#that and a bunch of random musicians that are older than my dad & a few girls i saw on tv once and never recovered

[disruptxrr]

:0 do you like someone?

i'm sorry dawg. i only have place in my heart for our great god and savior, jesus christ kurt cobain

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter eleven

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

Tags: @dopeyouth @theymakemegayer @save-me-the-last-dance @poppysmc (If anyone want to be tagged in or removed, just tell me)

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so… i’m sorry fo the grammar errors. I also installed recently Grammary, so… hope its worth it.

This chapter contains some sensitive topics about tragedies and sex insinuations, I really didn't want to write it down with details both out of respect. I mean, personally, I didn't want to explain what's "under" in a fanfic, but if you do have doubts or curiosity, ask away in chat, especially if you are starting hormones, there is a lot for you to know about down there because it definitely changes something. Also, this other topic might touch a nerve and I really didn't do it without respect to the victims, so I'm sorry if it feels like that.

Previously

----

Staten Island it’s the third-largest borough in New York, but it is the least populated. The northern part of the island is the most urbanized, with some areas of somewhat decayed housing blocks that didn’t attract attention at all. It was… ok? quiet? She wasn’t sure exactly what to say about that place, but what was another thing she wasn’t sure about? Well...

“Are you not going to tell me what are we doing?” Poppy asked once again, feeling irritated as they both walked through the breeze but warm streets. At first, she thought they were taking the bus but Beck asked something to a random guy and started walking for a really, really long time, what was all this about? Beck looked tense, kind of nervous, and that alone made her feel strange, unnerved. "Are you alright?" Poppy asked again, but this time she sounded worried.

"Yeah, I'm just…" They exhaled in an attempt to draw their nerves away from themself. "I'm pretty nervous. I've never done this before." Beck chuckled.

"Do what?" Poppy frowned, curiosity floating in her mind strongly, to be honest, she had never seen them so tense before, even though they were trying to look calm. Beck smirked and took her by the hand.

"Come on, I have to show you something."

"Is it too far?"

"Are you already tired?" Beck replied, mocking her with that sassy smile of theirs.

"Me? Absolutely no." She said, raising an eyebrow. "I could literally go for miles."

"I'll have to prove that myself." Beck winked and she couldn't help but laugh.

"You're a dimwit."

"Yeah" they shrugged. "I'm cute, though.”

“Barely.” She rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile but failing in the process so Beck laughed at it. Suddenly an unexpected drop felt swiftly in her nose, making her look up to the sky where a big, grey cloud was still above their heads. Soon, she felt raindrops in her hair, her clothes, her shoes!

“Oh, shoot. This is not good…” Beck said while they both walked faster, reaching out for cover in a shop awning.

“You think? These Jimmy choo are not even in the market yet!”

“Well, we don’t want them to be ruined, don’t we?."

"Of course not! What kind of dumb ques—"

Poppy didn't get to end the sentence, Beck took her by the wrist and started running full speed and nonstop. "Beck!" She screamed, the rain pouring down her body while that asshole laughed like a devilish kid. "Beck Hughes, let go of me this instant!!"

"We're almost there!" She heard them saying without turning to see her.

"Where are you taking me?!"

Beck slowed down little by little until they both stopped in front of a tiny, old, yellow house with barely two floors. Beck took the keys out of their pockets and opened the door, allowing Poppy to get inside the dark and quiet place.

“So… here we are.” Beck spoked turning on the lights.

The place that received them was the living room, but it was not an ordinary living room, it had neon lights currently exposing a purple color, a keyboard piano, a couple of guitars, and an old-fashioned mended couch with a lot of patches over black leather that actually looked really well together. The walls were exhibiting posters, framed cool landscape black and white photographs, and a Youtube silver plaque. She recognized the place right away.

“Wait… this is the place where you record your music.” She asked. Poppy watched Beck’s videos a lot recently at first the blonde was searching for information, then, to find a flaw to criticize with Chloe, but sooner rather than later Poppy found out… Beck was actually a really good musician, so sometimes when she was completely sure she was alone she’d listen to their songs while doing cardio or homework or whatever she was doing. “I was wondering where you found the location.”

“Yes… but also no. I mean, I do the videos here, but I have an audio booth upstairs. It’s actually a quiet neighborhood so it came in handy.” Beck took off their jacket, reaching out their hand to ask for Poppy’s. They both were wet, but not a lot, her shoes survived perfectly because they entered the house before a loud thunder sounded, followed by a deluge. “Damn, we do really dodge a bullet out there.”

“Yeah.” Poppy said, hugging herself. Without her coat, she felt a little cold. “Do you own this place?”

"No, this is my uncle’s." Beck whispered with reverence and a sad smile on their face. "My dad's little brother. He passed away."

"I— I'm sorry, Beck…" she managed to say, clueless about what exactly would someone do in this kind of situation.

"I didn't remember much about him, but my mom says he used to make these guitars out of plastic bottles as gifts for me to play them. She said I would go to the kitchen and play one for her to hear. She also said the sound was awful and she begged him to stop making them." Beck's smile was soft, turning on the heating, proud even though they were chuckling a little, spreading the same smile to Poppy. " 'I'm telling you, this little pal has talent.' he would say."

"Sounds to me like he made it to annoy your mom instead." Poppy said jokingly.

"Totally, he was a prankster." Beck replied, the emotions coming out from their eyes were difficult to tell. "And was one of the few dudes back at Farmsville that didn't want to settle down. The black sheep in every family… and the reason why my parents didn't want me to be here." Beck clutched their jaw, walking away from there to the kitchen. Poppy followed them in silence, feeling like it was something very private for Beck, seeing that vulnerable side of them again, but not hiding this time. "He was murdered years ago here in New York in a shooting. In Farmsville shootings don’t happen, so… They said it was dangerous going out of the farm to the big cities. That he brought this on himself... Took this out of the wrong way." The anger in Beck's voice was palpable in the air.

