a brief moment before he turned to watch the storm.

They sat a moment in companionable silence. Father and son, just taking in the light show together, getting reacquainted in a quiet moment while the rest of the house slept on.

It didn’t last long but it was enough to start mending the old tired fences that lay scattered between them. Not broken from misuse but worn from the years of absence. “You should try and get some sleep, son. You look tired and the sun will be up soon enough.”

Virgil inhaled deeply, tasting the distant rain and the linger hint of jasmine on his tongue. He nodded as he pushed away from the railing, rolling his shoulders to loosen up some of the knots that lingered there. “I should.” He agreed but paused before heading inside once more. “Thanks, Dad. Enjoy the storm."

Jeff tipped his glass slightly in salute. "I always did love a good show."

Virgil paused a moment, not sure how to take that but quickly decided he was way too tired to figure it out. Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes with a soft chuckle and stepped back into the house.

o0o

FIN

[lfd072936]

Harlequin - Chapter 2

Word count: 2236

Summary: Arthur and Lola finally have a conversation. Can be read as a standalone.

Tagged: @tiredwritersworld and @trailerparkbarbiedoll

Chapter 1 link

Chapter 3 link

2.       The Good Laugh

The week went by like quicksilver as most days proved to be eventful, but Lola truly felt like she got the hang of it after a few days. She mostly did what she liked the most about this job: socializing with patients, listening to their stories or anything they rambled about. For her it was like looking into an alternative version of reality through someone else’s eyes. She also adjusted herself well enough to the morning rush of the hospital, arriving a bit early so she spent her last couple of minutes before clocking in at the staff’s room calmly looking at Gotham’s dark, grimy morning by the window while sipping her morning tea. The room was packed around the shift change even making the corner she was at a noisy place to be. Some were having their breakfast, some were playing cards on the table and some were just talking or rather trying to out scream the other groups. It didn’t bother Lola though, noise was something prison teaches you to tolerate, but suddenly she heard her name.

- How did your first week go? – she had no idea what the guy’s name was or how did he know hers, but she gave him a faint smile nonetheless.

- It went well. They’re a bit different than what I’m used to, but generally nice.

- Nice? – someone else from that table chimed in. – I’m sorry, but you can’t think of them as nice… it will be the end of you.

- I’d be more than happy to learn that the hard way.

- That is so eastern of you, but you’re in the west wing now. You don’t know what you’re in for. These guys aren’t here on their free will, most hate this place and will make you want to hate it too.

- So far I’m good – she shrugged, making everyone in the room roll their eyes, but at least they left her alone after that. She quickly finished her tea just in case, to avoid any other conversations someone might strike up with her. Honestly she tried to make friends here, chit-chatting from time to time, smiling at everyone, but she was repulsed by most of the staff. By how proud they were of their omnipresent cruelty towards the patients.

Lola was assigned to the cafeteria, mostly to patrol and to maybe help to feed some patients who were unable to do it themselves. She had to admit that the people looked much harsher in this part of Arkham, but she still could not imagine herself not being her kindest self with them, even if that will be ‘the end of her’. While looking around her gaze suddenly was met with Arthur’s. They were in the same room from time to time during the past week, smiling or giving each other a small nod, but she just never had the courage to walk up to him for seemingly nothing and star talking. Now here they were, her leaned against the wall, him alone at a table with an unlit cigarette in his hand and some mushy oatmeal in front of him. He was just causally staring. She greeted him with an awkward wave and a smile. Even from afar she could see his lips trembling into a slight smile, but he wasn’t giving her any reaction other than that. She decided to concentrate on the other patients and putting the time of their first real interaction into fate’s hands. Arthur leaned back in his chair, fidgeting with his leg, watching all the workers around him doing their jobs. As soon as the closest one to him was Lola, with a slight movement of his hand he knocked his tray off of the table, making his sad breakfast of oatmeal and soggy fruit salad land on the floor. Each nurse and helper sighed in exhaustion at the same time. A string of awkward eye conversation ensued where everyone stared at all the others with a hurrying look. Of course Lola was encouraged the most to do something since she was the closest in vicinity. She rolled her eyes, but did as the majority pleased. She put down the jug of water she was carrying and headed to Arthur’s table. When she got next to him, he gave her a big-eyed look as if he was saying sorry, but Lola wasn’t taking it.

- Is everything alright? – she asked.

- Yes… why wouldn’t it? – he smiled at her innocently.

- You knocked down your plate on purpose – he didn’t answer for a while, so she just sighed and knelt down to pick up what she could salvage, but she could see him leaning closer to her. The fact that none of her colleagues were alarmed by his movement goes without saying.

- Maybe I wanted to see you from a little bit closer – he whispered. His voice paired with his oddly attractive smell of cigarettes sent chills down Lola’s back, but she just looked straight back at him and let out a small chuckle.

- You know I work here, right? You can ask me to come by anytime.

- Well… - he said, but his voice was raspy as if he was trying to hold back laughter. – I’m free this afternoon.

- I’ll make sure to give you a visit – he suddenly blurted out in an oddly nervous laughter but he got a hold of it fairly quickly. She pretended like nothing happened, this wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d seen here. – See you then. – she smiled at him and turned around.

- Wait! – he said when she was a couple of steps away. – What’s your name?

- I’m Lola.

- Hello, Lola… I’m Arthur – he raised his arm and after a moment she shook his hand.

- Hello, Arthur. I like that name – and just like that she was gone from the cafeteria.

- Lola – he whispered to himself, while lightning his much awaited cigarette.

Both of them felt like afternoon couldn’t come fast enough. Lola was always fascinated by the man she’d previously known as Joker. As outrageous and shocking as his actions were on TV, she felt oddly attracted to him. As she was banned by her mother to participate in the riots, she only ever saw the benefits of the movement he started. And of course being the edgy teenager she was, she sympathized with the tormented man on screen, who finally had enough courage to stand up against his biggest torturer, society itself. From the comfort of her living room he could be seen as the good guy, but definitely someone to feel sorry for… and she always had a soft spot for that. As for Arthur, not only did he think that Lola was the most attractive worker in here (or patient for that matter of fact), but also she was the only one remotely nice. He didn’t hold it against anyone that they acted cold towards him, it seemed to be a must here, but he really wished they wouldn’t.

