#takashi.txt

[the-indigo-symphony]

I want to post more often about what's been going on with my system (since this is supposed to be a system blog), but honestly I don't think there's much to say. But I guess that in itself is something to remark about – that at a certain point, your plurality may just become "yeah yeah the Kyubey fictive posting on class discussion boards, we've all seen it". And that's okay. Good, even, in some ways. You don't have to lose your curiosity for your plurality, and you don't have to have everything figured out to get to this point (goodness knows We don't), but you can also just live as a system. It's kinda nice

[the-indigo-symphony]

Here are some methods:

Go through ask game posts and answer all the questions yourself

Play games like Fuck, Marry, Kill, This or That, or Would you Rather?that force you to think about your preferences/opinions

Answer OC building questions as if you're the one in the situation described in the text

Pretend you're a music/film/whatever critique and look through pieces of that medium, commenting on what you do and don't like

Pick some favorites! Favorite color, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite shirt, etc..

Consider what your ideal x would be. What is x? Anything you want it to be! Vacation, birthday, party, present... those sorts of things

Look up random topics (can use a noun generator for this) and consider how you feel about it. You can write down your thought process as you do it, and then once you've done this a few times, you can look it over and see if you can spot any patterns that say something about you

Ask your alters to ask you random questions! Ours usually go from basics (name, pronouns, etc) to in the immediate future (what's something we can do rn that would make you more comfortable, what's one thing around us that you like, etc) to general conversation starters and the far future (what's your ideal job, what kind of house would you like to live in, if you ruled the world what would you do first, etc). This particular method is usually used when we get new selves (especially if they pop in distressed or are stressed about being part of a system), but it can easily be repurposed.

Personality quizzes!! This is an easy and fun one – we especially like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon quizzes, but you can look up whatever kind of personality quiz you'd like to take.

I might think of more later, but here's all we've got right now

Question. Does anyone have any tips for exploring and finding stuff out about themselves as an alter/fictive. Because I have fronted multiple times now and I feel like my only personality traits are missing Falin and not being able to sleep. And I hate it.

[the-indigo-symphony]

*advertisement voice* With the power of practicing your internal communication for several years, you too can reach the point where you're able to get two songs stuck in your head at the same time!!

[the-indigo-symphony]

I used to be really hurt when I got fakeclaimed, but at this point it's like that one incorrect quote of being accused of something you are very obviously not doing

Random asshole online, barging into my notifications/inbox: you're faking!

Me: *turns to my co-fronting headmate* (name)! We're faking?! Why didn't you tell me?! I would have put my book down.

(edit: plain text under cut)

Random asshole online, barging into my notifications/inbox: you're faking!

Me: *turns to my co-fronting headmate* (name)! We're faking?! Why didn't you tell me?! I would have put my book down.

[the-indigo-symphony]

Sometimes it's like. You look at someone and you wonder how they go about their days with a reliable memory. What that's like. What it feels like to just know things, to be able to give examples of your life, to be able to answer a question of a happy memory you have without racking your brain for scraps. You plug it into the search box but all you can think about when you see the results is what it must be like to remember that you forgot.

And sometimes it's like. You wonder how anyone functions without that warm feeling in the back of your head of your others, always there for you. Happy and hopeful and picking each other up when one of you falls – maybe a little frayed at the edges, maybe with some wounds that need healing, but sticking together all the same. It's warm like a campfire and warm like excitement, warm like how clouds look to be, even though you know they're cold and wet. You can turn back to them and get a thousand whispered promises of support before you even ask.

And sometimes it's like. You see people laughing at a joke in which you are the butt, the punchline, the freak. And you wonder how they can hate you, how they can show it so casually, what gave them the courage, what prevented their shame. But you never wonder why, because you already know – that's what the joke's about.

And sometimes you know you're not going to remember something even as you're standing in the middle of it. Maybe you try to enjoy the moment – but does it really matter when you're not really experiencing it in the first place?

And sometimes you wonder where you are. And sometimes you wonder who you are.