"Seriously? How can they be so selfish?" Poppy asked, how can someone be so fucking self-centered and dumbass to take a tragedy and blame it on one family member? She thought these things happened exclusively around that bunch of tight-ass people inside her parents’ social circle, but not inside a family farm.

"Back at home is different from here. Is a small town where everyone knows each other. They love routine and hard work and the good customs and shit… So when anyone goes against it… well— it's not funny."

Something clicked inside Poppy's mind.

"But then… How are you here?" Beck smiled but it didn't reach out to their sad eyes.

"Because I almost got killed."

Shock. Poppy couldn't help but feel agitated, her heart pounding loud against her chest and that same protective feeling that almost made her stab Bennett crawled its way towards her own core.

"What?" Poppy babbled, froze. Beck shrugged, with a weird grin as if they didn't know where to start, they caressed their neck, searching for the better way to put the puzzle together. They reach out for Poppy's hand, and she took it right away intertwining her fingers with Beck's.

"Coffee?" They asked. "It seems we will be stuck in here for a while.”

"It sounds nice." The words abandoned her mouth so fast that she even surprised herself, another red alarm ringed inside her mind, but now was not the time, so she ignored it again. Beck smiled and turned on a little coffee maker, bringing two mugs in silence. They both sat down on the surprisingly comfortable couch, Beck’s eyes were attentive at the black drink and the tension was still over their shoulders, she could see it so easily that Poppy wished for someone to take that weight out of Beck, so she took both cups and put them aside, sitting over Beck’s lap and intertwining her fingers with theirs, playing with them. Beck smiled a little and took a deep breath.

"I started to realize something was off inside of me when I was in high school. I mean, ‘till that day I was considered normal. I was the kind of child that played sports, climbed trees, and did hard work gladly. You know, average farm kid." Beck said, but even as they seemed to be calm, Poppy could feel the sweat in their palm, and a little shivering all over their body. "But I grow older and changes came, and puberty and—"

"Hey" Poppy stopped them from talking faster and faster. "You don't have to"

"I want to. " Beck interrupted, begging Poppy with their eyes. "I want you to know my past. I mean… if you want me to tell you, that is."

Poppy could have thought anything at that moment. She could have thought that she made it, that she had accomplished her very goal and knew she was about to have first-hand information to use against Farmsville, that she was spectacular for making it this far. She could have thought that now nobody would take her number one spot from her, or that she loved to have a new puppy to use in any way she wanted. But no.

All in what she could think about was Beck's heart opening up to her, trusting her for real this time. The connection intertwining both of them in a way that made her skin chill. Third alarm, but she muted it again.

"So? What are you waiting for? Go on." Poppy rolled her eyes, Beck had a goofy expression for a couple of seconds until Poppy smiled, squishing slightly their hands for reassurance. Beck's eyes glowed happily in which was the cutest gesture Poppy saw from someone that wasn't a dog in her entire life.

"I managed to handle myself a little for a while, but it definitely didn't last long. I was so afraid, I felt lost, and insecure. I didn’t know what was happening to me, why did I feel that way, trapped in my own skin... I stopped having friends because everyone could see how weird I was and nobody wanted to talk to me, except for this one girl: Bree Matthews."

Beck’s jaw tightened, their eyes wandering all over the place because of the nervousness.

“So, Bree and I started to hang out. Chill some time round. We were close, I mean, really, really close. She was the one who I told about my dysphoria first, and she was totally supportive. She helped me understand what I was going through, sometimes she would borrow her brother’s old clothes to give them to me and helped me pick my very first short haircut. Bree was my safe space in a town where I’d be mistreated just to use a bathroom. I kinda felt for her… so one night into the forest I kissed her. And~ it wasn’t a good idea.”

“What happened?”

“Well~ Daniel and his gang came into the picture and intimidated her, so she sold me as a pervert, a weirdo, among other… awful things. Can’t blame her, Daniel was a wrecked truck whenever he wanted so… yeah. My family found me eight hours after, all beat up from head to toes. I was unconscious and with an actually broken rib.” Beck tried to joke, but it was so bad at timing it actually made it worse for Poppy to hear. “I~ I almost die.” Beck sighed, as if with that they could put all that behind. “Anyway so she apologized to me through a phone call because she wanted to kiss me too but, you know, shit happens; I got better and now I’m in New York doing what I love so… Happy ending, right? It was funny, they didn’t let me use the bathroom but they all thought I was “male enough” to beat the crap out of me ever since.”

Poppy stopped playing with Beck’s hands, making them do the same. They told the end of the story so lightly as if they were talking about a T.V. show they just watched and not some really cruel harassment they went through for a long time. The strawberry blonde was a lot of things, bad things, but the things that beast did to Beck just because of their dysphoria? That was a whole new level that Poppy would never stoop into.

“How can you joke about things like that?”

“Well, I figured I had two ways to address the problem: Being insecure or making the most out of this. That’s why I do music. Yeah, my songs don’t talk about the transgender community directly, but I make sure everybody knows who am I. What I am. I write songs for people out there that feel just the same as I do. Not only transgender people, but the whole LGBTQ+ also needs representation! Folks having their back! And if I can reach at least one soul and show them that no matter how they were born, they can make it… Hell, I could die happily.”

The fire in their eyes, the passion radiating strongly from their body, from their words. It was impossible for Poppy to look away from Beck. Of course, Beck didn’t care about a spot in the T list, or and stupid award. Beck was more into their music, making their voice be heard. That was why they did claim to care less about competition, Beck was climbing their way to the top because of their conviction and resilience. It was curious how the more she learned about Beck, the more she felt drawn to them.

