#suddenly quite overwhelmed by the abundance of love and blessing

[thebirdandhersong]

songbird's season of general sadness/first real grief/sorrow is coming to an end: (in chronological/journeying order) songs and poetry that helped my heart a lot these past few months :)

Always Good, Andrew Peterson / Marjorie, Andrew Osenga / Ask Polly article I read on a whim: 'My Boyfriend Refuses to Change' / You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift / One Foot in Front of the Other, Griff / Heavy, Mary Oliver / Monday by @madamescarlette / The Letter, Linda Gregg / Summer's Retrospective by @madamescarlette / Ode to Some Lyric Poets, Gregory Orr

(bonus--from the scraps of writing that came out of this chapter of life, which are slowly being assembled into a more coherent story:)

[spiritualitygeek]

~ PAC: Your Mystical Mosaic ~

Where is your current energy leading you?

Disclaimer:

This pac is for entertainment purpose only. I am not liable for any actions or decisions taken or made based on the information presented in the reading. The interpretations and insights are subjective and open to individual perception. Please use your own judgment and intuition when applying the messages to your life or situation. Thank you!

Pile 1 ~ 🪄

the fool, 9op, aoc

All positive cards for you, Pile 1, which is amazing! I can clearly see you're about to embark on a new journey with a very positive and determined mindset. You're fearlessly diving into new adventures just for the thrill of it, without caring about what others think or even expect out of you. You exude a very warm and gentle energy, like someone who has faced challenges in life but hasn't let them dim their light. Your loving and joyful nature attracts people towards you, and you might find yourself being a natural healer to those in need.

Your current energy is attracting abundance, creativity, and happiness into your life. It's like a box full of blessings is on its way to you. You're manifesting your biggest desires, whether it's financial independence, glowup, specific person, or something else you deeply yearn for.

In this new journey, there's a strong possibility of finding a new love interest or forming a deep connection with a new best friend. For those not seeking romantic or platonic relationships, you could discover a new hobby or passion that brings you immense joy.

You've been seeking signs from the universe about your life purpose and career, and it seems like you're finding your true passion. Your faith in the divine timing is unwavering, and you're manifesting your dreams through pure belief.

If you're currently in the flow of life, trusting in the universe's plan, you're on the right path and a true winner. Your understanding of this concept sets you apart and leads you towards a fulfilling and abundant future.

Pile 2 🦋

the temperance, 8ow, knight-os

Okay Pile 2, you legit need to calm down/slow down. I just heard, "Hold your horses!" Your energy is everywhere.

What's the rush, love? You're running too fast as if there's a train or a flight you gotta catch. You're feeling as if you're running out of time, or that you're lacking behind. You're ambitious and it's good to be. But moving so fast and without caring to think before you act can sometimes put you in undesirable spot. It has happened with me recently and it happens almost all the time? I am quite like that myself. Sometimes, it can be out of overconfidence, other times it's anxiety. It's crucial to know the reasons and work on them.

I'm getting Mars dominant, Mars in first house or Aries/Scorpio energy. I'm a Scorpio moon and I have Mars in my first house so girl, I get you! I really do!

With the Temperance card, angels advise you to attain that balance, harmony, and modesty. You are encouraged to seek a middle ground, to balance opposing forces, and deal with circumstances carefully and composedly. In addition, it takes self-control and patience to get through life's challenges. You don't have to be so ferocious, fiesty, and overwhelmed. You're getting my point?

Also, are you juggling a lot and all on your own? You don't need to do everything on your own. Are you for real? I know you're awkward around people and you don't like asking for help but there's no loss in trying, love. There are people who are more than willing to help you. Atleast, ask them?

Lastly, I'd like to conclude with the fact that I saw the number 8 in my vision while shuffling for you and the card that came out was 8 of Wands and then I saw number 8 on my phone suddenly. So it's an 888. It can be a sign. Something you've been seeing frequently these days? Please check for the meaning of 888 angel number and decide what could it mean for you.

Pile 3 💭

8os, 5os, 5owX

Pile 3, I'm seeing you being trapped or restricted in a cage/prison, a prison you've built around yourself or have surrendered yourself, possibly due to past actions which you deem as mistakes. There's someone in your close circle of friends or family who you're mad at. For some of you, it's yourself who you're blaming! For not taking that leap of faith, or for leaving that job that offered you stability. For not being patient enough or not being careful enough. For not allowing you to be you or for not having enough freedom to try everything you wanted to.

You're feeling trapped in a cycle. A cycle that's repetitive, too mundane that you're sick of it. You want to go away to leave it all behind. You don't like the way things are. The way you are? And you're blaming them/yourself for it.

I know my words would come off harsh, but you're acting like a victim, not realising you can choose not to be one. It's not about survival, it's about existing! Life is a gift. And you're a divine being! Count your blessings instead of mishaps and you'll see a drastic change in everything, including your mindset. "Attitude of gratitude" ever heard of it?

Currently, you might be attracting situations that reflect the need to break free from self-imposed limitations and negative thought patterns. Financial problems, weakening relationships, unhappy job situation. You're aimlessly wandering for that funding for your project and so on...

You're determined, more than ever right now to go get it! But trust me anything that you start with this negativity within you, will only bring disaster in its wake. The self doubt and victimization will only bring more of it. There's things that need to be addressed. Matters that need to be resolved. Don't run away from them. Face your fears. Confront it head on! Don't avoid conflict. Be it with your own conscience or with your family/friends. The person or situation you're blaming, forgive them. Let go of them! It's nobody's fault. It doesn't have to be.

This combination of cards is your call to embrace self-empowerment, letting go of past grudges and forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes. What's done is done! Past is past for a reason. You have control over your present and future though. It's essential to confront any inner conflicts or self-doubt to find a sense of peace and clarity in your life.

The advice for you is to take a step back and reassess your current situation. Look for opportunities to release negative energy and work towards healing any emotional wounds. Embrace a more open and compassionate approach to yourself and others, as this will help attract positive and harmonious energies into your life. Remember, you have the power to overcome obstacles and create a more balanced and fulfilling future. Blaming yourself and others never helps. Trust me, I've been there!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my pac. I hope the insights resonated with you and provided some guidance. If you found this helpful, I'd be grateful if you consider following me for more spiritual content and future tarot readings. Wishing you all love, light, and positivity on your journey! ✨

- with love, Snow ❄️

Enjoyed the reading? Tip me here~

[evindimeta]

Are You Experiencing Some of the Common Symptoms of Ascension?

(Long Post)

Some of you may find this helpful, please only take what helps and do not worry or fret if something in this list does not resonate with you. You can take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. That is okay.

Those who need to hear this will be drawn to it, for that is the way of our great Universe.

~ Blessings to All ~

I was just looking at quite a few pages of COVID long haulers support groups...where a COVID-positive was indicated and they have not fully recovered their well being. 85% of the descriptions of their symptoms (which are found as negative health concerns) are labelled as COVID...some are being told it’s Lyme, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue among other unknown causes. As I reviewed the endless lists and common symptoms I found that they are very similar to ascension symptoms.

However most do not realize that they are going through a physical change in their DNA structure. Those who are aware and have gone through the many waves of change understand and roll with the fatigue and other symptoms in gratitude and not fear, trusting and seeing the positive change in who they are as this occurs. It is a leaving or shedding what has been known... to reveal the true self within.

I felt it would be supportive for you, and for your friends and loved ones to review to find a “positive outlook” on a changing body and world. May this fill you with hope, for all are emerging through this great transformation.

PLEASE NOTE: This article is based on work presented by Samuel Greenberg's original list and is not authored by Dr. Nickerson. Before you read this, realize that you are okay and that what you are experiencing is "The SHIFT". This is a normal process when the universal vibrational energy forces you to rise above your normal 3D level of existence here on Earth.  It’s all okay.  When in doubt, please see your doctor to confirm to alleviate fear.

Ascension Symptoms:

1. Feeling as though you are in a pressure cooker or in intense energy; feeling stress. Remember, you are adjusting to a higher vibration and you will eventually adjust. Old patterns, behaviors and beliefs are also being pushed to the surface. There is a lot going on inside of you.

2. A feeling of disorientation; not knowing where you are; a loss of a sense of place. You are not in 3D anymore, as you have moved or in the process of moving into the higher realms.

3. Unusual aches and pains throughout different parts of your body. You are purifying and releasing blocked energy vibrating at 3D, while you are vibrating in a higher dimension.

4. Waking at night between 2 and 4 a.m. Much is going on in your dream state. You can’t be there for long lengths of time and need a break. This is also the ‘cleansing and releasing’ hour.

5. Memory loss. A great abundance of short term memory loss and only vague remembrances of your past. You are in more than one dimension at a time, and going back and forth as part of the transition, you are experiencing a ‘disconnect’. Also, your past is part of the Old, and the Old is forever gone. Being in the Now is the way of the New World.

6. ‘Seeing’ and ‘hearing’ things. You are experiencing different dimensions as you transition, all according to how sensitive you are and how you are wired.

7. Loss of identity. You try to access the Old you, but it is no longer there. You may not know who you are looking at in the mirror. You have cleared much of your old patterns and are now embodying much more light and a simpler, more purified divine you. All is in order, You are okay.

8. Feeling ‘out of body’. You may feel as though someone is talking, but it is not you. This is our natural defense mechanism of survival when we are under acute stress or feeling traumatized or out of control. Your body is going through a lot and you may not want to be in it. My ascension guide told me that this was a way of easing the transition process, and that I did not need to experience what my body was going through. This only lasted a short time. It passes.

9. Periods of deep sleeping. You are resting from all the acclimating and are integrating, as well as building up for the next phase.

10. Heightened sensitivities to your surroundings. Crowds, noise, foods, TV, other human voices and various other stimulations are barely tolerable. You also overwhelm very easily and become easily overstimulated. You are tuning up. Know that this will eventually pass.

11. You don’t feel like doing anything. You are in a rest period, ‘rebooting’. Your body knows what it needs. In addition, when you begin reaching the higher realms, ‘doing’ and ‘making things happen’ becomes obsolete as the New energies support the feminine of basking, receiving, creating, self-care and nurturing. Ask the Universe to ‘bring’ you what you want while you are enjoying yourself and having fun.

12. An intolerance for lower vibrational things of the 3D, reflected in conversations, attitudes, societal structures, healing modalities, etc. They literally make you feel ‘sick’ inside. You are in a higher vibration and your energies are no longer in alignment. You are being ‘pushed, to move forward; to ‘be’ and create the New.

13. A loss of desire for food. Your body is adjusting to a new, higher state of being. Also, part of you does not want to be here anymore in the Old.

14. A sudden disappearance of friends, activities, habits, jobs and residences. You are evolving beyond what you used to be, and these people and surroundings no longer match your vibration. The New will soon arrive and feel so-o-o-o much better.

15. You absolutely cannot do certain things anymore. When you try to do your usual routine and activities, it feels downright awful. You are evolving beyond what you used to be, and these people and surroundings no longer match your vibration. The New will soon arrive and feel so-o-o-o much better.

16. Days of extreme fatigue. Your body is losing density and going through intense restructuring.

17. A need to eat often along with what feels like attacks of low blood sugar. Weight gain, especially in the abdominal area. A craving for protein. You are requiring an enormous amount of fuel for this ascension process. Weight gain with an inability to loose it no matter what you do is one of the most typical experiences. Trust that your body knows what it is doing.

18. Experiencing emotional ups and downs; weeping. Our emotions are our outlet for release, and we are releasing a lot.

19. A wanting to go Home, as if everything is over and you don’t belong here anymore. We are returning to Source. Everything is over, but many of us are staying to experience and create the New World. Also, our old plans for coming have been completed.

20. Feeling you are going insane, or must be developing a mental illness of some sort. You are rapidly experiencing several dimensions and greatly opening. Much is available to you now. You are just not used to it. Your awareness has been heightened and your barriers are gone. This will pass and you will eventually feel very at Home like you have never felt before, as Home is now here.

21. Anxiety and panic. Your ego is losing much of itself and is afraid. Your system is also on overload. Things are happening to you that you may not understand. You are also losing behavior patterns of a lower vibration that you developed for survival in 3D. This may make you feel vulnerable and powerless. These patterns and behaviors you are losing are not needed in the higher realms. This will pass and you will eventually feel so much love, safety and unity. Just wait.

22. Depression. The outer world may not be in alignment with the New, higher vibrational you. It doesn’t feel so good out there. You are also releasing lower, darker energies and you are ‘seeing’ through them. Hang in there.

23. Vivid, wild and sometimes violent dreams. You are releasing many, many lifetimes of lower vibrational energy. Many are now reporting that they are experiencing beautiful dreams. Your dream state will eventually improve and you will enjoy it again. Some experience this releasing while awake. My mother commented one day that she believed I was having nightmares in the daytime.

24. Night sweats and hot flashes. Your body is ‘heating’ up as it burns off residue.

25. Your plans suddenly change in mid-stream and go in a completely different direction. Your soul is balancing out your energy. It usually feels great in this new direction, as your soul knows more than you do. It is breaking your ‘rut’ choices and vibration.

26. You have created a situation that seems like your worst nightmare, with many ‘worst nightmare’ aspects to it. Your soul is guiding you into ‘stretching’ into aspects of yourself where you were lacking, or into ‘toning down’ aspects where you had an overabundance. Your energy is just balancing itself.

