#stucky always comes thru

[daydadahlias]

best friend I need some new fics to read, I've gone through all of yours and the recs you've made. have you read anything new lately?

oh geez best friend, let’s see what I’ve got for you.

What I have read very recently is For Real by Molly ( @burstingsunrise ) which is a fucking TREAT and I 11/10 recommend. It made me want to desperately watch a show that doesn’t exist. It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s slutty and overall just a goddamn banger. If you’re comfortable with smut and cake, I’d say it’s a must read. (Molly continues to write my favorite Lukes ever and FR Luke is so delightful).

And what I just read today was Amanda’s ( @lifewasradical ) latest fic rebound feelin’ like a rerun which was an incredible angsty lashton fic (no smut!) that just had me wrapped up entirely for a good three hours today. I did not exit that tab once, even to check my messages I was so engrossed. The writing was stunning (Amanda metaphors are delicious. I sunk my teeth into this fic like I was a small ravenous animal) and lashton fit together so wonderfully and it had me gasping dramatically several times.

I’d also highly recommend Maya’s ( @calumsash ) outside POV mashlum fic Three, that’s the magic number because it made me giggle lots and is overall just a fun very wholesome time!! I’ve reread it now a couple times and it still makes me smile. I’m a real sucker for an outside pov and Luke here is delightful.

And I also recently reread Monse’s ( @lukemichaelcalumashton ) passport control bc I always crave some sweet mashton and this hits the spot just right. It’s hurt/comfort kind of but not too angsty, you know?? Just enough to feel your heart clench but not to really hurt. It is VERY cute and makes me feel all warm and cozy, y’know?

And obviously these are not new but I’ve been hopping through my fave scenes in all of Anna’s ( @ashtcnirwin ) big three lately, Tie That Binds, CAD, and Tidal Wave and I always encourage a reread of any of those sexy motherfuckers. You ever think about how 10% of Anna’s fics are some of my favorite fics ever in any fandom?? I think about that.

I hope that helps at all!!

[curiosity-killed]

Fandom asks: M, P, Q, U, and X

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

oh gosh. going to go with....His Radiancy from HOTE/whatever the series is called except that there's a 90% chance i'd get fried bc i am a pretty big hugger with my friends

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

hmmm okay who rules the world scifi AU where hei fengxi & bai fengxi are both assigned, randomly, to the same off-world internship around...*rolls dice* interplanetary regulations on the seizure and restriction of fresh water sources in newly discovered planets (Lanxi is probably doing this as part of his plan to become Space Emperor and Bai Fengxi is doing this to help maintain public access to vital resources)

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

There are a few of these but we'll go with Marvel for the simple reason that I think I less abandoned Voltron and it more imploded. anyway marvel mostly, for me, sort of curdled thru the source material and as that eroded (corroded? bloated?), so did the delight i originally got from it.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

trying to pick different ones from usual and also. make some actual words here

Bucky Barnes (Marvel)

i am trying to limit myself to one (1) Human Weapon character here and i am being. So Brave about it

I know that my love of him is Heavily influenced by the Stucky Fandom That Was but like! sunshine dapper lady's man baby boy turned into haunted, ragged ghost turned into a weapon with no name no memory no self!!! breaking out of that!!! choosing to forge a life of his own choice!!! hnnnn

also. i can't not say it. The Arm is one of the sexiest pieces of costume design the MCU has ever done. the shifty shifty plates. the noises. excellent 12/10 i still love it

Miranda (Station Eleven [the book])

I read Station Eleven at an admittedly weird and tender time of my life but my god!! that book Read Me and Miranda was a significant part of that

her thoughts on being a creative, her end scene! I!!!!

Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road)

i have an unfortunate abiding love for action movies and if MMFR had come out when i was 8-13 i would have been, Insufferable

i love competence! and trauma!!! and wrath!!!! i love a character thinking they will finally Escape only to realize that they must turn back and make that new world with their own bloodied hands!!

im realizing that 2/3 of these are not actually fandoms im in but they're characters i love so anyway. a fandom can be urself and ur many many many emotions

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

i maintain that h/c is a genre but hurt/comfort. otherwise, glass canon characters. i love to see competence AND whump. ✨duality✨

fandom ABCs

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i know imagining animatics/fanvids set to songs is a time-tested fandom tradition, and i vaguely remember that you talked about having playlists dedicated to characters, so i wanted to ask: do you have any songs in particular that inspires you to translate it into a different medium? (not necessarily for fic purposes)

like for example i recently listened to gravity by john mayer (the lyrics is so stucky-coded, which you know, ouch) and i'm vividly imagining making a stopmotion thing with paperdolls that have movable joints flat on the table, a snowy sky as the background, the bucky doll falling in slow motion (as the background streaks red) while we see the form of a chair slowly becoming visible at the bottom of the screen... and then it switches to a parallel scene where the steve doll's falling with the pieces of the triskelion floating in midair. then as he crashes into the river we see the bottom of it is the waterlogged version of the room he wakes up in the future, and as he lands on the bed it freezes him ❄ the frost spreads and spreads, until it reaches the other doll being held in its own cold prison, serving as a tomb where he slumbers ❄

...wish i knew how to outline things properly and break tasks down into manageable chunks lol, but it is very fun to think about making art! (but actually following thru ambitious projects is 😭)

I think you'll enjoy this post

Also, this post

I 👏🏻 LOVE 👏🏻 THIS 👏🏻 QUESTION 👏🏻

As far as imagining fics based on songs, you can very much see that I do that to some degree with the amount of fics I have that use song lyrics as titles, lol. But when that happens, it's not so much about hearing a song and then coming up with a fic concept based on the song, usually, I have the fic written, then a song comes on shuffle and I go Oh! Oh, This Is The Exact Vibe! This Song Has To Be The Title Now!

Your idea for the John Mayer song sounds beautiful and haunting, by the way! It perfectly fits that song! It would be truly, truly breathtaking. Just the idea in my imagination is breathtaking.

I have a vivid imagination, so usually when songs remind me of stucky and inspire me, I imagine fan edit type videos in my head. I don't know how to edit, though, and I have too many things going on to teach myself right now, so... they'll stay in my mind.

This got longer than I intended, lol

"What Was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish

I used to float, now I just fall down

I used to know but I'm not sure now

What I was made for

What was I made for?

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

'Cause I, I

I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel

But someday, I might

Someday, I might

When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for?

That song vividly, vividly shows me Steve--Steve before he encounters the Winter Soldier and really begins to make a life for himself in the 21st century. Aimlessly wandering around Brookyln. Staring out into space. Frowning. Wringing his hands. Trying to figure out how he feels and who he is now that he's woken again to a new world. There isn't a war. There aren't any people he knows. What does he do? Who is he?

I mean...

"In Over My Head" by Grandson

When I was nine, I'd make believe

The good guy always caught the thief

The room went dark and I couldn't sleep

I was in over my head

At 15, I would look around

And all my friends had it figured out

They all thought it, but they never said out loud

I was in over my head

Oh, I feel this vertigo

Sick of being an optimist

I'm trying, I'm trying

But I'm in over my head

I'm in over my head

...

I thought I'd make change happen overnight

I was 20, thought I had a good hold on life

Didn't know it at the time, I was not alright

I was in over my head

Now I'm pretty sure at 26

That it isn't gonna be some little fix

The game wasn't rigged by accident

I'm in over my head

This is another Steve song. I hear this song and I see an edit showing us Steve from the playground, squaring up with bullies twice his size, Steve as a teenager, getting in trouble with Sarah, giving her gray hairs, Steve as a young adult, getting in fights in alleys, enlisting illegally, Steve in the military, standing up to his superiors, then Steve post-serum, post-war, entangled in his Captain America suit--watching the news after a mission, wading through the scene of a protest, frowning at his phone, opened to angry discussions on social media... he doesn't know what to do. He feels paralyzed.

(Also, "Left Behind" by Grandson also gives me MAJOR Steve vibes. He's stubborn. He cares so deeply about topics. All of that. I see Steve getting angry in that song, I see Steve crying with that song. <3)

"Black Vultures" by Halestorm

Black vultures circling the sky

Feels like the end of the world

But it's only the beginning of it all

Forget the things that you've heard

Been a survivor since I began to crawl

I'm falling down but I'm not out

The devils at my door

I don't give in, I don't give up

I won't ever let it break me

I'm on fire, I'm a fighter

I'll forever be the last one standing

Black vultures circling the sky

Pick at the pieces

Scavengers wait for me to die

But I'm not defeated

I'm on the edge of the war

I'm holding on and hanging by a thread

I am the eye of the storm

And you haven't seen the last of me just yet

This feeds my brain the idea of Bucky lying on his back on the ground, in the middle of fucking nowhere, a meadow that's muted and dulled. The sky is overcast. There are vultures and ravens flying overhead, circling, but also perched in trees at the outside of the meadow. He's exhausted. Worn thing. Greasy. Gritty. Bloody. He gets up, turning over to crawl, and eventually finds the strength to walk. To stagger. It cuts to black. And then there's a montage of destruction in the most beautiful way as he tears through HYDRA bases. Ending them.

"Devil In Me" by Halsey

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

The devil in me

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, come back to life

This is simple. At least, it feels that way to me, lol. It's purely Bucky. I see Bucky screaming, sweating, hair amess, after having a bad night, coming too close to horrifying memories through dreams, and trashing their [Steve's and his] bedroom. Thrusting the nightstand onto its side. Cracking the lamp. Ripping the sheets. Needing to do something. Squeezing his fists.

Finally, finally sinking down in the corner of the room to sob. Hands to his head, trembling. He sits there for who knows how long before Steve comes in and holds him. He tells him it's okay again and again and again. It is. They can replace everything. Sometimes you just need to get it out.

"Guilty (For Your Love)" by YONKA

You tripped on love, you got cut, you were bleeding

I carried you through the night, an emergency

I want to inhale your disease

I would do anything for you, I am guilty

I get goosebumps when you're near me

You're just like the movies

I am guilty for your love

...

I had monsters in my bedroom 'til you came along

You scared them off and kissed my head

Told me that they've all gone

You taught me how to stand up to my demons, that's real love

You been messed around so much, you forgot how to trust

Had the wool pulled over your eyes, but I ripped it off

I'm the pill you needed when you thought that you were all done

This is one million percent stucky in my head. I see so much with this song. I see them in war times, I see Steve getting up in a commanding officers face, throwing his own queerness in their face when the officer comes to deliver Bucky his blue slip. Yelling. Eyes lit with a challenge. They won't discharge Captain America. They couldn't. I see Bucky throwing himself in front of Steve. Blocking him from fire, from bullets, from danger and absolute death with his body. I see Steve taking the stand in Bucky's defense against the United Nations Court. They will only convict Bucky if it's over his dead body. I see Steve and Bucky lying in bed, sheets tangled, Steve's fingers tracing Bucky's jaw, his sharp cheekbones... yeah.

"Are You Really Okay?" by Sleep Token

Are you really okay?

You woke me up one night

Dripping crimson on the carpet

I saw it in your eyes

Cutting deeper than the scars could run

And don't you know

I can see it in you even now

And don't you know

I want to help you but I don't know how

And are you really okay? Yeah, yeah

Are you really okay?

And I, I cannot fix your wounds this time

But I, I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine

Please don't hurt yourself again

Just please don't hurt yourself again, oh

This song, depending on the mood I'm in when it comes on, flips back and forth between coming from Bucky's point of view, about Steve, or Steve's point of view about Bucky.

It's mostly the same either way, I see Bucky or Steve filling the role of the narrator in the song--waking up to see their partner bleeding, shaking, incoherent, and hurting. They're dazed. So hurt that they have a thousand yard stare and can't totally focus. The rest of the night is spent on the balcony of their apartment. Smoking a cigarette despite supposedly having quit, sharing it between them silently. When they slide back into bed at dawn, they're wrapped up so entirely in each other.

I hope you enjoyed my rambles, lol

[polizwrites]

WIP Update - 7 Feb 2023

Finally back on track after vacation with a very productive week!  I touched 8 fics ( 2 WIPs & 6 new works) for a total of  3567 words!  I also have over FOUR HUNDRED works posted on Ao3 as of this past Friday! 🎉 🎊🎉

On Ao3, I posted: Save Us All From the State We’re In  -  Bucky & Sam bonding through adversity. Come Again Some Other Day  - introspective Bucky thinking about getting caught out in the rain.   A Visitor to the Library -   Tony and Stephen established relationship fluff.