And sometimes it's like. You're staring at the person who just said they know you, and you have no idea if they're telling the truth, and you have no idea if you can trust them. You don't remember them, but maybe they remember you? Or maybe it's a lie – maybe it's a trick, like how the bullies from childhood would pretend to care. Like how your parents would pretend to care. So you turn them down and admit you don't recognize them, because disappointing someone genuine is safer than risking a knife to the chest – after all, you don't even know if it'll be figurative or literal.

And sometimes it's like. Did your food go bad because you forgot about it? Or is it still good, and you just don't like it right now? Will you like it again later? Did you make the wrong decision in cooking this tonight and not saving it for later? Or did they just change the production of the ingredients? Can you stomach your dinner when you hate it? When it tastes so bad, but used to taste so good?

And sometimes it's like. A melody of a conversation, played with no one else and your mind as the instrument. Hums and bells and chirps and whistles; an orchestra could never outperform what you hear from your own head. It is beautiful and wonderful and you wish everyone could get to experience this, but then you remind yourself that not everyone would enjoy such a thing. And then you wonder why.

And sometimes people write those with voices in their head as murderers. And you watch an ad for an upcoming horror movie with apathy; you can't even be disappointed anymore. You've been upgraded from joke to villain.

And sometimes it's joy passed around from one self to another, gaining momentum, swinging and singing and flying until you can't help but beam and you bite your tongue to keep from laughing because one of your selves just told the best joke you've ever heard.

And sometimes you cry, and they are the only ones there to comfort you.

And sometimes you lash out at them. And sometimes they forgive you. And sometimes that forgiveness only makes you bitter, because it's so foreign. It's the person claiming to know you all over again – why should I trust you? Especially when we make each other into jokes and villains in the eyes of everyone else?

And sometimes it's like. I have no choice but to trust you, to be vulnerable with you, and somehow that makes it easier.

And sometimes your others argue over which bowl to use for your cereal, only for all of you to forget the spoon.

And you wonder what it would be like to remember.

And you wonder what it would be like to decide so easily.

And you wonder what it would be like to hate someone like you – until you remember that you know the answer to that one, because you know what's it's like to hate yourself.

And sometimes your others help you write something that isn't quite poetry but isn't quite not, and you've been trying to write something like this for a while but struggled to find the words, and you're up way too late and should honestly just go to bed but first you have to write this down, and your week has been shitty and you're not out of the woods yet, but at least you have their warmth as you trudge through the dark – something small (but not insignificant) to keep you going, being pulled along by hope that isn't yours and a duty to the ones who have been there for you when no one else was.

And sometimes it's like. Can you guys just choose a spoon already?

[the-indigo-symphony]

Personally, I try to view the body's parents as those kinds of bosses or superiors/higher-up coworkers who are casual and affectionate to the younger employees (or all the employees, sometimes, regardless of age). I'm just working (fronting and doing things), and so are they, in a sense – we both have stuff to do. Sometimes, we need to consult each other on a project or supplies (stuff going on around the house). And even though the affection is a little too much sometimes, I can take a step back and let someone else work with them if I need a break.

Perhaps trying to view your body's parents in that way could help them? It takes away a lot of the awkwardness if you think of it as "This is (name), my affectionate boss who is alright with me calling them (parental nickname), even though they're not my parent." rather than "This is the body's parent and they see me as their child even though I don't see them as my parent." A little reframing can go a long way.

Anybody have advice for headmates who feel uncomfy around the body's parents? Like, not due to a bad relationship or anything. Rather because of like, the incredible awkwardness of not being their child.

Some of our headmates feel incredibly awkward and then just don't front around our mom. Even when it would really help us. Even when they really want to. And we'd like to change that.

[the-indigo-symphony]

This has been in our drafts for ages, but a recent poll we reblogged got us thinking about it again, so here's a tip for other systems (especially newly discovered systems) that we consider very helpful

Sometimes, being a system can feel dehumanizing or like you've lost control of your life. You have to share everything with the other people in your body – where's your privacy? Where's your individuality? What can you do to carve out something of your own in the world? These kinds of questions, even if said with other sentiments, can be a struggle to answer as a system.

