#sorry the text is so hard to read its mspaint

[aropride]

speaking of psychosis- i wasn't speaking of it here but i was speaking of it- i've been trying to figure out what was up with the great psychotic episode of freshman year, because i had assumed it was a trauma-induced psychosis type of deal, but it occurred to me that i was definitely having sort of thought broadcasting types of beliefs, probably some other stuff but i can't remember atm and don't feel like digging thru my old vent account lol. (ramble continues under the cut this got VERY long)

(line with text so tumblr doesn't eat the image. idk if it still does that but better safe than sorry)

(the months with "2" are split into first and second half of the month bc it was relevant, couldnt figure out how else to signify that succinctly)

i cut out the labels of each belief for safety + in case that's triggering to ppl but each row is a different belief i had that in retrospect was probably some sort of delusion? top two are very similar but different enough i tracked them differently. bottom two might have just been anxiety+ptsd but i do really think they're connected to this

it was definitely at its worst mid nov-end of jan, but started in september and didn't really let up til like june

anyway like i said i had assumed it was a combination of trauma and being off my meds and isolation that made the perfect situation for me to go fucking crazy, but i hadn't really thought about it that hard . but now that i Am thinking about it, again, i was definitely having these kinds of beliefs before The Trauma

and in my past self's defense. one thing about my thought broadcasting beliefs specifically was that i was straight up being essentially cyberstalked at the time and didn't know, so i was completely right that certain people knew more about me than i had told them, but i was wrong about the reason why

anyway i was reading up on schizospec disorders for class (kind of. also just for fun) -- also important context schizophrenia does run in my family i think on both sides? but my parents are weird about talking about it. so that's part of this also.

but i noticed that of the three labels i was looking at- brief psychotic disorder, schizophreniform, and schizophrenia- (i didn't look into schizoaffective bc i dont think i have many bipolar symptoms, and didn't look into stpd bc i don't think it counts as a personality disorder if it lasts like 10 months lol, and delusional disorder because i do think i had some negative*&cognitive symptoms (*psych term meaning absence of things present in nonschizospec people, not literally just bad symptoms lol)-- though to be fair, that may have just been a combination of situational aspects & autism?)-- either way, it's not on this beautiful and awesome diagram in mspaint i made so i could illustrate the timeline aspect of the diagnostic criteria:

bc a diagnosis of brief psychotic disorder requires symptoms to only last a month, and schizophreniform for 1-6 months, whereas schizophrenia is lifelong .

basically the problem is- while the worst part of my psychotic(?) symptoms lasted ~4months, they were definitely there in some form for around 10 months, which is too long for a diagnosis of schizophreniform, but i don't feel comfortable just, assuming it's schizophrenia lol, especially when most of the symptoms i experienced dont affect my life anymore? it does make me nervous though that this happened right around the typical age of onset.

this might just be a problem with diagnoses being too specific to cover the entire spectrum of human experience, and i might just be outside of any area where a specific label could be applied . also, i know it's been written about but not become an actual diagnostic label- but there are places where ocd and psychosis can over lap, and schizo-obsessive disorder has been suggested as a diagnostic label, but not officially used anywhere afaik..

i think my main concern at this point is just, whether or not i should be concerned about it coming back. like, is it possible to be in various stages of active psychosis(?? it still feels very strange to refer to it that way but i guess that's what it was, so) for ~4-10 months, and then just be chilling after. or should i be worried. was this a one-time thing starting because i was off my meds and being worsened by isolation and trauma or is there a possibility of this happening again. and i think that's a question that can't be answered with any certainty, probably

[kiwiartz]

the m in mspaint stands for mlm

[jazzy-art-time]

Sorry if this is a bother but I’m really trying to get into the ask blog community but I don’t really know how to start off or do anything? You have a lot of blogs and seem popular so I was wondering if you could give a newbie some advice if it’s not too much trouble? o^o”

Oh it’s no trouble at all reallyalthough I would HARDLY consider myself as “””popular””” hhhhiknowlike8peopleI did something like this once before on one of my ask blogs but I’m just gonna trim it up and rewrite it.+*~ Below The Cut For Shitty Jazzy Advice ~*+Be warned it is long and wordy.This is my own personal blog process/blog beliefs.Don’t take all of these to heart fully because there are many ways to do/interpret things. I am simply sharing how i personally do things.If anyone feels the need to add more onto this, feel free to.

