#speaking about stories about love but i think that at this point gbf is about not giving up to me

[toestalucia]

MY CAPTAINS ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗

[goldenteaset]

(I know I've posted this official art before but I don't care, it fits the occasion)

It's my 1 year yume-versary with Belial today! I felt like being a hopeless romantic (especially after seeing this art again), so I wound up thinking about the process of how this happened. And while it's 99% coincidences that make me happy, when put together like this they do form a love story...

While I got into GBF because of him, the actual act of falling for him "as myself" (for lack of a better way to put it) was a lot longer. Four years, in fact! It was half "I just like him with Djeeta and Lyria better" and half "Nah, he wouldn't like *me*, I'd be too shy".

Cue 2022. XD;

By which I mean, I'm not sure when in summer it started, but all of a sudden he kept showing up in my dreams (as Oribe, his semi-canon school AU self). "Oh cool, that hasn't happened before", I thought, thinking nothing of it. It seemed a good reason to write him and Djeeta in a similar setting; I'd take it.

And then I started noticing that Djeeta wasn't involved. "Well, maybe she's there but I'm seeing things from her POV this time"... ^^;

Months before the Oribe dreams, I kept dreaming about Summer Belial months before we got the Summon, which is funny anyway, but those were still focused on Djeeta. My subconscious really wanted me to have fun with Oribe/Belial, and it was going to bludgeon me until I did. At the same time, two things happened:

A particularly powerful dream about Oribe!Belial where he really wanted to take a selfie with me and kept insisting "I want to see your face, don't hide~"

The "Belial advice column for GBFest" appeared

The former was A Lot, but the latter was easily compartmentalized: "Just write the letter as if you're part of GBF's world". It took a few tries, because I had to remember kafabe (i.e. these letters were being sent to "Belial", not the devs), but I did it!

I burbled about how he'd always gotten me out of writer's block, because of course, and made absolutely sure not to overthink my heart racing while imagining sending it in canon. It was in English, down to the pen name "Shy Writer", and knew it probably wouldn't get picked for the GBFest segment.

"Just the fantasy is enough," I thought, forgetting what "yume" meant.

Fast forward to Jan 2023!

GBFest is here, it's fun whether you're there in person or not...and I'm catching up on Day 1's stream after falling asleep. ^^; I found the "Belial answers fanmail" segment and was just enjoying the spectacle. Here's a video of it separate from the massive stream one:

Someone had sent in something about being shy/nervous about who they liked, very likely him. (Also they called him "Beli-chan", which is adorable.) Belial read it normally, but his response (at 4:13, yes I've kept track of it)...well...

He let out probably the deepest, sultriest chuckle we've heard from him yet, which is saying a lot, and then added "'Shy'? How cute (kawaii ne)~."

Again: it's all coincidence, of course. Just a lot of convenient circumstances that eventually lined up into a fantasy narrative that makes me happy.

But boy did it not matter in that moment, when I felt like a tsundere who'd been found out after a whole season of UST. XD

It felt like there wasn't any need to deny it anymore. Nor to make excuses that were never going to hold up, as long as I kept denying that sense of fun to my own detriment. Or, to be extra sappy about it--it was as if Belial had been seducing me throughout '22 to the beginning of '23 and had now finally gotten the point across to my very dense self-insert/OC.

I've been enjoying myself a lot since then--going out more, trying new hobbies, just being happier in general. Could that have happened without this as a push? Maybe. But it didn't happen until I "had food at home", so to speak, which feels telling.

I think we as a species need space in our heads for imagination and play, and that varies from person to person. Along with writing, mine just happens to be (day)dreaming about the Primarch of Cunning acting like a bird of paradise and/or seducing me and my self-insert OC into semi-reasonable sleep schedules.

So, yeah. Happy anniversary, Belial. May there be many more!

[icharchivist]

I was hoping for funni event, instead I got depression, existential crisis and headache from crying

But why is Raphael so hot in his farmer outfit and why I have feeling he is somewhat responsible for helping them meet in that place, he is kinda sus me think

And for some reason I find it absolutely hilarious that Michael couldn't look at other angels, because too bright and literally burrowed herself underground given christian lore and just... That's pretty Lucifer thing to do, huh, by christian lore I mean

Also where the hell are outfits for Michael, gimme

I wonder if we will get continuation with maybe Lucio and maybe Aoidos for music

Speaking about farming event, Bubs with transcended Baha nukes extreme fight and I find it very interesting for some reason

