#tagging some pals hope y'all don't mind!

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Introductions (2.0)

Hello and welcome, all! I've been around these parts for a while, but I felt the need to revamp my intro :)

About me:

↪ Leah, she/her/any pronouns

↪ In my early 20s

↪ Reader, writer, sometime animator

↪ Been doing martial arts for over a decade

↪Huge fan of CJ Cherryh

↪I reblog stuff from @leahpardo-pa-potato

My writing:

↪ Generally fantasy, with sides of horror

↪Posted in regular chunks of 500-1k words

↪I love tag games, esp OC ones :)

↪I do mini-series, one-shots, and novels

↪I will love you forever if you send me an ask

↪See my full list of writing here

↪I have a taglist, interact here to join!

WIPs / Longer stories

The Unwanted Visitor: (Completed)

Aida's house has been haunted by a spirit for as long as she can remember. Thing is, she's grown used to her Unwanted Visitor (or Vis, as she likes to call him). So when exorcists come after him, she does what any sane person would: protect her brother friend.

↪ Urban fantasy-comedy, very light-hearted

↪A lot of found family and sibling squabbling

↪If you like teens causing chaos, this is for you!

↪Final bit here

A Perfectly Normal Schoolgirl:

All Katherine wants is to eat mortal food, bask in the warmth, and be a normal schoolgirl. But when a boy begs her to help him save her parents, she finds herself fighting for her (and his) life once more.

↪Urban fantasy with a side of horror

↪ Basically an inversion of a bunch of tropes

↪My attempt at writing fantasy without mentioning magic by name

↪Latest bit here

Fast Food:

An embarrassment to his entire tribe, Hash is lazy and uninterested in anything. So, when he reaches majority, he gets unceremoniously booted out of home. Follow his adventures through Triworld, as he somehow ends up in every single single conflict across the continent.

↪High fantasy with a side of humour

↪Very heavy Lore™ and Worldbuilding™

↪ My excuse to ramble about fictional history

↪Latest bit here :)

Lich-Queen (Completed):

Iraela has all but won: the King of Ceredell and his bride are gone, the cities fallen to her army of undead, and the way to the throne cleared for her. But her coronation, and her sanity threaten to fall apart under the weight of duty. Can she hold it together until she truly becomes Lich-Queen?

↪High, dark fantasy with some horror and gore

↪Watch Ira slowly lose her mind in real-time

↪If you like cannibalism, you'll love this

↪Full thing here

The Novel™ (Mind of a Mercenary):

Luna, Terror of Garvenoi, mind-mage extraordinaire, has been caught at last. Whilst everyone celebrates, she is given an ultimatum: Be an indentured hunter for the government, or die. But when she signs on with them, she finds that perhaps death might have been a better choice...

↪ Urban Fantasy set in a Non-Earth world

↪Starring a sassy, mean-girl villain protagonist

↪Enjoy several hundred pages of Luna trying and failing to run from her duties

↪Latest snippet here (find the others on my masterlist of writing)

Finally, my taglist! If you interacted with this post/already asked me to add you, and you don't see yourself here, please remind me! I may have accidentally missed you :')

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch @ramwritblr, @urnumber1star, @fortunatetragedy, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou, @dimitrakies, @beloveddawn-blog

Oh pls kill me I felt so silly doing this- Anyways bye guys hope to see y'all around don't judge me for this

[aether-friskets]

I posted 668 times in 2022

That's 668 more posts than 2021!

203 posts created (30%)

465 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ap0stle

@heather-garland

@carlyraejepsans

@friskibitz

@aether-friskets

I tagged 653 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#fanart - 209 posts

#op's art - 188 posts

#silent hill - 149 posts

#rambles - 134 posts

#undertale - 128 posts

#heather mason - 110 posts

#silent hill 3 - 109 posts

#safeutdr - 105 posts

#silent hill fanart - 99 posts

#frisk - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#and honestly? op's suggestion of him having been a member of the order is way more interesting to me than just 'otherworld manifestation'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

not the most extravagant piece I've ever made for something like this but. Here's a little drawing I made for Undertale's anniversary!! Like I said I would!

It would've been nice to get a piece with more of the characters but alas

Also I feel like Chara could be better but I always have trouble drawing them quite right >:|

Anyway uhhhh yeah!!

