#south park satan was right

[brightlotusmoon]

South Park “Freemium Isn’t Free” – Review – The Insider

The writers even arranged various other explanations as to how the scam works with various whiteboards: “Make highest $ Seem Like Best Deal”—“Game Must Be Playable in 2 Minutes”—“Simple Gameplay. Able To Play On The Toilet.” Unfortunately, these can only be seen when paused, as they disappear in a quick second and are hard to read, in itself a nod to how sneaky the creators behind mobile game apps can be. “Freemium – The “Mium” is Latin for “not really.” The Minister explains the RPG Loop to freemium gaming: “Explore, Collect, Spend, Improve.” In another scene, a blocked message on the whiteboard behind the Minister’s head reads: “Push Notifications (Keep Them Random).” And in the final scene where Satan fights the Canadian Devil, one whiteboard reads, “Use fake campaign to feign concern i.e. ‘Drink Responsibly,’” and the left one shows an 8-step chart on manipulating emotional pain so they can feel temporary relief by numbing the pain.

-

Comedy Central is airing this episode again and I just realized that in 2014 when it first aired I was beginning my neuropsychology studies as a freshly diagnosed* adult autistic. No wonder.

(*Not in a 'professional' sort of way. The activist who coined neurodivergence and neurodiversity, Neurodivergent K., chatted with me on Facebook and told me I definitely pinged autistic and to talk to my neurologist who at this point was a friend and K knew that. K was one of the foremost activists since the 90s. My neurologist conferred with the general physician I had known for over a decade, and here I am.)

[south-park-catified]

[knightinink]

13, 22 + 23 for the Damien 🔥🔥

In response to this post,

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

When he was around 10 years old & his wings were just growing in (enough to know that they were obviously wings, & were covered in a nice black leather-y skin, BUT NOWHERE NEAR BIG ENOUGH TO LIFT HIM OFF THE GROUND YET), he chose to not listen to his father's warnings & took a running start off the nearest ledge (8ft tall maybe?) & threw himself off of it. Instead of the warm breeze hitting his face & the wind rustling his hair like he expected, he instead dropped straight down & landed on his arm, breaking it. He only did that once & will never do it again, grumpily practicing patience.

22. Best physical feature

Took a bit of thinking with this one, but I'm gonna say his eyes. They're such a striking color of red, & will glow to varying degrees depending on his mood; its subtle however, & one would really have to know him to know this happened. The more excited or angered he gets, the brighter they glow, and vise-versa for when he's upset or drowsy. They are so deep, some say you can see the flickering of the fire burning within him, if you stare long enough.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Perhaps like a burning citrus? He always has a smoky smell to him, but its not a bad smoke like burning leaves, but more like burning cedar. The citrusy smell often comes from his father's habits at home, always having the place smell nice. Or maybe like a smoked meat? Either way, it'll be some sort of smoky.

[frances-baby-houseman]

I would have bled out in the parking lot

Amber Nicole Thurman's death is on Trump's hands

Bess Kalb

Sep 17

In 2019, about six weeks after my first child was born, I found myself on the bathroom floor in a small, but nonetheless unsettling puddle of blood.

“Oh no,” I remember thinking. “I just did the laundry.”

I called out my husband’s name, but the sound caught in my throat. The pain I felt inhaling to get enough air out of my lungs to yell the two syllables in “Char-lie” jabbed my guts like a bicycle spoke to the abdomen.

So I was quiet, trying to keep breathing in a way that didn’t move anything inside me, and the pain pulsed a bit, then steadied, then dulled, then evaporated into whatever hell ether it came from.

Because there is no G-d (unless there is, in which case I abbreviated His name so as not to desecrate it, and also thank you, King of the Universe, for subscribing to this newsletter) this was the one time in my life I hadn’t brought my phone with me to the bathroom.

I decided to sort of slither-lumber to the door like a lame harbor seal, because I didn’t want to stand and loosen the spoke that had just stabbed me. I reached for the knob and let the door creak open.

The cat was there, looking at me right at eye level, keenly aware what was happening, and completely unmoved by it.

“You are dying,” he blinked, “Pity. Have a nice time.” He sashayed away.

Fortunately, our house in Los Angeles was small enough that from the bathroom door one could see everything. My husband was sitting on the couch with our infant, and I knocked on the open door to summon him. Within one one thousandth of a second, he set the baby on the (since-recalled) donut pillow and was holding my head.

I sat up. I breathed. No pain. I took a picture of the bloody mess on my husband’s phone, texted it to myself, he found my phone, then I texted the picture to my OBGYN.

Apologies for being graphic, but within the puddle there was something roughly the size and shape and color of a fig.

“Is this ok?” I said to my doctor, the bicycle spoke scraping lightly at my insides again from all the lumbering.

“Come in,” she replied.

Within two hours, I was in the waiting room of her office, accompanied by my terrified but SMILING mother, who was still, as is the Jewish custom, in town for “a few days or so” after the birth.

An ultrasound which felt like the finger of Satan himself revealed there was retained placenta in my uterus. If I hadn’t come in, there would have been more hemorrhaging, then sepsis, then whatever the cat foretold.

The next day, I was in surgery getting a Dilation and Curettage.

I went home, pumped the anesthesia milk, then fell asleep perfectly fine, my sweet newborn cooing merrily in the bassinet next to his alive mother.

Amber Nicole Thurman’s story was the same as mine, but it happened to her in Georgia in 2024, not California in 2019. She was a Black woman in a healthcare system that disproportionately kills Black women, especially postpartum. In 2021, the Black maternal mortality rate was nearly three times the rate it is for white women. Post-Roe, the toll is and will continue to be staggering.

Because post-Roe, the procedure that saved my life, the D&C, is something doctors cannot perform in states where matters of life and death have been left up to non-medical Christian-supremacist superstitions.

I know the pain Amber Thurman felt when that placenta dislodged and carved its tiny, treacherous hole in her uterine wall. I know the terror she felt when she saw the blood, and the rush of dread when she thought of what her child would do without her.

And when I vote in November for Kamala Harris and every progressive down-ballot candidate, I will do it because she can’t. And I will do it so that women in Georgia and Idaho and Texas and North Dakota and South Dakota and Utah, Arizona, Nebraska Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, Florida, South Carolina, and West Virginia won’t have to meet the same completely preventable doom.

This election isn’t just about Amber Thurman. Every day of my lucky, breathing life is about Amber Thurman. Because the only thing that separates us, is one of us bled out under the right Supreme Court.

Let’s raise absolute federal hell about it.

-- From Bess Kalb's newsletter The Grudge Report. I pay for this substack -- though it's free-- and think this is a message worth sharing far beyond her newsletter.

[peachyloveswriting]

I just loved your writing! So get ready for the highs to come! how Vash, Knives and Wolfwood would react to a reader who is immortal, like Kenny from south park, the reader keeps dying in tragic and horrible ways or even weirdly funny ways in front of them, but for some strange reason, the next day you're alive,as if nothing had happened the day before.

sIf you want to approach it in a somewhat comical way, because in the south park cartoon kenny is cursed by immortality, because his parents went to a satanic ritual because there was free beer. If you want to tackle that part of the story, that's fine with me.

