#that he can lives with Saeyoung

[erimeows]

In The Same Bed

You lie awake in bed, staring at your fiance as he sleeps away in your shared bed. 

Awake, Saeyoung Choi is energetic and loud and intense. Sometimes, when things are bad, he’s angry and sad, but still intense. It’s very rare that you get to see him peaceful, so you relish in it now. His eyes are shut, long lashes fluttering against his high cheekbones. His soft, pink lips are slightly open, deep breaths coming in and out of them. His curly red hair fans out across his pillow like a halo.

And, his palm is on top of your shoulder, because he always has to be touching you to fall asleep these days.

You smile. It’s nice to see Saeyoung so relaxed- getting good sleep for once. You remember the many nights he spent awake working for the agency. 

Life is different now.

Life is better.

But, it is past midnight and you can’t sleep even though the two of you have plans in the morning to meet the rest of the RFA for brunch. Alas, Saeyoung must have forgotten to put his phone on silent mode before bed. It sits on his nightstand, buzzing away. Again and again. Vibrating with no end in sight.

You assume the notifications are from the RFA’s chatroom. Zen and Yoosung are still terrible about staying up well into the night and early morning talking online, with Jaehee and Jumin occasionally joining in when they’re busy with work.

You don’t know Saeyoung’s phone passcode. He’s told you it multiple times, but it’s ridiculously long and impossible to remember. You’re honestly too lazy to write it down. It’s not like you need to use his phone very often, anyway.

You could wake him up, but then again… Saeyoung looks so peaceful like this. You’d hate to interrupt his sleep.

So, as quietly as you can, you sneak out of bed and go to the living room couch.

Hopefully, the both of you can get some sleep this way. 

~

Seven wakes up to a loud crack of thunder, golden eyes snapping wide open at the sudden noise. Rain falls outside, loudly splattering against the roof and the ground.

Heart beating hard against his chest, he reaches over for you. You always hold him when it storms, so he smiles at the thought of burying his face in your sweatshirt, having your arms wrapped tight around him, feeling your (h/l) (h/c) hair tickling him throughout the night, and smelling the remnants of your perfume from the day.

But, when his hand doesn’t immediately land on your chest or stomach, his brow furrows. Your side of the bed is cold, too, and he can’t feel you anywhere underneath the blanket. So, he sits up and looks for you. Panic runs courses through his veins at the same time that his breath quickens. 

You definitely aren’t there.

Seven tosses the covers to the floor and stands up, eyes darting around the moonlit darkness. You’re nowhere to be seen. His gaze flickers to the master bathroom that’s connected to your room, only to find that the door is open and the light is off.

You aren’t there, either. 

Seven can’t help but freak out. Ever since the two of you saved Saeran, you’ve slept in the same bed. Always. Every single night since that day, unless Seven was staying with Saeran in the hospital- and on those nights, he couldn’t sleep without you by his side. 

He listens closely to gauge any potential noises from the kitchen or the living room. Maybe you needed a drink of water, or a midnight snack- or maybe you had a nightmare and needed to distract yourself by moving to the living room to watch one of your favorite shows? But if the latter was the case, why wouldn’t you have woken him up…?

Seven quickly realizes that there is no noise.

In fact, the entire house is eerily silent. 

He reaches into the nightstand and grabs the pistol that he has hidden there for emergencies before quickly sliding out of the bedroom. He slowly moves through the hallway with his back pressed firm against the wall and his pistol loaded and gripped tightly within his hands, ready to shoot. 

Did you choose to leave? Pack a bag in the middle of the night and high tail it out to somewhere- to someone else? That’s probably the best outcome, if you’re gone. He doesn’t deserve you anyway, he supposes. Maybe it was too good to be true.

‘No, no… MC wouldn’t just leave without an explanation. But what else…?’

What could it be? An intruder- someone from the agency who wants to get back at him for leaving? Unknown- Saeran? No, Saeran is happily living with the two of you, along with Vanderwood. Surely if there were an intruder one of them would’ve noticed? 

Seven slowly but surely makes his way to the living room and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees you on the couch.

Sleeping.

Your chest rises and falls with slow, steady breaths. Your face looks peaceful.

You’re fine. 

Seven lets out a sigh of relief. His vision is blurry as he comes down from the panic of waking up alone, but he manages to unload his pistol and make it back to your shared bedroom to lock it back in the top drawer of the nightstand. Then, he trudges back to the living room. With the anxiety and adrenaline leaving his body in waves, the uncomfortable sensations of ice cold air and exhaustion weigh on him and have goosebumps rising on his skin.

He gets in front of the couch and kneels down in front of you before placing a warm hand on top of your head and gently stroking your hair. 

“Hm?” You blink and sit up, your hair ruffled from sleep. 

You groggily rub your eyes.

“Sweetie,” Seven starts. He immediately feels guilty for waking you up over his own issues. He should’ve just let you sleep on the couch… “Sorry to wake you up.”

“Are you okay?” You question.

“Why’d you come in here?”

Though you’re clearly safe, Seven can’t help but fear that you might’ve come to the couch because he did something to upset you.

“Your phone kept vibrating- guess you forgot to put it on silent before bed,” You explain. Relief washes over Seven almost instantly. “I couldn’t sleep because of it. I didn’t wanna wake you up, so… I just moved to the couch.”

“I’ll turn my phone off. Can you come back to bed?”

“Yeah, sure,” You nod and start to stand up.

Before you can fully stand, Seven does so first and picks you up bridal style. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck to secure yourself as you’re carried to the bedroom. 

Upon returning to bed, Seven gently sets you down on top of the sheets and crawls into bed with you. He reaches over to where his phone is charging on the nightstand and turns it on silent mode. 

Though he feels much better now, he isn’t quite sure he can handle a panic like that ever again. 

“Sweetie… You can’t leave like that without telling me first.”

“Hm? Why not?” You ask, reaching over and gently resting a hand on the side of Seven’s face. He leans into your touch. “I just wanted to make sure you got good sleep.”

“You scared me,” He answers. “I thought- I thought you were gone. What if someone had taken you from me?”

“What? Saeyoung, no one is going to come in and take me. Do you know how insane the security system is?”

Admittedly, you have a point. Ever since Saeran and Vanderwood moved in, he’s only upped the abilities of his home security system, even laying out traps around the perimeter of his house for any potential intruders.

“I don’t know. I mean, I know it’s irrational, but what if you went to sleep in the living room and someone somehow got past it? They could just come in and hurt you, and I would be none the wiser,” Seven insists, only to realize just how crazy he sounds. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He’s crazy about you. So, of course he wants to keep you safe, but he also knows it’s insane to expect you to never sleep anywhere else. “No, I know I sound ridiculous. You don’t have to say anything. I’m not trying to be overprotective, I just… I love you, and I want you to be safe.”

“Saeyoung,” You reassuringly murmur and reach over to place a hand on top of one of Seven’s. “It’s okay. I’m okay, and I love you, too.”

“Okay,” Seven sighs, lays down flat on the bed, and pulls the covers over the two of you, but keeps his eyes trained on your face. You really are fine. You’re here, happy, and chatting with him like normal, all with that beautiful smile of yours. He feels somewhat embarrassed for freaking out the way he did now that you’ve managed to calm him down. “Anxiety aside, I can’t sleep without you anymore, anyway. I wake up all the time and the only thing that settles me back to sleep is feeling you next to me.”

“You’re so sweet,” You offer a soft smile, and then open your arms wide. Seven smiles back before accepting your invitation and allowing you to pull him close to your chest. At the sound of your slow, steady heartbeat, he immediately settles down and cuddles into you. “I sleep better with you around, too, y’know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then… Stay in the same bed with me forever, okay?” Saeyoung asks as his eyes fall shut. 

He can already feel sleep start to take over his body again.

“As long as you keep letting me cuddle like this every night,” You answer, to which Seven laughs.

“Of course.”

And with that, the two of you fall asleep in each other’s arms.

[kairoot]

ateez’s little pirates !

꒰ pairing: ateez x poc!reader

꒰ synopsis: ateez’s kids and their bios | obviously these photos DO NOT belong to me, they were just placed for example and cause I thought they were so adorable 💔💔 this is all fiction.

꒰ ateez as dads masterlist

☆. hongjoong. — nelani & aidan

nelani 𑁍 — 2 yrs

full name: nelani ayana kim

korean name: kim nabi [ 김나비 ]

nickname(s): nabi, nana, lani, mini hong, etc.

birthdate: july 15

birth time: 3:05 pm

birthplace: houston, texas, usa

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean , [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about nelani.

nelani is the first born obviously 😽

she’s a daddy’s girl 100% but still loves you

she was born in the middle of ateez’s tour actually..

but good thing it was a day they didn’t have a show

hongjoong had brought you along because he did not want you by yourself with a baby that would pop out at any moment

she’s a very lively girl

loves bubbles (don’t know where she got that from..)

joong made songs dedicated to her when she was born

she absolutely loves dancing

likes painting

aidan ♬ — 8 months

full name: aidan kim/kim aidan

korean name: kim hyeonjun [ 김현준 ]

nickname(s): ai, den-den (made by nelani)

birthdate: april 7

birth time: 6:37 pm

birthplace: seoul, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [your language ]

facts about aidan.

aidan is a very calm baby

nelani is way more hyper than him, even when she was a baby

your pregnancy and delivery with him was easier as well

he loves dancing

joong takes him to the studio sometimes

aidan actually loves music a lot

whenever he hears it or someone starts singing to him, he starts movingn

☆. seonghwa. — samara

samara ✿ — 9 months

full name: samara rose park

korean name: park saeyoung

nickname(s): mari, mars (2), etc.

birthdate: march 21

birth time: 9:26 pm

birthplace: [ your birthplace ]

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about samara.

samara and her dad are literal best friends

you gave birth to her while visiting family

seonghwa named her

during your pregnancy, he would stress over names because he wanted the perfect one for her

you would literally wake up to him writing in a notepad at 2 am 😭

she’s his little helper in the kitchen

she loves eating

☆. yunho. — dylan

dylan ᯐ — 2 yrs

full name: dylan jeong

korean name: jeong yujin

nickname(s): dj, yuyu

birthdate: august 4

birth time: 10:06 am

birthplace: seoul, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about dylan.

tbh dylan is a little more of a mama’s boy but he still loves his parents equally

yunho loves playing with him whether it’s outside, inside with his toys or reading to him before bed

dylan is a quiet kid usually

but once he’s used to someone, he’s really giggly and has a warm personality like his dad

(tbh i can see yunho having way more kids than this but..)

