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loansohio · 2 years

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Best Trending Ways | How to Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck?

▶Introduction

We've all been there: you're on the verge of retirement and have no idea how to get out of this paycheck-to-paycheck rut. You've started taking care of your Four Walls first—buying a house, getting married, starting a family—but now your bills still come in every month. You can't afford to save much money because even though you want nothing more than to retire comfortably at 65, there's just not enough left over after paying off debts and living expenses (which we'll talk about in a minute).

▶Get on a budget.

Define your income and expenses.

Track your spending.

Make a budget.

Now that you've got a good idea of how much money is coming in and going out, it's time to start putting those numbers into action!

▶Take care of your Four Walls first.

The next step to stopping living paycheck to paycheck is taking care of your Four Walls.

Pay off your mortgage as soon as possible, but don't rush it. You'll pay more interest and fees than you would if you wait until next year when the rate is lower. The longer you can put off paying off your house, the more money will be left over for other things like vacations and entertainment expenses that are necessary in order to keep from falling into debt again!

Don't get too attached to your car; consider trading it in or selling it so that there's no temptation for temptation when making budgeting decisions later down the road (and remember: we're talking about long-term goals here). If possible avoid buying new cars altogether by renting one instead! It might seem expensive at first glance but think about how much money would be saved over time if that purchase was avoided all together."

▶Start an emergency fund.

An emergency fund is a kind of savings account that you can use to cover unexpected expenses. It's important because it helps you avoid high-interest debt and other financial emergencies, but it's also critical to keeping your finances stable in general.

The ideal emergency fund should be 3-6 months' worth of living expenses—but even that might seem daunting when you're just starting out. To help you build up this type of nest egg as quickly as possible, consider these tips:

Save 10% of every paycheck into your bank account (or another type of account) until it reaches $1,000 total at which point stop saving money into said account until next payday arrives so all future paychecks go towards building up your emergency fund instead.* Keep track of how much money has been put aside for emergencies by writing down every purchase made on an Excel spreadsheet like this one; then total up those numbers at the end of each month so see exactly where those funds went.* Don't spend any cash unless absolutely necessary!

▶Stop living with debt.

There are many different ways to tackle this problem, but the most important thing is to pay off your credit cards and loans as soon as possible. You should also try not to buy anything you can't afford, and don't spend more than you earn each month. If an emergency comes up that requires borrowing money from a lender or using a credit card, then use it only for emergencies—not because the purchase is necessary for survival (e.g., food).

▶Sell stuff.

Sell stuff. This is the easiest and most obvious way to save money, but it's also one of the most difficult to execute. You need to be prepared for rejection, because there will be times when someone says no or doesn't want what you're selling—and that's okay! If someone says no, don't give up on them just yet; maybe they'll change their mind later on down the road (or maybe not).

Don't sell things that are sentimental to you; this includes anything with personal meaning or significance attached to it—a family heirloom, an old teddy bear made by your nephews' hands…the list goes on! These things might seem like great deals now but could become liabilities later down the line when they come time for selling them off again in order to make more space in your home or apartment (and if they're worth anything at all).

▶Get a temporary job or start a side hustle.

Do something you love.

Work on your own terms.

Make extra money and build a skill that can be used in a future job.

If you're looking for a temporary job or side hustle that pays better than your current one, there are some great options out there. If you're still trying to figure out what kind of work fits into this category, I recommend checking out my article on How To Get A Job With No Experience At All (and Why It's Important).

▶Live below your means.

For example, if you earn $50,000 a year and spend $50,000 on living expenses, you're living paycheck to paycheck. To start living below your means and reduce your debt, take a look at what it takes to live that way in different areas of the country. For instance:

In San Francisco (where I am), it costs an average of $2 million per year for housing; in New York City ($1.5 million) or Washington DC ($1 million). These are adjusted for buying power so they're not just rough estimates but actual figures from recent surveys by Zillow and Trulia respectively.*

I've written before about some tips for reducing monthly expenses when moving from one place where you can easily find work (like New York City) into another place that doesn't have as many job opportunities—such as rural Kansas.*

So far as I know there aren't any studies showing whether this method works better than others such as saving more money toward retirement beforehand versus investing after making other plans for how much time will pass before retiring.*

▶Look for things to cut.

A good place to start is with the things that you can cut. You might be surprised at how many things in your life have been taken for granted and have become an automatic expense.

Magazine subscriptions - If you still subscribe to magazines, it's time to look into cancelling them! And if there are any others out there that aren't worth the cost, it might be worth looking into cancelling those as well.

Cable - If possible, consider cutting down on cable TV so that it doesn't eat into any savings that would otherwise go toward something else (such as groceries). Other options include getting rid of premium channels like HBO or Showtime in exchange for basic cable packages offered by streaming services like Netflix or Hulu Plus; however, keep in mind that some providers will only allow one plan per account (and even then may charge more money).

▶Save up for big purchases.

The first step to becoming financially independent is saving money. To do that, you'll need to start paying yourself first by setting aside a portion of your income every month—and then not touching that money until you've reached your goal.

That means no more shopping sprees when the bills come due: If a purchase is going to cost more than 12 months' worth of living expenses, it's not worth buying right now. That goes for all purchases: Make sure they're worth what they cost before buying them!

▶Meal plan.

To do this, you'll need to make a list of the meals you want to eat and list out all their ingredients. Then plan your meals around what's on sale or in season, like strawberries in the summertime or spinach during winter months.

Another way to save money is by making sure that every meal includes at least one fruit or vegetable (whether it be raw or cooked). This will help reduce costs because fruits can be expensive while vegetables are cheap!

▶Remember your why.

Stay motivated and focused.

Have a plan in place for what you want to accomplish and how you're going to get there, including how you'll know when it's done.

Create support networks around yourself: a partner or family member who understands what this journey is all about; friends who can help keep things interesting; a coach (or several!) who can provide advice throughout the process as well as offer encouragement when needed most!

▶Here are our best financial tips to get you out of the paycheck-to-paycheck rut.

Get on a budget. You may not be able to afford to buy everything that you want, but by setting aside some cash each month and putting it into savings, you'll have money to pay for things when they come up—and avoid falling victim to the temptation of impulse buying. Plus, having an emergency fund will help keep your financial problems in perspective: if something happens and could potentially ruin your life financially (like losing your job), at least there's something left over every month so that when times get tough again later down the road, no one has lost everything because they lived paycheck-to-paycheck all along.*

Take care of your four walls first: It sounds funny at first blush but don't forget about what goes inside those four walls! We live in an age where people are more concerned about appearances than ever before; if we didn't think so ourselves (or had someone else remind us), then there would probably be less houses built today than there were five years ago due largely due economic conditions like high unemployment rates combined with low wages overall which prevents people from buying homes as quickly as possible once completed construction occurs…and then there's always maintenance costs associated with keeping up such properties too!"

▶Conclusion

We hope you found our tips helpful, and that they’ve helped you find a way out of your paycheck-to-paycheck rut. We wish the best for all of you who are trying to get out of debt, save up for big purchases, and live below your means—and we want to remind ourselves that it will take time. But with patience and perseverance, we know that it can be done!

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feliciaipcsglobal · 2 years

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Digital Marketing Nowadays

Digital Marketing, online advertising is crucial for any business to survive in today's competitive world. There are several firms that give digital selling services. This short blog can consider a number of the advantages of using digital marketing in corporations and the way they will facilitate all businesses. Digital marketing is the method of using on-line channels to market and sell products or services. It involves the utilization of digital technologies to achieve marketing goals and to have interaction with customers. The key objectives of digital marketing is to achieve potential customers, build trust and credibility, and generate leads or sales.

Whereas SEO and Ad words selling Services still grow in quality, SMM and SEO are not any longer independent from one another. SMM will be an extremely powerful tool for businesses to have interaction with online customers and followers. SMM is turning into one of the foremost crucial selling tools for businesses to market their product and services. Digital marketing is one in all the foremost necessary aspects of selling products within the modern times. It permits businesses to achieve a bigger audience a lot simply and effectively than ever before. Additionally, digital marketing is extremely cost-effective, making it an essential part of any business's marketing strategy. There are multiple reasons why digital marketing is so important. First, it allows businesses to reach a larger audience more easily. With the internet, businesses can target potential customers from all over the world. Additionally, digital marketing is extremely cost-effective, as it is much cheaper to reach a large audience online than it is through traditional marketing methods such as television or print advertising. Digital marketing is an essential part of any business's marketing. It allows businesses to reach a larger audience more easily and effectively than ever before. Additionally, digital marketing is extremely cost-effective, making it a great way to reach potential customers without breaking the bank.There are a few key places to start with digital marketing. First, identify your target audience and create content that appeals to them. Next, develop a social media strategy and make sure you are active on the platforms your target audience uses most. Finally, invest in paid advertising that will reach your target audience where they are spending time online. By starting in these key areas, you will be off to a strong start with your digital marketing efforts.

Digital marketing will continue to be an important part of any business's marketing strategy in the future. As more and more people use the internet and digital devices to connect with businesses and make purchase decisions, digital marketing will become even more important.

There are several reasons why digital marketing is so important. First, it allows businesses to reach a large audience with relatively little investment. Second, it allows businesses to target their marketing messages to specific groups of people, which can result in better conversion rates. Third, digital marketing is constantly evolving, which means that businesses need to keep up with the latest trends and technologies in order to be successful.

Digital marketing is not going away anytime soon, so businesses need to make sure they are prepared to make the most of it. Those that do not embrace digital marketing in the future will likely find themselves at a competitive disadvantage.

Digital marketing is the future of marketing and the sooner you adapt to this new marketing platform, the better you will be. The more important this marketing is because it offers you a better, cheaper, and lower risk way to reach your target audience. It is much easier for you to reach your target audience through the Internet than through old fashion marketing such as radio, newspaper and television. If you are interested in learning digital marketing for improving your business or as your career option our institution will help you to assist in achieving your goal. We provide a digital marketing training course designed to help people build their own business around the booming field of digital marketing. Our instructor has made sure that all the contents are easy to understand and rich with examples. Streams Offered in Mumbai Branch: Automation, Industrial Automation, Building Management System, CCTV & Security Systems, Digital Marketing, Python, Data Science & IOT and Embedded Courses.

#digitalmarketing #onlineadvertising

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theravenclawrevolutionary · 3 years

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i'm not a frev expert. and you seem to be approchable enough and to have read enough. i had a question, or kind of a question. i just. i think that if robespierre wasn't against all the deaths by guillotine, he wouldn't have written that quote about virtue and terror. maybe i'm getting you wrong, or i'm not understanding the sense of that quote. could you explain?

Oh dang. I'm kinda surprised that people think I have any real authority on the subject of the Frev since I'm not an actual historian or anything and I'm surprised people find me approachable but of course I'll try my best for you Anon! And if anyone else has a better interpretation or anything else to add please, go ahead. I'll also try my best to keep it in as simple language as I can. But I digress.

⚠ This post is quite long so be prepared for that ⚠

First of all, Robespierre has more than one quote talking about terror and virtue. I'm assuming that you're thinking of the one that goes, "Terror is only justice: prompt, severe and inflexible; it is then an emanation of virtue; it is less a distinct principle than a natural consequence of the general principle of democracy, applied to the most pressing wants of the country." since that is the most common one. However, if you're talking about the one that goes "Terror is only justice: prompt, severe and inflexible; it is then an emanation of virtue; it is less a distinct principle than a natural consequence of the general principle of democracy, applied to the most pressing wants of the country." Let me know and I'll write about that one. The former is definitely a quote that, in my experience studying the Frev, gets misinterpreted from what it was originally meant to say fairly often.

To start with, it's very important to know what connotation and definition the words 'virtue' and 'terror' had in revolution-era France. Modern-day definitions may not be the same ones that were used in the past. According to my research, which of course isn't infallible, virtue was used to refer to someone's disposition and the way it would lead them to choose good over evil whereas where terror was seen simply as great fear. At the time there was no connotation of our modern-day terrorism to associate with the word. Nowadays we associate terror with terrorism which brings to mind murder, mindless destruction, oppression, and unchecked authority in which someone's ideals are forced upon large groups of people. Because of this many people assume that this is what Robespierre had in mind when he referenced terror when really he meant to describe the use of intimidation tactics to seize power from those who oppressed the lower class people and the general fear that was felt by the commoners.

Essentially the Reign of Terror meant 'a time period where everyone felt a sh*t load of Fear over all the bad stuff happening at once while the regular people try to overthrow the oppressive ruling class with intimidation tactics.' It does not mean 'a time period where loads of people were purposely committing widespread acts of terrorism to push their agendas'. And really, it was the only way to give everyone the chance to get rid of the old government, the monarchy, and allow a fair democracy that would be beneficial to the future of France to be built.

Next, it's important to know the context in which this quote was originally said. The speech where Robespierre said it took place on Feb 5th (?) of 1794. By this point, the revolution has been well underway for several long years and, as I said, a lot of sucky things are happening at the same time. The republic was in a war with a massive part of Europe and they're kinda getting curb-stomped. The country is in a state of civil war between the people that still supported the monarchy and all the different groups that had different views of how the country should be run. France's economy was complete sh*t too, so all this really radicalized the people and made the whole revolution situation so much worse than it already was.

At the time there were two factions, so to say, in the National Convention that were hella pissed at each other and really at odds. the Hébertists (who, to make things easy, wanted to escalate the Terror, go on the offensive with the military, and the overthrow and replace some of the existing government structures at the time) and the Dantonists (who wanted to sorta get rid of the revolutionary government, negotiate for peace in the war, and chill out on the whole Terror thing). And remember that these groups of people were very loose and like people in today's politic didn't agree with every stance their 'faction' took.

By the time Max made this speech, which was addressing these two groups, the situation between them was escalated big time. The Hébertists, with their views of 'more terror all over! That'll help us win everything,' or 'terror without virtue,' were pushing for a system that would quickly prove fatal. By contrast, the Dantonists with their, 'we just need to kinda chill and things will work out,' way of thinking or 'virtue without terror', would only lead to them (and the rest of the country) getting walked over by everyone else.

Throughout the entire speech, a speech I haven't recently read all the way through, Max comes back to the idea of terror and virtue, stressing that both are necessary. What I think he meant to do was talk about how the revolution couldn't survive without both terror (fear and the aggression that causes it) and virtue (the choice of good over evil) being applied. He's trying to explain to both groups that a little bit of both ideals is the most beneficial way to go about things. In reality, it has nothing to do with whether he personally believed in or advocated the death penalty/ the use of the guillotine. Instead, Robespierre is emphasizing that at that particular moment in time doing what is right and good (virtue) will most likely end up causing some bad things that will make people afraid for a while (terror).

What Robespierre is not saying is that terror, and by extension the violence that is causing the terror is virtuous. There are several easy-to-find sources that prove his personal disapproval of the death penalty from a moral standpoint. As a young lawyer in his hometown in Arras, he became physically ill at the idea of having one of his clients sentenced to death, even though he was found guilty of the crime he was on trial for. He made a speech agreeing with the abolition of the death penalty on May 30th of 1791 (?) arguing that there is no place for the death penalty in a civilized society because the law needs to be a model of what is good. He attempted to save the lives of Georges Danton and Camille Desmoulins, two friends/coworkers that he is commonly charged with sending to their deaths when the opposite is actually true. Additionally, he did the same with other more controversial people including the king's sister of all people, Madame Elisabeth. Even when voting for the death of the king he reiterates his own opinion on the death penalty saying, "For myself, I abhor the penalty of death that your law so liberally imposes, and I have neither love nor hatred for the King; it is only the crimes that I hate…. It is with regret that I utter this baneful truth…Louis must die in order that our country may live." Though it conflicts with his personal views, Robespierre makes the decision based on the needs of France as a country, something that many politicians need to relearn how to do today.

Long story short, he was not supporting the use of the guillotine with that quote, but rather trying to get two opposing factions to realize that both intimidation/fear and making sound, beneficial decisions would keep France on the right track to building a successful democracy for the people. Hopefully this helped and I explained it in a way that was easy for you to understand. If you ever have any more Frev related questions feel free to ask and I'll do my best to answer or I'll send you in the direction of someone else more knowledgeable if I don't know.

Also, can someone tell me if I did a good job of explaining this? I can never tell if things I write about the Frev make sense to me because I actually know exactly what I mean to say so everyone else kinda goes along with it or if I actually say helpful things of substance. Thanks guys! And if anyone else knows more about the subject or if I've made a mistake please help me out.

~Dara

#french revolution #robespierre #frev #maximilien robespierre #history #history facts #historical quotes #politics #my idiot explanations #idk if i worded this right #or if i even explained it right #i hope i helped though

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ohholyfanfics · 3 years

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Ten Stages: Stage One| Tom Holland

Stage One: Realization, the stage where they slowly start to realize that they are falling for someone. Where Tom has a sudden realization thanks to his best mate Harrison Osterfield.

She was running late, a bit later than usual. Checking his watch once more, Tom found himself humming along to the slightly over-played tone filling the car. The hot Virginia sun causes sweat to form on his forehead; reaching over, he quickly switched the AC settings knowing she'd complain the moment she got inside the car. Biting his bottom lip, he felt a wave of relief wash through him as he watched her walk out of the building. Hair in a neat ponytail, her figure hugged by a dress that looked way too good on her. Her light pink blazer rested on her arm as she waved goodbye to a colleague before making her way over to his car.