Actually, this is kind of funny. Kenny is my favorite South Park character at this point I know him inside out. Lol. This ought to be interesting. Thanks for the request. I'm actually really excited to write for knives finally! Let me know what you think.

YOU'RE IMMORTAL!? --- Vash, Knives, & Wolfwood

SUMMARY: For years you've wondered where your immortality comes from, your parents never told you so you kept it to yourself. Until the day came that someone remembered.

WARNINGS: Major angst, death, death description, death mentions, trauma. Please continue at your own discretion. I warned you.

NOTES: Vash's part is before he runs into Meryl and Roberto because I'm too lazy to write the other characters reactions as well. Wolfwood's part is short because I spent all my energy on Vash and Knives. I think Knives is my favorite part, I'm cherishing it.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

Vash

"Sleepy head. C'mon wake up." You shake Vash's shoulder to wake him up. He groans before his eyes crack open. At first seeing you he mumbles a greeting before turning over to ignore you. It was right when he was going to turn away that the realization hit him like a freight train. His eyes suddenly open wide, pain swims inside of them as he looks up at you.

There was no way this was possible. Just the night before you had died right in front of him. Your head was blown into bits by some piece of shit bounty hunter. You had nothing to do with this. There was no reason for it to happen and it was all because you got involved with him. He was just starting to accept what happened and now here you are shaking him awake.

"I must be crazy." He mumbles to himself. Tears pool in his eyes and he sits up, bringing his hands to cover his face. "It's not real."

"Vash?" His babbling is confusing. He wouldn't know about you dying would he. No one else seemed to realize, so why would he? His sobs make this almost clear as day. Lifting a hand you rest it on his shoulder with a reassuring squeeze. "What's wrong?" He continues sobbing into his hands and saying things you can't understand. It breaks your heart to see him like this, he's never cried in front of you before he's always been so happy and lucky. What happened?

Sliding your hand across his back and pulling him close, you hug him tightly. With your other hand pressed to the back of his head you tuck it safely under your chin where his teas soak your skin. Quietly you hush him, rubbing soft patterns along his back and whispering soft reassurances until he's reduced to nothing but harsh breathing.

Suddenly he speaks. "You're not real." He claims. Lifting his head to pull away from the hug he securely grabs your biceps. "You've got to be a ghost."

Now it's clear, exactly what's going on. Lifting your hands to cup his face you hush him once more. "It's me Vash. It's really me. I'm still here."

He shakes his head and his bottom lip trembles. "But I watched you die. I even buried you!" He cries.

Frowning, you pull him back into a secure hug. That night is as clear as ever in your head. You were laying flat on your back struggling against a man that pressed his gun to your head. You weren't strong enough to push him away and he pulled the trigger before Vash could stop him. You still remember hearing Vash calling out to you right before you died. He shouldn't have remembered in the slightest. That should have been the only time you'd ever have to see him in a bad mental state over your death. Yet he sat in your arms mentally destroyed by the sight of you.

How would you explain everything to him? Even worse, how could you put him through something like that and expect him to not be upset at you? This is the first time you've ever had to consider these things, it's never happened before. How were you supposed to deal with this?

Vash lifts his head once more to look you in the eyes. "You're not playing tricks on me right?" He asks in a broken voice. The tip of his node is red now and his eyes are puffy too. He even trembles in your touch. Why did it have to be him?

"Vash, I need to tell you something." His eyes don't show any hint of what might come next and that scares you. Anything could happen, the possibilities are endless and not all of them are good. You take a deep breath to quell your frayed nerves. It doesn't work but you try to carry on the calmest you can.

"What I'm about to tell you might make you mad or even make you think I'm crazy but I swear to you what you saw that night and what you're seeing right now is absolutely true. I did die." My hands can no longer hold onto him any more, they shake so hard I can't occupy them at all. Vash suddenly intertwines our fingers together to calm my shaking. I offer a brief smile before continuing.

"I can't die. I'm immortal." Those words are the hardest to say. Now that it's done it feels so easy but I know I might not be able to deal with causing this kind of trauma again.

Vash's hands loosen from mine. "Oh thank goodness!" I'm tackled into a hug. He has me pinned to the ground from his enormous weight and his head is tucked away against my neck. "I thought I really lost you." He lifts his head to look down at me. "You have no idea how happy I am." Tears still flow freely down his face as he gives me that stupid smile of his. It still makes my stomach do flips just looking at it.

"I could kiss you right now!" He doesn't move to do anything even though he's already announced it. He stares at me quietly in anticipation for my response. With wide eyes and a red hot face I nod. He's eager to kiss me right away as his hands find my face in no time at all. Surprisingly he's a lot more gentle than I expected. His lips are so warm and soft against mine. Quick to start but in no time to stop, Vash deepens the kiss for just a brief moment before he pulls away.

"Oh my god I have so much to tell you. I love you so much. I was so worried when it happened, gosh I wish all humans were immortal."

You chuckle at his excitement. "You can tell me all about it whenever you want. I've got all the time in the world."

"Hey. I do too." Vash beams down at you. Your eyes widen and your stomach does somersaults. "Wait, what!?"

Allowing you to sit up, Vash nervously scratches the back of his neck. "I guess I have something to tell you too."

Millions Knives

You woke up in your bed slightly out of it. The events from the day before are ever present in your mind. The little girl the doctor had been escorting everywhere had killed you. It was accidental on the Doctor's behalf but that girl had every intention of filling you with nails. Waking up the next day completely okay isn't out of the ordinary, it's happened before. It's still shocking to die and wake up completely okay it never seems to entirely become a nonchalant process.

You left your room and passed by the very doctor who watched you die. Just like every other morning he gives you a wave as you pass by which you return happily. He doesn't remember which is a good thing. No one has ever remembered you dying before, at least it's yet to come into fruition. You're glad that day hasn't come yet, you're still unsure of what to do when it does.

"Oh, Doc?" You turn to face him. He does the same. "Where's Naï?"

The doctor frowns. "He's been in his room since yesterday." That's strange, Knives doesn't need sleep, so why would he be in his room?

"Thanks." You offer a parting wave as you turn to walk off towards knives room. Knives or Naï, as he lets you call him, lets you stay here in the tower with him. He often enjoys your company throughout the night, everyone finds it bizarre that you won him over. It's obvious that mostly everyone except for the Doc and Naï hates you. Each one of them respects you in the presence of Knives but away from him, they make it known.

The reason why Naï favors you is unknown. He never speaks about it and he always acts like he wants to keep you at arms distance, but it's so much more than that. He's played songs for you on his piano and claims he made them for you himself. He makes sure your needs are met, he gives you food, a bed to sleep in, and keeps you happy. Naï protects you. There have been times where you've needed saving from someone within the building, mostly the ones who hate you. You call his name and he's by your side immediately, it's amazing. Sometimes you wake up to Naï sitting at the end of your bed watching the door, other times you find him tracing parts of your skin with his metal attachments.

You're not scared of him but everyone else is. Even as you step up to his door and lift your hand to knock, you're not scared. Just after your first knock, a scream comes from inside. Wooden shards break apart from the door as his metal tendrils snap through. You scream and drop to the floor with your arms covering your head.