“You are so brave, do you know that?”

“And it only took me a delicate rib and trust issues.” Beck claimed proudly as if it was a bargain.

“Trust issues? Beck, you’re one of the most confident people l know!” They began to laugh, the blonde could feel their laughter below her because of the slight belly-shaking. “It’s irritating.”

“I am really amazing myself.” Poppy rolled her eyes at the flirty smirk Beck flashed towards her. “But I’m not insecure about myself… most of the time. I do have a hard time trusting in people. I mean, Daniel didn’t have a hold on me… Bree, on the other hand…” Beck shrugged. “But I do trust you, Poppy.”

Something inside the blonde felt off, those words accompanied by that good-natured smile made Poppy feel a bit guilty. Like, yeah, she was just trying to archive exactly that for her own benefit, it should feel like a win, right? But no.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, yet.” She said to herself. “For all we know, this is just some casual date.”

Maybe… give up? Maybe actually try and date Beck?

What could possibly go wrong?

“I trust you too, Beck.” She replied without a doubt. So she tossed her golden locks over one shoulder, leaning down to kiss Beck’s lips. She soon felt them kissing her back, sweetly, calmly at first but then it was obvious they both needed more than that. Poppy let go of Beck’s hands to place hers in their Beck, while they grabbed her by the waist. The heat soon took over her body, especially after they responded to it by biting Poppy’s bottom lip, making her moan. Poppy knew right away there was a change in Beck’s behavior, they were more confident, more secure, they actually felt ready and she had to say, that was a very welcome and pleasing development. But they were shaking still.

“What 's wrong? You don’t want to—?”

“No. No, it 's not it. It 's just…” Beck took a deep breath avoiding Poppy's gaze for a second before looking at her pleading while keeping hold on her. “I don’t want you to see me differently when you look at what I have beneath the clothes.” They confessed.

“I won’t. I promise.” She said, caressing the hair in the back of their nape. “This is just you, with all letters.” She smirked, trying to lighten the mood and she succeeded. Beck grinned from ear to ear, relieved, kissing her passionately, hungry and the Poppy did the same, tasting their tongue with hers. The caresses between the two became more intense and she couldn’t stand the fever growing anymore, so she took the edges of their favorite black t-shirt and pulled up, revealing Beck torso for the very first time.

She understood right away what Beck meant. Cutting through their chest there it was a thin, darker line, a scar that was slowly healing, but nevertheless it was there easy to pinpoint. It was strange, she had seen a lot of those mastectomy scars on google but Beck chest looked different somehow, strong, gym crafted, and the scar actually was interesting, sexy even.

“I don’t know what you were so scared of, Hughes. Hell, you’re hot as fuck, I hate you.”

Beck chukled, their confidence coming back.

“Yeah, well… There is not an ugly part on this body afterall.” They grinned.

“I’m going to erase that obnoxious smirk of yours.”

“You will?” Beck grabbed a hold on Poppy’s hair and pulled slightly but demanding backwards, exposing her neck to them to kiss and lick, causing a shaking sigh that turned the heat even higher for both. “Show me then.” They whispered over her skin, their breath brushing bristling her body.

Poppy pushed them down on the couch, kissing them hardly. This was war now, and she would definitely win.

----

Next

[reversecreek]

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her  | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her  )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace. 

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen. 

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus. 

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood. 

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 183: The Rest of the Cultural Festival

Previously on BnHA: Class 1-A brought the fucking house down. The band played their hearts out and the act literally opened with a bang thanks to the resident human incendiary device on drums. The dancers did their thing, and Aoyama played the role of both fireworks and disco ball. Sero, Mineta, and Todoroki combined their quirks to create paths of ice over the audience’s heads. Momo then shot out a bunch of confetti, and Ochako dove into the crowd and floated a bunch of people to have a dance party in mid-air. Iida doing the robot was the highlight of the chapter and indeed the whole manga, but Jirou was a close second, with an adorable flashback to when she first told her parents she wanted to be a hero instead of a musician, and they were the most supportive EVER, and it was amazing. Even the surly upperclassmen were won over by class A’s general vibe of awesomeness, and everyone danced their hearts out, and Eri was THRILLED and her smile was brighter than the sun and Mirio cried and oh my gosh you guys. I just feel bad for the rest of the classes that have to follow this act now lmao.

Today on BnHA: Class 1-B puts on the most audacious fanfiction-turned-stage-play since Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. All Might informs Deku that he has 47 missed calls and next time would it kill him to PICK UP HIS GODDAMN CELL PHONE jesus christ. Hounddog rips Deku a new one and tells him to be more careful in the future and throws him 20 feet into the air and tells him to go have fun. Eri is so fucking cute that I almost burst into tears just from how cute she is. The surly upperclassmen apologize for their shit attitudes and vow to spread the word of how class 1-A is actually really fucking cool. Kendou, Kenranzaki, and Hadou battle it out for the Miss Con title and Hadou finally wins the title after three years. The kids enjoy the rest of the festival, and Deku gives Eri a homemade candy apple before bidding her farewell. Down at the station, a nice gorilla man sits with with the detailed Gentle and Aiba. Gentle explains that Aiba was never directly involved in any crimes and accepts responsibility for his misdeeds, thus taking his first steps towards rehabilitation.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 207 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

okeedoke, I’m back and ready to finish up this arc and enter the next one which has been much-hyped thus far!

but first, class 1-B’s copyright-infringing play!

