#tagging even though I think none of those terms are really the greatest

[waltnut]

Yes, I'm a THIRSTY, HORNY and DEHYDRATED bicht. But I am proud of myself. Can I request more NSFW head cannons of our monster boyfriend? But don't make it dark, maybe add some after segg cares if you want? I LOVE YOU.

Don’t make it dark?? Don’t you know what I’m about??? I can’t believe this.

No I’m joking lol well damn, NSFW? Okay well, this is for the Monster Fuckers so kiddies look away. I’m sorry to those who don’t like NsFw. I will tag it as “NSFT” for Not Safe for Timeline but I also hide it under the cut. I’m sorry. I had fun with this...now I’m embarrassed lmao You guys seem to like these so...

The prompt has me thrown a bit, but I’ll just make some stuff up, I hope that’s okay.

NSFW Headcanons - Monster Boyfriend edition: Demon Lords, Vol. 1

Adult content. These are demons. If this disturbs you, then stop reading here. Otherwise, enjoy?

Lucifer

Level 3

He sheds his feathers on his body when he’s nervous. MC makes him nervous when he’s like this. What do they think of him? Is he ugly? Would they call him a monster?

He’s the most submissive in this form. Gentle touches make him shiver and jump. He feels the most vulnerable and actively moves away from MC if they try to be intimate.

But he wants the intimacy. It’s reassuring. He’s still wanted. He actually might cry a bit. He’s sensitive, be nice.

MC will have to do most of the initiating. After the first time MC had had intimacy with him like this, he will be more confident the next times they engage in any sexual activity.

Level 4

All the pride and confidence. None of that level 3 sissy business, he will have you.

He’s very grabby, and maybe grips a little too tight. He likes the power of being stronger than you. He wants you to know it.

He seems to always have his wings as wide as he can make them. It must be some sort of mating dance. He does have that part bird instinct in there somewhere. He wants to show off, maybe intimidate you a bit. Does he like fear?

Might use the feathers on his tail to tickle you to make you squirm while he has you. What fun!

Mammon

Level 3

He is very clingy. He wants to always be touching you. Even if it’s just the tips of his wings or tail, he wants to have the physical touch.

As he goes through this level, his ability to sense any Greed from the MC to be highly erotic. Talking about buying those new clothes you’ve been wanting? Turn on. Saying how you’re gonna share any of them with him? He can’t contain himself.

He loves pets. Brushes against his hair, feathers, scales, will make him coo. Bird noises, gotta love them.

Easy seduction outfit, should you choose to wear one, anything shiny. Gold chains? Perfect. Sheer black clothes but with gold edges and designs? Also perfect. He can’t resist the shiny.

Level 4

Don’t even think about leaving him, until he lets you. You’re part of his treasure now and he will preen and polish you accordingly.

Lazy in this form, expect lots of cuddling with the dragon. He’s quite warm. The texture on his underside is soft like skin even though it looks like lizard scales. Don’t be surprised when you feel surprise boners while laying with him. He may be lazy, but he’s not tired.

Touching the skin texture of his body is a great seduction tactic should you need one. It’s the sensitive side to his body while the rest is covered in feathers and scales.

While he will dress up MC in gold as a mating ritual, should MC do the same to him, it is the greatest indicator that you are accepting his proposal for intimacy.

Leviathan

Level 3

Two dicks. Look we all know it. We all agree. Moving on.

Touching the purple frills on his ears is like touching his junk. It’s a highly erroneous zone for him. But be gently, they are very soft and sensitive.

Do you even lift? Well you might need to because he is going to be wrapped around you the entire time. He’s quite heavy and good luck getting out of that one.

Laying with him in water is the best way to show any intimate intentions. Even if you think it’ll be a relaxing chill in the water, think again.

Level 4

Now if you’re brave and choose to sleep with a giant ass sea monster, you’re in luck because he can manipulate water to allow you to breathe in the water.

He is the largest of all the brothers in terms of monster size. He’s a giant sea dragon. So be careful when dealing with...well, his size.

He likes to flip you around in the water, so staying in one position is not an option. It’s like a dance!

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the orange fleshy bits on his sides. The more he glows the more you know!

Satan

Level 3

If you’re into having sex after yelling and screaming at each other then congrats! So is he. Angry sex is what he’s about. He’s wrath. I mean, come on.

Belittle him. No really. He’ll want to prove you wrong. Fuels the fire.

Extremely dominant. Don’t even try to top him. Also you just finished? No rest for you, you’re going again.

He’s gonna scratch and mark you. Bring some bandaids.

Level 4

Okay first of all, you really want to sleep with this? He’s terrifying. He is an actual hell spawn. Well okay, be prepared for selfish sex. He’s rough.

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the flames on his back. Can you pass your hand through it without it burning you? You pass. It’ll grow brighter and larger the closer he is to finishing.

Most likely to choke you.

Will call you names during the act, sorry. The “not nice” kind.

Asmodeus

Level 3

Words are your biggest weapon. Constant love and adoration is all you need when he’s like this. You won’t even need to touch him to work the magic.

As the avatar of lust, he knows the human body of all genders. His genitalia resembles a males’ but it does have a clit on the bottom side of the head of the dick. You can get real creative with that.

Kiss and touch his ears! He loves it. They might flick at your touch, but he’s into it.

Is able to have his scorpion tails in this form if he chooses to, and he likes pushing and pulling you around with them.

Level 4

More of a Dom in this form. He also enjoys a good mess.

Don’t grab onto his tails, he’s not into it. But grabbing onto his mane? Go right ahead with that.

A little bitey. Vampire tendencies.

Most likely to try and sex you on the ceiling. Why? Not sure. But he’s able to do it so just roll with it.

Beelzebub

Level 3

Look at that long ass tongue. He’s gonna use it. Why wouldn’t he use it? You’re gonna want him to use it. The paralysis saliva he can produce is something he can choose to use.

Will jump on you out of nowhere. No literally, where did he come from? It’s 3 Am and everyone else is asleep. But a good smack will get him to stop if it’s unwanted. Bad puppy.

He might share his food with you if he’s offering intimacy. Like with his mouth. Like it might already be chewed a bit.

Chromeo lyrics: ((Don’t turn the lights on! I want to see you in the dark~.)) His eyes are sensitive, okay.

Level 4

You ever had sex with a Minotaur? You ever wanted to?

Will carry you off to a secluded area that he has found for himself. He doesn’t want to be disturbed.

The longer you go with him, the hotter his body feels. Just like when he feeds, he’ll have steam coming off his body.

Most likely to hump your leg.

Belphegor

Level 3

He enjoys you being uncomfortable. Emotionally or physically.

Sleep paralysis demon. Hey, at least you won’t be doing most of the work.

He’ll quietly hum a lullaby to you to see if you’ll accept his intimacy proposal. If you hum back, you accept. Careful, he might hum your favorite song.

His wool is so soft. Why is it so soft? You need to touch all of it.

Level 4

If you’re not banging irl, you will in your dreams.

You ever wanted to have sex in space? He can make the best magic Galaxy projector you’ve ever seen, and without the paid promotion!

His wool smells of soothing herbs and incense. So despite his creepy ass behavior, you find a way to calm your nerves.

You’ll have the best sleep you’ve ever had afterwards.

[yuzukult]

i’m bad too 18 || kdy & reader

title: i’m bad too - drabble series pairing: kim doyoung x reader genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut, goodboy!doyoung, nerdy!dy (basically he’s a dork) & badgirl!reader, hitman!au, oc-isn’t-a-hitman-but-she-could-be!au, word count: 1.8k warnings: none for this chapter a/n: just two more chapters left to the end !! :D taglist: @wownajaemin​​​​ @crescent-iak​​​​ @ncttboo​​​​ @byunbaekby​​​​​ @jinfizz​​ @doyoungyoung​​ @ahgayeah0305​​ @doyobun​​ @sexualitaeyong​ @mrkleelvr​​ @m1ss-foodi3​​ @hcwurld​​ ← previous chapter || next chapter →​​

Doyoung’s favorite drink is caramel coffee.

He doesn’t like it hot—you recall him mentioning, he prefers it iced, and he finishes it so fast that the cubes don’t melt and condensation doesn’t drip off the sides of the plastic cup.

So you shouldn’t be surprised that he’s at this very café. Especially since it is his spot, but it also shouldn’t be news to you when you’ve come here everyday for the past two weeks in hopes of running into him.

You wonder how he’s been doing. It’s been months since you’ve last seen him; forever ago since you saw him with that girl Karina, and you’re curious if he thinks about you as often as you think about him. He’s on your mind daily, sometimes by the hour depending on what you’re doing, and he feels like a drug you can’t quite quit (despite the shortage of time you’ve done fine without him).

And you admit willingly that your feelings for him come rushing back the moment you see that pretty smile dressed upon his lips when he laughs from his chest at the video his friend shows on his phone.

But you continue to sit in the corner of the shop, face behind your device as if you’re immersed in the technology when you’ve got your eyes on him the entire time.

Instagram doesn’t do justice. You never know what he’s really up to, you learn, because his feed only shows the happy pictures he poses for. But his stories—you stay for that. There’s some nights you’d catch him posting something with a scenery, a little heartfelt description written along the horizon, and it gives you a glimpse of how he’s vaguely feeling. Maybe they’re for you, well, you were hoping they were, but for a guy who isn’t the greatest in the romance department, he’s very artistic, so it wouldn’t be surprising if it weren’t for you.

Maybe it was for Karina.

Okay, there might be a slight chance that you were bitter about that chick. She hung out with Doyoung often, from what you speculate, possibly involved in the same friend group, having mutuals together (which, already is how she’s so different from you). She roughly reminds you of that emotion that runs through your veins when you first saw Doyoung talking to Joy; that clenched jaw, tightened fist, and a deep swallow to push down all your anger. Joy was just a friend, and you eventually learned that without having to go the hard route, but Karina… didn’t give you any reason to believe her friendly motives. But Doyoung isn’t yours, you have to remind yourself, and because he isn’t, there’s no need to get upset.

For one, the times you followed (don’t judge, you missed him but didn’t want to approach him if he wasn’t ready) him, Karina always stuck to Doyoung like glue. She was practically joined by the hip; batting her pretty long lashes, cheeks brushed with that coral pink blush like she’s all embarrassed because sweet boy Doyoung accidentally touched the back of her hand, and whenever she got the chance, she’d hold onto his arm tightly, pretending that she couldn’t catch her balance in those Ultraboost sneakers that were basically socks on a sole with no support.

“Ugh, you always do this,” one of his friends says, loud enough that you could hear from where you’re sitting. “How do you manage to beat me every time?”

“I learned the tricks,” Doyoung retorts, voice stable but his face all smug. “Doesn’t look like you did though.”

The other guy rolls his eyes before tossing his phone onto the table. “Forget that dumb game. I’m actually curious about something,” he begins, leaning over with his forearms pressed against the surface. There’s a mischievous smile that tugs on the ends of his mouth, and you rest back in your seat in curiosity when his tone changes. “You and Karina. What are the two of you?”

You nearly snap the pen you’d been fiddling in your hand.

Fucking Karina. Again. This bitch just keeps being brought up, doesn’t she?

Doyoung shifts in his seat, hands with his phone dropping onto his lap. A brow quirks, narrowing a strange gaze at his friend. “Why are you asking?”

“Mmm, heard there’s rumors going around about Karina liking you.”

“And,” Doyoung takes a sip of his iced coffee. “Why’s that matter?”

The friend clicks his tongue, groaning that Doyoung isn’t picking up the not-so-subtle hints. “Because. Have you seen her? Or are you just blind. She’s smokin’ hot like… literally any guy would want to get with her. And you too, which is kinda crazy—”

“—is it impossible to believe that someone attractive can like me?”

“I mean, no offense Doyoung, you don’t exactly look like the type that would sweep those types of girls off their feet. You spent most of the time indoors! Watching movies, playing games, maybe sometimes you go out to clubs and parties but barely and it’s with our geeky friends. Even I can come to terms that I’m a geek. Jocks or bad boys are what she would be into.”

Doyoung sighs. “Where are you going with this?”

“You should date her. Since, you know, you have that chance.”

He shrugs, bending the straw of his drink like he’s occupied with something else that’s going on in his mind. He’s quieter than usual, especially around a friend, and it’s left you pondering what’s got him so tied up. But then, you hear it.

“I’m waiting for someone.”

His guy scoffs in belief. “You’re waiting for someone. Who? That chick you were having friends with benefits with like a year ago? Dude, she was also out of your league. Rode a motorcycle, didn’t talk to anyone, hot, and somehow you got her attention. But dude, she’s been gone for a while now.”

Doyoung purses his lips. “Told her to come to me whenever she’s ready. Karina and I don’t really have something like… that. Not worth dropping the chances of her coming back and seeing me with Karina.”

“She’s got you that bad?”

A soft smile pulls on his lips, and he nods confidently. “Yeah, she does.”

When Doyoung and his friend pack up their bags to leave, he halts in his tracks. “Actually, you head out first. I’ll meet you later tonight, I won’t be going to the pre-game.”

The latter stares at Doyoung suspiciously. “Really? What’s up with you? Thought you said you were tagging along.”

“Yeah but… I gotta do something real quick. I’ll meet up with you.”

Strange, you think to yourself, because Doyoung seemed like he was going to leave too, until that very last second. Then, you notice something. When his friend leaves through those double doors, he turns and looks directly at you.

At you. Like he sees you.

You’re not a ghost, but you’re pretty good at camouflaging yourself with a crowd. You’re not the prettiest nor the ugliest, so being average has an advantage in this field, but Doyoung isn’t like normal people. He sees you, and even though you’re in a black baseball cap with casual clothes to match, he still can spot you in a sea of people.

“You’re here,” he says, his tone between a question and a statement. Part of you expects him to be angry, fuming with rage because you’re here instead of asking him to meet up. “You’re… actually here.”

“I’m surprised you found me,” you retort, standing up from your seat and gathering up your belongings. “I thought I was good at blending with people.”

“I’m in love with you, you expect me to not see the girl I’m head over heels for?”

You pause.

Bag not even slung over your shoulder, your heart does the complete opposite of your motions and races. He what?

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Doyoung straightens his posture, trying his best to read the expression on your face. “Why… Why haven’t you called or reached out? Were you not ready until now?”

“I thought… you had a girlfriend,” you admitted, and truthfully, you’re not sure how Doyoung manages to get you to spill out your insecurities so easily. His eyes widened, and before he could say anything else, you interrupt his train of thought. “But that was months ago. It’s fine. I trained, and I’m back in the field, and I wanted to see how you were doing, that's all.”

“But you didn’t want to call me?”

You clear your throat, drifting your gaze elsewhere. “Like I said before. Thought you had a girlfriend. I don’t want to interfere with anything in your life that could be normal.”

He has a finger on your chin, directing your attention back to him. Your heart skips a beat this time, air sucked out of your lungs from his stare, and you swallow. “I waited for you, though. If you’re ready to come back, please come back. I have never dated anyone since I left your place, and I don’t intend to either. I made a promise and I’m keeping it.”

You hated reporting here.

There’s something ominous about this warehouse; it’s not just the people who occupy it, but it’s the building itself. Outside, it looks like an abandoned stone mill. Worn down walls, windows shattered, and located in a dangerous neighborhood, secluded from all the up-and-coming buildings that are being constructed a couple blocks down. The cars that came for drop off didn’t come here either, so it made the building even more mysterious and seemingly empty.

But the moment you stepped in the front doors—it’s like a factory.

A factory that manufactured everything from guns, grenades, to bombs, and so on. Everything that you wore on missions, everything you held between your fingertips, and everything you utilized in the field were all made here.

The headquarters.

Upon entering, you had to go through security. Guns are to be logged in, identities are checked through the system, quick but yet thorough pat down, and phones are chipped until you leave the premises. Needless to say, they were careful and even someone like you with so much skill and worthiness cannot go undetected here.

“Boss is asking for you.” A gorgeous girl says, clipboard in her arms. She’s got her hair tied in a low bun, glasses on with thick frames, and a pencil skirt to pair with her white blouse.

“I asked for boss, but yeah, that.”

She nods, bowing her head just slightly and you’re wondering how she even got in this field. Shy, quiet, and fragile, she seems, and you wonder if she knows what’s actually happening around here. “Please follow me.”

She takes you down a narrow hallway, far from where the other workers were posted, and takes you through these metal doors that looked too heavy for her to push, but the guards standing by the sides do it for her instead.

“Head on in. He’s waiting.”

“Right,” you gesture her a head nod in thanks.

Taeyong is seated at his desk, two additional guards standing on either side of the wood, and he’s fidgeting with the pen in his hand. “Lookie here. Our star player. Ten’s little sister. What do I owe the honor?”

“I want out.”

[rhetorical-ink]

Haikyuu!! Top 5 Ships: Oikawa

** SOUTH AMERICAN SPOILERS BELOW **

Haikyuu!! is wonderful, in part because unlike other series, the sky’s the limit on how many ships can set sail and be embraced by the fandom. I wanted to go through some of my favorite characters from the series and my Top 5 favorite ships for them! 

Of course, we have to start with my favorite “Trash King”: Toru Oikawa! 

5. Kuroo x Oikawa

The rarest of the pairs in this post, but I find it hilarious that despite these two never sharing a panel of screen time together, Furudate loves to constantly sketch these two characters together. 

Personality-wise, these two actually have a lot in common. Kuroo gives off that “con man” vibe in Chapter 401 to those around him, and Oikawa is constantly being described as putting on a “fake persona” in public by Iwaizumi. But, both former captains have the respect of their team and are great leaders. 

These two together would be like two gossipy high school drama queens sent on a trip to the shopping mall together. Both physically exude that “sexy, too-hot-to-handle” persona, but in reality are a pair of nerds obsessing over aliens and docosahexaenoic acid. Maybe it would’ve been too much for the universe to handle had they shared a scene in the series together. At least we have Furudate’s sketches...