- He doesn’t want to come out right now, he does that sometimes – a nurse, Ramon answered Lola’s question about Arthur’s whereabouts. – Damn, I will have to get him his meds after I finish this – he mumbled more to himself, but she put it together. What a smart man.

- I’ll do it, don’t worry – she said, while patting Ramon’s shoulder reassuringly.

- You sure?

- Of course… I got you, man.

Although she was strictly forbidden to touch any medicine, she had faced no barriers obtaining them. No one questioned her authority in the matter.

Arthur’s door wasn’t locked, which surprised Lola given the serious safety measures, but this was not her main concern at the moment. Ramon could have been a little absentminded or just didn’t care at all. Her stomach curled up as she held onto the door handle. She pulled the door open and leaned against the frame.

- Knock-knock. – Arthur sat by his desk scribbling in his notebook, but once he heard her voice he turned around on his chair to face her.

- Come in… - he gave her a slight smile.

- May I sit?

- Sure – he said, but as she got near he closed up his notebook.

- I brought you your meds – he took the pills from her and before she could hand him the plastic cup of water she brought he already swallowed them like a thousand times before.

- No need – he shook his head, but she put the cup down in front of him nonetheless, in case he wanted to hydrate his weary body.

- Open – she ordered him.

- You don’t trust me? – he teased back.

- Just do it… - she chuckled.

- Aaa – he finally complied, sticking his tongue out, showing her how he indeed swallowed the pills. She gave him a small nod, but her eyes wandered down to his weathered notebook.

- What are you writing?

- Um… - he instinctively shuffled the pages even closer to him. – That’s private.

- Oh, alright… sorry. – Arthur looked at her for a while. She was so pretty and nice… like Sophie. But Lola had to talk to her, she couldn’t ignore him she said it herself.

- It’s just my thoughts and some jokes, nothing serious. – he couldn’t really put his finger on why he suddenly donned his confident persona, that he more or less built up in here for his old, coyer one. It was almost like he couldn’t do otherwise under her prying gaze.

- Jokes? Could you tell me one? – his face lit up, but he squeezed the notebook even harder in his hand.

- Yeah, of course… - he said unsurely. It’s been awhile since anyone was interested in the contents of his journal, especially the jokes. The other patients respected and feared his reputation enough not to tease him about it and the nurses just didn’t give a shit. – Okay… - he flipped through the pages quickly, trying to hide the crude cut-outs and drawings, unsuccessfully. The sight made Lola smile a little, but she made sure to force a curious look on her face instead. – Here’s a good one: People are like trees… - he glanced at her in anticipation. - … they fall down when you hit them with an axe. – after a moment of silence Lola burst out laughing. She was fully prepared having to force out a convincing pity-laugh, but this dark cleverness caught her off guard, making her laugh for real. Smile spread on Arthur’s face upon seeing Lola’s reaction. – Do you want to hear another one?

- Yeah, absolutely – she said, while still chuckling.

- What’s the worst thing about having a mental illness?

- I don’t know.

- Of course you don’t - he mumbled. She laughed again. – Wait, that wasn’t the joke…

- It still was funny, Arthur – his smile widened.

- Thanks… - he took a theatrical deep breath and started again. – What’s the worst thing about having a mental illness?

- What?

- People expect you to behave as if you don’t – she didn’t find this one funny, but forced out a small laugh anyways, not too loud because she didn’t want to mislead him too much.

- It’s funny because it’s true… - she said. Arthur couldn’t hide his happiness that she liked his jokes. – Not in here though… Could you imagine how surprised the doctors would be if suddenly everyone started to act normal? They wouldn’t know what to do. – now it was his turn to laugh.

- They’d probably send everyone to shock therapy, just to be sure – Arthur said thinking to himself and it made Lola’s honest giggle return. She felt like Arthur had no idea how funny he can be when he’s just being himself.

Suddenly this idyllic harmony of them just looking at each other, trying to memorize every detail of the other’s smile was disturbed by one of Lola’s colleagues stepping into the room unannounced.

- We’re gonna need you on floor 6, Page – there was no way for him to know how unwanted his presence was at that moment. Lola just came in to give Fleck his pills. didn’t she?

- Sure – she stood up. – Thank you for this, Arthur, I really needed a good laugh. – and she was already out of the cell, locking the door behind her.

He wanted to tell her so many things, but he also didn’t want to scare her away, this girl who seemed so innocent and angelic. Maybe if they got to talk again he should ask her about her life. God, he’d hoped this was real… the meds worked for the most part, but just over a month ago he hallucinated his friend Gary to be in here with him. Took him a couple of days and multiple hour-long “conversations” with Gary to realize that it was all in his head. He could feel his laughter emerge, but not the good one like with Lola, it was the one that caused pain and discomfort and chased away so many people. Just not her, if she’s real please not her. At least his condition hadn’t come out in front of her yet. BANG. Arthur let his head fall against his metal desk, while still laughing uncontrollably. And then again, and then again.

[iamwhelmed]

Homesick: Chapter 3

This is where shit starts hitting the fan, ladies and gents... or at least starts the very clear, direct path leading right into the fan.

Summary: Raven finds herself carrying Beast Boy's child and struggles with the fear of losing him and the impending responsibility of being a mother; Starfire finds Robin in a precarious position with another woman. The two leave the tower to live on their own for awhile, just to figure things out. Beast Boy and Robin may be losing their minds, and Cyborg tries to keep everyone together.

Read it on AO3

Read it on Fanfiction.net

She couldn't eat certain foods anymore, maybe even smell them for that matter. There was a list of things Baby wanted far, far away from Raven's mouth, and that list seemed to get longer every day. By the second month, she'd knocked: shrimp, pickles, meatloaf, anything fried, anything dairy-related, and much to Starfire's disappointment, mustard. By the third month, she'd stuck to eating toast and bananas.