 Remember.....Finding your way to peace through this situation is the test you have set up for yourself. This is your journey, and your soul would not have set it up if you weren’t ready. You are the one who finds your way out and you will. 

Looking back, you will have gratitude for the experience and realize that you are a different person.

I hope this helps.

[cerezsis]

Resurrection

Chipped AU

Chapter One: Welcome Back

Summary: Even in death, love goes on. But, when the shards of White Diamond’s long dead lover are put back together, will that love be able to continue, or has happily ever after come too little too late?

--

           White’s hands trembled as she handed the bubble over to Yellow. If gems possessed hearts, hers would be pounding in her chest. Perhaps even loud enough for the others to hear.

           “And you’re sure there’s enough of her left?” she asked, her eyes still glued to the bubbled shards.

           “I’ll be able to stabilize her form either way. As for her consciousness, yes, I believe there’s enough for her mind to be intact.”

           White nodded and took a seat between Gray and Blue. She was so full of anxiety and anticipation that she felt as if she might shatter. Never in her wildest dreams did she think this could ever happen; though, then again, she never thought Gray would come back to her either. After several millennia apart, her family would be near perfectly complete.

           Tapping her fingertips against her thighs, her mind swarmed with thoughts, none of which she could quite keep up with. Looking for any kind of distraction, she turned to her head to face Gray.

           “How are you doing, dear?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

           “I don’t know how to answer that,” Gray said, speaking through the robotic voice of her communicator necklace, “I should be excited, right? This was my idea.”

           White took her hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. In truth, she herself had thought of this long before Gray brought it up. As soon as Yellow revealed her new powers, all she could think of was the bubbled shards buried deep in the long-forgotten wing of her palace. She’d longed to ask Yellow the question, but seeing as she had just made peace with her and Blue, she held back in fear of sending them straight back to square one. Luckily, Gray had been braver, and when Yellow approached her asking for her blessing to go through with the mute diamond’s request, White was quick to approve.

           “You feel what you feel, Moonrise. This is going to be a big change for all of us.”

           Mere feet away, Yellow sat down at her desk and pulled out her tweezers. Working slowly and carefully, she began to remove the shards from the white-colored bubble. This would be her most ambitious repair yet; she’d never worked on a gem this large or this old before. It was going to take time, patience, and determination, but luckily, she had an abundance of all.

           One by one, hour by hour, Black Diamond’s shards was carefully pieced back together. Finally, with the last shard in place, Yellow stood up from her desk and took a slight step back. The large, still damaged gemstone began to radiate a grease-like sheen, and levitated off the desk. White stood up, staring anxiously as she moved in closer. In an instant, Black Diamond’s form snapped back into existence. However, as was often the case with incomplete gems, it was wrong. Her limbs sprang out like noodles, and her left leg was missing entirely. Startled and unable to stand, she could only let out a hoarse “GAH!” as she began to fall forward. Lucky for her, White was there to catch her.

           “It’s ok, it’s ok,” White assured her, nearly tearing up as she held her lover for the first time in literal eons, “I’ve got you.”

           Black blinked. “White?” she asked, half panicked.

           Rubbing her palms together, Yellow’s powers began to spark around her hands. A single touch on Black’s shoulder, and her form was corrected, the only trace of damage being the missing shards in her gem and a few rips in her dress.

           “What?” was all Black was able to utter as she stood up on her own. Her eyes darted around the room as she grew more in confusion and panic. “W-What happened!? Where am I? W-”

           She looked down at her empty arms, and a whole new kind of panic began to take over. “Where’s-!?”

           Suddenly, her eyes met those of the damaged gem sitting mere feet away. Gray slowly stood up, trying to suppress her shaking hands.

           “… Gray?” Her own hands shaking, she stepped closer to her daughter. She reached out and touched Gray’s cracked cheek, every possible emotion running through her at once.

           “Gray…” she said again, more somberly this time. Her demeanor instantly changing, she snatched her hand away and spun around to face White. “What’s going on!? How long was I out!? Wasn’t I… wasn’t I shattered?”

           “You were,” White confirmed, “I’ve lost track of the millions of years it’s been since we were last together.”

           Blacked blinked in bewilderment. “What… How am I back?”

           Smiling proudly, White gestured for Blue and Yellow to step forward.

           “Black, I’d like you to meet Blue and Yellow Diamond. Yellow is the one who put you back together.”

           Speechless, Black looked the two of them up and down. Though her head was still racing with questions, she nodded approvingly.

           “You’re both gems of the finest cut,” she said, “As for this…” She turned back towards Gray. “What happened to her?! Why is her form so…?”

           “Your forcefield saved my life, but it didn’t protect me completely,” Gray herself explained, “The cessineans got to me before mother could, and so I was never repaired. Many attempts have been made to repair my gem and restore my form since I returned home, but it was futile. Since the damage occurred while my gem was still developing, this form is permanent.”

           Black frowned, genuinely sorrowful.

           “You’re alive. That’s what matters,” she declared, though there was a slight hint of uncertainty in her voice.

           Feeling it was time to step in, White gently slipped her hand into Black’s.

           “So much has changed, Black,” she began, “Homeworld’s not the same as you remember it. Come with me to my chambers. I’ll explain everything privately.”

           Without exchanging another word, White led Black out of the room. As they walked through the halls, Black’s head raced with so many questions it was making her dizzy. So much was different already, even the palace. White even seemed to have a different air about her. It was all so… overwhelming.

           Before Black knew it, they reached White’s chamber. Stepping inside, White finally let go of Black’s hand.

           “Black…” she began, “The empire has changed since we fought our war against the cessineans. In fact, it –”

           Her words were cut off by Black practically slamming her lips into hers. As sudden as it was, it was not unwelcome, but White still found herself pulling away.

           “Black, this isn’t the time. I need to-”

           “This is the time,” Black protested, “I thought I’d never see you again. I thought I’d never hold you again. Please, I need this. I need you.”

           Once again, Black pressed her lips against White’s. This time, the lighter colored diamond found she was unable to resist. A long extinguished spark had just reignited inside her, and to deny it would be like an organic denying air.

[irwinkitten]

breakeven | a.i

pairing: reader x soulmate!ashton notes: i’m sorry warnings: death word count: 2.7k

---

Soulmates were a phenomena that not everyone got and not everyone would understand. But those that were blessed with a mark on their fifth birthday we’re always asked how it felt, did they know what it meant, especially as they got older. Suddenly, those that were marked also ended up marking their closest, those friendships that would last for a lifetime.

Those kind of bonds shared pain and joy, those that were romantically destined shared echoed thoughts and emotions.

When Ashton received his mark on his fifth birthday, his mother was ecstatic. When he turned eighteen and his soulmates thoughts became one with his, he couldn’t help but feel an abundance of love for her, especially when she told him that she’d only had to wait a few months for him to catch up with her.

As time drew on, and he formed the band with three other boys who slowly became his brothers, because they were each marked, destined for soulmates, as they grew closer when they toured, their own marks appeared on their wrists, indicating a bond they’d share for life.

He was twenty the first time he and his soulmate attempted to meet up, to finally feel that amount of bliss that had only ever been described in the research papers scientists had done when they’d researched the bond.

The first time they’d tried to meet up, both of them had indescribable anxiety, their instincts telling them that it wasn’t the right time. They didn’t meet. Two days later it was found out there’d been a drive-by at the place they’d planned to meet. So they listened to their instincts and waited, only able to talk and offer comfort through thoughts and feelings.

The day that he met her, touching down back in LA after two long years of touring, the moment their skin touched, he could feel every bit of emotion and the overwhelming sensation had reduced him to tears as he held her close, unable to let her go for even a minute.

They were twenty two and in love.

As time went on, when word had gotten around that he had a soulmate, it was discovered that the other three had one too. But as they spent time with her, and leaned on the both of them, Luke especially when he hit rock bottom, she became apart of their group, her wrist gaining a soulmate tattoo that matched all four of theirs.

Ashton had been overjoyed that she loved his friends he considered his brothers enough to view them in such a way.

She was protective and when they met their soulmates, she brought them into that circle of protection and love. She never held back and she was honest with them. She was a breath of fresh air and Ashton thanked the universe every day for gifting him with such a person for him to love irrevocably, who loved him in return.

When they’d had their little girl, he was entirely besotted with their little lovebug. She was the perfect mixture of the two, with her eyes and his hair. He’d never been more overjoyed to share such a chance with his soulmate, to teach their little girl about such a strong love.

He was so excited to see if she was lucky like her parents.

As time went on, and the band began to gain traction once more, their releases getting bigger with each promotion, he knew it would mean more time away from his family, but in the same breath he knew that she understood, that she didn’t make him choose between his love of music and his love for his family. Because the passion he had for both would outshine even the sun.

She knew that Ashton was going to be late home tonight. He’d already said about the boys trying to crack in as much time at the studio so he could spend more time with her and their little lovebug.

Being curled up with her little girl, a movie playing softly as she ran her fingers through her baby girls curls, curls that were an exact replica in style and colouring of her dads, a noise alerted her.

Her gut was telling her that something was wrong. She knew the feeling, it was the same feeling that she’d had when her and Ashton tried to first meet and they aborted the plan quick as they could. But something felt final with this gut twist.

Pushing up off the couch, a soft whine escaping her daughter at the loss of contact, she soothed her for a moment before creeping through to the darkened kitchen, her eyes adjusting to see two figures stood in the back garden, seemingly arguing.

They hadn’t turned towards the house yet, so she escaped from the kitchen, her fear increasing as she picked up her phone and daughter, wishing that Ashton hadn’t taken the car today. She could hear the banging on the back door and just as she was about to go for the front door, she spotted a figure moving, a silhouette in the glass of the front door and her heart sank.

Scooping up her frightened child, she picked up her phone, dialling 911 as she bolted up the stairs, heart hammering as tears began to fall.

“911, how can I help?”

“I need the police, there are people trying to break into my home.” She got to her little girls bedroom, praying that they wouldn’t attempt to climb the garage roof to get to them. She rattled off the address and her name, stating she had four year old with her.

“Lovebug, mommy needs you to stay quiet, can you do that for me sweetheart?” Frightened tears streamed from identical eyes and she could feel the dread in her gut increase.

‘At least she has my eyes, so he has something to remember me by.’ Was all she could think as she hid her daughter in the wardrobe, piling clothes on top of her.

There was a crash and she knew that this was going to be the last time she saw her little girl.

“Mommy loves you, sweet girl. Be good for daddy. Stay quiet now.” The muffled whimpers fell silent and she could feel her fear increase.

“They must be upstairs, they didn’t leave the house.” She stepped from the room, feeling her chest ache and even though they hadn’t shared thoughts since the two of them had their daughter, she prayed the echo of her love would reach Ashton.

Ashton had been feeling off all evening. To the point that he’d decided to call it quits and go home early, telling the boys he’d call them when he got back. It was as he turned down their road that he felt such a warm feeling fill his entire body, his chest feeling like it could burst. Then an echo of fear followed.

As he pulled up, he could see his front door opened and the echo of the fear became real, especially when sirens came behind him seconds later.

“Sir, is this your home?”

“Yes, what’s going on?”

“We received a distress call from this residence, saying about intruders. Who lives in this residence with you?”

“My soulmate and our daughter. Wait, intruders?” His words were cut off with a scream that Ashton felt rattle his bones and he felt like his chest was on fire.

“No!” The word ripped from his throat as he tore into the house, unable to process the footsteps or the shouts of ‘freeze!’

He didn’t hear the ring of the gunshots as he tore up the stairs, his chest burning so badly that he knew that she wasn’t going to make it.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he nearly screamed, his soulmate lay in a pool of her own blood, a knife scattered to the side. He rushed to her, his fingers trying to find the wound, to apply pressure.

Her fingers lifted up, catching his chin as they cupped his face and a sob tore from his throat.

“You can’t leave! You can’t leave me, us!” He begged, willing the universe to listen to him, to give him more time with her. Her breathing was raspy as he found the wound to her chest. He realised how much pain she had to be in to move her arm. Tears were falling down her cheeks but she still smiled, a smile that was his alone.

“I’ll wait for you, my love. I promise.” The words were soft, rapsy. But the love, he could feel the love she felt and then her hand dropped like a stone, her love filled look turning glassy and empty.

He screamed as the pain tore through his chest, his skin burning. He’d read about what happens when a soulmate dies.

A pained cry from the room only metres away from him pulled him from the pain, pulled him from the agony as he realised that his baby girl was still alive, that she’d protected her. HE stumbled into her room, his hands covered in blood but he didn’t care.

“Sweetheart, it’s daddy. I’m home, you’re safe.” He could hear more cars, more people. He could hear footsteps.

There was a rustling from the wardrobe before his daughter burst from it, her eyes wide and terrified, tears streaming down her face as she wrapped her arms around his knees, loud sobs falling from her lips.

He easily pried her hands from his legs, pulling her up. A twinge of guilt hit him as he realised that her pyjamas were most likely covered in her mother’s blood, but he needed to reassure himself that she was alive, she was safe.