4. Ushijima x Oikawa

Okay, so I’ll be honest. I was not originally a fan of this pairing -- I mean, Ushijima’s practically Oikawa’s biggest rival outside of Kageyama, so how could anyone picture them romantically involved? 

Well, then I read this fan fiction, and I realized that there could be something there. Unlike Oikawa’s dislike/rivalry with Kageyama, that basically stems from his jealousy and insecurity that his kouhai will succeed him as the better setter, Oikawa’s main rivalry with Ushijima is just beating him in a match. Sure, Ushijima aggravates Oikawa in the series by labeling his pride as “worthless,” but we all know how our Grand King comes back to make Ushijima eat those words later on, don’t we?

I think there’s an aspect of this ship that is similar to the Iwaoi pairing -- in that Ushijima’s stoic, genuine, and grounded personality is polar opposite Oikawa’s calculating, put-on, and often petty persona. Ushijima is basically the antithesis of Oikawa in the series, but as a ship, his quiet reserve opens up a lot of avenues for Oikawa to be himself and -- fan fiction-wise -- have a platform to open up and monologue his way through personal growth. It’s not my favorite ship for Oikawa, but after reading the linked fan fiction, I can see the appeal.

3. Sugawara x Oikawa

Okay, so this ship is just fun. There’s such a creative fandom with OiSuga, whether it’s them as Slytherin wizards in a Hogwarts AU, or as college roommates, or pretty much any scenario, there is so much creativity with this pairing, partially because of just how intriguing a concept this ship is!

I think the draw of this pairing is how different it is from the more popular Oikawa ships, like Iwaoi. Sugawara is a “team mom” kind of like Iwaizumi, but Suga’s personality couldn’t be more different than Iwaizumi’s. Sugawara has a fiercely supportive stance as a teammate, but he’s also a setter, and a calculating/manipulative one at that -- much like Oikawa. It’s canon that Oikawa nicknames him “Mr. Refreshing,” because he’s so different from Kageyama in terms of communicating and reading his team -- similarly to Oikawa, it could be noted. And you have two pretty setter squad members who are easy on the eyes, but have much more going on under the surface in terms of insecurities, pride, and goals as third years. 

And you wouldn’t think that Oikawa would work paired with another setter, but since Sugawara isn’t a “Kageyama-level prodigy,” it gives Oikawa the ability to be the better player on the court, so his pride isn’t hurt, but leaves Sugawara available as the more emotionally stable, “cool” partner. Plus, the two can share their own insecurities about being “replaced” by Kageyama as the better setter, but Sugawara can shut down any trash talk by Oikawa if it gets too overbearing. 

Basically, you have two characters who are more similar than they appear, but still have enough differences to be an interesting duo. It’s like if a sour patch kid and a candy apple hooked up. I’ll let you decide which is which. 

2. Hinata x Oikawa

So...Furudate has laid the groundwork for this ship since the first time Hinata spiked that ball past “The Great King,” but it wasn’t until the Rio mini arc that we really got this ship to come into its own. Hence why I put a spoiler tag on this post, for you anime-only’s who haven’t been blessed with the greatness that is the Rio Arc. 

Of any pairing in Haikyuu!! One could argue Hinata and Oikawa have done the most “shippy” things, with the exception of #1 below. I mean, they’ve:

* Taken the most epic, beautiful selfie together and sent to their exes rivals * Went on multiple dinner dates together (during the day and at night) * Are on a literal first-name basis  * Played two-on-two beach volleyball together (multiple times) * HUGGED ON LIVE TV DURING THE OLYMPICS 

I’ve wanted to post more on this, but Oikawa and Hinata actually have a lot in common, besides being Kageyama’s rival. They’re both naturally athletic, though definitely not “geniuses” or “prodigies” like Kageyama or Hoshiumi. They’re just two individuals who literally live and breathe volleyball and try to push themselves to their limits at being the best they can be. And their dynamic works really well -- Oikawa may be petty and snarky, but Hinata takes it all in stride and is a literal walking ball of unphased sunshine. Oikawa would probably think he has the upper hand in the relationship; at least, until Hinata speaks up and shows he’s not quite as naive as he appears. He’s just literally that optimistic/nice. One can definitely see the appeal of shipping these two similar-but-different characters. 

While some ship it as just a “fling in Rio,” and some ship it more as a fantastically developed friendship -- I mean, Hinata went on to play for Brazil, so you KNOW those two kept playing each other in matches and at training camps -- it’s still become one of the most unexpected, yet welcomed Oikawa pairing!

1. Iwaizumi x Oikawa

Okay, so this shouldn’t surprise anyone. But yeah, Iwaizumi and Oikawa have been paired up since the start of this series, and for good reason. 

There is so much to like about the pairing: The childhood friend aspect; the Setter/Spiker dynamic Haikyuu!! is so infamous for; how Iwaizumi takes none of Oikawa’s dramatic self and pushes past the “bs” to make sure Oikawa takes care of himself; how Oikawa teases Iwaizumi, yet is always by his side; how the two are so in sync, despite their different personalities; godzilla vs aliens...

...but I think I love best how they, similar to Hinata and Kageyama, are rivals who pursued their dreams: Oikawa making it to the Olympics on the team of his idol and mentor, and Iwaizumi as an Athletic Trainer on the team of his idol and mentor’s son. It’s so poetic, and I love in the final chapter that they finally get to face each other...even if it’s not “technically” against each other in a game.

This ship is probably one of the most iconic in Haikyuu!! and it’s hard to say anything that hasn’t already been stated, but I love it. There’s a reason it works so well, and Furudate has blessed us with all the hints and crumbles of canon for us fans to work with. Again, the greatest gift Haikyuu!! has given us is the fact that we can ship so many different characters together, and it all for the most part fits. ^^

[skye-huntress]

RWBY V8 Finale “The Final Word” Reactions

Thus concludes the first Volume I get to watch as it airs week by week, and react to it

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW! SERIOUSLY IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE EPISODE YET AND FOR WHATEVER REASON STILL SEE THIS EVEN WITH THE SPOILER TAG, CONSIDER THIS YOUR LAST WARNING

Sooo, I cannot not talk about this big one first because it gives me personal feelings. Penny is a character that is very precious to me, always has been. I binged the show up to Volume 7 last year so I didn’t have to go through years of new episodes knowing she was gone and then when she came back and throughout Volume 8, she cemented herself as one of my favourites, right up there with Ruby and Weiss. I even warmed up to Frosen Steel. I honestly did not think nor did I want to think that the show would kill her again, even knowing this was going to be a rough volume for her being the central figure in the whole conflict. The only consolation I have is that she died on her own terms.

While we’re on this note, my sympathies to Jaune for having to be the one to send her on her way. My sympathies to a lot of characters because whether or not Nuts and Dolts is platonic or romantic, she was particularly special to Ruby who once again was not there to save her.

Penny finally got her song, and it hurts

I could tell from the beginning that the Ace Ops were overrated. They seemed cool on the surface and as individual fighters they were probably up there, but I’m also sceptical of the ones that everyone (including themselves) called the “best” at anything. The reality is that they were a mess, they told to bury their feelings, and told to always accept their Jimmy’s judgment over even their own. Clover died a meaningless death because he ignored his own better judgment. That said, for Vine, the least expressive of the whole bunch to not only talk Harriet down but make a sacrifice for his team friends was not something I would have called. And yet I remember how he tried to comfort Elm, and how when Marrow was nearly killed how expressive he was in his shock and fear. Honestly, I should know better, as someone who isn’t able to express the full depth of my emotions very well, I should have known that Vine was probably the one who cared for his friends more than they ever realised.

Qrow was actually lucky for once. I have a theory. If Ren’s semblance can evolve from masking emotions to sensing them, maybe Qrow’s semblance could evolve so that he could change his or others’ fortunes for the better and not just for the worst. At the very least, rubbing the pin made him believe he could in fact be lucky, maybe that’s all he needed.

Harriet has a lot of issues to sort through, but maybe now without the toxicity of the military and Jimmy, she and her remaining friends can allow themselves to feel, grieve, heal and grow.

So we have Robyn, Qrow, Harriet, Elm and Marrow on a transport leaving Solitas through conventional travel. They probably can’t fly their transport straight to Vacuo so they may have to make some stops on the way, probably at Argus or Vale.

As for Ironwood, what a fitting end. He always saw himself as the hero of Remnant, the one with all the answers, the one who was always right, and who would save the day. But in the end, he wasn’t anyone even worth killing. To the villains, he was always a joke, someone to be used, and right when he is finally face to face with his greatest enemy, she never even looked at him once. In the end, neither he nor his precious Atlas proved to be very relevant or impressive.

Neo thought she was clever but she was a fool. That’s what happens when you let anger and vengeance consume you, it warps your judgment. Cinder was always using her, to get what she wanted, and as a means to get her own vengeance on Ruby.

Speaking of not letting not letting vengeance consume you, Blake. She saw how close she was to losing everyone else she cared about she switched tacts. I’m proud of her. And she risked the fall to save Ruby, unfortunately this risk was too great for her.

My WhiteRose heart cheered when Weiss went to back up Ruby. I assume Blake knew the partners could assist each other better than she could. It hurt that she had to watch the rest of her team family fall, to be the last one standing, using Gambol Shroud. And then she fell right in front of her sister.

Ruby really needs more practice with her eyes before she faces Cinder again. It was impressive though how she goaded Neo and knocked her over the edge. Unfortunately, there was more than one person there who really wanted her dead.

As for Ruby’s mental state, she never really had time to process anything that had happened, she was in survival mode the entire time. Falling into the same place as Yang did might give her hope that her sister is still alive and if she fell with Blake, all the better, then she won’t be alone. But like I said, Penny was very important to her, and this is the second time she has lost her. Just imagine though, if Penny’s body falls into the void with them and Ruby finds it, that’d be all the worse than just hearing about it from Weiss or Jaune.

Now, Winter, she is the MVP of this episode. Winter is now the Winter Maiden, not because Ironwood chose her to be or because she actually chose it herself but because Penny chose her. Penny believed in her friend. My love of Penny gives me a lot of conflicting feelings for this and the implications but it was satisfying to see Winter own Ironwood and hold her own against Cinder. And now she is the champion for Atlas’ refugees, but failing Weiss and Penny is going to have a significant impact on her. At least she’ll allow herself to feel and she still has some family left.

Now for the weapons. When Crescent Rose fell, it was like watching an entirely separate character fall as well. Gambol Shroud and Neo’s umbrella fell on their own, too. And Jaune’s weapon that was reforged with Pyrrha’s ruined weapon was destroyed by none other than Cinder. So basically the only ones still completely armed are Weiss and Yang, but of course the latter also has a concussion.

It wasn’t the complete victory she wanted but it was decisive. I figured a victory for Cinder would be getting both relics and she did. But I knew she wouldn’t get the Maiden powers, that’s always the part she fails at again and again. She tries to syphon a Maiden’s magic only to be interrupted. Every. Single. Time. Seriously, Cinder will just never learn from this mistake and its why she will likely never have more than one Maiden’s power at the rate she is going. But as decisive as this victory was, it will cost her in the long run. She needed help from Jinn, Neo and Watts in order to beat Team RWBY but they’ll come back stronger, smarter and more pissed off and Cinder won’t have all of that help next time. If anything, she might have put herself back on top of Neo’s shitlist.

Watts’ end is also rather fitting and also completely expected. Like Jimmy and Jaques, he represented a lot of what was wrong with Atlas, particularly the elite. How annoyed would Ambrosius be with Cinder though? “More fire, that’s it? This is my cosmic karma for being annoyed about being used by the same kids twice in a row.”

Atlas fell as I always knew it would, after all the relics exist to help humanity and a flying city did nothing but fuelled the egos of those who lived on that floating rock. Mantle was something to be proud of, but Atlas was a lie. Now Remnant’s “greatest kingdom in the world” reduced to ruin and it’s people refugees in a land their ancestors made a wasteland. This will have dire consequences.

So in the end, no help came for Atlas. Not surprising in retrospect. Atlesians didn’t have the best reputation to begin with, then Ironwood made a series of terrible decisions (that everyone around him strongly advised against), destroying Atlas’ relations with the other Kingdoms. Then came Ruby’s broadcast out of nowhere where she dropped some insane bombshells and then her message was cut off and global comms went down again. Few can vouch for Ruby’s character and even fewer can verify anything of what she said. I still believe it had an impact and we’ll see it as we visit other Kingdoms again, but the full pay off won’t be for quite some time. As I said before, the message was just the first of many, many small steps to uniting the world against Salem

So now for the detour, and that cursed image of Crescent Rose alone, slammed into the ground. It’s likely Volume 9 will focus mostly on our girls, Jaune and Neo, surviving in this strange environment and finding a way home.

Was that everything? Probably not. Now the mourning period begins as I try to process all of that.

[dessarious]

Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt64

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

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“What exactly are your conditions?” His father’s tone was both annoyed and resigned. Damian wasn’t sure who exactly he was annoyed with at this point. He had to wonder how much push back his father was getting from other League members for allowing the situation in Paris to be handled by Ladybug.

“Well, since it’s obviously an issue, the main one is that no information is relayed to anyone without my permission. I don’t care if it seems relevant or not. The last thing I need is my team compromised by something you think didn’t matter.” She was looking at Drake while she spoke and Damian had a feeling she was more concerned about him not wanting his family to know about Luka yet than anything really detrimental. He’d never admit it but he appreciated the gesture.

“I take it Damian is already following this rule since none of us were aware you knew who he was.” Even though it didn’t sound like a question Ladybug nodded. The look his father shot him told Damian he was in for a rather long lecture at some point in the near future. “We can agree that no information leaves Paris without your say so. If the problem escalates outside the city we’ll have to reevaluate.” His entire family looked shocked at the concession and Damian was tempted to ask his father if he’d had a stroke recently.

“That is fair. If things go according to plan this will all be over by next week so it should not be an issue.” Bruce just frowned at her but the others almost exploded telling her she needed more time to plan. The Agreste Mansion was basically a fortress and on and on. Damian saw a barely discernible shift in her expression and covered his ears as she let out a piercing whistle that echoed in the cave.

“Was that really necessary?” Todd sounded highly offended and Damian didn’t even try to hide his smirk as Ladybug rolled her eyes.

“Given that you were all yelling things that either don’t apply or I already know, yes it was. I appreciate the help you’ve given me but you still only know a miniscule amount about what is going on in Paris. If I want your input I’ll ask for it, otherwise my team and I can handle things on our own.”

“You keep saying your team, yet no one has seen anyone besides you and Discorde. If you have other help, why don’t you use them?” Dick was probably lucky he just sounded confused and not accusatory. He still fidgeted under Ladybug’s stare.

“That is my concern.” She turned back to Bruce and Damian saw Dick let out a relieved breath. The fact that his entire family was being cowed by a tiny, fifteen year-old Parisian with nothing but looks was one of the greatest things that he’d ever seen. “Other than that, if any of your team stays in Paris they will be required to follow my direction without question and will be given a regimen to follow to make them less likely Akuma targets.”

“We can all keep our emotions in check just fine.” Drake’s words were mumbled but still audible and Ladybug let out an amused snort.

“I highly doubt that. Repressing your emotions or refusing to show them to people won’t protect you from Hawkmoth. And given the way Damian was when he first came to Paris I highly doubt any of you are safe. I had to catch four Akuma’s that came for him in one night and I’d rather not have a repeat of that stress.” Damian kept his expression neutral but promised he’d address that with her later. He hadn’t even seen her the rest of that night but she’d apparently been following him. He couldn’t allow that kind of lapse in awareness. All of his family were looking at him now. Some with shock, some pity, but most seemed not to be surprised.

“Demon Spawn is different. The rest of us know how to handle our emotions.” He couldn’t believe those words came out of Todd of all people. Everyone in the cave was side eyeing him as if he’d lost his mind before they all promptly ignored him.

“That’s why I sent Tim. Given that he’s only conscious most of the time due to the sheer amount of caffeine in his system he’s always too tired to feel anything that strongly.” Drake didn’t even protest he just shrugged. “That and I thought you could use some on site tech help to combat Gabriel’s security system.” That was at least a rational argument.

“I’ll accept as long as he agrees to the terms. I don’t have the time or patience to deal with another obstacle, especially an unnecessary one.” Drake looked like he was going to argue but the glare Bruce leveled at him turned it into a sigh.

“Fine. I’ll follow your rules.” He shot an annoyed look at Bruce. “Just remember this conversation when you ask me why I didn’t tell you something you think you needed to know.” Bruce rolled his eyes but Damian could see the rest of his siblings mentally agreeing with Drake.

“Alright, I need to get back. If you want to stay with your family for a bit I can come back later to get you.” It took a moment for Damian to realize that the last part was aimed at him but when he did he just scoffed.

“I’m not going to let you leave me here to be questioned by these idiots.” Ladybug blinked at him while his siblings started shouting denials. He’d rather be Akumatized than left here.

“Isn’t that cute, Demon Spawn can’t spend five minutes away from his girlfriend.” He was going to stab Todd. Ladybug frowned at him.

“I’m not his girlfriend. In fact I’m in a great relationship and Damian’s not interested in me like that.” There was silence. None of his family seemed to know what to do when logic and facts got in the way of their teasing.

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[shera-dnd]

Face Turn - Heel Turn

Well that was silly to write as a title

ANYWAY now that I’m done humiliating myself on the internet how about we just move on to the next chapter of that fic

Now featuring the most fantastical element of this entire fic: How well the wrestlers are treated by their employer

AO3 link as usual and let’s get going

Amity Arena, the headquarters of Remnant Wrestling… something or other. Weiss had to admit that she didn’t much care about whatever overly complicated name they gave this company. As long as the contract didn’t include any dumb shit she didn’t care how they managed to contrive the “R.W.B.Y.” acronym.

As for the place itself, it looked surprisingly clean and organized. From the clips Jaune showed her the backstage area always looked messy and dirty, so they either cleaned it up for her or that part too was completely fake.

The office they were invited to, on the other hand, was covered wall to wall in pictures, posters, souvenirs, and just random knick knacks, all framing the older man in the middle.