☆. yeosang. — elaina

elaina ღ — 6 months

full name: elaina avery kang

korean name: kang dayeon

nickname(s): el, lailai (wooyoung created this)

birthdate: june 8

birth time: 7:17 pm

birthplace: incheon, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about elaina.

elaina’s a pretty quiet baby

she’s been very close to you since birth but she absolutely loves yeosang

he still gets a bit nervous because it’s his first time

but he still loves her so much

she falls asleep on yeosang all the time and loves cuddling

☆. san. — august ‘auggie’

auggie ₊˚ — 10 months

full name: august anthony choi

korean name: choi haneul

nickname(s): auggie, bubba, etc.

birthdate: august 10

birth time: 11:37 am

birthplace: incheon, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about auggie.

his first name is august but everyone just calls him auggie (mostly did this because i couldn’t decide between august and auggie for a real first name)

absolutely loves his dad — you too of course

atinys adore auggie

san came up with auggie’s name because of his birth month and it’s meaning

auggie can be a sneaky baby

he’s on san’s hip all day, 24/7

☆. mingi. — jasmine

jasmine ₊˚ — 2 yrs

full name: jasmine mae song

korean name: song jina

nickname(s): jas, jj, princess

birthdate: may 27

birth time: 10:06 pm

birthplace: busan, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about jasmine.

she’s a daddy’s girl 100%

she’s an exact replica of her dad; his personality, looks, etc.

jasmine isn’t really hyper but she isn’t calm either

lovessss cuddling with mingi

she likes nature

☆. wooyoung. — maria

maria ₊˚ — 10 months

full name: maria areum jung

korean name: jung areum

nickname(s): marie, mo, mookie-pookie (bruh idk i found it on Google)

birthdate: december 16

birth time: 8:06 am

birthplace: incheon, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about maria.

silly girl just like her dad (no she’s just like woo down to the BONE)

she never likes to go to bed which is a struggle for you and woo

early bird

she’s very hyper

takes her awhile to get used to people she doesn’t know

☆. jongho. — jun

jun ✧ — 9 months

full name: choi seo-jun (최서준)

nickname(s): jun, juju, junie

birthdate: july 19

birth time: 6:08 am

birthplace: seoul, south korea

hometown: seoul, south korea

ethnicity: korean, [ your ethnicity ]

language(s): korean, english, [ your language ]

facts about jun.

jun and jongho are quite literally inseparable

he lovesss watching whatever his dad is watching, doing whatever he’s doing, etc.

he’s a good balance between hyper and calm

likes sports like jongho, even if he is too young to comprehend it

jongho named him

[pochipop]

＃MYSTIC MESSENGER !! ♡ — A LITTLE LITTLE MORE LOVE.

#. synopsis! — sweet gestures from them to you .

#. characters! — hyun (zen), jumin, saeyoung (707), yoosung, jaehee .

#. warnings! — none .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — back in the mm pit because it's summer and it's time for my annual redownload <3 i've also been thinking about opening a discord, so if anyone has thoughts on that, i'd love to hear them! PLUS, i played the free demo for this indie otome-esque game on steam called homicipher, and i am begging for the release of the first chapter, idk if any of you have played it, but i am way too addicted for having only played like half an hour of it. anyway lolol, enjoy!!

＃ HYUN (ZEN) !! ♡

Hyun, who buys bouquets of flowers every now and again on his way back home from rehearsals. He does his best to match the colors to your needs, —yellow on sad days in hopes they might lift your spirits, blue when you’re frustrated so that it might calm you down, etc.. They always smell so sweet, and you cherish them deeply. They always live longer than they typically should as a result of how well you care for them, and he loves to see the bashful smile tug at your lips as you accept them gracefully, even if you always tell him that he “really shouldn’t have” or that he “didn’t have to.” He does it because he loves you, and he thinks someone as beautiful as you should be presented with something just as gorgeous every now and again (even if he admittedly thinks you’re worlds prettier than flowers could ever be.)

＃ JUMIN !! ♡

Jumin, who writes little notes on the corner of the napkins he rests your coffee or tea on each morning, delicate and elegant handwriting in black ink sinking so perfectly into the ivory material. They’re never the same, always a different expression of his love or his admiration. You like to tear them off and keep them safe in a little box, and you open it up to read them when you’ve had a hard day or when you’re just not feeling your best. He always tells you that you don’t have to keep them, that he won’t be offended if you simply toss them away after you’ve read them and they’ve made you smile, —but you can never bring yourself to do it.

＃ SAEYOUNG (707) !! ♡

Saeyoung, who folds little origamis for you when he gets the chance and leaves them somewhere around for you to find. It started with a tiny paper star he was folding for the heck of it, but you liked it so much that he decided to do it again, and again, and again. So now you have a neat little stash of different animals, shapes, and otherwise cool-looking creations (all of which have silly, blank expressions drawn onto them as faces that really add a sweetness to their personality.) You like to sit and fiddle with them every now and again, just to feel the sharp edges of the crane’s beak against your fingertips or to split the little heart apart and see the “i love you <3” written on the inside.

＃ YOOSUNG !! ♡

Yoosung, who buys sticky notes for his studies but ends up using most of them to leave you little notes with cute messages and silly doodles. He likes to think this is a better usage for them, especially when he watches you spot one out of the corner of his eye, and you hold it in your hands like it’s some kind of love-stricken poetry from a wordsmith he knows he’ll never be. They might be simple and straightforward, but there’s not much room for stanzas of prose on these little post-its, and reminders that you’re doing a good job or that you look cute are so much more than enough.

＃ JAEHEE !! ♡

Jaehee, who bakes you little desserts for you to eat when you get home, often heart-shaped or dusted in romantic colors, —always in your favorite flavors. Cookies with little jam hearts in the center, cupcakes with heart sprinkles and a cream just to your liking filling up the inside; each and every one made with so much love that you can practically taste it on your tongue. There’s no one else she’d rather bake for, and no one else she’d rather spend the rest of her days with. Sometimes words are hard to come by, and she worries she won’t always get it right, but when you kiss her on the cheek before taking a bite of her treats, well. . . She thinks things will be alright anyway.

[rfaromance]

kissing Saeyoung's hands!!!

"It doesn't even hurt!"

"Please don't fuss over this!"

"I'm telling you, honey butter, I'm fine!"

Saeyoung's protests fell on deaf ears as you dragged him to the bathroom, where the lighting was better. You didn't care what he had to say; the cut on his hand looked nasty, and you weren't going to risk letting anything happen to your lover.

"Look, it's not even bleeding anymore!"

You snorted as you pushed him against the countertop. "Sit," you ordered, and with a grumble Saeyoung obediently plopped himself on the counter. "It is still bleeding!" you wailed in dismay, as you held his hand up to the light.

"So you can hear me."

"Saeyoung Choi!"

Hastily you dug out first aid supplies from the cabinet. As you searched for bandages and ointments, you could spot a dark hoodie shuffling out of the corner of your eye. "Don't even think about leaving," you snapped. "You are getting patched up here and now!"

The shuffling stopped.

Heaving a huge sigh, you returned to Saeyoung with supplies in tow. Carefully you reached past him to turn on the faucet, soaking and soaping a washcloth. You then turned back to Saeyoung and gently grabbed his injured hand. He didn't resist you this time, but rather tutted dramatically as you began to dab at the wound.

"Saeyoung... how in the world did you manage this?"

"One of my babies is in her rebellious teen phase."

"You mean there could be OIL in here, and you weren't going to let me clean it?" The horror and exasperation in your voice were powerful enough to make him wince.

"It's really not a big deal," he began, but you firmly squeezed his hand to shut him up.

After you'd wiped off the dry blood, you were able to see his injury clearly for the first time. A gash on the side of his hand, running from the bottom of his pinky finger to the top of his wrist. "This is the length of your palm," you fretted.

"Couldn't even tell."

His tone was different, somehow. He'd stopped arguing but also was acting less blasé. Now he just sounded... tired. Resigned. Hollow.

"It really doesn't hurt?" you asked softly. Carefully you put the washcloth in the sink, and you reached out to get the antibiotic ointment. "It didn't even sting when I washed it?"

"Not even a tickle."

You didn't want to believe him, but as you spread the ointment over his injury, he didn't flinch once. You gave his palm an experimental squeeze, wondering if he'd react. "Shoot!"

The pressure had opened the cut once again.

"I felt that," Saeyoung commented as you grabbed the washcloth again to dab at the edges of the wound. "It just... felt no different than picking up a shoe or opening a doorknob."

You reapplied the antibiotic that you had wiped off, furrowing your brow as thoughts raced around in circles in your head. Had his fingers always been this calloused? Had his knuckles always been covered with this many old, faded scars? Had his fingers, thin as they are, always been this muscular? Your own hands suddenly felt so feeble, so flimsy, as you began winding gauze around his hand, over and over.

"I can't afford to feel too much pain," was all he offered in explanation. "Not the way I've lived.

"Hands like mine don't deserve tender care from someone like you."

Having just put on the last stretch of bandages, you looked up at him with sorrow in your eyes. Much to your dismay, he was looking up at the ceiling, perhaps unable to meet your gaze.

You didn't know the full extent of the things that he had done to keep himself and Saeran alive; you didn't particularly care. All that mattered was that you knew he undertook those actions and made those choices in the name of love. He was a good person.

He had stopped trying to push you away, so why did he have to talk as if he was still damning himself? Did he plan to live the remainder of his life joyfully, but then spend his afterlife in flames? You didn't quite know or understand his feelings on that matter.

But you did know you loved him, and that he deserved every reminder you could give him.

"Your hands can't feel anything anymore?" you murmured, the lilt in your voice clearly prompting him for an answer.

"If only."

The detached, distant expression on Saeyoung's face immediately melted away, replaced by one of awe, caution, fear, and wonder, as your lips began to peck at each and every one of his knuckles. Then his fingertips. Then his (bandaged) palm. You even nudged the injured side of his hand with your nose, gently so as not to aggravate the wound. "Nothing at all?"

His tearful golden eyes met yours directly as he whispered, "Maybe there's something after all."

[natasha-in-space]

Every so often, I can't help but think about all the dirty jobs Saeyoung had to do during his time as an agent. I'm not talking about the usual digital crime stuff he feels comfortable enough to mention openly. I'm talking of those missions he'd rather just shut up and never speak a word about. What about all the missions that went wrong for him, back when he was still young and inexperienced?

The fact that he has blood on his hands is apparent to us. But, do you ever think about whether or not he was forced to kill an innocent? Be it by some cruel accident or by direct order from the higher ups he had no choice but to obey? Have you ever thought of him having to make a quick elimination on yet another corrupt member of society, only to realize that his family, who has nothing to do with this, had seen him?

Have you ever thought about him doing everything he can to fix this: coming up with shaky lies on the spot, attempting to fabricate evidence, eventually resorting to pitiful begging that goes nowhere. But there should not be any witnesses. It's too late to turn back now. He got sloppy. His DNA is already on the scene of the crime. If he refuses, he not only puts his own safety at risk, but these people will get eliminated regardless. The least he can do is make it quick and painless. Have you ever thought of him still having to come back to his sad parody of a home and pretend like everything is fine? Like this was just another Tuesday, and not one of the most sickening things he had to do and witness?