She wasn't showing much, but she certainly felt like her stomach had expanded well beyond its normal width, and Starfire said that she could feel the bump when she hugged her. She wasn't looking forward to waddling everywhere, but at least the morning sickness had begun to subside. Starfire, despite being depressed, borderline out of her mind, was still warm to be around, and when Starfire was near, Baby seemed a little less willing to make her life difficult.

Somewhere in the first month, she'd nabbed a job at a bookstore that doubled as a hipster coffee shop. It was easy work, simple, and it didn't require her to move very much, which was good because Baby had started to use her bladder as a trampoline when it found her exercise excessive. People recognized her, more often than she'd like, asked her why she'd taken up a job when Titans Tower was pretty much government-sanctioned. She'd bestow them with her best glare, a look Starfire had told her "had only grown in ferocity" in the first trimester. That was enough to scare virtually anybody dumb enough to ask, and when it didn't, she'd concede and say "Saving up."

Starfire, on the other hand, was a very ditzy waitress, but nevertheless she was Starfire, and when people weren't starstruck enough to deal with the poor service, they were smitten enough with her to ignore the mixed up order altogether. She'd gotten a better hang of it come the second month, and by the third she did a pretty standard job. She liked her coworkers, and she liked the view from the second-story restaurant, where she could watch the sunset over Jump City. She liked her customers and she liked her boss (the feeling was a little more than mutual on his end, she was not naive to the way he eyed her when he thought she wasn't looking). She liked living with Raven and being at peace.

But she missed her friends.

She missed Cyborg's uproarious "BOOYAH", the way he could go on for hours about his newest inventions, the meals he cooked for the team with such love she swore she could taste it, and it made every dish all the better. She missed Beast Boy, despite not understanding what had transpired between him and Raven. She missed his giggles when he'd pulled a prank, she missed his jokes and puns and the way Raven shot them down. She missed how he and Cyborg would argue incessantly every morning over meat or tofu, and how they'd stay up easily past midnight beating each other at video games.

But most of all, even though she was hurt, even though she felt like somebody had strangled her over and over, leaving her just on the brink of death each time when she thought of him, she missed Robin. She missed his smile, warm and comforting, a smile she swore he reserved for her, because she rarely saw it elsewhere. It was the smile he gave her when he broke open her chrysalis, when he'd told her that he didn't care about how she looked. She missed the way he made her feel, the gentle way he'd kiss her, the way he placed his hands at her jaw and dipped down to brush his lips against hers, as though asking for permission. From there he'd grow more determined, and she often found herself lying awake at night imagining the passion, remembering how he'd press his forehead to hers and smile, how she'd nuzzle him before he dipped back down and captured her lips once again.

But then she'd remember long, bare, silky legs wrapped around Robin's, the way his arms shuddered and pulled that stranger closer in the cold breeze, remembered how his nose buried itself in an unfamiliar woman's hair. Then she'd imagine his lips on someone else's, more desperate than the way he kissed her, imagine the way he'd probably gripped at her hips, the way she'd probably clawed at his back, the way he probably breathed in her ear, whispered that he… loved her.

Then Starfire, she didn't have the strength to muster up anger. She could only feel empty, like there was a weight in her head that wouldn't go away and a hollow hole in her chest that reached down into her stomach. She wasn't hungry much these days, which was probably better for their pockets and for Raven's nausea.

The pregnancy, aside from each other's company, seemed to be the one constant that kept the two of them going. There was a goal in sight, and it was taking care of that baby until it was matured enough to join the world of the living. It was a relief that it was the one thing going right most days. Raven seemed healthy. Aside from the bump, the two of them had to go shopping, as Raven's undergarments were not quite fitting as they should anymore. The growing fatigue worried her, but Raven assured her that it was typical of a woman far along as she was. Most days consisted of the two of them going to work, often on alternating schedules (the difference between a waitress's schedule and a bookstore clerk's schedule were stark), before returning home at varying periods of the evening to eat and pass out on their respective beds. It wasn't a bad life just an- uninteresting one.

Starfire curled up under her covers, remote in one hand and her sheets in the other, pulled up to her chin as she waited with heavy anticipation for the return of her new favorite sitcom: "Meet the Grobgooks". That was not a nice word on her home planet of Tamaran, not that the people of earth would know; it merely added to her level of amusement. The channel had cut to commercial break, and Starfire was learning to feel the absence of the tower's recording system. She moaned and turnt her head back so that it thudded against her bedpost. "These commercials are most infuriating! I wish to see this week's conclusion, please!"

"Star, the only way these people make money is by selling you products," Raven glanced over the edge of her novel at Starfire's pouting face "and placing as many commercials as possible between one show and the next is how they do it."

Starfire's pout became more pronounced, then she raised her blankets so the bottom half of her face was hidden from view, eyes leveling the television with a heat matched only by the sting of her starbolts.

The fourth commercial faded in, a small suburban home in a quaint little city, grass as green as envy, house as big as a small southern estate, picket fence as straight as a line. "A house isn't just a house." Raven snorted, and Starfire yawned. "It's teaching him how to mow the lawn." It cut to a father on a riding mower, son in his lap as they slowed eased around their massive yard. "It's making messes, and the memories that come with them." It cut to a mother, long hair tied into the sloppiest bun, helping her little girl roll dough as they laughed at the flour covering their chins. "When you live in Jump City Greens, you're home." It cut to the family laying in bed together on an early morning, maybe mid-afternoon, soaking up the warmth of the sun and each other. They snuggled up together as they turned through what appeared to be a family album, daughter curled into her father's chest, son climbing over his mother's curvy waist to get onto the bed between his parents. Starfire smiled to herself, wondering if she'd ever, perhaps, have something so human.

Then the lamp exploded.

Starfire yelped and stood up on her bed, fist raised, though she couldn't find a starbolt. "Raven-!"

"Sorry."

Raven clutched her book to her chest, eyes wide as the bits and pieces of the lamp floated between them, hovering amid her black aura. Starfire raised an eyebrow. "Um… did you… do that?"

"I- I guess so."

