#that might be the best horror film i've seen this year

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

My Favorite New-To-Me Movies of 2023

Women Talking

This movie won the Oscar of Best Adapted Screenplay and deservedly so...it's scenes are so tightly written and delivered so beautifully by the incredible cast of actresses, that it held my attention for the entire runtime. Every performance was fantastic, and I wish at least one of them had received recognition from the Academy...personally my vote would have been for Claire Foy, but any one of them could have walked away with a nomination.

Pearl

This was such an interesting horror flick...the saturated color palette, the extreme bursts of violence and of course, the magnificent performance by Mia Goth. She was absolutely fascinating to watch...the character of Pearl is so desperate to leave her home and to become a star that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

While I consider this to be one of the best movies I've seen this year...it's not necessarily one I'd ever want to watch again. At least not in the near future...because this movie is bleak. During the Great Depression, a group of people sign up for a dance marathon with the hope of winning the prize money. All the characters are so compelling and interesting to watch. Absolutely recommend watching it, especially for Jane Fonda's outstanding performance...but you might finish the movie a bit depressed.

Deathtrap

Man, this movie is fun. It's the kind of movie that I can't say too much about, because the plot is so full of twists...but the basic idea is: A famous playwright, coming off a string of flops, learns that his former student has written a surefire hit play, and he conspires to murder his student and take the play as his own. And you have Christopher Reeve wearing some fantastic sweaters.

Sweet Smell of Success

This movie is so good, I don't even know where to start. The performances, the writing, the cinematography...it's such a perfect example of a noir film (especially one that doesn't focus on a murder or a detective). I wasn't sure what to expect when I started, but from the moment I pressed play, I was completely engrossed.

The Last of Sheila

I really caught up on my murder mysteries this year...and The Last of Sheila is a really great one. Another movie that I can't say too much about because of it's twisty plot...but I will say you can definitely see how it influenced Rian Johnson for his Knives Out films. Also, this was co-written by Anthony Perkins and Stephen Sondheim!

Catch-22

I blind bought this one after Alan Arkin's death...I had never seen it, but thought it seemed like a fun enough film to take the gamble on. And boy, was I right! While I can see why some critics didn't love it back then, this movie is so wonderfully bonkers, I can't help but love it! The witty dialogue, clever shot composition and excellent performances by a massive cast make this movie a real treat!

Home Before Dark

This was a very random find for me...I actually just came across it on TV when it was starting and decided to stick with it (just like the olden days, get off my lawn). And while the movie itself isn't perfect, I was completely drawn in by Jean Simmons' performance. Her character has just returned home from a stay at an asylum, and while she tries to reacclimate to life at home, we start to see her lose it again...but we aren't sure if she is actually being pushed towards that breakdown intentionally. It has a few shades of the movie Gaslight, for sure.

The Collector

This may have been my favorite new-to-me movie of the year! It is such an intense and uncomfortable film, with amazing performances by the two lead actors and an ending that I did not see coming. Given the story and the setting, I could almost see this easily being turned into a stage play...I'd love to see a theater try and capture the claustrophobic feeling you get when Miranda is trapped in that cellar.

A few honorable mentions are: All Quiet on the Western Front (2022), The Thin Man, Sound of Metal, Persona and Somewhere in Time (this one mostly for the melodrama, lol)

Here's to more movies in 2024!

[diableasura]

Now that i've watched every one piece movie that isn't a retelling of an anime arc or straw hat chase i'm gonna go ahead and indulge in the very human tendency of ranking them in order from best to worst (SPOILERS!!!!):

One Piece: Strong World. Maybe it's because this was the first movie i watched and my first experience with one piece in animation but strong world has remained my favorite since day one (though the second place is very very close i must say). The straw hats are all great and have their little moment to shine the plot is solid and they do a great job with nami, out of the four straw hats with a movie more focused on them she's by far the one that gets the best treatment. Strong world is in the perfect position of being a pre time skip movie, so it's not dragged down by the expanding cast of post time skip, but also since it was the tenth anniversary movie they put in more effort than with the previous movies and it shows. Also sanjis cowboy outfit instantly makes it top tier.

One Piece: Film Gold. I'm... kind of obsessed with this movie?? Seeing the straw hats in a heist really scratched an itch i didn't know i had but my god does it feel good. The designs really excelled here the crew looks gorgeous throughout the entire movie and tesoro's island is so interesting and fits very well in the one piece world. Tesoro is also my favorite villain of any movie, i've seen people say he's the perfect blend between crocodile and doffy and that's so true lmao. Loved having zoro as the damsell in distress, inject that shit straight into my veins i love it when the strong character is the one in need of rescue. Everyone was very cool during the heist but i remember really enjoying franky and luffy's dynamic cause lbr we're kinda starved of it in the manga so it was nice to see them interact so much here. Overall amazing movie and the only one i've rewatched out of all of them.

Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island. This movie has become a cult classic amongst the fandom and with good reason. It breaks away from the loud spectacle of the other movies and is quieter and more unsettling and so far the only example of actual psychological horror in the lore. I've talked about this before but that final scene with the straw hats cheering luffy on even while they're being consumed by the baron and luffy struggling to the brink of death to save them changed me... I love seeing this family love each other so much!!

Clockwork Island Adventure. I know, I know what's the second movie doing so high up... but it was just so good!! It's very short but that's just a benefit to the plot and i love the gimmick of each straw hat being captured one by one till it's just luffy remaining and the one who has to free them (can you tell i love the movies where the straw hats are kidnapped and the others have to rescue them?? that's my drug). Sanji's fight in this movie kicks ass too, the animation is gorgeous.

One Piece: Film Red. This might seem like a sin, to have this movie so far down the list cause i've seen its pretty unanimously tied up with baron omatsuri as the best movie but to be honest i feel like that's just recency bias. The movie is still a spectacle and the songs slap and yes one of them was in the top 5 of my spotify wrapped this year lol. Uta is a good antagonist but i was never that hooked by her shared past with shanks and luffy, mainly because it's so aggressively impossible for it to be canon, it almost broke my suspension of disbelief. Zosan sleeping side by side was pleasing to my monkey brain and it almost made up for including st charlos in the movie seriously what the fuck was he doing there-

One piece: Stampede. The start of this movie is amazing cause they come up with the perfect competition to have all of these pirate crews on the same place but it quickly devolves into a "how many characters can we fit in" contest and the plot quickly turns into "lets all beat up the villain", which is fine! I did like seeing so many characters, at one point half way through the movie crocodile just appears out of nowhere lmao but hey i'm not complaining i love crocodile. Usopp is the straw hat who's focused on the most in the movie and i feel conflicted with what they did with him cause it just felt like they were making him go through his water 7 arc all over again by having his inferiority complex flaring up. And usopps arc was amazing in water 7 but reviving it for this movie felt a bit weird and repetitive. Despite this though i was very happy seeing him getting the focus, usopp is a painfully underrated character so having him on the spotlight is always welcome.

Dead End Adventure. This movie is a lot of fun. There's a bar fight, a secret pirate race and sanji being his sneaky self and helping out luffy during the final fight. Whats not to love?

One Piece: Film Z. Much like Stampede, i really enjoyed the start of this movie cause the monster trio get to briefly fight the big baddie together, but the plot kinda loses some steam for me after that. Also they tried to make the admirals sympathetic cause the villain is a retired admiral who was once their mentor but i really really really dont care about the marines at all so that was a bit awkward. The straw hats look stunning in this movie, i love that in the movies they give them a million different outfits and the ones from this one absolutely slayed.

Choppers Kingdom on the Island of Strange Animals. Another fun movie where all the straw hats get a moment be cool. There's a kid on this island who i found completely insufferable but i can forgive this movie cause this is also where zosan have that famous scene where they praise the other to their defeated oponent, which made my monkey brain happy.

One Piece: The Movie. This movie's biggest misstep is that sanji isn't in it, but even with this critical flaw it was still quite enjoyable. Zoro is very funny on his own but add luffy into the mix and their dynamic was hilarious. Usopp as always was great. The villain is small potatoes tbh but not really the important part of the movie, which focuses more on the relationship between the kid they meet and his gramps. The final message was surprisingly very sweet. Also sanji appears briefly in the end credits to appease me.

Giant Mechanical Soldier of Karakuri Castle. This movie is a-okay. The villains are a complete joke and it takes the crew less than five minutes to deal with them. The crew dynamics carry all of my enjoyment with this one.

The Cursed Holy Sword. Yeah... this movie commited the unforgivable sin of having zoro as the main focus and yet managing to do absolutely nothing interesting with him. Even if they did shamelessly create kuina 2.0 with saga, they could've delved into how zoro would react when two different duties (his promise to saga and his position as the crew swordsman) clash against each other... but instead we see no conflict with zoro, even though we all know this situation would be conflicting for him. They just make him scowl throughout the whole runtime and thats just not who Zoro is... Luffy and usopp are a lot of fun though.

TL; DR my ranking is:

Strong World

Gold

Baron Omatsuri

Clockword Island

Red

Stampede

Dead End

Z

Choppers Kingdom

One Piece: The Movie

Karakuri Castle

Cursed Holy Sword

Conclusion: the one piece brainrot is no joke.

[wanderingnork]

wanderingnork's Top Ten Horror Movies

At the time of this posting, I've seen 197 horror movies (that I can remember), ranging from The Haunted Hotel in 1907 to Five Nights at Freddy's in 2023. I've watched horror movies filmed on every continent except Antarctica, and I've seen a couple horror movies that were at least set there. Out of all of those, I'm finally choosing my ten favorite movies. Subjective, of course; you might think differently.

It's a tough list to make. I could list SO MANY movies as favorites for many reasons. For effects, for monsters, for acting, for music! In the end, though, I decided to go with the movies that I remember best, moved me most deeply, or call me back again and again. So, in ascending order: here's the list.

10. Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum A brilliant piece of found footage that has me climbing up the walls every time. The use of various camera angles allows us to get up close and personal with terror in a very intimate way. At one point, we the viewers are literally face to face with a monster as if we're the one holding the camera. With some big twists, it's fun to follow. And, while it's heavy on the jumpscares, the timing of them and the relentlessness of the escalation makes them incredibly effective. When I'm really in the mood for a SCARE, this is the one I go to.

9. It Follows One of the prettiest horror movies I've ever seen, It Follows creates a liminal and uncertain atmosphere like nothing else. What season is it? What year is it? How old are the protagonists? We just don't know. It's not the most original plot, but it's so breathtakingly lovely that doesn't matter. The colors are vibrant, the textures are wide and varied, the props are unique and beautiful. Composition of shots is incredible, I swear every other frame could be a poster or framed image on its own. It also encourages personal interpretation. What's the monster? The looming specter of adulthood? An STD? Childhood trauma revisited? It's up to the viewer to decide. I love that.

8. Carnival of Souls This one's beautiful in a different way. In black and white, it incorporates unexpected landscapes and angles to create a surreal, dreamlike atmosphere throughout. The background music is limited if there at all, and often is only the echoing music of an organ. This one's pretty liminal too, and with good reason. I also love it for a meta reason: one of its scenes was a direct inspiration of Night of the Living Dead, so Carnival of Souls has an impact that resonates all the way to the present day. We can still see it in our modern zombie movies. And that's just such a fitting legacy for this movie.

7. The Bay My favorite piece of found footage, The Bay effectively splices together DOZENS of sources of found footage to create its narrative. Security cameras. Home videos. Investigators' records. Recordings of video conferences and calls. Police dashcam videos. News broadcasts. We see the unfolding ecological disaster through so many points of view that we can get a comprehensive view of how it's affecting individual children all the way to a national crisis. Plus, it contains one of the most disturbing scenes I've ever seen: a running still shot through a police dashcam, where enhanced audio gives us a horrifying window into what's happening inside a house.

6. The Void Top-tier cosmic horror. What are the weird pyramids? What's the motive? What in the fresh fuck is through the portal? Why is everything so OOZY? Some reviewers say that the movie is nonsensical--well, welcome to good cosmic horror. We're given a glimpse into a vast, hostile, incomprehensible universe which snaps shut at the end...and we're left to wonder. Most of the monster effects are practical, and they're done so beautifully and fluidly. Utterly gorgeous. Between axe-dragging cultists, zombies, howling mutant beasts, and giant space pyramids, it's a wonderfully wild ride.