On Tumblr I posted: Make My Heart Come All Undone (Continuation) -  No Powers AU  surfer!Tony (with a secret) and amputee!Bucky.  A Secret Garden -  Bucky discovers a life-threatening secret Tony is trying to hide (spoiler: it’s hanahaki) Flying the Flag of Freedom -  No Powers/Pirate/Historic AU: Steve and Bucky are pirates who target slave ships. Recollection of Anticipation -  Steve & Bucky introspection mid-CA:TFA.

I have  12 active WIPs  with my current  deadline being the  Stuckony  Valentine Cards  event (due 10 Feb), along with the February Ficlet Challenge, Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo 2023  and the  Tony Stark Bingo (all ending 28 Feb)

See below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Twenty-one fills posted over 18 fanworks with 6 bingos (Rows 1, 3 & 5 and Columns A & B and 1 diagonal) Masterpost

Stuckony Valentine Cards Event  [Ends 10 Feb]

This Ao3 Event solicited prompts for Stony, Stucky, WinterIron, and/or Stuckony works - it’s now in the creation phase, so if you’re looking to write something short and sweet (or smutty!) and are 18+ plus, feel free to check out the list of prompts!  I skimmed thru them before vacation, but now need to take another look & hopefully find something that I vibe with and can write by noon Friday!

Bucky Barnes Flash Bingo 2023  [BBB_F23] (Ends 28 Feb)

The Bucky Barnes Bingo team (@buckybarnesbingo​) is running a flash bingo this month - pick one of 5 premade cards (each with prompts starting from the same letter of his name)  and create some new content to share! 

I picked the U card  and here’s what I have so far:

* Unlucky -  Come Again Some Other Day  - posted last Friday. It’s an introspective piece with Bucky reflecting on how much he hates being rained on.

* Undone  - Filling this with a continuation of  Make My Heart Come All Undone  - No Powers AU featuring surfer!Tony (with a secret) and  amputee!Bucky.  I got a good start on this thanks to the  FFF23 Day 1 prompt: Wave.  Chapter 2  (Tony POV) is sitting at 584 words at the moment.

* Underdog - hoping to combine this  with my All Caps Bingo   Isaiah Bradley square - Bucky’s recollection of their fight. 

 Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Twenty fills with only one bingo so far and four WIPs at the moment -    with  Vague Ideas for almost every other square.   I am gunning for a blackout, tho will probably have to pull my Adopted squares in to make that happen. 

S5 - James “Rhodey” Rhodes -- probably crossing over with my AvB  Vulnerability square - I have a vague plot idea & title:   Tensegrity that I think I can pull together in time.

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  some sort of remix of/inspired by sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal  from Pepper’s POV.  At this point, I think I need to re-read the fic & take notes …   may need to scrap this idea & try something else. 

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - was going to combine this with  SRB  E4 - Mental Bondage but still may write up the idea I had - potential titled  My Voice the Chain that Binds You.

* A1 - AU: Regency -   finally cracked this with an outsider POV (Phil Coulson) of the events of To Tame a Werewolf.  The Steward of Brookside Manor is up to 185 words so far.  

*A5 - Scott Lang  - 27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Got inspired by last week’s Flash Fiction Friday  [#FFF188 Where Secrets Lie] and wrote up A Secret Garden  as the hopeful beginning of a longer piece.  It’s sitting at 289 words at the moment and will crossover with my AvB Unrequited Love square.

* K5 - Protectiveness – using this for the third (and probable final) chapter of my  Stony Western AU WIP   Come Down From Your Fences  (And Open the Gate)   The first draft is coming in at 907 words and I’m targeting posting on Friday.  

February Ficlet Challenge [FFC23]  (Ends 28 Feb 2023)

I’m participating in the @februaryficletchallenge,  where two prompts get posted each day.  You’re supposed to write a 200+ word ficlet within 24 hours and share it to the collection -  I’m ending up using these as prompts for longer works to fill bingo squares, but am posting each ficlet to Tumblr as I complete it.    Here’s what I have done so far:

Day 1: Wave -   see BBB_F23  Undone above.

Day 2: Caught in the Rain - see BBB_F23 Unlucky above.

Day 3: “What’s up, Doc?” -  I combined this with my AvB Kissed to Keep Quiet square for  A Visitor to the Library -- a bit of Tony/Stephen  (IronStrange) fluff.   It will get posted to Ao3 eventually.

Day 6: Pirate AU:  Combining this with my All Caps Bingo AU: Fugitive square.  Posted Flying the Flag of Freedom to Tumblr  and plan to expand on it for the bingo.  Steve and Bucky are pirates who target slave ships in order to free their cargo; but what happens when they come upon a ship of slaves who have freed themselves?

Day 7: Carnival/Amusement Park:  Combined this with my All Caps Bingo “This is payback, isn’t it?“  square for  Recollection of Anticipation  - where Bucky’s comment about the Coney Island Cyclone sparks memories for Steve. 

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023)

Eleven fills and one WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.

* B1 - Mutual Pining -  no specific idea, but it’s so On Brand for me I’m sure I’ll come up with something!  (maybe  the Centerfold fic idea I’ve been toying with)

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me. We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine).   Will probably continue on this sometime in February.   Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  square  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

Avengers Bingo Round Four [AvB_R4] (Ends 2 June)

This time around the card is a 3x3,  so am looking at writing different pairings for my two favorite Avengers - Tony and Steve.    I have 1 fill completed and one WIP, with a couple more ideas in play.

* A1 - Vulnerability - see TSB James “Rhodey Rhodes square above

* A3 - Kissed to Keep Quiet - see  FFF23  “ What’s up, Doc?” prompt above.

* B1 - Unrequited Love -  see TSB Secret Admirer square above.

* C3 - Dog Tags - seems like a good  Steve/Bucky  (or Steve/Sam?) square.

All Caps Bingo [ACB_R1]  (Ends 30 Sep 2023)

This new bingo focuses on Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson as its main characters - paired up with each other or anyone else!    I’ve got 1 completed fic and two different ideas for the One Fill, One Bingo Challenge - see this Tumblr post for details. 

* B2 - AU: Fugitive - see FFC23 Pirate AU above

* N1 - Rogers: The Musical -  with the encouragement of the ACBB Discord folks, I returned to the well and wrote up  Save Us All From the State We’re In   418 words of  Bucky & Sam bonding through adversity.

* O1 - “This is payback, isn’t it?” -   see FFC23 - Day 7: Carnival/Amusement Park above.

* O3 - Pararescue Sam Wilson  - may try to squish this into an expansion of  A Rising Star -  a previous Flash Fiction Friday fill. 

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a Captain America  Stuffed With Character figure in progress -  still working on the figures/props for my three Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners as well (7 of 8 done so far) – thanks so much for your generous support!!  Finally, I am prepping for a superhero con in March  and another con in June  so am pretty well booked up through spring/early summer.

That said, if you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations later in the year, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 100!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Bucky becoming a 'binging with babish' style deadpan youtube cook who tries out all the recipes he's come across during a disjointed century and multiple wars 

(also has a sideline in kitchen gadgets for disabled people) 

His catchphrase, said mid-recipe, is 'remove cat from counter-top'

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟓)

note - once again, thank you for reading!! it took me a while for this chapter and i wanted to execute it properly. it’s long so i hope y’all got a place to sittt!!! srry if it has typos i didn’t go thru in depth!!

i introduced a new character in this named alex. i see him being portrayed as alex turner or oscar isaac, but you’re free to picture anyone!!!

let me know what y’all think of this chapter!!!!! i love some of the scenes in this, i feel like i structured it differently than how i usually do and you get to see their lives a lil more <3

new taglist

playlist

warnings - angst, stucky mission!, angst!, cigarette smoking, hints of 2013-2014 tumblr vibes for sure 

word count: 9.7k

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞: 𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

    "Back to working late nights, I see."

As Steve looked over his shoulder, he was met with the sight of Natasha leaning against the jamb of the open door to his office. The light from the hallway flooded into his dimly lit office, the only lighting being the lamp on his desk. She had her arms folded, a small smile on her face as Steve looked up at her.

    Locking eyes with him, it was no surprise that he had the same tired gaze that had been lingering in his eyes for the past three weeks since he'd stopped talking to you, almost a month. And while Nat may not have been surprised, she, like everyone else, was concerned. Steve was different from the man he had been just a few weeks ago, the man who seemed suddenly uplifted. He had rose up from his bad mood only to re-enter the slump he was in before, only worse.

    This time, the slump Steve was in wasn't irritated and unnecessarily aggressive due to pent up sexual frustration, but it was lethargic, a melancholia that creeped in slowly. He seemed sad and gloomy, "not in the mood." Before any of Steve's mood swings, he was just the kind of calm and serious person that Steve Rogers was.

Then you came along and he was Steve Rogers in Wonderland. Now that you were gone, it was like he'd buried himself into a dark and deep hole, and not the one that Alice fell into. He was just sort of somber and quiet, too quiet. Isolated, like he was now - deep into his work, but not in a good way.

   Steve didn't even muster a smile. He just slumped back slightly into his chair and sighed, the cold gloom in his eyes unwavering.

   "Working on something from the Sokovia unit."

   Nat offered a small, sad smile,

    "Need anything? You're missing out on movie night."

    Steve shook his head. He knew that Nat was checking on him for other reasons, but he didn't want to be the one to address it. He hadn't talked to anyone about it, not even Bucky, who was the only one to flat out ask what was happening. The others sort of danced around the topic. But it bothered Natasha greatly. She had to ask, because even she couldn't figure it out.

    "Don't need anything. Thanks."

    "Steve. What's going on?" Nat asked, fed up. She walked in further and closed the door behind her. "You're acting strange again."

    Steve mustered the tiniest of smiles, shrugging,

    "Just been busy these days."

    "No, you've been purposefully making yourself busy. You're all cooped up in here. You're by yourself all the time, even when you're around us. What's going on?" Nat sat on the edge of the table, looking down at him with her eyebrows drawn together. "No one else is asking, but we're all wondering it."

    Steve sighed. He'd been isolating himself, burying himself in work to distract himself from the thought of you. The two of you had ended on such a rough note, and it was hard for him to even process it. It scared him, how much more he thought about you now that he had stopped talking to you, thinking that would be the solution.

Thinking that leaving you alone would stop things from escalating. And they had, maybe in the way of your actual relationship with each other. But for Steve individually? The feelings were worse than they had been. He was hurt that he had hurt you, and it was like leaving you only exposed how much he really did need you.

    And to think of it that way felt like his biggest defeat. Like he was letting his responsibilities down. He couldn't feel this way about someone he met online, not in the way that he met you. He couldn't let it get to this point, and yet it was impacting him so strongly, much more than he'd expected.

    So he retracted, recoiled to be alone. He hated the way it had gone down - hated the fact that he had scared himself, hated the fact that he had even allowed things to feel that serious. But mostly he hated the fact that he couldn't be honest with himself - or maybe he hated the fact that now that he was being honest with himself, he was depriving himself of a good thing out of fear. And he had virtually no one to talk this out with, because he'd have to tell the full story, and he still forbid himself to do that.

    It was over, and he didn't want to put this on his team's plate, even if it was over with. Now that he had ended things, he didn't have anything to hide anymore, but that didn't mean he was just going to reveal everything. He still felt like his leadership would be at stake if he were to, although not selfishly. It felt like something so private. He needed to think this out with himself.

    So while he knew why Natasha was checking in, and knew that she was right to, because clearly something was happening, he still couldn't open up. So he just dismissed it with a wave of his hand and a false smile,

    "Don't worry, I've just been tired." Steve hopped up from his desk, allowing a burst of energy, even if ingenuine, to take over.

He didn't want the others to worry about him like this. The situation was a big enough deal already. He didn't want them in on his own personal pain, which he had fully decided to take care of himself - though he wasn't doing a very good job of it. He continued, grinning.

   "I'll join you guys for movie night," he decided.

He hadn't magically gotten better, but if this was what it might take to ensure his team that he was fine, he would bring himself out of his little hole, just for a few hours. He needed a break anyway, he'd been starting to drift when Natalie came in, thinking of you specifically.

    But Natasha wasn't buying it, the fake smile, the sudden burst of energy. It was like he was putting on a show, but she wasn't a fan of his performance.

