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My husband told me that when he was thinking of proposing to me, he asked for my brother's blessing. He said my brother's response was, "are you sure about this?" and they laughed.

The story is suppose to be lighthearted and I'm 60% sure my brother said it in humor. I laughed when my husband told me the story but on the inside, I was an insecure mess. Am I a lot to handle? Am I too much?

Those questions haunt me daily.

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Tumblr is the home for my sadness.

I think there's something beautiful in being so completely heartbroken to a point of deranged sadness, and immediately I run back to Tumblr for comfort and outlet.

Welcome home, I guess?

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Tomorrow Never Came

Request from @roses-in-your-country-house:  Ok! then may I request a kinda melancholy one with Billy Russo based on the song Tomorrow Never Came by Lana Del Rey? Thank you so much❤️❤️

I hope you like it! Thanks for the request, and thanks for being so patient! I know this has been in my askbox for a while!

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“I’ll meet you out there tomorrow,” Billy had said, his voice sounding strained over the phone, “At our spot. You know the one?”

“Yeah,” you nodded even though he couldn’t see you, “Yeah, I know where you’re talking about. I’ll be there.”

“I love you,” he said, and you held your breath. Billy didn’t say those three words often, not even to you.

“I love you, too,” you sighed, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You thought back on that moment as you sat on the bench in the city in the pouring rain, holding your jacket close to you. You adored Billy; even after everything he’d done to Frank and his family, and Curtis, he was still the love of your life. And as much as you wanted things to be the same, they weren’t. He was a wanted man, the scars on his face made him stick out like a sore thumb, and it was only a matter of time before Frank got back to the city, nothing but a vendetta on his mind. You had to get out of town—Billy had to get out of the country, and he wanted you to come with him.

How could you say no?

You wanted him to stay, to stay with you in the paradise you’d made together. But you knew he couldn’t, you knew it was dangerous for him. You didn’t mind running off with him; you had no problem leaving your old life behind for a life on the lamb as long as you had Billy. You would do anything to be with Billy.

You looked down at your phone. It was an hour past the time Billy was supposed to meet you, but he hadn’t called or texted so you assumed he just got slowed down. He would be there. It was hard for him to get around since him and his crew started robbing banks, of course he’d be late. He had to lie low, it was going to take longer…

…another hour passed. And then another, and then another one after that. You were shivering now, but you refused to get up. If you left for a few minutes to get a cup of coffee and missed Billy, you would never forgive yourself. You had this one chance to be with him again, and no matter how cold, and wet, and miserable you were, you weren’t moving an inch unless you were moving towards Billy.

You watched the sun go down from your spot on the bench, but the rain didn’t let up. You felt your lip tremble, and you brought the phone up to your ear. It was a burner phone; Billy had gotten it for you the day he’d left town. His was the only number on it. It dialed immediately.

It went straight to voicemail.

You hung up, sitting back and crossing your arms over your chest. The cold felt like it was seeping into your bones now, and you were started to get worried. What if something happened? What if he never came? What if he’d been lying this whole time, and he was never going to come back to you?

What if he never even loved you in the first place?

You picked up the phone and dialed again. It went to voicemail, but this time, you left a message.

“Billy, I’m here,” your voice was shaking—but even you couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or the sadness, “I’m at our spot like you told me to be. It’s… You’re like, four hours late, I… Are you okay?” You sighed, knowing he couldn’t answer you. “I’ll be here,” you promised, “no matter what, I’ll be here waiting for you, okay? So just… Get here soon.” You pulled your jacket over you again. “I love you.”

Eventually, the pitter-patter of the rain combined with the cold lulled you to an uneasy sleep. The sound of your teeth chattering and the wind howling were easy to ignore, but you woke up every few minutes to check your phone. No notifications. You probably slept for 20 minutes, not including the several times you woke up to check your phone, before the boom of thunder woke you up. It was dark, but you were way too sad and cold and hurt to be afraid. You looked up at the sky, suddenly unsure if the moisture on your cheeks was rain or tears. He’d said he loved you, he told you that he was going to come and get you, that you’d run away together. Had it all been a lie?

You stood up, phone clutched in your hand, and looked around. There was no sign of Billy. You should go. “I should go,” you whispered to yourself. You didn’t move. You wanted to move, or at least you thought you wanted to, but your feet were planted in the ground. It was like you couldn’t move away from that bench. You looked back down at it, then down at your shaking hands holding the phone… You thought about Billy, about his smile, his laugh, those dark eyes that could see right through you… You pictured his face, so scared and nervous when he first came back to you, the scars on his face still raw. You closed your eyes, and you could see the way he’d looked at you the morning after he came back, his soft smile as he lay across from you in bed; it was like you could hear the way he had whispered your name in the whine of the wind, and you could feel his lips on yours as the rain fell on your face. Sighing, you opened your eyes and sat back down.