5. Nightbreed A movie lower on the "scary" side of things, this movie holds a special place in my heart. It's a tale of embracing your own monstrousness and finding a home where you belong, no matter how strange you are. Full of gorgeously monstrous characters, who embrace their desires no matter how taboo, it's easy to believe why someone struggling with their identity would want to join the hidden society of the Nightbreed. "Everything's true. God's an astronaut. Oz is over the rainbow. And Midian is where the monsters live."

4. Martyrs (2008) A TRULY unexpected addition to this list, Martyrs is often classed as torture porn. The director, and I, disagree. I read it more as an exploration of the power of women in horror, the scream queen or final girl who suffers to grant the audience catharsis. It's certainly a challenging watch, because the violence is unflinchingly shown on screen in all its details. But I came out of the movie feeling cleaned out and oddly healed. The protagonist, the martyr, shouldered my burden of hurt and fear...and I got to be free of it thanks to her.

3. Alien Aside from having one of the greatest of horror creatures and greatest of final girls, Alien is just a goddamn good movie. The tension is so well-handled. The grandiose scenes of a ship in space, the explosions, the vast alien planet, those are a glorious backdrop for the intimate horror happening within the ship. I can never look away, from the beautiful and strangely sensual awakening sequence to the peaceful hypersleep at the end. I find myself shrieking at the characters to LOOK UP, to get OUT of the vents, to HURRY with shutting down the self-destruct, and on the edge of my seat the whole time. No matter how many times I watch this movie, I always flinch at the chestburster scene. And every time I see Alien, I feel like I'm seeing it again for the first time.

2. The Thing As close to perfect a horror movie as is possible, I think. The Thing itself is slimy, toothy, tentacle-y perfection. The bleak, alien landscape of Antarctica, with its stark beauty, creates such a sense of inescapable tension that there's never relief once things begin. From the pounding heartbeat of the opening soundtrack as the dog flees over the snowfields to the final scene as the camp burns to frozen ashes in the finale, it's relentless. The lighting is gorgeous (as we expect from a John Carpenter movie). It keeps you guessing all the way through, suspecting anyone and everyone of being The Thing in disguise. One of my impossible bucket list items is to view this at McMurdo Station after the last flight has left for the winter.

1.The Ritual Truly my comfort horror movie. With a beautiful, beautiful creature who uses a combination of CGI and practical effects to perfection, this is a story of human determination overcoming even the worst suffering. The claustrophobic yet beautiful wilderness, the monster who is herself an integral piece of the landscape, and the soundtrack work together to create an immersive atmosphere. I could go on and on about how this movie handles grief, guilt, ecology, relationships between men, the weight of history, the power of the human spirit--but instead I'll just recommend you watch the movie and interpret it for yourself. I certainly will be.

(If you've enjoyed this rec list, check out my other horror movie recs here.)

[chaos0pikachu]

Hiya, finally got around to reading your post on the horror influences of DFF (thank you) and because it added immensely to my to watch list, I was wondering if you had any recommendations / resources for my current side quest.

Last week I watched both 1000 years old and Red Wine in the Dark Night and came across two very different vampires neither of which has fangs. And while that might still be a coincidence (n=2 is not a good basis) it was enough to make me realise that I do close to nothing about Thailand (and related) vampire lore.

While it is a blessing that we are going to have five thai vampire BLs this year, in this case it is actually a curse because any combination of keywords I can think of leads me to 1000 images of Boun staring at me with red eyes. And in this ONE instance, this is actually a complaint.

So, rambles over: Do you have any recommendation for thai horror / supernatural stories that feature vampires / blood sucking ghosts demons or the like?

Hope you are having a good day and happy watching :-)

Tbh I don't know a ton of Thai vampire movies specifically. My knowledge of Thai cinema tends to skew action or horror and even that I'm still a newbie. What's more frustrating is a lot of older Thai films aren't available for streaming and you gotta pirate them - which hey, I'm no stranger to that life either I'm an anime fan lmao - though Netflix has started picking up more Thai imports recently. That's where I watched The Whole Truth, Girl From Nowhere, Trapped 13 (there's a documentary and a drama also fuck Elon Musk), and part of School Tales.

[Netflix is so fucking annoying they have some of the best catalog for international media around but they're so god damn greedy]

As far as I know in regards to like, are there even Thai vampires in mythology/folklore the closest thing I could find was the Krasue:

"A Krasue, sometimes called Pii Krasue, is a spirit that haunts most of Southeast Asia. [...] The Krasue is delightfully gory, consisting of a floating head with entrails and internal organs dangling from the neck. They usually manifest themselves as attractive young women with bloody hanging innards and float about accompanied by an eerie glow. Sometimes, they even have fangs like a vampire." (source)

So I think it's pretty safe to say that, uh, the vampires in upcoming Thai shows are not taking from Thai myth lol but probably Japanese and Korean media.

Japanese takes on vampires which were all the rage in the mid-00s: Blood The Last Vampire (2000), Vampire Knight (2008), Blood+ (2005), Hellsing (1997 - 2008), Blood C (2011), Blood Hound (2004), Trinity Blood (2005) I'm noticing a lot of "blood" used in these titles.

Not that vampires aren't still a sub-genre in Japan, like gosh Seraph of the End was huge in 2013 and was a part of the small re-boom of anime/manga during that time period after the bubble popped.

Korea's also done vampires there seems to have been a bit of a boom in the mid-00s (Vampire Idol 2011, Immortal Goddess 2016) and then again recently (Kissable Lips 2022, Bite Sisters 2021, Heartbeat 2023). From what little I've seen in Korean media - I haven't watched either of the mid-00s shows - vampires tend to be more romance fodder, and treated like any other fantasy creature rather than something scary or demonic.

Which falls in line with the trailer for 1000 Days - which I have also not watched so correct me if I'm wrong and it's actually scary as fuck lmao - while Japanese vampire media ranges from romantic but more gothic or outright just for horror and action.

In my experience horror films from Japan, Korea and Thailand don't usually have blood sucking ghosts or demons? Not saying there's none, but most of the films I've watched the ghosts weren't like, of the blood sucking variety. They tend to be connected to curses left behind because of some sort of wrong done to the spirit in their past life.

Take, White Melody of Death, as an example which is a Korean horror film about a Kpop girl group. The curse that murders it's way through the characters is attached to the spirit of a character who died.

I really recommend this video on White if only b/c I adore Yhara's videos:

Even in The Whole Truth the spirit is more of seeking vengeance than like, to eat people. The concept of "demons" is different in various Asian countries than in an American/Anglo-Saxon context because of the differences in religious, and cultural roots.

Again, totally not an expert regarding all this, and I'm putting the rest under a read more for length but gonna talk a bit more about Japanese, and Chinese folklore (with sources!) under the cut. And I DO list some recs for general horror stuff I like.

Take the concept of "demon" for example:

"Yokai is not simply the Japanese word for demon, as is sometimes believed. They are the embodiment of a moment: a feeling of dread and bewilderment, or awe and wonder over an extraordinary event; or a strange sound or peculiar scent that demands an explanation; an ineffable phenomenon explained only by a supernatural entity. Little wonder then that the Japanese characters for Yokai are 妖怪, which taken individually could mean strange or alluring mystery!" (source)

You can see this reflected in Japanese media like the super famous Inu-yasha: A Feudal Fairytale by Rumiko Takahashi (Inuyasha when directly translated into English means "dog demon"). Where, in the story, there's a mix of demons both human like, creature like, and wide as far as individual morality goes - one of the protagonists, Inuyasha is a half-demon mixed with human it's a whole subplot of his character.

I've found this is more typical in the Japanese media I've engaged with. Like in Japanese horror like Dark Waters (2002) or Ringu (1998) they don't refer to the "monster" as a "demon" it's typically referred to as a ghost or spirit.

You can also see this in Chinese media like Yin Yang Master Dream of Eternity - where the protagonist is also a half demon I'm beginning to see a pattern in the media I like lmao - which makes sense since parts of Japanese folklore/mythology was inspired by Chinese mythology:

"Here, in his third book, Konjaku Hyakki Shui (Supplement to The Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past), Sekien finds inspiration in Chinese mythology." (source)

I feel like this is a long winded way of saying, uh, no I don't know any Thai specific movies about vampires or blood sucking demons. It seems like a fairly new genre exploration from what I've researched so far.

Anyway I can happily share some of my favorite Korean, Japanese and Thai horror things tho, but I really recommend others search themselves and explore the genre. Horror is so vast and flexible as a genre so there's a lot I haven't watched or maybe don't even vibe with that you might!

Perfect Blue, 1997, directed by Satoshi Kon - if you liked Black Swan you'd probably like this film if not more so, it's animated but it's such an amazing psychological horror film there's a reason Satoshi Kon's work has been so influential on media globally.

Girl From Nowhere, 2018 - I talk this one up a lot but I only like season 1 which imo is stronger conceptually, that said, a lot of folks liked season two as well! It has major Twilight Zone vibes, but with a central protagonist who is also a literal force of nature (is Nanno a deity, spirit, demon? No one actually knows and the ambigity is delicious) both seasons are available on Netflix.

Ringu, 1998 - I feel like even if you're a casual horror fan or the like you know of The Ring which is a 2002 remake of this Japanese horror film. I think the 1998 version is better if only because my beloved Hiroyuki Sanada is in it, tho as far as American remakes of Japanese horror films go, The Ring isn't a terrible one (the sequel is tho imo).

Hellsing Ultimate, 2006 - So there's an anime for Hellsing from 2002 that's okay, Hellsing Ultimate is a direct adaption of the manga and it's better. I recommend either reading the manga - the art is FANTASTIC - or watching Ultimate. Out of all three I prefer the manga if only because the art is so good, but if you want Dracula eating and fighting Nazis this is the story for you.

Vampire Princess Miyu, 1997 - this is partly nostalgia but the series is so beautifully animated and it's such a classic. The OVAs will probably be hard to find but if you can and you want some classic Japanese vampire stuff I really liked this back in my youth~~

God Child/Earl of Cain, 2005 - so this is a manga, and it's more Gothic horror than straight horror, but I'm adding it because Kaori Yuki's art is amazing, it's a very subtexually queer series, and it's very Sherlock Holmes meets Shirley Jackson in terms of story.

Train to Busan, 2016 - I am a HUGE zombie film fan love me some zombies and Train to Busan is in my top 3 easy. It's top down one of the best zombie films and the only one that tops it for me is the original Night of the Living Dead. The film has the tag team of Don Lee and Gong Yoo like are you kidding me?

I Saw The Devil, 2010 - This one is A Lot, but it stars Lee Byung-hun in one of his better roles and if you don't trust me watch Kennie JD's video on it.

The Guest, 2018 - This show was such an interesting mix of exorcism and shamanism. The scares were legit SCARY and the entire show was so unnerving, if you can handle slow burns and a good character driven ghost story I really liked this one.

#Alive, 2020 - Okay this feels like cheating cause it's not actually that scary like, at all lol at least not to me, but it's got zombies and the incredible Yoo Ah-In (there's also an American version with Tyler Posey that is unfortunately very bad).

Kingdom, 2018 - I am truly basic but it's SUCH a good zombie show!!! The thrills are amazing, and it had me and my Ma on the edge of our seats. It's not really scary to me, but like its a ymmv (zombies in general don't scare me lol they're just fun).

That's all I can think of right now, I know there's more in my head but I can't remember of them all lol and others that I've watched that I wouldn't really recommend - High School of the Dead, for example, is famous for it's "Matrix boobs" scene which is hilarious but not great cinema lmao - so I left a lot of stuff I know out.

This got long, sorry dude!