"Raven…" Starfire lowered her fists, but raised an outstretched hand to Raven's retreating form, watching as she subconsciously inched toward the edge of her bed. The lamp pieces drifted to lay on the nightstand, aura diffusing slowly. "You are" she paused, contemplating whether or not she was about to be insensitive, but one look at Raven's face told her that nothing she said could make things worse "...crying."

"What?" Raven gasped, reached frail fingers to brush at the bone of her cheek, tips pulling away wet with salt. Sure enough, she felt what must have been the dam of her control breaking, because her eyes flooded so quickly with such vehemence that she was momentarily frozen in place. Somewhere behind her, the motel's complimentary hair dryer raised on its own, combusting in midair above the sink, which was quaking down below by the pipes.

"Raven! What is the matter?"

"I- I don't know! I can't stop it!"

The medicine cabinet slammed open, and the faucet head sprung clean off the sink. Raven took quick, shallow breaths, raising a hand to grasp at her chest. She had to calm down. Starfire cautiously jumped down from her bed, coming forward to press her hands to Raven's cheeks. "There must be something I can do-!"

"H-How can you help me w-when I don't even know what's wrong?"

Once again, her powers must have knocked the shower curtain clean off of the wall, because there was a loud clamoring from behind the closed door. The TV began flickering on and off, switching to a new channel each time the screen came back alive. Stop. Stop it. You need to have more control than this! "Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos... " Starfire kneeled down in front of her. "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." Her pillow lifted itself to the ceiling, vibrating for a moment before it exploded, showering Raven and Starfire in old and worn feathers. Raven winced, squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. What could have possibly set her off like this? A villain with mind manipulation abilities? A drug dose hidden in the air with a complicated gas? "Azarath-!"

"Raven."

Strong arms pulled her into a tight hug, providing her body with an instantaneous warmth she hadn't known she was lacking. Her eyes bulged out of her head, snapping open as Starfire's natural snugness began to completely overtake her like a wall of crashing debris. Feathers dotted across their skin, brushed against their heads and floated on the gust of the air conditioner to the bed and motel floor. She shivered, and Starfire's hold tightened. Starfire rubbed her shoulder with one hand. "I am here for you. Please, do not hold back."

And so she didn't. Raven's eyes welled with a fresh wave, and part of her was disgusted because she thought the biggest crests had passed, and yet…

She shut her eyes again and buried her head into Starfire's shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of the shampoo they'd mutually decided was cheapest. It flooded her senses, breathed new air into her lungs, forcing out the air she hadn't known was stale. Starfire reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, detangling her thin strands carefully, gently. Raven huffed and her chest trembled, breathing staggered as her tears ran through the crevices of her lips. Starfire shushed her, but otherwise said nothing. Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but somewhere along the way, the television had turned back on and stayed on the original channel. The Grobgooks once again lit up the screen with their varying character molds, and the sink had turned itself off. Raven took a few more deep breaths, repeating her mantra in her mind like it was the only string of sanity she could cling to, though Starfire's arms stayed locked around her. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, slowly.

"Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me, was it perhaps the emotionally-targeted commercial that has upset you?"

"What? No, Star, that's ridiculous…" She muttered as she pulled out of Starfire's hug, but was it? She frowned and met Starfire's eyes. "Or maybe not."

Starfire's brows furrowed, and she tilted her head as she struggled to understand. "Perhaps?"

"Maybe it was the commercial. Now that I think about it, this is right around the time my hormones would be giving me" she grimaced "problems."

"So this is merely-?"

"My dear, sweet, unborn child messing with my emotions?" Her face read noticeably annoyed, and her tone was debatably sardonic. "Probably the most likely rationalization for a hormonal outburst."

Starfire took a seat next to her on the bed, folding her hands in her lap, giving Raven space; she was thankful for that. As it was, she was fighting the heat rising through her body with every fiber of will she had left, but she'd have time to wallow in shame later for her earlier display. "How are we to combat these hormonal outbursts?"

Raven sighed, and shifted so that her hands could run up and along her arms. She felt naked without her cloak, but the earlier intention had been to sleep. "I'm not sure there's anything that can be done" short of seeing a psychiatrist…

Starfire nodded, and the two fell into once again companionable silence.

Barbara nearly choked on the milk that came squirting out of her nose, and for a few moments after, she was left hacking. Robin raised an eyebrow, as if to ask what exactly she thought was so funny, but the small smile on his face betrayed him. She tried to smile back at him, but struggled with one hand raised to her now-leaking nostrils. After all, it was the first time she'd seen him smile in weeks. "I'm sorry, and he licked her face?"

"Well, it wasn't actually Beast Boy."

"But Raven still got licked in the face by a green shapeshifting dog?"

Robin chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

She lost herself laughing again. She was yet to meet Raven, but she had the distinct feeling, given everything Robin had told her in her stay at Titans Tower, that she wasn't a woman particularly welcome to such odd displays of affection. Robin laughed through his nose, taking a sip of his water bottle. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with the towel slung around his shoulders, and she couldn't help but feel the whole scenario was a little deja vu. A memory, something that had long since passed. Robin seemed to pick up on her thought process, the way he always did, and gave her another smile. She wasn't sure which one of them felt more healed at that.

"So," they both jumped as Cyborg sat down at the end of the table, between the two of them. "How do y'all know each other again?"

"Uh-"

"We were-"

They both looked at each other, Robin tugging at the collar of his uniform, Barbara hiding her face behind her glass of milk. They both glanced away, unsure of how to answer. Cyborg raised an eyebrow, but seemed to take the hint. "Oookay." He dug into his sausage and eggs, glancing to Robin, who had taken to staring stubbornly at the (currently off) television, to Barbara, who had decided to look busy by messing with the milk in her glass and the way it slushed from side to side. A light bulb lit up in his head, and maybe a light came on near one of his circuits, but he kept the thought to himself.

The door to the common room slid open, and from the other side, Beast Boy padded across the threshold. Cyborg nearly dropped his fork, and Barbara had to keep yet another splash of milk from escaping through her nostrils with two fingers to her bridge. Robin's eyes widened behind his mask, and he had to clear his throat before he spoke. "B-Beast Boy!"