“I need you to hide your face in daddy’s neck angel. We need to get out of the house.” Her sobs quietened as she followed his instructions, her face pressed into his neck, salty tears rubbing into his skin as he moved past his dead soulmates body, the police having already covered it with a white sheet.

He was met by officers who asked him if he had people he could call.

“My brothers.” Was all that he could get out. He heard the whispers of his name and he could feel his body sinking to the ground, his back pressed against the wheel of his car as his chest burned so badly, cradling his daughter, terrified she would disappear.

He couldn’t tell how much time had passed by. Police were going in and out of their home, and all he could feel was his chest burning, always burning as he tried to process that she was gone. She was never coming back.

Calum was the first to arrive, abandoning his car in a haste to rush to the first Officer he could find, asking about where Ashton was. The officer led him to the spot where Ashton had not moved from, and he felt his heart shatter.

Seeing his niece cling to his best friend, he didn’t attempt to pry her from his grip, instead, sitting himself next to Ashton on the other side and held his best friend as he leaned into the offered embraced and broke.

His niece didn’t even flinch, her eyes shut as she curled closer to her dad and Calum could feel his own heart twist painfully. They’d loved his soulmate, the woman who had put all of them in their places, who had been their shoulders to cry on when they got frustrated. Who shared their joys when they found their own soulmates.

He couldn’t stop his tears as his best friend broke on his shoulder, knowing that he was trying to keep it under control for his daughter’s sake.

Luke was the next to arrive, with Michael in tow. When they reached the trio, Luke, despite his tears, convinced Ashton to let go of his little girl.

“Ash, let me get her checked over for you. I’ll look after her.” Luke looked into the eyes of the man he considered his older brother and he had to force himself not to look away, the broken, empty look shattering his heart as he convinced Ashton to let go of her.

Once she was in Luke’s arms, her tired eyes opening to see her favourite Uncle holding her, she let out a soft sob as she snuggled closer, her small chubby arms going around his neck, holding herself to him like no tomorrow.

As they walked over to the waiting EMT’s who had been patient and understanding enough to not encroach, Michael and Luke flinched as a tortured scream left Ashton’s lips, unable to look over to their best friend who was breaking.

Calum wrapped his arms around Ashton’s chest, holding him tightly as he finally gave into the pain in his chest, the burning overwhelming and frightening.

“It burns, please make it stop!” Anyone who could hear him, felt their hearts shatter for him. The spare EMT rushed over, an ice pack in hand as he instructed Calum to sit behind Ashton, to keep his arms around his chest, locking the ice pack in place to try and soothe the burning skin.

He could only watch in horror as the soulmate tattoo Ashton had been so proud of, began to decay in front of his very eyes. It felt like the ice pack was doing nothing as another strangled cry escaped Ashton’s lips, his head leaning back into Calum’s shoulder.

“Give her back, give her back! Please!” His eyes fell shut, begging to the sky, to the universe. Calum felt his chest ache in response.

They sat like that for hours, the EMT swapping the ice packs over when Ashton’s breathing became harsher. The cold night air doing nothing for his burning hot skin. Calum hadn’t relinquished his hold, ignoring the cramp in his arms as he kept a tight hold of his best friend.

It was only when the weight against him got heavier, Calum glanced at the EMT who nodded at the unspoken question. He’d finally fallen asleep.

The cold ground had stopped feeling cold to Calum a while ago. It took both him and the EMT to get Ashton up and into Calum’s car, his body twitching every now and then.

The place was still milling about with police.

After speaking to an officer, to get an understanding of what was going to happen, he passed his details over, saying that both Ashton and his little girl would be at his until further notice. They quietly told Calum that the perps had been arrested, one only suffering a flesh wound as they tried to run from the cops.

He tried not to flinch at that.

When he got back to his place, Michael and Luke were already there. Michael came out to help carry Ashton into the house between them both, getting him upstairs. He didn’t miss how his niece had clung to Luke, her grip never wavering.

“What happened?”

“His tattoo burned and decayed.” The quiet words were met with soft gasps of shock. Luke finally pried his niece’s arms from his neck and when she whined softly, Ashton’s body instinctively turned towards the sound.

They got her in his arms and watched as the taut body relaxed and her whimpers fell silent.

“What are we gonna do?” Luke whispered sadly, his eyes unable to move from the two that seemed to cling to each other for dear life.

“We can only be here for them. Only time can heal this for both of them.” Michael finally answered as they moved away from the room and closed the door quietly.

It was only as they collapsed on the sofas did they finally cry for their lost friend, their own marks on their wrists finally feeling a slight burn as part of it burned away, signifying the death of someone so close.

Ashton couldn’t feel a thing, his own pain so great that it left him breathless and broken.

Even with their little girl, he didn’t know how he was going to recover from this.

---

tag list: @cals-babylons , @glitterprincelu , @calumspeachy , @wrappedaroundcal , @cosmocalum , @monsteramongmikey , @talkfastfletcher , @hereforlukescruff , @astroashtonio , @catchinqcalum , @roselukes , @5saucewho, @babylon-uncrowned , @dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind , @therainydays4 , @asht0ns-world , @silverchainbee , @hidd3nfangirl , @doodleasouarus , @empathycth , @mylovehes , @songforhema , @kinglyhood , @youngblood199456 , @makecoffeenotwars , @5squash , @negative-love , @softboycal , @kinglycalum , @you-of-ghost , @meetyoutheremgc , @lmao5sosimagines , @lietoash , @aw-hawkeye , @biggestslutforcalum , @drummerboy794 , @itjustkindahappenedreally, @mycollectionofnuts , @abitloudforanaccousticset , @boytoynamedcalum , @teampreator , @dukehoods , @dweebluke , @calumhampton , @lashtoncurls , @toofadedtofight , @gigglyirwin , @blue-skies-are-alright , @hearts-to-the-sky , @tiddlerrr , @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you , @thesensationalcalum , @ashtxns-hxe , @cakeassx-blog , @dancingonanemptywallet , @rotten-kandy , @vipclifford , @musiclover1263 , @rosecoloredash , @jpgluke , @cathartichaoss , @5secondssofssummer , @cozyfivesos , @balsamichood , @cliffordstxngue , @lukesbellas , @myloverboyash , @cxddlyash  , @gabiatthedisco , @rosesfromcth , @gorgeouslygrace , @calumsssparkle , @valentinelrh , @meetashthere , @softforcal , @notoriouslyhood , @hotmessmichael , @gem-calum , @calteahood , @flannelpunkcalum , @converse-luke , @fangirlforever0704

if you’re striked out, it means i can’t tag you or you’ve changed your blog name. if you want to be tagged, just send me a message! 

[eorzeanalliance]

Meeting my Soulmate

A/N: So my first ever writing commission, and it is FFXIV related! If you’re interested, I am currently doing super cheap ones over on my Ko-Fi page as it is just launching! Well, shall write more at the end, for now enjoy and let me know what you think? Also this was edited by an amazing FFXIV friend of mine, so all thanks to Elora Fiery <3 (This is about two people who fall in love through FFXIV and it’s from the perspective of the male. Based on a true story)

Meeting my Soulmate

"Shiny soul, the shape of light in me." Those were the words that came to mind that day. When our eyes first locked. The tranquil marketboard of the Lavender Beds, peacefully located within the heart of the Black Shroud. There I stood, gazing around the many wares various vendors had to offer. Some items stranger than others, from you bog standard potions to the most exoctic of mounts. Gathering items for our next grand adventure, my two companions almost falling into my shadow, when I turn and see... you.

The lack of people, the sounds of birds tweeting happily, the general serenity of the surrounding forest. But that all ceased to exist around me. Time stood still when our eyes met even thought I was fully focused on my duties, there was something... Something which drew me to her and that elegant smile which graced her lips. I found myself wavering, albeit for a mere few seconds but that was all I saw...

When she first waved at me everything stood on end. Her slight smile, the happiness radiating from her face, her sky-blue eyes shining brightly. At the time I didn't really think about it... So focused on my next raid I would be doing with my companions, I didn't acknowledge it at the time. It's embarrassing to think that in that moment I could do no more than flash a tiny smile, wave my hand in almost passing greeting you'd give to a passing stranger, and head to my FC house with great haste. Must've seemed like I was running for my life...

The usual suspects and myself, ready for the fight! Geared up to the sunless sea! My brother Shyn and a cheerful friend of his, another Lalafell called Mimo and... You…

It was as if Nymeia herself interwove our fates together and Menphina had added her own little sprinkle to the concoction which ultimately brought us together. The name of this shiny soul continued to remain in shadow, much like my companions when I gazed upon her. I can't say it was love at first sight, but she was kind and warm and I found myself drawn to her. 

The transcendent light she blessed me with cast a shadow on everything around me, engulfing me in her beautiful embrace almost. Just what in the Seven Hells were you doing to me!? The warmth you gave, the joy you radiated, your whole being enveloping me and working into every part of my being, taking over all of me. The battle didn't go as initially planned. A monster had taken us by surprise, emerging seemingly out of nowhere! One side swipe and lack of time to move, it knocked a few of us down, and rendered several of our party members completely unconscious. That will leave a mark in the morning!

But there you were. As I am out front, grabbing this cruel beings attention and trying to protect the others who were down, the fight between the two of us breaking into complete and utter chaos… She smiled at me. All she had to do was smile and the warmth overtook me. A smile back was all I could muster, I was still embarrassed from my quite frankly appalling display earlier on in the day. 

But in those few precious moments, the diabolical being saw my quick moment of distraction and brought his claw down upon me with such force, such ferocity, it was too much to bear and I was down for the count... 

Dead. 

“The end is coming!” “The end is near!” “I have failed my comrades!” “Death finally gets to embrace me and I get to walk Halone's halls” Those were the words that screamed in my mind, over and over again before the shadow finally swallowed me into the vast emptiness. 

Or so I believed... "Rise and shine, continue fighting."

The words struck me like lightning, shooting through my being and electrifying me. The thunder of your words echoed in my ears, raising me up from what I thought would be my untimely demise. It wasn't death that had come to greet me, but life, commanding me to wake up from an almost eternal slumber.

It energized me to keep going, keep on fighting! This wasn't the end of the fight, it was merely just the beginning! Her voice and words resonated through my mind, giving me the inner motivation to keep going, to keep fighting. Not just for myself or my comrades, but for her! 

That was the first time I had heard her voice. It was a rather serious tone for someone who looked so sweet. Maybe it was because my head was in a bit of a mess, considering the fighting was still ongoing around us.

"Rise and shine, continue fighting." I sat up suddenly, my eyes flying open to see the new spectacle in front of me. Fortunately one of my companions had managed to provoke the creatures attention away from myself, whilst the beauty before me helping me to wake. The princess waking the prince from the eternal sleep... Not sure if that was how it goes…

Nodding to my companion, I stand feeling almost reborn. I called out to the monster and it turned to face me. It's face twisted with rage from being provoked and tormented by the adventurers. It ran towards me with incredible haste. As I picked up my sword, I found myself, in my new found resurrection at the hands of this woman, charging at it with full speed. 

Moments that felt like hours passed and the fight was finally over. The battle won. Letting out a thunderous cheer, the few companions whom remained alive let out a yell of victory. We began to slowly gather up, some helping the gravely wounded and others making sure the unconscious were still among us.

But this woman, this light whom had pulled me from the precipice of death, stood before me. The brightest smile spread across her beautiful face, her cheeks blushed a subtle pink. She let out a loud cheer, jumping and spinning around in a dance, happily and seemingly without a care in the world. I felt my whole being melt within. This pure being had been blessed upon me. Whatever I had done in this world, I had clearly done something right!

I could do nothing more than break out into a smile, I think her joyous personality had started to rub off on me. Caught up in the moment, I let the biggest, widest grin etch across my face and I jumped up in jubilation alongside her dance of pure bliss.

In a way, I felt like I had found something in her that I hadn't felt in a long time. Pure, unadulterated bliss. Being in constant need across the realm had it's perks in notoriety and wealth both, but life had been losing that small spark. But that changed when I saw her in those brief moments. Just being near her filled me with a flood of great joy that I felt overwhelmed. "Shiny soul, the shape of light in me.”

Life returned to relative normality after that. Besides the fact this deity from the sunless sea above continued to linger in my every waking thought; appearing in my dreams and pressing herself onto every corner of my small existence. Even when I took daily trips out to get a head start on the latest request someone had given me, she was there like a phantom in my thoughts.

But in the sheer happiness she gave me, I was silly enough not to ask her name. This wonderful woman whom had such a profound effect on me and she was nameless. Good one Papamun! Well, given the circumstances, it had all been rather hectic… Oh yes, my name is Papamun, one of the many Warriors of Light who exist in Eorzea! I can remember to mention my own name, yet fail to get the name of this most elegant woman.

--- Once again it was time to go back to my usual duties with Mimo and my companions. Another day within the sanctuary in the forest, the calm housing of the Lavender beds. Back to the marketboard to pick from the array of merchandise on offer to us. Just like before, when my whole world was shaken to its core. The feeling was still very prominent in my chest, my heart raced at the simple thought that she might grace me with her transcending presence again.