Have you imagined him sitting down, staring at his bloodied hands with a blank and glassy look to his eyes, his weapon still in his grasp, and his ears ringing from every shot he has fired? Have you ever thought of him feeling so utterly disgusted and ashamed of himself that it almost seems like the silver cross on his neck that has always brought him a sense of security, is burning through his clothes and straight into his flesh? He won't take it off, no matter how heavy it feels. He wears it as a constant reminder of the sins these hands have committed. He knows that God has seen it all. He knows that, much like Lucifer, he will never be allowed to step foot over the Heaven's Gates. His soul is too sullied. Too dirty. Too sinful.

I feel like these are the days when he goes complete MIA. He tells everyone in the RFA later that he just slept through these few days.

He maintains contact with V, just in case. But, really, he spends these few days just... in a daze. Luciel has no remorse for selling his entire life away to guarantee his brother's happiness. He does not regret sullying his hands in the darkest sins this world had to offer, if only it means that Saeran's hands will get to do all the good things he has always dreamed about. He does not regret forsaking his own childhood, because he never thought of himself as a child in the first place.

But, in these moments... as the events of what he has done continue to unfold in his head over and over again, like he never even left, he feels it. Regret. Guilt. Disgust.

Luciel harbors a deep hatred towards his parents. He hates his joke of a mother, who has brought nothing but endless torment on her own children for ruining the life she foolishly destroyed all by herself, something he despises with all his heart. He hates his father for forcing them to live in constant fear and paranoia, just for the unforgivable crime of being born into this world. He hates every bystander who has done nothing to correct such an unfair act of pure cruelty unfolding right in front of their eyes.

But, as his vacant gaze keep drifting back to the equipment he has stashed away in one of his many drawers, a grim thought claws at his insides, tearing him apart piece by piece like a vicious parasite feeding on his flesh: is he... really that different from them?

Vanderwood ends up being the one find him, slouched in his seat, his hands still caked and crusty with blood. They just sigh, already knowing what happened. It's something they all had to go through. They just sit next to him, letting the younger agent know he's not alone. And, once Luciel's shoulders start to shake with choked, painful sobs, they don't say a word. They just let him break down into their arms.

It's one of the rarer moments of tenderness between the two.

[brighteststar707]

Parallels

You carry parts of past lives with you. You can't help it, you're made up of all the people you've loved before.

A reset theory idea I revived from a years-old draft about picking up traits from people you spend a lot of time around (as I'm quite prone to doing🤭).

There has always been this strange familiarity to you. Even back in the early days, it always felt like you were someone Saeyoung had known for years.

He likes to tease you about being easy to read, but it's more than that. The things he recognises in you are things he has grown to love so much in his closest friends.

He loves to tell silly jokes just to hear you laugh. When he promised you a life that would be happy and without worry, he meant it. Your laugh is infectious, addicting even. A laugh from you is an affirmation to someone as insecure as him.

It took him a while to catch on to the way your giggles resemble Yoosung's sometimes. It's not every time, but more than enough times to be a noticeable quirk of yours. The slight hiss of air escaping through your teeth, the precursor to a proper, real laugh.

That was the first parallel he drew. But it was not the last.

He thought he was imagining things at first, making connections where there weren't any to be made. But then you teasingly called him honey for the first time, truly affectionate and sugary-sweet and it was impossible to not think about how he had seen Zen do the same thing before to make fans of his blush. Of course, this trick worked just as well on him when you did it. When you were in these moods, you were magnetic, more so than even Zen could be.

There is something about how, during discussions, you pause to gather your thoughts right before you're about to conclude a point. You have told him you do it to try and collect your thoughts into a coherent sentence so you don't jumble everything up. He thinks it's smart (and cute). It's something he is trying to implement in his life now.

He also knows it's something Jumin practices and advises others to do too. On occasion, during RFA gatherings, Saeyoung watches you and Jumin have a conversation and fall into similar patterns of speech. It's mesmerising, like watching two mirror images.

It is only after a few years, after getting closer to Jaehee at all that realises there are similarities between the two of you too.

He sees a small echo of her in the way that you tackle challenges, not just the resilience he has always known you're capable of but the way you can dissect a problem down to its core and handle it piece by piece. In the tone and cadence you use when instructing others, kind but deliberate, with no room for doubt.

But she's also in your excitement, in the way your voice builds up and rises in pitch when you're talking about something you love. If it wasn't something he recognised from your first weeks together, he'd attribute it to your many musical movie nights.

It wouldn't be fair to say that these traits are identical to theirs. They're things that are so inherent to you, he couldn't imagine you without your funny hiss-laugh or the cadence of your voice when you're measuring out your words. He finds comfort all the same in the little overlap between you and his friends. It may puzzle him sometimes, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

The cherry on the cake was one day when you were chatting and you scrunched your nose before telling a joke, in the same way he knows he does sometimes. His heart swelled three sizes that day and he wouldn't stop teasing you about it.

[marshmallowprotection]

[Link]

Happy Birthday, Saeran and Saeyoung! I am losing my mind over this picture because the two of them look so cute together. Saeran is indulging in some strawberry cake, and you know he saved the best part of it for you.

It's his favorite part of the cake, but you're his favorite person in the world, so having you indulge in something he loves makes the kiss that comes afterwards that much sweeter. I will fall for it every time and I will happily do so.

Being with you makes the day feel like it was always meant to. As if his existence was a blessing and never what they wanted him to believe it to be. He knows what it feels like to have peace in his heart because he's faced his Father and survived to see the next day. Seeing you on his birthday shows that wishes can come true even if it takes time to get there, and he would do it all over again if you were always on the other side.

Saeyoung is finally at peace. He looks relaxed, and there is no tension in his shoulders. He doesn't have to look to see if somebody is going to ruin this moment of happiness, he gets to look at the camera and smile. He doesn't have to be afraid anymore, he just gets to live with his brother, and what more could he want?

This is the exact wish he always had on his birthday. Him looking at you with love in his eyes is finally seeing him where he always wanted to be. It's what he talked about on those sleepless nights you spent together trying to find the best way to rescue his brother. Those nights were the reason why he could experience hope again. Seeing you on his birthday makes him grateful for having known you because you helped him break free of an endless cycle of sacrifice.

[cafedanslanuit]

SAEYOUNG browses Netflix on the couch while he waits for you to make the popcorn. It's a warm summer night and you have agreed that he will choose the movie while you take care of the snacks. Soon, you discover you are out of Dr Pepper, so you promptly return to the living room to ask him if he wants you to take a quick trip to the store or if he prefers to have one of your soda cans.

The small pops begin echoing in the kitchen, but you don't move from your spot as you observe your lover, dressed in grey shorts and a black tank top. His amber eyes are set on the screen, soft humming leaving his lips as he carefully goes over the different options for tonight.

However, the thing that catches your attention, what made you stop your racks in the first place, is the small chub on his stomach. The fabric of his clothes strains a bit around it, almost as if it doesn't fit anymore, and you wonder how you didn't notice it before, given you've been sharing a bed for a year now.

Slowly, your eyes start tracing the rest of his body. The new rosy tint that dusts his now fuller cheeks. The defined lines that used to run across his biceps, barely noticeable, now replaced by soft skin. The added plush of his thighs, almost inviting, on display thanks to his shorts riling up.

He's healing, you think. Without the crushing weight of being an agent and the need to be able to escape at any time, he can finally rest. He's done with running away, constantly pushing his body to the limit, and eating just enough to see another day.

You walk towards him before you can register and, in a matter of seconds, you've found a place on his lap, your face buried in the crook of his neck as you envelop him with a hug. His chuckle makes his chest gently jump, and you snuggle even closer.

"Hey," he smiles, leaving the remote on the side and returning your hug, just as tight. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," you hum. You take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of his shampoo for a few seconds before you pull yourself away. The moment his eyes meet yours, a smile draws upon your face. "I just love seeing you happy."

He doesn't reply. He knows your words carry more meaning than you're letting on, so he prefers not to ask, even if he appreciates the sentiment behind them. He knows you're right, after all. The last twenty years of his life have felt like fifty, and this long year still feels like a summer vacation that will eventually end.

However, whenever those thoughts come, he pulls you close, just like he's doing now, and focuses on the beating of your heart. More than slow breathing, more than a cold shower, your sole presence always manages to calm him down.

It means you're here. It means it's over.

It's finally over.

a/n: omg mysme content from me? in 2023? you bet &lt;3 the idea came during a convo with @requindeterre, as all good ideas come c:

[chirp-a-chirp]

Clavis Lelouch • Clavis x Emma • Tags: Fluff; Crack; Pranks; Mischief; Cat-puns • Word Count: ~1900 • Triggers: None • Brief appearances by Chevalier, Cyran, and Sariel

Title: Cat-astrophe

Description: It’s Clavis. Of course there’s chaos! This time, in feline form 😸

For @katriniac as a part of the Ikemen Prince Exchange hosted by @ikemenlibrary and @saeyoungs-sunflower 😊

Cat-inspired Clavis drawing (aka Catvis) done by @aide-falls

…

“This doesn’t look like a good idea.”

“You’re right, my dear. It’s a perfectly wicked one!” Clavis flicked a finger at the glass bottle he was holding. The bottle contained a light purple liquid that bubbled and fizzled like champagne. It appeared benign, even pleasant looking, until one looked directly above at the ceiling and the soot that covered it. Emma opened a window to let out the plumes of smoke that lingered.

“Most liquids don’t spontaneously burst into flames.” Emma coughed pointedly, moving her hands in a fanning motion to push the smoke outside.

“Unless Licht is cooking, haha!”

“Will you tell me what it is you’re trying to make at least?”

Clavis put down the bottle. “And where would the fun in that be?” He smirked, a look of utter delight on his face. “I DO have the antidote to this—well, most of it.” Clavis gestured to a second glass bottle with a light bluish tint to it. Emma’s eyes widened.

“Could it be that my lovely lover is worried for me?” Clavis tweaked Emma’s nose playfully. “It’s not as if this liquid will make me disappear or anything!” His eyes flashed, with a hint of challenge to them. “And even if it did, I’m sure you’d find me.”

…

The next day, Clavis was gone.

His disappearance had not been noticed until late morning, when a terrified palace butler was forced to wake up Chevalier instead of Clavis. None of the princes seemed particularly bothered at this development. As Emma made inquiries, their reactions were varied—relief from Yves (Licht and I can have a tea party uninterrupted!); mockery laced with pity from Nokto (you’re getting a day off from him; isn’t that a good thing?); and the equivalent of a princely shrug from Leon (I haven’t seen smoke since yesterday, so I’m sure he’s fine.). But, they all agreed on one thing—they hadn’t seen Clavis.

Emma entered Chevalier’s private library hoping he’d know what was going on. She placed a rare romance book from Jade on a side table near where Chevalier sat reading. There was an approving nod as elegant fingers picked up the book. He offered a rather unusual hint.

“My fool of a brother lost one of his nine lives today.”

Emma tilted her head. “Can you elaborate on that?”

“Do you have the next installment of this book?”

