#talkinghelps

[leighnetwork]

🤗 For anyone who needs support now or anytime - you’re not alone 🤗

Image description: Pale blue/purple background. At the top there is a white box inside is blue writing that reads, support for you this festive period. Underneath information for the following, Mind 0300 123 3393 open 10am to 6pm weekdays except bank holidays, Samaritans 116 123 always open, CALM Campaign Against Living Miserably 0800 58 58 58 open 5pm to midnight, CALL if you live in Wales 0800 132 737 and The Mix if you’re under twenty five 0808 808 4994 open 4pm to 11pm.

#support #mind #samaritans #calm #call #theMix #reachOut #mentalHealth #talkingHelps

[thelittlepoppyseed-blog]

The little blog which listens to the quieter voices <3

[graeble]

I miss her now and then. When the house is quiet and all the rooms are dark.

Now and then I'll remember why we couldn't go on. I miss her, but I'm glad she's gone.

I miss her now and then. When I'm taking my dog out for a run i know she's left a mark.

[aunaturelprosaic]

Evening #mindworks #stressrelief #mentalhealth #beloved #talktoyourman #talkinghelps #talkback #heartfeltquotes #heartfelt #talk https://www.instagram.com/p/CSRXFlRALjC/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nottinghamcounselling]

You don’t need a #diagnosis of a #mentalhealth condition to see a #counsellor or #therapist. If you just #dontfeelright or you’re #feelingdown #talkinghelps . #catmemes #felines #counselling #gedling #gedlingcounsellor #mapperley #mapperleycounselling #carltonnottingham #carltoncounselling #netherfield #netherfieldcounsellor #ng4 #ng4counselling #nottingham #nottinghamcounselling #elainebondcounselling (at Elaine Bond Counselling Services) https://www.instagram.com/p/CH7i6-LFczq/?igshid=8xab9kmzujne

[becomingabetterme-allieharris]

Sharing A Wednesday Prayer🙏🏾 • Check on your strong friend today. • You don’t have to hurt alone. Let’s heal together. • 1-800-273-TALK • #promotingwellness #talkinghelps #donthurtalone #supports #helpersonetoanother #faithbasedtherapist #prayers #therapy #God+Therapy=ABetterMe #becomingabetterme💙 https://www.instagram.com/p/CC8cXPVh91_/?igshid=l2dkj14v9ngp

[islandsmilesandcardigans]

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week May18th- May 22nd. In support of this here's a lovely article @dermotkennedy did with @hotpressmagazine 's " Now We're Talking 2019" campaign ⠀ It was a partnership between Lyons Tea, Pieta House & Hot Press where various artists discussed mental health. Swipe to read what Dermot said on the topic....or the link to the article is in my bio ⠀[  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀] Ive added 'What have I Done' as it's lyrics can be interpreted to how we berate ourselves for the decisions we've made with lives like "I thought I'd be better off alone " and "I never thought I needed saving". So poignant this week 💚 ⠀ Let’s break the stigma and make a dialogue about mental health issues ♡⠀ #dermotkennedy #NowWe'reTalking #dermotkennedyfanpage #dermotkennedyinterview #breakthestigma #mentalhealthmatters #talkinghelps (at Ireland, Europe) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAYRtJohPcB/?igshid=16nxfc0d39by9

[srfadoption]

Im not perfect That’s right! We are all human… I mean, horses. you tell your truth buddy!!! #horserescue #adoptme #talkinghelps #human

[importantpartycopbonk]

‪Being rich isn’t having more than someone else, it’s not needing anything. If you feel like you have everything you need but somehow you can’t obtain the things you want, counseling can help.‬ ‪Talk to someone today.‬ ‪(702) 608-5152‬ ‪#MentalHealthMatters #achordoorway #mindfulness #TherapyWorks #therapy #talk #talkinghelps #counseling #reach #squirrel ‬ ‪achortherapyllcnv.com‬ https://www.instagram.com/p/B_fds_AnXil/?igshid=1x11wgstyh8yz

[melkennett]

April is sexual assault awareness month! Sending love to survivors around the world! We’ve got this! 💕 #sexualassault #awareness #itsmybodynotyours #talkinghelps https://www.instagram.com/p/B-2Bd_Lh6Km/?igshid=1q9tlgf60mrs7

[henryskat2014]

#AREWEOKUK?? Creating a safe space with no pressure and no judgement allowing people to come and talk, share their experiences or even just listen. Starting conversations. Normalising negative stigmas and making communication normal. So honoured to have been asked to share my success story as the #MsGreatBritain2ndRU, I spoke freely about the struggles and adversity I had overcome to achieve my successes. Kat ~ #MsGreatBritainFinalist2020 #AREWEOK #areweoksevenoaks #sharing #sharingiscaring #talkinghelps #normalisingcommunication #community #communication #itsgoodtotalk #MentalHealthAwareness #publicspeaking (at Sevenoaks, Kent) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9W-sMHp3zz/?igshid=95zsayi641b1

