#tess answers asks 2023

[pepprs]

dont worry abt responding to my messages!! they can be little trinkets for u to keep forever if u wanna :)))

dear anon… how could i not respond to THESE!!!!!!!!!! 😭💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 you are the sweetest kindest most WONDERFUL soul. it is an honor to receive these beautiful letters and i hope you know how much i cherish each and every one. not just the words but the adventures you take me on and write up for the two of us!!! and the beauty and magic you help me to see in the world around me and the peace and love and love and love you conjure for me in moments when i cant find it or feel it so easy!!!! like idk i know i have no idea who you are outside of being dear anon and i only answer asks once in a blue moon but it truly means the world to me. TRULY.

your writing feels like all the best things, all the things i love most. like leaf piles in the fall and the pikmin bloom soundtrack (btw if you dont play that already i HIGHLY recommend it to you specifically, i think u would really like it and tbh you sending me these letters has the same vibe as my pikmin bringing me postcards from their adventures :"~DDDD!!! if you ever do join it please lmk i would LOVE to be friends and send you postcards and do adventures together!!!!) and frosting on cupcakes and twinkly dust motes in the sunlight and cumulus clouds and dogwood flowers and the way things made of glass refract rainbows and SUNLIGHT SUNLIGHT SUNLIGHT. and even that isnt cutting it. how magical it all is. like i wish i wasnt so exhausted so i could express it better but it truly is so... idk. NOSTALGIC! COZY! HOME!!!!!

so... in order to try to articulate it (and also show my thanks / return the favor / etc.), i am sending this letter along with a care package knitted with word and song and magic and light. enclosed please find:

wind chimes that sing like the sun hitting the lake (also i REALLY want to get a butterfly hair clip!!! i cant wear hair clips or anything else fancy in my hair bc of my mask headbands but id love to have one in case im ever able to wear it in the future 🥹)

a heart-shaped pebble from brighton, to add to your collection (btw i LOVE the part about how you lost them a long time ago but you love them so you remember what they look like. WAUGH. gut punch GUT PUNCH IN THE BEST WAY!!!!)

a mug for hot chocolate, so we can share some together when it gets cold again -- decorated with hand-painted stars in all colors!

a tiny needle to knit your sundust satchels -- like the kind youd find in pixie hollow or the tale of desperaux or something (also both things that have dear anon vibes to me and are also DEEPLY nostalgic for me!)

a recipe for starfait, with illustrations!! (also i LOVE that idea for a replacement for "tesscore"!! but i may end up using that for my personal tag on my undertale / deltarune blog instead bc its so perfect (and also im HONORED that u associate that with me 😭😭😭😭))

a crown and wand for you to wear to match the fairy queen mouse while you write the same kind of magic and comfort she brings!

a packet of magical flower seeds that sprout the most whimsical sweet-smelling flowers, with petals that are soft to the touch!

a hand-woven scarf in your favorite color threaded with shiny silver strands, like comets streaming through the sky (also i am SO late to say this but UNO REVERSE CARD re: your new years wish to me which is genuinely making me lumpthroated and teary eyed reading it again in AUGUST. you are the sweetest EVER. and also ive never played journey before but ive been interested in it for years!!! i'll have to check it out and/or watch a playthrough!)

a hummingbird sculpture on a long stick for you to plant in your garden among the flowers, to sing to them and to you! (also RE: your question about your vocal range -- it just means that you can cover a little over two octaves (the number after the letter is the octave it's in, and each octave is a span of c-d-e-f-g-a-b-c -- so your range starts at about halfway through the third octave and goes to halfway through the fifth!) i think your range is about the same as mine iirc so we can hum along with the hummingbird and all three follow each other's notes :"~D <3)

a golden acorn on a thread for you to wear as a necklace when we go to the bird tea party! (by the way, have you ever read the book ""until the last acorn "when the last acorn is found?" it's a BEAUTIFUL book and it made me cry reading it! i think you and the acorn people would get along very, very well!!)

a lantern made of jelly moonlight and silver foil stars (see: ilomilo chapter 4 :"~D) for you to carry on your walks through the dim nights (you can hang the stars in the sky, and they'll brighten the world and light at your touch!)

a copy of one of my favorite books of all time, "the ten thousand doors of january," which is so much about wedging cracks open into other worlds, and something i think you might like very much / resonate with too!!

a big, big hug.

dear anon: THANK YOU. for all these words and for being you. i dont know how i got so lucky to have you sending me these little trinkets but i will most CERTAINLY keep them forever. i hope you experience all the peace and love and love and love to infinity. may you always know and shine with the light you bring and the light you are.

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

Okay, now we need the one-short of Eddie telling the truth because he's cursed

agreed, bestie i would love to see it

[toxicanonymity]

Is there a specific version of Joel you imagine for each of the joelkémons? Like do you imagine game Joel or show Joel for NW! Joel, etc.

I've never played or watched the game, so I imagine HBO Joel to some degree for most of the official joelkémons. Bear with me bc idk if it's just me but I feel like even HBO Joel has very different looks throughout the show. even within 2023 alone. Later I'll do a visual post.

In my head, I imagine. . .

-night walks!Joel is played by HBO Joel but with darker hair, I think because it was always at night at first? The lift heavy / talk dirty / smoke weed banner is how I see his face. but he also has a dieter bravo flare and style when he's not slutting it up in esquire mode to go out.

- Lincoln Joel is played by HBO e3 2023 Joel with his hair slicked back when they first get in the car.

- raider is played by esquire!Pedro with HBO Joel facial hair but not the grayest version.

- stepdad is played by e 1 Joel when he's manspreading on the couch but with glasses.

- Trouble is played by a combination of HBO Joel when they're walking outside (like when they're looking at the airplane) and, when he's in work or protective mode, e 1 when joel's making the drug deal.

- free use is played by HBO e3 Joel in the flashback of them eating outside with Frank and Bill in Lincoln.

- Speakeasy is played by the most common Joel look for most of the show like e 1 Joel when he's worried about tess's injuries or when they're sneaking through buildings .

-thighs out is basically l played by chef boyardee Joel with a dieter bravo flare

-slasher is beautifully depicted by @bonezone44's art and in action I kinda see him as HBO Joel when they're sneaking through buildings (like shhhhh!Joel).

I could possibly add links later but I feel like I've already taken so long to answer this pretty simple ask bc of my 🧠 so please see my profile header for link to master list & main Joels.

*It blows my mind how long it took me to "meet" dieter bravo. At one point earlier on, I was literally googling Pedro pascal in pajama pants looking for night walks pics and dieter never came up! He's perfect. And even comes with drugs! But with less fluffy hair and more of a Joel or esquire look to his face (w/ joel facial hair)

[peridotglimmer]

Hi Belle! For the fanfic end of the year asks :)

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

15. something you learned this year

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

Hi Myth! It's only taken me a month and a half to answer this, my response time is improving!

14. A fic you didn't expect to write

Oh! Probably Transition #1. I thought I had moved on from that RPF fandom approximately 12 years ago, but here we are. I was watching old YouTube videos of Pia and Uwe and just...got sucked back in! Also it's in German, which is probably the language I'm least confident in. (It's not even the cases that bother me, it's my vocabulary not being extensive enough to be able to express myself properly!)

15. Something you learned this year.

So, it's not fic-related at all? But I started learning Japanese on Duolingo in mid-December 2023 as a way to have a tiny little distraction every day during a super chaotic time irl, and it's really fun? I don't have plans to ever visit Japan, don't really watch anime other than the times my wife's watching Dragon Ball and have no real connection to the country, but I think the language sounds and looks lovely. And I'm on a 9-day streak now, and I'm having so much fun! It really is way more fun to learn something out of free will as an adult.

25. A fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read.

Oh man, I read so many great fics this year. I'm going to select three, because I can't possibly pick just one.

First is Tomorrow Take Me Higher by hughinahoodie (pseud of MldrItsMe). It's E-rated, 179K words of absolute House M.D. brilliance. It's the addiction recovery House deserved, and a realistic one at that.

Secondly is Grief, and other ways of loving by @nightraiderwrites I didn't even watch Witchcraft SMP beyond Cleo's first episode but holy shit this blew me away? I think I got it recommended somewhere, and I'm so glad I did.

Thirdly, it's living arrangements by @raffinit. I originally read their Jaina/Sylvanas (World of Warcraft) works, and then found out they also wrote The Last of Us, Joel/Tess, and this one just... I felt so many things while reading this it's insane.

Thank you for asking!

[cryolyst]

can't write in my journal right now because i filled it with dried flowers so the paper is unavailable. lol.

wednesday september 13 2023 11:33pm

i'm having the ol "empty and despairing and lonely after hanging out" feeling right now, but it's also. different.

i forgot my wallet at home and didn't realize til the end of my shift, so my original plan to go out to a bar tonight wouldn't be happening since i didn't have my ID. jun ended up having to cancel anyways because they weren't feeling well so :/

i was just going to go home and lock myself in my room and watch the rest of jjk s1, but robey got off at the same time tonight, so partway through walking to the bus station together we both said we were hungry and we went to get dim sum together. and then we decided to do a little window shopping. and then we both admitted that we didn't want to be at home around our families because we both have tense relationships with our parents so we walked up and down the same street for 2 hours just talking, delaying going home. mostly him. because i still don't know how to open up.

it's weird, because i don't feel that sort of connection with him where i can tell him anything about me, but it isn't a distrust either, because i know he won't judge or use it against me. i just. can't talk about anything and everything the way he can. but when he vents about something, it doesn't feel heavy. it's not a burden the way H can sometimes be.

maybe it is because there isn't that kind of baggage like there is with H. there's no resentment when he speaks ill of our mutual friends, because it doesn't ever feel that serious. i don't feel the need to offer wise words. there's no expectation for me to have something profound to say, to even answer at all. and it's easy to answer in small anecdotes, without saying anything too close, too personal. and it doesn't feel like i'm making it about myself. but it doesn't feel like i'm just speaking without being heard either.

(12:04am) it's funny that i keep comparing him to H. he did this thing where he constantly thought something he did with sam was something he did with me, and vice versa, which is something H does with me and their sibling all the time. they're somehow so similar but not at all the same. but i can't really see us ever getting on the level of... friendship, i guess, that i have with H. i don't know if i'll ever find someone quite like what i have... what i had... with H. it's like i put my entire soul out on display once, for the one person i thought was the same as me... and then it wasn't treated quite how i expected, how things initially were advertised, so now i can't. i can't do it again.

i honestly don't know how many chances i have to hang out with him one on one anyways. he's different from the work friends i've made in the past but. at the end of the day, it's still not founded on anything deeper than that shared space and shared time we have right now.

is that too bleak of a thing to think? that we'll certainly part ways once one of us quits? i know it's not always the case. drew and ron still make an effort to hang out despite them both being married and busy with other things when ron is in town. so do tess and liz. i think john and dom are still in touch, and dom and han definitely hang out. i can see K and M and V and P all staying in touch with one another. maybe the four of them and robey too. but i was never really close with them like that.

(12:27am) sometime earlier this year i jokingly asked V if she would come to my funeral. and after she said if she were still alive and able-bodied and clear of mind (because i was going to live a very long life), she said if she somehow still had a connection with me and heard about the funeral, she would. maybe she wasn't thinking about it in quite a personal way, only a realistic way, but when i asked if she doubted that we would have a connection of mutual people in the future despite our significant overlap of people we know, she said a lot about the drifting of people once they stop sharing a space. and it isn't just about that. it's about the fact that i, personally, don't know how to put down those roots. i can shed my leaves, leave those small pieces of myself behind. sometimes those small pieces nuture someone, something. i'm happy to make those small impacts on people. but sometimes... i wish i had someone who i could feel more anchored to. someone who i could come back to time and time again, without thinking, "will there be a next time? will i still be able to come back to you for the same connection? can we grow together?"

he told me how lonely today's shift felt, with all of the four of them at school while the two of us were stuck at the deadest, most boring place to be on a wednesday. he brought up Y, all the way across the country. i was struck suddenly by this realization that he knew her in a totally different way than i did. i'm stuck on the fact that she offered me a place to stay if i was in the area, and how seriously i should take her.

we usually just low-five + fist bump when we say bye, but he initiated a hug. it was really nice. i hope we get to hug more, because i don't see K and V often enough these days. i lied to him before we parted ways. a small one. told him i was going directly home, but i doubled back so i could pass the bar me and jun usually haunt, just to see if there'd be any familiar faces taking a smoke outside the doors. i wasn't lucky to catch any.

i have to be up at 8:30am tomorrow. i only have 5 more episodes of jjk season 1 left. hm.

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 || 𝘑𝘰𝘦𝘭 𝘔𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘹 𝘍𝘦𝘮! 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Summary • Following the aftermath of your attack, you end up in Bill and Frank's land with Joel and Ellie. Only to bring up jealousy, sadness, and frustration for you

Warnings • AGE GAP (early 20's and Joel, well, you know...) pregnancy mentions, ANGST, I don't hate Tess btw, please don't cancel me, bruises, injections, some nakedness but nothing sexual, canon divergence, I don't remember if Bill's truck had a backseat

A/N • I loved ep 3 but I panicked so hard bc I got some sudden ear loss, so I thought I was ab to faint, yes, like reader in part 1 yay...NO proofreading as usual :)

✰ 𝙄𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙓 (𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚)

♪ ♫ 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙋𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀

[Boston QZ, sometime between 2021 and 2022]

Joel’s hands were way too calloused for his age. But that wasn’t even a minor worry of his. He was cautiously placing the pills in a plastic bag, illegal pills by the way. Without a warning, he realized he was putting food in the table for two, you and him. Tess made her own numbers, that was a different case.

Just as he finished a pile of bags, he then securely hid them inside a box under the old wooden floor. The sound of some dish being thrown in the kitchen sink startled him..

“Are you alright?” He asked you, stopping his movements. You hadn’t answered so he ran to the kitchen, worried. He had to deal with your sickness, to the point where he sadly got used to it, but it was way better than dealing with your almost dead body under his treatment like at the beginning.

“I’m okay… I just- Can you give me my pills?” you answered, holding onto the sink and trying to focus so you would stop feeling like your head was spinning. Joel returned and handed you the white box of pills, iron for the anemia. You were extremely grateful to have him in your life at that point. He went to your apartment because he hadn’t heard anyone living inside, so he thought he could scavenge some items. But when he stepped inside, he found a sick woman. Tess literally forced him to bring you along, that was months ago. “Thanks”

“Be honest, Do you feel a little better after taking the iron for some weeks?” you had improved a lot. Now you were standing by yourself, back in the first days he had to feed you and wake you up to go to the bathroom, Tess didn’t wash you until you were more conscious.

“I do. I get a little dizzy sometimes, but it’s less. The only thing I don’t like is how low my heartbeats change so drastically, it gets odd when I’m going to sleep” he nodded. Walking towards you, making you feel so small. He was a lot older than you, he could be your dad. But the relationship with him didn’t feel platonic or paternal to you. It was still respectful, but it didn’t feel like he was adopting you. “Let me see…”

“Okay…” his proximity confirmed your suspicions. The way he was touching your neck and wrist to feel your pulse, wasn’t paternal. He was giving you an intense look, he could have stopped holding you but he was still there. His fingers traveled from your neck to your jaw, like he was pretending to see any new bruise on your delicate skin. But he wasn’t, because he was looking at your lips.

“Joel…” you tried to reason with him. Maybe he was under the influence of his illegal pills. But you knew he wasn’t, he really was looking at you like he wanted to kiss you. “It’s okay, darlin’…” that soft nickname, he rarely said it, only once after you caught a fever and both Joel and Tess were panicked because they couldn’t help you lower your temperature. Now, standing mere inches away from him, you know it’s wrong. You are emotionally unavailable as well as him, but you kiss him. Instantly you hugged his neck and continued the act. His beard itched your cheek, but it was pleasant. It would be that moment, in which you fell in love with your guardian angel; Joel.

-

[Late September, 2023]

Being out of the quarantine zone was a privilege that you only had the opportunity to enjoy two times in your life before. One with your dad and one with your aunt. The sound of the water freely running, birds and green landscapes, you weren’t lucky enough to see that every day. This time, you are alone. Well, not exactly. Joel and Ellie were behind you, but you felt alone.

After you fainted, Joel probably had to carry you all the way outside of Boston. It made you feel embarrassed. But you were in a difficult position, which allowed you to stay quiet and avoid a thank you.

In the morning, you ate a cold chicken sandwich and the last sips of a water bottle in silence. Under the cautious eyes of Joel, monitoring your state. This time, not even Ellie was able to make you talk. And you weren’t mad anymore, you just were drowning in the deep sea of thoughts that haunted your mind.

You can hear Ellie asking about the start of the infection and the outbreak day. Joel was answering, you reminisce how he vaguely said once that Outbreak Day happened on his birthday. And it was also the day he lost his daughter.

As you kept walking for an extra hour or so, you confirmed the three of you were walking towards Bill and Frank’s home. You never met them in person, but you were sure they were geniuses. Joel never let you go out of the QZ with him, his partner for that was Tess. Actually, Tess was his partner for everything.

Poor woman, you never disliked her, she was the one who convinced Joel to take care of you. But ever since you met her, she made clear that she only tolerated you, she didn’t like you completely. And it wasn’t a secret that she intimidated you. You got used to it, How could you not?…Before you, it was Tess. Now you knew that there never was choice for Joel to make, he would always put her first over you. But in your fantasy, where you thought he loved you, Joel had a soft spot for you.

She was his age, determined, brave, pretty no matter she was an adult and healthy… everything you weren’t. It never was stated that she was jealous of you, but she implied that she was above you on many occasions. She knew Joel for years, she was basically his partner even though he never admitted it. And suddenly he got a pet girl? A sick and traumatized young woman that had to be taken care of like a newborn? only to end up growing fond of her. Now that you know the truth, It was painful, but there was no point in denying it.

All you can do is have some respect for the death of Tess. You would always thank her for the things she did for you. And you just wished to have a different story to remember. One where there was no infection that ruined the world. You were older or they were younger, you didnt have confusing feelings for Joel and Tess liked you.

At least you can clear your mind after seeing the wide and abandoned neighborhood in front of you. Joel opens the ‘gate’ after entering some code, and you can only exchange some looks with Ellie before walking inside.

You never knew what it was like to live inside a normal house. Owning a piece of land and having some time to relax. You know once existed the nuclear families of a woman as wife, a man as husband, children as sons and daughters, living in that pieces of land you were seeing.

“Bill?… Frank?” Joel starts asking for them out loud once you enter the house. It’s pretty, warm, and welcoming. “Stay right here. Both…”

Once he walks further into the property, Ellie and you start wandering around. Whoever painted all those beautiful pieces of art hanging on most of the walls was extremely talented. There isn’t much dust, so they should have been active in the house.

Until a white envelope catches your attention. The bad omen you feel about opening it makes you uncomfortable. But once you learn that it was intended for Joel, you do it. The sound of the envelope being opened catches Ellie’s attention too.

“What is it?…” she asks, you indicate to her to wait for a little, so she does.

It’s recent, and just some sentences into the letter you understand that they are dead. Even though you never knew them, you feel sad. Then you learn that the couple was leaving all of their supplies to Joel.

Nevertheless, you weren’t prepared to read their provisions were intended for Joel to protect Tess. You stop reading, your eyes watering instantly, closing the letter you hand it to Ellie. You have to swallow the lump in your throat because you have no right to cry in spite of jealousy. It’s even embarrassing to feel that way.

“They’re dead…” you simply say walking away, to the window. Looking through the glass you see the trees gently swaying with the air.

You have no right to feel jealous. The woman is dead and meant something to Joel, you can’t be crying about that. You hate how embarrassed you have felt over the last few days, humiliation over humiliation. You were really tired, the mental exhaustion was even worse than fighting clickers and raiders.

The upcoming footsteps of Joel make you wipe the tears away. Ellie saw you, knowing what was the reason for your watery eyes.

Honestly, you don’t pay much attention to their words. Ellie starts reading the letter for Joel, sending you an apologetic look before diving into the paper.

Once Ellie stays quiet and the motive is revealed, Joel looks at you. He knows you read the letter, your red nose and lost eyes betraying you. He also doesn’t know why he looks at you, you were growing important to him but Tess something aside, she was… his…. Well-

It’s too much for everyone. But Joel is tired of losing everyone he loved or cared for. He would never compare you with Tess. She was an admirable woman he cared for, she was there for him every time, and had great memories with her. However, it is not and will never be the same. You were the reason he wanted to keep trying, the reason why he chuckled and craved being at home. After all the shit you went through, you had the strength to have a smile on your face, do some time for him. You had done nothing to try to make his life easier and happier. After all, he understood Bill, because he was just like him, and Frank was like you. He saved you, but you had done more for him. It was enough suffering, he had to protect you, not her. Even if Tess had survived, Joel knew it was you who had to be taken care of. Because he was lucky, he was given the chance of a partner to glue back his broken soul, even when he knows he doesn’t deserve it. But it’s difficult.

-

The truck is almost full by the evening. Joel was sending Ellie as a messenger to you. Asking you to make some food while they carried all the stuff, so you wouldn’t have to get agitated.

You agree. After you open the door of the fridge you see fresh vegetables and fruit, although some are rotten. There are chicken breasts, super clean, and almost organic. If you had the opportunity to make a fancy dinner, you would. And while you prepare an improvised cordon bleu chicken, you wonder if you are condemned to live depressed for the rest of your life from now on. The fact that you were cooking, fresh food, waiting for a man and a girl to come and eat with you, stained your heart in pain.

What you were wishing, was being rubbed at your face, like in an alternate reality, where everything could be fine, you had a husband and a daughter, you were a cute housewife and you were making dinner for them. Only that Joel wasn’t your partner, not even your friend, just the man who saved you. Ellie wasn’t your daughter, just a virtuous girl that you had to deliver to be left alone. You weren’t staying in that house, because for you, it was some stranger’s house.

-

Joel came into the kitchen, freshly out of the shower, just like Ellie. He can smell your food, amazing as always. The girl is looking into the oven, admiring the way the chicken looked so crispy.

“Where is she?” he asked cautiously. Ellie turned to him, taking a piece of cheese you left on the counter. “It was her turn to use the shower. But she’s taking a lot of time…”

“Check the oven…” the girl nodded. She didn’t ask more about where he was going, because she knew Joel was going to see you.

He knocked on the door once and proceeded to open it. You were putting some cream on your face when you saw him. He looked super handsome with his wet hair and clean face. But once he saw you, his face grew worried.

“What happened?” there was a long sleeve top covering your upper body, one that you got from the box Ellie offered you. But you were just in underwear, and a big bruise was decorating your right ass cheek.

“I messed up with the syringe…” your broken voice tears him. Sighing, he got closer to look at the purple circle in your skin. Neither of you feels uncomfortable because of your lack of clothes, it wasn’t new after all and you were very open-minded about the situation. “You should have told me to help you…”

“Thanks but you’re not a nurse and I don’t need your help” it isn’t the best moment to have a deep conversation about all the events that occurred. But he could try, because he wants to see you healthy and happy.

“Listen, y/n. There’s a lot of things you need to know, but that letter…” he doesn’t know why he chooses to start the topic with that but you turn abruptly, shutting him. “I don’t want to hear about it. It isn’t any of my business and I apologize for opening it”

“You don’t have to apologize. However, a lot has changed since the last time. She…” you had enough. You chose your mental peace above anything.

“Joel… stop it ” again you find yourself angrily sliding into your new pants. “We’ve been through enough. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I’m tired…” you whisper close to his face. Again you can feel the tears coming up. He had a doleful expression. After all, he was tired too. “There’s nothing to talk about, Joel. I’m accepting my life as you said. I’m just doing this for Ellie. Even though I feel like there’s no point of me being here…”

Hurting him with your words, you leave the steamy bathroom. Realizing he had pushed you so far from him, it makes him hate himself. From the day you left the QZ with him, Tess and Ellie, he wondered if he had done wrong by bringing you because he wanted you by his side, he couldn’t leave you alone. Now he accepts that you deserved better.

So when he goes downstairs, he sees you placing a fork and knife for him, then for Ellie, and lastly for you. He takes a seat and kind of smirks when he sees Ellie excited at the plate of food you placed in front of her.

“Woah. You always cook like this?” you giggle, warming up Joel because you were smiling for the first time in days. “Not very often….”

“I’ve never had a plate of food like this…” her statement makes you pout. Maybe just in this case, you were luckier. “Don’t worry. Whenever we have the chance again, I’ll cook you dinners like this”

Joel can’t help but smile internally when he pretends to look at the floor. Then he looks back at the table, and he can see a cordon bleu piece with salad and mashed potatoes. It almost felt like a punishment for making you feel bad like you were making him feel guilty with your mouth watering food.

“And you don’t pray or something?” Ellie’s questions make you realize that you used to thank them for the food when your family was alive. Now it was a blurred memory.

“Uh… God… pray for us. Amen…” Ellie replies with another amen, and Joel just nods at her. But they know you’re right. In the days you lived, you couldn’t just bless the food, you had to pray for your whole existence.

-

You open your eyes and a potent sunset hits your face. You feel like you have woken up from surgery, everything feels sloppy and uneven, and you just want to sleep again.

“Is it too far?” you hear Ellie asking Joel. Far what? oh… you are in a vehicle. Of course, you don’t know where the hell you’re going, but Joel is driving, Ellie is in the passenger seat, and you feel like someone has been beating you for days. “Maybe 15 hours?, Why? pee time?” Ellie chuckled and let Joel know that she was just curious, as usual. It was wrong to be hearing their conversation but it’s not like you had another option, you were fucking lying in the back of the car, truck, spaceship, whatever.

“Has she scared you like the day of the hotel before?” they’re talking about you for sure. You never talked about that with Joel, the most intimate moment with him were purely physical affection, on the bed. Never words. You weren’t sure what Joel thought about carrying you with your constant sickness, making it harder after the cruel words he said, waking up your insecurities. “No…”

“How did you managed to help her after finding her?” Joel sighed. He assumed you shared some information with Ellie. He liked that you cared for the girl, treating her as a friend to make less shitty the whole journey.

“I said no more questions about me before….” somehow you got used to communicating with Joel without inquiring about his past, present, or future. “It isn’t about you, it’s about her. She told me you took care of her when her family died”

“That’s all you have to know then…” it was like Ellie was an open book, and Joel was a locked book and a broken cover. And you, you were a book with nice cover but a broken lock. One that anyone could easily open.

“No, tell me more. I want to know how you two met, please” you found it cute how nosy Ellie was being, and you had no problem telling her more. But you felt like you couldn’t even move yet. All you could see from the car’s window were some trees and stars in the navy sky. The effects of the iron sometimes made you feel heavy before gaining sudden spurts of energy.

“I met her when she was like nineteen or so. She was a nurse with her grandma, but we were strangers. Some years after, I heard about a whole family that got killed inside a building in the QZ because they were infected” Maybe it was only you, but the weather was getting drier and hotter. You could feel some hot air flowing through the open windows, making it a little harder to listen to the conversation happening in front of you. “Someone moved into the apartment in front of mine. All I used to hear was a woman weeping every night. So I went to see and that’s when I found her”

“Is she going to get better?” your heart melted with her question. Truth is, you were scared of the iron injections, you had them before. Your grandma used to tell you how painful they were and that a bad position when placing them could make you have a bruise for the rest of your life. “I hope so…she’s a strong girl, though”

“Do you love her?” goosebumps invaded you, a weird feeling of nervousness installed in your chest. Joel looked at Ellie, tired.

“Okay, that’s enough. You should know by now…” it left you thinking for a couple of minutes. What was that supposed to mean? you didn’t know. “Is she asleep yet?”

“Yes…and, she’s sweating” you closed your eyes before Ellie could turn and see you awake. She touched your forehead with the back of her hand, feeling your sweat. “The temperature is increasing here…”

“Is there a house where we’re going?” Joel simply nodded at the girl. Truth is, he didn’t even know what the hell was wrong with Tommy and what would wait for them in Wyoming. For you, even with your eyes closed, you could feel Joel’s gaze on you.

When Ellie wasn’t asking questions, Joel was thinking about you. Every two minutes he was looking through the rearview, only to encounter your silhouette sleeping in the back. He knew he messed up everything, he had no excuses for his words to you, and he tried to protect himself by hurting you in the way. That’s not love. He remembered every moment with you, since day one when he carried you to his home and seated next to you until the tears stopped. You had a smile on your beautiful face even after the disaster of 2021. You didn’t even know how to use a gun, you had to end every member of your family to stop them from biting someone outside. You were just a girl. He would never tell you, but he had his own theories; that maybe you infected your own family. You were immune and you worked as a nurse.

However, you proved to be very lovely, smart and talented. He remembered the way you would sing to his 80s and 90s songs because you said your parents were grunge. He got used to your 2000’s songs that he considered vulgar because of the lyrics. But it was a blessing to hear you singing. Your sweet food, always fresh and made with love, waiting for him to be out of work and eat together. And your delicate hands precisely stitched him when he got in trouble, scolding him for not being cautious. At the end of the road, he accepts that he cares for you a lot, maybe he…. He loved-

“Do you know what time it is?” Joel was about to look at his watch, but he forgot it was broken again. Sarah would’ve loved to see him happy again. She would’ve loved you, and she would’ve been proud to see his dad happy again. “Look at the stars. Are they completely above us?” Ellie pulled the window down. Getting her head out, and admiring the clear sky. The only good thing that was cleaned and benefited from the fungus was the sky.

“Nope. They are a little towards… East I guess?” Then silence. Just a little, not enough to become uncomfortable. You are sleeping again. At some point, Joel and Ellie got so worried that you weren’t making any movement or noise but you groaned making them smile after Ellie poked your cheek. “Then it’s a little before midnight”

-

Finally, you feel alive again. You sit, stretching and yawning, noticing you are still in the car. You’re entering an isolated highway that looks peaceful somehow. It’s completely dark, and there’s no way someone could come and interrupt you.

“Hey, you’re awake!” Ellie ramble excited, happy to see you after tons of hours sleeping. “How do you feel?”

Joel was about to ask that, but he had to thank Ellie because he doesn’t know how to approach you now. “Like I’ve been buried alive”

“You were asleep for, like, 9 hours! Well, passed out or…” she keeps quiet without finishing the sentence. Because things weren’t okay.

“It’s okay….” You try to soothe the tension.

Joel pulls out of the road and parks the truck behind some of the giant rocks in the way.

“We’re taking a break” he announced, turning to give you a short look. You nod, but want nothing but to kiss him and make him hold you so tight, telling you everything is gonna be fine. That’s not the case…

Ellie goes wandering around, under instruction from Joel of staying where you two can see her. You get out of the truck, feeling your legs weak, but just as you start walking, you feel better.

“Bill and Frank were together for years. Almost two decades…” he awkwardly says and you don’t turn to look at him, it surprises you that he came to talk about it so suddenly, very rare of him. “I know you wanted what they had for us…”

“Could you stop embarrassing me?, I said I didn’t want to talk about this, for god’s sake…” His usual deadpan face shows he’s talking for real. But it’s irritating how much you cringed yourself now, even worse if Joel made it clear.

“Y/n…” You want to stop this conversation so badly. “I told you I won’t talk about this, Joel. I’m going with Ellie…”

“No. You stay here and listen to me” he sighs, then he grabs your shoulders, steadying you and taking some air before preparing to be open for the first time in twenty years. “Yes, Tess was important to me and it hurts me a lot that she’s dead. No, I never got to love her. Yes, I thought you were taking my time when I met you, but things have changed” you cross your arms. Feeling so uneasy. “You are the reason why I keep trying to survive this shit, why I accepted to help this little girl”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for the pain I’ve put you through….I-”

Your eyes open widely. It’s impossible to contain the sobs, so you hold yourself tighter and sob like a baby. “Shit… Don’t cry, y/n. C’mere…”

He hugs you, with his right hand protectively in your head, and instantly you nestle on his chest.

“We are a team, darlin’…” Between hiccups, Joel finds your voice adorable, enough to make him smile. You won’t force him to say it back yet, maybe he needed more time.

“Yes…” you whisper. Feeling more in peace somehow.

“But don’t you ever say hurtful shit to me like that again. If something bothers you, we dialogue, we don’t fight, m’kay?” he nods. And he is thankful that he got the balls to share some of his feelings for you, realizing it wasn’t that bad.

“I know. We’re good?” When you hug him again, he knows it’s okay.

“So happily ever after?” both of you chuckle. Joel tilts his head, with a cheeky smile. “Not quite. But ever after?… maybe”

Ellie comes running, agitated, making you and Joel startled, the man quickly reaching for his rifle.

“A raccoon was chasing me!” you cackle, softly patting Joel’s back, thinking infected were coming or raiders. He rolls his eyes but lands his gaze on you again, enjoying to hear you cackling until tears burst out again, but this time out of happiness. “Ever after then…”

______________________________________

Should I make this into some miniseries as the show continues?

@ferraribabe @carrxttcake @grave-details @kishie8 @thereeallink @spideysimpossiblegirl @khaylin27 @aonungs-tsahik @buckysmainhxe @2-cool-4-youu @rebloggingfanfictioninthechaos @wanniiieeee @amethystwonders11 @kyuupidwrites @bookfrog242 @beltzboys2015-blog @acornacreacure @cecile-mai-murrows (If you want to be tagged 4 future parts comment!, if you’re blog appears but you weren’t tagged/notified, tell me! <3

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 2

Chapter Two: Roll Up Your Sleeves

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, Angst, Fluff, Guns, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Swearing, Reader wants to sacrifice herself, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: Holy shit there are so many of you sjdfhgsk AHHHH thank you so much for all the notes and comments, I appreciate it! Here’s a little bit of info for you to understand a little bit of my thought process. In my outline, the reader is an Enneagram Type 9: The Peacekeeper. (This helps me add a little bit of depth to you so I don’t feel entirely lost when writing) if she seems “passive” or “complacent” it’s cause she wants everything to go smoothly and be without conflict. I’d like to believe there’s a little part of us that prefer to avoid tension, due to the fear of loss and separation from the people or things you love. I’ll go a little bit more in-depth about this in the story as it progresses. Hope you enjoy!

Song: evermore (feat. bon iver) by Taylor Swift

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD – 2023

BOSTON - NOON

You walk along the ruins of a long-abandoned Boston with an overpowering sense of dread. It feels like the build-up of a song in which you know the tune, the lyrics, and the beat. Strings of violins, drums, and bells ring and thump in your mind, unwanted and uncaring of how you feel. This curse of knowledge you never asked for but which you carry follows you as the four of you approach the Bostonian Museum. Creeper vines and Cordyceps grow on the sides of the building, marked by conspicuous veins and all-consuming every red brick of this once-beautiful structure.

The four of you stand outside the entrance of the museum. Cordyceps consume every part of the foundation, Ellie tilts her head to look up at it appalled, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You stand next to Joe, using your hand to rub your right eye, and mumble, “Shit.”

“Well, there’s a way across from the top floor,” Tess says while moving to place her hands in the pockets of her pants. Ellie sarcastically replies, “Well, then I guess it’s fine.” Tess reassures her by adding, “We use to take it all the time.”

Ellie answers, “Okay.” Joel leaves your side and approaches a dry vein of the Cordyceps, removing the rifle he stole from the FEDRA guard, he crouches and touches a part of it to check if it was still active. He swings downward, hits the vein with the butt of the gun, and a puff of dust releases from the dead fungi, he stands to walk over to Tess, “It’s bone dry. It could mean they’re all finally dead in there.”

Tess nods, then they both kneel to prepare their flashlights and weapons, just in case. You and Ellie watch them both rummage through their backpacks, “Oh, man,” the kid mutters.

Joel whips out a flashlight and waves it at Ellie, “Marlene pack you one of these or just sandwiches?” She removes her backpack, “Yeah,” and pulls out her flashlight. Joel looks to you, “Catch, hummin’ bird.” That was the only warning he gave you before tossing you the flashlight, “Luckily, I have a spare.”

You’re short of breath as you hear the nickname he gave you. Miraculously, caught it with both hands, and without even thinking you wink, “Thanks, cowboy.” Thankfully, no one says anything about your quip directed at him.

“Okay, so… more ground rules.” Tess announces and turns to Ellie,  “We’re gonna go slowly. If we come up against anything you get behind us and you stay there, okay?” The young girl nods and wears her backpack, “Yes.” Tess brings out her handgun and flashlight, positioning her hands in a way that she can use both. Ellie glances at the gun she’s holding, “I have a spare hand.”

Joel is unamused by what she is insinuating, dryly replies, “Congratulations.” He walks forward with determination, he pokes his head through the door to do an initial check before turning around to nod at the three of you to signal it’s clear. Reluctantly, you follow them inside, your mind has kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out a way to get past this with zero casualties. If you sacrifice yourself, would that change the ending? Would it buy Tess a little more time? This might be your grand attempt to do something right and kind without assurance, without the promise of an afterlife.

Flashlights dance and shine around the walls of the abandoned museum, you watch your step and try to calm the beating of your heart as you look at the artifacts left behind. You navigate through the hallways and come across a corpse of an infected deceased. Joel shines his flashlight on the fungi, “Yeah, cooked.” Tess exhales, “Finally, some fucking luck.” Ellie steps a little closer to investigate the remains of what was once human, Joel continues, “I guess we should’ve gone this way in the first place.”

You were so caught up in trying to ground yourself in the reality of all of this, that this is actually happening, that you forgot to at least warn them about the Clickers they were about to face in a couple of moments. Just as Ellie was about to turn a corner, you whisper loudly to her, “Ellie wait!”

Too fucking late. “Oh shit,” Ellie exclaims with wide eyes, and Joel makes a move to inspect what she found. A dead bruised, bloodied, young man slouched against the corner. Ellie’s eyes were full of shock, “What the fuck did that?”

Joel and Tess look at each other knowingly, and you finally decide to speak up, for her and theirs, “Whatever you’re about to say or hope for, don’t bother.” The three of them turn to look at you and you decide to continue in an audible whisper, “I wasn’t sure if I could or should warn you, but we need to stay quiet from now on.” You gather your courage to look directly at Joel with an unwavering stare, “It’s exactly what you suspect it is.”

“Are you saying an infected did that?” Ellie whispers to the three adults, and she resumes, “Because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Joel looks at you and he can see the way your face twists, your lips curled downwards, and your eyes show your remorse and guilt, he whispers to everyone, “Okay, from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” Ellie looks at him concerned and confused, “What?” But Joel shakes his head, “No. No questions. Just do it.”

This is it. You think to yourself as you will your feet to move, continuing, you follow Joel and Ellie up the stairs with Tess trailing behind. You remember when you could cover your eyes to the scary moments of the show, you could press pause, or fast forward, not needing to witness and feel the distress and panic.

The quiet creak of each floorboard of the steps as your boots land on the rotting wood, it groans all of your weight and dust falls from the ceiling. You all stop silently, waiting for any indication of an infected discovering that all of you were in the museum. After a moment, Joel looks back at you, a silent way of asking if it’s okay, you throw him a bone and give him a tiny spoiler, then you nod at him. And all four of you continue up the stairs.

As you make the first landing of the steps, you shine your flashlight to meet a horrifying view. Multiple corpses of people who were infected with Cordyceps lay on the wooden floors. It’s unspeakable and all-consuming, the silence overwhelms your system, there is a sudden tightness in your chest, and feel a part of your mask slip, your eyes shift and move to look at the pile of bodies. Organs and parts that were once human, were scooped out and transformed into fungi.

Your mouth opens silently, quivering as you do, and you lightly shake your head. Joel steps over the rotting fungi, just as you were about to grab Ellie and warn her about what she couldn’t see, you were too late. Again. A satisfying crunch could be heard throughout the building and you squeeze your eyes shut in fear for a moment then you reopen them. Joel whips around to look at Ellie with annoyance, the kid gives him an apologetic look.

Thankfully, you managed to make it up the steps with no more issues. Joel slowly opens the door to Independence Hall, and the wood gives a quiet creak. He quickly scans the area before deciding to nod at all of you, telling you it’s clear.

With your foresight and knowledge of events that had already happened in your time, you decide to act accordingly and give a hard shove to both Tess and Ellie inside the Hall and quickly follow after, gravity takes place and parts of the museum collapse, pieces of wood and cement block the doors. You were trapped.

Tess and Ellie push themselves off the ground, but you take a little longer to get up. You scraped your arms and hands, and the pain in your head came back. Joel quickly and quietly helps Ellie up then realizes you haven’t moved yet. He immediately makes his way to you, lightly shaking you to get up, you blink back the blurry black spots that are forming in your eyes and stand up with his help, both of his hands on the underside of your forearms.

You squint and slowly look up at him, and for what felt like a second, you see the worry that lines his face. Concern and need to protect you, even though you’re just a stranger. The moment doesn’t last long, you hear the familiar sound of screeching in the room adjacent to you. Flashlights shine in the direction of the noise and you hold your breath as all of you walk backward, keeping your eyes on the monster that emerges from the shadows. The twitchy movements are followed by the croaky noises of the infected, it tries to navigate, searching for its next prey. And on queue, the other Clicker screeches, indicating that there are two of them. This is no longer a museum, it’s a fucking horror house and all of you are in for the worst experience of your life.

You are now surrounded by predators, and prey, playing a twisted game of hide and seek. You press your back against the glass of the cabinet, Tess to your right, Ellie to your left, and Joel being the farthest left. He gestures to his eyes and ears, quietly mouthing, “They can’t see, but they can hear.”

The creature groans and croaks, clicking sounds from its throat. It’s right behind the glass, your eyes drift to the monster and see its jerky movements. You bring your eyes to look at Joel, he lifts his pointer finger to his lips, indicating to be incredibly still and silent. Fear is the darkness and the unknown, a hard-to-shake feeling, it overstays its welcome and leaves you panting.

Tess watches the monster make its way around the corner, limping and shaky. Ellie closes her eyes to try and control her breathing, and you get yourself ready for the fight you never wished for. ‘Why is it always so fucking dark?’ You wonder inside your head, The Clicker comes into view, and you hear an audible gasp come from Ellie. Shit.

The creature turns in your direction at full tilt, mouth wide open with its yellowing teeth, and gives the loudest high-pitch screech. Joel sprays bullets into the Clickers’ chest, but it fights back, he looks in your direction and yells out, “Run!”

The second clicker begins to sprint toward you and Tess shoots at it but the bullet misses. Tess grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, while you run with them. The four of you get separated, Tess trips and so do you and Ellie, she yells out to tell her, “Run… Run!”

Ellie crawls her under a table and finds her way out, while the Clicker runs after Tess. You are now at a crossroads, Joel is running at the other end of the exhibit while Tess heads in the opposite direction. You swiftly make a split-second decision and duck, right behind Ellie under the table, however, you do not crawl away, instead, you wait for the Clicker to run by you and quietly get up to follow after Tess. This is your chance to make things right, to ensure she doesn’t get bitten. Will this cost you your life?

You grab an ax hanging from the wall and run to the other side of the room, you hold it with both hands and feel the sweat coating your skin. You turn a corner and see Tess pinned up against the wall, the creature feasting on her neck, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach, and you let out a scream, “No!”

The creature quickly turns and shrieks at you, angry for interrupting its meal, now it begins sprinting towards you, and the adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream and system. The anger starts to flare in your chest, the silence grows louder along with the ringing in your ears. You stand unwavering and with the courage that has been asleep for so long, it awakens at the right time.

Aiming directly at its head, you throw the axe with everything you have. It lands on a portion of its mushroom-infected face. Yet, it only slows the creature down a second, screaming and swinging its long mutated arms, and tries to locate you, but, it hears the commotion in the other room, loud pops of a revolver can be heard and you assume it’s Joel killing the other Clicker.

The abomination of what once was human turns and screeches at Joel and Ellie, it scampers towards them and you feel the pulse in your veins like a fighter, you fight the fear and let the rush take over, you sharply glance at the handgun Tess had dropped during the chaos and without hesitation, you pick it up and pray it still has some bullets in the chamber.

This was a skill you wished you never had to use. All those days in the range were just a precaution, the world is not kind to women, and you learned to protect yourself just in case. It meant only using a gun when you or the people you loved were in danger.

Using one hand, you swiftly remove the safety with your thumb, aim, and shoot at the head of the Clicker. With three loud pops and then a fourth one for good measure, the monster falls to its knees and on the ground.

Dead.

Blood oozes from the infected’s head, and you stand there watching the crimson splatter grow larger. Tess appears from the archway and takes in the vision before her. You turn to aim the gun at her, your fight instincts kick in, still high from the adrenaline, and you stand there breathing heavily.

Joel yells out your name. You blink once, then twice. A beat passes, and you don’t register Joel approaching you in a calm slow manner, his arm stretched out with his palm facing you, treating you as if you were a frightened animal, now he places his hand on top of yours, a touch so gentle you barely register it. Carefully and steadily he takes away the gun in your hand and turns the safety on before handing it to Tess, which she slowly takes, while you let it happen.

Your vision is blurry and tries to swallow away your guilt. You were too late. You couldn’t save her. Joel says your name again, he’s in front of you now, his frame covering and protecting Tess, but he has replaced the gun you once held, with his hand. Ellie watches the events unfold from the side, not wanting to create any more noise or movement. He squeezes your hand and whispers, “It’s okay… It’s okay.”

It’s not, but his voice brings you back anyway. You look to Tess, your eyes full of sorrow, and your voice quivers as you speak, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tess nods knowingly, she swallows her pride and sadness to say, “It’s okay. You tried… um, thank you.”

Her words completely snap out of your trance, and you see the world a little clearer now. You nod back at her, then bring your eyes to Joel, who is still holding your hand. His eyes dance around, observing and taking note of every detail of your face. You’re the first to break the staring contest, realizing that Tess doesn’t have a lot of time. You step back away from him, dropping his hand, “We should get going.”

Joel turns to Tess, “You all right?” She nods, “Twisted ankle, but yeah.” She limps over to Ellie, “You all right?”

“Well, I didn’t shit my pants, so…” Ellie says and pulls up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal a bite from the infected. “You fucking kidding me?” she exclaims and turns to look at Joel, “I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.”

Tess stays silent at that, glancing at you to keep your mouth shut. You give a discreet nod in response, Tess calls out to Joel, “Hey. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Joel pushes the window up and opens, stepping out onto the roof, Ellie follows and you do too, leaving Tess for last, who plops down to rest her ankle, “Fuck.”Joel kneels and opens his pack to give Ellie a bandage, “Put this around your arm.” She takes it and says, “Thanks.” You watch as Ellie makes her way to a wooden plank, makeshift bridge, “Over there?” Joel glances over while continuing to fuss over Tess, “Yeah, I know it looks scary.”

“That was scary. This is wood.” Ellie states and proceeds to walk across the wood plank to get to the other building’s roof. Joel watches in disbelief and hollers, “Just wait there. Give us a minute.” He turns to look at you, “Can you go make sure she’s…” You only nod, knowing that Joel and Tess need to talk, you look at the wood plank they call a bridge and mumble to yourself, “If the way I die is falling from a high place, so be it.” 

You walk across with no problem and catch up to Ellie, “Hey,” you say as you stand by her and take in the view. “What happened to you back there?” Ellie asks, the wind blowing strands of hair away from her face. You huff, “I don’t know. The adrenaline took over, I guess.”

You both stand in silence now, then you can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel walking up to the right of Ellie, she merely glances at him and then turns back to see the State House in the distance, glittering under the sunlight. “Is it everything you hoped for?” Joel asks her, Ellie blinks but answers him, “Jury’s still out. But, man you can’t deny that view.”

You hear Tess approaching from behind, eager to keep moving, “Come on, let’s get there before it’s dark.” She turns and then climbs a ladder down, letting out a groan of pain no one question or brings up. Joel nods at Ellie to follow Tess which he does, you look at Joel as Ellie climbs down. And you held his gaze for a moment, then look to his broken watch, before climbing down after the young kid.

Leaves crunch with every step you take, Tess lightly limping ahead, she turns to look at you, and you could only stare back. Tess looks straight ahead once more, and you can’t help but wonder about the violence of the dog days and what could get you through this. You see the State House from a distance, a hauntingly beautiful sight, creeper vines growing on the pillars and sides of the edifice.

The group decides to hide behind an abandoned car near the state house, and immediately could tell that something was very wrong, “Where the fuck are they?” Tess harshly states, Joel, shakes his head and decides to go check the truck parked outside by the steps of the ruined State House.

Joel walks over cautiously to the door of the truck, he swings it open to aim his rifle at it, only for the seats to be empty. Joel sees the blood splattered on the sides of the door, and turns to mouth at you all, “Stay back.” He rounds the side of the truck and notices a recently deceased, he continues to the back of the truck, swinging the giant blue metal doors, to confront no one.

You follow Ellie and Tess as she demands, “Joel, what the fuck is going on?” Joel shakes his head, “I don’t know.”

No longer wanting to play along, you look down to see a trail of blood up the steps and into the State House, you hear someone call your name, but say nothing as you walk up to the doors of the building. You push your way through, briskly walking to the center of the structure, and you take a good look at the multiple dead people scattered on the ground. You shake your head and close your eyes, “Fuck.”

You hear the three come in after you and they notice immediately what happened, Tess goes into a panic, “Okay. I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She proceeds to open the kit boxes that contain nothing but supplies, searching for anything that could help them win.

“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks, and you reply, “No,” you nod to the man on the ground, Joel rolls him over with his boot and you continue, “One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost.”

Joel’s nostrils flared as he stared at you, “You knew? You knew and didn’t even bother to warn us that this was all for nothin’?” You raised your chin, “They were already dead hours before we got here.” His jaw clenched while you stood, fists clenched by your sides, and rolled your shoulders back, glaring at Joel.

Joel calls out to Tess, “Tess, what are you doing?” She ignores him and approaches Ellie, “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you?” Ellie responds unsure, “Uh, I don’t know. Just west.”

“Just west. Fuck. okay. Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” Tess then goes to search one of the deceased Firefly’s pockets, “Joel, can you help me?”

“No.” He fumed, “Tess, it’s over. We are going home.”

“That’s not my fucking home!”

You let the exchange happen, while you move to one of the kits to retrieve a handgun, some ammo, and a small first-aid kit, and steal a backpack sitting on top of the chairs to shove all your supplies inside. Then, you hear Tess say the words you knew would happen, “I’m staying. I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“Fuck.” Ellie whispers, “She’s infected.”

Tess sighs, and Joel’s eyes hardened and narrowed into slits, “Show me.” She takes a step forward and whispers his name, only for him to take a step back. Tess then steps back, anguish splashes across her face, then pulls the collar of her shirt and jacket, to reveal the growing infection on her neck, “Oops, right? And don’t bother taking it against her,” Tess gestures to you, “She did everything she could to save me, but I guess fate had already cut my string.”

Joel takes in a breath of disbelief while Tess looks to Ellie, “Take your bandage off.” Which she does to reveal no evidence of infection, just a new scar on her forearm to add to her collection. Tess makes her way to Ellie and holds her arm, “Look. Joel? This is real.” She drags Ellie closer to him, “Joel, she’s fucking real.” Her grip suddenly becomes twitchy and she wills her hand to stop shaking and hides it behind her back, she stares directly into the eyes of whom she once loved, “I need you to get her to Bill and Frank’s.”

Joel is shaking his head as he replies, “No.” But Tess continues to speak, “They’ll take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.”

“No… I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not gonna take her.” He says and you watch each part you knew to unfold, Tess whispers to him, “They will because you’ll convince them. Yes, you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…”

“No.” He stubbornly states, but Tess lets the tears stream down her face and exclaims, “Now, you shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.”

He grants her request and listens, “This is your chance. You get her there. You keep her alive and you set everything right. All the shit we did.” Joel shakes his head as Tess begs, “Please say yes, Joel. Please.”

Despite the somber mood, a screech from one of the corpses has come to life and taken its revenge on the living, Ellie screams out, “Oh, fuck!” But your reaction time is faster this time, and you no longer hesitate as you walk towards the parasite, remove the safety of the gun and shoot it point blank in the head. Joel comes up behind you, and takes notice of what you’re staring at, the Cordyceps patch has awakened the rest of the infected and you hear the croaks and shrieks from outside of the State House.

Joel runs up to one of the doors to check how many are on the way, he shuts the door and locks it after making out the horde approaching. “How many?” Tess asks, Joel walks past her, “All of ‘em. Maybe a minute.”

Tess takes one of the rifles off of the floor and uses the butt of the gun to remove the lid on the fuel barrels. She pushes it to the floor, and the clear yellow liquid pours out of it and coats the floor. You help and do the same to the other barrel, knowing how this will end for Tess. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks, watching you and Tess scatter grenades on the ground, “Making sure they don’t follow you.”

Tess then approaches Joel, breathless and shaking, “Joel. Save who you can save.”

He clenches his jaw and his nostrils flared, angry, confused, upset, everyone he ever loved leaves or dies. He stares at her, soaking in her image as much as he can, and then he makes his decision. He quickly grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, her protests can be heard as it fades away around the corner, she punches his arm to try and break loose but he’s much stronger, “No! We’re not leaving her! Get off me, you fucker!”

Tess says your name and you turn to face her, “You weren’t lying? About the whole different universe thing?” You can only shake your head in response, hoping she can see your heart breaking into pieces.

Tess hums and gives you a small smile, “Take care of them for me, please? Especially Joel. Stubborn as a mule but you’ll learn to love him, just like I did.” You decide to grant the woman her dying wish, you nod and whisper, “Goodbye, Tess.”

You turn to run and didn’t look back, pushing out of the wooden doors, while tears stream down your face slightly obscuring your vision. But you manage to catch up with Joel and Ellie, as you did, the blast from the State House is sudden and loud. The smell of burning kerosine fills the air and you turn to look back at the raging fire, Joel turns and points his rifle at the area, ready to shoot just in case, only to hear screeching and the infected burning on the steps of the building.

You stare and one-half of your senses silently wish Tess would walk out, but you can no longer rewind, she’s gone. Ellie pants, trying to catch her breath, tears rimming her eyes and Joel lowers his rifle to turn away from the roaring flames. You and Ellie turn to watch his lone silhouette walk away from you both.

A/N: WELL that’s the end of Episode 2! Lowkey was fighting invisible demons to get this chapter edited and out bcs I wanted to improve on describing movement, anger, sorrow, etc. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT T^T but I hope I didn’t disappoint ya’ll <3 ALSO YEP MHM TAGLIST! Send me an ask so I can add ya! It’ll stay open for a tiny period of time so send away :D

I’m proud of you for doing the right thing by trying to save Tess! Even though we all know you secretly admire Joel and would have chased after him to ensure his safety with Ellie. hehehehehe 

Yes, the reader only knows everything up to Episode 3, meaning she has no clue about the rest of the show! She knows (most) parts of the video game but alas we know Television series like to change things so she’s lowkey fucked lol

I LIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS ya’ll crack me up and have the best reactions. Thank you for your support and love. I’ll try and get the next chapter out soon!

-Grace

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter 

Taglist:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonders11 @syd-vixious @themysticturtles @kidkrow666​ @soulofapatrick​ @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter  @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale​ @mac5323 @slurmp69

[psychedelic-ink]

𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑨𝑩𝑰𝑫𝑬

** gif by the amazing @inklore who made this for me, love u bby thank you so much!!!

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

genre: smut, hurt/comfort

word count: 3.5k

summary: a retelling of the third episode but with you in it. Starts with Ellie reading Bill's letter.

warnings: spoilers for episode three, oral (giving), shower sex, piv, lots of emotions, hugging joel because he needs it, soft!joel

a/n: i'm still fucking crying tbh

“August 29, 2023,”

“If you find this please do not come into the bedroom. We left the window open so the house wouldn't smell. It will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this Joel. Because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps hehehehehehe Take anything you need. The bunker code is the same as the gate code but in reverse. Anyway, I never liked you. But still, it's like we're friends. Almost. And I respect you. So I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here, we have a job to do. And god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep—”

Ellie’s voice trails off, making you look up from the corner of the wall your eyes were digging a hole in. She presses her lips together, eyes moving away from the heartbreaking letter. Joel’s eyes snap up, and without saying a word he snatches the letter from her hands and reads it for himself. You have the urge to come close and peer at the words as well, but you don’t dare. You zero in on his expression; the crease between his brows deepens, the corner of his lips pulling down. He swallows. 

“Stay here,” he croaks, heading to the door. 

It slams shut. Leaving you and Ellie inside, you turn to her, “What did it say?” you ask despite having a solid guess of what the answer might be.  

Ellie doesn’t look up. Her stance is relaxed but the tension tolling over her shoulders is visible. She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and answers, “Tess,” she says. “Bill was telling Joel to keep her safe,” 

“Oh shit,” you whisper instinctively. Ellie nods. 

“My thoughts exactly,” 

You drop your bag, the sudden relief of it being gone making you feel lighter than ever. You know he’ll be mad if you try to talk about it. But you also don’t have it in you to leave him to wallow in his own self-pity. Joel is a protector. And from what you’ve heard, Bill was also one. Protector to protector. The message was abundantly clear and Joel had failed again and again. You hate to word it like that, but you know that’s what he’s thinking. He’s thinking about Sarah, about Tess. About Tommy who might be already dead. Now, he has to deal with you and Ellie. You, he found in Boston with Tess, covered in bruises and cuts, ration cards stolen and beaten to a pulp. 

You turn to Ellie one last time, she’s already staring at you, it’s slightly unnerving. “Wait here, don’t touch anything that might kill you. Stock up,” 

“Aye Aye Captain.” 

And you leave. 

The sun is shining, not a single cloud in the sky. Your eyes lock onto Joel as soon as you step over the threshold; his back turned, letter in hand, shoulders slumped. He looks around the neighborhood, then back down to the letter. He repeats the motion a couple of times as if he can’t believe what’s happening around him. You follow the path his eyes draw, looking around and back at him. You wonder if this neighborhood is similar to the one he used to live in. 

“Hey,” you finally call out, your voice sounding scratchy. Joel flinches, he crumples the piece of paper and stuffs it in his pocket. “Are you okay?” 

“We need to get out of here,” he answers, fingers tightening around the key, he heads to the garage. You follow. 

When the two of you are inside, you see his resolve finally starting to crack. He pops the hood open, looks inside, and slams it shut. Pressing his palms into the smooth surface, his head falls, body shaking with his every breath. Your steps are silent as you approach him, your eyes trail over the roundness of his shoulders, the dip of his shirt. 

You bite down the inside of your cheek, not stopping until you feel a sharp sting. Holding your breath, you place a hand over his shoulder, gently squeezing. 

He flinches, it’s the most minimal reaction, something you only felt because you were physically touching him. “Is this okay?” you ask. 

Joel nods, his swallow audible. “Yeah, it’s fine,” 

“Can I hug you?” 

He tenses under your fingertips. You don’t make a move until you feel the small nod he makes. “Sure,” his voice cracks. “If you want to,” 

Some part of you wants to ask ‘do you?’ but of course, you don’t. Of all the months you’ve known him, he’s never once verbally asked anyone for anything. If you give it, he’ll take it. Your hand smooths a path down his arm, the other rounding his waist. You take a deep breath as you press your forehead between his shoulder blades, you feel the steadiness of his heartbeat. 

Joel is still tense but less than before. Your fingers curl around his wrist, and your other hand lays right above his heart, nails softly biting into the fabric of his shirt. 

Much to your surprise, his hand covers your own, thick fingers lacing into yours. It gives you courage. It gives you hope. You press further into him, hug him with your entire body hoping that the warmth you provide is enough to soothe him, even for a second. 

“Sorry,” he grunts out, squeezing your hand, he brings it to his lips. His mustache tickles your skin, and he eases his lips into you, something between a kiss and a press of skin. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so angry all the time, there’s a weight on my chest that never leaves. You understand?” you nod and he continues. “I’m not like Bill. Not in the way he thought that I was. I’ve always been afraid—Even after…”

You feel him shaking his head, and your grip around him tightens. You do understand. You’ve felt it too, but he made it easier, help you lift that weight despite not being a man of many words, his presence gave you strength. 

You want to stay like this forever. Holding him, feeling him. He’s incredibly warm.

“I’m not strong enough,” he lastly says, whispering your name right after. “I can’t keep you or Ellie safe,” 

You feel the brush of lips over your knuckles. He allows you to cradle his scruffy cheek. It feels like a dream almost, which makes you acutely aware of how much he must be hurting right now. Your heart breaks. 

“You are,” you whisper, fingers moving along his beard. “We’re going to stock up, find Tommy, and get Ellie to the fireflies. Then we’re done. Maybe we can even come back here,” 

He scoffs, “How are you always like this?” 

“Like what?” 

“Hopeful,” 

“It’s because I have you.” 

You know he’s confused. You can feel it simmering under his skin, face heating up under your hand. He’s confused as to how something positive could be spurred from his existence. But it’s the truth. And he needs to hear it. He needs to know that it’s not only grief, and sadness, that follow his every footstep like a shadow. His strength gives those around him a chance to grow, a chance to be more human. Allowing them to live and relax while he carries the burden. 

His methods might be brutal, and the words he says might cut deeper than a knife ever could, but it comes from a place of a twisted sense of love. 

“We should head back inside,” he murmurs and pulls at your hand. “I’ll make the truck battery and we grab what we can while it charges,” 

“Okay,” you take a step back, already feeling the ache of not feeling him against your person. “I’ll go check on Ellie.” 

Joel doesn’t say a word, nor looks at you, he only nods. 

You still can’t fucking believe it. 

Hot fucking water. 

You’re impatiently sitting in one of the guest bedrooms, Ellie is downstairs, already taken her shower and Joel is still inside, a soft slow of steam slithering its way out of the cracks of the door. 

You sitting there and waiting for Joel to get out isn’t probably the most efficient thing to do but you can’t help it, you feel giddy. Your leg bobs up and down as you wait. The mere thought of having warm water rolling down your tattered skin makes your heart leap to your throat—

The running water stops and your eyes fly to the door. A couple of minutes later it opens. A wet, clothed, Joel makes his way through the steam. It looks mystical, almost. 

He stops when he sees you. 

“What are you doin’ here?” 

“Waiting to use the shower,” you grin, not shying away from openly raking your eyes up and down his body. “Looking good, Miller,” 

He rolls his eyes and pushes his hair back, your pussy bottoms out at the way his biceps bulge from underneath the flannel. “Well, I’m done now. Have fun,” 

Joel moves towards the door and you jump up barely in time to catch his wrist. He raises an eyebrow, eyes dropping to meet yours. His skin is still damp, if you were a cat you’d be purring by now. 

“Sit down,” you choke out. “I—fuck—This is hard. I want to—” 

“Don’t hurt yourself tryin’ to come up with words,” he teases and you look at him completely flabbergasted. Joel Miller actually sounds amused. It’s a goddamn miracle. He twists his hand so it’s him holding you instead, locking the door, he moves towards the bed, urging you to follow him as if this was his idea from the get-go. 

“What do you want?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. You’re standing between his spread-out legs, a chill runs up your spine. He reaches out and touches your chin. “Tell me,” 

Instead of telling, you slowly sink down to your knees, fingers moving to unbutton his jeans. He spreads his legs wider as you tug them down, you trail your fingers up his thighs, feeling the soft hairs tickling the pads of your fingers. Joel’s breath hitches, muscles tensing under your touch. He’s semi-hard when you take him into your mouth. His hips buck up as you swallow, swirling your tongue around the head. 

He grows harder with every lick. Your chin strains as you attempt to swallow him whole. You manage to take only half of him, your eyes squeezing shut at the pressure.  Pulling up, you gasp for air. You kiss the side and flatten your tongue against it. Joel cradles your head, thumbs drawing slow circles, he guides you back down to his cock, pushing you further down. 

“That’s it,” he breathes out heavily. “Just a bit more, always so fuckin’ good to me,” 

He forces your gaze up, and his cock twitches above your tongue. You whimper at the way he caresses your skin, so tender, so gentle. “You are too good to me,” he repeats his words from before. “I want you to know that. I ain’t the best with words but…yeah. I’ll try to make right by you,” 

If it wasn’t for his cock in your mouth, you would’ve smiled. Your heart feels so full that it overflows, the muscles of your stomach taut as you sink down, taking him until you feel the soft curls against the base of your nose. Joel holds you there, flush against his pelvis, heavily breathing as you swallow around him again and again. Spit trails down the corner of your lips, nostrils flaring as it gets harder to breathe. 

When he releases you, you pull away with a pop, your lungs burning at the sudden influx of oxygen. You wrap your fingers around the shaft and start stroking him, he moans loudly, hips thrusting into your hand. 

“I want you to cum down my throat, Joel,” you purr. “Use me,” 

And he does. 

The more desperate he becomes, the more stifled his groans get. He thrusts into your mouth, the tip of his cock nudging the back of your throat. You can’t breathe, you can’t think. Joel fucks deeper into your mouth, balls heavy on your chin as his thrusts become shallow. Your eyes roll back, your consciousness teetering on the edge of blacking out completely. 

With a moment of desperation, you cup your mound, rubbing at your clothed clit. The friction isn’t nearly enough and you let out a moan around his length, the reverberations making his hips stutter. 

Joel spills down your throat with a grunt, he presses his molars together, rolling his hips into your mouth. You swallow greedily. He tastes bitter, but that doesn’t stop you from lifting yourself on your knees to push him deeper down. He hisses, cock pulsing between your lips. 

“Jesus Christ,” he slurs, head falling back. “Jesus fuckin’ christ,” 

He pulls you off with a sharp tug, looking down at you between heavy lids. “You good darlin’?” 

You slowly nod, lips parting with a soft sigh. Your mind is in a deep haze of lust, your body aching to be touched, to be filled. You want to say something, anything, but you’re lost for words. 

“Shit, alright come on— Up,” he grabs you by the arm, helping you to stand on your feet. You shoot him a confused look, which he answers promptly. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Is it alright if I help?” 

It takes you a moment to understand the question and answer, “S-Sure.” 

You stand in the bathroom naked with your arms crossed in front of your chest. Joel wraps his arms around you slowly, still hesitant to touch you. He rests his chin above your shoulder, his torso bare, you sigh blissfully at the skin-on-skin contact.  

“What’s wrong?” he murmurs, moving his hand down your stomach. “I thought you were excited,” 

“I am,” you shudder when he drags his nose up the column of your neck, his lips following the path back down. 

“Do you want me to go?” 

You shake your head, “No.” 

He murmurs an ‘okay’ into your skin and gently nudges you forward so you get in. The tiles are cool and slippery. It feels absurd being in such a homey-feeling bathroom after so long. It smells like lavender. 

You stand there, too stunned to move until Joel joins you. He stands behind you, leaning over, naked body pressing into yours, he turns on the faucet, playing with the degree of the water until it pours warm over your skin. 

“How’s that?” he mutters. 

“Good,” a giggle falls from your lips. “It feels so fucking good. Unbelievable,” 

Joel starts washing your body, the touch of his hands has fear behind them. A fear that you might vanish at any second. His fingers trail over every inch of your skin, exploring every curve and valley. You close your eyes, relishing in the sensation of having him this close. He washes your hair, taking his time, massaging your scalp. He moves down to your back, running his hands over your spine, kneading out the tension from your muscles.

His hands move to your front, lingering over your breasts, sending shivers down your spine. He takes his time, leaving no spot untouched. The water cascades over your bodies, swallowing you and hiding you both from the tainted world outside. Wet lips trail the slope of your shoulders, fingers slipping between your folds. He drags them between your slit, circles your aching clit, and repeats. Your head falls over his shoulder, your soft moans drowned by the sound of water. 

Joel holds your chin and turns you until you’re facing him, he closes the distance, molding his lips into yours. His wet tongue follows the seam of your lips and you open up for him, he moves his tongue over yours, licking the inside of your mouth. He swallows your moans and whines as you start to grind down against his palm. 

His tongue presses deeper, and your legs tremble. He grinds the heel of his palm into the sensitive bundle of nerves, groaning into your mouth when slick gushes into his hand. His cock lays above the curve of your ass, hot and hard. 

He grinds into you, his cock pressing insistently between your cheeks. His hands grab your hips, pulling you closer to him, and his mouth moves across your shoulder and neck. His lips find your ear. 

“Is this okay?” he asks, his breath heavy and hot against your neck.

“It is. I want to feel you Joel, every inch of you,” 

His hands reach up, cupping your breasts, massaging gently. His thumbs circle your nipples and they harden beneath his touch, your breath catching in your throat. You roll back into him, your body craving more of his touch— of him.

Joel’s hands move down your body, his fingers tracing every inch. “Turn around for me,” 

You move without hesitation. He takes a step back, letting his hands trail over you. You take a step forward, closing the gap between you and he takes you in his arms, his mouth finding yours. His tongue slips between your lips and you moan into his mouth, lost in him. 

You allow your own hands to explore his body as well. He’s firm, arms strong and thick, hips narrowing as your fingers trace a path down within the water droplets that cling to his skin. 

Affectionately, you caress his stomach. You gently press the pads of your fingers into the soft flesh, loving the way his chest heaves. 

The water continues to pour down, creating a soothing background noise. He pushes his cock between your legs, moving through the slickness and sending sparks of pleasure through your body.

You move together, bodies entwined and breaths mingling. He lets out a low moan as you press your hips against his. His hands move to your back, his fingers tracing the line of your spine. He pulls you closer, his lips claiming yours again and again and again— He moans as he fucks your thighs. The bulbous head of his cock catching against your clit, the corners of your vision fade to black. Your head buzzes.