You were cold and miserable and unhappy, but you wouldn’t leave until you either saw Billy or at least heard from him. Repositioning yourself on the bench, you laid your head on the arm you had propped up against the back of the bench and placed your phone in between your legs, bringing them up and sitting under them, trying to keep warm. The rain had slowed down to a smooth trickle, and you closed your eyes, letting yourself drift off to a restless sleep.

As you slept, exhausted and miserable, you missed your phone vibrating in your lap. You missed the rain coming to a full start, and you missed the tall, silent figure approach you in the dark.

“Baby…” You heard a voice—Billy’s voice—somewhere above you. “Baby, you okay?” You blinked yourself awake to see Billy, eyes worried, leaning over you. He put a hand on your cheek and frowned. “Shit. You’re freezing.” You watched, dumbstruck, as Billy tore his coat off and draped it over your shoulders. “I’m sorry I’m late, baby, I—”

“—Where have you been?” You asked, finally finding your voice again, “Are you okay? Did something happen—”

“—Ran into some trouble,” he answered, pulling you to him, “Jesus, Y/N, I thought you’d have gone home by now. You’ve been out in the rain this whole time?”

You nodded against his shoulder. “You told me to wait,” you said simply.

“Shit,” he said again, rubbing your arms in an attempt to warm you, “You’re shivering. Baby, I’m so sorry, I tried to call you.”

You glanced down at the phone in your lap. “I didn’t hear it.”

Billy brought his hands up to your face and pulled you towards him. You melted when he kissed you. “I’m sorry it took so long,” he said, eyes closed, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He smiled, and you leaned into him. You loved that smile. “I know you do,” he said back, “Why else would you spend the night in the cold rain?” You laughed, and he kissed you again. He stood up, gently pulling you up with him. Billy wrapped you in his arms, and the warmth that went through you was enough to make you willing to spend another three hours on that bench. “Come on,” he said, smiling down at you, “I got us a boat ride out of here, and I’m gonna get you nice and warm the whole ride.”

You giggled, standing on your tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips. Yours were cold, you knew, and Billy held you closer to compensate. You shuddered; Billy had that effect on you.

How could you say no?

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TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp@shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @heyitslexy @luminex3 @sithskywalkers @carlaangel86@sssilverssserpent @jupiter-blake @binbons-is-theloml @captainblackeyes @importantkidmakerfire @luminex3 @the-blind-assassin-12 @editboutique @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @whovianayesha  @my-little-dumpster-fire @rhabakoli  @thesumofmychoices​ saltyshaggymeme

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A Good Day

Request from @charlylama:  A Billy russo x reader where they are about to marry each other and it's all cute and he's all teary eyes. It's just one big fluff or more if you want to. I just have that imagine in my mind and I would love to see it written. I love your Billy Russo stories so much. You are a wonderful writer and it would make me so happy. Thank you 💕

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it took so long!

*gif not mine*

Billy had never been so nervous, and yet so excited, in his entire life. He’d been nervous on his first tour in Iraq, but he’d gotten used to the warfare and death fairly quickly. And he had been excited as hell the morning he officially made Lieutenant, but now… It was like the highs of both of those experiences put together and dialed up to ten. His hands were shaking, but he couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or glee.

Today was the day of his wedding. Today was the day that you would become his, and he would become yours in front of all your friends. Today was the day he was born for.

“How you feelin’, groom?” Curtis said, poking his head around the corner.

Billy turned from where he was appraising himself in the mirror. He smoothed his tie down, more for something to do with his hands and less because the tie needed righting, and grinned. “Nervous,” he breathed out, “Excited. Happy. Fucking terrified. Fuck, Curt, I—is this normal? This ain’t normal, is it?”

Curtis laughed. “I think it’s perfectly normal,” he said, walking over to Billy, “You should see Y/N.”

Billy’s heart stopped. Were you getting cold feet? Did you finally realize that you could do better than him, than an abandoned son with over 100 kills under his belt? Were you gonna call the whole thing off?

“Breath, Bill,” Frank said, chuckling as he walked in behind Curtis, “She’s floating on air. She can’t wait to be your wife.”

“Did she say that?” Billy asked hopefully.

“I think it was implied when she accepted your proposal,” Frank answered wryly.

“Yeah, but—”

“Billiam,” Curtis interrupted, calling him by his least favorite nickname, “This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, right?” Billy nodded. “So stop panicking and enjoy it.”

Billy nodded again, taking a deep breath. He let Frank (who hadn’t stopped smiling since Billy bought the engagement ring months ago) pour him a glass of champagne and tried to focus in on his friends’ laughter and the excitement building in his chest. He loved you—he loved you more than he ever thought he’d be able to, more than he loved himself. All Billy wanted was to be with you for the rest of his life and make you happy. So he reminded himself of that fact every time the nerves started to settle in, every time his brain supplied yet another reason why you were too good for him. It actually worked…

…until he was standing at the front of the room, Frank and Curtis at his side, waiting for you to walk down that long ass aisle. Suddenly every insecurity he’d ever had came back to him as he stared out at the bride’s side of the room; full of family and loved ones, and his measly crowd on his side. He swallowed, wondering what he had to offer you besides money, wondering if he really could make you happy for the rest of your lives, wondering if he could ever make anyone happy—when the music slowed, and you came into view.