[i--antimony]

last tuesday of 2023!

i thought about making this my Yearly Roundup for last tuesday of the year but i think instead i will make this a normal tuesdaypost, and do a big yearly reflection on friday or saturday for last shabbos of the year :)

listening: twilight mirage, still in that holiday special, episode 23. the way that there are eight fuckin episodes for that special........in part 1 or 2 they make a comment how they might have to do three parts and i was like. lol. lmao, even. i'm in the bit right now where they're doing an election and it's very funny. thisbe as the debate moderator made me laugh out loud.

reading: the best part of the game awards this year was the fashion, alyssa mercante: i looooved some of these looks. love the art corset on slide 4, jay-ann lopez on slide 15, the pleated dress on slide 17, the MATCHING BABY ON SLIDE 19, and the author's whole everything on slide 20.

sff's big fat problem, r. k. duncan: i was already aware of some of the stuff talked about here but i am definitely guilty of having less overt things - i.e. goblin emperor reference in there - totally fly by me. i feel like i saw a lot of people talking about rowling's fatphobia after she went mask-off but she is definitely on the more malicious end of the spectrum, it's a much much much more baked in problem than people give it credit for. thinking also about the locked tomb, which i love, but also makes some very weird comments about ortus that i did not clock at all until someone else pointed it out. just something i'm thinking about lately.

the world is hard, dinner doesn't need to be, julia turshen: what it says on the tin. some recipe ideas, cut down to mental bare essentials.

old growth, brawlite: saved the fanfic for last. obsessed with this. it's so so good. the format is a really neat idea that i don't know if i've seen done before. like, using the 'comment section' to point out 'things in the background of shots'? genius. i am eating it up. i should have signed up for this exchange. maybe next year.

playing: fallow. i might buy some games that are on sale tho lol, i've seen both pyre and ghostwire: tokyo recommended this week. latter is no longer on sale unfortunately but i am noting it down for later.

watching: the fashion industry hates older women, mina le

history of bathing, bernadette banner

aaaand a short film that a grad student in my department made as a project. it's. not good. like i'm happy that he's doing hobbies or whatever but this short film commits the cardinal sin of being neither good nor bad, Just Boring. 2/10.

making: the [redacted project] is almost done!! i have 10 rows left. each row takes me about 15 minutes. i will definitely finish it by the end of the week, fringe and all. no pictures yet for obvious reasons but it will be in the first tuesdaypost of the year for 2024! the biggest challenge now is the point of contact on my left hand where i rest the knitting needle against my middle finger is aggravating on a sensory standpoint from overuse, so i have been knitting with one glove on that hand which has helped a lot.

there was a preview of these last week, but i added finishing touches to my gavle goat holiday cards! i used a metallic sharpie to add some horn embellishments and wrote a little note on the back, and mailed out a bunch :)

misc: the first christmas eve/day of my life where i didn't get chinese food!!! shock, horror, etc. i'm at my roommate's family's place so i experienced a real christmas situation. it was fine. her family & their home is like ... hallmark card vibes and idk how i feel about it. i want wonton soup :(

[thedrarrylibrarian]

I've been doing all the spooky things as we get closer to Halloween. Pumpkins? Check. Seasonal soup? Check. Scary movies? Check. Leggings and sweater? Check Check. Now I can check off spooky fics from my fall fun list too!

In my opinion, there's no one who does a Halloween fic better than @corvuscrowned. Whether you're looking for suspenseful or scary, Crow has you covered. I immensely enjoyed @hp-fearfest last year, and Crow's own writing was a large part of why. I thought for this year, I'd let him share what's making him happy in the world of horror! Thank you so much to Crow for being willing to join us for Happy Hour!

Hello to all of you lovely ghouls, gaunts, and ghosties! I’m so thrilled to be able to hang out at the library during this spookiest of seasons, and I want to thank the Librarian for letting me make my status as The Horror Guy everyone’s problem!! Horror has been my lifeblood since I was young, and it’s been absolutely incredible to find so many explorations of the genre in the drarry fandom. I had such a blast co-running @hp-fearfest with my co-mod and eternal soulmate @m0srael, who has carried on the torch this year with a new group of incredible mods. I absolutely recommend checking out the fest collections, but I wanted to share a few horror fics that were written outside of the fest as well. 

Horror movies are my one true love, but I’ve always found short horror films to be immeasurably scarier. So instead of reccing one longer horror fic, I wanted to share a few short fics that use brevity to their advantage and let the reader’s mind fill in the blanks with the stuff of absolute nightmares.

Your Mind, A Jar by @floydig (473 words, not rated)

Instead of being sentenced to Azkaban, Draco is sent on a deep space exploration to pay for his war crimes. Or is he?

I am a huge fan of floydig’s writing, and have been from my early days in fandom – their prose is brutally sparse in the best of ways, and many of their fics have an artfully haunting quality that’s perfectly suited for horror. In fact, their fic Walk Right Through Me was the first drarry horror I ever read, and was what inspired me to try my hand at bringing horror into my fics.

But today I want to talk about something even shorter. At 473 words, you might think Your Mind, A Jar is a short fic - but the story it encapsulates is terrifying because it is utterly limitless. Immersive, unsettling, and characterized by Floyd’s usual dark humor, Your Mind, A Jar is the first space fic I’ve ever read, and might be the last I ever need to – because I’ll be thinking (and shuddering) about it for a long, long, long time. 

Lateralus by @shiftylinguini (2,108 words, rated T)

The world after the war was so big, and so untamed. Magic spilled out of every corner, creatures never seen before watching from nooks that never used to exist. There were colours in the air, in the morning dew drops on the leaves―indescribable, and new. Otherworldly, and pulled from a spectrum that shouldn't be visible in their world.

Atmosphere is so important to horror, and it’s one of many things that makes Lateralus work so well. The fic lives in an unsettling, suspenseful space that I simultaneously want to escape immediately and live in forever. I sometimes prefer to understand the bare minimum in horror – just enough to have a feel for what’s going on, like I’m reaching out in the darkness for something I know is there, but can’t quite see. Shifty nails this. I don’t fully understand how we’ve found Draco and Harry where they are – passing by each other in the darkness, communicating only in echoes and refractions – and I don’t need to. That’s where the terror comes from.

One of my favorite things about Lateralus is that, despite being eerie and unsettling, it doesn’t lose the romance. That’s what makes it so much more heartbreaking, so much more compelling, and absolutely worth a read.

Triptych by @theartfuldodger (1,821 words, rated M)

One afternoon, a feather emerges, marring already-scarred skin. But what other problems lie unnoticed beneath the surface?

Body horror isn’t for everyone, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to convince everyone to give it a try! If you have even the faintest of interests, Triptych should absolutely be your entry point. This fic takes the veela trope and brings it to its most visceral core, with needling feathers, scaly skin, and the relentless intrusion of wings. The dynamic between Draco and Harry is deliciously dysfunctional, and the weight of inheritance and choicelessness is as unsettling as the beautifully fucked up descriptions of Draco’s transformation. Theartfulldodger’s choice to write this fic in first person present was perfect – it puts us in such an immediate proximity to Draco’s experiences that we feel everything alongside him, from his terrifyingly changing body to his unsettling relationship with Harry.

I first read this fic a year ago, and I think it’s still one of the drarry fics that pops into my mind the most often – the images and tone are crafted so powerfully that they’re nearly impossible to forget. To me, that’s what makes good horror.

Making A Family Makes A Home by @m0srael (2,433 words, rated T)

Harry and Draco have been dating for years, but Draco still won’t move in to Harry’s place. Is it a case of cold feet, or cold something else?

I have to disclose my bias here. In addition to being one of my earliest and most beloved fandom friends, Mose was my co-mod for Fearfest last year, and has my entire spooky heart in their hands. But I think even if I’d never met Mose, Making A Family Makes A Home would still be one of my favorite horror fics of all time, because it is just. So. Fun.

Not everyone looks for fun in their horror, but I’m someone who really enjoys an indulgently gross, slightly zany interpretation of the genre, which is the note Mose’s fic hits perfectly. I’d say it’s best to go into this one blind, and be prepared for a wild ride. This fic feels like every campy classic 80’s horror movie that I love in the best of ways – it absolutely goes there, and I’m so happy that it does. 

Thank you again to the Librarian for letting me steal the mic for this month’s post! It’s been such a joy to reread my favs and share these fics, and I’m so appreciative I got the opportunity to do so. I hope everyone has a dark, delicious, and spooky Halloween, that you all howl at the moon, eat countless pumpkin-spiced goodies, and do something that chills and thrills you. Stay safe, and stay scary! 🖤

Thank you again to @corvuscrowned for joining us in the Library for a pre-Halloween Happy Hour!

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

[tiffanylamps]

Heyyyy do u have any wlw/GL film recs it can be dramas movies anything at this point im so desperate 😭

Hello!!!! Thanks for the ask! I love the topic haha. I'm going to give you 8 recs, I hope you like them! (synopses taken from imdb) The Handmaiden / 아가씨 (2016) A woman is hired as a handmaiden to a Japanese heiress, but secretly she is involved in a plot to defraud her

I don't think I've watched this movie since it came out, so my memory is a little fuzzy. I remember thinking it was brilliant and entertaining; I found the plot and characters to be compelling and I was really rooting for Lady Hideko to get a happy ending. The cinematography is so delicious, as is the romantic tension between the lead female characters. However, I did find the sex scenes to be a little... not to my taste but my opinion might have changed in the last few years

Colette (2018) Colette is pushed by her husband to write novels under his name. Upon their success, she fights to make her talents known, challenging gender norms

A Historical biopic about the life of Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette. It's another movie I haven't seen since it came out but I also enjoyed it. Although married to a man (who is also a dickhead), Colette has relationships with women, most notably, Missy, who is male presenting. (I don't remember if Missy's gender is ever defined in the movie, so I'm not sure if "women" is the correct term to use when describing them. I might be misgendering them as the real-life Missy, Mathilde de Morny, did go by Max/Uncle Max in their later years.)

The Favourite (2018) In early 18th-century England, the status quo at the court is upset when a new servant arrives and endears herself to a frail Queen Anne

Here we have another biopic, this time it's about the relationship between Queen Anne, Sarah Churchill, and Abigail Masham. I adore this movie! It's soooo fantastic to see queer women be so ruthless, cunning, terrible and desperate. Gosh, I love how love and ambition are depicted throughout. It's fantastic! All three female leads are excellent.

Atomic Blonde (2017) An undercover MI6 agent is sent to Berlin during the Cold War to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and recover a missing list of double agents

Charlize Theron plays a bisexual baddie in a spy action movie where she is hunted down by James McAvoy?? Yes please and thank you!

Shiva Baby (2020) At a Jewish funeral service with her parents, a college student runs into her sugar daddy and ex-girlfriend

This is one of my favourite movies. It is a horror dressed up as a comedy. THE INTENSITY is sooo unreal that it inspired me to write an original story! I love everything about it! Plus, YES to bisexual and sex-work representation!

Bend it like Beckham (2002) Two ambitious girls, despite their parents' wishes, have their hearts set on careers in professional soccer

Yes, the main character ends up with the male love interest. But this movie is still soooo queer! Jess and Jules are gay for one another, I don't make the rules! Kiera Knightley wanted them to be together and so did everyone else. If they ever made a sequel (which they should), it could be about them reuniting and getting together. I watched this movie soooooo many times growing up.... lol Calamity Jane (1953) The story of Calamity Jane, her saloon, and her romance with Wild Bill Hickok

Another biopic but this time, it's a musical haha. Okay, yes, Jane ends up with a man and yes, the real Calamity Jane was married twice in her life to men. But when I watched this as a child, it awaken something in me. The movie is so queer-coded, I could see it even as a little child who didn't know what queer was yet. I haven't seen it in over a decade, maybe more, but it left a huge impression on me. Plus, The Windy City and A Woman's Touch are absolutely certified jams. (side note: when I watched A Woman's Touch for the first time, I remember thinking that I wouldn't mind living in a cabin with my best "gal friend" 😂) Now for a TV show I watched growing up (when I was WAY too young to be watching something so adult) that made me feel the feels:

Sugar Rush (2005) 15-year-old Kim has just moved to Brighton and developed an earth-shattering, hormone-surging crush on her new best friend, Sugar

Coming-of-age/ sexual awakening stories aren't always my thing anymore, as I don't care to watch teenagers exploring their sexuality but I watched this when I was 10(??), and it was very important to me. It's not a very good show and is probably considered to be super outdated now, but I found it formative. Plus, when I was growing up, there weren't any (not from what I can remember) shows or movies with a lesbian lead wanting to be in an interracial relationship with her best friend. It's an important part of queer TV history. Plus, it has Andrew Garfield playing one of the wettest male characters ever lol

Thanks again and I hope you like my recommendations! 😊

[monstermonstre]

31 days of horror 2023 (part 1/?)

Every year in October I challenge myself to watch 31 horror movies, 1 for each day, with varying success. If you're new here, I love horror and so the challenge is more about the commitment, than pushing myself to do something I wouldn't enjoy or do otherwise (thankfully).

