#sorrynotsorry if you like your kids but you need to like your pet JUST AS MUCH and PROTECT AND TRAIN IT

[askshivanulegacy]

/rant

At work, someone mentioned that they don't like their dog, and I said Wow, have you tried training it? Socialising it? (This is most people's pet problems.)

And he said, well it is completely trained, he's just used to outside dogs, but this dog is an inside dog since they've been living in a place with no yard. And his wife doesn't like the dog either because it will seek attention from her instead of going to lay in a corner all day.

Me, thinking all this is very, very strange - both of them not liking their own dog and also getting a dog in the first place if they were determined not to like it - suggested that maybe the kids could take care of it.

But the "problem" is evidently that the wife is at home alone, with the dog, most of the day, and never grew up with dogs, and just can't stand it.

I think this guy expected me to express some kind of sympathy, but, of course, I had none except for the dog.

And I just. If you get an animal, you make your bed and you LIE in it. "Not growing up" with dogs isn't an excuse to hate your pet and deny it attention. Grow up. This is a creature who is perfectly trained, sounds like a dream animal for anyone, thinks the world of you, and you just can't be bothered to even like it? Spend time with it???

This guy and his wife are losers. They need to get over themselves and figure out how to love their pet.

Heard from some other guy who failed to train his pet properly and was "scared for his kids."

These are a YOU problem, NOT an animal problem. Train your pet. Love your pet. It's not like it's hard; it's easy. If you're giving your pet a shit life or giving the pet up because you won't bother to put the time and energy into it, then you suck at life and shouldn't have gotten one in the first place.

[bezdddakota]

I just finished my second play-through of TLOU2 and instead of understanding the game and its characters more, all it did was made me dislike everything more than before, especially how it was structured.

I really dislike it when games make you play as 2 different characters like Devil May Cry 4 because not only did I already spend 10+ hours as one character and became attached to them but I was focused on leveling them up and now you took all my XP away and have to start all over but now I have become attached to the second character and the way they play just to go back to the first character!!! I thought I was doing good as Ellie with almost upgrading a full  ANYTHING on her end just for the game to make me play as Abby and just when I nearly got one of her weapons upgraded, it makes me go back to Ellie. I now need to go through another play-through just get upgrade everything which even isn’t much!!! [ Side note: since I hate how much this game relies on the square button when you are grabbed by anyone because my square button is broken, I like playing as Abby because she had shivs to use but Ellie didn’t. ]. Yes the story is all over the place and I hate how you had to wait until the near of the end to see the whole dance scene but since I have no idea how you can fix that without changing the whole game, it might be best to leave it.

Secondly, the NPCs that you are supposed to care about have no character, other than the most basic thing you can imagine. I liked Manny the most because I liked how funny he was but on the second playthrough, I realized that’s basically his whole character: He’s funny and the other characters are worst because Nora and Jesse are just there for what feels like no good reason other than to die. Owen and Mel have characters but they’re stupid characters. Why would a pregnant woman who knew their enemies were crossing their lines more and more each day would willingly go on patrol because her boyfriend is avoiding her?? I understand relationship problems and wanting to do something to avoid your thoughts but to put yourself and your unborn child in danger is very stupid. Also, WHO LET THE PREGNANT LADY GO OUT????? Dina learned she was pregnant and stayed inside the theater instead of going with Ellie but Mel just goes on patrol because she wants to be useful?????? You’re a doctor!! THAT SHOULD BE PLENTY USEFUL!!! Now I want to discuss Owen because while he is the most devolved character out of Abby’s friends, he makes really bad decisions like sleep with his high school girlfriend when he’s ON THE RUN AND WAS ABOUT TO FRIGGING LEAVE HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND TO GO TO SANTA BARBRA AND ASKED HIS HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND TO GO WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY “ DESERVED TO BE HAPPY “!!!!!!! Just gonna abandon the woman carrying your child which by the way, you never seemed excited about or even to care for???? Maybe he got what he deserved. #sorrynotsorry

Thirdly, the emotional manipulation. Just know I do not actually hate Abby and consider her story to be the best part of the game but I really hate how they introduced her father by having him track a pregnant zebra and they really act like “ oh gee he’s a good guy!! See how he cares about dem poor critters?? “ ( please read that in a Sandy Cheeks voice ). It’s really hard for me to care about someone who is apparently nice to animals but didn’t think twice about killing a kid without explaining it to her why they were doing it. I remember caring about Marlene way more than Abby’s dad because one of the tape recordings you find the hospital in the first game, she says how much she regrets allowing the doctors to kill her but she just wants it to be over and she sounded so tired by how much work she had put in to find the vaccine, meanwhile Abby’s dad has a very punch-able face. Also there’s the whole dog petting which can get pretty annoying ( I threw the ball over the fence because THOSE DOGS BROKE MY CONTROLLER!!!!! ) but it only happens like twice, so...

Fourthly, I feel like the game is too short. The game wants you to be sad over Ellie and Abby’s friends but it’s hard to be because you only spend a few minutes with them while you have spent hours with Abby and Ellie ( or in my case, years ). I liked Abby’s friends especially Manny but you only spend 20 minutes with him and most of that is that the sniper section and I wanted to like Jesse but he has no character and you only spend 2 hours with him, which in a 30 hour long game, is not long at all, [ Side note: most of the friends’ deaths are basically rehashes of Henry and Sam’s deaths ]. Also some people thinks that Abby’s section was too long but I thought it was really short and because of how short it was, I couldn’t see how she could turn from a blood hungry person to someone who would care over 2 kids and abandon her WLF family for. 10 hours is not enough time to develop anything story wise and while the first game was only 15 hours long, it only told one story while this game is trying to tell multiple stories!! I want more Abby!! I want more Dina!! I want more of this game to fully understand but I just feel like those posts about It: Chapter 2  where people love the relationship of Richie and Eddie but the movie killed off Eddie without him ever telling Richie anything and people basically rewrite their relationship because we were never given it.

Fifthly, I don’t just like the game. I wanted to even though I knew the spoilers and didn’t mind Joel died but I feel empty and not in the way Druckman meant for me to. This probably has to do with the fact that I waited 7 years for this game and when I meant 7 years, I really mean that I have loved this game since 2013 and I feel like the sequel is just off, somehow. It wants to be something bigger than itself but it’s not and when it wants to comment on the cycle of violence but other games has done it already and much better. The game that comes most to my mind is God Of War because Kratos got his revenge and realized he started the apocalypse so he tried to kill himself but that didn’t work so he moved to Norse mythology and when Baldr went to confront his mother, Kratos stopped him and told him that the path of vengeance is not worth it but he still went for it and CAUSED RAGNAROK!!!! I really have no idea why people love this game and I want to say it’s because they never played the first game before or they love it because it was LGBT characters in it but that doesn’t explain anything at all. I also want to say that many people were paid off because the game was over 500 GOTY awards and I don’t see how that was even possible!! Maybe some people saw something I didn’t but I still feel weird about this. I wanted to like this game but it’s hard when it’s not good.