“Miss Schnee. Mister Arc,” he greeted with a smile, “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Ozpin, sir,” Jaune replied awkwardly as they took their seats. He sat to her left so she knew exactly who would be in her blindspot. She was quietly grateful for that gesture, “the pleasure is all ours.”

Weiss disagreed.

“So you’re the one running this circus?”

She heard a chair skidding to her left as Jaune nearly jumped up, apologies already spilling out of his mouth, but Ozpin simply laughed at her comment.

“Oh no need to apologize, Mr Arc,” he said with a smile, “a circus is but a collection of skilled performers joined in the purpose of entertainment, and for that I’m honored to be their ringmaster.”

It took a lot from Weiss not to scoff at that.

“Now don’t be worried, Ms Schnee,” he assured her, “I have no plans on giving you the role of the clown. I know better than to insult a consummate professional with such a proposition.”

Weiss sighed, “then what do you want from me exactly? I’m not signing anything until I know you won’t humiliate me in front of countless people.”

“Of course, here at R.W.B.Y. we prioritize the mental well being of our performers far above any of our ongoing plotlines. You would have complete freedom to veto any unwanted plot beats as you work with our team of esteemed writers.”

She nodded. This arrangement was certainly better than she expected, but something not being the worst didn’t make it good.

“As for your starting role,” he continued, “you would be a Face, our term for hero, one of the good guys. Your role may change with time of course, but I think this would suit you well for starters.”

“So do I just get in the ring and punch people in the name of truth, justice and the american dream?” She asked, trying to see if there was any way of mocking this farce that would make him show any emotion other than ‘passive understanding’.

“If you so desire,” was his response.

She studied the man for a moment, trying to find that manipulative hint that nearly everyone seemed to have around her. Finding that had been one of the few things Jacques ever taught her, not on purpose mind you, but she still learned it through continuous exposure to the despicable man.

It was only when she found nothing that she allowed herself to respond.

“Alright,” she took a deep breath, “looks like you have yourself a new star.”

Ozpin smiled brightly and Jaune let out a breath he had probably been holding since the moment Weiss opened her mouth.

Everything else was handled simply and cleanly. Weiss was given an unreasonably long contract to read through, which she tried to thoroughly - another of Jacques accidental lessons - but she had only made a few pages in before her head started hurting from the eye strain.

Jaune took it from there.

A week later, with everything else handled, Weiss sat down with one of those ‘esteemed writers’ to discuss her big intro. Said writer was a woman by the name of Blake Belladonna.

Blake seemed to take her job very seriously, regardless of the absurdity of it all, and had a calm air of professionalism to her. Weiss could appreciate that. Though her ideas were a bit too fantastical for her at first, after some back and forth, the final product did manage to please the both of them. 

She was to be a white knight, recovered from her injuries, returned to the field of battle, unburdened by her scars, and ready to fight once more. It was completely absurd when she put it like that, but so was just about everything else happening in that damn ring.

In practice this just meant that she was gonna come in, do some silly speeches about inspiring hope, win a few matches, and see where they would take things from there. It was a simple and easy plan. What could possibly go wrong?

The answer was apparently, Weiss’s temper.

Things had gone smooth at first. Sure, her heart hadn’t really been into it, but she didn’t expect it to be, and people seemed to buy it anyways. She was the big MMA star returning to the ring once more to kick some ass, and they were loving every second of it. Weiss on the other hand, felt miserable.

Fighting used to be so freeing for her before. It was the one thing she had that was out of reach of her father, that she did for herself and no one else. Somehow it was only when she was put in the cage that she truly felt free.

Not anymore.

Now the ring just felt like a different prison, a different stage for her to perform on. It wasn’t hers anymore, it was everyone else’s. She tried to focus on work anyway, she tried to keep the show going, but at some point it became too grating for her.

She was meant to start this friendly rivalry with this Yang Xiao Long lady. They were going to be very competitive with each other while both claiming they were the best of the best, and in the end they would work together in a tag team match in a show of the true power of friendship or something of the sorts.

It was halfway through her first promo that she realized that she couldn’t keep that act going or she was gonna go insane. Ozpin said she had the power to veto stuff she didn’t like, so it was time to put that power to good use.

She took a deep breath, held that microphone like she was gonna snap it in half, and let her old fierceness come out to play.

“Actually, screw this!” she started, at least having the decency to not swear on live television, “I don’t care if she thinks she’s the greatest around. I don’t care if any of you think she’s the greatest!”

The crowd grew silent as she caught them by surprise. Good.

“None of you have ever even seen a real fight!” She accused, “you really think any show off with a pretty smile is somehow a real fighter? She spent more time naming her moves than she spends training.”

That’s when it started. The booing. She had to admit, she liked that sound.

“You want a real fight? You wanna watch me put that show off in her place?” She challenged and someone in the crowd actually cheered this time, “then sit down and watch, because she’s only gonna be the first!”

She expected to be scolded when she returned backstage, maybe even have her contract threatened, but instead she was met by a very amused Blake.

“You know, that’s gonna be a pain in the ass to salvage if you wanna keep the baby face act,” she commented.

“Don’t even try it,” she responded, walking past her, “let them be angry.”

“Good,” Weiss couldn’t see her face, but she could hear the grin in her voice, “you make a far better heel anyway.”

[ofmythsandmadness]

MY THOUGHTS ON TUA SEASON TWO: PART ONE (spoilers)

So...I finished season two. And I’ve got a lot of thoughts.

I’m putting ALL my thoughts under the tab so please, don’t click unless you’ve seen it all, and/or you just....like don’t care about spoilers? But please if you’ve not watched it, watch it first ‘cause it deserves all the hype and attention. 

(if you haven’t watched yet, go into your settings and blacklist the tag ‘tua spoilers’ because that’ll help you avoid anything if you don’t want to be spoiled, at least on here)

Also, this is part one to my thoughts, because it’d be much too long to list it all here! Part two will be linked below this :)

This is going to be SO badly organized, but I’m gonna do my best to make it otherwise! I’m separating it all under sub-headers, just so you don’t have to read through ALL my thoughts on the series (but there’s a lot, sorry).

I legit just watched it all last night, so it’s fresh but also still jumbled and messy. So bear with me.

Also, let me know what you thought, I’m eager to hear others’ opinions of this show!

AS A WHOLE... So, so, SO damn good. I was scared, and worried and I thought there was gonna be a lot more pain...but it was so good. Arguably better than the first season, I think because the characters are fleshed out and have developed more, and I felt myself caring more for their wellbeings (even though I would have already died for most of them).

Honestly, no. This season WAs better than the first and I’m gonna stick with that.

I also really loved the colour scheme of it all?? I think they did that really well the first season too, but the colour choices and how they alternated between blue and orange, it keeps your attention and adds a vibrance to the characters that was there before but not so loudly.

I want to watch it again and admire how they shot/edited it too, because I actually really was impressed with the shots too (normally Netflix shows aren’t super cinematography-heavy, don’t know if that’s how to say that, but TUA really came through and I’m impressed). I don’t want to drone on about that because i know most don’t care about that as much, so I’ll leave it at just...I was impressed, and most happy with the overall presentation of the show.

LUTHER HARGREEVES...

The way i actually now love him?? 

I mean I felt bad for him in S1, but here he’s an actual character and I cared about HIM, rather than what he had gone through. From the moment he said ‘I don’t give a shit’ in episode one, I liked him again and I’m SO glad. 

I didn’t really love how he still pushed for him and Allison...I mean, I understand that you can’t just erase the feelings, they still stand, but I would have liked a little bit less of it. It’s just awkward to watch and to contrast with Klaus literally calling them out, I appreciate that it wasn’t so prevalent but it was still there. 

But overall!! He became a character I actually really liked, he was actually funny too?? Dorky too, and also just more sure of who he was as a person rather than the number...Luther rights.

DIEGO HARGREEVES...

One word: BIIIITCH.

He was one of my favourites from the show pre-S2, and now I can say he might just be my favourite. I would fight fire for that man.

I didn’t think he’d be almost the main character of this show (obviously one of them, because they’re all main characters ig) but I liked it a lot! We really got nothing about who he is as a person in Season One, and though a lot of people were able to fill in the emotional blanks, there was a lot more given to his character and who he is beneath the hard-headed vigilante.

I think David Casteneda did a brilliant job on his character, and had one of the best performances out of all of them. I knew he was good, but I truly was shocked at how good he did as Diego, and I’m happy to see him as an actor thrive and get more credit. He deserves it, and I’m quite happy. 

Surprisingly, he was the character to make me cry (I cried at Ben too, don’t worry, but!). When Reginald said that shit to him, I was in fucking pain. I won’t get too deep into it, but just the way his face dropped, and then the stutter - it struck a cord and I cried more at that then I did the rest of the show. Dunno. Maybe that’s just me.

But just like...I wish he had more support...everyone just kept calling him dumb and mocking him and I KNOW his obsession with JFK was dumb and aligned with the Luther moon thing and he didn’t have the greatest plans and I’m not saying all of his actions were right, but he was fucking TRYING. And some of it, they played it off for comedic effect but they were literally just trashing on him for doing the right thing and making him look stupid...it made me a little sad.

I am glad, however, at how he rekindled with all his siblings. Because arguably, Diego was an asshole to all of them and though again, arguably they all were and none of them are doing well and there are reasons - they were all assholes to each other, and especially him to them, especially Vanya when she really didn’t deserve it. And to see them at least begin to mend their relationship made me so happy. The way that in the end, they sat together?? And how he accepted her apology just like that?? I sob.

The scene where diego just says ‘there’s this girl I like - I CRACKED UP AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY IT’S SO FUNNY BUT JFC THAT WAS SO FUNNY. That and threatening Olga - top tier funniest moments of the season for  me. They really amped up the comedy this season and I’m happy.

One thing I didn’t get was in the last episode, when he bent the bullets’ trajectory for Five...did he know he could do that? Like I understand that he could do it, but we never saw him do anything else around those lines, aside from in the doomsday season ep1, but that was an alternate history so...I’m guessing Reginald taught him, but??? It was kinda random and I would have liked if they hinted at it at least once before.

To summarize, I love him. I love how far he’s come and I hope he just finds some happiness because he keeps getting the short end of the stick. He deserves the world.

(also, diego hargreeves a huge ass nerd. y’all can’t convince me otherwise. big dork energy)

LILA PITTS/DIEGO & LILA:

You know what? I loved her.

I didn’t like her character as much post maybe episode 6/7, basically once she brought Diego in I was disappointed but I liked her character. I think she was cool and different and chaotic and though I was disappointed that towards the end, she felt a bit thrown in, I still appreciated who she was. I was honestly hoping that she would have left the Handler a lot sooner, I thought they were gonna make her realise the truth a lot sooner but at the same time...this is her maternal figure, she’s been basically brainwashed into that support and there’s gonna be an element of love regardless.

I knew she was gonna be one of the 43 though, the second I saw 1993 I called it and I was happy I was actually right on something. Idk her powers, that too seems a lil bit messy but still, I thought it was neat. I just want to see more! And I think we will, hence why I’m trying not to judge her much, but i hope that we get to know more about her. I don’t want a half-baked love interest, and I was hoping that there was going to be a little bit more this season - but we shall see.

(ritu arya, though, is quite good in her role. and stunning. i quite love her)

I also didn’t HATE the relationship between her and Diego. I know it’s a divided topic but I liked it, I thought they were fucking cute and even though i KNEW there was something off about her, I was just HOPING that it’d be different. I mean, that scene on the bed with them???? I think my heart gave out. Palpitations, bitch. I was so fucking soft for them and even when she was exposed....I stillllllllll wanted the best. :(

And then like shit happened and then it got a little messy (y’all should learn how to communicate...throwing out boyfriend and ex-girlfriend terms like that???) and like yada yada, I was okay but I don’t necessarily like the ‘I love him/her’ thing. I mean sure you can, but THAT felt a little quick. I don’t know why tv shows just LOVE to throw out the I love you’s that FAST, but I’m not into it. 

TL;DR - I still REALLY like Lila Pitts, and I still like them together, somewhat (though like maybe slow your asses down folks).

(question though...are we supposed to think of them as siblings now?? bc...idk I don’t see it like luther/allison because they weren’t raised together and really didn’t associate like that?? but are they all reginald’s alien children cause in THAT case wtf am I suppose to think help-)

PART TWO TO MY THOUGHTS: here.

[swirlynight]

Wrecker x reader | Ice, Ice

Tags: @mystarshinestuff (requester)

Finally got the request out 😁. Requests are still open, and probably always will be, so feel free to request whatever, and request as much as you want because this was fun. The title lowkey sucks though because I couldn't think of anything else 😂

Do you ever write something, hate it, and then rewrite it like five times? That was me with this fic because I couldn't get it to a point where I liked it. And it took me ages to figure out what I was gonna write. I'm not the greatest with Wrecker's personality, mainly because it's just so different from my own, but I tried my best. Hopefully I'll get to know him more the more I write for him and I'll be better with his personality.

This was still really funny to write though, once I was actually able to write it. I wanted it to make it long, but it's super shor because I was just struggling, and things aren't well written when I try to drag it out.

Also I'm aware that the bad batch probably didn't exist yet during the invasion of Kamino, I just honestly didn't think about it until I was halfway finished and I didn't wanna rewrite it again. Just...pretend they already did exist or something.

—

You let out a sigh as you fell back onto your cot. You buried your face into your pillow, but instead of screaming as you normally did, you just simply laid there, sprawled out on your bed. You didn't want to move. You didn't want to much of anything, really.

The image of those poor troops, probably from the 501st if you remembered the colors correctly, along with the Kamino soldiers, burned into your mind. They all looked terrible, some had burned flesh while others had multiple blaster wounds. Some were in even worse condition, but they were all alive. At least, they were when they arrived at Kamino. Almost none of them survived, and the ones that did die didn't exactly have a painless death. They all suffered.

The loss weighed on your shoulders and put a damper on your mood. You'd tried to save as many as you could, but not many of them made it. All you were able to do was give them a less painful death than what they would've gotten originally.

You were so engulfed into your thoughts that you hadn't heard the door to the room you stayed in open. You didn't even know someone entered until you heard your name called. It was a clones voice, that much you knew, but your name was said so softly and in a tone you didn't recognize, that you didn't know who it was. You didn't know who you were expecting, but it was definitely not Wrecker. You didn't even know he was capable of speaking the way he just had, but you weren't complaining about his presence. If there was anyone that could make you feel better, it was definitely the overactive, loud, energetic clone.

"Wrecker." You said after pushing yourself up to a sitting position, a small smile finding it's was onto your face

A look of concern was on Wrecker's face. He seemed like he wanted to ask if you were okay, but also knew from experience that you would never open up unless it was on your terms, unless you're the one that brings it up. The expression didn't last long before returning to his normal, excitable face.

"How have you been? We haven't been on Kamino for a while." He asked. He never really used 'how are you?' as a conversation starter. Ever. But this was an exception. It was a way of testing the waters, to see if you'd be willing to talk without outright asking if you're okay. Him and the bad batch had heard about the attempted invasion of Kamino, and he knew how much you cared about every clone who became your patient. He also knew the fatality count was high. He put two and two together and knew you wouldn't exactly be happy whenever he'd see you next, but you also wouldn't let him talk about it with you unless you wanted to talk about it. Otherwise you'd just get mad, throw him out, and not even think about what he said and regard it all as a load of trash.

In summary, he had to be careful when dealing with you when you were sad or upset. He was loud and boisterous, but he wasn't stupid. He was aware.

"I'm alright. Not too much has happened to talk about." You said, conviently leaving out the attempted invasion that you knew he'd already know about, but you didn't want to talk a word on it, "What about you, Wrecker? Smashing droids, as always?"

"You bet!" He said, taking a seat next to you on the bed. The mattress sunk down a lot where he sat, which also boosted you up by a lot. At least now you didn't have to look up at him. "And I beat up more stinkin droids than Crosshair." He added, punching his fist into the palm on his hand for added effect

"I'm sure you did, Wrecker. What are you guys back on Kamino for? Another break?"

"Yeah, but I'd rather be out smashing in some more droids." He responded, he was never a fan of just sitting around and relaxing. It wasn't quite his style. "But staying here isn't all bad, I get to see you while I'm here."

"Oh--I'm flattered." You said, nudging his shoulder a bit, which resulted in him not even moving a centimeter.

You were nowhere near as energetic as you usually were. It concerned him. He was trying to think of ways to make you laugh. You always laughed at the ridiculous stuff he did. Maybe he should try doing something like that.

"You're distracted." He said, standing up as he poked the center of your forehead. "You're stuck in there. I hear ice can help with that, though."

"Ice?" You asked, confused, which your tone and expression reflected

"Yeah, ice." He said, rummaging through your freezer before pulling out two ice cubes. "You eat it, like this." He said before putting back ice cubes into his mouth. Immediately, his mouth was filled with freezing coldness. His eyes popped out of his head, while his head immediately flew up to his mouth like holding it would help.

"Oh force it's cold." He said, which brought a laugh out of you at his comment, which was mundane compared to the expression he was wearing. He looked miserable.

"You know you can just spit it out into the sink, Wrecker." You said, laughing again as he quickly nodded, spitting the ice out into his hand and into the sink, making a comedic display of trying to warm his tongue up with his breathe.

He did overdo his reaction to the cold ice by quite a bit, but you didn't need to know that. He was just trying to make you laugh and feel better, and so he ended up doing ridiculous stuff like that for the rest of the day, all in an attempt to cheer you up.

[spideyy-girl]

Hope ~ Peter Parker (pt. II)

Summary: it’s been five years since the Decimation, and a lot has changed. Y/N has yet to give up hope and move on from the death of her best friend and the love of her life, Peter Parker. But when Ant-Man reappears from being stuck from the quantum realm, could there be a way to reverse the effects of the snap, and bring everyone back?