I just wonder about Michael's fate episode: will it be about theatre and acting? Guess I will see from 30hours from writing this

And reading your reactions when not knowing anything about A3 was pretty entertaining experience, guess that's how people bothered by me feel like, maybe just less entertained

Hm, could we say that motto of the event is "be cringe, be free, do what you love and what makes you happy" almost makes me want to leave my own underground, but world isn't ready for story with 5 Lucifers... At least at moment it's 5, huh

it could have been a funni event, but seems like the urge to explore angst with theater was too strong lmao

but yes Raphael was really hot this event and it's honestly so funny that the first thing they do now that he has a proper voice is to have him say long monologue about how meetings are part of fate in the wind or stuff like that. I wouldn't be surprised if he was responsible for a bit of nudging in some elements, pretty sus.

and yeah good point about Michael. it's also interesting to have the character associated to Fire, ie, what would be a guiding light, basically go underground because everything else is too bright. that's some interesting way to approach it. Annd i suppose, as Lucifer's second in command, it explains why she followed the Lucifer's path of the mythos.

BUT YEAH MICHAEL'S OUTFITS ARE SO GOOD

and please i want a continuation so bad. Lucio could comment about the theater. Please Lucio has been talking about wanting to stop Sariel from reaching the rainbow after all, imagine they settle that by an act off. (do normal people even know what an act off is or is that an a3 only thing.)

and Aoidos for the music. yes. it'd be hilarious. come and make your soundtrack on stage sweetie. Falsch really feeling like the only normal person in this shady group huh.

AND YEAH SAMe, i have Bubs fully uncapped and Baha transcended once and i'm already seeing the difference nukewise. it's insane.

I REALLY HOPE MICHAEL'S FE IS ALL ABOUT ACTING. BUT ALSO IT MEANS I WILL HAVE TO SPARK FOR HER. IT'S TERRIBLE. I WAS NEVER PLANNING THIS.

AND HELPPPP GLAD IT WAS FUN TO READ. It really tapped too much into my deep love for a3 i just couldn't be normal about it. At least i know the two groups of followers following me either for my gbf or a3 rambles were ALL confused. Confusion for EVERYONE on the dash today.

Hm, could we say that motto of the event is "be cringe, be free, do what you love and what makes you happy"

exactly and that's what's good. acting is about having fun, and bonding with others. It's about the happiness you find by being cringe with your friends. Summer Troupe approved.

almost makes me want to leave my own underground, but world isn't ready for story with 5 Lucifers... At least at moment it's 5, huh

FIVE OF THEM.

Keep going friend, i think it's a really good thing. the world is not ready but it should be one day. It will have to be. one day.

[ruakichan]

Another state of roo gaming conglomopost.

I may have mentioned it offhand, but I recently moved to a place that has no internet. I’ve had to rely on my phone & mobile data for online access, and the area has like... 2 bars on 4G on a good day with the weather and stars aligned. So while I’ve been able to access mobages that aren’t too hard on the data, like Exos and Alchstars, games like GBF had to be put on the ‘log in and that’s it’ backend. I tried to do GW and that was just ... lololololol.

So I’ve been doing some console gaming!  Namely Ace Attorney Chronicles and Tales of Arise. Gonna talk briefly about that! While I am avoiding spoilers and will talk in generalities, if you’re wanting to avoid any talk about those two, please be mindful of the cut!

Onward!

First off, Ace Attorney.  I’ve played all the games since the franchise was first localized, so was pretty happy we got these since we missed out on their initial release for the handhelds. That said, it’s definitely the AA formula—including the good and bad.  Love the wacky cast, offbeat humor, and off-the-wall wild storylines, especially since most of it is a huge lampshade to Sherlock Holmes stories (including outright mocking the “logic” of the Speckled Band), of which I’m also a huge fan of.  But it still has the biggest issue I always had with the AA games: soooooo muchhhh unnecessary text that takes forever to get the point. So I have to take this game in baby steps. I think I’m only on the last case for the first game right now.

Don’t like the prosecutor. I actually just let his lines autorun while I play my mobages when he’s up on the screen. So much racism. Sooooo so much. There’s a lot of it in the game, due to setting, but my god this guy won’t shut the fuck up, and I have to deal with enough of that IRL. I also just rushed through the fourth case cause of it. Not what I want in my escapism, thanks.

Overall though, I’m enjoying it, though the “Jury System” ignites a righteous rage in me in how unfairly irrational it is and I want to shake every single person on that board.

