#stressed and tired and really looking forward to financial security again

[foldingfittedsheets]

About lost it in the vets office. Apparently Leeloos' cough is Very concerning and some very scary possibilities are under discussion. It was a massive bill and I'll have to wait to hear back from the vet. Best case scenario is asthma induced pneumonia.

[teaspoon-full-of-sugar]

kissed by mist and can dew attitude

pairing: harry styles x reader (farmers market au)

warnings: awkwardness!! shy!baker!harry, mentions of the qu*rantine, drug use, harry's chest hair, giggly, sweet high sex, some dirty talk :) unprotected sex

word count: 3.4k

synopsis: harry is an idiot, and y/n is a bit of a tease

author’s note: you can read this for a little background to this au (but it’s not really necessary; i tend to over explain things anyway, so you can get a pretty good understanding just from this) literally no one asked for this, but market season is coming up again, and i missed writing about these two :( hope you enjoy! xx

masterlist

—

Harry is so tired of being cooped up in this house.

Don’t get him wrong, he loves staying home.

He is normally the introvert that puts all other introverts to shame. He loves staying at home, he loves hiding away after a stressful day at work, he goes out of his way to not talk to anyone while he’s out, and he very rarely ever goes out on the weekends. He loves just being able to stay at home, relax, and not worry about anyone bothering him.

But, at a certain point, it becomes too much; now, he just wants to get out, go for a walk, go to the grocery store, talk to someone other than Y/N, just do something, anything, other than staying at home. Yes, it’s for a good reason, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for the illness spreading, but it’s also straining on his mental, physical, and financial health.

He honestly wants to go back to work.

Since this entire situation started, Harry has only had a couple of shifts at The Sweet Spot, since, apparently, cafes are “essential businesses”, but the nutrition store next door isn’t (the world definitely has their priorities straight). Honestly, it was kind of nice; he didn’t have to schmooze any customers, since he only saw the delivery drivers. There was the occasional ignorant person who would come up to the doors and pull on them, despite the very clear signs saying that they were not open to the public, only to find them locked, and Harry very happily told them to go away.

However, Marty couldn’t afford to have him take up any more shifts, which he completely understands, so he’s been stuck home for weeks.

Needless to say, both he and Y/N have been getting a little stir crazy.

They tried to keep a somewhat healthy lifestyle in the beginning, hiking the nearby trails or walking at the park, but everything started to become too crowded. They even went cycling, but Harry proved to be even more of a klutz on a bike than on his own two feet, resulting in a bump on his head and a scraped elbow, which is still healing beneath a floral printed plaster.

Y/N’s had some failed experiments, leading to several four-hour kitchen clean-ups, and she also started a “Fermentation Station”, with dozens of glass jars filled with fermenting fruits and teas, the smell of yeast strong in the air. She was so proud of herself the first time she made carbonated water from things they already had in the house (“Look, Harry, it’s so convenient”). She ended up adding more and more things to her collection. They argued about it for a couple of days before she finally settled and moved her jars to the back porch after the kitchen started smelling like alcohol.

While Y/N has her experiments, Harry stress-bakes. He can’t even count how many loaves of bread, fruit pastries, cookies, and cakes he has made. He made crepes using sourdough starter. That’s how bored he’s been. He waited five whole days for his starter to mature, just to make four crepes between himself and Y/N.

But, there’s only so many things to do before you’ve completely run out of ideas.

On this particularly boring day, it’s two in the afternoon before they finally get out of bed, no thanks to their terrible sleep schedules, and they move onto the couch, which is officially broken in after how many hours they’ve spent on it. It’s sunny outside, bright and warm, the bright light beaming through the large bay windows in the living room, making staying inside even worse.

Y/N convinces him to paint his fingernails (and not just his toenails), and he happily indulges her. It’s nice feeling pampered for once, and whenever Y/N gets into her let’s-have-a-spa-day moods, she goes all out. While his toenails, painted with a pretty green color called Can Dew Attitude and a shimmery top coat on them, dried, she put some all-natural mud mask on his face, that bubbled and seeped into his skin.

“This is great for your pores,” she says as she puts a lukewarm cloth on his mask. “Not that you have bad skin. It’s better than mine, you ass.”

He just smiles, feeling the clay crack, and leans into her touch. She’s gentle, waiting until most of it is soft and pliable before she wipes it away. As she dries his face, with a towelette that smells like lavender and honey, his freshened skin, flushed and smooth, glows in the afternoon sun, his pretty eyes magnified behind a pair of thick, black framed glasses. Y/N sits across from him, her leg tucked up underneath her with his hand steady on her knee.

“It’s not gonna, like,” he pauses, glancing warily at his nails, “poison you or anything, right?”

“What?” She laughs, putting an oil around his cuticles. He leans forward, watching her carefully. He readjusts the headband, inadvertently pushing it back a little too far, until some curls slip onto his forehead. She hits the bottle of Kissed by Mist against her palm, the pale pink polish making a nice ticking sound. She starts on his nails, but not before making a comment about how cute his little pinkie is, which makes him flustered.

“It’s not gonna poison you when I, ya know, like… when I…”

He motions with his free hand, grouping his ring and middle fingers together and curling them, and he bites on his cheek, brows furrowed, trying to see any changes in her expression. He stops and shakes his head, a frail blush creeping up to his ears.

“By the way you’re reacting, ‘m assuming it’s not a thing,” he sighs.

“No, the polish will not poison me when you finger—“

“Shh,” he hushes her, pressing his hand against her lips. She pushes him away.

“Harry, we are the only ones here,” she says, finishing his right hand.

“Ya know what that mouth does to me,” he mutters.

“Really? You get turned on when I say, ‘finger me’?”

“Ya know I do,” he pouts, grappling for her. His hands twist the thick cotton of her jumper for only a second before she’s scooting away, swatting at him.

“No, H, your nails are still wet,” she says, and he groans, sinking back into the couch cushions.

“So bored.”

“Everyone is,” she says, filing down his left thumb nail.

“Wanna get high?”

He just wants to stop this feeling of absolute boredom. It’s better since Y/N is here with him, but it’s getting to a certain point where he’s willing to do just about anything to feel, well, anything.

One night, they tried her “prison wine”, which was just cranberry cocktail and yeast that fermented for a couple of days; it tasted worse than it sounds. It did, however, get them very drunk, and they woke up the next morning with pounding headaches, upset stomach, and purple stained lips. It was honestly the worst hangover he’s ever had, and he vowed to never try it again.

Getting stoned has then become a regular thing. On those horribly boring nights where they had absolutely nothing to do, where they’ve both been on the couch for hours, not being able to find the willpower to move, and on those nights where they just wanted to feel and simply be elsewhere, they found solace in the warming daze.

She grins.

“Sure, I think we still have some gummies,” she says, moving toward their “special” drawer in the side table.

“Only a half this time, lovie,” he says as she turns back, and she rolls her eyes.

“They were a lot stronger than the other ones,” she says, ripping the poorly stuck tape from the plastic packaging.

“I know,” he smiles, popping the candy in his mouth. She sits back down beside him, her leg thrown over his lap. He moves his hand dangerously close to her inner thigh, his fingers dancing along the length of her thigh until they reach the hem of her panties, tugging at the material until it snaps back. He’s so close to feeling her warmth, if only he moves just a little further, but she yanks his hand back, puts it on her knee, and gives him a smug little smile, continuing her work.

It takes an hour, or two more coats of nail polish, for the edibles to kick in, but when they do, Harry thinks he pissed himself. Forgetting about Y/N’s leg across his lap, he mistakes her warmth as pee, and he jerks up, jolting her. She looks up at him, blinking. There’s a strip of white polish on the side of his thumb.

“You are so good at this,” he says slowly. He honestly couldn’t imagine painting such tiny details if he were sober; he doesn’t know how she’s doing it stoned. She’s swaying and blinking slowly, but she looks focused, her brows furrowed.

“You’re good at this,” she mumbles.

“What?” He laughs.

“I don’t know,” she says. “It’s easy if I can concentrate.” Her eyes flicker up to his, a smirk curled over her lips.

“‘M I distracting you?” He raises a brow.

“I can feel your cock,” she says.

“Please, don’t say cock while you’re touching my cock,” he says, readjusting his growing bulge. She just chuckles and moves her foot along his boxers, where his semi and the top of his thighs connect. His hips twitch.

She barely caps the nail polish before she tosses it to the side and straddles him. He cups her hips, the fact that his nails are still wet long gone from both of their minds. She holds him by the neck, tilting his head back. Before she can capture his lips, he hesitates, his hands tracing along her thighs.

“Are you sure?”

Even though they’re practically living together at this point and have had sex plenty of times, he can’t help but ask her that same question every time. He’s never been one to feel secure in himself, and to have someone who is so open and willing to trust him, it’s overwhelming and intimidating sometimes.

“Of course, H,” she says, nibbling at his bottom lip, and then, he kisses her, fully and profoundly. He could just melt into her, his senses consumed by her warmth and love. He wouldn’t go as far as saying that the sex is better than when they’re sober. It’s great all the time, but there’s something about being high, with his skin buzzing and all of his senses heightened yet dulled at the same time, that makes the experience different. It’s different because he’s not worried about what he’s doing and saying; he’s focusing on the feeling, all of the sensations and simply her.

She tries to pull his shirt over his head, but it gets caught on the chain around his neck, and she tugs a little too hard, yanking it tightly around his throat.

“Easy, Y/N,” he laughs, holding onto her wrists. “I know you’re eager to get me naked, but I think you forget that I am also precious cargo.” Her lips sink into a pout, and he’s able to get the shirt off, throwing it off to the side, his headband going with it.

“You are precious,” she says, squishing his cheeks together. She cups the back of his neck and pecks his lips, gentle and loving. “Love these little baby hairs,” she says, running her hand over his skin, teasing and tugging on his chest hairs.

“They’re not baby hairs,” he says, pouting. He teases his hands along her hips, nails digging into her fleshy skin. “I am a man.”

“Oh, I know,” she chuckles, feeling his hips jerk up, pressing his swelling bulge into her. He wraps his arms around her waist, fingers tracing along the expanse of her back, and nestles his face into her chest. She shifts further up on his lap, fingers carding through his soft hair. Being far too lazy to take it off, he sucks on her breasts through her worn tee, her nipples hardening in his teeth. She pushes his boxers down and readjusts herself over him, rubbing her clothed pussy along his pulsing cock. She tugs her panties to the side, and he moans at the sudden warmth, her arousal coating him.

“You like that?” She asks breathily, rocking her hips faster. “Like feeling me drip onto your cock?”

“What if I just—” She teases the head of his cock, just barely pushing him inside before she pulls out. He can barely make a sound, his throat tightening when

“You like it when I tease your cock? Can feel you throbbing.” Her eyes roll back at the burning feeling of him just breaking past the barrier of her tightness. “So needy for me, bubba.”

“Such a dirty mouth,” he moans.

“Tell me, babe.” She holds him by the jaw, the pads of her fingers pressing perfectly into his pressure points, and he struggles for breath, making his head even lighter and obscured. He grins. “Tell me how much you love my pussy,” she says as she sinks fully onto him, her walls swallowing him easily.

“Fuck,” he moans, long and drawn out. His head falls onto the couch cushions, eyes closing to savor the feeling of her gripping him, but she pulls him back, forcing him to keep eye contact. “I love it; love you more, though,” he says.

“Say it,” she coos.

He blushes, heat spreading from his chest to the tip of his ears. He has never been vocal when it comes to sex; he always gets flustered and anxious when having a normal conversation, so he couldn’t even imagine how how awkward he would be while trying to talk dirty. It’s even more difficult because of how much she’s teasing him, slow and languid movements up and down his cock, his head just barely inside her before she comes back down, her hips grinding against his. She has this look in her hooded eyes, a lustful and greedy look, that’s telling him to give in to his instincts.

“Love y-your pussy, baby,” he moans.

“Yeah?” She starts riding him faster, her walls milking him. He groans. “Tell me how it feels, H.” She smirks, like an actual full blown, teasing smirk; she knows exactly how good she’s making him feel. She likes seeing him so flustered and babbly and incoherent.

“So fucking good, so warm and wet, perfect for me, lovie,” he says, and she grins, teeth bared. She kisses him, messily and harshly. His arms wrap tightly around her waist, stilling her hips, and a hand travels up the length of her spine, beginning at the curve of her bum, dipping momentarily beneath her large tee, before moving up to the back of her neck, pressing her lips tighter to his. He cradles her head while he moves onto the floor, but it’s not nearly as graceful as he hoped it would be. They crash to the ground.

“Oh, god,” she squeals, and her walls squeeze him painfully tight. Her nails dig into his back.

“Wha’s wrong?” He wipes the sweat from his forehead, fingers raking through his hair.

“No, no,” she stutters, hands moving onto the swell of his ass, keeping him still. “You’re so deep.”

He swears his arms are going to give out at the sound of her sweet little whisper, her voice weak and broken.

“H-how deep?”

He can’t help the break in his voice, and embarrassment floods him. He’s honestly trying his hardest to sound sexy, but he just sounds like an idiot.

“As deep as the ocean,” she mumbles, and she looks so positively fucked, out of it and dazed with hooded eyes; he honestly doesn't even think she realizes what she said because when he starts laughing, she gives him the cutest look, her brows furrowed, lips curled. “What?”

“Congrats,” he says, leaning back and onto his knees, his arms curled under her thighs, knees hooked over his arms. “You almost just made me go soft. Never done that before.”

“Shut up,” she says, grinding her hips into him. His thrusts start slow, deliberate, but the more she reacts to him, the more she bucks and grinds, the faster they become, until he can’t anymore, driving his cock in with fast, precise thrusts.

“You look so good like this,” he says, groping her breasts over her tee, nipples swollen and hard. They move with every thrust of his hips.

“Thanks, it’s the shirt,” she says breathily, a weak smile on her lips. “It covers up all my ugly parts.”

“Tha’s not what I meant,” he says, frowning. He leans over her, hands on either side of her head, and she lets out a weak moan as his cock moves deeper inside her. “Look beautiful all the time.” He genuinely looks sad as he brushes away a bead of sweat from her forehead. “You don’ have to take your shirt off when we have sex, not if you don’ want to. I take it off normally because I thought it would be more comfortable for you, and, le’s be honest, your tits are amazing, and I love seeing your curves and your—”

She suddenly pulls him in for a kiss, ceasing his ramblings. He’s cute when he gets all nervous; despite the fact he’s balls deep inside her, he’s still a worrier. It’s sweet that he’s concerned about how she’s feeling, even though he’s not fully present, with red cheeks and hooded eyes, chest heaving for breath. She raises her hips, grinding up into him, her swollen clit just barely grazing against his abdomen. She clenches around him at the sharp, sudden burst of pleasure.

She raises her feet from the floor, and he presses her knees to her chest. The sound of him fucking himself into her wet cunt fills the air, obscenities and pleasured whimpers joining. Not having the energy to kiss fully, he traces his lips along the curve of her jaw, tender and messy. His thrusts become sharper and deeper, knocking the breath from her lungs with every move of his hips.

“Oh, god, ‘m so fucking wet.” She laughs, feeling through her soaked curls to her throbbing clit. She really is; her arousal drips onto their thighs and into the carpet. Her head spins, burning pleasure building as he grinds into her and spreads her legs further apart.

“Fuckin’ hell—” He whines as she tightens around him, her fingers rubbing her little clit raw.

“‘M gonna come,” she moans, tugging at his hair. “C’mon, baby,” she coos, “want you to—” She swallows thickly, her breathing shallow. Her eyes roll back as she pinches her poor swollen clit, her thighs trembling. She meets his thrusts, eager for her impending orgasm. “Want you to come in me, wanna feel your cum in my—”

She lets out one loud moan, her body trembling and shuddering beneath him as pleasure rushes through her, leaving her limbs tingling and her mind muddled. They bask in the afterglow, their breaths in sync and deep, and he slumps onto her, wrapping his arms around her, tracing his hands over any piece of skin he can. He just wants to savor this feeling, the closeness, the warmth, the tenderness.