First lets get The Blog Theme down.Believe it or not this is actually important and can affect you and your blog a lot more than you think.-> THIS ACCOUNT IS WHERE I GET ALL OF MY THEMES -Please note there are other blogs like this one, I just use that one specifically.You can also use the default theme that tumblr gives you, there are ways to edit it but I do not know how to edit it you would have to ask someone else.Simple Theme Color rules that I use:- Do not add bright neon colors with black. I love black n neon as much as the next guy but it makes your theme eye burning.- Blog colors can determine a blogs theme as well. A bright colored theme suggests a happy upbeat blog. But this only applies if you care for that sort of thing.- Make the text easy to read. Please even your links in the sidebar make them a color that is different enough from the other colors on your blog so you can actually read them. Use a easy to read font as well.What I always make sure to add in a theme:- Ask Box. Obvious thing to add, never feel ashamed or hesitant to close your ask box if needed. Whether it be due to plot reasons or you have asks piling up. Feel free to close it for the time you need and open it up again when desired.- Submissions Box. Not REALLY needed, I just always add it for ease of access. You can get to someone’s submit box just by adding /submit to the end of their url but I prefer to have a tab for it.- Character page or reference tag. Seriously add a reference page or a reference tag that is easy to find. It’s kind of a turnoff if you don’t have a easy to access reference. Don’t be upset if you feel your reference isn’t good enough. As long as you have a color palette to it you will be golden. Never shade a reference without a normal color palette we are all begging you. If you draw art traditionally, you can always add a color palette in with MSpaint nobody will judge you for that.- Rules Page. Now this isn’t 100% needed. I just add them to avoid getting spammed with questions or like… nsfw questions or something. If you don’t care about that then don’t worry ‘bout it.These are the main things I add to a blog. I also add these things because I’m extra:- Lore/Plot page. This usually contains links n tags to follow all of my plot posts or specific lore posts.- Ask Hints page. This is a HUGE help to people who are shy like me!! I usually can’t think of good asks to send so Ask Hint pages are such a help. I always try to add them whenever I can! Also they can help people ask more plot relevant questions when needed.Other Important things to add to a theme of a blog:- Add warnings. If your blog isn’t going to be happy go lucky, please consider adding a warning somewhere. Whether it be in the blogs description or your rules page. You don’t HAVE to add a warning, but its best if you do. - Add a tagging system if needed. No again, don’t have to do this. Some don’t tag things at all which is fine! I prefer to have tags and tag everything so I don’t accidentally trigger someone or just have peeps upset at me in general. I always have trigger tags, sensitive content tags and OOC tags. I go overboard with my tagging, I am aware of this, but I would rather be safe than sorry.Lets talk about Blog Playlists:- It is perfectly fine to have a blog playlist. Most complain about blog playlists but that is generally only if AutoPlay is on. I’m neutral on blog playlists just as long as the autoplay is off I am good lol. AutoPlay tends to give me a spook. It’s a highly debated thing in the community, but from what i’ve seen people just don’t like AutoPlay lol-> IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE A STOCK PHOTO FOR YOUR BACKGROUND, TRY USING THIS METHOD FOR FAIR USE I know most don’t honestly care about fair use of stock photos like this, but try to be fair +*~ Onto the character’s themselves ~*+What do you choose as your main pokecharacter?Literally whatever you want. I know some try to challenge themselves by choosing a pokemon they dislike/is hard to draw as their main character, but please note there is a difference between challenging yourself and doing something that you dislike to impress others.Choose whatever you want. Whether it be a popular pokemon or not, as long as you enjoy it, go for it.Need Help designing the character themselves or their personality?Enjoy some links that I’ve used in the past when i was in a bind.- Master Post of Character Design/Story- Character Flaw List- Color Scheme website  - A big thing containing stuff for character design  - Here is a Palette Blog that I follow that I use for color palettes when I come up blank!- Need help portraying better speech bubbles for characters? here is some examples of some fun things you can do with them!- Are you a mainly text based blog or just want to word some of your things better? Enjoy this.I could link you so many more things, I also have a bunch of Art Tutorials saved/tagged!But I’m going to move on to avoid spamming~In the end. Have fun with your character design. If you aren’t enjoying what you are designing/drawing then maybe you should try something different! Again, there is a difference between challenging yourself and just forcing yourself to do something you dislike.+*~ ONTO BLOG THEMES ~*+What kind of plot should your blog have? Should it have a plot? What is better?Literally whatever you want!! Do what you want!! You want a big plot blog?? DO IT!! You want a silly nonsense blog?? DO IT!!  