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the-silentium · 3 years

Text

Featuring a Cyborg and a Magician

Masterlist

Pairing: Bad Batch x Reader, Hunter x Reader, Crosshair x Reader

Words: 5667 words

Warnings: Kayden is a warning of his own.

A/N: Let’s have some fun shall we? I decided that now was the time to include Echo if I ever wanted to include Omega.

Taglist: @clone-rambles / @mandaloriandin / @apathetic-catastrophie / @jenstar1992-2 / @haloangel391 / @lightning-wolffe / @cherrydemon5 / @and-claudia / @lackofhonor / @gaymasonjar / @depthsreturn / @koskareevesismyqueen / @leonidas-banana-phone / @mangoberry43

________________

"Ooooh can I come on this one too?" Kayden clapped his hands excitedly like a child, his eyes wide in anticipation and nearly bouncing on his seat.

As it turned out, taking him with you all wasn't hard. It only required a Batcher to have your wooden crest in their possession for him to be able to follow them in a 3 klicks radius and his presence on missions had helped on the two previous ones he slipped himself in.

Retrieving heavily guarded data was a walk in the park when you could have someone walk in there like a tourist, search around for his objective while ignoring the commands of the clankers surrounding him and laugh as the friendly fire killed a majority of the enemy forces.

He even managed to detonate a malfunctioning bomb by walking right up to it, press the button to blow up the whole base and pop back into the Marauder in a second, whistling like it was nothing. Correcting the error in the programming would have taken too much time and the chances of a Batcher being hurt would have risen exponentially with each passing second.

He was a precious ace up your sleeves… when he wasn't a shit digger.

Unsurprisingly, his not-so-hidden talent was to create chaos wherever he passed. It was true back in Alryan, it was still true in the Havoc Marauder. Many new rules were created to ensure that nothing too awkward happened and to keep a somewhat control over the situation.

Rule number one: Kayden had to be visible at all times when in the ship, the only exception to the rule being when people outside the Batch were around. Two: the barracks were off-limits as he didn't sleep and there were established relationships aboard that liked to have their private alone time. Then came rule number three: do not be a nuisance. This command encompassed the pranks, the whining and the fact that he couldn't be seen or else the Batch would be in deep problems.

"General Skywalker is a Jedi, Kayden. What if he can sense you? Or worse, what if he sees you? What do you want us to tell him?"

Cody's debrief has been short and a bit too vague to your liking. Usually, he was more concise but then again, you've rarely worked with Jedis before. In the nearly two years you passed with them, it only happened once and it was a memorable experience.

Watching those two peacekeepers fight from your seat in the Havoc Marauder left you in awe. Their movements and grace made a straining fight look so easy and- "Dunno. That he should stop doing spices?"

Kayden said it with such nonchalance that you nearly got whiplash at how quick you turned to face him, although you did choke on air at the mere idea of insulting a General that can use the Force.

"No. You're sitting this one out. We can't risk blowing her cover if he can link you to her and Fors." Hunter intervened while getting his armor on, just like the rest of the team.

"He could be useful during the recon part of the mission." Tech pointed out, adjusting his pauldrons. "There are still a lot of unknown variables in this operation and his abilities could be desirable on the field."

"Yeah what he said." Kayden's arms crossed at his chest. You rolled your eyes at his childishness and finished strapping your custom chestplate on to get to your rerebraces and vambraces.

"If you can refrain from pulling tricks on everyone and follow orders that is." Tech added with a heavy look. If it managed to get his attention away from his datapad, then it was a really important point.

"I can do that." You would have laughed at how definite he sounded, but Crosshair beat you to it.

"Right." The sniper sneered and you smirked. Now that he could get away with pretty much anything, Kayden often took pleasure in disturbing the grey-haired clone and rile him up until you had to intervene or Crosshair would blow a fuse.

"You ass-"

"The answer's still no. We successfully completed missions with bigger holes in them than this one. We'll manage." Hunter put an end to the debate just as he slipped his helmet on his head.

"Yeah cuz y'all like big holes, eh?" Since he was losing, he retreated to his old habits. You kind of felt bad for him. You knew he was bored of staying on the ship. Hells, even you who were the assigned pilot had more fun in this thin can because you could actually fly it. All he could do was watch all days long and wait all nights long.

"Better stop talking now." Crosshair too slipped his bucket on and grabed his rifle for a last inspection.

"Or you'll hit me?" Smugness dripped from each of his words, a daring look in his eyes.

"Let's not get there, shall we?" You showed him the Core between your fingers, that he knew you could control his density with. Wrecker happily tested your theory a while back.

"No thank you." Kayden conceded defeat, hands in the air and slumped in his seat behind you, arms crossed.

________

The recon went well if you based yourself on the fact that everyone was still in one piece, regs and Batchers alike. There was no denying that you were worried Crosshair would cause too much problem to the boys in blue. It seemed like there was tension between them and your abrasive boyfriend, but nothing too dangerous.

As the Marauder's pilot, you stayed behind with the ship and by extension, Kayden, who whined the whole time about not being able to enjoy his time as a ghost.

"I'm still young! Now's the time to enjoy myself! Not when I'll be an old rat like that chandeler."

"Chancelor." You'd correct him on the title, but not on the old rat. You had to admit that he did give off that vibe. As for his age, you actually had no idea if he was still aging or not.

You admired your work, the ship was in order, every supply has been replenished in the boys' absence, the fuels tanks were full to the brim and all that was missing for the ship to be complete was the crew of walking testosterone.

A couple of hours later they arrived and you fussed over them. None were injured, to your relief, and everyone headed to bed for a short night of sleep. Everyone who could sleep, that is.

You knew it'd be awkward to have a Jedi on board so you geared up quickly, wolfed down your plain food that the GAR dared call a breakfast and put your whole armor on, deadset on keeping your helmet on until the mission was over. Not even Crosshair managed to take it off you for a kiss.

"It'll be fine." He'd reassured you with that soft tone he only reserved for his time alone with you. The following keldabe kiss put you more at ease.

The effect only lasted an hour.

Shortly after, the General entered the ship with his Captain in tow and you set course on Skako Minor.

You had managed to lay low for a good part of the trip with your Bad Batch fashioned bucket on and some good old shut-your-mouth. The boys at the back kept all the attention, Kayden remained invisible and civilized, while you navigated the ship alongside Tech.

Everything was alright until you felt Skywalker's gaze taking you in, up and down slowly just like the two Jedis a year ago. He analyzed you the same manner they both did, with an attentive eye and- you couldn't see it but you were sure it was there- a small frown. Your heartbeat picked up again and you forcefully swallowed the lump in your throat.

Tech's theory about your origins being somehow mixed with the Jedis' must be true to some extent. Three out of three force users took a special interest in you and you were sure what got their attention was the weird wave of energy traveling between you.

He approached the front of the ship and you could now see his scrunched eyebrows, his head slightly tilted to the side, still trying to figure out what was special about you.

Heat raised to your cheeks under your helmet, every muscle in your legs contracted to keep you from listening to your fears of being separated from your newfound family and run away. There was nowhere to run anyway, you weren't in the jungle anymore.

Would he try to invade your mind like Wrecker said? Would he find out who you were? Stay calm. Keep your mask on like in the village and it'll be fine. Calm your mind.

After more than a year on this ship, you developed the useful ability to distinguish who was walking where with the mere sound of the person's steps. Each clone had a distinctive footstep and right now, it was Hunter who moved to your side to save your ass. The sore muscles in your legs started relaxing, followed by the drum in your chest. You'd be fine. Hunter will have it under control.

Then, right before Hunter could intervene, General Skywalker suddenly gripped his shoulder in a hiss, freezing the blood in your veins. The man looked behind him to find no one close enough to have hurt him and flee. All the others were minding their own business, while Hunter was yet not within arms reach.

"What…"

"General?" Captain Rex inquired after he approached at his CO's sound of pain, the confusion on his features reflected perfectly the one on the brunette's face.

The Jedi stood silent for a moment longer. You felt the energy around him shifting as he searched his surroundings for something. Please do not find him. Please do not find him!

Thank the gods Texh was actually piloting the ship, your attention so completely focussed on the General that you could have rammed into an asteroid the size of a planet.

"It's nothing." He shrugged it off and reported his attention on you. "I don't think no one mentioned a pilot. What's your name trooper?"

Talking to General Skywalker was inevitable and you knew it. You simply didn't think that you'd be stuck in a Kayden-induced stress while doing so.

"Not a trooper, sir." You removed your helmet to show him what you meant and offer him a sheepish smile. "My name's Y/N."

"My apologies. I didn't know the GAR assigned civilians to trooper squads." Again, he eyed you up and down, but you kept your cool this time. He didn't seem to be able to find what was wrong and didn't force an access in your head.

"It's rare but not unheard of. Her abilities with a ship made her a good match for our team and the," He paused to search for an adequate word. "Type of mission we usually do." Tech elaborated on your situation.

"And what type is that?" Rex came closer to get a good look at you and even offer you a hand to shake.

"Downright suicidal, Captain." You managed to genuinely chuckle while shaking his hand in a firm grip. "I'd recommend strapping in, the landing will be a difficult one." You announced as the first turbulence racked the Marauder.

You silently prayed that this situation with the blue-eyed Jedi would be the only difficult part of the mission. Helmet back on, you showed off your skills by landing the ship in a raging storm.

_______

There was very little you could do for Echo without using the Core. After reading through the whole Forsian book about its powers, you learned that it could be used to heal dying planets and basically anything in the galaxy.

Your desire to create or heal a planet was extremely low. However, your desire to heal your comrades was very high. Instead of creating life and whatnot, you used the Core to heal their wounds and keep them safe. So far, no one had been on the verge of death so the crystal passed its time tucked in your pocket that was now closed with a zipper to ensure that it did not slip out.

The book didn't tell whether or not using the Core affected the Force so you refrained from using the golden rock on Echo seeing as Tech and yourself highly supposed that it did, as it was said that the Force was connected to every form of life and the Core was the initial creator of life. There was no way you'd leave hints for General Skywalker to pick.

Echo went off a while ago, looking paler than Kayden, to barge in a strategic debrief with too many Generals for you to ever consider following him. Now that the ship was only composed of members of the Bad Batch, reprimands were in order.

"You hit the General?!" Despite keeping his voice down, the strength in his tone unconsciously caused you to press further into the cushion of your seat in the cockpit.

"I pinched him because he made her uncomfortable." Kayden popped on the Sergeant's left with a scowl of his own. To his credit, he did stay with you in the ship and followed Hunter's orders. You were sure he would have sneaked the crest on someone's backpack like he did on the very mission he attended.

"I was going to intervene." You let them bicker, instead turning to Tech when his hand fell to your armored shoulder.

"I get it that you've had another sort of connection with the General." His curious brown eyes met yours for a whole second.

"Yeah. It was more powerful with him than with the others." You recalled, remembering how the dull hum between you and General Skywalker was way more significant than the one flowing between you and the two previous Jedis.