So far, so good, I haven't watched anything that angered me or bored me to death. Those first 11 days were actually pretty great overall, and with only 2 rewatches.

Cherry Falls (2000): I thought a slasher starring Brittany Murphy would be an easy like but instead this was the only film in the bunch I did not care for. The attempted subversion of one of the genre's best known tropes (the Virgin Will Be Spared) was not done in a way that felt compelling; the script felt like there were too many cooks in the kitchen, like so many hands had touched it that the original intent had been lost; and aside from that one subversion it was just too bland, too unremarkable. And the transphobia didn't help. Brittany Murphy was stellar tho.

Possibly in Michigan (1983): Day 2 found me already scrambling for a short film as my day was ending, and lucky me otherwise I might have never watched this classic. "80s feminist cannibalism musical" feels like it's maybe doing it a disservice but it's what got me to watch it and I wouldn't know how to begin to talk about it in a more substantial way. If that tagline appeals to you in any way, it's on Youtube, go watch it.

The Exorcist (1973): I had seen that movie once as a teenager, when I was still very new to horror, and all I remembered from it were the scares. Watching it now, the scares are the least of the impressions the movie made on me. If I was a sadist with a cinema I'd program a triple feature on loneliness, alienation, and the loss of the body with this, Lake Mungo, and the original Cat People. (P.S.: I really recommend the following video essay.)

4. The Exorcist III (1990): First time watching and it scared the shit out of me. I loved it but I haven't been scared like that in a while. Again, there's nothing I could say about this that hasn't been said before. It had some of the worst (honorary) and best things I've ever seen. There is a carp swimming up and down in my brain.

5. Chucky S3E1: Yes episodes of TV count. Anyway, Chucky is back, it's my favourite horror franchise and the show has been, so far, one of the most fun I've had following a TV show ever. That season 3 premiere was a bit underwhelming for me, but certainly not bad. I'm looking forward to the rest.

6. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010): Suffering depression from watching the two Exorcist movies back to back, I decided that rewatching a horror comedy I loved was in order. I used to worship Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but now...it felt very "eh". I've been damaged by too many excellent films and some of the jokes from this classic just didn't do it as much for me anymore (aside from the "howdy-oh officer, we've had a doozy of a day" bit that makes me crack up every time). However it was still a good time and Dale is still one of the hottest man in horror.

7. Motel Hell (1980): Found out about this one through Stephen Graham Jones' Indian Lake trilogy and I wasn't expecting much from it so I was delighted when I found out how funny it was. Great time for slasher lovers, darkly funny, great performances, some really neat imagery (altho I could've done without the sound the "plants" made, like nails on a chalkboard). Just a silly good time.

8. No One Will Save You (2023): I appreciated the risks this movie took and its story but I struggled to get invested at all. Maybe the alien element just wasn't for me, the minute I saw one of the aliens (which kudos to the film for not beating around the bush and going straight into it) I just stopped caring. I did have a good time overall tho and I was pleasantly surprised at, again, the risks taken and the resistance to spelling every thing out to the audience. The ending was pretty neat.

9. Shutter (2004): The winner of my little poll and I'm grateful to everyone who voted for it. I have no idea how this film ended up on my watchlist but I had been putting it off for while because ghost movies are still one of the subgenres of horror that terrifies me the most. I am glad I was pushed to see this because not only was I not that scared (no really, I didn't even jump that much, I certainly was much calmer than when watching Exorcist III, I am so brave) but I really loved the film's atmosphere and visuals. It's rare, I feel, to see a horror movie so awash with light more or less constantly and still retaining a very compelling moodiness and tension. Very unique atmosphere and that ending wowed me. Also was I the only one to read Natre as trans? I even felt like the film was implying it for a while.

10. Creep (2014): Creep was also in my little poll and, when it ended, I realised I felt slightly disappointed it hadn't won. So instead of waiting on an excuse to watch it, and feeling emboldened by my frankly supernatural bravery during Shutter, I decided to just watch it. And it was the calmest I've ever felt during a found footage film. Seriously not one of the jumpscares got me, that's absolutely unheard of with me. But that didn't make me have any less of a good time. I thought it was hilarious (but obviously not funny in a way that I would recommend it to most people I know), Duplass was magnetic, and I really enjoyed the storytelling. It was also pretty close in some ways to a wrestling storyline that I'm very invested in at the moment so maybe that contributed to how tranquil a time I had. Again, if I owned a cinema and was sick in the head I'd do a double feature with this and the 2022 documentary Mister Organ.

11. Creep 2 (2017): I hate those Reader X Fictional Character fics that haunt tags on here but that's what that film was and I had a good time with it.

If you've read this far: wow. (and see you soon for part 2)

[saintofdaggers]

top 10 movies I've watched this year (so far!)

cinema my beloved artistic medium <3 I'm not counting rewatches, so here are some of my new faves.

Saw: but of course. masterfully made and intense as hell, amazing characters, some iconic lines, one of the most endings ever written. careful: may induce immediate and massive brainrot.

Saw V: one of the best (and gayest) in the franchise. criminally underrated. people with taste know exactly what I'm talking about.

Arsenic and Old Lace (1944): old movies are a LOT less boring and tame than some people would think. an almost perfect insane black comedy with impeccable acting and some truly unhinged jokes. Cary Grant and Peter Lorre were such icons in this.

Angel Dust: liminal-spacey urban isolation, obsession, a dreamlike murder mystery that gets more and more unhinged the deeper we go. one of the most hypnotically beautiful psychological horror movies I've ever seen.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: a true classic. adore the set design, the soundtrack, the scares. new favorite final girl just dropped.

Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary: an Expressionist silent film adaptation of a ballet adaptation of Dracula. insanely beautiful and beautifully insane.

Don't Look Now: another classic I should have checked out much sooner. tense, eerie, unsettling, heartbreaking. the color red has never been scarier. it literally gave me a nightmare!!

A Dark Song: a minimalist occult character study about grief, selfishness and flawed people making each other worse. an absolutely beautiful obscure Irish slow-burn horror that I adore to pieces (I also think that jarring ending was thematically perfect for the story, but that's just me).

Let the Corpses Tan: one of the most stylish horny movies I've ever seen! hypnotically colorful, visually rich, and the sound editing is shiver-inducing. this might be the kinkiest neo-western thriller ever (I realize that's a pretty narrow category anyway, but this movie dominates it for sure).

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: an absolutely deranged masterpiece. genuinely one of the funniest parodies I've ever seen, and so magnificently tasteless. my sides were aching by the time I was done.

+ short films: My House Walk-Through (fucking terrifying!!!), Meshes of the Afternoon (symbolic cinema at its finest, and so beautifully eerie), AM1200 (stylish, terse, scary as hell), The Black Tower (what does it mean? what does it all mean??)

[legion1227]

Pearl and X movie reviews

X is pretty good, but it's not Pearl.

Horror movies have never been my favorite genre of film. I've never been a fan of jump scares or the eerie vibe your typical slasher might produce. I tended to avoid them, for the most part, when I was younger. However, over the years, I've become more lenient about dedicating time to check out something horrifying if the premise is intriguing, critics or audience reviews are stellar, or any other reason. I never heard about X until I heard about Pearl.

My FYP on TikTok introduced me to Pearl. A couple of stand-out scenes from Mia Goth, playing the titular character Pearl, endeared me, making me seek out the film.

In Pearl, Mia Goth plays a farm girl who lusts for a glamorous lifestyle seen in movies during World War One. The film released in 2022, several months after the release of X. Pearl is a prequel to X, and I firmly believe should be watched before X. X is a competent movie, but Pearl has more for the viewer to latch onto. Pearl is a dark character study into a daydreaming murderer. Our main character desires a lot as a young twenty-something in 1918. The local films that play at her local cinema captivate her. She desperately wants to leave the farm life but feels trapped as she has responsibilities. Looking over farm animals and caring for her sickly elder father plagues her. Pearl wants so much, and in the process of attempting to gain happiness, she makes bloody choices. The gore is cringe-inducing at some points, but it's hard to turn away as Pearl endures emotional outbursts from those who reject or prevent her from her wants. She recognizes that something is wrong with her, but that doesn't stop her from doing what she does. There are layers to her character. The complexity of Pearl, combined with Mia Goth's show-stealing performance, adds to the film immensely. The film cemented itself as one of the best movies I had the pleasure of seeing in 2022.

Now, X takes place sixty years after the events of Pearl. In 1979, Maxine minx, an aspiring porn actress, travels to Texas on a road trip with her producer boyfriend, two fellow actors, their director, and the director's girlfriend. The group looks to shoot scenes for their adult film while taking temporary residence on a farm. The same farm that Pearl worked on during her youth. She and her husband, Howard, run the farm and keep a steady eye on the crew during their stay. It's worth noting how Mia Goth knocks it out of the park once more as she pulls double duty, playing the role of Maxine and an older Pearl. Although, her performances in X are not quite as awe-inspiring in this film. She does an admirable job but also has to share a lot more screen time with a cast of acceptable characters. None of the film crew harbor the same level of depth that Mia Goth did as Pearl in the other film; Though, to see who she was and who she became makes for a fascinating yet saddening development.

If anything, what carries X, besides Mia Goth in dual roles, arguably is the gore. The death scenes in X are harder to watch than those in Pearl. Once we skip past the pretenses and the old couple starts tormenting our cast, the film starts to pick up a little speed. Seeing Jenna Ortega in the film was a surprise. The same could be said for Kid Cudi. Ortega's character in X was almost as charming as her portrayal of Wednesday Addams. Ditto for Kid Cudi on his character's charm and charisma.

Overall, this duology has set up a pleasantly delightful storyline. X is a solid film carried by its scenes of gore and suspense, and Pearl provides a thoughtful look into a deranged and deeply disturbed young woman vying for success. Both are definitely worth watching, but I prefer Pearl. I look forward to the next film in the series, Maxxxine.

X- 3.5/5 Pearl- 4/5

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

So, I was reminded of the fact that Tim Curry played Mozart in the original production of Amadeus...with Ian Mckellen as Salieri, no less...my kingdom for a time machine.

And I got to thinking about how different Tim Curry's career could have been if he had reprised his role in the film. Now, Tim Curry has obviously had an incredible career, with nearly 250 credits to his name...some of which are iconic: Rocky Horror Picture Show, Clue, Legend, etc. But he was never really in any films that were, for lack of a better term, "Oscar Bait"...he was never in a big prestige picture that was flooded with awards and accolades (I'm sure there are some that maybe hoped they would be, like Legend, but things just didn't work out that way). But just think about what his career might have looked like if he had played Mozart in the film instead of Tom Hulce. He probably would have gotten the Oscar Nomination for Best Actor, and it may have led to a very different career. Or things might have worked out about the same...who knows? It's just something that I've been thinking about recently.

And my guess as to why he was not in the film (I do believe that both he and Ian Mckellen auditioned) is that he was probably considered to be "too old". By the time they got to filming, he would have been around 37 years old...and it might have been difficult for an audience to believe that he's in his early 20's at the beginning of the film. He was 34 when the show opened on Broadway...but it's easier to seen younger onstage...the audience is so far away from you...lol.

But I still wish I could have seen the stage production, holy shit.

Also...if he had done the film version of Amadeus...there's a possibility that we may not have gotten him in both Legend and Clue! They were released the year after Amadeus, and if his career had taken a different turn, he may not have done those movies...and that is unacceptable to me. The world needed his performance as Wadsworth....

And honestly, could anyone else have played Darkness?

[pickledpascal]

The Missing Link

Chapter Four: Hindenburg

Warnings: Panic attack, Miles Bron is closeted (?), some swearing.

Word Count: 7.4k

The Missing Link Masterlist

Previous Chapter  |  Next Chapter

Out of all the people Detective Blanc expected to arrive at the dock earlier that day, Ezra Wayne and his daughter were not one of them. Birdie Jay, why wouldn't he? She was the problematic fashionista who was clinging onto relevancy by trying to come up with something new and revolutionary every few years. Duke Cody was a men's rights activist, pleading for his audience to trust everything he said. And they did, not thinking to make at least one Google search to check if he was telling the truth or not. Claire Debella and Lionel Toussaint were similar in that much of their money to do their work was provided by Miles, in turn they'd basically support everything he did.

Ezra Wayne was the outlier. 

