#springer fork

[onlyhappyvibes]

[r0-boat]

All right since belphie is officially out,

Some of you was asking before what he would be like as a father

Belphegor(+beleth) as a father/Belphegor and his child headcannons.

Cw: more slightly toxic family shit, This is just for fun don't have children with these clowns...

Edit: congrats Levi on being the number one worst father everyone saw this coming.

Belphegor is the lowest tier, above Leviathan but underneath Beelzebub. that's only because he's bad at actually doing the stuff he needs to do as a parent. He would be a perfect father, actually, when it comes to spending time with his kid. But I don't think you can trust him not passing out trying to do any diaper changes or feeding or preparing them or sitting through boring ass parent-teacher conferences.

The kid is definitely an oops baby. He wouldn't have wanted a kid because it would be too much work. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he didn't like children at all. However it seemed like something changed in him when he held your child for the first time. Motherfucker was too lazy to put on a condom, lol.

Being the parents of a kid of sloth means you don't got to do much work anyway. The kid is always asleep. It doesn't cry very much, And it's deficient maintenance. Like, and I mean that baby sleeps for 75% of the day. Even then, when it comes to actually parenting and doing work for taking care of a kid, it's either you or Beleth.

In reality the kid has two dads, I sense possible favoritism when the child grows up for Beleth rather than the biological father but this ain't Jerry Springer.

AAA Belphie does not know how to hold a child. All those memes of holding children that's him all of them!!!

Beleth's not the stepfather He's the father that stepped up.

The nobles swear up and down that ever since the child was born Belphie has been working 'harder' You don't see it...

Beleth treats the child as if it was his own, fun fact. If it wasn't you who named the child he would have probably named him or her.

Belphie is that dad with a daughter who lets them do his makeup and make them all pretty while he sits there pretending to be a princess at a tea party.

Making a nation safe for not only his people but now his children that is his goal and that will never change.

He's so glad that his kid is actually well behaved catching wind of the bullshit Satan and his child is doing, and Levi is trying not to get stabbed by his child with a fork. Meanwhile his cute child who always has his hands clutched with a blanket drowsily walking through the castle to find a good sunny spot to sleep in.

Wake up at 3:00 a.m. trying to get water go to the bathroom but you're being smothered by your child, your husband, and your second husband, asleep in your arms in a cuddle pile of death.

[visiblyawesome]

Troublemaker

Description: You and Reiner have been married for a few years now. You are parents to two boys (aged 8 and 6) and a girl (aged 1). Long story short, your middle kid “Levi” is a menace. Reiner, Jean, Connie and Armin look after the kid while you head out to the market with Annie. Post rumbling.

Reiner Braun x (f) reader, but mainly featuring him, Connie Springer, Jean Kirstein and Armin Arlert trying to babysit a troublesome kid. Annie & Armin are together in this plot line.

Genre: Comedy I guess?

Warnings: Mild offensive language

———————————————

You were at home getting ready to head out to the market with your one year old daughter and eldest son, grabbing bits and hurrying your 8 year old to put on his shoes. The plan was to head out to the town centre with Annie, while Armin, Connie and Jean kept Reiner some company looking after your middle child. As you grabbed things, holding the little girl in your arms you noticed them approaching through the window.

“Reiner, the guys are here!” You called out, holding your daughter. You could hear a bit of shuffling nearby before he eventually emerged into sight wearing the most ridiculous home-made protective gear you could ever imagine. “Seriously, is all that really necessary?” You asked stifling a laugh at your husband’s choice of home-made “armour”. He walked over closer to you and your daughter awkwardly trying to ruffle her hair. “Can’t you take him with you?” Reiner asked referring to your six year old menace of a child who had some sort of a personal vendetta against your husband pretty much from the day he was born. You both had hoped that Levi would’ve grown out of this behaviour by now, but to no luck… yet anyway. He had been a mama’s boy from the very beginning. Whenever Reiner tried to even get remotely close to giving you a kiss in his presence, the kid would quickly draw a wedge between you two. Whenever Reiner tried to scold the boy for being a menace, he’d throw a little tantrum kicking your husband in the shin and running away. On top of that the kid would always cling to you when given the chance.

“No, he’s grounded. Besides you’ll have the guys to help you out. He’s only six, what’s the worst that could happen?” you responded. Reiner wanted to let out a sarcastic laugh at that since he’s been at the receiving end of the kid’s wrath for years but refrained from doing so. To recap, Levi was grounded for his dinner theatrics from the previous evening. Reiner had simply asked the boy not to play with his food which didn’t seem to sit well with him. Long story short, he began to flick food across the table with his fork but the final straw was when he flung the fork at his father’s face. Although the kid was grounded for bad behaviour, Reiner figured the entire ordeal was more of a punishment for him than the kid. You reasoned that it would allow him to work on his bond with the boy, and that he could have the guys over for company. Ultimately, you had the final say and he reluctantly agreed. Happy wife, happy life after all.

As you heard the knock on the door you walked over to open it, revealing Annie and Armin standing there, along with Jean and Connie. Annie remained outside, whilst the guys entered your home. Your eldest son stepped outside, keeping Annie company as they both waited for you to finish getting ready to leave. Armin, Connie and Jean looked at Reiner in his weird choice of attire and gave him a questionable look. Reiner just gave them a sheepish smile, shrugging “Don’t ask…”