"Ah always a gentleman.." she hummed in approval watching as he swiftly got out of the car and opening her door.

Giving her his signature boyish grin, he leaned close to her, placing a soft kiss onto her cheek. Closing her door, she couldn't help but roll her eyes, watching as he climbed back in. Tom watched as she fiddled with the climate control on her side from the corner of his eyes.

"You sure you aren't going through menopause or something.." he mumbled, backing out of the spot and soon driving them towards their weekly lunch date.

"Isn't that your job to know.." she hummed, pulling her phone out from her bag. "Plus, I think I'm a bit to young for that Thomas.." she mumbled.

"Well aren't you a doctor.." he huffed out as she took this chance to slap him across the head. The loud groan that escaped his lips was enough the have a satisfied sigh escaping her own.

"Besides the point Holland, how was the first half of work? Any life saving surgery?"

He shrugged, he loved what he did, and every day, he was thankful for it. Sure it was hard work to get where he was now, but here he stood. Now three years into residency, he had somewhat of an idea of what he wanted to do. After learning that a position would be opening up at the hospital, he knew this is where he was meant to be.

"Not really, pretty slow today.."

She nodded her head; Tom was a bit further along than she was. He was nearing the end of his term and now had a whole different set of pressure resting on his shoulders.

"A spot is opening up at the hospital though.." he mumbled once they were seated at the country club—the same country club where they had first been introduced.

"Wow Tom, are you gonna apply?" She asked with wide eyes. They hadn't talked much about his plans after med school; she knew he had some sort of idea of staying local. "Is it in the department you're in now?"

"Um it's actually in the trauma department.." he stated as she nodded her head. This was the first time he was actually voicing his future plans with her. It wasn't that he kept her in the dark or that she felt entitled in being informed. Tom was her best friend, and she just wanted to support him in any way possible.

"Wow that's huge.." she stated as he nodded his head. He knew she had been seeing or talking to some guy from the hospital. It was possibly the first time since March that she had actually gone out on a date. Tom doesn't know if she went on a date or if they even still talked.

"Not sure if it's something I want though."

Y/N knew that was a code for closing that conversation, so she did just that. In an instant, their discussion switched to the fact that she will be gone for a few days. Tom had promised to look after her place along with being on dog sitter duties for Layla. He hummed softly as she basically gave him a tiny little run down of her short weekend trip and promising takeout the moment she's back. He knew it was a code word for debriefing after spending a few days confined with her family members.

"Harrison's coming down right?" She asked once they were seated at their usual table. "He texted me asking if I'll be around.."

"Yeah, he's staying a couple days.." he mumbled, eyes scanning the menu though it was kinda pointless. He already knew both their words.

"Hmm, it'll be good for you." She mumbled, clearing her throat. As much as y/n hated to admit, she knew this time was difficult for any medical student. The ending was nearing, and the sudden pressure to have everything set in stone was terrifying. However, she knew as much as anyone that Tom was in a much different mindset than when they first met.

The Tom Holland sitting before her was different; he had a future planned out for himself. Sure, he didn't plan ahead like she had, but the small amount he did was a great start. She also knew that pushing him into making decisions was never an intelligent choice; Tom knew what he wanted and had all the necessary tools to pursue whatever it was he wanted in life. One thing she was clear on was that he was staying in Virginia.

"Can I ask you something.."

She looked up at him nodding her head. His tone was slightly different, closer to the one he used the morning after their last candle and wine night. The same night where she may have cried a bit too much in his guest room.

"That night at the beach, when when we made the bet, where you in a sense preparing yourself? You know, for like the breakup?" He asked softly, thanking the waiter as they set their drinks down.

She looked at him a little dumbfounded, not really knowing what to say. She knew what she had to say, but the words couldn't seem to come out. She looked at him for a few seconds, mind racing before finally speaking.

"No, I wasn't. If I'm being completely and utterly honest with you Tom, I thought Marc was maybe the one. We were together for so long and everything was so close to perfect. I don't think I really ever saw us ending.."

He nodded his head, ignore the slight sting upon hearing those words, not that he was surprised. It hurt him to know that something that she believed in so desperately ended without any explanation. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling or what she thought the moment everything sunk in. However, Tom also knew y/n was a lot stronger than everyone gave her credit for.

"Have you talked to him?"

"No, he didn't answer the first couple of texts I sent. So I guess I kinda got the hint you know. I'm not necessarily bothered by it, I mean I was in the beginning but now it kind feels numb."

"Shouldn't you like talk to a professional love.." he mumbled as she smiled at him softly. "I know it's in a sense traumatizing.."

"Don't worry doctor, I talk to my shrink about it. Im kinda coming to terms with the fact that maybe we weren't meant to be.." she mumbled as he nodded her head. "I just, I'm focusing on myself and getting through all this. If love comes my way it comes my way..."

"How knows darling, the one might be right under your nose." He chuckled, leaning over to bop her on the nose. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips, watching her nose scrunch up and eyes crinkle up.

"God I hate you sometimes.."

It's been two days since Y/N had left for New Hampshire on a small family getaway. As much as she wanted to drag him along, and as much as Tom hated to admit it, a weekend with the Y/L/N sounded pretty amazing; Harrison finally got some time off and was coming to visit. He was had just finished stocking his fridge with a few essential items the two would need before the door open and the sound of barking welcomed the blond inside the townhouse.

He couldn't help the sense of familiarity that washed over him seeing his best friend come into view. Tom hated to admit it, but he needed to see him, more than he could like to admit. After a hug that might have lasted a few seconds longer, they were both drowning in beer and one of Harrison's favorite dishes made by y/n.

"Where is our own personal pyschatrists anyways?" he asked before taking a sip of his beer.

"Went up north to visit family, something about get together or whatever.."

Harrison nodded his head, picking at the label on his beer. The two had done a decent amount of catch-up, but he couldn't seem to notice the lack of mention of his neighbor.

"Marc must be happy to see her.." Harrison mumbled as Tom tensed up at the name. He wasn't sure what Harrison did and didn't know. "I actually ran into him a few days ago."

Tom choked slightly on his beer as he looked back at him at a loss. He wrecked his brain on what he could say but kept coming out short. The one thing coming to mind was just blurring out how Marc suddenly stopped responding without an explanation. How he suddenly can't stop thinking about their stupid bet, and how every day the chances of becoming a reality increase.

"Mate, they aren't together anymore..."

"Stop bullshitting me Holland, Marc looked very much in love with her when I asked him how things were between them.."

Tom couldn't help but scoff, thinking back to the night she had shown up with too many bottles of wine and a broken heart.

"Mate he ghosted it, thats a pretty funny way of showing your love."

"Fuck, I had no idea."

"No one did mate."

The past few days were pleasant and relaxing; the two spent time together. Harrison was just what time needed, and within the short few days Harrison was there, Tom realized a couple of things:

One that he couldn't possibly live without both Y/N and Harrison in his life.

Two that he was going to take the position at the Trauma Department.

"Thomas Stanley did you miss me..." she giggled softly as he brought her into a bone-crushing embrace. The sigh that escaped his lips was overwhelming.

Maybe, you don't see her as just a friend, mate. I don't do half of the shit you do with her, with Jessica.."

"Shut up, Y/N.." he mumbled, slightly pushing her away while shaking Harrison's voice out of his head. "I got that wine you told me about.."

"Yum, it's good." she stated as she took a seat at the island. He couldn't help but smile as she leaned over, smelling the candle he had picked out. "Cactus Bloom?"

"Its a good debriefing scent, not too intesne.."

I don't bother to memorize small insignificant facts about just some random girl, not even if we're close. I'd understand a few minor details, but not all.

She watched as he poured them both a glass before handing her a plastic spoon and pushing a carton of takeout towards her. She hummed in appreciation, sending him a wink.

"So how was your few days with Harrison?" she asked, swirling the pasta around. "How's he doing?"

"He's doing, says the kids say he speaks funny.."

"He does speak funny, you both do.." she hummed, locking eyes with him and a wide grin. "But its a cute funny.."

"Funny."

She hummed, sending him a wink before taking a few more sips of her wine. He sighed, leaning back in his seat as he took a good look at her. She looked different; she was happier, lighter even. It was clear these few days away did good on her, and he was glad.

You notice the little things about her Tom, from the color of her nails to when her mood shifts. No one reads that deep unless they fancy someone.

"I'm gonna take the spot in the truma department.."

Her lips formed an 'O' before launching herself into his arms. Her lips lightly brushing the skin against his neck, causing his arms to hold her a little tighter.

Now tell me, Holland, how does she make you feel? Don't hold back anything Tom, it's me. You can be honest, mate. Do you fancy Y/N?

"God, Tommy I'm so happy for you.."

The way her eyes sparkled caused a storm to awaken within him. His heart was beating a bit too fast, the sudden urge to pull her into a kiss. The feeling was overwhelming as she started to ramble still in his embrace.

It was at that moment that the realization kicked in. Tom Holland was starting to fall for his best friend, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Taglist:

@thenoddingbunny-blog @blueberrynonnie @bi-lmg

#Tom Holland #tom holland imagine #Tom Holland imagines #Tom Holland fanfic #Tom Holland fanfics #Tom Holland fanfiction #Tom Holland fanfictions #Tom Holland fic #Tom Holland fics #Tom Holland one shot #Tom Holland one shots #Tom Holland oneshot #Tom Holland oneshots #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland au #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader

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benedictscanvas · 4 years

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all the wrong places [6/7] - spencer reid x reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: It only takes a moment for Spencer to realise that he doesn’t just want to marry you someday, he wants to marry you as soon as he possibly can. But since he can’t come up with a solid plan, he turns to his BAU family for help in planning the most important day of his life so far. Is that a mistake? Most definitely.

Warnings: Series probably aren’t meant to be exclusively fluffy, but this one practically is! I need some fluff in my life, damn it! There may be some mention of regular Criminal Minds things, some language but mostly just good ol’ Spence lovin’

---

Chapter Six - Plain and Simple

He lets Rossi’s words ricochet around his mind for the rest of the day. As he packed up their stuff at the police precinct and laughed at Derek’s insistence on just how excited he was to get back to Savannah. As he pretended to be asleep on the jet with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair. As he drove the two of you home. As he listened to your breathing even out, staring at the ceiling, unable to stop his mind from racing.

Rossi was right. And annoying. And right.

He was still thinking about it when he arrived at work the next morning and Hotch called him into his office within two minutes of his arrival. He looked at you confused, but you simply shrugged, pushing him towards the office with insistence. He shut the door behind him when he entered.

“Everything alright, Hotch?”

“Sit down, Reid.”

Well, that wasn’t a yes. He sat down regardless and waited patiently for Hotch to start talking. Hotch was taking his time, walking at what felt like a snail’s pace to his chair, sitting down, getting comfortable-

“Sir? Is something wrong?”

Spencer wasn’t as patient as he wished. It was something you frequently said you found adorable, but nevertheless it was something he should perhaps think about working on in the future.

“Frankly?” Hotch said, which wasn’t the answer Spencer had been expecting, “Yes, there is something. This upcoming proposal of yours. I’m worried it’s affecting your work.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You’ve tried to propose...four times now?”

“I think it’s five…” Spencer mumbled and Hotch tried not to grimace.

“Clearly you’re getting in your head about it and worrying too much. Since this is on your mind, I wonder if you’d like me to keep you apart on cases, just for a while.”

“I really don’t think that’s-“

“It’s a suggestion, Reid, not a declaration.”

Spencer paused before he answered again. On the one hand, the ring in his satchel had become heavier and heavier as time went on. Looking at you without blurting out every single plan he had for the two of you in the future was becoming harder with each passing second. Was his ability to do his job being hindered by being around you all the time?

No. He was sure that wasn’t true. Since being with you, the both of you had only gotten better at work. You understood each other without having to try, you listened to each other’s thoughts without question, you knew how to keep your relationship professional. Hotch’s worries were unfounded.

“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think that will be necessary. Y/N and I have always worked well together and I don’t think there’s any evidence to the contrary in recent months. Unless you see it differently?”

“No, I don’t. I was only offering the option, Reid,” Hotch looked vaguely amused, if Reid had gotten anywhere with reading the stoic face he had grown accustomed to over the years, “A personal question, but why do think you’re struggling with this so much?”

Spencer sighed. Sunk into his chair a little further.

“When I first decided to propose, I wanted it to be objectively perfect. I calculated the risks of every proposal scenario I could think of, deliberated over which combination would be worthy of becoming the moment we’d talk about for the rest of our lives. Then I just froze. Every time. I froze, Hotch.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Rossi said Y/N wouldn’t care how I did it because she’d just want to marry me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to make her cry, you know?” His eyes went wide as he realised how that sounded, “Not like that, just…”

“I know why you freeze. Because you’ve let everyone else get into your head. You’ve tried out everyone else’s ideas before your own, right?”

“...right.”

“So ignore everyone. Except Dave, maybe, since that’s the only solid advice this team has given you. Ignore everyone else and just think about Y/N. You know her better than anyone. If you think about it, about her, then you’ll know what to do.”

“But how do I-“

“Back to work, Reid, I’ve got paperwork to be getting on with.”

“But-“

“Goodbye, Reid.”

There was no room for argument, since Hotch’s eyes were already on the paper on his desk, hauling a large document in front of him and letting out a small huff as he picked up his pen. Spencer sat there immobile for a few more seconds. Waiting. Hotch did nothing to acknowledge him again.

There was nothing to do but leave.

Hotch looked up as he heard his door softly click shut. He smiled, if only a little. If bringing Spencer into the office occasionally to threaten to split the two of you up in the field gave him the push he needed to propose, he might make it a regular arrangement.

---

“What was that about?”

Spencer had made a beeline for the coffee machine as soon as he left Hotch’s office, if only to give him some time to get a story together as to why he’d been called in there. But as soon as he returned with a coffee in each hand, one of which metaphorically had your name on it, you asked him outright.

“He just wanted to check that my shoulder wasn’t still painful.”

“And it isn’t, right?”

You looked almost scary when you were being protective (though it wasn’t like he didn’t love it).

“As I’ve told you 34 times, no it isn’t,” he smiled, handing you your coffee with a small peck to the top of your head. You grimaced at the coffee, unexpectedly, but as you pulled out the two coffees from behind your own back, he grinned.

“Wanted you to have caffeine in case Hotch had been harsh,” you said, grinning yourself. Spencer chuckled a little, taking the coffee you’d made him with a hum of gratitude and walking to his desk with his two coffees. He knew that maybe he should give one of them away, but somehow he didn’t have the heart. That ring was feeling heavier again on his shoulder, and he was grateful for the relief when he shrugged off his satchel and placed it far too tenderly on the floor beside him.

With that the two of you got to work, spending most of the next half hour greeting the rest of the team as, one by one, they trudged into the office with caffeine of their own. With Hotch firmly buried in his paperwork and Rossi such a terrible influence on you all, by the time everyone was into work you had dissolved into friendly chatter rather than work.

“I swear, it’s going to happen this time. Nothing’s going to get in my way.”

“You told her that last time, Derek, and then you were away for two weeks on a serial case. You gotta stop making such big plans!” Penelope argued but Derek shook his head.

“You’ll see babygirl, this one will pan out.”

“You know, from everything I’ve heard about Savannah, I think she might prefer a quiet night in rather than some grand gesture you can’t follow through on. It’s those little moments where you make time for her that she’ll remember,” you tried, because Penelope was right and everyone in the room knew that except the one person that needed to.

“You really think so?”

“I know so, Morgan. You know, once, Spencer prepared a fort for the two of us? A whole ass fort, with the sofa cushions and sheets and every blanket he could find. It’s one of my favourite memories.”

“It is?” Spencer asked, his mind only reeling a little bit. He’d done that on impulse, thinking it might be the perfect combination of comfort and nostalgia that you needed to take your mind off a particularly bad case involving children you’d been on the week before. He’d never known you’d remembered it so much.

“Definitely. Even if it was so small we both got sore necks sitting inside for too long. It was amazing,” you were looking at him, stars in your eyes, but you quickly shook your attention back to Derek, “I’m not saying build Savannah a fort, that might be a me and Spencer thing, but you get my point.”

“I guess I do,” Derek scratched the back of his neck, at least beginning to rethink his elaborate ways of letting his girlfriend down, “Thanks, Y/L/N.”

You nodded a ‘no problem’ just as Rossi remembered where you all were and suggested everyone get back to work. Spencer sat back down, but his mind was all over the place. Hotch said if he thought about it, thought about you, then he’d just know.

Maybe the trick wasn’t just thinking about you, but actually listening to you.

---

“Stopping to get takeout on the way home was the best decision ever,” you said, halfway through a mouthful, “It’s times like these I’m glad to have such a genius boyfriend.”

“You know not every decision I make based on my status as a genius, right?”

“Yeah, whatever, eat your food, babe,” you insisted, leaning your head on his shoulder as the two of you sat on the sofa side by side. Your legs were curled up against his side, Spencer resting his other hand on your leg as he ate. There were moments of idle chatter between the two of you, but since there hadn’t been time to eat earlier in the day, you mostly concentrated on getting the food in you as quickly as humanly possible.

That was, until you decided to break the silence.