I really didn’t think chapter 182 could be topped, but somehow 183 has managed to do it in a single page. I’m speechless

also, the fact that they’ve literally done the “I am your father scene” here kind of makes the Dad for One theory slightly less likely

-- OR DOES IT. maybe this is just meant to throw us off our guard! I won’t give up!!

and now everyone’s walking out afterwards and either critiquing it or talking about how awesome and funny it was

Kaminari is sad because class A didn’t get to see it because they were cleaning everything up from their program. awww

and meanwhile Deku is getting chewed out by his dad

“is he getting scolded?” YES

and he really has no excuse. he could have called, but he made a conscious decision not to. sure, it all worked out in the end, but he didn’t know that ahead of time! DEKU YOU’RE SO IRRESPONSIBLE

(ETA: apparently he forgot his phone. supposedly. I missed that line the first time around, but I have my suspicions as to whether or not that’s true though. phones these days are practically an extension of your body. I don’t care how much of a hurry you’re in, how do you just forget it?? you’d feel that it’s not in your pocket! I practically have a freaking anxiety attack if I so much as go downstairs to my building’s laundry room without my own phone. like holy shit what if I miss a text during the two and a half minutes it will take me to move my clothes from the washer to the dryer fffff.

anyway my point is that whether he forgot it or not, he’s still irresponsible. DEKU)

by the way is Shouto burning something in the background here? and Katsuki too. you guys were looking forward to this cleanup huh

so now Deku’s apologizing, and the sad thing is he probably is truly sorry. and yet you know that the very next time a situation like this comes along, he’s going to do the exact same thing

really, All Might just needs to not sign any more of those permission slips. he’s grounded. you’re grounded, Deku

and now Hounddog and Ecto are walking over

HAHAHAHA

gotta make sure all the kids are still terrified of you, huh

good lord this man has no concept of personal space

All Might is always lucking out, having other teachers nearby who are actually willing to be the bad cop. at least someone out here is laying down the law

anyway, Hounddog is of course 100% right and he’s the one Deku should really be apologizing to

hoLY SHIT

I need to do some rearranging of my favorite U.A. faculty list

truly, no one is safe

lmao Sero says he’s gonna call Deku “My First Errand” from now on omggggg. if y’all want to see some cute shit go google “hajimete no otsukai.” there’s a whole tv show about it. you can usually find a few subbed episodes on Dailymotion if nothing else (for instance here’s one). this is the show that makes you realize that four-year-old Katsuki and Izuku wandering in the woods with their friends really isn’t anything out of the ordinary. and it’s filled with adorable crybabies and also some really precocious kids who make me feel incompetent somehow despite being more than 30 years older than them

anyways HERE’S ERI

is someone videotaping this. please tell me someone’s videotaping this. these are precious childhood memories

also LOOK AT MIRIO COPYING HER HAND GESTURES I CAN’T. I’M GOING TO DIE. OF CUTENESS

my god I want to make it my icon so bad but it’s a giant spoiler so I can’t ;______; [reaches out longingly to the two of them]

waaaaaah anyways

Deku is wiping his eyes because OF COURSE he started crying but he doesn’t want her to see lol

and he says he’s glad she enjoyed it

[folds chin in hands] I’m just going to enjoy this for as long as possible. life is good. in this moment, everything is perfect

aaaaaand now Mineta is running over and screaming at Deku for not helping them clean up

I really want to be mad at him for ruining the moment and also just for being Mineta in general. but there’s nothing worse than someone who just sits around goofing off while everyone else is working hard, so I can begrudgingly relate. STOP HANGING OUT WITH THE CUTE KID AND HELP US. you can hang out with the cute kid later Deku

a bunch of kids are walking by (I guess on their way back from the play) and waving at class A and saying their program was awesome and they loved it

Kirishima is thrilled and he’s grinning and thanking them

well LOOK WHO IT IS

DO YOU TWO HAVE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY

oh shit

lmao they made Kacchan’s day

YES THERE FUCKING WAS. THEY PURPOSELY GOT WITHIN KATSUKI’S HEARING RANGE TO TRASH HIM AND HIS CLASS ALL PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY FOR NO REASON. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID

it’s good that they apologized for it. although we may need to watch out now and make sure that it hasn’t gone to this one’s head lol

Kiri’s turning to Iida and asking if those were the stressed out people Aizawa was talking about

oh my god Iida why are you so cute

sometimes I forget how much I love Iida and then he makes this face and my heart belongs to him

now Iida is saying that some people didn’t get a chance to see their performance and thus might still be stressed and so they need to continue to do their best or whatever

but the random bystanders are saying that they understand class A’s feelings and what their intention was when planning all this, and now that spirit has been passed on to them

and so they’re going to pass those sentiments along to others! hooray. pay it forward

and also surely someone got the performance on video too?? I NEED THERE TO BE VIDEOS OF EVERYTHING OKAY

Mina is happily elbowing Jirou and saying she must be pleased

and now Iida is bowing at a full 90-degree angle and saying they are forever grateful. lol this guy

Bakugou says he’s not grateful, and it seems he wants to give whoever didn’t bother to come to their performance a piece of his mind. lol this kid

now Mineta is screaming at people again to help him finish up cleaning

and it turns out it’s because he doesn’t want to miss the Miss Con

and now we’re at Miss Con! I guess

YESSSS GO KENDOU

IT’S SO STUPID TO DO THAT IN A FUCKING BALLGOWN BUT GODDAMN SHE’S SO BADASS THOUGH

but now Lashes is riding in on a giant tank in the shape of her face

have to say this is one of the more surreal things that’s happened in this manga thus far

(ETA: nothing to see here guys. just normal beauty pageant stuff. martial arts and tanks)

AHHHHHHHH

IS ERI SITTING ON DEKU’S LAP I CAN’T OMG I’M DYING AGAIN. MY SOUL IS LEAVING MY BODY. I’M SO CONTENT. I FEEL AT PEACE

Monoma’s watching everything with a weird face, and meanwhile Kirishima is congratulating him and Tetsu on how their play went. and Tetsu’s congratulating him on the concert. nothin’ but good vibes here

here comes Hadou!

her classmates are rooting for her and Tamaki is folded over about to be consumed by nerves lol

deep breaths, Tamaki. deep breaths

I guess this is Tamaki thinking now? or the General Narrator? or possibly Hadou’s other friend?

well whoever it is, the thought bubbles are saying that Hadou lost last year because she tried to take on Kenranzaki in flashiness, which is where Kenranzaki shines. but Hadou has her own strengths

lol she’s floating around like Tinkerbell and everyone is mesmerized

gurllll you got this gurlll

now she’s landing and everyone’s applauding

and voting has been opened and results will be announced at the end of the day at 5 p.m.