    She stood up and sort of blocked him, staring him down with a dead serious look in her eyes, her arms folded. She wasn't angry, but she was disappointed by Steve's behavior. The past few months had been so topsy turvy with him, his changes in mood weren't making any sense. Out of anyone on the team, she felt like he understood her, had made the effort to make a true connection with her, rather than just gaze on, intimidated by her.

    "I know you, Steve. You're not fooling anyone." As Steve's smile turned into a frown, Natasha turned around, walking out of his office. On her way out she followed with, "Come back when you're ready to be honest."

♡ ♡ ♡ 

     "Can we get another round of mimosas, please?"

     Aaliyah's voice brought you back down to earth. The spring air bristled against your dewy skin, the sun shining down on you from where you were both sitting in the seating area outside the cafe. If anything, you were grateful for California's sunshine. It kept you sane, and reminded you that no matter what, you'd always have the sun.

      You were sitting outside you and Aaliyah's favorite brunch place (with bottomless mimosas), just to catch up and talk. You'd been busy dealing with school work and your personal life. And just now, you were a bit distracted, thinking of all the things that led you to this point. You were thinking of Steve, who still came around the wild landscape of your mind once in a while, like the shadow of a maintenance man who you never quite met. It had been almost a month since you stopped talking to Steve.

     It still hurt sometimes when you thought about it, because you missed the rush of talking to him - your experience with Steve was so unique to your experience with any other customer. But it wasn't all about the rush - you missed really talking to him and getting to know him. Even though it felt like it had been all for naught, you felt a warm feeling in your chest when you thought about him.

     You hadn't felt that way with a customer, and while you realized it was silly and irresponsible for the both of you to get as caught up as you had, you still loved every moment of talking to him. It took a special person for you to want to talk to Steve as much as you did - doing private shows for him, requesting him instead of the other way around. It was truly one of the more wholesome experiences you'd had with a customer. The rush was a part of it - it was exciting and thrilling.

     But it was also calming, full of comforting conversation and freeing interactions. It was like this unhinged pleasure you were inviting each other to share, in every sense of the word - it wasn't just you servicing him, though that was a part of it. It felt like in a sense, he also served you.

    The feelings were mutual. You listened to each other, you felt like you knew each other. So, since you were being honest with yourself, you could admit it hurt. But you didn't let it drag you down, especially now that it had been over three weeks. Mostly, when you thought of him, it was nostalgic, like you were waking up from a dream and only remembering traces of it. Just remembering, not grieving.

     Aaliyah noticed your silence and offered you a tiny, shy smile. Ever you had been focusing on yourself, you hadn't been talking to Aaliyah nearly as much. Now that you felt comfortable being in the same spaces as before, you were together, talking it out.

     You'd only told her bits and pieces of the story - that meant she only really knew about the situation with your ex and schoolwork. As for Steve, you kept most of that to yourself.

       "You good, babe?" she reached over and squeezed your shoulder, clad in a loose blouse top.

You grinned, and it was genuine, biting down on your straw as you shook your head playfully,

      "More now than ever."

Aaliyah's smile widened. She knew when you were being genuine, and she was glad to see that this was one of those times. You'd been withdrawn recently, but with good purpose and even better intentions. You were taking all that time to heal for yourself. And amazingly, you had never been more honest with yourself in your life. Ever since Steve, you went through it for a few days.

    You were saddened by the abrupt loss of Steve, even if he was only in your life for a short time. But you didn't lose sight of the realities of your relationship - it would never work out that way. You let yourself sink into sadness only for the first few days afterwards.

     You knew that to let your sadness continue would be extremely unhealthy, and would only cause you to question whether or not you were really fit for this job, where making connections with strangers was pretty important. This couldn't happen frequently, or at all.

     And on top of that, you had been drowning in stress from school and stress from your personal life: morose after the situation with Steve, feeling so much emotional turmoil from your situation with your ex boyfriend. But after a while, you were able to lift yourself up. You knew how unhealthy it would be if you let yourself stay sad because of Steve - you didn't even know him and he had proven that he was just a customer.

     Though that didn't mean you doubted your connection for one minute. You just hated the way you had underestimated what that meant when it came to boundaries, both for you and Steve. You had overshared. It just reminded you that there seemed to be a certain pattern in the relationships in your life, and they all taught you one thing: don't get too comfortable.

But after about a week of beating yourself up over that, feeling stupid and naive and embarrassed for opening up, you moved on to the more important things that needed to be handled - your school work, and how you would successfully move on from your toxic ex. You already had, but when you got that text, it felt like you were relapsing.

    This wasn't just moving on, it was moving on completely and fully. It wouldn't be done by magic, through a divine snap of the fingers. But instead it was a process, an incredibly healing process, one that you actually wanted to find your way through.

     It felt like despite all the progress you had made- all the patching up you'd done as a result of not just that one, but many toxic relationships in your life - you cracked so easily just being reminded of one of them. You didn't want that to be you anymore, even if it didn't mean you weren't strong. It just meant you were human.

     You didn't dismiss all the growth you had made ever since you broke up with your ex, all the bad habits you had broken and the new spaces you had welcomed yourself into. But you didn't want to be the kind of person who cracked under pressure. Part of those toxic relationships was acknowledging the fact that those people will try again to get back into your life after realizing their loss.

    And you understood that now. Your ultimate goal now was to get back on your feet and allow yourself to be as strong as you were and work on how you dealt with personal stressors such as these.

     Your campus offered professional mental help and you took advantage of it as much as possible. You didn't disclose everything, especially not the details of your other job, but you talked about your emotions and your relationships and how you felt like you needed to learn how to handle times of duress. So, you got into therapy; it was a life saver. It wasn't that the incident with Steve had triggered you so much that you needed to get therapy, but the context of the incident and the feelings that roused you to that breaking point on screen with him made you realize you needed help.

     You had done everything yourself before, all your healing, all your growth - but it wasn't shameful to get help. You realized that while you felt sated being a lone wolf and doing everything yourself, that while it was what you were used to and you never complained about it, you didn't have to go through this alone.

     Part of why you never did before was because you didn't realize you could, too. That therapy wasn't just for people who were in situations much worse than your own. You could have a place to healthily let out your feelings, instead of letting them overflow inside of you, or to strangers.

     "Therapy's helping," you nodded, and Aaliyah sat back and listened. "It's helpful for situational things like this, but I think I should've been in therapy like, a really long time ago."

      "I'll drink to that," Aaliyah nodded intensely and raised her mimosa glass to clink with yours before bringing it to her lips and taking a sip.

You laughed, and you were almost surprised to hear the sound of your own laugh, so uncaring and so free. Not the kind of laugh you let out when you're restricting your joy. Just full, pure, laughter. You didn't have to become this hysterical ultrasad woman just because of your experiences - you were proof that things could and did get better.

       You were living just fine before the crash of life came down upon you, you were satisfied with life. But now you felt like you had accomplished some form of ego death, and realized there was more than just being "satisfied." You hadn't thought there was before.

     "For real though, I'm proud of you," Aaliyah nodded, making direct eye contact with you. "I'm glad you took this time to yourself. You glow better when you're happy."

     "And when I'm not being bothered by idiotic men," you rolled your eyes.

Multiple, your brain reminded you - your ex-boyfriend, your idiot professor, and Steve, to an extent. You appreciated what it was that you two had, an undeniable chemistry, but he reminded you of most men - afraid to open up. Though you couldn't feel spiteful towards him. In this context, it made perfect sense that he didn't want to open up.

     "Oh yeah, update me on that? I know it's over with your ex-"

     "Yup. I told him not to contact me again. Then I blocked him," you replied with a heaving sigh - a sigh of release. It felt good to say that out loud again. It felt good to know that your response was final, and that any further badgering you received wasn't as a result of your invitation.

It was as easy as that, even though it took you days just to even figure out what kind of message to send. You could've met up with him, talked things out - at the worst, gotten together again, but you knew you'd never let that happen. You could've listened to whatever he had to say.

    But you had decided that whatever he wanted to tell you, whatever apology he was going to issue, could've been avoided had he just treated you right, instead of constantly dismissing you, instead of reacting to everything with nonchalance. So you didn't need to hear it, and you didn't need to light yourself on fire just to decide whether or not to forgive him- you didn't need to decide at all. So you left it alone, and left him blocked.

Aaliyah just smiled softly at you, so grateful for your steady energy and your strong presence. You were such close friends, it felt like your experiences were mutual. Everything you went through, she was by your side, and vice versa. She was so proud of you for making the decisions you made, and so proud that you came to that result.

     "As you should!" Aaliyah squealed, reaching over and squeezing your hands excitedly. "You really are that bitch. And your project... he said it's a go?"

You smiled bashfully as you squeezed Aaliyah's hands back.

     "Yeah, we talked it out. I still have to modify it which is a huge pain in my ass, but I can manage. So it's fine. At least I'm not dealing with a million other things on top of that."

Aaliyah smirked, again raising her glass to tap it against yours,

     "Cheers to that, babe."

So you had been on this journey, and you had sought out help where it was most valuable - in yourself, in friends, in professionals, and in the world around you. And in return you had learned that you didn't have to be strong all the time, that it was okay to break sometimes - as long as you knew how to cope. And that advice went such a long way.

    Things were looking up from here.

♡ ♡ ♡ 

    Ever since his confrontation with Natasha, Steve had been in deep thought. He was disappointed in himself for letting it get to the point where his interactions with his team felt hostile. Where he appeared so lonely and even sulky. It wasn't like him as a leader, and it wasn't who his team looked up to.

    He didn't want his interactions with people to feel so unfulfilling as a result of his own personal catastrophes, especially when it came to someone like Nat, who was the only one to boldly address his change in mood. He felt like a loser for allowing himself to go as dark as he had. It was something he should've had more control over, something he should've never let creep into his life the way it had.

     Steve wasn't some creepy old man slowly dilapidating in a lonesome one-bedroom home, with no friends and no lovers. He had gone onto the site to find some kind of sexual release, because he had nowhere else to realistically take out his pent up energy, at least not in his eyes. He wanted that connection, and he found it with you.

    He should've been satisfied. The only problem was that he was in for more than he was prepared for. And maybe it was because he was old fashioned and really wanted that kind of connection, because Stark easily went through girls like Moonrose like it was nothing, no strings attached. It only further proved that Steve wasn't built for that.

     He figured that as long as he was distracting himself from the problem by burying himself in work and isolating himself, he at least wasn't doing his job any harm. That was the most important to him - his work.

    But the people that mattered most to Steve were beginning to point out to him that ignoring a personal problem wasn't going to solve it. And Steve should've known that naturally, because one of the biggest elements of his job was to solve problems. He was a logical person, he loved answering the unanswered and finding solutions.

     But that was his job. This was a personal issue, and it was unlike anything he'd been through. He supposed he'd never known how to cope, and that talking to you was just a sliver of one of the ways he did cope.

    He didn't put everything on you, nor did he want to - that was why he'd stopped talking to you. You knowing everything he was going through would be dangerous for the both of you, for obvious reasons. Though you felt like you knew each other, you didn't really know who he was, and maybe that wouldn't have been such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that he was Captain America.

    So when he stopped talking to you, it was like a part of him stopped coping. Lucky for him, not everyone was just going to let him sulk around.

    "Alright, Steve. What's this all about?" Bucky asked, walking beside Steve while they were on a mission together. This may have been the worst time for Bucky to bring this up, considering Steve was focused on nothing less and nothing more than his mission. He thought of you a lot, sure, but not during times like these.

    "What's what all about?" Steve replied gruffly, mindlessly elbowing some approaching Hydra member off the ship they were infiltrating, the sound of splashing water resonating in the distance.

    "You know," Bucky grunted, sweep kicking another member and sending him flying.

The two of them often talked to each other side by side on missions, so disciplined and highly skilled that they could easily do both at once, but not about things like this, and not conversations that required much more attention. Bucky continued,

    "You've been all sad lately."

Steve sighed and shook his head, latching his shield back onto his back,

    "Is that what we're going to be talking about?"

    "Are you gonna answer me?" Bucky raised his brows, cocking the gun he had tucked under his arm and firing ahead of him.

    "Can't really talk right now, Buck," Steve grunted, preparing himself for what was ahead.

    "I think I know what it is!" Bucky exclaimed, jumping away from Steve as he took on a combatant in front of him, Steve doing the same.