Pale green eyes turned on Robin, hiding part way between heavy lids and dark circles. He seemed to take a moment to process that anyone had said anything, but he grunted and carried himself over to the fridge "'Sup."

Cyborg managed to swallow the bite he'd taken of his eggs. "Uh, BB? How ya holdin' up?"

Beast Boy closed the fridge after finding nothing worth eating, instead opting to scrounge through their cabinets. "I'm fine." He laid a hand on what he was looking for, pulling out Raven's teapot. He pulled back and set it on the counter, moving to the other cabinets to find teabags. Robin turned around to watch Beast Boy cross the kitchen, raising an eyebrow as he began boiling water.

"Beast Boy, are you sure? You haven't been out of your room in… months."

"I've gotta agree with Robin, man. You ain't been acting yourself."

"I'm fine." Beast Boy said it with more finality this time, but there was no aggression there, just defeat, as if he were trying to convince himself and not them. "I'm just" he stood still over the teapot, as if contemplating, fighting himself, then reached into another cabinet for a mug. "I'm just getting on with it, like we're s'posed t' do."

Barbara bit her lip, mentally nudging away the temptation to say You can't move on until you've dealt with it, but it was not her place. These were not her people; they were Robin's, and he knew better than her how to handle them.

Robin frowned, eyes narrowing at nothing as he lost himself in thought. Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Want me to check on their locations? Make sure they're still safe?"

"That's not gonna help." That's not bringing them back. They all thought it, but they collectively decided it was best to let those words die in the air.

Cyborg sighed, went back to eating his breakfast. Robin's eyes grew more alert again, like he'd snapped back to reality. "Whatcha' making there, Beast Boy?"

He didn't answer at first, too preoccupied setting up his mug and filling it to the brim with hot brown liquid, watching the steam flitter through the air as he blew on it. He clenched its handle with three finger and cradled it protectively with his other. He turned around to face the rest of the room, but kept his eyes on his cup and his gaze far, far away. "Herbal tea."

He took one swing at the boxing bag, hard enough to make it swing, hard enough to get him started. Robin swung his other fist next, then another. The boxing bag flew in every direction he hit, inertia swinging it to and fro as he wailed relentlessly on it. It was relaxing; it was what he always did when he was under stress.

And boy had stress loaded onto him like a tow truck.

He hit it again, but found himself unsatisfied with the small smacking sound he got in return. She grinded his teeth and geared his fist up to hit at it again, harder this time. It swung further left, but the sound still wasn't enough for him. He had to hit harder, had to push further. He began swinging recklessly, resting his fists only to incorporate his legs into the routine by kicking the bag nearly off the ceiling. The chain creaked against the pressure, but didn't give in. He gave it an uppercut, then a roundhouse kick, then a flurry of other inconsistent punches. He grunted as the bag swung forward with such speed that it hurdled back at him so fast he could hardly stop it. His heels slid, and taking the punching bag in his arms was like getting sucker-punched right in the stomach; he coughed at the sudden impact, but pushed it away nonetheless. When it came back around, he socked it again, hard enough that he swore he felt something snap, but he couldn't stop- he couldn't.

Maybe he already had.

The bag came back at him full swing, and he made a move to grab it, but didn't try to slow it down. It socked him again, hard enough that he barked, but he took the pain as it was granted to him.

He'd searched the tower for clues, scoured the whole place for any explanation he could get- another note, a ransom from an enemy, signs of a struggle, but all he came back with was the single note Raven left him and two empty rooms, once full of life and character, now dead like a museum's exhibit.

Starfire and Raven were not history.

He hung limply against the punching bag, taking steady breaths as he swayed with its weight. There had to be something he was missing, something that would clue him in as to why Starfire- why both of them- left the titans (left him), but they'd been thorough, thorough enough to hide from him. He grinded his teeth and let one weak fist pound against the bag, then hang flaccidly at his side. What kind of leader was he if he couldn't even help his teammates?

The door to the gym slid open, but he didn't even need to look up to see who it was.

"Dick…"

"I told you, Babs, it's Robin."

"Right, Robin. Sorry."

He had a feeling she was batting her big baby blues at him, and that feeling killed him. Just like it always had, just like it always would. He straightened himself out and took to removing his boxing gloves. "What's up?"

Barbara was silent for a few moments, aside from the sound of her feet shifting from side to side. Anxious? Guilty? He wasn't sure. "I just wanted to get our stories straight next time Cyborg asked us."

"Asked us what?"

"You-" she paused, and he could hear the disbelief in her tone before she sighed. "When he asked us how we knew each other?"

"We'll tell him the truth."

"Well that's the thing, Di- Robin." He turned around and found that she was closer than he thought she'd be, not close enough to deny him personal space, but close enough that he felt utterly naked in front of her, the way he used to feel around her when he was a little kid, when they were growing up together as sidekicks, as members of the bat family. He'd almost missed that helpless feeling, but he found that lately he'd been feeling a little too helpless in all the wrong ways. He mentally shook his mind like an etch-a-sketch, choosing to focus on what was happening right in front of him. Barbara gave him a small smile, but it was awkward, forced, not natural the way it had been since she'd dropped in on him unexpectedly in the middle of the night. "I need to know" she winced "what exactly the truth" she shrugged "is?"

He gave her the Bat look, not the glare that froze you to the floor by your ankles, but the scrutinizing one, the one that silently asked all the questions he didn't want to ask aloud.

She recognized this look, apparently, because she wrapped her arms around herself and looked everywhere but him. "I guess I just, ya know? Do we tell him we're siblings? Old partners?" She trailed off, nibbling on her full bottom lip as she gained the courage to meet his eyes. "Exes?"

He choked on nothing, eyes practically popping out of his head and his entire body tensed up at the mention of… that. The thing they hadn't talked about since she got here. Their past not as comrades, but as something more. The phrase echoed in his mind with an unfortunate dull ring, and he only barely swallowed the saliva building up against the dam that was his mouth before he began to speak. "Oh! Uh, heh, um… all of the above?"