Just then Levi ran over to them. He looked like he was about to head out the door too, until you stopped him in his tracks by the door. Neither you or Reiner had broken the news to him yet as you thought the best approach would’ve been to rip off the bandaid than dealing with a prolonged tantrum. “Levi, honey listen to me…” you began as the six year old just stood there. “Because you’ve been disrespectful to your dad lately you’re grounded. You’re gonna stay at home with him today” you explained. Levi furrowed his eyebrows at the news. “That’s not fair! I don’t wanna stay home with him!” the young boy retorted. “I expect you to be on your best behaviour while I’m gone” you responded. The child certainly did not look one bit pleased. You just glanced over at Reiner as if telling him to take the kid away. Reiner let out a deep sigh with a defeated look on his face as he walked closer to the kid, placing his hand on Levi’s shoulder. He was definitely not looking forward to spending the day stuck inside with the kid but neither of them had a choice in the matter. “Come on kiddo, it’ll be fun…” he said, more or so trying to convince himself than the actual child. The kid smacked Reiner’s hand away and stomped on his foot, shouting “NO!” before running away towards his room. Reiner winced in response, grabbing his foot. “YOU LITTLE-“ he began angrily before quickly stopping himself and shaking off the pain. The three men cringed with an “oof” as they watched the scene play out, feeling somewhat bad for their friend. You looked in the direction in which the kid ran off to and mumbled “Well that went better than expected… anyway…” you walked over to place a quick kiss on Reiner’s cheek before heading out the door. With the one year old still in your arms, you called out a quick “Have fun! Love you, byeee!” as you left.

Reiner stared at the door for a few seconds after you had left, already dreading whatever was to come. “Just great” he muttered. Jean walked over to him and awkwardly threw his arm around Reiner’s shoulder as he stood still, still wearing that ridiculous outfit. “Long time no see man” he said, trying to lighten the mood. Connie looked at him and asked what they all pretty much wanted to know “so why are you dressed like that?”. Reiner sighed and pushed Jean’s arm off him, leading them further into the house.

Reiner headed straight for the couch, plopping down “long story, you might as well get comfortable”. Connie and Armin sat down getting comfortable as Jean leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. A moment of silence passed between the four men until Connie’s voice broke the silence. “Wait a second…” Connie’s eyes widened in horror at a sudden realisation. “Aw man, don’t tell me I got tricked into babysitting duty” he groaned as he rubbed his face. Jean just smirked and looked over at Reiner, still wanting to address his ridiculous outfit. “Seriously all this for one kid?” Jean asked nodding in his direction, clearly referring to what the guy was wearing. Reiner looked down at himself before leaning forward in the couch rubbing his temples, with a somewhat exasperated look on his face “You don’t understand. This kid is pure evil I tell ya. And if you haven’t already noticed he has terrible temper tantrums that escalate quickly.” Jean pushed himself off the wall, letting out a huff in amusement “Eh he’s just a kid, he can’t be that bad”. Reiner looked up at him, visibly tired “Trust me, he is that bad. Levi’s a little terrorist.” Armin listened to the guys carefully, while Connie just began to question all his life choices and how he could’ve possibly allowed himself to get talked into this situation. Jean snorted “Levi? Seriously? You named the kid after Ackerman?” Reiner groaned and sat back against the couch again “Yeah but don’t look at me, that was the missus. Speaking of, where’d the kid go?”

Just then Armin caught a small whiff of what seemed to be … smoke? He turned in the couch facing the direction he thought it was coming from. He looked visibly concerned “Uh guys… do you smell smoke too?” Reiner suddenly stood up, alert that something was wrong. The men exchanged confused looks trying to figure out what was going on. “Yeah, definitely smoke. I think it’s coming from the kitchen” Jean responded. Now the men were beginning to feel somewhat alarmed. Reiner immediately hurried towards the kitchen, noticing the smoke as he drew closer. There was only one logical explanation as to what could’ve happened and he dreaded the thought as he neared to the source.

As he reached the kitchen, there stood Levi holding a block of something that he must’ve set on fire, orange flames already consuming the object. Armin, Connie and Jean reached the kitchen shortly after him, watching the scene before them in utter disbelief. Reiner’s eyes widened in alarm “Dammit Levi, drop that NOW!” he shouted. Levi got a bit startled, and looked up at his dad from the item in his hand, immediately dropping it before running off to another part of the house. The item fell to the ground, the flames threatening to spread. Reiner quickly ran up to the flames and frantically began to put the fire out, Jean following suit to help him. “That little…” Reiner muttered, finally letting out a sigh of relief as they managed to extinguish the fire. He looked up at the guys and Connie immediately pointed to the direction in which the kid ran off to. Reiner began to angrily walk towards it “Levi get back here right now!” Boy was the kid in trouble. He had almost burned the house down… at least in Reiner’s eyes anyway.

The three other men quickly followed after Reiner as they made their way back towards the sitting room area. It was quiet… a little too quiet for their liking. They all came to a halt in the entrance, scanning the room for the little boy. Reiner soon noticed that he was hiding behind the couch, clearly trying to avoid him. “Levi, get your little ass out here right now” he said firmly. Levi poked his little head from behind the couch before throwing a toy at Reiner’s stomach which thankfully was shielded with his ridiculous protective wear. He quickly threw another one at Jean’s face and one other at Connie which luckily enough Connie managed to dodge. “Ow that little son of a-“ Jean exclaimed rubbing his face. While they were somewhat briefly distracted, Levi took his opportunity to try and flee the “crime scene” yet again, avoiding getting grabbed in the process. “Ha too slow!” the kid grinned running away. Reiner sighed, exasperated, as he watched the kid dodge him, slipping right past him. Just as he was about to leave the sitting room area Armin managed to grab him. Unfortunately though Levi took it as an opportunity to strike poor Armin in the face causing him to loosen his grip, setting the kid free as his hands reached up to his face in reaction to the sudden pain. “Ahhh!” Armin exclaimed, holding his face as the kid ran out past him. Reiner watched in utter shock as the kid got away yet again. He pinched the bridge of his nose in clear frustration at the entire ordeal “I swear that little demon child is gonna put me in early retirement…” Jean glared in Reiner’s direction, still rubbing his face. “Like father, like son, the boy clearly needs therapy.” Reiner groans at his friend’s remark “Uh you’re not wrong, let’s focus on catching the kid first though.” Connie walked over to check on Armin to make sure he didn’t have a nosebleed from the impact, glancing at the other two men “yeah no offence but I’m never babysitting again.”