Fandom: Marvel (MCU)

Warnings:  INFINITY WAR AND ENDGAME SPOILERS, swearing as always, sort of mentions PTSD and depression, angst, sad, dad!tony x daughter!reader, doesn’t really follow endgame canon

Word Count: 4910 (13.7 pages)

A/N: had to repost because for some reason the tags weren’t working lol. Anyways hope you enjoy! Tony isn’t actually the reader’s dad, but he sort of takes her in after the decimation y’know.

If you haven’t read the first part I would suggest reading that first before reading this one! Let me know if you want to be tagged!

READ PART 1 HERE

~~~

Five Years Later…

Y/N pried her eyes open, feeling the warmth of the summer sun soaking into her room. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before stretching her arms over her head. She lay back down, confining into the comfiness of her mattress, turning to her side to see the time on her alarm clock, which read 10:03 am. It was a little later than she usually woke up, but she did fall asleep a little later than usual last night.

Y/N threw the covers off of her body, standing up and stretching her arms over her head, the oversized white shirt she wore rising up her thighs. She walked over and grabbed a pair of shorts, slipping them on under the shirt, although the illusion that there were no pants remained. She walked back beside her bed and unplugged her phone, grabbing it off the table. She pressed the button which illuminated the screen. She smiled at the background, the one that used to make her cry every time she saw his face. Pocketing her phone, Y/N opened the wooden door and walked down the hallway, the cold floor tickling the bottom of her feet.

Soon she could here pitter patter of small feet hitting the hardwood floor. Small giggles echoed off the walls throughout the house, the sound could bring a smile to anyone’s face. As she turned a corner into the kitchen, she found the source of the sounds, the young girl turning quickly, her laughter increasing as she flings herself onto Y/N.

“Y/N!” Morgan screams as the girl mentioned crouched down to pick up the four-year-old, placing her on her hip. Morgan Stark had become like a little sister to the woman and had helped her through more than the little girl could ever understand. Y/N placed a kiss on the younger girls messy brown curls, bringing her into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Morgan,” she says, smiling at her as she gets a small toothy grin back. Y/N sways with the girl still on her hip to the soft melody of the music playing in the kitchen, spinning around every once in a while, causing a string of laughter to escape the child’s lips. “What are you up to this morning.” Y/N dropped the girl back onto the floor gently, thought Morgan still held tightly onto Y/N’s hand, dragging her further into the room, where you see two other familiar faces.

“Daddy is making pancakes!” Morgan says, giggling as she goes up to her parents. Y/N laughs, going over to Pepper Stark and giving her a kiss on the cheek before replying.

“Oh boy. That must not be good,” she jokes as Morgan pulls on her father’s sleeve, causing Tony Stark to lean down and pick up the girl who was curious about the process of flipping the batter. Tony turned around to face Y/N, a girl who he’s become close enough to consider a daughter as well, an expression of faux hurt painted on his face.

“I take offence to that,” he says sarcastically, tilting his head. “I am the ultimate maker of pancakes, and I’d bet you’d love them.” Y/N laughed, shaking her head and passing by him, bumping his shoulder lightly.

“I’ll stick with cereal, thanks,” she says. Tony scoffs, his attention going back to the now burnt pancake as he urgently tries to flip it. Morgan slips out of her fathers’ arms and goes over to Y/N, tugging you down to whisper into her ear.

“I think you and mommy are much better at pancakes than daddy,” she says not-so-discreetly. Pepper laughed from the other side of the kitchen, taking out plates and cutlery to set the table with as Tony brings his attention back to his stubborn daughter. He furrows his eyebrows, looking at the girl as she stared back at him, her nose scrunching up and a giggle escaping her lips. Tony rolled his eyes as he goes back to the task on hand: breakfast.

“Wow, betrayed by my own daughter,” he says, using the spatula to put all the pancakes on a plate before pointing the flat handed tool at her. “Just for that, you are getting the burnt pancake.” Morgan laughed again, going down and grabbing onto Tony’s leg, clinging onto him like a monkey.

“Nooooo, daddy,” she smiled as he walked, slowly with the extra weight of the toddler on one leg, to the kitchen table. Y/N decided to make his life a little easier and take the plate and put it on the table, before sitting down in her usual spot. She lifts up Morgan, after pulling her off of her dad’s leg and placed her into the high chair so she can reach the table. She placed a smaller pancake onto the little girl’s plate, cutting it up in little squares for her before grabbing one for herself and doing the same. The house was silent, the only sounds being the soft music still playing from the kitchen radio and the soft sound of chewing and forks scraping against the ceramic plates. After a few minutes when everyone except Morgan finished her food (it was harder since she lost her tooth just a week ago), a conversation started to flow.

“Oh, Y/N,” Tony interrupts the quiet, catching the girls attention as her eyes go up from her plate pooled in syrup to meet his. “Nat wants you at the compound this weekend for some training. It’s been a while since you’ve gone.” Y/N nodded, making a mental note.

“Yeah. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss those dorks,” she laughed, and Tony smiled. Although he still wasn’t on the greatest terms with the rest of the Avengers team, he’s happy that she had gotten closer to them all. It really was true that the team was like a family to her, they’ve all helped her so much the past few years, more than they know. Even the ones who she had just met the first day she came to the compound, and the ones she didn’t get along with at first.

“Alright, great. I’ll send her a message,” Tony says as he pulls out his phone, which was quickly snatched from Pepper, explaining how “there are no phones at the table, you can do that after,” earning an eye roll from the billionaire, but accepting the rule none the less.

Y/N grabbed the empty plates and went over into the kitchen, washing them in the sink. As she was drying them with a towel and putting them onto a dish rack, a photo caught her eye. She placed the plate she was cleaning and reached up to grab it on the shelf, having to go on her toes just a bit.

The frame held a photo of Tony and her old friend Peter Parker, who had died after the snap. It was the two of them holding Peter’s Stark Internship certificate, both smiling goofily and holding bunny ears on top of the others head. Y/N had never seen the photo before and wondered why Tony had never shown her before, or how she had never noticed it before, although it did seem to be hiding behind everything else.

“I love that picture,” Tony said from behind her. Y/N almost dropped the frame in surprise, quickly turning around to face the older man. “It’s okay, you’re not in trouble. I just hide it because it makes me sort of emotional seeing it,” he explains, his eyes not leaving the photo. Y/N could only nod, watching as tears start to form in his eyes.

“This is a great photo, it’s very… him, y'know?” Y/N says as she tries to smile at him. Her eyes also trailed back to the photo, noticing how happy he looked. “I remember when he came home with that, he was so proud… He really loved you, Tony.” She confessed, now not even trying to hold back tears. Tony smiled softly, finally ripping his gaze to look at the girl, only to see her own eyes looking at the boy in the frame.

“He loved you too,” he says, so quietly she almost missed him saying it. “You both loved each other so much, I could tell even when I first met you. And I know you still do.” The words made a sob escape her mouth. It had been a long time since she had cried for Peter, not that she was sad that he was gone, but she had finally accepted that he was gone. He was never coming back, and although it was harsh it was the truth, no matter how hard she and the other Avengers tried to find a way to reverse what happened. Y/N pursed her mouth into a thin line, squeezing her eyes shut to try and control herself as she nodded at Tony’s words. They were true, he was right.

Although he was gone- and she realized and accepted that a long time ago- she could never stop loving him, maybe in a way more than she was supposed to.

Tony watched the girl trying to hold herself together in front of him. It was sad but even sadder that he had gotten used to the sight. But trying to fix her was like trying to put an expensive vase back together with craft glue, as much as you try and even though it will hold for a moment, everything will come crashing down again, breaking even more than before. Tony held her shoulder, before pulling her into his chest, letting her cry into his chest. He could feel his shirt getting wet from the salty tears but he didn’t mind. He closed his eyes, letting a few warm tears of his own slide down his cheeks, disappearing into the girl’s hair.

They stood there for a few moments, letting her calm down in his arms. Once she stopped shaking, he pressed a kiss to the side of her head, before pulling her away from him, holding her by the shoulders again. She looked back at him, her eyes already bloodshot. She sighed, closing her eyes in a longer-than-normal blink.

“Do you miss him?” She asks him quietly, although she knew the answer. He smiles, nodding at her question.

“Of course,” he says, replying in a small voice so she wouldn’t hear it crack. “To be honest, there isn’t a day that has gone by in the past five years that I hadn’t thought of him at least once, or what happened.” Y/N nodded, her eyes dropping onto the floor, letting out a cold laugh.

“Yeah me too,” she sniffles, wiping her extra tears away before her eyebrows pull together in confusion, looking back at Tony. “God, has it really been five years already?” She asked, thinking of all that has happened. Tony laughs, nodding.

“I know right, all feels like yesterday,” he says, not really meaning it in the way your mother would say after explaining a fond memory from when you were a child. It was meant more in a way like the event was so tragic that it stuck with and haunted not only the two, but everyone who had lost someone that day.

“Daddy?” a little high-pitched voice says from the kitchen entrance. The two looked over to see Morgan standing at the doorway, a stuffed bunny hanging limply from one of her hands, dragging along the floor. “Are you okay?” she asked, this time the question was directed more at the other person in the room. Y/N gave her a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, of course,” she said, crouching down so Morgan could run into her arms. Y/N placed the ever-growing girl on her hip and she kissed her cheek, the girl in her arms immediately making her feel so much better. “I was just thinking of my friend, remember I told you about uncle Peter?” Morgan nodded, smiling.

“Spidey!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands. Y/N smiled, a laugh escaping her own lips as she nodded. Even though the girl had never met Peter, she already loved him, always listening intently to all the stories Y/N told about him and his adventures as Spider-Man. Tony smiled at his two daughters, even though one wasn’t his blood, he loved them both. He went over and patted Y/N on the back, kissing Morgan’s still messy hair.

“I’m gonna go text Nat that you’ll be there tomorrow,” he said, winking at the smaller girl being held by her. He walked out of the room, leaving the two girls. Y/N bounced Morgan on her hip a bit before turning to her.

“How about we got get you dressed, okay?” Y/N suggests. Morgan nods, placing her head on her shoulder, closing her eyes. Y/N smiled at the girl, carrying her to her room to pick out a nice outfit for her and maybe even do her hair.

~~~

“Oof.”

Y/N hit the ground hard after her legs were swept from under her. She groaned, propping herself up on her elbows and blinking to make the stars appearing in her vision fade away. Over her stood the red/blonde woman, Natasha Romanoff. She shook her head, although she had a small smile on her lips.

“You gotta pay more attention, Y/N,” she said, holding a hand out for the girl under her to grab. Y/N only rolled her eyes. “You can’t let your enemy see your weaknesses, you can’t give them a chance to take over you.” Y/N reached up to grab Natasha’s hand, only to pull her down and roll over, pulling her arm behind her back in a lock, standing on her knees over her.

“How’s that for seeing my weakness?” Y/N asked sarcastically, smiling down at Natasha, who had the side of her face squished down on the mat below them, unable to move from the position Y/N had her trapped in. Although half of her face was pressed against the mat, she could see the smirk growing on her trainer’s face. She tries to nod the best she can in her current situation.

“Well done, Y/N,” she compliments, trying to kick herself up again to set the girl off, but was only met with a foot on her back to keep her side. “You’ve learned so well the past few years.” Y/N finally let her go, releasing her grip on her wrist and taking her foot off of Nat’s back. She quickly jumped up, dusting herself off and looking back at the girl, who shrugged.

“I learn from the best,” Y/N says, winking at her as they both make their way out of the training room into the locker room connected. Nat smirked as looked over and offered her a towel, before grabbing one for herself.

“And this is why you’re my favourite one here,” she laughs. The two of them get changed into your normal clothes before going into the conference room. Natasha sat down in a chair and called Rocket, Okoye, Nebula, Carol and Rhodey while Y/N offered to go to the kitchen to make them both a peanut-butter sandwich, to which she happily agreed to one. She quickly went in the kitchen and pulled out four sliced of bread, lightly buttering them before putting on a smack load of peanut butter on two and a little bit less of jam on the other two. She put the peanut butter and jam slices together, making two sandwiches, and also poured the two of them a glass of chocolate milk.

Y/N’s past experience with being a waitress at Delmar’s made carrying all of the items easy, setting a plate and a glass down in front of her mentor before taking a seat beside her and putting down her own. By the time she got back, only Rhodey was standing, talking to her about who she assumed was Hawkeye, or used to be Hawkeye. Natasha sat teary-eyed while talking to the War Machine.

“Will you tell me where he’s going next?” She asked, voice shaky. Y/N felt horrible for her, knowing that they used to be close and she couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have your best friend turn into something you thought they weren’t. She couldn’t even imagine if Peter had gone off randomly killing people just for the hell of it, but she knew it would destroy her too.

“Nat…” Rhodey trailed off, giving her a silent warning to her actions. But she persisted.

“Please,” she asked again. Rhodey looked at her with sad eyes for a second before responding with a small “okay,” and walking off the screen, the blue light dissolving. Nat out her head in her hand, trying to hold herself together. Y/N reached out and placed a soft hand on her arm. She knew Natasha wasn’t exactly one who found physical contact more comforting like she did, but Nat looked over and gave her a smile, putting her bigger hand on top of hers.

“I’d offer to cook you dinner, but you already look horrible,” Steve says, leaning on the doorframe. He gives Y/N a smile, to which she returned before they both brought their attention back to Natasha. She looked up at him, rolling her eyes as they had small banter. Y/N drowned out of the conversation, focusing on the small meal she prepped for herself before something caught her eye.

“Hey, there’s someone at the door?” Y/N said, pointing at the notification that popped up from the table. Nat swiped it to open the front door camera and was met with a sight that none of them were expecting.

“Hi? Hi! Is anyone home?“The voice of Ant-Man called from the screen. Y/N had to rub her eyes because from what she remembered Scott Lang had disappeared too after the Decimation, yet there he stood, just outside the front door. She stood up immediately, checking for a date on the camera.

"Is this an old message?” she asked, and she didn’t know what answer she was expecting. Hell, she didn’t even know what answer she wanted to hear. Natasha and Steve stood as well.

“It’s at the front gate,” Nat said breathlessly. Y/N shook her head, her ears starting to ring and her head feeling dizzy but she paid no mind as she sprinted out the door, going to see Scott Lang, the two Avengers followed closely behind her.

~~~

Y/N, Natasha, Steve, Scott and Tony stood on the latter’s porch outside his new house in woods, the same one you had been in just a day ago. Scott was trying to explain how he was stuck in the quantum realm for the past five years, even though it was only a few hours for him. He then used this information and thought about how you might be able to use that to go back in time and reverse what happened. The idea was extremely intriguing to the girl, thinking of the possibility for if it were to work. But she didn’t want to get her hopes up too much.

Because last time she put all of her hope into something, it ended up destroying her.

“That’s not how quantum physics works,” Tony sums up. Y/N sat in a chair beside him, taking in his words but not really processing them. She picked on her lip in a nervous habit as she undevotedly listened into the conversation.

“Tony,” Nat steps in, standing up. “We have to take a stand.”

“We did stand,” he replies quietly, looking down at his hands before looking back at the group. He glances at the girl beside him. “And yet here we are.”

“I know you got a lot on the line; you’ve got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me, a lot of people did,” Scott said, the statement catching her attention as she stared at him, pleading him to go on. He spares a glance at her, he’s going through the same thing she was. “But now we have a chance to bring her back, to bring everyone back! And you’re telling me that you won’t even-”

“That’s right, Scott, I won’t,” Tony interrupts his speech. Y/N looked at him in disbelief.

“But Tony, what if-” Y/N tries to speak in, but Tony interrupts once again.

“I said NO, Y/N!” he says, his face turning red as he looks at her. “Kid, you don’t understand. It’s never gonna work, okay? It’s not worth the risk!”

“I’m not a kid, anymore! Stop calling me that!” She yells back. “And I don’t give a shit about what you think. We have a chance! I’m gonna do whatever I can to get him back, and honestly, I thought you would too…” her words are silenced by her trying to hold back her sobs as she standing up, the metal patio chair scratching harshly on the porch before storming off the balcony and down the driveway. She ran down the dirt road and into a path of trees that she’s grown familiar with, it would be her safe spot when she first arrived at the cottage with Tony and Pepper and the sound of the nature around her and the green tinted light from through the leaves of the trees would silence her crying.

After a few minutes, she sees Steve emerge from the thick packet of trees. He walks over to the girl hunched over herself, the sun perfectly reflecting the tear tracks staining her cheeks, and crouches down in front of her, squeezing her arm in reassurance.

“We’re gonna be on our way now,” Steve says quietly, causing the girl to look him in the eye. “Tony wanted to know if you’re still staying for the week. I think it’d be good for both of you.” Y/N averted her gaze back to the mossy forest floor and nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she says, her voice drowned out by the rustling of the 50-foot trees in the warm wind. Steve wouldn’t have heard it if his hearing wasn’t enhanced by the super serum, as well as pretty much all of his other senses. He gave her another pat on the shoulder, before standing up and making his way back to the little cottage. Y/N sat in the clearing, watching the small river flowing steadily just a few inches beside her, the quiet trickling of water crashing over small pebbles steadying her nerves. She closed her eyes, intrapping herself in the sounds surrounding her, wondering why her life couldn’t always be this peaceful and carefree.

After she felt she was good to go, she carefully stood up, walking through the shrubs and out of the woods, walking back down the rocky driveway and opening the screen door. She smiled at Pepper, who offered her a grilled cheese and garden salad for lunch, but Y/N politely declined, telling her that she’d be downstairs.

In the basement is where Tony’s little lab was set up. She liked to come in every once in a while when she was bored or had nothing to do, helping Tony with new technology or even updating her protocol suit. She never even put it on, but she had it ready just in case. Tony called it the “Silk” suit. The design was very similar to that of Spiderman’s, but instead had the colours of white, black, and pinkish-red. The torso was white, with light webbing details in the red, and of course the infamous symbol in the middle of the chest. The arms and legs were black, with light white webbing details that could only be seen when reflecting light, and lightning like designs coming down on the shoulders and things in the same colour. And the last detail was a thin material that covered half her face, which was a beautiful shade of red. It was breathable, but still a tight fit to reassure that it wouldn’t fall from her face and reveal her identity while fighting.

She walked up to the suit, which was encased in glass and stood proudly beside past suits of Peter’s. Her slim fingers delicately traced against the glass, admiring all the tiny specifics of the suit, and how the webbing reflecting a certain way in the light. She averted her gaze to walk over to the glass table, to do what she really came here for.

What Scott had said about using the quantum realm for time travel had intrigued her, and although Tony couldn’t see how it could ever work, Y/N had seen it as an opportunity. She brought up the pop-up screen and started making models, mixing certain materials and chemicals to see if anything could be stable enough to go through with the idea. She spent hours with her head swarming with possibilities, trying every single combination. And soon enough 1 in the afternoon became almost 11 at night, but it made no difference to her. Y/N let out a long yawn, rubbing her eyes before speaking to FRIDAY again.

“Hey, FRIDAY, one more sim before I head off for the night,” Y/N spoke to the AI, turning the holographic model, looking for points of improvement. “Umm, try an… inverted mobius strip? Please?” Y/N watched as the hologram shifted and turned into the shape she asked for, turning the model around and inspecting certain particles. “Also, do you mind giving me the eigenvalue of that particle there? Factor it into the spectral decomp, yeah.” Y/N points at a certain point, which shifts immediately after she says the command.

“Processing, this might take a few minutes,” FRIDAY responded, changing the model into different structures to see if any of them fit with the girl’s idea. Y/N watches intently, not noticing the small Stark girl climbing down the stairs looking for her sister. She sat on the steps, watching her work. It reminded her a lot of her dad.

“Don’t worry if it doesn’t work out. I’ll be back on it tomorrow,” Y/N states, looking down at the glass table, watching the reflection of the changing model. After another minute or so, FRIDAY finishes up, a sound notification letting her know that the model had rendered. When she looked up she couldn’t believe her eyes, bringing her hands up to her mouth and falling into the chair behind her. There, in big letters stood tall and proud.

‘MODEL SUCCESSFUL’

Y/N felt tears spring up into her eyes, staring at the large words printed beside the efficient time travelling device she created herself. “Shit,” she spoke quietly into her hands, before springing up again and starting to pace around the table, a smile making its way onto her face. “Holy shit! Fuck! Oh my god, oh my…” she rambled on, spewing profanities as she looked onto the device until she heard the smaller voice.

“Shit!” Morgan said from the stairs. Y/N whipped her head around, shock taking over her features. She shook her head, giving Morgan a stern look.

“Morgan, no no no, we don’t say those words, okay?” She said, as Morgan stood up and walked over to her, Y/N going up to her as well. “Those are very bad words, I shouldn’t have even said them.” Morgan only giggled at her.

“Fuck!” she said and then laughed. Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of how yes, she was most definitely a Stark. Y/N picked her up, shushing her before bringing her over to look at the model.

“Yeah, fuck is right,” she whispered, more to herself. She felt Morgan lean on her shoulder, probably trying to fall asleep. Y/N held the little girl close to her, rocking her back and forth to soothe her to sleep as she felt hot tears fall off her cheeks. She sat back down on the chair, still carefully holding Morgan as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes, silent sobs raking through her body. She didn’t really know how to feel, but she felt the need to cry.

Tony came down a few minutes later, he saw Y/N crying on the chair, still holding his sleeping daughter, and beelined towards her. “Hey, Y/N calm down, okay. What’s wrong?” Y/N could only shake her head, looking at him before looking back at the screen. Ton looked behind him as well. He straightened his legs quickly standing up and turning towards the model. “Holy shit,” he whispered, looking back at her for a second before turning his attention to the screen again.

Y/N stood up with him and leaned into his side. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his embrace as he continued to stare at the model, not even bothering to blink. He placed a kiss to the top of her head, before guiding them up the stairs and into their bedrooms, Y/N saying she didn’t mind if Morgan slept with her that night.