[toad-counselling-ltd]

Perception is Everything!!! The perception is, is that we all carry stuff around with us each day. We do not see what people carry and we all can generally hide what is going on in our lives that we struggle with. But it can get to a point where the strain of the crap we carry has built up so much we can then be seen to struggle. If you can imagine yourself carrying around one piece of paper full of crap and burdens, and as that day went on, more sheets of paper are added with more crap. People do not realise how heavy more than one sheet of paper can get when it keeps adding. Next thing you know you are carrying 2500 sheets of paper and struggling to walk due to the weight. Shred the paper you do not need and lighten the burden you carry one sheet at a time. Many wonder how this can be achieved, you can do this through personal therapy where a trained professional can help you learn new skills and tools to not have to carry so much paper around. #heavy #burden #life #struggle #perception #hide #thestrain #full #realise #adding #weight #lighten #professional #therapy #talk #talking #talkinghelps #share #counselling #psychotherapy (at Toad Counselling Ltd) https://www.instagram.com/p/CU91Rrps2I0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[cacaopapow]

#worldmentalhealthday - my mental health history involves self harm, anxiety, obsessive thinking, panic attacks counseling, CBT and, more recently, bereavement. It's all an ongoing process. Talking to people about what is going on makes a difference - no matter small. #lookafteryourself #talkinghelps https://www.instagram.com/p/B3ctpL1Ak7WStcVbtDPpQ4iRNELMvEr_nT0GeA0/?igshid=m3jgwhjojh50

[lovelightharmony-blog]

The past few days I have been anxious, tired and felt defeated. There are lot of things and mostly feelings I can’t seem to shake off. I bring my work back home causing insomnia. Someone told me today to “ just don’t think” well that’s way easier said than done. I have absolutely no clue how not to think. The pas things I’ve neem afk.. not because I wanted to, but because I only had the energy and capability to go to work and back to sleep. I have been mostly focussing on not getting a full fletched panic and anxiety attack.. it is going better today, I had an amazing talk at work, clearing a lot of the clouds in my head and it made the thunder lay down a bit. I am getting there! - - - #anxietyproblems #talkinghelps #healing #reflecting #venting #thanksforlistening #lovelightharmonyshop https://www.instagram.com/p/Buzh4ZgnsEy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1qiwd0516t57g

[toriastrinkets]

Did you know it is Children’s Mental Health Week? I know I have suffered from mental health issues for most of my life and they started when I was at school. I firmly believe that we need to start talking more about mental health and stop treating it as a taboo subject. We go to the doctor 🥼 when we have a broken leg so why not go to a counsellor or psychologist when we have a problem with our brain 🧠? Let’s treat mental health proactively and give people the support they need. Don’t judge someone for struggling. I will be going live on the Torias Trinkets page later this week to talk about my mental health journey. Why not share yours and support your friends. 😊 #toriastrinkets #childrensmentalhealthweek #talkinghelps #mentalhealthawareness #youngminds #speakout #strongwomen #healthymind #youngmindsmatter #itsokaynottobeokay #heartizan #iamaheartizan #emitionalwellbeing #mentalhealthmatters (at Toria's Trinkets) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtgQJ3XluNN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1c0bbd4y2r8vh

[rewritingtrauma]

Triggers, trauma & togetherness in lockdown

Dear Reader,

Whoever you are, wherever you are, welcome. 

Let’s all just put the kettle on, sit down for a while, and enjoy one another’s company, alone but together. I propose we use the 5 minutes it takes to read this blog post to make a shared space where we are going to let our demons rest for a while. And perhaps, after reading you can reflect on your own (feel free to DM or email me if you’d like to chat about them after). 

...Got a brew?...(preferably a biscuit too)? 

Go on, seriously, give yourself five minutes. Call it self care, communing or research, whatever you need to give yourself permission for a rest. 

This current situation we are all in, the isolation and uncertainty of the pandemic and lock down which elicits such profound feelings of fear and anxiety can be overwhelming. Whether you are someone with a history of past trauma or not, these are incredibly difficult, mentally and emotionally challenging times. Helplessness, fear and loss of control can make anyone feel lost and alone. 

Then there are the unexpected triggers. 

Last night, for instance, I was hosting a zoom meeting with friends when one of the participants was kicked out of the chat. Whether a glitch in the programme or something I had done unwittingly, this unleashed a heated and emotional scramble on both sides of the digital divide. The friend, who obviously thought they had been deliberately excluded, had an emotional crash on their end whist I, on the other side, baffled and anxious, tried to trouble shoot the problem. At the time, in the heat of all those emotions and feeling like the enemy in the room, I was panicked, my blood was up, I felt out of control, great waves of guilt and anxiety flooding my capacity to function... Though I didn’t realise it at the time, the situation had pushed a trigger.