Next up, Tales of Arise, which I’m currently devoting most of my spare attention to these days (I’ve recruited the last of the main cast right now). It’s been a while since I really enjoyed a Tales of game; Xillia 2 was my last one that I really got into; I enjoyed Zestiria to an extent but the battle system was just tedious. (Did not play Berseria since nothing about it got my attention and Crestoria was such a shitshow at launch.)

Don’t like the theme song for Arise, especially after White Light from Zesty being such a banger. Intro felt lackluster too; I know UFOtable can do better, so seeing this one was a disappointment.

Sakuraba is my absolute favorite composer for video games, but Arise’s BGMs are so, so bad. So generic and lacking any strong motifs, I really felt that he phoned it in. I can’t tell any of the songs apart, but at least they’re so generic that it’s easy to tune most of them out.

English dub is pretty good! I always try to give dubs a chance and I think they did a nice job with this! Only one that I’ve side-eyed has been Law, who is my current favorite character, so I’m a bit sad about that.  Characters are decent enough; no one for me to get fannish over, but no one I’m like ‘god get them off my screen.’ They’re there, they’re inoffensive.

Battle system, once you get the ball rolling, is fairly fun and fluid, especially the Fatal Strikes or whatever they’re called in this game. Boss battles are extremely grueling at the moment—they are very tanky and spongy, so battles can last a long time.  Unfortunately sometimes there’s a lot going on on the screen, with a lot of systems the game wants you to manage, so it can be easy to get one-shot by a mistake you didn’t even know what was coming.  But nothing too frustrating. I feel like the game wants to encourage a lot of grinding but doesn’t actually give you a lot of places to grind at (Zesty had this problem too).  Button layout is a bit weird and gave me huge Graces vibes; unfortunately you can’t change the config. But still, I’m definitely enjoying it better than Zesty’s, but it isn’t as fun as Vesperia’s or Xillia 2′s.

Story wise... oh man. I know Tales of can be a trope-y series, but this one just plays everything straight. Everything I predicted just from being exposed to it for a few minutes, has come out exactly as I thought. No subversions or aversions here LOL, no shocking revelations. It’s also not a very compelling plot? It’s just a plot. Maybe it’ll get better now that I got all my party members and we can focus on fleshing out the story more.

The story is also fairly serious and there aren’t a lot of light-hearted moments, even in skits. I really do miss this aspect since it’s one of the reasons I like Tales of games—the humorous parts really help connect me to characters more, as it makes them feel more rounded and human, than just SERIOUS! ANGST! all the damn time. I can play a Final Fantasy game if I wanted that.

Speaking of skits, the presentation style is weird. Like, it’s hard to explain without someone visually watching it, but I really don’t understand why they went this route of faux comic book/storyboard scenes. I guess to save money on modelling actions but at this point, just do talking heads? I dunno. I got used to it, but it’s still really jarring when they come up.

Anyhoo, it’s still a decent enough game, though I’m still waiting for something to really ‘wow’ me.

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

to all the boys i’ve loved before: the good, the bad & the ugly

THE GOOD

I live my life with the belief, not in any religion, but in several other truths: pineapple topping on pizza is a crime against humanity. FOUR is the superior One Direction album. The book will always be superior to the movie based off of it.

Actually, maybe we have to reconsider that last one.

I first watched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before expecting a slightly polished version of a Disney channel original. I was- to my surprise, and delight- proven wrong. Sure, the premise is a bit flimsy (why, in god’s name, would Lara Jean put her letters in envelopes and address them if she had no intention of mailing them?); there’s a multitude of cliché YA tropes (naïve, introverted MC meets floppy-haired white boy ft. some reincarnation of Regina George who happens to be his ex with a vendetta against the poor, innocent MC; the GBF); I’ve got several concerns about the casting (the Covey girls are supposed to half-Korean. The actors playing them don’t even have the same ethnicity? Nor do they look like they could pass for siblings?); and the soundtrack is- well. They could’ve done better.

BUT. And that’s a big ‘but’, which is why it’s in all caps. There were so many things I loved about the movie, so much more than the ones that bothered me. My little Asian heart always bursts in joy whenever I see a positive representation of someone like me in media- I don’t care if they’re South Asian or East Asian or SEA or Middle Eastern or anywhere else from the Asian continent. For so long, the only representation in Western media- if any; having Asian characters is a rarity- were perpetuating stereotypes; Lara Jean and her sisters are such a breath of fresh air. Noah Centineo’s… well, a lot of people find him cute, and he’s got a charming smile. Kitty is my spirit animal. And the aesthetics are so cute- Lara Jean’s wardrobe is a dream, and her room even more so. I loved the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before movie, and I will go to my grave defending it.

