#stuckinacycle

[eric-sadahire]

Homeless people are not the problem 

They are the result of the problem

[incarcerateddemigorgon]

So my mom's been really disappointed in me lately... She claims and i quote u r too closed off you don't socialize much you just stay stuffed in u own shell and only comes out when u want to and other times you dont interact...okay so may be its true but i wasn't like this my whole life i was a really bright and kind of stand out kinda girl (no bluffing) but now all i want is to stay in the shadows and i this its 80 % their fault they put me up in an all-girl-more-prison-less-college where i never wanted to go since the beginning my mind set was of an other college but they forced me here its my 2nd year here and m still not mentally settled they did this to me 2nd time.. How can they expect me to adjust my self in a place where i can hardly breath???...so i stopped making friends one of they reasons is that she never liked anyone i ever made frnd also.... I dont know how or when i became such a closed person but i cant help it i also sometimes want to be back to who i was but i dont know how to??... M just stuck here

[boywiththeblueheart]

I really need to stop living to do things for other people.

But it's hard because what makes me happy, is making other people happy.

#StuckInACycle...

[fvkjmg]

•dependency•

[starrrxshine]

My life.

So, I don't care who reads this or not.. I'm going fucking insane being so alone with my thoughts, it's scary. I'm scared that I actually might hurt my self, or something bad is going to happen to me. It's scary not knowing what's to come, but for some reason at the same time I don't want to know! ...it's a never ending cycle, my life is going out of whack. I'm fucking mental, I'll admit. I'm sure a lot of people could say that they've had deep, dark, crazy, thoughts. But I certainly can't tell anyone what mine are.. But well, here I am writing all this. I will say it on this, call me what you will.. I just can't hold it in anymore! Nothing's going to make this right, at all.. I can only wish that'll happen, I've tried a lot of things I could get, I've lived on pills for most of my life. I stopped taking all of them, sure it's not good to just stop, but none of that shit doesn't work for me. It just makes things more depressing having to live and rely on medication, although that just may be my only option.. But I don't want to, I hate how fucked up I am.. I fucking hate myself, I try so hard to keep a fucking smile on my fucking face. And well, even if I don't, I wouldn't know how to explain to anyone all that's on my mind. Seriously, it's the same answer every time I try to explain it all, and people have so little time to hear it all. Even the people that are supposed to listen to all you have to say.. Don't even know, they just tell me the same damn thing. "I hope you get better soon." ... "You just need to relax." ... "You need to go on these medications." ... "You should go to treatment." ... Blah fucking blah! Like seriously has anyone ever noticed me trying to seek help? I just want one, just ONE person to spill all my shit to.. But I have to switch councillors most times, I certainly appreciate the effort people put in, like I'm not selfish... I'm so damn nice, and I think I'm too nice honestly. I can't help it, I want to see people so damn happy around me, and just doing something that'll make someone smile truly melts my heart, I love the stuff I can help out with.. But most times I'm not asked, or I offer, or whatever people don't bother. I hate the way people look at me, like I'm a fucking monster. My face isn't the best looking, nor is my body. And yeah no ones perfect.. But why do people got to look at me like I'm the scariest shit they've seen? I'm sure that quote "no ones perfect" came through their fucking minds at one point, why can't they think that when they stare at me? I've been staying home, avoiding people, and drinking a whole lot lately. Like, I'm just ready to give up... What can I do? I'm feeling so hopeless, and sure "it takes time for something good to happen" but when? Fucking when?! ... I've been waiting and trying for a long fucking time! My mom, brothers, and I have been struggling since as long as I can remember.. I just don't feel like anyone gives two shits on what we need help on, it's hard watching my mom struggle, and my brother seems alright at the moment, he has his break downs... And my 5yr old brother? Like damn, I certainly hope everything turns out by the time he gets older, I don't want to see him suffer like we are, like why the hell does so much people get so lucky? Like, not to sound like a complete douche.. But it seems like the people that are fine with stuff, and what not get so damn much. Here I am, with my mom and brothers struggling, and taking whatever the fuck we can get. And yet people still treat us like we're fucking nobody's, or idiots, we're fucking not! ... We know so much shit, we could hurt people an all of we wanted to, but we're so damn kind hearted we can't even bare the thought of doing so. I love my family so damn much, I just want to make things better.. But here I am, complaining like a little birch and not trying anymore to achieve.. I'm so stuck in the twisted mind that I have, and it's stopping me. Don't even try to tell me to push harder, I fucking can't. :/ fml. I could only write so much, maybe I'll continue this some different time...

[eric-sadahire]

Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today but eventually

Trading card collaboration with Robert Hugh Hunt 2021