It was almost as if Mephina was watching over me. There among the calming serenity of the housing area, the birds suddenly started to sing and the breeze picked up lightly like something read in religious texts, and there she stood. She was also perusing a marketboard located just down the path. Menphina watching over her as well because she suddenly looked towards me, catching my watchful gaze. Then that beautiful smile spread across her face upon seeing me, I smiled back once more. I failed to even notice the two companions with her, who were mere shadows within the glorious light of this woman.

"Shiny soul, the shape of light in me." I had seen it there and then. I was transfixed upon this beautiful woman before me. Her smile moved me in ways I still cannot fully describe. That same smile which always stayed with me filled me with an abundance of euphoria. It always seemed to perk me up when I felt the past few days  starting to take their toll, and when the darkness could potentially engulf me within it's shadowy embrace. 

I almost met another dark abyss, the one known as death. It seemed the next adventure would take me further away from the radiating glow of her presence. It seemed we had been paired up with the two companions that was with her in the Lavender Beds, but my heart sank into the deepest depths of despair upon realising that she wouldn't be in their stead. 

This situation was different. Fighting within the 'Weeping City of Mach' we continued through several of the trials but in the end, we were... I was no match for the monsters that laid further within the depths of the city streets. I was tired, exhausted and then I fell once more, just like with the monster I had fought before... 

I hoped and I prayed to hear her voice, for her to appear and save me like she had before, but nothing came. I greeted the darkness wholey this time, losing my grip on consciousness and trying to claw my way free of it's sweet embrace, but to no avail. I let it consume me. We had lost this fight. I had lost this fight.  

Luckily everyone was left relatively unscaved by the harsh encounters within the city walls of Mach, but there would always be a next time. So long as there was another sunrise, we could begin anew. The darkness took me this time, but it would be the last time I would fall victim to it's twisted and sinister ways. 

In case you were wondering, I didn't really die in that moment. That might cause some confusion to anyone reading this. The creature knocked me for six and it may seem a little over dramatic from the way I described it, but it truly felt like death! ---

And as the days went on, drifting into one another, I found my thoughts continually lingering about that brilliant ray of light. Specifically, that smile. Nothing else; just her smile, always thinking about that smile. 

I came to the Lavender Beds once more. I couldn't really describe what brought me here that day. Something, something was pulling me here. Menphina? God knows, but maybe because of how much the smile occupied my every waking moment, I wanted to see it again, to behold it with my very own eyes. She'd infected my mind with these images and yet... Yet, I welcome them wholeheartedly. I was hopeful that I could see her again, just like I had done before.

Much to my dismay, her usual spot was occupied by her companions, the nameless faces I'd not known. She was not there. The ache in my heart felt like it was being pierced by something razor sharp; my eyes widened suddenly upon realisation, the feeling slamming itself onto my whole being. This wasn't right, this didn't feel right, something was wrong. The moon had been crying before the dawn that night, so I asked the nameless companions about her. I was wracked with sudden dread, the worry consumed me whole.

"You're looking for Artemis?" One asked me.

"Artemis..." I muttered in reply.

The beautiful light had a name. Artemis. The name left my lips for the first time, it felt bittersweet like the taste of the finest Sour Red made from the freshest of Lowland Grapes found throughout all of La Noscea. This being blessed upon me by Menphina was named Artemis. A name I would not soon forget. I found myself raising my fingers to my lips upon saying the once unknown word, repeating it to myself a few times to make sure it was real.

"You can find her at her Apartment." They said.

I asked the person to tell me where her apartment was. After getting the directions I went with great haste. Something must be very wrong with her, with Artemis. My heart pounded a thousand malms per second within my breast. I would do anything to never let that smile fade from her beautiful face, whatever it took.

It made sense for someone with such joyous light to be located in the happy location of The Mists. The housing areas of the La Noscea; the sandy shores, the clear blue skies. It was heavenly to say the least. But I feared what was waiting for me wasn't going to be as bright and radiant as the elements currently dictated.

Upon arrival outside, I looked up at the building towering above me. The shadow cast upon me as I continued to look. Dread started to seep in, terrified of something being very wrong with her. My life, my light, could very well be in danger of being extinguished. I shook the thoughts that flooded my mind and without thinking, my legs carried me into the building. 

Upon finding the right number, I stopped. Just before I knocked I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath, getting all my bearings and thoughts together, then exhaled lightly. Pushing aside what fears I had, I gently knocked on the door. I noticed the door ajar just enough to know it was already open. I pushed it open cautiously, as not to startle her.

There she was, sat on the sofa, alone in her apartment. Upon seeing me push the door open, Artemis smiled. But it wasn't that same joyous smile which filled my body with such euphoria, it was one hiding such sadness behind it. The everlasting light of this magnificent woman was at risk of being put out. No, I wouldn't have it. I wouldn’t ever let it happen to her! I swore a vow that day, that I would never let her lose that radiant and beaming smile, the light she shines around her would never fall to the dark. And I will see that through until my last breath.

I had walked towards her and slowly placed my hand on her arm, patting it a few times in comfort. She didn’t have to be alone. I would be by her side, no matter what. This feeling I had, bubbling up to the surface, the need to make her happy... Always. 

It was then she looked at me, that smile which always moved me and this time, this time the joy had returned to her face, she even laughed slightly. Maybe she thought herself silly for crying. I didn't think so, not for one second. She wouldn't never be silly for showing her emotions, not to me, not ever. The last few remaining tears dripped from her face, but she continued to smile through it all. 

"Shiny soul, the shape of light in me."

---

It was a new day, a new sunrise, a new chapter in the story we've come to weave together. The moon had burnt before the dawn. There was just the two of us, making a pact to not look back on past events. To keep looking forward, looking towards the future we'd be sharing together, a future to make sure she kept smiling.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into years. We did all sorts of things; sharing adventures together, having lots of laughs, fighting together, always side by side and after spending all this time together, we both realised that something more could have possibly been developing here. I know for sure it was from my end, with this feeling I felt, now when I reflect back on it...  

It was love.

I was in love with Artemis.

Even saying that name now still gives me chills. I was in love with this magnificent, wondrous woman and her name was Artemis.

Both of us were growing in light for one another. Our two souls were connected as one. She was to me as the moon is to the night sky; illuminating, radiant, beautiful. I basked in the bright glow of her elegance which kept the darkness far away from me, never for it to come and pull me back into it's deathly embrace.

After more time had passed, I'd started to daydream. I would let my mind wander about the wide array of things our future would hold together. The two souls connected as one and the endless possibilities the future held before us. I thought it silly of me at the time, that I could very well be throwing away all the time we spent together, risking everything just because my mind took a tiny step into the future. 

I asked her to marry me.

Still, I was consumed with my fears and doubts. I mean, asking someone to marry you isn't anything small. But the thought of her saying no left me petrified. I couldn't imagine a future without her in it. Not only with her brilliant smile; her beautiful eyes or the radiance she glowed upon my once dark life every day. The doubts continued to echo within the confines of my mind, they would've consumed me if she hadn't pierced through them with her next few words. 

"I want to, yes."

Looking at her, a shining star. Both of us sharing the same surname, the same soul.

Kind, noble, brave, faithful, beautiful.

Papamun Elspeth 

Artemis Elspeth

For the future adventures we will face. The trials and tribulations, the laughs, the sadness, the hurt and the comfort.

And that is the story of how I met my soulmate. 

A beautiful, bright, brilliant Lalafell: Artemis.

Thank you for being with me, for being the magic in my life.

"Shiny soul, the shape of light in me.”

A/N: Any criticism I will happily take onboard. This was something which I put my heart and soul into and writing this re-ignited something in me to continue writing, even though I’ve had writers block for a good few months now. But asked by Papamun to write this about meeting his now fiance in FFXIV as a birthday gift for Artemis and it was an honour and a priviledge that I was asked to write this and it came out not bad if I do say so myself. They were kind enough to give me permission to post this.

There will be more to come, but it will be more about WoL/Canon and all that some such. But if you liked this and would like to see more, for a certain amount of time only I am doing stupid cheap commissions over on my Ko-Fi page

[dfroza]

Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms

for Sunday, September 27 of 2020 with Proverbs 27 and Psalm 27 accompanied by Psalm 6 for the 6th day of Autumn and Psalm 121 for day 271 of the year

[Psalm 27]

A David Psalm

Light, space, zest—

that’s God!

So, with him on my side I’m fearless,

afraid of no one and nothing.

When vandal hordes ride down

ready to eat me alive,

Those bullies and toughs

fall flat on their faces.

When besieged,

I’m calm as a baby.

When all hell breaks loose,

I’m collected and cool.

I’m asking God for one thing,

only one thing:

To live with him in his house

my whole life long.

I’ll contemplate his beauty;

I’ll study at his feet.

That’s the only quiet, secure place

in a noisy world,

The perfect getaway,

far from the buzz of traffic.

God holds me head and shoulders

above all who try to pull me down.

I’m headed for his place to offer anthems

that will raise the roof!

Already I’m singing God-songs;

I’m making music to God.

Listen, God, I’m calling at the top of my lungs:

“Be good to me! Answer me!”

When my heart whispered, “Seek God,”

my whole being replied,

“I’m seeking him!”

Don’t hide from me now!

You’ve always been right there for me;

don’t turn your back on me now.

Don’t throw me out, don’t abandon me;

you’ve always kept the door open.

My father and mother walked out and left me,

but God took me in.

Point me down your highway, God;

direct me along a well-lighted street;

show my enemies whose side you’re on.

Don’t throw me to the dogs,

those liars who are out to get me,

filling the air with their threats.

I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness

in the exuberant earth.

Stay with God!

Take heart. Don’t quit.

I’ll say it again:

Stay with God.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 27 (The Message)

[Proverbs 27]

Never brag about the plans you have for tomorrow,

for you don’t have a clue what tomorrow may bring to you.

Let someone else honor you for your accomplishments,

for self-praise is never appropriate.

It’s easier to carry a heavy boulder and a ton of sand

than to be provoked by a fool and have to carry that burden!

The rage and anger of others can be overwhelming,

but it’s nothing compared to jealousy’s fire.

It’s better to be corrected openly

if it stems from hidden love.

You can trust a friend who wounds you with his honesty,

but your enemy’s pretended flattery comes from insincerity.

When your soul is full, you turn down even the sweetest honey.

But when your soul is starving,

every bitter thing becomes sweet.

Like a bird that has fallen from its nest

is the one who is dislodged from his home.

Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy,

for good friends are like the anointing oil

that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.

So never give up on a friend or abandon a friend of your father—

for in the day of your brokenness

you won’t have to run to a relative for help.

A friend nearby is better than a relative far away.

My son, when you walk in wisdom,

my heart is filled with gladness,

for the way you live is proof

that I’ve not taught you in vain.

A wise, shrewd person discerns the danger ahead

and prepares himself,

but the naïve simpleton never looks ahead

and suffers the consequences.

Cosign for one you barely know and you will pay a great price!

Anyone stupid enough to guarantee the loan of another

deserves to have his property seized in payment.

Do you think you’re blessing your neighbors

when you sing at the top of your lungs early in the morning?

Don’t be fooled—

they’ll curse you for doing it!

An endless drip, drip, drip, from a leaky faucet

and the words of a cranky, nagging wife have the same effect.

Can you stop the north wind from blowing

or grasp a handful of oil?

That’s easier than to stop her from complaining.

It takes a grinding wheel to sharpen a blade,

and so one person sharpens the character of another.

Tend an orchard and you’ll have fruit to eat.

Serve the Master’s interests

and you’ll receive honor that’s sweet.

Just as no two faces are exactly alike,

so every heart is different.

Death and destruction are never filled,

and the desires of men’s hearts are insatiable.

Fire is the way to test the purity of silver and gold,

but the character of a man is tested

by giving him a measure of fame.

You can beat a fool half to death

and still never beat the foolishness out of him.

A shepherd should pay close attention to the faces of his flock

and hold close to his heart the condition of those he cares for.

A man’s strength, power, and riches will one day fade away;

not even nations endure forever.

Take care of your responsibilities

and be diligent in your business

and you will have more than enough—

an abundance of food, clothing, and plenty for your household.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 27 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 6]

For the worship leader. A song of David accompanied by the lyre.

O Eternal One, don’t punish me in Your anger

or harshly correct me.

Show me grace, Eternal God. I am completely undone.

Bring me back together, Eternal One. Mend my shattered bones.

My soul is drowning in darkness.

How long can You, the Eternal, let things go on like this?

Come back, Eternal One, and lead me to Your saving light.

Rescue me because I know You are truly compassionate.

I’m alive for a reason—I can’t worship You if I’m dead.

If I’m six feet under, how can I thank You?

I’m exhausted. I cannot even speak, my voice fading as sighs.

Every day ends in the same place—lying in bed, covered in tears,

my pillow wet with sorrow.

My eyes burn, devoured with grief;

they grow weak as I constantly watch for my enemies.

All who are evil, stay away from me

because the Eternal hears my voice, listens as I cry.

The Eternal God hears my simple prayers;

He receives my request.

All who seek to destroy me will be humiliated;

they will turn away and suddenly crumble in shame.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 6 (The Voice)

[Psalm 121]

A song for those journeying to worship.

I look up at the vast size of the mountains—

from where will my help come in times of trouble?

The Eternal Creator of heaven and earth and these mountains

will send the help I need.

He holds you firmly in place;

He will not let you fall.