Reiner looked over at him and sighed “can’t say I blame you for that one”. He then began to move towards the hallway, listening out for any noise, trying to figure out where the kid must’ve ran to next. He could hear a somewhat quiet noise coming from Levi’s bedroom, noticing that his door was closed. He drew closer, and with a deep sigh bracing himself for whatever was next, he slowly turned the door knob opening the door. He opened the door slowly, alert to whatever shenanigans the kid could have in store next. Once he realised that the coast was clear, he opened the door fully and stepped inside noticing that the kid was in his bed hiding under the blanket. Reiner walked over to the bed, grabbing the blanket pulling it off him “Jokes over kid. You’re not fooling anyone hiding under that blanket-…” However, as he pulled the blanket off he was met with a carefully orchestrated pile of toys and clothes underneath. His eyes widened in surprise as he quickly realised that the kid had fooled him into thinking that he had been hiding underneath. He literally fell for the oldest trick in the book. He then quickly looked around the room in search of the young boy, suddenly noticing that his window was wide open. “You’ve gotta be kidding me…” he mumbled before he rushed towards the window, really hoping that it was just another one of the kid’s tricks.

As he glanced outside the window, he saw the little boy running away in the distance. Levi had actually escaped through the window. A look of disbelief formed on Reiner’s face as it all sank in. “Did he seriously just…” he groaned.

Jean, Connie and Armin entered the room shortly after and noticed Reiner’s look of defeat as he stood by the window. “Where’d he go?” Armin asked. Reiner continued to look out the window, contemplating his next move. He had to act. Fast. He sighed as he began to remove the ridiculous stuff he was wearing “Damn… he actually made a break for it.” The three men exchanged looks of disbelief. Reiner slowly rubbed his face down, leaning against the window sill “I’m officially the worst father ever.” Jean walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder “Don’t stress man, we’ll get him back, safe and sound.” Armin walked closer to them and nodded “yeah, we’ve been through worse, don’t worry.” Reiner gave them a faint hint of a smile as they tried to cheer him up. “Right then, let’s bring the kid home” he said as he began to climb out the window. “You do realise you could’ve just used the front door right?” Connie interjected. Reiner froze for a moment just looking at him “Uh right… desperate times call for desperate measures?” He then fully climbed out, hopping to the ground outside the house. He could still just about see the kid running in the distance. At least he hadn’t made it too far yet, though concerningly far for a six year old. The guys quickly joined him, and they began to run towards the direction of the town centre to bring the kid safely home.

Since the kid had some distance advantage, they were pretty close to the market by the time they gained on him. Jean noticed how stressed out Reiner looked and decided to make a poor attempt at cracking a joke “you sure he’s your kid?” he smirked. There was no doubt about it, the resemblance was definitely there. Reiner just gave him an incredulous look, both a hint of slight annoyance and amusement in his voice “course he is, he may be a handful but he’s definitely mine.” As they almost reached the young boy, they neared a more crowded area with the kid slipping away yet again. The men continued to follow after him through the crowd, trying to keep track of him without losing sight of him. Just then Reiner realised where they actually were, and his eyes widened in a sudden fear “if my wife finds him first, she’s gonna kill me.” The guys instantly became more alert to their surroundings once his words sank in. “Come on we’ve got this, let’s get him before Y/N finds out any of this even happened” Armin said keeping a level head. Jean hurried through the crowd of people, gaining on the little boy. Soon enough he managed to grab him by the arm. “Gotcha!” he said happily, pleased that he finally managed to locate and catch the little troublemaker.

Levi however decided to cause a scene, pretending to cry whilst shouting “help!!! You’re not my dad!!!” People in the nearby audience began to either stop in their tracks or glare in Jean’s direction thinking that he was attempting to kidnap the kid. At the sudden realisation Jean’s eyes widened in horror on how the whole thing must’ve looked, he immediately threw his hands up in defence “No it’s not like that, I can explain!” While he was busy trying to explain himself, the little boy used the commotion as an opportunity to slip away. Reiner facepalmed at the situation, shooting Jean a quick apologetic look as he ran past him, trying to catch his son again. Jean was out of the chase, busy trying to explain himself to people and a patrolling officer that had decided to investigate the entire situation. Armin decided to go over to Jean and the officer to explain everything and provide a witness statement to help clear him. As he did so, Connie followed after Reiner trying to help him catch Levi.

“Over there!” Connie pointed to a nearby stand where the kid was now standing. Reiner glanced over and surely enough his son was there which made him let out a sigh of relief. However, he also spotted Annie, his wife holding his daughter and his eldest son a few stands away from Levi which almost caused him a mini heart attack. He suddenly panicked at the sight and ran as quickly as he could to reach the kid before you could notice that they were there. Levi noticed you standing a few stands away and began to shout “MOM-“ however Reiner managed to reach him just in time, quickly pulling him down behind the stand.

You turned around suddenly, with your daughter in your arms, thinking that you must’ve heard something. Annie noticed you looking around and decided to ask “everything okay?” You continued to look around for another moment before finally looking back at Annie “yeah just thought I heard Levi, I must be imagining things…” Annie had a quick glance around in the same direction before turning her attention back to the stand that they were currently at “Guess that’s just a motherhood thing” Annie responded.

In the meantime, Reiner was still sitting on the ground behind stand, holding Levi trying to keep him quiet until the kid attempted to bite him so he quickly let go of the boy. “Listen bud, mom can’t find out you’re here” he told him. The young boy furrowed his eyebrows looking at his father as he stood there. “Why not?” Levi asked. Reiner let out a deep sigh rubbing his face with his hand, still calming down from the fact that they almost got caught red-handed. “You’re meant to be grounded, so you’ll get in trouble if she sees you. I don’t exactly want to get in trouble either. Your mom can be a scary woman sometimes…” he says. Levi takes a moment to consider his dad’s words. He seems to be making a valid point in the boys eyes, and he certainly doesn’t want to get given out to by his mom. The boy looks up at him.