“It won’t be published until next month!”

“Then our conversation ends now, Simpleton.” The corner of Chevalier’s mouth lifted as he placed the book in his lap. As Emma left the room, she heard Chevalier say one more thing.

“He’s not complicated. He needs something from you, but cannot bring himself to admit it.”

Chevalier’s words echoed in Emma’s head as she headed toward Clavis’ bedroom. She took out a key from her dress pocket, heart lurching at the breach of privacy.

The room was virtually the same as it was when she was with Clavis yesterday. Emma knew he saw this place as a shrine to his failures, a testament to mediocrity. But, she saw much more—it was a place of studiousness, ingenuity, and childish delight. Books on law, pharmacology, science, and philosophy were neatly arranged on his bookshelf. One of the middle shelves held a cup with the phrase #1 worst emblazoned on it—a gag gift Emma had bought Clavis when they first became a couple. She grabbed a book at random and noted with a smile that the book was highlighted in numerous colors, with notes in the margins about various herbs that could be used for different smoke traps.

Emma placed the book back on the shelf and glanced at various pieces of paper attached to the wall above his writing desk. The papers contained lists with the number of traps discovered by other people. Various palace staff and princes had tick marks next to their names, each tick mark indicating a trap they had fallen into. Yves encompassed one entire sheet of paper by himself, and to Emma’s surprise, Chevalier had one mark next to his name. She’d have to ask Clavis about THAT story.

But Emma had to find him first. She sat at his desk chair, feeling lonely. She looked down at her hands—Clavis had held her hand so often in their adventures; she now felt empty without it.

I know you feel like you’re not enough Clavis. But you are. Where are you?

“Meow?”

Emma turned her head at the sound. A beautiful long-haired cat emerged from behind Clavis’ couch. Its paws, the tip of its tail, and its chest were light grey while the rest of its body was purple. The cat’s eyes were golden and sparkling with mischief.

“Are you lost little one?” The cat jumped in Emma’s lap, nesting between her thighs as if it thought it belonged there. “You’re not the only one who likes that spot. Though your touch is gentler.” Emma chuckled, scratching the cat behind its ears. She then noticed the cat wore a dark purple necktie that looked remarkably familiar. Embedded in the center of the necktie was a tag containing a name—Catvis.

Catvis leaped onto the desk, its tail bristling (Emma corrected herself…the cat was decidedly male). He pushed a drawer open with a paw and fished out a gold-chained necklace with his teeth. The necklace held two golden medallions—one reading “Catvis” and the other “Accomplice”. Emma swore she saw the cat smirk as he dropped the necklace in her lap.

A notion so absurd it bordered on ludicrous flitted into Emma’s head. She reached out her hand and patted the cat on his head. “Clavis, is that you?”

The cat practically pranced with joy. He head butted Emma’s hand, leaning into her touch, before jumping deftly onto her lap again, exposing his belly.

Emma shook her head in disbelief. “The things you do for attention are ridiculous Clavis.” The cat nipped Emma’s finger, causing her to pull her hand away. “Oh, excuse me. Do you prefer to be called Catvis while in this form?” Emma’s words were dripping in sarcasm, but the cat purred contently and licked the finger he bit.

Emma recalled the pharmacology book she glanced at earlier. “You were working on a polymorph potion, weren’t you?” Catvis beamed and extended his body so that he was standing on Emma’s lap, his front paws on her shoulders. He rubbed both sides of her cheeks affectionately.

“You really are ridiculous. Ridiculously amazing.” Catvis blinked, not expecting to hear that. “A polymorph potion has never been successfully made until now. A mere Chevalier would not—could not—think to do this.” Emma blushed at her words—expressing her honest feelings was easier with him in this form.

Catvis nuzzled against Emma’s face. He craved this attention, this affirmation. Needed it. Emma’s heart trembled at the realization. She held him in that standing pose in her lap for a while, letting her guard down. After a while, her eyes drifted to the bottle of blue liquid Clavis mentioned yesterday on a table. “We have to change you back eventually, you know. What ingredient is missing from your antidote?”

Catvis jumped back on the desk, finding a pen and fitting it into his mouth. With his head at an incredibly awkward angle, he wrote out two words on a piece of paper: Black rawhide.

“Wow, I can READ this!” Apparently, Clavis’ eighth wonder was legible handwriting without opposable thumbs. “There’s no rawhide here, so we’ll have to look for it. Come here, let me carry you as we search for some.”

Catvis went back to Emma’s lap, his head pushing the necklace into her hand. “I am NOT wearing a cat collar.” Catvis pouted. Emma felt a pang of guilt at his expression. “Well, maybe just this ONCE.”

A few moments later, Emma came out of the bedroom, with Catvis perched on her shoulders. As Emma walked down the palace stairs, she spied a familiar plume of fiery red hair.

“My Lady!” Cyran ran to Emma. “What news of our missing charge?”

“You’re not going to believe this.”

“Try me. Nothing about him surprises me anyone.”

“You MAY want to reconsider that statement.” Emma turned her shoulder and gestured to Catvis.

“I didn’t know you owned a cat.” Cyran sniffed loudly.

“WE own a cat. A very naughty one at that.” Emma smirked and bopped Catvis on his nose.

AAAAAAA-CHO!

“I’m highly allergic to cats. Especially naughty ones.” Cyran’s eyes watered. “So, no, I do NOT own a cat.”

Emma gestured to the “Catvis” button on her feline companion. “Actually, we do. Clavis created a polymorph potion and here are the results of THAT.” Catvis grinned broadly—it was a grin Cyran knew all too well.

Catvis’ ears twitched at a sound down a nearby hallway. He jumped off of Emma’s shoulders and sprinted away.

“Catvis, wait!” Emma began running after him, but Cyran erupted into a violent coughing fit, one so strong it made his cheeks blaze as red as his hair. A maid was tasked with fetching him a glass of water as Emma slapped his back.

“I-I’m fine!” Cyran collected his breath. “Were you serious when you said that cat was—“ A shriek from the maid carrying Cyran’s water interrupted the conversation. A furry purple and grey blur darted past her. Catvis ran up the stairs, carrying a black rawhide whip in his mouth. The whip crackled in the air as Catvis flew past Emma and Cyran. Sariel came bounding from the hallway, violet eyes narrowed with rage. “It is enough to have one Hellcat among us. I did not think we had a second living in the palace.”

Emma looked apologetically at Cyran, her hand pointing at Sariel. “Cyran, can you handle this?”

“I…do not get paid enough for these shenanigans, My Lady.” AAAAAAA-CHO!

“At least you get paid.”

…

With a piece of Sariel’s whip, the antidote was now complete and consumed by Catvis (he lapped the potion from Emma’s #1 worst cup). The antidote would take a few hours to be effective, so Emma laid down on Clavis’ couch, a blanket covering her legs and Catvis perched in his proper spot—between Emma’s thighs.

Emma couldn’t remember falling asleep, but she must have done so, for she woke up to the pre-dawn hours to a heavier weight on her body and something touching her face. Emma’s eyes slowly opened as she felt an arm—a human arm!—encircle her waist, and roaming hands caressing over her clothes.

“Ah, you’re awake my lovely lover. How wonderful.” Alluring golden eyes shone brightly in the darkened room as Clavis’ lips traced a trail down Emma’s neck.

“Hmmm,” Emma’s fingers carded through Clavis’ hair.

“Are you so delighted you’re at a loss for words? Cat got your tongue?” There was a purr to his voice as Clavis leaned forward and presented a cheek to be kissed.

A cheek was not enough. Emma pulled Clavis down for a kiss, her lips capturing his. “You’re an absolute cat-astrophe, darling.” As she pulled away, Emma’s quiet laughter tickled Clavis’ ear.

“But you’re my cat-astrophe. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[password-door-lock]

My current daydream scenario of choice is video calling with SE Saeran.

It starts because he’s not allowed to leave the bunker. Saeyoung gives him a phone, of course, and his own room, and all manner of basic necessities, but still— Saeran feels trapped. Granted, he’s been trapped all his life, so this is nothing new, but unlike before, he has nothing to focus on anymore. He has nothing to strive for, nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and idly scroll. Saeyoung installs a video call feature on the messenger app almost as soon as Saeran starts using his phone, largely because he gets nervous whenever he leaves Saeran alone in the bunker. It helps his nerves if he can see with his own eyes that Saeran is physically safe, although, as the weeks pass by, Saeyoung’s anxious video calls become less and less frequent. 

You, however, start calling more often. Saeran doesn’t talk to anybody very much, but out of the RFA members, he’s probably the closest with you. That’s mostly because you don’t seem to pity him the way the others do, nor do you seem inclined to bother him by being loud when he needs silence or quiet when he needs a distraction. The first time you call him, you’re at the store picking up groceries to bring to the bunker. You flip the camera around to show Saeran rows and rows of cereal and ask him which one he wants— it’s a small gesture, in the scheme of things, but it shows him that you respect and value his autonomy. He can still remember your words at Magenta all those months ago, when you earnestly told him that it was his decision whether to trust his brother or not. It wasn’t, of course, but still— you’re the only one who seems to be thinking about letting Saeran make his own choices. 

It all sort of spirals out from there. Soon, you start video calling Saeran just to talk to him— but it doesn’t seem like you’re checking in on him, trying to prove that he’s okay just for your own peace of mind. Instead, it feels like you actually want to tell him things. Occasionally, you’ll show him what you’re doing or what you’re seeing in the world outside of the bunker— especially clouds, and though your phone camera doesn’t pick them up too well, Saeran appreciates the sentiment. There’s so much in the world that he’s never seen before and wouldn’t even think to ask about, so it’s nice that you’re willing to introduce him to these things without too much fanfare. If you like to go on walks, you can bring your phone with you, and though he may not be the most talkative walking companion, he enjoys the peaceful escape from the life that he lives inside the bunker. 

Sometimes, you video call Saeran while you’re working— depending on what your life looks like, this might mean you set up your phone so that he can see you while you’re quietly studying, or maybe that you call him while you’re busy with your hobbies. Hell, maybe you hide your phone somewhere out of your boss’s view and engage in a completely silent call with Saeran from your desk at the office. It’s not that the two of you spend all day every day together or anything like that— Saeran likes his alone time, after all.  It’s just that he also likes having your presence nearby, even if you’re not able to be physically close to him. 

Other times, you call him in the evening when you’re home alone. The two of you might talk for a while about what’s been going on in your lives— although, Saeran isn’t really the type to vent out loud, and sometimes, if something’s really bothering him, he ends up texting you about it while the call is still going on. Usually, though, these nights end with both of you laying in your respective beds. Saeran really likes falling asleep with his phone propped up on a pillow while on a call with you, although usually he’s the one that watches you falling asleep first. Although it doesn’t make his nightmares go away completely, he finds that it does help a lot to fall asleep feeling safe. Sometimes, though, he ends the call as soon as you’ve fallen asleep—  he feels comfortable with you, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to wake up to the tell-tale signs of one of his nightmares. 

Even once it’s deemed relatively safe for Saeran to leave the bunker, Saeyoung is still a little bit paranoid about Saeran getting in trouble for driving without a valid license, and if you don’t drive, either, then the two of you may not get to meet in person as often as you’d like. Sometimes, Saeran is too overwhelmed to make the journey out to your apartment, even though he’d like to see you, and a lot of the time, the feeling is mutual. When one or the other of you has bad days, sometimes meeting up in person is just not possible, but it’s nice to be able to see one another face-to-face even under those circumstances.

[cupcakefactory]

Saeyoung x Depressed Reader

Dedicated to a friend of mine, remember if nothing else, me and Saeyoung love you.

WordCount: 856

Pairings: Saeyoung x Reader

“Hunny~ Bunny~.. Where are you? Have you gone out?”

Poking his head around the corner, the hacker froze. He had expected this room to be empty like every other room in the house, he’d assumed you’d gone out, to work or explore the city he didn’t know - he slept in till 3pm after all. At this moment, seeing you curled up in the bed, he wished you had gone out, and never before had he wished that.

Curled in the duvet tears stained your face as you cried, struggling to breathe and focus on the room around you Saeyoung wasn’t even sure if you knew he was in the room, you hadn’t and turned to look like you usually did. You usually smiled, you usually jumped into his arms to tell him about your day, but you didn’t do that, you just stared ahead while crying.

He knew better than to startle you right now, he kept the door open as he ran the small distance to the kitchen. You’d been crying, you need sugar, he grabbed a can of Cherry Coke. He grabbed a bag of Honey Buddha Chips, he grabbed everything he could quickly before heading back to the room and dumping it all on a pile of dirty clothes, making a mental note that he really should get round to that.

“Hunny?”

He tried again, more gentle as he sat on the edge of the bed next to you.. But again, nothing, just the heart shattering sound of a sob in your throat as more tears stained your cheeks. He loved when your cheeks were red, but only when he made them that way - seeing them stained with tears hurt. He reached over, touching your hand and watching as finally the trance you were in was broken and you realised he was in the room with you. He watched as guilt and shame filled your gaze, you didn’t want him to see you this way, you didn’t want to burden the man you loved with even more issues just after he got his brother back and was finally living the life he dreamt off. 

“Don’t.. Hey don’t feel guilt”

He whispered gently, but that didn’t stop the feeling in your heart as you looked down, he didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t sure what you needed. He wanted to grab you, pull you into his arms and remove all these bad thoughts from your mind, he wanted to hurt everyone and everything that had ever hurt you and make the rest of your lives together memorable and fun. 

“Can.. i give you a hug”

He waited, he watched as the words bounced around your head, he waited until what he said had registered and you nodded before pulling you into his lap and holding you tightly. His warmth made everything just a little better, it made everything feel safer, it helped your tears flow more evenly as you sobbed against his jacket, nails digging into his back as he rocked you gently, humming under his breath a lullaby you’d heard over and over now, a comforting tune you at times wished was in a music box.

He held you as you cried for everything that had hurt you, for the stress that everyday life had brought and put on your shoulders that you didn’t deserve to carry. You cried for the words spoken by those you loved and the words you threw back and regretted while angry. Nothing was fair, life was hard and it was getting to much - your thoughts were scaring you, they had turned darker than they ever had before, you felt more alone that you ever had. Why did it feel like everyone hated you? Why did it feel like you didn’t matter?

“You matter to me”

You jumped, looking up and meeting his Amber eyes as he smiled sadly - you noted a few tears in the corner of his eyes as he looked at you, then it dawned on you - you’d just said all that outloud, you’d accidentally opened the tsunami of your mind and told the love of your life everything that was worrying you.

“You matter to me,

He started again

I love you, i’ve never hated you - you made my life better from the moment you step into it. I know your mind is dark right now and you don’t feel or see a reason to continue.. But you need too, if not for you for those of us that love you. So many people love you, Everyone in the RFA love you, you make every person you walk past laugh, your smile lights uo every single room”

He smiled again, playing with your hair as your eyes finally dried off tears.

“You, my love, are perfect. Your perfect to me in everyway. Who cares what people say? I don’t, don’t focus on the past and if it is too painful don’t focus on the future either.. Lets just focus on today..

..

Lets take life day by day, together, okay? Because no matter how hard life is, my sweet i will always be here.” 

[mystic-headcanons]

the rfa at the eras tour

this is entirely self indulgent LMAO but here's how the characters would be @ the eras tour.

zen would love the concert. while he may not listen to all of her music, he very much enjoyed the entire set and especially loved how happy you were to be there. probably wouldn't join in on any of the chants or trade any bracelets, but instead looks at you with a smile every time you do. definitely takes a lot of pictures of you, and taylor, and then the both of you because your matching outfits are just the cutest. his favorite era would either be lover-- he can't help but look at you throughout the entirety of lover-- or 1989, because the visuals and the sound just completely enrapture him.

yoosung would just be happy to be there! knows her earlier stuff, but doesn't really know anything beyond 1989. goes feral over the fearless era, and screams almost as loud as you along to love story. if there's a proposal at your concert, you can bet he'd be crying while witnessing it-- and also a little jealous that he didn't think of the same idea. poor boy almost dies during vigilante shit-- his face is redder than a tomato and he chokes on his spit as he tries to look anywhere but the stage. you take many photos of this.

saeyoung is almost as excited as you are. he lives for anything that lets him dress up. he sat there making hundreds of friendship bracelets for you, spent hours shopping both online and in person for the perfect matching outfits, learned every chant and every song so he could fully enjoy the experience with you. and he did! however, any video anyone within five feet of him took would be unusable because he'd he screaming at the top of his lungs. holds you close during the lover and speak now era and definitely cries at one point during the show. fills up the entirety of his phone storage with only pictures and videos of you and him or just you.

jumin is. not having a good time. LMAO this man doesn't like huge crowds like that, and doesn't know most of the songs and craves the quiet comfort of his home. however, one look at you has him relaxing and a small, soft smile taking over his tense features. this was entirely for you, of course, and seeing you so happy and excited was enough to quiet any discomfort he might've felt. doesn't take any photos or videos, but he'll let you pull him down for selfies. the only video he has from that night is the one you sent to him of him kissing the crown of your head during lover.

jaehee is just excited to be there with you! she's a casual fan of taylor swift-- she doesn't really fangirl over anyone that's not zen-- so she probably won't know any of the chants, and definitely won't trade any bracelets, but she'll happily dress up with you. sings along under her breath to the songs that she knows, and just nods along to the ones that she doesn't. really likes the midnights era- and especially vigilante shit. blushes whenever you hold her hand or kiss her cheek or sing to her during the love songs. she takes one or two photos.

saeran absolutely refuses to go with you at first. attending a three and a half hour concert with thousands of people attending sounds like his own personal hell, but when you go to ask saeyoung to accompany you, saeran finally relents. "fine!" he'll grumble, "no need to ask my idiot brother. i'll go with you." you...hadn't suggested that to make him change his mind, but. a win is a win! he doesn't do any of the chants or any of the bracelets, and doesn't dress up. (or, at least, he doesn't wear anything he wouldn't usually wear, but. it's looks pretty reputation era, so you're happy.) despite his grumbling and his anxiety, saeran really did love seeing you so happy and carefree. is surprised by how much he enjoyed the reputation era, and ignores your smug look as he adds the songs to his playlist later on. refuses to take any pictures or videos, and will only be in a few for you.

[pochipop]

＃MYSTIC MESSENGER !! ♡ — BEING VULNERABLE WITH YOU.

#. synopsis! — how they show their trust .

#. characters! — jumin, zen (hyun), yoosung, saeyoung (707), saeran (ray), jihyun (v) .

#. warnings! — slight angst.

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — come join my discord server? it's newly opened with a fantasy bakery theme! we have emojis from genshin impact, honkai star rail, sanrio, overwatch, pokemon, mystic messenger, and more! a collection of funny stickers, channels to promote yourself, meet new friends, share your writing/art, + lots more! plus, our staff is very chill and friendly! we'd love to see you there! <;33

＃ JUMIN !! ♡

Jumin, who never really thought himself to be the romantic type, but loses himself so easily in his relationship with you that he’d do anything imaginable just to see you smile for him. This sophisticated, pressed-suit wearing, stone-faced man who just crumbles when it comes to you, —who once thought love was some sick ruse made to rope people in and keep them hostage to their feelings, suddenly realizing that this rush is marvelous, and he can’t quite clearly remember a time before his heart seemed to beat for you. This man who swore he’d never love someone enough to put aside everything else on his mind and just live in the moment who sheds that dry cleaned business attire at the end of every workday and lets himself come undone for you. His walls come down and he welcomes you inside, and for once, he’s not scared of what will happen when you see the parts of him that perhaps aren’t as pretty as others. He lets you see the beautiful mess he’s made of himself over the years, and it’s then that he begins to pick up all these tattered pieces, finally preparing to put himself back together again. And recognizing you’ll help him do so is the sweetest comfort he’s ever known.

＃ HYUN (ZEN) !! ♡

Hyun, who stops pretending to be perfect over time and lets you see him in all the stages of healing. This man who often shields himself from the world, hiding behind a mask of narcissistic confidence, who finally lets his imperfections seep through to the surface and breathes another sigh of relief every single time you stay in the aftermath. He lets you in on the insecurities that lap at his ankles much more often than he'd ever had liked to have admitted before. He lets you hold him when he shatters instead of pushing you away, —dulls all his rigid edges to feel your warmth surround him, as if lowering all his defenses for the very first time. The world can be a cruel place to those that have made mistakes, but Hyun feels like he's finally found someone who can look at him for more than just the pretty, well-kempt face he maintains for the public. There's no sense of shame he feels the need to drown in when you let him fall apart in your arms. There's no crushing feeling of disappointment or suffocating feeling of disdain. He's more human than he fears he's ever been when your thumbs wipe the tears from beneath his eyes and you whisper to him that everything will be okay.

＃ YOOSUNG !! ♡

Yoosung, who learns over time how to not let things fester until they’ve built up so much he can’t keep them in any longer. For all he is and might not ever be, he’s come to realize that it’s okay to express his emotions before they reach a boiling point. He comes to you at the onset of upsetedness, —allows himself to feel frustrated without stuffing it down and pretending the problem doesn’t exist until it explodes. He finds that it’s so much easier to be earnest when you never talk down to him or make him feel like he’s any less of a person in your eyes because of it. Sometimes he needs advice, and other times, he just needs someone to talk to. No matter the case, he seeks you out before anyone else, knowing that you care enough about him to value his thoughts and opinions without qualifiers or regulations. He holds grudges sometimes that aren’t good for his own sake, and being shut down when he tries to address them only adds fuel to the fire. Having someone who truly listens and tells him that it’s okay to feel the way he does goes such a long way, —perhaps longer than you’ll ever know.