He who keeps you will never take His eyes off you and never drift off to sleep.

What a relief! The One who watches over Israel

never leaves for rest or sleep.

The Eternal keeps you safe,

so close to Him that His shadow is a cooling shade to you.

Neither bright light of sun

nor dim light of moon will harm you.

The Eternal will keep you safe

from all of life’s evils,

From your first breath to the last breath you breathe,

from this day and forever.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 121 (The Voice)

[lowdenfordays]

Request from anon: Hi. Can I plse ask for a prompt? You and Jack are staying in a log cabin in the Scottish countryside where you and Jack take walks holding hands and you're cuddling into him when he wears fleeces. As fluffy and/or smutty as you like. Thanks 💛

As you pulled up to the little log cabin in the highlands of Glencoe, you couldn’t help the awed gasp that escaped your mouth. The whole drive from Jack’s hometown of Oxton to the West-coast village had been stunning, passing through historic towns and magnificent landscapes, but the little wooden cabin situated on the top of a hill, surrounded by a grove of trees, simply took your breath away.

“Oh Jack, it’s gorgeous,” you marvelled.

A satisfied grin spread across his face as he agreed, “Aye, it’s quite the view”. The monticule looked out over the valley, paved in tress of emerald, orange and gold. It was the height of autumn, and the natural word was in the process of metamorphosis, and your little spot of paradise was situated right at the centre, in the eye of the storm, and the whirlwind of autumn blazed around you. The river raced over stones and pebbles, foaming in its haste, and laced the grey-blue water with white eyelashes. It was spectacular.

“No’ a bad way to spend yer anniversary, eh?”

“No,” you smiled, leaning onto your tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “Not bad at all.”

You unloaded your bags and carried them to the cabin. You knocked on the door and almost instantly a plump and greying woman opened the door: the landlady. She wore a broad smile and greeted you heartily in a thick Scottish accent,

“Walcome, walcome, gee yerself ensyde. Ma name’s Morag. Gled tae meet ye.”

Having been to multiple Lowden family events, you thought yourself fairly adept at understanding Scottish jargon, but she spoke so fast and with such a thick accent it went entirely over your head.

You looked helplessly at Jack who just laughed and offered the lady, Morag, his hand to shake.

“Glad to meet ye Morag. A’m Jack, this here lassie is Y/N”

“Aren’ ye a bonnie wee biddie?”

Jack chuckled again as you smiled blankly, before whispering to you, “She’s sayin’ yer a beautiful lady.”

You offered your thanks to Morag, who wheezed as she laughed, looking knowingly between you and Jack. She showed you around the cabin, explaining where everything was, though Jack had to translate and eventually you left him to figure it out. You were mesmerised by the place.

 It was a small, cosy cabin, and entirely open-plan. The downstairs consisted of a kitchen with rustic cream cupboards, an aga cooker and an island in the middle. Mugs and utensils hung off shelves and on them lay bountiful cookery books and mason jars containing a plethora of non-perishable foods. A window and warm lamps created pools on light in the room which bathed it in a golden atmosphere.  Separating the kitchen and living room was a large wood burner. The spherical chimney piece was already lit to keep the Scottish chill at bay. A sofa and two generous armchairs huddled around a coffee table with lanterns and candles scattered all over it. Tartan quilts lay over every seat and fluffy cushions were in abundance. The walls were lined with bookshelves, containing a library of classic literature. You pulled out a copy of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice as you inspected the room with glee. One wall, however, was constructed entirely of panelled windows, showing the dazzling view across the valley. Wooden beams, shrouded in fairy lights, hung overhead. An impressive wooden staircase lead upstairs to the bedroom and bathrooms, entirely devoid of walls. A balcony separated the upstairs from the down. A king-sized, four-poster bed lay at the centre, drowned in rustic grey cushions. A fur blanket lay atop the duvet. A light, lace canopy hung over the posts and more fairy lights danced down them. A fireplace sat quietly burning in the corner, bathing the room in light and heat, and a pair of small armchairs rested either side, similarly adorned in blankets. The bed faced a full, wall-to-ceiling window that gave a panoramic view out, even more immersive than the one from downstairs. The remaining walls were decorated in paintings and sketches of the landscape, each as beautiful as the last. Around the corner was the bathroom, still connected but there was a mesh screen folded up against the wall. First was a stone counter with the sink inlaid, looking into an ovular mirror in a black, renaissance style frame. Candles, towels, lotions and potions lay neatly arranged either side. The main feature, however, was the enormous bath which looked more like an engorged, white marble acorn cup. It was almost the size of a hot tub, and could easily fit at least three people in it. Potted plants – orchids, begonias, lilies – enshrouded the tub, and a large wooden ladder-shelf held fresh towels and dressing gowns. Like in the other rooms before it, floor-to-ceiling windows exposed the view of the valley. This time, however, two walls were entirely transparent, meeting in a corner where the bath was situated. The French doors led out onto a small balcony.

 You took your time wandering around the property; it was small, with only four rooms, but spacious and completely spectacular. You eventually met Jack downstairs where he was finalising the details of your stay with Morag. You largely ignored their conversation until you heard them exchange a, “Guid efternuin,” and “Hae a guid day”. The door closed behind Morag and you were alone with your darling Jack.

“This place is amazing Jack! How did you find it?”

He shrugged nonchalantly, grinning from ear to ear, his dimples spreading to valleys in his cheeks.

“Well, I may have no idea what that Scottish lady was on about but she definitely knows a thing or two about interior design. Have you seen the bath?”

Jack hummed in assent as he threaded his arms around you and rested his chin on your head.

“Figured we could share a bath a tad later on, save water an’ all.”

You smiled, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, “We have got to look after the planet.”

 You’d set a stew to slow cook in the oven for dinner while you and Jack went out for a walk in the highlands. The chilly autumn sun shone down on you as you ambled across the hills. The rich colours, the sweet, heavy scent of dead leaves, the remote rumble of the river far below, surrounded you. Arm in arm with Jack, you chatted about everything and nothing. An icy wind rolled in from the not so distant sea, and you huddled into Jack’s fleece as it whipped around you. Once it had subsided you continued to clamber over rocks and along the hillside. You reached a grove of pine trees with a particularly convenient boulder beside it. You scrambled onto the cold rock with some difficulty, sending yourself and Jack into fits of laughter as you each tried to climb and pull the other up without begin pulled down yourself. You were sweating and panting by the time you were both safely sat atop it. When the laugher was subdued and you caught your breath, you nestled into Jack’s shoulder, feeling the soft material of his fleece on your face. He put his arm around your waist and tugged you in closer, hooking his leg around to the other side of your body so you were sat between them. You rested your back against his chest, both gently rising and falling with the rhythm of his breathing. He had his arms entwined around your waist, your folded across his, and he propped his chin on your shoulder. He occasionally turned to place a chaste kiss on your neck or ear or cheek.

“How did we get so lucky?” you mused, suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that you had been so blessed, and you couldn’t deserve it.

“Who knows,” he sighed. “But I’m no’ gonna question it. Best no’ tempt fate,” he chuckled.

You smiled softly, pulling his embrace a little tighter around you.

 You walked back to the cabin when you started to get cold. You kicked your boots off at the door, and settled down to eat your stew. The beef was perfectly tender and the rich gravy tasted delicious soaked into some chunky slices of sourdough. Jack did the clearing away, allowing you to sit by the wood burner and warm your toes as you dipped in and out of various books from the shelves.

You were perusing Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights when Jack crouched before you. He gently closed the book and put it down on the sofa beside you. His eyes were a deep cobalt blue, brimming with longing, as he took you by the hands and gently pulled you towards him.

“Come take a bath with me.”

“Happily,” you blushed, letting him lead you upstairs.

 Jack set the water running as it would take a while for the tub to fill, and sprinkled in some bath salts. In the meantime you stood at the mirror, brushing your hair before tying it up into a bun. With your arms lifted to your hair you saw Jack’s reflection as he came up behind you and wrapped loving arms around your hips. He pressed light kisses to the back of your neck while caressing his fingers over the exposed skin of your midriff. He tugged at your shirt, then lifted it off when you raised your arms in consent. He undid the clasp of your bra and let it slip to the floor. You turned, draping your arms around his neck, pressing your naked chest to the fabric that still covered his. Running your fingers through his hair, you lifted your jaw to let him nip hungrily at the soft flesh of your neck.

 After a few minutes you were both fully undressed, letting the clothing fall lazily on the floor. The water was just shy of scalding when you dipped your toe in, exactly how you liked it. You stepped in, Jack holding onto your hips, perhaps to steady you but mostly because he couldn’t bear to detach himself from you. You submerged yourself in the water, refreshing your skin instantly. Jack dropped in behind you and you nestled in between his legs. He pulled you in close, brushing his hands down your stomach to your thighs. He gripped them gently, but with an undeniable urgency. You hummed into him and let your head fall back onto his shoulder.

“I adore you,” he whispered.

 You woke the next morning to see light streaming into the room. You hadn’t closed the curtains so the full-length windows exposed you to the rising sun. The sky was painted with gold and pink and orange, dying the clouds with colour, so beautiful it took your breath away. The blush sky and autumn leaves painted a picture of bliss. You looked over to Jack who lay still sleeping. You traced your fingers down his cheek before kissing him there.

“Wake up Jacky,” you said softly.

His eyes fluttered, but didn’t open, before he moaned something intangible, presumably about him not wanting to wake up. You pecked his lips.

“Sweetheart, look. The sunrise.”

He lifted his head and took in the sight before him. His eyes widened as he did before smirking, “Tha’s Scotland for ye.”

You shook your head with a smile as you shuffled in closer to him. He took you in his arms and you settled to watch the sun come up over your little place in heaven.

[jamest-kirk]

McKirk or McSpirk during an apocalypse, maybe they have to leave one of them behind (who maybe comes back later to save their lifes when the others are about to die in a fight or something)

The world went to shit faster than anyone could comprehend. Most people on their planet managed to escape in vessels, but those from poorer areas, or predicted sick, were not as lucky. Jim should’ve been on one of those vessels out of there. Would have been, if it wasn’t for his idiot doctor staying behind to help the sick, when there was still a possibility of saving them. After the last vessels left, it was pure chaos. People scrambling for food, medicine. The city became uninhabitable pretty quickly. Humans turning against each other. And then the sick turned against humans. 

Getting to the countryside was a blessing. Away from the city, where the people and the sick were fighting each other continuously, the sudden silence was almost overwhelming. The only downside were the wide open spaces. It means seeing the dead wandering up to you from miles away - it also means they see you, too. Most houses were completely empty, and a horde passing by destroyed what was left of their shelter. But then Jim found a chicken, almost starved by the lack of food and failing harvest, so they both chased it. Found a vegetable garden, and more chickens. Well hidden in the forest line that ended the farmlands and started the wilderness. There, they found Spock. Initially ready to chase them off, but seeing Spock’s arm was hurt, Bones managed to talk their way into staying. It’s been a blessing ever since. Food, water, shelter, and each other.

It’s late afternoon when Jim strolls back into their little hideaway home. It’s pretty overgrown by now, something deliberately done - barely visible under growing kudzu and ivy. The weather has been so warm and accommodating, Spock and Bones are actually sitting outside together rather than hiding inside their shelter. It’s a lovely sight; Bones, in a tight shirt that’s a bit dirty, and Spock sits next to him, squeaky clean as ever. “Did you catch anything?” Bones asks without looking up from his book. Holding up two rabbits, Jim grins rather proudly. “I think with the carrots we have, we’ll have a half decent stew tonight.” “Emphasis on half decent,” Bones replies, “I’m dying for some pizza.” “You and me both,” Jim replies, and Spock huffs. “Try being a vegan prior to all of this,” he says, and Jim laughs, “I’ll never try to be vegan.”  

They have their stew outside that night, by the comfort of an abundance of candles, some light music from Jim’s old cassette tape. It’s romantic, it’s sweet, and for the first time in a long time, Jim forgets they’re even in the midst of an apocalypse.

The countryside is so quiet, that any unfamiliar sound stands out. Jim’s walking through overgrown grass fields, scouting the place for rabbits or an occasional deer, when a loud buzzing sound startles him. It’s almost unfamiliar, but Jim instinctively looks up. A space shuttle flies over his head. It doesn’t see him, it just flies overhead and into the distance, towards the old capital city. Now, that wouldn’t be so bad, but the sound that follows is something he’s way less fond of. Footsteps. That heavy breathing of the Sick, mindlessly chasing the sound of that damned shuttle.

Jim’s panting roughly from running, covered in dirt and mud to reduce his own body scent, so he isn’t followed. It’s hard, though, because suddenly they are everywhere. Like a horde, all over the place. They’re on the high grass in the fields, and they’re in the forest once Jim makes it there.

“There’s a problem,” Jim pants once he reaches the shelter. “Yeah, have you looked at yourself?” Spock comments. “There was a shuttle flying overhead,” Jim says, falling down on a chair, doing his best to ignore Bones checking him out for any wounds, “and then a horde passed by. They’re everywhere. What if we’re compromised?” “We’re not compromised,” Spock says, “this place is well secluded.” “I’m more surprised there was a shuttle flying here,” Bones replies, “all shuttles left ages ago.” Jim simply shrugs, but Bones actually reaches out and grabs an old radio. It doesn’t really work, usually, but after some tweaking, they actually find a radio signal. “... of Starfleet. I repeat, this is captain Chris Pike, we’re responding to the remaining intelligent life signals. We’re clearing the city from the undead and we will pick up any remaining survivors at the old Central Station.”