     "Please, enlighten me!" Steve called out sarcastically, going hand to hand with another guy, flinging his shield out in front of him.

    Bucky aimed a kick at his guy's crotch, sending him flying to the floor, then standing over him and continuing to pummel him, all the while yelling over at Steve.

     "You think you don't have anyone to talk to about how you're feeling so you're isolating yourself! I know you. It's a very Steve thing to do!"

Steve sighed, shaking his head. He wasn't too keen on having this conversation at all, but especially not now. But he knew once Bucky got started, there was no stopping it. Even in the midst of a fight, in the midst of a mission. But Bucky wasn't entirely wrong, and that was the dangerous part about it - Steve knew Bucky could figure him out if he really set his mind to it. And he was constantly being reminded how much other people knew him, whether it was you, Natasha, or Bucky.

     He may have masked himself as un-phased and even tempered, but anyone could see past that now. Natasha had been close to figuring out just what was going on, and although she was one of the smarter Avengers, who could figure anybody out, Bucky and Steve were the closest of friends, twin flames. Steve knew Bucky would have him figured out in a minute, and he was getting dangerously close.

     "Buck, not now!" he had to at least try.

     "You still talking to that girl?" Bucky ignored Steve's pleas and continued - he had came to his own conclusion, putting together the pieces.

     Steve sighed again, kneeling down on the floor and hanging his head. His silence, his lack of a response, told Bucky all he needed to know. He was in his head, thinking about you, something he never did on a mission. He was thinking of how before this, you were one of the people he actually talked to to cope, even though he didn't delve too deep into his personal problems. But still, you had been there.

     And now that you weren't, he was thinking of all the reasons why you weren't, almost all of them rooted in his own silly fear. The fear he'd been letting go for weeks until you asked him that question. Before you opened up to him to that extent.

     Bucky got up, dusting his hands off. Both him and Steve had knocked their guys clean. Bucky signaled into his ear piece that the coast was clear and they were leaving the building, before heading over to walk next to Steve. Bucky had a sort of victorious smile on his face, knowing he had cracked the code.

       Steve had been withdrawn before you, then excitingly different when you came around. It would make sense that he'd be withdrawn without you again. Especially if things had ended harshly. Since Bucky was the only one who knew about the connection Steve felt he had with Moonrose, it was easier for him to guess. The others might have known that Steve was using the site, but Steve made sure they didn't know all the specifics.

     Although, Bucky did. And he wanted to know just what was going on. He put his arm around Steve's shoulders as a way of letting him know he was there, and that he did have someone to talk to besides you.

     "You know, Steve, whatever happened, you've got me. You've got all of us."

Steve shook his head and looked down at the ground, mustering a small smile that was one of the more genuine smiles he'd shown in the past few weeks,

     "I know."

     "Then why didn't you talk to any of us? You've been like a hermit for the past month almost," Bucky inquired.

     He wasn't attacking Steve, but he still had questions to ask. He wanted to have an honest conversation. He didn't want to have to sit back and watch as Steve alienated himself because he didn't know how to properly deal with his own issues. As an Avenger, it made both him and Steve look irresponsible. And as a friend, he physically couldn't watch any longer.

He didn't think he'd seen Steve so withdrawn, not even when his parents died, because Bucky forced his way in every chance he could get. When Steve was alone, things got dark. Bucky decided he'd be the one to actually help guide Steve out of it, by any means.

     Although, he was surprised that all this was caused by a girl who Steve hadn't even met. A girl who Steve had expressed his worries about to Bucky. It seemed as though Steve wouldn't let things get this far or impact him this much. He had been so quick to deny Bucky when he asked if there was anything more there, and maybe it was because it scared him to think about because it was true. Was it expected, though? Not entirely.

     "I didn't just want to air this out to everyone. It felt like something I shouldn't be doing, not in the position I'm in... I didn't want to disappoint people. And I feel like I have just by acting like this, even though they don't know why I've been this way. It's bad, I know, and I feel stupid for it. It's embarrassing to feel like this. Like... like I don't know any better," Steve replied, and Bucky understood, nodding.

      "I get it. It's like, why would boss man have some strange attachment to a naked stranger?" Bucky responded, not realizing how crude he sounded, making Steve glare over at him with his brows knit together.

      "Well, especially when you put it like that, Buck," Steve said, but he couldn't help but chuckle.

     "Sorry," Bucky smiled, shaking his head. A beat, then he continued. "So you've stopped talking to this girl. For what reason?"

     "I was afraid. It just... got too serious. And I guess it shows, because I've been acting like this as a result," Steve laughed bitterly. "I can't say I expected this to be the result. I think it hurts, but I've really been acting this way because..."

     Steve took a deep breath. It felt like a lot to express his feelings or emotions on any given day, but especially when it came to this. He had been keeping nearly everything associated with you to himself. It felt like such a big deal to express something out loud when he had intentionally been keeping it extra personal. Even if it was Bucky. It felt like something so close to him - he still felt slightly idiotic for the entire ordeal.

    He continued,

     "I guess because I've been trying hard not to think about her as much as my mind does when I'm not distracted. So I have to keep to myself and do work so that I'm not thinking about it as much. And I guess in the process I just neglected my own self care."

    Bucky nodded with a hum of assurance.

     "Mm. Well you're right. Maybe it did go too far. But that can't always be a bad thing."

    Steve cocked his head,

     "What do you mean?"

     "I mean, it's like me and Nat. No one would've trusted us years ago, but here we are now. On this incredibly elite team, fighting injustice with the best of them. I get it, you have to be safe, you can't let strangers get too close, you can't just do anything. But that doesn't mean you have to be so afraid all the time. You care about her. I knew that the minute you asked me about her. Because if it wasn't destined to end up this way, you would've never said a thing. You're good at keeping things to yourself, Rogers. The fact that you even asked me for advice on this, all those weeks ago. It says something. And maybe this all means that not only can you not stay away -  but that maybe... you shouldn't."

♡ ♡ ♡ 

    You hadn't been out out in a long time. You had been using the past three or more weeks to focus on yourself, to fully heal and regenerate and learn to cope. This was your therapeutic week, your week of release.

     But now, you were going out. You made an effort to look extra cute, because it had been a while since you got all dolled up. You couldn't be out super late, you still had a show later tonight, but you'd go out and enjoy a few drinks with friends. You were also going to be meeting new people, which was something you didn't do regardless of your emotional situation, unless it was for work - but those were colleagues.

    These were people who were potential friends, and potential lovers. But you couldn't have made it more clear to Aaliyah, who was tying this all together:

     "I'm not looking for a relationship right now! You know that!" you exclaimed, shaking your head, but she just smirked at you, and pulled the straps of your dress tighter as you both walked into the bar where you would be meeting some friends and new people tonight.

     "Mhm," Aaliyah said dismissively, slinging her arm around your shoulders. "That doesn't mean you can't meet someone and you know..."

     "Aht aht," you chuckled, though you appreciated her vigor. "I don't do random hookups unless it's online."

    Both of you cackled at that, but it was true. You were very put together and determined, especially when it came to actual relationships. Your sex life outside of your job on the internet was sort of quiet at the moment, and you liked it that way. You enjoyed sex and the sensual, pleasurable and freeing feeling that came with having sex in real life, or performing sexual acts on the internet for money. But it wasn't everything to you, you still navigated the world like any human would, except maybe you were hyper aware of your mindfulness, even more than people with conventional jobs.

You didn't let just anybody in, emotionally or physically, not when it came to real life. Though maybe Aaliyah had a little bit of a point. Not wanting a relationship didn't mean you couldn't have fun. You wouldn't force it though. If it were meant to be, it would be.

Tonight, you were going to be watching a local band play, sitting at a table in the audience with some friends, ordering drinks and just having a good time together. You were excited - it felt good to get out, good to be back on your feet. You were getting the normality back into your life, and you were enjoying it, as well as the healing process that came with it - no toxic ex, no hardships with school... when it came to Steve, you still missed him. But it didn't interrupt your ability to function, not anymore. You weren't quite preoccupied with him in this moment.

You were glad to be sitting down with friends, and meeting new people as well. It felt almost strange - you felt out of the loop, like you were getting back onto the scene for the first time in years, when it hadn't even been that long. You figured it was just the fact that there had been such an intense shift, and you had matured so much in just less than a month. You felt excited for the endless possibilities.

The bar was dimly lit, the band was tuning their instruments, drinks were going around, everyone seemed to be in a good, vivacious mood. It was very lively in a way you could appreciate, because you liked the spontaneity and eventfulness of life just like you enjoyed the organized, pragmatic parts of life that you endured in all of your careers and your lifestyle. You liked to have fun, there was no doubt about that. It was just a matter of when you had time for it.

As you sat down at the table, reunions and introductions went all around. Everyone was friendly, and everyone was a college student. You were excited to be with this specific group of people, full of friends and new faces. But there was one new face that truly intrigued you, belonging to a ridiculously attractive guy with a rockabilly quiff and a strand of hair styled at the front, a knowing look in his deep brown eyes. He didn't have to say he was cool, the oversized leather jacket he wore practically spelled that out.

     He leaned across the table to shake your hand, his eyes sparkling when he looked at you, his smile bright and charming,

       "Hey. I'm Alex. It's nice to meet you."

It must have shown on your face how immediately taken you were - he was hot and the energy he emanated was good, and purely sensual. Aaliyah took notice, smirking over at you and watching as you took his hand. You blinked, and smiled. He felt it, you felt it. There was no use in hiding it.  You thought about how much you insisted to Aaliyah that you weren't looking to hook up - but this one guy may have changed your mind, just by his smile.

     "I'm YN. Nice to meet you too."

Even as he let go of your hand and sat back in his chair, he didn't break eye contact with you, a small, playful smirk on his lips. But two could play at that game. Your job, doing what you did, made you ten times more confident than the average person. Just because you weren't on the dating scene didn't mean you didn't know how to flirt.

    And just because you weren't interested in dating didn't mean you couldn't get to know someone in a different sense of the word. Just from looking into his eyes, reading the smirk on his smooth lips, you knew you would definitely be getting to know him tonight. With no strings attached.

| | |

     "You smoke?" you asked Alex, standing in front of him outside the bar as he lit a cigarette. You were both standing in the alleyway beside the bar.

The both of you had ended up here, not completely on purpose, but Alex couldn't say he didn't notice when you excused yourself so that you could make a call to confirm another therapy appointment. You ended up out there for longer than intended as you started scrolling on your phone. But it was Alex who kept you out there, the night sky starry and clear above you. It was quiet, except for the faint sound of indie rock music coming from inside the bar. But it was a calming, comforting atmosphere. It felt like it was just the two of you, and in a sense, it really was.

     "Yeah," Alex smiled almost shyly, unsure how you might approach that. People usually turned up their noses.

You in particular didn't see cigarette smoking as your idea of a good time- recreational marijuana, in moderation. You only ever really drank or smoked socially, but sometimes you could have a lot of fun drinking wine alone. In the heat of the moment though, it wasn't a very big deal to you. That was the other thing about you - you were spontaneous but well balanced, and let people live their lives how they wanted to, even if they were living just a bit on the edge. You knew people definitely would have choice words for your own lifestyle, and that just made you more open minded.

     "Hmm," you hummed, simply thinking to yourself and nodding.

Alex shifted slightly, as if he were unsure of himself, but took a drag anyway.

      "Nasty habit, I'm sure."

     "Can I try?" you asked, leaning up against the brick wall behind you, and gazing up at him.

Looking into your eyes, he could see the glint of innocence and anticipation there, but there was something more- this sort of hot and flashy desire. The chemistry in your simple introduction was undoubtable, and it led you both to think there could be something else. But if there was, there was already an unspoken agreement in Alex's smirk and your smile - whatever it was would be purely physical.

You were too deep into your process of healing to fully put yourself out there, to even want to share yourself with another. Ever since your last relationship, you weren't looking for any one - no one to be your baby, no one to depend on, and no one who depended on you. You didn't want that. But this, whatever it was, was just a little bit of fun. You only ever really engaged in this kind of banter on the internet. It was about time you got a taste of it in real life.

Alex raised his brows at you, surprised. You didn't strike him as the type, and honestly, you didn't strike yourself as the type, either. You were just going with the flow. He just glanced at you and cocked his head to the side,

     "I don't know if you really want to do that."