23 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#4

See the full post

31 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#3

so I recall this line in outlast 2 when you end up in St. Sybil one of the first times. Blake says somethin like "Great. Back in the Fourth Grade." meaning those the stuff he's reliving must've happened in that grade.

And we know that 4th graders are typically either 9 or 10

(assuming Jess was in the same grade she was only 9 or 10 as well which. damn.)

But we ALSO know what year this takes place in, because there's multiple instances on papers and stuff with the year 1995 (in fact it's December 1995 iirc). I don't have any screenshots on-hand but I could totally go get some at some point lol

MeaninG Blake was 9 or 10 in 1995

We also know that Outlast 2 takes place not all that long after the first game does (due to the Murkoff Account, which, admittedly I haven't read in a while so feel free to correct me there). And we know Outlast happened in 2013.

This mean that our pal Blake is most likely 28 (or 27). Which also makes him the youngest, since Miles and Waylon are both supposedly in their "early to mid 30s" (I couldn't see the cited tweet so for all I know this could be inaccurate but it sounds reasonable enough for me to believe).

Also Waylon has two kids so I'm inclined to believe he's the oldest but like they're all like a few years apart in age anyway lol

Anyway this is probably really obvious stuff but I thought it was interesting for some reason

38 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

random minor thing but I always thought that while Frisk's SAVEs are like normal manual save point saving you'd expect to see, when Flowey steals back control as Omega Flowey, the whole "File x loaded/saved" thing gives the vibes of someone using an emulator. Where you have multiple interchangeable save states that you can save or load to whenever you want, even if the game isn't normally capable of that.

In particular it makes me think back to repeatedly loading a save state in Majora's Mask because of the goddamn town shooting gallery mini game AUGh

Which I guess it kind of makes sense? Omega Flowey is artificially stealing control of the game, sort of like how an emulator gives you an artificial way of accessing a game (in the sense of like I could play a PS1 game on my pc, or a N64 game on my Wii U, for example). So not only does his save system make sense from an in-game stand point, it's kinda cool from a meta standpoint too.

At least, I think it is.

63 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

late night posting of an old-ish drawing

Psychonauts was big on my mind for a short while there and although it's not my current focus, the games are still really great!! And I still like this little drawing I did of Raz.

It was interesting trying to translate his design to my art style, because that game has a very particular look (in a good way).

also hope y'all don't mind my random mish-mash of posting and reblogging various stuff, I cannot be consistent to save my life

Hopefully I'll have some new art to share soon though!! Assuming this funk of mine dies down, anyway.

71 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

family game night

“How bad do you think it was?” Sam asks, trying to juggle the snacks in his arms so that he can knock on Dean and Cas’s apartment door.

“Judging by Dean’s message? Pretty bad.” Charlie has all the board games, and she’s having just as much trouble knocking on the door. Eventually, she gives up and gives it a good kick.

The trouble had started about a month ago, when Dean’s longtime boyfriend, Cas, had decided to come out to his parents, which they were all supportive of. Their rag-tag group of friends--Charlie (high school physics teacher), Sam (law student), Benny (tattoo artist extraordinaire), and Meg (roller derby coach)--had, along with Dean (mechanic), spent several nights counseling Cas (English doctoral candidate) about how to come out.

It probably didn’t help Cas much that they all had a wide variety of stories of how that went, that Charlie’s involved getting a weird tattoo, or that Dean started with, “It’s much easier when both your parents are dead.”

But at least they’d tried.

Tonight was the night--Dean and Cas were going out to dinner with Cas’s parents, and they were going to discover that Dean wasn’t just Cas’s longtime best friend. 

Then Charlie got a text from Dean that just said home already, cas upset. bring games and friends.

(The snacks had been a Sam addition.)

The door swings open moments after Charlie kicked it to reveal Dean with a haggard expression on his face. He’s more well-dressed than usual, probably because of dinner, and it’s a bit jarring, since he normally looks a little bit like a lumberjack.

“Benny and Meg said they’re coming, too,” Charlie says by way of greeting, and Dean responds to that with a weak smile.

“Thank god,” he replies, “It’s--yeah. It’ll be good to have people here.”

Cas doesn’t emerge from his and Dean’s room until after Benny’s arrived with beer and Meg’s brought more board games--Dean has to coax him out. Charlie thinks that Dean was right; things didn’t go well. Cas’s eyes are rimmed red and he’s got an arm around Dean like he might fall over.

“What’s all this?” Cas finally asks.