[onelastbreath-writes]

I’ll Meet You There (Part 3)

Pairing: Marcus Moreno/ Wife!Reader (AFAB, no y/n) 

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Talks about loss of spouse, loss of child, medical conditions/inaccuracies, grief/mourning, manipulation/brainwashing (subtext/implied, but we’ll get into it later *winkwink*)

Tags: Hurt/No comfort (for now), ANGST, eventual happy ending, one really sad man for whom I just keep making things worse, #sorrynotsorry, and now I’m just making stuff up as I go along

Summary(lite): You are Marcus’s wife, and you’re definitely not dead. No one is having a great time right now, but like hell if there's a force on this earth that’ll keep you apart forever. This is not a goodbye, its just a see you later. And the interim is going to be everyone else’s problem, you’ll make sure of it.

A/N: Hello dears, welcome back to my twisted mind story,,, guess who showed up like 2 weeks late with a smoothie! So things about this new chapter: I am a criminal with italics and someone needs to stop me, hello switching scenes and perspectives because I just want to fast forward to the good stuff but y’all don’t live in my head and don’t know all the stuff that happens to get us there so here we are taking the slow lane, and I keep brainstorming new and horrible things for my characters because I am A Lot, All The Time, and will not be stopped. Also hey, Marcus the Simp is here for you, so much. I hope this is acceptable to be a reader fic still, because I am giving you some serious personality traits... ehh, it is what it is. Tell me if you spot any of my various references, there’s a lot of ‘em. Thanks to everyone who has liked/reblogged/commented, y’all are gorgeous and I’m so grateful for the love <3 Drop me a message/ask if you want a secret about one of the characters (specify which one), I need an outlet for my endless b.t.s. plotting >;) Please enjoy p3!

AO3|Masterlist

[Previous Part]

---

There were more casseroles in his fridge that Marcus knew what to do with, and more sympathy and “thinking of you” cards stacked in piles around the house than he could count. He appreciated everyone’s gestures, but he could recognize the difference between people who were kind in the interest of helping others, and those who were kind only to help themselves. It was quite obvious which type were flooding his mailbox.

Hell, most of the people sending him cards, his fans, didn’t even know his wife, never spoke to her, didn’t feel the empty Her-shaped-space in their very souls. They just wanted the clout, the prestige, of being ‘involved’ and sympathetic to a grieving superhero. It was exhausting, but no one seemed to empathize with him on that.

The Heroics upper management, and the director specifically after his press conference and the publicity the attack had brought the organization, had insisted on Marcus taking an undetermined amount of leave from the team so he could “process and mourn his loss in the comfort of his own home.” Like he didn’t look around and see every piece of himself and his wife over the years; the Home they built for their family, filled with all the hopes and dreams of two starry eyed lovers ready to take on the world together. Like her absence wasn’t slowly killing him. 

And it wasn’t like she was gone gone.  

Dead.  

She wasn’t dead.

No way in Hell.  

Whether it was because she worked with superpowered people, her experience as a medical professional, or if she was just more paranoid than most, his wife was a planner, and she was prepared for this. “In the event of my death...," like she just knew it would be necessary.

Truthfully, she had schemes and contingencies and all manner of reactionary plans prepared for if (and when) the worst happened; terrified to be blindsided or caught unaware, unable to help those she would have been able to, if only if she had the time to think. Unpreparedness costs lives in both of their careers, and she refused to leave anything up to chance if possible. And so, she’d plan, and he’d listen.  

All throughout their relationship, from before they’d even gotten serious enough to discuss marriage, to when they heard their unborn child’s heartbeat for the first time, and just on random weekday afternoons when they would take Missy for walks around the neighbourhood to show her the beauty in their lives, his wife would paint her theories and ideas like artwork. She’d tell him a story, full of action and mystery, humour and theatrics, tragic romance and harrowing adventure; she could spin a tale like she had a silver tongue, but she never lost herself in her own narratives. In the end, they were messages, lessons, for him to remember when everything was going wrong.    

“It’s all about momentum, babe. Bleeding off energy and taking a bad hit instead of a fatal hit. You can’t just full stop; you’d absorb all the kinetic energy, and the resulting trauma will turn all your squishy internals into, like, body soup, which is just super unpleasant. And of course, head is always number one priority. Bracing for impact works better at giving you fewer serious injuries, especially for your neck and head. Muscles should absorb as much of the energy as possible, instead of letting it fall to your ligaments, discs, and nerves to take the force. So, tense up and roll in the case of a low air evacuation.”

Low air evac... she was concerned he was going to have to jump from an aircraft without a parachute at some point in his life. Which was probably accurate he’d admit, but still, he wasn’t hoping to actually need that plan.

Thankfully, it wasn’t always fire and brimstone with her, and she had many strange and terrible schemes to keep the common, everyday superhero family on their toes. Always carry at least two lip balms... never tell someone you don’t have plans for the evening... don’t smile in your mugshot... no clowns. Ever.

She was so weird, a total nerd, and so completely the girl of his dreams.  

He loved teasing her about her unending train of thought, the brain that never sleeps, how she’d go on tangents while on tangents but always circle back around; even nicknamed her (quite cheekily, and because it made them both laugh) Doctor Batman, which was usually saved for when she was being particularly dramatic and gloomy. Turn the supercomputer off for a second, Bats, come see what Missy’s doing!  

He was her anchor, always ready to pull her back to earth when she started drifting off too far from them, but he never asked and never wanted her to change. He adored her, silly or serious, or when she woke him up in the middle of the night to make him promise that he’d never get their kid(s) a pet owl (because they’re “scary”, and “our kids would be too powerful, Marcus. Promise me!”), or that in the event of them inviting a third to their bed, it would “absolutely never, ever, ever be Miracle. No way!”  

He thought it was quite entertaining most of the time, listening to her plan for zombies and old gods and what to do if everyone just started hating cheese one day, but if it was all so important to her: having him remember this or agree to that, he’d accede to her requests in a heartbeat. Most of it was cute, harmless stuff he didn’t think would even happen, but sometimes she would hit him with serious stuff. Entirely out of left field, she’d go for his heart, and ask him for things that would hurt him, destroy him inside, if he ever had to follow through with it.

“Marcus, if it’s a choice between my safety- my life, and Missy’s? I’m always going to choose her. Kids come first, okay?”  