Why would he come all the way to Greece to meet an old friend who he was very vocal about not liking anymore? He didn't owe anything to Miles as far as Blanc knew. Ezra started his acting career from nothing. No help or reassurance was given to him by any of his past friends.

He knew this because of some of the interviews he'd seen. It was safe to say Benoit was a fan. Who wouldn't think the tall, dark, and handsome man wasn't the best looking in all of Hollywood anyway? He was also a great actor too, starring in anything from a silly rom com to the scariest of horror movies. Blanc liked versatility in his men.

Seeing Ezra in person was certainly something. His gray's were much more prominent than in the movies, showing his age. Maybe he hadn't gotten around to re-dyeing it yet. Then there was the part where Birdie deadnamed him. Ezra didn't seem that bothered, just annoyed. 

When he got his chance, Blanc smiled kindly as Ezra turned to him. "I must say, I absolutely love your films! I've seen almost all of 'em, you're amazin' in every single one." He was nervous but he needed to get that out as he looked Ezra up and down. It felt like he was a teenager again, talking to the most attractive boy at school. Ezra always looked absolutely beautiful on screen but it didn't compare to seeing him in real life.

Once on the boat, Benoit wanted to get an inkling to each person's personality. It just so happened that he was walking into the boat to talk with Lionel when Elle waved him over. It was hard to say no, especially with such a beautiful man in the room. But nerves, they were never something Benoit got over easily. He was a relatively calm person, even after the sheer amount of dangerous cases he's been through that would send any sane person running. Who takes on the mysterious case of the death of the mystery novel writer? Apparently, Benoit Blanc does. When Benoit did get nervous, though, they didn't leave as swiftly as he would hope.

After all, meeting your celebrity crush and escaping a near death experience are two completely different things. Although, they might meet on this isolated island.

Conversation with the father-daughter duo was certainly interesting and insinuated something Benoit wasn’t sure he wanted to admit. As much as he wanted to focus on the matter at hand, it was hard with someone as determined as Elle to make both himself and Ezra a blubbering mess. 

Benoit pursed his lips, he might as well use this time to try and eliminate Ezra from his suspect list. Or try to. “Y’know, Ezra, you and your daughter seem to be out of place among all these…. Eccentric personalities. For an actor, it’s strange of me to admit such a thing.” It was peculiar that Ezra was here. If he wasn’t the murderer–which would be horrible for Benoit–-then why was he here?

“I like to think it’s because I grew up poor and didn’t compromise myself or leech off of others in order to get rich and famous.” The brunette explained with a hum. Benoit nodded at Ezra and looked down at his hands.

The others happened to grow up in middle class families, besides Birdie–she was the daughter of a famous model, making her famous even before she was born. And Lionel, a little different too. He intimately worked with Miles, being employed by him for the sake of doing what he always wanted to do. Only for the sake of science of course. 

—------

Now, Benoit did not know of Ezra before his transition but the actor was always open about that time, sharing photos of himself and even his deadname but Benoit didn’t think it was that difficult to call Ezra by the name he goes by now. Apparently it was very hard for Miles. 

“Liz-Ezra…. You look amazing. Great, actually. I’m glad you’re here.” Miles’ eyebrows furrowed as he corrected himself. Benoit observed him as he walked the length of the glass dock. It seemed Miles was blushing a little but it didn’t look like embarrassment.

Huh, interesting…. Oh.

Oh.

Well, it’s reassuring that Benoit isn’t the only one attracted to Ezra. He glanced at Helen who stared at Miles. His main objective was to get her some answers, he needed to focus on that. If he happened to get a boyfriend out of this case, well, that would be nice. Benoit closed his eyes for a moment to get his head in the right mindset, fixing his sunglasses.

“Can we just take a second and fully inbreathiate this moment together?” Miles said with a gentle smile. Benoit pursed his lips and cocked his eyebrow, he ignored it but something inside him was saying that he needed to remember that for later.

Benoit was quiet as the tour started, mostly hanging around Helen to give her some semblance of comfort. Someone here killed her sister so he didn’t blame her if she was tense and weary of everyone, even if some of them seemed too dense to commit a murder. 

“Get settled in! Change. Let’s meet up at the pool.” Miles told everyone with a happy smile. “We’ll have a chill afternoon and then the game begins!” He announced, letting everyone fiddle with the bracelets around their wrists to find their room. As expected, Miles requested Benoit come with him for a private chat.

—-------

The pool seemed to be calmer but that meant it was time for Benoit to start gathering some information, among other things. He looked around the rectangular pool, catching sight of Birdie and Claire on the pool chairs off to the side while Miles was playing a tune on the guitar. He made his way over the Miles and grabbed one of the drinks inside the cooler. 

“Oh! Baby Blue!” Benoit exclaimed, a light smile on his face as he twisted the cap open and took a drink. His nose wrinkled slightly at the taste. It was like Jared Leto somehow bottled how he smelled. Benoit had never met him before but that’s what he imagined he’d smell like.

Duke took a sip of his drink, “Yeah. Miles, you remember when you almost pancaked me outside Andi’s–”

“Anderson Cooper’s birthday party? Yeah, Coop's parties are memorable.” Miles laughed with an almost nervous smile as he grabbed a bottle as well.

Benoit stood from his crouching position and looked over at Ezra and Elle. They were talking with each other. No one seemed to want to talk to them. Peculiar, with such a close-knit group like this. He made his way over to the pair and sat at the other pool chair next to Ezra. “Have you always been…. The outcast in a group like this?” He asked, careful but still blunt.

“Eh, kinda.” Ezra lowered his sunglasses so they covered his eyes, the sides of his lips were tense. “I was the only one who wanted a job in the performing arts and then I told them I was also trangender, kinda put the nail in the coffin.”

“Hmm.” Benoit nodded, catching a glimpse of the scars ever so slightly showing from underneath the half-open shirt on Ezra’s shoulders. “You look…. Great.” He said with a light smile, knowing his face must be some shade of red. He assumed crimson. It didn’t take the detective much to get him a blushing mess. It just depended on the person and if they had the means to.

Ezra let out a small laugh at the compliment. “Thanks, Detective. I could say the same for you.” Benoit bit the inside of his cheek. Was he flirting with him? Holy shit. “I mean, I would be very proud of myself if I was the most attractive detective alive.” Ezra shrugged.

Benoit let out a flattered laugh, feeling as if he was a boy again. “Some might say you’re the most attractive actor alive.” It was weak, but it was all he could come up with. It was like his brain was short-circuiting. Only for a second.

—------

After the little stunt at the pool, Helen and Benoit met in the gym as it seemed no one was using it or was going to use it in the short time they were there. Of course, that led to Benoit snooping around the compound to eventually find Duke watching Miles and Whiskey…. Doing their thing in front of a window. Honestly, though, how could Miles not see Duke. Weird. 

Helen got a little closer, wanting to hear what the pair was talking about behind the glass. Benoit pursed his lips, shaking his head at her. She was good but damn if she got caught, that'd be the end of their investigation.

—------

"My mom took me to Paris when I was six years old. First time I looked at this lady, it changed my life. You know Da Vinci invented a technique for brush strokes that leave no lines?" Miles gushed over the real Mona Lisa, the one in songs and meant to be the museum of art in France. Guess not these days. "That's how you can look straight at her and her expression changes every time. Her smile's there, then it disappears. Is she happy? Is she sad? Is it something else?"

Benoit never was one to be interested in art, at least not high art like the Mona Lisa or any of Goya's paintings. He appreciated it, sure, just not one to dedicate his whole life to caring about them. It seemed Ezra was similar in that aspect, taking a sip from his glass with an unbothered look in his eyes. 

Helen kept staring at the painting, nodding. "It really is something." Benoit glanced up at the painting before he looked back at Miles.

Claire looked from Miles to the painting and narrowed her eyes. "Wait a minute, Miles. Why do you have the Mona Lisa in your living room?" Her tone was pointed, like she knew something the rest didn't. Or, that Claire knew Miles was gonna do something she didn't like.

Miles let out a breath, a cocky smile appearing on his lips. "In one week, I've invited world leaders and members of the press from all over to unveil the future." He said as he grabbed a crystal-like object from his pocket and showed it to everyone in the room. Most looked confused…. But Claire and Lionel…. "You know what this is?"

"You know damn well we do." Lionel gritted out, tapping at the lip of his glass. "What's going on, Miles?" 

Benoit raised his hand, letting out a strained laugh. "Uh, I don't." It seemed, neither did Ezra or his daughter who's attention was peaked at the crystallic object. They seemed to have felt the rise of tension in the room.

"Don't drop it." Miles threw it at Benoit who caught it with ease.

But Claire, she was concerned. "Oh my god!" Perhaps something would have happened if the little crystal touched the floor. They were all in trouble, then. 

Benoit looked at the crystal between his fingers, carefully staring at the grooves and small bubbles that seemed to be trapped inside.

"That's a new solid hydrogen fuel. It's incredibly powerful." Miles explained, "It's radically efficient. Zero carbon emissions, and it's derived from abundant seawater. I call it Klear, with a K." Because of course he did. "And at this event, we are going to announce 'Klear America.' Our affordable home power solution. Klear is going to be powering people's dreams, all over this country, by the end of this year."

Ezra shook his head, he may not have been a chemist or anything that had to do with the sciences but the looks Claire and Lionel had on their faces weren't hard to read. They were concerned, devastated even. 

Lionel slammed his glass down on one of the podiums, causing the glass on the Mona Lisa to lift back up. It was protecting itself, from what? It didn't know just yet. "No. No. Because I was clear with you. I told you I need two years minimum to test this stuff to see if it's safe or even viable. Claire and I are not gonna be responsible for putting something out in the world before it is tested. And–" He paused once Miles pointed up at the air around them.

"Shit." Ezra breathed. So much for being safe on this summer vacation. They were walking around in a ticking time bomb….

"Oh, no." Lionel realized as well, stepping back from Miles.

Miles nodded with a smirk, "Oh, yeah."

Benoit's eyebrows furrowed as he looked back at the small crystal in his hand. "You're running this entire place off this?"

"The whole Glass Onion is powered by Klear." Miles let out a light laugh. He was giddy, his dreamlike fuel was working. As far as he knew. "Come on, let's…. Let's eat!"

It was clear that both Lionel and Claire weren't sure they could trust Miles anymore. He was being reckless. More reckless than he usually was. Elle narrowed her eyes at Miles before she looked at Ezra who let out a light breath. Maybe they could get through this night and leave as soon as possible in the morning. Ezra didn't want to stay too much longer if the whole island was dangerous and he also didn't want to feel responsible if something were to happen to his daughter.

This was a huge mistake.

—----

Dinner was short-lived, Benoit solved Miles' "mystery" in just a few short seconds and Ezra had to refrain from the urge to laugh once he saw his defeated face. The pair went upstairs, leaving Ezra and Elle with everyone else who deemed it was time to get royally hammered after their weekend was ruined. 

Duke's notifications went off, causing the glass vault to go back up. "You know, you could just power it down." Lionel suggested to Duke. 

"Ah, it's my Google Alerts. Got them for all you guys." Duke explained, taking a sip from his glass. "Whiskey, sports I like, general interests."

Ezra rubbed Elle's back while she leaned on him. She was tired even though it was only 8:30 but he couldn't blame her. The whole day was filled with…. things out of the ordinary. Plus she found another father figure and half her time was spent getting him and Ezra together. Well, Elle's work seemed to be done. They may never see each other again after Ezra leaves tomorrow. It was sad, thinking about the future and the fact that each time Elle would look at a magazine with Benoit's solved cases on the front cover, she would ache for something that could have been.

Lionel was unimpressed as Duke's phone rang yet again. "You have a Google Alert for the word 'movie?'"

"I like movies!" Duke defended. "Don't hate. Nerd." Says the guy who started off on Twitch as a gamer. 

Ezra took a sip of his drink, looked at the red table in front of him. His eyes glazed over as he thought about what may happen after this. He'd be glad to go home, back to his normal life. Which was weird to think that being an actor everyone sought over was normal. But it was for him. Though, Elle knew differently. He longed for someone to be with, and if that someone just so happened to be Benoit Blanc…. Well, wouldn't that be nice?

Birdie let out a relieved sigh as she sat down on the couch, "Thank God for Benoit Blanc. We don't have to spend the weekend spelling hedges." She sipped her drink through her straw.