Barbara crossed her arms and scowled at him.

"Look," he shook himself out of his stupid stupor, reminding himself that he wasn't the same boy he was in Gotham, that Jump City had been his home for years, that he was a leader now, and he had to act like it. "The past doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here, that we're" not like that anymore.

He too trailed off, but he could see the unspoken words registering behind those big marbles of blue, as bright as the ocean. He worried for a moment that was the wrong thing to say, that tears would start brimming in those eyes and he'd have to awkwardly find a way to fix what he'd just done, not that there would be any way to fix it. But Barbara just gave him a small smile, set her hands at her hips and watched him with a cocky kinda stare. "You didn't think I was…?"

His eyes bulged out of his head again. "No! Oh god, no! O-of course I didn't-! I- I told you about me and-!"

Barbara raised her hand, shaking her head at him like he'd completely missed the joke.

Which he might have…

If the joke was him…

Evenings at Titans Tower usually went down like this: Dinner, movies, dispersal for solo activity (video games in Beast Boy's case, repairs or time to create in Cyborg's, and training in Robin's), and then an acceptable bedtime. Usually took from five to nine. It was the normalcy they all clung to with their girls missing, and a night never really ended without a common eclipse of nostalgia and longing. But nights in the tower were usually pretty normal, the one time of the day where they could pretend two empty rooms were still inhabited, where for just a few hours, their world returned to normal.

Until the intruder alert started going off right in the middle of the movie.

"Titans! Go!"

He'd wanted Barbara to stay back, but she'd taken one scoffing look at him and stolen one of his masks to wear- just in case. The threat had appeared at the front door and had yet to move, but there were a million and one things that could have meant. Higher ground. Surprise. A distraction. The possibilities ran through his mind, thousands a second, as the four of them stormed down to the entrance. They raced out of the elevator with the anticipation of battle boiling under their skin. It'd been awhile since they'd had a fight to get them all out of the tower, this would be a welcome surprise.

Beast Boy shifted into a tiger, Cyborg readied his canon, and Robin stuck three batarangs between his fingers. Barbara was on the defensive, stuck behind them and prepared to throw her fists at anything that came her way.

The intruder stood at the front door, unmoving, as though they'd been waiting for the titans to collect before them- and they had been.

"Hey."

Beast Boy shifted back into himself, Cyborg's canon died before it could be used, and Robin's batarang-ready hand fell to his side. Before them, leaning against one of the walls of the entrance room, was Terra. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and gave them a half-hearted wave. "It's been awhile."

[wooolfies]

Whumptober No.1 - Shaky Hands

Verse:  Dust and Ashes (Alternative Universe, Universe A)

Pairing: Jurnex

Prompt: Shaky Hands

Warnings: Major Character Death, Death of a Child, Death of a loved one

Characters/Parties: Natasha Jurow, John Kennex, Lo Kennex

Word Count: 2609

Requested by: @ladyspirkis4life97

-1st October 2051-

It was early in the morning, Lo was playing between the trees. The man on guard was reading a book. After a few hours, he had fallen asleep. 

There was movement in the bushes, Lo went there, maybe it was the cat from earlier that week. When she saw it her eyes when huge. It was a bear and it looked incredibly fluffy. 

“Hi, Teddy!” she called out and came closer, she was curious since the bear seemed to be huge. 

The bear eyed her, unsure what to think of the tiny human. Lo went to hug it, oh man, it was fluffy. 

The bear didn't like that, it felt threatened by the sudden movement it let out a roar and tossed the kid off of it. Lo flew a few meters.

The guard had heard the bear and jumped up, ringing the alarm. John had heard it too and ran over, his gun out already. As soon as he saw the beast he fired, it took a few times to take it down. Then he noticed Lo laying there and he panicked. He ran over and scooped her up, not thinking.

“Eloise?!” He called out and ran, he had to get her inside. He could feel that there were so many broken bones and there was a huge wound on the girl's back that was bleeding heavily. 

“Natasha!” He called out as he rushed up the wooden stairs. The horror was audible in his voice. 

Natasha ran to see what was going on, as soon as she saw the saggy body in John's arms and the blood on his shirt, she froze. A chill ran down her spine but she somehow managed to pull it together. She had to go into battle mode, she had to help Lo. She ran straight to the infirmary to prepare what she needed. She knew chances were bad, this was a basket case. It was nightmare material. Vera her younger daughter was laying in their bedroom, she had been sleeping and the sound of the alarm had woken her up. She was crying, but Natasha couldn't comfort her now. Lo first. 

Leslie, who had heard the commotion rushed into the infirmary just as John put down Eloise on the bed. 

“We gotta stop the bleeding,” Natasha said to Leslie, still not able to control her fear. “John, ventilate her. She still got a pulse.” Natasha meanwhile Was trying to stop the bleeding on Lo's back by pressing down at least a bit it needed to be fixed surgically, she knew that. 

“Leslie, take her under, John you need to keep ventilating her.” Meanwhile, she was trying to clamp all major arteries that had been ruptured. Natasha’s hands had never shaken like his before. 

The hustle went on, Natasha was struggling with everything she had to save her. She just had to. 

But a few hours later, Lo's little heart had stopped beating, even though everyone involved had done everything possible, there had been too much haemorrhage, even with blood transfusions from John it had not been enough. Too much stress for a little body like hers. 

Natasha was dead inside. She could not believe it, it had to be one of her crazy dreams. It just had to. 

“Natasha?” It was John's voice, it seemed to echo from the walls around them. He had been sent out as things had gotten too intense and Sandra had tried to help him calm down. 

Natasha felt how he wrapped his arms around her. She opened her eyes and looked at him, trying not to look at the body of her daughter that was covered in the once sterile, now bloodstained, cloth. 

“It’s gotta be a dream…,” Natasha whispered. 

“Unfortunately it is not.” John felt like his insides were tied to a knot. He was still panicking. 

Leslie came and shoved the two out of the room. Nobody said anything. Except for Vera, who was crying down the hallway, probably while being with Kate, the mansion was silent. 