She wasn’t superpowered, didn’t have a shred of anything other than pure, normal human in her, but she was easily the strongest person he knew. Fearless and brave, kinder than this world deserved, she’d do anything for the people she cared about. And she’d promised him, maybe as a way to repay him for all the things he’d agreed to over the years, that she’d move heavens and the earth to return to their family. That nothing in this world, or beyond, could keep her away. “Eventually,” she’d stared into his eyes, glossy with tears from how forcefully she believed, “I will find my way back to you. I swear it, so keep a weather eye on the horizon.” See? A whole-ass nerd, and he couldn’t have loved her more.

So, she wasn’t dead. Pure and simple. She was somewhere, somehow, and he was going to find her again.  

---

“Marcus, the grieving process is different for everyone, but it is always unpredictable and painful. You will have days where you will feel like you haven’t made any progress, or even lost the progress you’ve previously made, but please know that this is natural; it's something everyone experiences, and that it doesn’t mean you’ve failed in your objective. Healing takes time, and a major part of recovery is learning to forgive yourself when you slip up. No one expects you to be back to normal tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Healing from grief is not a race, so we will go at your own pace, and we will work together to accomplish your recovery goals. You aren’t alone in this journey, and you don’t need to handle everything by yourself.”

The grief specialist he was seeing was someone he would describe as an “old soul”. She exuded the patience and peace of someone who had watched empires rise and fall, seen the turning of the wheel of time and drifted along with the current. Her voice was deep, rich in emotion and empathy for those who needed guidance, calming and intriguing with a soft lilt on her vowels. Timeless and ancient all in one, and even if he wasn’t actually mourning the death of his wife, he did find himself deeply grieving being without her. They were two halves of a whole, and though his soul was at a loss without its partner here, he still had their greatest creation, their pride and joy, their baby girl to raise.  

He would do whatever he had to do to be the best parent he could for Missy. And so, if meeting with a physiatrist every week was something that would help, then he would be here, every week. He'd learn to live with his grief, his sadness and loneliness, with just the memory of his Everything, and he’d help their kid with all hers too.  

It’s what he promised to do, after all.

“If anything ever happens to me, you’ll just have to love her enough for the both of us.”  

---

There was nothing they could recover of the people closest to centre of the explosion. No remains, no blood, nothing. Like they hadn’t been there at all.  

Suspicious.

Upper Management had brought in a team of private investigators to handle the case, people who would keep the details quiet and the public appeased with what little information they’d choose to release.  

Marcus was a superhero, and sure, his job was to hit things until they weren’t a problem anymore, but he couldn’t understand why all the highly trained professionals didn’t question the sheer amount of evidence that just wasn’t adding up.  

He tried to bring up the inconsistencies once with the lead investigator, but they had just given the distraught, widowed husband, so lost in his own denial and grasping at straws, a sad smile and told him they would do everything they could to find the truth for him and the rest of the victims’ families.

Typical.

After being brushed off without a second thought, he decided to keep his ideas quiet, and since they’d proven their unwillingness to listen, he’d just have to solve the mass disappearance himself.  

“Have you ever thought about how to commit the perfect murder, mi amor? I have. First: If there’s no body, they can’t prove the person is dead. No evidence of death? No murder. Simple. But of course, completely vanishing a full human would be a challenge. Short of having the superpowers necessary to, like, erase someone from reality in their entirety, there would be a lot of chances to leave evidence. Ordering suspicious chemicals leaves a trail, driving out to a pig farm in the middle of the night is shady as hell and all neighbors are professional narcs, and fires? Hah! Do you have any idea how hot the fire needs to be to cremate human remains, and how long they would need to grill for? Huh, maybe the perfect murder isn’t a murder at all...  

Hey babe...  

Always doubt a body, but always doubt no body, more.”

---

You tended to lose time when there was no one else in your room. It was hard to tell when your eyes were open because you started dreaming about the only things you could see since you first woke up: drop-ceiling tiles, white walls, and pale blue curtain dividers. And it was easier that way, in the end. Your heart didn’t hurt when you only dreamt of the room. You couldn’t mourn the things and people only your soul could remember if you thought of the room. Drifting in and out of consciousness was how you were coping.  

---

You had been here, left in this room alone, for ages. You had agreed to help the man who had saved you from the explosion that killed your family, but apparently you couldn’t help him until you had recovered enough. You’d read your charts, grilled your nurses and doctors more and more the longer you were kept here. What were they all waiting for? There was nothing wrong with you except the mild post traumatic amnesia, and the whole not-remembering-much-(or anything, really)-about-your-personal-life-and-family-of-the-recent-few-years thing you had going on. It was nothing compared to when you first awoke and could remember nothing. It killed you to be without the memories of your husband and child, to know only of them instead of actually knowing them, but there was nothing you or the doctors here could do. The brain was a tricky thing, and you had to accept that your memory loss might be permanent.  

That just meant that you had to put all that you could remember to good use. You could help people here, and work towards getting justice for your family. Years and years of school, practical experience and training, you had gained it all back; re-read textbooks and studies, wrote papers on your re-emerging knowledge and jogged your memory about long nights and early mornings, surgeries and follow ups... it was all still in your head. It had returned to you easily, like diving into a cool pool on a hot summer day. It was like coming home and taking off your shoes; it felt good, freeing, as-it-should-be.  

But still they weren’t letting you leave. So: what were they waiting for?  

“Ah, Doctor, it’s lovely to see you, as always. How are we feeling today?” Okay, so the guy who “saved” you (read: paid the people who actually saved your life)  gave you the heebie-jeebies. He looked like a classic pompous asshole bigwig, like, oil tycoon or something. And he definitely had some sort of thing for you. Gross.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected, trapped in a room with nothing to do, you know, brain rotting, et cetera. Thanks for asking.” The sass was a choice, probably not a great choice, but your choice none-the-less. You really hadn’t had many opportunities to choose anything for yourself in a while.  

Well...

You were bored, and that was going to be everyone else’s problem.  

“Ah, well, good news then! You have been cleared from observation and you’ll be able to be discharged soon. Isn’t that just delightful!” Mister Craig (“Please, just Greg is fine”), was some sort of horrible group hallucination, you were convinced. No one was that cheery, that animated, unless they were on something, or you were on something. “I’ll have someone bring you your personal effects shortly, and then I can show you to your new apartment. The complex isn’t in the best neighbourhood unfortunately, but it's got some real charm, very vintage! You’ll love it!”