Knives has always seen himself as a being who's incapable of truly caring for another, especially humans. Humans are the very thing he has worked his whole life to get rid of and yet at this moment in time he finds himself scared. The scream that had come from the other side of the door sounded like you, but how? You had died hours before, surely it was someone else.

"Go away!" He warns. His tendrils recede from the door and back inside of him where they seeth with unrest.

Seeing his blades recede you slowly rise to full height, your legs shaking underneath you. "Naï, it's me" Your hand shakes profusely as you rest it along the threshold to keep your balance.

Inside the room, Knives can feel his anger boil. "You dare impersonate them. I'll kill you!" In anger he stands from his bed and extends his tendrils once again. They break through the door, pulling back to rip it away inside the room. He steps forward, releasing his blades from the holes within the broken door to slice his visitor into pieces. For the first time, he feels time slow to a stop. His heart is pounding in his ears and his chest burns hot.

It's not possible. Humans don't have the ability to sustain injuries like the ones he saw from you and walk away unharmed. Humans definitely can't come back to life. He knows it, so why are you cowering in his doorway shaking with fear? Why can he hear you telling him to stop? Why is he scared?

Your arms cover your view again, you know it's a futile effort. He could kill you any time he pleased yet you tried to block it anyway. Surely you were already dead, you'd wake up again in your bed and return back to normal. Instead, rapid footsteps race towards you. Fear consumes you. This nightmare was really still going.

Naï screams your name as he tackles you. His strong arms scooping you into his grasp and sweep you from the floor. Gasping in surprise you open your eyes to find him looking at you in fear. Falling to his knees he releases you onto your knees.

"You died how are you still alive?" His breathing is hard and rapid as his hands raise to cup your face. He's so soft when he touches your skin like he's afraid he might break you if he presses too hard. "I didn't hurt you just now did I?" Panic fills him when you don't respond, his chest begins to ache and his eyes begin to sting.

"Please, speak. I'm so scared right now." This is the first time you've ever heard him beg. He's never sounded so scared before or alone.

"Naï." You wrap your arms around him pulling him into a hug. He can feel you shaking hard against him as small whimpers fall from your lips. He's never known a feeling stronger than the one he feels now. The way his heart tugs at the sound of your cries when he securely wraps his arms around you in fear of this all being fake.

Feeling his arms wrap around you, releases the tension in your body. Suddenly the fear you held onto at the beginning melts away and his smell calms your nerves. His breathing stutters against your neck before he lifts his head to cup your face again. Tears now soak his face and shine with the lights in the room. His hands tremble against you as they hold you.

"I'm so sorry, I scared you." Closing his eyes in disdain, he shakes his head and presses his forehead to yours. "I didn't think it was you- I thought you died."

Your heart aches as you grab his shaking wrist. "Don't worry about that Naï. I'm here. It's ok."

Opening his wet eyes he pulls his head away and grabs your hands. "How are you here? I saw the video. She killed you, I saw your body myself. I swear you... I was so scared. First Vash... But you too."

Pulling your hands from his you raise them to wipe the tears from his face. "Breathe Naï, I haven't left you. I can't even die."

His eyes grow wide as his breath hitches in this throat. "I'm immortal, Naï."

For a moment he stares at you, unsure of whether he can believe your words or not. You're living proof, touching him and talking to him right now. Even when he saw you dead that was real too he was sure of it. Was that really the truth? Could you really not die? Even with his doubt, relief filled him from top to bottom. The corners of his mouth began to twitch upwards into a smile, what he could only describe as joy warmed him.

"My flower..." He coos. "You can stay with me forever?"

You nod. "Yes. Naï. I can stay."

Breaking free of your hands, he pulls you into another hug. The only being he's felt this way towards is you and if he had to say what love is he'd tell someone about you. The joy you bring him is immeasurable to everything else in this stupid world. He'd kill an empire of people just for you and you alone. You are the ultimate being, the one that's just perfect for him.

"I don't know if this is right but I love you." He pulls away.

Heat blooms in your cheeks. Did he really say that? The most powerful being, could snap you like a twig and yet he presses a soft delicate kiss to your forehead.

"Oh Naï. I love you too."

Wolfwood

This was the first time during Wolfwood's contract that he let Vash leave his eyesight. Never before had he experienced enough grief to make him walk away from something like this. Maybe you were just the last straw. For sure he would retire after this. He had something with you and just like that it's gone. He would never feel something like that again, it's just not possible.

Sitting alone in the desert he was sure you called his name somewhere in the distance, for some reason he felt hope before it fell and shattered to the ground. You were gone, there's no reason for his mind to be playing tricks on him like this. He couldn't subject himself to this kind of torture and live on. No. But then it came again and it was closer this time. You called out to him from somewhere in the distance. You begged for him to come back, but he knew it was just a hallucination. Knowing that, he still turned around to see your figure wading through the darkness towards him.

Seeing him turn around, you jogged forward with worry. "Nick! You can't just leave like that. Do you know how worried I was. I've been searching for you since this morning. I thought something horrible happened."

He turned around and didn't say anything. If god was real he was surely laughing at him from hell right now. Just as he thought your memory had left your hands slid around his chest and you pressed against his back. He watched you lay your head on his shoulder with a sigh of relief. Was it even possible to go this crazy?

"You're dead. So stop following me." He grumbles.

Hearing those words fall from his mouth leaves you frozen against him. "You remember?" You stammer.

Suddenly he breaks free of your grasp and stands to face you. "Of course I remember you dying. Did you really have to remind me, you damn trick."

This has never happened before, it would have happened eventually for sure but why did it have to be with him?

"No one's ever remembered me dying before." You mutter.

His eyes widen and he backs away from you, anger laced on his face. Turning away he grabs his cross and settles it on his back. "Stop talking crazy!" With his back turned he begins to walk away. Your heart drops as you rush forward to stop him.

"Nick. Wait!" You trip against the sand. Gritting your teeth, you push yourself to your feet. "I can't die. I'm immortal!" Grabbing his shoulder, you force him to face you. "Feel me! I'm alive and well right in front of you! And maybe I should have said something sooner but I didn't think I'd have to. Nick please just believe me." Tears pool in your eyes. "Please."

Nick's gaze doesn't leave the sand at your feet. The crushed cigarette in his lips falls to the wayside and he sets the cross down. You died, yet you stood in front of him. He could hear you, touch you, it had to be you. How would he know otherwise? Even if it wasn't real what could it hurt to indulge himself just a little bit. So, he drops his facade and reaches forward to capture you in his arms.

You're hard, your skin is squishy and warm. You're not soaked with blood. This is real, it's real. It has to be. "I swear if this isn't real..." He trails off.

Wrapping your arms around him and sighing into his chest, you speak. "I swear it's real. Nick... I'm sorry."

Feeling his legs grow weak, Nick falls to his knees and pulls you down with him. Against you he begins to shake and his breath grows ragged. "You scared me baby." He cries.

You raise and hand to the back of his head and stroke his hair. "I'm so sorry."

[creativity-deficient]

Who is the nicest kid in South Park?

Honestly, the answer to that is pretty relative. Morality seems to be a pretty inconsistent thing on this show, so it’s hard to define the characters by their morals when they’re constantly changing.