Her hand suddenly fishes over to the caramels that Harry made a couple days ago, which have been taunting her in a faux-crystal bowl on the coffee table for the past couple of minutes. The make-shift wax paper wrapper crinkles, and the sound makes him look up, his eyes still hooded, movements languid with exhaustion. He opens his mouth sleepily, and she rips the caramel in half. They both moan at the same time at the taste and fall into a fit of giggles. He moves to his side, his chest pressed to her back, softening cock pressed to the curve of her bum.

“Sorry,” he says, “messed up your art.” He flashes his nails, the pink paint still soft and pliable, littered with nicks and dents and imprints from the couch cushions. She hooks her fingers through his and tugs his hand down to her lips.

“Worth it.”

—

[therandomfics]

Circles: 2

“Tell me a little more about your relationship with your mother.” 

You groaned internally and nodded, thinking back to early memories with your mom. Doctor Harper was going for the kill shot early in your session, but the sooner you started talking, the quicker the session would go. 

“When I was little we were really close. We had matching nightgowns. I always wanted to play in her make up, and she always included me in the things that she was doing, whether it was cooking or cleaning or sewing. She made it really clear that I was very important to her.” Shrugging, you looked up at your therapist for a response. 

“Go on,” Doctor Harper said gently. 

“After my parents got divorced, obviously you know they didn’t live in the same house anymore, and with my Dad’s schedule at the time I had no choice but to live with my Mom. We actually moved pretty far away from my Dad, which was hard and I know that I resented her for it. Anyway, living so far away from him sucked and I missed him a lot, but she wouldn’t let me speak to him. She started seeing this new guy and we didn’t do anything together anymore. We never talked. I was becoming a woman so to speak, and I couldn’t even ask her questions about my changing body without her getting irritated. I tried too hard to build our relationship up to where it was before and when she didn’t help me bridge it, I was angry. She was never home anymore, either, so I felt really kicked to the curb.” 

“And how was your relationship when you were a teenager, and when you were a young adult?” he asked. He took a sip of water from his bottle and set it back down, keeping a steady gaze on you. 

“As a teenager she blamed me for her financial issues because she had to pay child support. I ended up living with her for a while when I was a teenager but she wasn’t even remotely the same woman I knew growing up. She made me wear make up everyday, no matter where I was going, and she made me go on a diet and changed my style of clothing. She made me feel so bad about myself that the entire 7 months I lived with her, I was throwing up after I ate anything. It... it was bad,” you said with a heavy exhale. You’d never told anyone about the abuse you struggled to understand when you were living with your mother, and it honestly felt good to get it off your chest. 

“I can see how that would make your relationship incredibly difficult.” 

“And as a young adult she was spiraling downward. She would call me and scream at me, curse me out just because she could. She would pit me against anyone she possibly could, and she would lie about me to anyone who would listen. It was..” you paused, and narrowed your eyes involuntarily. “It was fucking terrible.” 

“Tell me what exactly makes it terrible, Y/N.” He was encouraging you and keeping his eyes intently on you. His notepad was on the table, untouched, as he allowed you to express yourself without holding back. 

“I can’t trust her. I never know when she’s going to snap or when she’s going to try to make someone hate me. It’s given me such a complex!” you nearly screamed, clenching your fists in anger. “What am I supposed to do now? Everyone I meet is someone else that could love me and leave me to rot just like she’s done everytime it’s convenient for her. I can’t even imagine how shitty it would be if she was still with my Dad. Imagine.. imagine the shitshow powerhouse they’d be? I’m glad they’re not together anymore but I wish they’d just get the fuck over themselves.” 

You hadn’t realized it but you’d begun to cry. Doctor Harper leaned forward and handed you a box of tissues, which you took so that you could clean up the mess of mascara that was running down your cheeks. 

“Y/N, do you think that everyone is going to turn on you?” he asked as he leaned back into the comfort of his chair. 

You merely shrugged and sniffled, dabbing at your eyes with your tissue. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think they will but if I don’t expect it I’m vulnerable and open for more hurt.” 

“Tell me something...” he trailed off and then squared his shoulders. “Do you think that Peter is going to do something like that to you? That he’s going to leave you because he’s .. what, tired of you?” 

Fighting back more tears, you rolled your eyes indifferently. “I don’t think so.” 

“Alright. Let me ask you a few more questions, Y/N.” 

“O-okay.. go ahead.” 

“Have you and Peter had intimate relations?” 

You nodded your head. 

“And what happened after?” 

“We went to sleep. The next morning he took me to get breakfast and when I went home later, he texted me to see how I was periodically,” you said with a half shrug. 

“How long have you and Peter been together?” 

You had to think about it, which was slightly embarrassing, but you counted the months in your head. “Last week was 9 months. But we haven’t said that we love one another.” 

“Do you love him?” 

To say you were growing irritated was an understatement. “I don’t know if I really even know what that is at this point.” 

The receptionist buzzed into the office, a sign that the session was over. You quickly gathered your things and headed for the door. “See you next week,” you said blandly and exited his office. 

Peter was waiting outside of your apartment when you got home that evening, and it was evident that he immediately noticed the tear stains on your cheeks you’d been hiding behind sunglasses on you way home. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked as you approached. 

“What do you mean?” you faked innocence and unlocked the door to your apartment and pulled him inside with you. 

He sighed and shut the door behind him, peeling off his suit jacket and laying it over the back of the highback stool at your bar. “You look like you’ve been crying, babe.” 

“Oh, no,” you waved him off with a laugh. “Allergies. They’ve been brutal today.” 

“Y/N...” he said softly and pulled you to him, wrapping you tightly in a hug. “If something’s wrong, if something happened, please tell me. I just want you to be happy.” 

Silently to yourself, you laughed. If only he knew. But, you reminded yourself, he didn’t, and he didn’t need the extra stress of your issues on top of his already overbearing stress. 

“I care about you so much and I don’t like the idea of you hurting or being hurt. So, just know that I’m always here for you,” he promised and kissed the top of your head before releasing you from his loving hold. 

“I appreciate that, Peter. And I appreciate you. Let’s order Chinese, okay? I’m starving and I want to lay down with you and cuddle,” you admitted, immediately blushing. 

He smiled and began unbuttoning the sleeves of his shirt to roll them up. “We don’t have to wait, you know. C’mere.” 

You allowed yourself to be enveloped his his embrace once more, burying your face against his chest. “I missed you all day,” you confessed with a content sigh. 

“I miss you everyday, Y/N,” he murmured and twisted the ends of your hair around his fingers tenderly. 

“Do you really?” 

“Mhmm, I promise. Hand to God,” he said with a soft laugh. “Look at me.”

You tilted your head back and met his gaze with a smile. “What?” 

“I want to tell you something,” he began, before pressing his lips against yours for a long, supple kiss. He pulled away and nuzzled his nose against yours. “But it’s important.” 

“Oh God. You’re pregnant?” you joked, but stopped when Peter feigned frustration and pulled you towards your couch. 

“No, I’m serious, Y/N.” 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” You sat down and turned to face him, allowing him to take your hands in his with a tight squeeze. 

“We’ve been together for a while now, and I’ve loved every single moment we’ve been together. I love the way you make me laugh, the way you’re playful, how intelligent you are and how dedicated you are to your career, and how you make me want to be a better person.” He paused for a moment and looked down at your hands in his pensively. 

Oh God, he’s breaking up with me.... you thought to yourself, slowly pulling your hands away from his. 

“Wait, I’m not done,” he insisted and pulled you closer to him again. “I want you to know something, and you don’t have to say anything about it I just.. want you to know.” 

You nodded slowly and felt like you were going to throw up, swallowing hard. 

“Y/N, I wanted to tell you how much I love you,” Peter finally said after agonizing moments that felt like ages. “And you don’t have to say anything, or do anything, and if you don’t love me that’s fine, I just can’t keep it to myself anymore.” 

“Peter,” you sighed and pulled your hands from his to cup his face. “I.. love you, too, and it terrifies me so much. I don’t know how to handle it, and I’ve.. honestly, never in my life felt like this with anyone.” 

“Please don’t be terrified,” he insisted and pecked your lips softly with a few quick kisses. “If I can do anything to make you feel less afraid, I want to do it.” 

“No, no, you’re so wonderful,” you quickly replied and wrapped your arms around him in a tight embrace. “I love you.” 

He snaked his arms securely around your waist and pulled you flush against him. “Thank God. I was so worried you’d think I was some jackass lawyer and now, even though maybe I am a jackass lawyer, you love me. I could take on the Supreme Court fearlessly now.” 

Your laugh filled the room as you threw your head back in amusement. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, ADA Stone.” 

“Never, sweetheart.” He sighed in relief and laid his head against your shoulder. “God, I feel so much better now.” 

“You’ll feel even better once we eat. I can’t survive on love alone. I need food,” you said with a small whine. “Now let me go so I can call it in.” 

[katehuntington]

Title: Ride With Me (part five) Fandom: Supernatural AU Characters series: Reader, Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Ellen Singer-Harvelle, Jo Singer (Harvelle), Benny Lafitte, Ash Miles, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Castiel Novek, and many more. Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually) Word count: ±4500 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family.  Summary part five: Y/N successfully completes her first day as a ranch hand and it’s enough reason for bunkhouse celebration. But the evening, filled with drinks and music, sparks more than Y/N bargained for. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: ‘Stairway To Heaven (acoustic guitar solo) - Daisuke Minamizawa, ‘Simple Man’ - Jensen Ackles, Jason Manns. Check out ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me Playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Thank you @kittenofdoomage, @coffee-obsessed-writer and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish for helping me. You girls are awesome betas. 

Ride With Me Masterlist

     6.40 PM: Y/N’s exhausting first day at Gold Canyon Ranch is over. She didn't expect the time to fly by as it did. But turning out the horses, sweeping the floors, and cleaning the tack actually offered a soothing satisfaction. It was a nice variation to pitching business plans and writing a thesis, which basically has been the only thing she worked on for the past eight months. The tasks here were simple, therapeutic almost. That she didn't get to ride a single horse yet doesn't even bother her. What does, is the fact that she is drenched in sweat and covered in dust and horsehair. She can feel dirt tickle in her cleavage and under her bra, in her socks, and beneath the denim of her jeans. Somehow the particles got absolutely everywhere, mixing with the layer of moisture that covers her entire body.

     Dean locks up the tack room, which Y/N sorted out, while Jo took a group of twelve guests on a mountain hack. Impressed, he glances through the glass four-squared window, before he turns to her. The intern asked to organize the tack herself, after noticing the messy storage place. To Garth’s delight, he didn't even have to assign her that job.      “Good work. I don't think it has ever been this neat,” the head wrangler compliments.      Y/N smiles at that, raking her fingers through her dirty hair; it feels like she hasn't washed it in a week.      “Thanks,” she replies, happy that her work is being appreciated.

     The two of them stroll outside to the square behind the stables, where Benny and Ash are already waiting after they secured all the gaits. Jo joins too and sits down on the edge of a trough that holds fresh water for the thirsty four-legged workers when they come back from rides. While the five wait for Garth to finish up refilling the feed cart, Benny and Ash have a smoke. Y/N joins the ranch owner’s daughter and settles down in the spot she saved. Tired, she sighs louder than she wanted to be audible.      Jo sniggers. “A little different from the desk job you studied for, huh?”      Y/N takes off her hat and rubs away the beads of sweat that have gathered on her forehead with the back of her hand. Jo knows what she received her master’s in, because after the young blonde escorted her to the bunkhouse and helped bring in her luggage, they continued the conversation that started in the car on their way from the airport. Besides turning down the head wrangler, her study also came up.       “It's a nice change of pace,” she admits, smiling content.      “So, you like it here? Not gonna go runnin’ back to Maine?” Jo double-checks.      “Not anytime soon,” Y/N assures.      “Good!”

     Garth, who snuck up from behind, grips her shoulders and drags her back with more force than you would expect from the slender stable boy. Without mercy, he pulls the rookie from the edge, backed up by Jo who gives her an extra push, causing Y/N to lose balance and fall into the water trough. With a loud yelp, she lands in the cold water and almost goes under entirely, legs still dangling over the edge. Like a cat that has slipped into a bathtub, she desperately claws at anything in order to get a grip and pull herself up again, eyes wide in shock.      “Jesus Christ! C-cold!” she stammers, throwing Jo and Garth a startled look. “What did you do that for?!”      None of the workers can answer immediately. Benny has buckled over from laughter as Ash claps his hands, entertained. Both Garth and the girl who Y/N thought was her friend have trouble breathing. Dean watches from a little distance, arms crossed and an amused grin on his face.       “You are now officially a part of the team, Yankee.” The cowboy grins, victoriously. “Consider this your initiation.”

     Y/N stops struggling to get out, a huff escaping her lips. Of course, she should have known that the newbie gets pranked at some point. Feeling fooled and embarrassed, the intern shakes her head. Although their actions have her feeling insecure, she’s also aware that this gag might be a token of their acceptance.      She sighs, extending her hand and asking for a little help. “Alright, you guys got me.”      Jo steps forward, trying to hide the smirk still plastered on her face. Not for long, though, because Y/N braces herself with one boot on the edge of the trough and quickly locks her fingers around Jo’s wrist. Unable to escape the intern’s grip and not nearly quick enough to prevent an involuntary dive, Jo is pulled into the water as well, exclaiming a loud squeal that sounds more like a pig than a human being. Now the guy's bellow over in laughter; Dean especially, seems to die in a fit after witnessing his little cousin get her well-deserved payback. The look on Jo’s face causes Y/N to giggle loudly as well; seems like years of wrestling her three brothers pay off once again.      “You ungrateful lil’ skank!” Jo exclaims, propping herself up on her hands to keep herself above the water surface.      “You're calling me out? Really?” Y/N replies as she gets up.      Turning towards the blonde wrangler after stumbling out of the trough, she places her hands on her waist as Garth helps Jo to her feet. Disgusted, she just stands there, holding out her arms while the water drips down, leaving puddles in the dry sand.       “Great.” She scoffs, stepping out as her cowboy boots squish. “Now I really really need a shower.”       “And a dry shirt, or your dad will rip you a new one at dinner,” Dean smirks.      “Nice bra, by the way,” Y/N whispers, leaning in a little closer before she speaks.

     Jo’s jaw drops in shock as she glances down at her light blue chequered blouse, which transformed into a see-through hooker top now that it’s drenched. Her red lace bra is visible, catching the attention of the men. All but one, because Jo’s relative obviously isn't captivated by his little cousin, but rather by the other cowgirl. The denim blouse Y/N is wearing doesn't actually reveal more now that it's wet, but the fabric does stick to her skin as if it's an airtight fit, outlining every beautiful curve she has. Water droplets sneak from her neck down her chest and into her shirt, shimmering on her smooth skin. Dean swallows hard. Hot damn, she’s a sight for sore eyes.  

     Still smiling widely at Jo - who started a rant about how a bra isn't any different from a bikini - Y/N lets her gaze wander over to him. Dean instantly looks down, feeling busted, as red flushes his cheeks. The smirk on her lips dies down into a subtle smile, reading him until he dares to meet her eyes again. Did he just...? Was he…? Had she just caught him staring at her in awe? That short moment in which she found him looking, he seemed mesmerized. Him being the one to break eye contact, immediately followed by the blush that even his dipped down cowboy hat can't hide, only proves that.      Dean feels exposed, and he decides to direct the attention to one of the workers before anyone else notices the moment between them. He glances at Garth, who seems to be under a spell as well, a spell unintentionally cast on him by the other girl. The head wrangler’s death stare doesn't even snap him out of his trance.      “Like what you see, Garth?” Dean clears his throat, protective of his cousin.       Turning red, the timid young guy drops his gaze, stammering something incomprehensible. Meanwhile, Jo eyes Garth with a perplexed look on her face, but then focuses on Y/N. It awakens her from her thoughts and with good reason. Right about now would be a good time to start running.      “You are so dead,” Jo scoffs, trying to come off as serious. 