Since I loved the movie so much, surely, the book would be better! Right?

… Sigh.

THE BAD

The cover’s very cute, I’ll give it that. Arty font, reminiscent of something you’d find in a love letter, good call. The color scheme’s adorable. The girl on the cover is very pretty. And, um… that’s about it.

Right off the bat, Lara Jean’s monologue made me go, oh. It’s that kind of protagonist. The one who spends way too much time telling and not enough showing (blame all the writing advice videos I watched on YouTube. It never used to bother me before, but it’s all I can see now).

(Also, “After I write my letter, I’m no longer consumed by my all-consuming love.” You’re proud of that, aren’t you, Miss Jenny Han?)

And, see, I wouldn’t mind (I probably would) if Lara Jean’s thoughts were particularly riveting. Mildly entertaining, at the very least- that’s all I’m asking for.

Lara Jean is uninteresting; almost painfully so. Film-LJ’s quirkiness barely translates to the pages. Sure, Lara Jean likes romance… and baking… and antiques… and writing letters to boys who are supposedly out of her league and who could never fall for little old her. And she’s a bad driver. She idolizes her older sister. Decent character traits for a YA protagonist. And, as far as I recall, no internalized misogyny that comes in the form of slut-shaming, which is a rarity for the genre of YA. Great.

And yet there’s something about book-LJ that feels so… contrived. A little Mary Sue-ish, if you will. Papery.

Which can be said about almost every other character (except Chris and Kitty. Margot, to an extent, but I don’t like her).

There are loads of useless info-dumps strewn throughout the story, which makes me wonder if it wasn’t edited. The writing’s just… bad. It’s more like a Wattpad story (when did ‘Wattpad story’ become the paragon of bad YA? Honestly speaking, though, all the popular Wattpad books give the website a bad name. There are some incredibly well-written works on it- yes, even Harry Styles fanfiction. Not every Wattpad story is going to be *bleh* After or The Kissing Booth. But I digress). Lara Jean goes into too much detail about her outfits and the trivial details of… everything, really. And, well, no one gives a fuck.

Which brings me to: the love triangle. Beloved of all YA clichés, pretty much a staple in the genre at this point. Always with the female main character choosing between two men, both conventionally attractive in a very Eurocentric way. Usually, it’s painfully obvious who gets the girl; “Emma Notlikeothergirls has to choose between the handsome, confident, gorgeous, athletic, strapping Ashton Dreamboat and that rando who lives next door, Billy Whatsisname. Whoever will she choose?”

I’ll give credit where credit is due. The book makes both Peter and Josh (unrelated, but why are the boys’ names so standard Hoosier boy-ish? You’ve got girls named Genevieve and Margot, and the boys are pretty much the twelve apostles) pretty evenly matched. Josh has the whole boy-next-door, childhood friends, I-have-always-loved-you cliché going for him, while Peter’s the popular boy, the jock, the guy every girl wants to be with and every guy wants to be.

And yet they’re both complete dicks.

I’m supposed to be rooting for one of them. Team Peter or Team Josh; either Peter-Jane or Lara-Josh. Either the guy who’s got nothing but his looks going for him, or the guy who slept with her sister and kissed her without her consent. hOwEvEr WiLL sHe ChOOsE???

And I was never really convinced that Peter actually developed feelings for Lara Jean, ever. Maybe I’m just oblivious, but they seemed more like friends instead of lovers. I was lowkey shipping Lara Jean x Chris, even though I knew that was plain wishful thinking; I already got my Asian MC, this won’t be getting too diverse.

Other clichés I’m tired of seeing but were unfortunately present: Lucas, the token Gay Best Friend (I was annoyed with the movie for making him the Rafiki to Lara Jean’s Simba and nothing else, but rereading the book made me realize that they didn’t have much to work with in the first place); Margot, the Bitchy Sister (I never forgave her for lying to their dad about Lara Jean having sex. Seriously, how low can you get? JOSH kissed LARA JEAN, not the other way around! Margot’s supposed to be the same age I am, I think, so I believe I have the ability to call her out on her bullshit); Genevieve, the Bitch Queen Extraordinaire; Kitty, the Annoying Younger Sibling (but I love and cherish her so I don’t mind it).

“The sibling dynamic was surprisingly better written than a solid 75% of the book,” says me, an only child.