Joel continues to roll and grind, cock slipping between your legs with ease. During it, he slips into you, stretching you enough that the pain easily bleeds into the pleasure. He holds you, cock twitching as your flutter around him. You’re dripping and making a mess of him, he feels it. You know that he does by the way he bites into your skin, his growl vibrating across your body. 

“You’re so fuckin’ wet,” he says, licking the water off your skin. “Feels so good inside—Your pussy feels so fuckin’ good. I don’t think it’ll ever be enough,” 

“S-Shit Joel,” 

Your breath hitches in your throat, your hips meeting his with each thrust. He holds your gaze, fucking himself deeper, harder into you. Pleasure licks the bottom of your spine, heat rolling in your stomach. The water washes away the sweat but you still burn. Joel’s hand moves up to the back of your neck, his hand big enough to press his fingers into both sides of your throat. 

You nearly go limp at his hold, knees bucking at the pressure. But you trust him, and you aren’t at all surprised when he keeps you up, pounding into you as his lips slither down your neck. 

He moves his hand lower, skimming down your stomach and cupping your sex. His thumb circles your clit, and you gasp as wave after wave of pleasure wash over you. 

You’re teetering on the edge, ready to come undone, when Joel suddenly pulls out. His fingers don’t stop, pinching your clit. You cry out his name as your orgasm rips through you, he holds you close as your body jolts. Your body is left confused, empty, yet still clenching as if Joel’s cock is still inside. 

It’s so intense that tears roll down your cheeks, pleasure ripples over your skin, unfiltered whimpers falling from your lips. Your gaze drops to his cock, your eagerness to please loud in your mind. You notice that he’d already came, seed mixing with the water. 

“I got you don’t worry,” he mutters, lips brushing your forehead. “You’re alright, you’re with me,” 

You blink up, eyes finding Joel’s. A lazy smile spreads across your face, the water beating over your skin now cold. “Was that good?” you ask, kissing the bald spot on his chin. 

“You know it was,” when you give him a knowing look, he sighs. “It was good, thank you, darlin’” 

“I’m glad to hear that,” you grin, hands moving up his arms. “Now let’s get cleaned up one last time and get the hell out of here.” 

[final-girl96]

Firefly Chapter Twenty-Five

Mission Continues 2023

"So, is Bill and Frank nice?" Ellie asked. We've been walking for hours non-stop. "Frank is," Joel and I said simultaneously. Joel was walking ahead of us a little ways. We haven't talked much since we left the safe house. "What about Bill?" Ellie asked me. "Let's just say he and Joel have a lot in common." He looked at me with a questioning look waiting for me to explain. "What does that mean?"

"It means they're both hard asses." Joel turned his head to look at me and I raised an eyebrow. "And that means?" I looked at Ellie and sighed. "Bill is very…how do I put this. He doesn't like new people. Well, he doesn't like people period. It's hard to convince him or anything and hard to get him to agree with anything. He's very protective of the people he cares about though. That mainly being Frank. He'll do anything for Frank."

She hummed and jogged ahead to walk beside Joel and started asking him all kinds of questions. I walked a little faster so I wouldn't fall behind. "How’d you get that scar on your head?," Ellie asked, pointing at the scar of the side of Joel's head. He didn't say anything but I knew he was thinking about what had happened. "What? Is it something lame? Like you fell down the stairs or something?"

"I didn’t fall down any stairs," he told her. "Okay, so what then?" She asked. He sighed, "Someone shot at me and missed." Joel looked over at me and I looked away. "See, that’s cool. You shoot back?" It wouldn't be cool if she knew the truth of who it was. "Yeah," he mumbled. "You get him?" She asked. "No, I missed, too. It happens more often than you think."

"‘Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?" She asked. This kid really asked a lot of fucking questions. "In general," he mumbled. It was silent for all of five seconds before she started talking again. "You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us, I was thinking I should pro…" Joel and I cut her off at the same time. "No." She huffed and rolled her eyes.

We walked for a little while longer, Ellie continued to talk about whatever popped into her head. Then we came to a stop at one of the places where we had stashed some supplies. "Cumberland Farms," Ellie read the sign. "Hang back a minute. I gotta grab some stuff we stashed," Joel said. "Stashed? Why do you have stuff stashed here?" Ellie asked.

He sighed heavily, "You ask a lot of goddamn questions," he grumbled. She smiled, "Yes, I do. So, are you gonna answer me or what?" She asked. Joel walked into the old long abandoned store ignoring Ellie. "We hide supplies on routes in case we find ourselves short on gear," I told her. "Which I currently am ’cause…" Joel started to say until he was cut off my Ellie.

"No way! You ever play this one?" Ellie asked, going up to a Mortal Kombat game. "I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth, and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones!" She said excitedly.

I was watching with a small smile on my face. The fact she still acts like a kid should amazes me. Most kids in this kind of world are forced to grow up fast. "Ah. Oh, man. You forgot where you put your stuff," she said. I turned around to see Joel trying to think where he stashed the stuff.

"No. I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years," he said. I rolled my eyes. "Seriously? It's over there," I said, pointing to where it was. Joel shook his head, "no. I moved it. Had a few people follow me and Tess so I moved it."

"Okay, well, I’m gonna take a look around, see if there’s anything good," Ellie said. "Be careful please," I told her. "Trust me, it’s all been picked over already," Joel told her. He was still trying to remember where he had moved the stash to. "Maybe, maybe not. Is there anything bad in here?" Ellie asked. "Just you," Joel said. I huffed out a laugh and Ellie looked at me as she walked towards the back of the store. "Ah. Getting funnier."

I watched as Joel walked around and tested the floorboards to figure out where the stash was. "Seriously? Is this going to take long? Because Ellie gets bored easily and will eventually find trouble," I said. Joel turned and looked at me, "then why don't you go keep an eye on her." I raised my brows at his tone of voice. "Fuck."

"You okay back there?" I asked, walking towards the back. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine!" Ellie called. I turned and looked at Joel, "is there something you'd like to get off your chest?" I asked. He knelt down and started going through the supplies hidden under the floorboards. "You ever going to tell me what the fuck I did? Because when I think back and think about it…I can't come up with a damn thing."

"You really want to do this right now? You can't wait until we get to Bill's?" He sighed, "do whatever you want, firefly." My heart jumped at the nickname. It only ever did when he called me that. I noticed it was really quiet and realized Ellie hadn't said anything for a few minutes. "Ellie?" I called but no answer. "Ellie!" Joel stood up just as I started walking towards the door she went through.

"Picked over, my ass!" She walked out holding something but stopped when she saw Joel bending back down. "What're you doing?" She asked. "There’s not much ammo out there for this thing. Makes it mostly useless," he told Ellie, putting the rifle under the floor. "Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…" she started and again Joel and I both said, "No." Simultaneously.

We continued on our way, Ellie talking about whatever she could which included asking me and Joel personal questions. "So, you two were neighbors?" She asked. I sighed, "yes, Ellie, we were neighbors." She nodded her head and looked ahead of us at Joel. "Were you two a thing before all this?" She asked. "No. I was nineteen and he was thirty-six," I said. "But you got together after Cordyceps. How long after?"

There was no shutting this kid up. She would just keep asking if I didn't give her an answer. "I don't know. Maybe, like, eight months. I don't think any of this is your business. Stop asking questions," I rolled her. "So you were still nineteen and he was still thirty-six. That's a big age-gap. Didn't you worry about what people thought?" She asked.

"When we first got to Boston, yes, but then I stopped fucking caring what people thought. It was none of their damn business." She hummed and was quiet for a few minutes. "Do you still love him?" She asked quietly enough that I could only hear her. I looked up at Joel for a few seconds before answering. It wasn't a hard answer to give. There was no questioning if I did or not. "Of course, I do," I whispered.

She was about to ask another question until she saw a plane crash. "Holy shit. You fly in one of those?" She asked. "A few times, sure," Joel said. Her head turned to me and I nodded. "So lucky." I scoffed, "Didn’t feel like it at the time. Get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich," I said. "Dude, you got to go up in the sky!"

"Yeah, well, so did they," Joel said. Ellie at him with raised eyebrows "Grim," she said. We continued walking and she asked more questions. "So, everything came crashing down in one day?" She asked. I hummed, "Pretty much." She looked confused as she asked.

"How? I mean… no one was infected with Cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then, all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey," she said, a little excited. "It wasn’t a monkey. I thought you went to school," Joel said.

"FEDRA school. They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic," she told him. "No one knows for sure, but, best guess… Cordyceps mutated. And some of it got into the food supply. Probably a basic ingredient like flour or sugar," I told her. "There were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, across the world. Bread, cereal… pancake mix."

My mind went back to the morning before shit hit the fan. About how Sarah had asked Joel to pick up pancake mix the day before. God only knows what would have happened if he would have remembered. Then I think about the pizza we had. Was it not in that supply of flour they used to make the dough? Of course the pizza was also still sitting in the fridge not even half eaten. Maybe that's why we weren't infected. We didn't eat enough of it to affect us.

"You eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time, Thursday. People bought it, ate some Thursday night or Friday morning. Day goes on… they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening, they got worse. Then they started bitin’. Friday night, September 26, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone," Joel said. He looked at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking about.

"It makes more sense than monkeys. Thanks," Ellie said. Joel nodded at her, "Sure." We went in silence for a little while until Joel and I came to a stop. He looked at me and I nodded. "What?" Ellie asked, looking ahead and then back at us. "We’ll cut across the woods here," Joel said. She looked at him confused, "Isn’t the road easier?"

"Yeah, it’s just… There’s just stuff up there you shouldn’t see," I told her. "Well, now I have to see," she said and began walking forward. "I don’t want you to. Seriously. Ellie!" I called after her. I groaned and followed her. "Can it hurt me?" She asked. "No," Joel said. "You’re too honest, man. Should’ve said axe murderer." She ran ahead of us. Joel and I let out a heavy sigh and followed.

"Uh… whatever it was… think it’s gone," Ellie said. We came to a stop and looked over the hill where there were burnt bodies. Ellie came up beside me and looked down, "oh," she whispered. "About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers… went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Told you you were goin’ to a QZ, and you were… if there was room. If there wasn’t…" Joel said, cutting himself off.

"These people weren’t sick?" Ellie asked, looking over me. I shook my head, shrugging my shoulders, "No, probably not," I told her. "Why kill them? Why not just leave ’em be?" She asked. "Dead people can’t be infected," Joel said before walking away. "Come on." I put my hand on Ellie's back and guided her the way Joel went. Just a few more miles and we'd be at Bill and Frank's.

[fandom-blackhole]

Ok ok ok The Last of Us episode 1 thoughts below!

• CLIMATE CHANGE?! (Love that honestly)

• Not me sobbing at the intro (I HOPED they'd do something like the games intro so this was a perfect surprise)

• Joels shirt is inside out 😭 (ok noticed this before it was mentioned)

• Let the man have his coffee Sarah

• Gabriel as tommy?! Sounds almost identical omggg

• The neighbors 😭 (oh I understand now.....)(I like how they changed the changing/infected neighbor scene)

• Desert Storm???? 👀

• Sarah fixing the watch instead of getting him a new one 🥺

• Sarah's backpack is so cute omg

• The dog 🥲

• "Drugs. I sell hard-core drugs." Happy screams

• Joel and his shitty movies smh (hope this is ref later with ellie and joels movie nights)

• Dammit Tommy, jail, really??

• Yo wtf grandma. No joke the cordyceps out of her mouth?!?!?

• The truck scene was done so welllllllllll

• Jimmy's place!!!