“Hm,” you began, then a good few seconds of thinking later, “Never mind.”

“You know you have to tell me what you were thinking now.”

“No, really, doesn’t matter.”

“Y/N…”

“Seriously Spence, forget it.”

“I’m physically incapable of forgetting it Y/N,” he said bluntly, “Just tell me. It won’t be as weird as you think.”

You paused.

“Okay. Just hear me out then,” you said seriously, turning in your seat so that you were facing him properly, leaning an elbow on his knee and your chin on your fist, “What if we got married?”

Ah.

Now that, that had not been what he had expected. He hardly managed to respond through the lump that had formed instantaneously in his throat, his airways closing in.

“What?”

“I’m just asking, what if we got married? I mean, I love you and I’m pretty sure you love me. There’s no one else I want to be with, ever. So...why not?” When he didn’t say anything, you continued on, though far less sure of yourself, “I know we’re not exactly traditional but it would make sense, financially, right? And maybe...it might be a little romantic?”

“A little r-romantic?” He stuttered out, face drained of all its colour. This wasn’t in the plan. This was not in the plan. He may not have had a plan, but whatever this was, it wasn’t the plan.

Your face fell.

“Sorry, this isn’t the way to propose is it? And talking about the financial benefits of marriage definitely isn’t romantic,” you frowned to yourself, no longer looking him in the eye, “And honestly, maybe marriage isn’t something you see as romantic anyway, seeing as you probably know all the history that included the woman belonging to the man and everything, so maybe you don’t even want marriage?”

The infliction in your voice on the last question, the way your pitch changed, he could tell you beginning to get really nervous. Like what you’d just said might ruin your relationship that could never be ruined. But he wasn’t even thinking straight, because you had just asked him to marry you and he didn’t even get a chance to do it first. To do it right. He blinked rapidly as he looked at his lap.

“I don’t think-“ he began, but stopped himself, “I’m not sure-“

“You know what? Please forget I said anything, I told you I didn’t want to talk about it. Pretend it never happened, please Spence,” you said, already getting up from the sofa, distancing yourself from him, picking up your plate with a half-eaten dinner and making towards the kitchen, “I think I’ll turn in for the night, I’m beat. Night Spence.”

You hardly looked at him as you passed him to go to the bedroom, but he saw the flash of unshed tears in your eyes as you scurried by. He opened his mouth to speak, but for once his ability to process the situation that had just taken place was at an all time low. Instead, he scrambled to fetch the ring from his satchel near the door, wanting nothing more than to ask you right there and then—

“Y/N, wait-“

He held up the ring box as he turned around, but the bedroom door had shut with a click.

You’d just asked him to marry you and he hadn’t said yes.

Well, fuck.

---

A/N: i’m aware this is six months late! all the apologies and i hope you enjoy this next chapter, i’ve nearly finished our beautiful fluffy finale to the story that should have finished long ago. lots of love to anyone who managed to make it this far! i wish you all a wonderful week <3

taglist if you’re still interested! (ily all regardless)

@mrs-dr-reid @soda610 @alexxcorona113 @thupidalethea @may-beforejune-afterapril @ilovesupersoldiers @hurricanejjareau @mortallythoughtfulgurl @aperrywilliams @saranyx@anotherspencerreidblog @thegayestdestielshipper @burkgolden @zozolee @sargent-barnes @halseysunset

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fluff

119 notes · View notes

theatresweetheart · 4 years

Note

For the bad thing happens bingo prompts: broken wrist and analogical? could you make it g/t too, somehow?

Student Struggles

Summary: He knew it was illogical and ridiculous to make such an emotionally biased decision. Yet, Logan did it anyway.

Warnings: Broken limb (non graphic), humans treated as lesser, main character referred to as an “it” (non malicious), fear.

Pairings: Platonic Analogical

Characters: Logan, Virgil

Word Count: 3463 words

——————————

It was a precarious predicament.

It certainly wasn’t everyday he tried to sneak out of his university’s anthropology lab harbouring an injured and terrified human in his pocket.

As one of the more respected senior’s of his class, most of the professors that were still there hardly paid Logan another look as he left the lab for the evening.

Still, that didn’t change the fact that he was nervous. Smuggling a human out of the lab without a professor’s explicit permission was an offence punishable by suspension. The suspension itself wouldn’t last much longer than a couple days, but it would leave a bad mark on his crystal clean school record. It would change the reputation he had with his professors—all of which he had so carefully tailored right from his first year in the program.

In fact, most of them greeted him warmly. Asking about his classes earlier, wishing him a good weekend and giving a teasing reminder to study for the upcoming midterms. None of these conversations lasted longer than a few minutes and normally, Logan would have been glad to speak with them. But as of that moment, the longer he was stuck there standing with them, the larger the chance was of him being found out. He knew his professors were very well trained in spotting things that seemed off—an example would be students sitting in the very back row, the furthest away from the lecturer and still getting called out for not paying enough attention.

Long story short, if Logan got caught he was risking his entire future in this field.

A part of him still questioned if this whole thing was even worth the risk. Humans got hurt all the time in his practicum; especially when other students weren’t being careful enough. It happened, so why was this one any different?

Why was the human that had looked up at him with wide frightened eyes any different than the others?

Still, whether or not it was worth the risk, Logan was too far into it now to backtrack. Retracing his steps back to the lab may be considered suspicious, so it was all or nothing whether he wanted it to be or not. Besides, he was also positive that the doors would be locked anyhow, so backpedaling would be pointless. Not that he didn’t have a key to get back in if he truly needed to.

Logan ducked around another professor expertly and he went unnoticed, as the professor in question seemed to be engaged in a particularly interesting conversation.

Or so he thought.

Just as he was about to push the door to the building open, he heard the man bidding his quick farewells for the night before easily catching up with the student.

“Logan,” his professor greeted him with a grin, pushing the other door open before Logan had the chance to escape.

“Dr. Coleman,” he replied after a moment, shouldering his book bag a little more securely.

“You seem to be in quite the rush,” Dr. Coleman said, pulling his coat closer as the cool autumn air swept in through the doors. “Mind if I join you to the parking lot?”

As if he had a choice. Logan only gave a nod.

The squirming in his pocket started up again, this time with more vigor. Slightly paranoid that the little motions would show through the soft fabric, Logan make the quick decision to fully wrap his hand around the human—keeping it still and silent. While that stopped the slight movement from the outside, he could still feel the terrified motions pushing helplessly against his fingertips. Trying fruitlessly to budge his fingers. Of course, to no avail.

While he did feel bad about physically restraining it when it was so obviously in distress, Logan really couldn’t risk being found out this far into the endeavor.

He only hoped the little thing’s heart wouldn’t stop entirely.

However, during the entire ordeal he kept his features mindfully neutral, careful to keep from alerting Dr. Coleman of his current plight.

Dr. Coleman didn’t say anything for a long moment, his eyes flickered over the student and Logan pretended not to notice. Acting off would only make the professor suspicious. Something he really did not need right now.

The professor only hummed softly before turning his attention forward, toward the cars sitting silently under the streetlights illuminating the parking lot in a warm yellow glow. Logan must have spent more time in the lab than he had meant to, if twilight was already falling.

“Busy night tonight, I assume?” Dr. Coleman finally broke the silence and Logan only shrugged nonchalantly.

“You could say that,” he relented. While it technically wasn’t untrue, it wouldn’t be school work like the professor would assume.

Dr. Coleman snickered, reaching into his pocket to draw out his car keys. He clicked the buttons and his car’s headlights flashed in response. “Getting some studying done?”

In a way.

Logan forced himself to relax a little, knowing that the professor had no idea of his little stowaway. “Certainly. Can never be too over prepared for an exam.”

“True,” Dr. Coleman stuck his hands into his pockets. Logan felt relief wash over him when the professor reached his own vehicle. This was the very type of interaction he had been trying so hard to avoid. “This is why you’re one of my favourite students, Logan.”

The praise was nice, but really not what he needed right now. “I appreciate that, Dr. Coleman. But I really do have to get going, as pleasant as this conversation has been.”

As stinted as it had been too, it seemed. Usually, talking with Dr. Coleman didn’t take that much energy. He had engaged the professor in many heated debates over his four years of study. And he would be glad to engage in those types of conversations once more! Just as soon as the human was no longer on his person and in range of being confiscated, only to be placed right back into the same area where it had gotten hurt in the first place.

Whether or not this whole thing was the correct course of action, Logan was sick of witnessing humans getting injured and then being disposed of as if their injuries made them completely useless.

If given the proper treatment and time to heal, they would have a far less percentage of humans succumbing to their injuries or illnesses.

It was unfortunate that so many of his peers thought of the small creatures as disposable. While, no, it was not difficult for professionals to retrieve more right out of their lives on earth, it didn’t make the practice any less morbid or underhanded. Anthropology students should be learning how to assist humans in healing and recovering, not tossing them the minute they were no longer “perfect” in their eyes.

“Fair enough,” Dr. Coleman said, stepping back and placing a hand on the door handle of his car. “I won’t keep you from your studies any longer. Have a good night and take care of yourself. Don’t you be pulling all-nighters, understand?”

“I understand,” Logan repeated back as if on instinct. It wouldn’t stop him from doing it, but it was…nice, he supposed, to know that the professor cared.

It wasn’t like he didn’t have friends that wouldn’t check up on him, he did, but it was different when it was someone that was higher status than you were. Held more sway over what happened in the department. Dr. Coleman was the dean of the anthropology department and he had a lot of power.

The professor nodded his head with a grin, before pulling open his car and stepping in.

Logan let out a breath and turned on his heel. Quickening his pace to his own vehicle, he fished in his bag for his keys. He found them after a moment of struggling one-handed and unlocked his car. He slid inside just as Dr. Coleman’s headlights flashed over him and the professor pulled out of the parking lot, disappearing over the hill leading down to the highway.

Letting his head rest back against the seat’s headrest, he finally released the human from the confines of his hand. Using his now freed one, he ran them through his hair before pulling his glasses off.

What was he even doing?

So what if there was a cruel practice going on at the school underneath everyone’s noses? Just because he was privy to it didn’t mean he had to do anything about it. He was just one person. Logan had friends that were very much human rights activists and into studies and politics concerning the creatures, but none of their campaigns had really gotten the traction necessary to make a true difference. It was a difficult field of study to be in when there were people opposing everything you did.

While Logan always made sure his interactions with the creatures were careful and calculated, a part of him wished he could say the same thing for his classmates.

You would think, at a senior level of study, students would be taking it more seriously. Many of them did, but many of them still used this advantage to handle the humans they dealt with rough and carelessly. To which, the creature would get injured and would then be gone by next morning.

The human currently stuck within the confines of his pocket had been one of the unlucky ones. Injured thanks to a student who had been working in the lab outside of class just a few feet away from Logan—who had conducting his own experiments—they’d dropped the human from a dangerous height on accident, causing the little one to cry out.

His classmate had panicked immediately, obviously unsure of what to do or where to go from there. They’d even gone as far as to check over at Logan to gauge if he’d seen anything and snitch. The student had then gathered the human up as if nothing had happened. They’d packed their papers, shoved it all into their backpack and then deposited the human right back into the large glass terrarium in the middle of the lab, just waiting for someone else to find the injured creature in the morning and get rid of it.

Logan didn’t even have any connection to the human currently struggling to right itself in the soft fabric. Hadn’t conducted any studies with it, observed it or anything else of the such. He’d only heard the helpless cry and decided he wasn’t going to let it suffer in its own agony all night.

The move was illogical and he knew that. Yet, he was still risking absolutely everything for this one little human. His future career was banking on the hope he never got found out.

Logan slipped his glasses back on before sliding the keys into the ignition.

“The amount of trouble you could get me in is unbelievable,” he mused after a moment, unsure if he was talking to the human or not. Either way, the only reaction he got for his efforts was more struggling. So, pulling the gear shift out of park, he made his way back home.

—

“Oh, would you stop fighting me for five seconds,” the student groused, quickly managing to corral the human between his hands again without fully touching him. “If I wanted to hurt you, don’t you think I would have done that by now? Or perhaps, better yet, just left you back in the lab’s terrarium for someone else to find?”

The human only twitched away from his hands, just as he had been doing for the past fifteen minutes. Logan really didn’t want to have to pin him down to get the fidgety creature to be still, but he was quickly running out of options and patience.

“I don’t want to restrain you,” Logan’s voice finally seemed to get the human’s flickering attention. However, now the human’s eyes were locked solely on him, with an uncanny ability to follow his every miniature movement with unwavering attention. It was, all things considered, slightly disturbing to be watched so intensely with such obvious fright and distrust. “But I will if you force my hand.”

The human’s face contorted in an expression that resembled a sneer, before he tucked his injured wrist closer to his chest.

Logan pulled his hands back to himself, watching quietly as the human flinched further into himself. It was very much obvious the little one was touch shy and Logan really wanted to refrain from handling him as much as possible– lest he frighten the human so bad his little heart stopped altogether. “You must understand that leaving your wrist like that will only do you more harm than good. I can assist you in starting your healing progress.”

The human seemed open enough to the idea and Logan carefully extended his fingertips forward, a blatant show of nonaggression and allowing the creature to come to him in its own time. Giving the human the slightest semblance of control may make this entire interaction even the tiniest bit easier on them both.

Its eyes flickered uneasily from its wrist back to Logan’s outstretched hand. It twisted to look over its shoulders, as if searching out an escape route. It hadn’t worked before and Logan knew trying to escape wouldn’t work again. His reaction time was much faster than the human’s, so it wouldn’t make it very far anyhow.

The human in question turned back to Logan, almost as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to act like any other careless student that was ready to mishandle him. The human’s wrist was thin as it was, but now that it was injured (and Logan speculated, broken), it was even more vulnerable than before. Giving up a vulnerable piece of you was a frightening thing and Logan could hardly imagine looking at it from any other perspective but his own. Though, he could safely assume that he, himself, would not be very fond of this situation either if their positions had happened to be switched.

Truthfully, there would be nothing about the human’s life Logan would enjoy. Depending on whether or not he came straight from the earth’s surface and nicked directly from his own life, or if he had been born into a breeding facility.

In all reality, he understood the hesitance in letting him assist. If the human had been handled as recklessly as Logan theorized he had, coming face to face with someone that wouldn’t mishandle him purposefully would be unknown, suspicious and daunting new territory.

“I’m not going to ask you to trust me,” he said finally, the human’s eyes flickered up to meet his own. Surprise lingered in those colourful eyes. “I know you’re frightened and that’s alright. It may be hard to believe, but I really can help you. Only if you’ll allow me, of course. Though, I do think you and I both know that sleeping on that hurt wrist of yours would be uncomfortable at least.”

The human’s good hand clenched, showing Logan the inner battle the little one was facing.

Wanting to ease a little more of it’s stress, he quietly urged; “I will not hurt you, you have my word.”

A moment passed and the human hesitantly stepped forward, his wrist extended enough for Logan to start bandaging.

—

“Why’d you do it?”

The sudden voice very nearly startled Logan out of his thoughts. Virgil had been sitting so quietly next to him, that he’d almost forgotten the human was even there in the first place.

When Logan’s attention fell down to said human, Virgil wasn’t looking at him. He was instead focused intently on his wrist, carefully wrapped in bandages and hanging in a makeshift sling, the best either of them could have done. Logan had almost no experience bandaging such a small subject, so getting it done and in a place where he was satisfied with it was difficult. And Virgil had been working one-handed, so getting the sling to hold properly had been a fight all in itself.

Though, the question was what really nabbed Logan’s attention. “Do what?”

Virgil gave him a look—Logan was getting very familiar with Virgil’s looks and they all usually meant something different—which was a mix between annoyance and genuine confusion, as if Logan really didn’t understand what he meant; which was untrue “Smuggled me out of the lab,” he clarified a moment later, his fingers trailing over the white piece of fabric wrapped around his arm and shoulder again. “You didn’t have to do it, we both know that. I just want to know why you did.”

That was the true question, wasn’t it?

An inquiry that had been on Logan’s mind since that night’s ordeal.

In all honesty, Logan wasn’t entirely sure what had metaphorically possessed him in that particular moment. And while he wanted to be able to give Virgil a straight answer, he didn’t have one.

Logan sat back in his chair, hands resting idly in his lap. The silence was thoughtful, if a bit awkward. As far as they had come in their acquaintanceship (maybe even going as far as saying tentative friendship), there were still pauses that felt tense and heavy. Virgil had certainly come a long way from the first time they had met and Logan was grateful for it, since he was no longer having one-sided conversations.

There were, of course, some topics that Virgil was still too sensitive about to really learn anything, but they were getting there. Logan really hoped that he would eventually get to learn more about what it was like for the human, and be able to go off of that firsthand information to do something. However, until then building his trust was Logan’s priority.

“I don’t exactly have an answer for you,” Logan said after a moment’s pause of brief deliberation. He knew that giving Virgil solid answers was more preferable, since it would ease his anxiety. But this topic was one where Logan, regrettably, didn’t have any solid answers to give.

“Oh.” There was that dejected slump of Virgil’s shoulders, a position Logan was also very familiar with when dealing with him. Disappointment was clear in Virgil’s tone, but he made no move to push for further answers.