＃ SAEYOUNG (707) !! ♡

Saeyoung, who lets himself be honest eventually, —who lets himself chip away and then lets you smooth him over. He’s done a lot of things he’s not proud of, and he doesn’t need anyone to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. Whether it was or wasn’t doesn’t matter as much as what he knows he has to do going forward, and the last thing he really wants is to be coddled out of pity. He just wants to be heard, no sympathy necessary, no fawning over the way he sheds the skin he used to wear when he felt like happiness was millions of miles away. He just wants to be listened to. To Saeyoung, it’s the ultimate show of trust to admit to all the things he regrets, let them spill out like word vomit and not have to worry about the consequences. He doesn’t need you to understand, and knows you likely can’t given the specifics of his life’s course thus far, but knowing that you’re keen on carrying the burden with him is such an insurmountable feeling of relief. Finally, someone knows every grimy little corner of his soul and they still love him, still hold him, still want him. . . There’s nothing quite like it.

＃ SAERAN (RAY) !! ♡

Saeran, who lets little things slip as time goes on, —stares a little longer when he passes twin popsicles in grocery stores because he knows you won’t ask why. As much as he likes to pretend that he can fix things by pretending they never hurt him in the first place, there are always scars that linger just below the surface, ready to burst at the first sight of mint-colored liquids or at the first sound of deceptively sweet voices offering commands from the shadows. He carries a lot around with him wherever he goes, and just loving him until the sun dies isn’t a cure-all. You can’t turn back time and shield him from all the things in his life that have left him feeling like a shattered stain glass window. All the love in the world can’t fix the past. But there’s nothing that means more to him than knowing he can lean on you, —even if he doesn’t always do it. There’s such a sweet comfort in knowing he can turn to you when he feels like he’s drowning. And if sometimes that manifests only in letting himself shed a few tears while he eats an ice cream cone outside next to you in the sunshine, then so be it.

＃ JIHYUN (V) !! ♡

Jihyun, who talks about it all a little at a time, —about the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful; because it wasn’t always bad. There were times before you came in which he’d been so in love that he’d have done anything to stay exactly where he was, to freeze those moments up and keep them in a capsule that could never be shaken. And it’s important for Jihyun to tell you about those things every now and again, to let you in and reminisce on the way he’d once been so sure of it all, so ready to settle down and stay exactly where he was. But it’s equally as important for him to bare the remnants of the betrayal for you to kiss, and hold, and make peace with. He likes to think you understand him better in the wake of it, —that you’ve seen him in a new light every time he sits with you and tells you of the loss, the desire, the yearning, and all the ways he wishes things could have been different for everyone. In the end, he’s here, and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

[astridthevalkyrie]

tell me why I can’t actually write anything for jumin and keep writing dumb little ficlets.

this takes place after seven’s route but seven x mc never happened :) just based off one of the spaceship thoughts where jumin says that three hours of sleep is enough

Jumin’s eyes are bloodshot when he answers the door. It makes you gasp silently, and you take two seconds to take in his appearance and he yours before your hand is on his cheek.

“Are you okay?”

He flinches—you immediately retract your hand. But the hard gaze in his eye melts when he seems to fully recognize you. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d visit.” Holding up a bag with a container of soup, you offer it to him. “I know you have a chef to make you something much more nutritional and delicious, but just in case you needed a…a pick me up, I thought I’d…I just wanted to…”

You swallow, feeling yourself giving up. This is stupid. Why are you here? The security guards recognized you well enough now to let you up, but why did you think Jumin would want you here in the first place?

You’re about to leave when he reaches out and takes the bag, fingers briefly grazing yours and sending the exact same jolt through you as they did the first time he shook your hand. “Thank you,” he speaks softly, without even looking at the contents. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a…pick me up. Would you like to come inside?”

Graciously, you accept. Once you step in, you smile at Elizabeth, who regards you curiously but seems to remember you when you kneel down and stroke her head gently with two fingers. Behind you, you hear Jumin place the bag on the kitchen counter.

The penthouse, though clean as always, feels more disorganized than normal, like it’s still waiting for someone to come and live in it. You wonder, how much living has Jumin really been doing since V’s death?

“Can I get you something?” comes his voice, more hoarse than you’re used to, as though it hasn’t gotten any rest at all. Which is no surprise, given the state he’s in, bloodshot eyes and dark eyebags.

“I’m fine, thank you.” You stand up, making your way over to him. Jumin has started to rummage in his cupboard, likely looking for something to serve anyways. “Jumin.”

“Hm?”

“Jumin, I mean it, I’m not hungry.”

“Let me call the chef. He can make something light—“

“No.”

When he turns, you’re right behind him, albeit with a step to give him his space. “Jumin, when is the last time you slept?” Before he can answer you add. “Slept properly.”

Averting his eyes, Jumin seems to focus on some part of the floor. “The RFA has lost its leader. Saeyoung and his brother need security, so do you. And C&R is losing stock because of my father’s recent divorce.” You tilt down, meeting his gaze with your own set ones, demanding an answer. Jumin sighs, closing his eyes for a second.

“Three hours is more than enough for me every night.”

“Three hours!?” you cry, taking his hand in your own. “Jumin, you need to sleep!”

“I can’t,” he seethes, not angrily but determined. “There’s too many things to—“

You move without meaning to, sliding your arms around him and burying your face in his neck. There’s only so much you can stand to, and seeing him work like this, day and night, it hurts you too. You’ll never, ever regret helping Saeyoung when he needed you, but you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t neglect your friendship with Jumin.

His hands hover in the air for a second, but eventually land on your back. “I…am sorry to make you worry. There’s simply too much to do.”

“It can wait. I promise you it can wait.” Both your heads adjust on their own, his to tuck you under his chin properly, yours to breathe in his wonderfully comforting scent. Despite his obvious protests, his body melts into yours, like all he needed to completely relax was someone to just hold him. “Please at least sleep. I can call the chef for you once you wake up or I can even make something myself, but please just—“

“You’ll stay?” Jumin asks weakly, hopefully.

The sound you hear might just be your own heart breaking in two.

“Of course I’ll stay.” With one hand on his chest, you hear his heartbeat, a bit faster than your expected, but reassuring. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

“I do.”

“Then I’ll stay here as long as you need.” You’re still wrapped up in his arms, and selfishly, you don’t want to let go. You remind yourself you’re here for him, and not to flirt or to seek the comfort that only he provides. It’s time to do Jumin a favor for a change. “Don’t worry about Saeyoung and Saeran, and don’t worry about C&R. Nothing will happen if you sleep for a bit. And don’t worry about me either.”

Visibly, you see him swallow. “I…always worry about you.”

“There’s no need to when I’m right here, right?” Never mind that his concern for you makes your heart skip a beat. “You know that I’m safest here in the penthouse with you. So it’s okay. Don’t worry about me, I’m safe.”

Then, your body moves on its own again, and you kiss his forehead. Jumin’s eyes flutter close. Softly, he nods.

After doing a quick mental victory dance, you tug him by the cuffs of his shirt to the bedroom. Like you’re his girlfriend or wife nagging him.

No. No. None of that.

You sit on the opposite side of the bed, expecting him to simply lay down normally, but Jumin is gone. You can tell that the second he let himself relax even a bit, his tiredness him him all at once. Instead of slipping under the sheets, he collapses on the bed, resting his head on your lap.

Any protest you might have had that this wasn’t good for his neck is silenced the second he presses into your stomach, his breath evening out.

Okay, maybe this was fine. It’s not like you invited him to do it, you were just being a good friend. And if you began to stroke the soft strands of his hair between your fingers, then that was just being an extra good friend. He seems to like it, a low purr coming from his throat.

You bite back a smile. It seems he and Elizabeth share more similarities than some would think.

Finally, Jumin looks peaceful. Somewhat blissfully, you tuck a tuft of his hair behind his ear and sit back, guarding over the man as sleep totally, completely takes him.

[natasha-in-space]

Alright, I'm gonna babble a bit on my thoughts and observations with the magnificent CG's we got for the Choi boys' birthday this year 'round! And, boy, what beautiful CG's they are. I acknowledge that some had problems with them, but I honestly couldn't be happier. Both of them made me feel giddy for two days in a row! The artist did a fantastic job, and it's a treat to still get some new content from Cheritz. Now, let's start with Saeyoung!

God, do I adore the soft, domestic feel of this one. It's peaceful, intimate, and tender in a way that sharing a special moment with the one you love is. I am a sucker for simple domestic moments of romance, so even I admittedly swooned at this one!

Since it's dark outside, we have two options. It's either a small private celebration between you two after he spent the day with his brother and RFA, or you're congratulating him as soon as the clock strikes midnight. I find both options equally sweet and fitting! Either way, you are sharing a small private moment with him, with just you two for a small while. I believe he would be deeply grateful for that.

It looks like he's gotten himself a place out in the city! Isn't that a lovely thing to see? I do think he'll keep his bunker, whether it's for potential emergencies or just for safekeeping, but I always loved the idea of Saeyoung creating a new home for himself, however that may look like. It is logical for his new apartment to have large windows that are high enough to see the night sky. It's very much Saeyoung. And it's very much Saeran, too! During the day, Saeran enjoys the warm sunlight and vast clouds, while Saeyoung enjoys looking at the stars and teaching you about space at night.

He made sure his new home had windows because his bunker didn't have any. A reminder of his new freedom to live out a peaceful life with his family without needing to look over his shoulder at every step.

We have some gifts laid out in the background! The interpretation of whether this is from you, Saeran, or RFA is up to you. I like the latter option. It does make you think what kind of gifts would everyone prepare for him! Lots of funny and/or sweet ideas to think about.

There are also lots of frames hung up on the wall and laid out on the shelves. It made me giggle. Because of course, Saeyoung would litter his home with photos of you once he gets the freedom to do so. It's even a bit excessive, but how can you complain? This man was terrified of having evidence of his own existence out in the world for years. Not to mention that he was not allowed to have any reminders of the people he loved, as he was afraid of their safety.

Of course, he will make sure to surround himself with reminders of a brighter future now that he can. Selfies with you, photos of Saeran reading a book or cooking, and outings with the RFA. All such precious moments he doesn't want to take for granted.

As many have already pointed out, the cake is from Saeran! Ain't that sweet? The first time I noticed it, I glowed with joy because I adore the idea of Saeran making something by hand for his older brother. Saeyoung was always the giver and protector in their relationship, back when they were kids... Now, they can start over with more balance. And Saeran can also take care of his brother. I can't help but think of him spending hours in the kitchen, making sure everything is perfect, and that's just... so damn heartwarming. I love these two and their love for each other. They deserve to be together without fear.

@marshmallowprotection went over the details of the cake very thoroughly in her post, so I won't go over it personally, but, oh my God, of course Saeran would put in small meaningful details into his cake. It's so much like him. From the flowers to cherries and whatever that is written in that envelope. I am certain that Saeyoung will likely shed tears upon reading it. Heck, Saeran can just scribble out a big 'Happy birthday Hyung :)' on there, and it'll make him cry just as much.