• The planes (OMFG THE PLANE)

• Ooo the car crash separating them, I approve

• These bitches CREEPY (Love that they have no fine motor control)

• Joel begging 🥲🥲🥲

• That is infact a small child (😭😭😭)(🥲🥲🥲)

• DONT YOU TWENTY YEARS LATER ME YOU BITCHES (both 2014 Hannah and 2023 Hannah)

Sarah's death was sadder here and I stand by that

• The amount of time it takes to change depending on where your bit poster is 👌👌👌

• Joel doing actual work in the QZ is kinda really funny to me (sewer maintenance) (now this is more like it....wait drug dealing??)

• MUSICCCCCCCC

• HANGING?????? IN THE QZ??? BY FEDRA???

• Tess 🥰🥰🥰

• Ooo truck battery and not guns (what about your guy?- He answers to me FUCK YEAH HE DOES....WAIT oh fuck explosion! Well fuck you anyway Robert)

•  ELLIE!! (SHE HAS HER EYEBROW SCAR! And her sense if humor) (veronica?) (unchain my child please)

• Oooo message operator! (TOMMY!) (Slavers 🤔)

• Joel planning a trip already is genius (wtf you doing drinking and doing pills?!)

• The watch 🥲

• Those walls are THIN or that baby is LOUD

• Marleneeeeeee

• I love all the yellow wires, ik in the game it was an obvious way to show you where to go, but u like that its been added to the show

• Oh damn, rip unnamed firefly Marlene talked too, you're dying in the capital (kim) (ope her ear)

• Tell me to look for the light and ill break your jaw 🥰🥰🥰

• Ellie getting water on her face lmao

• The knife 🥺

• Atleast the wrapped the handcuff so it wouldn't hurt her

• Don't talk about Riley bitch, I will fight you

• I like all the water dripping, good touch

• Joel talking construction 🥰🥰🥰

• Ok but that wallpaper in the hallway with the dead Robert, I want

• Well ellie you tried, but Joel is better

• Ellie is in fact feral, love her

• Give ellie her knife dammit (yes ellie I agree that was an asshole move)

• Ope don't mention Tommy

• What are they capable of?- alot ellie, alot

• You all talk it out but please remember I am bleeding out 😭😭😭

• God I love my husband

• Ellies shoes squishing 🤢

• Bill and Frank 🥺

• Your watch us broken 🥲

• Ok but why is all the wallpaper cute in this episode?!

• Ellie figuring out the radio code shes so smart i love her

• That door (or whatever you wanna call it) was hidden perfectly omg

• Worst time to take a piss (hahahahaha honestly fuck that guy)

• Pedro's eyes 😩 (oh fuck wait hes fucking that guy upppp)

• PTSD!!!

• THE RADIOOOOOOOOO

• THE RADIO AS IT PANS OVER THE CITY AND WE HEAR INFECTED?!? so good

• The trailer!

• The city landscapes 😩😩😩

• Frank!!!!

• There's no halfway with this, we finish what we started *indistinct screeching*

If you read all this PLEASE send me Joel thoughts, I wanna talk about my husband! Also if you want me to explain any of these ASK MEEEE!! Also, Also, I'll be doing this for every episode so if wanna be tagged in these just if be down 👉👈

[pepprs]

EXTREMELY belated bday asks!!!! tysm everyone 🥹💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[pepprs]

have u ever played clangen? :) its warrior cats so i thought maybe u'd like it!!

HIIII YES I HAVE PLAYED CLANGEN!!!! i havent played the newer versions of it yet but ive been playing it on and off for a couple yrs and i think its so awesome :"~D i think i like.. overthink too much for it though bc i cant just settle down and focus on a single clan and make ocs and stories out of it and stuff like i see other ppl doing (which i admire so much)... i burn out rly quickly bc everything starts getting predictable and/or i feel a need to fastidiously log every single thing i do to the point where its not fun anymore. but iirc theyve built in some tools to make it less burdensome to keep track of stuff and follow a story so maybe someday i'll be able to have a clan that i just keep track of!

[pepprs]

there's no shame in surviving and you're working with what energy you have so i genuinely think you should give yourself more credit <3

thank you so much!!! i forget what this was in response to (probably my posts abt quicksand and avoidance etc etc) but youre right :"~)

[pepprs]

DEAR MISS TESS PEPPRS YOUR SONG 💫🦋🌟🌇!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU AND YOUR BROTHER DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB THE 'COME ON' IS SO CUTE ITS KIND OF LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR TALKING VOICE AND THEN YOUR SINGING VOICE STARTS AND 💫🌟💫🌟💫🌟!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS A POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS A MISS TESS PEPPRS POEM THIS DAY LITERALLY CANNOT GET ANY BETTER IM SO BLOWN AWAY AND JUST SO DELIGHTED I AM GOING TO BE FIZZED UP SODA FOREVER SWIRLING STARS AROUND SPARKLING JOY 💫🌟💫🌟!!!!!!!!!!

ok im kinda cheating bc there are TWO dear anon asks in this post that arent making the grand finale bc im putting them here instead bc theyre all abt the songs i posted in january lol...... BUT ANYWAYS THANK U BOTH SO MUCH IM SO GLAD U LIKED THEM!!!!!! IM HOLDING THESE ASKS SO CLOSE TO MY HEART WAUGHHHHHHHHHH 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[pepprs]

hello and a wonderful evening to you, the radiant miss tess pepprs 🌟 it's such a beautiful day today and the weather is lovely so i'm hoping you get to see some flowers blooming today! i think it might be a little late but here's your reminder to switch over to firefox and good luck with everything!

(this is the oldest ask in my inbox from march 17 2022 lol 😭) HI thank u so much!!! i did end up switching to firefox so tysm for the reminder <3

(also here's another one from march 19)

[final-girl96]

Firefly Chapter Twenty

2023

We made our way up the stairs and down a few halls towards a balcony that we used to look out over the city. It was a good way to know which route to take and where any infected are. "Was this like this when you came out here last," Tess asked. We were standing in front of where we needed to go to get to the balcony but the building had collapsed. This part of the hotel was being renovated before Cordyceps happened so it made sense that after twenty years of exposure from the elements it caves in.

"Not this bad, no. So what do we do? Take out chances or find a way around it?" I asked. "I'll crawl through and get to this room and open the door. We can get to the balcony that way." I nodded if she wanted to crawl through that tight space, then the more power to her. "I can do it. I'm the smallest," Ellie said. I looked at her and shook my head, "no way in hell. Forget about it. Tess has this handled." Tess scoffed and started to crawl through.

Ellie, me, and Joel waited in the hall. Ellie sat beside me playing with her knife, Joel was across from up, rifle laid over his lap. "Nice knife. Where'd you learn to do that?" Joel asked her. At least he was trying to make some effort in being nice. "The circus," Ellie said. Joel and I both sighed. "Where are you from?" She asked. "Texas." Ellie looked over at me and I shook my head. "What about Tess?" She asked.

"Detroit. It's in Michigan," he told her. "I go to school. I know where Detroit is. So, uh, you two like a…" I stiffened at her question. "Pass." Of course he wouldn't say if they were or not. "How'd you end up in Boston?" She asked. Again he said pass. No more questions about me," he told her. She didn't listen and kept going. "So, did you guys know each other before Cordyceps? You're from Texas too, right?" I hummed as a response to the second question.

"Oh, my god! Was he your neighbor? The one that saved you! Were you guys a thing? That picture makes–" I cut her off before she could get too out of control. "Change the subject." She sighed and thought for a few seconds. "How long do Infected live?" She finally asked. Joel looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Oh, I thought you went to school." Ellie rolled her eyes. "It's a really shitty one."

"Well, some last about a month or two. But there's others been walkin' around 'bout 20 years," Joel answered. "How many have you killed?" She asked. Joel let out a sigh, "Lots of 'em." Ellie looked at me and then put her head down. "Was it hard? Like, knowing they were people once?" She asked, looking back up at him. "Sometimes." She looked between me and Joel before asking one more question, "What about that guy last night?"

Before Joel or I could say anything there was a banging and shuffling sound on the other side of the door. Joel stood up, standing in front of me and Ellie with his gun raised. "You can put the gun down, Joel." He lowered the gun and Tess opened the door. We walked through the room and made our way to the balcony. There was the sound of shrieking from the infected in the distance. "There's so many," Ellie said. We could see a blob of them all connected together down below.

"The last time we were here, they were still deep inside the buildings. Then I guess enough people came through looking for the QZ, they went inside seeking shelter... and that's how they get more and more of the city bit by bit, year after year," Tess said. I nodded my head, "yeah, it wasn't this bad when I was out here last. I mean they were deep in the building and out on the street but not like this."

There was more shrieking and snarking down below. "They're connected," Ellie said. I hummed, "More than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers like wires, some of them stretching over a mile," I told her. "Now, you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, and you can wake a dozen Infected from somewhere else. Now they know where you are, now they come. You're not immune from being ripped apart," Tess said. Ellie looked at her and then over at me on her other side.

I nodded my head, "she's right. It doesn't matter that you're immune. Not when you have a horde of them coming at you. You understand? It's important. I'm tryin' to keep you alive. I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you and I intend to keep that promise but you need to listen to me. You need to listen to Tess and Joel too."

Ellie nodded slightly and looked back down at the infected. "So, we're not goin' that way," she said. "No," I said. "What do we do then? Short way?!" She asked. Tess, Joel, and I looked at each other. "We could cut through the museum," I suggested. Joel nodded, "yeah, I was thinking the same thing."

We made our way back downstairs and out of the hotel. "So, was he your neighbor?" Ellie asked. We were walking behind Tess and Joel as we made our way through the city to the museum a few blocks over. "Why do you want to know?" I asked. She shrugged, "it's just very obvious that you two were close and then something happened between the two of you." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, the way he looked at you when you held a gum to Tess' head. And then they way he almost reached for your necklace. They way he came after you down in the subway. Oh, and….how h beat the fuck out of that solider when he he pointed the gun at me and you put yourself in the way. Let's also not forget the picture…"

"Alright! That's enough now. We're done with this subject and will not be bringing it up again," I told her. She groaned, rolling her eyes, "fine!" She said, dragging the word out. "You're a pain on the fucking ass," I said. "You're a pain in the ass," she shot back.

"Real mature." She smiled at me and jogged up to where Tess was. Joel fell back a little and was walking beside me now. "What are you doing with Marlene if you're not a firefly?" I could ignore him or I could be civil and answer his question. "I don't think that's any of your concern." So we're going with option three, being snippy with an attitude. "Well, have you spoken to Tommy at all lately?" He asked. I took a deep breath and shook my head. "No, I haven't spoken to Tommy since he quit the fireflies."

We finally got to the museum only to see it was covered the fungus and the door was open. "You've got to fucking kidding me," Ellie said. "Well, there's a way across from the top floor," Tess told her. "Well, then I guess it's fine." I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked at me. "We all used to take it all the time," I said. "Okay…" she said, not really on board with it. "Look, it was fine," Tess said. "Awesome."

Joel had walked past us and was knelt down beside a part of the fungus. He touched it before taking the butt of the rifle and hitting it. "It's bone dry. It could mean they're all finally dead in there," he said, walking back over to us. The three of us started getting our flashlights ready when Ellie said, "oh, man." Joel looked up at her, "Marlene pack one of these or just sandwiches?" Ellie took her backpack off and pulled her flashlight out. I turned mine in since it was one attached to the strap of my bag.

I turned Ellie to look at me, "pay attention to me very carefully. There are some ground rules…" she cut me off before I could say anything more. "Stay right beside you." I nodded, "that's a given but yes. We're going to go slowly and if we come up against anything you get behind one of us and you stay there. Okay?" She nodded, "yes," She said and fixed her pack. I pulled my gun and so did Tess.

"I have a spare hand." The three of us looked over at Ellie. "Congratulations," Joel said and walked for the door. Tess followed after him and Ellie looked at me in shock or maybe disbelief. I had to fit really hard not to laugh. "It's not happening. Let's go."