“Family game night,” Benny says. “Meg brought Sorry, I know you can’t wait to cream us at that.”

“And there are snacks,” Sam offers, holding up a bag of popcorn that he’s already started eating.

It doesn’t take long after that for things to devolve into chaos, like things always do when they all get together. Dean and Charlie get into an epic fight over the rules of Monopoly until Sam accidentally-on-purpose upends the board, Meg pays marginal attention to the game of Sorry, instead inventing a drinking game while Cas and Benny duke it out, and Charlie hopes that Cas’s spirits are at least a little higher. 

But Charlie’s known Cas for a long time, and when Cas ducks out and goes down the hall, she wonders if things are actually better.

Dean follows him and emerges a few minutes later, sans Cas, so Charlie decides to abandon the game of Life that Sam and Benny are trying to start in favor of finding Cas.

She finds Cas in his office, staring out the window with a desolate expression on his face. Charlie loops an arm around his shoulders and Cas jolts.

“Hey,” Cas says, voice rough.

“Hey yourself,” Charlie replies. “How’re you feeling?”

Cas shrugs. “My parents...well. Maybe they’ll come around. But they didn’t take it well.”

Charlie tries to figure out what to say, and then she decides to go with honest and genuine. “It sucks,” she starts, “That your parents won’t accept you. But you’ve got another family right here. And we’re with you every step of the way.”

Cas’s eyes well up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You want us to throw rocks at their windows, we’ll do it. You want us to all go to a pride parade, it’ll happen. You want us to wallpaper your kitchen with the rainbow flag? Well, we’ll have to ask Dean about that one first but he’ll probably be okay with it.” 

“Maybe just a rainbow backsplash in the kitchen,” Cas jokes in response. He lets Charlie turn him into a hug. 

“Every time,” Charlie’s voice is soft, “Someone says who they are, the world becomes a better and more interesting place.” She pulls back. “And you, Castiel Milton, are fucking awesome.”

“Thanks, Charlie.”

“Let’s join the others,” Charlie replies, “I still need to beat your boyfriend at Monopoly.”

“Oh, it’s on.” 

Charlie knows that Cas’s problems haven’t magically vanished, but as she watches Cas sit down next to Dean as they all gather around the Monopoly board, she hopes that at least for one night he’ll be okay.

[hissterical-nyaan]

The Promise

Pairing - Bucky Barnes/Desi! Female reader

Warning - Angst, sad ending, more angst

Summary - Bucky Barnes broke one promise that meant the most to Y/N

Word count - 1.5K

A/N - This is my first ever fanfic, I am very anxious so please be gentle with me :) This was created purely to make y'all cry lol. This is a songfic of "Lag ja gale" of Lata Mangeshkar ji. I absolutely adore that song and found it quite fit for this story!!! Also English isn't my first language and there might be grammatical mistakes. Thanks to @soradragon for beta reading this and helping me complete it, you are a blessing. Love you 💙 happy reading folks!

It was  peaceful in Wakanda, a cool night had taken its place from the hot humid air of the day, the stars were shining bright and serenity hung in the air.  It was impossible to imagine what the next day would have in store for everyone. No one had a clue that tomorrow was the day that would change everyone's lives forever.

There was the sound of soft humming coming from the modest hut which housed the one and only the White Wolf and his lover.

Inside was you, singing songs softly in your mother’s tongue before the two would go to bed for the night. It was a nightly ritual the two of you shared. For Bucky had found your voice so soothing it would chase away the recurring nightmares that would haunt his sleep every night. Bucky Barnes was unable to sleep without his love in his arms, without her angelic voice singing for him, and without her soft hand weaving through his hair. 

You had an awful day today, throughout the day you felt anxious and restless. As if your mind has been screaming at you that something bad was about to transpire. You had no idea what, but it was bad. if there is one thing you hated most, it would be not knowing what will happen next.

You liked being prepared for everything! Your distressed state made you itch for your ma's presence and her wise words. So the next best thing to feel like she was there was to sing your ma's favourite song. It was a song you had  beautiful emotional memories attached to.

Lata ji's masterpiece ‘Lag ja gale’. The song that always left you peaceful.

"What's on your mind, chaand? No cheesy love songs today?" Bucky teased lightly, slightly puzzled by the song choice. Normally, you would sing more happy, sweet love songs when you were in a good mood, not to forget how out of character you acted the entire day. 