     "What makes you say that?" you challenged, quirking your eyebrow quizzically, and tilting your head up at him. He wasn't wrong though - you almost immediately questioned why you asked if you could try.

     "You don't strike me as the type. And you're a very pretty girl," Alex eased closer to you, and you felt his rough, wide hand against your cheek, caressing gently as he looked down at you, looking intently into your eyes. You felt his thumb against your cheek, running against your soft skin in smooth, slow circles, and you couldn't help but grin devilishly at the sense of danger it gave you, the kind of danger you only found deep within layers of pleasure. He continued. "Wouldn't want your... skin to fall off."

You couldn't help but chuckle at his anti-cigarette warning, shaking your head and laughing quietly, him joining in. He couldn't ignore the brightness of your smile, how genuine it seemed, how much it struck him. For you, laughter felt like medicine right now, like it was pushing you through this transition phase you were in.

     "Really, is that what's gonna happen?" you smirked playfully, never looking away from him. He smiled, nodding,

      "Yeah, that's exactly what happens."

A beat of silence passed between of you, but the tension emanating between the two of you was louder than ever, pulling you to each other with a tantalizing magnetic force. You watched his lids flutter gently as his eyes traveled down to your lips, the thumb that had previously been on your cheek drifting to your lips, hands moving languidly against your skin. A shiver ran all through your body, resonating in your core, just at the feeling of his touch, and at the knowledge that eyes were on you.

Real, human eyes, eyes that you had summoned through the power of your divine sensuality. You could find these connections online, but in real life it was so electrifying, so genuine- almost like it had been with Steve, though he was the last thing on your mind right now.

     "Pretty girls have the nastiest habits," you blinked, letting him toy with your lips until you gently took his thumb in your mouth, wrapping your lips around it, all the while never breaking eye contact with him.

You knew exactly what you were doing, and you knew your intentions while you were doing it. They weren't anything good, but they weren't bad either.

Alex nearly shuddered, taking in a deep breath. You both had amazing sex appeal and an instant connection, but you were taking him for a ride that he didn't even expect. He nodded slowly, his eyelids heavy, watching your lips around his fingers.

     "Mm," he hummed.

He placed his hand on the wall above you as he towered over you. You felt covered by him, in a good way. He was all over you in the only way either of you wanted to be. His fingers left your lips and now held his cigarette. He leaned in and lifted your chin up, the cigarette smoke lifting up from his cigarette and swirling around your nose, just before he pressed his lips against yours.

    Your lips were hot against his, which were smoky and tasted like his own vice, an open mouthed kiss with nothing but passion and craving within the little space between your lips. The kiss lingered, his hands then beginning to travel all around you, not just your face, but your entire body. You felt his hands on your sides, traveling up your thighs, his body and his lips smashing into your own. There was nothing wholesome about it, and yet you couldn't help but want more.

You only pulled away, panting, to remind him of one thing,

     "You know this is it, right? I'm not looking for a relationship."

He shook his head, reattaching his lips to yours, breathlessly replying,

      "Me neither."

He couldn't care less for the clarifications - he was caught up in you, he just wanted more, in whatever way you would allow. It was quick and fast paced, that seemed to be the basis of your newly forged relationship. Not much thought went into your very needy motions, all abrupt and reckless.

But you pulled away again, placing a hand on his chest,

     "And we're not having sex."

     "Fine. That's fine. I just want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?" he asked, unable to keep his eyes from flickering between your eyes and your lips.

You smiled, nodding eagerly, sated by his needy disposition and the sexual prowess you had over him. He didn't even know the half of your nasty habits. In response, you cooed,

      "Yeah, you can kiss me."

♡ ♡ ♡ 

      Ever since the mission, it was both lucky and unfortunate for Steve that all he had left on his hands was time. All that time consumed him, and you were on his mind all through it. He also thought about what Bucky had to say. Bucky's words were a reminder that he couldn't let things consume him out of fear. It reminded Steve that while he was right to feel weary, he was right to trust, too. Trust was a big part of the Avengers Initiative.

     They all depended on it, and it took a lot of trust in individuals that no one else would probably ever take under their wing. But placing that trust in each other worked, and formed the greatest group of justice defenders on this earth. The people Steve considered his closest friends still had yet to gain true trust from some of the most important figures in the country. That didn't mean Steve trusted them any less.

      He'd had the revelation many times before, but he was having it again. The two of you had something- you had almost everything except for trust.

     It was a big leap he was taking, a big contrast from the way he felt beforehand. But he'd spent all his time thinking and worrying and letting fear and irrational darkness take over him for too long. It was time he took the matters that involved his feelings and personal health into his own hands. And to start, he had to take that big leap of faith.

      Was he making a stupid decision? Likely. But was it rash? No, it was the result of so much reflection and thought. It was like he took a look inside of himself and realized what he had to do. And even though this wouldn't solve the problem entirely, it was at least a start. A promise to himself and an apology to you. If this was how it was without you, then he didn't want it to feel that way ever again, by any means.

     You were more than the controversy of the relationship you had with him and the context surrounding that relationship. Loyalty was one of the most important qualities to Steve. He didn't want a friend if they weren't loyal, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that you were a friend, no matter how much he tried to push away the legitimacy of the connection.

     Months ago, he would've never done this. On any conditions. But that was before he met you. So now, he was sitting in his room after a shower, falling back into the old routine. It was Friday. You'd be live in a few hours.

♡ ♡ ♡  

You came back home from the bar exhilarated, the touch of the man you'd been so close with lingering on your body, and in the best way you could imagine. You knew he wanted more physically, but you weren't at an emotional position where you could give it to him.

     And he had respected that, even though the yearning was so clear. The thrill of the moment felt like it would never dissipate. The spontaneity of the moment and the heat of it all reminded you how powerful you were.

     He had practically whined into your mouth for more. Sure, you had men online who would give up all their belongings for you, but it felt different when you were experiencing this with a man who you could touch, a man who you could genuinely feel that zing! feeling with just by looking at him.

     You weren't sure when you'd see him again, or if you ever would. And that was the beauty of the entire situation. You didn't feel like you had some type of emotional obligation to him, or like you would have to follow up. You could leave it at that and hold this moment in your heart guilt free. It didn't matter that you didn't know him well - all that mattered was that you still felt whole afterwards and not trapped, that it brought you just as much pleasure as it brought him. And it did. It was like your hot girl summer was starting early.

And you had enjoyed your night out, ending it on a positive note as you watched the bands close up. You filled Aaliyah in on your little detour with Alex. You came home so amped for your performance. This was the most excited you had been for a show since Steve left. You loved your work, but the knowledge that Steve would be watching or would be talking to you afterwards made your shows just a little better.

But now, Steve wasn't on your mind, and you couldn't even say Alex was either. So what was on your mind? Mainly the joie de vivre, the sudden burst of energy you felt after a night out, the invigorating feeling that you were returning to normalcy.

     So when you logged on that night, you were more than ready to give a show, not knowing that you were in for a big storm.

     Steve got the notification that you were on, but he decided to wait it out. He didn't necessarily want to watch the show because he wanted to talk to you. He didn't want to feel awkward, watching you perform overtly sexual acts when all he wanted to do was talk to you. This way you could talk alone. So he didn't watch the show, just waited until you were off. He did some things to occupy himself while he waited, leaving his screen for a moment.

       Your show went by smoothly. It was quick, and mainly full of interaction. You didn't do anything too crazy that night, except for parade around on screen in your lingerie and strike suggestive poses, and make conversation with your regulars as well as welcome new comers. You appreciated the simple life — no extra special connection with anyone made your life a lot easier, even though you had to say that special connection felt like a bonus. But this was nice. Just sitting and talking about the most mundane of things. Dry eyed, cute, and paid.

       You read a few comments as you prepared to finish. Almost everyone was talking about how happy you seemed, how you were glowing more than usual. You just chuckled as you read them, and thanked each commenter.

      "Okay guys!" you cooed into the camera, smiling and giving a three fingered wave as you prepared to sign off. "I'm gonna get going, but it was so great talking to each and every one of you. I hope you guys have a good night. Private sessions tomorrow!"

     You blew a kiss into the camera, and ended the show for that night. You would've logged off completely and gotten ready for bed had it not been for the notification you received, and boy did it grab your attention.

Grant Rogers would like to chat.

    You made a face, blinking as you looked at the screen. It had been about a month since you had last talked to Steve. You thought for sure he was a goner, and you had gotten accustomed to the fact a long time ago. You were surprised he was coming back to talk to you at all, though you were glad your reaction was solely surprise and confusion. You weren't reacting in a way that would send you into another spiral, and you also didn't expect yourself to.

    But you couldn't help but think of the odd circumstances that you had left on, and wonder if it was worth the stress of reconnecting.

    Fuck it, you thought. You'd been through so much. What was a little more? You had the skills you needed to react accordingly, to keep sight of who you were and who you were talking to. You could cope. So you pressed "accept."

    Again, you were met with a black screen. You weren't sure why some part of you expected anything else, but for some reason you had this little voice in you that was cheering to see what Steve looked like. You swallowed that voice down though, and listened to his own, which came after moments of an awkward silence.

    "Hi," Steve said, and you flushed at the sound of his voice, remembering the things it did to you, the way it made you feel — remembering the sound of his voice when he decided to cut things off.

Don't get emotional, you reminded yourself. It doesn't make sense.

     "... Hi," you replied, still confused, not able to hide your furrowed brows and slightly open mouth.

    "I know this is weird of me, and maybe even selfish..." Steve sighed, and in that sigh was his final decision. Even when he decided that he was going to go through with this, the whole time he waited for your show to be over, he went back and forth with himself.

Was this even a slightly plausible idea that he was going through with? He wondered. He had to reassure himself that it wasn't as dangerous as he had convinced himself it was, because you weren't dangerous, because he trusted you. As scary as it was to say. And lastly, what were the consequences?

     It wasn't like Bucky told him to do this, but his talk with Bucky made him realize that it was what he had to do. He didn't want anybody else taking the blame if there was a major fall. It was all on him, and the knowledge of that make him panic. Yet, not enough to stop.

So in that sigh, he was making that final decision to really follow through with it. He was already speaking, so he finished his thought, letting the weight lift off his chest.

      "But I felt like it was only right. We left off on a strange note, and that’s entirely my own fault. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I didn't mean to shut you down, and it's not about me, but I feel... terrible for letting that happen. I shouldn't have let you open up like that if I knew I wasn't even accepting what it was that we had. If I was going to be scared."

      You were starting to become worried, furrowing your brows as you gazed into the black screen ahead of you. It didn't make any sense, what he was saying. It was verging into the same kind of conversation that had made him uncomfortable. The kind of unnecessarily emotional conversation that neither of you were ready to have with each other.

    And you didn't know exactly what he was saying, but you had an idea. He was going back to try and reignite this connection, but it felt like he was overthinking it. Like he was about to blow things out of proportion. And for your own safety, you didn't want to let him.

    "Steve, I don't think-" you started, shaking your head as your face morphed into further confusion, but he cut you off.

    "Just... let me show you what I'm talking about."

    This conversation couldn't get anymore confusing. He was being so unnatural and cryptic, so randomly opening up to you. It scared you, and it didn't feel like the conversations you had with Steve before all this. You were rethinking everything, ready to just call it a night and take a break for a few days just so you could process what he was even saying and why he was coming back after nearly a month.

    It was irregular before, but in the way that you liked — irregular in the sense that you felt such a strong connection with a customer that you'd never felt before, irregular in the sense that you wanted to talk to him so often, irregular in the sense that it made you happy, but it didn't take up all your time. Now it was just strange. And you almost laughed at the way the universe seemed to be taunting you - of course right when you were feeling free, of course right when you were ridding yourself of your emotional baggage, taking your sexual freedom into your own hands, this would happen. It felt like a compromise right now, even if a part of you was happy to be hearing from him. 

    And then, a pause. The sound of shuffling. And then he turned his own camera on. And you weren't looking at a black screen anymore. Confusion, a blur in your mind — were you mistaking exactly who you were looking at? A brain hiccup, followed by clarity. An abrupt realization that you weren't mistaken.

    The sight in front of you when that camera turned on made you sit right up, your eyes nearly popping out of your head. There was no fucking way. It was some sort of sick joke. Because the man behind the camera simply could not be who you thought it was.

    "What. The. Fuck."

note: ummm!!!!