LOOK AT CLASS A HAVING FUN

I CROPPED OUT MINETA SO WE CAN ENJOY THIS TO THE FULLEST

LOOK AT THIS MONTAGE OF GOOD TIMES!!!

I WANT TO SEE BAKUGOU COMPETE ON A FULL SCALE NINJA WARRIOR COURSE. HE’S HAVING A BLAST

WTF IS THIS RAT PRINCIPAL/TODOROKI HYBRID. I’M SO CONFUSED AND TERRIFIED

CREPESSSSSS

THEY GAVE ERI ONE! I HOPE SHE LOVED IT!! BUT REMEMBER, APPLES ARE HER FAVORITE!! CANDY APPLES, YOU PROMISED MIRIO

IS THAT SHINSOU IN THE HAUNTED MAZE?? LOL

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME WE’VE EVER SEEN MEI IN HER UNIFORM? SHE ACTUALLY DID CLEAN UP, HOW ABOUT THAT

IS THAT A CEMENTOSS JUICE BOX

I HAD TO POST THIS PANEL SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE LESBIANS!! AND JUICE BOX!!

HADOU WON THE COMPETITION YAYYYYYY

MEI GOT TO SLEEP YAYYYY

EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY!! TO THINK GENTLE ALMOST RUINED THIS. BUT ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

and now it’s the end of the day and Deku’s saying goodbye to Eri

awwww she looks glum again. it was such a fun day she probably doesn’t want it to end :(

Deku’s telling her to look up at him!

AHHHHHHHHHH

HE REMEMBEREDDDD

at least someone did. Mirio

YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED HARDER!

oh lol actually Deku says he realized they might not have any after he looked at the program, so he bought the ingredients when he went shopping earlier

ohhh so that’s what was up with that panel of him in the kitchen in the midst of all the festival happenings. I was wondering about that

LOOK AT DADZAWA

YOU DID ADOPT HER RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT???

(ETA: GOD BLESS YOU AIZAWA SHOUTA)

she’s eating the apple!

she loves it!! she says it’s sweeter than a regular apple. that’s cuz it’s LITERALLY DIPPED IN MELTED SUGAR, ERI

so she’s leaving and it’s a much happier farewell now! awwwww

and Deku’s turning back and reaching toward the gate

and then he’s stopping and shaking out his right hand

oh that’s right. it’s probably sore from earlier

and now we’re cutting back to the police station and the cops are interrogating La Brava

lollll

“NO” :|

she says she only wants to be useful to Gentle

well Gentle’s gonna be in prison for a while so you might want to think of some backup options kiddo

now a literal gorilla is interrogating Gentle and he says they’ll be able to tell if La Brava really was brainwashed

but even though the jig is up, Gentle’s still trying to protect her

well yeah. and also even if she wasn’t brainwashed by a quirk, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t actually brainwashed. she was in a vulnerable state of mind and he took advantage of that. even if there was mutual affection on both sides

now Kerchak here is looking at his records. “a high school drop-out, previously in the hero department, and now a producer of criminal videos, huh?”

Gentle says he remembered his dream and he just started running towards it

Kerchak says if that’s the case, it’s a good thing they stopped him today

awww. possible redemption on the horizon, perhaps? these cops are pretty nice huh

now Kerchak is asking if Gentle drinks tea

and Gentle’s asking for black tea, and Kerchak says they only have instant. aww. lol

and the text is all “even here, someone was saved”

and that’s the end!

what a wholesome fucking arc. oh my goodness

BONUS: here’s Hadou’s school friend, Yuuyu!

she’s Hadou’s best friend! I love her!

and she’s not wrong about her being the cutest thing in the galaxy tbh. also this line makes me think “best friend” ought to be crossed out and replaced with “girlfriend” if we’re being honest here

lol at the explanation for why dyed hair and piercings are allowed even though they wouldn’t be in a real life school as prestigious as U.A. listen. we got that. look at Midnight. look at Aizawa. clearly U.A. is not particularly hung up on dress codes. I’m just saying

[fizzysquish]

Tag game! :D

Tagged by @i-got-99-fandoms! Thanks for tagging me! <3

Rules: Answer 17 questions and tag 20 blogs (im only gonna tag a few)

Nickname: Allie, Nicky, Squishy, Fizzy... basically all the names i go by online

Star sign: Libra babeeyy

Height: 5’8

Last film i watched: uuuuh, The Hustle, i’m pretty sure (good movie btw)

Favorite musician: Cavetown, though Alec Benjamin is a close runner up right now... (*cough* twenty one pilots is still all time fave though *cough*)

Song(s) stuck in my head: Currently its Lily by Alan Walker, K-391 and Emelie Hollow and A love suicide covered by okrickchard on youtube

Other blogs: oh boy oh boy, i have like six or seven but im just gonna tag a couple of my more active blogs here- @selfishsquishy @fizzymimrick @squishythetics

Do i get asks: Occasionally, though its often more asks to tag something than any actual questions or chats, which i dont mind

Blogs following: oh boy uh... like, 4,000 or so? I often forget to unfollow people unless ive been given i direct reason to, so a bunch of them might not even be active anymore lol. But then again ive had this blog for roughly three or four years now i think, so...