     It's the intern’s cue to head for the hills, letting out a laugh as Jo chases after her towards the bunkhouse. The men watch them run away and Benny can't help but chuckle.      “Hell, I would pay to see a wrestling match in the mud between those two gals.”      “That’s my cousin you’re talking about,” Dean warns.      Benny smirks. “So? She ain't my cousin.”      The comment is countered by a smack in the head, so fast that the broad farrier is unable to dodge the swing. He laughs at his friend's response, though. Bantering and frolicking is common between the two. After all, they have been like brothers for the past fifteen years.      “You leave me no choice then, I’ll settle for the other Belle,” Benny jokes.

     Dean responds with a forced chuckle, but the comment has his stomach in knots. No way Benny is going to run off with the girl he has set his mind on. He must do something, come up with an excuse to prevent the guy from going all Southern charm on her. He has to keep his cool, though.      “Sorry buddy, but I’m calling dibs on the intern,” he decides, patting his friend on the shoulder as he passes him.        Stunned by the bold announcement, Benny stops in his tracks, then he snorts in laughter. He cannot be serious. He’s calling dibs?       “Oh, no no no,” he counters, catching up with the head wrangler again. “You don't get to call dibs on her. I know you put your money on that horse, but if I remember correctly, she declined.”      “Don't care. I saw her first,” Dean simply replies, not impressed with his best friend’s contradictions.

     Benny shoots him a glare, but the brightness of his clear blue eyes shows that he thinks of it as nothing more than a harmless disagreement. Besides jokingly keeping a score every now and then, there is no competition between the two of them whatsoever. Usually, they don't even fuss about who takes who to their rooms at the end of the night. The women they shared their beds with were at the ranch for a couple of weeks at most, an intern would stay a little longer if they lasted that long. There was never any seriousness to the flings, they were just that: short term and without attachments. One night Benny got lucky, another night Dean, some nights both men had a woman in their beds. Heck, there have even been a handful of girls they both had sex with. Although Benny doesn't sense it yet, this is different. Dean can't really put his finger on it and he plans not to look into it too much, but he wants Y/N for himself.      “Oh, c’mon now. Women who come through those saloon doors are rarely that easy on the eyes,” Benny whines.      “Well, there's Casey.” Dean waits for his companion to pick up on the hint, which he does soon enough.      The Southerner narrows his eyes, making sure that his pal is implying what he thinks he's implying. “What would be your proposition, my friend?”      Dean hooks his thumb behind his belt buckle as he kicks his boots through the dirt, a sparkling triumph in his eyes. This offer is going to be too good to turn down. “Casey - who by the way is as thrilling to take for a private ride as you've been imagining - is all yours. You can have her to yourself if you leave Y/N for me.”      The men reach the porch of the bunkhouse, where they halt at the bottom of the steps. Benny turns to face his friend, who has extended his hand and is waiting for the guy opposite of him to shake it. He reads the head wrangler while rubbing his beard, piercing eyes trying to sweeten the pot.      “I dunno, brother. That intern is somethin’ else,” he contemplates, challenging. “And what if she turns your sorry hind down again, huh? Sure I can give it a go then?”      But the head wrangler shakes his head and keeps his foot down. “Either you're in or you're out.” 

     Benny keeps a straight face as he considers his options, but then the line that parts his lips starts to grow into a devilish grin. He shakes the cowboy’s hand in agreement.      “Great doing business with ya, Chief,” he says, content.      The firm handshake lasts just long enough for Jo to see when she peeks through the beaded fly curtain. She changed her clothes and freshened up. As she throws the boys a penetrating glare, she continues braiding her long hair.      “What are you asshats up to?” she questions, picking up on their suspicious behavior.      The partners in crime look at each other and shrug innocently.       “Nothin’,” they respond in unison.      The ranch owner's daughter takes a second or two to read them, furrowing her brow as her penetrating stare pauses on Dean, then on her colleague. Despite not trusting their shady whispers for one bit, she rolls her eyes and goes back to the bathroom to call Y/N for dinner. Sometimes she wonders how it is possible that those two idjits aren't related.

     How the employees of the Singer family are not so fat that before getting in the saddle, their horses would flip them off, amazes Y/N. Ellen’s crispy fried chicken topped generously with homemade gravy, served with potato slices baked in rosemary, together with buttered corn on the cob, tastes absolutely delicious. Jo’s mother cooked enough for an orphanage, or for eight hungry men and women as it turns out. Despite that it seemed impossible to eat half of the meal that was served up, the pots and pans are scraped clean by the end of dinner. Seems like everyone worked up quite an appetite.      Full and satisfied, Y/N heads back to the bunkhouse together with the other residents, expecting to retreat to her room, crash on her bed feeling delightfully bloated for about fifteen minutes before falling asleep. But when Benny and Garth drag some chairs outside on the porch as Jo flicks a switch that turns on fairy lights that hang from the ceiling of the roof edge, she starts to get that the evening has only just begun. Country starts to alternate with rock on a playlist called Bunkhouse Booze-nights on Ash’s computer and she can’t help but grin when the familiar intro of Led Zep’s ‘Ramble On’ comes from the speakers. When she looks over, she catches Dean behind the laptop, a boyish smirk on his face and a wink coming her way. Y/N feels the blood rush to her cheeks, unable to stop the corners of her mouth from shifting into a smile. 

     “What are you havin’?” he asks, making his way over to the doorway to grab drinks.      The intern isn’t sure if consuming alcohol is smart, knowing that her alarm will start buzzing again at 5.30 in the morning. She doesn’t want to give the wrong impression, plus she’s fully aware that she’s an absolute lightweight. The last time she had a couple of drinks was at her graduation party, if she remembers correctly since the memory is a bit vague. What she does remember is that she wasn’t worth a dime by the end of the night, let alone the next morning.      “A soda is fine,” she replies shyly.      Her peculiar answer draws some attention.      “I'm afraid we don't serve that here, sugar,” Benny chuckles, leaning against the back of the bench, boots propped on a wooden box that serves as a table.      “C’mon, Yankee. Live a little!” Jo encourages.       She emerges from behind the fly curtain, her arms around two large cozy cushions that decorated the couches inside. She throws one, which Y/N is able to catch before it hits her in the face, as she herself sits down on the other one.      She yields. “A beer then. Just one.”      “Let me tell you somethin’,” Dean says when he gets back from the kitchen with a crate of heavenly golden brew. “Firstly: we don’t drink beer here. You’re in Arizona now, we drink Corona, and secondly-” He sits down on a chair opposite of the intern, setting the twenty-four bottles down on the ground, “- you can never have just one beer.”

     He takes out a Corona, hooks the cap behind the edge of the crate, and jams the bottle down with the palm of his free hand, sending the cap in the air. When he hands Y/N the drink, she shakes her head, chuckling. Apparently her new colleagues are going to make sure she will have fun tonight, whether she likes it or not. The head wrangler continues to open the Mexican ‘Cervezas’ until everyone has a drink in their hand.      “Fellas,” Benny calls for attention as he heaves his drink. “May the wranglers ride horses and the cowgirls ride wranglers.”      The men cheer and toast to that. Jo, however, raises her eyebrow at Benny and then disapprovingly scoffs. Challenging, her gaze glides past the men in the circle, Y/N can tell she has a comeback ready.      “Here’s to our horses. May their obedience and inability to talk bullshit inspire men one day.”      Y/N snorts and even Garth appreciates the smart reply, hiding his amused grin when Benny looks over at him, muttering ‘What? It was funny’ while the women in their company toast their bottles and take a sip.      “Alright, all jokes aside,” Dean now raising his glass to the newest member of the crew. “To our new intern. May you have the time of your life here at the ranch, gain a new family, and find what you are looking for.”      His words warm Y/N; that was such a sweet thing of him to say. She knows Jo thinks it’s a public flirt, but again she reads so much truth in his words. Appreciatively the cowgirl smiles, her Corona meeting his in the air, after which the others join in on the toast.      “Hear, hear!” Garth chants, backed up by the others.

     It will turn out to be the beginning of a great night. Y/N gets to know the other workers a little better and is all ears when Ash starts to tell tall tales about his bull riding career. The first crate of Corona is emptied in record time and the crew starts on a second. After three beers she can feel the alcohol taking an effect and Y/N’s conscience begins to sound the alarm. She’s not sure if a crisis in the morning is avoidable at this point, but if she still wants a chance at a good start of tomorrow, now would be the time to head to bed. It’s ten to midnight when she decides to call it, to the disappointment of the others.      “Ah, please. Don’t leave me with these morons,” Jo begs when her new friend gets up.      “I'm gonna be a tired mess if I don't,” Y/N responds, feeling a little sorry for her.      “We’ll forgive you if you're a little sleepy and hungover tomorrow, Y/N,” Garth promises.      “I'm not sure if Mr. Singer will see it that way,” she brings to mind.      “You'll be fine and if not, you can blame it on us,” Benny adds.       “C'mon… Stay?”      It's Dean who asks, his soft green eyes on the cowgirl as he waits for her to cave. With a deep sigh, she glances at her watch, knowing that she really shouldn't. Y/N is about to tell him ‘no’ for the second night in a row, when his best friend saves him.      “You'll miss the best part of the night. Dean was just about to fetch his guitar,” Benny mentions.      His remark triggers Y/N to curiously raises her brow at the head wrangler, who in turn eyes the Southern farrier.       “I was?” he counters.      Benny chuckles. “If you want her to stick around, you better.”       Dean now glances over at the intern carefully, then gets up. “Alright alright…” he mumbles, pushing the fly curtain aside when he heads to his room.

     Y/N sits down again, waiting for him to return in anticipation; this she would like to see. Seconds later, the handsome cowboy returns with a Gibson six string. He settles on his chair again and rests the body of the acoustic guitar on his right thigh. The way the curved lines of the instrument form around his leg as he gently holds it by the neck that fits his hand perfectly, one would think that the guitar was made especially for him. He positions his fingers on the strings between the frets and strums them with his other hand above the soundhole while listening carefully, then twists one of the tuners on the head of the guitar slightly as he keeps testing the string until it's on key. The process continues until the Gibson sounds like harmony, then Dean shifts his focus to his audience.      “Requests?” he asks the group, although he is looking at the only woman he has eyes for.      “Anything good and old,” she replies, folding her legs in pretzel position while leaning forward, elbows on her knees, and the fourth bottle between her hands.

     He thinks about if for a short moment, then starts playing the intro of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’. The delighted expression when she recognizes the song after two notes triggers Dean to smile, and he continues to play. His fingers move swiftly over the fretboard as the wrangler hits the chords while swaying slowly to the rhythm, closing his eyes every so often. He makes a face when he messes up a note, but recovers and picks it back up. Completely astounded by his talent, Y/N doesn’t even notice that her jaw drops slightly when he sets in on the first verse and nails the melody. There is no doubt about it; he is absolutely amazing. When the song is over he receives a four-man applause and a shout out from Ash, who appreciates a little classic rock as well.      “If you think that's all that pretty face can do, you're wrong,” Benny tells her. “He's just warmin’ up.”      “How about some Southern comfort then, ey Benny? A little Lynyrd Skynyrd?” the head wrangler suggests.      His fingers caress the strings again, light and soft as if he's starting on a lullaby. Although the original is a true rock n’ roll anthem, Y/N recognizes the song that he’s about to cover acoustically. When Dean opens his mouth and lets his voice be heard, her eyes grow larger and she cannot believe her ears.      "Mama told me, when I was young.      Said ‘sit beside me, my only son.      Listen closely, to what I say.      If you do this, it will help you some sunny day."

     Y/N isn’t sure if it's the serenade he performs for her that does the trick, or the sight of the good looking cowboy playing his guitar as he brings the lyrics so passionately, but now she’s the one who’s mesmerized. His voice sounds like a combination of honey and whiskey, a rough edge adding to the beautiful depth. Completely blown away, she listens to the gift that was given him, taking in the musical mix of guitar and vocals.      “Oh, take your time. Don't live too fast.      Troubles will come, and they will pass.” As he continues, Dean looks up, meeting Y/N’s astonished gaze, which he keeps a hold of like he did on the night they met.

     “You'll find a woman, and you'll find love…”      While singing the line, his eyes are fixed on her. Maybe or maybe not intentional, but that question does not influence the consequences. She feels her heart rate pick up, beating evidently in her chest. A warm, tingly sensation starts to evolve in the pit of her stomach, enabling her to move. If she would have wanted to break eye contact, good luck, because turning her gaze away is simply impossible.      “Forget your lust from the rich man's gold.      All that you need, is in your soul.      You can do this, oh baby, if you try.      All that I want for you is to be satisfied.”      The fight against the effect that cowboy has on her, lasted a good twenty-four hours. Stubbornly she battled what surfaced the very first moment he so much as glanced at her over his poker cards yesterday evening, when she first saw the handsome wrangler. There are plenty of reasons why letting these feelings roam free is a bad idea. For one, work doesn't mix well with personal life. Secondly, she’s only staying for six months and was unable to keep a relationship going with someone who lives in the same town, let alone halfway across the country. Y/N could go on bullet-pointing why she should resist the hypnosis he has her under. This is a bad, bad idea, Y/N! He’s a playboy! He doesn’t like you, he likes girls in general! He couldn’t possibly be attracted to you! But telling herself doesn't help anymore, there's no reasoning with her heart.       “And be a simple kind of man.      Be something you'll love and understand.       Baby, be a simple, kind of man.      Oh, won't you do this for me son, if you can.”      The excitement she felt when she got on a pony at the age of four. The true fear she experienced when she fell off a horse, that moment right before she hit the ground. The thrill when she performed a sliding stop for the first time. That profound admiration that warmed her soul when she got Meadow from her granddad. The ecstasy that raised her up when she became State Champion with a perfect ride. Throw all those emotions into a blender and that would describe how Y/N feels right now. Vividly experiencing the chemical reaction in her brain, she continues to watch the man strumming his guitar, who has absolutely no idea what he’s doing to the young woman opposite of him. The small light bulbs above him shimmer an angelic light on his golden hair, highlighting his strong features. She is so captivated by the moment, that she can barely make out the words he's singing, but she does hear the soul in his voice. And as she realizes what is happening to her, something snaps inside, like a rubber band. Then she knows. Then she knows that there is in fact a way to describe this rollercoaster ride she’s on right now.

     She’s falling.      She’s falling in love.      "Don't you worry, you'll find yourself.      Follow your heart, and nothing else.      You can do this, oh baby, if you try.      All that I want from you, is to be satisfied.”

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part six here

[dailydoseofbeautiful-image]

1) IT’S OKAY TO FAIL

I’m not sure how other 34 year olds feel when their 35th birthday is coming up. As for me, I felt like my failures grew more apparent. Celebrate what you HAVE accomplished and be grateful for another day.

2) CRAVE TO BE A BEGINNER AGAIN

I’ve been wanting to try something new for a good minute. Like point number one, it’s okay to fail at something! This goes hand in hand with being a beginner. I strongly believe in being a student of life. I always wanted to learn a new language.

3) LOVE YOUR PARENTS

We are often so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old! If you needed a reminder to call your parents, this is it. Do it now! My mom is my world. She was my worst enemy as a teenager but now my best friend as an adult <3

4) MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE

Fuck what everyone is doing on Instagram. Fuck what your high school friends are doing. Fuck what your college friends are doing. Live your life at your own pace. If you had kids or want kids before marriage, fuck it. If you chose your career before a man, FUCK IT. You will move at the pace that is meant for YOU.

5) SO LIVE THE LIFE AND TAKE EVERY CHANCE TO BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE..

Being true to yourself takes guts. First, you’ve got to face everything around you and figure out what is important; what you think really counts ;). second, you’ve got to interact with a lot of people who may see things differently.

6) RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. and that’s the key. it’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

7) SOULMATE

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then Leave.