However, my system – inspired by other systems we've seen doing this – have a solution! Or at least, part of one. You'll still likely have to go through some emotional work to answer the above questions and find what's most comfortable for you. But for us, when one of us is feeling insecure or needs some individuality, there's something simple we do...

... We give each other gifts!

Or, more accurately, we choose something we want or have to be a certain system member's possession. It could be a project, a shirt, a toy, whatever works for them! Then they get to establish rules about the other system members touching Their Thing™, and have the most important say in anything regarding it. This isn't to say that other members would necessarily never get to touch or use that thing again, but rather, that the system member who it belongs to would get to choose on what terms others are allowed to touch it, the same way you might set a rule with a roommate about touching your things.

For example, Chara's Thing™ is a green cardigan. When we're going somewhere and they're going to be fronting for at least a majority of the time, they decide if we're going to pack it, and if they want to leave it at home or wear it out on bad days when they could use the comfort. They're alright with the rest of us wearing it if we want, but would prefer we be extra careful about not staining or losing it. If there was a situation where we'd have to negotiate on the cardigan, like if we needed space in a suitcase that the cardigan was taking up, we would have a discussion on how to compromise in the situation so that everyone is happy, such as what other things we could take out of the suitcase instead of the cardigan, or if we could wear the cardigan on our trip instead of packing it. Chara would get the final say in this discussion, but it's unlikely that we'd all end up unhappy.

We have other examples of this, too. Alterisa has a writing project she doesn't mind if we work on as long as we check with her before publishing, Kitten has a plushie she likes to bring when we travel, and Tempo's looking into getting a blue and green shirt to be more comfortable with our wardrobe. All of these things make them feel more secure in our system, and more comfortable with sharing most of our life since they always have something they can call their own.

If you're struggling with your individuality as part of a system, try starting with one small thing as your own! Choose something for yourself, establish some boundaries for others interacting with it, and enjoy having something to call your own. It doesn't have to be anything big – it could be as simple as a music playlist or a cool rock you found. Hang in there; life can be tough, but you can be tough, too.

[the-indigo-symphony]

Honestly my relationship with being mildly overt in my plurality and DID as a closeted system is like. I didn't build this closet that I'm now in. People constructed it around me despite clear zoning laws that nothing of the sort was meant to be built here, and now it feels like more trouble than it's worth to tear it down and inform the builders that it was never up to code in the first place. There's enough rotting wood here to make mold scream with joy and I'm honestly surprised it's managed to stay standing for so long. But I guess I can't complain, since even rotting wood and broken planks offer some form of privacy.

[the-indigo-symphony]

The Plural Association's conference for Plural Pride Day is coming up (July 20th)! This means that the Plural Association is hosting a virtual conference about plurality on July 20th to celebrate Plural Pride Day, with some community meetups and a presentation by Dr. Anna Rosenhauer – a plural doctor – about plural pride. Just as I did for the Plural Positivity World Conference, I have gone digging for the links to sign up for it, so that you all do not have to look for them yourself if you're interested.

Here is the link to their events page!

Here is the link to their airmeet page about this event specifically!

Here is the link to sign up for the event!

Here is the link to scholarships/vouchers for the event if you need one!

And since I got some questions about it last time, this is how signing up works:

You select a price for the ticket (add the scholarship here if you're using it)

Then you continue to the next page and fill out the information needed (note that if you go back to apply the ticket now, it will erase what you've filled out, so make sure you applied that scholarship before you write out anything!)

Once you're finished, you'll get an email with your ticket

By scrolling down the email, you'll see a link to enter the event. Right now, that link just takes you to the main page for the event, and asks if you want to set a reminder on your schedule for it.

When the event starts, just use that link to go to the page and welcome yourself into the event!

I hope this helps anyone interested in this event! And I hope all attendees have a fun time!

[the-indigo-symphony]

Oh hey, we did the same thing! Learning about tulpamancy right after we started questioning our plurality made it a lot easier to accept, because we had the thought of "well even if this isn't real right now, I'm creating headmates and that means it'll be real later". It helped a lot with our fears, especially those of whether or not we were "intruding" in the plural community for not being 100% sure of our plurality yet.

