#tabitha carvan

[m-a-salter]

this is not a post about peter capaldi

It is a post about Tabitha Carvan's book, This Is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch, which I recently devoured. It is a sneakily profound book about patriarchal society's double standards around pleasure and enthusiasm, and if you have ever worried about whether your interest in [insert pop-culture enthusiasm here] was weird/pathological/in-any-way-problematic, I urge you to read this book.

I have never felt more seen and understood; in some of the quotes below I have made some minor substitutions such that the sentences are now 100% about me:

“I wanted to keep looking at [Peter Capaldi]! —but I also wanted to avoid ending up at a Not-Traditionally-Good-Looking-Yet-Extremely-Attractive-Celebrities Anonymous meeting, sitting next to some Steve Buscemi fan, having to declare I was an addict.”

“My friends and family often send me mentions of [Peter Capaldi] they've found online, thinking—ludicrously—that I wouldn't have seen them already.”

“…[R]evisit the memory of what it was like for you when you first found fanfiction. A little while ago, I saw a news story about a woman living in a New York apartment who discovered an entire other, hidden apartment behind her bathroom mirror, and isn't that just what it's like? A completely new thing you never knew about, which was there the whole time. And then all of a sudden, you have so much more space to move around in than you ever realized.”

“Coming out as a [Capaldian] is easy. Since the inside of me is almost entirely [Peter Capaldi], it's simply a matter of drip-feeding it to the outside. I start by casually dropping [Peter Capaldi] into conversation, at a rate of one mention per every five hundred times I think of him. Then I reply to people's text messages with [Peter Capaldi] GIFs, deploying a mere fraction of the images of him saved on my phone."

“And I know self-declaration is a far cry from self-determination, but at least it's a step up from self-care, the substitute aspiration we've been sold. That was the conclusion reached by the writer Anne Helen Petersen too. After researching her book on burnout, she reported that ‘skincare routines, pedicures, sweet treats, elaborate vacations, even massages—none of it feels as good as actually figuring out something you like to do, and then doing it as if no one was watching, and no one ever will, and it will never, ever find a place on your résumé.’”

“...[S]omething trivial, like a crush on a celebrity, can have unexpected, maybe profound, consequences, not in spite of being trivial but because it is. Because it's fun, because it doesn't matter, because it's purely for you, because it feels stupidly good. Because the joy of it expands. It seeps into other parts of your life, transforming it, and you, in ways that do matter—a lot.”

[doscharolastras]

I've been struggling a lot lately with the way my fandom side fits into my “real” life and it’s been making things…very difficult to handle.

But then @ladamedusoif recommended Tabitha Carvan’s book This Is Not A Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy Of Loving Something — Anything — Like Your Life Depends On It.

And I got to this quote:

How could I ever justify this — wasting my precious time on something so unimportant? […] It doesn’t take into consideration, at all, how my love for something as silly as Benedict Cumberbatch makes me feel, and what that’s worth to me. It’s someone else’s value system, one that sees loving something, and especially loving something too much, as a bad thing, a problem, an embarrassment. It’s a system that doesn’t know how to account for all the ways in which other people might make meaning.

And fuck if it wasn’t exactly what I needed to hear.

[bookquotesforthesoul]

It took me a long time to grasp this, but I think I get it now: something trivial, like a crush on a celebrity, can have unexpected, maybe profound, consequences, not in spite of being trivial but because it is. Because it's fun, because it doesn't matter, because it's purely for you, because it feels stupidly good. Because the joy of it expands.

Tabitha Carvan, This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch

[theresnosafeharbor4myships]

You just have to love something--anything--like your life depends on it. Maybe it does?

This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch, by Tabitha Carvan

[bettygemma]

Still thinking about Her (A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf).