!!!

i told y’all it’d be getting crazyyyy

yes there will b a part six!!!

give me all of ur thoughts !!! gimme all of them !

will be adding tags in reblogs <3

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Ooohhh what about Erik messing with his boys sister & they get caught

Cherry checked her messages and left her granny's house looking both ways and holding the curtain of her 1B black tracks back from her face to make sure she didn't see anyone she knew hanging around the bushes or the Riverview Landing sign on the block in front of the unit. Speed-walking down to the next building in her hot pink Nike Air Max, ripped denim shorts and white beater, she saw a few faces out, but no one who could snitch to Big Eazy. The sun beamed like a flashlight trying to catch her in her wrongs.. illuminating her clear cappuccino skin. Her golden highlight gleamed off her shoulder blades and cheekbones like her Fenty glossed lips, the shine strategically placed to incite sin.. and there it was.. Erik's white S Class Mercedes parked behind a green truck. If she hadn't walked up on it, she wouldn't have seen it. Taking a final look from the corner of her eye at her surroundings, she slid into the passenger seat and put on her seatbelt while her own big nigga in the driver's seat with a white short sleeved v-neck put the car in drive and rode off, elbow out of the window and resting on the door as his hand casually blocked the lower half of his face, his finger under his nose.

"He followed you out? What did he say?" 

"He doesn't know, he asked about Stucky."

"Stucky?" He kissed his teeth. "He had that shit coming no cap."

"Okay well his pregnant girlfriend got shot up too, did she deserve that?"

"For fuckin that nigga? Yes." He turned on the highway.

"Well I'm fuckin you! Do I deserve to get shot in my house?"

"Big Eazy wouldn't let that happen."

"Big Eazy would shoot my ass.. and yours too," Cherry mumbled looking forward. 

"You'd have time to run. He'd shoot me first," Erik laughed like it was a joke. Cherry was serious. She felt uneasy creeping behind Eazy's back, but being with Erik.. It was like no one's opinion of her mattered and she could take the risk.

"Baby it's been mooonths.. I'm tired of sneaking around, I wanna enjoy you!" Her hand rubbed his thigh moving inward to the seat of his soft navy blue pants, bunching the fabric as she grabbed his meat tracing the outline against his thigh. "I need to show off my man! I can't deal with Eazy coming between us like this, controlling my love life. Daddy used to do that before he got shot."

"He care about you, you all he got.. Honestly I'd be the same way."

Cherry rolled her eyes taking off her sunglasses. "If you were in my shoes, E, you'd have left a long time ago. You wouldn't put up with half of what I deal with on the regular. He still see me as his kid sister and I'm grown! I'm 25, I'm in school, I got a part-time. I be out here too."

"In his eyes you gone always be baby sis, you can't change that, baby."

Cherry pouted, her lip poking out as she sat arms crossed. She watched Erik's hand on the wheel as he pulled into the Chik-Fil-A dive thru ordering 2 chicken sandwich combos with lemonades, saving his to eat when he reached home. Cherry ate hers in the car on the way finishing when Erik pulled into White Pine apartments.. his building, one that was leagues removed from and ten times better than any place in or around Riverview Landing. The streets were clean. No one was out. The grass was green and trimmed. It was quiet. The hedges were in shape. Cherry wished she could stay there with Erik instead of with her grandma, but Eazy lived in White Pine too, he just worked the block in Riverview. Cherry recalled back when she was 16, Eazy and Erik shot up some niggas tryna sell on their block. The cops came and no one would talk because they knew Eazy, Erik and their other homies would catch them out slippin or break into their house. Here at White Pine, they were more subtle but they were still the main dealers. 

Cherry followed Erik into his apartment on the fourth floor knowing her brother's empty apartment was on the fifth and as soon as she pressed the door closed, Erik grabbed her waist spinning her to where she could pull his neck and kiss him, her knee rising up his hip enough for him to catch the hint and pick her up. He sat on the loveseat with her in his lap straddling him as she stayed glued to his lips, refusing him air, kissing and sucking on his lips while he rubbed her booty in circles. She missed this contact, she hadn't kissed him like this since they snuck and met up last week. She had a week's worth of kisses to give as she grinded on his lap.

Erik rubbed and smacked her ass, gripping the back of her neck to pull her up and she released his mouth looking him in his eyes. They were low just like she liked them because it meant he was wanting her just as bad.

"Take your clothes off and get in the bed, wait for me," he whispered and Cherry lifted quickly to go to the room. Eight big bags of weed sat stacked on the dresser next to two pistols and a few small plastic bags of that white girl. Taking off her outfit and folding it to set on his nightstand with her Nikes on the floor, socks in the Nikes, she stood nude in her cappuccino glory, sliding between the cool black satin sheets and resting her head on the black satin pillow case. If Eazy knew Erik had bought these with her in mind and not some random hoes, it would've been a murder. If Erik wasn't such a good liar in the first place, there would've been a murder. She tried not to think about it and instead thought of how much she missed her man. She was finally getting quality time uninterrupted and she didn't have to pretend to be a play sis because that shit died a long time ago. 

When Erik came in the room, he was chewing with fat chipmunk cheeks and his lemonade in hand. 

"Come here, baby," Cherry smiled with a slow curve of her index. The two tatted cherries on a stem between her titties showed past the blanket. He set the cup on the dresser and pulled off the navy plaid button up that hung open over his defined abs and the exposed band of his white Calvin Klein briefs under navy sweats. Cherry kissed her teeth as he took time to swallow, sip his drink again and smile before kicking off his shoes and pants to jump in the bed squeezing Cherry to his chest. 

"Your breath smell like hot sauce," she frowned but it ain't stop her from wrapping her leg firmly around his thigh.

"And you smell like fried chicken," he mumbled pressing his nose to hers. He turned her over so he was on top as she rested her hands around his thick stocky neck, rubbing his nape.

"Shut up," she chuckled squeezing his neck briefly, "and gimme that dick." She pressed her lips into his neck as his slim long legs tangled with hers. Immediately, his dick aligned with help from his hand and he went straight into the pussy no foreplay. Cherry hummed from the delicious feeling of being filled, grabbing his hips and pulling him deep into her wet kitkat as she locked her legs over his ass. "Show me how much you love this pussy." 

She had having been craving his dick for an entire week. He snapped his ass repeatedly and it was like clicking his heels to send her to heaven. Now that she finally had her boo thang's soul pole, she could grab on his locs and pull them. He only let her do it when they had sex as he ain't like people touching his hair. She wrapped his locs around her fingers and tugged guiding her tongue forcefully into his mouth as he dug his hips filling her full of his fat curved dick. Suddenly he switched up with his curve and Cherry threw her head back overcome with a sudden wave of pleasure. He stretched a heavy arm above her head and braced the other against the bed as he threw his body grinding roughly, swiveling his hips and shaking her entire body underneath his weight. Cherry and gripped and scratched wildly over his back and sides, his arms, feeling her body bounce under him as she listened to his hard breaths coming out in pants, her sensitive nipples rubbing aggressively against his chest. She rolled her hips to his pace and feeling herself climb toward a new orgasm, she grabbed his ass pushing his pelvis down to keep his rhythm consistent.. holding onto the sweet feeling of her inevitable nut. He was fucking her so good, reaching under her ass to grab it and hold her pussy in place as he fucked it, panting over her ignorant to the red marks collecting on his smooth skin.

"Oh fuck yes baby!" Cherry was breathless clutching onto him like she'd drown if she let go. "Show me how much you love this pussy!"

"I luh this pussy baby," he moaned in her ear, "Shit I'm cummin."

"Nut in me," she begged. Pulling out he climbed quickly up her body. 

"Open your mouth." The tip of his dick knocked on her bottom lip and when she opened her mouth, his dick coated in her juice plopped in it. She sealed her lips around the head and from on her back she bobbed her head up and down on his length as he held it. In seconds she felt warm liquid burst in her mouth and she swallowed it with her spit. Sighing like he'd run a marathon, he pulled back dropped his face between her glossy inner thighs. She grabbed his locs again to guide him and hold him in place as he licked on her the way she loved, licking over her glossy folds and sucking until she shook.  

"Shiiiit..," she smiled feeling better already. She felt like she was glowing. She needed a smoke. "I need more dickkk," she grinned lifting to look at Erik. He was smirking. It typically took a few rounds before she was out. 

"Let's go," he chuckled. "I'm ready for whatever babe."

Cherry climbed on top this time as he hung his wrists in the air waiting for her to get right and situated on his dick and find a rhythm before holding her waist. She put the tops of her feet against the inside of his knees and he chuckled knowing what was coming. Her knees went on the bed outside his legs and raising her ass high to the end of his dick, she drove her pussy down and bounced her ass right back high to the tip of his dick. 

"Gotdammit fuckin bitch," he sputtered. She could feel her pussy dripping and knew it was sliding down his shaft as she bounced up and down, up and down, draining his soul quickly with every bounce. "Shit I'm bout to nut," he hissed with Cherry bouncing harder. "Cherry," he warned with a sharp exhale, his eyes focused on the ceiling. Anywhere but at her. "Shit, stop.." Hell no, she thought enjoying seeing him squirm. She wanted his baby though she knew he wasn't quite ready. He could get ready. Quickly, he pinched her thigh hard and pushed her off his dick right before leaking a stream of cum onto his thigh and onto the sheet. His dick twitched on its own spurting a bit more and he calmed it with his hand sighing deeply. He closed his eyes.

"Next time I'm throwing yo ass off my bed."

"Next time wear a condom then, but you won't feel shit," she giggled not really wanting that at all. She kissed his forehead and rubbed her hand over his beard to his chest. 

"I ain't in a position for kids right now, Cherry, neither are you. You got school and yo job. How you gonna juggle a damn baby?"

"I'm not stupid," she frowned, "I don't need a baby right now but I do want one." She rubbed the tip of his nose with his index and he didn't move. "...with you. Maybe sometime in the next two years."

"Ion know bout all that," Erik muttered sitting up. Cherry rolled her eyes. She'd just have to keep tryna convince him. 

"Besides, what I'm a tell Eazy? We been bros since middle school I can't do that shit. I'm already in deep enough, I'm fuckin my brother's lil sister."

"Don't say it like that!"

"That's what it is.. that's my nigga. How we gone explain this shit, Cherry?"

"I wish we could just tell him.. If he loves me he should accept that I'm grown and I do what and who I want when I want."

"You don't wanna do that," Erik cautioned. "You ain't that grown, you still living with g-ma in the crib.. Eazy still pay the bills and for your classes. You at least need to be independent before you say anything to that nigga." 

"Erik! This is ridiculous. I'm tired, I just wanna live my life. I want us to go on dates and be seen in public. I don't wanna be duckin and timing our exits and whispering at night. That's high school shit.."

"You think I wanna creep in shit? I ain't crept since 8th grade. This ain't ideal for me either. We gotta be smart about it though, timing is important." Cherry whined feeling defeated and Erik draped an arm around her shoulder, cradling her. "We'll figure this out, be patient." He kissed her forehead and stood grabbing his lemonade and gesturing for her to get up so he could change the sheet. 

After a cuddle session and long talk, Cherry fixed herself up in his bathroom, redressed, and Erik drove her back to Riverview Landing dropping her off a building away, riding off. 

Looking around for anyone who could recognize what had just happened she didnt see anyone and turned quickly to jog to her building. 

"Yo," a voice yelled. Her spine stiffened as she looked around not seeing anyone of consequence. "Up here," he called and she looked up to a balcony with a guy sitting out shirtless smoking a black n mild. It was Leonard, a guy under Eazy's thumb. Instantly thumb set in. He leaned forward blowing out a puff of smoke. "What you up to Cherry?" 

"None of your damn business," she snapped as she continued to walk, nervous as ever.

"I see. Maybe it's Eazy business," he said loud enough for her to hear on the ground. He always had a big mouth, he was a glorified snitch.

"What you want," Cherry stomped coming to a standstill.

"Don't want nothing just wondering why was out for three hours with the boy E." He shrugged puffing the black again his eyes still on hers. "You ain't… doing shit you ain't supposed to.. are you?" 

"He's my bro what are you saying to me right now?"

"Nah," Leonard spit off the balcony onto another part of the sidewalk. "That's not what I saw."