You took his breath away.

Billy had seen pictures of your dress (you were so excited, you couldn’t help himself), but the photos couldn’t have prepared him for just how beautiful you were. His eyes widened as he watched you; you were taking little steps, and you had a veil over your face. You looked like an angel in white. Your father was beside you, but Billy couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see anyone. There were only two people in the whole world: you and him. He felt his eyes water as he stared at you, afraid to blink and miss a single moment. It felt like his heart was pounding out of the chest while standing entirely still all at once. It felt like…utmost peace and erratic joy at the same time, watching you. Billy tried to control his breathing, but he was gone by the time you got in front of him. He stepped up and removed your veil, and your smile was so gorgeous. You were crying, and he had to blink (finally) to keep his own tears at bay.

“Hi,” you mouthed to him, a halo around your beautiful face.

“Hi,” he mouthed back, grinning from ear to ear.

The priest was saying something, but Billy’s attention was completely spent on you. He was, without a doubt, the luckiest, happiest, most loved man in the world. You were looking at him like he was worth something, and he knew that to you, he was. You always believed in him, always had his back, always kept it real with him and let him know when he was being an ass. You, beyond anyone else, had always had faith in him. With you, Billy had built Anvil, had gotten everything he’d ever wanted. But you were all he needed.

Billy stared straight at you the entire time, and he watched your eyes sparkle when he finally got to say “I do”. He felt himself grow light, like a feather, when you said it back.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Billy held you to him and kissed you soft and slow. He heard applause in the distance. This felt like a first kiss; like a promise, and he was determined to keep it.

Afterwards, after pictures and shaking hands and congratulations, Billy was able to sneak away with you for a moment.

“I love you,” he said, brushing his fingers across your cheek, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Billy,” you hadn’t stopped smiling all day, and Billy wanted to see that smile every day of his life. “God, I—I can’t stop crying!” You laughed, wiping at your eyes.

Billy chuckled, wiping under your eyes with his thumb. “Can I just say… Baby, this is the happiest day of my life. I always wanted this, even when I didn’t know I did, I did. And when we first met, I thought you were different, special, and you terrified me. You still do.” He laughed softly as another tear escaped your eye. “I want…” He took a breath. “I just want to make you as happy as you make me for the rest of our lives, because I love you. And I want to give you everything you deserve.”

“You do,” you said, putting your hand over his, “You make me so happy, Billy. I still have no idea how I got you, but I’m going to spend every day of my life showing you how much I love you.” You smiled, and it was like watching the sun rise. “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” Billy said back, bringing your lips to his. You were both smiling when you pulled back.

You nuzzled into Billy’s chest, and he held you close happily. “I hope every day is like this,” you said softly.

He kissed the top of your head. “I hope so, too.”

Your wedding was beautiful, the reception was a blast, and the honeymoon was a dream. Billy made sure to make every day with you the best day of your life—and even though there were rough times sometimes, you both knew there was no one on earth who loved you more.

At the end of it all, your wedding day had just been the first in a long, long, long line of good days. 

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Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist! I’m trying to get organized again, so if you’ve asked to be in my general taglist before and you’re still not in it, please let me know and I’ll fix it. Thanks for reading!

TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp @shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @sssilverssserpent​ @heyitslexy @editboutique

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More content like this IG: @starsfragment

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I DID NOT ENDURE AND WAIT SEVEN FUCKING YEARS OF DAENERYS RAISING THESE AMAZING ASS DRAGONS, WATCH HER STRUGGLE TO GET HER ARMY, AND FINALLY CONVINCING THE DOTHRAKI TO CROSS THE SALTY ASS NARROW SEA JUST FOR THE NIGHT KING TO KILL AND TURN ONE OF HER DRAGONS AS A WIGHT IN 5 SECONDS

I AM AS SALTY AS THE NARROW SEA THAT THE NIGHT KING HAS HER DRAGON AS AN ADVANTAGE.

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Rhaegar Targaryen annulled his marriage to Elia Martell of DORNE and remarried the same day Lyanna Stark in DORNE….?

Fucking slap in the face.

OR did Rhaegar and Elia have an understanding that this is greater than them and he legit needs a “third dragon” AKA JON. Beeeecause in the books Elia birthed him 2 children and couldn’t get pregnant anymore.

Idk just throwing it out there.

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Friendly reminder that Gendry's dad killed Jon's biological father :)

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Jumping in!

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Arya babygirl u is smarter than this D: