#strong and tough personality but she's still sweet and compassionate and jokes around. but it was like. a strange balance to me? and she

[arklay]

oh shit i just realised i didn't post my modded claire screenshots here... i made a whole thread on cursed bird app lmao but mayhaps i do a lil recolouring of my favourite ones and post them all nice 🥰🥰

[dirtyrottenraskel]

my take on yueki's personalities

yue 

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af) 

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot 

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals 

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF 

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess 

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick 

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with 

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc) 

suki

notes / personality 

extroverted 

also very strategic 

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right 

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists 

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot 

always ends up in the oddest situations 

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc 

dedicated to her training and her regime 

not a great cook, but she can manage 

would drink monsters 

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead 

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking 

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless 

tough/assertive/woman of action 

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless 

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <>  man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!! 

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice 

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire 

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together 

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed 

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans 

green and yellow and dark red 

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements 

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity 

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders 

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability 

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans 

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot 

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks 

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her 

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO 

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute 

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do 

they travel EVERYWHERE 

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person 

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them 

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom 

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations 

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy 

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive 

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 63

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @ocfairygodmother​

  With a late afternoon rain came a break in the oppressive humidity; a much cooler breeze appearing as the sun began to set.   The four oldest are already tucked into bed;  satisfied and content after daddy obliged every request for ‘just one more story’ and they were spoiled with seemingly endless cuddles, hugs, and kisses.  So relaxed and secure knowing that he’s under the same room that sleep came easily to all of them; worn out from not only the excitement of him showing up unexpectedly, but then spending every waking moment of the rest of the day vying for his attention. Constantly talking over one another, fighting over who go to sit on his shoulders when they showed him the animals, squabbling over who got to be beside him at dinner. It’s only been four days since they’d seen him at the airport, but it may as well have been a lifetime to them; ten minutes not nearly enough to erase the ache in their little hearts or the feeling of loneliness inside of them.

While not exactly a constant fixture in their lives at times because of the job and its unpredictability, he’d always been a hands-on father; starting right from the moment they found out there was a baby -or babies, in this twins’ case- on the way. Attentive and loving and even more protective than usual; determined to keep both her and the life inside of her as safe, secure, and healthy as possible. Feeling pride and wonder that he’d even been given the chance to be a father again; able to create life and nurture it when in all aspects, he should have died that day on the Sultana Kamal Bridge.  Every one of the pregnancies...everyone of the kids...serving as reminders of not only  just how lucky he’d gotten that  day, but that someone who’d made the mistakes and the bad decisions he’d had could still be worthy enough to be a dad once more.  And he’s always been determined to be the best one he can possibly be; wanting to not only right all previous wrongs, but to prove that he could be a better man -and husband and father- than his old man had tried to teach him to be.  Loving his children with every shred of his being and devoting himself to every aspect of their care and upbringing; even things as simple and mundane as  changing diapers or giving them bottles or at the very least bringing to her for a feed.

As the first three got older, he took on new challenges and changes to guide them and help shape them for their futures.   Whether it be something as profound as encouraging them to be compassionate and accepting and loving, or something as ‘normal’ as teaching them to surf and play soccer or even learning how to braid his little girl’s hair. No task too big or too small. Never complaining about being woken up in the middle of the night or hesitating when it comes to both showing affection and receiving it. And as corny and as sappy as it sounds, Esme realizes just how fortunate she really is; having someone that is willing to do it all without having to even be asked. She’s heard plenty of horror stories from the moms at school; tales of lazy and useless husbands that complain about even a half an hour spent for their children. Always able to brag about him and then able to go  home knowing how she ‘lucked out’. Somehow, even during the craziest and possibly scariest time of her, managing to find the best possible person -and partner- to have a family with.

She stands by the open door of the balcony that leads off the bedroom she’d been ‘assigned to’. Both watching and listening to him as he lays flat on his back on  a two person lounge chair with Addie on his chest; her tiny fists curled tightly around his index fingers as she alternates between raising her head and resting her chin against him.  Those  enormous dark eyes never leaving his face and  a happy -and completely genuine- smile taking over her face every time he talks to her; the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose crinkling. He changes when he’s with her. In the same way he had with all the others when they were babies.   This big, tough, strong man suddenly so gentle; his voice softer and calmer. Deeper, even. Enamored with her in the same way she is with him; his own eyes sparkling and crinkling and his own smile both testament to the fact that he finds her a complete wonder. Not quite believing that she really exists; questioning what he could have possibly done to deserve her.

He’s a wonder himself. So brave and fearless and capable of inflicting so much pain and suffering, yet possessing so much tenderness and love.  It would be so easy for him to be jaded and broken; to fall back into old habits and to become dependent on old, dangerous vices. But no matter how bad things get, no matter how difficult or impossible they seem, he puts all his time and effort into being a  good man. Into loving his wife and children with everything he has.

“What are you guys doing?” she asks, as she steps out onto the balcony, drawing her hoodie tight across her body.

Tyler tilts his head back and smiles up at her. “Nothing. Just hanging out. Talking.”

“I hope you’re not telling her gruesome stories.”

“I would never do that to my little peanut,” he declares, and runs a palm over Addie’s hair, hand settling on the back of her head. “Daddy would never do that to you. He saves that stuff for mommy.”

“Because mommy so wants to hear  your tales of killing people with garden tools. Look at the way she looks at you…” Esme leans over the back of the lounger and presses a kiss to his lips. “...like you’re got rainbows and glitter coming out of your ass or something. Already a daddy’s girl.”

“Nothing wrong with that. She knows who loves her the most. Who used to bring mommy tacos and ice cream and pop tarts at three in the morning when she was still in mommy’s tummy.”

“She definitely likes your voice. Not that I blame her; it’s a very nice voice.”

“She’s strong as hell already. Already holding her up on her own. None of the other ones did it that early. And she’s got a grip on her. Small and mighty. Like her momma. And you look just like your mom.”  he addresses Addie now, as he removes his fingers from her grip and lifts her higher onto his chest; lips resting briefly against her forehead. “Beautiful just like her. Daddy’s not going to complain that you didn’t get his genes.”

“How do you think I feel? The first four look just like you. It’s about time one of them took after me.  She does have your smile, though. Even her eyes and her nose wrinkle like yours do.”

“Yeah, but she’s all you. And that’s good,” he smiles up at her once more, as her hands slide over his shoulder and down his chest and she pecks the corner of his mouth. “It’s very good. She’s incredible. Just like you.”

“Are you hopped up on pain meds?” She teases.

“Not yet.  Why? I’m not allowed to be all sappy and shit with my wife?”

“You’re allowed,” she says, then sinks down beside him, accepting a short, sweet kiss before stretching out on her side. Chin resting on his good shoulder, one hand on his stomach and the other just above his head; fingers  gently combing through his hair. “She’s putting on weight. She’s going to graduate out of preemie clothes and diapers. Only took two and a half months.”

“She’s tiny. Like you.”

“I don’t understand how something that small can come from someone the size of you. None of the other kids were that small. Not even Tanner and he was sick. And Declan? Don’t even get me started on that kid. That was like giving birth to a toddler.”

“She’s always going to be tiny. I mean, you hit twelve and never grew again.”

“You know what, Tyler? Fuck you and your short jokes.”

“Don’t be bitter because you can’t get on the rides at the amusement park or reach things at the bottom of the washer.”

“You’re not very funny,” she grumbles, and presses a kiss to his chin. “Just because you’re absurdly tall and absurdly good looking. What a burden you have to live with every day. How do you manage? How do you carry such a heavy load all the time?”

“Heavy load? We’re talking about my dick?”

“You’re a pig,” she declares. “Don’t talk like that in front of my child. She doesn’t need to hear these things. Look at the way she smiles at you. You’re her favourite already. Not that I blame her; you’re my favourite too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. No one else comes close.”

He smiles, then turns his face into hers and kisses her. “We did good, yeah? With her?”

“We did. With all five of them. And at the risk of sounding conceited, we make some pretty damn good looking kids.”

“Some pretty amazing kids.”

“Well, they have an amazing dad, so…” she raises her head from his shoulder, regarding him intensely as she runs her fingers through his hair. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Tyler admits. “I really don’t.”

“Are you going to tell me about it, or…”

“I don’t really want to.”

“I think you should. I think you NEED to talk about it. And I think deep down, you want to. You don’t have to shelter me, Tyler.  I married a mercenary; I went into things understanding the life and knowing the risks. You don’t have to hide stuff from me. You think you’d realize that by now.”

“I do. But YOU should realize that I do it to protect you.”

“Protect me from what? You? Because that’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve never once been afraid of you. Not in the slightest. And despite what you think, you’re not a burden. We went into this...marriage, having a family...expecting to help shoulder each other’s problems.  So stop trying to do it all on your own. You’re strong, but you’re not THAT strong.”

He sighs heavily, then drops a kiss on the top of Addie’s head

“What happened, Tyler? Because I know this goes way beyond someone just jumping you. What the hell went wrong?”

“I don’t know. It was fucked up right from the beginning. As soon as I got there. It was this old factory turned into student housing or some shit. I had these four guys to take out; four shots, that’s all I needed. They were across the street at some bar or restaurant or whatever. I was waiting for them to come out. It should have been so fucking simple.”

Esme rolls over onto her stomach, chin resting on his chest as she regards him; patiently waiting for him to continue. She doesn’t push; that will only cause him to shut down completely. Instead she bides her time. Watching his face as her fingers fidget with the chain around his neck.

“Things started going to shit. The street lights kept going on and off; just the two right in front of us. Then they went out completely. So I went to get the scope out of my bag, so I could see what the fuck I was doing.”  His eyes narrow and his brow furrows as he attempts to recall the details.  “And I don’t know I saw him or heard him but all of a sudden he was just there?”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Just some guy. Big bastard. Wearing a black ski mask. It happened so fucking fast. I didn’t even get a chance to react. Nailed me right in the shoulder; like he knew where to get me. Where one of my weak spots is.”

“How would he know that?”

Tyler shrugs. “Nik there’s a mole. She said she’s looking into it, but I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything since.”

“What do you think”

“I think something’s fucked. He knew where to get me; knee, back, shoulder. He knew it and he took advantage of it.  I stand a fucking chance. That’s how quick he was. He was so fast, babe. He wasn’t fucking around.”

“And where did these come from?” She runs a hand along the enormous, painful to the touch bruises on his biceps; arm now out of the sling. At least for the evening. “Both arms? And that’s NOT from someone grabbing you.”

“It was his knees. He wanted to keep me still; so I couldn’t get to my holster or the rifle. Fucking kept grabbing me by the throat; trying to choke me out.  Kept asking me if I give up. I basically told him to go fuck himself. I wasn’t giving up. No way in hell. All I kept thinking about was you…” his voice cracks with emotion and tears well in his eyes. “...all I kept thinking about was you. About me getting a second chance and that I wasn’t done with it; I wasn’t ready to let that end. That I didn’t want to leave you or my kids. That I needed to survive. That YOU needed me to survive.”

“Tyler…” she presses a kiss to his cheek, then nestles her nose against his temple; eyes closed and her forehead against him, fingers still moving through his hair. “...it’s okay. Just breathe. That’s all you have to do. Just breathe.”

“I wasn’t going out like that. I wasn’t letting it end like that. I wasn’t letting US end. So I fought back. But I couldn’t get away. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. He was so fucking strong, babe. Tall and big and heavy as fuck.”

“How did you get away?”

“I don’t know. There’s A LOT I don’t know. That I don’t remember. It’s all a big blur. It’s all there there and I know it’s all there but I can’t piece it together and none of it makes sense.”

“Well tell me what you do remember,” Esme encourages. “It doesn’t have to make sense. Just tell me whatever comes to you.”

“I know he drugged me. I remember that part.”

“Drugged you? What…?”

“He had a needle. I remember seeing it. I remember feeling it. Right there…” he lays a finger against the right side of his neck.  “...just jammed it in. It was cold; whatever was in it. It was cold and it burned.”

She heaves a long, shaky sigh; her own tears threatening. “If he wanted to kill you, why would he do that? Why…?”

“He didn’t want to kill me. He wanted to knock my ass out. He probably had a few buddies waiting to help get me out of there. I know that sounds crazy. It sounds fucked up even to me. But I know that’s what was going to happen; what Mahajan told them to do. And I don't know where they were going to take me. Somewhere in the city, out of it, I don’t know. But it wouldn’t have been good once they got me there.”

“I don’t even want what to think about it,” her voice trembles.

“They would’ve let you know. That I was still alive. And they would have made you sure you knew what they were doing to me. They would have sent you pictures or made me call you or mailed you pieces of me.”

“I don’t want to think about it,” she repeats, then promptly bursts into tears; one hand clutching the front of his shirt and the  other at his hair, face buried in his neck. “Please don’t. Don’t talk about it. Just stop.”

****

His shoulder throbs just with the simple act of laying his hand on Addie’s back to keep her secure. And he wraps his left arm around his wife’s trembling body, drawing her tightly into his side. Eyes closed and his chin resting on the top of her head; hand sliding up the back of her simple cotton t-shirt, knuckles repeatedly brushing up and down her spine. Not even attempting to hold his own tears back; feeling the moisture from hers settling on the side of his throat and his shoulder.

“I can’t think about it,” she whimpers. “I can’t. I can’t think about what they would have done to you.”

“It’s okay, baby. It doesn’t matter now. I’m here. It didn’t work. Whatever they had planned, I fucked it up. And I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“They’re sick and twisted fucks!” she cries. “And they would have made sure I knew what they were doing to do you and I wouldn’t have been able to do a goddamn thing about it. I wouldn’t have been to help or get you out of there. I wouldn’t have been able to do a fucking thing for you.”

“It’s alright, Esme. You don’t have to worry about it. It didn’t work. I fucked up everything for them  and now I’m here with you and the kids. Where I should have been all along.”

“I don’t understand,” she raises her head to look at him. “How did they know where you were?”

Tyler shrugs.

“How did they get that close to you? Close enough to do all of this? How…?”

“I must have slipped up somehow. Maybe my brain is worse than we thought. Maybe I’m slowing down. Making mistakes Maybe…”

“You don’t make mistakes,” she argues. “I know you. I know how you work. I’ve SEEN you work, You don’t slip. You don’t fuck up. And you are as hell aren’t slowing down. You’re even better now than you were back in Dhaka. And that’s saying a lot because you were pretty fucking amazing even then.”

“Something happened. I made a mistake somewhere.”

“YOU didn’t do shit. This isn’t on you, Tyler. This is not your fault. Someone fucked up, but it wasn’t you. Who was watching you? Where were they?”

“Across the street. Keeping an eye on shit.”

“Across the street?! How the hell were they keeping an eye on you from across the goddamn street?! Whose idea was that? Yours?”

“I didn’t want anyone breathing down my neck. I can’t work like that. I’ve NEVER been able to work like that. And it’s not like I knew was going to happen. I didn’t want in there expecting some fuck not come in and choke me out and stab me with a fucking needle.”

“Okay...okay...calm down…” Her tone is gentle, his face in her hands. “...it’s alright. I’m not attacking you. Just take a break; everything’s fine. Addie’s asleep. And so she’s tiny and she’s so warm and I know you don’t want to scare her. Calm down, okay?”  She presses a kiss to his lips. “Just stay calm.”

“I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“Who was supposed to be watching you?”

“Nathan. He had to take the four guys out when that fucking asshole came after me,”

“Calm…” she encourages, thumbs brushing over his lips. “...just stay calm. It’s okay. It's just you and me talking. No one else. No one’s judging you, Tyler.”

His eyes close, and he inhales deeply and exhales slowly. “Nathan,” he says, eyes opening and focusing on her. “Nathan was there; across the street. He took care of things. I don’t know what happened after that. Cops showed up, he took off. No one has seen or heard from him since.”

She frowns. “Nathan’s missing?”

“Missing. AWOL. I don’t fucking know. He’s gone. Cell and his SAT just go right to voicemail.”

“Could someone have gotten a hold of him? Could there have been someone else?”

“Why would they want him? What does holding him do? He’s a nobody to them. He means nothing to Mahajan. It’s me he wants. Taking Nathan does shit.”

“Well where could he be? Why would he just take off? That makes no sense.”

“Who the fuck knows. Maybe he’s dead. I have no idea. I just know he’s gone and no one knows where he is.”

“This is fucked up. Way more than we thought it was. We knew it wasn’t going to be easy. That Mahajan plays dirty and that he’d  just step it up as time went on. Now people are going missing? YOU almost went missing. What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know, babe. I really don’t know.”

“You need to walk away. This ends here. Your part is this. It ends right here, right now. Walk away, Tyler.”

“I can’t. The job isn’t even close to being finished.”

“Fuck the job. It’s finished for you. Look at you! Look what they did to you! They knew where you were, they knew what spots to target. They fucking drugged you!  That alone could have killed you. Do you even know what he gave you?”

“Ketamine. I guess it’s a sedative of some kind.”

“Yeah, for horses! What the fuck? What’s next? If they get that close again, what happens?”

“They won’t get another chance.”

“You don’t know that. They’re not going to stop, Tyler. Do you really think they’re just going to walk away? They’re not going to give up. Not until they get you. He knows you’re here. Mahajan. He knows you’re in Mumbai. And soon your name and your picture are going to be everywhere and every goddamn gun in this city is going to be pointed at you. Is that what you want? You WANT there to be?”

“No,” he scowls. “That’s NOT what I want.”

“Then why are you doing this? Why won’t you just walk away? Why can’t you just let Anil and his people and Nik and hers handle this? Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s MY family. Not theirs. Mine.”

“And your family wants you alive!” Esme retorts. “We don’t want you out there dying for us. We need you here. With us. So just tell Anil you’re walking away . That you HAVE to walk away. That you need to be with your family. Tell him.”

Tyler shakes his head. “I can’t, baby. I can’t do that.”

“You don’t need to do this. There’s other people who are more than capable of handling things. Walk away, Tyler. Before you can’t. Before it’s too late. Because if they go that close to you once, they’ll do it again. And this time it won’t be just one guy. It’ll be two. Or three. Or four. Or half a fucking dozen. Why aren’t you listening to me?”

“I am listening. You’re not listening to me.”

“This is a suicide mission. This is the kind shit you used to pull before we met. Don’t go back to that. Don’t go back to being him. He died a long time ago. You said it yourself; that he was long gone. You’re not the same person you were back then.  You have me and you have five little beings you helped make. That love you and need you in their lives.”

“I’m doing this for them. For he,” he nods down at Addie as she sleeps peacefully. “So she can grow up. So she can have a life.”

“A life without you. That’s what you’re saying, right? That you’re going to sacrifice yourself for her. For us.”

“We knew that going into this. That it would happen.”

“No. We thought it MIGHT happen. There’s a difference. And I’m asking you...NO...I’m telling you...walk away so you don’t have to make that choice. So it doesn’t come to that.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I am so sorry.”

“So what’s it? You’ve just decided that this is what’s going to happen? You just decided for yourself that you’re going to give up. You’re telling me that you’re okay with that. Dying for us.”

“I’ve already taken bullets for you. Trying to get you the fuck out of Dhaka. And I would take all of those bullets again. And then some. I would die for you in a heartbeat. For you, for my kids. No hesitation.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” Esme argues. “And you don’t have to. Just walk away. Let other people handle this. Please. You have two choices and you’re making the wrong one. Why can’t you see that?”

“If I give myself up, he’ll leave you alone.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you? That that’s going to solve everything? Because it won’t. You offering yourself up like some kid of sacrificial fucking lamb is not the answer.”

“Hey...calm…” He reaches up and pushes a hand through her hair, tightly gripping the back of her head. “...you told me to stay calm for Addie. Now I need you to stay calm for her. She doesn’t need this. She's a baby. Just a baby.”

“Yeah, she is. She’s OUR baby. As in me and you. And she needs you. She needs her dad. They all do. And you’re sitting here telling me that you’re willing to offer yourself up. It’s bullshit and it’s insane and I want you to knock it the fuck off.”

“I said calm down!” He orders, then aggressively pulls her into him. Pressing a kiss to her forehead. “...just calm down. Please. Take it easy.”

“You are NOT doing this. I won’t let you. This is not what we talked about, This is not what we agreed on.”

“There’s no other choice.”

She shoves him away. “There’s always another choice! It doesn’t have to come down to this. You for us. It doesn’t need to be this way and you know it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do. I can’t just walk away. I can’t.”

“Promise me when you walk out that door two days from now that won’t just go and offer yourself up. You don’t need to do that. There’s other ways. There’s still fight left in you. I know right now you feel like there isn’t. I know you're doubting yourself. But I have faith in you and I know you can handle this. WITHOUT giving yourself up. Promise me you’ll fight back. That you’re not just quitting. That THAT will be the last resort.”

“If I have no other choice, I’ll do it.”

“But right now you HAVE other choices. You know that, right? You see that?”

Tyler nods.

“Because you don’t give up. You NEVER give up. You’re alive today because you didn’t. So don’t fucking start now. I mean we’re supposed to be having another baby. And I don’t know if you realize how these things work, but I kind of need you for that.”

“I could always just jerk off into a cup and you save it.”

“Okay, you know what? No. I’d rather the old fashion way, thank you. I kind of like having sex with you. It’s kinda fun.”

He smirks. “Kinda?”

“Okay, it’s a lot of fun, actually. I didn’t think  I had to say that. I thought the results spoke for themselves. We don’t have kids for nothing. And I’d say go for the sixth one right now, but you jumped the gun and you decided we were done and go the old…” she holds her hand up, mimicking a pair of scissors with her index and middle finger.

“Not my best decision, I admit.”

“You have this uncanny ability of changing your mind about this whole having another baby thing. How many times have we decided that we’re stopping only for you to turn around and want another one the second the baby came home?”

“It’s never been THAT soon.”

“Excuse me? How old were the twins when you decided that three wasn’t enough after all?”

“Yeah…” he gives  a small, almost sad smile. “...but that one didn’t work out, did it.”

“No.” She presses a kiss to his temple. “It didn’t. And I know it was hard on you. That you didn’t really get to grieve like I did. I’m sorry for that. That I wasn’t there for you in the way you were for me. I’m pretty fucking selfish, aren’t I.”

“No, you’re not. You needed me a lot more than I needed you. Just hard sometimes still. Thinking about it. It was a shitty fucking time. I didn’t think anything could hurt THAT bad.”

“Do you ever wonder? What it would have been?”

“Sometimes,” he admits, running a palm over Addie’s hair and then laying it gently on the top of her head; thumb repeatedly brushing against her ear. “Sometimes I’ll think about it; if it would have been a boy or a girl and what they would have looked like. Then I think maybe things really do happen to reason, no matter how bad they are. If we had had that baby. Declan wouldn’t be here. And maybe we would have stopped after and Addie wouldn’t be here. And I wouldn’t trade either of them for anything.”

“You’re beautiful,” she says, feeling him grin when she kisses the corner of his mouth. “You have the most beautiful mind and this most beautiful heart. And I know you hate me using that word when it comes to describing you. But it’s true; I can’t help it.”

“I’ll let it slide. I’ll let you have it.”

“I have to say, despite my initial reservations about having another one, you do do the whole ‘big, strong man with a tiny baby’ thing very well.”

“You find it sexy don’t you.”

“Very. I find you very sexy. But this…” she trails her fingertips over the myriad of bruises that take up nearly every inch of his neck. “...this is scary. I’ve seen you with a lot of injuries. I’ve even seen you in the worst possible shape. But this? This bothers me the most for some reason. And what’s going on here…” she turns his face away from her and tender fingers investigate the scar left behind from Farhad. “...what were they trying to do? That’s the worst spot. I don’t think it would take much to fuck things up in there.”

“They knew exactly what to target.”

“Any idea who it was?”

“One of the guys off the list. Number 18. Weird part about it? He worked for Asif during the whole Dhaka thing. Guess he was his  right hand man. Moved on to Mahajan when Nik put a couple bullets into Asif.”

“Now that’s fucked, Go from drug lord to the other? So much for loyalty. How’d you kill him?”

“Shot him. Under the chin. I don’t know how I managed. Last thing I remember was that fucking needle. That’s it. Everything else is a blur. Came to and there was a dead body on top of me. I don’t even know how long I was out for.”

“You called me. Some time before you passed you. You don’t remember that, either?”

Tyler shakes his head.

“It freaked me out. I could hear you breathing and it sounded like you were trying to say something. That wasn't a random pocket dial, was it.”

“No. It wasn’t. I don’t even know why I called. I don’t know if I was calling you for help or if I thought I was dying and I wanted to tell you that I loved you…” his voice wavers once again and tears return to his eyes. “...if I wanted your voice to be the last thing I heard. And I wish I did remember it. That I called.”

“It’s okay.” She places a series of kisses across his forehead, then down the bridge of his nose. “...it’s okay now. You’re here and that’s what matters. You made it out of there. You found a way.  You always do.”

“What if I don’t next time? What if it is two guys? Or three or four? Half a dozen? A dozen?”

“I shouldn’t have put that in your head. I’m sorry.” She brushes the tip of her nose against his temple. “That is the last thing you needed to hear. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“I was thinking it long before you said it.”

“I know you want to stay on this. And I get it. I do…”  she runs her knuckles along his jaw, beard scraping her skin. “...I know you want to protect us. And I love you so much for that and I love that part of you so fiercely. You ALWAYS protect us. Everything you do, every decision you make, it’s always for us. But you can protect us without being out there. You know you can. I know you can.”

“How? If I don’t stop them, they’ll get to you. And the kids.”

“But if you’re here, you can stop them. And look at all the people that are here to help. Nik, all of Anil’s people. That’s a lot of fire power. And before you hand me that bullshit about how it’s up to you and only you to protect us, don’t even go there. Because you’re good, but not even you can stop them by yourself. You need help. So swallow your fucking pride and admit that. That you can’t do it alone.”

“I’m not alone. I’be some my guys and Nik’s people and…”

“You were alone the other night,” Esme points out. “What was Nathan going to do from across the street? That is not helping. That’s YOUR version of helping. If you’re here, under the same room as all these people, Mahajan and his cronies won’t stand a chance. We’re safer if you’re here. And I think you realize that.”

“It’s putting a bigger target on you and the kids,” he argues. “If they figure out I’m here, they’ll show up.”

“Isn’t that what we want? Them out in the open? Let them come here. With all these people? With you? They won’t get very far, will they At least tell me you’re listening and not blocking me out. Usually I can read your face, but right now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not blocking you, babe. I’m listening.”

“It makes more sense for you to be here than it does for you to be out on the street where every goddamn gun will be pointed at you. If you’re here, there’s more control over the situation, right? You’d have the upper hand because you’d be familiar with the place and they wouldn’t. And you can’t tell me you wouldn’t feel better being with us. That you don’t WANT to be here.”

“I do,” Tyler assures her. “It’s the only place I do want to be.”

“Then just do it. Just tell Anil that’s how it’s going to be. Explain to him why it makes the most sense. Deep down, you know this is the right thing to do. You know it’s better for us...especially the kids...if you’re here.  And I know you can’ deny that it would be better for you, too. Mentally speaking.”

“Yeah,” he admits with a nod. “You’re right.”

“Stop being so stubborn,” Esme implores. “This is not the time for that. You know this is the best way to handle things. I know you do. But I also know you hate taking advice from other people and that everything you do has to be your idea.”

He smirks. “You really DO know me well.”

“I so do. I also know I’m the only one who can talk like this to you and not have you get defensive. It’s too dangerous, Tyler. Especially now that Mahajan knows you’re in Mumbai and he’s stepping things up. You can’t be out on the street and you know it. I know that makes you feel useless. And weak. That you’re second guessing and doubting yourself. And you need to knock that shit off. Because you are the stronger, bravest person I know. And you’re the only one I trust with my life. With our kids’ lives. And I need you here. And you need to be here.”

He sighs, then pushes her fingers through her hair, moving it away from her face and off her shoulder. “Why are you like this?”

“Like what? Insanely beautiful and phenomenally intelligent?”

“I was going to say a huge pain in my ass, but okay, I’ll give you those.”

“What are you so worried about? Mahajan’s people showing up?”

“I don’t exactly what them on the doorstep. I don’t want them where you are. Where the kids are.”

“How far could they get with all these people here? I practically can’t take a pee without someone with an AK following me to the bathroom. What do you think can happen when there’s that much firepower here?”

“That’s exactly it. Firepower. With my kids here.”

“I’m not worried about that. Half of Anil’s basement is a panic room. The kids and I will be fine.”

Tyler frowns.

“What?”

“Why the hell didn’t you mention that right off the hop? Why didn’t you tell me that an hour ago when we started talking about this?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

He stares at her pointedly.

“I forgot,” Esme admits. “I’m sorry. I should have told  you about the panic basement.”

“I swear to God, for the last seven years, this is how our conversations have gone. We talk about something for an hour when it could have been solved in five minutes. You always leave out that one piece of information that could have saved us a lot fucking time.”

“I’m sorry…” she pouts dramatically, then places a line of kisses along his jaw, over his ear, and up onto his head. “...I know that annoys you. Do you still love me?”

“I do. But fuck, you’re a pain in my ass. No wonder I have gray hair and an ulcer.”

“You don’t have an ulcer.”

“Not yet. But when I get one, it’ll have your name on it.”

“I have a confession.”

He sighs. “Of course you do. What is it?”

“I annoy you on purpose. Because you’re so cute when you’re annoyed. You get the cutest look on your face. It’s adorable. I can’t help myself. I’m sorry. I like your face and all your expressions. You have a really nice face.”

He grins. “I’m starting to really question your taste in men.”

“Please! You know you’re ridiculously good looking. It’s okay to be a bit conceited. I can forgive you for that if you can forgive me for being annoying.”

“I don’t know. You’re pretty fucking annoying.”

She scowls, then bites down on his earlobe.

“Ow! Fuck sakes! What is wrong with you? I’m not hurt enough for you? Why you do me like that?”

“Because I know you like it. MY particular brand of pain. What are you going to do? Spank me?”

“You’d like that too much.”

“I would actually,” she says, and then shivers against him when his fingertips graze down her spine. Giggling and squirming against him when he grabs her ass and roughly squeezes  “That hurts!  What’s your issue?”

“You really want to know?”

Esme nods.

He removes his hand from her ass, then takes one of hers and places it on his crotch.

“Oh…” her eyes widen. “...that’s the only part of you that’s not hurt and IS working properly.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“I am definitely not. Because I missed you. And I’m not talking the sappy and corny shit about missing you and your quirks and all the stupid shit you do.  Right now, I really miss having sex with you.”

“If you had just admitted that an hour ago, we could have skipped over a whole lot of drama.”

“We said things that needed to be said   and talked about things we needed to talk about. And now, I think you need to use your mouth for something else. IF you’re up to it.”

“Oh, I’m up to it. THAT anyways. Anything else, you might have to do the work. Or the majority of it anyway.”

“You mean I get to be in charge?”

He frowns. “I never said that.”

“You’re such a control freak,” she says, then pecks his lips before sling off the lounge chair and carefully removing a sleeping Addie from his chest. “I’m going to go and put her in her bed. And when I get back, you better be in mind. Naked. Ready to go. I’m not fucking around. Well, I AM. Fucking that is, You know what I mean.”

He’s grinning as he watches her ass move as she walks away. “How much DID you miss me?”

“Not THAT much, Tyler. Forget about it. It’s not our anniversary yet.”

“Early anniversary present?” He suggests hopefully.

“You wish!” She scoffs, then disappears into the house.

[sushe-eraser]

Character Sheet (Pt.1)

·       The ‘Doc’: Tall man with messy black hair so dark it appears blue under certain lighting. Is mixed with South American, black and Middle Eastern. Very handsome despite sometimes unkept appearance. Has a blunt, straightforward personality and is trusted by many thanks to his disposition. The leader and Founder of the Doctor’s Organization and has the registration of Doctor 0. Has magical crows as companions. Has a tense relation ship with the Batfam, Batman in particular. Father of Khioni and Talia. Had a hard past and has led him to the work he does today.

Abilities include hand-to-hand combat, healing and diplomatic skills. Is a genius that has near mastered all forms of healing, thanks to passion he has for helping others.

·       Drew: Young man with light blue eyes and at times no pupils. Looked upon as a ‘pretty boy’.Is Caucasian male with strawberry blond hair. Has a seemingly polite, calm personality, however, is the epitome of a perfect killer. His true personality is a bit dorky and softer. An aura user, and the eldest of his ‘family’ that has the ability to wield aura. Is known as the Warlock to others. Had extremely difficult past. Loves his siblings dearly, and has proven he will die and kill for them. Blood brother to Hunter and Axel. Has tense relationship with the Batfam, Nightwing in particular. Once significant other of Collins, and still the best friend of Amani.

Abilities include Aura, hand to hand combat and infiltration.

·       Amani: Round faced young woman who appears to be somewhere from the middle east. Very pretty with short, choppy hair. Has a quiet personality, however has proven herself to be very kind and bright and as much of a dork as Drew. Still, not one to be underestimated. Has large, dark eyes. An ‘honorary’ member of the family, even though she can technically use her aura as well. Once an assassin and is now a ‘freelancer’. Had a hard past. Once best friends with Collins and still best friends with Drew. Has tense relationship with the Batfamily, Nightwing in particular.

Abilities include hand to hand combat, powers and stealth.