~~~

TAGS:

Permanent Taglist: @phonegalhelp

Peter Parker Taglist: @britishspidey @deansdeliciouspie @lauren-novak

Hope Taglist: @dee-writes-fics @xsweetnsour@underooling@studyxuxi @ibookishqueen @sunflowercth @bucky-to-my-barnes@green-lxght @softrdj@multifacetedfandom@obsessedwithrogertaylor @shayke-and-bake@bellero@spookyanairwin @lizlil @punkdalek @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad @reinyrei @eridanuswave

Feel free to tell me what you thought about this chapter or ask if you want to be tagged in the next parts!

[wolfpawn]

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 25

Story Summary - Based on an idea I had that I submitted to Imagine Loki. Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.

Chapter Summary -  Loki is forced to come to terms with something he never expected in Thor's revelation before he is forced to learn of something he never heard of before, kissing, and Ella's knowledge of the act.

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Loki could not focus on everything that was being said after that. All he could focus on was the new information that Thor was a Berserker. At that moment, he realised that more than ever, alliances or simply not being against Asgard was all that mattered. He thought there would be a way to overcome Thor in a battle before on the basis of his frenzied approach, the fact the Aesir seemed to be without tact when fighting, a Berserker was not something you could factor for. They were something different entirely. They were not without thought, they simply were able to do so much more than others, they were without fatigue. While the Jotnar would naturally tire, Thor would feel as though a five-hour battle was merely warming up. He was never more grateful for his father’s changing demeanour from the battle king before to the more pacifist nature now than at that moment. He recalled his father forcing him away from his plan to fight against Odin’s decision to end the alliance after everything with Ella. he did not know if his father was privy to Thor’s true nature and had said nothing or if it was good self-preservation that stopped Laufey from allowing him to go ahead with his foolhardy plan, but at that moment he was grateful for it.

When he felt a hand on his arm, he knew by its temperature that it was Ella, looking at her, still slightly startled, he noted concern in her eyes. With a small nod of his head, he looked to see Thor looked at him in confusion and the others with similar looks on their faces before the blonde Aesir and his allies turned and left, leaving the Jotnar and Ella by themselves.

“Arden, could you please alert the others to what we have just learned so we all are aware of the situation?”

“Of course, Princess.”

“Helbindi, I don’t have any request or right to tell you what you wish to do with your time, I merely ask you not allow yourself to be isolated by Nigel, for your own well being.” Ella smiled. “Loki and I will return to our rooms to discuss matters more, if you have no need of him at present.”

Helbindi looked at his brother for a moment while Loki gave a single nod in return. “If you need me, Brother.”

“Thank you, ‘Bind.”

Helbindi left, Ella and Loki watching him as he did. “We need to speak in private.” Loki looked over at her. “You seem to be missing some key information.”

They returned to their rooms in silence, not giving too much attention to any on their journey. When they arrived, Loki sat against a desk while Ella locked the door, specifically ensuring none could hear their interactions with a spell as she did. “You never knew?”

“Of what?”

“Thor. Is that why you thought you could fight all of this?” She asked curiously.

“Berserkers are not real. A myth.” He dismissed, not believing his own words

“In battle, my brother’s eyes glaze over, they are akin to some wild beast, he does not speak, only roars, nothing he sounds makes any recognisable words and none can get him to see sense. It is terrifying to witness. I tried with my seidr to assist once, to settle him, but his mind is blank of anything but the fight at those times. I can assure you, if there were myths before, there is none with regards to my brother. He is without reason and somehow, his strength increases ten-fold at such times. It is why my father must balance the line of coming down hard on him and understanding my brother is trying very hard to control it. The time I put into my seidr as I grew up, he has had to invest in controlling a part of his very self too, just not as I do.” She explained. “I would have thought you had known this, I apologise for shocking you with it.”

“Is it hereditary?” Loki did not know why he asked. There were, of yet, no concerns of Ella being with child, in the months since her illness, they had not even considered such things and she would be showing by now if she had conceived before her illness but that did not stop the worries for the future.

“No one knows. My parents tried to find out, but they could not find any history of it in the family. We simply do not know. There is little reason to suggest any child I would give you would have such traits. Berserkers are sometimes believed to be made more than they are born.”

Loki could not contest her words, he did not know anything on the subject matter to say otherwise. He could only worry privately on the matter until such time as he could discuss it with someone more knowledgeable than himself on the matter. It concerned him if there could be a genetic link. He felt angered if such had been kept from him willfully. Looking at Ella’s features, it was clear she had no intention of lying to him. “Why are you so honest?”

“This marriage has little else going for it, honesty is one of the cornerstones of a good marriage, if we can get that much right, maybe we stand a chance.”

“Most would not share your point of view.”

“Most are idiots out for personal gain, everything you do, everything I do, is for the betterment of those who must depend on our decisions. If we bicker amongst us, how can you tend to your people to the best of your ability? By preventing there from being many issues with me to toy with your mind and time so you can use it better elsewhere.”

Again, as with so many times, Loki found himself startled by her answer. He said nothing in response. There was little to say to her words. She did everything she did for Jotunheim, as she always did. When he walked to the balcony doors, they glowed green for a moment, then opened as she broke their seal that allowed them privacy and said nothing more as she went to read something rather than concern herself with Loki’s thoughts as he went to the balcony.

*

“What in the realms?”

Worried, Ella rushed to where Loki had been for the past half an hour on the balcony. He was standing close to it, looking over the gardens of the palace. “Is everything alright?” She asked, looking at his appalled face.

“That man is trying to eat that woman.” He indicated to the gardens below, causing Ella’s attention to be brought there. She scanned them to see if there had been such a happening taking place but only saw two youths, not much younger than herself kissing in the small maze that was being grown. She looked again to where Loki was pointing and realised he was referencing the pair. On her figuring out what he referenced as ‘eating’ she laughed slightly. “What is so funny?” Loki demanded indignantly.

“Your interpretation of their actions. I never realised you did not know what kissing was. Do you not have that on Jotunheim?”

“Kissing?”

“How did I never notice?” She admonished her lack of noting such. “Kissing, yes. Kissing is the act of pressing one’s lips to a partner’s as a sign of affection, or if done differently, as a form of greeting.” He looked at her blankly. Ella took a moment to think. “Do you recall last night, how some people pressed their cheek to another’s and made odd noises?” He nodded, having taken note of the peculiar ritual. “That is a kiss too. It’s an affectionate greeting.”

“You are joking?”

“Why would I?”

“Show me.”

“What?”

“Show me how they do it, please.” He recalled his manners after everything.

Ella turned to face him fully and leant up and kissed his cheek. Pulling back after, she studied his face.

“That is a terribly odd thing to do.”

That only caused her to laugh. “I suppose when you never knew of it before now, it would be. There is also another greeting, done by a man to a woman. He takes her hand.” Loki took hers. “No, you lift it like this.” She showed him how to place his under hers. “And you raise it to your lips and gently press them to the back of it. It is not as common these days, but some people love that manner of greeting if they are old fashioned, the Light Elves think it the greatest greeting.” She explained.

Loki took her words and saved them to memory, hoping that they were true, though he had little reason to doubt such, so that he could use such information in the future. “What is that form of it?” He pointed to the pair below, who had ceased their actions as another came closer to where they were.

“That,” Ella smiled wistfully as she spoke. “That is an entirely different matter altogether.”

“How so?”

“That is a lover’s kiss. One shared only by those with immense feelings for one another. There are different versions of that kiss also, but the type those young people partook in, that is very much amorous and lust-filled. They would rather have full privacy and be tearing off one another’s clothes, were the situation to arise.”

Loki frowned. “It seems almost animalistic.”

“Is not the act of sex? It is base instinct really, the kissing merely is an addition of such.”

“That is nothing like sex.”

“I do not think them overly dissimilar, personally.” Ella shrugged. “You are not used to it, so of course, to you, it is a foreign concept. Both seem incredibly alike to me.” She walked back inside, seeing there was nothing to be concerned about outside. She had barely reentered the living area and retrieved the book she had been reading when Loki rejoined her.

“How do you know the sensation of both?” He asked as soon as she looked at him.

“Because I have laid with you as my husband, which you are entirely aware of, but I have also know the sensation of kissing from another.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “In that fashion?” he pointed out the balcony door.

“Not in such a sloppy manner, but yes, in that fashion.”

“A lover’s kiss?”

“Yes,” she repeated.

“With whom?”

“Why does that matter?” She challenged. “I never once requested information on any of those who decided to share your time with before I came to Jotunheim, it was not my place to question what occurred before me, and the same can be said for your questions of me.”

“Liuilf?” Ella cocked her head slightly, wondering how Loki could even have heard his name. “That guard.” She nodded. “Did you care for him?”

“Of course. I would not have allowed the kiss otherwise. But I had a duty, as I told him, hence why I never allowed it further. Like you, Loki, I am willing to forego love for Jotunheim.”

Loki swallowed at her admission. He was startled that she would confess her feelings for another, a love for another. He had been so focused on the loss of his right to love another, he never thought if there was a chance that she too had suffered such. “You...loved him?”

“Is that so hard to believe? I am capable of love, all Aesir are, contrary to your opinion.” She scoffed. “What is it you wish to achieve from this conversation, may I ask? You clearly are not pleased with what you are hearing and I do not wish to discuss it either, so what is the point of this, I am curious?” Loki did not answer. “It is somewhat rich that you feel insulted by my caring for another from before you when you literally avoided my company to go to another and give out to her about me.”

Loki winced, knowing it was every word of the truth. Part of him was curious as to how she knew it, but he said nothing of that. “I’m sorry.”

“I have not even looked at another since the day I arrived here, I am not at risk of doing so any time soon. We agreed to try this, and I think even you have to agree, I am stubborn enough to go through with this.” She smiled.

Loki could not help to chuckle slightly in return at her comment. “I think you would do it out of spite and nothing more.”

“What?”

“Keep to the agreement.”

“I am the most stubborn creature you will ever meet. Though, you may come second.”

Loki scoffed at her remark and shook his head before frowning. “So, what does that form of this ‘kissing’ work?”

“Well, essentially, it includes placing your lips to a partner’s lips and pressing them together. When it gets more heated, tongues get involved.” She explained.

Loki frowned, not certain if he understood the meaning but not wishing to ask for a demonstration, not liking the idea of anyone else’s tongue in his mouth. His face told his horror at the idea, causing Ella to laugh.

“Here.” She walked forward, but immediately Loki took a step back. Ella laughed again. “No, I am not going to kiss you.” She promised. She walked forward again and though he leant back slightly, Loki did not step back. She used her seidr has she had before, showing him plays she had watched as a youth where the actors kissed as reference. When she pulled back again, he looked just as appalled as before though with a little more comprehension in his face also. “That is kissing.”

“It seems vile.”

“To you. To those of whom are more used to it and who consent to being kissed, it is a pleasant and yearned for experience,” She explained with a sad smile.

Loki watched as she brought her book to a far nook of the room and faced the wall, not engaging with him further, the idea of her kissing another as he had been shown in his head making him feel annoyed, though he knew her pressing her lips to another’s was nothing in comparison to his life before she came along.

[probably-writing-x]

Speechless.

~~~Based on Speechless by Dan + Shay~~~

"Alright babe give me five minutes!" You shout down the stairs as Tom hears you trip into something once again.

He chuckles and glances up to see your figure hurrying back down the corridor to the bedroom you shared with him. The movement encouraged the smell of your classic perfume to come trickling down the stairs toward his nose, a comfort he welcomed as he inhaled. It was like a scent that somehow defined you.

"Alright are my shoes down there?" You ask, hurrying down the stairs as you try to pin up the last parts of your hair - despite the fact it already looked effortlessly perfect.

"Stop doing that when you're coming downstairs," Tom laughs, catching your waist as you reach the bottom, "You'll fall one day,"

"And you'll be there to catch me," You smirk, pecking his lips quickly.

You dart past him to slip on your shoes that were, in fact, right by the door, and Tom can't help but stare at you helplessly. His eyes dart between the art of makeup covering your skin, down to the low neckline of the dress you wore and to the way it could flow around your legs. He let his gaze drift all across you and he found himself frozen in his spot - still unsure of how you had this much of an effect on him.

"Ready?" You ask and it shakes him from his daze, "What are you staring at?" You chuckle.

He shakes his head and scratches at the back of his neck, "I uh- Well, I-"

"You're a mess, Holland," You laugh, walking over and kissing him once again, "This happens literally every single time,"

"Nothing new," He chuckles, holding you close to him so that he can kiss you once, twice more.

The two of you were heading to a Brother's Trust event tonight. It was more of a high profile event in which a bunch of possible partners, ambassadors and journalists grouped together in order to give a bit of publicity to the organisation and, hopefully, help out in the long term. Tom always had no fear about you on nights like this. In fact, you eased his concerns about everything else just by being you. You were relaxed, comfortable, confident, welcoming and in all ways the depiction of what people would describe as 'perfect for him'.

"You don't need to worry, love," You speak over his thoughts once more as your hand settles over his in the back of the taxi that was taking you to the evening, "You've planned this meticulously over the past couple of months, it's literally impossible for anything to go wrong,"

"Oh no I'm not nervous, I mean I just-"

"I know when you're thinking about something T. I'm practically psychic," You joke to ease the worry and his shoulders begin to lose theirs simultaneously.

"I think you must be," He mumbles, eyes lingering on you for a little longer than normal.

Yours glance back up to him so that you're now simply locked in eye contact. But you'd never know how much of a deepset effect those eyes could have on him. They weren't of bold piercing colour and they weren't particularly prominent on your face. They were soft and calm and they seemed to always carry a dim light in them that brightened when you smiled. They were cool and tranquil, in all ways impossible to not get lost in. Tom was yet to find a way of combatting their labyrinth. But he wasn't complaining.

He hadn't complained since the first day they'd looked in his direction.

~~~

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Holland,"

Tom wasn't sure of the source of the voice but the mention of his last name made his ears awaken. He turned his gaze to notice a young woman, roughly his age, speaking politely to his father. She had an air of calm to her presence and a wisdom beyond her years - evident in the way she carried herself. He found himself completely focused on her instantly.