“How about we make a deal? We keep all of this a secret from your mother and I’ll get you a cookie or two when we get home?” Reiner asked. Levi smiled at the idea and nodded. “Good… good…” Reiner said as he stood up dusting himself off. He then reached out to grab the young boys hand, walking back in the direction towards the house. Connie spotted the two immediately and let out a sigh of relief “Finally.” Reiner made sure to stay out of your or Annie’s sight as they carefully snuck away, and regrouped with the rest of the guys. He walked over to Jean and Armin, also helping to clear things up. Eventually the four men returned back to the house with the kid, and as promised Reiner gave him some cookies.

Armin, Jean and Reiner slumped down on the couch whilst Connie slid down against a wall sitting on the ground in exhaustion from the entire day. Meanwhile Levi just played with his toys on the ground in front of them, happily munching away on a cookie. “Never again” Connie said resting his head against the wall. The men all just tiredly hummed in agreement. A moment of silence followed. “Man I gotta hand it to you Reiner, this kid is really something. How do you do this every day?” Jean asked. Reiner glanced at Jean, a tired look in his eyes “Honestly? The missus keeps the peace around here. I’m a lucky man. She’s one heck of a woman.” Connie can’t help but find the humour in the entire situation and laughs “She’s got my respect if she’s able to keep that troublemaker at bay all by herself.” Jean can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous everything they’d endured was “yeah, even the four of us together were no match for that kid.” Reiner lets out a soft chuckle, and Armin smiles just happy that it was all over now.

Not too long after that the front door opened as you walked in, followed by Annie and your eldest son, heading over to the men in the sitting room area. Everyone looked completely worn out… except Levi. At least your husband was no longer wearing that ridiculous outfit anymore… that had to be a good sign, right?

“We’re back” you informed them. The young boy immediately got up from the floor and ran over to hug you. Reiner just gave you a tired smile and got up from the couch walking over towards you. Levi turned to give him a warning look. Reiner chuckled and ruffled his hair “Relax kid, I’m just grabbing your sister” he said grabbing the little girl from your arms, sneaking in a quick peck whilst doing so “or not” he whispered smiling. You just smiled in return and looked over at the guys “Long day?” Jean decided to speak up on their behalf “Eventful”. Connie nodded in agreement “You can say that again.” Armin got up from the couch and walked over to Annie. Annie raised an eyebrow looking at him, he looked almost traumatised. “Annie, I don’t think I’m ready for kids yet” he said quietly. Annie just deadpanned and pointed to her stomach “bit late for that now, come on let’s get you home.” The two then said their goodbyes and left to head home.

After bidding the Arlerts goodbye, you turned your attention to Connie and Jean. “Would you guys like me to fix you something? You look tired.” They both nodded in agreement with a quiet “yes please”, the exhaustion evident in their slumped bodies. You gave them a sympathetic smile. “I’m on it” you said before disappearing towards the kitchen area. Levi returned to sitting on the ground, playing with his toys as his brother sat down beside him. Connie and Jean finally seemed to relax a little from the day of stressful events. However that didn’t last for long as you called out from the kitchen. “What happened to our floor? WHAT IS THAT?!” Reiner, Connie and Jean exchanged knowing glances. They forgot to get rid of the evidence from the fire earlier. Their eyes all widened in fear. “On second thoughts I think I’m gonna get going! Thanks Mrs. Braun, bye Reiner!” Connie said quickly rushing out the door before you could ask any more questions. Jean chimed in “yeah I forgot about the- the uh-… see ya Reiner!” He said hurrying after Connie. Reiner facepalmed. He had a tired, stressed look on his face. He knew they were escaping your wrath, leaving him behind on the sinking ship all by himself. You walked over to your husband, crossing your arms and impatiently tapping your foot. Reiner just looked at you with an anxious look on his face “y-yes dear?”

Levi looked up from his toys, noticing your entire unimpressed demeanour “Uh oh dad, I think we’re busted.”

[jockey-joe]

Jockey Joe’s Election Take

Howdy Buckaroos! It’s your old friend, Jockey Joe, coming at you once again!!!

Since I am not on any type of social media other than LinkedIn, I had to find the most technologically advanced platform to share my thoughts on the election—so I chose Tumblr. This post will take up about 3 or 4 minutes of your time.

Let’s get started…

I think 10 years of constantly being inundated with this orange-hued Pap smear has normalized Donald Trump and eroded society’s ability to think logically about him. Everyone knows he lacks the intellect and temperament to be the overnight manager at a Denny’s, let alone serve as President of the United States. However, his one skill is that he plays in his quarter pounder-smelling fecal matter all day, so none of the outrageous things he says or does look abnormal.

I’ll use this example to outline my point. 

Like this election, the 2000 contest was very close. If, during the final leg of the campaign, George W. Bush did the following: held a rally at The Palace of Auburn Hills featuring Gallagher, Steve from The Jerry Springer Show, and Captain Lou Albano—filled with racist, xenophobic, and sexist rhetoric; suggested putting Geraldine Ferraro to death via crucifixion; fantasized about the media being infected with Typhoid Fever; dressed up like one of the Village People; and simulated anilingus (also spelled analingus according to Wikipedia*) during a speech—he would have lost. 

That was essentially how the final ten days of Donald Trump’s campaign unfolded. However, most people didn’t find his actions abhorrent and Trump didn’t lose. A majority of voters chose to elect a horror of a human being because they were deprived of the chance to own a third home, saw their cleaning lady rates go up, and could only afford two pairs of Pace Breaker joggers at Lululemon under Biden.