HOWEVER, if you were to ask me-

Jimmy is the friendliest. Jimmy’s main goal in life is to make people laugh, which he does with his jokes. He’s shown to have a very friendly and positive attitude, showing kindness to others even when they don’t deserve it. He’s willing to befriend both Timmy and Nathan, despite both of them not treating him very kindly (initially, for Timmy at least), and it’s even mentioned by Cartman in “Casa Bonita” that Jimmy gets along with pretty much everyone.

Butters, Pip, and Tweek are the sweetest kids.

It’s no doubt that these 3 have hearts that are way too big for their little bodies

Tweek is shown to be a very empathetic and sensitive character, who cares for his friends deeply. He selflessly goes out of his way to save Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, despite them being nothing but trouble. He shows concern and grows visibly upset by the thought of them even getting PRETEND hurt in the fractured but whole, and he cries when he thinks they’re dead in stick of truth.

I don’t think there’s a single mean bone in Pip’s body, and if there is, it’s well deserved. Pip is shown to be a very polite and kind hearted kid, possibly one of the most so in the series, even comparing to Butters. And while sure, it IS implied that part of his passiveness comes from following Mackey’s advice, much of it seems to be genuine, and all this kid does is treat others with kindness, even though it is VERY much not deserved.

And Butters?? It’s well established at this point that Butters has one of the absolute biggest hearts in the show. Hes kind to everyone around him, even people like Eric Cartman or his parents. He gets mistreated by everyone, yet still cares about them, and is someone you can always count on in a time of need. Tbh, I don’t think there’s many that compare to Butters.

Kyle is the kid with the strongest morals.

Sure, he may come off a bit self-righteous at times, but I do think at the end of the day, Kyle is genuinely someone that cares about doing the right thing, and he’ll stick by these principles, even when others are against him, something that even the aforementioned above don’t do. It may make him seem like a bit of a buzzkill at times, but it is something I’ve always genuinely respected about him. He’s someone that always puts others first, and I do think it is very much worth noting.

And Kenny? Kenny is undoubtedly the most selfless character this show has to offer. The amount of times this kid has straight up SACRIFICED himself for both the good of his friends and the world is a feat that should NOT go unnoticed. Saving the Jew scouts in Jewbilee, going back to Hell with Satan in Bigger, Longer, Uncut, working tiredlessly to find a cure for covid and undo the damage his friends caused in the covid specials, and let’s not forget mysterion, a persona he created literally DEDICATED to helping others, and this isn’t even all of it. Kenny is a character who, despite all the bad cards he’s been handed in life, he still goes out of his way to help and do good for others, and THAT is something very much worthy of respect.

Special shoutouts to Heidi Turner and Tolkien. Heidi also having a very sweet and kindhearted personality before her relationship with Cartman, and Tolkien being referred to as the “nicest” by Butters himself, even though we don’t really see much of it compared to some of the other kids.

[pissvortex]

Recently I saw some news articles online claiming that an infant was jailed because its parents possessed a Bible in North Korea. And everybody’s eating that shit up

i think i do remember hearing somewhere that if the primary caregiver of a family goes to prison in north korea then the whole family goes with them so that they stay together as a social unit, but definitely don’t quote me on that because like 90% of what comes out about north korea is completely unable to be verified.

there also seems to be a massive industry of english language NGOs set up in South Korea to take advantage of that fact. they conduct “independent investigations” into human rights abuses in the DPRK and report their findings from these investigations to the U.N., which gives them more access to human rights grants and other massive funds.

the methodology for the investigations published by these NGOs is interviewing and giving surveys to a couple dozen north korean defectors. it pretty much starts and ends there. Yeonmi Park is a pretty notorious example of one of these defectors who found monetary incentive to lie and become a media figure, which is what she did. other defectors also usually aren’t going to have a positive opinion of the country considering they left in the first place (if you don’t count the people who defect back to north korea after living in south korea for a while). it’s not exactly rigorous investigation, and there’s usually not a verifiable way to prove that what they’re saying is true.

in the case of religious stuff specifically, north korea has a long history of being harassed by christian missionaries as well as a christian-led reactionary backlash to the revolution that makes this even more complicated. people seem to think that north korea destroys all christians on sight because they hate God and Freedom and are Satan Loving Communists or some shit but historically christianity has existed in NK entirely as political opposition. i made another post on that here (x)

but generally speaking if you google something and it was first reported in the New York Post it’s safe to assume it’s fake and laugh about it

[feministsouthpark]

South Park Filler Guide - Season 9

Link for Seasons  1   2   3   4   5   6   7 8

My analysis will have spoilers, if you’re a first time viewer, just scroll to the bottom and read the list and only read full text if you are familiar with the content of the show already! S9E1 Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina is CANON

For the first scene of course, you just can't miss that one! Since that's the one scene that holds the event that shifts a character's story arc! That's right, I'm talking about Mr. Slave. His loved one changes in ways he can't comprehend. S9E2 Die Hippie, Die is FILLER

No events carry over. S9E3 Wing is FILLER

No events carry over. Does anyone else have déjà vu? S9E4 Best Friends Forever is CANON

We see Satan moving on from Saddam. His new boyfriend is Kevin, and the Heaven team has a lot of upgrades as well. S9E5 The Losing Edge is CANON

I bet this is confusing for someone who doesn't instinctively remember You're Getting Old anytime this episode starts playing. Yes, this is an important part of the Randy storyline. S9E6 The Death of Eric Cartman is FILLER

You could tell me about how funny or heartwarming and inspiring this episode is. But for my purposes it's just a day of the boys ignoring Eric. S9E7 Erection Day is FILLER

Our annual Jimmy episode! Although I can't imagine many people upset over this one getting shafted. S9E8 Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow is FILLER

Stan and Eric make a great duo. Or do they? Canon followers will never find out. S9E9 Marjorine is CANON

Mostly because of Heidi Turner's proper introduction and her parents as well. However I love including Farmer Fred's episodes, and I hope I can include most of them, even if some are already unlikely. S9E10 Follow The Egg! is CANON

This one is for the relationships. Stan and Wendy get development for the first time since "Raisins". Mr. Slave moves on from Herbert aaaand Heidi Turner gets a team-up with Eric? S9E11 Ginger Kids is CANON

The ginger kids organization will return in a major way. Also, some interesting in-series lore about Kyle's and Eric's genes. S9E12 Trapped in the Closet is CANON

This is a big one in meta-storytelling, since Tom Cruise did later try to sue South Park (and an episode was made around that case), while Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef also left because of this episode (and an episode was around that case). S9E13 Free Willzyx is CANON

Ok, there's three episodes in a row that will play an important part in 201, so it's safe to say Trey got really inspired by this era. S9E14 Bloody Mary is FILLER

This one is a character-study of Randy and Stan. It works, and all the specifics to their relationship is here, the events though are again, self-contained.