“I’ll look forward to seeing it then; sounds like it’ll be a real interesting place to stay. You can also explain what it is I’m going to be doing with your organization. Because you haven’t specified yet. And I expect a proper contract and wage agreement. Legally binding preferably, for your sake, of course, Mr. Craig.” Even if you weren’t the most physically intimidating person around, you knew how, and more so, when, to assert your dominance in a conversation. Especially with men like him. He was the type of guy who would pinch a nurse’s ass and then accuse them of not being able to take a joke.  

“You wound me, Doctor, I am a man of integrity! I promised you an opportunity to make a difference! To get justice for the loved ones so cruelly torn from you! You have nothing to worry about!”  

Sounds legit. Totally above board. Can’t wait.

---

Taglist (omg!! thanks love): @killtherandomness​

Drop me a line if you want to be added <3

[yeocult]

ATEEZ as high school students

HONGJOONG the art kid

he’s that one kid who never pays attention during class but gets good grades anyways

you can find him in two places; in the art room painting away or sitting on that staircase that nobody takes making music

everyone loves him, all the teacher loves him, your mom loves him

fall asleep in class and when he’s caught he’ll be like “i was just thinking”

probably has a large following on insta

really hardworking though

knows exactly what he wants to do in life already

has questionable fashion sense but that’s what makes him unique and stand out

really friendly to everyone but lowkey two-faced lol

SEONGHWA the stressed one

ALWAYS stressed

please give him some rest

comes to class with coffee every morning

really smart and studies hard

tutors for a certain amount (mans gotta make money)

gets pissed at them when they don’t understand lol

has the best homemade lunch

everyone has a crush on him but he’s only open to his close friends

will be a kiss ass to the teacher if he needs to

definitely has that bad boy vibes but is really sweet

usually hangs out with hongjoong or yeosang

has aesthetic study inspo quality notes

probably majoring in respecting women after high school

YUNHO the teacher’s pet

all the teachers favorite him and it shows

gets average grades

type of friend to wait for you when you tie your shoelace or go to the washroom with you

very social but only sticks to his group of friends

knows all the tea and drama

probably gossiping with wooyoung

can be too nice :( even to people who don’t deserve it

will not hesitate to call someone out for littering/not recycling

we love a sweetheart who cares for the environment

type of say after school to help out different clubs even if he’s not in them (not in any club since he’s not committed enough)

YEOSANG the emo kid

wears black 8 days a week

quiet and brutal

whenever he opens his mouth it’s borderline offensive

can’t stand people who doesn’t get his humor or jokes  

always has earbuds in a beanie

(have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? THAT’S WEIRD) (sorrynotsorry)

very introverted around people but just straight up weird around his friends

doesn’t socialize much but talk shit about him or his friends, you’ll get DESTROYED (keep in mind he’s the second strongest of ateez)

has the shittiest handwriting, it’s like trying to crack a code

but he’s really smart and is good at studying

bribes his teacher occasionally

SAN the church boy

try hard in school

asks seonghwa for help almost every day because he wants consistent grades

he’s really smart though, just insecure about his abilities :(

acts all gangsta at first but then his dimples show

big softie for his friends

respects women and his seniors

i feel like he’s in debate team (i mean just watch how defensive he got about correcting hwa about sliver power ranger)

definitely in choir (have y’all seen predebut church boy san??)

plays volleyball as well (he played libero)

is there anything he’s not good at??

gets so loud and annoying with woo and mingi

films all the dumb shit woo does

him + woo = 2 in 1 package

MINGI the slacker

doesn’t even try in school

but still manage to get decent grades

does projects last minute

uses short people as armrests

he’s a social butterfly

people will say they’re friends with him but he doesn’t even remember half the people he talks to

somehow blew up on tik tok and instagram and woo is jealous

you can hear his music through his earbuds (are his ears okay???)

if his friends do something embarrassing like trip, he’ll do the same so they won’t feel embarrassed

a sweet heart

steals everyone's food

confidence level 100000 (we love our leo king)

before every test he’s like “i’ve never failed a test since birth”

clings onto yunho, just two giants vibing

WOOYOUNG the class clown

everyone views him as a fukboi but he surprising is good at school (mostly bc hwa will give him shit for having bad grades)

always with san and together they are so ANNOYING

most likely to become a frat boy

loves organizing parties and surprising good at making ppl who usually don’t go attend his parties (aka yeosang)

everyone loves-hate him

really good looking and he KNOWS IT

his laugh is really contagious (it’s what gets him all the bitches

hwa always has to watch him or he’ll do some stupid shit

will not shut up for one second

probably has a big following on tik tok or some shit

“i’m here for a good time not a long time”

JONGHO the jock

in every sports team you can think of

in the rugby team? soccer team? archery???

he’s in all

always has some sort of injury tho

laid back

he’s just naturally good at everything including school

the designated driver at parties since he can hold acohol pretty well

the school’s treasure, won most of their medals

really mature for his age

always has his friend’s back

answers teacher’s questions correctly even if they think he wasn’t listening

he’ll just be like “hah you thought”

good at keeping everyone’s secrets

really nice and friendly with everyone

[bisexualbuck]

Buck has been feeling guilty about the lawsuit to the point that he overworks himself with extra shifts and making good with the team, but it gets too much he gets dizzy spells but ignores it, team worries, at one point he passes out after a rescue back at the station. Firefam takes care of him. Please make it as agnst as you can #sorrynotsorry. Thank you xo

[Read on AO3]

They say they forgive him. They say they’ve moved on.

Buck wants to believe them, but he knows, deep down, that things can never be the same, though he so dearly wants them to.

They joke with him, they share meals with him. Everything should be back to normal, before the accident, before the embolism.

Before the lawsuit.

It’s not back to normal. It never will be.

He makes sure to never complain, he never shows that he’s hurting or tired. He smiles and he jokes and most importantly, he keeps working.

He pulls 24-hour shifts after 24-hour shifts and if anyone asks, he says he has missed working and that he needs it. If they press, he says he needs the money to pay back his medical bills. That usually shuts them up.

The truth is, he needs to prove to them that he deserves to be back. He has failed them but that does not mean that he is a failure.

(He still feels like a failure, but he is good at lying to himself.)

If he works hard enough, if he shows them that he’s good and that he deserves to be on the field, maybe they’ll see. Maybe they’ll understand why he had to do what he did.

They say they forgive him, but he knows they haven’t.

He reads the hesitation in Bobby’s stance when he asks Buck if his leg is okay.

(What he is really asking, is if Buck is good enough.)

So Buck works. He keeps working and working and working.

When he’s not working, he is with Eddie and Christopher. Anytime Buck is offered a chance to spend time with them, he jumps to the occasion, even if his body is aching and exhausted and he can barely stand upright without feeling dizzy.

It’s okay. It’s worth it.

Every moment spent with them is a reminder of everything he has almost lost.