Saeyoung is unfamiliar with being taken care of or appreciated. It will take him some time to stop getting emotional over the smallest things when it comes to his family.

Speaking about the CG as a whole, I love how relaxed and tender he looks. It's nothing fancy, just a black shirt and jeans. That's what makes it so soft and domestic for me. It's just you and Saeyoung. In your home. Being together and cherishing each other. And that's better than any grand display.

We get to see more of Saeyoung's arms!!! I always love when they splice up some things that are very much true to canon. While it doesn't make any sense at all to make Yoosung or Saeran muscular jocks, it's very much in line with Saeyoung. It's easy for those arms to lift you up and hold you tight! I also actually like that he's visibly broad in here. I know it's not everyone's interpretation, but it makes him actually look, y'know, older. Even though he'll be 21 forever, it's pleasant to imagine him in his late twenties or early thirties. I know most of my guy friends got very broad in the shoulders once they hit their middle twenties lmao

I also very like MC's dress. It's super cute and comfortable. And that watch on Saeyoung's wrist? Another nice touch. I don't know why, but I always pictured him into watches lol. Mostly because he seems to have a soft spot for anything technical. It's easy to see him being fascinated by the inner workings of different watch models. He's such a nerd (affectionate)

Look at that giddy smile! He's such a cutie. Love to see him be all happy like that. Also his hair is once again super red. I'm telling you, it changes color depending on his mood. It's my biggest theory in whole MM storyline/j

AND NOW ONTO THE MAN HIMSELF, THE ONE I'VE BEEN BENDING MY KNEE FOR EVER SINCE I SAW HIM, THE ONE I IMPLODED MY DM'S OVER-

Ahem

Yes. We got an actual official Unknown/MC CG. The fandom exploded. I know I saw it, I know you saw it, we all saw it. Unknown took the fandom by storm, and he knows it. Look at that smirk. I even saw quite a few old MM artists thinking of coming back just because of him lmao

That's the power this man holds.

Alright, my incessant ramblings aside, this CG looks absolutely ethereal. And it's pretty much intentional. Goes in line with Unknown's aesthetic, too. I know we all love to lovingly call him the king of edge that he is, but from what we see of him? He'll probably put you in something similar. He is your guardian angel, after all. The one who will lead you to a true paradise you couldn't even hope to reach by yourself. He is your loving shepherd, and you are his precious lamb.

The placement of Unknown in such a graceful environment makes sense.

So, Unknown's cake has strawberries AND blueberries on it. No wonder many people instantly remembered the birthday CG from two years ago! It's a nice and interesting comeback. Once again, redirecting you to @marshmallowprotection analysis post for the in-depth on it, because she lays it out beautifully! I'll just say that it's intriguing to note that besides strawberries, blueberries appear to be another confirmed favorite of Saeran's. I know I love my blueberries.

Here's to hoping that this is a fake cake, because if I see food drowning like that, I would riot, no matter how beautiful and enticing Unknown may look 😔 You're eating that cake, mister! You are not wasting it for a pretty aesthetic!! It also begs the question who made the cake in the first place, and Kait puts out a very interesting thought that this is, in fact, a photoshoot. It's also comforting to think that MC was behind it. Just because I'm a sucker for the idea of Unknown getting spoiled for once in his lifetime. He also seemed to be rather yearning in his birthday chats that you can purchase, so it's a sweet thought for me.

MC is absolutely gorgeous here. I have zero complaints. Unknown is one lucky man, and he knows it. Her skin is perfectly complimented by that shade of pink, and she looks like a nymph or something. I also love how flowy the dress is. You can just tell how soft that fabric is to the touch, and I am on my knees both for this MC and the artist for all their hard work. Also!!! MC has an actual eye visible for once! Always a nice and rare surprise.

The dress is pretty revealing, too, and I couldn't stop giggling once I actually noticed that. What can I say? Unknown knows his tastes, and I sure respect him for that. As I said in another post, her lap is definitely not the only thing he lays his head on, and I am, frankly, jealous of him.

All that to say.... guys. MC is just a stand-in. She doesn't look like 90% of the player base. Heck, I look nothing like this MC! Please don't be discouraged just by how she appears in certain CG's! There are plenty of guys, queer folks and women who look nothing like her, who love and adore Saeran as a character. And you know what? All of you would be loved and appreciated by Saeran. Whatever weight, whatever gender, whatever skin color you are. Your own unique appearance will make you just as ethereal next to him. Because it's you.

Saeran has the same love for you as you have for him. Unknown included!

Now onto the man himself..... God.... how gorgeous he is...... I know I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again when I saw him, pfft-

Who is Unknown without his belts and chokers? Once again, Unknown knows what he likes, and I respect the hell out of it. You go king!

Need I say that they gave him freaking EARRINGS???? I know I wouldn't be freaking out about that as much, if it wasn't a fan thing for years. And now he gets the earrings we all knew he deserves in canon. Life could be a dream.

He also has a cross. Which is a rather... interesting choice. Once again, @marshmallowprotection goes over it in detail in her post. Another fun personal interpretation I had (bc I love giving a darker vibe to things) is that perhaps this image is taken after Saeyoung got captured by Mint Eye. Unknown takes and wears his brother's cross as a mockery of his brother's faith and as a declaration of his triumph. I must say, though, that's, like.... 99% not what is intended here, and just my personal fun musings.

I also find it both hot and hilarious that Unknown has his shirt open like that. He saw his brother's CG and went: 'oh hell no, I can do better'. He's so extra, and I adore him. I also don't think he's muscular here???? He's not depicted as broad or buff. I think people just misinterpret the art style a bit. He doesn't really have any prominent muscle here, and it looks significantly different to Saeyoung's CG. I think the artist just either didn't have much time to flesh it out (an issue Kait goes in detail over), or they had trouble with depicting what they wanted to depict. Or I'm just talking out of my ass here, and they really did make him jacked, but my eyes will continue to willfully choose to not see that 😔

All that to say, I definitely went feral over this guy showing so much skin, and the desire to BITE is strong with this one.

He'll be on my mind first the rest of the year. What an absolute treat.

It's so much like Unknown to be all snazzy and cordial with you. I love how they showcased his mannerisms here. It's irrelevant whether you interpret it as cunning or genuinely affectionate here. That smirk is very much Unknown, and we all know it. I wanna smooch his cheeks so bad. Kait also went over the flower analysis in her post, so I highly advice you to check it out!!

In summary, I couldn't be happier with what we got this year. This is everything I ever wanted and more. Will be definitely writing individual pieces for these, because how can I not?

[brighteststar707]

Turn It All Back

Part Three of Don't Say My Name

Part 1 | Part 2 | Masterlist | Read on AO3 (Registered users only)

✦ Saeyoung x gn!Reader

✦ Words: 3407

✦ TW: Death mention, destructive anger

“And… what brought you here?” As if he doesn’t know. He can read it off your face. You were there with him at the funeral, were the one to give him the news. You have been watching him with those same eyes since the day he woke up.   “I’m worried about you.”   The real question is how much do you know? What do you see when you look into his eyes? He can’t bear to look at you and find out.

Saeyoung sits at his desk and absentmindedly watches the screens in front of him. One of the monitors is broken, a web of cracks and multicoloured pixels is all that’s left on the screen. He can’t remember the outburst that caused it, only the sick feeling he got when he realised what he had done. He pretends it’s not broken, though, and keeps flitting his eyes from screen to screen, as if he's anticipating a mission that is never coming.  

This has been an increasingly common occurrence over the past few days as the anger inside him has swelled up, taken up all the remaining space in his body, leaving room for little else. It has resulted in small, isolated outbursts like the one that caused him to break the screen. Manifestations of momentary frustration that he cannot contain.

He feels like a time bomb about to go off, the pressure between his ribs threatening to break him at any moment. The funeral was the last straw. When he is not at the hospital, mask all the way up, putting his only real energy into trying to help Saeran, he loses hours to sitting motionlessly, holding himself tense so he doesn’t do something stupid. In the waiting room seats, in the car, at his desk. Even at the funeral.

He has caught himself fantasising about revenge lately. It is temptingly easy. He'd go quiet for a few days, abduct Rika before she can be sent anywhere out of reach. He would finally be able to ask her all the questions that had been raging in him for so long. He'd deliver justice. Then, he'd finally be free. Or so he tries to believe.

With everyone at fault gone or out of reach, he is the only one his anger has left to hurt. This is the closest thing to catharsis he can picture.

He had seen her at the funeral today. Intentional or otherwise, there was always someone standing between them, keeping them a safe distance apart. He wonders if it was your doing, or perhaps Jumin had been more attentive than Saeyoung had given him credit for. She had been staring at V's picture, oblivious to everyone around her. In a world of her own grief.

It doesn’t take long before his fantasies are interrupted by the more rational side of him that knows that revenge in this form really won’t make things any better. Even if she spoke to him, he doubts anything she would say could make any difference. Killing her would just put more blood on his hands, make him feel more like a monster than he already does.

The robotic voice of his security system suddenly announces a visitor, pulling him from his train of thought. He doesn't care enough to get up. Whoever managed to get through the front gate will just have to come find him themselves if they really want to. It's probably Vanderwood anyway, here to pick up something he forgot.

He was not expecting your voice to ring through the house.

“Saeyoung?”

He straightens up suddenly, wincing when he jostles his arm the wrong way. He scrabbles for the alarm remote to turn it off. Gingerly, he gets up from his chair and rolls out his shoulders, as if it’s going to do anything to ease the tension there. He is equal parts thrilled to see you and anxious to keep you away from him as much as possible.

“I’m here,” he says as he comes out into the living room. It’s a mess. Besides going without Vanderwood’s regular cleanings (Saeyoung does not have the presence of mind to attempt it himself yet), there is more proof of his declining mental state here too. A broken figurine, the robo-dog looking worse for wear after getting in his way. Old takeout containers sitting by the front door. He hopes you won’t see any more of these traces through the house before he can set them right.

You’re already there, waiting for him in the middle of the room. There is a strange dissonance in seeing you here under the fluorescents. He has come to associate you with warmth and comfort, starry skies and sun coming in through the windows. The real, the beautiful. There is nothing in this house that is real (not in the way that it relates to him), much less beautiful.

You take him in slowly. For the first time, he feels self-conscious of how poorly he has been taking care of himself. His clothes are crumpled (he hasn’t gotten changed since getting back from the funeral), his hair is a mess. He knows he has dark circles and he can’t remember the last real meal he ate. Belatedly, he notices he is still holding the remote.

“How did you get in?” He asks to try and deflect your attention away from him.   

“Vanderwood lent me their dictionary. Turns out my Arabic isn’t too bad.” 

He assumes that Vanderwood also gave you the address. Traitor.  

“And… what brought you here?” As if he doesn’t know. He can read it off your face. You were there with him at the funeral, were the one to give him the news. You have been watching him with those same eyes since the day he woke up.  