SPOILER-FREE RUNDOWN

Again, CANON means you should watch it, FILLER means you can skip it. S9E1 Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina is CANON S9E2 Die Hippie, Die is FILLER S9E3 Wing is FILLER S9E4 Best Friends Forever is CANON S9E5 The Losing Edge is CANON S9E6 The Death of Eric Cartman is FILLER S9E7 Erection Day is FILLER S9E8 Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow is FILLER S9E9 Marjorine is CANON S9E10 Follow The Egg! is CANON S9E11 Ginger Kids is CANON S9E12 Trapped in the Closet is CANON S9E13 Free Willzyx is CANON S9E14 Bloody Mary is FILLER

CANON counter:

S1: 9 out of 13  S2: 3 out of 18  S3: 6 out of 18  S4: 10 out of 17  S5: 8 out of 14  S6: 11 out of 17 S7: 6 out of 15 S8: 4 out of 14 S9: 8 out of 14

Overall: 65 out of 140

[l3v1s-g4m3r]

Will they discuss all of America’s history? Like slavery, genocide, segregation, and all of the bad things that happened to minorities?

Or certain parts? Mostly discussing white history where they fight for independence, yet they subjected others to oppression.

Also, I think the brothers, especially Lucifer and Satan would have knowledge of more than enough. Since there is history, and urban legends of the crossroads, and the blues. There are lots of talk of the devil in the south.

I can see them discussing it all, even down to important colored figures like Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks and how much of an impact they made to the world we live in today. Probably talk about the world wars too, because while America wasn’t necessarily a huge part of WWI, 1941 and after made America a bigger part of WWII than they were before.

I can also see them talking about events like 9/11 and how our country wouldn’t be the same without if it didn’t happen. Afterall, airport security was only made so strict now BECAUSE of what happened in 2001.

They might talk about how women gained the right to vote and have jobs too. How men didn’t let women vote and have jobs because it was default for a women to stay home and take care of children. Maybe talk about the statistics about how women are still payed less then men who are in the exact same position as them.

The brothers might know every bit of this but honestly? I think they’d just let MC talk, because I bet they’d all learn something new. Even Lucifer and (maybe, not really now that I think about it) Satan.

America has a very long history so I can bet that they’d be there listening to MC talk for hours lol

[st-just]

I do think vivziepop’s been involved in some labor issues wrt to her show, but that isn’t particularly rare in animation. Also generally with regards to hating on Hazbin, it’s like. not that good and kinda tasteless, but I’ve seen people on here thinking that Hazbin hotel is going to result in mass sexual violence and the way to solve this is to suibate 15 year olds with tumblr

Right yes in both those cases the preferred justification (either, I'm going to assume valid bc small-buisness-creative-project-amazon-money is like every red flag, labour issues, or satanic panic level cultural contagion fantasies) can't actually be the motivating reason here, right? Otherwise they'd be going after South Park (still running, somehow!) or Invincible or whichever video game developer has most recently had a crunch culture expose published. It's the excuse that makes palatable the venting of some preexisting animus.

Which, like, many such cases! Often rather more consequential ones.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

AHDBCKSJCJKSFNJS ITS DONE ITS DONE ITS FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!! MY VERY GOOD AND FUN HAZBIN ANIMATIC I KEEP TEASING!!!!!!!! ITS HERE YALL OMFG

See, the song in the Hazbin Hotel trailer reminded me of La Resistance, right? So then I thought: damn it sure would be funny if I made a whole ass animatic of La Resistance from hit movie South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut with Hazbin Hotel characters, huh. So I did. I did do that- and it lined up surprisingly well all things considered. Also yeah I did make that post abt fanon StaticMoth being SP!Satan/Saddam Hussein while I was working on this. If anybody else makes an animatic of Valentino singing I Can Change PLEASE send it to me oh my god-

[httyddragonfox]

Hazbin Hotel: Christianity slams vs My Defense

Let's get one thing straight first: I'm a fan of the show. It has an awesome person with my own sexuality in the cast (Alastor). It's not a constant string of dark humor and cussing and actually has a well concocted story with well built characters, unlike south park and family guy.

Of course...I am a christian. I've seen so people react to this that say "This is why Christianity is awful!" Ah ha ha...

I feel like I need to defend myself.

Yes, some branches of Christianity are very bigoted, strict, bias, and just horrible. I don't like associating with those people.

First of all: I'm protestant.

There's catholic and protestant.

Catholic believe in the trinity, and strict following of the bible and church going, of course they also believe the pope is someone who's word is god send, and do whatever their priests say will absolve them of their sins and get them and get them into heaven.

Protestants formed because they believed that people don't have the right to judge or absolve us, only god has that power. They are more believers of following religion and being devout on your own terms, that's why everyone has their own bible to read. Praying is more select and can be done whenever, anything to connect us to god.

Now for the sub branch, as some sub-branches of Protestantism are still pretty strict (I'm looking at you, 'god-fearing baptists')

My branch is called 'the United,' formed when several branches merged into one church. It's mainly Presbyterianism with some stuff added on, I still think Presbyterianism can be a bit strict, that's why I like my branch so much.

My branch considers you apart of the community even if you don't go to church all the time. They won't be mad at you if you don't go to sermons. You're allowed to pray at your own leisure and your own preference, I usually just give a dinner prayer every night.

They like it when you ask questions, because our main teaching is that the bible is interpretive. It was written a long time ago by people who had different views than we do today.

Our branch is super accepting of others, we don't even discuss the prospect of going to hell, so I'm starting to think we don't believe in it. If one is suffering, we don't blame them for their own suffering, we teach them god will still be there for them in their darkest moments.

Yes, my church is called the trinity, but I'm not sure how much we believe in it as we don't talk about it much. I grew up thinking Jesus was just God's son, like a demigod. Yeah, Jesus saved us, but we were taught he saved us from the strict society at the time who would kill people for the slightest moral wrong.

I grew up thinking the devil had nothing to do with the fall of man and it was just a snake being a jerk. I grew up thinking the devil and Satan worked for god to test people's faith and thus were not bad.

We don't uphold all the sacraments, just the bread and "wine" and Communion, not to mention baptism (it's not to save us from sin, it's to welcome us into the church. We don't believe in original sin).

My branch is about unconditional love and acceptance, taking religion in your own stride. We are taught to be a good person, that's all that matters. The commandments are an important lesson, (i.e. don't kill, don't steal, no adultery, don't lie, respect your parents and authority, ex).

Yeah my church upheld COVID laws, but that's because they didn't want their congregation getting sick. My mom and dad are pissy about it because they're anti government. I still have faith in them though.

TL;DR, People in the Hazbin hotel community say Christianity is the worst and full of bigoted, bias hypocrites. Don't hate on me please, because my church does preach unconditional love and acceptance.

[ashaleeleedagurl]

Playful father antics

Fandom: South Park

Lee: Damien

Ler: Satan

No summary

Author’s note: it has been too long since I made one of these fics, and I don’t really know the relationship between Satan and Damien in South Park, so here’s this random blob I decided to make

——————————————————————————————-

Damien was in his room, just doing whatever while his father was in the living room, extremely bored. In the next hour, he and his son have a father-son bonding moment where they do things normal dad and sons would do and forget about being the king and prince of Hell for a while.

1 hour later

“Damien, it’s time.”

“Ok, I’ll be right down, dad”

Damien came down the stairs while Satan was waiting for him, waiting to get started on their father-son bonding moment.