A reminder that he has to keep proving himself to them.

He won’t abandon them again, he won’t betray them again.

Buck has to prove himself to everyone, to his friends, to his team, to prove that he deserves to be welcomed back in that family they have created.

Maybe one day, they will love him again as they did before. Maybe one day, they will trust him again.

.

For weeks, Buck has been pushing himself to his very limits. He can’t remember the last time that he has slept for more than four hours consecutively. He knows that he has lost weight and that, more often than not these days, he shows up to work with dark circles under his eyes.

He has even stopped putting gel in his hair, choosing to sleep just one more minute instead.

As soon as he wakes up, he knows that today is going to be hard.

He has been prone to migraines his whole life, getting one once or twice a year. Since he has been back to the 118, he has been getting them more often.

Today, he wakes up and everything hurts.

Opening his eyes is a struggle, getting up is a battle that he loses, and he stumbles to the floor, face first, as soon as he tries stranding on his legs.

He has an hour before he has to go to work. Before, he would exercise, do some yoga poses to start the day in a good mood.

Now, he only staggers to the bathroom, struggling to keep himself upright until he reaches his medicine cabinet and swallows dry a pill of the strongest anti migraine medicine he has.

Then, foregoing breakfast and shower, he waits, sitting on the floor, in the dark, for the migraine to get under control. It won’t be gone by the time he has to start his shift, but it’ll be good enough.

He can be good enough.

.

“Buck, maybe you should go home today.”

We don’t need you.

“No, I’m good,” he protests and it’s weak even to his own ears. “I just didn’t sleep well last night. But I’m alright.”

Bobby gives him a dubious look, but he doesn’t press.

He can’t go home, he can’t leave, or they will start doubting him again. He can’t risk them seeing his cracks or they will bench him again, maybe even for good this time.

He can’t lose them again.

So he smiles through the pain, he hides his dizziness, he holds his body back from wincing every time there is a noise just a bit too loud, or some light just a bit too bright.

.

He should have known he could have never fooled them.

.

The worst thing is that he does not topple over after a draining, difficult call.

At least then, he could have blamed his clumsiness on it.

No. Instead, it’s a routine call, right at the end of their shift. Someone that managed to get their arm stuck under their washing machine while reaching for something that slipped under it.

They are only supposed to get in, free the guy, make sure he is alright, and then leave.

Buck isn’t even involved. He is just standing behind, his migraine is almost completely gone, but it has left his body even more drained of energy than it already was.

He does not even notice the cat at first, too busy he is in keeping a fake smile up.

“Looks like you’ve got a fan, Buck.”

“Huh?”

Eddie frowns, then points at the cat that’s trying to climb up Buck’s leg.

“Oh.” Buck, despite his fatigue, can’t help but the sincere smile that warms itself on his face. “Hello there, little buddy.”

“The grand return of Disney princess Buck,” Chim announces, laughing – an old running joke started because animals, and kids, kept gravitating around him on calls.

Buck kneels to pet the cat that purrs in contentment at the attention. It warms Buck’s heart, even if it’s just a small interaction with an animal, it’s eased some of the tension in his shoulders. Maybe he should get a cat, he thinks, distantly.

For an instant, Buck forgets how tired he is, how weary. It’s a simple moment of joy in his too long day, and it’ll have to be enough to keep him going.

“Alright everyone, we’re good to go.”

At the sound Bobby’s voice, Buck gives one last pat to the cat and, without thinking, too distracted by the cute cat, gets up – too fast.

The room spins around him, his sight goes black.

He collapses.

He comes back to the sight of Hen and Chimney crouched over him, brows furrowed in worry. Bobby and Eddie are hovering just besides them.

Shame fills his heart. He has never felt so weak, so useless, he could cry from the humiliation.

“Buck? You there?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles and he pushes their hands away to sit up.

Nausea rolls up in his stomach but he pushes it down. He has already shown himself weak enough, he does not need to throw up in front of his team to seal the deal.

“Sure,” Chim says, sarcastic. “Want to try that again?”

“I haven’t eaten today,” Buck admits. It’s not a lie. “It’s nothing.”

Silence follows, but he can’t bring himself to look at his team. He wants to disappear. What if he’s ruined everything? He was supposed to show them he was worth keeping around, and now he’s gone and ruined his chances of earning back his place.

“Can you stand?”

Buck nods. He keeps his gaze down.

The drive back to the station is heavy with unspoken words.

.

“Sit.”

He doesn’t protest as Bobby manhandles him into the couch – like a child.

Is that all he’s ever going to be? The screw-up? The man-child, the kid that can’t grow up, that keeps disappointing everyone?

Was he ever right to think he was worthy to work among them?

Maybe it’d have been better if he had stayed away. Maybe he should have never survived the bomb.

“Drink this.”

He doesn’t even look at the glass, gulping down what turns out to be orange juice without a care.

He is going to be fired. Or benched again, at best.

He can’t do this again. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

“Don’t send me away,” his traitorous mouth blurts out. “I can still do the work, you don’t have to fire me, I haven’t screwed up until now. I can still do this, Bobby, you don’t have to send me away again, I – ”

“Buck, no,” Bobby cuts. His face has drained of all color. “Nobody is going to send you away.”

Buck’s migraine has come back with a vengeance, and he is too tired to read the horror written on his friends’ expression.

“I’m sorry. I can be better. I’ll work harder, I promise.”

“Buckaroo,” Hen takes his hand, gentle. “We are not disappointed in you. We’re worried.”

Buck blinks. “What?”

Her expression breaks even more.

“Is that what you’ve been worried about? Us sending you away?”

He looks down in shame. He is losing control, they can’t know or they will see he doesn’t deserve to be here.

“I’m fine.”

There is movement and suddenly Eddie is kneeling down in front of Buck, but Buck closes his eyes, unable to look at his dearest friend, the man that he has been in love with for so long. The man that he has disappointed the most.

“You’re not fine,” Eddie whispers. “But it’s okay. We’re here.”

Someone sits next to him, pushing him into a side-bodied hug and Buck does not have to look to know that it’s his captain. Tears escape him. He feels a hand reach to wipe them away.

“How long has it been since you’ve slept a full night?” Chim asks but it’s not aggressive.

“I’m okay,” Buck lies, desperate. “I’m fine.”

“Let us take care of you,” Bobby says softly. “We’re your family.”

A sob fights to break free but he holds it, and it only comes out as a broken whimper.

“You’ll leave me. Everyone does.”

“No way,” and Hen tightens her hold on his hand. “This is a lifetime deal – 118 station or not, we’re all in this family for life.”

Buck shakes his head. His eyes are still firmly pressed closed, trying hard to keep the tears inside.