"Acha? You said you don't like my cheesy songs na, so I thought today I will comply with your wish and not sing my ‘overly romantic, Shona Babu songs.’”  You shot back, poking your tongue out as not to worry him. Bucky pouted slightly.

"Arre baba okay now don't pout, I was just joking. I will sing the cheesy songs again tomorrow, right now this song just feels right to me.” Hearing that, Bucky mumbled a quiet yes and snuggled deeper into you, holding you tightly and moving his head ever so slightly to listen to your voice.  

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Jaa Gale Ae Ae… (Embrace me, dear, who knows whether or not this beautiful night will ever come again. Maybe in this life we may or may not meet again)

You remember the first time you met Bucky, in Shuri's lab. You were a   good friend of Shuri. You were a researcher staying in Wakanda with T'challa's permission and eventually befriended the Princess. The two of you loved to talk about anything and nothing. One day Shuri told you about the Winter soldier staying here in Wakanda. You had heard many things about him, but never had you seen him in the flesh. Till you saw him come into the lab, bruised and eyes swiming full of emotions, but the distraught was the most clear in those blue piercing eyes.

It was at that moment that you had decided you would help him, and try to soothe the aches and scars that had been covering his fragile heart. He was put in the cryo soon after your first encounter, but you couldn't help but think about him often.

Ham Ko Mili Hain Aaj Ye, Ghadiyaan Nasib Se

Ji Bhar Ke Dekh Lijiye, Ham Ko Qarib Se

Phir Aap Ke Nasib Men, Ye Baat Ho Na Ho (I have been given today, this time by destiny. To your hearts content see me closely, who knows, if your destiny, may present this situation again.)

Six months later, Bucky came out of the cryo and on his request, was given a small hut away from the palace in the fields. You often saw him, with his tiny herd of goats. You remember how one tiny goat - which Bucky had endearingly called Steve -  was the one who caused you to talk to Bucky. Maybe that's why he was still your favourite goat, afterall he was responsible for giving you the love of your life.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Your phone rang suddenly. Bucky moved his head from your lap as you moved to get the phone, it was your brother who was calling you. It puzzled you, it was nearly midnight in India. "Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." You went numb...The words didn’t make sense, you couldn’t make sense of them... Ma papa? No, no this can't be happening. You...you just talked to your mom a few hours ago! Bucky’s arms wrapped around you, holding you so close. He whispered some words into your ear trying to soothe you. But you couldn’t hear them, your mind just kept repeating your brother’s words inside your head like a mantra. That’s when the tears fell, soaking Bucky’s shirt. You didn’t remember you screamed. 

Paas Aaiye Ki Ham Nahin Aaenge Baar-Baar

Baahen Gale Men Daal Ke Ham Ro Le Zaar-Zaar

Aankhon Se Phir Ye Pyaar Ki Barsaat Ho Na Ho (Come closer to me, as I will not be able to come to you every time. Put your arms around me and let us cry our hearts out. Who knows, if our eyes will ever see these tears of love again.)

You couldn’t imagine what you would be without Bucky, your Bucky. He was your rock, You couldn't live a day without him. From the day you confessed your love for each other till today, not a day has gone where he wasn't showering you with love. Even through all his trauma and pain, he did his absolute best to be there for you, his sweet, sweet Y/N.

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho

Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho

Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)

Remembering the past left you in an emotional mess, you didn't even realise when the waterworks started.

"Chaand? Hey, no shhh why are you crying? Is everything okay? Talk to me."

"Bucky?"

"Haan chaand?"

"Promise me that you will never leave me." You uttered in a broken whisper

"I promise."

He broke that promise. Bucky Barnes broke his promise and left his chaand. It happened so fast, the Avengers fighting Thanos, and suddenly everyone turning into dust.

You felt helpless and scared, numb and cold. what was happening? Bucky had told you to not come out of the palace unless told. He didn't want you to be in harm's way. No, his Y/N was too precious, he can't risk it. You reluctantly agreed, but you weren't of much use on the battlefield anyway. You just hoped your love would return to you very soon.

Steve broke the news, and your whole world collapsed in front of your eyes.

"Steve, no..no it can't be... please tell me you are lying. This isn't the time to joke around! Where is he!?" you couldn't help but scream at him. All your dreams, hopes and future with Bucky shattered. He was gone, in just a snap.  It couldn’t be real, this was a sick joke. that had to be it. A sick joke…

But deep inside, you knew it was real. All of it was real. The world around you seemed to crumble, all of it came down, it was as if someone let a glass cup fall and it shattered in a million pieces. Unable to be put back together again…

Now you had no one, no mom and dad, no Bucky...He was your rock wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to go...