·       Collins: Clone of Superman and Wonderwoman. Despite this, kind of just wants a peaceful life to do whatever he wants. Handsome but moody. Has black hair and electric blue eyes. Too infatuated with Drew to even look at anyone else. Though he seems to be very antisocial- and is- he proves to be a true son of both of these heroes with his heart of gold, and is a bit of a geek; a bit too stoic and refined to be as dorky as Amani and Drew, but has his moments. Once had severe anger issues, but has calmed down with age. Is now a member of the Titans with Nightwing, though the two do not interact with each other much anymore. Strained relationship with the Batfam, Nightwing in particular. Once significant others with Drew and best friends with Amani.

Abilities too many to name lmao

·       Khioni: Black hair and dark blue eyes. Looks extremely like Doc, but with softer edges and darker skin.  Talia’s mother killed his own in hopes to raise her own offspring’s chances of survival. Cannot use his aura like his siblings, and instead relies on Auratech to harness it. However, has been noted as a genius for even making it in the first place. Is very introverted, mostly due to depression. However, he is ultimately more of Doc’s son than anyone realizes and harbors a good heart and kindness, though is ruthless if anyone threatens his family. Tough not the strongest, he is perhaps the smartest of his family. One of the people to take the hardest hits emotionally and spiritually thanks to the Falling Out. The blood son of Doc, and half-brother to Talia. Once the significant others of Collins, and past best friend of Stephanie Brown. Has tense relationship with Batfam, Spoiler in particular.

Abilities include Auratech, high intellect and some hand to hand combat and weaponry

·       Talia: Long, curly black hair and dark eyes that occasionally appear to be tinted red. Is Arabic and everything Doc is, but with darker skin. Usually wears lipstick and whatnot. Has a beauty mark. Unlike her father and brother, Talia does not have a relaxed personality and is easily angered. She is still fatal in a fight, especially with her Red Aura. She is sharp tongued and a killer. Is relentless and merciless, but still cares deeply for her siblings and father. Harbors great guilt towards Khioni and resentment towards her mother. Has had a hard life. Is extremely protective towards she cares about.

Abilties include weaponry, Aura, hand-to-hand combat, seduction and, assassination.

·       Hunter: Younger of the twins, though the calmer. Looks exactly like Drew, but with a shorter, narrower face. Hair wavier as well. Was the first to be found, along with his twin by Drew when he was being used as a weapon. Uses his aura in a bit unorthodox way, as he uses them in ‘figurines’ he places his aura into to turn into sentient beings. Though has a mischievous personality, has decent morals that are noticeably better than his siblings due to the fact he does not want to be the monster his captors made him to be and just generally wants to be peaceful and do as he pleases. Had a hard life. Blood brother to Drew, Axel, Lorrie and Brenna, though the family ties are complex. Has tense relationship with Batfamily, Black Bat and Batwing in particular. Real name Adrien

Abilities include, Aura, hand-to-hand combat, animation thievery and weaponry.

·       Axel: Older of the twins, though the more brash. Had darker hair and lighter than his twins, though so minute that a person can hardly tell the difference. Along with his brother, was one of the first to be found by Drew. Though he has a mischievous personality, he has strong morals due to the fact he wants to be a better person than the one his captors made him to be. Uses his aura in more solid forms such as barriers, and his aura is more interactive, where it can ‘scan’ things, etc. Can also ‘interact’ to see the future and cast spells. Has tense relationship with Batfamily, Black Bat and Batwing in particular. Real name Alexander

Abilities include Aura, hand-to-hand-combat, thievery and magic.

·       Hel: Clone of the Joker and Harley Quinn; was an experiment made to see if cloning could work. Curly bright blonde hair and green eyes. It is unknown if the reason behind her looniness is due to being an experiment or due to her heritage. Is murderous but cheerful. Best friends with Lorrie, and in love with the Ravager. An ‘honorary’ member of the Fam. Tense relationship with the Batfam, Red Robin in particular.

Abilities include weaponry and strategy.

·       Lorrie: Long, fluffy-sleek black hair and blue eyes. Is Arabic- White with brown skin and a a heart-shaped face. Eyes slant when she smiles. Is very sarcastic, witty and a meme lord. Her dry also makes up with her personality, along with her thoughtfulness. Generally prefers not to kill, but will if she has to. An assassin trained girl, Lorrie generally goes where the wind takes her, even though it is sometimes reluctantly. Has had a hard life. One of the last ones to be found by Drew. Also the blood sister to Khioni through his mother, though she never knew her. Can see into future using mediums. Loyal to her family. Will do anything to keep her family happy.  Has tense relationship to Batfam, Red Robin in particular

Abilities include stealth, hand-to-hand combat, weaponry, Aura, manipulation and spying

·       Brenna: Straight strawberry blonde hair and light blue eyes. Is white presenting. Is the twin to Lorrie, though she is more outgoing and has a smarter, ruder mouth. Less compassionate than her sibling and more of a person to do whatever it takes. Is somewhat nicer around family, and more willing to joke rather than mock. Trained to be an assassin but does as she pleases with her powers. Aura is special in the way it can condense to form orbs. Loyal to her family. Will do anything to keep them safe. Has a tense relationship with the Batfam, Spoiler in particular.

Abilities include weaponry, hand-to-hand combat, stealth, impersonation, and weaponry.

·       Kehlani: Light-skinned, African-American young woman with brown hair. Is technically associated with the Egyptian gods, has the goddess of Bastet inside of her thanks to it. Was tasked with stealing away all the ancient artifacts that had evil or harmful beings in it to protect others from harm. Is an associate of the family, and considered a member by a few. Is awkward and sweet, but a very sharp young woman. Had a normal life until he met a talking cat known as Bas (*short for Bastard). Uses whips, wires and her aura

Abilities include stealth, thievery and some hand-to-hand combat with some odd powers.

·       Ellady: Afrolatino. A detective. Is quirky, air-headed and a bit off-kilter. Can hear the echoes of aura that form their own story. Even without this is keen and sharp and can get the job done. Is renown for generosity and kindness skills, along with her deadly comrades, all previous Talons who have sworn their lives to her. Has strong morals, though even she is lenient to certain things. Kind-hearted and strong, and does not fit in with the rest of the family with this. Is the second oldest member after Doc. Strained relationship with the Batfam.

Abilities include detective skills, observation skills and sleuthing as well as high intelligence and out of the box thinking

·       Maahes: Tall, handsome black male with dark golden-brown dreadlocks. Golden eyes. Cold, and fiery at the same time. Comrade to Kehlani.

Abilities include hand-to-hand combat and weaponry and magic

·       Mythos: Handsome, dark-skinned male with blue eyes.

Abilities include hand-to-hand combat

[dalekofchaos]

What I love and hate About Moffat’s Doctor Who

Much like I did for RTD’s Era, I will be listing my What I love and hate about Moffat’s Doctor Who.

What I love

Eleven. Ten will forever be my Doctor but Eleven has a special place in my heart!  I will always remember him in my heart, I will cherish the memories I had that he was The Eleventh Doctor, I will always remember his epic sense of fashion, his triumphs and sad moments, his eccentric childishness both as him and as a way to trick you and then you realize Eleven is truly terrifying. I will always remember Eleven as The Doctor!

Twelve. I love Twelve. He may have had some poorly written episodes given to him, but Capaldi still handled it like the professional he is. Twelve brought back the sternness of One and the dark manipulator of SevenI Capaldi’s ability to portray the extremes of human emotion make him, perhaps, one of the most skilled and diversely talented actors to take on the role. One of the most joyously mesmerising facets of Capaldi's interpretation of the role is the level of sincerity and gravitas with which he approaches every scene - it doesn't matter if the Doctor is being funny, Capaldi plays the Doctor with a sense of naturalism and realism which has breathed new life into the part. While Smith and Tennant each had a wonderful sense of humour in the role, Peter has taken the opportunity to play the straight-man when it comes to scenes involving a degree of comedy, making the Doctor all the more funny for it. I also love Twelve because I liked the fact that his sheer introduction brought back the idea that older actors (and now actresses) can play the character. Having been a lifelong fan himself, Capaldi would have accepted the role knowing full well that his life would never be the same again. Aside from this willing acceptance of the renown that comes with the role, Peter seems to be one of the warmest and most genuine actors to adopt the guise of the Time Lord. He regularly speaks warmly and at length of the entire history of the programme, not just the series since he joined. His knowledge and passion for the shown and it's fans is truly moving as Capaldi is regularly warm and inviting to those fans that speak to him in the street. Some actors can be somewhat short with their fans, especially if they're having a tough day, but Peter seems to be welcoming and charming regardless of the circumstances. In short, he's nothing shy of the perfect ambassador for the show. The Doctor was indeed in safe hands and we will miss Peter dearly.

Moments like The end scene of Vincent And The Doctor and Twelve’s brilliant anti-war speech in The Zygon Inversion. 

Amy Pond and Rory Williams I loved Amy and Rory.  Amy Pond is an incredibly layered, wonderful, and flawed character. She is brave and independent, she is scared of abandonment and commitment, she is rude and yet compassionate. She has a knack for creative problem-solving and can make connections other people can’t, whether it is realising the truth about the star whale or figuring out how to defeat the Weeping Angel.She has had a difficult life, but Amy is always changing and growing, as she holds onto the contradictory pieces that make up her own histoy. We watch her learn to love and to trust. We see her struggling with keeping up with both her travels with the Doctor and the normal life she comes to value. She experiences joy and loss and she just lives, passionately.What is so exceptional about Amy’s ending isn’t that she chooses Rory; she likely would have made the same choice two seasons earlier. But for the first time it feels like a decision that she can be happy with. Because she no longer is “the girl who waited” - and the Doctor didn’t keep her from growing up, he just became part of her story to get there. Rory is awesome. He’s one of my favorite companions ever, despite being on and off at times because of small things like being dead. Rory is smart, cool, actual husband material, and he keeps The Doctor humble.  I adore their relationship. Amy and Rory loved each other. Their relationship is what made series 5 and 6 great. Beautiful soulmates and The Ponds are beautiful.  I think my favorite part about the Eleventh Doctor, Amy, and Rory’s time together was the fact that most of the other companions in New Who were always talked down to. Not that the Doctor didn’t respect them. He did, immensely. But he was always the one to explain something, always the one looking smart, always the leader, always the one saving the day. But in the case with the Doctor, Amy, and Rory, the Ponds were the ones figuring things out and saving the day while the Doctor tripped as he tried to simultaneously put on a bowtie and eat a fishstick. And that’s beautiful.

Clara Oswald Clara Oswald is a perfectly ordinary sweet natured girl, who’s compassionate and caring, who has shown herself to be quite independent on several occasions, who takes care of children simply because she knows perfectly well what they are going through, and saved the Doctor on so many occasions just out of the goodness of her heart. Clara Oswald is a scared but very clever girl, who becomes very good at playing the most dangerous of situations to get advantage and gets addicted to that thrill. From the beginning, she parallels the Doctor, with her whole era basically being a female Doctor origin story.