"I highly suspect that the strength of the bond is influenced by the strength of the Jedi. General Skywalker is known to be quite strong Force-wise." He typed away at his vambrace too fast for you to keep up with his notes. Back-Up peered up at you with her dark eyes, her body wrapped tightly around Tech's vambrace to enjoy the warmth radiating from the electronics below the plastoid. "It seems like you can still feel a particular form of Force despite not being sensitive to it. Surely due to your legacy and your connection to the Core. It is the source of the Force after all."

You nearly yelped when a fist collided with your shoulder. Wrecker's playful punch didn't hurt as much as it scared the shit out of you. "Yes because she's a goddess!"

You sighed at the perpetual reminder that you may or may not be as normal as you'd like to be. Wrecker's excitement was cute and all, but you wanted to be their equal, not some deity that could be perceived as superior or something.

You knew your two boyfriends had been influenced by it at some point. He never told you, but you were certain Crosshair had been intimidated or would use the excuse of you being "better than he was" to belittle himself. He had started distancing himself a little, although you didn't let him the time to get too far and reassured him that you didn't care who or what you were, that all you wanted was to be his. Hunter found himself on the other side of the spectrum. He would often use the excuse of you being a "goddess" to worship you more than necessary. He didn't get it the wrong way like his brother, no, he used it to his advantage, whispering words of adoration and how he could venerate your body all day long. You blushed at the memory of your last worshipping session.

"Am not!"

"You are!"

"Am not!"

"You brought Kayden back! And you healed my blaster burn the other week and you helped that village on Ruusan when their entire crops have been destroyed by the clankers!"

You bit your lip at the reminder of what you did. Tech had been against your intervention, saying that miraculously reappearing crops would be awfully suspicious and could be easily linked to the team. You'd listened in the beginning, but as the day passed, you noticed more and more people hurting from hunger. Kids who couldn't understand why they couldn't satisfy their rumbling stomachs cried their hunger, mothers did their best to not seem affected but from a sharp, adult eye, their suffering was clear.

You weren't an idiot. New crops didn't magically grow back in under a minute. No, deep down you wished that there was a nearby undiscovered meadow, hidden in the dense vegetation, where juicy fruits grew in the trees and small preys liked to play. Edible fungus pullulated through the grass amongst the root vegetables that were already ready to be harvested.

It had been 100% unintentional. You'd thought that this could have been a good idea and the next thing you knew, a kid came back running with two round fruits in his hands, holding them like they were treasures and claiming that there was “infinite” more. Needless to say, the kid's overstatement gave you a heart attack and won you a lecture by not only Tech but Hunter too. Up to this day, you never regretted accidentally helping them. Not when the kids were cheering in glee at the food and the moms were relieved to the point of spilling some tears.

"She's a what who did what?" A voice rang out from the Havoc Marauder's entrance, sending your heartbeat and body heat through the roof.

Echo stood there in his new armor, courtesy of Clone Force 99's armor surplus from when Tech developed your own custom model, a deep frown deforming his tired features.

For a split second, everyone stood there, frozen in place, until Crosshair harshly pulled the clone inside and hit the buttons near the door to lift the ramp. Should have done that sooner. You could at least be relieved that he was alone and not accompanied by either his Captain or General.

"Who's that?" Echo added once he realized he'd walked in a confidential conversation and that everyone was wracking their brains to find a suitable lie. His features hardened from confusion to suspicion as he shook Crosshair off his arm and stood straighter.

Kayden, who was still poking Hunter's chest plate, clapped his hands once and kept them pressed together. "No one." There was an awkward pause as he met yours and Hunter's gaze and turned to Echo with a wink. "Don't do spices." He uselessly added before vanishing.

The gloved hand flying to your forehead was purely unintentional. Idiot!

"What was that?! Where did he go?" The clone took a step backward, his eyes moving around frantically.

"He's- eh-" Hunter was the first to attempt to defuse the situation. He was a good liar. Knew what signs to avoid, how to keep his vitals as normal as possible and had quite a quick reply. The thing was, Echo had had enough time to see that Kayden wasn't just the fruit of his imagination and the moron even talked. The alarmed expression on Wrecker's face wasn't helping either.

Considering all the factors, you decided that Hunter's lie would not do. "Echo, calm down. Let us explain." You abandoned your seat to get closer.

"How can I trust what you say when you hide things from the GAR and that- the man that was there- he…" He tripped on his words and guilt washed over you. The poor man passed years at the Techno Union's mercy, was brainwashed, butchered up and patched back up with mechanical pieces. He was already lost and confused and what he overheard wasn't helping.

"Big words coming from you." Your jaw tightened as soon as Crosshair cut him off, the toothpick between his lips moving from one side of his mouth to the other.

Echo bristled at the attack. "What does that mean?"

"You've been a Separatist puppet for quite some time, selling the GAR every time you could. Now, how do we know you won't be selling us out?" He grabbed his toothpick and threw it with a flick to the white and blue chestplate before you could even lift your hand to stop him.

"I wasn't in control! I'd never betray the GAR and my brothers!"

"Cross, stop." You put yourself between the sniper and the once reg, your right hand falling on the grey plastoid to keep him at bay and maybe calm his arrogance. You knew his whole demeanor was because he was worried you'd be taken away if Echo decided to report you and what happened with Kayden. You were worried too. Scared even. But it wasn't Echo's fault and you couldn't hold it against him. Talking about such things when still on base had been stupid and reckless.

Crosshair didn't meet your eyes but you knew he'd not interfere when the muscles in his neck relaxed. Your hand fell to your side and you turned to Echo. "My instinct tells me that you're trustworthy, so listen. What I'll tell you must not be repeated outside the Marauder and to no one else."

"Y/N-" Hunter tried to talk you down from telling the truth, a hand softly grabbing on your shoulder to catch your attention.

"It's alright. Echo's a good one." You smiled warmly at the tattooed clone. "I'm not a goddess," You shot a look at Wrecker who nodded his head in contradiction. "But I can create some things at will. Like crops and such." You intentionally forgot to mention the Core. You trusted your gut, but let's not forget that the Lumsins fooled you once. "And the guy you saw was Kayden. He's- eh…"

"Your brother." A voice rang out from nowhere and everywhere, scaring Echo who jumped and hit a console with his elbow.

Silently wishing he did not hit his funny bone, you continued. "Adopted. But yeah. He's that. And he's technically dead."

His eyes grew wide and once again, he seemed to struggle to find the right words."Wh- Did you say dea-"

Sharp knocks on the side of the ship cut the conversation short. "Permission to get in? I hope you're all ready in there!"

Everyone straightened, multiple pairs of eyes fell on the 501st trooper to see how he'd react. Against a majority of the expectations aboard the Marauder, Echo kept his mouth shut.

"Of course General! Sorry about the ramp!" You answered the man outside the door before quickly glancing back at Echo. "If you keep this for yourself, I'll explain more later." You promised and even offered your hand to seal the deal.

After looking at the boys behind you that you were sure looked back at him with hard looks and maybe some distrustful gazes, he nodded once, shook your hand and stepped aside so you could lower the ramp for the blue Captain and his General.

"Welcome back." You smiled before hurrying away to your seat, away from the weird buzzing energy that roared to life once the Jedi walked up the stairs.

______

Flying right towards a Separatist fleet messed with your nerves. Even though you'd previously mentioned trusting the robot-clone, Kayden could easily feel the doubt snaking its way into your mind. Despite everything, you remained calm and focused on your task. As soon as the droid called your permission to land on their big-ass ship, the brunette felt a new wave of pride wash away your worry.

He had to admit, so far your guess had been right. The clone kept his word and didn't mention Kayden or the fact that you were a goddess to any of the men that radiated authority more than testosterone. Because yes, you were a god damn goddess despite you denying it like a vegan that claims to have never cheated on their crazy diet.

So far, you were the only member of the Bad Batch who trusted Echo. Even Wrecker was still torn between accepting the new guy or following his brothers' judgment. As usual Crosshair was nasty towards everyone, Hunter was more on his guard than anything else and Tech, well, Kayden didn't like feeling Tech's emotions. They were so fast and too much was happening at the same time that it gave him terrible headaches. From the look he exchanged with Hunter, though, it was easy to tell how he felt about Echo.

Guess they're like that for every outsider that joins the bubble, Kayden thought. He watched as you landed upside down under the belly of the cruiser and gave your signal to the rest of them.

Time to go!

Sneaking the crest into Wrecker's backpack had been terribly unchallenging. Everyone was concentrated on the mission or on Echo, leaving him all the time in the world to fetch the necklace from under your pillow- yes, he wasn't supposed to be in this room but who listens to rules anyway- pass through the barracks doors and discreetly make his way to Wrecker. No one saw the flying piece of wood and now he could get off this damn ship and maybe even enjoy his time outside.

Kayden jogged and ran with the group, staying invisible for any mortal and mechanical eyes. He watched as Echo proved his loyalty to the Republic and got zapped when he pushed his luck.

So far, he'd been pretty disappointed. He thought a cruiser this size would swarm droids of all sorts, giving him some reason to be out and about. Then Skywalker ran away and the action began. He didn't know if he still had veins and adrenaline, but Kayden felt a surge of energy flow through his whole being. Let the fun begin!

He walked two corridors down so he would not be seen by Rex still following the Bad Batch and messed with the droids' internal circuits. He discovered that his new ghost status allowed him to disrupt electronic systems. Tech wasn't too happy about his learning method, but it was a necessary process.

To his delight, the droids fell like flies under his ministrations and he got to return invisible before the clones even turned the corner. He waited for them, leaning onto the wall with a smug grin on his face. Hunter will love this.

"What happened here?" The blue trooper's steps faltered as he took in the scene. Hunter shook his head with a low grunt while Tech crouched to assess the nearest robot. The Bad Batch already knew what happened, but needed to put on a show nonetheless. The wave of displeasure radiating off every single one of them minus Wrecker nearly made him laugh.

"They seem to have malfunctioned, somehow." Tech provided his best half-truth. There wasn't time to ponder more on the matter as more droids marched their way and thus, Rex accepted the explanation and passed to the next problem.

"There's too many of them!" Kayden scoffed at Rex's statement. Not for this team, bud.

To Kayden's joy, Wrecker got into position. This was his cue.

"Mind a little help?" He smirked at Crosshair who was currently sniping through his body to hit some targets behind him. From his place right over the corner, there was no way Rex could see him. It wasn't the case for Hunter.

"Hell yeah!" Wrecker cheered before charging the first droid.

"Kayden, no." Hunter growled so low he nearly missed it.

"Kayden, yes." He laughed as he popped at the other end of the hallway filled with droids. Wrecker charged at the B-1s, quickly making his way to Kayden's position as he walked between the yellow robots and worked his magic.

He was taking down his 7th victim when movement and loud approaching steps caught his attention. A large pile of droids charged his way and would have knocked him over had he not made himself intangible.