After a few days, Steve offered to take you to America with him. The least he could do for his pal was to make sure the girl who had his heart was taken care of. But you couldn't go, it was too painful. Brooklyn will always remind you of Bucky, and you promised him when the time came to go back to his home, you will go together. No, unlike him Y/N L/N knew how to keep her promise.

You went back to India, to start a new life. A miserable one. If only you would have known that the last song you’ve sung to him would come true. 

You never sang your mother's favourite song again

Tagging - @spiderrpcrker @a-dragon-under-the-stars @lil-stark @jacquessouvenier @soradragon (I hope you won't mind me tagging you!) And I also hope you liked it :))

Translations (please let me know if I forgot to translate something) -

Chaand - Moon (an affectionate term in this context)

Acha - Really (in this context, it can mean many things otherwise)

"Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." - "Y/N please come fast here, mom and dad were in an car crash, I am so sorry but we couldn't save them" (ma = mom, papa = dad)

Haan - yes

[reachfolk]

i was tagged for WIP friday by my pal @korvanjund so !! here's an excerpt from my fic that's coming out later this month. the title is "runs in the family" bc i got the idea for it while listening to this song by amanda palmer. i have a couple other promos for it on my currently writing tab if ur interested!

tagging: @heyitsaloy @vikinglumberjack @rakimaiirisa @bowandarrowandbrokenguitar @the-drunken-huntsman

i don't know who does or doesn't have a wip going on rn so no worries if you're taking a break from writing or just not interested in participating but if y'all wanna do this too, feel free and pls tag me <3 also if anyone else that i didn't tag wants to do this, still tag me lol, i just wanna read ur fics!!

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," Alexandria said, "but you're welcome to ask more."

"Uhm. Well, how do I put this?" Lucien thought aloud to himself. "It's just that you've been dealing with this for quite some time now, correct?"

She nodded.

"Then why are you only now acting so... snappy?"

She frowned deeply at the word, and Lucien wondered if he'd only made the situation worse by asking. Or perhaps his phrasing was insensitive.

"I'm sorry," he scrambled. "I don't mean to upset you more. It's just.. Well, I worry and—"

"It's fine," she interrupted before he could talk himself in circles again. "It's just... not easy to talk about." As she finished cleaning the station, she picked up the pieces of nirnroot and thumbed at the leaves, too distracted to begin making the potion. "I know talking about your feelings is supposed to help, but sometimes... well, it makes them more real. If I keep it to myself, all that happens is a few bouts of panic and bad nights of sleep that I'm usually able to hide well enough, and then it's over. Well, until it happens again, I suppose, but that way it's my problem, no one else's. And I can forget about it and pretend it isn't happening, and it stays there—in my head. When other people know, and when other people are trying to help, it's... different. I don't mean to imply that I'm ungrateful for your support, but in a way, it makes this all harder. Maybe it'll be better in the long term, but I'm not there yet."

The two sat in the silence as those words sank into Lucien's mind. For a moment, he wondered if perhaps things would be better off if they'd left well enough alone. But he shook off the thought easily; things weren't well enough as they were. Alexandria had gotten far too used to struggling on her own, and he'd be damned if he'd let a friend go on like that.

"For what it's worth," he said, carefully considering his words, "it's a burden I'm more than willing to share."

She gave him a small, melancholy smile. "I hope one day I can appreciate that sentiment."

"You know I'll be patient."

"Of course," she said. "How else would you survive being friends with me?"

He laughed. "Can't argue with that."

[rogue-barnes-16]

HEAL ME (part IX/X)

Summary: she was a nurse. He was a soldier. They fell in love at first sight. It was beautiful, true love. But something isn’t beautiful because it lasts.

Pairing: 40's!Bucky Barnes x nurse!Reader

Title: You'll never know

Genre: hypocritical fluff

Tags:

Heal me: @just-add-butter @mannls @bethanyzed @fandom-addict-aesthetics @kitttysblog @roxytheimmortal @futuremrspeterparkerholland @i-am-a-fandom-slut @mrsbarneswillseeyounow @chook007 @avengersassemblee @littlephoenix-fire @androgynouswolfcookiemug @babyplutoszx2 @calspalkira @unnecessarydelivery @-lilacnialler- @silver-winter-wolf

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @almostmellowsalad @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, angst, death

A/N: if you got this far, you just know you're about to suffer. If it makes y'all feel better, I suffered writing it, too so yeah, we're even. Hope you "enjoy" it lol <3.