8) 30S ARE BETTER THAN YOUR 20S

It’s the same! Except we’re still young enough to have fun without making dumb decisions. We’re also more mindful financially! We always have experienced and seen things and know what not to repeat. I feel a little more at ease at 30. I’m caring less about what other people think. I really don’t have energy for it anymore!

9) WEAR THE FUCKING SUNSCREEN

My mom always told me to wear sunscreen on my face. I never listened. I have a lot of sunspots on my face now! Wearing sunscreen helps protect you from skin cancer, wrinkles and sunspots/freckles. If you aren’t listening to ya mama, listen to me! lol I wear Glossier’s Invisible Shield, but they’ve been sold out for a good minute. So, I’m currently using Super Goop’s Sunscreen Moisturizer. So far, it hasn’t made me break out!

10) TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE BED

At the very least, keep some make up removal wipes beside your bed! I know we’re tired af at the end of the night, but you’ll be doing your skin a huge favor in the long run. Just know that make up wipes don’t take off everything, you’d be surprised how much is still on your face! So always try to go further and do your skin care routine.

11) LIFE

This Life is what you make it. no matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girl’s will be your Friends - they’ll act like it anyways. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them. As for Lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if yoi give up, you’ll never find your soulmate, you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

12) GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT

Everyone on social media posts their highlight reels but only a few share the grit and grind behind it all. Don’t forget to give yourself credit even for the smallest things that you don’t think is “post worthy”. Pat yourself on the back!

13) BE MORE SELF AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT TO OTHERS

I strongly believe in the butterfly effect. How you treat others can leave a positive or negative effect on them. I always try my best to be kind to others. If I can’t be kind, I’m very quiet! Even if people are mean to me, I think deeper like are they having a bad day? Maybe my kind act can help them change their mood.

14) BE NICE AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Best recipe to live by. So many people offer a lending hand but expect so much in return.

15) DON’T FORCE THINGS – LET IT FLOW ORGANICALLY

Someone who forces shit to happen is ignorant & aggressive. You can’t force relationships or friendships to work out. It doesn’t work that way if it’s ONE SIDED. Sometimes, TIME helps a situation out. Let it play out, what’s destined to be yours will be yours!!! All relationships should be bloomed organically. Always try to understand one another. Some people don’t move like you and that’s okay.

16) YOU DON’T TOLERATE PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS LIKE YOU USED TO

Enough said. Ain’t no body got time for that.

17) IT’S NORMAL TO SEE A THERAPIST

You don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist. I did and it was life changing. There’s a huge stigma with mental health, but it’s actually more common than people think. People struggle with it daily but hide it because of the stigma. I also found out that students who are trying to become a therapist offer free or very affordable services to those who don’t have insurance! Check out any college and I’m sure you’ll find something fitting!

18) MEDITATE.. DO THAT SHIT PLS

Practice your breathing too! Headspace is really helpful app that concentrates on various subjects: anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I don’t meditate long! It can be as little as 3 minutes. Taking a moment to find yourself again can help you in the long run.

19) NOW’S THE TIME TO SEE THE WORLD

BITCH, you better be planning to travel!!!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re a woman reading this, we MUST DO IT NOW. Before you have kids, just do yourself this favor. You won’t regret it. Seeing parts of the world has broaden my perspective immensely!

20) MARI KONDO THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE: CLOTHES, BOOKS…PEOPLE

I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking at everything and everyONE and ask myself, does this spark joy?! It’s completely necessary for you to start fresh and say thank you to things and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

21) IF YOU DON’T HEAL WHAT HURT YOU, YOU WILL BLEED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T CUT YOU (@THEASLAYWAY)

You can’t rely on someone else to fill the void you were supposed to heal yourself first. Don’t be selfish and make sure that you are completed healed when moving on to the next partner!

22) DO WHAT YOU WANT, POST WHAT YOU WANT, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!!!!

WE AINT GIVIN A FUCK IN 2019 & MOVING FORWARD. Go ahead and post what you want. We’re not living for the validation of others.

23) DON’T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM

Currently trying to get through this right now. lol

24) MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

This goes with 17 & 18. If I sound like I’m repeating myself, then it’s because I really am adamant about it! I didn’t always have GAD, but when I realized I had it, I learned to take the necessary steps to control my anxiety. I realized working out in the gym is not the only “exercising” I should be doing. I should be practicing affirmation, gratitude & meditation.

25) BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO

Some people really just in it for the gossip. Keep your circle tight and you’ll be aiite. For me, being in the social media industry has led me to meet several people. It’s rare to meet someone genuine, so I always make sure I keep my distance but still always show respect and give them an opportunity to open up.

26) OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE TOXIC ONE

As you get older, accountability will help you grow. Owning up to your actions towards others can help you realize how you react towards others or situations. Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. I’m a strong believer of what you give this world is gonna come back to you.

27) PLEASE DON’T WORK OUT ON ONLY BOOTY AND ABS

I remember signing up for the gym and telling the membership counselor my goal was to grow a bigger butt and get abs. I’ve learned that your body works as a whole unit, not in isolation! Overall strength over aesthetic is the wave! I love being strong <3

28) RESEARCH HOW YOU CAN IDENTIFY PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You’ll come across people in your life that you can’t see eye to eye with. It could be family, your partner or your friends. I think it’s important to grasp a better understanding of personality traits/disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, emotional abusers, psychopaths, etc. They come or are in your life more often than you think! Not only do I suggest to gain insight on it, but also I recommend researching how to DEAL with it. I promise you things will come to light once you do.

29) LOVE YOURSELF – YOU CAN’T SERVE FROM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Your 20s are your selfish years. Remember to put yourself FIRST. We cannot love someone successfully without loving ourselves first. Our first love should be ourselves to know how WE want to be loved. We must feel secure before stepping into anything serious. Live life for yourself, be gracious and love yourself wholeheartedly.

30) BEFORE YOU ARGUE

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

31) NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

never take responsibility for ppl not seing your worth. There was nothing u could have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have them made committed. Stop taking blame for decisions that aren't yours

32) Success is never owned.. it’s rented, and the rent is due everyday. -pacman

33) SOMETIMES

I care too much, I trust too much, I think too much, I love too much, everything about me is just too much. But even so I wouldn’t want to change that about me. Just holding onto the hope that one day my “too much” will be everything someone could ever want.

34) FROM GOOD THINGS TO BAD THINGS

From good things, we learn to be a thankful person. From bad things, we learn to be a strong person. Remember that everything will not go the way you want it to. It's a matter of learning that life isn't handed to you. Stop worrying about what others want. Think about what you want, if you listen too much to what people say about you, you will never be who you really are.

[nashvilletonihon]

To Stay Or Not To Stay...That Is The Million Dollar Question.

I’m currently sitting at my desk in the Kumihama teacher’s room. It’s Finals Week here so everyone is buzzing around and it sounds like a busy hive of bees. The students already look broken, defeated, tired. It’s been a long couple of weeks for me so I can only imagine what it’s been like for them.

I’m honestly not sure where October and November went. I remember being glad that September was over the minute it became October 1st and then suddenly I was celebrating Halloween with my ESS Club students and then it was November 1st. Now it’s 1 day away from my birthday (which I haven’t even thought about) and then it will be December 1st. 

What. Is. Happening??? 

When I first arrived here I thought time had literally stopped. I was stuck in an endless loop of being unhappy, lonely and sad I was drowning in my own misery. Fast forward to now. November 29th. In two short months I will have to give the JET Program and my contracting schools an answer to the question of whether or not I would like to re-contract. If I say yes, my schools will then have to decide whether or not they want to extend my contract for another year. If they do, I’d be working for them again during another trip around the sun. If they don’t...well, the decision to stay or go will have been made for me.

I’ve talked to my mom and a few close friends about my decision to potentially live in Japan for another year or to move back to the States. My mother encouraged me to make a Pros and Cons list. (Something I’ve always done when faced with major, life-changing decisions.) It’s currently taped to the back of my bedroom door and at the moment, both sides are neck and neck. Neither the Pros nor the Cons have advanced past the other. Hurray for me right? How does a list like that help when they’re dead even?! 

I think about what my life would be like in both scenarios. If I stay for another year I can continue to work toward my (absolutely insane) goal of eventually taking the JLPT N2. It’s an incredibly difficult test for non-native speakers that requires A LOT of work to pass. One of my friends and fellow JET’s is getting ready to take it this Sunday. She studied Japanese for four years in college AND studied abroad here and even she’s worried passing it. I wonder if I could accomplish my goal in another year and a half. If I worked my a** off, I bet I could. I at least want to take and pass the N3. (Which I’m pretty sure I can do.) That being said, if I pass the N2 I could get a job as a translator or interpreter which is something I would really enjoy doing. I could translate anime or manga or work for the government or tourism board in cities like Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Seattle, etc... Living in Japan for another year would allow me to continue to be exposed to native speakers and Japanese every single day. The minute I move back to America I no longer have that luxury. Even though I’ve only been here for 4 months my comprehension and understanding has grown exponentially. I would be jeopardizing all of the hard work I’ve put in up ‘til now. 

A major Con of continuing to live in Japan is being away from my family and friends for another year. I video chat with my momma every single day and it always pains me to have to talk to her through a phone screen. I miss being able to hop in my car and drive the 2 1/2 hours to Indiana to see her whenever I wanted. Now we constantly have to coordinate when we both have free time to talk. Being 15 hours ahead of her in the States (thaaaaanks Daylight Savings) makes things difficult, but we manage. I miss her hugs. I also struggle a lot with the fact that I am losing out on valuable time with my grandparents. I know they won’t be around forever and the guilt associated with being over here while they continue grow older is more than I can put into words. I know my family is proud of me for following my dreams but that doesn’t make being over here any easier.

Another Con (or Pro depending on how you look at it) is that I have ZERO job prospects moving back to America. Absolutely nothing. In theory I could pick up over hire work in theatre at TPAC, Nash Rep, Studio Tenn or advertise myself as a costume designer (a position I have long had a love/hate relationship with) but to be completely honest, none of that sounds very appealing right now. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck and constantly being worried about if I’ll be able to afford rent (we all know how ridiculous it is to live in Nashville now) or make my car payment. Yeah, yeah I know. ‘’That’s what being involved in the arts is all about! You have to suffer for it!’’ Whoever thought that was a good excuse for people to live a stressful, poor lifestyle just so they can follow their passion can shove it. It’s ridiculous we even have to do that in the first place. Yes, I want to act. Yes, it’s my everything. Yes, it’s what I am good at. But I don’t want to constantly have to struggle when I could work toward a job that I can make good money doing while ALSO acting. Is that me selling out to have a secure day job and moonlight as an actor? Maybe. I’ll be 29 on Friday. If I stay another year in Japan I’ll turn 30 here. It’s hard to believe I’m so close to being out of my twenties already. While I feel the proverbial clock ticking when it comes to the stereotypical “old actress” trope, I have to remind myself that most well-known actors didn’t even get started until their mid-30′s. I’ve got time. And being bilingual will look really cool on my resumé.

So what’s another Pro about continuing to live in Japan? Saving more money, yo. Being here for another year means more savings in the bank. It’s a pretty simple concept that would allow me to not freak out about finances when I finally move back to the States. As someone who had an incredible amount of financial stability when I lived in Los Angeles to being left with nothing after I moved to Nashville, financial stability is now incredibly important to me. (I can hear my father slow clapping from 11,000 miles away.) I’m not one for caring about money (never have been) but if I could keep adding to the savings account while also working toward a career that would help me in the long run, I’ll take that option time and time again.

Another Pro I often think about is how many more people can come to visit Japan while I’m here. My Mom, sister (Elizabeth) and friends Taylor and Erica are all coming out to visit me in the months of February and March. If I’m here for another year, even MORE people can come on out to see what this crazy magical country is all about. I think that’s pretty dang cool and am 100% encouraging everyone I know to start looking at flights now. I mean, you’ve got a personal tour guide AND a place to stay!!! What more could you need/want?! 

All in all I have quite a few Pros and Cons on the list. Some of the Cons are dependent on whether or not I can somehow change them into Pros. One example would be the immense distaste I have for my base school. I am there every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Out of those three days I might be fortunate enough to attend (not teach, mind you) 2 classes, possibly 3. Classes are 50 minutes each if we don’t have a special shortened schedule. So out of 3, 8 hour work days, I am maybe seeing the inside of a classroom for less than 3 hours each week. Compare that to my visit school where I am there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have 3 or 4 and sometimes 5 classes a day. I am waaaaay happier at my visit school. I found out that I can talk to my scheduling supervisors to potentially get my schedule switched so that my visit school becomes my base school and my base school becomes my visit school. This would drastically improve my outlook on the situation as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the other teachers at my base school (even though I don’t really talk to many of them and vice versa) and they’re all incredibly nice people. I just seem to click better with the teachers at my visit school.

Throughout all of the anxiety, worrying, stressing out and continual ‘’Should I or shouldn’t I’s’’, I have to keep telling myself that ultimately, it’s my decision and mine alone. Will it affect the people close to me? Oh, without a doubt. I know my family will hate to have me away for another year. I run the risk of being forgotten in the Nashville theatre and losing another year of shows. I already feel like my career was just beginning to take off and the desire to follow through with that is one of the strongest pulls back home yet. And then again...I have this intense desire to learn Japanese. REALLY learn it. I want to communicate with my friends, co-workers and the people who have helped to make the adjustment to life in Japan a little bit easier. I want to help Americans visit Japan and not be scared to do so because of the language barrier. Trust me when I say that the the people here are more scared to use English than you are to use Japanese.

I have a lot to think about over the next 2 months, but if I’m being completely honest (and I try to be on here), I am about 90% sure I will stay for another year. I don’t think my work in Japan is done yet. I think I can help more students, engage more cultural exchanges, help the current JTE’s teach their classes more efficiently and help infuse fun ways of learning into the mundane textbook lessons. I want to start a pen-pal exchange with the girls in my English Speaking Society Club with students from my aunt’s high school in Indiana. There is so much I want to do...and 8 more months just isn’t enough time to do it all.

Before I end this, it’s important to me that I thank the countless people, both family members and friends, who have listened to my doubts, fears, concerns and indecision about all of this over the past month. Your unwavering support and constant encouragement mean so much to me. I honestly wouldn’t still be here without your love and kindness. I am truly, truly grateful to have each and every one of you in my life, both here and abroad. Y’all the real MVP’s. 

I’m sorry there aren’t any photos in this post. I’m heading to Kyoto City tomorrow for a Skills Conference and will be there all weekend. I’m going sightseeing and Christmas shopping and will be taking lots of photos so I will have plenty to write about come next week. On that note I will wrap this up and say goodbye for now. I keep telling myself I’ll be better at updating and posting and I swear I will start now. Thanks for always being patient with me!!

じゃあまた (See you!)