“We should go,” Jim says. “No,” Spock replies, “are you mad? It could be a trap.” “Or it could be our way out of here,” Jim counters. “You told me yourself the shuttle dragged in a horde. Why would we follow that horde? That sounds dangerous.” “Well, yes,” Jim says, “but staying here on a planet with nothing but things that want to kill us isn’t much of an alternative. We can still get out of here, Spock. We might live, instead of just surviving.” “Or we might die trying,” Spock says. Both turn to Bones instead, and Bones sighs. “Fine, yes. I think we should go. It’s worth a try, at least.”  

They set out to leave as soon as the horde thins out, and they detour to the city. It takes them days - through the forest line as much as they can, hiding in attics that are easily defendable at night. Jim loves being outside, he’s used to it. Spock tends to the garden, usually, but Bones isn’t so used to being outside anymore. Prefers the safety of being inside safe walls, even if his vote did make them turn towards the city again. And it’s noticeable, too. More Sick walking around everywhere. More gunfire in the distance, either from Starfleet or from survivors, they can’t tell. But also more resources. More items to turn into makeshift weapons.

Shit hits the fan when they’re close. Really close. They’ve seen the city skyline for hours, watching it grow closer the longer they walk towards it. Now all that's​ left between them and the city is a long narrow bridge over a river, and they’ve been followed for a while now. The Sick were far behind at first, but now they keep getting closer, allowing them no stops while they walk. That’s also when Jim gets hurt. Bear traps were hidden along the entrance to the bridge, and his leg is bleeding quite badly by the time they have him freed. “C'mon, Jim, we’re so close,” Bones says sliding an arm around the others shoulder to drag him along. “Yes Jim, we’ll get off the planet, like you said. We just need to cross the bridge,” Spock agrees. He’s tugging Jim along, too, but their progress is significantly slowing down, and the Sick are rapidly closing in on them.

“Let me,” Jim pants, stopping his walk altogether and he pants roughly, “you need to go ahead. I’ll keep them distracted.” “Distracted how? We’re on a bridge. There’s not exactly any corners to hide,” Bones hisses. “Bones, you need to make it to Starfleet, okay? Just… report there, and then get backup for me. I’ll be fine,” Jim says. He thinks it’s a smooth lie, but Bones narrows his eyes. “No! Are you out of your fucking mind?!” “Go! I can kill at least a dozen of them,” Jim says, pulling out his gun. Spock hesitates, but only for a second, because the Sick are still incoming, and they’re coming quick. “Two dozen,” Spock says, reaching out in his jacket and handing Jim his own pistol. Jim smiles lightly, ignoring the doctor telling both of them how stupid this idea is. “I love you,” Jim tells Bones, and that’s enough to shut him up for a second, at least, “both of you. Now make it across this stupid bridge, yeah?”

Jim doesn’t even miss many shots. He takes them down, most of the horde, with his guns and whatever debris lies on that bridge. He wants desperately to look behind him, to see if Spock and Bones made it across. But he doesn’t. He fights until he’s out of ammo, and then he turns around and runs for it. He can’t outrun them, not with his leg bleeding. Still, he tries until he feels fingers grab for his shirt and his arm. It’s game over, but Jim refuses to let himself be eaten alive by these creatures. He dashes to the side instead, and he runs towards the railing of the bridge instead. He just pushes himself over the edge, jumping over. It’s briefly terrifying, the weightlessness of falling. The dirty brown water comes closer rapidly, with less than seconds to think about the impact, and then everything turns black.

His entire body aches when he wakes up - which is a confusing thought to begin with. He opens his eyes, and Spock is sitting next to him. A sterile white room, something he hasn’t seen for years. The sheets are white, and clean. A monitor is steadily beeping next to him. Spock’s holding his hand, too, qhich is a surprise. “Hey,” Jim says, voice as sore as his body. “Hi, Jim,” Spock says, smiling briefly before adding a; you look terrible.“ "Wow,” Jim replies to that, “that’s what you say to your life saver?” Spock huffs, squeezing Jim’s hand lightly. “Where are we?” Jim continues. “USS Enterprise,” Spock says, “you’re in med bay.” “Where is that?” “Space.” “Space where?” “Somewhere between our planet and York Town.” “We’re in deep space?” Jim asks, turning to look around the room, “why isn’t there a window? We haven’t looked at the stars in years.”

When Bones walks into the room, he looks dapper. Dark, long-sleeved shirt, Starfleet Insignia attached to his chest. Even better, he's covered in paperwork and cadets following his every move. "Hello, handsome," Jim says, and Bones drops his PADD on Jim's bed with a sigh. "I can't believe you've been awake for hours and I'm the last to find out," Bones complains, loudly so, and then he kisses him. "How did you not know?" Jim asks, and Bones shrugs lightly. "Something along the lines of being hired as a medical officer here," he says. Briefly, Jim is worried Bones is leaving again, because he seems busy, and he's putting his stuff on the night stand. But instead, he moves closer, lying down next to Jim instead. "I thought I lost you," Bones says. "I thought I was lost, too," Jim replies, "how did I even survive?" "They picked you out of the water," Bones replies, "what were you thinking?!" Jim shrugs lightly, his thoughts now only on Bones' arm that rests around his waist. It's the safest he's felt in years, knowing there's no Sick ones trying to rip them to pieces. "I thought of you being safe, and me not being ripped apart by these sickos. Rather drowned." "Well," Bones says, "it seems that your idiotic decision making paid off. And, I realise this is long overdue," he adds, and Jim feels warm lips against his cheek, "I love you, too."

[friendly-neighborhood-nerd]

My Depression

Yes. You read that right. Some of you who know me have heard me talk about this. For others, this is news. I started this blog as a fun side project for myself but I wanted to make my first post about something close to my heart that has been stigmatized to the point of silence for so many people. So here we go.

If The Sound of Music taught us anything, it’s that the beginning is a very good place to start. This struggle goes all the way back to my days in high school. I do want to clarify that I loved my school. I had friends, I have a loving family, and quite frankly I have never really “wanted” for too much in my life. But that’s thing about depression. It doesn’t care about your circumstances. So despite my abundance of blessings, I still felt empty. And quite frankly that made it all so much worse.

You see, when I’m feeling something, I dive deep into that feeling so that I can understand the why behind it. And for years I wracked my brain desperately seeking the “why” behind my depression and never found it. That led to frustration and a lot of anger that I turned in on myself. That eventually led to an overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I covered it up, and I feel like I did a pretty good job of it too (I’m an actor, it’s what I do). But I cannot stress how unhealthy that was. It would take a few years for that to catch up to me.

After silently stuffing my emotions for three years I went off to college. I got accepted to the most beautiful college in the world (yes, Berry does have that title according to various blogs and magazines). I was accepted into a wonderful scholarship program and I made so many wonderful friends. I developed bonds with people there that felt more like family than anything else. I had a group of “brothers” who poured into my life constantly. I had great friends that I spent every single day with (@ squad, love you guys always) and I couldn’t be happier. But happiness and joy are different things.

When I first got to Berry I thought I had magically been cured of my depression. I felt great fairly consistently and only really got upset over things people normally get upset about. Things were just fine until I got to my second semester of my freshman year. After some things happened (too many details not enough time) I realized my problems had much deeper roots than I thought. I started feeling the same depression creep it’s way into my life until it busted down the walls and came barreling back into it. Things blew up in my face and suddenly I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I talked to a close friend who helped me cope with it until I got home for the summer.

When I got home things weren’t much better. On top of my normal depression I missed Berry. And I missed being able to talk to the one person on the planet who (at the time anyway) knew what I was living with. I got a wonderful job at a local historic theatre with a great staff that feels like family and an amazing manager who holds it all together. I found some contentment in my life and essentially just kept trucking. Then I went back to school for the fall. And everything fell apart. (For real this time.)

I still can’t tell you how or why but something in me snapped last fall. I felt like I was losing any sort of control I had in my life and I did not have a healthy way of dealing with it. I have scars to show for it. It was a dark time in my life. I do want to clarify that at no point was I suicidal. I have NEVER wanted to end my own life. But that didn’t mean I enjoyed my life. As a result I was (unfairly, in my opinion and the opinions of EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW) placed in a behavioral unit. I spent five days having various “doctors” (a term I use loosely because I can’t be sure they were really licensed. This place was beyond sketch) tell me I was crazy. I know I’m not. You know I’m not. But when that’s all you hear for five days, it takes a toll on you. Despite everything they thought they were doing to help it only made things worse and I came home from that ordeal having taken a medical leave from Berry and being diagnosed with manic depression. That basically means I have some really great emotional highs, and devastating lows. Like a roller coaster. But sometimes a lot faster.

I ended up in counseling and did a lot of healing. I went on a trip to Washington DC with the scholarship program I was in and even came up with a life purpose statement at a point in my life when I didn’t think I had a purpose. (I’ll put that at the end of this if you’d like to read it.) All that to say, I got better. I’m not saying I was magically cured. I made that mistake once. But I am better. Better than I was at least. This is a topic that for so many is uncomfortable to talk about. But it’s a part of my story. And it’s a part of my story I want to share because I know there are others in the world like me, who need to see it’s okay to ask for help. If you made it this far: 1. WOW you have a great attention span 2. Thank you. Thank you for reading this, thank you for your time, and to those of you reading this that have been a part of my journey, THANK YOU for loving me so well.

That about wraps it up. Depression is a scary thing. It’s hard to fight and there are times when every day feels like an uphill battle while carrying seven grown elephants on your back (not my best analogy). And since I said I would post it, here’s my life purpose statement:

My life purpose is to embrace, understand, and nurture those who feel lost and alone – especially those with mental illness – so they can feel safe asking for help, establish a sense of self-acceptance, and adopt a Christ-centered family unit.

The next post will not be nearly as deep (I think, no promises) but again, thanks for reading.

[zodiacc-horoscope-blog]

Daily Horoscope

Monday Feb 6 2017 Aries (3/21-4/18) Everyone craves financial security. Even those whose nests are well-padded want to keep their finances safe and secure so they don't have to worry. Money may be on your mind now too, Aries. You may be worried about your future, or maybe you are having troubles that are related to money in the present. You need to adopt an attitude of abundance. Imagine yourself feeling the way you think you would feel if money was not a concern. Imagine that weight being lifted off your shoulders. In the next few days, you are to receive several pieces of good news, and one of those blessings may involve a financial boost. Pretend it has already happened. Taurus (4/20-5/20) You may be afraid of going overboard in showing your exhilaration for some new phase in your life. You may fear that people won't take you seriously, or they will think that you aren't being realistic. But the more passion and excitement you show for a venture that's important to you, the more others will understand just how important it is to you. You can't waste your life wondering what other people will think of what you do or don't do. If you are feeling it, Taurus, then show it now. You may even attract a few equally enthusiastic supporters. Gemini (5/21/6/20 If it hasn't happened already, someone who has been very critical of you in the past may be critical of you again in the near future. Each time this person airs their crusty, unkind opinion, Gemini, you cringe a little. It hurts to be put under the spotlight and then dissected and minimized. But your talents are far greater than some people realize. In fact, someone who is a detractor may actually see your gifts and feel jealous of them, which in turn causes their criticism. Be true to yourself, and you will soon receive the validation and the vindication you deserve. Cancer (6/21-7/22) Just because some event of good fortune is unlikely, does not mean it is impossible. You may be betting against a big opportunity now because you believe the odds are against it. But it may go even deeper than that, Cancer. You may be shirking this chance because you don't think this wonderful blessing could happen to you. You may not think the stars are shining on you because you feel you don't deserve it. But if you bet on yourself now - even if the odds seem to be against a good outcome - you will find yourself a winner. Leo (7/23-8/22) Is there something about yourself that you don't like or aren't fully happy with? This could be something as simple and basic as shyness or the inability to be assertive. Or it could be something as complicated as not loving the way you look or not attaining the success you have hoped for in your life. If you stop looking at whatever it is as a flaw, Leo, and start looking at it as something that you can heal, you would find an easier way to get where you want to be. Think of yourself as an evolving spirit, and nurture yourself in a healing way. You can be everything you want to be, and recognizing that is a good place to start. Virgo (8/23-9/22) You may have reached a fork in the road quite some time ago, and you had to choose between one path and another. Maybe now that you have had some time to reflect on that choice and gained some experience that taught you things you didn't know at the time, you believe that you chose the wrong path. But it is not too late to double back and take another look, Virgo. Although you usually prefer to leave the past in the past, if it's on your mind now, then it isn't really the past yet - is it? Think back and take an emotional road trip to see if you really could have done better. If so, then start anew. Libra (9/23-10-22) Beekeepers know that honeybees can typically travel as far as three miles per flight to gather nectar and pollen. On that journey, depending on where the hive is located, the bees could cover fields of blueberries, flowers, cherry orchards, and of course, there are many other possibilities. That means that the honey they produce will have its own unique blend of sources and therefore its own unique properties and taste. You may feel like your recent travels toward a goal haven't reaped any benefits, but you are much like the bee traveling from one place to another, gathering experiences. These will enrich you, Libra, even if you can't see how just yet. Scorpio (10/23-11/21) At one time, Scorpio, you put quite a lot of effort into something that is now outdated. Who knows what happened or why you abandoned your project, but now, you may see all that effort as a waste of time. If this is something you've been thinking about, you may want to explore possibilities for resurrecting this project. Even though it may be outdated, there are surely ways you can update and refine it to make it work now. You have learned quite a lot in the span between then and now, and this project can stand as a testament to your own evolution. Sagittarius (11/21-12/21) You may be able to manipulate a situation so that it works out better for everyone. To do this, however, you may have to be especially persuasive by appealing to someone at a deep emotional level. You may question whether this is respectable and ethical, Sagittarius, even though you may feel like you have no other choice. If this effort is for the greater good - yours and the good of others - then doing what you have to do can be justified. As long as you are honest, you can make this work. Capricorn (12/22-1/19) A latent talent of yours may suddenly peek out and look around. You may start wondering why you have never indulged in this talent, or why you have never expressed a desire to do more with it. You may see the discovery and exploration of this talent as somewhat frivolous, Capricorn - perhaps because it can only bring you inner fulfillment and nothing in the way of monetary reward. Actually, though, using this talent can make your life better in many ways that you can't yet see, which in turn could transform you into a fuller, richer, more successful version of your present self. Aquarius (1/20-2/18) If you are feeling overburdened, overwhelmed, and over-anxious, you need to decide that today is your personal Independence Day. If today doesn't work for you, Aquarius, then how about tomorrow? It really doesn't matter which day you choose, as long as you choose a day to finally be free of your burdens and anxiety. On that day, choose to lighten your load, and declare your freedom from unnecessary troubles and conflicts. You may even want to have a symbolic tossing of whatever weighs you down. If you stick to this newfound independence, you can make yourself much happier. Pisces (2/29-3/20) Some people like to spend their Saturdays walking through garage sales, flea markets, and antique shops. They look for bargain treasures to take home. Every once in a while, someone will find a painting or a sculpture or just some odd bit of apparent junk for a few dollars, and it turns out to be worth a lot of money. Before they discover its value, though, it sits on a bookshelf or a mantel or gets hidden away in a closet or the garage. You picked up an idea somewhere a while ago, and you haven't done much with it. But if you explore it a little bit further, you will discover its incredible value, and fortunately, it's yours for the taking. So make that your mission now, Pisces.