Heal me masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

STEVE'S P. O. V.

I sighed, arms crossed over my chest while my mind roamed the pros and cons of Bucky's request. "She's gonna get mad." I finally replied, lifting my eyes to look at my bestfriend. "She's gonna get really mad, Buck."

"C'mon Steve." he whined, taking a couple of steps in my direction. "I didn't ask for anything in all this time, now I need ya to do me this favor and you're gonna say no?"

I shook my head no. "that's the thing, pal, 's not a regular favor." I peaked at our sides and lowered my tone to speak again. "You're asking me to leave our nurse out of this mission."

"alright, Stevie. Tell me ya think she's needed in this mission." he retorted, slowly building up a point that I knew I wouldn't be able to take down. "Let's say someone gets hurt, what do we do? We take whoever it is all the way back to the cliff?" I averted my eyes, well aware that he was right. "It's a suicide mission, either we come back with Zola, or we don't come back. So please, leave her out of this one." I pursed my lips, still hesitant about taking that decision. "Steve, for fucks sake, I love her."

I took a moment before responding. "She's gonna hate me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

"what the hell was that?" I questioned, genuinely confused about Steve's decision to leave me out of this one mission, alleging zero reasons. "He can't fuckin' do that without Philips' permission."

"Ya heard him, ya ain't coming." Bucky stated putting on his blue coat without sparing me one single look. "ya ain't needed."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?" my question held a warning tone, letting him know I didn't like one bit what he was saying.

"we don't need medical assistance in this one." he replied, a little quieter than his voice had been in the previous sentence.

"Suddenly y'all know when I'm needed?" I started to pace.

"Ya heard Steve, doll."

"Yah, and now he's gonna hear me." I made my way to Captain America's tent, but right before reaching it, Bucky’s hand was tugging my arm. "what the hell ya doin' now?"

He only let go when we were far enough from the camp for them to hear us. "It wasn't Steve's idea." he confessed. "I don't want you to come."

"You can't do that." I stated in a growl-like tone. "You can't leave me out of missions 'cause you're scared of losing me." I stepped closer to him, not breaking eye contact for a single second. "you think I ain't scared of losing ya?" I whispered with concern mixing with the anger in my voice. "you think I don't wanna pull your self-deprecating ass outta the battlefield and drag you back to Brooklyn?" he slightly tilted his head to the side, his slate blue eyes roaming all over my body, and getting lost here and there. "But I don't do it, 'cause I know I can't,' cause this doesn't work like that."

"what if you could?" his hushed tone made it seem as if he was about to confess a secret no one knew. "What if it worked like that?" I frowned, not really understanding what he wanted me to. "what if we come back home?"

"What- what d'ya mean?" I muttered, trying not to get any hopes beforehand.

His fingers intertwined with mines hesitantly, and, after licking his lips, a half smile that I had only see the night we met appeared in his gaze. "y'know what I mean." he closed the distance between us, his lips ghosting over mines. "I wanna take ya back to Brooklyn, to a house of ours."

"Bucky..." I could feel my legs shaking as swallowed, trying to calm down before attempting to form a proper sentence. "I... Steve-- what 'bout Steve?"

"That punk got this handled, and Carter got him handled. I've had enough of this bullshit," he murmured, pecking my lips in the most tender way. "I just wanna wake up every day in an actual bed with you besides me. I wan' a future with my best gal that doesn't include war and death."

His eyes, that had been casted down to our feet during his little speech, came back to mine, and to his dismay —and to my damn luck—, I saw the trick. "Ya gonn' ask me to stay out of this mission again, and then ya gonna promise me we'll leave when you come back, don't ya?"

"Doll..." he clenched his jaw, unable to deny that disappointing truth that had just ruined my brief hopes.

"ya think I'm a lil gal?" I inquired, pulling away from him. "you'll come back, and we won't leave, I'm not stupid James."

"Please trust me on this one." he pleaded, with pain in his voice, the same pain that was making my heart clench, the pain caused by the fact that what Bucky had just described was impossible. "Please Y/n... Why can't ya trust me?"