- レイチェル (Rachel)

[wildgeese2017]

i dont know whether i want to hav sex with her like if i cud. i think that shes into me she smiles at me and she seeks me out and she laughs at my jokes and compliments my outfits? ive known her so long and i trust her kindness. i think shes cool and sweet and interesting and like she really listens to what i say and is childish like me like she isnt embarrased to act weird and silly and get excited about little things. she seems like she wants to be around me. and i hav convinced myself that i like her. for years shes been my go to crush. its just when i imagine being touched it makes me feel weird?? i know shes had gay sex b4 i think shes hot and pretty and i love her style. i wouldnt mind touching her but the thought of someone touching me in that way scares me i worry that it would repulse me. but i want it so bad. i want her to kiss me and rough me up a bit push her fingers into my thighs u kno stuff like that , is that what attraction is? my relationship to my sexuality and body even is so warped and abstract at this point so disconnected from what reality can offer me. i think she is closer than most people to what i cud actually even attempt to experience something with tho. like she gets me im afraid of men so women make me feel safer to try stuff with i only hav experience w girls anyway not that its actually substantial or like in that romantic serious context. i just i want to be wanted so badly i know that i have been at least once. i get so confused i cant possibly be that bad but noone has ever loved me for my body. i can timagine what its like to experience the reverse. sure i am granted the privilege of not bein specifically disliked automatically for my body but it isnt worth much more as social currency beyond basic decency (which everyone deserves but doesn’t get). maybe i need to be less in my head. but im scared ill try intimacy with her and i wont like it . and that will mean a few possible things which would fuck me up and scar my self perception. firstly, it could mean that im not capable of normal intimacy that i am really genuinely fucked in the head like the rabbit hole i fell down when i was 11 genuinely messed me up like i gave into some evil shameful thing inside me when i was a child and now i can never be acceptable normal healthy or loved securely. second it cud mean i dont actually like women ive been playing as part of the lgbtq community this whole time how can i face myself or my friends being straight is shameful to me its so lame and uncool i know this sounds so like weird and fetishistic or performative but thats exactly what im afraid of i dont want to see myself like this i wasnt ready to label myself but i did i labelled myself so young and now it feels scary it feels wrong for me to say i dont like it when people are like you;re bisexual right? i feel that thing when you share too much too soon like your skin is peeled off all raw and exposed. i hate that. what if im too messed up i dont know it for sure what if intimacy proves im broken. or at the very least very unique in a way that could lead me to living my life alone without partners or lovers i want so desperately to be someones favourite someone who makes me feel good when they touch me and anxious and annoyed. i want to care about someone so much. too trust someone to see my body like my weird moles and self harm scars my veins and hair and teeth i want someone to see me all of me and still decide they want me. that i am worth the effort that they would seek me out. i dont know if that will happen.

i drive myself crazy looking in the mirror in different angles wearing all these colourful frilly lacey outfits agonizing over how i must look. i make myself soft and sweet and loud and excited and loving so others will seek me out im like a duimb tropical bird and it hurts so much because it doesn’t feel like its working.

people say be true be authentic but they dont say how much it hurts to do that and not be idk rewarded? desired? like i am expressing myself and that is pushing people away even subconsciously? sure it would feel amazing for someone to see that expression and see that fragment of my inner world and think i love that i want that i want her i love her but it isnt happening not as far as i know not in a way which satisfies my lonely soul. 

i just dont want to be disgusting i try so hard to smell good and look sparkly and fun and bright and loving i think the manic pixie dream girl trope really damaged my psyche  

i think i like other people too i feel different when they touch me like it feels more intense more like its getting through.

as far as i can tell my type is funny, creative, nice boobs dark or curly hair usually, i like people who are kinda sad bc i think we are alike which sounds cringe but people who are just living in a way which seems at least to me in a non-judgemental way to be unexamined i just cant really relate to i cant open up to someone who wont understand. i need people to say the right things or at least say nothing and only respond with touch.

is it weird that i carry on asking myself if i was touched as a child ? like i dont htink i was but i carry on feeling like it could have happened or i convince myself i did and then i mistrust people for no reason. but something must have happened i had such messed up thoughts maybe it was all the sex on tv i watched as a really young kid my parents would show me stuff with full nudity and relatively graphic sex my relationship to modesty is confusing i think i find people more attractive with their clothes on? i just see naked people like ok? thats a body its normal i dont get porn.

one thing i regret was being drunk and telling M that i cant watch porn i like weirder stuff and she was like bdsm? and i was like no its so weird it cant be in porn but i didnt mean it like that i meant i cant just feel stuff from nudity without context and i am into weird shit i dont know why i think maybe my mums mental health issues which she projected on me im worried i was just made wrong like im just a bad seed like i was destined to want things which dont make sense. but then i consider my whole warped desire hinges on the way it could be percieved by society the way society views people and their intented state of being. i am attracted to corruption addiction to transformation to giving into desire to showing desire physically with your body in a way that everyone can see and you can no longer control.

everything in my life boils down to my relationship with control. maybe its because i felt i didnt have any control as a child. my life was shifted against my will and i have this learned helplessness both from having my needs met without asking and from having my needs ignored or at least met in a lacklustre way. but then i think who really had control as a kid? kids dont control their life they dont make the decisions that what a guardian is for ?? but maybe its because i felt as though i did have to make the decisions like i didnt have clear boundaries and i dealt with that by punishing myself for overstepping rules i made myself. bc i had no control not really it felt like nobody had control there was noone to blame so i made things up new problems i cud blame myself for or i saw the problems my parents had said to myself i have that problem too and punished myself for it with feelings or pain or exercise or silence. i couldnt trust anyone. or at least i loved people but i couldnt open up. maybe thats why im so weird and territorial i keep things secret i hide stuff in my cupboard its like i invent things to be ashamed of i create problems for myself to distract from the problems i didnt have control pver the conception of. when i think of my childhood i think of feeling bad and ashamed of myself for taking advantage of my father like he was vulnerable and all i did was take money and time from him and he was struggling so much financially but he would still spend so much on leasiure when i think of it now i realise that spending time with me and making him happy must have made him feel good i get it more now that i do that with other people but at the time i felt so guilty all the time for the price of my clothes my food my life. and my mum would always say how terrible things were with money how tired she was how stressed she was how it was affecting her body. she would talk about how much she hated her body her fat her sagging face her pale skin her poor health i asked her once what superpower she’d choose and she said i want to be healthy all the time and i was confused then but i get it now. 

i just felt like i had to pretend to be happy or like i wasnt bored or the time like i didnt feel bad about how my stomach looked how yellow my teeth were how tangled my hair was the bags under my eyes and when i look back i realise no one was looking after me noone was making sure i brushed my teeth and hair twice a day i barely did it once a day i used to hate myself so much that i couldnt do my homework but nobody ever sat with me and made sure i did it past like the age of 7 . i remember feeling so scared of asking for help i remember having nightmares or being sick and standing on the landing listenning to my mother breather through her door being petrified of asking for help like she needed the sleep and i was a bad person for waking  her up like i was lying and then i actually started lying bc she wud just accept it let me fester on my own in bed all day if i said i wanted to if i said it hurt too much. i just im so scared of feeling that way again of feeling so scared so tired so useless so guilty so dissapointing so stupid so dumb so shallow so selfish so unworthy so dishonest so lazy so manipulative i look back and i think how could a child have been so awful? how could i have been as bad as i thought i was? it doesnt seem possible. the point at which i became irredeemable seems to shoft forwards each year like its chasing me and i become more and more of a villain stealing a bright future from the innocent child i used to be. i used to fantasize about going back and doing it all perfectly. when people asked me about my choice of power it always had to do with avoiding the consequences of my mistakes either immortality or time travel to be able to change what i did or to be able to move on without losing my future without losing my finite time. i want to be free of these constraints that feel so self inflicted. i spend so long in these mind prisons i construct labrynths in my head and get stuck there all alone with no way of asking for help without admitting how i got there in the first place.

[israelkvnb533]

10 Things We All Hate About at home care in palm beach gardens

Not a Assisted living home

There are a great deal of things we look forward to when we get ready for a life of retirement and also those "golden years" of being a elderly person. Of course, it takes a little obtaining made use of to transition to becoming grandpa or grandma and also no more having all those stresses of job and household. This is not to state that we don't have our share of worries as seniors.

Together with the transition to a slower life, however, we also obtain a brand-new set of points to fret about in our senior years. Of course, your physical problem is something on your mind as your body ages. Financial resources can be a concern and also, as constantly, you bother with your youngsters as well as grandkids. Yet one fear that sits at the back of the minds of numerous elderly people that is the fear that some day your children will certainly put you in a assisted living home.

The hostility to the really suggestion of going to a assisted living home returns years, possibly to the days when a nursing home was actually the only option when a elderly required treatment daily. It wasn't that long that the expression, " mosting likely to a assisted living home" was equivalent of being put out to pasture to await death.

In addition, the actual nightmare has actually always been that your own dear youngsters would in some way become tired of taking care of you and just "stick you in the nursing home" simply to get old grandmother and also grandfather off the beaten track. So we have the concept of a awful living problem, loss of freedom, home and also pals and denial of family that accumulates right into a lovely dreadful fear as you move right into your gold years.

This is not to state that also today there are not some attractive terrible assisted living home available. And that occasional story regarding nursing home abuse that appears to get great deals of room in the newspaper do not help our fears one bit.

Fortunately, however, is that today there are a great deal even more choices offered to seniors for finding a location to live after you leave your home where you can get some care but not have to sustain the problem circumstance of a nursing home. In the last ten to twenty years, the area of elder care has actually undergone what can only be called a transformation. Now, rather than assisted living home as your only choice, there are assisted treatment centers, managed care and senior apartment or condo neighborhoods where you can continue to live a life of liberty, creativity and also self-reliance yet still have as much care as you need and also just when you need it.

An assisted treatment center can work https://right-at-home-senior-care.blogspot.com/ almost precisely like an apartment building or condo. Depending upon what kind of treatment you require, the supervisors of assisted treatment centers can custom-made design how much care you need and also nothing more. However they can take a great deal of the daily chores off of your mind so you can truly enjoy your golden years. Usually an assisted care center will do your laundry, attend to food and also aid with unique diet plans if your doctor needs that and also supply the safety both for your security and that you have people around to look in on you need to a trouble turned up.

This can be a incredible relief to family members and also to you that you never ever need to worry about falling and also not having help. The personnel at your assisted treatment home exist to assist you and support you as much as you need when you require it however when you do not require them around, they vanish right into the woodwork so you can live a pleased independent life till you need them again.

There are clinical individuals on-call must you require them as well as the wonderful feature of these centers is that if you need even more treatment for many years, they can gradually include those solutions on an as required basis and also you never have to move out or change your way of living. This truly is the best of both globes since you can live as separately as you can however have help there on call when you need them to be there. Most importantly an assisted treatment is your house. It's a area of friendship as well as social communication. But the one thing you can state regarding it with assurance is that it is NOT a assisted living facility.

[noctomania]

makin moves

well not quite yet. but i do have an appointment to view a new apartment! idk how its gonna pan out, i know very little about the current occupants and such but what i do know is: they like a quiet house (amen), they are older which doesnt mean all that much but perhaps it means they will be tired like me, and they seem easy to communicate with. They have also managed to keep several plants alive while also having a cat so these are good signs of responsible adulting.

SooOOooo ill be going to take a look on sunday afternoon. i probably shouldnt even be mentioning it because im slightly superstitious and tend to believe that things dont work out because i talk/think too much about them ahead of decision making but realistically its just life playing out the way it would anyway. this is something ive been looking forward to for several months now and this is just the beginning! my lease isnt up until end of aug but i been tryin to ensure this move ends up being one of the smoothest i have ever experienced bc after years of pretty much just me moving myself i think i deserve that much - to not have the same amount of stress even if it ends up being the same amount of work anyway.

also low key hoping that the universe has gotten its negative energy out through the amount of rejections and non-responses ive already experienced since begining my search, and that now it's my time to win. It would be a novel concept for me to find and secure a place even a month out for once. Dont talk to me about last minute shit until you have to move an apartment's worth of furniture and belongings practically by yourself within a week. just dont. (im being only slightly dramatic bc i have felt no vindication for being an adult and that is just injustice but ill be ok)

also feel sliiiiightly guilty bc while im all like please give me this room etc etc at the same time i know, i KNOW, if i were to find an affordable studio or 1bed room that i would drop these people in an instant and pretend i never spoke to them. like i wanna be alone again so fuckin bad but its just not financially realistic. Mentally emotionally totally realistic and probably healthy, but financially...nah no devil gonna buy my soul today i been lookin. def not mad about the place im going to see tho.

its within awesome walkin distance to work, has laundry on site, i would have an extra lil office space bc the bedroom kinda smol, the utilities are really affordable, and i would be living with guys again for only the second time in my life. the first time i lived with guys was absolutely wonderful, some of the best roommates ive ever had. it does cost more than i pay now but still well within my budget and without taking on more roommates.

what worries me a lot about this whole process is my mental state, which hasnt been the best lately and a lot of that is due to my current roommates. i worry about making a bad decision out of desperation to get away from my current roommates. because my current roommates every month at least one of them will be late on rent (this has been goin on for like 6months straight now), and/or utilities (which i pay up front) dont take care of their chores (ex: the one i charge of cleanin the kitchen has not once even swept the kitchen floor...until now! and she swept it into a big pile that is still just sitting there next to the trash...) and more generally a bunch of lil things adding up to my discomfort. just to not feel like the stress of "well whos gonna be late his month" at the end of every month seems like a novel concept to me now.

if these guys accept me i dont know that ill be able to contain myself. ill be so tempted to tell off my current roommates and just not give a single fuck about anything. im tired of comin back to an apartment that smells like bo, to various strangers comin in and out, to tumbleweeds of hair trailing across the apartment, to people gettin upset that someone is cleaning before 11am, to food and belongings disappearing. im so ready to go i cant even act cavalier, cannot be actin aloof right now imma be on my knees beggin these men please let me live there save me from the worst roommates ive ever had.

anyway thats what i been gettin giddy about lately. this whole process always is such a rollercoaster tho. get real high on excitement for a potential then real low when they reject me bc obviously its personal lol but also i hate having to feel like i have to start from scratch. anyway yall can pray for me but pretty sure god doesnt listen to requests involving this lil heathen but do your damnest if it makes ya feel better. imma keep sweating for now.

[imaginedmelody]

It’s been a really long time since I’ve just posted about myself and my life here, which is overall a good sign. But lately I’ve just been feeling really disheartened, with stressor after stressor piling up, and I felt like putting it all out there.

2021 has felt like a year of being increasingly stuck. Even as things start to open back up and COVID numbers drop, things have changed so much (or are likely to change) in ways that I have no control over, so that even resuming them brings its own level of stress. It’s like everything is a new source of anxiety, even when it goes better than expected or I don’t feel particularly overtly anxious. A couple of months ago I was experiencing nausea and loss of appetite so severe that it was affecting my ability to do my work and home tasks, to the point that I actually went for blood tests to make sure I wasn’t developing some other health condition. The tests all came back perfectly clean and the symptoms cleared up, so we decided it was probably my body processing a lot of internalized stress, but at that time things were easy enough. I work as an assistant school librarian and occasional classroom teacher, and every time we brought a new phase of students back it was safer and less risky than I expected. I had fewer and fewer reasons to be stressed, and I didn’t FEEL anxious, and yet I was so stressed it was making me sick.

My job has also lately become my main source of frustration. I work part-time in the library and my current classroom duties are short-term and temporary; I’m a co-teacher supervising the few in-person students for 3 English classes while the other teacher stays virtual. Recently a position opened up for next year that would be a part-time English job, which would fit perfectly into my schedule. I applied, and interviewed, and yesterday I met with the administration- who told me that I didn’t get the job. When I asked why not, their answers honestly felt like bullshit to me. They said that I wasn’t specific enough in my answers to the interview questions, and when I pressed them to identify areas in my work performance outside of the interview that disqualified me, they sort of evaded that and claimed there weren’t any deficiencies in those areas. I honestly think that, for whatever reason, they’re lying to me. I’ve never heard of a candidate who already works at the school they’re applying to, and who is in good standing with that school, being denied a promotion/additional hours solely because they weren’t thorough enough in the interview, or solely because another candidate nailed it better. In order for someone with that kind of relationship with the school to lose out, there has to be some shortcoming, some flaw that is preventing them from making the cut. And what angers me is that no one on that panel will tell me what it is. So after two years of work (including six months total of teaching English classes on a temporary basis) at this school, I’m still no closer to being a full-time employee than I was when I started. I was hoping to increase my hours so I could make more money, further cement that relationship, and have the ability to start a Master’s degree in library science with greater financial and job security. But now I won’t have that going into next year, and that really is making me feel disheartened.