“I’ll screw up again. I’ve been trying to prove that I’m worth it, that I deserved to come back after the lawsuit but I keep screwing up and – ”

“We’ve long forgiven you for the lawsuit,” Eddie interrupts. “None of us dealt with the situation in the best way. We all made mistakes. We know why you did it, we understand. It’s okay. But have you forgiven us?”

That’s what makes Buck open his eyes. He stares, in shock, at his best friend. Eddie only looks up at him, gentle but sad.

“There’s nothing to forgive – ”

“Buck, you were alone and in pain, and you though you couldn’t come to us. That’s on us.”

“Eddie is right,” Chim says. “We’re sorry. I’m sorry.”

There is nothing that Buck could have done that would have held back his tears.

“Look at me, Buck,” Bobby whispers, and Buck obeys – a reflex. “You haven’t screwed up. We are not going to leave you. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you think you had to prove your worth to us. I’m sorry that I let my emotions keep you from the job.”

“Cap,” Buck says, brokenly.

“We’re family,” Hen says with a fond smile. “We’ve always known your worth. You don’t have anything to prove to us, and you especially don’t need to overwork yourself for it.”

“I’m – .” He stops, not knowing what to say.

“You don’t think we’ve noticed how many hours you’ve been working?” she continues, still gently. “We’ve been so worried about you, we just didn’t know how to bring it to you.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. It was never his goal to worry them.

“You want to make it up to us?” Bobby asks.

Buck whips his head to his captain.

“Yes,” he rushes to say, eager, and that earns him a soft smile.

“Then take better care of yourself.”

“Oh.” Pause. “Okay, I can do that.”

Chim ruffles his hair and Buck can’t even pretend to get grumpy about it.

“Shift is over,” Bobby says. “Take a few days off and sleep. That’s an order.”

Some part of him wants to protest, wants to say that he can still work, that he’s strong enough. Yet he does not say anything, he just nods.

Eddie helps Buck up, putting his arms around his waist to keep him standing. Buck wants to say that he’s okay, he can stand. Again, he says nothing.

He is too overwhelmed.

He is also learning that not being strong does not have to mean being weak.

“You’re staying at my place tonight,” Eddie says, not leaving any place for an argument.

“Okay.”

Everyone hugs him before they leave, and he feels stronger than he has in a long time. He knows that he is not alone, and he is starting to think that maybe itwill be alright. He looks at them and thinks, they have forgiven him, truly. They love him.

He does not have to pretend to be strong for them.

His smile does not leave his lips as Eddie guides him to his car, it only grows stronger as they make their way to Eddie’s place.

Eddie never leaves his side, not as they pick Christopher up from his abuela’s, not as they make dinner, not as they put Christopher to bed.

He does not leave his side either when Buck starts to lay on the couch. Without words, he only takes Buck’s hand and leads him to his own room.

They lay together, every part of them touching, and they will have to talk about it, but not now. For now, they just enjoy each other’s presence, and Buck finds peace into the embrace.

They fall asleep together and Buck knows that, in the morning, he will finally feel rested.

[kkulmoon]

Freaking Dumblr :(( absolutely good for nothing. Didn't send me a notif, if i didnt check your blog and scroll thru i woulda miss it >:( tumblr fite me!!

And yeah!! I do scanslation, been doing it since i was 12 😂 it been a while. I used to own a pretty big group too but then I quitted cuz dramas in scans are abundant and i rather waste my times on something else. Nowadays i'm pretty much do work for whichever groups that need help. I would tell which group it was but... that would reveal me 🤫

Okay things i love about myself part 3/10: I like my height. I'm 150cm so i am very short, and i used to HATE being short cuz i get tease a lot but now i learn to love it cuz i get call cute while hiding my evil side hehehehe 😈

Hehehe they says "be careful what you wish for" and I wish for PAIN!!!! I lost my shit over them all the damn time but blood sweats and tears.... i will never get over it.... THREW ME STRAIGHT BACK INTO MY VAMPIRE PHASE THAT I THOUGHT I GOT OUT OF AND I HATE THEM FOR IT

Hmmm, do i like the current version of myself? In some part, i do like how much I've matured. But i do wish to change a few things, maybe able to articulate my thoughts better. The way I say things tend to be from A straight to C instead of from A to B to C (does that even make sense?) So people misunderstand me oftens, and I may cause some unintentional hurts so I want to fix that in the future. What about you?

I'm glad you had a productive and healthy day!! Joon would definitely been proud 😤 i spent my day trying to win back my kitty's affection cuz she recently got a surgery and is wearing the collar of shame and is hating everyone 😭 she won't let me pet her just stand up and sashay away, what a brat >:(

I swear we're both writing novels and taking up people's timeline 😔 #sorrynotsorry.

Question of the day is: what are some of your pet peeves? -Valley's Lilies @valley-lilies

i sent a petty email to support about it and they fixed it so now i am happy lol, well until next time it happens 😔srry about having u scroll i rb a lot 😭

OH DAMN 12??? wow, what was i doing at twelve 🤔?? nothing productive i know ;(( oohhh i am srry about the drama that must rlly suck ;// i have so much love for scanlation groups tho especially the ones who share their conversations on the manga. then you must speak japanese, right?

awwww you’re so tiny and fun sized uwu, i’m literally almost 20 cm taller than you 😳, short people rlly are cute tho at least all the ones i know, except for this one kid in high school who i played soccer with, he was sooo annoying like pass the goddamn ball once in a while 😠O.O you have an evil side  you say? what is it you’re hiding 👀??

anon valley’s lilies you lost some rights after putting me through the mental torture that is joon in a crop top but you’ve earned them back cause bst was just WOW SUCH A COMEBACK!!! hey i’m telling you, you never truly get over ur vampire phase, NEVER 🤪i still go back to it once in a while and they pulled it off so well, such a visually pleasing cb, you know that joon scene with the smoke ,that was when joon being my bias was CEMENTED for eternity ughhhhh

oh yeah you’ve definitely matured if you’re able to look at the way you communicate and find flaws... and yes it does make sense, i mean you know what B is in your mind, it might even seem so obvious that you don’t mention it and end up at C directly, or at least that’s how things have appeared to me. hmmm i want to change my behaviour, like conceptually i know what i should be doing but actually getting to it is a big hassle, i have a tendency for self destructive behaviour in certain areas of my life ;(( i’ve gotten much better but there’s still a way to go, like saying no, i NEED to start saying it more often, i’m way too lenient at times 😩

namjooning activites are the most healing, plus i am interested in learning how to pick mushrooms cause we’ve gotta a lot were i live. speaking of healing, what are your favourite healing activities? awww poor kitty ;((( she’ll come around, all cats have attitude problems according to me lol. i hope she’s feeling well, despite the collar ;))

folks you heard what she said, typing novels i shall continue to do lol 

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

20 Questions (Zombie Apocalypse Edition)

I was tagged by @viraloutbreakcontrol & @bikerdaryldixon, thanks guys :)

1. You’re sitting at home and the emergency broadcast system comes on the tv. You’re only allowed to grab 6 things before you have to evacuate. What are they?