Also, a final complaint: is having sex that big of a deal? I get Lara Jean being (rightfully) horrified at the accusations, and Peter Kavinskydick deserves a decent roundhouse kick (the movie did a better job of making Peter’s actions forgivable), but why does everyone else care? Seriously, do you have that little fodder for gossip?

THE UGLY

Am I going to complain about the sequel to the movie based off of the sequel to the book that I can’t remember anything of besides the fact that John Ambrose was ten times the man Peter Kavinsky was? You bet I am.

In all honesty, I can’t remember much of the book version of P.S. I Still Love You. Rest assured that I was Team John Ambrose all the way, both while reading the book and watching the movie. I don’t want to make myself suffer through the book again, so I’ll resort to bashing the movie sequel.

This movie sucked balls. Not on the level of Sierra Burgess is a Loser or Swiped or The Kissing Booth or- yikes- The Kissing Booth 2, but it was still pretty bad. It’s pretty obvious that the two movies weren’t directed by the same person. For all its plot-related shortcomings, the first film was charming and pretty widely well-received. The second film takes all that charm and cuteness and fluff and flushes it down the toilet, along with the tiniest bit of affection I had for the character of Peter Kavinsky. Lara Jean, too, to an extent.

At least Peter and Josh were evenly matched. John Ambrose is lightyears ahead of Peter. And yet Lara Jean chooses Peter because… the first dick is the best dick? Make it make sense!

She’s leading John Ambrose on during the entire film, and I normally hate using that term because it’s such an incel way of putting things. But she doesn’t tell John Ambrose about Peter and her dating, even though she’s had the opportunity to do so countless times. She gets mad at Peter for being close to Genevieve, and yet? Hypocrite much? Not to mention she kisses John Ambrose, right before she’s like, “whoops haha guess I don’t like you that much after all :/ lol my bad”.

John Ambrose deserved better, and that is the hill I will die on.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #53

“easy to be sleazy when you’ve got a filthy mind.”