Want a mix of both?? DO IT!!Now. Lets discuss blogs that contain sensitive subjects:- Do research on sensitive subjects. I know you are doing blogs for fun! Why would you want to research something that sounds boring right? Yeah it can be boring. But DON’T TRY TO PORTRAY SOMETHING YOU LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. Because then that’s just being ignorant or offensive. If you want a blog starring a depressed character? Please at least just do some research on depression so you aren’t just doing one big stereotype splattered everywhere.- I know doing research sounds boring but there is a line that you have to do research on before portraying it unless you just straight up want to be offensive or ignorant. In which case if you would want to be offensive… why? just why? idk shoo bEGONE.- Doing research on the subjects you are portraying can actually teach you things and help you better your characters and plot. Believe it or not… studying something you don’t know that much about will…. help you LEARN??? wow shocking I know. I know I sound sarcastic and rather salty with this, but it happens more than you think.- Portraying a subject you know nothing about just requires some research. It’s honestly not that hard. You don’t always have to portray sensitive subjects 100% by the book. You can add your own twists or portray them differently if you wish! But there is a line between adding a twist and just being ignorant and offensive.+*~ Ask Time ~*+Alright, you got your blog all set up! You are ready to go! Now you need to get out there, get known! Get ASKS.How to go about it?- Get your blog signal boosted. The PokeAsk community loves signal boosting one another! A signal boost can go a long way to someone who is just starting out. If you don’t have a friend already in the community that can signal boost you, try asking a mod for a signal boost! Most mod’s love to signal boost others, go to one of them and ask for one POLITELY.- Make a Ask Call. One of the big ways to get asks is to simply make a ask call. Just make a post saying “Hey I need asks” or something.- Go onto other’s ask calls asking for one. Lots of Mod’s do Ask Calls in which they SEND OUT asks to others, go onto one of those! Ask for a ask! There is absolutely no shame in doing that.- Interact with others in the community. You can’t expect to get asks if literally no one knows who you are. Send asks to others! Get yourself out there! Make yourself known! If you are like me and have social anxiety or have issues sending asks, look for people’s ask hint pages! Send them a ask from the ask hint page!- Make a Ask Hints page of your own. Sometimes people just don’t know what to send you or are too shy to come up with something themselves. A Ask Hint page can help others send you asks.- There is no shame in asking a friend for a ask. There is literally no shame in asking your friends for asks if you really need them. Even if your friends just send them on anon. There is no shame in it.- Make sure your blog is clean. If your blog is filled with randomness that has nothing to do with your blog or is just random content from you, it will be hard for others to figure out what to ask about. If your askblog looks more like a personal blog, you probably wont get that many asks, its a harsh truth. Also again, having a easy to navigate blog can do wonders.- Make your content appealing. This sounds horribly harsh I know but you can’t expect to have others be instantly filling your inbox if you don’t have some sort of appeal. You can’t have around 4 posts of your character doing nothing interesting and expect others to go “oh I wonder this characters backstory is” or something. Spice it up! Make things interesting! You have to have a hook, make others want to question about your characters or your plot. Make them want to know more! Feel like you don’t know how to make things more appealing? Literally just ask others for advice. Even if the advice is criticism, USE THAT to become better. There is no shame in asking others for advice.- Don’t rely. On. Asks. Only. I understand it is a PokeASK community, but don’t rely on asks fully. Not getting any asks? Time to draw some character shenanigans! Do some plot to lure people in! Make us see your characters outside of asks! It can do wonders for character development and will also help lure others into wanting to learn more about the blog!You do not need a constant stream of asks to run a ask blog.If you just sit and do nothing because you have no asks, then guess what? You still aren’t gonna get asks. Sitting around doing nothing will get you nothing.Getting asks can be hard. For literally all of us it can be hard sometimes.Even that blog you think “omg they are so popular they must get so many asks” struggles because I bet you their inbox is full of nonsense that they can’t actually use.Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t getting any asks, just keep moving forward with your blog and make the community get hooked on your stuff.+*~ Tips on things you should NOT do~*+- Do not force ships onto others. Most of us in the community love shipping characters, but don’t force it. If the other Mod expresses discomfort with the ship or doesn’t want to ship with you, don’t force it.- Don’t god mod others. Don’t waltz into someone elses inbox going “my character totally PUNCHES YOURS IN THE FACE AHAHA YOUR CHARACTER IS WEAK COMPARED TO MINE.”. Unless you and the mod planned that out beforehand, it is mostly unwanted. Don’t try to randomly attack or take over someone else’s plot. Discuss things like that with the mod, if they don’t want to do that sort of thing? Don’t send it. It’s extremely annoying. Also if you aren’t involved in someone’s plot or ask?? Don’t try to reply or force yourself in it. I’ve had people respond to my plot posts that had literally nothing to do with them. Its annoying and disrespectful. Always discuss things of that nature with the mod beforehand-.If you don’t like someone in the community, block them or ignore them. Do not make a huge deal out of it. It takes zero effort to block someone you dislike and move on. I know some go “Oh I don’t block others UwU” but then they go and constantly start crap with others? Just… If you dislike someone move the hell on with your life and leave them be.