#techno wont stream

[benadril]

Calm and collected (lying profusely)

[denzartriste]

Bedrock bros drawing based on this stock photo provided by @epicaxolotls

Alt versions + closeup + talking a LOT under cut about this drawing <3

^ this is technicly the original version, but i really liked the tinted effect i slapped on last minute so thats the one im putting above the cut.

v Crashed my drawing app when doing these effects, it was so worth it look its shiny. Im a simple man i see shiny i eat my own art

v Closeups!!!

The rambling is lightly edited from me blabbing about this drawing in a discord server, so if it's very 'steam of conscious' it is because i was literally texting these thoughts

Okay so the BRAIDS. The braids in it are IMPORTANT okay they are they are

The designs aren't timeline consistent, because i was doing the drawing for me and also @epicaxolotls and both of us solely care about the fact there is bedrock bros and nothing else. So the white in Tommy's hair (THE PART THAT'S BRAIDED!!!) is from being revived.

But Techno doesn't have a braid in his hair, only Tommy. The Blade is a weapon, not something to be cherished and cared for and loved. Braids as a form of love, braid as a love language i will not take criticism because I'm so correct about this. The white in Tommy's hair being the part that's braided, also, that's surely something isn't it that's something that is SOMETHING.

Techno braiding the white part in Tommy's hair, it will still be in the corner of his eye but it will be wrapped in love. It will have bedrock dangling from it. The bedrock is on Tommy's braid because it is a symbol between the two of them, it's something gentle but strong held up by string and neither of them will let the string snap. They won't let is snap.

Techno's bedrock is on his sword - it's on his method of violence, the method of violence Tommy is CALLING ON!!! The violence Tommy is COUNTING ON the violence he is using to protect himself. The sword is made of marble (because it looks cool but ALSO--) Techno's violence is a PROMISE it is a swear an oath from a blood god who will not break it.

No matter what, Techno will be the blade he needs to be. He is as much of a weapon as the tool in his hand.

No matter what. He scars and bleed cold, before he even makes the first swing the sword is covered in gold it is dripping it is his

The words 'BLADE' is intertwined with his sword, the word is golden and blends into it

Mentioning this now, but the only colours in the drawing (if i don't count the effects i did that was just me having some fun with it and crashing my drawing app) is only two colours, red and gold. Tommy's bruises are a shade of magenta, the grey is a desaturated red, the whites are just a very light shade of red

It's something i thought a lot about while drawing so i did want to mention it in more detail than just the id

ALSO. Tommy is wearing Techno's crown, and Tommy is also pretty much in the position a crown would be on Techno's head (if you squint a bit)

He's also holding onto Techno's ear - I didn't draw it very well, but he is, he's using Techno for stability, pushing against him with his foot to stay upright. And Techno is something solid for Tommy to dig his nails into, he is solid and he can and will be stability.

Tommy is just another voice in techno's ear, screaming blood for the blood god

And Tommy's pupils are just pinpricks, he isn't in control and he isn't calm. He's bruised and bloody, he is clinging onto the first thing he sees and trusts that it wont topple over. Tommy trusts because that is the only thing he can do, the only thing he can ever do. He's angry he's clinging on with his nails and teeth and blood but he is trusting.

NOW IM GONNA TALK ABOUT COLOURS AND THE COLOURS I USED BECAUSE :D!!!

Techno has dark red colours - Very dark, dark as in the colour of a lot of blood. A river flowing with blood would be near black and that is what Techno is. He is an endless stream of bloodshed he is an endless steam of violence because that is all he is. That is all he is, in this moment, at least, but this moment is all that matters right now. Right now, he is the blood god and he is the blade. He's a sword about to be stained and constantly being sharpened because he needs to be.

He NEEDS to be blood and he's ALWAYS been blood and he doesn't ENJOY being blood, no, he walked away from everyone to avoid it but for tommy!! He'll be that for Tommy because Tommy NEEDS him to be (<- that paragraph is from Epic but it was very accurate)

BUt ALSO Techno has light colours too. Not as obvious as Tommy's light colours (his shirt, his shoes, his hair) but it is still THERE. It's just hidden. The white, not stained (protected) in the inside of his cape near to his heart. Because Techno's heart is gentle but he has to fight to keep it like that, the outside of his heart (heart=cape just go with it this is the metaphor I'm going with it doesn't make sense but also shhh sure it does) is DARK it is VIOLENT

Inside his heart (cape. again. silly metaphor but its fine) he is the Blade - the letters reveal themselves with his cape blowing in his wind

I dont know what any of these words mean but maybe they mean something idk :D

ONTO TOMMY'S COLOURS v

hehe okay sooo Tommy has lighter red. Still very clearly red, but the cape he has is an imitation of Techno and it isn't nearly as stained. His cape doesn't hide anything, it doesn't hide him, its short and also the lightest obviously-red colour there is in the drawing. On him is also the only actual depiction of red blood and fresh injuries. He is BRUISED his pants are ripped and at the edges there is still-fresh blood. He's wiped the blood off of him he tried. but all he did was spread it from his nose to his knuckles. He is not violent but this makes him look violent, and it wasn't on purpose. Dripping from his head is blood, again, and all of it is his. He has a fresh bruise around his eye and the only bandage to the dripping blood from his head is Techno's crown. That is the closest thing to care he has right now - later, he will get bandages, but to him care is a symbol of blood. To him, care is Technoblade's sword and he doesn't view the bedrock around his braid as gentle in anyway, he views it as a rock that is special and the string is weak but it wont break because Techno tied it there, and that means it won't break. It means it can't break.

On Tommy is Techno's crown. Because Techno views him as an equal and is letting Tommy command him in this battle, because this is Tommy's fight. This is Tommy's fight, and Techno gives him his crown with trust on his gold-scarred hands and care and a promise that he will be there and fighting by his side. He believes in him, not because he needs to but because he does. He holds him steady because he just does and he acts as a weapon because that is what he does.

Ight that's all :) If anyone reads this far they have my hand in marriage and whatnot, adding tags then hitting post without rereading <3

[asexualzoro]

it's december 9th, meaning today is my 23rd birthday (which is my favorite number!), which means it's time for...

Lew Writes Wrapped 2023!!!

im including anything that happened after my last bday, so we have some works from december as well. this one's a bit of a weird one for the total word count, you'll see why

it's all treebark from my sideblog / alt ao3. i cannot change. i will not change. for these im just gonna specify the relationship that's the main focus bc thats easier than fandom bc all but like one are third life

dandelion wishing

(Dec, 2.4k, treebark, oneshot) (link)

op movie 6 au for dogwarts in which Martyn is the baron and Ren doesn't know he's dead

id actually plotted out a whole third life au for this movie like months prior and really wanted to write it, so i took it for treebark week and focused it just on these two. it's my fave movie of all time and i obvs had to give it to my fave completely dead team <3

i will admit tho. it did make me back search martyns twitter to see if hes ever posted abt watching this movie. bc i know he likes One Piece and i realized this would bring me into the danger zone (he hasnt ever posted abt it if hes seen it)

A Romance Route for the Doomed Villain?!?

(Dec, 5k, treebark, oneshot) (link)

treebark dating sim isekai parody that spiraled out of my control made in a day-long possession

im still baffled by this one. why was the response to this one so insane?? there was smth in the water the day i posted this bro. a 1:2 kudos to hits ratio for the entire first day is literally fucking unbelievable. 70 comments?? what hold did this fic have on you people. i got fic written about this one?? my friends goncharov'd me in front of my face

really fucking fun to write and the insane response was smth im always gonna remember. i appreciate you guys so much

treesekai also turns a year old in a few days!

Until the Angels Realize You're Not One of Them

(Feb, 7.2k, emerald duo, oneshot) (link)

a traitor phil au which was mostly just me talking about all the reasons i love technoblade

this one... wasnt actually written this year for the most part? i didnt want to not acknowledge it, since it's on my ao3 in this year, but i wont be able to count it toward the total

still. traitor phil au my beloved. hearing him say on his stream he and techno wanted to do a betrayal arc made me feel insane bc i already had this written at the time

missing or obstructed

(2022-present, 12.9k, Grian & Ren, ongoing) (link)

post 3L fic about Ren and Grian seeking out closure with a lot of funny little sleep metaphors

same deal as the last fic, i, uh dont think i actually wrote anything new for missing or obstructed this year either? just uploaded chapters i wrote last year,,, i didnt wanna now acknowledge it, but i wont count this in my total later

i miss her. one day ill actually sit down and write more missing or obstructed. in my doc im JUST at introducing Martyn and i havent written it yet

to reach my mangled debut

(Sept, 4.2k, treebark week, ongoing) (link)

it wouldnt be me if i didnt have an execution somewhere in here. another op au!

THIS. I LOVE HER. when rev and i were plotting out the whole storyline for smop renchanting i was begging please give me this scene i need it and i had so much fun writing it. i rlly need to finish soon but i haven’t had time but please. please check out smop. she’s top of my priority list to update

Three-Dog Night

(Sept, 6.7k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

BIG DOG. beauty and the beast au!

god im so fond of this au. there’s some rlly good scenes written for this and unposted bc i just need to link them together. honestly i think if i took a month and focused it on this fic alone i could fucking finish it but i don’t have the time ;-;

that said i’m so enamored w this au genuinely. o dunno what else to say i just think. puppy

Cover Me In Roses

(Sept, 3.3k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

lamplight roleswap! put Martyn in a flower pot

i don’t feel as motivated to work on this one when i have lamplight unfinished so it’s lower on my priorities but know i have like an entire arc of this written and unposted. we just have a few paths for this one and i have to decide which one to use

it’s so wild to me lamplight has like. aus. like this isn’t even the only one? a roleswap. that’s insane? it’s wild that you all like lamplight enough i can even get away with this

First Sign of a House Fire

(Sept, 2k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

i love superhero stories for two reasons: plots about secrets and adapting the characters to give them powers. this had smth fun for both of them

yellow rose isn’t super high on my list of priorities to update (i think the oneshot is interesting on its own) but one day,,,, it’s part of the many aus cherri and i have but it’s the longest for sure. the doc for just this au is like 100k words long on its own. at the time i draft this cherri and i are actively writing smth else for it in another tab. theres like 4 offshoots and im obsessed w all of them. we had to make ocs about this one. i’m excited to eventually add more to this series

actually that’s one of the scenes i’m most excited for and most dreading adding. we made a backstory oc and im SO attached to him and im excited to post a thing out there w him but. ough. whatever cringe is dead i’ll get there eventually and brute force my way into attaching you to our funky little robot guy

also love that this fic forced me to be decided on a docv characterization that i have to stick to. he may be a canon guy to martyn’s vtuber lore but he’s my oc now too

Blindsided

(Sept, 2k, treebark week, ongoing) (link)

pirate au and royal au based on a big secret and also stuffing a guy in a box and it's all stupid dramatic literally what else do you want or need in life

this is my wife. my favorite. my most beloved. blindsided gives me new illnesses and diseases. i have just one scene to write before i can update it and then i can continue unleashing her. god i love this fic the drama of it is SO fun.

the funny thing abt blindsided is i know all the plot chronologically but now how to Present it which is part of why i haven’t continued too much. eventually i will but until then know that one of the scenes im sitting on which has been fully written is one i think about constantly. hopefully when i post it cherri’ll let free the comic she did for it

i actually have the ending of this fic written i just need to get there lmfao. second on my priority list after smop i think

Cradle of the Leviathan

(Sept, 1.5k, treebark week, oneshot) (link)

i just love mer aus man. whats the point of it all if you cant have mer aus. just get a big ol fish

i have the ending of this au written as well and literally so little of the lead up. but this is pretty low on my priorities. i think this one stands just fine on its own. mer aus are nice like that

we actually have a few mer aus but for now i’ll be focusing on this one. i do have a few sweet post story things written for this one. maybe one day i’ll write enough to post em lmao

Lamplight AU

(2022-present, 47k, treebark, ongoing) (link)

renchanting dnd/fantasy au, martyn's a paladin and ren's a lamp

so i started this au last year. my wrapped last year said my total was 20k, so that means this year's total is.... 27k!

and… it was just lamplight’s birthday and i did all my appreciation for the fic and its readers then, but god. i love this fic so much and i love you all who have read it and been so kind about it. the amount of popularity it has makes it a bit nerve wracking to work on, but i still really want to see it finished. i hope to see the bulk of it done by this time next year!

Six Sentence Sunday

six sentence sunday is a challenge where i try to post six sentences i wrote that week every sunday, to keep me writing every week of the year! i do it over on my writing blog, @driflew

i did not keep up on my six sentences,,, i had a lot of sunday fencing tournaments. i did for ~33 weeks this year! thats a pretty good amount! i’ll have to be more on top of it next year tho

unpublished work

the last few years i havent included unpublished work, but with the extreme bulk of it, i wanted to note it down. cherri @/cherrifire and i have been writing a lot back and forth at each other in discord dms this year, and i wanted to include those in my count! bc holy fucking shit is there a lot of them

i didn’t include collab pieces, just pieces i wrote alone. i also only included the renchanting aus i share w cherri and scarian aus i share w flowey, nothing else—no unfinished lamplight or other independent pieces or oneshots, no original fiction for class, nothing. i also missed a few u haven’t moved to docs yet. so i’m lowballing by a few. thousands. of words

the total for those is...... 135k words! there is,,, something wrong with me

total and end notes

our total this year is...

187512 words!

that might be my highest word count yet! because i caught treebark disease. wild.

something really fun about this year to me is i really loved everything i wrote.

if you want to get me a gift or support me on my birthday… maybe try reading my work and reblogging it or leaving a comment! you can find my writing at driflew or skelew on ao3, follow my writing blog at @driflew, or even consider tipping my kofi!

thank you for sticking with me and supporting me this year! i really appreciate it! hopefully i can break 100k next year too!

[loversj0y]

im crying over techno again (this is long and sad im sorry)

i miss him so much man. i hope he knows how much he did for all of us. ive been rewatching old wilbur videos and seeing him in them brings me so much bittersweet joy. he meant so much to all of us. i hope he knows the ways he changed us.

he was my final push to start streaming. i was inconsolable the night he died. the week after i kept thinking about how long i’d pushed off the idea because i simply didn’t think i had the time. something about losing someone that you even just perceive as being close to you gives such a shift in perspective that i figured at that point it’d be stupid not to. and the thing is, he was so incredibly supportive. of every last one of us. he always supported the people in his community.

its a big thing in my life honestly to live in his memory. usually people say stuff like that in a negative connotation but i dont think its negative. i hold his memory close to me as a reminder of the things that ive lost. and its a comfort in a sense to let his deadpan mockery push me to be better and to do things i might fear doing.

he has a space on my ofrienda. i pray to him in the same way i pray to all the family i have lost because even without knowing him personally, he welcomed us all enough to allow me to feel like there was a family with him when my own felt incendiary and volatile.

i think about the fact that lovejoy is playing a festival with the killers. its a festival im incredibly excited to go to, but on nights like this when im crying over a lost brother i never had, i feel saddened in knowing how much he would have loved to have seen it. i think he will be there, watching. but the feeling wont be the same. i think of how wilbur must feel. knowing that he’s playing a festival with the same band that he’s not only loved, but that he shared his love for with techno, to the point that it made such a strong lasting impression on techno. i hope he knows how proud techno is of him. i hope that if he stays to watch the killers perform, he feels techno with him. because i know he’ll be there.

i have a lot of thoughts on how much he meant to me, to all of us, and im kind of just pouring them out in a stream not unlike the tears that wont seem to stop tonight. if i can be honest, ive been avoiding a lot of stuff related to techno. i took a step back from everything as a whole because it hurt too much and i didnt know what to make of it, not really. i keep finding myself mourning how little time i got to have as an active techno watcher, given how recently i joined the fandom and such, but i also know i should rather feel thankful for every second that i got to have. i find myself avoiding a lot of mentions of technodad still. he’s lovely and he means so much to all of us, just like his son, but i cant help but feel my chest reopen each time i hear him speak about his son. ive seen the feeling of watching a person you love mourn a family member who was taken too young personally. ive seen it in my own family with my cousin, and it all feels so heavy. i know there is this narrative of being thankful for the time we had with a person. but i still consistently find myself balanced on the precipice of anger and acceptance. i dont struggle with bargaining or depression, let alone denial. i know hes gone. i know nothing will change that. but i also will never be content in feeling appreciative of the time we had because we could have had more time. even if it was just a. second more. it wouldnt change things but maybe it would ease the ache in my heart as i think on all of the people who loved him who will live past him, myself included.

i keep coming back to the song life worth missing by car seat headrest. i cant quite explain where i find the parallels but i feel it in this delicate balance that i find in the song. theres this delicate balance between grieving and losing yourself in grief and im not that sure that ive found it. for a control freak, one of the things that always has hurt me is my lack of control in death. i cant change it. and all i can control is the way to cope but i simply dont know how to do that. and the temperamental part in my head is the battle i find myself fighting because i know how he wouldnt want this. he wouldnt want the heavy grief but i dont know how to not feel it. i find myself feeling the heavy grief or essentially nothing at all.

and theres quiet, kind moments throughout it all. when i think maybe i can hold his memory and move with it. but those moments dont last long. but they mean more than any other part of this whole process. when i hear him in my head, making fun of me for not putting myself out there. when i feel him supporting me as i feel unstable and shaky. regardless of your thoughts on religion or my own, i know that he is there. whether it is real or it is in my head, both are substantial enough to give me faith. and isnt that religion in and of itself?

i know that all the things we wanted him to know, about how he changed us, how much he meant to us, all of it. i know that he knows them. but i still am allowed to mourn that we never got to feel him know them. am i allowed?

i think im allowed. i think he’d allow it. i think he’d understand.

because when i feel whatever sense might lie in my convoluted ideas of religion and my strong sense of morality, i know one thing above all.

that he understands.

[miceeonvenus]

My insane ramblings from the Wilbur stream:

HOLY CRAP C!TOMMY THAT'S C!TOMMY IT'S CRIMEBOYS TIME

PFFFF TOMMY UNDER THE WATER

Tommy just refuses to talk about Fundy's suicide hmmmmmmmm wonder if this reminds him of something

"Uhhh we went on that holiday to the beach." "No." DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING

theyre continuing to talk about it hslsjldhlfshlkhd

LOGSTEDSHIRE THEY NAME DROPPED LOGSTEDSHIRE

IS THIS THE TOMMY APOLOGY STREAM ARE WE GETTING THE TOMMY APOLOGY STREAM ARE WE GOING TO LOGSTEDSHIRE???????

HE DOESN"T WANT TO TELL HIM TUBBO EXILED HIM

hes determined it was a holiday ;-;

wilbur wants to talk he wants to get better hes trying to do better he is doing better and hes trying to help tommy be better and feel better and he doesnt want to make him upset so hes giving him a safe word

thyere gonna see the tower theyre

parrallels of crime boys and clingy duo sailing to what is going to be a an upsetting event and joking and havign fun as they sail before it all goes downhill

"its almost as if theres a server operator listening to us" DREAM

my heart is beating so fast my heart is beating out of my chest

HE THINKS THE TOWER IS LIKE A BEACON AOUGUHHHH

WILBUR REMEMBERS GIVING TOMMY THE COMPASS

"Maybe you deserved it" WILBUR WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

Wilbur fainted when Tommy told him he tried to kill himself...

Why is Wilbur visiting Dream in prison???? How is Dream in prison again??????

"Fond memories!" Bad choice of words Dream... that was a bad choice of words to say to a very angry brother that has tnt

holy shit wilbur

ok ok it was a dream

wilbur really want to kill dream oh this is all i could have asked for

actually no now im scared wilbur is going to die again

am i sensing a server wide event? wilbur wants to draw dream out by alerting the whole server? throught he prison alarms?

wait wasnt dreaming holing up in the prison last we saw him? he was in there messing with sam?