He couldn't control the laugh bubbling out of his mouth at seeing Wrecker throw the droids everywhere. Since the last enemy standing was shaking in fear, Kayden took it as his cue to disappear once more.

"I heard someone." Rex peaked in the scrap-filled hallway, his head moving right and left to try and identify what caught his ears.

"Wrecker?" Hunter asked with an impeccably innocent voice.

"No, not him. It was a laugh. But it wasn't Wrecker." The man was on edge, his senses alert and gun at the ready.

"Didn't hear anything, Captain." Hunter turned to meet Echo's frowning gaze. Brownie points right there! The peak of gratefulness escaping the long-haired clone was subtle, just enough to breach through his irritation. "Perhaps a defect in your helmet, sir."

He knew he'd be in trouble later but it was worth it. Doing nothing on their ship was boring him out of his mind. Maybe he should ask you to get him some wood and wood scissors so at least his nights would be interesting instead of playing with his thumbs and doing castles with the toothpicks he found here and there.

Kayden stayed behind with Crosshair, still invisible to not disturb the guy. Not that he cared, but he was curious to see how the small mirrors he threw on the walls would help. Knowing the sniper, they were all placed perfectly where they should be even if the pattern seemed random.

He may not like the hard-ass clone very much, but he wasn't ashamed to admit that his skills were impressive. They got to the infiltration point where the others were waiting, Skywalker amongst them, and Crosshair got into position. The thought of moving the first mirror passed through Kayden's mind and prickled at his fingertips.

Hunter was a nice target to pick on. Crosshair, not so much.

The mirror stayed in place, allowing Crosshair to execute his awfully impressive shot and take down every single droid marching their way. Without an ounce of doubt, Kayden knew his face was mirroring Wrecker's.

Back in the ship, it didn't take long for Crosshair to find the crest in Wrecker's bag and shove it into Hunter's hands who closed his fist around it. Oopsie.

You piloted the ship back to the GAR base and gracefully landed in the hangar, something Tech never learned to do or didn't care to execute.

Rex and Skywalker exited the ship, the rest of the troops slower to follow.

"Nice job cyar'ika." Hunter carefully touched your helmet with his, once the two men walked out. Both your foreheads touched for a whole second and Kayden felt the bile rise in his throat.

"You boys did all the work as usual." You laughed, your hand lifting to cradle the side of his neck.

From his invisible spot near the door, Kayden saw Echo do a double-take in the corner of his eyes before following Rex down the ramp, Wrecker and Crosshair behind him.

Hunter threw the crest in the barracks, clearly hoping to keep Kayden in the ship while they had to follow their superiors.

Joke's on you! Kayden internally laughed as they stopped within his 3 klicks radius and received their praises.

Just because you were there and still felt uncomfortable whenever weird people with weird energy were around, he remained from doing shits around the hangar. Then it was time to pack up and go. He did look forward to being visible again, it did consume more energy and was a bother to not be able to pull pranks as he did before, but he could interact with people and it was worth it. Hunter's lecture would be a hassle though.

Maybe he should look around for a crate to push on someone before the fun time was over.

Echo, who apparently decided to trust you all despite not knowing the whole truth about you and him, joined the ranks of the infamous Clone Force 69. Watching you all salute, Kayden entertained the thought of kicking Crosshair behind the knee and admire him stumble to the ground. As hilarious as it seemed in his head, he couldn't find the courage to do it.

You all got in, Wrecker removed his armor, Hunter disappeared in the barracks, Tech helped you pilot and Crosshair hovered over your seat. You removed your helmet and briefly smiled up at him. He kept watching you do your stuff until the Marauder was in hyperspace and the autopilot was engaged.

Echo was still looking around, wondering what to do with himself. Kayden walked up to him, still too ghostly to be seen and waited for the right moment.

You stood up to smile once more at the grumpy clone.

"Now kiss!" Kayden loudly broke the silence as soon as he made himself visible and scared the cyborg. He closed an eye and moved his fingers so he was pushing yours and Cross' heads towards each other.

"Why are you the way you are?" You rolled your eyes with an exasperated sigh and moved around Crosshair to get to the barracks with the sniper in tow, a too familiar glare hardening his gaze.

"Do not make fun of me because I was dropped!" Kayden laughed at your retreating forms.

"Wait… I thought she was with Hunter…" Echo trailed off, confused.

"She is! But she's a girl so she's predisposed to love triangles. Ya know, like in their anatomy. Boobs, south pole. Triangle." He traced a triangle in the air, using your body as a reference.

"And wh-who are you again?" Echo inquired, frowning too deeply for his fragile features.

"The Dimwit." He winked with the most suspicious grin on his lips before vanishing into thin air.

Echo ran to the cockpit and stayed close to Tech for the whole evening.

#bad batch x reader #crosshair x reader #tech x reader #wrecker x reader #hunter x reader #sergeant hunter #dimwit's tale #fors #star wars #Clone Wars #clone force 99 #the bad batch

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straymackerel · 4 years

Text

shopaholic s/o hcs

akutagawa ryunosuke

• sweet mother of “what the FUCK do i do”

• the man’s coat is an ability ffs how is he gonna know what to do in an actual clothing store

• ps. the 17th century called, they want their ruffled blouse and cravat back

• gin tries to give him advice, like that he should hold stuff for you when you’re shopping, but he’s too embarrassed to actually do so (especially if you’re buying women’s clothes––toxic masculinity check ✨✨)

• akutagawa will either stand in the middle of the aisle or in the very very corner of the stores you go to, and he will NOT move for anyone except you.

• if you bring him to one of those cutesy millennial gift shops, he’ll be tempted to tear the place to shreds… but if it brings you joy, he’ll suck it up just for you.

• blushes and looks away when you come out of the dressing room. “what do you think?” “...tch, it serves its function.”

• akutagawa bristles when he sees a coat like dazai’s on the men’s side of the department store, and he’s quite obvious about it

• follows you like a dog when you finally leave the store

• will ONLY vibe in hot topic 🖤 but even then would not be caught dead holding anything colorful

• the only thing he feels comfortable picking out in front of you are new shades though

• generally admires your outfits in silence. might give a grunt or nod of approval towards your ensemble once in a while, but that’s all you’re getting out of him.

akutagawa gin

• you are exactly what she needs in her life oml

• she’d love to spice up her casual wear but she doesn’t have lots of time to do so between her job and taking care of her brother

• for the love of god you are not allowed to tell him that

• please please pleaseee help her find hair accessories, bracelets, lacy gloves, etc.

• maybe some lipstick? she has no “practical” use for it under a mask so she doesn’t own any yet (she would totally put it on for work though, it’ll be like her little secret)

• when buying new clothes, she comes out of the dressing room quite flustered so you BEST tell her she looks amazing

• gin is v soft and wants to hold your hand while browsing ksdfksksd ❤️❤️

• silently stares at certain mannequins before you finally ask if she wants to check them out

• is always super psyched when you notice (since ryu is always oblivious or just pretending to be...)

• also wants to go to hot topic, specifically for more masks and chokers

• pulls you into the dressing room so no one but you sees her transform with her hair up

• people often give compliments to gin (or the both of you as a couple) in public and she’ll run to hide behind you because AHHHHHHH

• you must nurture and protect this side of her at all costs..!

edgar allan poe

• also part of the hot topic gang™

• entertains you by coming out of the dressing room with the most gothic outfits he could manage to put together

• can we talk about how fabulous this guy dresses??? manga poe popped off with those layers and patterns

• also has impeccable taste in shoes. feast your eyes on those knee-high heeled boots with the tops folded over

• absolutely loves to thrift; won’t even notice musty vintage smells

• unfortunately has to hide karl in his coat so the store staff doesn’t kick him out

• poe will tell you fun facts about the differences between the clothing of japan and america (ex. japanese sizes run small, leggings are considered pants in america but not japan)

• the only obstacle between him and shopping is his shyness. he’ll avoid workers and other customers like the plague

• he’s given up on asking for his size because people never hear him... you may need to “translate” for him once in a while.

• different clothes will make him a different person. he’ll get really into his element if he’s in the right outfit, so he’s down to experiment.

• going out and shopping with you gives him writing inspiration. you might get a poem or two based on such endeavors

• karl isn’t very taken up with the whole ordeal so he might not like you very much

yosano akiko

• a match made in heaven? 😇

• the two of you are constantly asking each other where the other got those pants, that nail polish, those heels, etc.

• yosano gives amazing fashion advice, but never unsolicited. she approves of all of your purchases, believing that there are no hard and fast rules to dressing up. overall just supportive of your shared hobby.

• you will never make more purchases/spend more money than her in any given trip.

• the two of you have to bring a shopping trolley or two or three or four on every trip to the mall (otherwise it’s impossible to bring all the loot home)

• she might still drag an ada member along to help out, and you’ve learned not to question it

• yosano knows all the deals, carries all the coupons, and has all the 5% back credit cards for pretty much everywhere

• fashion magazines littering your shared apartment? probably.

• want her to do your makeup? she’s a doctor, she has steady hands~

• matching outfits? you’ll be the cutest couple.

• the two of you declutter together and always give the excess to charity, shelters, and projects that recycle fabric

• she will never buy new hair accessories to replace her butterfly clip––and it will be a long time before she explains why, if ever.

#bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd poe #akutagawa headcanons #akutagawa gin #akutagawa hcs #akutagawa ryunosuke #yosano hcs #yosano headcanons #edgar allan poe hcs #edgar allen poe hcs #queue

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mercurytrinemoon · 4 years

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On synastry and how to approach it

If you follow me you may have noticed few of my posts where I'm fixating on the fact that I don't know a certain person's birth date. And I said I'm sensing a nice Venus-Mars connection and honestly now that I think about it, I feel like Jupiter is heavily underlined in here as well. So that made me think of synastry a lot (not that I don't think about it on daily basis) and it made me want to elaborate a bit. Also because I see this weird approach where people single out certain aspects and turn them into "make it or break it" kind of deal and that is just wrong.

Actually it's similar with natal charts. The difference here is obvious - you have two individuals which means double the options in which way the energy may go and more potential for aspects to cancel each other out. So while natal interpretations of, for example, planets in the houses will resonate with you, all the black and white interpretations of synastry house overlays belong in the dumpster imho. And I knooow, I knoooow, one of my first posts was about house overlays. It was very generalized one and I did disclaim to take the entire chart into consideration. But sometimes I see these descriptions where people say "oh my god Venus in the 8th house! This is highly sexual aspect!" But what if none of the people have their Mars nor Venus activated, maybe except for a Venus-Saturn square that puts a big dump on the whole thing. Also, this may as well indicate taking care of shared resources (because that's one of the main themes of the 8th). Besides - and that's my personal take - overlays are less important than aspects between planets unless a) you’re putting a stellium in someone’s house b) it's about angles, because having the same planet as someone's ascendant is a big thing and I can guarantee you that most of the people you create bonds with will have that configuration with you.