There are so many other things going on too. Family members experiencing physical or mental health problems of varying severity. (My sister went to the emergency room last Sunday, marking the fourth time a member of my immediate family has been hospitalized in the past 18 months.) My roommate has developed a penchant over the last six months for playing video games at night while I’m trying to sleep in the next room over; she’s doing a lot better at moderating both her volume and how much time she plays, but it’s really driven a gap between us. I feel like it’s made me into an angrier, more toxic person who is letting every other word out of my mouth be a critique. I want to move out, but while there are people in my family who would like me to move in, it would either be less convenient (in one case) or more stressful (in the other) and I really feel like i need a place of my own, but that doesn’t feel achievable right now. Not to mention said roommate was going to go away for 2 weeks in late June and early July, but now her dad is having mental health problems and it looks like both of those trips are off, so the two weeks of alone time I was so deeply looking forward to are gone now. My church is opening up again, and the logistics of it (especially in terms of keeping up the live virtual component via Zoom) are complicated and contentious, and I worry that it’s going to be an absolute mess and ruin the worship experience for me and drive a rift between the different competing needs of groups in our church. I feel so distant from my friends on almost every social media platform and also in real life. I feel like everybody keeps both expecting too much from me (constantly asking me to pick up everyone’s slack) and has stopped expecting much from me at all.

I know it’s not all bad. I do have friends who have reached out, TV shows I love, a job that may not be expanding but that is still stable, safe and reliable housing, and so on. But I am so tired of everything being stressful, and of feeling like I’m not getting anywhere. And I’m exhausted by watching other people enjoy greater job flexibility and more fulfilling friendships and more success at home, while I sit here trying to make the best of everything.

[thislifeisyours-ifyouwantit]

7/21/2020

Alright, so it’s been about a week since Ante died. These following posts (main blog) are what I wrote from the moment I learned what happened, to now:

7/15:

“*** TW SUICIDE ***

Hi everybody.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If any of you actually look at my blog, you would see that I’m mentally not okay. Suicidal, even. That’s true for the most part. My PTSD has been uncontrollable for months since my Lexapro stopped working for me and had been giving me a hard time. This new SNRI seems to not be doing it’s job either. Which is why I have some worsening suicidal ideation. 

That’s not the point of this post tho.The point of this post is my ex I dated for four years, one of my close friends, Ante Meridian, has committed suicide.

Ironic because I was kinda toying with the idea and now I no longer want to. I am in anguish. I keep fluctuating between sobbing and feeling nothing. My response to trauma is the same as usual: throw myself at every avenue of productivity possible. Communicate with their family. Arrange a candlelight vigil for their HS friends. Tell people thank you for the condolences. (Wow so many people have come out of the woodwork on that one).But I still haven’t processed this is happening really. It’s 3:30 AM and I can’t sleep, my eyes are puffy from crying in and out all day and I’m tired but I’m so wide fucking awake due to my PTSD. Thoughts won’t stop racing.I guess all I can say is: don’t do it. Be stronger than sucide. Because now I’m on the other side of the consequences and all I can think about is all the people who are mourning them, their many friends, the things they were gonna do and were so excited for.... and now it’s all gone. It can’t go forward.

Call someone, reach out, talk. Please. Because someone does care, even if you guys barely know each other. I can’t tell you how many people I don’t even really know have told me to talk to them if I needed it. Someone cares, a lot of people care. They want you here. Please.”

“7/16

I haven’t processed that my friend has died properly yet.

It feels like I can go back and change it. Go back and undo this mess. It feels like I’m replacing my inability to respond properly right now with a lot of productivity surrounding their death: I planned a vigil, I was the liaison for their family since no one was communicating with the roommates etc...

I intentionally read the police report not to trigger myself, but to make myself digest that they’re gone. That they’re never coming back to this world, and I’ll have to wait until my life is over to see them again.

But inside I know I’m just absolutely... Stunned. Unresponsive. Numb. Absolutely dissociating. You can see it every time I’m told to make a decision not regarding Ante. I can’t. I can’t respond properly. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to eat at his place and I had... no internal response to it. No external. No feelings about either way. Not that I didn’t care- it’s like there was no response from me.

I think I’m suffering a lot more than I think I am, but with my PTSD and repeated traumatizations, I’m not responding for myself. I’m responding to the situation productively like I have when I was a child. I don’t know how to feel right now I guess is what I’m saying.”

“7/17 (?)

Mood: *Sayori from DDLC’s death music playing in the background while I go about my day*

Followed closely by: *It’s Quiet Uptown playing in the background while I go about my day*”

“7/17

When you want someone to ramble to, but know that nobody would exactly understand what the fuck you mean. So you shout it into the Tumblr void instead.

Man, the future is weird.

In 2014 I fell in love with someone who made me feel safe and secure. We said we’d always be there for one another and be best friends if we no longer had a relationship.

In 2016, that very same person ripped apart my sense of security, stability, traumatized me greatly and possibly gave me PTSD.

In 2018, I ended it because it was just mutually unhealthy for us both. I had been unhappy for months and couldn’t keep trying for someone who didn’t seem to be trying as hard as me. I was tired of trying so hard to get them to be healthy and it was like it was a one-sided relationship.

Now it’s 2020, and they’re gone. And I wish I had at least our friendship back, even after all the turmoil and nightmares.

My poor younger self wouldn’t have ever imagined it like this.

I want, more than anything out of this... to learn to heal as much as possible, look at life more positively, and take more chances- even small ones, like going out with friends. I was, and still am trying to be a very healthy person, despite my pain. I’m doing amazing for how badly traumatized I am. But it shows I can always improve.”

“7/18

I cannot stop dissociating from reality and from my emotions.

People ask to be numb when shit’s painful, but I’d rather feel this ruin me right now.”

“7/19 (?)

I can’t believe in those stupid social media “you have signs!!! Good news is on the way!!!” BS anymore because of what’s happened. “

“7/19

As if I’m not dealing with enough stress, with 3 summer classes and something due literally, I shit you not, every day-

Two weeks from being pretty much done with college-

Dealing with my PTSD and financial worries-

One of my friends has to go and commit suicide.

And now, NOW it’s very possible my boyfriend may have been exposed to COVID-19.

Like... shit was tough enough, 2020 is absolutely trying to ask me if I’m gonna make it out alive RN.”

Welp. Yeah that happened.

I’ll write a separate post about how I discovered it had happened and my symptoms. I just write on my main blog because I didn’t want this to become cluttered (I also like to suffer out loud for people to see, idk, wtf). 

[topicprinter]

Hey - Pat from StarterStory.com here with another interview.Today's interview is with DShawn Russell of Southern Elegance Candle Company, a brand that makes southern inspired candlesSome stats:Product: Southern Inspired CandlesRevenue/mo: $20,000Started: January 2016Location: RAEFORDFounders: 1Employees: 3Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?Hello! My name is D’Shawn Russell and I am the founder and CEO of Southern Elegance Candle Company. I started the company 4 years ago as a side hustle to make some extra money on the weekends and to get me out of the house. But it quickly grew to much more than I expected.Southern Elegance Candle Company is all about loving and living in the South. We created home fragrance products that all have a southern theme to them and all of our fragrances are based on Southern agriculture. Apple? Check! Pine? Check! Cotton (or course) Check! Missing the Southern Sunshine? We got a fragrance for you. Our core group of customers are women that live in the South or people that appreciate Southern culture.Our flagship products at the moment are our candles. We offer three different sizes; travel tin, mason jar and large tumbler. We also have wax melts and room spray. But, we will be slowly rolling out new products over the next year to include an apparel line.I started the company at our local Farmers Market making about $200 per weekend. We now average about $20,000 a month in sales through our retail site, wholesale site and Faire. Most of our income comes from our wholesale accounts. We were able to branch out from our core Southern states and are currently in stores all over the US.You can check out our brand story video here: Southern Elegance: Candles Crafted In The SouthimageWhat's your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?I started Southern Elegance right after my son was born as a hobby. Initially, I made a bunch of random bath and body products in addition to the candles. When I decided to get serious, I looked at everything and decided to just focus on one product and chose candles because they had the potential to be the most profitable. I chose a niche that I could speak authentically about. My ideal customer was easy to identify because it was basically me. (But, don't use that a marketing strategy. It just happened to work in this case) I was born and raised in the South. I LOVE living here and couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I created a company around all the things that I love to do.I was working in education at the time and I absolutely hated it. One day walked into work and quit my job to make candle making a full-time career. I had absolutely no background in sales, manufacturing, marketing or anything business-related. I basically had no clue as to how it was going to work or if this was even a viable plan. Everything was a learning curve, and I spent hours learning a new skill then implementing it.With very limited resources, (basically no money) I went to the school of Google and Youtube. I took some online classes on Branding and Wholesaling. I hired a business coach and I literally hit the streets selling. For the first year, I would sell my candles at any Church function, fair, festival, school bazaar… I did not care. I sold candles outside in the middle of the summer and the dead of winter. I also sold on any and every online platform that would accept me. Etsy, Amazon, Faire, Modalyst, Houzz, etc. All the money I made went back into building the brand, I was lucky to have a husband to pay the bills but it was tight financially. When I finally felt comfortable I approached stores to carry my products. And we slowly built a base of stores to sustain the company.Eventually, I moved my retail site to Shopify and settled with Faire for wholesale.Interview with Candle Science about the beginning of Southern Elegance Candle Company!Take us through the process of designing, prototyping, and manufacturing your first product.Making candles isn't that difficult, melt some wax, add fragrance and color, pour in a jar and let harden. But, my first candles were terrible! I had to use local items. So I had wax and fragrance from Hobby Lobby and jars from Walmart. I quickly realized this wouldn’t work because (1) the quality was horrible and (2) you can’t scale a company buying supplies from local retail stores. So, I researched local candle supply companies. CandleScience became my main supplier. They were local and carried professional-grade products. I was also able to buy very small quantities in the beginning and now I order pallets. I am not able to buy direct from glass and wax suppliers so CandleScience serves as the middle man as my company grows.When I first started in my home, all I had was two pots and my stove. After a few months, I bought my first large wax melter and moved into the garage. Two months after that I bought another melter and started looking for my first space outside of my garage.imageMy GarageI live in a small town (approximately 5000 people) so the manufacturing space wasn't available. My first space was a small restaurant. We stored fragrance in the former freezers and wax in the former deep fryers. At the end of that lease, we moved into a slightly larger retail space. But, we covered the windows with paper and a coming soon sign because the area wasn’t zoned for manufacturing and we didn't want anyone to know what we were doing. We had supplies delivered to the back door and prayed no one would check to see what we were doing. After about a year of stress, a real warehouse space became available and we moved into it.Unfortunately, I had no idea how to set up a real candle business because everything up until this point had been ad-hoc. So I went back to the school of Youtube and watched every video I could find on manufacturing candles. I would stop the video and study them frame by frame. I used this information to set up my current space. We have 4 zones; An office area, a production area for each product, shipping and receiving area and finally an area for storage of supplies.imageYou can watch the process of how we make the candles here: Behind the scenesDescribe the process of launching the business.I didn't have a traditional launch. It was more of a slow-rolling out of the business. I quit my job and had to hurry up and figure out if I could make money doing this. So, I started selling at any event that would accept me. I really didn't have a cohesive plan and had no clue about E-commerce or how it works. I basically was shooting in the dark.After wasting a lot of time, energy and money going to events that didn't include my ideal customer, I narrowed down the types of events that I would attend. That allowed me to at least make some money on the weekends at Farmer’s Markets and local festivals. Hauling candles is hard and heavy and I soon got tired of that. The setup and breakdown is hard on the body and I was tired all the time.I decided to build a website and set it up using Big Cartel. Back then, they had a free plan if you had under 10 items. I created a basic site that I could send people to buy stuff when I wasn't on the road. It had ZERO personality but it worked.After about a year I moved to Woo-Commerce to have a more serious presence on the web. I chose Bluehost with Woo, again because it was cheap and I wasn't making that much money from online sales. I was doing my own photography (which sucked), printing my own labels and designing my own website (which was very basic). The website was hard to manage with all the Apps that I needed and security was a constant issue. It was constantly crashing so I eventually moved to Shopify.I still didn't understand how to drive people to the site and really made sales through the website. I was bootstrapping everything and was still broke. I had to make some changes. I chose the fanciest FREE theme from Shopify. I started having boxes and labels printed professionally. I found a Facebook group that had photographers that would exchange products for photos. I went to Upwork and hired a copywriter to review what I had written. And finally, I took an online class for FB ads.Then I began to see the turnaround. Then another class on Email marketing and google ads really rounded out what I need to start seeing sales. It was trial and error and I wasted money learning but eventually saw results.As online sales grew, I stopped doing the festivals and now totally depend on my online sales.As far as my wholesale side, I did several trade shows and have worked with Reps and really feel like they are pretty old school. It costs a ton of money (around $10,000 per show) and requires a lot of time and energy. (plus commissions) For the same price, I could run some paid ads and take my chances with my retail site for about the same return. (And never leave my couch) It’s just easier to go straight to the consumer now with social media. In addition, we do almost $100,000 in sales with Faire, so it doesn't make financial sense for us to continue to do trade shows. So, moving forward we are going to focus on growing our followers by creating engaging content. If new accounts approach us, we have the margins and systems in place to accommodate but it will not be our primary focus.imageBefore and afterSince launch, what has worked to attract and retain customers?Below are all the things I WISH I had done when I first started. I am only recently able to see how all this fits together.Social Media Use your social media platforms to drive traffic to your website. Make your posts engaging and relevant to your community. BUILD YOUR COMMUNITY through social media. Facebook groups, Facebook business pages, Instagram, Pinterest, and LinkedIn. Make sure people know what you do and what you SELL. Don't be afraid to sell… don't beat people over the head with constantly trying to sell them stuff, that gets old… but provide information and entertainment and then ask for the sale. Always eventually ask for a sale. Remind people of what you are selling and give them a reason to buy it. If you don't have time to post every day, use a scheduler like Buffer.Capture emails: Once you engage your customers, capture an email so that you have a direct link to them. My one regret is that I didn't get emails at the festivals. Literally, thousands of people slipped through my fingers. Have some type of pop-up. I used to spin the wheel for almost a year and now we recently changed back to a regular pop-up. Run contests and giveaways… always engage in some type of activity that is capturing emails. We are currently using Privy, but used Justuno also.Email Marketing; Once you get those emails… send out emails. My first emails were terrible. I eventually got better. And now I have someone that designs and sends them weekly. Stay in contact with your people and continue to provide relevant content. We used Mailchimp but recently switched to Klaviyo.Paid ads (google, FB, Instagram): This is the hardest part. I took classes and I know I will never be as good as a professional. I know the basics and can run a decent campaign. Yes, I lost money in the beginning. But, I learned what worked and who to target based off the losses. I've hired firms that lost just as much of my money as I did, so I don't feel bad. Ads are hit or miss. But, I know enough now to know if a campaign is being profitable and I know the right questions to ask any firm that may be running my ads.Retarget: You know how those ads follow you after going to a site? It works. Do it a lot.imageHow are you doing today and what does the future look like?In the big scheme of things, we are doing pretty good. The doors are open, taxes and people are paid. We are still in business and not in danger of going out of business. We have a strong wholesale business and a growing retail business. But, I think we are just scratching the surface.Southern Elegance will develop into a lifestyle brand. Now, before you roll your eyes (which I would have totally done at that statement last year), let me explain. If you create a community of like-minded people and create products they like, they will begin to trust you. And in turn, you can sell anything. Although we sell candles, what we really sell is a community. We sell culture and a sense of belonging, candles just happen to be the product. We are really going to focus on serving our community/customers in the coming years by leveraging social media.In 2020, we plan on introducing Southern-themed apparel. If that goes well, then bath and body products. Once we build the community, we can sell them anything that supports our mission of celebrating Southern Culture.The future looks like world domination.Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?Choose your partners carefully and trust your gut. I made very bad decisions by going against what I thought I should do and listening to “experts”. I lost a ton of money by hiring a fancy firm to run my Facebook Ads. Their results were on par with my own except I didn’t lose thousands of dollars per month paying them.I also lost money by paying a fancy firm out of NYC to do my social media. I do it myself now using Buffer to schedule, my free pics, and recipes & memes from Pinterest. A custom collab with a celebrity cost me almost $10,000 in time, inventory and design fees. I still get pissed when I look at those containers… but it is a reminder to trust my gut. If a mistake has to be made, do it early and cheaply. I’m glad I made those mistakes while small and it wasn’t too disastrous.What platform/tools do you use for your business?Shopify Easily the best place to have an eCommerce site.Privy Capture emailsJustUno Capture EmailKlaviyo Run email campaignsBold (Discount, Loyalty Points, Upsell) A better User experience on the websiteOrder Printer Makes the orders look pretty and less genericTax Jar Sale tax is a pain!!! This makes it so much easier.Yotpo Collect Reviews and use them on social media and marketing campaignsAffiliatly If you decide to use affiliates. It’s simple to set up and use.The Social Sales Girls Teaches you how to get reliable, predictable income when you build it the right way on eCommerce platforms. (FB ads, contests & give-aways for email, email marketing, etc)Lucky Break Consulting Assists with Smart Business Strategy for makers and designersimageWhat have been the most influential books, podcasts, or other resources?All my books are on Audible. I listen in the car and whenever I have downtime.The Purple Cow by Seth Godin Explains why you need to stand out in a crowded market place.Clockwork Mike Michalowicz Helps to teach you how to automate the business processes.Crushing It: Inspirational stories from the experiences of dozens of entrepreneursTribes by Seth Godin: It’s our nature. Now the Internet has eliminated the barriers of geography, cost, and time. Find your tribe and make some money.The Blue Ocean Strategy: Blue ocean strategy is the simultaneous pursuit of differentiation and low cost to open up a new market space and create new demand.You are a Badass: Create a life you totally love. And create it NOW, Make some damn money already.Start with Why: it provides a framework upon which organizations can be built, movements can be led, and people can be inspired. And it all starts with WHY.The E-Myth (Highly Recommend) Gerber draws the vital, often overlooked distinction between working on your business and working in your business.Profit First (Highly Recommend) Offers a simple, counterintuitive cash management solution that will help small businesses break out of the doom spiral and achieve instant profitability.Advice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?Do it. Start something. Screw it up. Fix it and then make more mistakes. Rinse and repeat. There have been some spectacular mistakes made by myself… and I learned a tremendous amount from them. And I just kept on trucking. Mistakes happen and usually don’t doom a business. Learn as much as you can and do as much as you can for free...BUT don’t be afraid to pay for knowledge. Google and Youtube can only get you so far, then hire a coach. Take a class. Find people that know how to do what you want to do… and PAY them to do it.Eventually, you have to pass off roles and responsibilities, hurry up and do it as soon as you can afford to. Don't be like me, at the cardiologist wondering what’s going on with your heart. The Doc was like “Stress, it’s gonna kill you.”imageWhere can we go to learn more?WebsiteFacebook Business PageFacebook GroupInstagramPinterestTwitterEmailIf you have any questions or comments, drop a comment below!Liked this text interview? Check out the full interview with photos, tools, books, and other data.For more interviews, check out r/starter_story - I post new stories there daily.Interested in sharing your own story? Send me a PM