[dailyofficereadings]

Daily Office Readings March 09, 2020

Psalm 56-58

Psalm 56

Trust in God under Persecution

To the leader: according to The Dove on Far-off Terebinths. Of David. A Miktam, when the Philistines seized him in Gath.

1 Be gracious to me, O God, for people trample on me; all day long foes oppress me; 2 my enemies trample on me all day long, for many fight against me. O Most High, 3 when I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I am not afraid; what can flesh do to me?

5 All day long they seek to injure my cause; all their thoughts are against me for evil. 6 They stir up strife, they lurk, they watch my steps. As they hoped to have my life, 7 so repay[a] them for their crime; in wrath cast down the peoples, O God!

8 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record? 9 Then my enemies will retreat in the day when I call. This I know, that[b] God is for me. 10 In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, 11 in God I trust; I am not afraid. What can a mere mortal do to me?

12 My vows to you I must perform, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. 13 For you have delivered my soul from death, and my feet from falling, so that I may walk before God in the light of life.

Psalm 57

Praise and Assurance under Persecution

To the leader: Do Not Destroy. Of David. A Miktam, when he fled from Saul, in the cave.

1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by. 2 I cry to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. 3 He will send from heaven and save me, he will put to shame those who trample on me.Selah God will send forth his steadfast love and his faithfulness.

4 I lie down among lions that greedily devour[c] human prey; their teeth are spears and arrows, their tongues sharp swords.

5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens. Let your glory be over all the earth.

6 They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down. They dug a pit in my path, but they have fallen into it themselves.Selah 7 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast. I will sing and make melody. 8 Awake, my soul! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn. 9 I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. 10 For your steadfast love is as high as the heavens; your faithfulness extends to the clouds.

11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens. Let your glory be over all the earth.

Psalm 58

Prayer for Vengeance

To the leader: Do Not Destroy. Of David. A Miktam.

1 Do you indeed decree what is right, you gods?[d] Do you judge people fairly? 2 No, in your hearts you devise wrongs; your hands deal out violence on earth.

3 The wicked go astray from the womb; they err from their birth, speaking lies. 4 They have venom like the venom of a serpent, like the deaf adder that stops its ear, 5 so that it does not hear the voice of charmers or of the cunning enchanter.

6 O God, break the teeth in their mouths; tear out the fangs of the young lions, O Lord! 7 Let them vanish like water that runs away; like grass let them be trodden down[e] and wither. 8 Let them be like the snail that dissolves into slime; like the untimely birth that never sees the sun. 9 Sooner than your pots can feel the heat of thorns, whether green or ablaze, may he sweep them away!

10 The righteous will rejoice when they see vengeance done; they will bathe their feet in the blood of the wicked. 11 People will say, “Surely there is a reward for the righteous; surely there is a God who judges on earth.”

Footnotes:

Psalm 56:7 Cn: Heb rescue

Psalm 56:9 Or because

Psalm 57:4 Cn: Heb are aflame for

Psalm 58:1 Or mighty lords

Psalm 58:7 Cn: Meaning of Heb uncertain

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 64-65

Psalm 64

Prayer for Protection from Enemies

To the leader. A Psalm of David.

1 Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint; preserve my life from the dread enemy. 2 Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked, from the scheming of evildoers, 3 who whet their tongues like swords, who aim bitter words like arrows, 4 shooting from ambush at the blameless; they shoot suddenly and without fear. 5 They hold fast to their evil purpose; they talk of laying snares secretly, thinking, “Who can see us?[a] 6 Who can search out our crimes?[b] We have thought out a cunningly conceived plot.” For the human heart and mind are deep.

7 But God will shoot his arrow at them; they will be wounded suddenly. 8 Because of their tongue he will bring them to ruin;[c] all who see them will shake with horror. 9 Then everyone will fear; they will tell what God has brought about, and ponder what he has done.

10 Let the righteous rejoice in the Lord and take refuge in him. Let all the upright in heart glory.

Psalm 65

Thanksgiving for Earth’s Bounty

To the leader. A Psalm of David. A Song.

1 Praise is due to you, O God, in Zion; and to you shall vows be performed, 2 O you who answer prayer! To you all flesh shall come. 3 When deeds of iniquity overwhelm us, you forgive our transgressions. 4 Happy are those whom you choose and bring near to live in your courts. We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, your holy temple.

5 By awesome deeds you answer us with deliverance, O God of our salvation; you are the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas. 6 By your[d] strength you established the mountains; you are girded with might. 7 You silence the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, the tumult of the peoples. 8 Those who live at earth’s farthest bounds are awed by your signs; you make the gateways of the morning and the evening shout for joy.

9 You visit the earth and water it, you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; you provide the people with grain, for so you have prepared it. 10 You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth. 11 You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with richness. 12 The pastures of the wilderness overflow, the hills gird themselves with joy, 13 the meadows clothe themselves with flocks, the valleys deck themselves with grain, they shout and sing together for joy.

Footnotes:

Psalm 64:5 Syr: Heb them

Psalm 64:6 Cn: Heb They search out crimes

Psalm 64:8 Cn: Heb They will bring him to ruin, their tongue being against them

Psalm 65:6 Gk Jerome: Heb his

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Genesis 41:46-57

46 Joseph was thirty years old when he entered the service of Pharaoh king of Egypt. And Joseph went out from the presence of Pharaoh, and went through all the land of Egypt. 47 During the seven plenteous years the earth produced abundantly. 48 He gathered up all the food of the seven years when there was plenty[a] in the land of Egypt, and stored up food in the cities; he stored up in every city the food from the fields around it. 49 So Joseph stored up grain in such abundance—like the sand of the sea—that he stopped measuring it; it was beyond measure.

50 Before the years of famine came, Joseph had two sons, whom Asenath daughter of Potiphera, priest of On, bore to him. 51 Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh,[b] “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s house.” 52 The second he named Ephraim,[c] “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my misfortunes.”

53 The seven years of plenty that prevailed in the land of Egypt came to an end; 54 and the seven years of famine began to come, just as Joseph had said. There was famine in every country, but throughout the land of Egypt there was bread. 55 When all the land of Egypt was famished, the people cried to Pharaoh for bread. Pharaoh said to all the Egyptians, “Go to Joseph; what he says to you, do.” 56 And since the famine had spread over all the land, Joseph opened all the storehouses,[d] and sold to the Egyptians, for the famine was severe in the land of Egypt. 57 Moreover, all the world came to Joseph in Egypt to buy grain, because the famine became severe throughout the world.

Footnotes:

Genesis 41:48 Sam Gk: MT the seven years that were

Genesis 41:51 That is Making to forget

Genesis 41:52 From a Hebrew word meaning to be fruitful

Genesis 41:56 Gk Vg Compare Syr: Heb opened all that was in (or, among) them

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

1 Corinthians 4:8-21

8 Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Quite apart from us you have become kings! Indeed, I wish that you had become kings, so that we might be kings with you! 9 For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, as though sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels and to mortals. 10 We are fools for the sake of Christ, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. 11 To the present hour we are hungry and thirsty, we are poorly clothed and beaten and homeless, 12 and we grow weary from the work of our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; 13 when slandered, we speak kindly. We have become like the rubbish of the world, the dregs of all things, to this very day.

Fatherly Admonition

14 I am not writing this to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. 15 For though you might have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers. Indeed, in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16 I appeal to you, then, be imitators of me. 17 For this reason I sent[a] you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ Jesus, as I teach them everywhere in every church. 18 But some of you, thinking that I am not coming to you, have become arrogant. 19 But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power. 20 For the kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power. 21 What would you prefer? Am I to come to you with a stick, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?

Footnotes:

1 Corinthians 4:17 Or am sending

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Mark 3:7-19

A Multitude at the Seaside

7 Jesus departed with his disciples to the sea, and a great multitude from Galilee followed him; 8 hearing all that he was doing, they came to him in great numbers from Judea, Jerusalem, Idumea, beyond the Jordan, and the region around Tyre and Sidon. 9 He told his disciples to have a boat ready for him because of the crowd, so that they would not crush him; 10 for he had cured many, so that all who had diseases pressed upon him to touch him. 11 Whenever the unclean spirits saw him, they fell down before him and shouted, “You are the Son of God!” 12 But he sternly ordered them not to make him known.

Jesus Appoints the Twelve

13 He went up the mountain and called to him those whom he wanted, and they came to him. 14 And he appointed twelve, whom he also named apostles,[a] to be with him, and to be sent out to proclaim the message, 15 and to have authority to cast out demons. 16 So he appointed the twelve:[b] Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter); 17 James son of Zebedee and John the brother of James (to whom he gave the name Boanerges, that is, Sons of Thunder); 18 and Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Cananaean, 19 and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.

Jesus and Beelzebul

Then he went home;

Footnotes:

Mark 3:14 Other ancient authorities lack whom he also named apostles

Mark 3:16 Other ancient authorities lack So he appointed the twelve

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

[sarahburness]

How I Escaped the Negative Thought Loop That Kept Me Down and Stuck

“You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts.” ~Philip Arnold

Do you ever doubt yourself?

As if no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough. Do you always tell yourself that you could do more? Or that somebody else is doing more, so why aren’t you on their level?

I’m not good enough.

Do you keep your thoughts to yourself because you feel as though your opinion doesn’t matter?

I’m not smart enough.

Or how about when you’re casually scrolling through social media? You see beautiful people taking such awesome photos and they look so happy.

I’m not attractive enough.

These rapid-fire negative thoughts incessantly remind us of our faults and flaws. These negative thought loops are like water to fish. We’re swimming through them. Every day. All the time.

This year I was practically drowning in negative thought loops. My grandmother died. Shortly after, I navigated my parents through a draining divorce process. Post-divorce, my fiancé and I moved back in with my mom to support her. Money was scarce.

I downward-spiraled into negative thought loops, constantly blaming myself for being a disappointing grandson, son, and partner, and an overall disappointment.

I didn’t like myself, and you needed more than a powerful microscope to find an inkling of self-esteem within me.

Negative thoughts that loop on replay are dangerous because when you say something over and over again, you believe it.

And if you’re like me, these beliefs can be paralyzing.

The Comparison Trap

In today’s age of technology and social media, scrolling is second nature to us.

Is it really surprising?

After all, you get to see all the awesome things that other people are doing. Incredible photos and videos taken by beautiful people doing amazing things.

I wish that were me.

That awe instantly transforms into envy, and suddenly you feel like your life is lacking.

But we keep doing it. Every day, we scroll, seeking out our next hit of dopamine and envy—which social media offers in abundance.

I did this every single day, multiple times a day, and mostly as an escape.

I immersed myself in somebody else’s carefully curated life to distract myself from mourning my grandmother or quenching the fires of my parents’ divorce.

From waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, I would scroll endlessly, comparing my life to the lives of others.