"Well, I'm outta her. Tomorrow morning. Gone." Duke stated, waving his hand.

Whiskey shook her head, "We just got here." She was on the floor. Ezra wasn't sure why or how she got there and he didn't really care either.

Duke mockingly whined like a baby. Elle's gaze hardened at him, she could treat Whiskey much better than him. If only she could let him go and leave him, Duke didn't deserve her. Not to mention, Duke was at least twenty years older than Whiskey. "You can stay. Have fun."

"Fine. You're murdering my vibe." Whiskey grabbed the bottle of tequila next to her and stood up, walking outside.

Birdie whined, "No! Miserable in paradise. We've all earned this."

Andi walked towards the group, "Yes, you have." She seemed more tense than before. Perhaps she was gonna blow up again.

Ezra helped Elle stand from her place on the couch and retreated outside with her by his side. He didn't want to hear whatever argument that was going to happen. It would have been entertaining but Ezra's brain was close to shutting off. And if Elle was anything like her father, he knew it was the same for her.

Soon, Andi was leaving too. She stopped to say a few words to Whiskey then made her way to Ezra. 

"You-you are the only good one. And I don't blame you for leaving all those years ago." She said before running off. 

Ezra cocked his head somewhat confused while Elle looked off into the distance, admiring how the moonlight danced with the water. Whatever happened in there, must've been enough to set her off. Not that Ezra blamed Andi at all. After everything that's happened between her and Miles and suddenly she's cut out of the company. Ezra didn't know many details about why but he assumed it was because of something big…. 

His eyes widened, shaking his head a little. He was being dumb. It was because of that Klear stuff, wasn't it? Andi knew it was dangerous and didn't want Miles to be distributing across the entire country. No wonder….

—-----

Well, they certainly picked the wrong time to make their way back inside. Duke looked as if he was choking, falling down on one of the coffee tables until his harbored breaths were silenced. He died. Right in front of their eyes. Ezra immediately shielded Elle's eyes, holding her tight to his chest while Benoit inspected his body. 

"I'm afraid Mr. Cody is…. Is dead." Benoit said as he looked up at Claire. There was a certain sense of bewilderment in his eyes. He's seen plenty of deaths before, it was a part of his job, but none quite like Duke's.

Birdie started to scream while Whiskey cried, "No, Duke! No!" 

The rest of the conversation seemed to buzz in Ezra's ears. Someone killed Duke. That much was obvious. The question was who? And, well, there were only a select few on the island.

"Fuck." Ezra cursed under his breath, loosening his grip on Elle. "We have to get the fuck out of here." He ran a hand through his hair.

Sure, Claire could see the headlines but Ezra could see them too. He was an actor, a transgender one at that so criticism was something he was used to. But this…. This would be a whole new level. Ezra hated red-pill "truthers," so being on an island with one who just so happened to die would automatically blacklist him. Progressives in Hollywood wouldn't cast him anymore and the conservatives didn't cast him at all because he was trans. 

"My dear, hey, you're gonna be alright." Benoit told Elle softly, wrapping his arms around her for a moment while she sniffled softly.

Even if Duke was an asshole and a bitch, witnessing his death wasn't something Elle was particularly fond of. Sure, he might have deserved it with the harm he caused on little boys minds but…. This…. This was different. It would haunt Elle for the rest of her life, she was sure. 

"Boat can't come till low tide in the morning. Six am at the earliest." Lionel announced as he walked back.

Benoit patted Elle's shoulder for a moment before he looked at Lionel. "Do they understand the situation?" He asked with a frown.

"There is no other landing point, and Miles' dumbass Banksy dock was set to low-tide height and it isn't buoyant. It is a piece of shit." Lionel explained, tone very reasonably pointed at the man who decided to have said dock. 

Ezra wrapped a blanket around Elle's shoulders, knowing that sometimes she needed the weight to feel normal again. This certainly wouldn't help all the things going on inside her brain. And, holy shit, was Miles saying someone was trying to kill him and not Duke? Well, then they royally fucked up. Poison in the person's drink was rather cliché wasn't it? And clumsy because shit like this could happen. You could mix up the drinks and accidentally have given it to the wrong person. 

Hm, maybe Ezra could be the new Harlan Thrombey…. Without all the parts of suicide and…. Well, Benoit Blanc appeared in Ezra's life too. Maybe that was a sign.

"Forget about his phone. Look." Lionel pointed at Duke's holster…. Which was missing the gun. The gun that Duke was famous for always keeping with him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…." Ezra ran a hand through his hair, squeezing Elle's shoulder to comfort her. Now someone was roaming around the island with a goddamned gun. So much for a little light hearted fun. 

Elle shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "I can't believe this is happening." Her lungs were screaming for air, her esophagus closing up. "D-Dad…." She said weakly. She could feel her heartbeat going faster and faster. She couldn't breathe. 

She was having a panic attack.

Ezra's eyes widened. He knew these signs. He didn't care about what was happening behind him, he needed to focus on his daughter. "I'm right here, Elle, c'mon look at me, okay?" He tilted Elle's head towards him as he wrapped his arms around her. "Take a few big breaths, honey. I'm here for you, whatever you need, okay?" Ezra squeezed her tight, not missing the concerned look Benoit had for her. But it was like he knew Ezra would help her through it. 

"Blanc, you have to help me. Help me! Help me!" Miles yelled right before Benoit slapped him across the face.

Benoit shouted, "What happens at ten o'clock!" 

As soon as those words left his mouth, all the lights powered down. They were showered in darkness, the only light that didn't turn off was the lighthouse just outside. It rotated, causing only a sliver of light to run through the house. 

Against Benoit's wishes, no one stayed in the living room. Well, besides Elle and Ezra. Weirdly, the light seemed to help Elle out of her panic attack. Her heart was still beating fast but she could breathe again which helped marginally.

"Alright, that's good, sweetheart." Ezra said calmly, cupping her cheek softly as he wrapped a blanket around her. "I'll grab you some water, okay. Stay here." Turning on the flashlight from his phone, he found his way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to fill it with water. Once he was back in the living room, Elle took it gratefully and downed it. Her throat was feeling better, less dry than before. "There we go." Ezra kissed the top of her head. "I love you, kiddo."

Elle buried her face in Ezra's chest, letting a few tears flow. "I love you too, Dad. So much."

—-----

"Who?" Claire asked, that's the thing all of them were thinking but it seemed only Benoit had the answers.

Benoit, looking off to the side for a moment, smacked his lips. "Well, I keep returning, in my mind, to the Glass Onion." Ezra cocked an eyebrow at him. He's heard of the weird ways Benoit had explained the truth of a case but…. What did the Glass Onion have to do with any of this? "Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable. But in fact, the center is in plain sight. And that is why this case has confounded me like no other." Benoit gently rubbed Elle's arm before walking the length of the living room.

"Why, every complex layer peeled back has revealed another layer and another layer and come to naught." Benoit looked around at the room, at the different people standing in front of him as his eyes narrowed momentarily. "And that was the problem, right there. You see, I expected complexity. I expected intelligence. I expected a puzzle, a game." Where was he going with this? Ezra kept Elle close, not knowing if they were in a room with a murderer or not. "But that's not what any of this is. It hides. Not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing obvious clarity. Truth is, it doesn't hide at all."

Ezra looked around the room. Who would be the most obvious choice to murder both Andi and Duke? He could think of many reasons why all of them would want to kill Andi but Duke? He was dumb, he had no ill intentions. At least, not to them. To the greater public? Probably. 

"I was staring right at it." Benoit sighed, feeling somewhat dumb for not assuming it at first. "The killer nearly struck my Achilles' heel. But thank high heaven, at the last moment, I realized what had teased my brain through this entire case… "inbreathiate." It's not a word." Benoit shook his head, glancing at Ezra for a moment. 

It seemed obvious he would start to catch on out of all of them. Not to say that Whiskey wasn't smart or the rest weren't but they all believed Miles and how "smart" he portrays himself to be. Ezra, on the other hand, does not. 

Lionel shook his head for a second, not getting how this related to anything. "What?" 

"'Inbreathiate.'" Ezra repeated. "It's not a real word, it just sounds like one but it's…. Made up. Like something a kid would say to sound smart." He explained, blinking a little as the pieces started to fall into place. 

"Precisely." Benoit nodded, "And "reclamation," that is a word. But it's the wrong word." His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, sighing. "This entire day… A veritable minefield of malapropisms and factual errors." Now, Ezra would be lying if he said he knew any of the words Benoit used in that single sentence but he was sure the detective was using them correctly. After all, Benoit had this way of speaking that felt like he would be more at home in the 40s or 50s if he should ever set foot in that time period.

Benoit turned and pointed out the window. "That is the Aegean Sea." Right…. Miles said the Ionian Sea. But if what Benoit was starting to say was true then… It was Miles all along. But he couldn't, right? Miles was too dumb to pull off a murder. 

"Oh, yeah. It is, it is." Claire said, not understanding what Benoit was trying to explain.

"His dick doesn't float. His wonder-fuel is a disaster. His grasp of disruption theory is remedial at best." Aw, and just when Ezra was going to turn to the dark side. Yeah…. No. "He didn't design the puzzle boxes. He didn't write the mystery. Et voilà. It all adds up. The key to this entire case. And it was staring at me right in the face." Benoit then clarified, clicking his tongue as turned back the group. "Like everyone in the world, I assumed Miles Bron was a complicated genius."

Ezra chuckled, shaking his head. "First mistake, Detective." He shrugged. Miles couldn't come up with his own idea if it saved a million lives. 

Ezra knew that and he warned Andi against partnering with Miles… but she didn't listen. And that's why he left. Sure, the transphobia was part of it but he couldn't bear to watch Andi throw away all her ideas and let Miles get all the credit. Alpha was hers, never Miles'. He just so happened to run into Andi and she took him along for the ride. 

Benoit glanced at Ezra, a slightly amused look in his eye. "Look into the clear center of this Glass Onion… Miles Bron is an idiot."

Whiskey covered her lips, a little shocked Benoit would say such a thing. Miles' jaw tensed, "Oh, please." He grumbled, shaking his head as he crossed his arms. "Just tell us who tried to kill me."

"No one tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon." Benoit countered, shoving his hands in his pockets. If Miles was the murderer, Benoit certainly did not seem scared when he insulted him to his face.

Miles exclaimed, growing frustrated and not in the way that would make him seem innocent. "Duke took my glass!" He wouldn't make a great actor, Ezra could see all his tells easily.

Keeping his composure, Benoit looked at Miles unpressed. "That's what you told us he did. He must've picked it up by mistake, you told us, right after it happened." Ezra cocked his head slightly as he started to remember. It was right in front of them. Miles couldn't be that dumb? To attempt murder right before their eyes. "Ignore his lies, everyone, and think clearly now! What did we all actually see?"

"Y-You handed Duke your own glass. In front of us! And you lied. Made us think you didn't." Ezra said, letting go of Elle once it seemed she was alright. "I must admit I'm not sad that he's dead but…. You traumatized my kid for life.

"Blanc, Ezra… you're telling us Miles killed Duke?" Lionel asked in disbelief. 

Benoit nodded, "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because the night Andi sent you all the emails, when Duke got to Andi's house early on his motorcycle he saw Miles leaving. Was almost struck by him." Benoit explained, Ezra wasn't following this time. What email? "In fact, he told all of us. Right in the open, he told us. That night, at Andi's." 

Claire nodded, rubbing her chin slightly. "That night…. Duke told us he almost got in an accident. He… pancaked?" She realized.

"Okay yeah, but Miles had been living in Greece the past six months." Lionel said. He couldn't accept the fact Miles would kill one of their closest friends. Even if Duke was…. Duke.

Benoit let out a light huff, a laugh almost. "No." It was clipped. "Whiskey." He made his way over to her. This piqued Elle's interest, what did all this have to do with her? "Miles saw you on your birthday in New York. Gave you that necklace for your birthday. You're a Taurus." He whispered.

"I am." Whiskey said in a light whisper as well before she realized, "Two weeks ago. May 9th."

Benoit shrugged as Peg ran back into the room. "Forget the hydrofuels, and the sweatshops, and the consensual cuckolding for cable news assignments." Cuckold? God, that had to be the first time he's ever said that for a case. It made Ezra snort out a laugh. 

