#team fortess 2 au

[retiredspy-timeline-cross-au]

all parts

part 10 >part 11< part12

---text below cut---

*inaudible*

Scout: Hm?

Collie: Gabriel, you need to think—

Gabriel: NO. You need to think, Collie. I can’t blame you for being emotional but you’re not thinking clearly right now. That. Is. Not. Him.

Collie: I KNOW. I know that, alright? Of course I do. I;m not the naive moron you suddenly mistake me for. Don’t forget: I see through you, Jacques.

Collie: I don’t think it’s me who’s being blinded by emotions. You need something to do, someone to blame. That’s just who you are, abeille à sucre. [Translation: sugar bee.]

Collie: You didn’t see his face. He was horrified. 

Gabriel: Okay. I trust you. Please just be careful, my little cauliflower.

[thebadchoicemachine]

Pauling In Blunderland 2

TF2 Alice in Wonderland AU

All Chapters • Ao3

Chapter 2/14 - That Talking Plank Of Wood Is From Texas, Apparently

“WOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!” Pauling cried in absolute delight as she rushed downward.

She had no idea how long she’d been sliding but the wind was rushing, she was heading into someplace that was probably exciting , and she was having the time of her life. 

TUNK. 

“ OW.” 

Her fun was cut short by a red and blue checkered floor and/or ceiling. Specifically, it was cut short because she slammed into the surface head-first.

She flopped onto her back, life flashing before her eyes. Amazingly, she wasn’t dead or paralyzed. Aside from the initial shock of the impact, plus some minor residual pain, she was completely fine. 

 She looked up, squinting, following the rope into the darkness. She’d been going down feet first, how did she end up on her head? 

  Pauling stumbled upright, taking in her new surroundings.

She was in a bizarre, workshop-like place. Strange machines of every shape and size cluttered the area. The only place that wasn’t lined with some kind of tool, mechanism, or contraption was the spot where she’d landed. She couldn’t tell how big the room was because there didn’t appear to be any walls, just shadows that circled the eye-straining floor. It gave off a liminal effect. 

The space was a distinctly average temperature despite all the purring motors and, though she couldn’t see anything being worked on, the sound of saws, fireballs, hammers, and various other tools rang into the air. 

The construction ambiance took an unbalanced pattern, almost like a percussion performance—almost. The whirring and banging blended into an uncanny rhythm. It wasn’t musical, but if she didn’t pay attention she’d mistake it for one. The not-quite-a-song was low and quiet, relaxing even. A little country. It gave Pauling the image of casually lounging around a campfire or breakroom. 

“Whoah there, Miss. That was quite a tumble,” a deep, clement voice echoed around her, cutting through the not-music.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” She swiveled her head, trying to find the source of the voice. “So, stranger living in a weird factory under a bomb hatch, have you by any chance seen an anthropomorphic rabbit run by here? Not a furry,” she quickly clarified. “Like an actual animal person.”

“You mean Scout? Sure have. Everyone gets a load of that kid, whether they want to or not.”

“Oh, well, that’s great because I do want to. Find him, that is. I’m sorry, I can’t focus when I can’t see you. Where are you?

“Over here, missy,” the voice called again.

Pauling spun around, still unable to locate any person. 

“No, over here. Ma’am. Over HERE.”

Even with his raised voice giving her a sense of his general direction, she couldn't find him. “I don’t see anything but your machines. Can you come to me?” 

“You’re a bit touched, ain’tcha? Course I can’t! Ah, here, just head where the sentries are pointing.”

Suddenly, every machine in the room spun. Pauling jumped back as several turrets aimed themselves right at her. 

She turned around slowly, carefully tracing the direction of the pointers with her finger. They led to a solid gate-shaped piece of wood that blended into the clutter. It was also smaller than the average machine in the room, only about as high as her ribcage. 

The pattern of the wood gave it the vague outline of a simplistic face. Two oddly round knots for the eyes, a bump in the center that could be interpreted as a nose, and cracks that impersonated a mouth. 

The pane of wood was different—it wasn’t mechanical like everything else—but she still could not see the person she was talking to.

Maybe I’m meant to do something with this first? Pauling questioned, reaching down to touch one of the knots.

“Owch!” The block yelled as her finger tapped against it.  

Pauling shrieked, falling backward into a jagged pile of open toolboxes. She fumbled to straighten her glasses but her clear vision only confirmed the scene in front of her. 

The face on the wood was not a coincidental pattern of the plank. The face on the wood was a face. A moving, speaking face. The “eyes” looked more like goggles, but they moved and blinked, and they stared down at her. 