what's the last movie you watched on your own?   i couldn't tell you.  i don't watch movies on my own, it's boring. what about the last movie you watched with another person?   chelsea and i had "gbf" on netflix, but we didn't really watch it. what about the last movie you saw at the cinema? was it good?   colleen, chelsea, and i saw "trolls" for a buck.  it was SOOOO cute. do you attend school, college, or uni?   an art university, yeah. what do you study, wherever you study?   digital photography. kisses on the cheek or the neck?   cheek if you wanna be casual, but neck kisses if you want me to rip your fucking clothes off lmao. how do you earn your keep?   i don't work.  i'm ashamed of it, but i don't and can't work like a "normal" human being.  i'm trying to find a job with my very limiting criteria, but it's not easy, at all.  i doubt i'll ever have a proper job until i can be a freelance photographer. if you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be?   GERMAN, latin, and ummm... i mean i guess spanish, because it'd be most convenient to me. who do you usually text the most?   my mom or my best friend colleen. shaved legs or shaved arms?   legs.  i don't shave my arms. fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs?   i like scrambled and cheesy eggs. have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed?   no.  it'd be nice at least once. have you always got good grades?   from elementary all the way through high school, yeah.  i'm struggling in college... list four things about your facial appearance:   i have blue eyes, glasses, no freckles, and a piercing on the right side of my nose. list four things about your general appearance:   i'm overweight because fuck heartbreak, i'm white, i have no ass, and i have large breasts. list four things you like about yourself:   i'm passionate as fuck, i honestly think i have good morals, i'm loyal, and very understanding. list four things you dislike about yourself:   i'd kill for one man, i'm jealous to the point of hatred, i overreact to literally everything, i can't socialize, you want me to go on? this quiz is pretty different to others, right?   lmao you ruined it cats or dogs?   while i personally find felines to be more interesting as animals, i prefer dogs as pets. are you hungry right now?   no.  my appetite pill is actually working. what do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo?   lmao i was one of those people, i love it!  document your story!  it's beautiful! can you work the washing machine?   ... no.  embarrassing, right.  idk what settings to put it on. do you like your photo being taken?   NO.  other people don't know how to flatter my face. do you like taking photos of yourself?   i mean, i'm a photographer, so every now and again. next gig you're going to?   who knows?  i'd like to go to the carolina rebellion this year, BADLY, but money is such an issue in my family. favorite color?   maroon, baby. when do you plan on moving out?   when i'm with a significant other.  i used to believe i could live on my own in an apartment or something, but no.  depression would consume me entirely. is there someone in your life you wish you never met?   of course there is.  jabari, who tried raping my sister right in front of me, for one.  dustin, ashley's ex, who did nothing but break her heart and abuse her.  there are more.  i personally don't believe everyone comes into one's life for a reason. who/what is your favorite cartoon character?   i don't really know.  i like garfield.  and courage the cowardly dog. what do you think of your mother?   she's very supportive, loving, funny, rational, and serves as my rock.  i'd be lost as fuck if i didn't have my mom.  just sometimes, she thinks she knows more than she does about me. your father?   i love him so much and i live in constant regret about hating him for so many years.  i wish i'd burned that letter i wrote him in opposition of actually sending that shit, because i wonder all the time if he still thinks about what i told him.  he'd do anything for me, and i hope i can repay him for that one day. your siblings (if there are any)?   tiffany: i don't know you, but i wish i did.  misty: you're great, and i miss you.  katie: you confuse me, but i still love you and hope you're okay.  bobby: hey now, you're an all-star.  seeing you with christian lights up my whole world.  i hope i'm half the parent you are some day.  ashley: we're too much alike in an odd way.  you've been through so much, yet you've come so far as a person.  i mean jesus christ, you're a radiologist!  and to know you were once suicidal, that's so inspirational to me.  you have a husband who loves you, even after, like me, believing you could never love another.  you have two beautiful children who love you so much, but i wonder if they can ever love you like i do.  nicole: i worry about you.  you need to leave that damn boy, he's not good enough for you, and he is going to drag you down.  you're too big and bold a person to be chained.  i worry about your happiness quotient as long as he's around, but regardless, i know you're going to go pretty damn far. how many hours do you spend online a day?   i don't really know, but i can't say i care too much.  i don't get why people treat the internet like it's so horrible.  like, let's think about it.  most people, when they have nothing better to do, what do they do?  they watch television.  i sit on the computer instead.  at least i'm engaging my brain. explain your current feelings for your last ex bf/gf:   i'm entirely aware i'm more than in love with him, i'm obsessed with him.  you ain't truly been in love until it gets that far, hunny. how do you feel about teen relationships?   they're fine?  they can lead to a forever relationship. who’s room of the opposite sex were you in last? when?   uhhh.  my dad's and his wife's when i was passing through to go take a shower. what are your views on homosexuals in general?   they're just as human as a heterosexual, if not more open-minded as half the heterosexual populace has issue with them. do you and any of your friends have a "song?"   ha ha ha, yeah.  colleen and i say our "song" is that country piece called "friends" by ummm... blake shelton, i think?  it's such a cutesy song, and when she first showed it to me, she said it made her think of us.  i hate country, yet i still jam out with her every time we hear it. (: which is more important to you - friends or family?   family.  