Speaking of which, the type of people you attract is highly dependant on your chart. Angles are important but so are aspects and planet placements. I'll give you an example based on my own natal chart, because, obviously, I know myself well and I pay attention to charts of the people I come in contact with. As an Aquarius rising, I attract a lot of Aqua personal planets, Leo risings and people with personal planets in Leo - surprisingly not a single Leo Sun. As a Sagittarius dominant person, most of my friends are Gemini Moons or Sag Moons. Surprisingly I only befriended one Gemini Sun in my life + my belowed dog who was a Gemini. My Aries Moon makes me weak for Aries Suns. Sun is opposite Mars (5th house) - it, again, points to Aries (and Scorpios as well). Dominant fire element and Aries in the 3rd (easy communication) helps here a lot. Having Sagittarius in the 11th (house of friends) and Jupiter in the 7th (house of partnerships), I tend to be friends with other Sadges BUT that Jupiter in the 7th makes me very attracted to Pisces as well. So DO take classic rulership into consideration!

That leads me to another point - modalities. I have a lot of mutable energy so I love other mutable energies. SQUARES omg, especially in romantic/sexual relationships. They do bring tension but hear me out. You need trines and sextiles but squares bring spice. I can guarantee you that having a flowing Mars-Venus contact will give you a pleasant feelings for one another, easiness in communication and a natural synchronicity, but it's the square that will make you wanna rip each other's clothes off. Soooo... I mean, whichever you prefer I guess. Squares are also stimulating, with trines the energy flows nicely, squares bring interest... it's a different element, but the same modality... a perfect mix to make you drawn to the other person. It's similar yet intriguing. Another example, as a Sag Venus my tastes concerning arts and music should clash with a Pisces Venus - that’s what a textbook definition will tell you - but surprise, surprise, half of my favourite artists have Venus in Pisces.

Now with oppositions it's a completely different thing. I think they work wonderful when there are yin-yang planets involved. As I mentioned earlier, as a Sagittarius Sun I love Gemini Moons. They compliment each other. The thing is, with opposites you either get each other or you just pass each other. So it fluctuates. I've noticed that especially when there's the same planet involved. Two people having Mercury opposition will get each other so well they will finish each other's sentences one day and then completely miss the mark the next. Like two vehicles driving in opposite directions.

Trines aren't 100% amaaaazing. I know many people who, like me, have inner planets in fire signs and our values, ways of thinking and approach to certain issues are completely different. We do express them in the same manner though, which is by being loud lol. Trines also bring laziness so if you have too many of them the relationship may just fizzle out. Sextiles on the other hand are so underappreciated. Air fuels fire and water nourishes the earth - it’s way more interesting than a trine where both signs are in the same element, imho. Some astrologers will tell you sextiles are "weaker" but that's just stupid. They’re just as important, okay?

Sometimes you don't even have to have an actual aspect. Whoa, I know, mind-blown. But I see that constantly. Obviously having planets in a tight aspects is very important but let's say you have Aquarius Venus at 5° and the other person has Sun in Aqua at 20°. They don't make an aspect but it's the same sign, therefore you're going to express these energies in the same manner - which makes you compatible (tho I don't like that word). Now the smaller the orb, the more significant the aspect is. I've read somewhere that the aspect with the tightest orb kind of represents the theme of the relationship - I haven't been able to really analyze this theory tho. When it comes to orbs overall, Alexander Von Pronay is suggesting to use aspects up to 7°. I'd do that and then look at aspects under 2° to really see which energies are stronger. Liz Greene said that if you're feeling an aspect, even if the orb is wider, well, you're feeling it and it's there. I suspect it may depend on what energies you're sensitive to. If, for example, your chart ruler is Venus, you may feel Venus aspects more. And then with Uranus, Neptune and Pluto I'd say up to 2°.

What's actually awesome are so called double whammies. It's when the same two planets are aspected both ways. So A person's Sun is trining B's Venus and B's Venus is sextile A's Sun. Or A's Moon is conjunct B's Sun and B's Sun is opposite A's Moon. I like double whammies cause they provide mutuality. People often ask "wHo FeeLs iT mORe????". First of all, there's no clear answer to that because everyone's different and their charts are different and some respond to the energy one way and some, other. That's why I like to ask people: well, how do YOU feel about that aspect (if you, of course, know astrology well enough to pinpoint the energy). But with double whammies you basically exchange the same aspect so, hopefully, in 99%, it will be mutual.

What I also love is having the same aspect natally. Let's say you have a Mars-Mercury trine natally and the other person has it conjoined. That is awesome. It's like going through the same experiences in life and going "yeah! I went through that too! I understand!" Better yet if then those planets also make an aspect in the synastry chart. It's great. You're going to vibe so much.

About mutuality... A few weeks ago I was watching a livestream from Nina and Shaina from Party Trick Astrology (love those girls) and they were talking about synastry so I asked them a question related to these things cause, you know, I bet they've seen hundreds of charts and I'm always curious about other people's observations. So I asked about mutuality and one of them gave an example of a girl whose Venus was beautifully aspected by a guy and the guy's Venus not being aspected at all. And how this, for example, pointed to the guy being into the girl but not vice versa. And I thought that's interesting because I'd assume it would be the other way around. Her planets didn't activate his Venus so he shouldn't be into her romantically. And I actually experienced that myself one time. I had this Aqua friend and had literally zero aspects to my Venus. Not even a semi-sextile, not even a quincunx, not even a wide generational planet connection. And I didn't see him through these romantic lens. So I guess there are no rules to this. OR it’s all about projection (which btw happens a lot in astrology). That's why I like to look at synastry charts and just get the overall vibe.

Now with that being said, the shocker. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ASPECTS WITH THE OTHER PERSON AT ALL. I know, a bummer. Here we, astrology junkies, are in the lookout for the perfect synastry chart but as I look at charts of celebrity couples I often see them having no Sun connections, no Venus or Mars connections, lame Moon aspects etc. That is indeed disappointing. That's why I was so stoked about that Britney-Justin synastry. Because I don't see connections like that one between all the "it” couples of today.

So I guess... astrology is bullshit... Nah, just kidding. But it is complex. Sometimes it’s quality over quantity. And you should approach synastry as a whole, just feel it out, you know? And I’ll leave you with that for today because it’s getting long.

#synastry #astrology #astro notes #astrology notes #mercurytrinemoon

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m4gp13 · 3 years

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I generally try to keep relationshippy type posts more platonic on my blog but ethabaster shippers (or ethaster, as I’ve seen it referred to) y’all gave me content when there was none, this one’s for you babes <3 Also quick sidenote, this ship has extremely limited content in canon (which is to say, NONE) so a lot of this is based on speculation but bear with me because some of them are actually fairly plausible (or at the very least they aren’t explicitly ruled out by canon). Si tight because this may end up being pretty extensive.

The main reason they are shipped is because they are the only two similarly aged demigods in the titan army that we have any information on (including name) and thus have some small chance of meeting however it would be silly to say this is the only reason and - believe it or not - there are some other interesting reasons on why this is shipped. Keep in mind this is the PJO fandom, a fandom that visibly adores the “the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one” trope (have y’all seen how popular Solangelo is ???) and in that respect Ethan and Alabsters personalities are easily compatible.

I can’t recall a single instance in the books where Ethan is described as smiling; he is usually serious, driven and has very sharp responses to questions or statements he doesn’t like (see: “there is no wrong side”, glaring after being asked about his eye and almost pulling a sword on Percy for questioning his mothers motives and ethics). Alabaster on the other hand, while he is still traumatised from the massacre he recently witnessed, does still make ironic comments, smile and he is described at one point as “happy-go-lucky”. And yes, it is important to note that Ethan was with his enemy and Alabaster was with an ally during pretty much every page we see them in, the fact that Ethan had moments ago been rescued by the people he was snapping at and Alabaster still being somewhat cheery despite the horrors he had only just witnessed suggests it is more of a personality thing rather than a situation thing.

This beloved trope is of course not the only instance of compatibility between the two. For example, Ethan’s story ended with him giving up the notion of getting revenge on the Olympians like kronos wanted and instead giving his life to pursue and fulfill his original goal of balance. On the contrary, Alabasters story is currently in a state in which vengeance helps keep him going; he sites revenge as the only thing that would make him go anywhere near chb. This sort of balances them out and creates and interesting dynamic and it would be a joy to see them interact after this but considering Ethan’s current predicament I don’t think that’s likely except in fics. (although in this Ethans calmer demeanor would make him the sunshine one and Alabaster with his John Wick revenge plot would be the grumpy one).

They also have a lot in common but not so much that they start looking like mirrors. They are both clearly passionate about their cause, both of them are willing to kill and die for what they believe is right. They both openly express how strongly they feel to the conflict and they didn’t get so far in the army by being apathetic to what everyone around them is fighting for. Alabaster was chosen to lead the demigods into battle and Ethan is definitely a person of note in the army from the things we’ve seen him do (meaning they had a very high chance of meeting during their time in the army). However, Alabaster and Ethan view the army in very different ways. Al clearly sees the army as a heroic force from his “hero’s never die, right?” line while Ethan isn’t so black and white with his world view which we know from his “there is no wrong side” line. This means that they are similar enough to have common interests that they can bond over while still being separate people that can act on their own wishes, desires or simple personalities. (because sometimes it’s nice when characters are characters instead of just existing to serve a ship)

They understand each other. As they were both high ranking members of the titan army with similar goals they will have had similar experiences and therefore know things about each other that most people just can’t; as in, they don’t have the experience necessary to understand them like they understand each other. This is very appealing from an observers perspective because a lot of the time people don’t want grand declarations of love and massive bouquets, they just want someone to know them intimately enough to be truly in love.

They also have a lot of story potential both before and after Ethan’s death. Especially if you consider the fact that Al could have saved Ethan or brought him back as a mistform. People like drama and intentionally or not seek out dramatic things. Ethan and Al’s storys are dramatic enough on their own but when you put them together and then imagine all the things they could have done or could do!!! The spice! The flavour! The DRAMA!!! and the intrigue. They are both very interesting characters that can pique one’s curiosity easily. When people are curious about characters they look more into them, think about them more and in some cases this leads to shipping.

Another reason is simple vibes. Sometimes you just look at some characters and go “yeah bro those guys vibe together” and that’s that. Your ship has been chosen by the Vibes ain’t nothing you can do about it.

These aren't the only reasons of course but these are the only ones coming to my mind; if you have others please tell me. Now that we’ve got a couple of reasonings of why they’re shipped it’s time to look at their canon interactions. Since there are none you may expect me to skip this part entirely but you underestimate my devotion to both my favourite (platonic and romantic) ship and ✨obsessing over throwaway lines that only exist to give the readers a clearer image of a scene in their head rather than any plot important reasons✨. That’s right fellas it’s over analysis time (as the old saying goes, “if i cannot find homoerotic subtext, I will create it”) !!!