Do I have to include my kids? If so, there are three of them... do they count as one? Also my weapons - a machete & katana, as much food & water as I can carry.

2. (Different scenario) You’re sitting at home and the emergency broadcast system comes on the tv. It tells you to stay inside and lock your doors. Do you think it’s safe to listen to the broadcast or do you think you should get out before it reaches you?

Where I live, I would definitely stay put. I live in the kind of place people who normally try to hide out in.

3. Say you decided to stay home and lock your doors. The zombies have reached your area, but you haven’t seen any in a few days. Do you take the opportunity to make a b-line for the closest grocery store or house that might have supplies or just stay in the house because you don’t want to risk it?

Yeah, I’d take the chance to go for supplies.

4. Say you evacuated your home and you’ve been on the run for a few days. You find a running car with plenty of gas in it…but there’s also 4 zombies inside. You decide to kill the zombies and take the car, but how do you do it?

Try to open the door enough to kill them one at a time. 

5. You’re starving and you’ve just found a house with a full, untouched pantry in it. Only problem is, it’s all of your least favorite foods. Do you plug your nose and chug it or wait until you’re absolutely desperate and about to die from hunger?

At that point, if you don’t eat cause you don’t like your options, you deserve to become zombie chow.

6. You find an abandoned military base with grenades, a machine gun, a glock, a Bowie knife, and a flame thrower. You can only take one, which one do you take?

Grenades, definitely. I already have two decent blades and I can’t bothered to always need to find ammo.

7. (Different scenario) You find an abandoned military base with all the weapons you could ever need, all the food reserves you could ever need, or all the comfort necessities you could ever need for setting up camp at night. You can only choose one, which do you choose?

Weapons. Always gonna go for weapons because I can use them to hunt.

8. (Here’s where it gets tough) You have a beloved pet that you were able to take with you when you evacuated. It comes down to life or death and you either have to kill and eat them or starve to death. Eat your pet or try to muster up enough energy to go find food somewhere for the both of you BUT you might not make it?

I couldn’t if it was my pet. I’d rather starve.

9. You and a close family member are on the run together. They get bit and they’re suffering. They ask you to kill them. Could you do it or do you just tell them you’re so sorry and let the virus take them?

Depends on the family member, if I am being honest. That’s not true, I could do it regardless of who it was.

10. You’re on the run and you come across an attractive person of the gender you’re attracted to. They’re honestly not bad looking and you’re kind of attracted to them. They offer you all the supplies you need, but only if you “bop swimsuit areas” with them if ya know what I mean LOL. It’s a moral dilemma, do you do it or no?

Nah, I don’t trust any of these people. 

11. You find one of your close friends or family members after being separated from them for a while and you didn’t even know they were even still alive. Only catch, they’re on the other side of a sea of zombies. Do you brave it to get to them or play it safe and just feel super guilty about it?

Again, depends on who it is. I have certain friends I would do it for, others... not so much.

12. It’s a freezing night and you’re so cold you can barely move. You find a car with just enough battery left to either drive you to where you need to be or use the heat, but not both. Which do you choose?

Drive... you can always grab a blanket or something to wrap around you.

13. (#sorrynotsorry) Which one of your tumblr followers are you leaving behind to get eaten by zombies?

ehhh.... #awkward

14. You’re caught in the forest when night falls. The surrounding area is probably crawling with zombies. You have rope, a tent, and a blanket. What do you do for the night?

try to make some kind of hammock as high up in the trees as I can.

15. It’s the beginning of the apocalypse. You find a cell phone and realize it still has reception in the area and a full battery. Who do you try calling?

Probably my friends who live down the mountain. 

16. You’ve found your way into a group of survivors and one of them is very appealing to you. You end up sharing a tent with them, but you’re just plain dirty and it’s a little embarrassing. You have to get creative to clean up a bit. You’re in a typical forest. What do you use?

There are small streams or pools of water in the forest. Find some leaves (that aren’t poisonous) and the water to freshen up as much as I can.

17. You’re walking along an abandoned old back road and find yourself humming a song that cheers you up when times are bleak. What song is it?

It would probably be something stupid like Bohemian Rhapsody.

18. You’re stuck in the basement of a house and all of the upper levels are crawling with zombies. No windows or cellar doors in the basement. How do you get out?

Ugh. IDK.... try to find something in the basement I could shroud myself in and make a break for it.

19. You find a car stocked with supplies. Only catch, the owner is inside and half alive. They may not be so willing to share. Moral dilemma, do you just finish them off to survive or try to save them and risk getting screwed and possibly killed?

Oh, kill him for sure and take all his stuff.

20. (FINAL Q) You get to chose one of your tumblr followers to fight side by side with though the apocalypse! Who’s it gonna be??

Well that’s not fair because I have a bunch of friends here I would want by my side. I’m breaking the rules and picking two for very good reason. First, I have to get my wife @srj1990 because... you know... best friend business. But I would also HAVE to have @kazosa and her special set of skills on my team. Like, this girl is badass and knows her way around weaponry XD

I’m tagging: @kazosa @lefthologramdeer @hyphymanatee @soythedemonqueen @aquivercactus @sorenmarie87

[philiie]

About me tag

So I got tagged to do this by @adorkablephil​ which made me really happy because I never get tagged in these things so thanks for making me feel loved lol (y’all should go check her out- fics are 10/10) :)

Rules: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

1. What are the top 5 most played songs in your iTunes (or comparable music program)? Do you still listen to them today? I don’t actually know how to find this out bc I’m a noob but my top recently played artists on spotify are lovelytheband, Oh Wonder (faveee), Shawn Mendes (also fave), ABBA (I don’t even know why wtf) and Lorde. Take from that what you will.

2. How do you think you’re different from your parents and why? Honestly I’m not even remotely similar to my parents. I feel like we have completely different ideals (in a good way..) and just the way and environment that we’ve been brought up in is so different. It might just be an age thing but I also think its a cultural/ societal thing. I just feel as though I’m way more accepting of different things and understand how the world works a bit better I guess. Probably the Internet’s influence tbh. 