Instead of looking up the issue and discovering that post-pandemic inflation was not just confined to America, they decided to “like” images on Facebook of inbred hillbillies with TRUMP shaved into their back hair, watch PornHub videos of Japanese businessmen jerking off onto a squid or read articles by Larry the Cable Guy outlining his favorite Covid remedies. 

And let’s not forget, he’s a twice-impeached, rapist and convicted felon who attempted a coup. On top of that, his organization was found guilty of criminal tax fraud and hit with a $355 million penalty. Oh, and did I mention he got caught in an elaborate scheme straight out of Downton Abbey, using his personal valet to hoard top-secret documents at his syphilis-infested compound in Mar-a-Lago?

However, his sycophants remain unfazed by his criminality or incompetence. They dismiss it all as "fake news" attacking their Cheeto-faced savior. They nostalgically reminisce about the "good old days" of his first term, conveniently overlooking that those days included him suggesting people inject themselves with bleach to cure Covid, advocating for the military to shoot protesters, and inciting a violent insurrection that led to a police officer being beaten to death, 174 cops injured, and three more committing suicide within months following the so-called "Day of Love." Thats a hell of way to Back The Blue. 

They couldn’t care less about his constant grifting—convincing them to fork over $500 for worthless digital baseball cards of him riding Godzilla in a cowboy hat, or a gold-plated double-headed MAGA dildo. To them, it's all part of the spectacle. 

They like that he’s entertaining, that he 'owns the libs,' and that he struts around, wiggling his little white-haired, mushroom-shaped pecker while boasting about how big it is. That’s their standard for who they’ll vote for—and who their kids and grandkids will look up to as President.

This is who they want as a role model for their children: https://youtu.be/uNXgjnBpxGI

The Democratic Party is also culpable. For the past few years, they've lived in a bubble, convincing themselves that Joe Biden was fit to be president and could serve another four years. Meanwhile, the rest of America saw that he was more suited for making hand turkeys in a nursing home than running the country. Had they pushed him out sooner, they could have had a legitimate primary, giving a more popular centrist candidate like Josh Shapiro the chance to secure the nomination. Though the mere idea would appall the left-wing members of the party—who believe Shapiro is personally to blame for the deaths of Palestinian babies in Gaza, and who consider issues like the correct pronouns for non-binary dogs to be among the nation's most urgent priorities.

It’s sad and pathetic, but this is the reality we now live in—an American public that willingly brainwashes itself through the endless barrage of their preferred social media and cable news sources, all of which is driving us toward the eventual destruction of our democracy.

I'm done with my rant now. As many of you know, I have a deep appreciation for Turkish proverbs. I'll leave you with one I came across the other day on LinkedIn.

“When a Clown moves into a Palace, he doesn't become a King. The Palace instead becomes a Circus.” 

Enjoy the kakistocracy, folks!!! (I had to look up that word too) 

God bless you, and God bless The United States of America. 

If you enjoyed this article, please hit the like button and subscribe to Jockey Joe’s LinkedIn page. 

-Jockey Joe

Cowritten by ChatGPT

fn.*: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anilingus 

[distilled-prose]

@lost1dog - Note the rigid rear end and the girder (springer) forks. I can't tell what make it is. Can you?

[monterplant]

Insane in the Membrane: An electric BMX for B-Real of Cypress Hill

If there’s one custom shop that deserves a gold medal for tenacity, it’s ChillFab. The crew behind the Chiller motorized BMX developed their first prototype four years ago, while they were still based in Russia. Since then they’ve refined the Chiller to create production-ready electric- and petrol-powered versions, pushed the design further with a springer fork, and relocated themselves, their…

[the-firebird69]

Who would ride this?

There's a couple things you have to do you need brakes on the front and rear and signals are easy to do the seat has to be a little higher which is not hard and you need suspension on the front at least and I looked at this and I said I wonder how big it really is and he looks kind of small on it and there's a lot of people who fit on it and you start out with a 50cc but with a lawn mower engine a 50cc is like seven or eight horsepower it would have no gears and this one has no gears but if you do the sprockets right you get 60 miles an hour on it and it's a basic scooter and it would work in China for ours and it worked really well. I can make a improvise Springer front ends and it would be less expensive than regular forks and the rear is not hard to put shocks on and I can do that later he says that cuz it sells like this really quick and I can sell this for like $500 assembled. Maybe about 700. And people buy it like madness and he says to leave the pull start. No at 130 lb you're going to go about 65 mph with the sprockets and he would go about 45 and he says it's not bad and he's been looking for it and I'll tell you what you can do a test ride and with someone with like 220 and it's showing moving along this is a great idea and I almost feel like paying bja but now he just does nothing with his stuff and the 49cc rule applies and John Cena did it too and did nothing and their guys are struggling all the time to get any kind of transportation and they be zooming all over the place and really they look kind of normal on this it's really weird at that price almost anybody could buy them and I can get them in Walmart and then be street legal as a motorcycle or scooter and he says in Florida it's a scooter in California it's a scooter Massachusetts it's a scooter and it's 49cc so and they're saying it's true most of the loss of the states are the same and you just need a driver's license and he would probably do that cuz it's a pain in the ass but he could ride this to Harley once John Riva Lord is out and get his driver's license motorcycle license that sounds like a great idea and people can go by that in some places you have to have your own bike and it would work

Chao phat

Wow this is really weird all sorts of people could ride and this would be a nice bike and BJ did a great job. All he has to do is buy parts and sell them sell a real big job and I could do it and I think I might as only a couple modifications in the Springer you can get and I can get it street legal the tires are decent and rims and I need the frame and I can find that I know that they have them and for crying out loud this is fast is the right sprockets and I play with that and then I get the kit and I put it together and really you just have a warehouse and you put in these bins and you pick from the band and you put it into the packaging and and box it up I mean really this is not a hard thing to do it's a small box and it might even be accepted by ups and they'll go everywhere I'm going to check into it and I might work until I work at deal with chow fat

Jenna

Ah hah good

Chao phat

It says it means good and it does I didn't have to try to do this cuz what we need these things and that's fast enough when we're lighter and we'll probably go 75 he says and a normal weight and it's it won't sound too funny but you look kind of cool it is a scooter and you're going to have fun on it and we can make up a new name and it be for us

Jenna

I have a few name ideas he went through a few name ideas but mine is pretty good

Chao phat

No it's not hard times Charlie thanks

..