Bill Potts.  Bill was wonderful. Finally, a companion who is not a forced plot device, Bill is finally a companion who is special just because The Doctor considers her special cause she’s The Doctor’s friend. Bill is a proud gay woman of color. Her introduction is brilliant, hella adorkable, Has immense respect for the Doctor without ever defining herself around him like so many other companions, strong and stands up to him without ever seeming condescending or ‘you may be the Doctor but I know you better than you know yourself’ and all the slapping him. The Doctor and Bill have the healthiest Doctor/Companion dynamic. Has a clear inferiority complex but never takes it out on the people around her. Her first reaction to seeing depressed Heather is to sit down and ask her what’s wrong, because that’s what she feels is right. Basically so incredibly kind and selfless to everybody. I love Bill so much

The Paternoster Gang. Anytime Vastra, Jenny and Strax are on screen, it’s instantly gold. A  trio of associates to the Time Lord who didn't have hokey origins or contrived resurrections. They emerged fully formed and unexplained; Vastra was a lizard serial killer, Jenny was her servant/lover and Drax made some funny jokes about not being able to understand human biology.

Missy Michelle Gomez was so deliciously and hammy evil. I loved every moment she was on screen, it’s a shame The Doctor Falls ruins it. In her first two appearances she was firmly established herself as a force to be reckoned with. Suffice to say, you wouldn't want to meet this renegade Time Lord in a dark alley. She'd sing "Oh Missy you're so fine" and then obliterate you on sight. After taking a selfie with you, of course. Plus Missy always looks her best when she’s ready to destroy the world!  When she gets her lipstick out, you know that something rather unfavourable is about to hit the timey-wimey fan. Anyone can kill someone but it takes a special sort of person to do it with as much attitude as Missy. After all, if you're not going to zap someone to death looking your best, you might as well not do it at all. It's rule one, guys. Though I do wish they just called her The Master. If Moffat doesn’t think she couldn’t keep calling herself The Master, I’m pretty sure he’d rename Thirteen The Nurse.

Simm!Master’s glorious return! Simm!Master returned and it was perfect! It was both what the fans of Classic Master wanted and what Simm wanted. John Simm always wanted to play a dark and evil Master, it was RTD who wanted Simm to play a dancing and giggling lunatic who acted like Frank Gorshin’s Riddler on crack.  Pure and utter hatred for The Doctor and no regard for anyone but himself. Absolutely glorious. It’s just a shame that Simm!Master will not return and an even bigger shame that the surprise of Simm!Master’s return was spoiled by the trailer and bad make up and inability to hide Simm’s voice. 

The Guest episodes in RTD’s era and the new monsters. All the guest episodes are great. Moffat is good at writing monsters. Moffat is responsible for creating the best monsters in New Who. The Weeping Angels, The Empty Child, Vashtra Narada and The Silence were all good. The sad part is Moffat is good at writing guest episodes. 

What I hate

Plots that go nowhere and abandoning established ideas for his plots and just making up as he goes along. Moffat tends to introduce plots and either never intends to go back or explain them or abandons them altogether. In series 5, it’s introduced that Th Alliance, a group of The Doctor’s worst enemies all worked together to put The Doctor in the Pandorica, who brought them altogether, when and how are they joined together and when are they gonna return? Never brought up again....Okay? When we all heard “Silence Will Fall” it gave us a sense of wanting more. And in the series 5 when River went to Amy’s house in The Pandorica part 1 ending, I saw Omega symbols everywhere. This led me to believe that Omega is tied into the cracks in the universe and The Silence and maybe we would see Omega in series 6 and maybe The Silence were created by Omega. It never happens. The Silence are a religious order. It STILL could’ve worked because there were STILL Omega symbols all over in A Good Man Goes To War. And once again, nothing, I don’t know if Omega was ever planned to return but something was dropped. Moving on. I thought that the reason why The Doctor’s name was shown to be this terrible thing in New Who is because The Doctor used his real name to Timelock The Time War and saying it would unleash The Time War on the universe and...his name is dropped like it’s nothing. The Silence with a flip of a hat decide to join The Doctor despite it being their goal to kill him because...reasons. So glad that was resolved so easily. How did The Doctor and Clara escape The Doctor’s timestream? Never addressed. John Hurt’s character. I always thought he was gonna be The Other considering the 50th was coming up and it might be the Cartmel Masterplan. He’s a Doctor between 8 and 9 and was the one who fought in the Time War? Okay. Okay when Missy started appearing and when she talked about Clara “I chose you well” I got the hint that who this big bad was, that she created  Clara to use against The Doctor, this led me to believe that Missy was The Rani. “Oh she’s the Master, but instead of calling her The Master we call her Missy now”....kay? The Master chose their name like The Doctor, I’m pretty sure they would not change it because The Master changed genders, but whatever.  The Hybrid. Something so horrible that The Doctor left Gallifrey “it was The Doctor and Clara” are you fucking kidding me? Oh it gets better, The Doctor doesn’t even care that he found Gallifrey, all he wanted was Clara back despite Clara being content with dying. No seriously you fucking asshole, you wasted my fucking time with either dropped storylines or shit you made up cause we all fucking know you did not know what you were doing. 

River Song The issue with River Song is she is simply an awful character. River stokes The Doctor’s PTSD really bad. She is a character forced upon both the audience and The Doctor. River is a character who kills at the drop of the hat and makes a Dalek scream for mercy. Yeah, call me old fashioned but showing mercy to a Dalek is more compelling. She encourages The Doctor to kill, and reveres him as some untouchable genocidal god, and constantly pushes herself onto him sexually, even though he pulls away. River Song is Steven Moffat’s Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. And there’s the fact that River is predatory. If it was a male character constantly coming on to the much physically younger female character, and being naked and doing so despite being asked not to do that like.... people would have freaked out and called River out for being a predator and had a fit, but because she's an older female and he's a younger bodied male this is... somehow badass and empowered? Oh and let’s not forget the fact that River is somehow part Time Lord? Being born in the fucking TARDIS does not make you part Time Lord. Jesus fucking christ, JENNY is more Time Lord, at least that makes more sense. And the revelation that River is Amy and Rory’s daughter makes no sense. Rory was erased from existence. How can River still be their daughter if Rory died at that point? But moving on.  I hate that she is used as a plot device. Oh, by the way she can fly the TARDIS, and oh by the way, she can flipping regenerate. I’m sorry, but River Song should, by NO means, be able to regenerate. She pops in to get the Doctor in and out of trouble and then disappears to who-knows-where/sometimes prison. And fixed points in time? Excuse me? No. I mean, really. That was absurd. Special rules do not apply to her. Moffat is just trying to make her look cool and I am not sacrificing good writing for image. River Song is a sociopath whose entire life revolves around The Doctor, there is not ONE SINGLE decision she has made for herself. She goes around with a gun, shooting things, causing genociide and we’re meant to believe the Doctor is actually ok with that? Giving her a gun does not make her a strong, independent woman. It makes her a sociopath with a gun. Her smugness annoys me to no end. Fucking spoilers. Fucking hello sweetie. Her sensuality is forced. She has no chemistry with Matt Smith. Her line in the wedding of River Song. I’ll suffer if I kill you-more than the entire universe-yes. How selfish can she get? She is constantly rubbing in her knowledge in not only the Doctor’s face but the companions. It’s like when Moffat took over he wanted to one up RTD so he made River who lets everyone know how awesome she is, how well she knows the doctor, how she can fly the Tardis so well (you turned the “handbrake” off, congratulations) She has no reactions to her parents dying. And finally she is meant to be this brainwashed sociopath who exists to kill the doctor and in the space of literally 30 seconds she changes her mind. A lifetime of brainwashing and trauma and pain and she gets over it in 30 seconds. Like I said, I shit you fucking not River Song is Moffat’s Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. And yes, the marriage. It was forced. The Doctor flat out states that he doesn’t want to marry her and she pressures him into it because it’s the only way she’ll let him touch her. If there is any kind of pressure, blackmail or abuse to get someone to marry another person, the marriage is forced. The Doctor was absolutely pressured into participating because not participating would’ve ended the universe. Here’s the difference between Rose Tyler and River Song.  Rose Tyler was a character who existed and had a romance with the Doctor. There was NO love at first sight. it was not Predestined, or anything like that; it was just some crazy old alien being like “oi, you wanna go and see all of time and space?” and rose was all, “yeah, why not!” and they were BEST MATES FIRST. they were just two best mates flying around in their stolen TARDIS, having a laugh, and then when the Stakes Were Raised rose kind of went - oh fuck. i love him. and the doctor went - oh fuck. i love her. it was just a natural, mutual caring and it was just two nerds, both of whom would raise HELL for the safety of the other while saving the universe together.  River Song was a character who existed TO have a romance with the Doctor. We are instantly told, not shown by the first meeting that River is important to The Doctor.  Someone The Doctor would give his screwdriver to and tells her his name. And eventually  they meet again and she kills and The Doctor is okay with it...for reasons. No one ever bats an eye that another genocide happens, but whatever. “Never be cruel or cowardly” apparently The Doctor overlooks why he chose his title when River is around. Honestly, The Doctor would never fall in love with someone who would risk THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE AND TIME because she didn’t want to kill him, i.e. river. he would NOT love someone like that, much less he would certainly not marry her because of it.  Okay. Why is River the only one who knows The Doctor’s name? You might say that River does have a life outside The Doctor cause she’s an archaeologist, yes, but that is barely shown. What do we really know about River? Even though she’s not consistently characterized, we do see that she’s violent, crazy, arrogant, overly sexual, sassy, and even bossy. Not much is known about her that makes us actually love her except that we are supposed to love her because of the Doctor.   If I could change River’s character, it would be this.  River should have been like a future companion who was mentored by The Doctor. Like Seven mentored Ace. In which he becomes like a father to River. She is hateful to him at first because of the conditioning done to her by The Silence. The Doctor saves her from herself and makes her a better person and slowly mentors her, I kind of got that impression when she told Rory about herself in The Impossible Astronaut.  I would have prefered a father/daughter relationship more than a romantic one. And River getting over trying to kill the doctor in just one episode (Let’s Kill Hitler) didn’t really take advantage of the weapon turned companion plot, and it was such a waste! It’s so frustrating how much potential there was there to really tell a story, and instead they just rushed it and made it into a nonsensical mess, rushed into a mystery and rushed into a forced romance. And we will never be free of River, as long as Moffat guest writes for Doctor Who, River will always be there. Even when she is being sent to her death, River Song’s presence is forced upon us in series 10 and no matter how much we want her to go away, River will never leave. Fuck Moffat for forcing River on us.

Moffat’s perception of The Doctor. Moffat sees The Doctor as this angsty vengeful authoritarian god. The Doctor is important because They are the one being trying to make a positive impact in the universe not because they’re a god/angel/cosmic authority/vengeful deity

The Doctor’s Name. Since when does the Doctor’s name matter so much? He chose his own name, Doctor, for a reason. It stands for everything he believes in.  and that’s what matters, not his birth name, they weren’t gonna do the Carmel Masterplan, so it really doesn’t matter. Furthermore, how could the Doctor’s name bring about the end of the universe? I just…I don’t understand? I’m really trying to and I can’t, because it makes no sense. Before Steven Moffat took over, The Doctor wasn’t this prophesied space messiah that all the evil beings in the universe were hell-bent on destroying because they knew that his name had catastrophic properties. Never explained why and all mentions of why his real name is important is thrown away, thus once making something built up entirely pointless.