They did a few things fathers would do with their sons, like talking about their favorite football teem and what not, just having a bonding moment. They were just silent for now, cuddling on the couch.

“So Damien?” Satan asked which broke the silence. “How’s school?”

“It’s fine, I guess. Everyone’s scared of me, you know? Being your son and all… Would be nice to have more than Pip as a friend… I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Pip, but he’s just my only friend…” Damien responded sadly as he leaned against his father.

Satan didn’t like seeing Damien this upset. Yes, Damien threw tantrums at times, but that was tolerable, but this? Damien was clearly sad and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out! He wanted to see his son happy again, but how?

Soon enough, Satan got a idea. One to cheer his little devil up.

“Damien?”

“Yes?”

“Can you close your eyes for me?”

“Sure dad…” then Damien did as his father said and closed his eyes, still pretty sat but oblivious to the fact that Satan was just about to tickle Damien to pieces.

Satan lightly put his hands on Damien’s sides which almost got him to open his eyes out of curiosity but Satan was quick to started skittering his fingers up and down Damien’s sides, watching how his son was trying to squirm away but also sort of leaning into the touch since he didn’t really get tickled often.

Worst was when Satan started teasing Damien about it! It was bad enough that Damien was almost deathly ticklish, his father, the literal king of Hell, was making it worse by teasing him about it!

“Aww, you’re so cute when you’re being tickled! I should do this more often to you” Satan teasingly said as he clawed at his little devil’s belly.

Damien’s face was red as he laughed a lot, screaming with laughter, “STOHOHOP DAHAHAD!” Not knowing Satan wasn’t wasn’t going to stop until Damien felt better.

Satan chuckled, meant for it to be sinister instead of playful, it ended up sounding playful, “No my sweet, little devil, not until you’re happy”

“IHIHI’M HAHAHAPPY!! GAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!”

It didn’t make it any better that Satan started to squish Damien’s belly and make patterns with his claws on said belly; stars, hearts, circles, squares, etc. it made Damien go insane, happy tears rolling down his face, with his face extremely red.

When Satan decided Damien had enough, he stopped his tickle attack on his baby and held him close as Damien panted and calmed down.

“Better?” Satan asked softly as Damien buried his face in his father’s chest.

“Mhm… thank you, dad…”

Satan cradled Damien like a baby and turned on the tv to watch Damien favorite cartoon, Bill Nye the Science Guy (insert the Bill Nye theme song), while Damien fell asleep along with Satan 12 minutes later.

Like father, like son.

Then Pip burst down the door, “Cheerio fellas!!”

Pt.2?

[mariacallous]

There’s an international socialist conspiracy afoot, and it wants to make it easier to walk to the shops. Fringe forces of the far left are plotting to take away our freedom to be stuck in traffic jams, to crawl along clogged ring roads and trawl the streets in search of a parking spot. The liberty of the rush-hour commute, the sanctity of the out-of-town shopping centre and the righteousness of the suburban food desert is under threat as never before. The name of this chilling global movement? The “15-minute city”.

Westminster can often seem like a badly scripted spoof of itself, but rarely has parliament descended into parody as far as it did last week, when the Conservative MP for the South Yorkshire constituency of Don Valley, Nick Fletcher, launched a plucky tirade against the concept of convenient, walkable neighbourhoods. “Will the leader of the house please set aside time for a debate on the international socialist concept of so-called 15-minute cities and 20-minute neighbourhoods?” he asked, in an ominous tone. “Sheffield is already on this journey, and I do not want Doncaster, which also has a Labour-run socialist council, to do the same.”

It is not the first time that an online conspiracy theory has made it into the Commons chamber, but it may be one of the most surreal. Simply put, the 15-minute city principle suggests you should have your daily needs – work, food, healthcare, education, culture and leisure – within a 15-minute walk or bike ride from where you live. It sounds pleasant enough, but in the minds of libertarian fanatics and the bedroom commentators of TikTok, it represents an unprecedented assault on personal freedoms.

“Creepy local authority bureaucrats would like to see your entire existence boiled down to the duration of a quarter of an hour,” warned a furious presenter on GB News last week, as if describing a plot line from Nineteen Eighty-Four. The 15-minute city, he suggested, was a “dystopian plan”, heralding “a surveillance culture that would make Pyongyang envious”.

Never before has a mundane theory of urbanism been such a lightning rod for outrage. It’s like suggesting that public parks are part of a sinister plant-worshipping plot to demolish our homes and replace them with grass. Or that public transport is the work of a satanic bus cult. Some online forums have claimed that the 15-minute city represents the first step towards an inevitable Hunger Games society, in which residents will not be allowed to leave their prescribed areas. They see it not as a route to a low-traffic, low-carbon future, but as the beginning of a slippery slope to living in an open-air prison.

As one irate TikToker shrieked, while jumping around his room in disbelief: “You’re going to have to apply for a fucking permit to leave your zone!” (Although he also ascribed the 15-minute city plans to the Tories, so it’s not quite clear which deranged Reddit forum he got his information from).

There are lots of good reasons to interrogate the cute logic of the 15-minute city – could it actually lead to further social segregation? Would wealthy residents, and their money, remain in the prosperous enclaves? Who is providing the services and where do they live? – but the threat of our rights being curtailed by travel permits isn’t one of them.

The conspiracy theory pot was given a powerful stir in December, when the Canadian rightwing culture warrior Jordan Peterson decided to get involved. “The idea that neighbourhoods should be walkable is lovely,” he tweeted, in a post that has since clocked up 7.5m views. “The idea that idiot tyrannical bureaucrats can decide by fiat where you’re ‘allowed’ to drive is perhaps the worst imaginable perversion of that idea,” he continued, “and, make no mistake, it’s part of a well-documented plan.” Peterson quoted a tweet that featured the telltale hashtag #GreatReset, referring to the World Economic Forum’s post-pandemic economic recovery plan – widely used in the stranger corners of the internet as a byword for a shadowy global conspiracy intent on robbing us of our freedoms. The anti-vaccine, pro-Brexit, climate-denying, 15-minute-phobe, Great Reset axis is a strong one.

So where did the fear come from? Many of the UK conspiracy theorists highlight that these “un-British” ideas of urban walkability emanate from France, so they must be distrusted on principle. Worse than that, they point out, the ideology has been driven by a bearded Colombian scientist with radical roots. The ideas had been around since the 1920s, but the 15-minute city phrase was coined by Carlos Moreno, esteemed professor at the Panthéon-Sorbonne in Paris, who was once a member of a leftwing guerrilla group in the 1970s. And now he’s coming for your cars.

“Their lies are enormous,” Moreno said in a recent interview , describing some of the claims made by his critics. “You will be locked in your neighbourhood; cameras will signal who can go out; if your mother lives in another neighbourhood, you will have to ask for permission to see her, and so on,” adding that they “sometimes post pictures of concentration camps.”

Moreno first promoted his concept of la ville du quart d’heure in 2016, but it gained international attention when the mayor of Paris, Anne Hidalgo, adopted it as part of her re-election campaign in 2020. She promised she would close off roads and turn them into public plazas, plant more trees and turn schools into the “capitals of the neighbourhood”, open to everyone for sports and recreation in evenings and at weekends.