Olympus

[seacrestseacon]

"..." Alright. Well, guess that means some are of higher value now, and others while outdated are current at time of printing and therefore also valuble. Either way, win win win.

But wings are hiking in fascination at different syrups and fuels and minerals making the high grade change colour. He may have scooted once chair closer to watch in fascination. Bannin's stuff wasn't half as fancy! Granted, the eel preferred distilling the liquor and sampling himself to sleep, rather than get all primped and pretty like Springer clearly had a knack for.

Bowl! Yoink. Carefully picking up the little skewer, rolling it between digits to inspect the weird things, and he is taking a curious nibble of one. And from the erratic waggle of wings, he likes the tart yet sweet combo. Ah yes. How to show you were made after the war where table manners don't exist; spinning the fork slowly with a messy slurp to get the syrup off it so it stops dripping into the bowl.

Mlem, mlem, mlem.

"dis good"

" Some yea. Some no." Springer does not elaborate. He does not care to. This time he puts a line of remaining cherry bombs into his drink. Its a lavender-blue hue that he pours from two seperate bottles to create a slowly sparkling drink. No rim this time though. A wedge of green twisted limewires and crystal rose petals on top. He sips this one, testing it. Before he uses a spare pick to stab three plumbobs from the jar. These go into a bowl and are slid to the edge of the bar. He can come and get them if he wants them so badly. " My energon needs are particular. So I make my own additives, blends, the whole like. A hobby of sorts, and I make some money on it on the side. A win win." Snorting as he presses the chilled energon glass to his cheek. Still watching the little mech fidget and squirm. " Some I know didn't have cards. Or their names aren't correct on the cards."

[rainbowriderjt]

Love The Twisted Fork Springer Front Ends

[plutoccult]

BRINGING THEM TO THANKSGIVING (PART ONE)

characters: eren yeager, armin arlert, jean kirstein, connie springer, and mikasa ackerman

description: headcanons on taking your favorite aot characters home to your family for thanksgiving.

read part two here

author’s note: hi, everyone! while i’m still very much mourning the end of attack on titan, i’m very much ecstatic and over the moon after seeing how many notes my love mine all mine has received! while the likes are appreciated, reblogs are appreciated even more! it’s what gives writers more exposure! reblog your favorite writers, people!!! give them fuel! anyway, i’m delving into making headcanons now, and since it’s november, why not do something thanksgiving related? i will do a part two with more characters though, don’t worry! enjoy <3

EREN YEAGER:

— eren is a literal menace. he eats like a GREMLIN, like it’s his last meal on earth. so, when you invite him to your family’s house for thanksgiving dinner, you can only pray to whatever god you believe in that he doesn’t act like a total nutcase.

— he’s so cool and calm when you walk through the door with him, everyone ecstatic to see you bring someone home. he’s making his rounds with everybody, playing video games with your cousins while they wait for food, he even stopped your niece from crying when you couldn’t! it was like he was on his bestest (yes, totally a word) behavior! you actually think to yourself that nothing could go wrong… until food is ready.

— now, eren is pretty built, but not totally buff like reiner. your family is shocked when they see him practically inhale his food. whatever is given to him, he’s eating it. the only sounds coming out of his mouth is him chewing. well, if he miraculously chewed his food before swallowing.

— after finishing a plate of food, the first words to come out of his mouth were “can i have another?” god, your family could only hope he’d be too full for pie later on. you had hyped up your grandma’s pumpkin pie for months now, so eren was so excited to finally try it.

— when it finally came to dessert time though, poor eren was too full. he convinced himself he would explode if he ate just a bite from the fork you offered. you weren’t complaining too much, more pie for you! besides, he could always come back next year and hopefully learn his lesson.

ARMIN ARLERT:

— armin. armin, armin, armin. he’s such a sweetheart, an angel sent from heaven. you were almost convinced your family loved him more than they loved you since they were more excited to hear that armin would be attending thanksgiving.

— he put in the effort to memorize everyone’s names, even remembering what grades your cousins were in at school. he’d even point out how much they’d grown too despite seeing them at the previous family shindig. armin was certified family at this point.

— he’s so polite at the dinner table, calmly asking to pass the mashed potatoes, complimenting your aunt’s green bean casserole, it was almost like he had it down to a science. your family would swoon over how much of a sweetheart armin was. they wouldn’t hesitate to dig at someone else’s significant other and say “why can’t you be more like armin?” either. he’s the poster child for the perfect partner.

— honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if armin brought dessert he made himself. i can see him having a secret fudge recipe that he refuses to reveal to anyone, not even you (although if you were being honest, you saw the tab for the recipe open on his laptop once). by the end of the night, whatever container he brought was undoubtedly empty, and your family would just have to wait until the next holiday for more.

JEAN KIRSTEIN:

— a bit of a mixed bag, honestly. he will definitely try to put on this ultimate smooth, cool guy act, but everyone immediately hates it. you tried to tell jean to just be himself while you were on the way there, but he INSISTED that he knew what he was doing. of course, he was wrong and you were right!

— thankfully, the pathetic facade goes away when the youngest members of your family (either little siblings, cousins, or both) want to play with jean and use his tall ass as a jungle gym. it’s too hard for him to resist the smiles and laughter, and that is when your family begins to warm up to him. you even think in your head how good of a father jean would be seeing how good he was with kids.