"All of us will experience fakeclaiming and many may suffer from doubts. And one thing I hope is that repeatedly seeing these anti-endo arguments debunked and disproven with facts can help give systems the confidence they need to withstand fakeclaiming and invalidation they'll have to deal with in the future."

Quote from a the response to an ask you answered.

It does help, it really does. Because we see them get debunked again and again with sources, its easier to mentally go "lol okay" and go on with our day.

Thank you! I'm really glad to have been able to help and make a difference for you all! 😁

You all have have a wonderful day! 💖

[the-indigo-symphony]

Talking out loud is a great way for us to build communication and bonds in our system, but being semi-verbal, speaking is a very... finite resource we have. So what we've started doing instead is using our text-to-speech app to help "cement" what we say to each other, since being able to read and hear our conversations out loud makes things understandable in a way that just thinking at each other doesn't always allow. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy and rely on internal communication – but external communication has always been the best method for us. Especially on days when our brain is foggy or we're dissociated.

The biggest hiccup so far has been the awkwardness of waiting for everyone's turn to write something, since to write what we want to say, we have to think of what we want to say, and so it feels a bit redundant to write things down when we can already hear each other internally. We're all aware of how the method helps, but it's still unfamiliar, and can be clunky sometimes – especially for short messages, or when we're trying to get responses from a lot of selves. Related to this, we also have to figure out how we'll be adapting the app to our practice, since obviously, a random text-to-speech app is not developed specifically for facilitating communication between selves of a system. It works, but in a very bare-bones way. I'm interested to see how we can refine this – perhaps in the future we'll look into getting an app that's meant more specifically for activities like these (even if I doubt we'll find any specifically tailored to plurality).

I know we have some other semi-verbal systems following us, so here's our recommendation to try out this method and see if it helps at all with your communication. I'm optimistic about this improving our communication, but only time will tell for certain.

[the-indigo-symphony]

Quite possibly my favorite trope for female characters is when they look like they're going to fall into the stock-standard "obligatory girl in this group of all guys" trope, only to surprise me with an actual personality – one that doesn't feel like a list of Approved Girl Traits dialed up to eleven to make up for not giving her any depth as a character. Like oh thank fuck you feel like a real person, like someone I could have a conversation with. You're just a gal that happens to have mostly guy friends, I get it now. Someone in that writer's room had at least two drops of respect women juice when they were writing you and didn't just slap you in this story to fulfill a female character quota, thank goodness. Now tell me all about this villain of the week that you've had to deal with

[the-indigo-symphony]

This little guy looks like a Birthday Cake to me :3 or maybe a Sprinkles! But Cottontail is also a classic that would fit here. And something starting with an m or n would match the soft vibes this little guy gives off

everyone look at my son!! :D

- max

[the-indigo-symphony]

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one)

Short answer: it's really big and complex, and we're still discovering it!

Long answer: the first thing to understand about our innerworld is that it's made up of different sections that, to our knowledge, all reside within the same void, like different sections of a video game map. The second thing to understand is that most sections of our innerworld are attached to a particular sidesystem, and there are only a few currently known sections that aren't attached to any sidesystem. These unattached sections are called "free-floating" within our system.

A sidesystem in our system can have any number of sections, each of which can be of any size. If a section is particularly large, it may be mapped out into different areas – for example, the Partridge System differentiates between the castle and downtown, although these two areas are part of the same section; they're definitely different areas, but not separate from each other by more than distance. Were this a physical space, the average person would be able to walk from the castle to downtown without any issues or oddities.

(It's important to note that in some cases, sections don't have to be separated by the void, per say, but there has to be some notable degree of separation between them, and separation via uncharted void territory is the standard. Sometimes, separation is more of a question of "is anything weird setting one of these sections apart from the other?" than "if you tried to walk from one to the other, would you end up in the void?" The latter question is just what gets answered more quickly and clearly in most cases.)

The Gift Basket (another of our sidesystems) calls their sections "rafters". Incidentally, they have the second largest known number of sections for a sidesystem in our system. The leader in that category is the Unknown Sidesystem, and it's one of the few things we know about the sections they're associated with, as they're very secretive about their sections of the innerworld. Some sidesystems, however, only have one section, which can be of any size.