I had fallen into the comparison trap. Like a moth to fire, I was hopelessly addicted and in awe of the lives that other people lead.

Why can’t I be happy like that person?

It’s a terrible thought loop to replay in your mind. To believe that your life is lacking simply because your life is different from somebody else’s life—it’s an awful way to live.

Struggling to See the Positive

What’s difficult about negative thought loops is that sometimes you don’t feel like you’re deserving of your victories.

This year I graduated college, but I didn’t attend my walking ceremony because I didn’t feel proud of myself.

I don’t deserve this.

Also, I started working for a law firm, the first of many steps in building my career, but I never celebrated when I got the job because I didn’t feel worthy of it.

I’m not good enough.

It is just so sad that I was unable to celebrate my blessings simply because my mind was flooded with sorrow and disillusionment from tending to my family.

Instead, I sunk into a miserable slump.

I think the best way to describe this feeling is like walking through life in haze. Everywhere you look is foggy and distorted. I was unable to realize my victories or be grateful for my blessings because a veil of negativity was draped over my eyes.

It wasn’t until a conversation with an old friend that the haze cleared and I could see life with clarity.

Learned Helplessness

We met for lunch and she shared with me something she’d learned in class.

Psychologist Carol Dweck performed an experiment in which a fifth-grade classroom was split into two groups to solve a given problem.

The twist was that one group of students were given a set of unsolvable problems. No matter how hard these students tried, they were unable to succeed at the task.

In the next round, when they were given a set of easy problems, many students either took longer than the average or gave up entirely.

What happened?

The earlier round with unsolvable problems caused the students to equate trying with failing. Helplessness became a learned behavior.

I think a lot of times we do this to ourselves with our thoughts.

I would tell myself repeatedly I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. And when it was my turn to bat, I’d run away and quit because I knew that I’d strike out anyway.

I was entrapped in a fixed mindset.

I convinced myself that no matter what I did, I would always be destined for failure. That my life would never amount to anything meaningful and I would never be happy.

It wasn’t long before my frustrations with myself transformed into anger over the unfairness of it all.

My job performance declined. My relationships suffered. I was at a loss. My moods swung back and forth between flatlined indifference and anxiety-wracked mania.

I needed to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset—to understand that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself, and that I have a say in what happens if I choose to learn and grow. But I didn’t know that then.

At this point I realized it was time to seek therapy. This was one of the best choices I made this year because it opened a gateway to the wonders of mindfulness and gratitude.

Finding Gratitude

Who knew something as small as practicing gratitude could transform my thought process entirely?

Too often we allow our negative thought loops to overwhelm and consume us. And it’s because we allow ourselves to be our thoughts.

However, we are not our thoughts. They’re just thoughts!

Practicing gratitude helps you escape the negative thought loop because it encourages you to seek out what is good and right and beautiful in your life.

With each day I counted my blessings, I was slowly releasing myself from the negativity that had shackled me for several months.

Life will always be riddled with hardships. It’s inevitable. But to still summon the resilience to tell yourself that everything is okay, things will get better, I have people who love me, I know that I’m strong; and most importantly, to truly believe that you have the courage and ability to create a positive shift in your life because you can still practice gratitude despite your struggles… it’s beyond empowering.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around.” ~Unknown

I recently discovered this quote while listening to a podcast, and it resonated with me.

You really can’t change the people around you.

If you try, you’ll end up disappointed. How other people behave, how they feel, what they think—these things are all beyond your control.

But you can control who you surround yourself with.

It has been said that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

If you’re mostly around people who complain a lot then, chances are, that you will complain a lot.

I was exactly this type of person. And these were the type of people I surrounded myself with.

I would always be moody. I was a true pessimist. I would combat every silver lining with criticism and some statement about how unfair life is.

And to tell you the truth, being negative sucks. It’s exhausting.

After hearing this quote, I tried something outside my comfort zone: I met new people.

Being highly introverted and shy, this was difficult for me. But I did it. I joined clubs at school. I met positive and ambitious people with dreams and goals.

I am convinced that positivity is contagious. The warm aura gained by practicing gratitude and welcoming abundance in your life touches the people around you. And this gratitude and abundance mindset slowly replaces those negative thought loops.

I didn’t want to be in a slump anymore. I wanted to be driven, motivated, and well… happy. I learned that the key to achieving this is to seek out other people who want the same things you do.

A Better Headspace

It is reaching the end of the year and I am faring far better than I did at the beginning. If I had to name one thing that I think you and everybody should do more of, it’s this:

Be kind to yourself.

There’s a lot of truth to whoever said that we are our own worst critics.

That is why I advocate that we also be our own best fans.

Every time you criticize yourself, remember to also praise yourself. Practice gratitude and remember the countless blessings in your life. And realize the past doesn’t have to repeat itself. You can learn, you can grow, and you can do more than you think.

Reflecting on this year, I now see that I am beyond blessed. I have a college degree. I’m soon to be married to the love of my life. I’m steadily working on my career.

There are so many things in my life that are going so beautifully right.

The same is likely true for you. You just need to remember them.

About Dan Recio

Dan Recio loves sharing actionable tips on achieving your goals at Motivationalist so that you can build the life you want.  Set yourself up for a productive week with his free guide: 7 Sunday Habits to Conquer the Week.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-i-escaped-the-negative-thought-loop-that-kept-me-down-and-stuck/

[dfroza]

Today’s reading in the ancient book of Psalms and Proverbs

for monday, April 13 of 2020 with Psalm 13 and Proverbs 13, accompanied by Psalm 26 for the 26th day of Spring and Psalm 104 for day 104 of the year

[Psalm 13]

For the worship leader. A song of David.

How long, O Eternal One? How long will You forget me? Forever?

How long will You look the other way?

How long must I agonize,

grieving Your absence in my heart every day?

How long will You let my enemies win?

Turn back; respond to me, O Eternal, my True God!

Put the spark of life in my eyes, or I’m dead.

My enemies will boast they have beaten me;

my foes will celebrate that I have stumbled.

But I trust in Your faithful love;

my heart leaps at the thought of imminent deliverance by You.

I will sing to the Eternal,

for He is always generous with me.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 13 (The Voice)

[Psalm 26]

A song of David.

Declare my innocence, O Eternal One!

I have walked blamelessly down this path.

I placed my trust in the Eternal and have yet to stumble.

Put me on trial and examine me, O Eternal One!

Search me through and through—from my deepest longings to every thought that crosses my mind.

Your unfailing love is always before me;

I have journeyed down Your path of truth.

My life is not wasted among liars;

my days are not spent among cheaters.

I despise every crowd intent on evil;

I do not commune with the wicked.

I wash my hands in the fountain of innocence

so that I might join the gathering that surrounds Your altar, O Eternal One.

From my soul, I will join the songs of thanksgiving;

I will sing and proclaim Your wonder and mystery.

Your house, home to Your glory, O Eternal One, radiates its light.

I am fixed on this place and long to be nowhere else.

When Your wrath pursues those who oppose You,

those swift to sin and thirsty for blood,

spare my soul and grant me life.

These men hold deceit in their left hands,

and in their right hands, bribery and lies.

But God, I have walked blamelessly down this path,

and this is my plea for redemption.

This is my cry for Your mercy.

Here I stand secure and confident

before all the people; I will praise the Eternal.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 26 (The Voice)

[Psalm 104]

Our Creator’s Compassion

Everything I am will praise and bless the Lord!

O Lord, my God, your greatness takes my breath away,

overwhelming me by your majesty, beauty, and splendor!

You wrap yourself with a shimmering, glistening light.

You wear sunshine like a garment of glory.

You stretch out the starry skies like a tapestry.

You build your balconies with light beams

and ride as King in a chariot you made from clouds.

You fly upon the wings of the wind.

You make your messengers into winds of the Spirit

and all your ministers become flames of fire.

You, our Creator, formed the earth,

and you hold it all together so it will never fall apart.

You poured the ocean depths over the planet,

submerging mountains beneath.

Yet at the sound of your thunder-shout

the waters all fled away, filling the deep with seas.

The mountains rose and valleys sank

to the levels you decreed for them.

Then you set a boundary line for the seas

and commanded them not to trespass.

You sent springs cascading through the valleys,

flowing freely between the mountains and hills.

You provide drink for every living thing;

men and beasts have their thirst quenched because of you.

The birds build nests near the tranquil streams,

chirping their joyous songs from the branches above.

From your kindness you send the rain to water the mountains

from the upper rooms of your palace.

Your goodness brings forth fruit for all to enjoy.

Your compassion brings the earth’s harvest, feeding the hungry.

You cause the grass to grow for livestock,

along with the fruit, grains, and vegetables to feed mankind.

You provide sweet wine to gladden hearts.

You give us daily bread to sustain life,

giving us glowing health for our bodies.

The trees of the Lord drink until they’re satisfied.

Lebanon’s lofty trees stand tall right where you planted them.

Within their branches you provide for birds

a place to build their nests;

even herons find a home in the cypress trees.

You make the high mountains a home for wild goats

and the rocky crag where the rock badgers burrow.

You made the moon to mark the months

and the sun to measure the days.

You turn off the light and it becomes night,

and all the beasts of the forest come out to prowl.

The mighty lions roar for their dinner,

but it’s you, God, who feeds them all.

At sunrise they slink back to their dens

to crouch down in the shadows.

Then man goes out to his labor and toil,

working from dawn to dusk.

O Lord, what an amazing variety of all you have created!

Wild and wonderful is this world you have made,

while wisdom was there at your side.

This world is full of so many creatures, yet each belongs to you!

And then there is the sea! So vast! So wide and deep—

swarming with countless forms of sea life, both small and great.

Trading ships glide through the high seas.

And look! There are the massive whales

bounding upon the waves.

All the creatures wait expectantly for you

to give them their food as you determine.

You come near and they all gather around,

feasting from your open hands,

and each is satisfied from your abundant supply.

But if you were to withhold from them and turn away,

they all would panic.

And when you choose to take away their breath,

each one dies and returns to the dust.

When you release your Spirit-wind, life is created,

ready to replenish life upon the earth.

May God’s glorious splendor endure forever!

May the Lord take joy and pleasure in all that he has made.

For the earth’s overseer has the power to make it tremble;

just a touch of his finger and volcanoes erupt

as the earth shakes and melts.

I will sing my song to the Lord as long as I live!

Every day I will sing my praises to God.

May you be pleased with every sweet thought I have about you,

for you are the source of my joy and gladness.

Now, let all the sinners be swept from the earth.

But I will keep on praising you, my Lord, with all that is within me.

My joyous, blissful shouts of “Hallelujah” are all because of you!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 104 (The Passion Translation)

[Proverbs 13]

A wise son or daughter desires a father’s discipline,

but the know-it-all never listens to correction.

The words of the wise are kind and easy to swallow,

but the unbeliever just wants to pick a fight and argue.

Guard your words and you’ll guard your life,

but if you don’t control your tongue,

it will ruin everything.

The slacker wants it all and ends up with nothing,

but the hard worker ends up with all that he longed for.

Lovers of God hate what is phony and false,

but the wicked are full of shame and behave shamefully.

Righteousness is like a shield of protection,

guarding those who keep their integrity,

but sin is the downfall of the wicked.

One pretends to be rich but is poor.

Another pretends to be poor but is quite rich.

The self-assurance of the rich is their money,

but people don’t kidnap and extort the poor!

The virtues of God’s lovers shine brightly in the darkness,

but the flickering lamp of the ungodly will be extinguished.

Wisdom opens your heart to receive wise counsel,

but pride closes your ears to advice

and gives birth to only quarrels and strife.

Wealth quickly gained is quickly wasted—

easy come, easy go!

But if you gradually gain wealth,

you will watch it grow.

When hope’s dream seems to drag on and on,

the delay can be depressing.

But when at last your dream comes true,

life’s sweetness will satisfy your soul.

Despise the word, will you?

Then you’ll pay the price and it won’t be pretty!

But the one who honors the Father’s holy instructions

will be rewarded.

When the lovers of God teach you truth,

a fountain of life opens up within you,

and their wise instruction will deliver you from the ways of death.

Everyone admires a wise, sensible person,

but the treacherous walk on the path of ruin.

Everything a wise and shrewd man does

comes from a source of revelation-knowledge,

but the behavior of a fool puts foolishness on parade!

An undependable messenger causes a lot of trouble,

but the trustworthy and wise messengers

release healing wherever they go.

Poverty and disgrace come to the one

who refuses to hear criticism.

But the one who is easy to correct is on the path of honor.

When God fulfills your longings,

sweetness fills your soul.

But the wicked refuse to turn from darkness

to see their desires come to pass.

If you want to grow in wisdom,

spend time with the wise.

Walk with the wicked

and you’ll eventually become just like them.

Calamity chases the sin-chaser,

but prosperity pursues the God-lover.

The benevolent man leaves an inheritance

that endures to his children’s children,

but the wealth of the wicked is treasured up for the righteous.

The lovers of God will live a long life and get to enjoy their wealth,

but the ungodly will suddenly perish.

If you withhold correction and punishment from your children,

you demonstrate a lack of true love.

So prove your love and be prompt to punish them.

The lovers of God will have more than enough,

but the wicked will always lack what they crave.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 13 (The Passion Translation)