"Sorry what?" Peg asked, face clear with confusion. 

"And focus! On the envelope." Benoit motioned with his hand to a staircase.

Everyone's heads turned at the staircase to reveal Andi descending from the steps. Birdie let out a shriek, while Claire yelled a few curses. Ezra, on the other hand, was utterly confused.

"Andi?" Lionel asked, appalled.

Ezra looked from Andi to Benoit, "What the fuck is going on?" She was dead not more than two minutes ago when he thought she was dead, the grief was just starting to set in until she came back.

"Who did the envelope threaten?" Benoit didn't expect Ezra to know, maybe he should have explained but it's not like Whiskey really would have known either. "Miles Bron." Almost as if Miles' mom just died in a house fire, his expression became sour and hardened. "That night, Lionel faxed Andi's email to Miles who received it in New York. The one thing that could destroy his empire of lies, the truth in the hands of the only person unafraid to tell it. So Miles drives his Baby Blue Porsche to the scene of the crime, and Andi let's him in." Benoit cocked his head at Miles, eyes narrowed.

Benoit never had any remorse unveiling the truth, especially with cases with such…. Shitheads. "Of course she did. Miles' machine of lawyers and power could destroy her through sheer dumb force. But Miles himself? Oh, she was clever enough not to fear Miles." If this was going where Ezra thought this was going… then who was the woman that looked exactly like Andi? "But she didn't see the real threat, the obvious threat until it was too late. Duke alone knew you were there that night, but he didn't know Andi was dead." 

Ezra ran a hand down his forehead. Wait… Andi had mentioned she had a sister to him, maybe a few times just when families were brought up in conversation. She didn't happen to say her sister was twin but… What else could this be? The actor looked up at the "imposter"—if he could really call her that–and realized. That had to be Helen.

"No, no, he didn't know that until this evening." Benoit continued as he pointed out, "Right here, when he got a Google Alert on his phone, which has now fallen strangely silent." He made his way around Miles and grabbed something from his pocket to reveal that Miles had Duke's phone ever since he died. Ezra was somewhat scared Benoit was feeling him up or something, thankfully it didn't seem Benoit had a kink for villains. "Which he showed to you… because you don't own a phone." 

"Did you really think you could stop all of them from finding out about Andi's death? They all have phones." The blonde made her way towards the group, her southern accent was thick.

"He didn't need to hide the death, he just needed to hide that Duke has shown him the death moments before he was killed." Benoit spun the tail a little further… Well, not so much spinning, more like weaving. Putting the pieces together so they could see the finished product more clearly. "Right out in the open, Duke showed him. And told him exactly what he wanted in return for his silence. So what does Miles do?" The Detective stepped away from the man in question.

The woman followed Benoit, "Does he keep a vial of poison in his tooth or something? Is that some rich person thing?" If it was, Ezra was in trouble. 

Benoit sighed, shaking his head in slight disappointment. "No, no, no, no, it's just… it's so much stupider than that. Birdie, what are the ingredients to your Cuban Breeze?" He asked.

Suddenly the attention was on her and it winded her for a moment. "Um, vodka, amaretto…."

"Oh, God." Whiskey gasped, raising her hands to her mouth as she realized. 

"And… pineapple juice." Birdie finished after a little while.

Benoit strained, slightly disgusted and appalled. "An allergy!" 

"He can't even have a drop." 

"Pineapple juice!" The detective exclaimed in frustration. "He just put pineapple juice in his whiskey! It's so dumb." He shook his head, raising a hand to his forehead to rub at it. It teased his brain in the worst way possible. 

Birdie, probably drunk, gasped in amazement. "It's so dumb, it's brilliant!" 

"No! It's just dumb!" Benoit exclaimed, rubbing a hand against his forehead.

Ezra didn't need to check as he went up to her while the rest went to check their phones, reading off the first article about Cassandra Brand. "You must be Helen Brand…" He said softly.

"You know Helen?" Claire asked. It seemed none of them knew who she was, or they didn't pay much attention when Andi told them about her.

Helen glanced from Claire to Ezra. "We met once. He was in Alabama for some movie and recognized me." She explained, fiddling with the red envelope in her hands as Miles realized… The person he just tried to kill wasn't Andi at all. But an entirely different character all together.

"And now we come to Helen's attempted murder. Which, I have to give you credit for, did have a sound foundation of thought." Benoit said, earning him a glare from Ezra. The actor could see it being a bad habit already, the detective praising a criminal for their creativity just because it tested him enough. But Ezra didn't mind if that was the worst thing about Benoit. "You realized the opportunity laid out in front of you. You have a house on a remote island, filled with desperate people, all of whom have a real-life reason to wish this woman harm. You–" Benoit paused suddenly, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Miles. Something started to become abundantly clear in his mind.

Benoit continued, somewhat weary, "Furthermore, you have a loaded gun conveniently within reach. And the lights had even been turned off." He let out a heavy sigh as he brought a hand to his forehead. "Heavens to…" Ezra didn't want to laugh but the sound escaped him anyways. Benoit may have described Ransom and Harlan in an older case as "drama mamas" but he wasn't exempt from that description either. "You dim-witted, brainless… jackass!" Elle jumped a little as she wrapped the blanket tighter around her form. 

"Your one murder, with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me." It seemed he knew how it felt now. Andi got her ideas stolen by Miles for years, the napkin wasn't the only thing. They all knew that.

Lionel cocked his head, "And after all that, you…. You still kept the envelope? Didn't burn it or anything?" He asked. It could have been seen as a trophy of some sort but if someone–like Helen–were to discover he still had it then his empire would fall. 

"You recognize this?" Helen asked, almost smug as she took the napkin out of its packaging. "Andi's handwritin'. I got you, son of a bitch." Miles almost looked scared. 

Miles shook his head, "Oh, let's slow down there, sister. Okay? Because first, how could you ever prove that that's the original?" He countered. "She might have copied mine."

"No. The bar closed nine years ago, and hers has one thing that yours just doesn't." Helen pointed at something, Ezra couldn't see what since he was standing behind her. However, Ezra was prepared to jump Miles if Helen asked him to. 

Miles hummed, glancing over Helen's shoulder to meet Benoit's eyes. "Okay, but second…." He clicked on his light to set the napkin aflame. 

Benoit and Ezra ran over to Helen. "What the hell did he do?" Benoit exclaimed as he looked at the pile of ash that suddenly formed at Helen's feet. 

"He just burned it!" Helen gasped as Benoit squatted down to see it for himself.

"Burned what? I didn't see anything." Miles shrugged.

Ezra growled, "You are acting worse than a child! And I should know, I have one." Elle pouted, shaking her head. At least Ezra raised her right. Who knows what Miles' parents were like. 

"This will not stand." Benoit ground out, his jaw clenching. 

Miles chuckled, "Uh-huh. Well, did you see this proof, this smoking napkin, Blanc?" He asked with a knowing smile. They had no more evidence. Nothing that could prove Andi's death. "No. Did anybody?" The group casted their gaze downward, defeated and silent. They couldn't go against Miles, he had them in his pocket. "Okay, then wow! Wow! We got some big accusations flying around here. Except, everybody seems to have a very foggy recollection of what they actually saw–"

"Well, I did see you burn something." Ezra countered.

"And there's nothing but totally circumspective evidence." Miles continued, completely ignoring Ezra like he did most of the time a decade ago. "So, if this was just us playing my murder mystery game, which we should have been doing all weekend, then Blanc wins an iPad Pro this time." He joked softly. "But this is the real world. And in the real world you need more than a neat, little detective story. You need evidence. And you've got… nothing. Do you?"

Ezra looked from Benoit to Helen. He was right. You need evidence and you need witnesses. And if Ezra was going to be the only to side with Helen then the courts would never work out in her favor. Miles had the majority here. 

Benoit pursed his lips, a sad glaze rolling over his eyes. He hated losing in a game as serious as this. "He's right." He sighed, pursing his lips. "The contents of that envelope and his possession of it were our only physical evidence."

"Right." Miles pointed at him, clicking on his lighter yet again to fiddle with it. "Wanna take that to the cops? You wanna take that to the courts?" He laughed quietly, "Look, pick your poison. Anywhere you go, it's going to be your word against mine. How do you think that's gonna go?" 

Benoit took his jacket from the glass pedestal he hung it from and put it on as he walked across the room, ushering Ezra with him by setting a hand on his back.

Miles shrugged, clicking his tongue slightly. "I think it's gonna go about like it went for Andi."

"Jesus." Lionel whispered under his breath, glancing at Helen. He could have been good. But no. Lionel wasn't quite there yet. 

"And I do want to say, your sister was a complicated woman, but she meant the world to me." Miles pursed his lips, trying his best to sound sincere. But if it was sincere… would he have ever killed her? "And I'm so sorry for your loss." 

Dejected, Helen made her way over to Benoit. "Blanc. I need you to do something." Tears started to form at the edges of her eyes, threatening to fall. After all this work and… nothing. 

"I'm sorry, Helen." Benoit shook his head, eyebrows drawing together. "I gave you the truth. This is where my jurisdiction ends. I have to answer to the police, the courts, the system. There's nothing I can do." He took a quick breath as he grabbed the glass with 'Andi' written on it. "Except maybe… offer you some courage." Benoit handed Helen the glass. "And a reminder of why your sister walked away in the first place." He quickly handed her something else, Ezra could only imagine what it was. 

Benoit turned away, whispering to Ezra, "I suggest you and your daughter come with me." He said. It was a very serious tone and Ezra hadn't had the time to think it through much so he followed his instructions.

Ezra grabbed Elle by her arm and walked outside, following Benoit to the docks. He wondered why Benoit was in such a hurry to leave. Or maybe… not? He didn't seem that worried. 

But, well…. The entire Glass Onion blew up a few minutes later and Ezra would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the fireworks. 

"Disruption." Benoit laughed as he took a drag from his cigar. 

"Fuckin' A." Derol laughed as well, his joint firmly between his lips as he lounged on a chair.

Ezra ran a hand through Elle's hair while a proud smile was on his lips. Helen sure knew how to shake things up, Ezra didn't mind though. Miles deserved to have his house blown up.

[go-to-two]

Hi! This is a dumb question, but can actors take days of? Or it’s where you have to be available whenever they need you?

And what happens if people get sick? I’m assuming with location permits and tight schedules, it’s tough to move stuff around. Do you just hope the person isn’t heavily involved in shooting on the days they’re sick? Thank you!

Not a dumb question!

To the best of my knowledge, yes actors can get days off but it has to be communicated with production in advance and work out in terms of locations, shooting schedules, and all that. I assume a show like CPD is easier to work with since they have centric episodes, so if it isn't their week there may be more leeway to be away. It's never guaranteed, but there can certainly be conversations.

As far as sickness goes, that has changed for the better with Covid. It used to be that if you were a principal actor in a lot of scenes, you were expected to be at work short of anything but a deathbed. I've heard horror stories of actors puking between takes just to get through the day. It was an attitude of "if you don't show up, everything else is at a standstill" and it really wasn't fair. With Covid, that has shifted. Especially if they actually have Covid, as we've seen from filming delays over the past couple years. If it's something like the flu or a virus that might pass quickly, everyone else can film what they can without them or overlap filming schedules and film scenes for upcoming episodes to open time in the future schedule to go back and film what the ill actor missed (hopefully that made some sense 🙃).

[deafmangoes]

An Album of Christmas Carols - 5

It's time. The one you've all been waiting for. Somehow universally seen as the best adaptation of Dickens' classic.

"A Muppet Christmas Carol" (1992, Michael Caine)

This was the first full-length adaptation of A Christmas Carol that I recall ever watching, and has pretty much been my favourite to rewatch ever since. I was actually so used to this version that the first time I saw a different one I was confused why there weren't two Marleys.

We open with a sweep over London and an introduction to our narrator, Gonzo the Great Charles Dickens, and his friend Rizzo the Rat. From Brooklyn, NYC. The addition of the narrator is a clever touch (and, I suspect, the only way they could think to use Gonzo), and marks this adaptation as the most "book-accurate", according to the BBC (due to the large amount of text quoted directly from the novella).

Michael Caine really epitomises the role for me. Soft-spoken but hard. Trigger temper. Intimidating and heartless. After the opening song, early scenes with Nephew Fred, the charity men, Kermit Cratchit (and the other bookkeepers), he departs home and Cratchit sings a song that gets stuck in my head around this time every damn year.