- Don’t do call out posts unless there is a clear threat to the community. Oh honey I’m so sorry you dislike someone in the community, but please spare me the time of scrolling past your huge call out post for a person who hurt your feelings a bit. Don’t cause the community unnecessary drama with call out posts for things that aren’t really community issues, this includes vague-ing about others publicly on your blog. Call out posts should only be for community threats or something. Is the person you are going to make a call out post on a pedophile/art scammer/submits porn or body horror to blogs/blatenly sends out hate to others openly/sends fetish asks or something of that nature? Then yes that is a community issue that needs to be addressed. Is the person you are going to make a call out post on someone who just hurt your feelings/you had a fight with about something that is only directed at the two of you or your friend group? Then don’t.A community issue is a issue that addresses the entire community, not just you and your issues with someone else. Move on don’t throw a temper tantrum like a child because someone blocked you or something. Nobody cares if you and someone else don’t get along, its private business so let it remain private.CALL OUT POSTS NEED TO REMAIN RARE AND WITHIN GOOD REASON.- Don’t reply to anon hate. Seriously don’t. Even if you have a witty comeback do you think everyone really needs to see anon hate spamming their dash? no. Ignore anon hate and move on. I know sometimes anon hate can hurt you, it can cut you to the core. But please try to ignore it and move on. Always remember that you can turn off anon or block anons. Granted sometimes anon hate can just be a misunderstanding in which case feel free to reply. I’ve had some “anon hate” which was actually just a misunderstanding. There is a difference between clearing up a misunderstanding and fueling anon hate.- Mind your business. If a drama is happening and it has literally nothing to do with you? Mind your business. Too many people try to get involved in drama that doesn’t even involve them and all that does is fuel more crap. Mind. ya. Business. It can save ya from unnecessary drama trust me. You can support others who are victims of drama or something, but don’t just try to insert yourself and make things worse. There is a difference between a supportive friend and a white knight. A white knight attacks without reason, they don’t know the full story nor care to know. Just…. seriously mind ya business.- Did I mention that if you dislike someone you should just block and or ignore them? Seriously. - Criticism is not automatically hate. Too many people take any negative criticism as hate. You can’t honestly expect everyone to only ever have GOOD things to say about your stuff? You aren’t perfect, nobody is perfect. If someone gives you criticism on your art or your writing or character development, listen. Listen to it. Take it in! Become a better artist/writer/blogger. I know sometimes criticism can be hard to take, especially if its something you worked hard on or something you care about deeply. But please know that criticism isn’t always hate. You never even have to accept criticism, granted its better if you try to learn from criticism, but you don’t have to accept all of it. It’s really up to you on whether or not you accept and listen to the criticism or ignore it. Just don’t automatically take any sort of criticism as “hate”. There is a clear difference.Criticism is to help you improve, hate is just to hurt.- Your mistakes do not define you,how you choose to act after the mistakes is what defines you. Have you done any of these things above? Are you worried about accidentally doing these things? I’m sure all of us in the community have accidentally or even purposefully done one of these things once or twice before. But the difference is, we realized what we were doing was wrong. We changed for the better. If you make a mistake, change for the better! Changing for the better can be hard sometimes, especially if you didn’t realize you were doing something wrong. But what it is important that you can get better, you can redeem your mistakes. A apology wont just fix a mistake, the best apology is changed behavior.  You can’t just apologize for sending someone hate and then continue to send hate. That is not how it works.Granted yes, sometimes mod will hold grudges, some mods wont want to forgive you for your mistakes. But don’t let that stop you from getting better.If you make a mistake, choose to become better and redeem the mistake. Do not become your mistake. It can be hard, but you can become a better person, a better mod, even a better storyteller.+*~ The Moral of the Story ~*+Have fun with your blog. Choose a pokemon you enjoy. Design a design that you enjoy. Choose a theme that you enjoy. Have fun and don’t be a dick.Most of us in the community are generally kind and welcoming, we would be happy to have a new person join the ranks of PokeBlogging.Have fun, don’t be afraid to ask for help if needed.This was really rather long, but I hope maybe it helped you.I’m not that great at giving advice or explaining my though process clearly.But I hope maybe you got something from this other than “Damn Jazzy talks too much” lol