Before we begin, fear not avid lovers of sticking to things explicitly mentioned in the books, my argument is not “On page 228 of my copy of battle of the labyrinth, Ethan is first mentioned by a demigod holding a torch. Alabasters mother is the goddess Hecate and one of Hecate’s symbols is the torch therefore Alabaster is the person who found Ethan and thus the first times both are mentioned is in conjunction with each other which means boyfriends”, although I will admit my mind did have fun spiraling down to that little tidbit.

We know from the son of magic that Alabaster was able to use his magic to protect himself from the Princess Andromeda exploding but we are never given an explanation on how Ethan survived. I have mentioned this theory before and I’m going to say again the idea that Alabaster used the same magic to save Ethan that he used on himself. Alabaster doesn’t mention Ethan when he tells Claymore how he survived but remember he is still traumatized and it is anything but rare for trauma victims to seriously suppress their trauma (for example: almost watching a close companion being blown up right in front you and knowing that you are the only thing standing between them and breaking their toe on the big bad bucket) Of course there are reasons this might not work such as Ethan leaving the main deck to go to the engine room before the ship blows and Alabaster, being a high commanding officer, was likely on the deck when she blew however, Alabaster could have easily given Ethan some kind of magical protection before hand as they were warned of the anti Andromeda plot and will have prepared for any possible outcome.

Another deadly event that Ethan miraculously survived is the bridge incident. Realistically, do you genuinely believe that an unconscious, minorly wounded kid is going to be able to drag his unconscious body through a massive crowd of tightly packed teenagers, to the other side of a very large bridge and get far enough away from that bridge to be safe from it completely collapsing all by himself ??? We already know Alabaster is powerful enough to survive an explosion of greek fire so a collapsing bridge should be nothing to him, even if he is lugging around his friends limp almost-corpse. Also, if you like the trope of character A lovingly teasing character B then there’s nothing to say Alabaster wasn’t the “nice knowing ya” guy and, If you prefer it when character A ruthlessly defends character B from silly jabs then there’s also nothing to say Alabaster didn’t stomp on the guys foot the second Ethan left.

Another thing, ya know how Al has a bit of a revenge thing that he might need to tone down ever so slightly? Who better to help with that than a kid whose mum is the goddess of that kind of thing?! And yes, I know Ethan was already dead at that point but also, I don’t care; it can sort itself out. Anyway, I feel like with Nemesis kids it’s less of a “constantly seeking revenge for everything” and more of a “having a deeper understanding of revenge and therefore more able to regulate who does or doesn’t need some vengeance in their life”. It would have been interesting if Ethan survived and sorta coached Al on his feelings and how to deal with them in the least destructive way possible.

Also, as I mentioned before they are both high ranking individuals in the titan army. Al is chosen to lead the demigod forces into battle and Ethan seems to get called on by Kronos for a lot of specific tasks i.e. the sword of Hades, capturing Beckendorf, guarding Prometheus and being with Kronos during what he thought would be his final victory. From this we can assume that they probably worked pretty close together as the only high ranking demigods aside from Luke that we know of. All other important people in the army are titans, monsters or gods. As the only two demigods with such importance they probably gravitated towards each other and bonded over their workloads, goals or other things that people talk about before developing more intimate feelings (I assume but anyone who knows how relationships work please correct me if I’m wrong)

Also, a couple of things I noticed is what drives them is, at surface level, the same thing. They both want the Olympians to back up a bit and allow for the minor deity’s to receive some of the respect that has been with held from them for centuries. However, Al is more deeply motivated by his emotions while Ethan is not so much. Al expresses anger at the gods and disdain, he almost immediately latches on to the closest father figure he can get and gets notably excited when it appears he’s about to win and distraught when he thinks he’s lost. Ethan is motivated less by hatred for the gods but by a less emotionally draining thought of the minor gods deserve respect. He never gets emotionally invested in tasks, even life or death ones, unless attacked with something personal (he was generally apathetic during the parley until Percy started insulting him and his mother).

This could be due to Al being allowed to openly express emotion while Ethan has been taught to suppress it. What evidence do I have for this? Their mothers. To Nemesis, Ethan is a tool, a means to an end, a “thing” to use so she can get the desired outcome. To her, taking his eye and telling him to join the army was little different from drilling a hole in a board. She took a part of his body as payment so she clearly doesn’t see him as or care that he is his own person with thoughts, feelings and desires of his own. Hecate on the other hand actively acknowledges that her son has his on interests ideas and she wants to see him happy which is a complete U turn from Nemesis. We know that Al ans Hecate have regular enough conversations through dreams but we don’t know if Ethan ever met Nemesis after the eye thing. So we know that Al has contact with a mother that not only supports him but actively uses her powers to improve his life (see Claymore) and Ethan saw his mother once, was presumably traumatized and never saw her again. Big yikes. (Also the reason that Hecate stopped resisting the Olympians was because they threatened her with Al’s life. If Nemesis was the one who chose to resist and Ethan was still alive would she have stopped to keep him alive? I doubt it)

But yeah that’s pretty much all possible character interactions they could have had, the rest is up to our dear old friend, imagination. have fun kids. Also pretty much everything here can be read as platonic sooo.

#pjo #percy jackson #ethan nakamura #alabaster torrington #alabaster c torrington #the way i almost misspelled platonic as paltonic #which is arguably better #also why does Rock Boy have such a long ass name i'm tired of typing it #also #hi Chrys how's the content starvation going :)#tw: trauma #this has been in my drafts for months i'm so paranoid about this

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bentonpena · 4 years

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Tofu Freaking Rules

Tofu Freaking Rules https://bit.ly/350TvUV

We need to talk about tofu. As Beyond Meat and Impossible Burger mania sweeps the globe, the OG vegan protein is getting left behind—and I, for one, hate to see it. If you’re serious about reducing your reliance on animal products, tofu has the potential to change your diet—and life—for the better.

To some extent, I get why so many people, particularly American meat-eaters, are resistant to the entire concept of tofu. Western culture has ruthlessly (and racist-ly) slandered the humble soy-based protein for as long as we’ve known about it, so a lot of us were basically programmed from birth to think it’s garbage.

I’m begging you to reconsider. When correctly prepared, tofu is a textural marvel, running the gamut from delicate and custardy to deep-fried and crunchy. Its unmatched flavor-absorbing powers make it a total chameleon; it truly can be anything you want it to be. I’ve loved tofu my whole meat-eating life, and I’m here to convert the naysayers. Welcome to my Tofu Manifesto.

You’re probably thinking about tofu all wrong

The biggest, wrongest tofu misconception is that it’s strictly a meat substitute. Sure, it can be that if it needs to—but tofu’s closest animal protein analog is actually the egg. On their own, eggs are bland; it’s their ability to morph into a staggering array of forms and textures that makes them so special. However you like your eggs—fried crisp with lacy edges, scrambled soft with lots of butter, or cooked into a puffy, tender frittata—I’m willing to bet your preferences come down to texture rather than flavor.

The same is true for tofu, which is why I’m skeptical when people insist they don’t like how it tastes. Soft and silken tofu has a more noticeable soy milk vibe than the firm stuff, but for the most part, it adds no flavor whatsoever to a dish. Tofu only tastes as good as the sauce it’s served in—texture is basically the whole point.

It’s embarrassingly easy to make tofu taste amazing

Contrary to popular assumption, delicious tofu takes barely any work at all. In fact, all the usual hacks try way too hard: Pressing takes forever (and freezing even longer); marinating often yields profoundly mediocre results; a cornstarch dredge too easily sogs out. None of these techniques work particularly well on medium-to-soft tofu, and with the exception of marinating, they also offer absolutely nothing in the way of seasoning.

For all of these reasons and more, the salt water trick is the only tofu hack worth knowing. Hot, salty water is a tofu prep triple threat: It dehydrates firm tofu so it crisps up quickly, sets super-fragile soft tofu so it doesn’t fall apart, and seasons everything through and through. It also adds as much work to your dinner prep as boiling pasta. I’ll get into the specific techniques in a bit; for now, just know that the salt water hack promoted tofu from something I’d buy occasionally to a legit, can’t-live-without-it staple.

If you remain unmoved, I’ve collected my favorite tofu products and preparations in one place, starting with the most hater-friendly ones. This isn’t a recipe post—it’s all about the technique. (Where applicable, I’ll link to specific recipes that I used and explain how I adjusted them to work with tofu, with the hope that you’ll soon be doing the same.)

Even hardline skeptics love fried tofu puffs

Tofu puffs are cheap, delicious, deep-fried flavor sponges that need zero prep; in other words, they’re easy to love. You can toss them whole into curries and stews for a fun textural element, but I strongly recommend taking 30 seconds to slice them in half. With their honeycomb-like interiors exposed, these puffy little nuggets soak up sauce like nobody’s business—without compromising their crispiness.

To show them off, I made my favorite Maangchi recipe—cheese buldak, or fire chicken with cheese—with halved tofu puffs instead of chicken breast.

Those two ingredients are obviously nothing alike, but the swap totally works thanks to the insanely powerful sauce. Red-hot both in color and spice level, surprisingly sweet, and with enough fresh ginger and garlic to put hair on your chest, it more than picks up the slack for something as bland as chicken breast or unseasoned tofu. Having made this dish with chicken dozens of times, I have to say—I prefer the puffs. Even when saturated with sauce, they stay light and puffy, which is the perfect contrast to the ultra-chewy texture of sliced rice cakes and melted mozzarella.

Pressed tofu does (most of) the prep work for you

As the name implies, pressed tofu has already been pressed to remove most of its moisture, resulting in a pleasantly toothsome texture. You can buy it pre-seasoned with soy sauce and five spice powder, but I like it plain so I can season it however I like.

Here, I whipped up a vaguely Spam-inspired mixture of roughly 2 tablespoons each of soy sauce and sugar, plus a teaspoon of garlic powder and a few shakes of smoky hot sauce (El Yucateco Black Label Reserve for life). I added some cubed pressed tofu and let everyone hang out about 20 minutes, flipping them around halfway through. You don’t need much marinade; a shallow layer is plenty.

I then used it to bulk up a super basic batch of fried rice with ginger, garlic, carrots, and frozen peas. The cubes got nicely crispy and charred on the edges, and were just what I needed to add some substance to a huge bowl of fried carbs.

Unseasoned pressed tofu also makes great vegan “paneer:” Cube it up and marinate in lemon juice with a few pinches of salt for 30 minutes, or longer if you have the time. As with regular paneer, you can pan-fry the tofu or leave it alone; either way, you’ll be surprised at how closely the marinated tofu mimics the texture and flavor of the real thing.

Medium-to-firm tofu needs a little TLC

This range of the tofu spectrum is the most recognizable and the least immediately appealing. I mean, just look at this:

In my experience, the variations between medium, firm, and extra-firm tofu are pretty meaningless, and I use them all interchangeably. Left uncooked, they all have a texture best described as “rubbery,” with no discernible flavor at all. Their highest calling is getting crispy in a hot skillet and doused in a flavorful sauce.