who says some friends can't be family? which is worse - smoking, drinking, or drugs?   drugs.  easily.  allow me to also clarify, alcohol is a drug, so drinking is pretty equal?  nicotine is a drug too, right? is there one person you would seriously kill if you could get away with it?   um.  only if i wouldn't feel guilty.  which i would. what is the last scary movie that actually scared you?   the only scary movie to ever scare me is "the rite."  only because it played with an irrational fear of mine: being impregnated by satan or a demon in general.  i'm afraid of pregnancy period, but the idea of it being the devil's child and it ripping out of your fucking stomach like can you not what are you listening to?   "gospel" by panic! at the disco.  i love his voice in this song so fucking much.  them high notes in the chorus, tho. what is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others?   i'm single. how long have you liked the person you like right now?   five years how many shots can you take?   i've never taken a shot before, and truly, i don't really want to.  i mean i'm sure i will at some point, i just don't have the desire to because i hate the taste of alcohol, and shots are so concentrated. what's a fact about the last person you kissed?   he just turned 23. do you think you're old?   no, shame i feel it, though. are you a jealous person?   in general?  actually, no.  i only get jealous when it comes to jason. when is the next time you will kiss someone?   you tell me. has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs?   i don't think so. do you have a passion for anything?   meerkats!!  photography!!  silent hill and gaming in general!!  rhett and link/gmm!!  heavy metal!! are you a romantic person?   i honestly think i am. what do you think of when i say "lumberjack?"   lmao omg the first thing that came to mind was rhett singing and dancing to the song he made up on the high-heeled lumberjack challenge on gmm. how many children do you want?   one-three.  one if childbirth/pregnancy was way too much, two is most likely, three is a big maybe. do you like mexican food?   nope. do you have a favorite author?   not really. do you have an ex who still talks to you? do they want to be with you again?   if juan even counts, yeah, we talk like what, less than even once a month.  he's made it apparent he wants to be with me again, but pretty sure he's a player, so. do your legs get really itchy after shaving them?   christ, yeah.  my left leg got so itchy once after shaving that i have a large scar going up my shin from scratching it so badly.  even putting lotion on didn't help. do you wear a ring on your finger?   yeah, a ruby/garnet/whatever ring on my right ring finger.  i just put it on permanently the other day.  i got it for christmas. have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?   it is pierced.  i've thought of taking it out in favor of getting the septum pierced though, but i changed my mind. have you kissed anyone with a tattoo before?   no, but a guy with a tattoo has kissed me. which berry is your favorite?   strawberries, definitely. have you ever tried to learn a foreign language?   i took four semesters of german. would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?   lake. do you love seeing frost hanging off leaves in the winter?   omg yaaass would you ever like to own a chandelier?   hell yeah.  i'm big on those creepy octopus chandeliers. when is the last time you went to a carnival?   oh fuck me.  last time i went to a carnival/festival one night was over a year ago with jason and dillon.  i went on a ride i was terrified of (jason was a bit iffy too; he doesn't like heights), and dillon made a self-mutilation joke that nearly ruined the whole night. how many notebooks do you own? are they all filled?   oh jeez.  LOADS.  i have a drawer filled with 'em... i wanna throw them out though.  really old, embarrassing writings. have you ever lived on a university campus?   no. what’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?   mike's hard, i guess.  not like i've tried many. when was the last time you saw a photo of your ex?   long-ish time ago.  i have a picture from our prom beside my bed, but it's buried beneath papers.  so probably the last time i checked his facebook months ago. do you “binge-watch” tv shows?   haven't done that since "sherlock" with jason. do you play any games on your phone?   not anymore.  i had pokemon go, but i had to get rid of it after i ran out of room on my phone, despite having deleted every other app but pinterest and my period tracker.  not like it's really a fun game for rural players, anyway.  you never have pokeballs because pokestops don't exist. have you ever shaved your face?   no.  i mean i've waxed my eyebrows and lip and plucked stray hairs on my chin, but never shaved it. what was the last vaccination you got?   no idea.  probably for an std, y'know, those shots you get as a teenager. how long does it usually take you to get over a break up?   lmao been a year and a handfull of months, still not over it. do you get motion sickness?   nope. do you often forget what you were just about to say?   always.  makes me feel stupid. how many blue-eyed people have you kissed?   none. do you have a friend named holly?   i knew a holly in elementary school, but she was never my friend. what are your parents' middle names?   marie and john. does frequent use of swear words offend or upset you?   not at all, because i don't believe in our definition of "profanity."  who honestly gives a valid fuck about whether a word is "bad" or not.  what makes a word "bad," anyway?  however, i do believe in harmful words that i don't like hearing.  like, calling someone a bitch, to me, is just as bad as calling someone a mean person.  because they mean the same thing.  what makes "bitch" worse?  also, i hate derogatory terms to certain groups, like "the 'n' word" for black people.  otherwise, "swear" all you want, i really don't care. when/where did you meet your first love?   well, to be technical, facebook.  i thought he was a jason i did know, so i accepted his friend request.  thank god i did.  he wanted to be my friend to begin with because he saw me in the hallway at school and, according to him, he thought immediately, "that girl's going to save me."  he remembers exactly what I was wearing, everything.  how he found my facebook, i guess i should probably wonder, lol.  it's so funny, how he claims i was going to save him.  and now i'm the one who needs him.  funny shit. how many facebook friends do you have?   uhhhh 126, i think? which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with?   