“I’m worried about you.”  

The real question is how much do you know? What do you see when you look into his eyes? He can’t bear to look at you and find out. He does what he knows best instead.  

“Oh, this?” He gestures vaguely to himself and the space around them, “It’s better than it looks, I promise. It’s just with Saeran… ah… you know how I get.” 

“Saeyoung.” 

“Please,” and now his voice is pleading. More desperate than he wanted it to sound. Please let it go, he thinks, I can’t talk about it or I’ll shatter. “I’m fine.” 

“Fine?” You echo. His pupils are big and dark, all but swallowing up his irises. He looks possessed. “I thought we promised that we’d tell each other the truth.” 

The memory hurts. It’s bright, coloured in a happiness that seems almost unreachable to him now. He will be the first to admit that he has fallen into old habits, keeping you just out of reach for your own safety. And he hates it. Now that he has grown used to the comfort you bring, he hates to be apart from you. It’s just that lately he has been afraid of exploding and hurting everyone around him. His roughest edges are out on show, and he is barely keeping them contained. He'd rather he be the only person he hurts.

So, he deflects again.

“You… don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”  

“Bullshit.” 

He looks surprised. You’ve never spoken to him this way before. But this isn’t the time for delicate approaches. He will take any out you give him. 

You know full well that the funeral was the last drop in the bucket that was on the brink of overflowing. You had caught the sharpness to his words, the way he kept his hands clenched into fists to keep them from shaking earlier today. And that terrible stillness. That’s the biggest tell. As if someone has robbed him of his essence and left behind an eerie impostor.

Opposite you, his demeanour has shifted. He has squared off his shoulders as if he is preparing for an attack. “Fine. I don’t want you to know. It’s… ugly,” he says.

“That excuse has never worked on me before. I want to know what you’re feeling and thinking, regardless of how bad it is. How am I supposed to support you if you won’t let me in?” 

He doesn’t say anything, just watches you stubbornly.  

More softly, you add, “you know I’m not going to think less of you for what you’re thinking, right?” 

In theory, he does. He has come to trust you completely. It’s still hard to believe in practice, though. Being in his own head so much lately has made it hard to imagine that you wouldn’t be disappointed in him, or worse, repulsed by what he has become. He doesn’t know what will become of him if he ever lets go of his building anger completely.

God, does he wants to, though. There is a part of him that wants to put himself in your hands and trust that you’ll know how to help him. It’s almost a relief that you were stubborn enough to come and find him yourself . He loves and hates that you would chase him down just to break down his walls, over and over again. 

He knows just by looking at you that you’re not going to give up. And in that moment, he has to trust that you are as strong as you have proven to be so far. That you will catch him if he crumbles.

“What… do you want to know?” He finally says. His posture relaxes slightly, his eyes not empty but fearful, as if even he doesn’t know what is coming next.  

“What are you thinking?” 

“I… I don’t –” It dies in his throat. It’s nothing coherent. A hot, restless fury, fantasies of blood and revenge and the inescapable reality of the damage that has been inflicted. 

“Okay, then let’s talk about Saeran instead. How is his treatment going?”  

He deflates a little bit. You know him too well. The details of Saeran’s care are imprinted on his brain, and they start to tumble out of his mouth without needing any more prompting.  

"It's not. He is resisting treatment; the doctors don't know what to do with him. He won't talk to me and he- " his breath catches when he thinks about how broken he looked the last time he saw him. Not just physically, but mentally too. The emptiness in his eyes as he watches the clouds passing by his window. “The doctors say that his condition indicates years of drug use.” He grits his teeth. “Years.”  

The anger that had temporarily subsided in your presence flares up again. It fills his lungs and burns his throat as the memories come all at once. That list of chemicals, the blue substance they discovered after raiding the Mint Eye compound. The side effects, the withdrawal symptoms. The testimonies of former cult members coming out every day – the ceremonies and the punishments. His brother’s eyes, icy mint where they were once warm amber.  

He instinctively wants to put it out, change the subject before he can’t breathe anymore and his heart starts to hammer too hard. At the back of his throat, it all builds up, begging to be let out. It's too much.

You’re looking at him encouragingly, urging him to push through it. So, he lets the spark catch. The more painful realisations start to come out, and these hurt more to say.

“They forced that stuff on him for years and put him through hell. They lied to me, sent me those pictures to keep me quiet while they abused him! It was never supposed to be this way!”

His voice is already getting louder, but you don’t flinch, so he doesn’t try to stop it. He hasn’t said any of this out loud yet, and in a way, this feels more like a way for him to untangle the mess in his mind than it is to answer your question. You let him talk regardless.

 “V spoke to me almost every day and he never told me how bad things were! He told me to defend the RFA against the hacker! He knew who I was fighting and did it anyway! How DARE he!” Every time he says V’s name, it’s with venom.  "I might have made things worse for Saeran by just-" His voice gives out before he can finish.

He doesn't fight against the memories that resurface.

Saeran’s skills at hacking, the years it must have taken, the toll it took on his health. That keyboard at the compound, the letters on the keys long since rubbed away from use.  The list of injuries he sustained, old scars and new bruises, the chronic malnutrition and lack of sleep, and – somehow the most offensive – the extensive scarring around his wrists and ankles from being physically restrained.

Blood is pounding in his ears. He wants to scream, to sob for every second Saeran had to endure in that place. It is impossible to think clearly when all he can hear is his heart racing and all he can see when he closes his eyes is the pain and regret in V’s eyes when they were back in that cell. It wasn’t enough, and it is all he will ever get. 

“This was supposed to be the beginning. We were supposed to be free. But how am I supposed to live with his fingerprints on everything in our lives? I go into Saeran’s hospital room every single day and he threatens to kill me. How am I supposed to move on?” He says that last part mockingly, echoing what one of his doctors had told him before he was discharged. “He let Saeran be tortured! Who gave him the right to meddle in our lives? We were kids!”

In that moment, his fury feels inescapable. Embedded in his flesh, impossible to separate from himself without turning into a bloodied wreck.

“You asked me what I have been thinking recently? I wish I was the one to kill him. I wish I could have ruined him exactly how he ruined us. I wish I could show him what any father of mine truly deserves.”

It’s all too much, it needs to get out out out before it chokes him.

He hears the plastic of the remote cracking against the floor and then feels it under his heel as he grinds it into the tiles. It takes a second for his mind to catch up.

He looks back to you suddenly, expecting the worst, shame already clawing at his insides. He is already looking for any trace of disgust on your face, or worse, fear. But you only look mildly surprised.

“Saeyoung, you’re crying.”

He touches a hand to his cheek to find that it’s wet. How long has he been crying for? He isn’t sure. You reach out to cup his cheek. The tenderness in your eyes makes him feel brittle, on the brink of shattering.

He takes a ragged breath and then says, “That boy… in the pictures… that was who Saeran was supposed to be. Happy, in the sun. Carefree. Now, he might never -” he doesn't want to finish that thought. Shakily, he continues, "I was the one supposed to suffer for us. He should never have known this kind of life even existed."

You intervene, meaning to stop him before he can follow that line of thinking further. You clasp his hand in yours, try to straighten out his fingers, warm them up in your own (they're uncharacteristically cold).

"The responsibility of saving yourself and your brother should not have fallen solely on you. They should have protected you too," you continue.

He goes cold. Your statement tugs at something in him. A feeling so old it is etched into his bones, remembering it sends a dull ache through his body. It’s more instinctive than a clear memory he can define.

When he was young, there must have been a moment where he had wished that he didn’t have to hurt so much to keep Saeran safe. But that thought might as well have been sacrilege. He quickly repressed it, put it somewhere far out of reach, and grew around it.

But the way you've put it, so matter-of-factly, without any space for doubt, has unearthed that feeling, brought it back with a renewed strength, made it impossible to ignore.

His anger so far has felt overwhelming, too complicated to handle. This anger is simple. Childlike, almost.

He is Luciel, naming himself after the devil, and nobody intervenes. He is told that he has to do work - commit crimes - to earn money (he would only learn of V's personal riches later on in life and never connect the dots). He brings down international servers at the age of fourteen, because he'd rather be a criminal than watch his brother go hungry again. Nobody intervenes.

He is Agent 707, aged sixteen, fresh out of agency training, body aching and mind wiped blank. He is breaking codes he didn't know he had until it was too late, crossing lines that he never had the luxury of setting. Killing someone for the first time, taking on assignments without knowing who he is serving. Begging V and Rika, the only people he trusts in the world, for any indication that he is doing this for something greater than  himself, because the concept of himself as a person is fading further every day.  

He had always taken these struggles as a necessity, the sacrifices he has to make to keep his brother safe. He trusted V and Rika to guide him in the right direction, to know better than he did. They told him the agency was his best option, so he took it without question.

It’s only in hindsight that he realises just how much of himself he lost to that decision.

It’s in the knowledge that, despite being unconscious at the time, he can picture exactly how Saeran felt on that fateful day at Mint Eye. The cold metal, clasped in his hands. The shot, the recoil, the ringing in his ears. That momentary sense of relief, because he had bought himself more time, immediately followed by the sick seeping sense of guilt at what he’d done. He has been there many times himself. It is a feeling he’d do anything to take off of Saeran’s hands.

Again, more muted this time, he feels that surge of anger through his body, wishing he could pull V out of hell now and squeeze the life out of him himself and save Saeran that pain, at least.

There is a child in him, begging to be heard, wondering if he really was deserving of better. For the first time, he listens.

He inhales sharply through his teeth. "If I believe that then..."

"Then everything else falls apart," you finish.

If, he said. But it has already taken a hold in his head. The belated frustration he is feeling on his own behalf, the way his past memories are being tainted. And, yes, it all falls apart.

His voice is fragile, the question devastating in its simplicity. “Why? What did we do?”

The fight has left him. The anger has forced its way out and has left him raw and tired. With no defensive buffer, there is only the pain left to feel. You reach for his other hand and guide him to the sofa with you. He sinks into it warily and melts at your touch.

You give his hands a squeeze. “You didn’t deserve it.”       

“There’s so much… where do I put it all? I can’t get away from it… I can’t let it go. It’s ruining me.”

“I don't know. There isn't an easy way out. But allowing yourself to feel the things you're feeling is better than the alternative. You can’t hurt yourself forever. I won’t let you.”

He lets that sink in. You wrap your arms around him and he allows himself to feel small for a moment. He can feel the breath you take before you speak again.

“You know I’m always here to catch you, right?” 

And for the first time, he does completely.

You comb your fingers through his hair. He takes a breath, then another. Each one hurts, but it feels good to focus his energy on one action.

You both know that this isn’t the end. That this isn’t the last time this conversation will have to happen, but he feels a certain relief in knowing that he made it through this one. That you will be here to hold him through the next one and the one after that. Maybe it won’t kill him and maybe he doesn’t have to become a monster consumed by it.

He can only hang on for a day when he isn’t ruined by everything he has lost and suffered.