What im wearing: A thin shirt and shorts, cause texas is often still hot as hell at night time, even with a fan pointed directly in my face lol

Dream job: Just.. Commission work, really. I really love making art for people and hearing that they like it, it makes me unexplainably happy. If I could do that and somehow have like, health insurance and never have to interact face to face itd be freakin amazing!

Dream trip: Honestly, if i could just visit Chicago again sometime id be happy. It’s very unlikely i’ll ever have enough money or the opertunity to leave the country, so i’ve never given it much thought. Visiting Germany for a couple weeks or so would be cool tho.

Play any instruments: Nope! Though i used to be able to play the guitar when i was little.

Language: Only English, though i really hope to learn Spanish and maybe russian some day.

Favorite food: Its a hard choice betwen spur dough bread and pizza... I adore sour dough but i almost literally grew up on pizza, so im going with pizza! :D

Favorite song: Jayton and Jill by Zayne williams. It’s a somewhat older, mellower country song that often makes me teary eyed when i listen to it. Not because it’s sad per say, but more because it gives me this sense of hope and content.

Random fact: When i say i grew up on pizza i mean it, my family had a pizza shop up until... 2015? Roughly around then

My (dads side) grandparents often watched me on the weekends, days i was off of school, or when my mom was working and made me pizza for lunch and/or dinner. Because of this, ive just gotten so used to pizza and Ive always enjoyed it.

Im tagging @haze-toons @evanfkinghansen @guess-im-me @late-homestuck-trash @three-of-swords

(Clearly not 20 blogs but thats okay, feel free to do this if you want!)

[ocamila]

CAMILA KAUFFMAN FOR FLAUNT MAGAZINE ( 5/01/17) “Stop trying to grow up so fast. Now I look back and I’m twenty one now and I’m like, damn, I was thirteen wishing I was twenty one and now I’m twenty one wishing I was thirteen again. That’s what everyone tells their younger self– to slow down and chill a little bit.”

Camila Kauffman needs no introduction. If you have been on Instagram long enough we’re sure you’ve stumbled upon one of her selfies. But she’s far from just being an insta-chick. Justin Timberlake scouted her a few years ago because of her YouTube Bruno Mars covers. Since then she has moved in LA from NYC for school and back to NYC, and came out with a few impressive songs.

You started your singing career by uploading covers to YouTube.  What made you decide to do that? “ Honestly nothing. I just love to sing all the time and wanted to post my videos on YouTube. It was so easy and simple. There was no thought behind it at all. I was like, ‘okay, Mom, I want to post a YouTube video’.”

Wow, that’s impressive! You were so motivated at a young age. Who inspired you back then? “ I really love Justin (Timberlake). That’s not how he started but I was like, wow, you never know what will happen. He started with a boy band and sort of skyrocketed into this amazing man and it was just like, ok that was his time, but this is a new decade and my time”

Why did you select those songs to sing? “ The Bruno Mars mash-up was one of the first I ever did. I just love Bruno Mars and at the time his songs were in the top charts so I was hearing them all the time. I got home one day and I decided to put them all together in one video and song. It just came out really well.”

You mentioned in a previous interview you love Britney Spears.  What about her do you admire as a role model? Who are your other influences? “ Yes, 100%. I loved Britney Spears growing up. I was Britney Spears for Halloween. I loved her so much and I still do, she’s amazing.  Now I love Rihanna and Amy Winehouse is a big influence too.”

What music was played at home? What did you grow up listening to when you first started singing? “ My dad and I actually used to jam out to Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones.  I always grew up around really good music considering what my dad does for a living. I think that’s where my musical side grows from.”

Sounds like you have a cool dad! Are your parents from a creative background? “ Yes my dad was more into the music side. My mom is really creative, too. She was an interior designer for a long time.”

Have they always been supportive with your music career? “ Oh, totally. They know I’m in love with music.”

Tell us about your relationship with your parents. Do you have any siblings? I think that when I moved to LA has drifted me and my mom apart because she still lived in New York. But it’s okay because we’re still really close. It’s sad that I didn’t get to see her everyday, but I did see my dad everyday whom I am close to as well. We spend a lot of time together so we fight a lot (laughs) but we’re definitely really close, and now that I’m back in New York it’s easier to see the both of them. But, I sadly have no siblings!”

You said previously that your mom manages you. Is it difficult for your mom to be your mom but also a manager? “ It’s been weird because when we fight we’re fighting about business stuff so it’s really difficult. I try and separate the two because I don’t ever want to ruin my relationship with my mom over business. A lot of business relationships end up falling out so I just want to make sure that we keep the two very separate. She can be a momager but can also be a mom.”

Do you think that it’s sustainable or do you hope to get a manager? “ I think she likes it but, yes, but I’ve recently switched management, actually.”

You spent most of your life growing up in New York City. What was it like?

“It was crazy; Manhattan is a crazy place. It was really fun and I have my best friends from there who I grew up with and I like LA, don’t get me wrong but New York wins by far.”

Sounds like a big change in environment from Manhattan to LA. Do you feel like you’ve changed when you moved from there? “ I think that it’s definitely influenced me in a really good way. I think I’ve grown a lot as an artist and a person.  I’ve made a bunch of really great friends and I love it out there.”

How did you make the jump to LA? Did family go with you? “ I moved to attend USC when I graduated high school so no family went with me, but I think the move changed me a lot. For the better of course, but jumping from one coast to another was extremely drastic. My sorority helped me a ton, though. Shoutout Delta G!”