"Fuck 'cause it's been more than two years and you're still protecting Steve, not giving a fuck 'bout your life!" a tear was shed, but I was fast enough to wipe it away.

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

"we both know that when you come back, we're not leaving." she now refused to look at me in the eye, and, even if it hurt like hell, I knew why she wouldn't believe me.

But it was alright, she didn't have to believe me, I thought. "Ya don't take my word? Alright, you don't gotta, I'll prove it to ya." I informed her, trying my best to calm my nerves by gripping the ring in my pocket.

"Stark's already waiting for ya." she mumbled, hugging herself. "Ya better leave already."

I was going to leave, but a chill ran down my spine, and I stepped towards Y/n, taking advantage of her eyes fixed on the plane situated in our left to steal a kiss from her lips.

"I love you." I waited a few seconds for her to say it back, but she didn't. Instead, she kept her eyes shut while a couple of tears ran down her cheeks. "and I know you love me, you don't gotta say it." I said, more to myself that to her, cleaning her tears. "See ya later, doll."

I turned around and, after taking a couple of steps away, I heard a weak whisper, tamed by the anger and the pride. "Come back to me, Barnes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

I hugged myself, standing in the outside of the camp. Not even the way too large for my size coat that belonged to Dum Dum was enough to endure a few minutes in the coldness of that night in London.

I wouldn't have come outside if it wasn't because we had just received a weak, really brief transmission from Gabe, informing us that they succeeded.

That's all he said, that they succeeded. Or at least all he had time to say. That they succeeded.

A minute or so after I had started to freeze out, I saw Stark's small plane preparing to land. I ran towards them, partially because I was so eager to fix things with Bucky —to tell him that I trusted him and I loved him, to assured him I believed him—, partially because I needed the heat provided by a run, even if it was the tiniest.

Gabe and Morita climbed out of the vehicle first, escorting Zola with both of his guns pointed at him. "Take him to the camp, then go straight to the infirmary, will ya?" Morita nodded without looking at me, and Gabe sniffed quietly.

It was then that I hesitated before resuming my approach to the plane, because now it felt as if something wasn't right.

As if the mission had gone wrong.

Since they came back with Zola, that didn't seem possible, but I wasn't able to shake that feeling away.

I wasn't in a rush any longer, because suddenly it came to me that maybe something had gone wrong, that maybe someone wasn't in the plane.

Dum Dum and Montgomery were the next to leave the plane, helping Steve.

Steve who had gotten injured, that was it, nothing else. Then, why couldn't I shake that goddamn feeling off me?

I peaked at the inside of the plane to see only Jaques inside with his face buried in both his hands. He was crying too.

But there was no body.

"Where's Bucky?" I questioned, turning around to face Steve. I double checked him and noticed he didn't have any injuries. "Steve. Where's Bucky." no one answered. "Where the hell is James?!"

"we-" Dum Dum swallowed, holding back his tears. He was the only one who dared to look at my face. "he- he fell off... the train."

The world around me stopped and everything disappeared for a moment.

"what?" I barely heard my own voice.

"he was with Steve and I think a hole..." Gabe's words digged deep into me. I no longer could hear what he was telling me, because Bucky had been protecting Steve.

I didn't think much about it. I couldn't. The next thing I remember was my hand slapping Steve's face with such a force that it made him stumble.

"Are you fucking HAPPY?!" my feet led me to Steve once again, probably ready to hit him again, but I felt a tug on both my arms, holding me back. "HE WAS HERE 'CAUSE OF YOU! CAUSE IN TWO GODDAMN YEARS YOU COULDN'T SEE HE WAS HURTING!!"

"Y/n—"

"and now FUCK- he got killed protecting you' cause that's the only thing he was here for!" I tried to reach him again and I felt another tug. "YOU FUCKIN' DRAGGED HIM HERE! AND YOU DRAGGED ME TOO! AND NOW HE'S DEAD AND THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT 'S 'CAUSE OF HIM"

My voice cracked. Badly. My legs hit the ground. I felt two arms hugging me and I realized it was Jaques when some French words were whispered against my hair.

I came to my senses just to realize I was crying heavily. Steve was too. After a while I would realized how guilty he felt, how bad my words stung his golden heart, but truth needed to be said.

Right?

Maybe not, maybe I was being terribly unfair, but I felt as if I was dying, and my mind was too focused on the regret and the pain, to realize I had made a mistake.