#teaanddorkcoal

[tea-and-charcoal]

When I was a kid, i too wondered why my parents cleaned so obsessively before my friends came over when I knew they didn't care. Now that im that adult, I've realized it has less to do with judgement and more to do with being given a deadline that can convince my brain its worth it to get the house as clean as I'd like it to be, rather than the "i have to at minimum do these things" that wins every other day

[teaafterdarkcoal]

Today's "I am too queer for this conversation" at work was my boss mentioning seeing some very large men in speedos at a motorcycle rally and everyone else in the room going "oh why ew?" Fucking pearls before swine. Put me in there so I can get my back blown out.

[teaandcharchives]

GUESS WHO'S OUT OF HORNY JAIL, MOTHERFUCKERS?

[askskyrimjohnkat]

dear hussie:

thank you for distracting me from studying for my Very Important Exam and instead giving my ridiculous worldbuilding self one very messed up universe that makes no sense which will take more backstory to make make logical sense than skyrim. and skyrim was written by bethesda. the company that was like “yeah, our central province was cursed so its now a europe-ish climated fantasy world” and “there’s totally gender equality in the same system that historically lead to seclusion and control of women in order to ensure lineage.”

well, at least i know what im doing next.

[tea-and-charcoal]

The problem with creating niche stuff that makes you happy is that sometimes it takes a long, long time to find another person it also makes happy.

However, the saving grace of niche work is that when that right person finds it, they will be as excited as anyone has ever been.

[tea-and-charcoal]

So, my boss came to me and asked for a velociraptor-free workplace sign, probably because my brand of faggotry came with passable design skills. Unfortunately, he did not realize it also came with (probable) autism, a deep appreciation for avian animals, and a love of farce.

I did put in alt text, but also transcription under cut

Dear management: We would like to put forth a formal complaint about this speciesist anti-velociraptor policy. Though the velociraptor faced harsh defamation by Crichton et al. in the 1990 monograph, Jurassic Park, those velociraptors described by Crichton et al. were heavily genetically manipulated and placed in enclosures without sufficient stimulus for such intelligent creatures. Crichton, the primary author on this monograph, was studying the limits of genetic engineering, not the chosen species themselves. Velociraptors, being native to Mongolia, would be an invasive species if released into the wilds of Nevada (Though they may be naturalized if preyed upon by our larger native Utah raptors). However, much like housecats, when properly kept inside and cared for they can be wonderful companions. They are also roughly the size of a turkey and pose less danger to humans than your average golden retriever. Jules the Velociraptor has been an occasional guest to Reading with Rover at [REDACTED] Library when dogs and large rabbits have been unable to fill in, and she is a hit with the kids! Of course, pets are not allowed in the museum, but we firmly believe that emotional support and service dromaeosaurids (including velociraptors), ornithomimids, and troodontids should be let in with their handlers. This will help the museum to cultivate a diverse audience among individuals with disabilities. However, we should continue kicking out anyone who tries to bring in a stupid Deinonychus. Those things are jerks and stole my sandwich once. Also they keep knocking over the dollhouse. Sincerely, Museum Employees Accepting Theropods

[tea-and-charcoal]

Yanno, I saw a post on here a little while ago that was like "my blog is not a finely curated museum, it is a bunch of things I like." And I think the reason that it's been click-clackin around in my brain so much is that I am literally a museum curator and so much of what goes into exhibits and permanent collection is based on the curator/collection manager/exhibit designer going "Yes, this thing... I like it." Justification comes later.

[tea-and-charcoal]

She suck on my

Til i blow

[tea-and-charcoal]

TIL my wife @flailmorpho gets notification whenever I post here, so hi honey ❤️

[tea-and-charcoal]

Gotta say, I love watching more mutuals come online and slowly gain the boop button. I will get you all. Multiple times. (I gota get to 1000 for that badge)

[tea-and-charcoal]

I have finally figured out that it's NOT that we shouldn't have told the straights about bears and twinks, the problem is that we *only* told them about those two, so they're wandering around like someone who only knows about fish and birds trying to figure out which to call a dog.

[tea-and-charcoal]

Tfw you're nodding along bc a post has a lot of good points, and then it makes a sudden left into "AND THAT'S WHY [members of other marginalized group] ARE THE MOST BIGOTED!" Like how do you understand so much of the mechanics of oppression up until you get to who's to blame for it?

[tea-and-charcoal]

So today we were looking for decorations for the baby shower. This is an actual theme they have at party city. For a party about a fetus.

The cis need to be stopped.

[tea-and-charcoal]

Made a sex scene more explicit to get more character stuff in there, and now im worried it's too smutty as I am a smut writer normally, and my wife, who is also a smut writer, thinks its fine but i dont knoooowwww

[tea-and-charcoal]

Things we have learned today:

Do not impulse bake less than 2 hours before bed

Do not impulse bake without checking your current stock of staple ingredients

If you must impulse bake without checking your current stock of staple ingredients, don't do it on a day you're morally opposed to engaging in commerce (ie, for me, any federal holiday)

2 cups of zucchini is a lot less zucchini than you think it is, and this DOES mean you may have to double the recipe, making the previous two points more important

Zucchini bread is delicious enough that I probably WILL make all these mistakes again.

[tea-and-charcoal]

Very excited to announce the collab I'm working on with my wife, @flailmorpho ! Current planned release date of June 2024!