ERYN!!!! ERYN IS ON!!!!!!

WHAT IS CHAT GOING ON ABOUT TECHNO FOR?????? TECHNO LET DREAM OUT LAST I CHECKED

CRIME BOYS DANCING AND SINGING TO CAT TOGETHER THEYRE FINALLY HAVING THE BEACH PARTY IM CRYING

"I don't need armour" YES YOU DO WILBUR

sir why do you need to avoid showing the screen to open your enderchest why aren't the discs put away

tommy talking about listening to blocks with schlatt, fundy, and tubbo fondly :(

"Do you ever miss when things were just simple." Yeah :(

im so scared tommy wont have enough time to leave before dream shows up

im genuinely so scared i cant take this

NO DREAM ON SCREEN I AM SCARED OF DREAM BEING ON SCREEN

tommy is sheilding wilbur from dream OUGH

LITERALLY PUT THAT AXE AWAY DREAM

DREAM BROKE THE PORTAL SHIT SHIT SHIT WILBUR I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK DREAM BUT YOU DO HAVE A FLINT AND STEEL RIGHT THERE I WISH TOMMY COULD KNOW

I KEEP GETTING ADS AT THE WORST MOMENT ThIS IS THE WORST TJEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONFRONTATION AN D BAM THREE ADS

WILBUR DONT THREATEN TO KJILL YOURSELF AS POWER OVER DREAM DONT PARALLEL TOMMY DURING THE DISC CONFRONTATION LIK ETHAT

the pain in tommys voice as wilbur tried to kill himself and have tommy's discs burnt

Wilbur was smart in what he did, tricking both Tommy and Dream, but he caused so much panic and pain for Tommy as well but it makes sense! it makes sense

tommy's silent little nod after wilbur tells him to never let Dream know the discs arent gone :(

"You're a good kid Tommy. Thank you for trusting me." ILL CRY ILL DO IT

[ctommyisbetterthanyou]

i will be posting about this lore forever. THE FACT TUBBO BUILT THE BENCH IN THE PRISON AND ASKED JACK TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WAS OVER!!! omg. it’s so sad fr. he knew he couldn’t do anything anymore to help tommy. ALSO EARLIER IN THE STREAM tommy said something like “when the world is falling sit on that bench” or something along the lines of that AND HE DID OMFGG. also c!tommy died thinking tubbo was safe and living life the way he should. PLEASEEEEEEE. i just want to be happy bro. ALSO (again with the smp restart and shit) WE WONT HAVE ANYTHING WITH TECHNO! HIS HOUSE ON THE SMP IS GONE. i cannot get over that. i saw someone say they could make it canon that he’s stuck in s1 BUT LIKE THATS SO SAD BRO PLEASEEE. ok i’m done i swear.

[cupcraft]

Hey hi stranger sorry to wander in.

I totally understand hating dream rn, lots of controversies and honestly I don’t go on twitter so what do I know. That being said

Would you mind being a little less aggressive in the post about the desc of the live stream? It really is helpful to read and I do appreciate it as someone who couldn’t watch the livestream, but I couldn’t watch it because grief is hard and complicated, especially when facing the same circumstances Techno’s family has had to go through. And seeing everyone make it about his friend trying to cover up a story about himself actually kind of hurts. I won’t pretend he’s a perfect man, and he might be a bad person, but he was close with him. I didn’t like everyone who came to the funerals, but that doesn’t mean I should have told them they weren’t welcome to mourn too and share the pain with the rest of us.

Again, sorry to wander in, you seem like you have a nice blog. If I can come up with the courage to post something more publicly about it and trying to ramblingly explain grief I’ll link you so you can see who I am, but I’ll have to be more specific if I do that and it might hurt too much to do, so in the mean time, bye bye take care

Hey i do want to apologize about how i said fuck dream in that post (well i will gladly say fuck dream in general). I posted that before i was told that this was not a spur of the moment stream and that the family really did want him there and it was planned far ahead of time. So when i was writing hte liveblog a lot of my grief and anger did come out in the beginning. The rest of the post (the bullet pts) are not aggressive or at all related to my own processing.