"Ah, Tom!" It's his father's voice that snaps him back to reality as he glances up to see that they've now both turned in his direction, "This is Miss (Y/l/n), she was just explaining to me the work that she's been doing in Namibia and it sounds like something we could get on board with,"

Despite this being the protocol time to respond, Tom finds himself completely speechless in her presence. She wore a dark red coloured dress that fit her form perfectly and shaped her figure in all the right ways. She'd paired it with a pair of heels that made her just a little taller than him and he'd only just realised how much he'd been staring...

"What you're doing with The Brother's Trust is really incredible," You smile welcomingly, "I'd love to know more about the work. Your father was just telling me about the possibility of a few future projects and they all sound amazing,"

"Uh yeah, yeah I-" Tom knew that his nerves were completely obvious, and that was making things even worse, "I'd love to get to know you- you and your work of course I-"

His Dad continued to chat away after that and the three of you were soon joined by his Mum too, who you'd welcomed with a warm embrace as though you'd known her for years. But all Tom could do was watch you. It was like he'd come face to face with his greatest weakness. And he hadn't even learnt your first name...

~~~

Somewhere between the car journey and Tom's thoughts getting the better of him, the two of you had arrived at the prestigious event. First of all, was the red carpet. The pair of you were met with endless flashing cameras and plenty of journalists requesting interviews from the top couple of the night.

"It's so exciting to have been able to witness the progression of the organisation and being able to see how much the boys have worked to really make this into something that is truly making a difference," You nod to the interviewer, your hand finding Tom's as you spoke so fondly of him.

Even hearing you talk made his heart flutter full of nerves, still after all this time. He couldn't help himself.

"And Tom, isn't it great to have the support of (Y/n) through this whole process?" Thw interviewer prompts.

"Yeah, I'm -" He stops and glances at you, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world,"

~~~

The two of you spend the night mingling between as many people as possible and Tom slowly forces himself more and more to focus on you less. He's stood chatting to his brothers when you excuse yourself to go to the toilet.

"Yeah so I think it would be great if we could speak to them more abou-" Tom continues the conversation, stopping only as his eyes catch sight of the beauty that just stepped back into the room.

You're pinning your hair up into place once again and your eyes glance around the room before you catch sight of him.

"Dude!" Harry hits him over the head, "How, are you still so distracted by her? It's been three bloody years!" He laughs, evidently knowing the effect that you had on his brother. He was yet to find himself just how much of an effect love could have.

~~~

The air was probably a little too crisp to be stood outside but Tom welcomed the bitter chill. It was late enough for the London streets to have died down from their buzz and now he was only accompanied by the, shadows of stars and their artificial friends, the street lights.

"Room for another?" A voice he could now match a face to speaks up against his quiet.

Tom turns on his heel to glance in your direction, "Hi,"

"Hello," You smile, "I'm not a stalker or something but I figured I should give myself a proper introduction to you. I'm (Y/n),"

"(Y/n)," He repeats as if a name could be beautiful enough to match her, "I'm Tom,"

"This has been a really lovely event Tom but you seem as though you're a little lost," You comment, taking a step towards him on the balcony, "I've heard a lot about you and none of the comments tell me you're very nervous,"

"I guess certain people have certain effects," He scratches at the back of his neck, "So, really, I have to blame you,"

You laugh a little and, very much to his surprise, you blush at his compliment.

The embarrassed gesture might as well have knocked the air out of his lungs. You were just goddamn perfect.

"You know, it's not very often that I meet someone that can take the words right out of my mouth," Tom laughs, evidently relaxing into the quiet setting.

"Oh, love, I'm not even trying yet," You joke and laugh so much at your own comedy that your laughter becomes impossibly infectious.

He knew he'd listen to that laugh on repeat if he could.

~~~

"Honey, you're seriously out of it today!" You chuckle, turning so that you're facing Tom and settling your hand on his chest, "What's on your mind?"