It chuckled, “What’s wrong? I ain’t that ugly.” Its voice was still amiable and calming, despite her horrified reaction. 

“I just… I just didn’t realize you were a… a… actually, I still have no idea what you are.”

“So, Scout racing around (probably causing trouble for a girl like you) ain’t no thing, but me sitting in my own workshop gets you yowling like a pig on a ham holiday?” 

Pauling thought about it. This wasn’t much weirder than anything else she’d seen today. “I see your point,” she conceded, standing up and brushing loose screws out of her hair. “Sorry for stabbing you in the eye goggles thing.”

“It’s fine, nice to have a ruckus caused by someone knew for once. I’m the Engineer. Nice to meet you, Miss…?”

“Pauling.” She instinctively held out a hand, awkwardly moving it to fix her sleeve when she realized Engineer didn’t have any hands to shake. 

“Pauling, huh? Never heard of those before. What do you do?”

“Mostly I work in ‘clean up.’ You know, fixing and preventing messes.”

“Clean up, huh? You won’t have much use for that ‘round here.”

Pauling couldn’t help but grin. “Thank God. It’s actually pretty boring.”

“In that case, I can see why you’d wanna find Scout.”

“Right!” Pauling had almost forgotten. “Which way did he go?”

“Through me.”

“Oh, uh, are you a door?” 

Engineer smiled, amused. “I’m the Engineer. I make doors, in a way, but I’d consider myself more of a wall. A chart, a dossier, if you will. The quick way in and out of most places is to ask me.” 

“In that case, can you help me find rabbit boy? Please?”

“You see that machine over there?” The turrets spun around again, this time pointed at a tiny contraption on top of one of the various larger ones. “That’s where he went.”

Pauling picked it up, squinting to examine it before placing it back down on the other machine. It wasn’t much bigger than a lego but it looked like an incredibly complicated piece of equipment. 

“How do I use it?”

“Hold on, now. You’re a bit too big for that.”

“What, is there a weight limit?” She joked. 

“Uh.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Technically. ‘Course, I wouldn’t have said it that way but, yes, there is. You really think you could fit on top of that right now? It’s no problem, though. You see that machine it was sitting on? That there’s a dispenser.”

The dispenser churned to life as he spoke, spitting out a white tablet. 

“Take that, it’ll get you where you need to go.”

Pauling took the tablet between her fingers and held it up to her eye. It was chalky, unmarked, and altogether suspicious. In her gut, she felt like she could trust Engineer, but in her head, she knew that popping pills from talking walls was a very stupid idea. 

Then again, she might already be in a hallucination. 

Pauling didn’t know why she hadn’t considered the possibility sooner. She’d already had so many weird things happen: humanoid rabbits, magical mechanic workshops in upside-down bomb hatches, and, most unbelievable of all, she’d been given a break!

“Hey, Engineer, you said this is the quickest but is there any other way out of here?” 

“I wouldn’t know,” he replied, doing the closest thing to shrugging he could. “I suppose if you started walking you might end up somewhere new eventually, but I’ve always been content with my projects here. My workshop is a big place.”

“Uh-huh.” Pauling looked around again. Just as she (kind of) expected, the rope she’d come down on was nowhere to be found. When she looked up, all she saw was the same liminal darkness that ebbed the edges of the room. “So, there’s no way I could get back, right?”

“Back where?”

“You know, my world.”

Engineer stared blankly. “I’d have to say no to that. I can’t send you somewhere I don’t know. Besides, travel anywhere outside of Blunderland ain’t really my business.” 

“Blunderland?” 

“Well, where else would we be?” He spoke gently and with a subtle humor as if she was talking nonsense.

“Yup. Okay. Copy that.”

Either this is a dream and nothing bad can happen to me, or this is real and I don’t have a choice, Pauling reasoned to herself. She held the tablet up to Engineer. “Welp, bottoms up.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” She popped the tablet and swallowed it dry. 

Strangely, although she barely had it in her mouth, it was extremely flavorful. The idea of char, bread, bacon, olives, and alcohol twisted around her tongue as if she’d just eaten a large lunch. She smacked her lips, trying to tell if the taste was bad or not. 

Aside from the weird savoriness, she didn’t feel any different. She turned to ask Engineer how long it would take for the effect to set in. Rather than the short plank of wood she expected, she was met instead with an eye-to-eye view.

She faltered. “Did you get taller?” 

“Nope.”

“Then did I— Woah.” Her question was answered before she could ask it. Everything in the room suddenly rushed upward, expanding, as she saw herself shrink. 

  Pauling blinked rapidly. She rubbed and tapped her face, trying to come to her senses again. 

She was still standing upright, but it felt as though she’d blacked out. At first glance, her surroundings didn’t look different; machines ranging from giant to tiny encircled her still. They still thumped and puffed along to that odd not-rhythm. 

“Engineer?” She called into the clangor. 

His response was booming. “Up here.”

She obeyed, searching upward to find Engineer was now the size of a house compared to her. She laughed in wonder. “I shrunk!” 

“That was the idea,” Engineer beamed with a humble tint of pride. “Now, just step on the teleporter and you can be on your way.”

“Great! Where’s the teleporter?”

“It’s the first machine I showed you. That little feller.”

“You mean the one I left on the top of the dispenser?” She sheepishly asked. 

“Er, yeah. That would be the one. 

Pauling sighed. “Okay. This is fine. I’ll just have to go for an unplanned climb. Annoying, but not the end of the world.”

“Ain’t that thing like a mountain to you right now? I respect the gumption, but you could just use that little dispenser down there. No disrespect intended, ma’am,” he politely added. “I’m sure you could do it on your own if you wanted."

Pauling looked to her right, noticing a dispenser with a freshly dispensed tablet waiting. “Oh. That’ll be easier.”

She picked up the pill and took it, this time prepared for the dizzying ordeal of size-shifting. The dispenser next to her shrunk down into a miniature. She watched as Engineer also shrunk until he was back to his rib-high height—and then he was waist-high… then thigh-high… then knee-high. When she finally stopped, she could pluck him up like doll furniture. 

“Well I’ll be,” he marveled. “I should probably label the dosage on these a bit more clearly.” 

Pauling was far less casual about the over-corrective rection. “What do I do now?” 

“Right, right, sorry, I get carried away when it comes to my machines sometimes.”

“That teleporter has gotta be smaller than my fingernail at this point!”

“I don't know! You got any tweezers on you or something?”

“Actually, I might. Hold on.” 

Pauling slung the pack she had off her soldiers. She riffled through a side pocket and pulled out a little case, clicking it open to reveal a set of tools tucked neatly inside. 

“Nice. You’re my kind of person,” Engineer complimented.

“Thanks. That’s one bonus of my work, I guess. I always have to be prepared.”

She reached down and carefully lifted the dispenser, cupping her hands to ensure the teleporter wouldn’t fall. She gently lifted the teleporter with her tweezers. 

Now, how am I supposed to get the shrinking tablet? It’s like a grain of sand to me now. She wondered. Hmm. What if I just…

She put the dispenser up to her mouth and licked it. At first, all she could taste was metal like she’d put a quarter in her mouth. Then, that lunchmeats/cider flavor spread through her tongue again, and vertigo coursed through her senses again. 

  An onrush once again overtook her body and the room expanded around her. Or, rather, it expended below her as she was abruptly a few miles up in the air, free-falling and the tiniest she’d ever been. 

The teleporter grew as well, busting out of her tweezer’s grip. It was now the size of a longboard. It hovered in the air next to Pauling for a split second before it began plummeting much faster than her. 

“Ah! Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell, oh hell,” she panicked. 

Her wits took a while to catch up to her as she fell toward the gargantuan steel-filled room below. She flailed before realizing she still had a way out of this that didn’t involve her splatting onto a dispenser like a squished fly.

She gained composure (as much composure as one could while flailing in the air towards an ever-approaching doom) and straightened herself into a diving position. 

Gaining on the teleporter, she shouted to Engineer, “How does this thing work?”

“You just gotta stand on top, it’ll do the rest!” 

Pauling gave a firm and determined nod, although there was no way Engineer would be able to see her response. She stuck her arms out, stretching like rubber, but her fingertips only brushed the edge of the teleporter. 

Too short on time to risk reaching again, she dove again and fell beneath the teleporter and spread out. 

“Oof,” she spluttered as the clunky machine hit her in the chest. 

A glance from the side of her vision let her know she had about ten seconds before she turned into a stain. She wrapped her arms around the teleporter and heaved herself to the right side. The bricks on the end began to spin wildly until all she could see was a blurry circle. 

“Good luck!” She heard Engineer say just before she hit the surface and her vision went bright. 

[bonkwtf]

Saw him and wanted to draw him

(TF2 x SU AU + spy n medic fusion by @lenny-link)

[k1stune]

Splatoon au? Splatoon au

[timtamtomme]

THEY BUGGIN FR

For real, this au by @witheon is so FUN!! (hope the tag is okay!) These guys make my brain chemicals bubble like a dopamine stew, I just HAD to sketch them!! I dont often make fanart of other's aus, but I couldnt help myself with these guys! Cant wait to see more of your work!! ^^

[0bs1d1ankn1ght]

was rewatching su and came across the cat fingers episode thought of @lenny-link 's tf2 x su au and went "yeah that'd probably happen to scout"

[rainbowdelicsunshine]

Hello!

I'm looking for anyone willing to RP as any of the 9 Mercs from TF2 (would prefer Medic, Spy, Scout, Soldier, Sniper or Engie but any of the Mercs would be Amazing) while I RP as their daughter LuluBelle (Lulu for Short) and Occasionally the other two PolyMercs Kiddos Leon and Aria

You can find all info on my AU Here and Here!

Please and thank you!!

[boimann]

[confession-session]

TF2 x Inside Out 2

So I just saw Inside Out 2 AND ALMOST FUCKING CRIED that movie hit me THAT hard

so yall know of course my first thought was to combine it with my longstanding hyperfixation

Joy - Demo

Sadness - Pyro

Anger - Soldier

Fear - Medic

Disgust - Sniper

Anxiety - Engie

Envy - Scout

Ennui - Spy (french nonchalance for the win)

Embarrassment - Heavy

may change!! but these are my hcs for now

i might make fanart... if i can get my motivation to cooperate pls

[daily-scout-tf2]

day 4

sorry i love the tv filters. this apology is fake i will keep doing it. anyway. robot scoot got me thinking about the teufort nine as robots in 0046incognito's CMY2K, yeah

[janessa-lapiz]

Oh ye... I forgot this one. It still exists but I decided to post it. Plus I made this meme and the video is not mine

[retiredspy-timeline-cross-au]

could I hear some more about AU Scout 👉👈

• MLB player, but was a writer in his spare time/as a fallback

• Unlike C!Scout he cannot draw to save his life

• Instead of having a mixed accent, he switches between his Boston and French modes (usually based on which parent he's talking to)

• Aside from lacking the scars and having longer hair, he looks/dresses almost exactly like c!Scout.

• He has a serious problem getting genuinely close with anyone and is a big loner

• This is something he inadvertently learned from his father.

• Spy's doing his best but there's no way some of his trauma training doesn't bleed into the way he raises his son, unfortunately.

• Always wanted a dog but after having The Responsibility Talk with his parents he became too anxious as a little kid. He was thinking about getting one when... you know. Hard to get a puppy when you're dead.

• He's not actually insecure. C!Scout is insecure behind his bravado--Jeremy is just anxious and awkward beneath his charm.

• He loves his ma dearly but isn't as openly affectionate with her. They had a very good relationship, he's still a mama's boy, but he wishes said he loved her more.

[medic-clones]

Hey guys! Sooo... I am gonna use this blog for a new AU!

Called the "Medic Clones"! I won't be deleting the old posts. Because they are memories that me and my friends made! So I am gonna make a new pin post!

So yeah! This is exciting!

[number1yisuchongfan]

Pls pls PLEASE tell us more about your prince sniper au!! I’m already obsessed bc him and scout look so handsome🥺

I’m happy to explain!

Okay some background information:

So it starts with the moment when Bill-Bel gets into an argument with the original (mostly white) ministers of New Zealand about how even though he, a Māori man, saved all of New Zealand from “magma and nuclear war” they refuse to let him join the council and make him a minister.

They tell him because they’re sick of living down there and that’s he’s not worthy of being on there.

In his frustration, he manages to rally up the Māori iwi (tribes) of New Zealand and many of the white New Zealanders, into making him into the king.

He changes everything once he’s in control. The white New Zealanders or Pākehā get sent off to live in their own space within Aotearoa and the Māori get to having the majority their land back.

The next 29 years is quite peaceful, the local nature and wildlife grow in population back to pre colonial times and so does the Māori people. They bring back old ways of life and traditions along with more high tech gadgets (because canonically New Zealand in tf2 was made of extremely smart people).

And now onto the Sniper and Scout part of your question:

And then coming Sniper or I should rather say Mun-Dee Taumata.

He’s next in line and has only really ever known of being a Royal and living like the way he does, in a giant palace with guards always protecting him making him extremely sheltered and honestly very calm person.

He isn’t allowed to go out alone, but Mum-Dee finds his ways, always sneaking out to visit his kiwi, who’s named after the Māori goddess of loyalty Hinekepea, in his family’s Royal Aviary. She tries to protect him and gets angry whenever he comes back smelling like one of the ladies that Bill-Bel set him up with.

Oh, I should mention that the minute he turned 18; Bill-Bel was trying to get him wife so he could make an heir (no matter how many times Mun-Dee explained he was gay)

Then in the summer of 1972, out appears Mann Co. reps (All of RED Team + Miss Pauling and Mr. Bidwell) to try to make an agreement with the Aotearoa government on if they can used some of the Australium they own.

They didn’t know of the change of the government and when they arrived they were shocked to say the least. Scout especially.

The Māori people held a welcoming ceremony or a pōwhiri for the first ever manuhiri (visitors) to their home in 40 years with gifts, dance, music food, and of course, get a personal welcome from the Royal family. Mun-Dee had been extremely excited, and when he was about to do a hongi (which is we’re you touch noses together and do a handshake in welcome) with Scout, he slapped him.

It was a misunderstanding, Scout thought Mun-Dee was going to kiss him so he did some unnecessary self defense.

And that was the exact moment Mun-Dee got his first ever real crush on anyone.

And they eventually get together, Spy tries to blackmail Scout into marrying him quickly so that if Bill-Bel died mysteriously; Scout can be married to a king for political reasons. Scout just wanted Mun-Dee for who he was.

Scout meets Hinekapea and she almost kills him, more like jumped onto his back when he had been trying to make out with Mun-Dee. He leapt off and as soon as he was off of him, Hinekapea got onto Mub-Dee’s chest and made some angry sneezes at him. Mun-Dee had just thought it was cute and apologized to her for bringing Scout without warning.

Here’s a lil comic for when Hinekapea, after having a specialized kiwi home (like a catio almost) put in Mun-Dee’s room so he could always see her, treats Scout:

[brainrotgoverner]

FINALLY have time to watch an other episode of the Scracthed Universe series so I'm just gonna write this post as I watch it cuz I'm OBSESSED with them:

The way Jumpsuit signaled Fixer to get behind him permanently altered my brain chemistry. THIS is the reason I'm watching this series so slowly, im writing them a fic wherever they like of or not XD

Okey, pausing my 2013 fangirl rant to talk about how GREAT the infected are

The mutilated faces are a basic yet extremely effective way to show the virus. It corrupts their faces, like corrupted files. Because that's exactly what they are, they are in a video game and they are made out of digital blood and 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 guts. The faces are unnatural and unique to the character (and even according to game mechanics as the Spy's can hide it), it makes you feel uncomfortable in a way only uncanny valley could and I love that XD

ALSO this moment I'm losing my MIND here with this series-

Another reason I like their dynamic so much is even though Jumpsuit is more comfortable in this environment, Fixer is in no way helpless. Shown in the way how he efficiently held up his own before Jumpsuit showed up to save him from the infected Spy (WHICH only got the upper hand because he was about to backstab him) in the last episode, the way even though he panics frequently and Jumpsuit calming him down definitely helps, he throws in ideas on what to do, fixes sentries and jumps right back up to headshot that Demoman after getting blown up. I like how they both have strong suits in different departments and complete their dynamic. I'm fairly positive they are going to make it out <3 please don't tell me I just jinxed them

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?????? THIS IS ACTUALLY DISTURBING LIKE I'M NOT KIDDING- the other infected were spooky, yes, but this is downright bone-chilling this is WRONG THAT THING SHOULD BE PUT DOWN the only reason I added scared Fixer there is because I genuinely can't handle looking at that thing in full size BUT I might be biased since I was always uncomfortable with hyperrealism in animated horror lol

WHY WON'T IT DIE?????? I mean, I'm happy about the full-white eyes since it's less creepy but NOPE THE EYES ARE BACK JUMPSUIT DO SOMETHING YOUR BOYFRIEND IS SHAKING

To be honest I'm not really sure if the BONKBOT can access the map interface and or if he knows how many people are on the map thanks to his visors or something BUT he is a brilliant character XD he is a perfect way to lower the stakes and sprinkle in some comedy without it feeling out of place

ANOTHER BADASS SCOUT (with AMAZING vocals I mind you) AND HE IS DROPPING SOME DELICIOUS LORE

...what's going on with Fixer?

[mingot-studios]

tf2 magical girl au- anyone interested?

(it;s inspiered by Star Guardian)