MY GRANDMA HOLY FUCK have your parents met the person you're currently interested in?   yes, they have. who was your first major crush?   i'm not entirely sure.  maybe this kid named dylan? do you still talk to that person?   haven't in well over a decade.  lmao wait, did i ever even talk to him?  i just thought he was super cute. is there anything you need to do, that you're trying to avoid doing?   yeah.  i hate late homework. do you have any drinking cups with disney characters on them?   we haven't for years.  well, wait.  we may still have some. will you be moving anytime soon?   probably.  we were supposed to get evicted because mom can't afford the rent, yet we're still here.  but our landlord won't be merciful forever; mom still can't pay for it. have you ever written a book? perhaps you are writing one right now?   never finished any... oh yeah!  but one from when i was younger. favorite flavored milk shake?   vanilla do you or your best friend play in a band?   nah. can two living souls become one?   figuratively, sure, literally, no. last song you listened to and what does it mean to you?   i'm listening to "ready to go" by panic! at the disco.  first time listening to it; i'm on a panic! streak.  it just started, so no opinion yet. have you seen the entire harry potter series?   no.  jason and i watched a couple of the movies, but i could never get into it. have you ever been put to sleep for surgery?   i actually don't know.  i had tubes put in my ears as a baby, but i don't remember it at all. have you ever had a pregnancy scare?   okay this is funny.  despite never having sex, my anxiety made me believe by some miracle dry-humping had gotten me pregnant because i missed my period.  like i was so panicked i was even talking about it with jason.  god bless that man, i can only IMAGINE what he must've thought. when was the last time you went bowling?   some months ago with colleen, bradley, and girt. are you expected to help fix thanksgiving dinner?   no. have you ever lost anyone close to cancer?   no, thank god. do you personally know anyone who is transgender?   i don't think so. what’s your favorite flavor of potato chip?   original is the shit. what’s your favorite type of juice?   i really like mango. what was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn?   dude, fuck latin. do you know anyone named amity?   no, but that's a cool name! what do you think of people who always wear make-up?   i really try not to have an opinion because that's really not my business at all, but i can't help but feel a bit sad.  like... i dunno, i just think you should be more comfortable with your own skin instead of always feeling like you've gotta cover it.  my older sister was like that for years, and it always made me sad, because she's so beautiful.  she wouldn't go out without it or take pictures if she didn't have some on. is there a smell that gives you headaches?   gasoline. what’s your least favorite thing about summer?   everything?  can i say everything??? have you ever wanted to vlog?   not really.  i lead a boring life and i am WAY too shy and awkward. do you have any of the guitar heroes/rock bands?   plenty.  original, ac/dc, metallica, green day, van halen, greatest hits, and i'm positive i'm missing some. have you ever worn flip flops in the snow?   lmao yes. do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to?   of course i do. have you ever moved to a different state?   nope.  been in nc my whole life. have you ever been to germany?   no, but i'd REALLY like to go! what decade do you think is the best musically?   hm.  '80s. have you ever written poetry or fiction?   yup.  some cringy stuff lmao. have you ever lived with your girlfriend/boyfriend?   yes.  we lived with another couple, who were our friends. how do you feel about your relationship status?   it's boring and lonely. how many relationships have you been in?   one legitimate one.  one puppy-love.  one misunderstanding that lasted less than a day. what’s something you do that really frustrates people who are closest to you?   i can be VERY passive and submissive.  like, ask me what i wanna do?  "i don't care."  wanna do this, brittany?  "if you want to."  is this fine for dinner, brittany?  "sure, if you feel like making it."  colleen HATES this about me. do you care what people think?   sometimes.  sometimes not at all.  sometimes way too much. is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you?   not anymore.  jason was like that.  it was supernatural. do you like the color yellow?   no, actually. what was your favorite game when you were a child?   the spyro games. when was the last time you had blood drawn?   last time i was at the er for mental reasons.  they always take your blood to ensure you're not on drugs. have you ever hated someone but felt pity for them at the same time?   honestly?  no. what eyeshadow color suits you best?   black, baby. in regards to kissing, full on making-out or will a peck suffice?   depends on where we are and how passionate we're feeling. are you a ke$ha fan?   no. how short is too short for shorts/skirts?   please at least keep your full ass covered. have you even swam in a lake? did you freak out about the germs, afterwards?   i have, and not particularly. have you ever snuck-out to see a guy?   nope. does your cell-phone take decent pictures?   NO.  i actually still have my old phone just to take my selfies lmao. have you ever sexted?   it's my biggest regret. have you ever posed topless with a friend?   i have not. do you shed hair everywhere you go?   ha ha yeah. where do you part your hair?   to the far left do you talk with your hands?   absolutely.  jason used to make fun of me for it, then he started to do it. do guy's adams apple's gross you out?   no. lil' wayne, hopsin, kanye west, or kid cudi?   i don't particularly like any of them, but there is a song by hopsin that makes me laugh. have you ever questioned your mental health?   i'm not questioning it, i've accepted it. when you go to the beach, are you swimming, tanning, playing, or searching for shells?   swimming and looking for shells! do you wash your hair every day?   no, that's bad for you. do you have long eyelashes?   my old english teacher stopped class just to point out they were once lmao.

[toestalucia]

please...................listen to me.....................