Ghosts? Ghosts!

Back home, the doorknocker very creatively morphs into (Jacob) Marley's face. I don't know how they did it. Maybe vacuumed it but reversed the footage. We only get a brief bit of the other 'tells' before Jacob (and Robert) Marley appear to heckle their old business partner. Their song is great, probably my favourite part of the film.

"Doomed, Scrooge! You're doomed for all time / Your future is a horror story written by your crimes / Your chains are forged by what you say and do / So have your fun, when life is done a nightmare waits for you!"

Christmas Past looks to me like the thing that comes out of the Ark of the Covenant in Indiana Jones, right before it turns into the angel of death and kills all the Nazis. And because of that, I never feel very comfortable while it's on-screen. Weird childlike angel spirit whatsit.

(In the outtakes, Gonzo manages to get his grappling hook through his own head. The puppeteers play it off wonderfully).

The scenes in the school are hilarious to me, particularly Sam the Eagle's two major jokes:

"Work hard lad, and some day your life will be as solid as this very building!"

/Gonzo and Rizzo break the shelf in the background

"Hrm. I've been meaning to fix that shelf."

And of course:

"You'll love business. It's the American way!"

/Gonzo corrects Sam

"Ah. Hrm. It is the British way!"

Fozziwig's party is shown, where the filmmakers manage to fit in all the other Muppets they'd be hard-pressed to place, like Doctor Teeth's band and the Swedish Chef. Rizzo ends up on fire for the first, but not the last, time this film.

Now, depending on when you were introduced to this film you may or may not realise there's a big emotional award-bait song here after Belle breaks up with Scrooge. It was in the original cut, and the VHS edition, but got cut for broadcast. When DVDs were first printed, the master had been lost so you could only get the version without the song. Apparently it's now back on Disney+ as an extra.

The song isn't all that, to be honest, but without it the reprise later in the film doesn't hit quite right, so... Swings and roundabouts. Past departs, Scrooge is deposited back in bed, just in time for...

... Okay, this might be controversial, but. Christmas Present is the weakest part of the film. The costume is impressive, and made specifically for this film (well, all three ghosts were), and the song is nice, but this version of the ghost just doesn't have the sarcastic bite that I enjoy so much. Even when he does deliver the ironic echo to Scrooge, it sounds out-of-place precisely because he's been nothing but 'nice' up until that point.

Anyway. We get Nephew Fred's party and the Cratchit's Christmas (the second time Rizzo ends up on fire), with the scene-stealing Miss Piggy giving it her all as Emily Cratchit. "It's a chef thing, dear" was a very common refrain around our house when we were eating something out-of-turn.

As Present fades away, Scrooge is left with the tall, ominous Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come, who speaks entirely in deep bassoon audio cues. The tone of the film shifts considerably in this segment, so much so they even have Gonzo and Rizzo depart to make it more serious. Old Joe and the others who benefit from Scrooge's death are all creatively shown as vermin and carrion feeders - a spider, a moth, a crow and a bug*.

(*Well, she's described as a potato in Muppet's Treasure Island, but eh).

The Cratchit household sans Tim is a sad place and Scrooge can only bear so much of it before tearfully confronting his own mortality and begging repentance from the mute spirit.

Then, of course, it's Christmas Day! He hasn't missed it! Scrooge engages the services of the caroller seen previously to haul an absolutely massive turkey downtown. In a departure from the book, he stops only briefly at Fred's to deliver presents then goes directly to the Cratchit household, where Miss Piggy violently threatens him. Misunderstandings cleared up, Scrooge helpfully invites half of the entire city of London into this one-up, one-down Camden house and we close out on everyone singing a happy reprise of Belle's "you suck and I'm breaking up with you" song.

Highlights and Humbugs

Despite anything I said above about the film's few flaws, they really are very few and far between. The serious, professional acting of Caine opposite the Muppets is the thing that sells the whole film, and I really wish they'd do more of this sort of classic literary adaptation.

It also holds a special place in the hearts of those who worked on the film - it was the first Muppets outing after Jim Henson, the creator of the original show, had died. The cast were unsure if they should or even could continue without him, though Jim's son, Brian Henson, was encouraged by co-creator Frank Oz to take up the puppets and the result was this masterpiece. Michael Caine has also spoken about this being one of his favourite roles, and how easy it was to forget that he was acting against puppets.

The songs are great. The jokes are funny. The effects hold up. The core of the story shines through. It's just a very good version overall.

10 out of 10 Humbugs. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

[mandajiu]

If you Love Dilraba and Wu Lei CP, let's talk about what you would like them to see without a CP brain. I'll be up front, the idea of him working with any of the purple ladies gives me the hives. If purple is not your favorite color then come in and let's talk!

Non-CP Post, but these photos of Anle and Hou Buyi which make up my lock-screen are so cute and if you can survive seeing the photo then we are good even if you are not a Bird Egg.

I know. I love both of them so much, and Zhou Yutong is also awesome. I cannot wait for Nothing But You. Our young man WL looks lovely here.

In the meanwhile, I've started Wang Hedi's new drama. Is the eunuch, not a eunuch thing new to dramaland? I know it is common in web novels. Part of me thinks 30 would make a great eunach-not-eunach but I just think his acting is superb and he keeps improving himself as does 88 so they can do anything and I will watch it.

On the Rumor (so likely to be false) of Dilraba in a "SIster-(Milk) Dog" Romance if Wu Lei were impossible match which would make this Bird Egg very sad: Of all the choices for a 姐狗 romance, I'd consider Wang Hedi the best choice if it were absolutely impossible to see 30 and 88 together in another drama anytime soon and this melon about an age-gap romance is true. I hope that 2023 will bring better tidings to 30 and 88 - I'm a bit worried about j@y#@)k tbh but worst-case scenario maybe Blizzard (which is partially under this studio) won't work out and it will force 88 and 30 to work together in a new modern drama -yeah let's ignore the reality of 88's essential slave contract to that studio. It would suck for 30 as I think he is already working on his billiards game, which those of us who have seen his vlog know needs a little work. Pure fantasy. I digress.

88, I hope you do Scenery of the Side this year. It would be so awesome to see you play a Uyghur woman again (I bet it would be an interesting journey going from Anarhan to this new character) even if there is a lot of boring stuff going on as usually happens with more serious dramas. I will watch anything but horror for you beauty.

30 - two new films, Nothing But You, and potentially a romance with a much younger leading ZJM who also has barely done kissing scenes. As much as 30 would benefit from being the teacher - we all know he is a bit domineering in a sweet way - I personally have some feelings about her age coupled with the novel being so very full of love scenes (keeping in mind the censors, it might be okay, but cringe - WL is so mature to me at 23 that the young ones seem too young but I still need to watch Reset this week). Add to that, I foresee half of C-Ent either salivating in glee over the match because they just love him with younger ladies or secretly hoping she drops out and their favorite childhood CP with WL can replace her. Hopefully the purple people will be calmer; Bird Eggs are loving on ZYT even though we (and even some Alices I know) really wanted it for WL and Dils.

Just not GX - the idea of them kissing gives me the shivers and I think they would agree - brother and sister who fight a lot? Yes! I can see this. Sworn enemies. Yup. Lovers? Ew I don't know if I could watch that. Maybe ex-spouses? That would be OK. I haven't watched all of the Shadow, but what I saw they were not on friendly terms. That one modern drama with them is still on my list, but I go second lead or friend vibes from the MV I saw. Honestly, WL really has the best energy with older women from Dils to YR to LQ and now ZYT - dang that boy is made for 小奶狗。I really, really hope he does a modern romance or action drama without birds with 88 and they don't even have to discuss age. She looks so young in modern romances to me and who cares - how many zillions of C-Dramas have been made with obvious age gaps and people don't say a word

OK I lied this IS 3088 CP-Related: The best drama from a web novel for Dils and WL would be Falling on a Spring Night; it would be amazing. If you haven't read that 3088 friendly novel - go read it now! Yes, it's crap but there are some golden moments such as how the younger man fell in love with the older woman. I just do not get anyone digging the 2nd lead in that book. He is an abusive F$^K seriously (Spoiler: he made the lead female eat hot chilis until she was hospitalized multiple times & I believe CW forced himself on her at one point) and I fear for humanity if we continue to be okay with abusers and like the idea of saving broken men. Yeah. No. The roles are literally made for Dils and WL - but some parts are tooo close to home, as in these characters were based on them for real. One plus - the age of the lead male is 20, so he could ratchet it up to a more palatable 23 now as he is that age. Yay! My step-dad was 22 when he started dating my mom, so I really have a soft spot for age-gap romances. He was very mature too. They married when he was 24 - Just saying.

This has been very random ADHD-driven rant.

Happy New YEAR of the Rabbit - 2023

新年快乐！

What kind of dramas do you want to see 30 and 88 do and what leading ladies/gentleman or none would you like to see? Am I the only one who does not want to think of Guan Xiaotong/Wu Lei in a romantic context? I didn't even grow up with them, it just FEELS wrong with their variety show interaction. Song Zhuer and Xiao Feng are okay.

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

horror ask number ten billion: what is a horror movie that you had heard a lot of good things about online/in horror fan spaces, but watched and didn’t like it as much as u expected too? and on the opposite end what’s a horror movie you liked more than expected?

Oh my god, I feel like there are so many and I'm sorry if this ends up being a whole essay.

Movies I heard good things about but didn't like:

Hostel. Genuinely one of my least favourite movies ever. I hate it, and I had heard so much about it for years.

House of 1000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects. I actually don't dislike these movies, I think they're okay. But I think they're a bit overhyped. Haven't seen the third one in the trilogy though.

The Strangers. It was okay, but I think home invasion movies are hard to make all that interesting. Had a similar feeling with Hush.

Prom Night (1980). I love slasher movies, so I heard about this one a lot, but it's just so boring. The 2nd one is way more interesting.

PG Psycho Goreman. I saw so much praise for this movie, and the effects are great, but I hated the characters and most of the writing just wasn't that good. The effects being good was not enough for me to enjoy this tbh.

The Purge movies. I've seen the first 3 and they are all really boring to me :/

Creep (2014), again I thought it was alright, but I've seen people really praise this movie and the sequel and I didn't think it was as good as others seem to. (Also I sometimes see people say that Creep 2004 is better. It's a completely different film, just with the same title, and honestly, Creep 2004 is also just fine. I love the setting and atmosphere a lot, but the story ends up a bit meh)

All the boys love Mandy Lane. Saw this mentioned from time to time in slasher movie circles, and generally given good reviews. It's such a nothing movie. The last like 10 minutes are decent, and everything before that is not.

Shutter (2004). Thai horror film, which so many people seem to love. It's got some great scares, but I didn't like the rest of it very much.

For ones I liked more than expected:

Laid to Rest. Specially the first one. It seemed like a regular slasher movie and, it is, but I thought it was so enjoyable and fun! The 2nd one isn't as good though.

Jennifer's Body. I saw so many mixed reviews initially, but this movie is probably one of my favourites now. I think now most people like it and give it good reviews, but it didn't have that a few years ago.

The Chucky sequels. I wasn't the biggest fan of the first one, but I ended up really liking the sequels. Even though others seem to hate Seed, I didn't think it was that bad. I appreciated it for trying something weird, and I had fun watching it. And Curse and Cult are great!

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. This one has really bad reviews, but it's actually so interesting imo. I love the 2000s vibes and the movie is a fun watch. It's not in the documentary style as the first Blair Witch, but I think Blair Witch 2 gets overhated.

Spiral (the 9th Saw movie). Again, I've seen so many negative reviews, but I think it's pretty good. Not the best Saw movie, but better than Jigsaw and Saw's 5 and 7 imo. The twist was predictable as hell, but I loved the traps in Spiral. Especially the opening one and the finger trap! I just think people need to lower their expectations for the 9th entry in a horror movie franchise

The Pool. A slasher movie set in an empty water park. It's the most generic, cheesy slasher movie ever made. And as someone who loves generic slashers, this is like the best thing ever. I had so much fun watching it, even though no one ever talks about it and it's reviews are on the lower end.

There might be some more that surprised me, but usually not because of bad reviews, but because the descriptions made me think the movie was gonna be different. Tbh I am very easily impressed when it comes to horror lmao