[samuelathao]

Benefits Of Increasing Your Monthly Debt Payments

Do you think you can still increase your monthly debt payments? According to reports, those who are paying off their student loans have to use 20% of their monthly net income to fund it. This might even go higher if you consider credit card debts. A lot of Americans own a credit card. There is a high chance that the people paying off their student loans have credit card debts as well.

If your current debt payments are already making you pay 20% of your net income, can you manage to increase it further?

For most people, this might seem impossible. With the rising cost of living, there are just so many factors working against them. Not only that, it can be frustrating to think that you have to make more sacrifices just so you can pay off your debts. It is bad enough that you have to worry about debt. Will you really let it put more strain on your budget?

Reasons to increase your monthly debt payments

If you really want to improve your financial future, you need to do what it takes to be free from debt. It is possible to increase your monthly debt payments. Unfortunately, it will be very hard to do so. This is why you need to understand why it is beneficial to do it. When you know why you need to do it, you will feel motivated to keep moving forward despite the difficulty of the task you have to do.

So what will happen if you succeed in increasing the debt payments you send each month?

You save money because you pay less interest

Obviously, you will pay off your debts faster. When you shorten the repayment period, you will save money in the process. There are many ways to save money on what you owe. One is through the interest rate. It is a common rule that the longer the repayment plan, the more interest it will cost you. So if you shorten that, it will help you save more. That money can be put aside and be used on something else – like an investment that you can use to grow your personal finances.

You improve your debt-to-income ratio faster

As you increase your monthly debt payments, you will also improve your debt-to-income ratio. This is because you are paying off your balance in bigger amounts. You are also doing it at a faster rate. This will be good for your credit score. It will make your score rise because of your credit utilization rate. It will improve your credit reputation – allowing you to grab financial opportunities. For instance, if there is a need to apply for a loan, it will increase your chances of getting a low-interest on the loan. Your debt-to-income ratio will not be a threat to it.

You feel less stressed

Finally, increasing your monthly debt payments will lessen the stress that you feel about your finances. According to one survey, 56% of American adults admitted to losing sleep at night because of issues with their finances. While there are a lot of financial reasons that cause this, credit card debt is the main one.

By paying more of your debt each month, you are not just decreasing the debt amount that you owe. You are also making yourself feel more confident about your financial situation. When you know that you are able to pay more than enough towards your credit obligations, you get to feel more in control over your debts. It will eventually motivate you to complete your payments so you can completely be free from debt.

How to increase your monthly debt payments

There are two ways for you to increase your monthly debt payments. You can either spend less of your income or you can opt to start earning more. Both of these will require a certain level of sacrifice. And while these are effective in their own way, you need to understand that there is no need to choose what you will do between the two. You have the option to do both to maximize the extra payments that you will get each month.

The challenge is how can you accomplish both to help secure your debt payments?

Spend less

The key to financial success is to live below your means. Regardless of your financial situation, you have to find a way to spend much less than what you earn. Some people think that living within their means is enough. This is not true. You want to live below it because it gives you the extra money to work on financial security. You can use that money to either invest, save more or pay off debt.

Of course, spending less is easier said than done. One way to make it easier is to live a frugal lifestyle. This is not about restricting your budget. It is more of identifying what is important. Whatever is important to you will be prioritized and everything else will be cut off.

Don’t worry because this is only temporary. As soon as you have paid off your debts, you can opt to stop living a frugal life. That does not mean you will live extravagantly again. You still have to make smart financial choices with where your money will be spent.

Earn more

Another option to increase your monthly debt payments is to look for ways to earn more money. You have a lot of options to make this possible. You can ask your employers for a raise. This way, your income will increase and you do not have to add more work hours.

You can also opt to get a second job. While this will make you feel more tired since it means additional hours, it will also secure your source of income. You have two sources now. If you can maintain both, you do not have to worry when you lose one. There is still another job that will finance your needs. It will not be a total loss.

Apart from that, there is also the option to sell some of your stuff. This will only provide a temporary increase in your income. However, it can help you get immediate funds that will allow you to increase your debt payments for a couple of months.

The post Benefits Of Increasing Your Monthly Debt Payments appeared first on Best Debt Consolidation Loans.

Benefits Of Increasing Your Monthly Debt Payments

[ragdollswritings]

End of the Year Reflection

As 2018 draws to a close, like everyone else I’ll reflect over this year and see how I can improve for next year.  I’ve already decided somethings I need to start doing immediately, and a few things that I plan on doing by the end of the year.   Firstly, a recap.  2018 sucked.  It flat out sucked.  I came back to Tennessee in January with hopes of the new job I was going to be starting and some new classes at Belmont.  These things pretty quickly turned downhill.  I hated my classes and very shortly beginning work for Freebirds I realized it was not what I was supposed to be doing but I felt stuck because was finally making some money.  I was driving an hour into Nashville, another hour to work, and almost two hours home after work.  I was doing this, 5 days a week.  It made me miserable, and for three months I barely slept and when I did, I was tired enough to fall asleep in my car between classes.  I barely passed the spring semester and was looking forward to working full time through the summer.   By the time summer rolled around I had found an apartment closer to school and that was completely affordable with a roommate.  I quickly started looking for a second job to transition away from Freebirds, but everything I found wouldn’t pay me enough to work fulltime and still be able to afford what I needed.  I was already doing overtime when I could so the idea of losing money was the last thing that I wanted.  Over the summer my roommate and I found out that we had mice in our apartment as well as the roaches.  We worked with management and it took about three months to get rid of them.  I ended up staying with Freebirds through the summer simply because of the financial security they were providing me.  Once school started however, they didn’t keep up their end of the promise to work with me when I had classes.   I finally got my student loan stuff figured out, but I had to change my degree plan and get set up on a different catalog.  While this lowers my tuition, this doesn’t mean I get to take more classes (as I found out recently).  So with this change I won’t be graduating when I thought and it actually pushes me back a year.  After all this time and work its super discouraging to find out I’m still a year behind where I thought I was.  As the semester started I was working the early shift at Freebirds, which was at 6:30 a.m., I would go home, take a nap, then try to do homework.  It didn’t work.  I am not a morning person.  I continually put in requests to work less that way I had time to sleep and do homework and just pick up shifts as I could.  These requests were constantly denied and I ended up having to put my two weeks in.  As soon as I had done that I had an interview lined up for a receptionist position at a salon.  I interviewed and it went really well.  It paid less then Freebirds, and was less hours a week, but it would allow me to focus on school more.  I took it! Since then I have been working at the salon part time, and going to school fulltime.  Thanks to the damage done to my grades so early on in the semester I was never able to catch up and come finals time I didn’t do well.  All of my tests were much more difficult than I was hoping, but to be honest I should have just started the semester over again.  I ended up getting the worst grades I haven ever gotten in my entire life.  All Ds and one F.  Never so far in my life have I failed a class.  I’m not going to say that Freebirds’s is the cause of my F, it is 100% my own fault for not trying to stay ahead in my classes more, but it certainly added to it.   I’m looking back at this year in something of shock and something of appreciation.  For really the first time in my life I have been on my own.  I’ve been responsible for my living space, buying my own food, paying my own bills, pretty much anything you can think of for being an adult, I have been responsible for this year.  It has been tough, and I have fought pretty hard to stay in Nashville and to keep something productive for myself.   Looking forward to the new year I’m faced with some pretty big decisions.  Firstly, do I continue school or do I drop out?  I know working full time can pay off, but if I’m not doing what I enjoy what’s the point? If drop out where do I live? Do I stay in Nashville? Do I move back home? Do I try to get my associates degree from community college (since I only need two more classes for that)? What choice do I make? I’ve spent a long time thinking about why I need to stay, or why I need to go, or where I should go that everything is very rattled.  I thought about moving back in with my mom, and while it could work, I feel like the stress of doing that would mess up the kids more than it needs too. Of course, I would be another helping hand around the house, and I would totally help with transportation and whatnot, but it’s not the choice I’m supposed to make.  Perhaps back in with my family in Texas? I could work fulltime, finish some college, and see my friends again, but I don’t feel right making that choice either.  I could drop out, take a semester off, and try again in the fall, but honestly I’m already registered and I don’t want to drop out considering the fact that I actually want all of the classes I’m taking next semester.   What I have decided for the immediate future is that I’ll stay at Belmont, I’ll fight it out, and if I change my mind in the future, then that’s my choice.  Honestly, I have always hated the idea of college, I feel like I was forced into this decision, and I would drop out tomorrow if this college weren’t offering the one degree I actually want.  The institution of college sucks, they ask you for thousands of dollars for a piece of paper that says you know how to do stuff.  Its pretty stupid all things considered.  For now, I’ll stay where I am and make things work.  

[ronaldmrashid]

The Key To Living Longer: Fear Being Alone Far More Than Going Broke

I’ve always told my wife that if all goes to hell, at least we’ll still have each other. After all, we met during college when neither of us had any money. We were happy just spending time together between classes in the Sunken Gardens at The College of William & Mary. Having to start over with nothing wouldn’t be so bad.

I’m convinced part of the reason why some couples choose to have so many children despite the cost, the stress, and the time commitment is because they too, fear being alone one day. Having nobody visit you in the hospital when sick is depressing. Having to play children’s games at a nursing home is no way to live out your remaining years.

For me, being alone is far scarier than going broke. When you lose someone, there’s no guarantee you’ll ever be able to find someone as good. But if you lose all your money, there’s a good chance you’ll recover through some ingenuity and hustle. 

The Risk Of Social Isolation

I truly believe the key to living longer is having someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. Having close personal relationships and a strong community to interact with are the top findings why certain communities have longer lifespans than others. Check out the chart from Susan Pinker’s TED Talk.

Living to 100 and beyond. Click to watch the Ted talk

I’m thankful for all the detailed comments left on Financial Samurai, even the unpleasant ones, because they share windows into different people’s souls and promotes new topics of discussion.

Here’s a comment left by JD on my uncontroversial post entitled, Things Worth Spending Max Money On For A Better Life that is incredibly insightful about why someone people are alone. If you read the post, you know it simply provides suggestions, not commandments, on where you might want to pay a premium to live a better life.

Why not just put anything down? Couldn’t disagree more. With this advice you’d go from frugal to broke in no time at all. You could justify buying anything and everything.

Mattress at the top? My mother was conned into buying a pricey new one by her brother. When you’re old and in pain the bed you’re lying upon in immaterial. I’ve tried it from time to time. It’s okay but not worth $1,000+ but when I’m tired I can sleep anywhere on anything. The people pushing beds are making killings on TV because people are foolish to believe their hype.

Home Appliances & Home Theater systems are Scams. They’re built cheaply designed to break down–All of em! The more money you pump into them doesn’t guarantee quality or quality or longevity anymore. A crap movie is still a crap movie regardless of how big the screen or high the resolution. Maybe you’d like to push Kueric coffee machines too. Fear and Status sell. Means nothing.

Dental Care is overrated and relies upon Fear to sell. A magical sonic toothbrush? Really? They pay you a few bucks to hype this? Just basic brushing, a minimum of once a day is all that’s needed. Even flossing has been proven to be excessive if not dangerous.

Work clothes & shoes – Hint: if you’re Retired (i.e. Not Working!) it matters not! Especially if you’re not a socialite and enjoy doing things by yourself.

Food – Some of us Enjoy the Simple pleasures of Simple food. I’m surprised you’re not hyping caviar here as well! Junk food is only bad for you if you thrive on it excessively and make meals of it. For some of us it’s what makes life worth living.

Car Safety is another one of those things relying on Fear to scare people into shelling out money. Once upon a time frugal sites said the same thing. All cars made today are basically safe but it is the Drivers behind the wheels one must watch out for. You’re safer driving a stripped-down basic car than one loaded with electronics so you drive while watching a DVD and yelling on a phone while studying a schematic of your car!

Such detailed intentional objection. I figured there must be more to JD’s story so I asked him to share more about himself, and he did.

I’m frugal, and the real deal. I’m financially independent with a high net worth. I’m also not a hypocrite. The simple things in life are free and once you get used to them, luxury living is rather petty and obviously to impress the masses. Furthermore, everything I’ve typed up there is true and I can back each and every statement up.

I’m not negative, I’m real and honest. I’ve also debated people to death and I don’t intend to waste my time doing so online again. Everyone lives in their own realities with their own priorities, petty as they may be. It’s why my personal relationships have never worked out. My own preferences have been exotic and queer to most people at times. I’ve turned down steaks for Big Macs, for instance. Because they taste better to me.

If you want me to reiterate a few. Planned Obsolescence pretty much wipes out the need to buy “the biggest, best, most popular, and coolest” of appliances (in conjunction with the “bathtub” curve regarding breakdowns). A $300 refrigerator will last as long, if not longer than a $3,000 one with a ridiculous touch-screen and wi-fi system, and certainly require less maintenance and make life.  Easier for you. Oh, sorry, no bragging rights with an Ordinary refrig.