What would you tell your younger self before you moved to LA? “ Oh my goodness, so many things.  Honestly I try not to do that because if I changed something I wouldn’t be where I am. Everything is an effect. Just tell myself to have fun and live in every moment and stop thinking about the future so much. Stop trying to grow up so fast. Now I look back and I’m twenty one now and I’m like, damn, I was thirteen wishing I was twenty one and now I’m twenty one wishing I was thirteen again. That’s what everyone tells their younger self– to slow down and chill a little bit.”

Let’s talk about your fan presence. Everything you do, people are watching. What does it feel like to have so much “power”? “ It’s kind of really scary because anything I say, if I slip up and say something wrong it’s penalized and I get criticised for it, which has happened. I’m only human, and I think sometimes people forget that because of the money, cars, clothes, or fame but I am just like them. I try to be positive on my social media and influence people talking about my music. I don’t harp on negativity in the public eye. I always try to inspire people and tell everyone they can do it because if I can, so can anyone.”

What does it feel like to be a role model to so many young girls? “It’s crazy. I was just a random kid and I was cherry-picked from my friends. It’s amazing that I can have such a big influence on so many girls because I was their age one time; they are my age now or even older than me.  I care so much about the future and what I can do to impact people is just incredible. I’ve just been so blessed to have such a big fan base and following to say things that I mean. It’s weird, though. Don’t get me wrong. There are so many days I wish I didn’t have such big shoes to fill.”

That sounds like a lot of stress too! Is it ever stressful for you? “ Yes it’s hard because if I’m seen doing something that is not technically role model, I feel bad because I let my fans down. I want to make them proud.”

People under the public eye are being watched more than ever before. What is it like growing up with social media where everything is documented? “ It’s crazier than what people realize because everything you do is spread like wild fire. You post something then delete it and it’s everywhere already.  Everything I do is being watched. It’s a blessing but also a curse because I get hate a lot and there’s ups and downs to it but I REALLY try to focus on the good stuff and beautiful things.”

Do you ever have second thoughts about this industry? “ Of course. There are times when I’m crying about something and I feel like no one’s there for me. If none of this happened maybe I won’t be feeling this way but you never know. Maybe I would be feeling even worse so you can’t look at your life and think ‘oh, I wish this never happened’ because you would never know where you would be if you did.”

Music is often a reflection of musicians themselves. What does your music say about you? “ It says that I’m going through the stages of life. It says that I’m definitely not a typical 21 year old girl. I’m into pretty weird stuff. We were just talking about ghosts (laughs) and murderers for the past hour (while hair and makeup) but I definitely always felt different from my friends. I think that my music speaks to that and speaks to the girls who are like me who don’t feel like they fit in all the time. I just try to make sure people know that they are not alone and they’re not the only weirdos out there.”

Outside of music do you have other inspirations? “ Yes there’s actually this girl called Casey Parker who doesn’t have one of her legs.  She always tweets me progress photos because she lost her leg when she was really young so every time she grew she gets a new fake leg. I posted it on my instagram and just things like that are really cool. She says that I helped her through this whole thing and it’s been really hard for her. It’s amazing that I can have an impact on somebody like that.  She inspires me so much. Also, just people in my everyday life are daily inspirations to me. I love love and I try to surround myself with love in my life.”

What does true love mean to you? “ I think true love is somebody who you can rely on all the time.  Somebody who you can be their best friend but also be their girlfriend. It’s hard in the industry, and public eye alone. But, sometimes true love doesn’t mean a relationship, but sometimes it can mean friends, too. I have a great friend group, like my two best friends Vera (Bantini) and Ophelia (Warren) are constantly there for me and pick me up when I’m down. We’re all in the industry so it’s nice for them to relate to me on not only a spiritual level, but also an industry level.”

[arkhamarchitecture]

bc @tanoraqui asked me for my de Rolo family headcanons. Fair warning that the version of Frederick that primarily exists in my head was formulated based on random joking comments Taliesin has made, Grifting’s version of him from Stuck On You, and a fic or two from @infanttreenotebook. Though not an outright bad parent, he probably wouldn’t have deserved any #1 dad mugs.

Also this is stupid long. I blame Frederick and Johanna for having seven goddamn kids.

Frederick and Johanna:

Frederick was an only child, which is incredibly rare among nobility and risky as hell (attempts were made at other kids but they fell through and Frederick’s parents weren’t in love at all so they didn’t spend a ton of time uhhh, trying). His parents strongly impressed upon him that his duty to his city was the most important thing in his life. 

Frederick met Johanna when she saved his life while he was traveling for an important business meeting in Westruun. Johanna was not a noble in any way but she was singlehandedly responsible for saving him and returning him to Whitestone. They fell in love in the two-three weeks it took to get him back home and Frederick’s parents were so grateful for her saving him that they didn’t kick up too much fuss about him marrying a “peasant.”

Frederick and Johanna were much more enthusiastically in love than Frederick’s parents were - hence having seven children. That said, Frederick was not accustomed to having a large family and struggled to evenly divide his attention between his rulership of the city, his wife, and his children.

Due to Frederick’s own childhood, he strongly believed in usefulness being more important than interest. Which is to say, if something wasn’t apparently useful to him or Whitestone at large, he discarded it as unimportant. Unfortunately, many of his children held interests that were not “useful.”

Johanna was much better than her husband about being equally attentive of all of her children but she also didn’t participate a whole lot in terms of leadership. Johanna ran the treasury and also organized the guards (in terms of hiring and rotations).

Unbeknownst to Johanna, Captain of the Guard Kerrion Stonefell did not appreciate what he saw as her interfering with his job.

Julius:

Oldest son Julius de Rolo received the bulk of his father’s attention. If Julius had been an only child, he probably would have developed serious anxiety from the weight of Frederick’s expectations. Fortunately, Julius had so many younger siblings (all of whom were deeply frustrated at the lack of attention they received from Frederick) that instead Julius became the Dad Friend for all of his siblings.