I do realize that now and i am very sorry for the anger there i shoudl have edited right away when i found out but it is unfortuneate tumblr wont edit rbs of that post regardless :(.

[ghost-of-a-vulture]

Techno has a special place in my heart.

He was the first myct i watched. I began watching him shortly after i switched schools, and had lost all my friends.

It was weird, because at that time he was streaming on the dsmp daily.

His streams always started when school had ended, or around last hour, and because i was virtual i would tune in to the streams while wrapping up my day, then spend the rest of the afternoon drawing with the stream on in the background.

I quickly picked up several little quirks from him due to spending so much time watching him, such as saying "bruhhh" or "yooooo" in daily conversation. He introduced me to Wilbur, tommy and ranboo, who, while i liked, weren't my favorites. Technoblade claimed that spot.

Every upload and stream brought me so much joy, i always had to stand up and stim a while before i watched it. I drew som much fanart, i had so many headcannons. I customized a pig plush to be a Techno plush. I dressed as him on Halloween. [The crown rests on my lamp, the axe and cape hang from the back of my door]

So of course, his death hit me hard.

The moment i found out is probably one of the most vivid memories i have. I couldn't say anything. I just. I just watched. I saw Floof walk up to that chair and part of me knew it was over, Techno was gone. The pictures of Wilbur and Phil and others hanging out with him broke me. I remember clutching my favorite stuffie and sobbing.

My parents know how much he ment to me, and have told me that they're willing to donate to charities or buy merch that would help his family and other sarcoma patients. [I have no income of my own, sadly.]

At the time of his death i had been in the hermitcraft fandom a few months, and i wasn't as interested in dsmp anymore. Im also going to a new school, and the anxiety over what people might think if they know i like dsmp, mixed with a sort of guilt that maybe they're right, i am supporting horrible people, has driven me away.

While i remain subscribed to a few dsmp members, i haven't been watching their videos. Part of me doesn't care for it anymore.

Im sure I'll still keep up with lovejoy, and i may watch Wilbur rant about ace race during mcc, or check out the occasional tommy or Ranboo upload, but i think im done here.

Technoblades death was the final nail in the coffin for an interest that i was already falling away from. I was already thinking about officially "leaving" but after the news broke about Techno, i really have no reason to stay. Lore seems to be slowing down, and Tech was one of the main reasons i was there anyway, so it seems appropriate to leave now.

I don't hate the dsmp, i have nothing against it, im just moving on. It feels bittersweet. This fandom has brought me into new communites and has helped me make new friends [and maybe cope with some trauma along the way]

I honestly don't think I'd still be here if not for Technoblade. He helped me so much. I miss him a lot. I feel like i carry a little bit of him with me with the little quirks and phrases i picked up from him, and i wont let that die anytime soon.

[motorcyclebucket]

In recent events, it has come to my attention that some people have no common sense.

imagine for a moment. someone you care about just died. there were a pretty public figure and had friends who streamed and such.

and then, not even a day later, people are clipping their friends reactions to them dying.

this shit makes me sick. its disrespectful. these people are upset, and you're using it for content?

"this video wont be monitized"

"Like and sub!"

Hell, even the title has "Emotional 💔" in it.

2.4 M views.

not only is this upsetting, but its disrespectful. Shit like this needs to be stopped. stop using his death to make content. these people are grieving.

Stop using Techno's death to make content.