"Well I don't know what the fuck you think you saw," Cherry muttered continuing to the entrance of her grandma's building. She was sweating, pausing outside of the door before she put her key in to open it. She hoped to God that Eazy was somewhere selling in a different building. She turned the key and walked in… there sitting with a gang of other niggas was Big Eazy. He looked up and the look on his face was like he knew something. He didn't blink, he just glared the way he had that time when he she accidentally broke his memory thing on his game system. 

She tried to walk by to her room. Her grandmother was at bingo. 

"You just gone walk by?" He was angry, she could hear it in his voice. Swallowing, she close her eyes and headed back to where he was. 

"Eazy-"

"Eazy!  Don't Eazy me, how the fuck you gone do that to your own flesh and blood, Cherry? You gone fuck the homie? My brother? He posed to be yo brother too and you fuck him? That's some backwards ass treacherous shit sis-"

"He's not my brother!" Cherry snapped. "He's not blood, he's not related to us, he's a friend, yeah.. but that's why I like him! Wouldn't you want me with someone we trust?! You want me with just anybody?!" 

"Not my brother, stupid! That's fucked up!" He jumped up but Cherry wasn't afraid anymore. She was just pissed.

"You always do this! I'm not a baby, I'm a grown ass woman."

One of his guys scoffed and Cherry smacked him in the head shutting him up as he looked up in surprise. What was he gonna do hit Eazy's sister in their grandma's house?

"No, you not. You a lil ass girl and you fuckin up your life! You out fucking dealers an shit! You know what he is? You know what he into? I can count on two hands the people that nigga killed and the niggas after him, he's the worst nigga you could choose. You need a nice lil college boy. Smart. Someone with a future, not some fuckin hoodrat ass nigga!"

"Do you hear yourself..?" Cherry was in shock. 

"I ain't raise you to end up like mom. You don't need a nigga like dad. You don't need a nigga like me. Do better, Cher… DO BETTER!" He looked wide-eyed like he wanted to shake her and she could feel his conviction like he really hated himself and who he was, it shocked her. Never had she been ashamed of him or who he was. She didn't expect this. 

"Eazy-"

"NO!" He shook his head. "I can't accept it.."

Cherry took a deep breath looking him in the eye. "You have to.. I love him.. and I love you. If you love me, you'll accept that and let me make my own decision. Trust me."

"I can't," he shrugged taking a deep sigh. "Look… I can't allow this. Either you stop seeing him.. or I'm cutting your funding for school."

"You can't do that!"

"I will."

Cherry gaped staring at her brother with new eyes. This was what Erik meant, why he really couldn't know. She wanted to cry, but refused to do it in front of his boys. "Fine," she whispered, the air knocked out of her lungs. "I don't need you," she shrugged, a tear falling despite her strong will. She headed to her room and packed a bag, walking out the apartment without a backward glance. She'd come back when he was gone. In the meantime she called Erik.

"Cherry?" He sounded confused because she didn't typically call him when she was around her brother. "What's wrong?" The concern was there in his voice and she knew she'd chosen the right guy. Sniffling, she let her tears fall. 

"He knows.."

[scriggle-scraggle]

tag 9 people you would like to know better/catch up with

Tagged by @babbleismysuperpower

Last song: i’ve been on a bit of Headstones kick lately so Cubically Contained, Blonde & Blue, and Anything have taken up residence in my brain.

Last movie: I’m part way thru Ricordi? Luca is especially pretty in it. plus it’s fun for me to see how much italian i can understand (my grandfather really only spoke Italian)

Currently watching: I watch so few shows nowadays. Mostly i watch (for whatever value of watch comes from having the tv on as background noise) stuff on the Science Channel, Nat Geo, ID, Animal Planet, etc.

Currently reading: mostly i’m reading fanfic right now. Lots of TOG and stucky. i do have Among Thieves by Douglas Hulick on hand to read.

Currently craving: chocolate. always chocolate. and chinese food.

tagging @monardammm, @panzertorte, @hereeatthiskitten, @sarkastically, @grey853, @flamingoslim, @s-hylor, @sperrywink

[thestuckylibrary]

Group Ask 116

What is a group ask?

Previous Group Asks

AO3 Search Tutorial

Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said:

Hey guys, I was reading a fic a few months back and now I can't find it. The only bit I remember is there's a part where Bucky and Peggy argue and Bucky says something like "I loved him first"? do you guys know if there's any like it? Thank you so so so much!!!

Anon and sergeantbucky-barnes sent in This Is My Last Breath* by FlyByNightGirl (complete | 731,489 | unrated) *extreme angst

Anon sent in We'll Meet Again, Punk by triskele_93 (oneshot | 20,631| M)

Anon 2 said:

I read this fic a while ago and I can’t find it now. It pretty much follows Bucky after he escapes Hydra, but he goes by a different name and stuff, something Romanian or Russian I think. There’s a shitty apartment building with some nice people, like an old lady who teaches him to knit and bake, and a little girl who’s a ballerina. At one point the people find out who he is? And maybe some Hydra agents attack the place??And if I remember correctly Steve is in the end. Thx sm if u can find it.

Anon sent in an irrevocable condition by layersofsilence (oneshot | 13,595 | T)

thepheonixqueen said:

Sorry to bother, but I'm looking for a fic: it was after Steve and Bucky had been reunited and had a scene where for a Halloween party or costume party Bucky had dressed up in his WW2 howling commando uniform?

bennettmp339, s-leary, vaysh11 and kittybrownjs sent in Team-Building Exercises by owlet (complete | 22,647 | T) - chapter 11

seb-stan-lover said:

Hi! I’ve already searched on the list for feminization and crossdressing fics but I didn’t find what I’m looking for, it’s a fic where Steve wears a long dress and he shaves his legs because the dress has a high cut showing them and he makes dinner for Bucky cause they are celebrating something and Steve asks Nat to go out with Bucky during the day to keep him busy while Steve gets everything ready for their romantic diner. I would really appreciate if you could help me find it 🥺

angelsbeast said:

Hi guys! I'm looking for a fic and can't find it because I only remember scenes: Steve and Bucky live in a house together (I think they are maybe both modern? I'm not sure on that, tho), they've lived together for a long time. They are only friends, but then they realize that they do all the couple stuff already and get together in the end. I think they were very oblivious. Does this ring a bell for anyone? Thank you!

Anon 3 said: past steve/rumlow

i’m looking for a dad!bucky and steve fic that i can’t seem to find. i remember it was an established relationship, i don’t think it was abo but i’m not sure. they owned a house and it was v fluffy and i think they had a son and daughter. steve’s ex was rumlow who used to abuse him and he shows up outside their house one day ???? does anyone know

whitewolfbucky  sent in domestic!Stucky by littlefrog1025 (series | 42,573 | E)

eternally-writingstuff said: boddy horror cw

 Hi! I can't remember what fic it is (and I've looked but I have about a thousand bookmarks of just stucky so that's not much help) but in the fic I think Bruce and Tony are trying to help Bucky. They take a scan of his brain because I think he was seizing or something, and they found what looks like a 'spider' made of metal (metal probes to aid the chair's capabilities) in his brain. I think that's just one of the bad medical uses that they found in that fic but it's the only part I remember!

Anon sent in The Company You Keep by orbingarrow (complete | 50,283 | G)

Anon sent in despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) (complete | 71,532 | E)

buckysoldatbarnes said:

Hey, love the blog as always!! 💖 I’m looking for a fic that I think might have got deleted. It’s called “let’s go get lost” or something, tony, steve, and Sam rescue Bucky from a shield facility and go on the road. Bucky’s In really bad shape, he’s injured and nonverbal, and uses drawings to communicate? And he had really bad food issues, couldn’t keep anything down until they found out he thing Hydra fed him had bananas in it? Idk I’ve been looking everywhere but I can’t find it

petaerpan said: sex work

hi!!! im sorry if my english is bad english isnt my mother language so anyways can you help me with this one im looking for this stucky fanfic i read a long time ago and like bucky is an escort i guess and steve and bucky are partners in a class and steve is older than bucky and he comes back to brooklyn bc hes going back to college and i think they meet in a bar?

Anon, padmablossom and s-leary sent in Ain't No Rest for the Wicked* by Kellyscams (complete | 305,786 | E) *sex work

glide-thru said:

Hello’ I’m having trouble finding a particular fic — steve was going into a sub drop and nat realized this so she gets Sam to hold her and Clint back & tony to lock himself in his suit. Steve’s bonded to Bucky but Bucky is still in recovery post winter soldier... Kate bishop and Coulson also help protect steve... sorry for the trouble and thank you so much!

ice-whisper sent in I'm Nowhere If I am Here Without You by CaptainDean13 (WIP | 8,821 | M)

[spaceorphan18]

State of the Projects

Don’t mind me - I’m just taking an inventory of the amount of projects I have going and things I have ideas for.  Feel free to ignore me completely.  Tagging @snarkyhag - who will probably end up reading a majority of these projects for beta’ing purposes, lol. 

Fic Writing

Glee Fic - Current Projects

99 Perspectives of a Single Love Story - which is going well as a weekly update.  It’ll take me until next year to finish, but I think it’s fun to have something to wait for every week. 

Chasing Pavements - I know I’ve been delayed on this! The next chapter is coming! And I think now that I’m over the writing block that I had going for a while, I’ll be able to commit to this a little more. 

Head Over Feet - Which has not been published, but it’s Middle-Aged!Klaine and a Reunion fic.  It’s an AU that splits off after season 5, and how they meet up when they’re in their thirties.  I’m writing it now, and will publish when it’s finished - but I’ll tease that it’s possibly my favorite thing I’ve worked on. 

Spaces In-Between - which is Kurt’s canon story.  It’s on hiatus at the moment, but I’d like to get back to it.  

Untitled Future Fic - Based off my Season 11 Sketch, it’s a more Klaine focused story that’s canon set, and tells of the last year leading up to where we end up with the characters in Dreams Come True.  

*

Glee Fic - Ideas and Hiatus projects

Here’s the list of porn one-shots I still have kicking around:

Vampire-threesome set in my Vampire!Fic verse (Blaine/Kurt/Elliott)

Pool Porn (based on a strange dream I had)

Blaine and Kurt celebrate turning forty by having sex in the shower 

99 sex positions Kurt and Blaine try 

Pornstar!Kurt/Virgin!Blaine

...and there’s a growing cry for more tentacle porn apparently. 

Projects on semi-permanent hiatus

Changed for the Better -- I really struggled while writing the first half of this fic.  And I’m not sure if I have any notes for how it plays out.  But never say never -- maybe some day I’ll feel like finishing it. 

The CrossRhodes Saga -- This one I’m more apt to finish -- it’s a 40s noir story.  People didn’t seem that into it, but I’m more likely to finish this one than the other. 

*

MCU Fic 

A few more chapters for the Faking It fic - I have a couple more ideas in mind before I let that one be

The epic Spidey fic I’ve been kicking around for a while

The Heist - Jean Grey, Black Widow, Pepper Potts, and MJ Watson in an Ocean 11′s style heist story

The MCU in HS AU

Pepper/MJ one-shot where MJ works at Stark tower

Steve/Peggy fake dating story

A story about the Illuminati

Some vague ideas I’m kicking around such as tropey one-shots and a story about Tony and Pepper -- also a Five Times Tony Almost Died and One Time He Did fic

The Stucky Experiments – it’s basically just porn written solely for my ego

I’ve kicked around the idea of doing some kind of X-Men stuff, but nothing has really solidified as a good story

A story about the five stages of grief post-Endgame

Meta (and Other) Writing

Author Spotlights - for the fic blog.  Will be wrapped up this summer.  I think people like these? But I do want to work on other things.  Maybe next year I’ll reopen it? It depends on how many people are interested.  

Meanwhile - I’m going to need future ideas for TDBFic if anyone has suggestions on how to keep things going over there.  

June Character Celebration & July TDBFic Summer Event -- which are pretty much done and ready to go.  (Just a few last minute things to do)  

Rankings 2.0 - Which has been a fun project despite me griping about episodes.  I think I want to wrap up this and the summer projects before I move on to the other set of things on my list.  

*

Musical Retrospective - I wanted to look at how music was used and do an analysis of the music in the show.  It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and wrapping up other things will finally allow me the time.  

The Grey Project - I read All the Other Ghosts analytically for the podcast, I’d still like to do the same for the sequel.  

Kurt and Fashion - Not sure how or what this will eventually be, but was kicking around the idea after answering that ask.  