(When we were first exploring our innerworld, we actually considered each sidesystem to have its own innerworld – and for free-floating sections to be self-contained innerworlds – due to this confusing arrangement of certain sections being attached to certain sidesystems. Perhaps we'll bring that idea back – it would certainly help with categorizing sections.)

There are also sections of our innerworld that aren't attached to any specific sidesystem. For example, there's the Storage Room, which is a storeroom just floating in the void (hence the term "free-floating" to describe it and other such sections).

Interestingly enough, whether you create your own area or section in the innerworld has little bearing on whether or not it will be attached to a specific sidesystem. A and R have made sections separate from the main section of their sidesystem that are, nevertheless, attached to said sidesystem. One of our subsystems created their own bedroom that attached itself to a sidesystem none of us previously knew existed, not even them. And one of us made a free-floating library that remains free-floating to this day. You don't even have to be part of a specific sidesystem to make a section or area that becomes attached to it/them! How does this work? We have no clue!

These sections themselves have a lot of variety in them, so describing them is a bit difficult. Most seem to follow a certain theme – for example, the main section of the Gift Basket is themed like winter at a great estate, and so there's always snow there. For another, the Noir Agency is themed with aesthetics that come to mind when one thinks of detectives and private investigators, and doesn't have much in the way of weather or seasons. And it always seems to be nighttime in the Partridge System when I visit them.

The only other unifying thing I can think of about our innerworld is that physics (and other rules of nature) tend to operate more on dream or [typical] video game logic than anything else. But we don't experiment with this much, so I can't say much for certain except that jumping out a window from several stories up will not leave you recovering for several months like it would in the outer world. ... Yes, I acknowledge that is a highly specific example.

This one... turned out longer than We expected it to. Jeez. And it's very possible that We'll learn even more about how our innerworld works in the future. Hope this answers your question, though! Thanks for the ask!

[the-indigo-symphony]

🌧️ ☀️ 🪐

🌧️- Does anyone have a favorite number?

I think some of us do, mainly the littles. We generally like multiples of 7, but if you asked for a collective favorite number, the answer would probably be 51. But I don't think many of us have very strong preferences towards any numbers in that way.

Someone in the front is suggesting 18, though, so there's that as an answer.

☀️- Do you have any non-human alters (including hybrids)?

Honestly, it's a genuine question in this system if any of us are truly and only human, as we may be collectively dragon-ish in some way. But yes, we have plenty of non-human folks in here! Constantine's non-human in a general sort of way, Kyou's a werewolf, and Kirlia's a, well, Kirlia, just to name some examples.

🪐- Most chaotic group?

You know, that's actually kind of hard to identify. I would say the SZC, but they're relatively tame, I just see more of what they get up to.

Probably the members of the Unknown Sidesystem. I only get glimpses of what's going on in there whenever the members of it care to share, but they have a certain vibe to them that makes me suspect I wouldn't expect anything that goes on in their sidesystem. A very specific brand of chaos they have going on.

Thanks for the ask!

[the-indigo-symphony]

"But I didn't notice you switching! I didn't see you acting differently!!" You did, actually, you just phrased it as:

"You're quieter than usual."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Quite the chatterbox today, aren't you?"

"But you said (x opinion) earlier!"

"You don't need to use big words, you can talk like you normally do."

"You're too old to play pretend."

"I thought you liked/didn't like (x)?"

"What's the occasion for this sudden fanciness/attention to detail?"

"When did you gain such an attitude?"

"You're such a strange child."

"Your demeanor changed."

"It's like you see (x) and a switch is flipped."

"Don't act like you're a little kid."

"What's with the sudden accent?"

"Are you alright?"

"Talking like a Victorian child now, are you?"

"You're so... quirky."

Just because you didn't know the word for what was going on doesn't mean it didn't happen. You just substituted what you didn't know with what you saw as the most logical conclusion (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just when you continue to press your assumption even when told what the reality is that you become rude). It's not your fault that you missed the signs, but the signs were there, and we'd like to have some acknowledgement of that.