Logan felt as though he had let him down somehow. Which was certainly not something he would let stand. He took a long moment, carefully mulling over and debating his next words. “I suppose I did what I did because I couldn’t stand the way they were treating you anymore.” Now that seemed to have drawn Virgil’s attention right back up to him, though he had a brow quirked in question. So, Logan continued. “I know we didn’t have a working relationship prior to my thoughtless, albeit successful, actions. Though, I do feel… better, knowing that you’re safe here.”

Going from whatever kind of relationship they had established here now, Logan couldn’t bear the idea of someone else getting their hands on Virgil. Especially if they meant him any harm. While he could be mean and sharp, there was that anxious and unsure side to him, which proved that a lot of his bark was worse than his bite.

It also did give him peace of mind that Virgil was safe in his care. No more mishandling, no more purposeful injuries and no more testing with stuff that shouldn’t be anywhere near a human.

Virgil’s nose scrunched. “That makes no sense.”

“I suppose it doesn’t,” Logan relented, the ghost of a smile gracing his features. He leaned forwards once more, returning to his laptop to type again. “Though, I’m sure it’s nice for you to know your arm will heal properly.”

Virgil shrugged his good shoulder, leaning back on his hand and looking up toward the student. “Still hurts,” he mused.

Logan hummed. “I’d be surprised if it didn’t.”

The two fell back into a more comfortable quiet. It was broken periodically by soft conversation, but it was mostly filled by the sound of Logan’s keyboard click clacking.

“…thanks,” Virgil eventually said, gently enough that Logan had almost entirely missed it. He paused his typing and his eyes flickered over Virgil’s form, whom of which was tucked comfortably into his hoodie, his eyes looking anywhere other than Logan. “For doing it, I mean. Even though you didn’t have to.”

Logan didn’t force Virgil to meet his eyes, as that would only put unnecessary stress on him. “You’re welcome,” he replied, “I find that your company is quite pleasant.”

While the consequences of his actions were still a very real threat, Logan couldn’t find it in himself to regret his decision.

——————————

226 notes · View notes

mochegato · 4 years

Text

The Illusion of Innocence

Written for Jasonette July’s “Innocence” prompt.

“That was… cute? No rough. That’s the word, rough. That was incredibly rough to watch.” Tim said moving to lay his arm on Jason’s shoulder. “When did you become such a wimp?”

“What the Fuck, Replacement?” Jason tore his eyes away from Mari’s retreating figure to duck away from Tim’s sudden appearance next to him. His eyes quickly, discretely returned to Mari.

“Wow. Just wow.” Tim shook his head. His hair was going to look like Jason’s if he had to continue to watch these two.

“Fuck you”

“Just ask her out already. It’s torture watching you two dance around each other like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jason said finally turning away and seeing Tim’s deadpan expression. “I don’t want to ask her out. If anything, I’m trying to figure out how to get her away from us so you aren’t putting her in danger. There is no reason she had to know about us just to make us some suits. We could have come up with some bullshit excuse why we needed them to be Kevlar lined.”

“Maybe not. But she will if she’s going to help us in the future.”

“What!? Fuck that shit. You should’ve discussed it with us before you decided to bring in an innocent. She shouldn’t be involved with that or with any of us at all. You’re endangering a civilian just by letting her know, let alone whatever the fuck else you have planned. She is going to get killed helping us,” he growled out at Tim. “AND, she is sweet and innocent. We should be helping to protect that in people, God knows Gotham destroys it enough, and I’m not going to let you destroy it in her.”

“Okay, first Mari doesn’t need you to protect her. I know her a lot better than you do and she can do just fine on her own. Second, that’s just stupid. Third, she knows what the risks are and agreed to help. Fourth, since when do you think before you decide to go after someone you like? Or was it just a gut reflex, ‘what is that feeling? I think it might be real happiness. I could actually build a future with this one. Well, let’s nip that shit in the bud.’” He said in a deep voiced imitation of Jason. “Fifth, even if you were right, you’re not, but even if you were, I’ll make sure you’ll be there to protect her the first few missions. You’re welcome for that opening, by the way. Sixth, you’re an idiot, a continuation of two really, but needed to be reiterated. Seventh, talk to her before you decide to harass her out of our lives. Ask her about her… miraculous record. It’s going to come out pretty quickly, but you might want to be up on it sooner. Eighth, eighth? Yeah, eighth. Man this list is getting long. Eighth, Bruce knows and agreed already. Ninth, refer back to numbers two and six, they are really important. And finally, you think Mari is innocent? That's hilarious." Tim doubled over in exaggerated laughter, pretending to wipe away a tear and clapping Jason on his back, “Oh, my sweet summer child.”

“Okay, A I don’t talk like that. B ‘miraculous record’? What the fuck does that mean? Who talks like that? You’ve been watching too many of those magical girl shows. C you might think you know more than the rest of us but we still should have been involved in this decision. D what do you mean you ‘know her a lot better’?” He narrowed his eyes at Tim and moved into his space, towering over him.

“You did it that way just to be an ass, another reflex for you. But, God I wish I could have recorded that to play back to you later. And right, since when had Bruce ever consulted with us before making a decision?” he scoffed. “And I mean I know her like I know Steph… Barbara!! Like I know Barbara. I absolutely trust her, absolutely platonically.” He said attempting to placate Jason. “I am not in your way. You are wide open to ask her out. Or to chicken out, like a little bitch.”

“Screw you, Timbers.”

“I’m not the one you want to screw,” he sing-songed jumping away to avoid Jason swiping at him.

Marinette had had enough. She and Red Hood had been standing on the roof of Wayne Enterprises for the last half an hour, which should have been extremely enjoyable. But instead of their usual easy, flirty banter and lingering looks, Jason seemed to be avoiding looking at her. When he did happen to look her way his whole body seemed pained and uncomfortable. When he actually gave a response to her attempts at conversation, it was in short, curt responses.

Letting out an aggravated groan Marinette finally spoke up. “Okay Jase. What is going on?” she demanded.

“Red Hood,” he muttered back at her. He continued to look out over the city pretending to focus on patrol.

“What?”

“When we are in the field you are supposed to use our codenames, not our real names. How are you going to manage in an actual mission if you can’t even remember the basics?” He bit out a bit more aggressively than was necessary. He finally turned to face her with… a glare? Maybe? It was hard to tell with his helmet on.

She stared at him in shock for a few moments before responding. “Oooo, you’re being extra assholey tonight. It must be something really bad,” she bit back. “Also, if you’re going to yell at me, at least have the decency to take off the helmet. It’s degrading to have it on when you’re starting a fight.”

He yanked the helmet off violently leaving just the domino mask to protect his identity. She could now see the anger radiating off of his features. “I’m not being an asshole. I’m taking my job seriously. I’m concerned we’re bringing an innocent into all this. A civilian that is not remotely prepared for it in any way. I’m frustrated that I’m going to have to spend my time protecting and worrying about you whenever you are helping instead of doing the mission, which is a really good way to get killed, for both me and for you,” he growled out stalking closer to her with each sentence, forcing her back to avoid him physically colliding with her. “And, you and Tim are making plans to get you in the middle of all this shit and you can’t even remember basic protocol for keeping yourself and us safe. You’re going to put us all in danger, including yourself.”

Marinette reeled back like she had been slapped. “Says the guy that called Red Robin by his name before he left,” she returned angrily. “Who asked you to worry about me? I don’t need or want you to worry about me instead of focusing on a mission. That’s on you. That’s your fucked up priorities, not mine. And what makes you automatically assume I’m not prepared for any of this?”

“You can’t possibly be prepared. You can’t possibly understand what it is like. I know you think it will be just a bit of an adventure, but it’s dangerous. You could die or end up in a wheelchair like Barbara.”

“You think I don’t know the risks? I’m well aware of what is on the line, but I can’t stand by and watch bad things happen and not do something about it, not when I’ve been given the chance to act. Not when I’ve been asked for my help.”

“Yes you can!” He voice getting louder again. “You can when the alternative is you die.”

“I know what I’m doing Ja… Hood,” she corrected herself. “I know what I’m getting into and I’m willing to take on the risks. Paris had our own supervillain for years, you know. I know how to protect myself.”

“No, you don’t. I’ve seen you trip over air. This isn’t a Disney movie, Pixie! People die. I’ve died! Most of the Robins have. I don’t want you to, too. I know you believe that good always wins and the bad guys always get punished, but that isn’t the way the world works. Bad guys win sometimes, frequently. Good guys die, frequently. This is a terrible world that destroys people. You don’t have to be a part of it.”

“Okay, I’ve seen you accidentally swing into a billboard, so you might want to be careful casting those clumsy stones. And, I’m a part of it already whether you want me to be or not. You think I don’t know the consequences? Do you think I’m an idiot? I see the consequences every day. I have for a long time. Years before I even came to Gotham. I know this isn’t a Disney movie. If it was, those rats over there would be singing right now. Do you hear singing? I don’t, so it must be real life.” She stopped for a beat to think about what she just said. “Actually, I’ve seen rats singing in real life so that’s not such a good gauge,” she added shuddering. “Remind me to tell you about Mr. Rat sometime.”

“This isn’t a joke, Pixie. I know you’re not an idiot but you are naïve,” he gave her a gentle look and reached out to touch her cheek. “You are still determined to see the best in people. You still have a chance to keep your innocence and that childlike view of the world. You can stay naïve. You deserve to.”

She looked at him in shock, her jaw falling open. What the hell just happened? She took a breath to think about what to say next and how to respond to whatever that was that just happened. The condescending jackass. Naïve? She wasn’t the one that was naïve. And he wasn’t the one that knew more than her. Is that really what he thought of her this whole time? Now she was livid. That arrogant, patronizing asshole. She was not stupid or naïve. She slapped his hand away to growl out, “Believing that people can change does not make me naïve. Believing there is good in this world does not make me some wide-eyed, ignorant airhead. I’ve seen good in this world. I’ve even seen it here in Gotham. I’ve seen it in you, despite being the egotistical, disrespectful bastard that you are.” She looked back up at him and gave him a wicked smirk. “Also, it’s cute that you think I’ve never died.”

“Excuse me? What does that mean?”

“There’s something you should probably know. We were going to tell you soon anyway, but I think you might need to hear it now.”

“Okay…”

“Hmmm… I don’t think I want to tell you here though. I think I want to tell you over there,” she said pointing to a building across the street. “There’s something poetic about revealing your secrets surrounded by gargoyles, don’t you think? And somehow, Gotham seems to have more of them than Paris. That’s just weird,” she frowned at the thought.

“Pixie…” he noted the determination in her eyes and decided this particular argument was less important than the larger battle. “Fine! Just let me get my grappling hook out and we can swing over.” He said reaching for it on his belt.

She looked over at him and grinned, a dangerous glint in her eye, “No thanks. I have my own ride. Race you!” She took off like a shot running to the edge of the building then jumped off the edge.

Jason’s heart stopped. What was she doing? What the hell!? Jason took off after her. Was she expecting him to rescue her? What if he couldn’t get to her in time? This was a stupid and beyond dangerous game she was playing. After he saved her he was going to kill her.

He pulled out his grappling hook as he ran and leaped after her streamlining his body so he could fall faster. She had the audacity to be smiling at him as she fell. He was almost close enough to grab her. His eyes left hers looking up to find the best target for his grappling hook. He noted a flash of pink in his vision’s periphery but ignored it, focusing on the task at hand. Nothing else mattered but saving Marinette. Finally finding the best option, he turned back towards Marinette and stretched the last final inches to grab her but found Marinette was no longer there. Instead there was a woman dressed in a deep red and a mask. The woman grabbed his waist and launched a… was that a yo-yo?... toward the same spot he had identified earlier.

Suddenly he was tugged up as they arced to the roof of the building. They landed on the roof with a thud, rolling to a stop in a tangle of limbs.

He pulled back slightly to stare down at her in confusion, not able to form coherent thoughts yet. After what seemed like a few minutes Marinette finally broke the silence. “Hood? You going to survive this, handsome?” she asked with a smug grin.

Jason’s brain finally caught up with what was going on and his jaw dropped, “Mari?” He asked incredulously.

“No names in the field, remember? How are you going to survive any missions if you can’t follow basic safety procedures?”

“What the fucking fuck, Mari!!” He looked at her again running his hands along her face, trying to confirm what he already knew. It was her. Marinette was safe… and a superhero. He let out a breath he had been holding since she jumped and shook his head. “You’re terrible."

“I thought I was innocent and naïve?”

“No, you are a terrible, evil person. That jump proved it. You almost killed me all over again.”

“You deserved it. You were being a condescending ass.”

He let out a huff, “Please never do anything like that again” he begged softly, lowering his forehead to hers.

“Don’t be an ass and I won’t have to.”

"You were supposed to be innocent” he said giving her a lopsided smile.

“I don't know what gave you that impression," she smiled innocently and batted her eyes.

“That. That damn smile. It's a lie.” He looked back over at the Wayne Enterprises building and shook his head. “And I thought you were going to have trouble with grappling and swinging through the air.” He chuckled lightly and lowered himself back down so his face was a few centimeters from hers, glancing down to her lips.

“Have I ever told you what it’s like riding a dragon?” She whispered licking her lips.

“I'd love to hear about that som… wait a dragon? Like a dragon dragon?" She nodded giving him a small, coy smile. Jason ran his fingers across her cheek and along her mask. He grinned happily. His Pixie was a badass and he couldn’t wait to hear more. “but later" he said closing the distance and crashing his lips into hers.

Tag:

@fsketchart @jasonette-july-2k20

#maribat #jasonette #jasonette july 2k20

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puppyexpressions · 3 years

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How to Introduce a New Puppy to Your Dog

What’s better than a pet dog? Two pet dogs. It’s no surprise that millions of pet parents can’t stop at just one four-legged family member. Introducing additional pups to the household is not a decision to make lightly. Just because you’re ready for a new pet doesn’t mean your first dog is quite so enthusiastic about the idea.

Before the Meeting

A little preparation goes a long way in promoting smooth, stress-free interactions between your current dog and new puppy.

Know the dogs: Dogs are social animals, but that doesn’t every dog is itching to see a new puppy introduced to their home. Make sure you understand the personalities and proclivities of both dogs before attempting to make an introduction. Enthusiastic and energetic as most puppies are, some won’t appreciate being asked to share the spotlight with another dog. An adult dog, on the other hand, may not like being asked to engage with a high-energy young puppy. Before bringing a new puppy home, make sure you’ve carefully reflected on both you and your dog’s readiness for a new addition to the family. That’s the first step in ensuring a peaceful multi-dog home.

Work on leash training: Both dogs should be familiar with wearing a leash and understand the proper etiquette for interacting with people and other dogs while leashed before they’ve met. When picking out a new dog, try to learn about how they’ve been socialized and how their communication skills have developed. The team at a shelter or adoption center can help paint a picture of how your pup may respond to a new environment.

Set the scene: Find or create the perfect location for a smooth introduction. Whether you’re indoors or out, create a space that’s free of clutter and offers plenty of room for dogs to engage one another or spend time on their own.

During the Initial Meeting

A proper introduction is just as important in the canine world as it is in the human world. You can’t just assume that two pups meeting for the first time will make fast friends. Here are some dos and don’ts to help you with the initial introduction as well as future interactions.

Dog Introductions: What to Do

Pick Neutral Ground: Making an introduction at home, surrounded by familiar objects, could encourage territorial feelings in your current dog. This could mean a testy introduction or even a serious fight. Look for a neutral territory like a dog park, a friend’s house, or a neighbor’s yard next time you’re introducing two dogs.

Keep Verbal Cues to a Minimum: Offer praise and verbal corrections when necessary, but try not to overwhelm either dog with too much sound. You can reward good behavior more emphatically once the first meeting is complete.

Take Breaks: A little quality time can go a long way. It’s never a good idea to force unfamiliar dogs together for extended periods. If it seems like either dog’s energy is flagging, don’t be afraid to call it a day.

Dog Introductions: What Not to Do

Don’t Allow Dogs to Fight: If you notice that your puppy playdate has taken a turn for the worse, step in immediately to separate the two dogs. While fights may be short-lived, it’s best not to take any chances.

Don’t Leave Dogs Alone: Dogs should not be left unsupervised. If you must leave dogs alone for any period of time, ensure they’re kept in separate areas. For indoor intros, a baby gate, dog crate, or closed door can provide a useful barrier.

Don’t Get Frustrated: It takes time to build strong bonds between dogs. Even if the first few introductions don’t go as planned, persistent pet parents are more than capable of enforcing house rules and helping pets get along.

What to Watch For

A dog’s body language during introductions and other meetings can tip you off to potential conflicts before they occur.

Watch out for these potential warning signs:

Lip curling

Growling

Raised tails or hackles (the hair at the back of a dog’s neck)

Mounting

Staring

Yawning

Standing perfectly still

Either dog putting their head over the shoulders of the other

Always remember that wagging tails do not always indicate happy dogs. A straight tail that’s wagging stiffly is potentially a signal of dominance and aggression.

After the Initial Meeting

Patience and persistence are everything when it comes to ensuring pet relationships start off on the right paw. Supervise interactions closely during your dogs’ initial weeks together, offering praise and positive reinforcement along the way. Keep an eye out for signs of conflict like those noted above and be ready to intervene if necessary. You’ll want to exercise special care around food and favorite toys, which may inspire tussles between your dogs.