John had curled up in bed, the shirt he had worn earlier was laying on the floor. He had just told Leo. “Lo got hurt badly. She's now gone to a better place,” he had said. 

Natasha was laying on her back next to him, only in an undershirt and shorts, staring at the ceiling and clinging onto her husband's hand. Her face was expressionless but there were tears running down the sides of her face. 

This couldn't be true. I had to be a dream. 

She jumped a little as John moved a bit closer towards her to cover him with their blanket. 

He was not sure how exactly he could deal with this. Why had he not been faster? Why had he not been there watching her? His damn plants, he had been with his damn plants, but they were not worth her. They were not even remotely comparable to what was worth his daughter's life. 

Natasha, on the other hand, knew that she had fucked up again. Like back then with Dima. Now it was Lo, who had no fault in what had happened to her. Natasha had not tried hard enough. Her emotional involvement had ruined her work this time. She felt the urge to bang her head against something hard or maybe to punch a wall. She was tense and the picture of her lifeless daughter was coming up over and over again. What kind of parent even was she? 

John felt how she was and what her breathing pattern was doing. He took a deep breath to try and say something. “Thank you for doing your best work,” he said softly. “Thank you, for trying to help her. You did all you could. I was the parent in charge when it happened, my bad not yours.”

Natasha turned her head to look him into the eye. “I could have done more. I— My hands were shaking.”

John looked right back at her. “You did what you could. You did your best.” 

“No. I saved people far worse than her.”

“Not under these conditions. You are amazing. I love you.”

“No…. Just…. No. It is my bad. I should stop practising medicine.” 

John grabbed bother her hands and pulled himself closer to her. “Natasha Alexejevna, do you trust me?” 

Natasha looked back at him, she did trust him her life. But she also knew what he was going for. She had to be truthful. “I do trust you.” 

“Then trust me when I say that you did your best.” 

Natasha took a shaky breath and he could feel how she relaxed a bit. She turned on her side to face him fully and hugged onto him. “I'm scared.” 

“What are you scared off?” 

“This is real and could happen again.”

“Tasha. The scary part is over. Everyone else is okay. The bear maybe not but nobody cares about him. Besides I was down there with her, I should have kept a closer eye on her.”

“John that's not true. It is not your bad.” Natasha looked at him. Her face looked less like stone now. It seemed sad and tired, if not completely exhausted. 

***

Leslie had prepped the body for burial. She wanted to do what Natasha and John wanted but not to put it on them. They were struggling enough. 

Vera was staying with Kate at least for the next couple of days, Kate was. After the first night which was the worst for Natasha, she seemed much more stable. She knew she had to keep going for John, Leo and Lo, for her dad and Kate and everyone else. She had responsibility. She had a vital task in the group, she was now even more aware of that. 

John, on the other hand, was sleighing down the hole. He had seemed calm on the day it happened but he was completely destroyed. He refused to eat and didn't get up from bed. It settled in and he was in deep emotional shock. He didn't say a word. He was trapped in his own thoughts and how guilty he felt about what had happened. 

Natasha was up and running. She was feeding Vera and cleaning up the remaining mess she had made the previous day. But she sat with John for the most part of the morning, holding his hand, attempting to comfort him. Well she was still fully there yet but she knew no matter what she had to make this world a better place for everyone alive. Leo was constantly around and walking through the hallways, he was unsure how to deal with it. He wanted to talk to Natasha but she had told him that John needed rest so he was waiting impatiently to come to see him. 

Leo too needed comforting. He was scared he could lose even more of his family. Understandably. 

Natasha told him that she had no intention of going away. She made him pancakes since she knew that would cheer him up. Vera was mostly sleeping in the kangaroo wrap and going wherever Natasha was going. Though she didn't move much. She wanted to stay near John and Leo. 

Kate was constantly around Natasha she really didn't know how to deal with the situation, but she felt like she had to help Natasha if she would ask for it like she had kept an eye on Vera. She knew she would never have her own kids and Natasha was family to her so she could support her. 

Sandra was talking the guard all day since a part of the responsibly was his. The guard was terribly sorry. He did never think about how important his job actually was. But it was the end of the world and kicking him out of the group would most certainly kill him sooner or later. 

Leo went to play with her since it was a great distraction and she was an interesting person. 

When Natasha came back to their room she found the bed empty. John was gone, as were his boots and gun. 

Natasha bit back a curse and went to tell Sandra. She had to find him. She was worried. Sandra personally offered to come with her to look for him, so did Valerie. Kate took Vera again and the three women headed out. Dorian also came with them, since he was worried and he could be an enormous help with finding him. 

The guard on duty told them that John had left through the main gate. John had never learnt how to deal with grief properly. Back when his parents had died he had found distraction in working extra hours. Now there was nothing. The World they lived in was a world of death, war and danger. Only ten percent of Americans were still alive, the same for all Canadians in the denser populated areas. Until now he had been lucky, none of his close friends had died. He was desperate, there were pain and guilt. There was no way out. 

“I've got him!” Dorian called out. 

Natasha looked at the DRN. 

“I'll lead you all there.” Dorian started to walk a lot faster, but slowly enough that the other could keep up with the pace. 

They found John sitting on a rock, his head hung low. 

Natasha carefully approached him and sat down next to him but with some space in between them. 

“John. Talk to me.” She said softly and looked at him. 

He didn't react. 

“John….” she tried again and carefully reached out for his shoulder this time. 

John jumped at the touch and glared at her with eyes of anger, hate and sadness. 

“Go home,” he said. 

“If you come with me.”

“I won't. But you really should go be with the kids and your dad.” 

“They need you too.” 

“They don't. I only get them killed. I'm a horrible dad.”

“You are not. They need you, now more than ever. I need you too. You saved my life countless times, let me save yours. John, I want to get old with you. I know what you are thinking. Trust me I know.” 

John was only looking at her, he didn't say anything more. 

“I'm not saying I don't feel anything. I feel a lot. I just don't know how to put it into words and I know life has to go on. So many awful things happen. I miss her, John. I love her. But my children, my husband and everyone else in our group needs me. I have a responsibility. We need each other, John.” 