The Silence Genocide. Here’s the difference between how genocide is presented with the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors. The Ninth Doctor has the opportunity to destroy the Dalek Emperor’s fleet with the delta wave generator, but it would be at the cost of the humans and Jack on the game station. He couldn’t bring himself to commit genocide a second time, he would choose to be coward over a killer anyday. With Ten, he had no choice but to destroy the Racnoss and commit genocide, but he was ashamed of himself. The Silence had been on earth for thousands of years and had influenced human history and helped get humanity to the moon. One of them killed a human.  The Doctor sanctioned a genocide of an entire race with a smile on his face and turned on by his psychopathic future forced wife(jesus I wish I was making this up) and the humans just go along with it, The Doctor might as well have just told Cletus to burn a cross on The Silence’s yard. What was The Silence’s crime exactly? furthering Man's achievements? I can only assume that no one knows about the killing of Joy in the toilets, but if the Doctor did its a bit harsh to wipe out a whole race because of the actions of one. I mean, holy shit we have a jail that is capable of holding aliens established in the beginning of the episode and apparently killing them all instead of holding them all away is preferable. 

Apparently sexual assault is funny if a woman forces herself on a man. If someone forces themselves on you without your consent, it is assault. It happened with Amy(while she was on her way to being married), it happened with River, it happened with Clara, it happened with Tasha Lem,  and it happened with Missy. It was not funny in absolutely any time, yet this immature fucking jackass always plays assault for laughs. If this were an older man forcing himself on a younger woman, there would be outrage. and the creepery of women who meet fully grown men as little girls falling hopelessly in love with that same grown man, usually throwing themselves at him and forcibly advancing on him.  And him sexualizing them when they're adults when literally like 5 minutes ago for him they were children, it’s really vile.

Moffat’s inability to break the New Who companion formula with Clara. When we were first introduced to Oswin Oswald, I sincerely thought we were finally getting a new type of companion, FINALLY a companion from the future and not just another modern girl from the UK. Then Oswin was revealed to be a Dalek and she died. Sad but I thought she was a great character and I really wanted her to start traveling with The Doctor, Oswin and Eleven had great chemistry and unfortunately it was wasted potential. Next, we get Victorian Clara. Finally, a companion from the past. Her story was so great and once again good chemistry with Eleven and once again I wanted Victorian Clara to travel with The Doctor and she dies. What happens next? We are once again forced to have a “the companion must be special to travel with The Doctor plot device” and we have Clara Oswald from modern UK. Okay, fuck you. You complete and utter fucking moron. Not every goddamn companion needs to be from the modern UK. The Doctor has traveled with companions from the past, from the future and even aliens, hell, two of his companions were Cybermen. The Doctor traveling with a companion from the past or future works. 

Moffat believes companions should only be female. Gee, it’s not like Ian Chesterton, Steven Taylor, Ben Jackson, Jamie McCrimmon, Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, Mike Yates, John Benton, Harry Sullivan  Adric, Vislor Turlough, Mickey Smith, Captain Jack Harkness, Rory Williams and Danny Pink don’t exist or are important. Seriously fuck you, the male companions are just as important as the female companions. 

Death always being teased but never executed upon and made ultimately pointless in the end. Rory has been dying in three fucking seasons until he actually dies in series 7. His death in series 5 was actually great. Then, when Amy and Rory ACTUALLY die in Series 7, it makes absolutely no sense and there are so many plot holes around it, it can be avoidable and The Doctor could simply just travel to a different part of the country in the TARDIS and just go back to New York on plane or car. Their death is completely avoidable and comes off as Moffat saying “He can’t save them because shut up” The Doctor let Amy and Rory go at the end of series 6. That is all you had to do. LET THEM GO, their deaths were avoidable and if you wanted to write them off, let them go. The most interesting Claras died and the last Clara died but was stupidly brought back despite the fact that Clara was content with dying. Ashildr had a great death protecting her people and of course deus ex machina technology makes her immortal. Even Heather, a girl from one episode had a good emotional death, is brought back in the finale. Bill Potts had possibly the worst possible fate. Bill was shot and everyone was shocked. Like damn, Bill is dying and the next thing we know is she is being converted into a Cybermen and who knows The Doctor is being forced to deal with the fact that he led his friend to a fate far worse than death. The emotional pain is there...and it’s ruined. Bill is fine and gets a happy ending like Clara and Ashildr. River is dead AND WE ARE STILL NOT FUCKING FREE FROM RIVER SONG! I don’t know why the fandom perceives Moffat as bad as George R.R. Martin, Moffat is a coward when it comes to death and never sticks with death, everyone HAS to come back and the deaths for every companion is undone and makes their deaths and sacrifice completely pointless. The reason Adric dying worked SO WELL is because he stayed dead and Adric’s death was a sacrifice and it worked. If Moffat was headwriter for Earthshock, I’m pretty damn sure he would find a way to undo Adric’s death. Death has no consequences in Moffat’s Who.

Until Bill Potts, every companion ALWAYS had to be special because the plot demanded it. Amy was “the girl who waited” River was River and Clara was “The Impossible Girl” no one could be special cause they are special to The Doctor, they had to be related to the plot

Day Of The Doctor was not celebrating 50 years of Doctor Who. It celebrated New Who and The Time War. It only celebrates The Time War and Moffat’s Who. It makes Not only that, it makes it black and white, it makes The Daleks the true evil of The Time War and erases the culpability of The Time Lords. Remember  it wasn’t just the Daleks who were the cause of The War, it was The Time Lords themselves who started The Time War when they convinced Four to try and stop the Dalek creation in Genesis Of The Daleks, it’s very important to understand that it wasn’t black and white and make the Time Lords the innocent party. And Day Of The Doctor ignores that and ignores that Rassilon wanted to erase all life and make The Time Lords beings of higher consciousness at the cost of all life in the universe.  

Mishandling The Time War itself. Throughout series 1-4 The Time War was built up as this horrible war that was so horrible that if it did not end, it would’ve destroyed life itself. The Time War NEEDED  to be more than a generic Sci-Fi battle. in the novelization of the episode Rose, 

The Time War was meant to be bigger and more horrifying.“this wasn’t a fight like laser guns and spaceships and explosions, this was a filthy, stinking war that changed reality itself.” Instead, it became a generic Sci-Fi action movie. Instead of the enormous time-traveling, inconceivable concept that was painted. The Time War prior to the 50th was something that we COULD NOT CONCEPTUALIZE because it was not fight like a normal war, it spanned galaxies and time. The true tragedy of it wasn’t that the Daleks were going to destroy Gallifrey or Arcadia, it was that THE DALEKS AND TIME LORDS BOTH WERE RIPPING THE UNIVERSE APART WITH THEIR WEAPONS. You cannot show that. So instead, we got shitty action movie explosions. When I got real interested about the Time War before series 6, a fan trailer showed a concept that The Daleks wanted to capture the Eye Of Harmony and insinuated that the Daleks went to war with the Time Lords to gain Gallifrey’s resources so they can gain mastery over space and time. That alone is more compelling than “Daleks just wanna exterminate the Time Lords” it was lazy writing, even more so by portraying the Time Lords as the innocent party. The Time Lords tried to get The Fourth Doctor to stop their creation and The Seventh Doctor manipulated Davros into destroying Skaro. There is no innocent Time Lords, retconning their actions throughout classic who and ignoring Rassilon and the High Council’s plans was complete and utter lazy writing. Rassilon and the High Council were as scary and menacing as the Time Lords from War Games and  Rassilon was a fearsome genocidal demigod. Choosing to ignore that was seriously dumb. Let’s go over Moffat’s depiction of children of Gallifrey and how he portrays the Time Lords waging War. Ignoring the concept of looming is dumb. “children of Gallifrey” I was just so mad when I heard about this. looming made Time Lords more alien and it is an interesting portrayal of Time Lords being asexual. Ignoring that, the concept of Time Lord Children is really dumb, Time Lord children carry stuffed rabbits. Because Time Lords children = Human children. Oh wait. Then Moffat’s concept of how The Time Lords would wage war.  Time Lord soldiers have helmets.  Time Lord soldiers have helmets to protect them from the rubble. There is rubble.  Things are burning. No, I mean things are literally burning.  Things are burning because the Daleks are shooting ray guns and the Time Lords are shooting back using their super advanced … ray MACHINE guns!!!!  Just to remind the audience, the Time Lords are a superior race with power over time itself.  The Time Lord soldiers have walky-talkies. No really, they do.  When Time Lords make art, they make it in 3 dimensions.  When Time Lords make war, they make it in 3 dimensions.  “Have you ever thought what it’s like to be wanderers in the Fourth Dimension?” Masters of time and you decide to make them have ray-guns? This isn’t the fucking Terminator. And also, it ignores the fact that The Doctor witnessed Gallifrey burned. The way The Time Lords were portrayed in DOTD, was just lazy.     

Sonic Sunglasses. I believe that the sonic screwdriver needed a long break. It worked for Five-Seven so it would work for Twelve.  I like the sonic screwdriver but I hate how they constantly made Ten and Eleven dependent on it and turned it from a time lord device that can open any door to a magic wand that can perform a deus ex machina. What happens instead of Twelve relying on his intelligence and wit? He gets a downgrade and gets himself Sonic Shades. It worked like the screwdriver, with a few added bells and whistles to justify this downgrade.  One of the most noticeable problems with the glasses was that, unlike the screwdriver, their effects weren’t visible. Doctor Who is ordinarily a visual program that has always drawn attention to its colorful sci-fi/fantasy moments. Also, unlike the screwdriver they weren’t exclusive used by The Doctor, making them far less special. Clara, Ashildr and Osgood all donned the specs during the limited number of episodes in which they appeared. In series 10, the glasses committed their greatest sin. After the events in Oxygen rendered The Doctor blind, instead of having him deal with the extent of losing one’s vision, he popped on his magic glasses, thus cheapening the experience. While they didn’t restore his vision, the tech provided him with enough guidance to dramatically lessen the full extent of his blindness. Sadly, if the writers had allowed The Doctor to go 100% blind, the sheer vulnerability of such a powerful character could've made the Monk Trilogy a much stronger arc.

Hell Bent undid Clara’s sacrifice and made Day Of The Doctor completely pointless. Hell Bent STILL leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. All this mystery around The Hybrid and it was completely pointless. Gallifrey was completely wasted. We were given hope that The Doctor would see his home and his people again, but instead of The Doctor restoring Gallifrey, finding Susan, Romana, Leela and Ace again, Gallifrey is reduced to background noise and The Doctor doesn’t even care that he’s home. It was all just to bring back Clara. Clara was content on dying to save Rigsy. Clara paid for her mistakes by trying to emulate and be The Doctor. Heaven Sent was brilliant, it showed The Doctor trying to struggle without Clara, it was emotional and brilliant. Not only is her death undone and Gallifrey is reduced to background noises, Clara is rewarded by her actions by becoming a faux Doctor with a TARDIS and her own companion in Ashildr. This is the complete opposite of what should have happened. She gets rewarded for trying to become The Doctor when she shouldn’t be. She should be paying for it, that’s the whole point. Clara isn’t The Doctor, what makes her different is her primary strength and that’s why they need each other. Clara dying was the only good way to end this character and it ended up as a copout. It took her agency away and because Moffat could not let her go he had to bring her back, thus making Face The Raven and Day Of The Doctor completely pointless

Because Moffat STILL will not let River go, he has a portrait bigger than his own granddaughter’s Susan Foreman. There is no way within time and space that The Doctor will never believe River Song is more important than his own granddaughter. In my opinion, he should have picture frames of Rose, Jackie, Mickiem Jack, Martha and Donna, The Ponds and Clara along with Susan, but only River gets the big special picture. Fuck Moffat and his petty favoritism

Nardole For the majority of series 10, The Doctor was followed around by a cue-balled whiny crying cyborg known as Nardole. He first appeared in the 2015 Christmas episode with a purpose and then proceeded to just sort of hang out afterward with no discerning purpose. Then midway through series 10 in the episode Extremis, his purpose was explained. He was just a reminder that River Song is still there. We can’t be free of River no matter what and because of that we have to sit through this unbearable, annoying screaming robot. Kamelion is better than him and that should show you how bad Nardole is, but unlike Kamelion who had issues cause the robot malfunctioned and only lasted a few episodes,  we suffered through the entirety of series 10 because of Nardole.