Throughout the introductory phase, don’t forget to give plenty of attention and affection to both of your pets. Neither your puppy nor your older dog should ever think that they’re getting any less love than their new sibling.

#new puppy #dog behavior #dog training #dog socialiaztion

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readerbookclub · 4 years

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Before introducing our newest book list, I want to say sorry about this month. It’s been underwhelming to say the least. So far this year was very chaotic (packing up to move countries, having the plane tickets cancelled, and getting into Oxford?!). Between everything that happened, I neglected this club. But I’m very excited and well-prepared for next month, so it won’t happen again at least in the foreseeable future. We also have several enthusiastic new members who’ve messaged me, so hopefully our discussion will be even more lively this time!

Now back to our newest book list. Not to brag, but I think this is the best one yet. Time Warp is a collection of books that bend and play with time. It’s such an interesting topic that includes books from many different genres. Several of your recommendations also fit in perfectly. So let’s jump right in!

Typically stories play out over the span of weeks, months, or even years. But what if a writer were to shrink that timeline? Not to days or hours, but the mere seconds it takes to ride an elevator? Well, that’s what Jason Reynolds did in our first book, a story that lasts for a single elevator ride:

Long Way Down, Jason Reynolds:

A cannon. A strap. A piece. A biscuit. A burner. A heater. A chopper. A gat. A hammer A tool for RULE Or, you can call it a gun. That’s what fifteen-year-old Will has shoved in the back waistband of his jeans. See, his brother Shawn was just murdered. And Will knows the rules. No crying. No snitching. Revenge. That’s where Will’s now heading, with that gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, the gun that was his brother’s gun. He gets on the elevator, seventh floor, stoked. He knows who he’s after. Or does he? As the elevator stops on the sixth floor, on comes Buck. Buck, Will finds out, is who gave Shawn the gun before Will took the gun. Buck tells Will to check that the gun is even loaded. And that’s when Will sees that one bullet is missing. And the only one who could have fired Shawn’s gun was Shawn. Huh. Will didn’t know that Shawn had ever actually USED his gun. Bigger huh. BUCK IS DEAD. But Buck’s in the elevator? Just as Will’s trying to think this through, the door to the next floor opens. A teenage girl gets on, waves away the smoke from Dead Buck’s cigarette. Will doesn’t know her, but she knew him. Knew. When they were eight. And stray bullets had cut through the playground, and Will had tried to cover her, but she was hit anyway, and so what she wants to know, on that fifth floor elevator stop, is, what if Will, Will with the gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, MISSES. And so it goes, the whole long way down, as the elevator stops on each floor, and at each stop someone connected to his brother gets on to give Will a piece to a bigger story than the one he thinks he knows. A story that might never know an END…if WILL gets off that elevator.

***

Our next book warps time in a slightly different way. What if every time you woke up, you found yourself in the same day (a sort-of Groundhog Day situation)? But unlike Groundhog Day, you wake up in different bodies. This thrilling book was suggested to me by one of you, and I absolutely loved the premise:

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, by Stuart Turton:

Aiden Bishop knows the rules. Evelyn Hardcastle will die every day until he can identify her killer and break the cycle. But every time the day begins again, Aiden wakes up in the body of a different guest at Blackheath Manor. And some of his hosts are more helpful than others. With a locked room mystery that Agatha Christie would envy, Stuart Turton unfurls a breakneck novel of intrigue and suspense. For fans of Claire North, and Kate Atkinson, The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle is a breathlessly addictive mystery that follows one man's race against time to find a killer, with an astonishing time-turning twist that means nothing and no one are quite what they seem.

***

Now we move on to an exciting genre: time travel! This next book was recommended to me by @earphonesandquills and I just had to put it on the list. A sci-fi love story between two people on opposite sides of a war:

This is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone:

Among the ashes of a dying world, an agent of the Commandant finds a letter. It reads: Burn before reading. Thus begins an unlikely correspondence between two rival agents hellbent on securing the best possible future for their warring factions. Now, what began as a taunt, a battlefield boast, grows into something more. Something epic. Something romantic. Something that could change the past and the future. Except the discovery of their bond would mean death for each of them. There's still a war going on, after all. And someone has to win that war.

***

Typically, the protagonists of time-travel books are very intelligent people. But what would happen if someone wasn’t so competent? What if they fucked it up? That’s exactly what the protagonist in our next book does. Coming from a perfect reality, he messes up and finds himself in a horrifying dystopia (aka our world):

All Our Wrong Todays, Elan Mastai:

You know the future that people in the 1950s imagined we'd have? Well, it happened. In Tom Barren's 2016, humanity thrives in a techno-utopian paradise of flying cars, moving sidewalks, and moon bases, where avocados never go bad and punk rock never existed . . . because it wasn't necessary. Except Tom just can't seem to find his place in this dazzling, idealistic world, and that's before his life gets turned upside down. Utterly blindsided by an accident of fate, Tom makes a rash decision that drastically changes not only his own life but the very fabric of the universe itself. In a time-travel mishap, Tom finds himself stranded in our 2016, what we think of as the real world. For Tom, our normal reality seems like a dystopian wasteland. But when he discovers wonderfully unexpected versions of his family, his career, and—maybe, just maybe—his soul mate, Tom has a decision to make. Does he fix the flow of history, bringing his utopian universe back into existence, or does he try to forge a new life in our messy, unpredictable reality? Tom’s search for the answer takes him across countries, continents, and timelines in a quest to figure out, finally, who he really is and what his future—our future—is supposed to be.

***

Our final book is something I never knew I needed until I found it. I have spent way too much time day dreaming about a scenario where I find myself in the distant past. I imagine myself telling people about electricity and planes and modern medicine. But if they asked me to actually make something, I wouldn’t be able to. And that bothers me. This book is the solution. It’s a non-fiction guide on what to do if you were to find yourself in such a scenario (as unlikely as it may seem):

How to Invent Everything: A Guide for the Stranded Time Traveler, by Ryan North:

What would you do if a time machine hurled you thousands of years into the past. . . and then broke? How would you survive? Could you improve on humanity's original timeline? And how hard would it be to domesticate a giant wombat? With this book as your guide, you'll survive--and thrive--in any period in Earth's history. Bestselling author and time-travel enthusiast Ryan North shows you how to invent all the modern conveniences we take for granted--from first principles. This illustrated manual contains all the science, engineering, art, philosophy, facts, and figures required for even the most clueless time traveler to build a civilization from the ground up. Deeply researched, irreverent, and significantly more fun than being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, How to Invent Everything will make you smarter, more competent, and completely prepared to become the most important and influential person ever.

***

That’s it for this month’s list. Hope you like these books as much as I do! As always, please vote here.

Member’s List (message me if you want to be added/removed): @solitarystudies @adhyayana-v @gordinmegan @appleinducedsleep @morphedphase @lilian-evans @bowieziggyfan @calebprior25 @bluebellraven @love-witch-magic @badasthesun @theeezoneee @montaguest @wanderlustingdreamer @csloreen @elfspectations @astreamoflight @engineeriblr @chemistrybaby6-022x10-23 @pepperpaprikash @bubblylion

#book list #books #book club #booklr #long way down #time travel #sci fi #the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle #this is how you lose the time war #how to invent everything #all our wrong todays

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melon-wing · 4 years

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A Confession of Love Part 1 [Grian x Ren]

Betaread by tha amazingly talented @aaronampora-ao3 Warning: This is sad! This may hurt a bit. ~*~

Grian looked down at his communicator, a sad smile playing on his lips. How could he be so happy and sad at the same time? A laugh bubbled up without him being able to hold it back. He wiped a stray tear from his face. This was stupid. He shouldn’t be as emotionally invested in this as he was. Ren was talking to everyone like that. It was just the way he was. Ren loved everyone and in return it was so easy to love him…

And like everyone, Grian had told him that much countless times. He had sent Ren so many ‘I love you’s, just like all the other Hermits had in their group chat. And he wanted to believe that he was still special, that there was something between them. He wanted to believe it so badly. But deep down he really knew he wasn’t. He was exactly like everyone else to Ren. Grian looked at the message again and his heart felt so weird, like it wanted to jump and ache at the same time.

<Ren> I love you so much, man. Talking to you is so much fun. I almost walked off a cliff because I couldn’t take my eyes off your message. I really wanna see you again.

Grian hesitated, his fingers twitching over the little keypad. He knew what he wanted to say, but at the same time he really didn’t. He wanted to drop hints so badly, but hints at what? That he was in love? But was he?

It was just so fucking confusing. They hadn’t even interacted all that much since he joined this world. Their bases were far apart and they only sometimes crossed paths in the shopping district. They mostly chatted in the group chat, and lately privately as well. How could you be in love with someone you had barely spent any time with?

He started typing.

<Grian> You know, I really love you too. I love talking to you. It’s weird to imagine a life before Hermitcraft now…

He sent the message. But he wasn’t happy with it yet. He felt the urge to say more, to drop some hint. An ‘I love you’ was so common in their chats, it had lost it’s deeper meaning. Everybody on the server said it.

‘You know… My friend Taurtis asked about us and I told him I would date you if you were into guys and I was here for longer than just this one season’

Grian stared at the words he had written for a while. He really wanted to send it, but he was scared of the way Ren might react. What if that went too far? It was nothing like a love confession. Ren might just take it as another of their overly affectionate talks and nothing more… But what if it made him uncomfortable? He didn’t want to lose the way they talked to each other so easily. Things might get awkward.

Grian leaned back against the tree, looking up at the little piece of sky he could see through the skylight of his aviary. The leaves and sky got a little blurry slowly, as his eyes filled with tears. Fuck. Why was he starting to cry again? He was so confused. This was all so confusing. He should know what he wanted.

He didn’t.

With every new message that Ren sent him, he hoped for some hint inside. Some hidden meaning. But at the same time he dreaded it. What if Ren was interested? Grian would be gone again after they were done in this world. He had only asked Xisuma to join them for one Season. He’d move on in a year. They’d be worlds apart. Was he ready to commit to something like that… And was it selfish to maybe hope that Ren would come with him?

Damn, he wasn’t a stupid lovestruck teenager anymore. He was old enough to have a grip on his emotions.

He took a deep breath. He’d been there before. And he could do this.

“I decide who I fall in love with”, Grian said in a quiet whisper, the words he had told himself so often, every time his heart had threatened to beat faster for someone. “If I don’t want to, I won’t fall for him. I won’t fall in love. I can’t… I’m done with love. I’m happy right now with the way things are.”

He looked back down at the communicator, his own message seemingly glaring back at him. But what if there was a chance? Would he take it? His finger hovered over the send button. He wanted to send it so badly.

He didn’t.

Instead he deleted it all again.

He wasn’t in love. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t allow himself to fall. He wasn’t ready to be disappointed. He had been disappointed too often. He had let himself fall, believing his crush was also interested, only to fall into a void of sadness. This time he wouldn’t let himself fall. He would keep pretending nothing was wrong. To Ren, he was just like the others. The love confessions to him were nothing special.

And he wasn’t in love.

Because he had decided he wasn’t.

But if he wasn’t, why wouldn’t the tears stop coming? Why did his heart hurt when he made that decision? Did he want to fall in love…?

No.

He had decided he didn’t want to. His heart should really stop trying to be so dramatic. This was real life and not some romance novel.

<Ren> Right back at you, my dude! Maybe you will change your mind and stay with us for longer than one season ;)

Grian sighed. His head was a mess. He wasn’t able to think clearly anymore. He… He was just tired. He was imagining things. He wasn’t really falling. He just needed a night of rest. Just one night and in the morning everything would look different again. He’d have a clear head once more. He’d be rational. He’d not be a crying mess over some stupid messages that meant nothing.

<Grian> I’m going to crash now. Talk to you tomorrow.

<Ren> I’m looking forward to it. Love you!

Without answering and with a heavy heart Grian put the communicator aside. One of his parrots hopped over, eyeing the device curiously and then decided that it wasn’t interesting enough, instead going for Grian’s lap, snuggling against him.

Grian closed his eyes. Tomorrow the world would be different. His future self would laugh at the mess he was right now.

Grian awoke when a felt a stinging sensation on his head. He opened his eyes to look at one of the little birds, trying to rip out some of his hairs, probably to build its nest. Grian gently pushed it away, which earned him an annoyed squawk.

He took out his communicator and looked at it. There were only a few new messages in their group chat. And suddenly he felt so stupid about the evening before. Why had he gotten so upset again? He was doing that to himself. He probably wanted to suffer. He cursed his brain for that. He got up, putting his parrot onto one of the low hanging branches. He still felt the urge to message Ren – to check if he really was over yesterday's emotions. Or at least he told himself that was the reason every time a voice in his head suggested something else.

He flew down his base and stepped through the portal. He had a busy day ahead. They were about to update their world’s code in a few days and he’d need to work on Sahara a bit more. There was so much to prepare. He had no time to think about some stupid emotions.

Grian was in the middle of trimming the trees in Sahara’s courtyard, when a loud beep made him almost fall from the ladder with how fast he scrambled to get his communicator out. He berated himself for being that jumpy, but he couldn’t help it. When he looked down and saw Mumbo’s name flashing over his screen he gave a sad sigh and then stopped, eyes going wide. No! He so hadn’t been hoping for Ren to message him. No way!

He dropped a quick reply to Mumbo and then checked the group chat again. And there he was, Ren, throwing around words of love. Something rose up inside of Grian as he read about Ren gushing over Iskall and his style of building. It didn’t take him long to realise he was jealous. And with that realisation came a pressing amount of guilt. He loved Iskall dearly. He himself threw similar words at him all the time… Iskall deserved the love and praise. And Grian wasn’t in love anyways. His brain had no right to be jealous, because he and Ren? They were just friends and wouldn’t ever be anything more. He had decided that and his brain and heart were supposed to follow his decision.

He started typing a message of support into the group chat and the moment he sent it off, Ren greeted him, with a bunch of hearts and excitement.

<Ren> GRIAN! Have I told you today how much I love you already? Because I do! I love you!

Grian grimaced a little, sitting down on the top of the ladder, resting his head against the tree trunk. His chest felt tighter the moment he read that message. He had been over it. He was still over it. They were friends. And on Hermitcraft, this was what friendly interaction looked like.

<Grian> Love you too. But I gotta keep working now. The trees won’t cut themselves… at least not until Mumbo builds some redstone machine to do it.

<Grian> Also, Mumbo? If you read this, I’m kidding. Stop planning a tree cutting machine, it would ruin the way the Sahara yard looks like.

Mumbo only sent a frowny face into the group chat and immediately a round of friendly teasing started. Grian put the small device into his back pocket, returning to cutting the trees. So what if he was a bit rougher with the huge scissors than necessary? It meant nothing.

When he was finished he went back to his base building a bit on the pillars framing it, putting in his dwindling supply of white concrete. He really needed to use a different colour Palette one day. Maybe one that didn’t involve a block as grind-heavy as concrete. Maybe he should build a house out of wood once they went to the new part of the world. It had been a while since he had built something rustic. Taurtis would be shocked if he knew how modern all of Grian’s buildings looked.

Taurtis... Grian stopped what he was doing, looking at the sky in deep thought. He should really message Taurtis again. Talking to him always helped Grian figure out his emotions. Taurtis could make those doubts go away. He’d laugh and tell Grian he was being stupid and then Grian could move on and not feel so weird every time Ren declared his undying love for him in the chat. He just hoped Taurtis would really agree with him, that there was nothing going on. Because he didn’t know what he’d do ifTaurtis told him he had fallen for Ren.

He definitely hadn’t fallen for Ren. That was ridiculous. It would make far more sense to fall for Mumbo, who was his neighbour and with whom he shared so many projects. Or maybe fall in love with Taurtis, who had been his friend for years and who he planned to join again after this Season was over. Falling for Ren made no sense... And that was why he definitely hadn’t fallen. It all made sense. It was the only logical conclusion.

He didn’t love Ren as more than a friend. He never had and he never would.

Grian looked back at his communicator again. Back at another private message from Ren, asking him something and ending with another declaration of love.

<Grian> I know. Love you too.

<Ren> Forever and always?

Grian hesitated for a second. He was a bit too slow to stop his brain from wondering if there might be some intention behind Ren’s words. If he maybe was just as confused as Grian and tried to test the waters. Grian suppressed that voice as fast as it had spoken up.

<Grian> Sure! Forever and always! Love you so much!

Grian let out a frustrated noise, pressing a hand against his eyes. This was stupid. He should just outright ask Ren if he had feelings for him. When Ren said no it would be far easier to tell his brain to stop all of this. Maybe then his brain would stop imagining them kissing. Damn, now he had that image stuck in his head once more.

His bird made a worried sound and Grian let his hand drop again. "Don't worry. Everything's alright. He doesn't like me that way and I don't... I... What if I ask and he says he likes me? I don't even know what I'd do then. I don't love Ren", Grian whispered to the bird, while gently caressing the feathers on its belly.

"Love Ren", the bird repeated and Grian could feel heat rising to his face. This was so dumb. He was getting flustered by some bird repeating his own words. Maybe he just needed another huge project to stop himself from thinking about it.