[tubzozone]

11, 17, 18! -🍇

11- do you watch your content creator? when he streams at a time we can actually watch him 🙄 (and when we have the energy. loud)

17- how do you feel about duo names? what about your own? honestly i think the oens with my source character are pretty fun lol. me n techno n me n quackitys kinda suck ass but they are clever duo names just. yknow

18- do you like other smps/creators? gem is fun :] n we try to catch other dsmp streamers n shit. otherwise though for me personnally i dont watch that much mc content lol, watching it is fun and all but most of the mc ppl we like are streamers and even with episodic minecraft letsplays its hard to keep up with. brain just wont work with them anymore </3

[grannycharles]

i am... not doing too well tbh. haven't slept last night, which is definitely a form of self-sabotage/self-harm for me. i just. stayed up and up and up, playing minecraft while listening to his stream vods in the background. sleep was not really an option in my head. friday i was doing pretty okay all things considered, tuned into phils stream for a few hours, but like. didn't get too emotiononal apart from when i watched the video. but yesterday. god i was so fucking numb. i have barely any memory of yesterday. today i am hoping that i might be on the way to somehow balancing out. between ugly crying for hours and not feeling shit. fuck it's been a while since i dealt w something like this. last time somebody fairly close to me died it was my grandfather, and we barely had any relationship at all. it was cancer then, too, and i had been prepared and got over it in like. a few hours. most of my compassion went to my grandma, bc, well. we're close. and now. now there's some dude that i would never ever have had the chance to speak to and didn't even know he existed 18 months ago, and it. it fucking wrecks me. god i was so blindsided by this. i mean i was vaguely scared he might not make it, but cmon. it's technoblade. he doesn't lose, and he definitely doesn't die. and now he's dead and i don't know what to do w myself. completely lost my appetite, not just for food, even tho that's the easiest to notice. took a covid test (neg) bc everything tastes like dust. and like. i know obsessively watching videos of him isn't the healthiest thing icould do, but. what else. literally what else. i cleaned my room and vacuumed the floor today. i put new sheets on the bed. i took a nap. and i was on youtube. there are other things i can do, that i should do. some yoga bc holy fuck does my entire spine feel misaligned rn. go outside, even if it's just for 20 minutes. plan the next week. i will do those things. but i probably also wont close yt for the rest of my day.the news has drained the fun out of everything. listening to techno's voice in some form while playing minecraft feels. the least hollow. and i know this whole situation is just triggering stuff accross the board for eme. death and grief, obviously, are things i am not. great at handling.the knowldege that others around me are suffering and the feeling that it is my responsibilty to ease their pain while being woefully underequipped for this and also invalidating my own grief. because others have watched his videos for longer. they were supporting him more. they maybe interacted with him. they knew him personally. they considered him a close friend or even family. but. he meant sth to me. during my short emergency inpatient stay last summer i bought wifi access mainly to watch his videos. he was one of the people who kept me going last year, when i didnt know what for. yeah, he did mean something to me. he still does. in a parasocial way, but that doesnt diminish or devalue my emotions. this is messing me up and that is valid and understandable and okay, even if it feels far from it. so what now? going to bed at a reasonable time for starters. my food should hopefully arrive any minute bc i am NOT dealing w cooking today no thank you. feels good to have typed all of this. i will keep on scrolling through the technoblade tag occasionally. there is something really comforting abt this outpouring of love from the community, like wilbur said. something something shared grief. when i can think a little clearer about all this, i might order some of the "death merch" - which is the most in character thing ever. motherfucker really monetized his death because why the fuck not. also that "gg ez" tshirt look fckin epic. okay my food is here i will eat now and watch technoblade. could very likely talk more abt this, just to put my thoughts somewhere. but for now it feels. almost alright.

[no-more-treason-guys]

guess whos back, bitches

[winifreyd]

ok but only for you 

[dykesymmetry]

not to sound like that one copypasta but sometimes yall do take the dadza shit too far

[thatreallyminecraftsmygender]

You know? I think it says more about state of interpersonal relationship on dreamsmp as whole than it does about c!phil, that whenever c!Phil is kind in any capacity to anyone he's expected to take on responsibility for their entire wellbeing

Surely the fact that mild kindness being seen as a mark of unending loyalty and a way of showing you plan to take on someone's entire life is damning on how fucked up relationships have gotten since everything began. Kindness should be seen as a default way to interact with eachother, not as contract.

It's not Phil's fault he'll help a kid out of lava

[mariaiscrafting]

My sister and her friend are fucking playing Bedwars and have been all day, and then her friend got kicked because of the fucking Techno revolution thing, this is so funny