3. Do you wear glasses? If so, do you consider them simply an annoyance or an opportunity to express yourself through a fashion accessory? I don’t (thank god I look horrendous in them) although I did think I needed them some point last year. But people who can pull them off Phil and Dodie make me so sad because it looks SO GOOD OMG I wish. 

4. What part of your body do you like best and why? Not to be depressing but I kind of hate my whole body lol but hair I guess? It’s a nice texture and not too thick or thin and I like the way it falls.

5. What’s the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Dan and Phil shoving bananas down each other’s shirts Phil’s new video (what a surprise)

6. What was the first thing you ever wanted to be when you grew up? Teacher I think. It’s a pretty standard thing for most people but I’m like so academic I’m not even surprised at myself lol. I could NEVER do that now oh god. 

7. Do you wear sunscreen or prefer to live life on the edge? Well I mean I live in England (obviously well renowned for it’s sun) and I don’t go outside so... neither? But I hate tanning so I would yeah.

8. Do you live somewhere where it snows? If yes, do you like it? If no, are you glad? Sometimes it does and I freaking love it when it does because it’s so pretty and magical and school gets cancelled just YES but it hasn’t for the last couple of years :(

9. What is your favorite sound, aside from DnP’s voices? This is hard but the sound of rain? Like when it’s really heavy and drowning out every other sound and its on the verge of becoming thunder and yet not. It’s the most relaxing sound and I just sit by the window staring out because it makes me so happy and content (yes I’m a weirdo that likes rain sorrynotsorry).

10. What is your favorite picture of yourself ever? Will you share it? I don’t think I have one? But I like candid photos with my friends because they capture the moment so much better than forced posy selfies and they make me smile whenever I see them. As for sharing it... no I’m ugly that ain’t happening

11. What were you like when you were a kid? Are you different now? I was a fully quiet arty creative kid but at the same time quite intelligent so I guess I haven’t changed that much but I think I’m a lot more confident now and (hopefully) a lot more empathetic (although that’s probably another age thing)

My questions:

If you could go back to one moment in your life which moment would you go to?

If something amazing happened to you who would be the first person you tell?

What’s one place in the world that you’ve never been but really want to go?

If you were only allowed to do one thing for the rest of your life what would it be? (aside from eating and sleeping)

What’s currently your favourite outfit/ an outfit you wish you had?

If you could live anywhere else in the world where would you live? Why?

Would you prefer someone to tell you the truth about something that could hurt you or hide it?

Do you have any pets? If not, would you like one and what would it be?

What’s your earliest memory?

Is there a part of your life that you really regret/ would not get along with past you in that time period?

What’s the best/ funniest/ happiest thing that’s happened today?

Tagging: @thesupremeoverlord @nottobeeexpectedof @alice-herondale @lottie-lullaby @stefisnothere @iamnotalunatic @goddesslester @dodiescupoftea @justasprinkleofphan @autumn-of-ilvermorny @imsorryimlate (please don’t feel obligated to do this I just think it’s cool) 

[sodomyordeath]

emoji asks 💫 (must be answered truthfully)

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I don’t have secrets abut myself and I don’t dpill other people’s who trusted me, #sorrynotsorry

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

a new friend who just had a long day at work.

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

I really don’t know shit about  Pokémon but there’s a blue one that sleeps so that should do,

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

Cleaner wit a lot less people

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

I had a dream about a former romantic partner who passed in 2016

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

There wit and sense of humor.

😘 talk about your crush or partner

We better skip this as it could take a while do go through all of ‘em

Let’s just say they give me life 

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

Depends sometimes being nice does more damage and I tend to go for max damage

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

Only 3?

My Mind

My Body

My Evil Ways

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

Turning into a human vegetable. A bullet should do the trick.

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

A good conversation

💙 what annoys you about some people?

there willful ignorance.

😤 do you get angry easily?

Depends on the context but injustice will get me angry in no time.

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

A better human race.

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

people, that’s all that needs changing everything else is fine.

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

That’s pointless, so no.

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

NYC 1995 because it just felt so right

☕️ talk about your ideal day

I do what is important to me, done

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

introvert acting extroverted

💧 when was the last time you cried?

last week, tears of joy.

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

“Wonderful Life” by Hurts

“In every dream home a heartache” by Roxy Music performed by Sister Ray Ban

“Trying to Leave My Body” by M Lamar

“Heartcore” by  Bonsai Kitten

“Gravitational Constant: G = 6.67 x 10-8 cm-3 gm-1 sec-2“ by Type O Negative

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

A healing factor because out healing death sounds pretty handy

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

Nothing, never ever mess with the timeline

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

No one because no one got anything I want

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

kindness because it’s the hardest thing

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

Nothing

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

I know a bunch. I even can speak some.

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

She-Hulk or Black Cat they both had nice lovers over the years

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

It’s the same just with smarter people

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

Not kill someone

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

A Shadow Dragon. What else could I be?

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

We talked about ignorant people before so still the same 

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

Still people

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

A Inventor, me

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

My mother’s baked goods who are utter poison to me 

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

Hopefully nothing

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

I focus

😪 what are you sick of?

Still People

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

Nope I’m a adrenaline finder.

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

Do I have popular ones? 

One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.

Beliefs should conform to our best scientific understanding of the world. We should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit our beliefs.

The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

People are fallible. If we make a mistake, we should do our best to rectify it and resolve any harm that may have been caused.

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

No

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

I have no time for more hobbies.

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

“Kill the Poor” by Dead Kennedys

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

My temper. Keep doing what I'm doing.

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

skulls

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

The fact that I ran out of dreams

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? intj

The test fails to account for people with a reduced emotional spectrum.

Just one more metric that says nothing. 

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

we skip that one

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

The ones that pay for dinner because they pay for dinner ;-) 

🐴 opinion on __?

let’s skip this one as well

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

Hahaha, that was a good one

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

Man enough to be a Woman by Jayne County and that’s your quote

“Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.” -  Invisible Monster by Chuck Palahniuk

"Security is a tax on the honest." - Beyond Fear:  Thinking Sensibly about Security in an Uncertain World by Bruce Schneier 

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

Whatever I feel like doing. I have no idea.

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

Thinking about everyone who’s pissed off because I exist seems to do the trick.

🌍 which country do you live in?

I pay my taxes in Germany

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

Reasonable fascinating Person 

🐵 which quotes changed you?

Can’t think of one. I tend to find quotes who reinforce me not transform me.

💭 do you keep a diary?

This blog is as close as it gets

💫 who inspires you?

Everyone who refuses to play along 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

I don’t believe. I know or I know not.

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

look at my pics and tell me or better don't tell me because I really don’t care. 

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

Blade Runner, Metropolis, Casablanca

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

When I got my pet, Damian a Python 

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

Wendy O. Williams because she died before I could meet her