— in my head, jean is a full blown artist in the modern au. so, of course, when your family asks about what he does for a living, they joke that they hope you bring enough money to the table. HE’S TRYING HIS BEST!!! but if we’re being completely honest, he would totally shut their mouths when he shows some pictures from his latest art show. this man is an ARTISTE!

— he’s totally cool at the dinner time, just as polite as armin would be, but not as shy in comparison. he would even be nice enough to ask who made what and compliment everything. and since he’s a big boy, he would ask for some more servings, but not as insane as eren. your family would even joke that he needs to eat more because he’s “built like a noodle or something” and it crushes his ego a little bit because he works so hard to maintain his muscles.

— at some point, you’re asked when jean is going to put a ring on it, and jean would tease that he’ll get the job done by new year’s. you think he’s just joking, but in reality, he has an engagement ring hidden in your apartment as he spoke. that man is here to STAY.

CONNIE SPRINGER:

— similar to eren, but probably way worse. connie walks in with FULL chaotic energy. he will literally make the most out of pocket jokes right off the bat, which makes part of you wished you just stayed home this year.

— even if connie is a little chaotic, he can be sweet at times when it counts. i feel like grandparents would have a soft spot for him for some reason? he’ll kick it with your grandma and grandpa like he’s lived a long life just like them. connie would probably make a joke thanking them for the invention of the rocking chair.

— but oh, don’t worry, he can channel his inner child (as if it’s hidden anyway) when it comes to hanging out with the quote unquote “youngin’s.” he’s definitely the type to cheat at a board game and laugh at a little kid when they cry over losing. if there’s video games involved, he’ll scream at the tv over mario kart and make everyone think someone died or something.

— at dinner, when asked what he’s thankful for, he’d say something totally random like beyoncé and fried chicken. it totally throws everyone off at the dinner table, but connie is very proud of his statement. how could you not be thankful for beyoncé’s existence?

— considering connie is sasha’s best friend, that man can EAT. he’s the biggest eater out of everyone in the room, and it’s not surprising that he’d be accused of being high by your snotty aunt. his response? “damn, i should’ve smoked a blunt before this.”

— it’s safe to say that connie’s presence at your family’s thanksgiving would be unforgettable.

MIKASA ACKERMAN:

— i would consider mikasa to receive the same treatment as armin; universally loved by everyone. but, i’d say it’s for different reasons. while armin is adored for his smarts and good heart, mikasa is considered cool in the eyes of your family because of how strong she is.

— she’s shy upon first meeting your family, too afraid to mess everything up. it’s definitely noticeable, but once mikasa is broken out of her shell, she’s a total delight in the eyes of your family.

— i see her being skilled in various sports, noting that her attitude on the field is completely different compared to when she’s off the field. i imagine she gets flustered when you ask her to roll up her sleeves and flex her arms for everybody, but when she does, everyone in the room is amazed. the kids will want to do outrageous things like sit on her while she does pushups or other crazy shit like that after seeing her strength.

— mikasa is the type to pretend to like something even when she hates it. you warn her before dinner that some people in your family “don’t believe in flavor”, and advise her against certain dishes. but when she’s asked if she wants a serving, she feels too bad to say no, and she suffers through it. but when she gets to the good stuff, it makes up for those few bites of previous suffering. you’ll definitely laugh at her later over it.

— while mikasa was initially so nervous to come over for thanksgiving, she’s glad to have taken the leap and hopes for many more holiday’s with you.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[jethomme]

“Pepper”  Grand Forks, North Dakota, circa 1949

[two-gun-salute]

⚡ Custom Cub // Kickback custom motorcycle show 2017, Stoneleigh ⚡

[kimzplace]

Three Forks to Springer Mountain

On The Appalachian Trail

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Writing advice #?: Have your characters wash the dishes while they talk.

This is one of my favorite tricks, picked up from E.M. Forester and filtered through my own domestic-homebody lens.  Forester says that you should never ever tell us how a character feels; instead, show us what those emotions are doing to a character’s posture and tone and expression.  This makes “I felt sadness” into “my shoulders hunched and I sighed heavily, staring at the ground as my eyes filled with tears.”  Those emotions-as-motions are called objective correlatives.  Honestly, fic writers have gotten the memo on objective correlatives, but sometimes struggle with how to use them.

Objective correlatives can quickly become a) repetitive or b) melodramatic.  On the repetitive end, long scenes of dialogue can quickly turn into “he sighed” and “she nodded” so many times that he starts to feel like a window fan and she like a bobblehead.  On the melodramatic end, a debate about where to eat dinner can start to feel like an episode of Jerry Springer because “he shrieked” while “she clenched her fists” and they both “ground their teeth.”  If you leave the objective correlatives out entirely, then you have what’s known as “floating” dialogue — we get the words themselves but no idea how they’re being said, and feel completely disconnected from the scene.  If you try to get meaning across by telling us the characters’ thoughts instead, this quickly drifts into purple prose.

Instead, have them wash the dishes while they talk.

To be clear: it doesn’t have to be dishes.  They could be folding laundry or sweeping the floor or cooking a meal or making a bed or changing a lightbulb.  The point is to engage your characters in some meaningless, everyday household task that does not directly relate to the subject of the conversation.

This trick gives you a whole wealth of objective correlatives.  If your character is angry, then the way they scrub a bowl will be very different from how they’ll be scrubbing while happy.  If your character is taking a moment to think, then they might splash suds around for a few seconds.  A character who is not that invested in the conversation will be looking at the sink not paying much attention.  A character moderately invested will be looking at the speaker while continuing to scrub a pot.  If the character is suddenly very invested in the conversation, you can convey this by having them set the pot down entirely and give their full attention to the speaker.

A demonstration:

1

“I’m leaving,” Anastasia said.

“What?”  Drizella continued dropping forks into the dishwasher.