All you need to make crunchy pan-fried tofu is salt water, a good nonstick pan, and all of 20-30 minutes. That’s it. Here’s my usual procedure for a standard 1-pound block.

Before I do any other ingredient prep, I bring 2-3 cups of salted water and 2 teaspoons of table salt to a strong boil in a saucepan. Then I cut the heat, slide in my tofu, and let it sit while I prepare the rest of the recipe. After 15-20 minutes, I drain off the water and either pat the tofu dry on clean towels or leave it in the colander until I need it.

To get that crispy surface going, I coat my big cast-iron skillet with a thin layer of neutral oil and heat it over medium-high. I then add the tofu, spread it into an even layer, and leave it completely alone for at least 5 minutes.

Once the edges start to brown, I flip it over and do the same on the other side.

Boom. Done. Obviously, I used crumbled tofu here—it’s my favorite—but this works just as well with cubes, slabs, triangles, or any other shape you can dream up.

Don’t sleep on crumbled tofu

I know I said that tofu isn’t a meat substitute, but crispy tofu crumbles get really fucking close. In many cases, I prefer them to meat because they hold their shape—and a surprising amount of crunch—even when simmered for a long time. Sure, they don’t give you the specific richness you get with ground pork or beef, but with the right recipe you won’t miss it at all.

Speaking of the right recipe, Bon Appétit Test Kitchen director Chris Morocco’s spicy sweet sambal pork noodles are flawless—but, despite the name, I’ve actually never made them with meat. I only had tofu the first time I made them, and they turned out so well that I’m fine with never learning how they taste with pork.

I make the recipe exactly as written, except—obviously—I leave the pork out. Instead, I fry up soaked, crumbled firm tofu in a separate skillet while the sauce simmers, then dump ‘em in and toss everything together with cooked noodles. This cuts at least 30 minutes off the cook time without compromising on anything except porkiness, which I promise won’t even register.

You can also use tofu crumbles like ground beef. I usually throw in some minced onion and garlic in once the tofu is nice and crispy, then cook it down with a little tomato paste, taco seasoning, and cheap beer if I’ve got it.

It’s not beefy, exactly, but it tastes incredible in its own right—and makes a killer vegan-friendly crunchwrap filling.

You can roast tofu, too

Maybe you’d rather not spray your stovetop with oil in the name of crispy tofu. In that case, roasted tofu is for you. The results are directly comparable to pan-frying—they just take a little longer to get there.

Start with soaked, drained tofu, preferably cut into triangles or flat slabs so they’re easy to flip. Arrange on a clean towel and let them dry out while your oven preheats to 450ºF.

If you like, cut a vegetable of your choice into similarly-sized pieces and toss them with a tablespoon or two of neutral oil; I’m using kabocha squash here.

Place a sheet pan on the lowest oven rack. After about 3 minutes, add 2-3 tablespoons of neutral oil to the pan, put it back in the oven, and heat for another minute or two. Carefully transfer the tofu and vegetables to the hot oiled pan, return to the bottom rack, and roast for at least 20 minutes. Flip everything over and roast for another 15-20 minutes, until the tofu is super crispy on both sides and the vegetables are browned and soft.

You can eat the whole shebang straight off the pan—perhaps drizzled with spicy peanut sauce or chili oil—but I added mine to a quick curry made with Maesri panang curry paste, palm sugar, and coconut milk. (Maesri is the only brand I’ve found that doesn’t use shrimp paste or fish sauce; if you usually avoid prepared curry paste for allergy or vegan reasons, give it a try.)

To be completely honest, the kabocha was a miss—the flesh was too dry, and the skin was super tough. The crispy roasted tofu, however, slapped. They can’t all be bangers; such is the nature of experimentation.

When you feel ready, silken tofu is there for you

The next stop on our tour de tofu is the most controversial, misunderstood one yet: Soft or silken tofu. Yes, it’s bland. Unseasoned coagulated soy milk isn’t going to blow your mind with super-concentrated umami or whatever. But when prepared correctly, soft tofu is more than just delicious—it’s absolutely sublime. I will go to bat for it all day long, and I would love to tell you why.

The dish that changed my mind about silken tofu came from Biwa, a now-closed izakaya-style bar in Portland. It was deceptively simple: A whole block of chilled silken tofu drizzled with sweet soy sauce and topped with bias-cut scallions, fistfuls of toasted sesame seeds, and paper-thin bonito shavings. I ordered it every time, and my friends would always be like—“Cold tofu? Why?” But if I could convince them to take a bite, they’d understand. It was like eating a deeply savory panna cotta.

Unfortunately, my dearly departed Tofu Slab is no more—and my attempts to recreate it have been so unsuccessful that I’m forced to settle for the next best thing: Salt water-soaked silken tofu mounded on hot white rice and drowned in chili oil, soy sauce, and black vinegar.

I’m not complaining. The salt water, once again, is key: It turns a cold, slimy block of tofu into a piping-hot savory custard, which is the perfect canvas for condiments. Sure, there’s not much in the way of textural contrast, but the softness is so comforting and nice that I think a crunchy element would actually defeat the purpose. It’s a delicious, balanced, reasonably nutritious meal you can throw together in the time it takes to cook a pot of rice.

Putting it all together: All-tofu mapo tofu

Neglecting to mention mapo tofu in an article about tofu is basically journalistic malpractice. The iconic Sichuanese tofu dish is rich, meaty, spicy, funky, sour, and savory all at once—and slicked with lip-numbing Sichuan peppercorn oil for good measure. It’s a top 3 dish for me; I make it all the time, usually using Maggie Zhu’s recipe from the Omnivore’s Cookbook.

Being a big vegetable fan, I’ve experimented with using minced veg—eggplant, mushrooms, and even carrots—in place of the traditional ground meat. But this time, I decided to follow my vision and make a variant I’m calling “Oops! All Tofu.” I approached this recipe just like the sambal noodles, swapping crispy tofu crumbles in for the ground pork—but this time, I also soaked some cubed soft tofu in a fresh pot of salt water while the sauce simmered away.

This was one of the most delicious things I’ve ever made. The nubbins of soft tofu were literally melt-in-your-mouth tender, while the crispy crumbles turned downright meaty as they soaked up the spicy, salty, rich sauce. It made me even more certain of all of the (correct) tofu opinions I just laid out before you and, if you’ll let it, it has the power to convert you too.

Internet via Lifehacker https://bit.ly/2VwWgKq April 24, 2020 at 12:01PM

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thesinglesjukebox · 7 years

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LITTLE MIX FT. STORMZY - POWER [6.08] I guess every superhero need her theme music...

Eleanor Graham: THE SOUND OF CORBYN'S BRITAIN. [7]

Anjy Ou: Stormzy bigging me up while I declare that I rule the world with a country rasp over electric guitars and snare drums? Yeah, I dig it. [7]

Katie Gill: "Power" is a big, strong, loud Spice Girls girl power song, perfect for playing at full volume and screaming it with your girlfriends. It's pure, unadulterated, fun and sparkly pop music. It's also a bit of a hot mess: I have no idea why they shoved poor Jesy with baby's-first-rap-verse. But it's a BEAUTIFUL hot mess, the music equivalent of putting on all your make-up because fuck it. It's campy in it's messiness, perfectly reflected in the aesthetic of the video itself. The main flaw is that Stormzy verse. Poor Stormzy is trying to work something workable out of the girl power theme but it just ends up sounding silly. [7]

Alfred Soto: As much as I like Stormzy, who's had a terrific recent run, his verse works as effect if not affect. The clatter of guitars and Little Mix's call-and-response vocals is an aural demonstration of the muscle-flexing lyrics. [7]

Lauren Gilbert: Little Mix's history with guest raps has been mixed at best, but this one actually adds to the song. It transforms Another Empowerment Anthem for teen girls to yell along to in the car to a surprisingly good duet celebrating awesome women and the men who love them all the more for being able to handle their shit. It was a stronger track on its own than either "Touch" or "No More Sad Songs," and the driving beat makes Stormzy's guest rap "complement your vibe, girl." As always, Jesy Nelson is a national fucking treasure. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: Now, this is what GIRL POWER sounds like in 2017: forceful, potent female vocals singing (and rapping) about how women have the power, with huge, positive attitude reminiscent of Spice Girls and Girls Aloud at their peaks. Man of the year Stormzy drops by to deliver a verse in praise of women -- "you can be a woman and a boss and wear the trousers," he raps, underplaying his vocal, recognizing that this song isn't about him -- and the chorus explodes in turbo-pop fireworks. This is a celebration, and potentially an anthem. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Had to make sure that seeing those pink Vetements/Manolo Blahnik boots in the recent Blackpink music video didn't color my impression of this but "Power" sounds undeniably like K-pop: the wonderful stylistic shifts; the extended pause, followed by the self-assured "my turn"; the SM-esque "whoa-oh-oh's" during Leigh-Anne's part. I'm most enamored by the malleability of the introductory guitar line and stomping, how it sounds obviously country when coupled with Perrie's southern twang but not so much elsewhere. I imagine many will be turned off by the chorus since it makes "Power" sound like standard family-friendly Girl Power fare, but it's surely intentional. All this talk of climaxing first, clearing browser histories, and not being submissive in bed could come off heavy-handed or awkward, but it's the chorus that reminds us of what Little Mix are doing here: normalizing the notion that the bedroom is a place where a woman can -- and should -- feel empowered. [7]

Alex Clifton: Jesus, the production is so garbled with this track that the lyrics are nigh impossible to parse out. Perrie Edwards spends the first thirty seconds screaming so loud that it took me a moment to realize that was her voice, rather than a pitch-shifted sample. The last minute of this song is a mess -- too many layered vocals to the point where they swallow one another up. There's supposed to be a sexual self-empowerment message in here, but it's useless to have a song about your power if nobody can understand you. Points for catchiness and the inclusion of Alaska, Willam, and Courtney Act in the video, but Little Mix can do far better than this. [3]

Jonathan Bradley: From Perrie Edwards straining like her opening verse is an X-Factor audition, to the engine-roar sound effects, "hold up" interjections, and bumpy riffage, "Power" is so relentless as to be exhausting. This is an arrangement that doesn't grow bigger as it goes on, but just acquires more -- and more -- and ever more gruelling more. Stormzy finds the pocket at least, and I'm charmed by his rhyming "browsers," "houses," and "trousers" in succession, even if "you can be a woman and a boss and still wear the..." sounds a bit like he's moments away from going full Sheryl Sandberg. [4]

Maxwell Cavaseno: You know what's the ultimate irony? When the formulaic dance breakdown comes through, you expect a drop. Except it doesn't drop, they strain to hit some sort of extra extra extra highpoint. Its a series of high-points between Little Mix and the song they're furiously pushing upward higher and higher, a team struggling with Atlas-like gravitas. Stormzy's relatively low-key performance here both ends up serving to emphasize and undermine the ladies; yes, he's graciously bowing out of trying to one-up everyone. But he's the only person who sounds comfortable and relaxed for a moment. [3]

Ryo Miyauchi: A majority of drop-based gags in pop have had little to no shelf life. Little Mix's "Power" is no exception, but I come to this group to hear this sort of vocal-warping, bass-surging silliness with their message of self-empowerment than their let's-get-serious method of delivery like "No More Sad Songs." Overdone, certainly, though what would be Little Mix if they weren't? [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Little Mix have gone from trying to be Fifth Harmony to trying to be Jessie J circa "Bang Bang." This is the one and only time I'll call "trying to be Jessie J" an improvement; savor it. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#Little Mix #Stormzy #Power

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bulbsanta06-blog · 5 years

Text

Eating BIG in Montreal

Eating like a local: Regional food specialties

- Exploring French-Canada (MTL edition)

We decided to take a trip for our second anniversary. My wife had the time available from work and I'm currently part timing so why not we figured? If it's one rule I try to live by it's the live for now mentality. At least while it's just us anyway. Why Montreal? Well we paired it with Quebec City but in truth it was Montreal that I really wanted to get to. It's a spot I'd been to about a decade ago but that was before I did stuff like this. So we did the typical stuff that 20 somethings do when traveling there. I think I ate poutine at the casino. Ha. So this trip would be much different. As always I had my eyes on Montreal for the food first and foremost. That paired with the facts it's only a two hour flight and early November was off season made it an easy choice. We wanted something similar to Europe.