That’s what it’s all about: Status; impressing the guy next door. Maybe you need such recognition, but I do not. The bottom line is that I saved $2,700 which is more money in the bank making interest. Plus, I’m not pulling my hair out over a touch screen that’s malfunctioning and a unit that needs software updates etc. I could extend this analogy to include all manner of modern “smart” tech which makes live miserable in the long-run, including fancy thermostats which need their batteries replaced constantly and maybe even recalibration. All for Look At Me I’m Better Than You gratification, and a cumulative drop in wallet dough. If you’re secure in Yourself you care not about appearances to project upon others. You are indeed Comfortable and truly at peace. I’ve splurged in the past and I almost invariably feel guilty afterwards. Because the outcome simply was never worth it. Maybe I just need a shrink.

Frankly, I’ve found this website a disappointment. Your early articles were generally good, but you’ve changed over the years. Perhaps this wife of yours has had an influence on your psyche. It’s why I’m not married. If you want real financial know-how, checkout Bell’s Living Stingy blog. Not 100% in agreement of course but I do tend to agree mostly with his lifestyle (minus the BMWs and his sometimes quirky politics).

Although JD said a lot of unflattering things about me and this site, it’s good he followed up with details about his beliefs. Here are some of my observations:

1) There may be some self-esteem issues because he thinks having a nice TV, refrigerator, bath tub and wi-fi system is for showing off to your neighbors instead of for the owner’s personal satisfaction. I’m not sure how our neighbors will ever know about our nice equipment unless we invite them over to a bath tub or online gaming party.

2) Guilt for spending money despite having a high net worth. Many of us have this problem because part of the reason why we got to a high net worth is by being frugal. Old habits are hard to quit.

3) JD is alone. By comparing things with others, bringing up my wife, his shrink, and his failed relationships, it seems he either enjoys being alone or desperately wants to find someone.

How Not To Be Alone

If you want to live longer and happier, then it’s probably beneficial to find someone to go through life with according to the research. To be loved and accepted is all we can ever ask. Although there is no guarantee of finding someone, we can at least improve our odds by doing some of the following:

1) Ask whether you’d be happy hanging out with yourself for hours. Pretend you’re stuck for five hours at an airport due to a computer system malfunction. Would you enjoy your company? Or would you not be able to stand yourself? The airport test is one of the key determinants every applicant must pass when applying for a job that demands rigorous work hours and plenty of travel.

2) Find ways to look at the positive. JD decided to look at my post as an offense to his frugality. Even though my post wasn’t forced upon him or cost him anything to read, he got triggered by my suggestions. Meanwhile, most other people decided to see the positives of the post and share some of the things they value the most. The more you can see the good in things, the more people will start seeing the good in you.

3) Turn on your grateful switch. Whenever I sprain my ankle, I’m thankful I didn’t break my ankle. Whenever my wife is feeling tired after a long night, she is thankful she has a son to be tired for. In the very simplest terms, if we can be grateful for just being alive, our world will change for the better.

4) Smile. Nobody can resist a big toothy smile. Strangers will automatically smile back at you for no reason. A smile is like a powerful magnet that draws people to you. The next time you’re zooming down fresh powder, dancing to your favorite tune, or riding a jet ski, notice how sore your cheek muscles get after the session is over. It’s because you’ve been smiling nonstop without anybody noticing. The more you can smile, the happier and healthier you will feel.

5) Focus on solutions. Problem solvers don’t just accept a bad scenario, they find a way to go around the wall. There is no greater turn-off than the person who complains why life isn’t fair and then sits on their ass all day. The water cooler gossipers at work invariably are the first ones fired. One of the reasons why blogs have taken off is because journalists only report the news, while bloggers not only share the news but also offer actionable steps. When you can build some credibility by consistently doing what you say, attracting others is an inevitability.

6) Take care of your mental and physical health. Nobody will love you if you can’t love yourself. Loving yourself starts with taking care of your mental and physical well-being. You don’t have to look like a swimsuit model or have the mind of the Dalai Lama, you just have to consistently work at reaching your healthiest potential. Stay active. Keep an open mind. Read voraciously. Practice what you’ve learned. Forgive yourself and others.

7) The more people you meet, the higher your chances. Meeting someone you can connect with is a numbers game. Sharing a common interest is the easiest catalyst to start a meaningful relationship. I have one friend who is always on a date despite not being particularly attractive. He’s not afraid to ask every person he meets for their contact information because he’s not afraid of rejection.

8) Stay hygienic. For the love of God, shower, wash your face, brush your teeth, and floss no matter what JD says about not buying a Sonicare tooth brush! If you smell and are dirty, nobody will want to come close to you, let alone kiss you. Ask your friend(s) if you smell, because some people do and have no idea. Let your natural pheromones attract other people in ways that only science can explain.

9) Develop emotional intelligence. If you’re clueless, it’s dangerous because you may not know you’re clueless. This is also called the Dunning-Krueger effect. An emotionally intelligent person understands another person’s viewpoint and works to socialize in a manner that’s agreeable. An example of an emotionally unintelligent person is one who asks things like, “can I pick your brain” without first developing a relationship or providing something of value. Communication skills are key to a high EI.

10) Be generous and kind. Showing generosity and kindness is one thing if you have everything. Showing generosity and kindness when you have nothing is next level humanity. A woman by the name of Kate McClure raised over $360,000 for a homeless man through a GoFundMe campaign after she ran out of gas on an interstate in Philadelphia. Johnny Bobbitt Jr., walked a few blocks and bought her some with his last $20 and asked for nothing in return. Johnny has a second chance in life after drugs and alcohol derailed his plans.

We Are Programmed For Companionship

Having a lot of money is pointless if you have nobody to share it with. During my days in finance, I met plenty of wealthy, but lonely folks who had let their desire for wealth consume them. Every single one of them regretted working so much in their 20s and 30s, and not working more at finding someone they could come home to.

There’s no denying that luck plays a role in finding a companion. But I’m certain we can all do more to increase our chances at finding someone if that’s what we want.

Relationships are hard to maintain because we tend to take each other for granted. Marriage is constantly a work in progress. But I say it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all.

Related:

The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Couple

Marrying Your Equal Is Better Than Marrying Rich

Financial Dependence Is The Worst: Why Each Spouse Needs Their Own Bank Account

Readers, why do you think some people remain alone? What are some other ways to improve our chances of finding the one? You can read more of JD’s comments on love and life in the post, The Best Financial Move I Made Is Something Everyone Can Do. They are fascinating to me because they are the opposite of my beliefs. 

https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/TheKeyToLivingLonger_Master.mp3

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from https://www.financialsamurai.com/the-key-to-living-longer-and-happier/

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Money story: Two broke millennials in pursuit of financial freedom

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/money-story-two-broke-millennials-in-pursuit-of-financial-freedom/

Money story: Two broke millennials in pursuit of financial freedom

This guest post from Claudia Pennington is part of the “money stories” feature at Get Rich Slowly. Some stories contain general advice; others are examples of how a GRS reader achieved financial success — or failure. These stories feature folks from all stages of financial maturity. Today, Claudia shares the steps she and her husband have taken in their pursuit of financial freedom.

Garrett and I were your typical, college-educated millennials (thanks to student loans) who purchased new cars (courtesy of auto loans) and an overpriced, pre-recession home with a 30-year mortgage. We were good consumers, the kind of consumers that lenders love: We spent on credit and we paid our bills on time.

Fast forward to 2014 ⇒⇒ We managed to acquire even more debt. We had a car loan, two car leases, a mortgage, student loans, and credit card debt. Living paycheck to paycheck was exhausting!

It took years for us to realize just how tired we were.

Tired of not having any time.

Tired of not having any money.

Tired of not being able to travel.

After listening to people on the radio talk about similar money problems, we decided it was about time that we get our own finances in order. In 2015, we took a hard look at our spending from 2014. We didn’t like what we saw. We created a plan to get out of debt and change our lives.

Fast forward to today ⇒⇒ We managed to eliminate all of our debt. We’re a one-car family (no auto loan). We paid off our student loans (paid Sallie Mae Navient back). We paid off our mortgage in just over a year.

Let me tell you how we did it.

Home Expenses in 2014: $45,954, in 2017: $7,227

According to Mint, we spent $45,954 on everything “Home” related during 2014. Our “Home” expenses included mortgage, insurance, repairs, remodeling, utilities, and any “stuff” we bought to adorn our home.

Having a 1500-square-foot home was a drag. Between the money going out for heating, cooling, taxes, insurance, and many repairs and the time we spent cleaning it, mowing the lawn, and shoveling snow, we were over home “ownership”.

After spending nearly $46,000, you’d think we might have made a dent in the mortgage. But no, you’d be wrong. At the end of 2014, we still had a mortgage balance of $156,000 because we weren’t paying anything extra. Our house owned us.

Baby Boomers around us were dying to retire but finding themselves handcuffed to jobs in order to pay their mortgages. Neither of us wanted to end up like them. But in 2014, that’s exactly where we were headed.

By 2017, we had sold our 1500-square-foot house, moved into a 500-square-foot house (yes, I’m serious), and managed to pay off the mortgage on the new place. Our $7,227 in expenses included taxes, insurance, utilities, and the “stuff” to take care of the house like soap, rugs, and whatnot.

Auto Expenses in 2014: $10,256, in 2017: $7,466

At one point, both of us had a Volvo and a smart car. That’s right: Our household of two owned four cars.

To acquire four cars, we had two car loans and two car leases, so it’s no surprise that in 2014, we spent $10,256 on debt, repairs, and insurance for four cars.

And you know what’s really crazy?

We had so much stuff in our two-car garage (hobby stuff, home stuff, deck furniture, etc…) that we struggled to park just one car in the garage. The time and money we wasted juggling four cars was obscene.

By the end of 2017, we had become a one-car family. The leases on our smart cars ended in early 2017, so we paid the end-of-leases fees and returned those cars to the dealership. Most of our expenses in 2017 were the result of car repairs and maintenance, like a new computer, fancy synthetic oil, and so on.

Health Expenses in 2014: $14,532, in 2017: $3,726

In 2014, Garrett started seeing a new, out-of-network, out-of-pocket doctor ($$$). It was a last-ditch effort to address a lifetime of chronic fatigue. (He’s doing much better today!)

Also in 2014, I came down with some bizarre symptoms that went undiagnosed (probably tick-borne illness). Thousands of dollars in MRIs, blood tests, and CT scans, no one could explain the difficulty walking, fatigue, and brain fog. (Thankfully, I recovered.)

In total, we spent $14,532 on our medical needs in 2014.

And all of the stress about money certainly didn’t help our health!

Eliminating all of our debt also eliminated much of the stress we felt about money. What a relief it was knowing that we were true homeowners, living mortgage free in our “tiny” house.

Downsizing to the 500-square-foot home freed up a lot of time. No longer were we spending hours each week maintaining or remodeling our home. Instead, we spend our time hiking, kayaking, and doing all the other action verbs we enjoy doing.

Food Expenses in 2014: $15,693.48, in 2017: $7,070

Between our jobs, half-done home remodeling projects, and countless medical appointments, we had convinced ourselves we didn’t have time to cook when we lived in our larger 1500-square-foot home. In fact, we thought that by eating at restaurants every other night, we were actually saving time.

Going to restaurants all the time led to laziness and poor food choices. We weren’t eating well. We weren’t exercising. It’s probably no surprise that our health expenses were as high as they were because we weren’t taking care of our bodies.

Looking back at that year, it’s clear that we were the problem in our lives. The state of our finances was largely due to bad decisions and poor choices. But spending nearly $16,000 on food wasn’t the problem — a lack of accountability was our real problem.

Honestly, food continues to be a struggle — even as I write this in early 2018. When we plan ahead and purchase enough groceries for the week, we’re okay; going out to eat isn’t even a thought. But when we don’t plan portions properly or we forget to go to the store to replenish the stockpile, we run into trouble. Our spending on food is down significantly, but there’s still room for progress.

2015: The Year of Change

In 2015, we started talking about money and what we wanted to do with money in the future. We quickly realized that we weren’t spending money in a way that aligned with our values. Neither of us imagined that we’d be working until 67, but we weren’t doing what we needed to do in order to retire earlier.

I started seeking out online personal finance resources to help us get our financial situation in order. One of the blogs we found was 1500 Days, which is all about financial independence. It was the first time we’d encountered the term; it sounded as if though financial independence would lead to the life we sought.

J.D.’s note: I love 1500 Days. It’s one of my favorite finance blogs. Two of its best features? First, Carl is hilarious. And second, the blog contains plenty of dinosaurs.

By April 2015, we set a plan for getting out of the hole we’d dug, to become money bosses for the first time in our lives. We wanted to achieve financial independence in 1500 days — on 19 May 2019. Having such a lofty goal meant we had to make some big changes.

Since our saving rate was nonexistent, we stopped spending on all non-essentials and started budgeting. We challenged all of our expenses to see how low our spending could go. Each expense we lowered meant more profit margin. But cutting our expenses wasn’t enough to get us out of debt in the timeframe we outlined. We had to take bigger steps to rearrange our lives in order to accomplish our mission.

I left a part-time job in favor of a full-time job. Garrett put extra hours into his W-2 sales job because of the commissions he could earn.

We put the 1500-square-foot house on the market in April 2015. (Sold in May 2016 — $0 in proceeds from the sale.)

We set about the process of building a smaller home. We found our postage-stamp lot — 2500 square feet — and had a small house manufactured to fit on the space. We moved into our 536-square-foot home in September 2015. (We’ve been loving it ever since!)

We sold one Volvo and turned in the two smart cars at the end of their leases. Now, we’re a one-car family. Since I work from home, I’m content with biking around town to run errands or when I just want to hang out by the river.

We started a side hustle and used the income from our side hustle to pay off our credit card debt in October 2015. [J.D. again. Claudia is too shy to say, but I’ll mention it for her. Their side hustle is SEO Audit Guide, a company that helps folks in the online space optimize their websites. I’ve paid for their services myself. Twice.]

We used the debt avalanche approach to eliminate the remaining debts, which we paid off in March 2017. (Here’s a debt avalanche calculator.)

We’re just three years into this journey to FI, and I’m proud to say we are 100% debt free. No mortgage. No car loans. No student loans. No credit card debt.

2018: The Year of Growth

Our purpose for this journey was to create margin in our lives to pursue something purposeful, our “why,” something other than W-2 employment: a life of financial independence colored with slow travel and entrepreneurship.

If you know about the stages of financial freedom, you know we’re working on Stage 4: Security.

In the last several months of our journey to debt freedom, we were able to make monster debt payments — as much as $13,000 toward the end. We were obsessed with getting out of debt, so we didn’t save any money. Sometimes we had as little as $500 in our checking account. Most of the time, we had less than $100 in savings.

In 2017, we made solid progress on Stage 4. We set aside enough in our emergency fund to cover one year’s worth of expenses (about $30,000) and we invested the max in our tax-deferred retirement accounts.

In 2018, we’re focused on growth. We want to grow our income, which will in turn increase our saving rate. This will give us more money to invest. (We’re interested in dividend investing.) After much debate about how we should pursue financial independence, Garrett and I decided that real estate just isn’t right for us. Dividend investing is a better fit. (With real estate, we’d need to invest far too much time and money to generate enough passive income to cover our expenses.)

Pursuing financial freedom changed us for the better. We’ve seen significant improvements in our finances, but also our health and happiness. No longer are we broke millennials living paycheck to paycheck. Somewhere along the way, we became happier, healthier, self-actualizing, wealth-building millennials. And financial freedom is finally in sight.

Reminder: This is a story from one of your fellow readers. Please be nice. After twenty years of blogging, I have a thick skin, but it can be scary to put your story out in public for the first time. Remember that this guest author isn’t a professional writer, and is just learning about money like you are. Unduly nasty comments on reader stories will be removed or edited.

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