*

Blog catch-up: I have a bunch of asks, likes, and drafts that I still have to get to.  I’m always behind on it.  But I’ll pick away at this for as long as you guys seem interested and keep sending me things. :) 

The Book Blog & Movie Reviews

I am going to throw myself into this more -- yes, because I enjoy doing it, but it also ties into my job, so there is that aspect, too.  And it might be something that’ll keep my focus if/when Glee fandom dies out completely.  

Marvel Movie Nights - where I look at projects related to Marvel Comics.  Once I’m caught up, I’ll review things as they come out.  I don’t think I’ll do other major movie reviews, though. 

General Book Reviews - I’m always reading something, so there will always be something to update.  I have set a goal for at least one regular review monthly.  

I may go back through old books and do reviews of those, too, just because. 

Agatha Christie Read Thru - Which I’ve started, and has been fun! I think there are other authors whom I’ll read through their catalogues, though I’m not sure who will be next. 

X-Men Comics - I’ve wanted to write about X-Men for a long time.  I may put in other comics, too.  

Book to Movie - I figured I’d like to do Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter at some point.  But there’s no reason I can’t do other things as well -- especially if people are interested.  

***

And of course, there’s my beloved Original Fiction that never gets worked on because of all the things on the above list.  Some day.  

[polizwrites]

WIP Update - 1 Feb 2024

Been on vacation for the last 2+ weeks (since Jan 13th) so got very little writing done. Over the past 3 weeks I touched 6 fics ( 2 WIPs & 4 new works) for a total of  890 words.

On Ao3, I posted: Variations on a Theme   - Sam/Clint Secret Santa love confessions After One Or Two False Starts  - Chapter 3 -  Sam/Bucky love confessions Never Have I Ever (But I’d Like to With You) - Chapter 2 -- Tony/Steve love confessions Not Too Far Down the Tracks -  Steve/Tony College AU fluff Fill Me Up With Your Love  - Steve/Bucky/Tony threesome PWP The Things You Said I Wish You Hadn’t - Clint & Steve post-mission with a bit of angst.

I also contributed to the  Stucky Bingo January 2023 Round Robin  - Steve/Bucky pet adoption fluff! 

On Tumblr I posted:  A Rising Star  - Sam passing the wings to Joaquin Thimbles and Acorns -  a last minute Steve Rogers Bingo fill for my Pirate square - pre-war  Steve/Bucky love confessions  

(Do I have a brand? Why yes, yes I do! 😁)

I have  10 active WIPs  with my current  deadline being the  Stuckony  Valentine Cards  event (due 10 Feb)  and the  Tony Stark Bingo (ends 28 Feb)

See below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round 4 [BBB_R4] (Runs thru 7 15 Jan 2023)

23 squares completed with  6 bingos total!  Hoping to carry a few squares forward to the next round.    Masterpost

Sam Wilson Bingo - Mini Holiday Round (SWB_MH) - Ends 20 Jan

Five fills posted with 2 bingos for this  3x3 holiday event card  - my final fill was for the FREE square - A Rising Star [Sam & Joaquin, General, 293 words].     (Belated)  Masterpost

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Twenty-one fills posted with 6 bingos (Rows 1, 3 & 5 and Columns A & B and 1 diagonal) - masterpost coming probably by the end of the week.

* A4 - Touch Attention/Denial  - posted  Fill Me Up With Your Love   last Friday. It also fills (heh) my  Stucky Bingo  KINK - Double Penetration square.   It’s PWP with Tony and Bucky double-teaming Steve and came in at 1613 smutty words.   

* A5 - Pirate - Thimbles and Acorns was a last minute fill -  I was inspired by a ride on Peter Pan’s Flight at WDW  to dash off a quick pre-war Stucky fic  where a childhood memory leads to a love confession

* B2 - Mile High Club -  Posted chapter 2 of  Never Have I Ever (But I Want To With You), picking up with Tony’s POV after the events of Chapter One. It crosses over with TSB  Tony’s Poor Life Choices  and came in at 820 words (1820 total for the fic)

* C5 - “You get hurt, hurt ‘em back. You get killed … walk it off.” - I combined this with a Tumblr writing prompt “things you said I wish you hadn’t” (requested by @gayspacesprinkles​)  for The Things You Said I Wish You Hadn’t   - post-mission fic with  Clint angst  and vaguely hinted at Clint/Steve. It came in at 245 words.

* D5 - Long Distance Relationship - posted  Not Too Far Down the Tracks as a crossover Flash Fiction Friday Prompt  Late Night Train.  It’s a Stony College AU ficlet that  I added onto to squeeze my TSB Doing Groceries square into.  It came in 411 words.

Stuckony Valentine Cards Event  [Ends 10 Feb]

This Ao3 Event solicited prompts for Stony, Stucky, WinterIron, and/or Stuckony works - it’s now in the creation phase, so if you’re looking to write something short and sweet (or smutty!) and are 18+ plus, feel free to check out the list of prompts!  I skimmed thru them before vacation, but now need to take another look & hopefully find something that I vibe with!

Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Twenty fills and two WIPs at the moment -    with  Vague Ideas for almost every other square.  

* T2 - Doing Groceries - see SRB Long Distance Relationship above

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  some sort of remix of/inspired by sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal  from Pepper’s POV.  At this point, I think I need to re-read the fic & take notes …  

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - was going to combine this with  SRB  E4 - Mental Bondage but still may write up the idea I had - potential titled  My Voice the Chain that Binds You.

*A5 - Scott Lang  - 27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action

* R1 - Tony’s Poor Life Choices - see SRB Mile High Club above.  

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Potential title:  Wraps Around My Heart, Refusing to Unwind.  Poking at some ideas in my head, but haven’t gotten anything on paper yet.

* K5 - Protectiveness -- using this for the third (and probable final) chapter of my  Stony Western AU WIP  Come Down From Your Fences  (And Open the Gate)

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023

Nine fills and one WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.

* B1 - Mutual Pining -  no specific idea, but it’s so On Brand for me I’m sure I’ll come up with something!  (maybe  the Centerfold fic idea I’ve been toying with)

* B5 - KINK: Double Penetration - see SRB   Touch Attention/Denial  above.

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me. We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine).   Will probably continue on this sometime in February.   Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  square  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a Ms Marvel Stuffed With Character figure in progress -  still working on the figures/props for my three Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners as well (7 of 8 done so far) – thanks so much for your generous support!!  Finally, I am prepping for a superhero con in March  and another con in June  so am pretty well booked up through spring/early summer.

That said, if you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations later in the year, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 100!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!

[polizwrites]

WIP Update - 11 Jan 2023

Had a satisfactorily productive   writing week -   I touched 7 fics ( 4 WIPs & 3 new works) for a total of  2973 words!

On Ao3, I posted -- Adverse Possession  (Clint & Bucky - post CA:WS) -- a new chapter of  Lady Natasha's Consort and Lord Steve's Companion  (Royalty AU, established Stucky & IronWidow with eventual WinterIron poly) 

I also contributed to Something to Get Me Through the Nothing - A WinterIron Round Robin  (Tony/Bucky - friendship to something more) 

On Tumblr I posted two quick prompt ficlets:   things you said when you thought i was asleep (WinterIron)   and   things you said that i wish you hadn’t (Steve/Clint)   along with a Flash Fiction Friday fic:   Variations on a Theme  (Secret Santa - Sam/Clint ) 

I have  10 active WIPs  with my current  deadline being the  Sam Wilson Holiday Bingo  (ends 20 Jan) and Steve Rogers Bingo (ends 31 Jan).  

See below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.  Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round 4 [BBB_R4] (Runs thru 7  15 Jan 2023)

I’m coming at twenty-three fills (22 + 1 adopted),  and six bingos!  Since I have ideas for the remaining squares that I’m not gonna get done within the week extension, I’m hoping we can carry squares over into the next round.  

* U2 - AU: Roommate  -   posted  Adverse Possession  on Friday  a Clint POV post  CA:WS  incorporating the following Meet Ugly prompt: “I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless.”  It came in at 919 words. .

* U4 - AU: Arranged Marriage - Posted Chapter 3 of  Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion on Saturday.  It’s a Royalty AU with established Stucky & IronWidow,  a marriage of convenience between Steve and Natasha and eventual WinterIron.  It’s a crossover with my TSB IronWidow square and came in at  948 words.

*C5 - “This might as well happen” -  Used this toward  Something to Get Me Through the Nothing - A WinterIron Round Robin.  Tony & Bucky canon-compliant-ish angst with a happy ending.   My section was 349 words and the entire fic came in at  2638 words.  

Sam Wilson Bingo - Mini Holiday Round (SWB_MH) - Ends 20 Jan

Three fills posted with 1 bingo for this  3x3 holiday event card - shooting for another bingo with 1 WIP and filling the FREE space.

* A1 - Secret Santa  - Combined this with last week’s  @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt Set the Stage for   Variations on a Theme.  Sam gets appropriately themed gifts from his Secret Santa which results in a date with Clint.  It came in at  792 words and after some tweaking, will be posted to Ao3 on Friday.

* A3 - Confessing Their Love -  I’m adding what is probably the final chapter to After One Or Two False Starts  where a nightmare finally gets Sam and Bucky talking about what’s developed between them.  It’s sitting at 413 words at the moment and will post probably on  the 18th 

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Seventeen fills posted with 2 bingos (Row 3 & Row 1)   & 1 WIPs at the moment   – aiming for 2 or 3 more bingos before the event wraps.

* A4 - Touch Attention/Denial  - I have an idea for this that will also fill my Stucky Bingo  KINK - Double Penetration square.   I’ve got the fic pretty much planned out in my head, but need to get it written down. 

* B2 - Mile High Club -  Wrote up the second chapter of  Never Have I Ever (But I Want To With You), picking up with Tony’s POV after the events of Chapter One. It crosses over with TSB  Tony’s Poor Life Choices  and is a bit of a square squish; it is coming in at 804 words and will post on the 20th.

* C5 - “You get hurt, hurt ‘em back. You get killed ... walk it off.”  - I combined this with a Tumblr writing prompt “things you said I wish you hadn’t”  for  Clint/Steve.  I ended up with about 245 words of post-mission angst that I will probably tweak a bit and get posted later this month. 

* E2 - Comics Nomad Steve  - SWC sketch of Nomad!Steve

* E4 - Mental Bondage - crossover with TSB KINK: Concubine -  Potential Title My Voice The Chain that Binds You.    I’ve got this somewhat worked out in my head, but nothing on paper yet. 

* D5 - Long Distance Relationship - Not Too Far Down the Tracks was a surprise fill, since it fit so well with a previous Flash Fiction Friday Prompt  Late Night Train.  It’s a Stony College AU ficlet that  I added onto to squeeze my TSB Doing Groceries square into.  It’s coming in at  414 words & will post to Ao3 on the 25th.

Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Seventeen fills and two WIPs at the moment -    with  Vague Ideas for almost every other square.  

* T2 - Doing Groceries - see SRB Long Distance Relationship above

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  some sort of remix of/inspired by sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal  from Pepper’s POV.  At this point, I think I need to re-read the fic & take notes …  

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - see   SRB  E4 - Mental Bondage 

*A5 - Scott Lang  - 27dragons shared an interesting plot bunny during the Sept TSB Discord party that I may end up using; that or a follow up to A Piece of the Action

* R1 - Tony’s Poor Life Choices - see SRB Mile High Club above.  

* R2 - IronWidow -   see  BBB Arranged Marriage above

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Potential title:  Wraps Around My Heart, Refusing to Unwind

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023

Nine fills and one WIPs with a couple of other vague ideas.

* B1 - Mutual Pining -  no specific idea, but it’s so On Brand for me I’m sure I’ll come up with something!  (maybe  the Centerfold fic idea I’ve been toying with)

* B3 - Legacy -  Posted  A Written Promise  this morning; I combined this square with a Flash Fiction Friday prompt back in December for a post CA;CW Steve & Bucky missing scene ficlet.  It came in at 400 words and got posted to Ao3    this morning.

* B5 - KINK: Double Penetration - see SRB   Touch Attention/Denial  above.

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me. We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine).   Will probably continue on this sometime in February.   Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  square  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a Hulk Stuffed With Character figure in progress -  still working on the figures/props for my three Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners as well (7 of 8 done so far) – thanks so much for your generous support!!  Finally, I am prepping for a superhero con in March  and another con in June  so am pretty well booked up through spring/early summer.

That said, if you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations in 2023, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 100!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!