Grian looked down from his house in Hermitville and grinned in excitement. He sat on the highest tower, able to look over all of Hermitville and beyond. He loved the crooked way he built it. He had been right to change up his block palette a little after the whole modern thing. His communicator beeped, and Grian tried. He really tried to resist it. But after another beep and a few more seconds he sighed, putting his shulker of wood away to have his hands free. Their shared chat hadn't been that busy today and most of the messages had just been someone asking for coordinates or some blocks.

And every time Grian had hoped there'd be a message for him alone... But they were all busy building in this new place, discovering all the new things this part of the world offered them. And he didn't drop any message either... He had thought about it. He had opened his private chat with Ren a few times in the last hours alone. He had stared at the 'I love you's from the past days, his fingers hovering over the keypad. He had never even entered one letter. He didn't really have any reason to write to Ren. And no matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn't think of a reason to start a conversation. Sure, Ren always told him he loved their conversations, and that Grian could always talk to him... But still. It felt weird.

Grian looked into the group chat and froze. Ren was finally in the chat. And why did he freeze up at that alone? This was so stupid. Grian took a breath and then read the message. It was the same as the rest, Ren was just asking for some blocks he needed and didn't want to go way back for.

<Grian> I got some. You can come over any time!

Grian's hand was shaking a little, as he was typing and he deleted the message again. He really shouldn't. He needed the materials for himself. He really did. But he had the urge to just give them to Ren, if it meant the other would come over and talk to him.

Ren must have seen him typing something though, because there was an immediate reply.

<Ren> Grian! My man! My love! You got something for me?

And finally Grian felt brave enough to reply.

<Grian> Of course! You can pick them up at my place. You know I'd do anything for you!

<Ren> Anything?

Grian hesitated, staring at the message and his mind went wild. Anything? Oh fuck. What direction was Ren going with this? Was this some innuendo? Him flirting? Could Ren be interested after all? Grian's heart was beating in his throat when he wrote back.

<Grian> Yes. Anything.

And then he waited. His heart was racing. He let himself fall back, lying on the rooftop and looking at the sky. He was getting nervous now. What if Ren had really meant something more with that. What if Ren was about to ask him on a date or something. Oh god he wasn't ready for that. He had told himself that he wouldn't... But when he had sent Ren that message, it had mostly been his heart speaking, not his brain and he had meant it. Whatever Ren would ask of him next, Grian would love to hand it to him on a silver platter. But his mind was screaming at him not to. Play it off as a joke if Ren really asked. And why was it taking Ren so long to reply? What did he need to write to that?

There was a beep, but Grian didn't move. He didn't feel ready, when just a second ago he had been so impatient.

Grian took a deep breath, calming his nerves. There was nothing to be nervous about. Nothing. He finally looked back down and opened the message.

<Ren> You know that is almost as good as an IOU note, right? You should be more careful with how you phrase things! But I already know what I want. Take a break. You’ve been building like crazy. You need to take care better of yourself Grian! Don’t overwork yourself! The competition you got going on is all fun and games until one of you guys faints. I love you, man, but I think you also need to love yourself more!

Grian’s heart stopped beating so fast and why did he suddenly feel disappointed? What had he wanted Ren to say? What had he expected? He let out a joyless laugh. He wanted to scream, wanted to cry. He wanted to throw the communicator off the rooftop and watch it crash on the ground below. And at the same time he wanted to be glad that this hadn’t went into a certain direction. Because if Ren had tried to flirt, Grian would have broken his heart... Because he wasn’t in love with Ren, right?

It took a few seconds to calm himself down again.

<Grian> I can’t promise that. It’s hard, you know? I get so lost in building I don’t even realise it’s already so late.

<Ren> Grian, please. For me?

<Grian> I promise that I’ll try. I can’t promise more than that. But I’ll try for you, alright? For me that is a lot!

<Ren> That’s perfect. I love you so very much! I wish you could love yourself just as much as I love you!

Grian did throw the communicator off the roof after that message. He didn’t know why he did that. He really didn’t. He had thought it would satisfy him, but as he watched the little device shatter on the ground, only to immediately respawn in his hands, he only felt hollow inside.

He really needed to speak with somebody about all of this. But who? Taurtis was busy at the moment. Then there was Mumbo or Iskall. But how much was Grian willing to share with them? Sure, they had become great friends in the comparably short time Grian had spent in this world... But they were also friends with Ren and that might make it weird.

And what if Ren also talked to them about it? What if they knew for a fact that Ren was or wasn’t interested. What if they told him what Grian had suspected all along? That Ren was 100 percent straight and wouldn’t be interested in Grian because of that.

And why the fuck did Grian think he’d be disappointed again?

“Grian! My dude! Down here!”

Grian jumped when he heard the voice and his heart seemed to jump along, almost leaving his body the way it raced. Right, the materials he had promised to Ren! He had almost forgotten about that.

He did his best to compose himself, getting up only to realise that his cheeks were still a little wet. Damn. He hurriedly wiped the remaining tears off with the sleeve of his jumper. He was really lucky that Ren had walked over here instead of coming by Eytra and maybe landing right next to him.

Grian smiled and waved down before jumping off the roof. He had planned to land next to Ren, but a sudden gust of wind changed his flight direction and he landed right in Ren’s outstretched arms. They looked at each other and Ren chuckled. Grian felt a blush rising to his cheeks at that sound, hurriedly taking a step back. But he couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips.

“I would have never thought that the day would ever come, when I needed to catch the server’s best flyer.”

Grian rolled his eyes, casting a fond glance towards Ren, before walking to his door. “You know you didn’t really have to catch me? I would have landed gracefully if you hadn’t stood there.”

“Well I like hugging you. So that was better than just stepping aside. You know, I love you.”

Grian faltered as he pressed the handle, almost falling forward with the door. Ren’s love declarations were nothing new. He read them daily, but hearing him say it was always even more jarring. And Grian felt so hesitant to return them then. In chat it was more casual, more meaningless. Speaking those actual words? It had been easier a while ago. When had that changed? When had he felt his throat close up at the thought of saying a little ‘I love you’ out loud?

“I know”, he just replied, voice quiet and he hoped Ren wouldn’t notice the little tremble in it. he felt stupid for it. He felt stupid for being unable to say those words when it had never been a problem. He had been able to say them to Ren. he was still able to say them to all the other Hermits. It was just a phrase. It didn’t have to be romantic. There were many forms of love after all…

Ren didn’t seem to notice his little hesitance as they entered the house. Grian tried to keep his hands busy, painfully aware of the others presence right behind him. Ren kept on talking, but Grian wasn't able to concentrate on the words, hearing that deep, rumbly voice, listening to those little chuckles, it drove him insane. He hurriedly got the materials out and put them into a shulker box.

"There you go", Grian finally said as he turned to Ren, doing his best, to push all of those unwelcome thoughts down. He managed until Ren smiled at him, eyes lighting up, almost sparkling in excitement and then there were arms around Grian. His face was pressed into Ren's chest and he could feel the heat radiating off of him. He gasped in surprise and instantly Ren's scent seemed to be all around him.

"Thank you so much! You don't know how much you're helping me! I sort of misplaced my Elytra and I really don't want to walk all the way back to my original base", Ren said and as he was speaking, he kept a tight hold on Grian, one of his hands almost gently caressing Grian's back. And Grian didn't know what to say or do. Did Ren even realise what he was doing to Grian? Did Ren know what was going on inside of him? Grian could feel the walls he had built in his mind crumbling. He felt weak in the embrace, as if his muscles didn't work anymore. Maybe this was okay. Maybe it was alright to let himself go. Maybe he finally found someone... Maybe this time he wasn't imagining things. Maybe this time he was actually loved.

His hands twitched. He wanted to return the hug. He really did. He raised his hands slowly.

"Dude, you are a true friend! One of the best friends someone could ask for.”

Grian felt the walls snap back into place, stronger even then before and he let his hands drop again. He felt like someone had emptied a bucket of ice cold water over him.

"No worries, Ren. I got your back. But I have to get back to Sahara. We got a meeting there soon." With those words Grian stepped back out of the embrace, smiling tightly at Ren. "I got no time for our chit chat today. Sorry."

Ren looked a bit disappointed, but then smiled at Grian and nodded, before giving him a little salute. "Thanks again for those blocks. I'll put them to good use. And I'll return the favour. Just tell me if you ever need anything, alright?"

Grian just nodded and watched Ren leave his little house. He still felt crowded. Even when he was alone. His body was suddenly set to auto pilot, as if he was moving on muscle memory alone. His legs took him to the portal and then he was flying through the tunnels. No time at all seemed to pass until he was back at his old base and then back to the aviary. And then his feet touched the ground... and he became undone. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. All of his parrots were fluttering around him, roused from his sudden fall.

Grian should have known it all along. He had known it. And he had already decided that he didn't love Ren. Then why did it hurt so much? Why did his heart feel like someone was holding it in an iron grip? He didn't love Ren. He didn't. He never had. So what if Ren saw him as nothing more than a friend? That was alright, that was what he had hoped for. And still... He couldn't stop feeling like he had wished for a different ending. Maybe, just maybe his mind wasn't the one calling the shots after all. Maybe he had been lying to himself all alone, thinking he could decide not to be in love. He had been such a fool.

He was shaking, more tears rushing to his eyes and then he raised his head to the sky and screamed. He screamed until he was out of breath and then he just sat there, his head tilted backwards, looking at the ceiling, tears running over his cheeks.

He was in love.

He was in love and it was hopeless.

#🍉 stories #hermitship #hermitshipping #gren #angst #This will have a second part #It might take a while

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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

Text

Her last wish (Bell/Park)

Summary :

Bell knew her days was counted and after the battle of Solovetsky, the only solution for her was to find a quiet place. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Adler was going to kill her but she will not die by his hands.

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"Solovetsky....the Solovetsky monastery !"

She said the truth to Adler : Perseus was hiding at Solovetsky, ready to blow the entire Greenlight arsenal all over Western Europe. She chose her loyalty to the West over the one that ruled her past as a Perseus agent. Why she would return next to someone who has left her to die in Turkey and how Kadivar was the one to do it ? When she learned the truth about her true identity, she wasn't angry at all, she understand everything that Adler & Park told her. She was determined to finish this once and for all but after Adler helped her to get up from the strechter she was on, he did reveal something that wasn't going to please Bell at all.....something that Adler only knew, he even close the door to be alone with her. At hearing this, Bell's hopes for a better life was crushed down by the hard reality. She wanted to cry all of the tears of her body but that wasn't the time and she wasn't like that, not in front of him...even Park.

She wanted just now to get to Solovetsky and end Perseus's threat on the world. When she got out of the said 'medical room', she was looking to everyone in the safehouse : Sims was with Adler communicating to Washington to give them the news of Perseus's whereabouts. They were giving some furtives glances at the beginning, approving that she took the right decision. Woods & Mason were preparing their gears for the new mission and when Bell passed by them, they were giving her their excuses for lying to her but she knew that they had nothing to do with all the brainwashing, she only thanked them to make her feel alive and make her laugh when it was necessary. They were surprised of that and they thanked her in return like good friends.

Then, her gaze fell on Lazar's empty workplace. She wanted to save him too back in that rooftop in Cuba but it was too late. She secured Park first and she thought she had time for Lazar but there weren't any time left. Lazar was very supportive with Bell & considered her like his best friend. Bell was owing a lot to him because he's the guy who gave her tips & encourage her to talk further with Park & to develop more than just a work relationship. But now, he was dead and she was feeling guilty for it. She didn't want to look any more time at his empty workplace but she thanked him for everything he has done for her.

Now, the most difficult person for Bell to talk with was Park. Park was hating herself for lying during all this time to Bell, she loved her for real but with the truth revealed, she thought that her love was only seen by Bell like something that wasn't real, comparing to the fake memories of Vietnam Bell has in mind. Bell was preparing her own gear but it was hard to her to do that. What Adler said to her didn't help her feel much better. Learning that she was brainwashed and now that ? She was on the edge of falling in tears, she needed to stay strong for the moment and feel free & peaceful when the time comes. As Bell finished to pack up her things, she saw Park slowly making her bag, she was looking away, tears of pain on her face. Bell didn't want to let her like that so she decide to go see her. Park was at first surprised that Bell wasn't angry at her but her tears was still falling down. Bell cleaned them with her hand and say one thing

"My memories are fake.....but my love for you is real !"

That gave to Park a little reconforting smile that was reciprocal and the two shared a little but important kiss. Bell's lips were cold, reflecting her actual state right now as Park's one were warm. That was nothing more important for Bell to see Park smile & feeling in love with her. She thanked her not only for be here for her but also for make her realize the true meaning of love in her life. Bell never had the chance to be loved by someone in her past and Park fixed this. She know that she will die happy now but beautiful moments don't last very long for her as Adler ordered everyone to be ready really quick. The two part ways to focus on preparing their respectives gears before leaving the E9 Safehouse for their final mission : Solovetsky !

It took three days for the team to prepare the mission that will decide the future of Europe : either they win or they lose..... and losing was not an option for everyone, Bell first. But as they were soon arrived at the shores of the Solovetsky island aboard a aircraft carrier before jumping into the helicopters, Bell overhear an conversation between Adler and Hudson.

"And after the mission, what about the asset ?" Hudson said

"I will put it out myself, don't worry !" Adler responded

Of course, she realized that Adler and the CIA were planning something for her, they always saw her as a tool, a 'loose end' and now they wanted to get rid of her.....how predictable ! Bell wasn't blind and stupid to not think about that but if she wants to die, it will not by the CIA's hands. She will die by herself or by someone she can really trust....and Park was the only one she was trusting enough but she think that this was impossible to ask and to execute. Only the issue of this mission was going to decide on how her death will be.

And then, the battle take place ! Even if Adler was planning to kill her, Bell fainted to not know the truth and teamed up with him & Park. Their objectives was to destroy the AA cannons to make sure that the bombers can turn this place into ruins before Perseus was able to transmit the Greelight detonation order with the radars. During the mission, Bell didn't wanted to die also by Perseus's hands or any of his mens. That guy let her live with it and didn't do anything to help her, not even allocate resources to save her from her inevitable death and that why she betrayed him and his cause even she knew that her fate was already decided. She fight like never before, she wanted to end this....and she WILL end this !

Finally, after minutes of intense fighting, they were arrived in the courtyard where the last AA gun was positioned, Bell had the last explosive charge and for a final move, she decide to make her way through the numerous Perseus's soldiers that was standing between her and the AA gun and they weren't able to stop her in her run and her rage. Each one of them felt a horrible death by her. Killing them was only filling her with more rage. Then, she finally arrived at the AA gun, no one was defending it, she put the charge but then, she heard explosions coming behind her. As no one was operating the gun, the bombers were already there and the bombs was coming in her direction. She could run away back to Adler & Park that were waiting for her but she know that she will have to stay with Adler until he make her follow him in a isolated place and finish it.

Or.......

She could run away inside the building that was just in front of her, there were a door widely opened for her. Without hesitating, she decide to take the second option, she wanted to flee away from the CIA and she had to do it. She jumped over the AA gun cover and then make the biggest sprint of her life to run away from the bombs blasts. She entered the building where a very long hallway showed to her. She couldn't stop running as everything behind her was getting destroyed but finally, the bombs got her and make her fly away against a wall but hopefully, she survived without a scratch . The blast wasn't powerful enough to kill her or to wound her seriously. She got up and then try to find a exit. This place has became a living hell as flames & falling debris was the only thing that was audible around Bell. As she walk to the exit, she hear sounds of her radio.

"Bell, are you here ? Bell ?" It was Adler, sounding worried but Bell knew that he was just a faint

She wanted to respond but no....she prefer to say nothing to him. She took the radio in hands and then throw it on the ground, leaving it behind her as she finally leaved this place but she could see that she wasn't the first one to use the same exit as her : there were traces of bloods on her path and she was intrigued. She followed the traces on a hidden dirt path, leaving the monastery to burn in the distance. Perseus was stopped, Greenlight didn't blow up and she was safe from the others. On her path, she leaved her XM4 on the ground, showing that her fighting life was done, keeping only her M1911 and her knife with her because she need it...for her.

As she was continuing on this path, she could see a wounded Perseus soldier, crawling on the ground but when she got closer, she realize that this man was none other than Perseus himself : he was badly hit in his left leg, part of his face was burned and he was bleeding. The man who thought to be the savior of the 'Great Russia'.....was bleeding in front of her. He heard her arriving and when he saw her, he was....looking happy.

"Yirina....I knew that you will come back to save me." He said with a smile as he turned around to see her, he indirectly give to her, her real name but that name was not longer hers.

"Did you really think...." She cut herself to kneel just next to him, looking angry "....that I'm here to save you ? You never try to save me !"

"What are you...talking about ?"

"You knew what I got inside my head.....and you decided to do nothing about it." She took her knife in hand "You left me to live with it, and you let me die."

"You needed to sacrifice yourself for the cause. You dedicated your life for Perseus.....for me !" He put his hands on his chest, pointing to him but Bell decide to put her feet on his leg's wounds, causing him to cry in pain.

"You destroyed my life and I'm going to die. Don't take that as a win.....because you'll be dead." She remove her feet from his wounds, freeing him but not for long as she decide to replace her feet by plainting her knife inside his leg, making it more painful for him "That....is for trying to destroy Europe" She got the knife and this time, she planted it in his chest, transpercing his hands in the same time "That....is for killing Park's brother." Then, she placed her knife along his throat. "And that....