"You,"

~~~~~~~

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[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on The Royal Fast-Track Pregnancy, Book 1 Chapter 15

• A friend of mine just called me Cassandra recently coz when I predict things, not a lot of people take what I say seriously, and by the time they find out I'm right it's too late.

• I have just one thing to say there:

• If you don't want to see these posts on your dash, here are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• Title: Apple in the Oven

Alternative Title: ...Will Be Burned to A Crisp From The Speed At Which You're Trying to Bake It!

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel and the Universal Studio 77 YouTube channel.

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and the rash rec YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel.

• I liked parts of this chapter - the MC definitely seems to show a bit of the concern and caring towards her certain LIs that has been missing for a while now. I liked that she could try to talk to Liam about how he's feeling as his wife + friend, and that as Hana's wife she could encourage Hana to take a step back and bask in the attention for once. But I'm wary too. Like, is this just a small carrot they're dangling in front of us, before returning to the status quo and continuing to perpetuate the same problems in their writing?? It certainly wouldn't be the first time I've seen tiny glimpses of progress before the team took 50 steps backwards in their storytelling for some of these characters.

• How the heck did Edenbrook get a branch in Cordonia? 🤭

• Also...it's plausible that Brad/Thad/Chad may have reached there and settled in before we made it to the hospital...but still, Olivia didn't notice anything suspicious? Nothing at all? Why is it that the moment competent individuals (like Mara) become security detail, they become as stupid as the people they're protecting?

• So within our own playthroughs we have 3 people to choose from: our LIs, ourselves, or Olivia:

I like how this incorporates all their ways of thinking into how they fight.

Liam has the ability to fight a man but also the wisdom to know when delegating will make things more effective.

Hana's is reminiscient of her fight at the boutique (if she was part of your bridal party), where she had the forethought and flexibility to use anything that was at hand as a weapon (and here, she uses a potted plant).

Maxwell is someone who enjoys sliding down the stairs via the bannister (his last scene in Book 1 features him and the MC do this together), and he uses that to gain leverage over his opponent.

Drake opts for speed and aggression, since raw power is what he is most known for.

Olivia is a master of fighting skill and agility, which is obvious from her tackling of the man.

Of course...the "opponent" is really a dudebro reporter who was easy to catch so I doubt any of them saw him as that big of a challenge 🤣

• The MC then gets to choose how to tackle him - two of the options involve coming down heavily on him for invading their privacy, and one offers to provide him a picture that's taken with the consent of the MC and LI.

• Why do none of them even bother to grill this guy over where he came from? Who sent him? Who he was reporting to? Why is NO ONE asking these questions oh gosh why are you all so stupid.

• DIAMOND SCENE TIME. In some ways it could be a throwback to Liam giving you a massage in Book 1 Chapter 16 at Beaumont estate, but like all LI scenes, it plays out differently depending on who you're married to.

Liam: The MC is surprised that Liam managed to secretly set this (the arrangements for the massage) up, and Liam confesses to taking a course from a professional masseuse (wasn't he already very skilled in massage? I recall the MC saying so in TRR Book 1 Chapter 16. I mean it's likely he wanted to sharpen his skills etc but why no acknowledgement from the MCs who did the scene back at Beaumont House?). You get to choose between letting him focus on your upper body or lower body, and you can either flirt with or help Liam to set up.

The variations for the sex scene involve the MC telling him what she wants in terms of speed and tempo (slow, or "right now"), as well as positioning (under her, or on top of her). The couple then relax and speak of how moments like these will be few and far between once the child is born, and how they will make time for their children and each other regardless. If you're a Henney fan, you'll love this scene coz at some point the MC calls Liam "Mr Perfect".

Cmon PB tell me that wasn't done on purpose! 🤣🤣🤣

Hana: There's plenty of Hana's thoroughness in action here. The skill is something Hana has already learned and picked up from before, and it's something she is excellent at (for instance, there is a point where she tells the MC that she almost put her course instructor to sleep with her rendition of a Swedish massage). Hana's version of the scene is detailed in terms of the oils she uses and the names of the massage therapies she employs.

We get a choice between two oils - elderberry and rose, or sage and sandalwood - and two massage therapies: Swedish and Shiatsu. The first therapy is meant to soothe and relax, the second is meant to invigorate and awaken. The MC can either respond by talking about how much she needed this, or jokingly offer to be "Hana's personal genie".

The MC also gets to set the pace for sex - either hard and fast or slow and tender - and the scene shortly after involves the women engaging in playful banter about how there will be less time for private moments like these after they have children, but how it will all be worth it for the joy those very children bring.

(Also the one time I went to France I saw the sun set at 9 PM or something to my utter surprise 😲)

Maxwell: The tone of this - including the MC's as well as Maxwell's dialogues - sound a lot like the fun couple they're expected to be, and have a different vibe. I liked this scene particularly because the MC gets to show her mood swings here, and Maxwell has a story similar as Liam's about taking a course on massage ("with a complimentary chakra kit"). Additionally he also provides his own recorded music.

The MC gets to choose how they'll do foreplay ("my mouth on you" or "your mouth on me"), and how they'll have sex (behind or under). Once that is done, they speak about their wishes and dreams for the child. Maxwell mentions needing to lock the door so the kids won't hear them during moments like these, and contemplating on their growing years (he mentions "preschool" then jumps straight to "first car"). They do, however, agree to relax and take each moment as it comes. Which is a theme with Maxwell even in the buildup of the scene where he talks about living in the here and now.

Drake: More attempts to make Drake more flexible and open, and less "manly man" stuff. He gives the MC the opportunity to choose who should "order around" even though he isn't used to it (at least they acknowledged that). He doesn't say a lot about his massaging skill - and he shouldn't considering the writers already write enough about it in their Chapter 13 scene where he talks about his dad playing masseuse for his mother.

The MC gets to decide whether Drake can watch or touch, and positions (on top, or under). Afterwards, Drake gets to talk about how far they have come as a couple - how the MC didn't imagine how her life in NY led her to this charmed one, and how Drake could hardly imagine until she chose him that he was the one she wanted. While all the others speak about the changes that having children will bring into their lives, Drake gets to also talk about how unbelievably good their present life is.

• The next few weeks pass in a blur. Another couple of days pass in a blur. A whole six months is reduced to a montage wowwww. Amazing. What was the premise of this book again?? Family, right? And surprisingly, we spent AGES on only one LI's family, so much so that the rest of us have to be satisfied with just 5 chapters of the theme for our own LIs!

• Your free dress is basically a peach monstrosity (sorry guys I can't stand the colour peach 😅😅), and the diamond option is a floral blue short dress, which is fitting considering our next diamond option involves an actual flower garden. It would go with the theme.

• Our second trimester montage includes the following:

- Maxwell googling pregnancy-friendly yoga poses and learning them so he can practice them with us. For solidarity awww (which could be either as a friend, or as the father. Both are adorable). He teaches us the downward dog pose (we call it adho mukha svanasana I think. It's supposed to have many benefits, though I hear that earlier, pregnant people used to be advised against doing this asana during late term).

- Drake making something that was supposed to be a rocking horse but that looks either like a footstool or abstract art, further reiterating that if he has so few skills maybe he shouldn't be yapping about how nobles swan around doing nothing of importance.

- Liam doing the rounds of our estate with us, and proposing the lakeside be converted into a garden with a gazebo...kiiinda similar to Applewood's? The narrative promises that paying for this background art will unlock scenes not only in this book but in other books in the series as well.

- Hana suggesting names for our kid - either Oswald, Valentina or as our namesake. Valentina is the popular option, obviously, because Hana then gets to give us a callback to TCaTF where she can speak of the "great warrior" who was close to Cordonia's greatest warrior queen. This comes MUCH later in the scheme of these scenes, and if you're a Hana fan who doesn't romance Hana...it'll definitely feel like you spent a huge chunk of the chapter not even catching a glimpse of her.

- In addition, you get two scenes exclusively with our LIs - one where we're dancing with our partners and experience the baby's kick together for the first time (it's cute because the sprite wiggle and shake a couple times from surprise and joy in this scene 🤭), and this adorable af dream section:

Now this scene takes place while the MC worries over the number of kicks in two hours that her character should be doing, and the LI is in the middle of a dream when she wakes them up. It's followed by the LIs calming her down and attempting to communicate with the child before they eventually kick. The dreams are cute, but I couldn't help but notice how all of them are in some way connected to themes of family (and perhaps responsibility? IDK this is just a wild guess):

* King Liam and the Baklava Arm: Liam's dream involves him and Leo (they remember Liam's brother exists! Hallelujah!) eating baklava, before Liam turns into this sweet and gets eaten by his older brother. Which I take to mean that sometimes, it really does feel like the responsibilities Leo - and why just Leo! I would include Liam's father in this as well - has left behind for him may swallow Liam whole. After all, Liam is in many ways, spending his time as king constantly fixing his family's messes.

* Hana Lee and the Tea Party: Hana's dream focuses on enjoying a tea party with the MC and her future child, to the point where she is reluctant to shake herself out of the dream. As a child Hana was deprived of this experience - forever keeping a place for her mother that her mother never bothered to fill - that she now views the same thing as an opportunity to NOT be that person towards her own child. In a lot of ways she may view this as "I will not make the mistakes my mother made, and make my child suffer believing I don't care for them". Why is why, when the MC wakes her up she shows such a reluctance to leave. In a lot of ways her view of parenting rn is largely coloured by her desire to be the exact opposite of her mother.

* Maxwell Beaumont and The Shrimp Buffet: Maxwell's recurring dream involves him being in a shrimp buffet, being fed shrimp till he wants no more. This is a little tougher to decipher, but I'm guessing that since their house sigil is nautical and shrimps are a delicacy of the waters, the shrimp buffet mayyyybe represents his House and family, and the responsibilities and complications that will eventually pile up from them. Remember, he enjoys his father's respect and regard now, but perhaps there may come a time where being a Beaumont will feel like being in a carousel that refuses to stop.

* Drake Walker and the Giant Marshmallow: Drake's dream involves being smushed by a giant marshmallow that he seems to be fighting. Now most of us usually associate the marshmallow with Drake only, but in a lot of ways the treat has its roots in his memories of his father. In fact, that's the earliest actual memory we get of Jackson. So the dream could either mean he fears he may not live up to Jackson's example, or foreshadowing that Jackson's secret may blindside and engulf him.

• One thing I really don't get about the TRR/H team re: Hana is...why do they sometimes spend chapters and chapters repeating the same things like a broken tape recorder? In the early chapters she wound up making constant mentions of embroidery, even when it wasn't needed. When it was pointed out that they forgot she was skilled at horseriding then they kept beating that reference to death. Now it's tea parties. Hana is a layered character, PB! Start treating her like one!!

• It's nice that the MC has that rare moment of checking in on Liam and asking him how he's taking the news that his mother was pregnant when she died. That doesn't happen much in the books - she can ask a ten-second question about how Liam is holding up after his father died but somehow never tries to check up on how he's down again, even when she's his wife. It would be nice to see more of that...but I don't have any hope left of that happening.

• Hallelujah! The members of the Council speak about something other than balls and parties!! There's a brief mention about "transportation reforms" which gets knocked over by the press in favour of more pregnancy speculations. Which is on par for pregnant celebs - in that once you're pregnant, everything else seems frustratingly unimportant in comparison in the eyes of other people. You begin to feel less like a person and more like a vessel (and if you don't have the right support, those feelings will keep gnawing at you even after childbirth).

• I wanted to hear more about those transportation reforms! Dammit PB!!

• The MC and LI eventually celebrate the point where her morning sickness is out of the way in a short scene.

• Man I miss seeing the palace. It felt almost like the team had forgotten that some of our MCs might actually live there.

• Callback to Book 1! We get a scene where the friends are having dinner, but the MC now has a craving for cronuts so they go to the same bakery they visited when she was still new to Cordonia.

- Jumping out the window was Liam's thing in Book 1 (and he almost fell on the rose bushes), but this time it's the MC who is doing it

- Maxwell speaks about how fun rule breaking is, leading to an interesting observation from Hana (the last time they went to a cronut shop she sidestepped this question and merely commented on how much more fun it was that their destination was "something delicious"). This time around, Hana actually focuses on the "rule breaking part", where she speaks about what it feels like to break a rule for her:

I've mentioned in my QT for Chapter 9 how Hana often speaks of her parents "as if they are still there, still controlling her choices, as if she cannot remove herself from her fears concerning them even if they're physically away from her. In her head, she still has a lot of difficult getting out of the obedience mindset (particularly towards her parents) built in her.

I can connect to this personally. As a teenager and a young adult, I wasn't allowed to go out too often, and the few times I did go out to meet friends I was given deadlines that left me with very little time to actually have much fun. (yknow, like 6 pm, or 7.30 if I was lucky...even if I'd gone out at 4 or 5). My college days were mostly spent in convent-run hostels with strict curfews (like 6 pm), and you had to repeatedly hit at a locked gate if you were even a minute late.

Now I'm married, to a man who understands if I run late...and even now I think in terms of timing and curfews. I still get a tiny chill down my spine when it's 10 pm and I'm not home yet - for no other reason than "I'm late". It's just the way my brain's been wired from years of that routine and it will probably take a lot of unlearning to grow out of it.

Hana's guilt about rule-breaking is kind of like that. She knows it's unreasonable, she knows theoretically that she is safe from harm, she knows logically that she's free to do what she wants, but her brain has been wired to certain routines that will take her maybe years to grow out of.

...and this fandom acts as if she's just a weak, passive, one-dimensional character who is nothing next to the Almighty Olivia Nevrakis. LMAO.

- A lot of the callbacks are in the shop scene, such as the way Maxwell shouts for the cronuts as soon as they enter, the way Maxwell finishes his cronut before the other LIs finish their countdowns, and the compliments they deliver for the treat hold a few similarities too.

- There is also a tiny callback when Maxwell recalls Liam and Drake "stealing a boat" - something Liam talked to us about at the Regatta.

- If there is anything different, it's the messages the LIs now deliver to the child:

The friendly version includes all their plans for this child they have already begun to love and consider as their family, and involves what is important to all of them. Hana simply lets the child know there is an amazing support system that will shower them with love, Maxwell playfully asks the child about what flavour of cronuts they would prefer, Drake promises them fishing and trekking trips just like the ones he had as a child, and Liam assures them that even though their future lies in the throne, they are not entirely bound by it (why couldn't the writers have made the heir an "heir presumptive" then? Rather than make this a permanent arrangement! Oh, I know. Coz the MC has to be the front and center of everything).

• Slight variations if the LI is married to you:

Le Moi:

• It's now time for our baby shower, which means we're now in our third trimester. So much for a book about having a child 🙄

• One of my favourite variations in this chapter happens around here. If she is your friend, Hana is organizing the baby shower along with the other women in court, and the MC tells her she should enjoy it with her and she doesn't need to fuss so much, and Hana responds that the MC is her best friend so it's important for her to be involved.

Fortunately, in Hana's playthrough, the MC ensures (and insists, actually) Hana enjoys the function alongside her, rather than playing second-fiddle:

It's a lovely scene. It's all I could want. The MC shows that she cares about Hana, follows up on the "I won't let you play second fiddle when you're my wife" promise from last chapter, and generally includes rather than excludes Hana. It's heartwarming and shows some effort from the side of the writers.

But...at this point it's been FOUR BOOKS. Four books of seeing the MC simply use Hana when convenient and discard her when convenient. Four books of seeing the MC not bother to even ask Hana how she is when she is affected by terrible things, while showering attention and advice on people like Olivia and Penelope and Madeleine. Just a book ago, the MC marrying her was treating Hana like a bridesmaid on what should have been a memorable wedding day for Hana.

It's great that this mistake is not repeated now, but this is one tiny spark in a long, long line of lackadaisical writing. It shouldn't take you four fucking books to come to the conclusion that, hey, maybe we're treating our lone female LI like garbage and we should do better.

So...yeah, I love this scene. But I have no idea whether PB will continue doing better in terms of their treatment of Hana, or whether this and the previous scene are just brief flashes in a pan. I probably never will trust them on this, but honestly the team has only themselves to blame for that 🤷🏽‍♀

• I'm tempted to say "too little too late", but (foolishly) I'm still holding on to a sliver of hope.

• Hallelujah! The writers also remember that Kiara exists outside of being Penelope's bestie! And she comes to us and the LI, delivering the news that Auvernese and Monterisso royalty have decided to come to the baby shower to find out who Cordonia will make an alliance with. Jesus Christ. Stop.

• In my playthrough, Kiara interacts with Liam and Esther (but more to Esther than Liam - and I saw similar interactions on the plane trip back to Cordonia) which felt...different because up until now the narrative never allowed the two to even speak to each other (she's the only suitor in Book 1 who never gets to even talk to Liam, and in Book 3, they went as far as to replace her with Hakim in the armoury scene at Lythikos). To me it simply goes to show how deep the rot goes with regards to Kiara's treatment in this series (as well as the fact that they make Kiara interact just as normally with Drake in his playthrough, yknow, that asshole who treated her like shit last series. Oh what I wouldn't give for Kiara to rake that man through the coals for his treatment of her, if only just once).

• We're also told that our in-laws will be in attendance, which means we will have different playthroughs featuring different characters visiting or gaining additional dialogue. Regina and Leo for Liam's playthrough, Leona, Bianca and BertVannah for Drake's, Barthelemy and BertVannah for Maxwell's, and Xinghai and Lorelai for Hana. I think Hana's family is the only one so far who have NOT made an appearance...and will for the first since Book 3 this week. They'd better treat her well this time around!

• I'm wondering - with the arrival of the other royals - whether another flashback scene will be shown. Or perhaps it will be reserved for Chapter 17 since we'll be traveling to Lythikos.

• I wonder if one of the gifts will include something for the nursery. I think it might.

• Another visit to Lythikos. This has to be the third time I'm seeing this place. It was the only duchy besides Beaumont Estate we were allowed to see in Book 1 and one of the major turning points in the plot in Book 3. We haven't seen any duchy (besides our own) as extensively as we have seen this one, and I know it will involve more opportunities for Olivia to gobble up space.

• Like at this point why the hell am I being regarded as an honorary Beaumont when the only time I bothered to visit Ramsford was in Book 1, and I have never, ever visited Hana's Cordonian side of the family even once - not even aware of anything besides their sigil being flowers and her great-grandmother teaching her a Cordonian tradition featuring three coins in a fountain (and don't even get me started on Shanghai!!!)

• In an ideal version of this story, where the writers made a damn effort on all the LIs...I'd be really happy about the writing for Olivia. I'd be fine with it. But now I'm sick and tired. Sick and tired of her concerns, her issues, her pain getting more attention than Hana's ever has, or ever will. Sick and tired of how often I see both the writing and people in the fandom (yes Olivia stans who downplay Hana just to make your fave look good, I'm looking at you) act like Hana's story has zero value, every time the narrative gives Olivia attention. At this point the narrative is giving a secondary character the space and attention that they should have been giving the female LI. And not because Hana's story is not equally compelling - but because the writers didn't want to put in the effort. Why the hell do I have to wait four goddamn books to see even a tenth of this much effort put into Hana, huh?

I'm fed up at this point. I like Olivia but can't even enjoy her scenes nowadays without thinking of how much the same amount of space could have benefited Hana, or wondering how and when the fandom will use this opportunity to shit on Hana just because she's not their preferred female LI or BFF.

• Chapter 16 has always been the kind of chapter where the nobility have an excuse to go wild and party a lot (except in Book 2, where Chapter 16 was set aside for Liam's proposal and the MC finally choosing her endgame). In Book 1 it was the Beaumont Bash. In Book 3, it was the MC's bachelorette in Vegas. Now in Book 4, it's the baby shower (maybe less wild...but still partylike). It's kind of a pattern at this point.

• Liam's suggestion of a flower garden + gazebo at Valtoria brought me back to that Book 1 Chapter 4 scene, where he spoke about the palace gardens and hedge maze being his mother's vision. But it also reminds me of that gazebo with cherry blossoms, and that flower conservatory, in Applewood.

There is a statue of a woman with a crown on her head and a specter in her hands, at the back of the garden, and I wonder who that is supposed to represent.

• That's it for this week! Until Chapter 16, guys! (gosh how did I survive 15 chapters worth of meta with this).

[cyberninja]

“Extremely detailed character sheet template”

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Caleb Akamori ( last name given to him by the Grand-master )

Reason or meaning of name: Caleb was chosen by his mother , but Akamori has a interesting background . mori [ meaning forest ] . the Grandmaster gave him this last name because he knew his spirit was as big as strong as and as old as a forest .

Aka [ meaning red ] was given because it was foreseen the evil in his that was to come . finally coming to Akamori . “ the evil will come first and then you will find your true spirit “

Character’s nickname: commonly known as the Cyberninja by most people , also among the Darkness Clan they refer to him as Doragonsureiyā ( Dragon Slayer )

Reason for nickname: he is known as Cyberninja because any photos captured of him he is in his prototype armor . Now he is know as Doragonsureiyā by earning this name , because he killed Doragonrōdo ( Dragon Lord ) a general of the Darkness Clan thought to be the most powerful ninja alive .

Birth date: June 9th , 1999 Physical appearance

Age: usually i write him at 18 - 20

How old does he/she appear: 20 but appears to be 25

Weight: 235 lbs

Height: 6 foot 3 inches

Body build: extremely fit and athletic 

Shape of face: not round but not oval either sort of a middle ground normal face 

Eye color: blue , a deep blue like a ocean .

Glasses or contacts: neither

Skin tone: lightly tanned .

Distinguishing marks: X shaped scars across the front of his chest and a scar across his throat ( received from a very intense fight ) 

Predominant features: his dark blond hair and his deep blue eyes .

Hair color: dark blond ( almost black )

Type of hair: straight

Hairstyle: messy ( always looks like a good messy though . )

Voice: deep voice , amazing bass singer .

Overall attractiveness: 8/10

Physical disabilities: none 

Usual fashion of dress: usually blue jeans , with a tee shirt with ripped off sleeves , dog tags tucked under his shirt , tennis shoes , and a coat if its cold out .

Favorite outfit: white tee shirt with the sleeves torn off , blue jeans , and tennis shoes .

Jewelry or accessories: his dog tags ( never come off his neck ) Personality Good personality traits: loyal , caring , kind , brave , courageous , unselfish , and outgoing . Bad personality traits: usually very overprotective , hot headed , and can be clingy . Mood character is most often in: focused Sense of humor: can be a bit dry , but if you get him going he’ll loosen up . Character’s greatest joy in life: helping others Character’s greatest fear: losing those he cares about and being alone again Why? he has been alone most of his life to be outcast again into the cold darkness by himself . What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? a friend dying . it would send his mind into utter chaos . Character is most at ease when: he is around someone he trusts Most ill at ease when: he is worried about something , before he goes into a fight . Enraged when: hahahah . if your the wrong person just look at him wrong . Depressed or sad when: he is by himself Priorities: protect , regain his honor , and eventually settle down . Life philosophy: treat others as you want to be treated If granted one wish, it would be: to have his family back  Why? they were murdered when he was just a boy , didn’t even get to say goodbye . which has cause irreversible trauma to him . Character’s soft spot: just show him you care . Is this soft spot obvious to others? NO !! Greatest strength: his fighting skills and magic Greatest vulnerability or weakness: his short temper Biggest regret: long story short . he feels responsible for a civilian being murdered . Minor regret: not seizing the moments when he has the opportunity Biggest accomplishment: thats a tie between him becoming a master ninja , and building his prototype armor Minor accomplishment: ... quitting his addictions . Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: his drinking and drug problem he used to have Why? he is very ashamed of it Character’s darkest secret: his curse and demon  Does anyone else know? yes Goals Drives and motivations: his biggest goal is to eliminate the darkness clan and to eventually live out a normal life . Immediate goals: to become a better fighter everyday and maybe a little bit of a better person everyday .  Long term goals: to eventually settle down , rejoin his clan , maybe have a family ? How the character plans to accomplish these goals: four words . blood , sweat , and tears . How other characters will be affected: nobody knows what the future will hold . Past Hometown: New York ( to the best of his knowledge ) Type of childhood: his childhood was very dark and scaring . 5 is a very young age to be all grown up , but his situation called for it . Pets: his pet Koi fish ( given to him by the Grand-master ) and his pet Cerberus  First memory: falling asleep in his mothers arms Most important childhood memory: going fishing with his dad . Why: it was one of the only good memories he has of his childhood Childhood hero: ninjas ( needless to say he followed them quite well ) Dream job: N/A  Education: he registered education is 6th grade , but he is very smart . often when working he will do the math in his head rapidly often involving advanced calculus . Religion: none Finances: n/a