Sights from Montreal

What's so similar to Europe? Well to start French is still the main language in the Quebec region of Canada. This alone makes you feel like you're somewhere overseas. Maybe not as much so as Quebec City but Montreal has some wonderful historic neighborhoods with cobblestone streets and such. I cant quite pinpoint what it is but I really did love Montreal after this second trip I took. We got lucky in that it was warmer there then it was in Chicago so we had basically 50 degree weather that was mostly sunny. I really want to go back during the summer bc like Chicago I imagine it's electric.

More Sights from Montreal

I always have these large google maps that I make of all the spots I want to try. I was surprised by how many were on my Montreal list. It's a big city and it seemed like my type of spots just kept popping up. Of course it was impossible to get to tall of them which is partially why I think Montreal is the type of city that warrants multiple visits. If you like strolling around town and walking through different neighborhoods than this is a good place to take a vacation. The public transit system was very much reliable and really easy to use. Clean too. Shouts out to the Hotel William Gray which is a very nice place to stay if you like the new school hip and modern hotels that take good care of you.

More Sights from Montreal

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Beauty's Luncheonette

Montreal is home to a ton of iconic eateries. Some of them have been on my hit list for quite some time. Beauty's Luncheonette was one of them. Opened in 1942 by a son of two Russian-Jewish immigrants it's been a staple of the community ever since. Locals come for both the food and chit chat based on what I saw on our visit. I chose this as our first stop bc we got in early and the most ordered menu item at Beauty's is the Beauty's Special. It's a toasted Montreal bagel with lox, cream cheese, red onion, and tomato. A classic that I can always enjoy. Even if the bagel is toasted. Other popular menu items are the blintzes, challah French toast, and the smoked salmon with eggs. It just started to get packed as the kids of the founder were hosting some sort of get together for what seemed like friends and relatives. Go early or on a weekday if you can bc I noticed a line on the wkd.

The Beauty Special at Beauty's Luncheonette

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Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann

Any time a city's direct comparison is France you better stop and see what's up with the pastries. Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann is said to be one of the best spots in town. We stopped in for both a croissant and also a bite of the namesake. Not bad at all. Maybe not Paris level or should I say San Francisco which is where I fell in love with the super buttery and flaky Kouign Amann pastry.

Kouign Amann at Pâtisserie Au Kouign Amann

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Larry's

Larry is short for Lawrence which is a popular Montreal dinner spot. Helmed by a British ex pat who also runs a head to tail butcher it was one of many spots on my radar. I didn't get into the Restaurant Lawrence on this trip but we did get to enjoy some natural wines at his all day bar Larry's. If it's too early for drinks you can get coffee here and the menu is reflective of all three popular meals in the day. It's the rare chef driven all day spot that every city deserves. We got the chicken liver over toast from the section of toasts on offer and it was wonderful. Some of the best chicken liver pate I've tried.

Chicken Liver Toast at Larry's

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Wilensky's Light Lunch

Seeing as how we were a short walk from the #1 spot on my hit list I made it happen early. It too is an iconic stop on Montreal's sensational sandwich trail. Wilensky's was opened in 1932 by a Russian Jew who made Montreal his home. There is no grill, or fryers. No plates or silverware either. That’s bc they basically serve one thing which is the famous Wilensky sandwich made with five slices of beef salami, one slice of bologna, mustard, and your choice of cheese (Swiss or cheddar). It’s pressed until the cheese melts and then served on a napkin. Don’t even think about asking for it sliced or served without mustard bc they have never catered to those requests. Don't forget to try a homemade soda and either some sweet or sour pickles. My cherry cola was made right before my eyes.

Sandwich, Pickles, Drink at Wilensky's Light Lunch

Having been visited by the likes of Anthony Bourdain, David Chang, and just about every travel publication out there it's a popular spot for both locals and tourists. I loved sitting at the counter and I loved the sandwich even more. I ended up going back for one on the last day as it was right there. I don't have a Hall of Fame of spots I've visited over years. But if I did Wilensky's is a first ballot entry.

The Wilensky Special

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Agrikol

Montreal has that French connection which means there's also a Haitian connection. There's plenty of French speaking Haitians around town from what I saw. Agrikol is a hip rum bar where Haitian flavors star in the food. It took us straight to South Beach with it's presentation and vibes. That said I've never quite liked a place in SoBe the way I did Agrikol. Both the food and drink were killer. Specifically the food. I've had my fair share of Haitian down in Palm Beach County and Griot is one of the most popular menu items. The fried pork is one of the cuisines signature dishes and Agrikol gives it a wonderful fresh fry resulting in a piece of pork as juicy as the freshest fried chicken. What takes it over the top is both the wonderful citrus flavors and also the pikliz. The latter of which is a diced up pickled cabbage loaded with sneaky heat. Haitians put this on everything so it's at each table like BBQ sauce is at a smokehouse. Whatever you order make sure you turn it up to 10 with pikliz.

Griot at Agrikol

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Au Pied De Cochon

You know the drill. When most people look into where they should dine while in Montreal there's two spots that always pop up. Au Pied De Cochon is one of them. Run by the famous Martin Picard it's one of Montreal's OG new age fine dining restaurants. New age meaning all the rules from the fine dining of your youth are kicked to the curb in favor of rustic French-Canadian cooking with lot's of fireworks involved. As in an entire section of the menu dedicated to different preps of foie gras.

Foie Gras Nigiri

I forget where I saw the Nigiri but it was on one of the shows as these guys are a popular visit from food and travel people. I believe they were on Bourdain's show a couple times. The foie gras nigiri was as good as advertised. I could eat that stuff all day. No surprise to find foie gras and rice going so well together as it's not the first time I've tried the two paired together. After what was an almost unbearable wait we received our entree. Honestly every single restaurant had anywhere from good to great service with this spot being the exception. Our waiter was hardly friendly which is fine as long as I don't have to wait close to an hour for my food. I think it might've been sitting at the station for a good 15 minutes while the waiter chatted wines with another table. Oh well I rarely care about service. I would still go back but after all the great hospitality before this it was a letdown here. The Tajine Pork was extra fragrant and quite delicious but also rather one dimensional with cumin being the dominant spice. I liked it but I didn't want to eat it all night. Good thing we got a single portion.

Curry Pork Tajine at Au Pied De Cochon

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Cosmos Snack

If you couldn't tell by now Montreal has a ton of locals favorite type spots. Places that have been around as long as many of Montreal's people. Located in a pretty residential area is this iconic diner. So beloved that there was a documentary made on Cosmos and it's founder. Tony Koulakis opened his diminutive diner in 1967 after emigrating to Canada from Crete. It quickly became a local landmark known for it's greasy spoon breakfasts and the friendly owner who served them. The documentary titled 'Man of Grease' lives on but unfortunately Tony does not. He was tragically killed by his son back in 2013. His picture still sits overlooking the small counter that seats maybe six.

a peek inside

In spite of his tragic death Tony left behind a legacy in both his diner and it's food. One of the most popular menu items is the famous creation sandwich. It's made with bacon, salami, fried egg, lettuce, tomato, and mayo on toasted challah. I watched from the counter as the lady whipped up three of these as everyone in there was eating them. Upon my first bite it was easy to understand why it was such a popular way for Habs to start their day. It's a damn fine sandwich. Shit I should've got two.

The Creation Sandwich at Cosmos Snack

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Momesso Restaurant

Continuing along on my little self guided sandwich crawl was another must stop spot on my hit list. I was feeling the Italian sausage subs served at this extremely popular sandwich shop in a pretty Italian heavy area. I visited right around Noon and it got hopping real quick. I think I read that they've been in the area since the 70's. A bunch of Canadiens memorabilia on the walls as well as TV's and drafts of cheap beer gave Momesso the feel of a sports bar. The menu has hot sandwich offerings with the Italian being the first one listed. For good reason. It's their most popular. They take a seasoned Italian sausage patty and fry it up on a flattop before putting it in a bun and topping it with tomatoes, onion, cabbage, oil. Cups of homemade pepper relish come served on side at each table. Delicioso!

Italian Sausage Sandwich at Momesso Restaurant

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Gibeau Orange Julep

So I had a lot of must stops on my lists and this next one was another. I've wanted to check this place out for a long, long time. Partly do to the food but also bc of the building itself. As you can see in the pic above the Gibeau Orange Julep is housed in a big orange orbit. It's impossible to miss if you're driving past. It opened in 1932 and over time has become a roadside attraction for both the building and the famous orange julep drink. For those familiar with an Orange Julius drink this is pretty much the same thing. They also serve burgers and hot dogs. I was tempted to try a hot dog or maybe a burger but those were coming soon so I held off. But I really liked the creamy orange drink.

Gibeau Orange Julep

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Snowdon Deli

For those that may have been wondering there was no trip to Schwartz's. What gives? Well first is the fact I went there on my trip a decade or so ago. The other is the long lines and locals talk of it being overrated. They're not the only smoked meat sandwich game in town. The smoked meat sandwich being the most crucial of Montreal's regional foods. The bagels may be the most celebrated but those in the know understand how special the smoked meat sandwich is. Like the bagels the smoked meat sandwich is a product of the city's Jewish community. It's made using a Kosher brisket that's been salted and cured with different spices before being smoked and sliced for sandwich meat. Snowdon Deli is said to serve one of the best in the city and I'll be damned if it isn't bc it was f'ing spectacular. The meats tenderness reminded me of the best brisket I've ate in Texas. Notice they don't slice it too thin? That's bc it's hand sliced. Pictured is a "medium" in terms of fattiness. IT. WAS. PERFECT.