The pandemic proved to be a powerful trial for how a 15-minute city might work in practice, and led to bodies such as UN Habitat, the World Economic Forum, the C40 Global Cities Climate Network and the Federation of United Local Governments championing the cause – which also helped to boost unhinged fantasies that it is all part of a grand global scheme of totalitarian oppression.

More recently, the principles have gained traction in the UK, with Oxford, Birmingham, Bristol, Canterbury and Sheffield councils considering 15-minute city ideas. Cue outrage from those with no other cause left to flog. “The climate change lockdowns are coming,” tweeted Nigel Farage, in response to Canterbury’s innocuous traffic filtering scheme, while Oxford’s plans triggered similar ripples of incredulous fury.

“Oxfordshire County Council yesterday approved plans to lock residents into one of six zones to ‘save the planet’ from global warming,” screamed one alarmist headline. “The latest stage in the ‘15-minute city’ agenda is to place electronic gates on key roads in and out of the city, confining residents to their own neighbourhoods.” The claims had zero basis in fact, but they poured further fuel on the fire of those battling low-traffic neighbourhoods, and their fellow band of assorted culture warriors.

It seems fitting that a leaflet drop warning against Oxford’s traffic filters plan was organised by Not Our Future – a new pressure group led by none other than Fred and Richard Fairbrass of 1990s band turned anti-vaxxers Right Said Fred. Too sexy for their car? Maybe they could try cycling to the shops instead.

[t4tclip]

I forgot to put it there earlier, but I did a little comprasion of a first polish South Park dub of "Damien" with the original one, I hope y'all gonna to like it!!

The text of the intro is quite different

The guy singing never refers to South Park by name and instead refers to it as just south

Singer: I'm going down the South Park gonna have myself a time - - >  Come brother to the South to have a nice time

Kyle and Stan: Humble folks without temtpation --> You'll be be welcome by lack of dairy

Cartman: Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor - - >  Come on boy and park where you want even if you were an alien (I know it's most likely a coincidence but I like the reference to aliens in first episode)

Kenny's lines are just gibberish, kinda sad bc of that because he sounds cute

Cartman calls Kevin Stoley Mark???

Name Damien changes to Damian 

Poofie pie is changed to butter buns or something like that, I wasn't able to hear Cartman well in that part

Pip's real name gets changed to Peter for some reason???

Pip's right-o get changed to alrighty (I love how he says it in the dub)

The boys straight up calls Damiens mum a bitch

Kyle calls Damien fucked up freak (it sounds better when it's actually in polish tho 🤌🤌popieprzony wykręt🤌🤌)

Chef calls Damien piece of damn devil and I actually like it a bit more than the og 

Not translation related: Polish voice actor of Satan actually speaks his lines in Latin and I thought it was cool

Father Maxi adds ,,hallelujah" after talking about how Jesus is gonna kick Satans ass and I don't know I thought it was nice 

Satan: Prepare to enter the house of pain -->  Prepare yourself for atmistique molestation

Stan: holy shit this man is huge - - > Oh damn dude what huge piece of shit

Satan: I have such delightful horrors to unleash upon thee - - > Your virgin blood will thicken inside your veins

Mr Mackey doesn't use ,,M'kay?" like at all

Mr Mackey tells Damien to be nice, open and assertive instead of being overly nice and passive, I personally don't like that change because it doesn't make much sense in the context of episode

Mr Mackey calls Pip french for some reason

Cartman calls Damien a little whore

Fartboy get changed to piard which I guess can be translated to fiart

Pip tells that he hopes that other kids would stop pick on him since kids starts to pick on Damien 

Let's begin to rumble gets changed to lets begin the scuffle (again it sounds better in polish, rozpierducha my beloved)

 Not translation related but Pip sounds like genuinely psysically hurt after Damien blows him off and I'm just :[[[

 Jesus calls God ,,Stary" which is like slangy, non cultural way of saying father 

Jezus; I'm all forsook - - > It's so bad

Kyle: You bastards!! - - > You motherfuckers!!

Liane proposes Cartman more pie instead of cake

It was pretty fun to do and I'm maybe gonna do some more of these

[alister312]

Summary:

Damien fears his and Clyde's relationship isn't sustainable because he's a demon and Clyde is a normal guy who has to do normal, mundane things. He decides to choose a trip to the store as a way to prove to Clyde (and himself) that he's capable of normalcy— everything will work out fine.

Probably.

Read now on ao3 or below the cut!

“Oh shit, we’re out of cheese,” Clyde said. Damien looked up from where he sat on Clyde’s ratty couch and frowned.

“What now?”

“I guess we can’t make mac and cheese,” Clyde sighed. Damien grumbled and crossed his arms. In all his visits up on Earth, somehow the great American comfort meal had eluded him. And since Clyde had just claimed about ten minutes ago that he could make “the best mac and cheese pretty much ever”, Damien demanded he get to try it. He hated being denied things he demanded.

“I could create cheese,” Damien offered.

“Is it, like, hell cheese?” Clyde asked. Damien furrowed his brows, considering this. He actually didn’t know if he could create cheese. Maybe if he did, it would be hell cheese (whatever that was).

“Yes,” he said, deciding it was better to assume that Clyde was right. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No way. Babe, I would fucking love to try hell cheese,” Clyde grinned, then immediately frowned. “I don’t know if my pots could handle it though. I got them at Walmart.” Damien huffed but nodded, agreeing that, presumably, Walmart pots could not handle hell cheese. They needed to make this dish, though. Damien decided that he’d burn this whole miserable plane of existence to the ground if he didn’t get to try it.

He sat on the couch, deep in thought, wondering if creating a cow and going through the entire cheese-making process would still produce “hell cheese”, only looking up when he heard the front door open. Clyde stood there, shrugging on his jacket.

“Where are you going?” Damien asked, almost stumbling over himself with how quickly he stood up. Even if they’d been dating for a few months, he sometimes worried that it was all too good to last. Maybe Damien being unable to create normal cheese would be what finally drove them apart.

“I’m gonna go to the store to buy some cheese,” Clyde said. “There’s one down the street. You can stay here if you want to.”

“I’m coming.” Damien tried his best to make this sound not desperate, nor look desperate as he hurried to join Clyde in the doorway.

“Are you sure? It’s like… super not exciting,” Clyde frowned.

“I know what I want,” Damien said, narrowing his eyes. Was Clyde keeping him from the store for some reason? Was he embarrassed to be seen with Damien? That had to be it; Damien was too off-putting to mortals and Clyde didn’t want to be seen with him in a place as extraordinarily mundane as a store. It was only natural that he, Prince of Darkness and son of Satan, be feared, and he prided himself in that fact, but Clyde was a human. He needed the mundane and trite in his life, not someone so abnormal that they'd never even tried mac and cheese before.

This was his big chance. Damien was going to go to the store and be normal and that would prove to Clyde that their relationship could work long term.

***

The plan was going well already, the walk there being as uneventful as it could be. They had jaywalked, but Clyde was the one who encouraged it and Damien was more than happy to follow suit in disobedience. Small rebellions, that was still normal. Damien could keep himself to that level of inconsequential chaos and still be fine. This trip to the store was going to be easy.