Present Current location: New York Currently living with: himself Pets: his pet koi which resides in Japan , and a pet Cerberus  Religion: none Occupation: assassin and master ninja Finances: well off Family Mother: deceased Relationship with her:N/A Father:deceased Relationship with him:N/A Siblings: brother Relationship with them:N/A ( still looking for him ) Spouse: none Relationship with him/her:N/A Children: none Relationship with them:N/A Other important family members: anyone he calls a friend . Favorites Color: Yellow Least favorite color:red Music:rap and country Food:fruits , vegetables , junk food , ECT ... Literature:spell books Form of entertainment:training Expressions:laughter Mode of transportation:car , motorcycle , feet , teleportation . Most prized possession:picture of his family  . ( touching it is a good way to loose some fingers ) Habits Hobbies: smithing Plays a musical instrument? guitar Plays a sport? no How he/she would spend a rainy day: training , inventing , sharpening his weapons , patrol . Spending habits: weapons Smokes: has quit Drinks:has quit Other drugs:has quit What does he/she do too much of? training What does he/she do too little of?resting Extremely skilled at:combat  Extremely unskilled at:expressing any form of emotion Nervous tics: none ( he is trained to hide these ) Usual body posture:tall , informal , and downright intimidating . Mannerisms: very polite Peculiarities: extremely secretive Traits Optimist or pessimist?optimist Introvert or extrovert?extrovert Daredevil or cautious?daredevil Logical or emotional?can be both Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing?working Confident or unsure of himself/herself?unsure Animal lover?YES Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: the his not good enough , he doesn’t deserve  One word the character would use to describe self: secretive One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: ( character speaking ) “ well i try my hardest but a lot of times i feel like i am not good enough , i know i could be better and i have a whole world that doesn’t even know that i am protecting . maybe one day this will all finally end . What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? kindness What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait?temper What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic?muscles , if you can sneak up on him on a good day you might caught him flexing in front of the mirror . What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? the scars scattered across his body . How does the character think others perceive him/her: hot tempered , probably hated , reclusive , untrustworthy . What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: his life Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: he knows the world can harsh and cruel but ha also has seen a lot of good in it also . Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? not really , most of the time he is quite blunt . Person character most hates: himself Best friend(s): Dove ( @beyondthetemples ) , Red ( @champofpallet ) . Love interest(s): Dove Person character goes to for advice: his adopted father or his brother .  Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Dove Person character feels shy or awkward around: not anyone , most of the time . Person character openly admires: N/A Person character secretly admires: Dove Most important person in character’s life before story starts: his brother After story starts: his adopted family and all his friends

found here

tagged by : @beyondthetemples

tagging : @champofpallet , @tameradabsol , @sky-mxxn and anyone else who want to do it .

[codynaomiswire]

Some Personal Christmastime Reflections

Have been thinking about this lately, and thought I would share some of my thoughts in case it’s helpful to anyone this Christmas season.

A couple days ago, I was feeling distressed because I found myself not feeling the “Christmas spirit” like I had in past years. I had been running around like crazy doing what was required of me at this point in my life, but I also felt like I wasn’t getting much of anywhere. I was super stressed, and I felt like I was missing out on what was supposed to be a happy and joyful season. While I did have some of the decorations up, had been listening to some of the familiar songs, and had plans to be with family and friends during Christmas Day, it still felt like something was missing during this month of December, and it was stressing me out. The Christmas season was supposed to be a time of going to a bunch of parties, making sweet baked goods with loved ones at home, and going to Christmas programs, etc. For various reasons, this Christmas season didn’t really entail that for me this year, and it felt like so much of the season had just passed me by. And after Dec. 25th, the celebrations would be over just like that, the post-Christmas blues would set in, and I would just have to wait another year to hope next time would be better.

Perhaps this may sound rather cliché and not particularly profound, but it was finally impressed on me within these last few days that Christmas really wasn’t about all of the trappings and extra things that tend to go along with it, and it’s ok if the present Christmas season doesn’t look or feel like the others. Of course I knew factually that Christmas was about much more than just the trappings, but I do really believe that there is a difference between knowing something and then realizing something. I think especially when it comes to something like Christmas, we know in a very matter-of-fact way that of course it isn’t just about all of the pomp and glitter and lights and high energy that goes along with it, but perhaps we don’t fully realize that until we actually experience those dry, stressful, and/or grief-filled Christmases that come our way in life.

It’s ok if this Christmas isn’t “perfect.”

It’s ok if this Christmas doesn’t look or feel like one of the enchanted ones from childhood.

It’s ok to feel some frustration or even sadness during this time of Christmas. There shouldn’t be any pressure to feel like you need to be super happy in order to be doing the season “right.” Not all Christmases look the same, and sometimes life presents us with challenges that make us stressed, angry, and/or sad. Just because your Christmas doesn’t look like one from a Hallmark channel movie, it doesn’t mean it’s not still Christmas, or that you’re somehow doing the season “wrong.” One scene often overlooked in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is when the Ghost of Christmas Present shows Scrooge Christmas being remembered and celebrated everywhere, not just in the glamorous places. They see it in the face of a tired, sweaty captain far out at sea away from his family, in the humble celebrations of a lighthouse keeper’s family, and even in the hospitals and prisons of Victorian London. Christmas is about love and hope, and both shine brightest in the darkest of times and circumstances. So long as we know both the love and hope of Christmas, especially during the hardest seasons of life, perhaps we come closer to truly appreciating Christmas than during the happiest times.

It’s ok if this Christmas doesn’t have snow.

It’s ok if the house isn’t clean or decorated.

It’s ok if your gifts aren’t ready yet, or if you have no material gifts to give or receive at all. Not all gifts come in packages with bows. The greatest ones often don’t.

It’s ok if you don’t feel “the Christmas spirit” right on Dec. 24th and/or 25th. Do you feel it more before? After? That’s ok. (Esp. since the “Christmas season” used to be considered 12 full days, with the first day being on Christmas Day itself. Perhaps we should start thinking more in those terms again, instead of ringing in the Christmas blues right on Dec. 26th.)

The very first Christmas in Bethlehem had none of the trappings or traditions that we associate with our modern Christmases, save for perhaps singing, as the angels did on that blessed morning. (There’s your first ever gospel choir for ya!) There was no snow. There were no Christmas trees. There were no presents, as the magi didn’t actually come until well after that day. There were no other friends or family around, but strangers did become friends to the Holy Family as a rag-tag group of shepherds came to visit them. There were no immaculately clean floors, shiny countertops, fine china, and orchestral arrangements of Christmas carols playing in the background. Instead, there was straw, dirt, the blood of childbirth, and the cries of both pain and joy from Mary as Jesus was born into the world.

It’s ok if this Christmas isn’t the spectacular event we see depicted in the movies, magazines, books, or commercials. It’s ok if your holiday traditions are few and simple. I’m not saying this to knock the traditions which can be quite big and exuberant, or to knock those who do give quite generous material gifts to loved ones at this time of year. For many people, that is truly a way of showing their love, joy, and thankfulness during this season. There is certainly something to be said for all the beauty and energy that can be expressed during this time. I do think though that we can get so caught up in those things, and how we think Christmas ought to look and feel, that we can bring about undue strain on ourselves when we don’t feel like we are experiencing it in those ways.

Christmas isn’t a feeling, or an aesthetic, or even a set of traditions. It is remembering what God has done for us, learning to love those around us as ourselves, and being thankful for all of the precious gifts that we have been given to us, with the most precious being the gift of God’s Son to us. And that is something we can carry in our hearts always.

Merry Christmas everyone!

[diaxfeliz]

HIGGS provokes HEART into fighting him by taking away her only hope of finding CLIFF

Heart Unger — me

•

•

“Don't you have any friends, Higgins?” Heart finally snapped when Higgs wouldn't leave her alone. She was feeling rather down for the past few days and Higgs bothering her didn't help.

“Aren't we friends, Heart?” Higgs replied with an oh-so innocent smile.

Heart came to an abrupt stop, causing Higgs to bump into her from behind. She turned around and shoved him back with a quick jerk of her arm. Higgs staggered back and just stared her in the eye. She was serious for once — more than he had ever seen her.

“You know Amelie, right?” Heart began, confusing Higgs for a moment.

“Yes?” he said, unsure if that was what Heart wanted to hear. “Why do you ask?”

A scowl formed on Heart's face. To Higgs, she actually looked terrifying. He was aware of their conflict, but he didn't think that someone like Heart would be that angry at Amelie.

“What the fuck does she want from me?” Heart asked as her fists shook in anger. “It's obvious she sent you after me, so riddle me this, Monaghan, what the fuck does that EE bitch want?”

“She wants to talk.” He shrugged. “That's what she told me. All she wants to do is talk.”

Heart facepalmed. She thought that Amelie's attempts to make up were over. It turns out she was wrong.

“It's been years, why is she still doing this?” she sighed to herself.

With a purse of her lips and a clasp of her hands, Heart sharply sighed. “That's it.” She threw her hands in the air. “Tell her I don't want to ‘talk’ and I will never want to ‘talk’—”

“She had been trying in those same ‘years’, Heart,” Higgs interrupted and earned a death glare from her. “but according to her, you never responded.”

Heart just hissed. She didn't want to talk because she and Amelie already had done that, but what's done had already been done and no amount of talking could change that. Heart had already made peace with that a long time ago, and she wasn't about to change her mind.

Gritting her teeth, Heart took one final deep breath and turned around. “She can take a fucking guess why I never responded.”

Heart just wanted to leave and never hear from Amelie again. After they stopped seeing each other, Heart thought that that was the end of their conflict. She never expected Amelie to be sending a messenger. She and her were enough, and yet Amelie had to drag a megalomanic into their quarrel.

After a few steps away from Higgs, she felt the cold chain of her necklace slip from her neck. She spun around as quick as she could and found it dangling from Higgs's hand. Apparently, he had learned the necklace — the gift Cliff had given her before passing — was something Heart was very attached to.

She didn't bother to say anything and just grab it while it was still in reach. Higgs being an asshole, however, held it out of her reach.

“Hand it back, Higgins.”

Instead of making an obnoxious comment like she expected, he made a jump and put distance in between themselves.

“Let's make a deal, Unger. If you can get your precious little necklace back,” He clasped it around his neck to mock her. Despite him being quite the distance away, she could see her dog tags glimmering under the sun. “you can have it back and I'll leave you alone for now. If I take you down though, you have to answer to Amelie.”

Seeing no other way out of this, Heart sighed. “… deal.”

Higgs heard it loud and clear, but he wanted her to declare it. “What was that?”

Heart, with the burning fire inside her, clenched her fists and spat on the ground. “I said deal, motherfucker!”

“Now that's what I like to hear.”

The ground rumbled and tar began to flood the area. Buildings surfaced out of nowhere and clouds blocked the sun, dimming their battlefield. The tar rose to Heart's ankles, but she didn't care. Higgs was excited, Heart on the other hand, was not.

“Come at me, sweetheart.” Higgs conjured a gleaming gold knife, fitting his aesthetic, and just removed his masks. He wanted this battle to be intimate. “Don't hold back.”

“You and Amelie will regret this.” Heart scowled and drew the knife from her multitool. “You even more.”

Higgs laughed at the tiny blade in her hand. “A multitool. Really, Heart—”

He was cut short when in a blink of an eye, Heart sparked out of sight and reappeared directly in front of him. A breath got caught in Higgs throat and he raised his arms to block, but Heart dissappeared again and reappeared behind him, kicking his calves.

This brought Higgs on his knees and just like lightning, Heart reappeared yet again in front of him, grabbed his shirt and threw a right hook to his jaw. It all happened so quick that Higgs just let himself fall to the ground. He'd never seen anyone make jumps that fast. Not even he could do it.

Heart didn't appear again when Higgs got up. He chuckled as he readjusted his jaw. “Did that hurt, Heart? Not the type to throw punches, are you?”

At the end of his statement, Heart reappeared behind him. Higgs, however, caught on this time. He caught Heart's wrists just before she brought down her knife on him and just held her there.

“You can't fool me twice, sweetheart.”

Higgs twisted her arms and flung her over his shoulder. Before she made contact with the ground, Heart made a jump, and all the built up momentum made Higgs slip and land face first into the tar. He got up, rubbed the tar from his eyes, and caught Heart just as she landed her jump on top of the floating buildings.

“Two can play at that game.”

He forced himself onto his feet and made a jump to close the distance between them. Heart quickly caught on and jumped too. For the next few minutes, it was full of knives getting too close for comfort, kicks to their chest, and missed swings of their fists. Though Heart was much quicker in making her jumps, Higgs made up for it with the raw strength he had to hold her back. He enjoyed the thrill, but he began to crave for more excitement.

After Heart's jump in hopes for a sneak attack, Higgs managed to finally land a punch on her. She tumbled back until she hit a wall and just laid there, groaning, but her soul was stronger than her own physical body. She couldn't accept losing to Higgs — to Amelie.

While Heart forced herself on her feet, strings of tar came from Higgs's fingertips and ran into the pool of the black liquid beneath them. The ground rumbled again and from under the tar behind Heart emerged an enormous four-legged creature possessing a golden mask.

It was one of his greatest summons yet. He looked over to Heart and saw her facing the beast as the beast looked down at her. A wide malicious grin formed on Higgs's face knowing he had the upper hand.

“Care to surrender yet, Ms. Heart?” The confidence in his tone, evident.

“You really brought in Jesper for this, didn't you?” Heart said all too calmly for Higgs's liking.

The creature didn't perceive Heart as a threat and lowered its head, almost as if to sniff her. Heart giggled and gently placed her hand on the chilly golden mask. She and this creature shared a bond, one Higgs was completely oblivious to.

“What… What's this?” Higgs mumbled in both confusion and fear. Panic was rising in his throat as he watched the enormous terrifying creature nuzzle Heart's hand.

His initial opinion of her being a simple DOOMS sufferer disappeared. He didn't know Heart wasn't slowed by the tar field. He didn't know she could manipulate BTs. He didn't know she could communicate with them. He didn't know she could do everything he could and more. He didn't know she was so much more than what she presents to everyone.

The beast that Heart named ‘Jesper’ raised its head high. Despite having no eyes, Higgs felt the creature's on him. Heart raised her hand and all Higgs could do was watch as she brought it down as a sign for Jesper to attack him.

The creature pounced at him, forcing him to jump to get away, but not even that helped, because once he landed, he was struck down from behind by none other than Heart. He rolled out of the way before Heart brought down her knife again and promptly got back up, ready to just end it already.

Heart threw a right hook at him, but he blocked it. Higgs paid close attention to her body movements and saw that Heart was about to throw a left hook, so he readied his arm to block that too. Though it was just a glimpse, he saw a flash of a smirk appearing on her lips, and before he knew it, the left hook he anticipated was lower than expected and turned into a liver shot.

Heart's fist collided with Higgs's body and the sharp pain shot through him. While he was immobilized, Heart sent one final kick to his chest, knocking him down one last time. The air was knocked out of him and all he could do was wheeze.

It was over. Higgs was immobilized and Heart won. They both heaved, tired from the unnecessary fight.

Heart straddled Higgs's chest and tore her necklace from his neck. “Doesn't look like you've taken a proper liver shot. Hurts, doesn't it?” She patted his cheeks. “It was a little tricky since you kept trying to put that distance between us.”

Heart stood up and just sat down next to him. Their battlefield faded away, leaving no trace of itself and left the two in the grassy field the were in.

“You know,” Heart began, still heaving. “the only reason I won today was because Amelie never knew how much I improved in terms of my abilities and just wasn't able to inform you.”

I know.” Higgs croaked. “How was I supposed to know that you could jump crazy fast and that you were a… a ‘BT whisperer’? For someone so small, you know your pressure points ‘cause that shit hurt.”

“In conclusion, asshole,” Heart carefully stood up and put her necklace back on. “don't touch my shit and we won't have to get physical.”

Higgs saluted but the pain in his side came back. “Roger that.” he croaked.

[shutupvan]

An experience in coquetry.

Let me put this sweet, swift, sharp love into prose to close a chapter that simultaneously typified what 2019 was to me and what 2020 will likely be. 

Since Thomas, Spyro was the first person I’ve fallen for. 

I realised in July 2019 (the last time I saw Thomas, hopefully ever in this life!) that he had not left me heartbroken. He had just left me broken. I came to terms with how toxic and dysfunctional that relationship had been - and that his cruelties had outweighed his kindness in large measures. I gained insight into how little I respected myself, how unhinged I was, how badly I thirst for love and attract people who feed me vinegar and say this is love! this is love! and I drink it thinking it’s wine.

I asked Spyro out two months after that epiphany. I fancied him - I was intrigued and wanted to know him. I just wanted to understand more of who he was, and that, after all, is what dating is. Things ended with Thomas back in 2018 (ended for him, I had continued to pine for much longer), and my mother had been pushing me for so long to ask Spyro out. I kept telling her that I hadn’t been ready. But after having the rose-tinted glass shattered on what Thomas and I were I didn’t want to waste any more of my time licking wounds. So I asked Spyro out in Septemeber 2019. It felt incredibly good and brave. I didn’t have any expectations - and it felt like a really wonderful ‘Year of Possibility’ milestone. To go into dating without crazy thoughts of ‘this is the one I’ll marry’ or ‘this is The One for me.’ I just wanted to know him as a complete person.

There was a lot I liked about him. A lot that was dreamy. He was forthright, he was kind, he was intelligent, he was witty, he was extroverted, he was handsome. He was very attentive. It was the first time I’ve dated someone with the same religious beliefs as me while also having a similar outlook on life as me (messy, painful, shades of grey). After the third date, he referred to me as his girlfriend. On the fourth date he was telling me how serious he was, he knew what he wanted and didn’t I, too? And I was ravenous for that kind of commitment, I jumped into it like a cool pool because Thomas had kept me in a desert for so long, refusing over and over to validate our relationship until long after it was done and he could use that against me as yet another weapon to hurt me. 

I don’t need to write about falling in love with Spyro here. I have a whole tag outlining that experience. I don’t need to dwell on the good moments because they were what they were, and they were lovely! He is the second person I’ve kissed and felt something. I had been so terrified of kissing Spyro (I remember the panic attack that persisted during the entire third date, the shaking and the babbling and the sitting three feet away from him) because I liked him so much and I was scared that I would kiss him and feel nothing. That he would become another corpse. And that would confirm that Thomas was the only person I’d ever feel a single thing for. I couldn’t bear it. 

But we kissed and it was right, it was fluttery, it was good! I wish I had kissed him more when I had the chance, even though I never let the chance pass me by. And it was life after death - I could learn to love other people and I was loveable. It was nice to pursue as much as I was being pursued. 

When Spyro said I love you for the first time it felt too soon for me. I had been planning on saying it before he left for Europe at the end of December, or even once he had gotten back (likely the latter). He still didn’t really know me and I didn’t know him well enough to use a word as heavy as love. I had this moment where I stopped him (he broke away from the kiss and said, “Can I say something-” and I knew he was about to say it. And I said “Wait. Stop.” I made him pause while I paused the TV behind us. I considered at that moment saying, not yet, not now, it’s too quick! It’s not supposed to be that quick. I had told my parents in the days before that things were moving too quickly and their protests had been ‘don’t you discourage him, his intentions are pure, don’t do anything to distance him,’ followed by my dad’s fucking timeline of when we would get engaged and married, which was a load of pressure I had not even touched on. But I knew, because I’ve refused to say I love you once before many years ago, that if I did that to him now it would be the seal of death on us dating. I had been thinking about it, I had been falling in love with him, but I wasn’t ready to say it. But in the moment, instead of expressing any of this, I said I love you too. It wasn’t a lie, it was just premature.

Love for me is never a spark - love is like the sun rising. Slow, gradual, gradients of pink until it blazes. A daily occurrence. The persistence to rise even in clouds, even in haze, even when you don’t want the next day to begin. Love isn’t just a feeling. It evolves from the feeling and becomes a purpose, it becomes your soul’s greatest drive to lay yourself down for the other. It is more than a feeling. It is attention, trust, loyalty, honesty, mutual growth and support. It isn’t just a dizzy feeling that makes your heart sing (but you would hope that feeling is mixed in there too!) 

When Spyro was in Europe, he cheated on me. He called me at the start of January to tell me. He had been out in Budapest, drunk, dancing with a girl and made out with her. Immediately following that phone call, I was in shock. But I wasn’t at all surprised. Wasn’t surprised he had done it and wasn’t surprised I had been cheated on. It was like, oh, there we are. It was bound to happen to me, of course, it was. We give and receive the quality of care that what we think we deserve - Thomas had taught me that.

He really relishes being out drinking and dancing and nighttiming. Not occasionally, pretty regularly by what he kept telling and showing me. To the point of unconsciousness. To the point of no consequence. Where he has an excuse for behaving in exact opposition to his moral code. Where he had an excuse to make me uncomfortable. When I mentioned it to him before the break up he got very self-defensive. But he later said it is his way to quell stress. And I know what that really means: his way to numb himself from dealing with facing himself. 

I have a long list of things I’ve used to numb myself in the moments where I cannot bear to confront myself - alcohol had been one of them and recently I slipped into that the day he returned from Europe, putting off dealing with the bad by getting drunk and feeling good. I’m off drinking for a while because of it. Getting drunk to let off steam is the stupidest thing in the world, it leaves you feeling worse. Cutting yourself to purge your anger, starving yourself to make yourself feel smaller, masturbating just for a continual dopamine ride, scrolling mindlessly through social media or binging Netflix is a dysfunctional way to avoid looking inward - to distract or to numb. None of those activities are bad in themselves (mm..perhaps self-harm being the exception) but using them as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with your broken ego is problematic. And I have literally spent 2018 and 2019 working on no longer doing any of those things.

Anyway, I knew that him drinking to the point where he felt out of control (we all prefer that feeling to mastering ourselves) meant that he was not ready to be in a relationship. I had known this from the beginning, to be frank. You don’t seek an escape from ordinary life and your ordinary self, if you’re at peace with yourself and the person you're in a relationship with. I mean, unless you’re dating very casually and just want to fuck around, in which case drink and party away. That lifestyle isn’t even a big deal - most people I know in their twenties would prefer to be out partying, getting drunk, or getting high, spending money carelessly, than to do the opposite - planning with another person, setting life goals, investing in somebody else’s wellbeing and self-care as well as your own. 

He told me that he hadn’t ever been in love with me - that he had said it because he feared that I was going to end things with him. He said other things I’m not going to write down because they were too hurtful. I don’t understand why he spelled this out when I had simply given him the option of breaking up. I could analyse this until the cows come home but I don’t see the point to it. I think it boils down to this: he desired to be in love, he wanted to be in a secure and serious relationship, to live up to this idea of who he is supposed to be impressed upon him from his family and church. And then the other side of him that is not ready to give up living selfishly and singly. If he wants to continue living selfishly, I don’t begrudge that of him. I just wished he wouldn’t have committed so fast. Over the course of our dating, he had commented that the relationship would get in the way of him going out with the boys, always jokingly. But he feared he was missing out on something by setting out on a serious relationship. Whereas I know that I’m not missing out on anything I did in 2017 and prior. I am glad the distractions are over with. 

Likely, this was a big part of why he wasn’t into me. I am far too homely, too desperate to do the things that give me meaning and connection and purpose. Maybe he wanted those things from me at first before realising what that would mean parting with. He said he felt no spark with me, but I’m not sure if I believe that. If that’s the case, he lied continuously throughout the dalliance. I think he was searching for an excuse. I knew from the moment he told me that he kissed somebody else that it was his way of sabotaging things, his excuse to leave the relationship. He needed to invent a reason. I think it was less about the spark, more about us not being compatible with what our values are and where we both are right now in life. In that respect, I agree with him - we have not clicked together as two people are meant to when they want to partner up to do life together and tackle the heavy, hard things together. On paper, it would have looked perfect!

I also realise my own faults in this: I was so possessive with Thomas, but this time I was too passive. I have become so afraid of conflict that I would rather betray my own intuition. That I still have so much anxiety leftover from Thomas that I can’t yet date. I’ve already journaled a lot about the week leading up to Spyro and I  splitting up, so I won’t write about it here. I know my faults. I know where I lacked self-awareness. I treated him pretty rough in the last week. I kept spiralling back into everything that had happened last time - convinced he was manipulating me or trying to play mind games. But I don’t think Spyro is that kind of person. I think he fooled me because he was fooling himself. 

This is what I took away from it all:

1. I will be going to see a therapist. Making the appointment today. If I hadn’t had this experience with Spyro then I would never have realised that I actually need a therapist, or had the guts to see one, or considered myself worthy of care, considered my issues worthy of help. So I’m actually very grateful to him for this.

2. I should be more explicit when I start dating someone, right from the outset. I should spell out my damage and insist I that things move slowly with communication at key points. I need to suss out their values and their life goals before I even consider prising my heart open. 

3. I need to keep being brave. I am still so glad I asked him out and I’m glad for every moment with him. I’m glad we had this short-lived little love affair. It was a perfect way to end 2019 (such a gorgeous year it was), to fall in love during spring, to practice what it means to love. I’m injured from it but I know it will be fine - it just meant it wasn’t supposed to be! I’m glad it wasn’t dragged out. It opened up a door for 2020 - the year of the inner child. I have so much work to do with my inner child. I have so, so much healing to do in order to excavate my own defence mechanisms, my flaws and my faults. It was excellent to start the year having another person hold a mirror up to me through some heartbreak. I know that this relationship was for my higher purpose and I am grateful.

As always, I wish him the best but I wish myself better!