Bad make up and giving away Simm!Master in the teaser ruined the reveal. The series 10 trailer spoiled that John Simm would return as The Master at some point. However, since he didn’t appear in the first ten episodes, it became a given that’s he’d appear sometime during the two-part series finale. And while they might have been saving him for part two, it was likely they’d want to utilize him for the entire story arc. So with all that in mind, a character that looked and sounded like John Simm in heavy makeup appeared about 15 minutes into the penultimate episode, The World Enough and Time. Some viewers may have been as shocked as The Doctor and Missy were by the reveal, but it could’ve been handled better. Simm did his part by disguising his voice and mannerisms. Yet it feels like a lost opportunity with an easy enough fix, if anybody had cared. The whole thing could’ve been avoided by either not including The Master in the trailer, or by disguising Simm in even more makeup and prosthetics.

Ignoring Simm!Master’s character arc in End Of Time. I don’t like End Of Time for a majority of reasons, but even I understand that Simm!Master had an arc in End Of Time. Sure, he mostly wanted revenge for what Rassilon’s done to him, but he still saved The Doctor, he considered The Doctor’s offer and had a realization that maybe he doesn’t have to be bad. Simm!Master had sane moments in his insanity which all had in some way the Doctor involved, showing him listening, with tears in his eyes. And in The Doctor Falls, he is completely unchanged. Acts as if the character arc never happened, Simm!Master is sexist for no reason.  Time Lords have no real concept of gender inequality. The Master had respect for Jo Grant, Nyssa, Tegan and Martha Jones and never harbored sexist attitude for them, he had ill feelings as an enemy, that’s it. Made to hate the Doctor so much he’d rather die than standing with him - Ignoring the fact that’s exactly what he did in The End of Time Part 2 and also the fact that the Master’s main goal over everything else was always his own survival. So he dies unredeemable, learns nothing, uncaring asshole, and completely disregards his character development in "The End of Time and all just to make Missy look good.

Missy had no reason for wanting to change and my annoyance at the name change. I don’t see or understand why Missy wanted to change. Obviously they are gonna give her a redemption story for...reasons. What are the reasons you might ask?...Shut up. Well, we obviously need her to fight her demons so why not give her absolutely no reason to want to change (except “I want my friend back” which apparently wasn’t enough reason for any other Master) I seriously do not understand why Missy would want to change. Missy/Master would want to fight a common foe with The Doctor and later betray The Doctor later and their game would go on as it always goes. Missy had no motivation, every chance The Doctor gave her, she always went back to her old ways. Missy’s “change” simply comes off as “let’s praise Missy She’s changed!! Why? Who cares. Motivation? Character development? Nuances? I can’t do that, I can only create a contrast between new and old so crass, everyone will see the change! Shut up and stop asking questions!” If Missy returns, I want  them to stop calling her Missy. Call her The Master. The Master chose their name like The Doctor, I’m pretty sure they would not change it because The Master changed genders. You don’t just change that name. She can very well still call herself The Master, there is no reason why, they cannot call her The Master. Changing gender is not a reason to change the title The Master chose to be called as such as they believe they can rule and subjugate the universe. But The Master should at the very least return as a villain, despite the forced change.

The Daleks and Cybermen are misused and overpowered. The problem with the Daleks is that Moffat has no idea what he wants to do with them. This video explains it perfectly. When the Daleks returned in series 5, they returned with an awful new look but they are still the biggest threat in the universe and the emotional trauma and hatred with the Doctor is there. Then, The Daleks go away and nothing is done with them. In series 7, Asylum Of The Daleks they return. They are not treated like the unstoppable force they were once in Classic Who or in Davies’ Who or even in Victory Of The Daleks. They are instead treated like another monster of the week. It’s not a big deal for The Doctor to face them anymore, he doesn’t seem to have any kind of reaction to them still operating or prospering in the universe. So now with no explanation Skaro is apart of the universe again despite the fact that it was destroyed in Remembrance of the Daleks,  there is a Dalek parliament, thousands of them exist, they have their own asylum(apparently the Daleks are too scared of their own malfunctioning Daleks) and they have death camps. Dalek death camps and The Doctor doesn’t care. Dalek death camps and The Doctor has no reaction to nor does he want to help anyone in the camps. While the execution of Evolution of The Daleks wasn’t very good, Dalek Sec was right that the purity of the Daleks would always destroy them in the end and must change if they are to survive, but that is no longer relevant. The tone of the Dalek appearances after Victory Of The Daleks shows their menace is no longer there. The Doctor goes from being enraged and consumed by grief by seeing The Daleks, to not feeling anything nor caring that the Daleks having death camps across the universe. The Rusty thing just didn’t work. The only thing that did work was the “you are a good Dalek” line. The Daleks have lost their menace and if The Doctor doesn’t care or show any fear or hatred towards them, then why should we as an audience care? As for the Cybermen. The problem is they are just the Cybus Cybermen with the symbol removed, the same monotone “DELETE” the only difference is they are too overpowered and well they are apparently Iron Man now thanks to the Nightmare In Silver all rocket boots and detachable limbs and superspeed. In  Dark Water/Death in Heaven they are nothing but Missy’s slaves with no autonomy of their own rather than a true force to be feared. It hasn’t helped that more often than not, modern Doctor Who has repeatedly decided the only way to beat the Cybermen is to overwhelm them with the power of love, a trope the show falls back on far too often. What made the Cybermen scary in Classic Who is when they were first envisioned, they were meant to be a chilling extrapolation of what creators Dr. Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis saw as the future of prosthetics and cosmetic surgery, humankind chopping bits of itself until what was left was more machine than man. Only their very first incarnation, the Mondasian Cybermen has ever tangibly captured the gruesome, tragic roots that sit at the heart of the concept behind them as monsters. Tomb Of The Cybermen also showed them as a true threatening monstrosities.  So when the Mondasian Cybermen do return, Bill is converted and what happens? Bill retains consciousness and apparently it’s not enough to have the Mondasian Cybermen, Moffat just HAS to bring back his overpowered Iron Man knock off Cybermen. No true and utterly terrifying new designs, just the overpowered Metallic Gary Stu Iron Man Cybus Cybermen. So as usual Moffat has a genius idea and manages to ruin it in the end.  

Moffat’’s sexist garbage ruined The First Doctor in Twice Upon A Time. I have seen EVERY First Doctor serial and One is not sexist at all. I get it, the sixties were a different time, Since the First Doctor was of that era, he wanted the audience to laugh at how different things were back then. Especially with the constantly horrified reactions of Twelve at his former’s self’s behavior. So what’s the problem? Short answer, it’s because the First Doctor wasn’t like that. Not even remotely.  And this is the story that takes place before One’s regeneration, apparently Moffat doesn’t care about all the character development One went through with Ian and Barbara, he just wanted bad humor that goes against One’s character just so he can appear as the better party “see? My Doctor is better than Classic Who” no, asshole, The First Doctor was not at all like that One wasn’t a walking ball of sexism, he was a curmudgeonly grumpy old space grandpa who lightened up with his first human contact, grew warmer and closer to them and learned to help rather than… eh.. smash people’s skulls with rocks.

The real problem with Moffat is that  Moffat is a good writer, capable of being a great one at times, but a terrible showrunner. Steven Moffat was a man who in the beginning had some marvelous ideas, and much like another BBC writer Terry Nation. When writing scripts once or twice a year were completely brilliant, but when stretched to almost write an entire series single handed, the outcome suffered. Doctor Who used to be a show full of heart, courage, emotion, character driven, cared more about the heart of the show and character than the concept of the over-complicated plot that will eventually be dropped at the end of the series. And honestly sometimes Moffat’s fans sound like Rick And Morty fans “To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Moffat’s Doctor Who." that’s what most of y'all sound like.  After watching the teaser for series 11, I am finally really excited for Doctor Who. It feels like everything it used to be, everything that made Classic and Davies’ Who great. 13 and her new friends I cannot wait and finally it feels like Doctor Who

[snickerl]

Elixir Vitae

AU XF fanfic set around the time of IWTB.

A/N: Thank you, guys, for your kind comments. You've earned yourself the next installment.

Find previous chapters here: Chapter I

Chapter II

After a restless night in my comfortless motel room and a hasty coffee in the morning, I'm back at the clinic to see her, only that I don't have any idea how to keep a low profile.

I'm contemplating which unsuspicious words to say to her when I hear Dr. Pratt call me, "Mr. Mulder!" He's waving at me on his way over to where I'm standing, still indecisive about how to approach her.

"Dr. Pratt."

We shake hands.

"How did your conversation go with your wife yesterday?"

"Oh, good. Really good, I suppose."

"And you're here to see her again?"

"Uh, yes. I hope that's not a problem."

"No, not at all. She seemed very upbeat and in a good temper at our late afternoon therapy session. The chat with you did her good."

"I was hoping it would."

I don't know what it would've done to me, had he said that our conversation had disturbed her that much that I should refrain from talking to her today.

"Just keep in mind that her mental condition is sensitive. You mustn't confuse or unsettle her. Don't try to induce anything. Her memory has to come back naturally and at its own pace. If you put the words into her mouth, she won't be able to differentiate between what she remembered herself and what she was told. It could be devastating for her."

Above his metal-rimmed spectacles, Dr. Pratt throws me a serious look which urges me to nod in understanding.

"I got it, Dr. Pratt. I'll be cautious not to undermine her healing process. It's just that I missed my wife terribly those past three months. I was afraid I'd never see her again. Now that I found her, I can't just sit in my room and wait for her to remember me."

I get a compassionate pat on the shoulder.

"I understand, Mr. Mulder. I understand you very well. If you're looking for her, after our morning group she said she wanted to go for a stroll around the pond. You might find her there."

"Thank you, doctor," I say and am already on my way.

It doesn't take me long until I spot her. The clinic park is not very big and her red hair is reflecting the early day sun. Scully's by the little pond, watching a mother duck with her little ducklings. She doesn't see me coming, so I make my presence known with a silent cough.

She looks up and smiles. "Hey, Fox! It's you again!"

Alright, the short-term memory seems to work just fine.

"Yeah, hi, it's me again."

I grin. Stupidly, I suppose. I hope my face doesn't show how much I missed her last night when I was lying in my bed all alone, terribly cold because she wasn't there to warm me.