In the last few years before the Briarwoods, Frederick and Julius had started to butt heads more often than not as Julius became increasingly frustrated with Frederick trying to control his children’s lives without consulting them on what they actually wanted.

Julius wanted to be a paladin of the Temple of Pelor but swearing himself to a temple or church as either a paladin or a cleric would mean placing his loyalties to them ahead of his family. It would mean abdicating his position as heir and as such, he was never formally inducted as a paladin, though he did receive training as such.

Frederick probably would have allowed Julius to abdicate if Julius had fought about it (it wasn’t like he didn’t have plenty of options for heirs), but Julius conceded without much argument when he realized he’d be passing the burden of responsibility onto his unprepared siblings.

Vesper:

Vesper was very much her mother’s daughter and once got in trouble for headbutting a boy twice her size because he said something mean about Ludwig. She broke her own nose doing it, so Johanna set about teaching her better methods of fighting back. 

Vesper was whip smart and extremely talented in the art of insulting someone in such a way that they didn’t realize they’d been insulted until 5 minutes later. She could run rings around any diplomat sent to Whitestone by the time she was 12.

Vesper was bisexual but with a strong preference for women. The first time Vesper ever truly fought with her father was when she found out he had organized a betrothal for her to a nobleman in Emon. Frederick, to his credit, had not been aware that Vesper preferred women and rescinded the betrothal when he found out, but Vesper pointed out that she had never hid that from him, he just hadn’t been paying attention.

Percy:

I strongly subscribe to @infanttreenotebook‘s idea that Percy’s manic-depressive mood swings first began manifesting as a teenager and his father did not cope well with them. When Percy was on and in full manic swing, Percy got along wonderfully with his father, happy to show him ideas and projects and things he had taught himself - but also perfectly happy to be left alone to work on those things when his father’s attention was elsewhere.

But every time Percy crashed, Frederick became concerned, not understanding why Percy’s work would abruptly grind to a halt. Unfortunately Frederick’s concern mostly manifested as him wanting Percy to go into a more stable (useful) field of work than tinkering. Shockingly, being told that his pursuits and interests were pointless and he should give them up did not improve Percy’s depressive moods.

Percy, at the time, had seen Anders as more of a father figure than his actual father. I don’t think I have to say much more about that.

Ludwig:

Ludwig, compared to his older siblings, was a bit on the dim side. He was far from stupid, but he lacked the brilliance that all three of his older siblings possessed.

Nicknamed “Lutz” when he was young, Percy gave him a lute one year for his birthday as a joke, but Ludwig was immediately fascinated with it. Ludwig couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket but with Anders’ direction, he became an accomplished musician.

To several other siblings frustration, Frederick was actually quite impressed with Ludwig’s musical talents despite all expectations that he would consider it a useless pursuit. He and Johanna acquired a piano for Ludwig on his birthday the next year. His siblings quickly got over their frustration when they realized that Ludwig was only too happy to play whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, or provide accompaniment as they sang.

Ludwig lacked much in the way of ambition and would have been perfectly happy to marry whoever his father wanted him to marry, have a handful of kids, and spend the rest of his life idly composing music.

Oliver and Whitney:

If you had asked anyone outside the family, Oliver and Whitney got along like cats in a bag. They were a pair of rough and tumble boys (Whitney had not been assumed to be male at birth, but he made himself very clear as he grew up) who fought constantly, whether that was with snide commentary or actual fist fights in the garden. Any suggestions that they not hang out with one another if they disliked their twin so much were met with blank looks.

Gods forbid if you insulted one of them or one of their siblings because Oliver and Whitney would both ruin your entire life at the drop of a hat if they thought you deserved it. Both of them held grudges like no ones business and took offense at the smallest of slights. The two of them were the initiators of the great de Rolo prank war that lasted years and only ended when Johanna put her foot down after a prank pulled on Percy in his workshop ended with him being inadvertently set on fire.

The burns weren’t too bad and Julius healed him up, it was fine.

Both twins were ladies men and competed for the attention of any and every girl they met, though they had a habit of getting so competitive about it that they forgot the girl entirely to focus on besting the other.

To the chagrin of the rest of the family, Oliver and Whitney were the only two de Rolos with any serious magical talent. Julius could heal a bit and Ludwig’s music was enchanting, but the twins were almost aggressively magical and they rebuffed any and all attempts by their father to learn to control it.

If they had survived, they might have grown up to be intensely powerful wild magic sorcerers but Anders made sure the pair of them were killed quickly to prevent surprises. Despite being a mere 15 during the coup and high priority targets, the twins were responsible the deaths of quite a few attacking guards before they went down, spitting and hissing curses to the end.

Cassandra:

Cassandra, oh Cassandra. Johanna’s favorite child (no matter what Percy said), Cassandra had her mother’s wild heart and the desperate urge to explore everything. Cassandra knew every secret passageway in the entire castle, including a few that weren’t marked on any map or blueprint to ever exist.

Cassandra was a sneak from a very young age and would often appear abruptly in someone’s field of vision from seemingly out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. Her parents and oldest siblings at first suspected that she was using magic like the twins, but Cassandra eventually confessed to Julius that she was simply very good at not drawing attention to herself.

Cassandra was an easily excited child who wanted to travel around the world one day and it seemed likely that she’d get the chance. She was, after all, the youngest of seven and was unlikely to ever have any serious responsibilities to her family or her city.

I should emphasize that Cassandra wanted to travel and see the world but had no plans to be an adventurer. She had no desire to get into fights and only took up swordplay at her mother’s insistence that she be capable of defending herself. Cassandra took little interest in it Sylas decided it would be amusing to train her.

holy shit ya’ll this post about a bunch of dead motherfuckers that we will literally never meet in canon broke 1500 words, what the heckles