Smoked Meat Sandwich at Snowdon Deli

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Bar Henrietta

As always my wife was on the cocktails and Bar Henrietta was near the top of her list. It was on mine too but more so for the food. As you can read in the neon pictured above this is a trendy Portuguese style tavern. Montreal has a really nice sized Portuguese community and Bar Henrietta is an ode to some of the older taverns found around town. Aside from the drinks they also do a small bar menu of Portuguese inspired bites. We loved all three of the plates we tried to the point where I really thought about coming back. The chicken liver pate was decadent. The roasted octopus with fried sliced potatoes was perfect. We also tried the Bifana sandwich which is one of a handful of popular Portuguese sandwiches. Made with thinly sliced marinated pork and cheese that's pressed in a Portuguese roll and served with sides of mustard and cornichons. So good. Pretty similar to a Cuban.

Portuguese Bar Snacks at Bar Henrietta

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Joe Beef

Many of you already know about Joe Beef. Perhaps the most famous restaurant in Canada. The Kings of restaurant gluttony have built themselves quite an empire. Aside from their original project they have another spot next door as well as a natural wine bar and an upscale luncheonette. Joe Beef being the spot that gave them the ability to do all the others. So as you can imagine people book reservations here well in advance. There were no spots left by the time we knew we were going to Montreal however there is a way to enhance your chances of getting to go. So long as you're willing to find out if so on the day of the meal. There's a Canadian dining app called DINR that you can download for free. Once on your phone you can open it and select your city where you'll be brought to a page with a bunch of popular restaurants around town that have last minute reservations available. From what I could tell Joe Beef has spots on the app every day. We got in easily. After taking a seat at the bar (I prefer sitting there) we were greeted by some enthusiastic locals. Five star hospitality.

Quail Stuffed with Sausage in a dill infused broth

The bartenders / waiters were full of life and obviously enjoyed their job. As was the case with just about every place we ate, they were all about the fact we were from Chicago. I swear every bartender and or waiter we had in both Montreal and Quebec City has either been to Chicago or was going and they were all visiting for the food and drink. So them knowing we were from Chicago I think made them bring their A game as they all had nothing but wonderful things to say about our city. All of which I could shoot back at the Quebec region and it's people as the service was stellar just about everywhere. Food wise we weren't let down either. Pictured above was a sausage stuffed quail in a sip it dry dill infused broth. The menu changes daily but you'll never have trouble finding something good.

Lobster Spaghetti at Joe Beef

One thing you will most always find on the menu is the lobster spaghetti. It's pretty much their signature dish. Not much selling needed by our waiter for this one. The picture doesn't do justice the fact that there's an entire lobster on that plate. It's a dish that pretty much anyone who likes shellfish would love. I like shellfish and so does she. Thus we loved it. At first I couldn't decide between a steak and a beef cheek but in the end it was actually pretty easy. When you see slow braised meats on the menu at Joe Beef you'd be well off to make them your dinner. French-Canadian cooking is all about comforting yourself up on a cold winter night. But it doesn't need to be cold for it to be good.

Slow Braised Beef Cheek at Joe Beef

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Montreal's Bar Scene

As always we popped around to a handful of the hot local drinking spots. I'd give Montreal's cocktail scene a B+ as it was better than many spots I've been to but not quite on the level of some of the worlds best. We enjoyed drinks at a Vietnamese inspired bar called Nhau. The food is also supposed to be good but we stopped there before reservations elsewhere. Perhaps the best cocktail I've had in some time came from a backdoor spot called Cold Room. It was called the Ube-Macapuno and it was made with rum, purple yam ananas, suze liquor, dry curacao, Bols yogurt, pineapple, and mint. It had an amazing taste that I've never quite experienced. I imagine this is what the cocktails are like in Tokyo. That said the service was SLOOOOOW so be prepared to wait and maybe even order two.

Cocktail at Cold Room

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The Greenspot

One of my favorite things about Montreal's food scene is all of the local fast food spots. They call them Casse Croutes but they can also be diners. The latter of which is what Greenspot is. The diner has been around for more than 70 years. Just like in the States these spots tend to be owned by Greek and or Albanian immigrants. Greenspot felt alot like many of the old school diners in Rust Belt cities such as Cleveland and Detroit. They became popular for their hot dogs which are huge in Montreal. Equally big if not bigger is poutine. Greenspot was said to have a good one so I made it breakfast one day. Though they have something like 27 different poutine options you can't beat the classic. Thick fresh cut fries are topped with a deeply beef flavored brown gravy and fresh squeaky cheese curds. I've always liked poutine even though it's something I don't eat often. Greenspot's was the best I've ever had. This place was a perfect ex. of a greasy spoon diner. I wish I could be a regular.

Poutine at Greenspot

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Ma Poule Mouille

When it comes to regional treats Montreal has more than their fair share. Portuguese grilled chicken is another one of them. Peri Peri Chicken shops such as Ma Poule Mouille are beloved for their charcoal grilled chicken dripping in spicy peri peri sauce. It's just one of many dishes the Portuguese adapted into their own as peri-peri is originally an African snack. Mozambique to be exact.

Charcoal Grilled Chicken

Ma Poule Mouille isn't the oldest of the bunch but it gets mentioned often as the best in the city. Same goes for their poutine which they add slices of Spanish chorizo into. I wanted to try the poutine but had plans for another stop so we got a half grilled chicken which comes with salad and fresh cut fries. Everyone loves a good plate of charcoal kissed chicken so it's no surprise this place stays packed. In a city where you can easily spend $20+ on lunch this is a great option for the locals.

Peri Peri Chicken at Ma Poule Mouille

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Pataterie Chez Philippe

Next stop up was on my list for a Michigan. What's that you ask? It's basically what they call a chili dog in Montreal. What's the reason? I cant promise you it's 100% accurate but I do know that they also call them "Michigan's" in upstate New York which isn't far from Montreal. So that's the most likely reason but why do they call them that in NY? My guess would be bc the people in New York named them after the Coney Dogs of Michigan. Detroit to be exact. Pataterie Chez Phillipe is a longtime Montreal casse croute that the locals love for both hot dogs and burgers. I hear the fries are great and the poutine is too by extension but I couldn't do all three. So I rolled with one Michigan and a cheeseburger with everything. The burger had some unexpected fantastic crispy laced edges and was really well made for something like $4. They grind the beef in house. The hot dog was a standard skinless frank from the popular local supplier but the sauce was pretty popping. Great little stop.

"Michigan" Hot Dog and Cheeseburger at Pataterie Chez Phillipe

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Cadet

After five straight days of hearty meat-centric French-Canadian fare we wanted some seafood. This newish small plate and natural wine spot popped up the night of this need. In a true testament to Montreal's dining depth it was one of the best meals of the trip, and it wasn't even on my radar. For starters we had a fantastic plate of octopus with fried chickpeas and eggplant. We got our seafood in the form of a whole fried sea bass with baby bok choy sitting over ginger noodles. I loved this dish and it's light Asian flavors. Also so as to not suffer meat withdrawal we got a plate of pork belly with chicharron, apricot, and barley. Normally I prefer the belly crisped up but this was insanely tender. The natural wine recs by our waiter were really good as well. Cadet is a spot I'd return to for more.

Dinner at Cadet

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Montreal Pool Room

As I mentioned earlier Montreal'ers love their hot dogs. Or Steamés as they call them. Montreal Pool Room is one of 100's of hot dogs stands in the city but it's also one of the oldest. They've been in business since 1912 and thus have pretty much always been there for locals in need of a late night hot dog fix. Maybe they used to have pool tables, I don't know, but these days I know they don't. Now they may not compare to a perfectly made hot dog in Chicago but I still found a spot in my heart for steamés. Everything on these is diced cabbage, onions, and mustard. Most folks get at least two.

Steamés at Montreal Pool Hall

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Fameux Gyros Elatos

One of the things I noticed in my research was Montreal's love for souvkali. The Greek grilled pork skewers are found all over town. Many spots specializing in them. Every Habs fan has a souvlaki spot. I scouted this old school looking spot in a Greek dominant neighborhood and made my way over on the last day. Elatos is a compact family run Greek counter. It had the feel of a diner. I think it was father, daughter, and son running the place. I originally came here for the souvlaki but when I arrived I was greeted by a huge cone of fresh layered gyro meat. Thus my decision to get a combo plate was an easy one. Both the souvlaki and the gyro rocked. Would've liked a bit less sauce on the gyro so I could really taste the meat straight up but it was still super satisfying. Another good one.

Gyro Sandwich at Souvlaki at Fameux Gyros Elatos

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Lester's Deli

The other smoked meat sandwich that I wanted to check out comes from Lester's Deli. This old school spot has been a part of the heavy Jewish neighborhood since 1951. You can feel the nostalgia upon walking inside. I was tempted by the smoked meat breakfast plate but a sandwich is hard to beat. The typical way to eat a smoked meat is just mustard though some folks get cheese. This was yet another killer sandwich to be found in Montreal. Just fantastic. They have a spot at the airport too.

Smoked Meat Sandwich at Lester's Deli

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St. Viateur Bagel Shop

You knew this one was coming. Reason I waited until the last day to stop here was I wanted to bring the bagels home. I arrived to a pretty tame shop but within three minutes the place was packed. St. Viateur has been making their wood fired Montreal bagels since 1957. There's an argument to be made that it's the number one attraction in the city. Just realize that they only sell bagels. I think they have a fridge with cream cheese and such but you'll have to make your bagel sandwiches on your own. Montreal bagels are a bit sweeter than their NY counterparts. I'm not a hardcore bagel guy so I cant comment on which style is better. I can just share my thought on these which is pretty good! Like so many other famous food stops St. Viateur has a dueling competitor in the nearby Fairmont Bagel. I stopped there after going into St. Viateur but there was a huge line and I had to go pack.

Bagels at St. Viateur Bagel Shop

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Montreal's Chinatown

After packing up we had an hour or so to chill. So I walked over to the Chinatown area which we had only Ubered through earlier. With it being the weekend there were quite a few people out and about eating noodles, dumplings, and such. I ended up stopping at a spot called Qinghua which specialized in dumplings. Actually I was surprised by how many specialty dumpling shops Montreal has. This one wasn't at the top of my list as reviews were mixed. But the spots I wanted to try weren't in Chinatown so this was my fallback. Not bad but I felt what others were saying in that there's better.

Dumplings at Qinghua Dumplings

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Note: To find the locations of all the spots featured in this post, as well as places I didn't make it to, please click HERE for my google maps guide to Montreal. Stay tuned for Quebec City.

Source: http://chibbqking.blogspot.com/2018/12/eating-big-in-montreal.html

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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