That night, after the zoom meeting had ended (my friend managed to get back into the room eventually) I had a bad night with some incredibly vivid nightmares. 

What happened? How did something small, everyday, easily fixed (relatively, even for a technophobe like me) trigger a real regression into past trauma? 

This morning I took time to reflect on what happened. I thought about my friend, her tearful and heated emotional response. I thought of my own experience of panic, anxiety and overwhelming guilt. I thought about the nightmares... I was on the edge of the spiral, I could feel the inescapable downward pull. 

I sat there, at the edge, with those feelings. 

At first it felt impossible, the descent inevitable... I kept trying to breathe, to let the thoughts and emotions fly and pass but they kept pushing down on me... focus on the breath... I thought... breathe in... breathe out... fear, sadness, loneliness....

...breathe in.... 

...breathe out... 

... but slowly, oh so slowly, something began to shift... 

...breathe in... 

...breathe out... 

...overwhelm gradually became discomfort... 

...

...

... and gradually.... 

...

...

...discomfort shifted into a sort of separate space...

...breathe in...

...breathe out...

...Until they were outside of me. There they were: These familiar shades no longer sitting on my chest but close, like friends, lashed to me with a thick, invisible rope. 

It was only then, when I could sit beside them, give them space and regard their faces I could answer my own question “What happened?” 

The answer, simply enough (though it didn’t feel it at the time) was that the interaction with my friend had pushed an old and embedded trigger - the trigger of blame = guilt & worthlessness. 

Those of us who grew up with abusive, coercive or manipulative parents or who have survived abusive relationships know intimately the feelings of blame, shame and gas lighting. Some of us even learn at an early age to scapegoat ourselves as a tactic for dealing with difficult situations: if you take the blame (whether that’s actual blame or somehow making a fool of yourself) you can take the emotional heat out of a situation. Other people in the situation are relieved, there is an answer and an end to the problem, whilst, in the mean time, you have confirmed what you knew all along, that you are, ultimately, to blame for everything*. But there is a great cost to blame - and that is our sense of self. 

*I imagine this may be, in part, what some comedians do? 

The dynamics of blame and shame assume a victim (or accuser) and a perpetrator (or accused). It is a binary of right and wrong, good and bad. In that small interaction my friend felt she was being victimised and that I was the perpetrator. We both felt under attack, in different ways and for different reasons. Her emotional response was a trigger to my emotional response. If, at that time, I had been able to slow down and stand outside of those overwhelming, seemingly ineluctable feelings, I might have been more effective at trouble shooting and soothing my friend... I may have avoided a night of bad dreams and flashbacks. 

------

The title, and intention, of this blog which I started in 2018 was to track my progress in processing and transforming trauma into something else, something positive, or manageable. I hoped it might be a resource, or talking point, for people going through similar experiences. What I am learning, however, on this long journey which is full of set backs and surprises, is that we will get things wrong and we must forgive ourselves for that. I got that interaction with my friend wrong, I didn’t deal with her victim trigger well and I didn’t recognise that I had been triggered. If it happened again tomorrow, I might be able to recognise those emotions sooner and slow things down a bit.

The other thing that I am learning on this journey is that I will probably never be able to ‘cure myself’ of trauma. In the past, when a doctor or a therapist said to me “this will probably never go away” I would cry, I would get angry at the injustice of everything, of my feelings of utter helplessness... but now I am starting to realise that, by working with trauma and making space for the various triggers, meltdowns, breakdowns and emotions, I may just find ways to live alongside these monsters in my mental garden. 

With love and brightest wishes always,

Stay safe,

Iris x

P.S. One last note below but please note the  ***TRIGGER WARNING*** 

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In the first two weeks of the Covid-19 lockdown, 10 women in the UK were murdered by men they lived with(1). We are all suffering at the moment but vulnerable women and children are suffering more than most. There are three things we can do to fight against domestic violence and abuse; 

1. Check in with friends and neighbours (of course respecting social distancing measures) and if you are concerned about someone email Women’s Aid helpline@womensaid.org.uk 

2. If you can afford to, please donate to local women’s shelters or to Women’s Aid. 

3. Keep sharing your stories. The more we talk about domestic abuse, the more others feel like they are not alone and can come forward with their own experiences. It might just save someone’s life.

Thank you gentle reader.

x

1.  https://www.theguardian.com/society/commentisfree/2020/apr/12/i-know-the-trauma-of-abuse-in-the-home-so-i-fear-for-women-in-lockdown