I had conversation with a friend recently who was looking to upgrade to a new sewing machine and how she was finding it difficult to justify the expense... And then she wryly pointed out that she kept seeing all these sewing tables advertised as 'collapsible' and easy to tidy away... And we thought about how both our hobbies and our bodies have to be small and neat... And then I remembered how Jane Austen wrote 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'Emma' on her lap in the living room...

And then I thought about Helen Garner in 'How To End a Story' literally forced out of her house during working hours because her husband can't bear to have her there writing while he produces his Great Australian Novel so she has to do her own work in libraries and cafes and she eventually rents a hole in the wall type space to work in.

And then I thought about Tabitha Carvan writing that 'men have done a phenomenal job' at carving out time and space for their own interests and how radical if felt to have a room of her own for her own joy/interest

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

Swifties, Cumberbitches and the BTS ARMY: How fangirling can be empowering - ABC News

"It was about finding something that was just for me, that lit me up for no reason other than it just fired up all the synapses that bridge pleasure and happiness and joy and connection."

...

"That's what makes it transgressive, to keep it alive and say, 'No matter what age I am, no matter how I look, no matter where I live, I can actually just feel feelings that are good for me'."

[the-forest-library]

January 2023 Reads

Partners in Crime - Alisha Rai

Never Ever Getting Back Together - Sophie Gonzales (thank you, carrie!)

The Key to My Heart - Lia Louis

A Little Bit Country - Brian D. Kennedy

Funny You Should Ask - Elissa Sussman

A Guide to Being Just Friends - Sophie Sullivan

Mysteries of Thorn Manner - Margaret Rogerson

Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries - Heather Fawcett

Wildwood Dancing - Juliet Marillier

Really Good, Actually - Monica Heisey

Dead Collections - Isaac Fellman

Ms. Demeanor - Elinor Lipman

They Never Learn - Layne Fargo

Five Survive - Holly Jackson

The Silence Between Us - Alison Gervais

6 Times We Almost Kissed - Tess Sharpe

The Star That Always Stays - Anna Rose Johnson

Illuminations - T. Kingfisher

The Witch Boy - Molly Knox Ostertag

Witchlight - Jessi Zabarsky

Hawkeye, Vol 1 - Matt Fraction

Hawkeye, Vol 2 - Matt Fraction

You Can Do All Things - Kate Allan

Divergent Mind - Jenara Nuremberg

The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly - Margareta Magnusson

Unraveling - Peggy Orenstein

Windfall - Erika Bolstad

Quit - Annie Duke

Portable Magic - Emma Smith

Little Pieces of Hope - Todd Doughty (thanks, kim!)

This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch - Tabitha Carvan

Two Old Broads - Dr M.E. Hecht and Whoopi Goldberg

Year of the Tiger - Alice Wong 

Spare - Prince Harry

Hello, Molly! - Molly Shannon

Ottolenghi Test Kitchen: Shelf Love - Yotam Ottolenghi

The Blue Zones American Kitchen - Dan Buettner

Bold = Highly Recommend Italics = Worth It Crossed out = Nope

Thoughts:

This was a really good reading month to start the year with. I was able to get to quite a few of the books on my physical TBR and really enjoyed the two books I was most looking forward to: Mysteries of Thorn Manor and Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries.

Goodreads Goal: 37/400 

2017 Reads | 2018 Reads | 2019 Reads | 2020 Reads | 2021 Reads |

2022 Reads | 2023 Reads 

[superficialdomina]

A great article about fandom, parasocial relationships, and the (kinda awful) way women fans are dismissed as hysterical and crazy when they are really anything but.

"What she discovered was not a desperate coven of delusional women, as they were often portrayed, but a radical expression of female joy — and the fight to keep it alive."

[clockwork-reads]

Brief Book Reviews #6

Starting off the year strong. Let’s get down to business.