'....that's for me !"

And in a single move with her knife, she cut his throat wide open, causing him to try to stop the bleeding but that was in vain as Bell decided to plant her knife directly in his left eye, finally killing the monster who destroyed everything important for her. She didn't know if she was going to be happy or disoriented, she didn't know what to think exactly. She got up, leaving her knife behind and his body too as she was continuing on the dirt path. She doesn't give a damn where that path was taking her but it was making her go far away from the others, maybe to a peaceful place to do it.

Finally, after minutes of wondering and walking, the path ended on a cliff : this was the perfect spot for her to find the peace she want. The sun was raising on the island and it was beautiful for Bell to see. She finally stopped at this place, the cliff was overlooking the sea and the sounds of the birds singing was giving Bell, a proud smile on her face and her breaths....Ah, her breath were all filled with emotions that she never thought to have. The CIA removed her past and emotions of her memories and right here, she was finding them again. That was the place !

She got her M1911 out of its holstler and then placed it under her chin, she wanted to pull the trigger but she couldn't do it. She wanted to die but the idea of doing it was more easy to say than to do it in reality. Her hesitation caused her to drop the M1911 on the ground and then, she get on her knee, looking at the sea in defeat, she couldn't do it. As she was thinking, she start to hear footsteps coming in her direction : someone has followed her. She gave a furtive glance to see who was coming and she was relieved : it was Park ! She turned her head back at looking the sea as Park was nearly next to her

"Artic air, clears the head, doesn't it ?" Bell said, proudly

"Bell....we've been looking for you." Park was worried when Bell didn't come back from posing the bomb on the AA gun, everyone was looking for her. "What are you doing here ?" She then get in front of Bell "There's something wrong ?"

"You remember our night.....after our mission in Moscow ?" Bell smiled with everything she could as Park nodded with a little grin "You said that we were going to kill every member of Perseus's circle because we knew that they killed your brother ?"

"Yes, I remember. We killed them all, we won, Perseus is dead !" Park put her hands on Bell's face, clearing some traces of blood on it.

"No, not everyone. There's still someone alive." Bell's sentence was making Park realize about the true meaning of her words "Me....I'm the last person to kill."

"Bell, you're one of us, you're no longer one of them."

"Adler want to kill me, I heard him about 'putting out the asset', I'm not stupid, I'm 'the asset' !" She tried to look away but Park's face was too precious to look away from it

"Adler be damned, I'm with you, Bell. I will save you." Park replied but Bell knew in advance that she can't be saved

"You can't save me, Helen. In any way, I will be dead in a week."

"Why are you saying that ?" Park questioned her. Telling the truth to Park was going to be extremely painful for Bell. Adler told her the truth about her state but how she could succeed into telling it to Park ? In front of her was the only love she had on her life and soon, everything was going to end for her. The truth needed to be told to her. She looked down because she didn't want to see Park at hearing the new and then she took a deep breath.

"Helen, I've got an brain tumor !"

Park decomposed herself at hearing that from Bell. At first, she thought she was joking but the appearance of tears and Bell's face becoming white make her realized that Bell was telling the truth. She was voiceless after that as Bell continued.

"I've been diagnosed with it since a long time and Adler told me about it after you revealed the truth to me. The CIA found out about it when the brainwashing process was beginning, it was too late to stop it. Only Adler was aware in the team. He said that I had 1 week or more."

"But-" Park tried to find her words but she couldn't, she was losing the only person important to her

"I can't be healed, it's been here since I was with Perseus and he didn't do a thing to save me....I had to accept my fate!"

"Bell, I....I-"

"I know it's hard for you but it's the truth." Bell finally looked back at Park "I want to die !" Her voice cracked "But I don't want Adler to do it !"

"I'll be with you, I don't want you to die here."

"Helen....I don't want to die in a bed surrounded by people I don't know, I want to die here....peacefully." She then took her M1911 in hands but then she handed it over to Park

" I want....you to do it !"

"Bell, I....I can't do it, you know that I can't do such a thing." Park didn't want this to happen : seeing Bell asking her to kill her wasn't the thing she ever wanted to do but Bell was insisting

"There's no other way, I tried to do it myself but I can't." Bell continued to hand over her M1911 to Park

"I lost everything, Bell....and now, I'm losing you !"

"Please, Helen....help me....do it !"

Park was crying at this but finally, she resigned herself to take Bell's M1911 in hand. After she took it, Bell got closer to her and hugged her with all her strengh with a last kiss. Both know that this kiss was going to be the last one they will share together alive. Both were crying but then Bell broke the kiss and put her head on Park's right shoulder to look at the sea. Park put her left arm around Bell as she aimed the M1911 with her right hand against Bell's chest. She closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I love you !"

BANG

She pulled the trigger, she didn't want to do it but she did it anyway. When she opened her eyes again, her first thing to do was to hold Bell with her both arms. Bell was still hugging Park but she was removing as her strengh was leaving her as she die like she wanted. She said one thing before she shut her eyes for good

"Thank.....you !"

And then.....Bell was no more, she died in Park's arms because she wanted her...only her to do it, not the CIA, not Perseus, not Adler....only Park. Park was broken at the idea of killing the one she loved but that was Bell hoped for. Park was holding Bell's body with all her might. She lost everything !

"I'm sorry." Park was still crying

Park has been through Hell a lot of times but that was the last thing she has done. After holding Bell, she decided to put her gently on the ground but Park didn't wanted to move anymore. Her fight just ended with Bell's death. Her life ended right here, she couldn't see herself too leaving this island, returning to the MI6 behind a desk since Perseus's threat was no more. She lost everything : her family, her brother, her friends and now she lost Bell. As she was laying down next to Bell, she started to hear footsteps coming....maybe it was Adler wanting to see if the job was done.

She still got Bell's M1911 in hand and she think it was finished for her too. She placed it under her chin and before pulling the trigger, she looked at Bell with sad eyes.

"Always with you !"

BANG

She killed herself as Adler just witnessed the whole scene, he wasn't able to stop her from doing it. Park died too, her right arm wrapped around Bell, the other arm still holding the gun that claimed both women's lifes. Adler didn't know what to think right now. His actions has cost the lives of precious persons and he was too blinded by his work that he destroyed two lifes. Both womens died peaceful, next to each other, smiles still on their beautiful faces.

Solovetsky claimed Bell's life.....it also claimed Helen Park life too.

#bocw #black ops cold war #helen park #fem!bell #russel adler #one shot #also available on AO3 #I'm sorry if emotions take over you !#I'm also moved by my own one-shot !

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captaincvans · 5 years

Text

Chapter 6: Welcome Home

03/16/20

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2067+

Warnings: Language; TW: Mentions of Miscarriage

Series Masterpost

A/N: Here we are! We’re at the end. Thank you for everyone who followed me on this journey, and I truly hope you enjoyed this mini-series!

The rest of the night was restless for Chris. He brainwashed himself into thinking Y/N was an awful person for the last few months, and he spent hours asking himself if this was a one-time mistake or if he just wasn’t the right person for her. He loves her, he knows that, but this is no longer a matter of love. Their love has been tested and boiled down to trust, and that trust has evaporated. Y/N would have a hard time trusting him again, if she ever could trust him again. And Chris was left with the fear of never being able to commit. He shared many times to his friends, family, and the media of how much he wanted to settle down and start a family, but there is a reason why it never happened. His fear of being trapped into this one thing, one label - actor, husband, father - it had consequences. He would never define himself as just an actor, he would share a plethora of himself with others before mentioning that he acts. To him, it was his job and not his identity. But marriage, fatherhood, that was an identity. Being in the media for so long, no matter how thick of a skin you have, you start losing a piece of yourself to the headlines and assumptions. And that was Chris’s biggest fear. He didn’t want to lose his identity to how people perceive him because he’s not just a ��pretty boy” or “Captain America”, he was just Chris Evans, but he doesn’t know who Chris Evans is.

Chris woke up to the sun, his body reacting quickly when he saw the time on his nightstand.

9:13AM

He jumped out of his bed, quickly heading to the bathroom, putting on whatever clothes he could find. His night was restless, he tossed and turned until finally sleeping at 4AM, and why he woke up so late. He jumped to his car, breaking a few rules to get there before 9:30AM. He rushed in, automatically looking at their usual seat by the window, and his heart fell when he saw other patrons there. Fuck, he cursed at himself for waking up so late. He was about to pull out his phone when he saw a familiar outline by the back at the booth.

“Y/N?” he called, slowly approaching her as she looked up.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come at all.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I slept really late last night, and missed my alarm clock.”

“It’s fine. I ordered your usual.”

“Thank you.”

“Well? Are you gonna sit down?”

He flushed red, quickly making his way to the seat in front of her. Chris’s heart soared when he saw the slight amused smile on her face.

Before the awkward silence could settle in or more of Chris’s admissions of guilt, Y/N spoke first. “How have you been holding up, Chris?”

“I- I’m fine! Really fine- I mean compared to-”

She shook her head, silencing him. “Are you well?”

He knew that was the question she asks when she knows he’s lying. It was a more intimate question. Asking him for vulnerability, and to assure that this was a safe place. “I’m,” he paused, trying to gather his thoughts and actually assess his feelings. He counted five seconds backwards, pausing to find his physical self amongst the hustle and bustle of the hectic life of the past few months. “I’ve been better, that’s for sure. Honestly, I’m trying to make it up to you. I feel awful for what I’ve done, and I’m going to therapy again! I want to be better, if not for you, then for me.”

Y/N smiled, hearing the last few words, nodding in approval. “I’m so glad to hear that, Chris. I really am. Has the dust settled? Trial stuff is over with?”

“Yea, the last of the paperworks has been submitted last week.”

“Wow. I find it hard to imagine that the trial was a month ago.” Y/N shook her head fondly, memories of the last few weeks zooming through her head.

“H-How have you been?”

“Good. Similar to yours. I’m going to therapy again as well, but overall I’m doing better than the last time you saw me.”

“That’s good.” Chris hesitantly looked at her stomach which she took notice.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um- Th- The baby?”

Y/N deflated and Chris nearly slapped himself for asking. “I had a miscarriage quite early on.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged, gnawing on her bottom lip. Despite having worked on this particular topic for the last month twice a week with her therapist, it was something she still found hard to talk about.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through the miscarriage alone,” Chris said quietly.

“When the media found out about the investigation, I found myself feeling so relieved that I had lost the baby… I don’t know what kind of person that makes me, but I can’t imagine going through that on top of a pregnancy.”

Chris nodded, agreeing that a pregnancy would make her already hard life much more difficult at that time.

“I grappled with a lot of guilt after that, feeling bad that I was feeling relieved. Then I lost my job, and I was even more grateful because I would not have been able to afford the necessary things for the baby- especially with how I was still making payments to John.”

He continued nodding, listening intently to her feelings as he wanted to make sure he knew the reality of her life in the last eight months.

“The media really was just the worst of it all, y’know? Well- I’m sure you know since you had to deal with it for your whole career, but I lost my job because of them… and now- Now I can’t even go out without feeling anxious. I’m so scared of going out, and being hounded like that.” Just the thought of going out with the flashing cameras gave her flashbacks of having cameras shoved in her face, people bombarding all around her, not even giving her the room to move.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I let my insecurities and stupid brain get in the way of us.”

“I think it all worked out for the best.” She didn’t say it maliciously, she loved him too much to say things for the sake of hurting him. It was the honest truth, and she knew Chris would agree that this was for the best.

Chris nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knew it worked out for the best, his therapist told him that this would’ve been the best outcome. If this whole ordeal didn’t happen, they would’ve gotten married, and Chris would let his feelings of insecurity and being trapped fester to the point where it might get messier. He was silent for a few seconds, breaking it with a question that he didn’t know he wanted the answers to. “Would you ever consider being with me again?”

“I- I honestly never thought about it. What do you think will happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“If we get back together?”

“I-I don’t know. I never really thought it through either.”

“I’m sorry, Chris, but you may be a romantic, but I’m a realist. If we do somehow get back together, I think there’ll be a huge rift between us. You will never trust me, and I will never believe that you would trust me completely. What about the next time we fight? I can’t say that you wouldn’t pull out the same words you did that night. Any big decisions we make will have that looming tension because of the difference in our finances.”

“We’ll talk it out-”

“Like we talked it out when you thought I was stealing money from you?”

“We’ll go to couple’s therapy. We can work this out-”

“Chris, don’t you get it?”

“I know it isn’t fair to ask, but why won’t you give us another try?”

“Because I’m scared! Our-Our breakup nearly killed me,” she said quietly. “I don’t want that dependency ever again, and it wasn’t just about the breakup. The person you became in those months you were detaching yourself, the person I became, it just scared me. To think I could let those feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness build up for so long because I was afraid to lose you- because I was not ready or prepared at the possibility of not having you in my life. That- That is something I never want to feel. I loved you, Chris, so much, and I still love you, but you can’t be my entire life. I need to be able to live without you.”

Chris sighed, not of disappointment because he was feeling everything but that. He was so proud to hear of Y/N’s wisdom, it was a quality he always adored and respected in her. She wouldn’t give his bullshit a pass, but she never made it seem like a black and white problem. There was a complexity that they both understood in being human, and the problems that come with it. He understands the breakup was still his fault, and right now there was no way they could go back to being in a relationship despite their love for one another. “Y/N… Do you- Do you hate me?” Chris asked genuinely. He was surprised at the idea that despite how much he hurt her that she was willing to forgive and love him, and he wanted to know if there was even a part of her that would hate him.

“Chris.” She put her hand on the hand that rested idly on the table. “For the last several months, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve thrown things. I was so frustrated at you- I was so angry that you wouldn’t listen to me- I was upset that you never gave me a chance. But never- never did I hate you. In that same lens, I was frustrated with myself- I was angry, and I was upset at myself because despite everything you said, and how much you hurt me- using my insecurities against me, I still love you. These past three years that I’ve been with you, I have loved you more than the day before, so much so that I would be able to say that I loved you for your past, current, and future. It would take a lot more than your projection of your own insecurity and fear to stop me from loving you.”

He let out the breath he was holding, gazing into her eyes to see the sincerity and love that was still there despite everything she’s been through. Chris shook his head in awe at the amazing person in front of him. He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m a goddamn fool to let you go.”

She laughed alongside him. “Yes- yes, you are a meatball. But hey, we’re all meatballs at one point in our lives. That’s why second chances are a thing.”

The two parted ways, having made no commitments to ever seeing each other again, but knowing their paths will cross again, even if it’s just a few supportive messages between friends. Chris knew how important it was to work on himself, and he knew better to try getting back together when he had yet to make any attempts to fix the problem. Y/N happily enjoyed her distance from him and the media. She never deserved his anger, never deserved the last few months of all that’s happened, and she knows that. She always knew that. What makes it complicated is the amount of love she held for him- the empathy, compassion, and understanding she’s showed him despite everything awful he did to her. She never thought it was a bad thing to forgive him so quickly, because she knew it was for her peace of mind more than it was for him. She was thankful for the love they shared, and more importantly the love they still share for one another. Afterall, it was because of their love for each other that they knew innately what the other needed even with such distance between them, but it was time they focus that love on themselves.

<– (Chapter 5)

- Tag List -

@lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @vogueworthy-barnes @hista-girl @tfandtws @aletteredaffair @traceyaudette @lupine-princess @songforhema @stella2445 @coffeebooksandfandom @qrndevans @straightforwardly @cesarofangirl78 @buckybarneslove76 @kaithezaftig @evanstush @ownerofthebastard @jadedhillon @ka-x-in @lili-ann-love @bulldozed88 @dolan-mendes @jeleners1430 @yougurt-con-avena @fandomoneshots-imagines @patzammit @ramblingsnfandom @beanthedoggo @luckylightfiction @luckyfiction17 @chrisevanssleeping @snave-sirhc @gemgemswift @firstangeldragonranch @hiddlesbitch1 @virtualmemmecollector @heladoom @crimeshowtrash @notyourtypicalrose @peach-acid @uneniffler @cloudyskylines @simmisblog @shikshinkwon @queenkronk @aubageddon91 @thefandomzoneisdangerous @the-soulofdevil @lizblinder @what-is-your-wish @natdrunk @capsiclesdoll @genesgoingtohamslam @kapokipa666 @mom—nicole @cltex84 @star-spangled-steve @sassyspacedust @dlb113 @bojabee @iwik3it @samsebsblog @friyak1 @multireality @joannie95 @mrsfox79 @lady-x-red @princess-evans-addict @aria253264 @fallenoutofrose @bitchwhytho @frencchfries @shmara100 @honeymarvelz @jilybeanz @saiyanprincessswanie @chi00072 @youaremyfiveever @madisonpillstrom @13-reasons-ideas @christocrave @impairedmuse @itsallyscorner @bellaireland1981 @icanfeelastormbrewing @thereisatardison221bbakerstreet @sweet--rabbit @samsebsblog @stilltoomuchafangirl @kaetastic @sweetlittlegingy @bigbandbombshell @mishagreenleaf @shannon124 @the-wayward-robot

#Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris x reader #Chris Evans fandom #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans oneshot #josephine writes #steve rogers x reader #marvel fanfiction

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toogoodmusic · 3 years

Audio

THE TOO GOOD TEN with MADS LANGER

Growing up in the countryside near the small town of Skive, singer, songwriter and musician Mads Langer grew up always knowing he’d be in music. From singing songs at the age of 18 months in his own language to his latest release, “Lightning,” the new dad has been pursuing the dream for a long time now. Through honest, original and disruptive music the Danish singer has been able to be reborn time and time again through his music and continues that creativity as he looks to the release of his upcoming EP, Where Oceans Meet. The boundary pushing message of love is love in “Lightning” serves as a taste of the upcoming EP and contributes to the already 38 million streams and 506k monthly listeners he’s amassed across his career. He takes a break from his world domination to take on the latest Too Good Ten. Check out the full interview below to learn more about the latest release, “Lightning,” how becoming a dad has changed his perspective on life, how he rebounded from getting dropped by his girlfriend and label around the same time and much more.