2

“I’m leaving,” Anastasia said.

Drizella paused midway through slotting a fork into the dishwasher.  “What?”

3

“I’m leaving,” Anastasia said.

Drizella laughed, not looking up from where she was arranging forks in the dishwasher.  “What?”

4

“I’m leaving,” Anastasia said.

The forks slipped out of Drizella’s hand and clattered onto the floor of the dishwasher.  “What?”

5

“I’m leaving,” Anastasia said.

“What?”  Drizella shoved several forks into the dishwasher with unnecessary force, not seeming to notice when several bounced back out of the silverware rack.

See how cheaply and easily we can get across Drizella’s five different emotions about Anastasia leaving, all by telling the reader how she’s doing the dishes?  And all the while no heads were nodded, no teeth were clenched.

The reason I recommend having it be one of these boring domestic chores instead of, say, scaling a building or picking a lock, is that chores add a sense of realism and are low-stakes enough not to be distracting.  If you add a concurrent task that’s high-stakes, then potentially your readers are going to be so focused on the question of whether your characters will pick the lock in time that they don’t catch the dialogue.  But no one’s going to be on the edge of their seat wondering whether Drizella’s going to have enough clean forks for tomorrow.

And chores are a cheap-n-easy way to add a lot of realism to your story.  So much of the appeal of contemporary superhero stories comes from Spider-Man having to wash his costume in a Queens laundromat or Green Arrow cheating at darts, because those details are fun and interesting and make a story feel “real.”  Actually ask the question of what dishes or clothing or furniture your character owns and how often that stuff gets washed.  That’s how you avoid reality-breaking continuity errors like stating in Chapter 3 that all of your character’s worldly possessions fit in a single backpack and in Chapter 7 having your character find a pair of pants he forgot he owns.  You don’t have to tell the reader what dishes your character owns (please don’t; it’s already bad enough when Tolkien does it) but you should ideally know for yourself.

Anyway: objective correlatives are your friends.  They get emotion across, but for low-energy scenes can become repetitive and for high-energy scenes can become melodramatic.  The solution is to give your characters something relatively mundane to do while the conversation is going on, and domestic chores are not a bad starting place.

[skuddesign]

Spare coin 🤠! #hd #harleydavidson #custom #dyna #dynafxdl #dyna1340 #1340 #chopper #chop #dynahead #custommotorcycle #motorcycle #fork #springer (à Ile-de-France, France)

[the-firebird69]

Freya Ridings - Castles (Official Video)

We have a lot of stuff to talk about how people need to learn that we need this stuff we need regular cars we need bikes and now and he says you can sell the frame and the suspension and it's like a rolling chassis but with the lights and light kit and everything set the motor and a transmission and he and suggest one from the lawn mowers and Dan was excited he said that's an easy way to do it and a lot less liability and you have instructions on how to do it and people will figure it out they really need to and they'll get these damn lawn mowers right on lawn mowers and so now I understand he's on it and this is going to go and other people will be making the frames and the seat it's important to us and suspension in the forks and handlebars and tires brakes brake system and flight system and battery and then you have like this thing that hooks up to the motor somehow it says it's like a small capacitor with with a voltage regulator inside and will and Bill say that's what it is that's really a charger so that's nice to know you guys and the other goobers and he wants to do goober Meister I want to do goober Meister with him and he says I don't want to do goopermeister it's goobermeister. And yeah that would be fun it says hurricane arrange it she's looked a little like you before that's fun as well but really all you have to do is start like a consortium like you guys do with your food places it's like a co-op and you have coops that link together you can start it with a co-op actually cuz you could use him hemp and I actually got to do that that sounds like intriguing stuff and really they let you do that kind of thing cuz I think it's silly but we'd be starting a gear company and we'd start like this level one and level two and we have it all written down and I want to do it but we need this motorcycle idea it's a smaller bike it's good everyone's small you used to bring some Stratton and it has a special exhaust that you don't need to use a like the smelly catalytic converter and it sounds real loud and it sounds real good and I want to do that and really they're performance these days of the basic parts is really good and we're going to have to start this up and we need to and boil this would be a lot of fun having bikes that fit us and tons of them and really making the bike and the frame it's like a rolling chassis with the light system and brake system and usually they're way too much money but this would be a lightweight frame and inexpensive parts I made from local suppliers and he's saying maybe we could get recycled parts going and start recycling like madness and Dan says some of them are and it's a great idea and if you kick some parts in a hard to get for them front forks are impossible even the Springer would be great and so they're going to look at that and you can use the Springer for any of the bikes except for like a dirt bike but so we're going to look at going ahead and doing that too and trying to do our own and it's going to be a fad and it will kick in and it will be something everybody starts doing it's hard for a regular people to do cuz they can't get the motor in there and it really need to have instructions for your people that work and we get that too they won't be able to if you don't so you have to be careful with it but I want to go ahead and make mine and he says do you have a frame that's like smaller instead I might have one kicking around that we were using since it's one compete a little because my shop is kind of small and he gets that and you might get ideas and I might do it for mine and we can get these lawn mowers out of our yards we have tons of these damn things

Freya ridings

I like this idea a lot of making the rolling chassis with the lights and shocks and brakes it is really not a unique idea but it's a great one it's a little unique cuz you have the lights in the brakes everything you need except the motor but really actually it is unique I take it back as for a lawn mower and you can include the sprockets that make it go pretty much the fastest and with one gear and he says you really have two gears there sort of a gear and a half and I get that it's because the sprockets make it faster so we are going to go ahead and start to make our own cuz nobody's doing anything

Mac daddy

Max usually don't do it and mac daddy too but really they don't have anything and people are running out of stuff that works and these bikes would be great for a while and then people would make the v twin motor for the Briggs & Stratton company and they still run it and they are easy to make and they come out fast and boy are they nice they're decent motors and we're hoping this idea works

Thor Freya

Olympus