#1 Tabitha Carvan, This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch

The TL;DR version of this review is read this book I beg of you. The long version is as such: Carvan touches on a lot of very good points during her journey to accepting that she, a middle aged mother of two, is allowed to like things, while combating the shame she felt growing up in the eighties when being shamed out of male-dominated fan spaces because of the disgust around girls liking anything (insert rolling eyes emoji), and unlearning the “not like other girls” mindset when in fan spaces, all while coming to accept that her fangirling over a British actor with a weird name is a normal thing. I read out parts of it to my mother, and she and I ended up having very interesting discussions over those parts. She’s in her sixties and has been teaching for some thirty odd years, and she feels a lot of what the author has felt in her lifetime. I’m (about) half of Carvan’s age, and I can relate: I pointed to paragraphs frantically while saying “THIS. 100% THIS.” because I had lived these experiences in my own way, seen them happen to friends and loved ones. Yes, even the part about falling in love with Britishguy Strangename. To get personal, I too, was caught up in the Cumbermania of 2012-14, during a time where things were kinda rough for seventeen year old me. I needed a Prince Charming, and Mr Tall And Cheekboned was right there. He was my Prince Charming, even if I knew we’d never meet face-to-face or take me as his secret teenage lover. And sometimes, that’s what you need. 

The message I took away was one I’ve been telling myself for years, but was nice to hear from some total stranger who wrote a book: You’re allowed to like things. 100% read this book, and if it’s on your TBR, bump it up a few spots. 

#2 Chloe Hayden, Different Not Less

I’m so happy I picked this up. If you’re not living under a rock and you’ve watched Heartbreak High on Netflix (awesome Aussie drama, 100% worth it), then you’ll recognise Chloe Hayden as the actress who plays Quinni, who is the best autistic representation I’ve ever seen in recent history. Hayden herself is an AuDHD woman, and Different Not Less goes into her experiences growing up. And, oof. I’ve been there. I won’t go into it, but if you’re autistic/have adhd, you’ll be able to relate, too. 

On top of being a bit of a memoir, the book also goes into how to help neurodivergent kids and adults when they’re having meltdowns/shutdowns, how to identify when you’re going into one, ways of stimming that are helpful, how to handle life as an autistic adult (it sucks, I speak from experience), and how it’s important to use your voice to demand accessibility and inclusion. Also I like how Hayden mentions that she is legally allowed to hunt down “autism moms” for sport, because she’s right. People like that are utter scum. Seriously, if you’re ND, or a parent/guardian/carer of an ND person/child, please pick up this book. And fuck anyone who says that you can’t be proud of being neurodivergent. Especially the neurotypical losers who call themselves experts and talk over us. Sorry we don’t fit into your perfect little boxes, ya squares. Me and my favourite tangle will take our business elsewhere.

We need more books like this by neurodivergent people instead of normies acting like they speak for us making up bullshit. If by chance Chloe Hayden sees this: Hi, I love you, thank you for existing you magnificent bean. <3

#3 Ruby Dixon, Ice Planet Barbarians (Book 1 of the Ice Planet Barbarians series)

LISTEN. I DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER READ A SPICY BOOK. BUT THIS ONE'S GOOD I PROMISE.

Tbh I was nervous about picking up this one. It was the only book for teratophiles I could find at the shop and I'd been debating as to whether or not it was worth the read. Sure there's lots of alien nookie in it, but the romance between Georgie, one of the humans who was abducted as part of an alien slave trade, and Vektal, the chieftain of the paleolithic Sa'khui who inhabit the ice planet, is believable and adorable. I want a man like that. I remember watching a review of it a while back on YouTube that made it out to be silly, but I think it was worth revisiting. The sex is well written, too, it’s all consensual and sweet, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want a better visualisation of Sa’khui...anatomy. Don’t look at me like that, you’d want one of them as a lover too if you read the book. I think I like Liz the most, she’s the kind of girl I’d get along with very well- I haven’t read the book where she’s off on her own with her mate, but I’m sure she keeps him on a short leash. 