“How, Natasha? How can this happen?” 

“I do not know.” She reached for his hand. But he pulled away. 

“John, I love you.” She paused. “I'm sorry I'm saying this but not everything sucks. Life goes on. It has to. You are this group's leader, are you even aware of that?” 

John kept looking at his wife. “Come with me?” 

“No. Running away is not the solution. Besides, it is not actually saying that. John, please come back with me.” Natasha moved closer and hugged him tightly. 

His first instinct was to push her away but he could not hurt her, she was hurting already because of him.

After a while, he slowly got up to walk back with her. 

Natasha wrapped an arm around her husband. She knew that he needed her now more than ever, she just could not let him go off the edge, both literally and figuratively. She would not let go. “I love you, John,” she said softly.

“I love you too. I really do. It’s just…” John’s voice broke and fell silent. 

“What do you need?” 

“I need her back. I need a second chance.”

Natasha started rubbing his back, not saying anything. This was not something she could make happen. 

The rest of the group followed them, none of them said anything, mostly because they were scared to say something wrong. Sandra was trying to keep the group together, especially since John (as the group’s leader) was barely up for the job.

Dorian was constantly scanning, everyone and their surroundings. John was his friend, so was Natasha and he could not imagine how they must have felt like. Suddenly he froze. “We should hurry. There are planes approaching this area!” 

Natasha felt how John froze, how he tensed up a lot more. 

“It’s fine. If you hurry we will make it back in time. I got gear on me, so do the others, we shared one set before,” she gave him a bit of a shaky smile. She knew that sharing a set would suck.

“Not a chance, you are still breastfeeding Vera,” John answered firmly. 

“I know you are caring for me. You always are, but you are also not yourself, let’s just run, okay?” Natasha turned around to the others. “Let’s hurry guys.”

Dorian nodded. He would not be hurt by the rain but he was worried for his human companions. “We got ten minutes, tops.”

Natasha reached for John’s hand and dragged him with her. She felt how he was not able to keep up with her. He had lost his will to fight. 

“Come on!” she called out. She would not leave him behind. 

They made it back to the mansion, just in time before the planes arrived. Dorian made sure the garden was covered and the building secure. 

Natasha went upstairs with John, Vera was babbling, Leslie was taking care of her. Leo had been with Valerie. He seemed to not understand it yet. Even to Natasha, it felt surreal.

[drationaletta-blog]

I recently read an article by a certain bilious columnist about how doctors are perpetually in the 'practice mode' and that we never actually perfect our craft! I shouldn't be shocked considering we live at a time when doctors can be shot at point blank or battered to death without fear of consequences. But if i don't talk about the unfairness of the situation today, posterity will blame us.

Contrary to what the media would have you believe, the Indian public today has the best of both worlds. On the one hand they have access to world class doctors, mostly in the corporate and some, selflessly serving in the govt. hospitals, on the other hand they have access to free basic health care services without insurance strings attached.

True, there has been a dilution in the quality of medical education, with unregulated recognition of private medical colleges, but you are still a decade away from suffering the consequences of this policy flaw.

Which brings me to question exactly what is the public so unhappy about? And unhappy enough to kill its providers?

1.That health care is not standardised throughout the country?

The fact that health care is not standardised according to insurance claim standards, gives you access to a pacemaker implantation any where between 1.5 to 10 lacs, makes a BI PAP available to you any where between 70K to 3 lacs( cheaper if rental), lets you opt for a Whipple's procedure irrespective of whether you have 2 lacs or 10 lacs in your bank. It extends these options to more than 80% people who would have had to do without it in countries like the US.

2. That there is no transparency?

I agree with you on that. We should have a Physician Performance Quality Index. A nation wide platform where we put up our rates of success adjusted to the complexity of disease, and you choose our services based on that data. But wake up! No other country in the world has been able to adopt that ideal. Obamacare strove towards it but now stands repealed. Contrary to popular belief, Indian doctors do not rank the highest in violation of ethics. The Tuskegee trials, the Beecher paper, the PROWESS study, the Operation Sea spray, the Plutonium files, happened in the US not India. We didn't go around injecting cancer cells into healthy, poor, insurance less people for medical experimentation, they did! Big Pharma still conducts unethical clinical trials in developing countries including parts of India, which is exactly why you must stop battering your Indian doctors, because we are the ones who prevent you from being on a placebo when an alternative exists.

3. Indian Doctors are not courteous enough?

Courtesy and kindness is important. But when we have to break news like, "You probably have three more months to live" or "I'm sorry your child may not survive the night!" saying any thing remotely hopeful is the cruelest thing we can do to you. The first stage of death is denial, acceptance being the last. If we give any false hope you cling to it. I've seen parents spend years in denial even after the demise of their children. Only those who have seen the hell they go through, can be as deliberate with their words as a doctor is when he says, ' I'm sorry there is nothing we can do!"

When you are going through the valley of the shadow of death, you do not need a doctor who sweet talks and cotton wraps the situation for you. You need someone brave enough to face you with the fact, Counsel you out of your denial so that you do not hemorrhage out your life savings on a fruitless exercise, but save it for your children's future, Someone who weathers your anger and even takes the blame, knowing that you need to pin it on someone, be it God or your doctor! someone to cut short your bargains so that you can turn to see that in spite of all that you are rapidly loosing, you still have somethings to hold on to, Then comes the kindness of lifting you out of your blues so that you may accept your fate, to hold your hand till the last breath.

And we do take your grief home. We do push away our children's hugs, the day we hold your hand while you are loosing yours, we do cancel our dinner with our parents so that you can have an extra hour to say goodbye, And yes we do pray for your life and your soul in the afterlife.

The 'practice' of medicine is an unforgiving one. And no! we do not have a customer, service provider relationship with you. You are the Patrons of a unique and complicated relationship based on trust, respect and love. Choose wisely on what you endorse.

Your children should not have to walk down the dark valley with an unforgiving presence by their side, because you chose to kill the humanity in this profession you patronise!

P.S. THE DISEASE WAS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH, WE DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU!.