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good.

1. Looking at the beginning of your career – what was it about music that inspired you to pursue a career in it?

MADS LANGER: Expressing myself through music has been a fundamental part of my language for as long as I remember. My parents have recordings of me singing my own songs in my own language when I was 18 months old. I always knew that music was going to be my path in life. It wasn't a decision that I made at a certain time. It was more a realization that I was not gonna be able to pursue any other career even though I’ve always had plenty of other interests. I could have been in politics, in sports, in science and many other things. I could have been a teacher as my parents, my grandparents and my great grandparents were. And then again, none of these career paths were ever up for grabs. Music was and always will be my thing.

2. You got signed and had an album that you ended up describing as “flopped” and had to start over and spent time busking all over Europe. How did you come to the decision to busk in the wake of “starting over?” What did you do to keep your internal mental conversation strong through the hardships that I assume came with traveling around?

ML: I got signed when I had just turned 18. I went straight from living in my parents house, in the countryside of Denmark, to living a life full of pressure and expectations in New York City. That was quite a shocking change of scenery to be honest. Looking back, I was definitely too young at that time. When a major label first wants you it’s the end of the innocence. I had to grow up overnight and try to keep up with that big machine that started dictating how I was gonna live my life. When my first record didn't succeed commercially and I got dropped I think I saw it as an opportunity to do some of the stuff that most of my friends had done after finishing high school. But most of all that whole 6 months of busking in my old van all over Europe was an escape from heartbreak. My first girlfriend had dropped me around the same time that my label dropped me. She fell in love with a really cool guy in Paris who was older than me and he could grow a very impressive beard, hahaha…

As far as keeping my internal mental conversation strong, that's has never been problem at all and as you can imagine I had plenty of stuff to think about, write about and then finally sing about in the streets of all of these beautiful cities that I got to visit on that trip.

3. “Lightning” is the latest release and gives fans the first taste of your upcoming album Where Oceans Meet which is due out October 1st. How did you decide to release this one as the lead single? What was the inspiration behind it?

ML: In many ways, I think “Lightning” is a song that represents that certain place where the oceans meet on my album. “Lightning” is a song about recognition. When I wrote this song, I thought about all those moments in my life where I really felt recognized on a deeper level. When I met my wife. When I looked my newborn daughter in the eyes for the first time. In concerts when my music meets the audience and it feels like we're all getting struck by the same lightning. Those kinds of moments.

CHECK OUT THE FAUSTIX REMIX OF “LIGHTNING” HERE.

4. Speaking of the upcoming album – what’s the meaning behind the album title? How many songs? Any collabs? Is there a song on the album you’re nervous about releasing out to the world?

ML: Where Oceans Meet is a metaphor. The entire album circles around the different contrasts that we all face in our lives. The light, the dark. The head, the heart. Hopes and fears. It’s about loving and longing at the same time. Where Oceans Meet represents the idea of the place where all these contrasts meet and embrace each other.

5. “Lightning” follows up “Hanging With You” which peaked at #1 in Denmark radio. What’s the story behind when you first heard one of your songs on the radio? Does it ever get old?

ML: It never gets old. Every time I listen to the radio, I must admit that I hope that they will play my song. It's the best feeling ever. This might be a little far-fetched, but it's kind of like when you give someone you really care for a present for their birthday. And it's not just any kind of present. It’s a present that you put all your time, thoughts and heart into. And then one day you randomly turn on the TV. Look who's there. Is that special person that you gave the present to. She’s actually wearing that sweater that you spent five years learning how to knit. After endless attempts, you finally managed to knit a sweater that you would give her without being scared that she would think it was a joke. She’s not wearing it because she feels like she has to, because you’re on a date with her. She’s wearing it because she likes it. And she just put it on that day that she randomly got stopped by the tv-station and interviewed in the streets of your hometown. That is close to the feeling I get when I hear my songs on the radio. And no, I have no clue how to knit a sweater, but I like the image.

6. The past year in the pandemic had a lot of its own challenges but it also had some beautiful moments like the drive-in concert you organized in Denmark last May. Why did you feel it necessary to put something like this together during that time? Being the first one to do so, how did you figure out logistics, etc. for the entire event? Anything you would’ve changed about it looking back?

ML: I had just started touring when the pandemic hit us all. I had spent months preparing the show and I was extremely disappointed when I had to turn around the tour bus and go back home after only playing 10 out of 100 shows. I had a couple of weeks where I was feeling really depressed. But then I decided to see if I could turn this whole thing into some sort of an adventure. I made a list of stuff I wanted to do. On that list I had drive-in concerts for some reason. I know a couple guys who are really good at putting together big events that include live music, so we talked about how we could make this happen. All credit to them for putting logistics together. I just played the shows. I had no idea that I would be the first one in the world to do a drive in concert. But it was really fun and I would not change a thing. In my shows, everyone was on the same video conference call. I loved that because I could talk to the people in the cars in between the songs. The people in their cars requested what songs of mine that they wanted to hear. And often they had really personal stories to the songs that I never heard before. So that was something that I will never forget.

7. The past year also brought about a new baby for you – congrats! What’s been the most surprising thing about having a baby that you might not have known before?

ML: Thank you so much. Yeah, that's truly a life changing event. My little daughter is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm so grateful that I got to receive a little soul with my wife. Even though it has happened billions and billions of times already it still feels like a miracle. I think the biggest surprise is the fact that your whole perspective changes in the blink of an eye. She is now the single most important thing in my life. I thought that would be something that would happen gradually, but for me it really happened at the moment that she was born.

8. What do you hope to accomplish with your music in the future that you may feel you have not done already? Have any of those goals or aspirations shifted with the new addition to the family?

ML: I really hope that people will recognize themselves in my songs. Obviously, the goal is that my songs will travel and become part of people's lives in new territories. I have spent so much time in the US since I moved away from home. I lived in New York City and in Los Angeles and I spend at least three or four months a year in the US working with all the talented people that I have met over the years. Building an audience in the US is a huge dream of mine. Hopefully this album will help introducing me to people all over America.

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

ML:

The Beatles

Pink Floyd

Keith Jarrett

Mozart

Radiohead

10. What’s the rest of 2021 and beyond look like for Mads Langer?

ML: My album comes out in October. That is obviously a huge event in my life, and it looks like I'm going to be very busy talking about the album and singing the songs from it in many different places all over the world. Apart from that I will be changing diapers on my newborn daughter. Kissing my wife. Learning Chinese and writing my first score for a movie that comes out in 2022.

A HUGE shout-out to the talented Mads Langer for hanging for this latest Too Good Ten interview. Keep up to date with everything he has going on by following the links below and be sure to be on the look out for his latest EP, Where Oceans Meet due out October 1st.

SOCIAL LINKS:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

MUSIC:

Apple Music

Spotify

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fyexo · 4 years

Text

EXO's Kai Talks Independence, Motivation And His Incredible Career

There’s the saying that you’ve made it into the upper echelons of fame when you achieve single-name status. Monikers like Beyoncé, Ariana Grande, and Billie Eilish ring a bell for they’ve relentlessly dominated not just the music charts, but pop culture, fashion and news in general. Then there’s also Kai. The 26-year-old main dancer of popular K-pop boy group EXO and a member of global K-pop boyband SuperM, beloved for his powerful moves, and experimental style — read: crop tops — that challenges the traditional markers of masculinity.

Today, it’s clear that the space Kai inhabits has only gotten bigger since his debut eight years ago, most recently wearing the hat of Gucci’s first-ever Korean male global ambassador — dismantling cultural boundaries and parlaying the mononym, Kai, beyond the K-Pop realm. In this cover interview, the superstar chats candidly about going global, being independent, and why he felt like he needed an Instagram account.

Some time ago you revealed the results of your personality test on Instagram live. With regard to the question “Have you wondered about your existence?”, you answered that you have.

I think I have always thought about the question, “Why was I born?”. Also, I often wonder about questions like, “Why am I not born as someone else but as me; is the world I see through my eyes different from another person’s point of view?”

You revealed that you have an INFJ personality type based on the MBTI — it seems quite accurate.

I don’t really remember my result, so I plan to take it again. My family has taken it too, and after seeing my mum’s result I thought it seemed like a very credible test [laughs]. My mum is a dreamer. Even before I debuted, she said, “You like to dress up, and because I brought you up in that way you are definitely going to have something to do with fashion brands in the future.” Naturally, when I became a Gucci ambassador, she was ecstatic.

Your Instagram feed’s theme is filled with “EXO”, “family” and “Gucci”.

I created my account in 2018 when I was having a shoot with ELLE for Gucci’s Cruise show. I’ve always known that social media was important, but I really felt that even more when a lot of celebrities asked for my account during the show.

You participated in the filming of a global eyewear campaign that was revealed not too long ago in the Amoeba Music store in Los Angeles. Was it a special experience for you as a musician?

Of course, it was supposed to be closed down and so the fact that I managed to take pictures and create memories of that historical place made me feel happy and blessed. The production crew were all non-Koreans, and the atmosphere at the location was different as well so it was all very nerve-racking. I felt like I had gone back in time to when I first debuted.

Even Kai gets nervous. Have you had any other similar experiences when a location you liked disappeared or closed down?

The old SM building I grew up in when I was a trainee and formed so many memories [at] just recently underwent some remodeling works. The rooftop and a few other spaces where I spent so much of my time have all disappeared. Those were places that meant so much to me, so with the new changes made, I was able to actually realise how much time has passed.

There are many people with a good [sense of] style. [Your] outstanding point is that when you try out different styles, it doesn’t seem foreign [to you].

I think that cool and pretty things can be captured easily but capturing a specific concept — in terms of fashion — can be a difficult feat. I use that mentality as an excuse to try out different styles of fashion that I would not have dared to in my daily life, such as the reggae hairstyle that I did in Growl, or the short crop jacket that I wore during my promotions for Obsession. I think two weeks is more than enough to prepare and try out new things [laughs].

You have made appearances in variety programmes such as Knowing Brothers and Radio Star last year. Were these experiences enjoyable?

Thanks to the humorous moments that came about, I actually received many offers from other shows. However, I was worried that the Kai that I portray on stage could be hindered by my different sides shown on TV, and that it might be difficult for anyone to focus on my performances due to the drastic differences.

I can’t not mention SuperM’s group promotions. Three different groups under SM came together to form this sub-unit, as part of a project!

When EXO went on our American tours, we experienced that culturally, races and traditions had been blurred. I could feel that there was less of a “line” separating us. I was able to approach fans more easily; I don’t think there’s a limit to K-Pop. I don’t need to deliberately mention the [global] success of Parasite. The fact that I became the global ambassador of Gucci eyewear proves that race does not matter at all, but it’s more about one’s talents and charisma.

Personally, I felt the progress of K-Pop after watching the safety briefing videos that SuperM and BoA shot together for Korean Airlines.

I am too shy to watch it, but I did receive a lot of video stills of myself from my friends and they didn’t look good at all. They keep sending me parts where I look bad [laughs].

Due to your performances and dancing, I think the pressure on the stage is incredible.

Usually I don’t have much worries, stress, or even anger, but it’s different right before going up on stage. I get so stressed to the point it can be tiring. Honestly, waking up at six in the morning with hardly any sleep just to pre-record our performances for music shows — it sounds impossible. I’m only able to show 20 per cent of my all and that is really sad. Last year was such a busy year, I hardly had any time to recharge myself nor did I feel I was ready to stand on stage, but the show still had to go on. I was not fully satisfied with the performances as a dancer, but it just has to be endured.

What are the reasons that you are able to carry on despite all the difficulties?

The contentment after I get things done, and the comfort that I was able to pull through. On the other hand, I think the sincerity I feel towards everything I do and the constant ambition to do things better is a huge motivation and a relief when I accomplish it. If I don’t feel this way, it will mean that this work no longer means as much as it did to me in the past. Showing my fans the best version of myself, and the comfort and happiness I feel when I’m contented with my performance or work, is really important to me. In the past I couldn’t even sleep after making one mistake, but I sleep really well now [laughs].

And dancing is still something you enjoy?

I’ve been dancing for almost 20 years now. I can’t not dance. Even when I was young, I’d dance everywhere and anywhere, to the extent my mum said, “Stop dancing, it’s embarrassing.”

It’s well known that you have some really special and tight relationships with a few people around you. Do you get any inspiration from their advice, or from their influence?

I’m not the type to ask for advice from anyone first. Even when I ask what’s the better of two choices, I already have an answer [that I’ve] decided on in my mind. I’ve always felt that I needed to be independent; to [think for myself] when I decide, in order to be able to say that it is “mine”.

So, you’re a man of few words around people.

If they want me to be. If necessary, I will say good things, but more [so] the realistic point of view. I always think of the worst possible situation before saying anything [when giving advice], so those who know me well will not ask me trivial questions. When things go south or important decisions to be made, they will look for me. As for myself, I humbly listen to criticism or harsh words.

“Sexy” and “beautiful” are words that you probably hear a lot, but your fans call you “cute”. Which sides of yourself do you think are cute?

None! Even if I have thought of myself as cute, I won’t say it or admit it [laughs].

There are many people who idolise you as they see you as an iconic person. Does [the phrase] “a symbolic beauty of youth” or any other nicknames that you carry, feel a little too exaggerated?

Everyone views me differently, so I can’t say that it’s burdensome or exaggerated. Instead, I’m thankful. I don’t want to think of these nicknames or titles consciously as I live my life. Like, “Oh since they call me this, I should try to behave a little more as such”. I only want to show my true self without having other considerations — always.

What do you consider to be beautiful?

Definitely cool clothes, sculptures, drawings and paintings. When I look at some really good-looking people, I feel that that is beauty too. But personally, I think that true beauty lies in moments. Past memories and ordinary moments that when you look back, [you] realise that what you felt back then was more beautiful and precious than any other happiness that you’ve experienced.

A line from the drama The Miracle We Met pops into my mind — “Memory isnot [just] a record of time, but [is always]accompanied by emotions. That’s something surprising we never expect.”

Good memories always bring back rushing emotions, regardless of when you look back at it. That is really beautiful, and that is why I really love watching movies with film static noise, as it seems like I’m looking into someone’s memories.

Your name Jong (鍾) comes from“iron drum bell” and In (仁) comes from “benevolent”. Your grandfather named you that, which means to be as benevolent as the person who rings the morning bell. Throughout your life, have you ever thought about the meaning behind your name?

Hmmm, firstly, I’m not a morning person [laughs], but hitting the bell at dawn means to be of use to someone and to [have] more initiative, so I do want to live up to that and inspire others. Perhaps I could already be doing just that, I’m not sure.

I’m sure you’ve garnered plenty of praise for your dance techniques, but the shoot today focused quite a bit on your looks too. Which feature of yours do you like?

I do like to think that I have my own attractive features, like my small ears or a round bear like nose which most would say is so-so — but I still like them. If I really had to choose, it would be my chin and eyebrows for now. I think these two features make up 80 per cent of my defining look.

What does family mean to you?

Family is family. There may be no one in the world who will be completely on my side, but my family will still accept me as I am. I grew up happily with two siblings, and so if I were to have a family of my own, I always thought three kids would be just nice. But now when I look at my sister struggling with childcare, I realised it’s definitely not something to think lightly of. My family members are also my seniors (sunbae) in life.

Your eight-year anniversary is coming up soon, and you’ve probably been through many hardships. Do you think it is necessary for a person to go through pain to mature?

Looking back now, not all hardships have changed my nature; I personally don’t see the need for a person to go through change and pain in order to mature. But you know there is going to be a tough time for everyone at least once in their lifetime, and it’s not so bad a thing to be positive and think of precious things to get through it. Most importantly, just because you’re going through something difficult doesn’t mean you should hate yourself or be hard on yourself, because the most precious thing in the world is yourself.

Some may look at you and think that you’ve got it all. In spite of this, is there still anything that you wish to have, and is there a further goal you have in mind?

Before my debut, I had a lot of ambitions but the Kai I am today doesn’t have anything else I could wish for. I don’t think the place I am today is my final station but even if it is, I would be okay with that. Even if my debut was the end, I am proud of the life I’ve led, and I would be super proud of whatever I do. I am able to say this confidently because I learnt that the more fixated I am on something, the less happy I am. I learnt that it is better to focus on and enjoy the present; to enjoy doing what you do.

What type of person do you hope to be to your loved ones?

There is only one thing I wish for and that is for them to always be by my side no matter what decisions I make. Likewise, I will do the same.

SOURCE: Elle Singapore June 2020

#exo #kai #t: interview #elle singapore june 2020

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