My one complaint is that it was so short, so the plot kind of feels rushed, but it’s a romance novel, and I’ve learned that romance novels like these will sometimes have rushed plots. Other than that, I think I’ll be indulging in more blue alien goodness in future. Some warnings for rape that happens off screen, and some minor character death, so if you’re not okay with that, then you’re welcome to give it a miss. 

seriously tho why can't I have a hot alien husband who only wants to love and protect me. >T

[bookquotesforthesoul]

How did someone, out there, know what would tick my boxes so precisely, when I didn't? I could read different versions of the same relationship over and over again, each time as shocked and thrilled as if it were my first encounter. They're just friends! Or is there something more? So much is unspoken! Pining! Angst! Someone's hurt! They need looking after! OMG there's only one bed They're cold! They have to huddle! He moaned! Argh, they loved each other all along! Put them in Hogwarts, put them on horses, put them in space, I didn't care.

Tabitha Carvan, This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch

[emeraldgreaves]

23 Books in 2023

[2022]

Finished

Loved / reread / read

The Vegetarian by Han Kang (12/29/22 - 1/4/23)

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (1/5)

Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu (1/6)

Natalie Tan’s Book of Luck and Fortune by Roselle Lim (1/6-1/8)

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (1/5-1/11)

Network Effect (The Murderbot Diaries #5) by Martha Wells (1/4-1/19)

The Goddess Chronicle by Natsuo Kirino (12/27–1/19)

Swan Dive by Georgina Pazcoguin (1/19)

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (1/24-2/3)

Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull & Amy Wallace (1/20–2/9)

I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown (3/4)

Once Upon a Marquess by Courtney Milan (3/1-3/10)

This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan (4/4)

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig (4/23)

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula LeGuin (finished 4/29)

Nuclear Family by Joseph Han (4/27- 5/3)

The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula LeGuin (4/30-5/9)

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (reread, started est. bigolas dickolas saga & finished 5/25)

The Devil Comes Courting by Courtney Milan (5/11-5/26)

Life Mask by Emma Donoghue (5/27-5/30)

Lady of the Camelias by Alexandre Dumas, fils (reread, 5/14-6/4)

My Not-So-Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella (6/4-6/6)

The Blue Castle by L. M. Montgomery (6/6-6/7)

Shakespeare Saved My Life by Laura Bates (6/7-6/11)

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula LeGuin (6/4-6/18)

Love is a Mixtape by Rob Sheffield (6/14-6/21)

Beauty by Robin McKinley (reread, 6/22-6/24)

Geisha: A Life by Mineko Iwasaki (6/26-6/28)

A Lady of Persuasion by Tessa Dare (6/29-6/30)

Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuinston (6/30)

The Duke Who Didn’t by Courtney Milan (reread, 7/1-7/3)

Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare (6/30-7/4)

Yellowface by R. F. Kuang (7/3)

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison (7/10)

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin (7/18)

Persuasion by Jane Austen (7/14-7/22)

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett (reread, 7/21)

Burnout by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA (7/23-7/24)

Mao’s Last Dancer by Li Cunxin (7/3-7/24)

The Red Palace by June Hur (7/26-8/2)

The Farthest Shore by Ursula LeGuin (8/1-8/15)

Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett

The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg 

The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King (9/2-9/3)

Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple (9/3-9/4)

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor (9/22-9/27)

A Mathematician’s Lament by Paul Lockhart (9/23-9/28)

Disorientation by Elaine Hsieh Chou (9/28-9/29)

Days of Distraction by Alexandra Chang (9/27-10/02)

Foreverland by Heather Havrilesky (10/03)

Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee (10/21)

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (finished 10/27)

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up / Spark Joy by Marie Kondo (11/15-11/18)

Raise Your Voice by Kathy Khang (11/28)

The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly by Margareta Magnusson (12/5-12/6)

The Art of Discarding by Nagisa Tatsumi (12/5-12/7)

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson (12/11)

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie (12/17-12/24)

The Queen’s Gambit by Walter Tevis (12/28-12/31)