Late at night, not many others were here. A few tired cashiers stood at their registers, shoppers ambled through aisles, and the artificial light of the store felt grimy. Damien grinned to himself. It felt about as average as a place could get.

“So, cheese?” Damien raised a questioning eyebrow to Clyde.

“Yeah,” Clyde nodded. He was pulling a shopping cart that seemed entirely too big for one block or bag of cheese out. “Hey, Damien, check this out.” He gripped the handles of the cart and put one foot on the undercarriage, then started pushing himself with his other foot under the cart and gained enough momentum for him to coast halfway down the aisle they stood in front of. He whooped for the brief time he rode, then did the exact thing to get back to where Damien stood.

“Man, riding carts is always so fun,” Clyde grinned. “Have you done it before? Like, at a Hell grocery store? I bet it’s an extreme sport there.”

“I’ve never been to one,” Damien said. Clyde looked surprised.

“Really?”

“Clyde, I’m a fucking prince. I don’t shop for food.” Damien crossed his arms, trying to look annoyed and not defensive like he felt. “And Hell doesn’t have grocery stores anyways.”

“Oh yeah,” Clyde said. He hopped off the back of the cart and took Damien’s hands, guiding him to where he’d been. “You’re long overdue then! It’s super easy, babe, trust me.”

Once Damien was positioned in a prime cart-riding position, Clyde kissed his cheek and gave him a small encouraging nod and thumbs up. Damien gripped the cart handle tightly. If this was part of the essential normal store-going experience, he was going to be the best at it. He touched the tip of his foot to the ground, feeling the cheap plastic of the cart handle warp a bit as he channeled his power.

In a single push, Damien and the cart flew across the store. It was thrilling, he had to admit. Maybe it should be an extreme sport in Hell. His father would find the thought very kitschy and be immediately sold, the stupid softie he was that Damien felt himself turning into. Not that he really cared anymore. Mortal things were fun— he was having fun. Damien grinned, a gleeful cackle rising up through his chest, until the cart crashed into a shelf at the end of the aisle.

Damien’s tight grip left him fine but the shelf dented inward, sending the snack cakes in it everywhere.

“Hey!” A store employee who had been restocking nearby ran over and scowled at the mess. Damien scowled back, but felt uneasy at the look the employee was giving him. The judgement in their eyes seemed to imply that what Damien had done was not normal.

“We’re really sorry,” Clyde said, having run from where he was to be beside Damien. “We’ll, uh, we’ll clean it up.” Clyde bent down and put one of the stray snack cakes on the ruined shelf. His face was a guilty pink. Damien inwardly cursed himself. He had embarrassed Clyde; this was concrete proof that Clyde didn’t want to be seen with someone as abnormal as him.

“Step back, my love,” Damien said, pulling Clyde away from the shelf. With a snap of his fingers, the shelf undented itself and the snack cakes flew back onto it. Clyde looked at Damien in awe, like he always did when Damien used his powers (further proof that Damien was just an interesting oddity).

“You know what? Yeah, fine,” the employee said, shrugging and shaking their head. “I don’t know what happened but I guess it’s fixed now so… fine. Just don’t ride the carts, please.” They left to go back to restocking and Clyde gave a thumbs up, then turned to Damien.

“Let’s go get that cheese,” he said. Damien nodded in return and silently followed him, doing his best to keep himself reserved and not cause any more problems for Clyde.

***

Getting the cheese and paying for it didn’t take long, though Clyde did take some time to explain to Damien why what they were getting was the best one. Damien did his best to look interested, but his mind was too preoccupied with keeping himself reserved and respectful. The air between them grew awkward, Clyde confused by Damien’s quietness, but didn’t press. They got what they’d come for, paid, and left the store.

The walk back started silent, save for the outside ambiance of cars and nightlife. People made their way between shops and restaurants, laughing and going about their normal evenings. That’s what Clyde deserved— someone he could take out like that. Their time together alone was fun now, but could it last an eternity? Could they even actually have that long? Damien could, as the son of Satan; Clyde was normal. How stupid of Damien for not thinking this through.

“Hey,” Clyde said, interrupting Damien’s self-hating spiral. His eyes were downcast, guilty. “Sorry I got you in trouble at the store.”

“You got me in trouble?” Damien’s face scrunched in confusion.

“Yeah, with the cart riding,” Clyde said. “You’re not really supposed to do that. It was my fault for suggesting it.” Damien stopped and grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders to shake some sense into him.

“Clyde, it was absolutely not your fucking fault! It was mine, I’m the fuck up!” He scowled at himself. “I’m being of chaos and damned anarchy. I’m an embarrassment to you at normal places like the store, it’s why you didn’t want me to fucking go earlier but you’re too nice to say so and I’m too stupid to realize until it’s too late! I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Wha— Damien.” Clyde looked sad as he brushed stray hair from Damien’s face before cupping it in his hand. “Babe. Is that what’s up? You think I’m embarrassed by you?”

“Aren’t you? I’m not normal, Clyde, and I can’t ever be.”

“Uh, yeah, and that’s what makes you so kickass awesome! Before you crashed, that was the sickest cart ride I’d ever seen. You were like—” Clyde grinned as he pantomimed a reenactment, complete with whooshing sound effects. “And then you cleaned it all up just like whatever!”

“It was whatever,” Damien rolled his eyes. “It was basic fucking object manipulation, any demon worth their wings can do it.”

“Ok, but because I’m normal—” Clyde emphasized the word with a tilt of his head— “I think it’s badass.”

“But you can’t want badass forever!” Damien huffed. “It’s not fucking sustainable for a human, you need someone who can do mundane things with. You’re going to get bored of Hell and magic and me!”

There it was— Damien’s real fear out and vulnerable for Clyde to now worry about alongside him. He did seem to seriously consider the issue, looking away thoughtfully as Damien fidgeted. Mortals, or the idea of them as least, had always frustrated Damien but it was mostly because he didn’t understand them. He was a part of them, at least a little bit, yet they remained this mystery that isolated him. There were odd ones, similarly othered, that he felt a kindred connection with, but Clyde wasn’t odd. He was at home in this world.

“Why do you want mac and cheese?” Clyde asked, catching Damien off guard.

“Because I want to try it,” he frowned. “You said you can make it special, I haven’t had it, and I want it.”

“Yeah, well, I make mac and cheese, like, all the time,” Clyde said. “It’s not actually special, just the normal box kind but then I add some extra stuff. It’s whatever to me, but you got really excited when I mentioned it. And going to the store to get cheese because I ran out, that’s also whatever. I didn’t want you to come along because it’s not as fun as snapping your fingers and making cheese appear out of nowhere. And I don’t want you to get bored of hanging out with me.”

“My love, I’d never be—” Damien stopped before finishing his sentence, embarrassed and frustrated at the realization he was having. Despite being upset, he smiled and shook his head. Clyde grinned, gently knocking their foreheads together.

“Has anyone ever told you how smart you are?” Damien murmured.

“Literally no one ever,” Clyde said. “I pulled that whole metaphor thing out of my ass.” Damien chuckled, kissing Clyde before taking his hand and walking back to the apartment together. The sooner they returned, the sooner Damien could try the best mac and cheese pretty much ever.