"Where's your wife?"

Darn, I have to lie to her again, and I feel a sting of guilt because of it.

"She, uh, isn't feeling well. Doctor Pratt ordered bedrest for the remains of the day."

"Poor thing. I hope she gets better soon. Doctor Pratt is my attending physician as well. He's a good therapist. Your wife is in good hands."

Her genuine concern for this woman, who doesn't exist but is, in fact, she herself, troubles me.

“I know," I answer and push the lump back down my throat which threatens to suffocate me.

She doesn't seem to notice my uneasiness, her eyes are back on the duck family.

"Aren't they cute?” She's thrilled by the fluffy feather balls bustling around. “Look how the little ones follow their mother everywhere she moves."

She breaks a few crumbs off a bun she pulls out of the pocket of her jacket and throws them into the water.

"It's from the breakfast buffet," she whispers conspicuously to me. "We're not supposed to take food out of the dining hall, so...shhh," she puts her index finger to her mouth, "don't tell anyone!"

"My lips are sealed," I tell her with one hand up in the air as if I was put on oath.

She throws me a satisfied smile, casting more crumbs at the ducks that swim toward them cackling loudly.

"See that tiny one over there?"

She points to a dark brown duckling, somewhat smaller than its siblings.

I nod.

"It's the smallest. I bet it was the last one to hatch, and now it's still too slow to get any of the crumbs because the others are snatching all of them from under its nose."

She clicks her tongue.

"C'mere little baby duckling, I've got something for you."

Her voice is smooth as silk as she's trying to draw the little bird toward her. When the duckling swims in our direction, she throws a few crumbs in front of its tiny beak.

"Here you go! Quick, before your brothers and sisters get scent of this private feeding!"

The duckling seems to understand. It snags a piece almost as big as its head without making any fuss, then swims in the opposite direction to nibble at it in peace and quiet.

"It's gonna make it," Scully says confidently.

"How can you be so sure?" I wonder.

"The small ones tend to be underestimated, but they're tough. Often tougher than the others."

"Just like you?" I venture.

She straightens her back, then looks down at her small physique and sighs, "hopefully."

Oh, Scully, if only you knew how strong you are! How unyielding and tenacious you can be!

If she remembered how she fought her way through a male-dominated environment for years and years, how she withstood the dark forces that tried to destroy her, how she managed to survive one misfortune in her life after another, she'd have a much greater deal of faith in her ability to master this crisis.

I do, but she's not aware of her strength, instead her self-doubts and insecurity are so palpable that I jump up from the bench and position myself in front of her. I have to break her free from this contemplative mood.

"How about a walk around the pond?" I ask her.

She looks up at me, squinting one eye as the sun is dazzling her.

"Yes, that would be nice."

"Let's go then. It'll take your mind off things."

She shows me a sweet smile and closes the gap I established between us by taking a few of my extensive steps.

I wish I could take her hand, but that's completely out of the question, of course. So we walk side by side for a while without talking, simply enjoying the other's presence. At least, I can say that for me. I enjoy every step I'm making with her beside me. If I just knew what to talk to her about.

"You know what really bugs me, Fox?" she eventually fills the silence with her lovely voice.

"That you can't remember what you prefer, Coke or Pepsi?" I venture for a joke and earn myself an eye roll I'm very familiar with.

"That I don't remember anything about my family. I am someone's daughter, but I don't remember my parents. Do I have brothers and sisters? Am I married? Divorced? Somebody's girlfriend? Am I a mother?"

There are so many sad answers to her questions that it makes bile rise up my food pipe, the only positive being our happy marriage. I could tell her how I proposed to her while we were on the run, barely a year after she dug me out of that rotten prison cell with Skinner's help. How it was meant to make a family of us, although without William we'd never be one really. We'd always be just a couple, not a family. Considering this I have to say that I'd have to give her sad answers to all her questions. She might want to keep her amnesia if she knew.

"Why isn't anybody picking me up here? Or at least paying me a visit? Does that mean there is nobody in my life who cares enough to be wondering where I am? To be noticing I'm gone in the first place?"

My heart crumbles to pieces. Am I really supposed to leave her in the dark about that? To let her believe she's not missed? Not cared about? Not loved?

"I'm sure there is someone desperately trying to find you, Kelly. I guess they just haven't found you yet," I simply have to tell her. "I'm sure this someone will turn up soon and everything's gonna be fine."

"If you say so," she says but doesn't sound convinced. "It's so much easier if you know what or who you're going through this for. The examinations, MRI's, therapy, medication. Your wife is lucky to have you, Fox. You come here every day to visit her. I wished I had someone who supported me like that."

I realize when I'm given a golden opportunity, and I'm eagerly seizing it.

"I could say hello whenever I'm here."

"Oh, no! I could never ask you to do that."

"You're not asking for it, I'm offering it to you."

"Wouldn't your wife mind?"

"She's...uh, resting a lot. My visits are always bound to be quite short. I can spend my time with her and still have enough of it to look after you. I don't know what to do with myself anyway. So, if you don't mind to have me around once in a while..." I trail off, holding my breath in anticipation of her answer. Hopefully, I don't sound bothersome or over-zealous.

"No, I don't mind. I don't mind at all," she says, and I try to subtly let the air out of my lungs.

"It's settled then," I conclude, "you won't think of me as a stalker if I pay you a short visit every day." I don't intend to keep my visits too short, though, but I don't have to tell her now.

"I will think of you as a very kind person, Fox, and I will be looking forward to your visit every day."

She sounds almost giddy and my heart bursts.

"Good."

Wonderful! Marvelous! Splendid!

I part from her more easily today than yesterday, now that I know that I will see her again tomorrow and that she's looking forward to seeing me.

I'm relieved and full of hope for the first time in three months, hope that I will wake up from this nightmare eventually.

to be continued

[lightofthetrees]

tagged by: @irreverentecthelion​ I know the original post was only a list of favorite male characters, but I wanted to make a list of my favorite lady characters as well! I’ve also decided to make these my favorite NON-TOLKIEN characters (just as a challenge). The order is just the order I thought of the characters in - it doesn’t really mean anything.  This is long, because I wrote a short blurb about each character.

Top 10 Favorite Male Characters

Garrus Vakarian - Mass Effect Garrus is one of my favorite characters from this series - he’s always by Shepard’s side, no matter what. He knows when to crack a joke and when to stay solemn and serious. He’s also a total badass, capable of completely insane feats in combat. He also really grows as a character throughout the games.  Han Solo - Star Wars A classic. He’s a great sarcastic sidekick. Though he doesn’t always do the right thing right away, he gets around to it when the going gets tough. Sam Vimes - Discworld One of the things I love about (Sir) Terry Pratchett’s writing is his characters. Sam Vimes is no exception. He has this coffee-drinking, hard-working cop vibe, but underneath this gruff exterior is an incredibly courageous man who loves his city. He also makes sure he has time to go home and read to his son (Where’s My Cow?!).  Dorian Pavus - Dragon Age I love Dorian for similar reasons to why I love Han Solo - the witty sidekick is just my favorite trope, ok. He also has an excellent mustache. He’s a show-off who’s always making jokes. And he’s a wizard. What’s not to love? Dorian also shows us that not all people from Tevinter are horrible and evil. He’s a good dude and he wants to do what’s right.  Jarlaxle Baenre - Forgotten Realms novels This guy. He’s just. !!! A mysterious mercenary with a great fashion sense. HE CAN “TURN OFF” THE NOISES HIS (fabulous) BRACELETS MAKE YOU GUYS THIS IS IMPORTANT. As much as I love Drizzt, Jarlaxle is definitely my favorite R.A. Salvatore character.  Miguel & Tulio (”Mighty and Powerful Gods”) - Road to El Dorado This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and Miguel and Tulio are pretty much my favorite kind of characters - basically just D&D bards on a crazy adventure. They get themselves into a TON of trouble, but they find their heroic sides at the end of it all. Crowley & Aziraphale - Good Omens Another mighty bromance, and more of Terry Pratchett’s wonderful influence. I love how these characters are the polar opposites of one another, and not just because they are an angel and a demon. Their personalities and tastes are completely different, and yet they manage to team up (and even be friends) in spite of all this.  Harry Dresden - The Dresden Files A main character who I don’t get tired of (or who I don’t just hate in favor of their sidekick). Yes, he’s an exceptionally powerful wizard, but he’s also just a guy who wants to protect his friends and his city. He tries hard to adhere to his own moral code, but he is by no means perfect. Definitely one of my favorite protagonists. Top 10 Favorite Female Characters

Cassandra Pentaghast - Dragon Age Ok, so, I love Lady Knight characters (see Brienne, below). This probably doesn’t come as a surprise. Though Cassandra is kind of annoying in the DA2 cutscenes, she becomes a remarkably complex character in DA:I. Though initially stubborn and quite harsh, she becomes one of the Inquisitor’s most trusted and loyal companions (most of the time). She is not only a great warrior - she’s a woman of principle. Despite her strength, though, even she sometimes feels lost. She questions the validity and morality of her actions. Rey - Star Wars She’s a powerhouse of Force ability, and she’s fiercely independent. She doesn’t need a romantic interest to be a complete character.  I am so excited to see where Rey goes as a character in the next movie.  Leia Organa - Star Wars Best. Princess General. Ever. <3 Eleven - Stranger Things Eleven is such a great character. As is pretty evident here, I love to watch how characters grow and change over time. As she develops her psychic abilities, Eleven learns what it’s like to have friends that care about her. She will do whatever it takes to protect them. Brienne of Tarth - Game of Thrones I love Brienne because while she is a female warrior, she isn’t just a fashion model wearing some armor. She’s larger in stature than most women and is really self-conscious about her appearance. She is fighting to find her place in a world in which men (and very traditionally beautiful women) hold the power. She’s also honest, loyal, and motivated to do what is right. Daenerys Targaryen - Game of Thrones Another powerful female character who, even though she has dragons and armies, is still coming to terms with who she is. She goes from a naive, frightened girl to a queen who metes out brutal justice and leads an invasion to claim her throne. Yup, she’s ruthless. But it works for her. She’s the Mother of Dragons.  Moana - Moana Another character who shows that a girl doesn’t need a romantic interest to be a complete and wonderful character. There is NO ROMANCE PLOT in this movie and I LOVE IT. Moana doesn’t have to marry anyone to become Chief. She’s the Chief’s daughter, so she’s next in line, and nobody questions it. She, too, goes on a journey to become the ruler she needs to be - compassionate but also strong enough to defend her people.  Karrin Murphy - The Dresden Files I love Murph. Yet another lady warrior, I know. :P But she’s great. She’s always there for Harry when he needs her. Like him, she cares deeply for her friends and her city.  Charity Carpenter - The Dresden Files I love Charity because she will do anything to protect her children. She’s basically Super Mom. Also, she makes armor.  Liara T’soni - Mass Effect How to go from sweet, innocent scientist to badass information-broker in 10 easy steps. Like Garrus, she’s there with Shepard through all the ups and downs of their adventure. She’s intelligent, motivated, and loyal.  tagging: anyone who wants to!  (You don’t have to stick to male and female characters - this is just the way I chose to do the lists. Basically I just think it would be cool to know about characters you guys like.)