Ongoing

The Worst Journey in the World: The Graphic Novel by Sarah Airriess (1/17–)

Lord of the Rings (via LOTR Newsletter)

DNF

Kaikeyi by Vaishnavi Patel (12/28–1/12)

Astray by Emma Donoghue (1/4-1/13)

Time Squared by Lesley Krueger (2/10)

Mambo in Chinatown by Jean Kwok (3/18-3/19)

Density rhapsody lmao (4/4-4/18)

Madly deeply alan rickman (4/19-4/20)

Be the bridge (4/20)

The dead romantics (4/20)

Bronze drum (5/1)

This is how augusten burroughs (5/3)

Tastes like war grace m cho (5/4)

The duchess war courtney Milan (5/11)

The calculating stars mary robinette kowal (5/11)

Frugal wizard brandon sanderson

Fool moon jim butcher (5/21)

Vladimir julia may jonas (5/29)

Light from uncommon stars (6/11)

The spy who came in from the cold by john lecarre (6/25, try again later)

How not to be wrong by jordan ellenberg (6/29)

The great derangement by amitav ghosh (7/28)

i keep my exoskeletons to myself by marisa crane (9/16)

the key to rebecca by ken follet (10/03. not even tim downie can rescue this)

Frostblood by Ely Blake (11/something - 12/11)

Too Like The Lightning by Ada Palmer (12/17. wanted to love it though)

The expatriates by janice yk lee (12/27)

[manogirl]

You should read this book if you’re a woman in fandom spaces. Especially if you’re over say, the age of 30. (You absolutely don’t need to care 1 iota about Cumberbatch. It is indeed NOT about him, not really.)

I have been living some of the most joyful months of my adult life this past nine or so months, and it’s, so far as I can tell, entirely owed to my consuming passion for BL. Yes, BL. Almost everything that Carvan says about her passion for Cumberbatch felt like what I needed to hear about my passion for BL. It was so intensely relatable that I can’t even properly talk about it. I’ve just STARTED thinking about it, and I finished the book last night.

God, reading this is the cap to a simply fucking incredible year for me. Because of joy. Because of passion. Joy and passion. Fuck.

[jod999]

"For a reason I can no longer remember, I started picking science theses at random from the Australian National University library catalogue and reading only the acknowledgements." - Tabitha Carvan

[ravenya003]

Stuff I Read/Watched in May...

Much Ado About Nothing (Delacourte Theatre Stage)

Much Ado About Nothing (Wyndham’s Theatre)

Antony and Cleopatra (National Theatre)

The Dark Crystal: Creation Myths: Volumes I by Brian Froud and others

The Dark Crystal: Creation Myths: Volume II by Brian Froud and others

The Dark Crystal: Creation Myths: Volume III by Brian Froud and others

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance: The Quest for the Dual Glaive by Jeffrey Addiss, Will Matthews and others

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance: The Ballad of Hup and Barfinnious by Jeffrey Addiss, Will Matthews and others

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance: The Journey Into the Mondo Leviadin by Jeffrey Addiss, Will Matthews and others

Jessi and the Dance School Phantom by Anne M. Martin

Stacey’s Emergency by Anne M. Martin

The Ship of Spectres by Patricia Elliot

The Secret Detectives by Ella Risbridger

The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden

This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan

Twelfth Night (1996)

The Merchant of Venice (2004)

Game Night (2018)

The Tragedy of Macbeth (2021)

Robin Hood: Season 2 (2007)

The Tudors: Season 1 (2007)

The Terror: Season 1 (2018)

A Discovery of Witches: Season 3 (2018)

X-Men ‘97: Season 1 (2024)

Fool Me Once (2024)

More details on blog...

[kamreadsandrecs]

I don’t get why certain people are so weirded out by adults in fandom spaces - and by this I’m referring both to teenagers who think it’s “gross” for adults to be in fandom, and other adults who think that fandoms are “childish”.